# Ep5 - The Real 'G' is in Growth

An episode of [Still Nuthin But a 'G' Thang](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1875086496), 30 Mar 2026, 1 h 02 min.

Audio: https://api.riverside.com/hosting-analytics/media/73949f3e0fc5459ae42a973b1ec9c0886809e5ec4b86fda214256def24e8fcb8/eyJlcGlzb2RlSWQiOiI1OTlhMjIyYy00MGU2LTRmYjYtYTc3Yi1kOGRmMTI1M2FmYjIiLCJwb2RjYXN0SWQiOiI3NGE1YjIyOC1hNzQ3LTQ1OWUtODkxMi1lMTlhZmU1MmFlYmIiLCJhY2NvdW50SWQiOiI2OTc2MzQ2MjhjMjdlM2E4YTY0NzcwNzYiLCJwYXRoIjoibWVkaWEvY2xpcHMvNjljYTc1NGM4YzQyOGVmNzYzZWEyOGQxL3N0aWxsLW51dGhpbi1idXQtYS1nLXRoYW5ncy1zdHVkaW8tY29tcG9zZXItMjAyNi0zLTMwX18xNS02LTIwLm1wMyJ9.mp3

In this episode of 'Still Nuthin But a G Thang', hosts T. and AP discuss the multifaceted nature of growth, sharing personal experiences and insights. They explore the importance of trusting in God, the challenges of perfectionism, and the uncomfortable yet necessary aspects of personal development. The conversation delves into the catalysts for change, the lessons learned through various life experiences, and the significance of therapy in navigating growth. They emphasize the need for boundaries, the impact of fear and people-pleasing, and the importance of self-care and vulnerability in the growth journey. Ultimately, the episode highlights the power of purpose and passion in driving personal transformation. Takeaways • Growth means trusting in God and surrendering control. • Releasing the energy of perfection can reduce stress. • Growth can be uncomfortable but necessary for progress. • Catalysts for growth often come from crisis or trauma. • You don't have to know everything in advance; just relax. • The pivot is a crucial part of the growth journey. • Fear can paralyze and prevent us from pursuing our dreams. • Self-preservation is essential for maintaining mental health. • Redefining strength involves recognizing when to let go. • Therapy can provide valuable perspective and support in growth. Chapters 00:00 Embracing Growth: Trusting the Process 11:12 Catalysts for Change: Life's Turning Points 16:50 The Importance of Therapy: Finding Support 23:00 Daily Practices: Affirmations and Mindfulness 30:55 Understanding Capacity and Boundaries 36:29 Protecting Your Energy and Expressing Yourself 44:26 Walking Away from Unhealthy Relationships 49:57 Redefining Strength and Overcoming Fear 55:08 Letting Go of People-Pleasing 01:01:57 Embracing Support and Self-Care

## Transcript

speaker-0: Well,
speaker-1: Hello, hello everybody. Welcome to still nothing but a G thing. We are your favorite girlfriends T
speaker-0: Andrea AP aka
speaker-1: And we are here to talk about all things G. So today's topic is Growth. Of course the the G of all G's right? But of course with as with every other episode we start with our growth moment. So AP you wanna get in
speaker-0: Yeah, life's been life in here lately. It's been life in. But for me, growth meant that in all of the things, I'm just going to trust in God. mean, like lean on him so far that the stick is breaking, but then no one will lean. Like whatever I try to do, just it hasn't been working. So I like really have no choice. It's better to lean on.
speaker-1: As it does. Mmm. And who else? So.
speaker-0: That's where I'm at. And that's different for me. So that's growth because you know, I would try my own way or try to think about it or figure it out analytically or pray about it and then still worry and everything. It's still like, OK, I'm time I move. I think it's right. But like truly now I'm not moving without consulting.
speaker-1: So you're in like total surrender mode at this point. That's how you gotta be. That's how you gotta be. I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. All too well. about you? So my growth moment is releasing the energy of perfection. Girl, you know it's a jerk.
speaker-0: Bye. That's what someone said.
speaker-1: You know, it's a journey for me. Like, it's because I, you know, of course that stems back to my childhood, right? And just things in life, but.
speaker-0: So what made you decide that like now is this movie's day?
speaker-1: It's realizing that when I'm doing certain things like the amount of stress It causes me and brings to me I'm trying to make everything so perfect and it's just like why? Especially for little things. It's like why why am I putting this dress on myself? ⁓ For something so small right? It's not necessary You're putting the stress on your
speaker-0: Mmm It's good acknowledging that you're really saying it had to be this way.
speaker-1: No, it's me putting all of that energy, like all of that on myself. So it's like learning to release it and I'm not there 100 % because this is baby steps. As you say, growth ain't gotta be grown.
speaker-0: laughter
speaker-1: But it's like when I recognize it, just stepping back and being like, I'm letting it go.
speaker-0: Yeah, I'm super proud of you because I'm not like a perfectionist type. I'm like it wanted Nobody's gonna get perfect. I mean
speaker-1: do things off. Right, right It's okay as long as it works as long as it's doing what I need to do as long as it's moving I need to move like That's that's all that matters
speaker-0: Wait I mean I baked a cake and I ain't follow the directions all the way. The cake was still good! Rise and then fall and I slammed the door to the stove, the oven. Fall like grandma needs to stay. I don't trust nothing. I don't gotta do 100. gonna stomp on the floor with some more. That cake still is still good.
speaker-1: It is was It ain't don't know what though. Was it good though? Was it good? It was good. Yeah, so ⁓ that's ⁓ definitely a big one for me. ⁓ But I am, yeah, I feel good about it. That's good.
speaker-0: So while we talking about growth and growing the girls is doing it a little bit bigger Our podcast is now available all the streaming all the Okay, like Spotify Amazon Apple Podcast ⁓
speaker-1: on the big streaming platforms. at heart radio. ⁓ We are everywhere guys so yes,
speaker-0: And we really appreciate all the feedback all the love of Everything like we're gonna get better as we go and it's all because of you guys. So thank you Thank you for sharing your growth moments. There have been some great conversations So we appreciate y'all keep it up. We don't keep it up to yes. Yes. Yeah. All right, so let's get into it While we're talking about growth Sometimes growth can be uncomfortable. I mean
speaker-1: L E A H E Let's get into it. ⁓ jeez.
speaker-0: And you also have lessons learned that usually applies as something went wrong first So but what does growth look like to you does that necessarily means you did something wrong?
speaker-1: Mm-hmm. ⁓ You know and I mean that's a good question because I think like the thought is is like ⁓ something went wrong But I was thinking about this and I think it's like it didn't go wrong. It actually went right right because I think it was like for me I'm getting freed From my nine to five, you know laid off aka free Push me into and catapulted me into the space that I'm in now allowing me to be able to focus the things that I want to truly focus on and and moving in the purpose and path that God wants me on right and so Even though at the time that sucked When it was right because it was what I needed to put me where I needed to be right So I think we go through a lot of things and at the time it seems like ⁓ this is going wrong when it's actually going right because this is Hopefully shifting you in a different direction and more in the direction of where you need to be versus where you are Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: Yeah, and I think sometimes it's, I mean, lessons learned, like something did go wrong, it can be positive as well because you learn like what not to do. I mean, especially like being a parent and looking at the way our parents did things and then you take some of that stuff, want to raise your kids with it. But it's also some of the things that they did that you're like, hell no, you're not doing that in my home. You're not doing that. You're not doing that in my home. You know, so it's It's all good. I mean, I think it's all good to take from it everything because it's happening the way it's supposed to happen. So now that you have your choice, which way you want to go, I mean, I think you're still going to end up in the same spot where you're supposed to be. It might take you longer, but you still.
speaker-1: Right. get there. You still don't get there. So like what is what does growth actually like mean to you? What does it actually look like to you?
speaker-0: means ⁓ doing something better than I did before or getting a different outcome that put me in a better position.
speaker-1: I
speaker-0: And what it looks like is something, sometimes something so small, you know, to be sitting down and having a conversation versus being very reactive and just like, lurking, you know, or just pausing and taking a deep breath and realizing like,
speaker-1: Mmm What would WW-
speaker-0: WJB. Because that's what I'm trying to do. you know, growth for me right now is really like looking like that. Pause, girl. Don't revert back to what you did before because it didn't work. So yeah, I mean, I guess growth does look different to different people. It definitely does.
speaker-1: Hey. Yeah And of course it also depends on what type of growth you're talking about right because they're different aspects of growth But I agree with you 100 % like ⁓ and my thought is in line with yours is like growth is is stepping out of who you are to become The person that you want to be right and then and that means doing things Different and looking for doing them different so you get a different outcome right so it's all in line. It's like not wanting to do the same things over and over over again because where has that gotten you especially if it's not gotten you to the place that you want to be right so it's like always like
speaker-0: Bye. And that's the key, where do want to be? What's the end state or end goal? And know, and taking a progressive progression to that.
speaker-1: Right. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely.
speaker-0: If you're not making moves forward, you stagnate.
speaker-1: Yeah, exactly. what is it? What is the saying like, stagnant? What is it stagnation or growth is or comfort? Comfort is like the death of growth or something like that. It's like it's essentially like when you get comfortable and you just stay stagnant, it's like you're you're slowly kind of like like metaphorically like killing yourself because it's like, are you doing to like, like be better? Like, what are you what are you doing to like? aspire to or whatever, know, it's just like, it's not a good place to be stagnant and just to be like in a state of comfort all the time.
speaker-0: Yeah, because then it starts getting uncomfortable. Yeah. Stay in any position, imagine laying on your pillow and going to sleep and you stayed in that same position for longer than, you know, however long time and it don't feel good no more.
speaker-1: Right. Right. So, we move. We gotta move. We gotta move.
speaker-0: So many people experience growth only after crisis and trauma or something negative. Can you pinpoint what the catalyst was for your growth journey? I know you kind of hit on it a little bit. Yeah.
speaker-1: in I that that was me getting free was a more recent thing. I think for the larger catalyst was, I would say probably, around when I turned 30. I was like, listen, I'm going through a 30 life crisis. That's what I used to I did life 30s because it was like, as soon as I hit 30, was like, man, things just started. really shifting for me and it was like I started questioning a lot of things that was going on like I wasn't I was like I'm not happy like is this really like everything like is this how it is is gonna be the rest of my life like for a bit you know um so was like I really started to question a lot of things around that time so I would say um that was kind of like the the bigger kind of catalyst of change that started to occur.
speaker-0: you just wake up like that like no it was like it was
speaker-1: Like literally like honestly it was a lot of ⁓ a lot of deaths a lot of death was happening around me like my my grandmother passed that year it was crazy because it was like I ⁓ I got married that year I turned 30 that year so it was like literally like those great things but then I also I mean complete complete transparency like I got a dy that year I ⁓ I had like my grandmother pass, my dog pass, well is that my grandmother's girl?
speaker-0: my uncle like two of my uncles passed. That's enough of
speaker-1: it was just like meh ⁓
speaker-0: Love it!
speaker-1: It was like, it was a lot and I think it was kind of like a wake up moment a little bit. Like, I'm alive and life is great and all these things. mean, like life is seemingly good. There's a lot of shit going on and I just really need to kind of reevaluate some things. And then it just kind of like, you know, like a snowball effect from there.
speaker-0: Yeah, I think it's funny how you point out the age 30 because I think it's like Those kind of milestone birthdays and what you expect are supposed to this time Yeah, so usually like around like 20 everybody starting to graduate from college and stuff and you're trying to figure out you're gonna do and then like 30 is like when you kind of say, okay, well I'm gonna get married and have children or whatever have you. Cause I absolutely was the same way like wrote it down in the book. You know, I want to have more kids and all that at 30 want to buy a house and all of the things happened at that age. So it was really like, okay, what's next? And then, so while all of those things are happening through the ages of 30, you know, Then we get to the 40s and it's like, okay, well, what's next? How are we going to step this up a little bit more? And it's like, you're always trying to achieve something more and more and
speaker-1: more more. ⁓
speaker-0: So as we're always evolving and always growing there will be a point that when it's it's time to settle down But what does that look like and when does that happen? I mean
speaker-1: Right, right. Well see, that's an interesting question because it's like, I do think we get to a point where we like settle down. But I think that still even within that you're still growing, right? Like I feel like definitely of course, know, when you in your 20s you look at 40 something years old, we look back and we're like.
speaker-0: years.
speaker-1: Definitely I'm not the same person I was when I was in my 20s or my 30s and when I was in my 30s I'm not the same person I was in my 20s and I think that that shift continues to happen even as we get older. I think it just is not as major. Right? Like I think the shifts and the growth and the changes are just not as major as you get older but they're still.
speaker-0: Yeah, the growth moment, it can be as small as like, look, I'm going to exercise and get off of this insulin. You know how it can be just like, yeah, yeah. Like I'm going spend more time with my grandkids or whatever. So yeah, I think, I mean, we always keep growing, but the growth is a different kind of growth.
speaker-1: are different. Right, right. Yeah, absolutely. Mm-hmm. Absolutely So what would you say is probably like? the your biggest lesson um Not even like your biggest lesson, but like um You know a lesson that has resonated with you like that's kind of like set like I guess taking up more and more space in your spirit
speaker-0: And you're or a It's one of those things that I, you know, when I do therapy and stuff, it's like, what would you tell
speaker-1: ⁓ your younger spell? Mm-hmm. ⁓
speaker-0: is that you don't have society puts a lot on us you know about like okay when you're 20 you know this is where you should be when you're 30 this is where you should be even knowing like when you're in you know middle school what high school you're going to go to and then what college it's like it's so much pressure to get there or to know everything in advance you know now i would say like just relax
speaker-1: I didn't. too. Hi shit. No,
speaker-0: Just relax and roll with it. Because like I said, at the end of the day, where you're supposed to be, you're going to get there. ⁓ But you're not supposed to know everything in advance of it happening. I mean, I guess be a good student, do what you're supposed to do, be a nice person, eat the right foods. Just chill and relax a little bit like that's for me is what I'm really learning right now it's like I've always tried to be a good girl and do the right things and That's a lot That's a lot of pressure, know, I'm being the oldest child, you know, you want to leave, know make a path for your siblings and You know, it's like, okay, well, why is all that responsibility on mine? I'm like, okay, chill, relax,
speaker-1: True. Breathe. ⁓ That part. Breathe. part. And it will. Always will. ⁓ I would say the biggest problem with that for me is ⁓ the pivot is real. Pivoting. Having to pivot. I think that when we're younger, I think throughout life we always have to pivot.
speaker-0: Yeah. It's gonna be alright. That's a pivot, what do mean?
speaker-1: Like adjust and move different right so it's like ⁓ for me my pivot was one of the pivots bigger pivots more recently of course was ⁓ when i got laid off it was all right man what what do i do now because i've always for one i've had a job since i was 13 i stay i stay with money in my pocket
speaker-0: Are you tired of balls? I'm tired. I'm of balls. Stay with what in my pocket.
speaker-1: But yeah, like ⁓ so Going from having a job for that long to not having a job was like, ⁓ shit like this is a very weird feeling ⁓
speaker-0: Right, and you're a hustler. Like, hustle. Like, you got a nine to five, but you also got like, 15. 15 other nine to ten.
speaker-1: You make a good point though it was like You know, got free from my nine to five and I still had other my businesses But then even with that it was like, okay Like how do I want to move with these? Like how is this is are these where I really want to focus my time and my energy towards is this where I like see myself I'm surely building and ⁓ it wasn't like that's not where God was leading me. God was like I want you to do this. ⁓ So that was kind of like the bigger pivot. But again, I think we always pivot throughout life. It's like, okay, like if you, when you graduate from college or high school, it's like your pivot is to go into college. And if you graduate or you leave college before you graduate, it's like figuring that out, finding a job. you, when you get got to a point in early in your career, you were like, okay, I want to make more money or whatever. It's like, Okay, do I stay on this path? how do I? So I think we make minor pivots throughout life. think again, once you get older though, ⁓ I think the, ⁓ how can I say, the impact of those pivots are bigger because now you have a family. Now you have a mortgage. You got bills, real bills that you got that need to be paid, right? So it's like,
speaker-0: text.
speaker-1: Now I can't just ⁓ make these small decisions. These are not small decisions that need to be made. And it's like also making sure that you have the support system and everything else to be able to move the way you need to move. So it's like ⁓ the pivot is very real. ⁓ But it is one of those things that's necessary in order for growth, I feel.
speaker-0: Yeah, what I love for you is that you were able to have the opportunity to have time to figure out what your next move was going to be, how you were going to pivot because I know sometimes out of desperation a lot of people do a lot of things that they wouldn't necessarily choose because why I got to replace this check now. Like I don't have time to like
speaker-1: ⁓
speaker-0: figure out my next move. Like I literally just got to jump into something to something. And I'm very happy for you. You know, I'm grateful that you were able to have that time and that it seems like everything is working out well for you. Thank you. So working from you was 13, like you put in that work.
speaker-1: happens right yeah I'm And that was one of the things it was like I had to tell myself like And that was kind of a broke moment too. It was like Afterwards, it was like thinking about soon as I got laid off. It's like, okay, like thinking about what's next? what do I need to do? ⁓ to make sure I you know have some income and all these other things and thankfully of course supported my amazing husband, but then also ⁓ You know, we'll get into these things later financial things right is like making financial decisions To better set yourself up For the future right and it's like, know, I had some of those things that I could fall back on but it's also one of those words just like Yeah, like I was like I still was like, okay I need to find the next thing and it was very hard for me to sit back and be like Taking your break. So it was like weird to be like, you know what? No, like chill Like you say, relax. Like, it'll happen, it was like, was very, it was a new space for me to be in because I had never been in that space. So it was like, I'm always like, need to go, need the next thing versus like, no, sit your ass down. Sit your down for a second, okay? Which is what I needed.
speaker-0: slow yeah Bye! is that you've been doing a lot of posting on your social media stuff every morning like affirmation you know hyping me up but I don't know if that you post so it can hype you up but what are the things that you do to reinforce your positive
speaker-1: Music. Outlook on your rolling moment, right? There was those affirmations like I tell people all the time is like the stuff I'm Happy that it helps other people but a lot of the I posted is like for myself is like real talk to myself like right notes itself like this is For you like this is what I need to do. This is what what? Affirms me and keeps me going and motivates me and so I posted in hopes of it helping other people
speaker-0: our post.
speaker-1: but it's definitely for me. And then meditation, ⁓ lot of meditation and prayer keeps me going. ⁓ I try to do it every morning to get my day started. ⁓ Cause I be up early sometimes. But ⁓ yeah, mean, it's having that time to calm my nervous system, calm my mind and my body and my spirit and reconnect.
speaker-0: You see.
speaker-1: ⁓ with God and myself to know,
speaker-0: Yeah, because I know sometimes we're all guilty of like just getting up and watching to the day or reaching over for your cell phone and checking your news, which is social. If you like me, I don't watch the news. If social media is talking
speaker-1: media yeah but ⁓
speaker-0: But yeah, like for me too, like this year being intentional, I decided that I was going to get up earlier in the morning. Cause when I try to figure out my day, like, you know, it's so crazy once it gets to rolling. So, you know, I try to make my bedtime definitely 10 o'clock. You know, I would like to go to bed earlier, but it's usually no way. Cause by the time somebody get home from practice and we eating and all that is not 30. So
speaker-1: So, ⁓
speaker-0: Yeah, waking up early in the morning and praying and just talking to God like I'm talking to you has been very important for me to start to get my day moving. Like my perspective has changed on some things. It just puts me in a different mindset rather than just go, go, go, go, go.
speaker-1: stretching Helpful out Yeah, yeah, and I think sometimes like that's reason why it's good to take that time in the morning to like Prepare yourself for the day because it's like if you just like start jumping into it It's like I think that's why we end up having like bad days or things stress us out a little bit more than they should and all of this other stuff because it's like we just haven't even taken our and we haven't even taken the time for ourselves to like collect ourselves our thoughts ⁓ and to speak you know, speak life into ourselves in the morning, right? Like, cause that's like, that's so necessary. Like it's so needed and necessary. ⁓ and I know for me, at least it helps me get through a lot of things, ⁓ throughout my day and a lot of just situations in general. So now with you, like, I know with growth and you speak about therapy, like, is that one of the things that you've incorporated into your, your life that has helped you? like through this entire growth process as well.
speaker-0: I've been going to therapy for a couple of years. I started out, shoot, probably two days a week like I was in a complete mess. But now I go once a week and just having that sounding board or that person that just kind of sees me, like I can be totally transparent with her. tell her my deepest, darkest secrets. And for me, I think that's what therapy is all about. ⁓ Because she helps me see perspective and make different kinds of connections. Like, I wish she was my homegirl. Like, I want to be with her all the time. Like, she's my best friend and I don't even know nothing about her for real because she doesn't ever really talk about her stuff. Like, so I feel guilty sometimes. I just be rambling and then she'll say, well good.
speaker-1: And...
speaker-0: ⁓ I feel like you know even though I girlfriends and different stuff and a village to talk to like she was actually the one like yeah, go down You know cuz some we're all guilty of that like being like ⁓ They got a lot going on in their life or they got business or whatever and so you don't want to dump on them
speaker-1: My.
speaker-0: But I honestly feel like when a person comes to me and asks to talk or confide in me, I feel grateful that they chose me, that they respect me or love me that much. They actually like wanted to, needing me in that moment. So I'm grateful for those opportunities. I just, my prayer is that everybody is grateful.
speaker-1: that they chose.
speaker-0: When I come to them too, you know, I mean at the end of the day if you want I'm sorry I don't think I'm the most immediate person but Yeah, need you and I'm afraid to say I used to try to keep it to myself but baby like I'm spilling y'all
speaker-1: That don't work, but then I think that's also a thing right is like when you come to somebody you like when you especially when you don't really go to people and you come is like listen I'm listen I'm coming because I need I need to be here right now so
speaker-0: Yeah, you're right. All right But I'd also realize and that people have their own stuff that they're going through so like if you don't have the capacity I can respect that because there I do feel like there's times where people have come to me and I didn't have a capacity either and I took it on and and My unhealthy self took it on and then their problem felt like it was my problem. I want to solve it
speaker-1: A And...
speaker-0: Baby, you have to put your word of wisdom. But sometimes, you know, we be like, I don't want to hear that. Like, don't say nothing. Just listen to me. Let me get it of my chest. You don't got to solve it. You ain't got to tell me what to do. Just let me be. Right. And then hug me and pick me up, you know, give me some tissue in my mess. But yeah, that's that's a really big for me in terms of growth is just actually trusting people enough.
speaker-1: Right. You
speaker-0: to be able to
speaker-1: You know.
speaker-0: ask for help or just you know let them know that I need them.
speaker-1: saw the point that you made though too about capacity. Because there's growth in understanding that you can't always have and you're not always at your capacity to be able to take on other people's issues and what they're going through. And they're not like, never, right? It's not like you're going through something and why are you going through that? I ain't got no capacity. It's just one of those things where, okay, today I just don't have the capacity to. you know, listen and be there for you the way you leave me. But you just give me like tomorrow or the next day and you know, let me get my let me get my shit together. Yeah. And then I can be there for you. need to be. think that and that's the important part is like is that it's not that I don't want to be there for you. It's just that I can't be there for you the way you. Right. Right. And so if I can't do that, then it's kind of like hurting both of us, you know, because it's like
speaker-0: to be way because Meet me
speaker-1: I can't give you what you need and then I walk away feeling even more depleted than I was to begin with. And like, where does that leave us, right? So it's like understanding and having people in your circle who are understanding of what that capacity looks like.
speaker-0: And then also like we have to do a better job of talking and setting boundaries. Not just setting boundaries in terms of like somebody breaks your boundary then you tell them you broke the boundary but setting it up in advance like letting people know yeah yeah like you know I go through a lot of my own home so you know I want to be here for you but right now I'm going through a season and so it kind of sets them up like to know
speaker-1: Yeah. I know you don't want no that's perfect that is perfect. He's like hey I'm going through a lot right now myself so it's like you're going through a lot too we can't both be pulling ourselves down into it was it the the the was it called the dirt dirt spot not dirt spot the
speaker-0: The sunken place. Sunken place. We both. Okay, we pulling each other down into the second.
speaker-1: Wee, wee,
speaker-0: Yeah, we want that.
speaker-1: be falling in that drink again. So yeah, no, we need somebody who's not. ⁓
speaker-0: And I can't swim so... We drowning. ⁓ We drowning. I think I can swim a little bit, we drowning. It's enough to get myself...
speaker-1: Right. to the age. can't be. I'm sorry. can't be somebody else right now. I'm sorry. That is the important thing for sure. So if it is one word that you can use to describe your growth journey or where you are in your growth journey, what would that one word be?
speaker-0: It's there! Yeah, I'm in the doing phase. Yeah, it's time to stand on business. Like, I've been, I feel like my life has been kind of going in a circle of learning lessons, but not. Yeah, and so I keep ending up in the same space, so this year I'm leaning so that I can do whatever you want me to do. So, this is my year of due.
speaker-1: I don't wait Mm-hmm. You got addicted. great word. My word is obedience. And it kind of falls in line with your due because it is being obedient to ⁓ do the things that I need to do and move the way that he wants me to move ⁓ so I can reap all of the blessings and everything that is in store.
speaker-0: Is that your pandix? It's pandix.
speaker-1: It's not like it's not on some very basic level shit sometimes it's like but But it's understanding that it's all for the greater good of you Right. It's like this is alright. This is this is pushing me This is not comfortable and nor should it be because growth is is Going to require you to be uncomfortable ⁓
speaker-0: You Yeah.
speaker-1: but understanding that the end result is so much better. Yes. That's I'm looking forward to.
speaker-0: me up to promise. keep trying. We fall down but we get up That is the thing. That's the thing. Look we don't own the rights to any of these songs. No. But we know them. ⁓
speaker-1: That is hilarious. Oh my goodness. So aside from like, and I think we kind of touched on it earlier a little bit. It's like, you you have your therapy, you have your, you know, routine of like getting up in the early in the morning and stuff like that. Are there any other things? And I think you kind of hit on a me talking about boundaries, but are there specific boundaries or other things that you do to protect your energy as you're going through this? this process.
speaker-0: Yeah, I open up my mouth when I talk a lot, I'm very guilty of holding everything inside. know, thinking like you're not nagging or thinking that you're not arguing. Whatever have you. But that's not benefiting anybody. Neither party, you know. ⁓ In a relationship, in your friendship, you know.
speaker-1: ⁓ there Good morning. ⁓ shit.
speaker-0: Yeah, ⁓ you have to you have to express like how you feel you know, what they did, how they made me feel, and know, try to grow from there instead of, you know, just holding on to the side of them being angry and bitter. And that person didn't even get an opportunity to try to fix it or an opportunity to try to explain what it is happening from their perspective. I mean, because, know, we all grow up different. We all have different experiences. It is very much up to us to understand that everybody is different.
speaker-1: And... and bright bright
speaker-0: At the end of the day, everybody's different. We have to understand those differences and to decide, can we live with them or not? So I'm doing a lot more of, you know, just more expressive without animation because I was, I was looking at the couples therapy and you know, sometimes, ⁓
speaker-1: and Hola. that ⁓
speaker-0: I like to think that if I'm loud or if I'm arguing or if I'm upset it's because I'm passionate. feel very strong with you about it. But are we going to get what we want by approaching it that way? And I think sometimes we got to get smart about that. Like we approach a lot of different things that way like in order to get a discount or in order to get a promotion. Like we take the time.
speaker-1: Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: to like sugarcoat our message or to make sure our message is gonna be received. But we also have to use that same skill set when dealing with people closer to us. Most definitely, I know ⁓ there is gonna be a little bit of passion. There is gonna be more because it's heart. It's your heart. It's really deeper than, ⁓
speaker-1: Yeah.
speaker-0: that my supervisor don't see me like, ⁓ well. I'm going home at four o'clock. ain't got to. Okay. But you know, so it's deeper than that. So we got to figure out a way that we can communicate in order to be able to get the outcomes that we're looking for.
speaker-1: Right. Now that is 1000 % effect. And I know, I mean, like just to kind of piggyback on that, I'm using my voice a lot more as well. But I think also to your point, the thing of being, and we spoke about this being intentional with how we speak and what we say and stuff like that, and making sure our message is received the way we need it to be received. I remember like, my husband is a very chill laid back kind of dude which is where I've kind of grown to be more of but like when I first met him in my 2020s I was not that and I'm very like like
speaker-0: speak out my hands and so you know when the anger the the frustration and
speaker-1: Good job, everybody. like, he's in the voice and he's like, hey, I need you to can you bring it down a little bit because I don't want to go here and you so just bring it down.
speaker-0: I'ma let that piss you off though. Girl!
speaker-1: Girl, I'm telling you in the beginning it was like, well, I don't feel like I can be who I am. I got to it down and boom, boom. Realizing is not about that. It's like, it's about being able to relay the message in the way for the person to be able to receive it.
speaker-0: You I have. But then real So that you can get what you want so that I can get what I
speaker-1: I'm wanting what I need out of the conversation because if I'm sitting here, you know, like voice raise, all the things like hands moving and stuff like that, the only thing you're responding to and reacting to is my actions and the way that I'm saying it versus what I'm actually saying. So it's like, yeah, you definitely got to take a step back and be like, okay, is this working? Because if it ain't, then we need to adjust, right?
speaker-0: You
speaker-1: ⁓ they also the other thing, ⁓ in addition to speaking my mind a little bit more and using my voice is also definitely setting boundaries, ⁓ for myself and doing my best to stick to them. Yeah, because it can be difficult. can be difficult, but I think one of the things that is helping me is kind of.
speaker-0: But I was... Yeah.
speaker-1: as I go through situations is taking a step back and analyzing them and thinking about them and reassessing. And it's like, okay, ⁓ how did I handle that? Could I have done this differently? ⁓ How did that work? And then just kind of like keeping track of that so I know, okay, note to self next time this happens, I need to respond this way. Because I think that's the part for me sometimes is like when I get thrown into a situation, I'm not. as quick on the feet when it comes to responding. Like I need to take a second. I need to like step back. And that's the reason why a lot of times I think for a long time I didn't speak on things when they bothered me because it was like, need to think and I don't want to and I know this might sound bad, but it's like, I don't want to have to come back and apologize for anything that I say.
speaker-0: think that that's wise. I think that's wise. ⁓ But what I will say is sometimes we try to control the outcomes so we overthink like, ⁓ well if I say this then they're gonna react this way and if I do this then they're gonna do that.
speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
speaker-0: ⁓ Yes, they might not even I do it to myself all the time and that's not even worse thing or I knew you was gonna do anything
speaker-1: Mm-hmm, bro. Right, let it go. Right, right.
speaker-0: It's gonna be what it's gonna be and you're have to deal with that when it happens. Yeah, but You know you do your part, you know, and then you gotta realize like okay, well And they will be that way they will be that way. I can't control them or their response Right deal with it, right?
speaker-1: Absolutely. I don't. You.
speaker-0: Sometimes you just move on. That's growth too. That's growth too. You ain't gotta stay there. You comfortable. You don't wanna be there. don't want you.
speaker-1: No, sir. You ain't. Where you. FAAAAY
speaker-0: Hit the road, And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit the road, Jack.
speaker-1: feel like we're going to have to put like a disclaimer just like at the top.
speaker-0: Yeah, cause... We don't got the rights to that song neither!
speaker-1: But it's like if you appreciate me busting out in the middle of song while we having conversations like me you can't be friends. Yeah
speaker-0: That's just what it is. Real that? big Birkin bag, hold 5-6 bigas. That's what I did. It's just relations. It's relates. got a lot.
speaker-1: So, as you've talking about, growth requires you to step out of your comfort zone. What is one of the most uncomfortable things that you're doing right now on purpose?
speaker-0: As walking away from relationships that... Now it's hard. It's a grieving... ⁓ it's a grieving process. It's a big change. Way.
speaker-1: Don't start. Ooooo!
speaker-0: It's time. Is this time?
speaker-1: self-preservation. it's again uncomfortable.
speaker-0: Yeah, sometimes we made choices that wasn't the right choice. Sometimes we do things for reasons that, you know, we wasn't right when we made those choices. You live with them, you try to live with them, but that's not my story. And I know this ain't the purpose feel like, that's for me. Just staying sad.
speaker-1: Staying. Staying. So like when you think about it, it's like we talk about we're in our 40s. When you stay in a situation or in relationship or friendship or whatever, that's like you talking about like for the rest?
speaker-0: supposed to be like unhappy happy and it's not even just unhappy it's just about like uncomfortable you know not at rest not at peace can't like the the walls feel so tight it's just like it's not healthy it's not healthy like forget happy it's not healthy when your medicine cabinet is full of prescription meds because you got all kind of ailments it's not healthy
speaker-1: I'm happy in this unhappiness. F at peace. ⁓ Nah.
speaker-0: That wasn't for you. That wasn't for you and it's okay. And if it is for you, it will be for you. So, but you still gotta go through the process.
speaker-1: That is Yeah, and it shouldn't require it. it's for you, it ain't gonna require prescription meds to deal with it. Let's say that. Let's say that. And it's one of those things, like there's a book that is called, and I forget who the author is, but it's like, ⁓ The Body Tells, I think it's The Body Tells It All, The Body Tells Your Story, right? It's like all of these things that we put ourselves through, ⁓ we don't really realize.
speaker-0: Say
speaker-1: how much effect it has on our body. It's not just our mental and everything else, it's our physical. Your body is physically holding on to this trauma and you don't recognize it until, one, you remove yourself from the situation. And then two, you get a really good stretch.
speaker-0: You get a really good patch and you get...
speaker-1: I wow. Yeah, I was tight. was cool. So all of this and our bodies like it's just the way our bodies are designed. So it's like keep that in mind. It's not just a mental thing. It's a spiritual thing too. It's like a physical. Your body takes on all of that trauma. yeah.
speaker-0: I high. And I know for me, like the way I grew up, my mother told me like, you ain't gotta look like what you going through. So literally, probably y'all, when I'm the most dressed up, ⁓ when I'm real bad, it's probably because my life is in shambles, girl.
speaker-1: Mmmmm She got her at three. ⁓
speaker-0: I got on the upstool in the boot, I got heels on, like lip-popping on the Life is life, it's really really hard, okay, because I'm gonna stand on that. When you see me in my comfortable fits and stuff, it's probably more because I'm chilled, I'm relaxed, and I'm good, you know, but yeah, I'm trying to cover up a lot with that looking good on
speaker-1: I'm on this. Yeah, yeah, and that makes sense and I think we all do that right it's like we
speaker-0: Nah, some people be looking you. ⁓ No, they ain't. Nah, we ain't gonna hear like you guys are doing something.
speaker-1: Like, no. ⁓ but no like I think
speaker-0: You know, I can't lose no weight with that like the one thing I could be sick. I could be tired. I could be fit No way, but see that's the thing is your body because your quarter
speaker-1: He is like, what the this song?
speaker-0: And I know like because mom the same way like you think that
speaker-1: Oh, I can lose this weight because I'm stressed and I ain't able to eat and stuff like that But your body is in survival mode your body is like, yeah No, we don't have to hold on to everything right now because we don't we don't know like how this is going to go So it's like keep that in mind like again your body holds on to it all and knows it all so
speaker-0: Yeah, literally when you said that survival mode, I was actually talking to a girlfriend the other day and I told her, because my therapist busted me in the head with it, like you have to redefine strength, know? Because sometimes you're just surviving and you say like, oh, you know, I'm tired of being strong. You're not really being strong, you're surviving. And when we get out of that bowl, then we can better define what strength looks like, you know what I'm saying? It's a big difference But we've always been ⁓ I'm a strong black woman or I hold the weight of the world on my shoulders You making it But you ain't strong
speaker-1: ⁓ that's That- Right. I mean, like that's, I've never heard that and that's so perfect. Like it describes it so perfect. Cause we do feel like because we're doing so much, because we're trying to keep everything together and doing all this stuff is we're being strong. it's like, no, no, no, you're in survival mode at this point.
speaker-0: Yeah, the strength part comes from removing yourself from that situation. You know, doing the things. That's where the strength part is. You know what I'm saying? That's the strength. That's telling your family like, look, I'm not going to be the only one doing all the dishes and cleaning the house. Like, y'all kids gonna get chores. This man gonna, y'all, all of y'all can work just as hard as me. Yeah. I'm gonna drop this, you know, backpack off. We gonna share this struggle. So. Yeah, like that's the strength part.
speaker-1: that man mmm speak on it words mic drop gems
speaker-0: Bye! Therapy, okay? It works.
speaker-1: Yes, I will say, and we talked about this before, ⁓ the podcast, doing this podcast is definitely ⁓ something way out of my comfort zone. Like as it was, as it is for both of us, like way out of our comfort zone. But again, we're led by purpose, led by passion and purpose. It's like it's helping us both grow, it's helping us deal with things and grow through things, right? And so I'm super grateful, but it is definitely very much something doing on purpose that has me way, way out of my comfort zone.
speaker-0: And it's also helping us be accountable Because what I've noticed about the both of us the things that we're saying to you guys like Yeah, we we talking this is what we like really girlfriend talk But like we can't just say it and not do it right, you know, right and so it has been very eye-opening and Very therapeutic for me, you very like therapeutic for me ⁓
speaker-1: Hmm Yeah
speaker-0: This wasn't like the first podcast that I was introduced to, but I knew I wasn't ready. Like I'm not a talker, like, ⁓ I can talk. yeah. You know, I can talk shit, like, I can talk. But like this kind of stuff like this right here, this is like very different for me. Like I just get very uncomfortable. ⁓ You know, I can give. a talk at work, speaking on something because I'm an expert. That just rolls off my tongue very easily. But these kind of intimate conversations with people I don't know, I don't know. I feel like I would be judged. Why you look like that? Why your hair like that? your... All those things because social media, people be so nasty in them comments.
speaker-1: So
speaker-0: You would never say that stuff that people face you wouldn't ever ⁓ You Twitter finger happy going in like they would never say nothing that's the people face and that's why they'd be the main ones with they Profile pictures not a picture them because they fake me they scared they pump. I'm gonna care because guess what was social media blah We gotta hear that we're dealing with that
speaker-1: No. Delete it! Right, but then and that's more about them All about them. Yes, you right. It has nothing to do with you is all about their issues and their their insecurities and everything like that
speaker-0: That's all. Maybe we need to grow a little bit because that is engagement. Maybe we should just to let them move. We should just go back and forth. We should just go back and forth. We can back and forth. I pray for you. I love you. Just keep pissing them off so they keep going, going, going, going.
speaker-1: catch you on the day. I got time. Let's go. Let's go.
speaker-0: Maybe I need to blow off some steam. Nah, but so far so good. Y'all been great.
speaker-1: Right. Absolutely, absolutely. We love you guys. ⁓ has there been any barriers ⁓ that you've had to go through or things that have been difficult for you to kind of like let go and release ⁓ throughout this process? Or what is something that you had to let go and release to really kind of, ⁓ you know, ⁓ progress?
speaker-0: fear fear is the mind killer fear fear fear fear it it's like ⁓ you know what's gonna happen like it's controlled you know that's why i'm leaving
speaker-1: Mmmmm It is. home. That was a one.
speaker-0: I'm leaning in. All the way. All the way. I'm leaning so far we're about to fall over. Yeah, because...
speaker-1: Absolutely, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, fear, fear will have a chokehold on all of us. It has a chokehold on ⁓ many of us. And so you, you know, you learn to push through and even then it's still kind of. ⁓
speaker-0: which I think is Yeah, because it can't like I was watching the show on TV and the contestants have to go on air and audition They were like, well, I knew I could sing, you know, people have been telling me to sing but I've never sang in front of anybody. And they end up getting golden tickets. The main ones who get here just nervous sitting on their gifts. And then when they finally step out of fear, or everybody told me that I was too skinny, or I was too fat, or whatever have you. And they sat on their talents and their dreams, it's taking it, it's delayed their process. Yeah.
speaker-1: Right, yes. Absolutely. Because it'll make you not do the thing that you need to do or what you're supposed to do. Yeah, I was just about to say it, not moving your ass out of fear. I follow, and I cannot think of her last name, Priscilla. Yeah. Yes. And she had a talk one time and this just stuck with me and she was just like,
speaker-0: Yeah, what's purposeful? purpose. Re-shadow.
speaker-1: Especially when God is directing you to move in a certain way. It's like She said his will will be done regardless It's just a matter of whether you will be a part of that. ⁓ It's just a matter of whether you will be a part of it when it happens. And it's like, yeesh, she dumped on me. And she f***ed by herself because when it came to her doing her first movie and stuff like that, she was like, I'm not an actress and all these other things. And the fear got in her to make her not want to do it. ⁓ But yeah, it's like, no. You cannot allow it to...
speaker-0: You talking about
speaker-1: cripple us into not doing the things that we're supposed to be doing and not moving in the purpose, purposeful way that we're supposed to be moving in. So.
speaker-0: Yeah, cuz my sister bust me in my head with that word. I didn't get it in spirit of fit she want. Bam! Pick up a scripture. Bam! Pick up a scripture. Bam bam bam! Girl, I be like, okay! got me! Okay. I'm saying okay! Okay. Get it up, get it up. Girl, I love her for that. Like, ⁓ that's my girl. Thank you, thank you. She been supporting me.
speaker-1: QUICK! Baby, yes, cuz you need it you need you like specifically Yeah, absolutely and I will say along with the fear is for me is like people pleasing I had to let that go
speaker-0: Ha ha! Yeah, but I'll I'm glad because I was on you.
speaker-1: And you were and I so appreciate you for that ⁓ because it was a lot. I was doing too much, doing the most and it was putting a strain on me and my mental and my spiritual and everything else.
speaker-0: T calendar was packed. I mean like girl how do you manage to be there for everybody like how do you do like event after event after work after church after you showed up. ⁓ Everybody loves you for it though. Everybody loves you for it but we also are in agreement with yeah baby because like
speaker-1: Ha! All that I've been through. Okay.
speaker-0: But we always invite you like we don't write you here, right? But need you as a support, but we ain't
speaker-1: Right. It took me a while to be okay with that. listen, I gotta put me first in as much as I wanna be there. I think that was the thing. was like being concerned that people didn't know how much I wanted to be there and how much I wanted to support and all of these things. But yeah, had to go. Cause it was wearing me down. Wearing me down.
speaker-0: Now we get it. You
speaker-1: So thank you for all your support. Yeah. I appreciate you so much. then lights.
speaker-0: Sit down see no say no tell him no You me to call him for you? ⁓ She can't make you okay We all need that sometimes like you know, we'd be scared to to do what we know we're supposed to do Let your people step in for you like yeah, you know, I've been going back and forth with the IRS and I'm right
speaker-1: I need that.
speaker-0: I got my documentation. I'm good, but the bureaucracy of the whole thing is so stupid. You know, it's so stupid. So I was like Auntie can you call for me? I have to go to work. have to do all these things. And it just drains me like I've literally sat on the phone for two hours, you know, and sometimes it's like yeah mom you got this. I know we grown and all that but we...
speaker-1: Hey, please, no, please.
speaker-0: I mean, you see how we get to talk about all of our gross moments. So we would love to hear from you all. ⁓ subscribing, just pay some attention, love on us a little bit. We love on you back. We do our best to try to respond to everybody. We appreciate you. Thanks for being here. Take care of yourself. Remember to breathe. Walk away and lean in ⁓
speaker-1: You need to don't be afraid to pivot move and adjust as you need to Start over as you need to it is okay And they don't use the force system. It's that people
speaker-0: Say what you need to Say no. Say no. Say what you need to say. Because what they say...
speaker-1: That was a whole statement in itself.
speaker-0: You gotta explain. No.
speaker-1: Period. Period. So, we love you, Dad.

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