# Ep4 - G's Up, Roles Down: Real Talk on Gender Roles

An episode of [Still Nuthin But a 'G' Thang](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1875086496), 17 Mar 2026, 51 min.

Audio: https://api.riverside.com/hosting-analytics/media/7e4f64e189bee8c0e8255d39a2b1ad7f2e5ce8cc74ad8aecb9cc8a1c0aa8bf9d/eyJlcGlzb2RlSWQiOiI1MjcwNDY4MC1mYWFiLTQyM2YtYjlhMy1iOGQ5NzZmODFhNGQiLCJwb2RjYXN0SWQiOiI3NGE1YjIyOC1hNzQ3LTQ1OWUtODkxMi1lMTlhZmU1MmFlYmIiLCJhY2NvdW50SWQiOiI2OTc2MzQ2MjhjMjdlM2E4YTY0NzcwNzYiLCJwYXRoIjoibWVkaWEvY2xpcHMvNjliOTRlZTg4MzQ2MjRjMTQ1YjgyZGQ3L3N0aWxsLW51dGhpbi1idXQtYS1nLXRoYW5ncy1zdHVkaW8tY29tcG9zZXItMjAyNi0zLTE3X18xMy01NC0wLm1wMyJ9.mp3

In the streets and the workplace, we talk about "grinding" and "leveling up." But what happens when the workday ends and home-life begins?!? Professionalism is often just a costume we’re forced to wear. We talk about gender roles at home, but what about the roles we play at the office? We’re peeling back the layers on a truth nobody wants to say out loud: Facts over Feelings: Why we need systems and data—not just "vibes"—to keep the peace and the partnership balanced. Grown Folks Business: How to redefine roles so both people can actually win, without one person burning out to keep the other afloat. The Code-Switch Tax: The mental exhaustion of translating your "real self" into a version that won't make the boardroom uncomfortable. The "Professional" Aesthetic: Why the closer you look to "the standard," the more you’re supposedly worth. It’s a game of masks, and the stakes are our own authenticity. We’re getting into the grit of balancing that "corporate mask" with the "home-life hustle." How do you show up 100% as yourself without getting penalized by a system that wasn’t built for you? Are you playing a role because you want to, or because you were told to? Let’s get into it in the comments. 🎧👇

## Transcript

speaker-1: Welcome y'all to another episode of Still Nothing But a G Thing. I am your girl, Tanisha, or T.
speaker-0: and Andrea or AP. Hello.
speaker-1: Thank you guys for joining us, for all of those who are newcomers. Thank you for tapping in with us and connecting with us, for all of those who are coming back. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for returning. We love your support so much and we appreciate it. So remember to always like, subscribe to our channel, share, and of course, we always looking for your feedback. if you have questions, have any comments,
speaker-0: in your hands.
speaker-1: Any additional things that you want to add, whatever, like we're looking for all of that. So DM us, message us, what have you, like we're here for you guys. So we always start our episodes off with our growth moment, right? So AP, what's your growth moment for this week?
speaker-0: Hmm my growth month sweet, I should be prepared. I always have my growth moment ready knowing Talk about it
speaker-1: comment for the You know, it's supposed to be happening. You know, it's hard to keep track sometimes.
speaker-0: ⁓ I got one. Okay, so. I want to say thank you.
speaker-1: to the new.
speaker-0: like AI chat features that help us be great. And write really professional letters and all of the things. Yes. Because I had a complaint.
speaker-1: about. Okay.
speaker-0: my vehicle. So the dealership was supposed to provide documentation that was supposed to be due within 30 days of me purchasing the vehicle and they didn't. I've been calling, I've been texting, mind you, I think I got the car in June.
speaker-1: the Okay.
speaker-0: So it's been a while since the due date, right? So the paperwork was depending on my ⁓ interest rate for my loan. So of course the bank is like, as conditions to your loan, if we don't receive this paperwork, we're gonna increase your interest rate. I'm like, ⁓ hell and all, right? So at first I'm emailing, I'm texting and I'm... getting a response because my salesperson was awesome. So he's reaching out to their ⁓ finance office and administrative offices asking them for status. He's screenshotting me. He's being very, responsive. He was great.
speaker-1: But
speaker-0: they still kept getting it wrong. First they sent it to one location, then they sent it to another location. And all the time, there was none of that in my paperwork. Like I never put any mention of these other entities into my paperwork. So finally I write a letter, but I'm like, it stern and professional. And I got this beautifully written letter. that didn't have all the like, me. Because me was like, you know, I'm about to do this and I'm about to do that and yeah, get this car back and you know. ⁓ And so thank you for these beautiful transformations of technology because the letter was bomb. Like I'm like, ooh, I can do that. was, was, that was great, right? Send a letter and these fools are like, okay, it's going to be done in 10 days. And I'm like, that's what y'all told me three months, four months, five months ago. So I'm writing this letter to the GM. Not just the people down here. I'm like, okay, let's go up higher. And then I was like, so then I had to write him another letter. Like, I can't believe that you've given me the same response that the, you know, the staff is giving. Like you got a little bit more pool. this, I'm thinking you So he's like, well, that's all I can do. I was like, well, I'm unhappy as a customer. So I tell the, you know, the entity, the AI.
speaker-1: Do something! Like, do your job!
speaker-0: folks like, look, I want something, like they need to give me something, you know, so they write up the letter like very professionally, it's not like, give me some shit. And I even said, because whatever, I said ⁓ that I was gonna give them a bad review. And the AI feature came out with, I'm gonna give an honest review. So,
speaker-1: free. bitch Mmm, right!
speaker-0: I ended up sending all these letters and they got my paperwork straight, everything got handed with the bank. But thank you that instead of like trigger fingering it, that I took my time, I got smart, I used some new technology that I the right prompts and everything turned out great. So I now have what I needed, it's good and I can move forward.
speaker-1: learned.
speaker-0: without cussing them out. So I've grown because the cuss out.
speaker-1: It's all I could give. It would have been real. It's all I
speaker-0: I'll be up there in a minute cause what we bout to do is squabble up. And I know I'm wrong but like it okay so like it would have been alright if they didn't mess up for days. But at this point it's been six, seven months. They playing in my face and I was just.
speaker-1: months and they about to get all this this smoke that they deserve like scuffle up like be ready be ready because i'm ready
speaker-0: So thank you to Good Egg World.
speaker-1: Taking a step back, utilizing the resources at our disposal. Yes, absolutely. ⁓ So I think my growth moment for the week is, I feel like there's not so many, but. ⁓
speaker-0: Yep.
speaker-1: Okay, I'm gonna put it like this because you know what saying like we're not trying to get up and all of them people business We're not trying to divulge too many details about things, but I will say this if you know anything about me and The people I love I will ride and die All of the above all of the above for them
speaker-0: A crash and...
speaker-1: I write hard for those I love, especially when it comes to family and family and family, like my friends who I consider family. when somebody I love is going through some things, especially when it's dealing with another person, I'd be ready to say some things and do some things. You know what I'm saying? The cancer in me comes out, that other side of the cancer comes out and I'd be ready, you know? But I have to, I definitely learned a couple of things. ⁓ as much as we love the people in our family and our friends, ⁓ when it comes to their business and their things that they're going through, it's not always up to us to step in, right? It's to... A lot of times it's just to be that support that they need while they're going through things. And ⁓ I'm learning that because I'm like ready to be like, but I had to do some praying and some meditation ⁓ and just ask for the words and ask for the guidance and ask for, you know,
speaker-0: I'm out.
speaker-1: what I was supposed to do in that space. So ⁓ that was a real growth moment for me because I'd be ready to go. Yeah, I'd be ready to go. it's like everybody's business ain't my business. And as much as I want people to do things and move a certain way, I can't I cannot do that. ⁓ then also, it's just like, you know, ⁓ recognizing like, hey, I just need to ⁓ ⁓ that's the other thing, because like I lost my train of thought for a second. But the biggest thing was recognizing, like in my spiritual group, when I was going through that or dealing with that, was ⁓ someone mentioned remembering that you are light. Right. And so ⁓ in my spiritual journey, ⁓ I recognize who I am and what I bring to certain situations and knowing that I have to be the light in the darkness in a lot of situations and remembering that. And so I had to be told and reminded of that ⁓ so that I'm not so, you know, whatever. But yeah, it's like knowing who I am, knowing that I bring light in, that's my role sometimes and moving in that. ⁓
speaker-0: I love that for you because we've all been there with the girlfriend. We've been writing a rhyme. they got together the next day. Why? We hotter than cheese. So what?
speaker-1: that breaks a boy's brain. Mm-mm. Preach. And we done it. I'm done it. Yeah, listen, listen, I hold a grudge. I hold a grudge. Yeah, it's easy. It's easy. You're 7'9". Yes. Especially when you love people. It's like, Because what it boils down to, the underlining thing, is that you love them so much. You just want them to be happy. You want to see them in a space of peace. and when you're like, when that's not occurring, you're like, all right, well, what I need to do to make sure the shit happens. Cause.
speaker-0: What just came to me is the word control. ⁓ It's like, ⁓ because you love them, you want to control the outcome for them.
speaker-1: That's exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is. You know we are excited about control issues. But I'm learning to take that step back. Like I said, I'm realizing my job is not to intervene. My job is to be there to support, the listening ear. I love that. And I mean, but...
speaker-0: Tell me what you want me to do. How we about.
speaker-1: How we rolling? How we rolling? Look, I saw this thing the other day, was like, yes, I'm spiritual and I'm, what is it? I'm spiritual, but these incense and candles can turn to new ports. concerned and new boys or something else in a hot minute like that's where I'm at that's where I'm at so please trust and believe like okay
speaker-0: Well, we also like to hear from you all and your growth moments. So please, please share your growth moments. mean, we all have those opportunities for growth and you know, we all should take the time to actually think about those moments because they're, I mean, there's to be celebrated. Okay. So leave that in our chats, our DM comment under, you know, our Posts however, just get that message to us and you know Let's hear about it. Yes So getting right into today's episode
speaker-1: And right into it. like we said, we talking about all things G, right? So today's episode and topic is about gender roles. We've all seen, right. It's a topic because we've all seen the transition of how things have occurred, especially in our generation, right? Like just how things just have been so different. ⁓ even from when we grew up, but then now looking back to our parents' generation and all of those things, right? And so, you know, gender roles, as I say, gender roles and stereotypes are deeply rooted in societal norms and can have different significant implications for individuals' rights and freedoms. ⁓ They indicate how people are expected to behave, right? And that's a whole other thing, right? Like, it's basically society telling us. how to be, right, as men, women, LGBTQ +, or as my friend says, libidiqua. ⁓
speaker-0: You
speaker-1: So there's so many things that encompass what gender roles ⁓ are, right? And a couple of those things, personality traits, behavior, occupation, physical appearance, right? But ⁓ what we wanna talk about is like, do you consider gender roles and stereotypes and do you think they even matter?
speaker-0: Yeah, mean, first let's back up a little bit and just discuss the, you know, go back and elaborate a little bit more. gender roles, there's stereotypical gender roles, there's the kind that, you have, you know, how you act and how you according to what you think society wants to hear.
speaker-1: Hey. Thanks. kind of like learned. Yeah. Like from like what like your family and stuff like that versus society.
speaker-0: So sometimes it's like, for an example, like the way we dress, right? So I work in government and, you know, the thought was that we had to be suited and booted every day, you know, for us, you know, you wear your hair a certain type of way, you know, you behave a certain type of way. We call it code switching because we know we're good at that. And then there's the kind of like in your home.
speaker-1: Right. Hey.
speaker-0: like in your relationships, like who cooks, who cleans, who, you know, take care of the children, who fix things around your house. And then there's other things like, ⁓ ⁓ way you behave, you know, some people call it being a submissive. You know, some people think that, you know, maybe because you're a man that you're supposed to be a super aggressive or you're the strongest or whatever. And when you're not those things, then how does that affect you? So, ⁓ for me, when we talk about.
speaker-1: Right, right.
speaker-0: how do they even matter, how they affect you? Like, I think they absolutely... ⁓ dictate how I dress, how I act, how I raise my kids, like every single part of how I behave. Absolutely, like gender roles and...
speaker-1: you thing. Do you feel like that has changed for you over like, view over time, like your view on gender roles, like from your 20s, first coming into the workforce, all of these things where, like growing up your, your kind of like childhood has so much of an impact on shaping your, what your thoughts of gender roles are versus you being, where you are now, ⁓ do you feel like that has, your views on gender roles have changed?
speaker-0: Absolutely. I think not only because of time and age, but also experiences. know, when I was younger, I looked at, especially like in relationships, like, okay, as a woman, I should clean and I should cook. I should make sure that my man is happy, you know, and by happy, like what he wants, I provide, you know. ⁓
speaker-1: being very catering.
speaker-0: very catering, you know, because it's all about making sure that he's happy so that he can then fulfill his side of the obligation and go to work and, you know, provide for the family, like provide the food and the money and make sure that he pays all the bills. Like those were the kinds of things that I grew up with. Even if they weren't directly like my parents did that, it was just what society said was. you writing, that's how it's supposed to be done. And so then as I got older, you know, and even being in my relationships, like sometimes I didn't want to do that or then so then it feels like you fail, you know, or like you're not doing it right or, you know, that there's something wrong with you. And then fast forward a little bit later, like even in the workforce, it was like, started growing up and becoming into my own and I would push the boundaries a little bit. Because as you learn,
speaker-1: Right.
speaker-0: like in your policies and procedures, they can't ask you certain things or they can't tell you certain things the more the rules change. And so then I will push the boundaries like maybe be a little bit more casual. Maybe wear flat shoes. I let them heels go. I never liked them anyway. Maybe like wearing red lipstick or as opposed to being a natural neutral face. Just certain things that...
speaker-1: Bye! Okay.
speaker-0: I thought was how you were supposed to look professional. And so then, ⁓ as I got into relationships, I I don't like cooking.
speaker-1: Right.
speaker-0: don't like cooking like why do I gotta do it like I can cook but I'm not great at it and sometimes it takes me a long time like I'm gonna make sure we fed but like my partner cooks he cooks with love you know like he has the peppers onions even cut up stuff and you know mix and taste as he like I don't even taste the food till we all sat down eat it so don't take that from me and then fast forward to COVID
speaker-1: Not at me.
speaker-0: Like all these tattoos and stuff, never would I would have had it. I only got these in my 40s and that was because of COVID and I was working from home and I didn't think that I would ever be back in the office. And so like, even then I was like, oh God, I gotta wear long sleeves. I don't know how I'm gonna cover up my hands. Like I was all nervous about it. And then I thought about it because some people not like us,
speaker-1: Never go f***ed.
speaker-0: can wear, they had tattoos with their sleeves rolled up and in suits and dress shoes and they looked professional to me. I mean, I was cool with it. And nobody ever said nothing to them. So then I was like, ⁓ well, I can be me because at the end of the day, like, does my tattoos and my red lipstick and stuff mean that I'm not smart, that I don't do a good job, that I'm not a professional, you know? So I think all of that evolved. over time and then like in my relationship it was like let us define what our role is. And so I think that's how you know as we got older and stuff it was more acceptable to us to figure out what really works for us versus what the world says it
speaker-1: are girls are yeah. That's right. Right, right. ⁓
speaker-0: I know that was a lot, I think it's very important to differentiate between the different ones.
speaker-1: No, absolutely. Because I mean, it is very different. It's like, and I didn't even really think about it that way until you like you mentioned it, right. But it is very different, like the gender role that's expected in society when it comes to work and everything like that versus the home, right. Like, I know for me, it was very similar. was like, you know, you have these expectations, especially as a wife of things that you're supposed to fulfill, like being essentially very catering, right. And I learned that from my grandmother, my mother, and all of those ⁓ matriarchal figures that were in my life. And so that's what I wanted to follow, right? I remember my husband, like, some time after we met, ⁓ you know, he called my mom a hybrid. Like, she, right. Like, she's a hybrid because my mom, she was in the military for 20 plus years. And it's still crazy to even think about that, because she's such a terrible mom. But. But she worked, she came home, she cooked dinner, but every Sunday is a big meal, just like my grandmother did. She bakes cakes, she does all of these things. And then she does each side of things, but that's ingrained in her. And so I felt like that was a role that I needed to fill as well. So I'm like, I mean, I baking, because that ain't my strong suit. but I'm cooking, I'm cleaning, I'm keeping a house, I'm working, all of these things. And then we get burnt out and it's like, we wondering why, you know? And it's like, I mean, of course we are. ⁓
speaker-0: So why are we burnt out when our mothers weren't burnt out?
speaker-1: That's the thing, they were. This is what I think. I think they were. I think they just, I think that a lot of times it boils down to, ⁓ do I have any other ⁓ choice or do I have any other option? I listened to my grandmother before she passed away, like tell me certain stories of things that I had no concept of because I was young. ⁓ But I do remember, like my mom, right after she, ⁓ right before she was getting out in the military ⁓ and, you know, they bought their first home, you know, ⁓ her getting up going, I mean, working, ⁓ I think it was overnight kind of, like really late to early in the morning. And then getting up, going and running PT in the morning and then going to her job with the military. you know and then doing the shit all over again.
speaker-0: And I'm three kids.
speaker-1: She was tired. She was tired. But I think a lot of times, and I look back at it for myself though, there were times I look back a few years ago, I was doing stuff and I'm like, how in the world? Was I doing all of this stuff at one time? When you have to, when you feel you have to, it's like you pull it from somewhere, right? So yeah, but now I've gotten to a point where it's just like, I don't... feel the need or the, I don't have the desire nor do I feel the need to try to fulfill an image that society has set in that worked for, may have worked for other people, but not for me. And like you said, it's like, you figure out what works for you. You figure out what works in your household. And then like, when it comes to work, you know, I think that ⁓ because I was in IT for so long, I think that perception of image was slightly different. Like I was definitely coming out of school a lot of times the only woman in my office. And definitely if I was the only woman, only black woman in my office. And that's what you came across in IT, but you would see a lot more of people with tattoos and people looking a little different because, and it was accepted because, you know, it was just one of those things that people in IT just, you know, they're just different. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's just one of those things. I mean, so, you know, but I would walk into the office in like heels and everything like that. Maybe look at that be like, right. But that was just how, you know, like that was just like my style. at the same time, it did slowly transition.
speaker-0: But I think it's also ingrained in you too that that's what a professional.
speaker-1: It was one of those where it's like you're wearing, like I remember like when I first started my first, like my first major job, a lot of my clothes majority, 99 % of my clothes was from JCPenney. I was in them suits, like the heels, like I was, you know, decked out and that slowly transitioned to, all right, well, suits ain't the thing for me. I'm gonna put on these slacks, I'm gonna put on these, you know, whatever shirt and then that slowly transitioned to, you know, ⁓ what is it heels and jeans and a cute top and whatever else. And then to like, ⁓ let me just put on these sneakers and these, these, you know, but still look professional and dressed up and whatever the case may be or still the professional. But again, I think in IT realm, things were a little different. But I will say also though, when it comes to being a black woman, you know, doing the different hairstyles and all of those things, right. ⁓ I remember I remember my job there being a conversation in one of the groups I was a part of where it was like being comfortable, wearing hair, wearing like braids and all of these things. And I think because I was in IT for so long, a lot of that stuff never crossed my mind. Like I never went to work. Like I used to wear my hair like when I started wearing braids and crochets and all those things, different colors and everything. And it was just like, ⁓ I'm not. anything super crazy, but it was just one of those where the thought never even crossed my mind. Because I think I was at that point, for one, I was so comfortable in what I brought to the table that it was like, well, I mean, anybody who's going to try to get rid of me because of my hair, we're to have, y'all going to have an issue, right? But then it was also like, I see all these, as we say, palm colored people and I love them palm colored people, but. they're walking around here in Mohawks and different color purple and all this other stuff. it's just like, if they can do it, I definitely can do
speaker-0: Yeah, I think all of that started when we just did more self-conf. ⁓
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: I'm so good at lot of points because especially when you talk about hair, like I know even for me, like I grew up, like I love hair. Like I went to cosmetology school and I was younger, you know, I put relaxers in everybody's hair. Then I was that girl in college, you know what I mean? Like who could give you a good press and curl. And so you could wrap your hair and all that. But because of that, like I would cut my hair real short. Like it was in the 90s, you know, I'm in high school and I cut my hair like really short, like a boy cut. people were like, you know, like, wow, but I'm like, it'll grow back as just hair, you know? And then my senior year I colored my hair blue because I ran track and like, that was part of like a part of our uniform that I was just like being expressive about and you know, showing my team pride and stuff. And I think that just became a part of my personality. And people kind of expected it from me. But as soon as it was time for me to interview or anything like that, I was like, let me get a wig. Let me get these tracks. I quickly did something to have neutral colored hair, brown or black. And let it be straight or with a little bump at the end. put on to like get that job or whatever. Then maybe after you get the job, you change all of that. To get the job we always felt, or at least me, I don't know if y'all felt that way, that you have to like look and dress a certain type of way. Like no way would I have like these nose rings or anything like I go to an interview, I'm taking these things right out
speaker-1: But like I was just about to ask, for your current interviews, do you feel the need to cover the tattoos and take the earrings out and then keep a neutral face?
speaker-0: I definitely do. I still do to this day. I've been working at the same place now for maybe about seven years. And so if I'm interviewing internally, I wouldn't because they already know me. definitely if I'm going to a different agency, I'm definitely cleaning slate because you can't, you're judging me off of my appearance at this time because you don't know me for anything else. You're looking at my resume, you're looking at what I look like, how I talk. But... You know, if I show them who the real me is, I mean, they might judge me and say like, oh, I don't know, what could you say about somebody that got tattooed or whatever? maybe like, I don't know. I don't know what they could say, they, I don't want that to be anything that's, you know, a negative. So I'm just going to show like the plain Jane or whatever. And I guess that's still just so ingrained in me, stereotypical look of professional.
speaker-1: But you don't want that to work. Right. No, but I think it is because of the times we were in, right? I think we're still in a time where all of us, unfortunately, as brown and black people, is not completely accepted, right? I mean, they just passed a bill. They had to pass a bill, what was it, a couple years ago that allowed black, yeah, the Crown Act, that allowed black women to wear their hair the way, as they stated in the bill, the way it comes out of our scalp. Like we literally had to have a bill passed to say, hey, you can wear your hair naturally curly. Like, and it still has to be back in a, because that's just a part of the uniform, it still has to be back in a ponytail and stuff like that. But before it was putting it in buns, putting it the little fake bun on the top and doing all of these things. Yeah.
speaker-0: and you could wear locks. You know they recently brought to the change the regs in the military about ⁓ your locks and your hair and how it the length of it and if you could wear lashes and all these things now.
speaker-1: Is that like in the in ⁓ kind of like for it or against it? OK, OK, right. And so here's the thing. And that's that that's feeding into why like you and people still feel the need to follow this regulation of, know, what society says is professional. Right. Because they're constantly telling us on a day to day that the way we look and the things that we wear and
speaker-0: It's taking us back. ⁓
speaker-1: and do are not professional.
speaker-0: And I guess because if you got on lashes and lipstick, you can't shoot no gun. You can't fight in a war.
speaker-1: I mean, so here, okay, here's the thing, right? Lipstick, I don't, I mean, okay, here's the thing. I understand like if we're in war times, like if you sending me over to war, lipstick can be distracting, lipstick can, you know, if you're out. No, I'm not, I'm not, right, right. So the fact that, right, I'm not, and I'm not thinking about putting lashes on when I'm at war. No, no.
speaker-0: with you. Can you maintain that? So if I work in an office, because the military has many jobs, it's not just shooting guns. Everybody that supports the war or part of the war does not mean that they're actually shooting a gun or they're. Right? There's stateside ways to support that or administrative duties and different stuff that all go into that. So I don't know, people just be worried about the wrong thing.
speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Right, yeah Sometimes I just... Yeah, no, there's a way of control. Right. No, absolutely. I think gender roles, especially ⁓ the way that they're going, we've made advances in just like a lot of things, but we're still not there because there's too many people who want to control, like how people look, how people act, how people do what, how people live their day-to-day lives. Right. And it's unfortunate, but that is...
speaker-0: Yeah, let's share some shit.
speaker-1: where we are and that's a reality. it's like, you know, we...
speaker-0: I we gotta get it how we live. It's a lot, mean, it's... Ew.
speaker-1: I'm part of the revolution.
speaker-0: think so too because I just really feel like my appearance has nothing to do with the level of customer service nor, you know, how smart I am. Like, I'm personally not going out of the house with pajamas on or nothing like that. Right. But, no. Sorry. I can't go that far.
speaker-1: Don't go on here. Just like it. Yeah, no, there's just like, there's just certain things. It's for the house. Like house shoes, pajamas.
speaker-0: Like, I don't wanna talk about violence, cause y'all know that's controversial. People be gettin' HOT about they damn violence.
speaker-1: Zavy getting hat. Zavy is...
speaker-0: But for me, it's about hygiene, but we can talk about that another time.
speaker-1: Here's the thing, for me it's about like, I just don't want to wear anything. Like if I'm wearing it outside, like I don't want it. Like if I'm wearing a bonnet outside, that means I'm coming back in my crib and I'm laying that head down, that bonnet that's been- In the world. In the world, exposed to the elements and I'm laying that down and putting it on my pillow. Like nah, we not doing that. ⁓ I got an outdoor bonnet and everything.
speaker-0: And you can say all you You're You're lying. You're lying. You're lying. L-I-N-T. L-I-N-T. ⁓ You
speaker-1: So yeah, no. ⁓ But yeah, that is definitely a different topic. But yeah, I mean, I think what it boils down to is like when it comes to gender roles is like figuring out what works for you, right? Like when it comes to, you know, your home ⁓ work, as long as you're within regulation and they ain't got, they don't have cause to fire you. Right, because we ain't Right, but we ain't losing no jobs now. Oh, no. Right. Especially when it says in regulation. And if you don't want to follow those rules.
speaker-0: hairstyle go somewhere else.
speaker-1: You need to try or become an entrepreneur, figure out a way to get out of the system, right? But as long as you in the system, sometimes you got to follow them rules.
speaker-0: But take us back to your household. how do you, like with you and your husband, like did y'all sit down and talk about, you gonna take out the trash or you gonna wash your dishes or how do y'all work that in your house?
speaker-1: Right. In the beginning, we didn't, but then a conversation had to be had, right? Because then I think a lot of times, and I don't think it's purposeful, but I think a lot of times ⁓ people get ⁓ caught up in those ideas of how things are supposed to go, right? So it's like, you sometimes you start off, ⁓ cooking and cleaning and doing these things. Yeah. Yeah, the woman cooking and cleaning and doing certain things and then the man doing certain things. And then you realize like, yeah, no, I can't, I can't do it all. Like I can't be cooking. Like you go to work just like I go to work. You know, we got to do both. Right. And I'm, and fortunately I'm blessed to have a husband like that does cook. ⁓ and I don't want to say he likes it, but he cooks well. He is, he is a, he is a good cook.
speaker-0: Niko's whale though.
speaker-1: ⁓ So we're able to trade those things off, but it was like having a conversation about, okay, ⁓ the trash. It was like, all right, you take out the trash, I'll do the recycle, you know, or, ⁓ you know, just like figuring out like, ⁓ we have to take turns like emptying the dishwasher out. Cause it was one of those where to the point where we got little magnets.
speaker-0: I'm telling you!
speaker-1: You gotta figure out how it Even when you say, we are gonna take time to empty in the dishwasher. Well, shit, I feel like I didn't empty this thing like three times. And you're like, but now I've been doing it too. Okay, came up with a little magnets, right? So it's like figuring out those little things, right? Because nobody, the biggest thing is like nobody wants to feel like they're doing it all by themselves. And even though
speaker-0: I've
speaker-1: We, you recognize that a lot of it is feeling like you feel, I feel like I've done this. You feel like you've done this, but then nobody really knows the reality of what it is.
speaker-0: Yeah, what how many times like is on a date of you know? Now this is in both of y'all being techies like that makes absolute sense for y'all to have a visual Exactly because I'm gonna take them right there
speaker-1: Look, I'm telling you, definitely helps because it's like you're going off a feeling, but it's like, all right, unless we got a tape recorder in here, ain't nobody recording nothing. So now we just both sitting here mad because we both feel like we doing our part. you know, so it's like, like going through those things and then figuring out, OK, what is the solution? Right. And I think because again, we're both IT, but My husband is very like logical problem solver like okay. Well, what can we do to solve this problem? Like how can we figure this out? Cuz ain't no needin' us arguing over this simple stuff Let's let's figure this out. So ⁓ but we we still do a lot of the traditional Things like he's he's very handy So like he takes on a lot of the the handy type stuff that need to be fixed or whatever the case may be ⁓ ⁓ he takes on the bills and, know, that taking care of, make sure that stuff is taken care of. ⁓ but I think the thing is that we, even though one person takes kind of the, the lead, ⁓ we're in support, right? So it's like, even though he takes the lead, if I ever need to take over, if he never needs to take over, take over something that I'm doing, we can do that.
speaker-0: Right, it's not a hard no. That's not my job.
speaker-1: Right, right, right. If he's gone, I'm gone, like stuff needs to be done. It's gonna get done.
speaker-0: Like, because I've noticed that in my home, we have like, have three sons. So I'm the only female house besides the dog. And so there's certain things that they've told me that I absolutely do not have to do, which is like, I don't take the trash out. I ain't taking over cycling. I don't have to do nothing. But for me,
speaker-1: ⁓
speaker-0: being the type of person I am, if I see the trash needs to go out or something like that, I'm not waiting for them to come around to take it out. And they might look at me like, you don't have to do that. But it's like one of those things that, but it needed to be.
speaker-1: Right. ⁓
speaker-0: Other hand, they hate dishes. And ain't nobody never stepping in and doing all their dishes for me. So sometimes I want to be petty because I swear, like, I don't love doing dishes either, but it's not a hard chore for me. So I also like my dishwasher loaded a certain
speaker-1: Right. And that is. ⁓
speaker-0: So that's why I'm kind of like, yeah. But it would be nice sometimes if like, I've been busy and you see that the sink has dishes in it. Like I don't ask you too much. Like if we use our dishwasher, like our dishwasher gets you. Put all the things in a dishwasher and maybe leave the pots and pans and I'll get that. But there's no reason why the sink should just be overflowing waiting for mommy. Like I'm outnumbered in that.
speaker-1: Yeah. that, right? Yeah.
speaker-0: Yeah, and plus I probably ain't even use those dishes because y'all eat way more than me ⁓
speaker-1: That part.
speaker-0: And when I cook, I clean as I go. So by the time we're eating at the table, only thing is like your plate, your drink, your cup, spoon, put that shit in the dishwasher, we done.
speaker-1: The death of Right. So let me ask you this because that's the thing that I think I struggle with sometimes, right? It's like ⁓ the whole dish situation and it's not even like. I don't want some petty. I don't want some petty. But it is one of those things where it's like, if, you know, like there's dishes, right? And it's like, you know, I wash this, he washes this and stuff like that. But it's like, if I need dirtying up these dishes.
speaker-0: Y'all it sounds like you need to put a magnet to me. If y'all sharing, cause it seems like that works for y'all to share, you need a magnet for the dish. ⁓
speaker-1: Because now the thing is is like if he cooks we now that's another thing we agreed upon like if he cooks He washes the dishes if I cook I wash the dishes because I'm like you I cook I mean I clean as I cook Boy he clean ⁓
speaker-0: They block.
speaker-1: The makeup's all ⁓ no, like, what did
speaker-0: You cook, it looks like Thanksgiving in here, and we got spaghetti.
speaker-1: We got spaghetti. Listen, like we had to end that a long time ago because it was the opposite of like, oh, you cook, clean, blah, blah, blah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I done left him like damn near clean kitchen. And I come in there and the tornado man came through and I'm like, yo, this this ain't gonna work. Right. But it is one of those things where it's just like, you know, I don't mind. I don't mind washing the dishes and stuff. But it is one of those words like, all right. where will you take him forever to clean up the dishwashers? And these dishes is paila milk. And I know I ain't use most of these dishes. ⁓
speaker-0: Uh oh. Looks like you're trying to get my man in trouble. We gonna move on.
speaker-1: But no, but it is not to be like that type of pay, but it's like, how do you navigate those type of situations? Where? Because again, it boils down to like, nobody wants to feel like they're doing they're doing it doing more. Right. And I do understand. I'm an avid believer. I've I've thrown the whole 50 50 shit out the window. Yeah. Like that shit. And that's a whole nother conversation. But I do believe in like you know, a balance of things, right? And so it's just like, and I get, I'm getting better. It's like, it's like, you know, not trying to put small things and stuff like that, but it's still, it is one of those things. Like we got to work on it, right? It's like, because there's such a blend of the gender role, I guess to take it back, because there's such a blend of the gender roles, right? I ⁓ think sometimes it makes it a little bit more difficult because it is easier to say, ⁓ no, this is your job. This is my job.
speaker-0: That's what
speaker-1: And if it ain't getting done, we know who it belongs to versus when you're blending kind of the gender roles and you're sharing it, it's like, well, now it's on both of us. So now we have to come up with a system that works for both of us. So it's like, it ain't on just one person or the one person doesn't feel it's just on
speaker-0: Right. So I see how that goes both ways. So neither way is wrong. again, like we're saying, you need to figure out what works best for you and your home. And that's what I think the growth is throughout the generations. Like you didn't have a say maybe before. And now that we do, we need to like figure out really what works for us. I think the first thing is communication and actually discussing.
speaker-1: ⁓
speaker-0: How are we gonna do this? Like having a plan for, you know, maybe you didn't talk about it before, but now that it's come up as a problem, okay, let's solve it together in a way that's beneficial for us both. Because at the end of the day, the goal is for us both to be, you know, feeling happy or feeling, you know, seen or heard and loved, right?
speaker-1: Yeah. Right. And to not be at odds about something so small, because at the end of the day, all of that shit is small, is minute when it comes to the bigger picture of things, right? And so it's like, are we sitting here truly arguing? And of course, you know, there's all these other things that come into play when you're talking about like dealing with, hey, are we sitting here arguing about like who didn't clean out the dishwasher kind of thing, right? But it is making sure that Hey, if that's truly what you're talking about, and truly what you're arguing about, that's an easy fix, right? It's just talking about it. And figuring it out and having those conversations. And a lot of times uncomfortable conversations, even though it's something small, but it's still ultimately having those conversations about the little things so that those little things don't turn into bigger things. ⁓
speaker-0: So I think we've made some very good points throughout this conversation. I think we've done a great job of discussing, you know, the different aspects of gender roles and societal norms and how we, you know, define things within our households. This was a great conversation. No, thank you. Because you also shared a couple of gems that resonate with me that I'm going to take. Like, I love the magnet idea and actually to make a a visual representation of what we have going on. Because you're right, people, I feel like I do things a lot more which cause us sometimes resentment, all of the things when I could literally show a visual of this and that. And then that might help my partner be like, ⁓ well, babe, you do do a whole lot. Or it could help me be like, ⁓ we're really sharing this responsibly. So I apologize because
speaker-1: EW
speaker-0: I was looking at this all along.
speaker-1: And that was the biggest thing. was like, and I don't know if that's why we transitioned to the little, the Magnus or whatever, but I think it was one of those things where it's like, he's like, hey, I feel like I'm doing my part. And I'm like, well, no, I feel like this and this and this. And it's just like, all right, like you can't discount somebody's feeling, right? So it's like, all right, well, let's kind of like take all of that out of it, right? Because we just want to be on, we just want to see that. We just want to, you know, we just want to.
speaker-0: And one thing we don't want to do is dismiss people's feelings. So while your feelings are valid, here's the real picture.
speaker-1: Yes. ⁓
speaker-0: So we have the facts at the Fort Nose.
speaker-1: Yes, this is what these magnets say, and these magnets say, show turn.
speaker-0: All right. So thank you all for joining us today. We really enjoyed this conversation. I hope you did too. Absolutely. Please remember to like, subscribe, share all the things that we need to continue to have these conversations. ⁓ Please share your growth moments and yeah, have a blessed week and we'll talk to you soon.
speaker-1: Absolutely, next time.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.