# I’m Too Old For Bridesmaid Drama. It Found Me Anyway

An episode of [Unleashed](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1868862473), 26 Oct 2026, 36 min.

Audio: https://traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/3ea926be-9be7-482a-8ac3-a44f016e43d1/0dcc3a7a-affa-4f23-8243-b3b501742f5a/f0ab2768-ed6c-449c-85fe-b4e00185da97/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=61e25ede-2350-47ce-91f5-b3b50174346d

Sally was unprepared for an overseas mishap as a single parent. Annaliese steps in for Cath and shares how she’s entered the era of “having a fall” rather than simply falling over. Mary gave a friend some tough love, and it paid off, but it’s a risky move to pull. Plus, the extremely unscientific reasons we’re all getting injured in our sleep after 40 (Ginni was sorely needed for this one… or perhaps Dr Bruna Papandrea). And a listener whose sister left her out of the bridal party. The hosts’ advice? It involves a white dress. In your ears today: Mary Coustas, Sally Hepworth and Annaliese Todd, filling in for Cath Mahoney. Check out our Unleashed music playlist for some feel good throwbacks! The End Bits: Follow us on Instagram, DM us thoughts, feelings and questions @unleashed.show Love the show? Hit follow on Apple or Spotify — it helps other Gen X women find us. This show was produced and created by Mia Freedman Created and developed by Monique Bowley Executive Producer Grace Rouvray Senior Producer and Audio Editor Tina Matolov Social Media Producer Annaliese Todd Skip the 12-week waitlist. Subscribe to Mamamia today and you’ll automatically go in the draw to win a $5,000 B2C Furniture voucher to spend online or in-store on pieces available right now. Subscribe today. T&Cs apply. Did you know some of our shows are now in video on the Apple Podcast app? Make sure your phone is up to date and check it out here! Get access to Very Peri, Mamamia's exclusive perimenopause series, for just $59. 25 world-leading experts, over 20 on-demand sessions, available now. We’ve sorted through the noise so you don't have to. Go to veryperi.com.au and join me today. You hot? Same. Become a Mamamia subscriber and get an all-access pass to everything we make, including exclusive podcasts and early listening, subscriber-only articles, monthly giveaways and our home workout app, MOVE. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:08] Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mamma Mia podcast.
[0:19] Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to Unleashed, the podcast for Gen X
[0:22] Speaker 2: women who need a laugh.
[0:23] Speaker 3: If you've ever called a phone and had to speak
[0:27] Speaker 3: to your friend's parents before speaking to them, then you've
[0:30] Speaker 3: found your people.
[0:31] Speaker 4: So who's on the couch today?
[0:32] Speaker 3: Hi, I'm Mary Kustis.
[0:33] Speaker 1: I'm Sally Hepworth.
[0:35] Speaker 2: I'm Annalise Todd. You might have heard me on the
[0:37] Speaker 2: divorce episode of Unleashed. I'm still divorced and I am
[0:41] Speaker 2: filling in for Kath Mahoney.
[0:42] Speaker 4: He's not well.
[0:43] Speaker 1: Poor Kath.
[0:44] Speaker 2: Wherever you're listening, unclench your jaw, clench your pelvic floor
[0:47] Speaker 2: and get ready to unleash.
[0:49] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[0:50] Speaker 4: All right, let's go.
[0:51] Speaker 1: First up, quick game for you all. There is a
[0:55] Speaker 1: very specific kind of anxiety disorder that I experience and
[0:59] Speaker 1: I want to know if it's the same for you guys.
[1:01] Speaker 1: I think it's a Gen X, uh, kind of anxiety
[1:04] Speaker 1: and that is I've left the house and I am
[1:08] Speaker 1: about to drive out of the driveway or maybe I've
[1:10] Speaker 1: already left and my brain is ticking on what I
[1:14] Speaker 1: have left on at home. Is it the hair straightener?
[1:17] Speaker 1: Is it the oven? It's not in my house, by
[1:20] Speaker 1: the way. Uh, It is often for me the sage
[1:25] Speaker 1: that I've left burning or the candle that I may
[1:27] Speaker 1: or may not have lit that morning. I like to
[1:30] Speaker 1: sage things just to like get out of me. Every day? Well,
[1:33] Speaker 1: often before I start writing I'll do a little bit
[1:35] Speaker 1: of a sage or if like the kids have been
[1:37] Speaker 1: really annoying me, I just want to like sage all
[1:40] Speaker 1: that shit out of there. And sometimes it's so bad
[1:43] Speaker 1: that I have to go home and check. Other days
[1:45] Speaker 1: I just sort of wing it and see if, you know,
[1:48] Speaker 1: the house is still here. When I get back I've
[1:51] Speaker 1: got all the insurance. Is this just me or do
[1:54] Speaker 1: you guys have that?
[1:55] Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely for me it's the hair straightener. I leave
[1:57] Speaker 4: them on constantly. Do you?
[1:59] Speaker 1: Yeah. And do you get home and find that it's on?
[2:00] Speaker 3: Beeping, yeah.
[2:02] Speaker 1: So it's not just anxiety.
[2:02] Speaker 3: For me it's the gas.
[2:04] Speaker 1: Oh.
[2:04] Speaker 3: You know, the cooktop.
[2:05] Speaker 1: I never use it.
[2:06] Speaker 2: Oh.
[2:07] Speaker 1: Certainly not in the morning. I'd sometimes make two-minute noodles
[2:10] Speaker 1: of an afternoon.
[2:10] Speaker 3: There's not just the fire issue. I worry about the smell. Yeah.
[2:15] Speaker 3: I do think about, oh, my God, that, you know,
[2:17] Speaker 3: like is that going to do damage?
[2:19] Speaker 1: Have you left on the whole burner thing? Yes. Yeah.
[2:22] Speaker 1: My husband does too.
[2:23] Speaker 3: He's quite forgetful. Not all day but for a number
[2:25] Speaker 3: of hours.
[2:26] Speaker 4: Yeah, okay.
[2:26] Speaker 3: Perhaps overnight once. But that's another thing.
[2:29] Speaker 1: Wow. You wouldn't want to let out a big fart,
[2:31] Speaker 1: would you? No, the whole house is gone.
[2:33] Speaker 3: And that happens.
[2:34] Speaker 4: Well, speaking of ageing, I recently had a fall. Oh.
[2:38] Speaker 4: What do you mean?
[2:39] Speaker 5: How?
[2:39] Speaker 4: So the first thing everyone says was like, oh, my God,
[2:42] Speaker 4: were you wasted? No, I wasn't. Yeah. I wasn't. I'd
[2:45] Speaker 4: had a couple of drinks.
[2:47] Speaker 2: Yeah. And I was– Being so responsible at eight o'clock
[2:50] Speaker 2: at night, I'm going to go home, guys.
[2:52] Speaker 4: Yeah. It's time. And I got up.
[2:55] Speaker 1: Wait, are you wearing a heel?
[2:56] Speaker 4: No, sneakers.
[2:58] Speaker 1: And where were you?
[2:59] Speaker 4: I was out at a bar.
[3:00] Speaker 1: Okay.
[3:00] Speaker 2: Apparently, because it's quite fuzzy, but the coffee table was
[3:04] Speaker 2: too close. And so I lost my footing and I
[3:08] Speaker 2: fell back and split my head in the corner of
[3:11] Speaker 2: a wall.
[3:12] Speaker 4: And at first I was like in shock and I
[3:14] Speaker 4: was like, I think I'm just going to go home.
[3:16] Speaker 4: Was it bleeding? Well, I didn't know. And my friend
[3:19] Speaker 4: looked at my head. It was the back. And he said, oh, no,
[3:23] Speaker 4: we're going to the hospital. And I was like, no,
[3:25] Speaker 4: that's ridiculous.
[3:26] Speaker 2: And I put my hand on my head and I
[3:28] Speaker 2: looked at my hand and blood everywhere.
[3:30] Speaker 1: What time of day? 8 p.m.
[3:32] Speaker 4: At night.
[3:32] Speaker 1: So you had to go to emergency.
[3:34] Speaker 3: So he came with you. You went to emergency.
[3:36] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[3:36] Speaker 2: Beautiful friend sat with me. We had a great time.
[3:40] Speaker 2: The pain medication was sublime.
[3:43] Speaker 3: How long before you were seen to?
[3:45] Speaker 1: Yes.
[3:46] Speaker 4: Pretty quickly.
[3:47] Speaker 2: And it was funny because it was at the back
[3:49] Speaker 2: of my head, but they put this like Mr. Bump
[3:51] Speaker 2: giant bandage that like took up the entire of my head.
[3:55] Speaker 4: It looked so dramatic.
[3:56] Speaker 1: Did they have to cut? Because you've got beautiful hair.
[3:59] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[4:00] Speaker 1: No.
[4:01] Speaker 4: So luckily they stapled it closed.
[4:05] Speaker 1: Oh. Yeah.
[4:05] Speaker 3: What did that feel like? Or were you so numb
[4:08] Speaker 3: to the pain by then?
[4:09] Speaker 4: The local anaesthetic needle was not pleasant going into a skull.
[4:12] Speaker 3: Yes.
[4:14] Speaker 2: But I think I was just screaming because it's like
[4:17] Speaker 2: you can hear the staples going.
[4:19] Speaker 1: Does it look like a stapler like you'd see in the.
[4:21] Speaker 4: I don't recall.
[4:23] Speaker 3: It does seem very basic to staple a head together.
[4:26] Speaker 1: In this day and age where they can, you know.
[4:29] Speaker 3: Laser it or something.
[4:31] Speaker 4: No, but apparently like that healed up fine.
[4:34] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[4:34] Speaker 4: But it was the concussion.
[4:36] Speaker 2: And then not only the concussion, weeks later I've had
[4:39] Speaker 2: to go and see a physio.
[4:41] Speaker 4: I have whiplash.
[4:42] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[4:43] Speaker 1: And it's like at.
[4:45] Speaker 4: What point do we go from falling over to having
[4:48] Speaker 4: a fall?
[4:48] Speaker 3: Well, well, listen, the Greeks say. at the end of
[4:52] Speaker 3: the line when the train has reached its destination, you're
[4:55] Speaker 3: going to die of stupidity or strain. So they believe
[4:59] Speaker 3: you're either going to have a heart attack trying to
[5:01] Speaker 3: get one out on the dunny or you're going to
[5:04] Speaker 3: trip over and fall because of just a you know,
[5:07] Speaker 3: human clumsiness.
[5:08] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[5:09] Speaker 4: I will die of stupidity, 100%.
[5:10] Speaker 1: Stupidity seems like the better way to go.
[5:12] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[5:13] Speaker 1: It's interesting because I, both concussion and whiplash feel like
[5:17] Speaker 1: things that aren't true, don't you think? They just see
[5:19] Speaker 1: them on the movies.
[5:20] Speaker 3: They do.
[5:22] Speaker 1: And they exist as a device to, you know.
[5:25] Speaker 3: And they also feel like something an athlete would experience. Yes.
[5:29] Speaker 4: Thank you, yes. I'm very athletic.
[5:32] Speaker 1: And yet apparently the most common thing way that one
[5:36] Speaker 1: gets injured after the age of 40 is when they
[5:40] Speaker 1: are sleeping.
[5:41] Speaker 4: What?
[5:41] Speaker 3: Sleeping?
[5:42] Speaker 1: Yeah. Under the age of 40, it's through athletes, athleticism,
[5:46] Speaker 1: you know, some sort of sporting pursuit. And then after 40,
[5:49] Speaker 1: we injure ourselves most commonly in our sleep.
[5:51] Speaker 4: But how?
[5:52] Speaker 1: Example, how? Well, you sleep funny, you wake up with
[5:54] Speaker 1: a crooked neck.
[5:54] Speaker 4: Oh, yes, of course.
[5:56] Speaker 1: You hurt your ankle by getting out of bed funny
[5:59] Speaker 1: or having a fall in the night when you're getting
[6:01] Speaker 1: up to go to the toilet.
[6:02] Speaker 3: But they do say this. I read this the other day.
[6:04] Speaker 3: My dad had heart attacks from the age of 33
[6:06] Speaker 3: to 59. So, you know, my radar's up when it
[6:09] Speaker 3: comes to heart and any heart attack, you know, issues
[6:13] Speaker 3: or information. I'm very pro apparently dental hygiene. big link
[6:19] Speaker 3: to heart attacks.
[6:19] Speaker 1: Is it?
[6:20] Speaker 5: Yes.
[6:21] Speaker 3: Flossing, all of that stuff, because I suppose it gets
[6:24] Speaker 3: into your blood and it might affect your arteries and,
[6:26] Speaker 3: you know, like anything unhealthy in the mouth. Not penises.
[6:30] Speaker 3: Not penises, likely, according to men.
[6:32] Speaker 4: We all went there, though, immediately.
[6:34] Speaker 3: Didn't we?
[6:34] Speaker 5: Yes.
[6:35] Speaker 3: But the other thing is we get dehydrated when we sleep.
[6:38] Speaker 3: So they say a lot of people have heart attacks
[6:40] Speaker 3: as soon as they wake up. So it's good to
[6:42] Speaker 3: have a glass of water by your bed. Don't get
[6:45] Speaker 3: up in a hurry and have some water before you
[6:47] Speaker 3: get up. I mean, what are we doing while we sleep?
[6:50] Speaker 3: I thought we were just lying there still. But apparently
[6:53] Speaker 3: we're detoxing.
[6:54] Speaker 1: There's a lot of movement.
[6:55] Speaker 3: And dehydrating. But why?
[6:57] Speaker 1: My daughter asked me this on the weekend. Why is
[7:00] Speaker 1: dehydration so important? You know, we go on about it.
[7:03] Speaker 1: And I said, well, it's because... I don't know why.
[7:07] Speaker 1: Like why do we all make such a big deal?
[7:09] Speaker 3: Is it a load of bullshit? It's become the biggest
[7:11] Speaker 3: issue in the world, dehydration. I don't remember ever hearing
[7:14] Speaker 3: it when I was young.
[7:15] Speaker 1: We certainly didn't lug around these water bottles.
[7:18] Speaker 4: What does it do?
[7:19] Speaker 2: It would definitely link back to your issue of dying
[7:22] Speaker 2: of strain because if you're dehydrated, you're constipated and that's
[7:26] Speaker 2: how you die of the strain.
[7:27] Speaker 1: And you die taking a giant shit.
[7:28] Speaker 3: But you do get dizzy too.
[7:30] Speaker 4: So you can tell her that.
[7:31] Speaker 1: Okay. You might get really constipated and die taking a dump.
[7:37] Speaker 3: And we should say to the listeners here, we are
[7:40] Speaker 3: not in any way qualified medical practitioners, not in the least.
[7:45] Speaker 3: This is hearsay. These are feelings. These are Instagram posts
[7:49] Speaker 3: that we're working with information-wise.
[7:51] Speaker 1: A lot of feelings.
[7:52] Speaker 4: And if you do need medical advice, don't listen to us.
[7:55] Speaker 1: See your GP. It's a good idea. Guys, I recently
[7:59] Speaker 1: took my kids to Japan. which was a very big
[8:04] Speaker 1: bucket list item for me. In fact, it particularly went
[8:06] Speaker 1: back to when I got divorced and I wanted to
[8:12] Speaker 1: continue to have a good life and travel has always
[8:15] Speaker 1: been important to me. And so I said to my
[8:18] Speaker 1: kids about six months after I got divorced, I'm going
[8:21] Speaker 1: to take you all on an overseas holiday before Oscar
[8:24] Speaker 1: finishes school. So he's now in year 11. I wanted
[8:27] Speaker 1: to do it before year 12. I said, where do
[8:29] Speaker 1: you want to go? They all said Japan and we
[8:32] Speaker 1: just did it.
[8:33] Speaker 3: Sally, it seems like everyone wants to go to Japan.
[8:36] Speaker 4: Everyone's doing Japan.
[8:37] Speaker 3: Everyone goes to Japan. My husband and my daughter are
[8:39] Speaker 3: going next year. They're going on a dad-daughter trip.
[8:42] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[8:43] Speaker 3: I think the Japanese have really worked out how to
[8:46] Speaker 3: sort of keep youthful passions ignited.
[8:49] Speaker 1: They figured it out.
[8:50] Speaker 3: You know, through their fashion. through their animation and certainly
[8:54] Speaker 3: through their pet cafes.
[8:55] Speaker 1: Certainly through the pet. In fact, we made a visit there.
[8:58] Speaker 1: I mean, I'd been hoping for Paris just quietly, but
[9:01] Speaker 1: you know, the kids, they all agreed. There's three of them.
[9:03] Speaker 1: They're very different. They wanted to go to Japan. So
[9:06] Speaker 1: I was in. So finally we made it happen and
[9:09] Speaker 1: it was fantastic. It was everything I wanted and more.
[9:12] Speaker 1: It I'm going to say though, the behind the scenes bit,
[9:18] Speaker 1: there were a few low points. Great.
[9:20] Speaker 4: I'm here for those.
[9:21] Speaker 1: And they're always the best memories, I think. I'd probably
[9:25] Speaker 1: bring it down to three. The first one was when
[9:29] Speaker 1: we were at a sushi train and the kids saw who,
[9:33] Speaker 1: my kids, two of them are autistic and have very
[9:35] Speaker 1: particular food interests. And they saw fried chicken and they
[9:39] Speaker 1: were very excited. We ordered the fried chicken. It came,
[9:42] Speaker 1: we all took a bite of it and I got
[9:45] Speaker 1: a grizzly bit. And then I saw my son get
[9:48] Speaker 1: a grizzly bit. And then my daughter said, I've got
[9:51] Speaker 1: a grizzly bit. And then we looked at the menu
[9:54] Speaker 1: and we'd actually ordered the fried chicken cartilage.
[9:56] Speaker 3: Oh, specific. Specifically.
[9:58] Speaker 1: So it was just a bowl full of grizzly bits,
[10:00] Speaker 1: as my nine-year-old would say.
[10:02] Speaker 3: Did you continue on? Did you eat them?
[10:04] Speaker 2: No.
[10:05] Speaker 1: We'd ordered two bowls as well. That was a real
[10:07] Speaker 1: low point. The second one, which was not so much
[10:10] Speaker 1: a low point, but a funny moment, was we actually
[10:13] Speaker 1: ended up getting upgraded because my dad gave us his
[10:17] Speaker 1: points and we were upgraded to business class for one leg.
[10:20] Speaker 1: The great moment was when we were standing there and
[10:23] Speaker 1: everyone could go left or right, depending on which lane
[10:26] Speaker 1: they were in. And the person who'd been standing there,
[10:30] Speaker 1: not directing anyone, took one look at the likes of
[10:32] Speaker 1: us and directed us into the economy lane, to which
[10:36] Speaker 1: my children were like, uh-uh, we're going this way. Rightfully so.
[10:40] Speaker 1: We looked like a bunch of deros, but we got
[10:42] Speaker 1: to go the correct way. So that's the second memory
[10:44] Speaker 1: that the kids are bringing back. The third was the
[10:47] Speaker 1: happiest place on earth and that's Disneyland. We got the
[10:51] Speaker 1: tickets months in advance. I'd spend a lot of time
[10:53] Speaker 1: getting the fast passes.
[10:55] Speaker 2: Yes.
[10:56] Speaker 1: My nine-year-old really wanted to go. My older two liked
[10:59] Speaker 1: a lot of other things about Japan, but she wanted
[11:01] Speaker 1: to go to Disneyland. So I did all the effort.
[11:04] Speaker 1: I figured out that you had to get there at
[11:06] Speaker 1: 7 a.m., arrived at 7, and we had to wait
[11:09] Speaker 1: in the line for two and a half hours in
[11:11] Speaker 1: this line with everyone in Japan was already in the line.
[11:14] Speaker 1: I can't even tell you. It was baking hot. And
[11:19] Speaker 1: when we finally got inside, my two teenagers were having
[11:23] Speaker 1: sensory meltdowns, but my nine-year-old was having the time of
[11:27] Speaker 1: her life, right? It was the happiest place on earth.
[11:29] Speaker 1: She's seen the Disney princesses.
[11:30] Speaker 4: It's the target audience.
[11:32] Speaker 1: Yep. She's happy. So there came the moment about an
[11:36] Speaker 1: hour in where my teenagers were starting to melt down
[11:40] Speaker 1: and they were saying, we want to go home. And
[11:42] Speaker 1: this is the moment as a single parent with three kids,
[11:45] Speaker 1: an hour away from our hotel, I'm thinking, I don't
[11:49] Speaker 1: know how to handle this situation. And my son said
[11:52] Speaker 1: to me, can we just get an Uber home? He's
[11:55] Speaker 1: 17 and with his 14 year old sister. And I thought,
[11:59] Speaker 1: I don't know. Can you? Like, can I put my
[12:03] Speaker 1: kids in a– He's going to be an adult in
[12:05] Speaker 1: a year.
[12:06] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[12:06] Speaker 4: Like a grown-up.
[12:07] Speaker 1: And he looks like a grown-up. Like my 14-year-old looks
[12:10] Speaker 1: like a little girl. But I thought if they're together–
[12:12] Speaker 1: you know, you're just in your head doing the kind
[12:15] Speaker 1: of calculations of is this okay. And so eventually the
[12:20] Speaker 1: older two wanted to go and I said, all right.
[12:22] Speaker 1: So I handed over my one credit card that worked
[12:26] Speaker 1: in the country. I had my phone. And they left
[12:29] Speaker 1: and I watched them walk out of the building and
[12:32] Speaker 1: I thought, I'm never going to see those two children again,
[12:36] Speaker 1: but I've got this child here.
[12:37] Speaker 3: At least I've got one.
[12:37] Speaker 1: Yeah, at least I've got one left. I've kept one. Yeah.
[12:40] Speaker 1: So for the next hour, because their phones weren't working
[12:43] Speaker 1: over there, I'm waiting to hear, you know, whether they're
[12:46] Speaker 1: still alive. And I'm using my phone to try and
[12:48] Speaker 1: give this other, my only remaining child, you know, a
[12:51] Speaker 1: good time in Disneyland. Meanwhile, my phone is running. because
[12:55] Speaker 1: you've got to use the app for everything.
[12:58] Speaker 4: And you didn't have a portable charger.
[13:00] Speaker 1: No portable charger. No neck fan yet. That came later. Finally,
[13:05] Speaker 1: she got to the time where she was happy to leave.
[13:07] Speaker 3: What time was this?
[13:08] Speaker 4: How long had you been there?
[13:09] Speaker 1: So I think I had actually heard after an hour
[13:12] Speaker 1: and a half I got confirmation that my older two
[13:13] Speaker 1: children were alive.
[13:14] Speaker 3: Great, yeah.
[13:16] Speaker 1: And this is probably around 3.30 and Clementine was ready
[13:20] Speaker 1: to leave. So I looked at my phone and I've
[13:23] Speaker 1: got 2%. batteries left.
[13:26] Speaker 3: And you've got to pay for the Uber back.
[13:27] Speaker 1: I've got to order the Uber. I've got to pay
[13:29] Speaker 1: for the Uber. I've got to get out of Disneyland.
[13:31] Speaker 1: Like everything is in there. And I thought I'm not
[13:34] Speaker 1: going to make it. So I went to the window,
[13:36] Speaker 1: the ticket booth and I'm knocking and I said, have
[13:39] Speaker 1: you got a charger?
[13:41] Speaker 4: No, no, no.
[13:42] Speaker 1: Finally, an American man, he had one and we went
[13:46] Speaker 1: and found and he let me charge his phone and
[13:47] Speaker 1: found a plug and stood there and charged it to 10%.
[13:51] Speaker 1: And I managed to get home on that 10%.
[13:54] Speaker 4: Okay.
[13:54] Speaker 3: So what lessons have we learned?
[13:56] Speaker 1: I have to say that after all that, I've learned nothing.
[13:58] Speaker 1: I don't know how I could have prevented that situation.
[14:01] Speaker 4: I think the portable charger.
[14:02] Speaker 3: A portable charger, definitely.
[14:03] Speaker 1: Well, I had a portable charger with me on the trip,
[14:06] Speaker 1: but on that particular leg of it, I hadn't brought it.
[14:09] Speaker 3: I think with all your lanyards and all your other
[14:11] Speaker 3: bits and bobs, a portable charger could be good.
[14:14] Speaker 1: Charger on a lanyard. Fully charged charger on a lanyard.
[14:18] Speaker 1: That's what we're learning from this, folks.
[14:20] Speaker 2: Or.
[14:21] Speaker 1: have another competent adult with you when you go to Disneyland.
[14:24] Speaker 2: Yeah. I think the lesson here, the thing about overseas,
[14:28] Speaker 2: when you go to those really popular places, what has
[14:31] Speaker 2: ruined it is Instagram.
[14:34] Speaker 1: Yes.
[14:34] Speaker 2: Because everything is just chockers with selfie sticks everywhere. And,
[14:38] Speaker 2: you know, have you seen those like reels on Instagram
[14:41] Speaker 2: where the footage is like these beautiful, like Mykonos, Grecian vistas,
[14:46] Speaker 2: and then they pan around and there's 300 people with
[14:49] Speaker 2: their phones up and there's litter everywhere. It's like those
[14:52] Speaker 2: things that are beautiful and there's like a lot of
[14:54] Speaker 2: fakeness and people just want to capture everything.
[14:57] Speaker 4: But it kind of ruins it.
[14:58] Speaker 3: Yeah, it does.
[14:59] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[14:59] Speaker 3: I mean, I've been to Times Square many, many times
[15:02] Speaker 3: because I love going to the theatre in America. And
[15:04] Speaker 3: I used to go twice a year to watch shows
[15:07] Speaker 3: in New York. And I'm not a musical fan, but
[15:09] Speaker 3: I became one going to America. Culturally, it sort of
[15:12] Speaker 3: seemed to make sense to watch a musical. So I
[15:14] Speaker 3: remember going to Times Square to get tickets because you
[15:16] Speaker 3: could get the half price, you know, there was a
[15:19] Speaker 3: half price ticket booth. And I suppose in our culture,
[15:22] Speaker 3: we thought Times Square was going to be a super
[15:24] Speaker 3: exciting place place and you get there and it's scuzzy
[15:28] Speaker 3: and a bit criminally and really overpacked and you still
[15:33] Speaker 3: go because you think, you know, okay, I need to
[15:36] Speaker 3: get some tickets to see something extraordinary so I'll tolerate it.
[15:39] Speaker 3: But often those big places are hugely disappointing.
[15:42] Speaker 1: Yeah. So Annalise, just to wrap this up, you were
[15:45] Speaker 1: saying about Instagram ruining things. I follow you on Instagram.
[15:50] Speaker 1: So just question, are you part of the problem here?
[15:54] Speaker 2: Yes, I am part of the problem, but I just
[15:58] Speaker 2: really like to share stories. I'm a storyteller like you
[16:02] Speaker 2: and I feel like it's worth it.
[16:04] Speaker 1: And I like the pictures.
[16:17] Speaker 3: So we talk about friendship a lot and we talk
[16:19] Speaker 3: about love a lot on this show because they're, you know,
[16:21] Speaker 3: evergreen issues and they're things that matter to us probably
[16:24] Speaker 3: more than anything else, right? Health, love, friendship, fun, laughs,
[16:29] Speaker 3: you know, the rest.
[16:30] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[16:30] Speaker 3: Let's talk about love a bit because I find that
[16:34] Speaker 3: there are two categories of people and the type of
[16:37] Speaker 3: love that they like. Now there's the person that wants
[16:40] Speaker 3: you to echo what they're feeling, to justify it, to
[16:45] Speaker 3: tell them that they're right. And that means a lot
[16:47] Speaker 3: to them at the time. And we all have moments
[16:50] Speaker 3: of that. But there are also the people that don't
[16:53] Speaker 3: mind a bit of tough love. And I'm a fan
[16:56] Speaker 3: of tough love. I mean, we grew up in a
[16:58] Speaker 3: different era where perhaps we weren't told we were the
[17:01] Speaker 3: best and we were loved every minute of every day
[17:03] Speaker 3: and that good job on everything and all of those
[17:07] Speaker 3: things that our kids are often inheriting way too much.
[17:10] Speaker 3: And we talk about resilience, but it's like this elusive
[17:12] Speaker 3: thing for these young kids that we're raising because we're
[17:15] Speaker 3: trying to manage their pain and never let them feel
[17:20] Speaker 3: scared or anything. So that means they don't get to
[17:23] Speaker 3: get on the other side of difficulty a lot of
[17:25] Speaker 3: the time because we're micromanaging that. So I've been privileged
[17:30] Speaker 3: enough to have loved people in a way that I
[17:33] Speaker 3: think is advantageous to their particular journey and their dreams.
[17:38] Speaker 3: And I have been loved in that way and I'm
[17:40] Speaker 3: very grateful for it. So a million years ago, I
[17:45] Speaker 3: talked about doing a one woman show when I first
[17:48] Speaker 3: started in my career. And I worked with some producers
[17:52] Speaker 3: that said after I'd said it once or twice, well,
[17:54] Speaker 3: we're booked the theater and it's happening.
[17:57] Speaker 1: Great.
[17:57] Speaker 3: I suddenly had to write the show. So at the time,
[18:01] Speaker 3: I did a lot. I don't know whether I was hydrated,
[18:05] Speaker 3: but I was certainly not constipated during that period. And
[18:09] Speaker 3: I wrote a show and I did my first one
[18:11] Speaker 3: woman show, 92, I think it was. And I've been
[18:14] Speaker 3: doing them ever since. So sometimes I feel like we
[18:16] Speaker 3: need to give a loving shove to those that mean
[18:20] Speaker 3: something to us, especially when someone said that they're wanting
[18:23] Speaker 3: for something that is part of their dream, not like, oh,
[18:27] Speaker 3: I want tiramisu.
[18:28] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[18:29] Speaker 3: But I want something that's going to help me evolve
[18:32] Speaker 3: and bring me closer to what I think I'm capable of.
[18:35] Speaker 3: Because I've had friendships where they just want you to
[18:39] Speaker 3: say that everything they're feeling is right.
[18:41] Speaker 1: Affirm them.
[18:42] Speaker 3: And, you know, like they get addicted to the drama
[18:44] Speaker 3: and you have to buy into the drama, but they
[18:47] Speaker 3: don't ever want the solution.
[18:49] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[18:50] Speaker 2: Right?
[18:50] Speaker 3: So I had another friend who grew up in the
[18:53] Speaker 3: housing commission in Richmond in Melbourne and And he just
[18:57] Speaker 3: never felt that, you know, being entrepreneurial or businesslike was
[19:01] Speaker 3: ever something he could contemplate. And so he worked as
[19:05] Speaker 3: a hairdresser and he was a very good and dedicated hairdresser.
[19:08] Speaker 3: And the type of personality you want to be around,
[19:10] Speaker 3: like really good with his clients.
[19:12] Speaker 4: Oh, and hairdressers don't do tough love.
[19:14] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[19:15] Speaker 1: No, they don't.
[19:15] Speaker 4: They're built for that. If that's the sort of friend
[19:17] Speaker 4: as a hairdresser, that's a really good career choice.
[19:20] Speaker 3: So he was working for someone who had a number
[19:24] Speaker 3: of salons and was doing really well. And I said,
[19:26] Speaker 3: together with another bestie of mine, you need to leave
[19:29] Speaker 3: this salon and start your own salon.
[19:31] Speaker 2: Yep.
[19:32] Speaker 3: Babe, I can't do that. I don't know how that works.
[19:35] Speaker 3: And I said, it's not, okay, let me make this simple.
[19:38] Speaker 3: It's try not to think of it as business. Try
[19:40] Speaker 3: to think about it as maths. If you were to
[19:43] Speaker 3: do one cut and color, you will pay for the
[19:46] Speaker 3: rent on that salon. A friend of mine already had
[19:50] Speaker 3: a salon that they were selling. So it was all
[19:52] Speaker 3: ready fitted out. And so my friend and I, pushed
[19:56] Speaker 3: him outside of his comfort zone and closer to some
[20:00] Speaker 3: financial freedom and pushed him into a salon and That
[20:03] Speaker 3: was his own and now he owns two houses. Oh, thanks.
[20:06] Speaker 1: Good, I was thinking, shit, is this going to fail? No,
[20:08] Speaker 1: it did not fail. And this was a disastrous idea.
[20:10] Speaker 4: The tough love worked.
[20:10] Speaker 3: He got a friend to take on another chair in
[20:12] Speaker 3: that salon and he's been making money ever since. When
[20:15] Speaker 3: have you, you know, imposed some tough love on people
[20:19] Speaker 3: that you know would benefit from it?
[20:21] Speaker 1: It's a great reminder of how important our friends are
[20:24] Speaker 1: or our peer group in our success. And if you
[20:27] Speaker 1: can see people around you, not just actually setting you
[20:29] Speaker 1: up for something, but also having their own successes, it
[20:34] Speaker 1: is incredibly powerful.
[20:36] Speaker 4: I mean, I.
[20:38] Speaker 1: Am probably that friend that goes into the messy moral
[20:43] Speaker 1: middle of things. I'm thinking less about business and more
[20:47] Speaker 1: about you know, when I've had friends who are perhaps
[20:50] Speaker 1: venturing into something that feels like a bad idea, maybe
[20:54] Speaker 1: it's a relationship that doesn't work, or maybe like you
[20:57] Speaker 1: were saying, they have been banging on about, you know,
[21:01] Speaker 1: the same problem, but haven't done anything about it. I
[21:05] Speaker 1: am the one who's likely to go, like, let's discuss
[21:10] Speaker 1: whether this is good for you, as opposed to just
[21:12] Speaker 1: kind of validating them. And that's got me into some
[21:16] Speaker 1: trouble a few times because you're right in that sometimes
[21:21] Speaker 1: people do just want to kind of lock down and
[21:25] Speaker 1: be a victim of their circumstances and that's something I hate.
[21:30] Speaker 1: Victim mentality is something I find really difficult. So I'm
[21:33] Speaker 1: much more likely to wade into it and to say,
[21:38] Speaker 1: you know, you kind of need to change your behaviour.
[21:41] Speaker 1: But I think we're drawn to people who can handle
[21:44] Speaker 1: that So if you're someone that just wants to be
[21:47] Speaker 1: told nice things, you're not going to be friends with
[21:50] Speaker 1: a tough love kind of truth teller.
[21:52] Speaker 2: No.
[21:52] Speaker 4: I think we kind of find our people.
[21:53] Speaker 1: Yeah, we do. We do. But then I think that
[21:56] Speaker 1: it's when the men, the men folk, wade in with
[22:01] Speaker 1: their opinions that I am completely unsupportive.
[22:04] Speaker 4: Well, mansplaining is not fun.
[22:07] Speaker 1: If I'm going to a man in my life, my dad,
[22:10] Speaker 1: my partner, my brothers, and telling them my problem, I
[22:13] Speaker 1: don't want them. to wade into the messy moral middle.
[22:16] Speaker 1: Like they can listen. They can tell me I'm doing
[22:20] Speaker 1: a good job. There I want a cheerleader. But with
[22:22] Speaker 1: my girlfriends, I definitely want them to get in there.
[22:25] Speaker 1: You know, tell me what to do. Make you reflect
[22:27] Speaker 1: on yourself.
[22:28] Speaker 3: Look, when I was doing a million IVFs, 23, in
[22:32] Speaker 3: the middle section, like especially after the loss of my daughter,
[22:36] Speaker 3: that was on the 17th attempt, maybe the 18th, the 19th,
[22:40] Speaker 3: my friends pulled me to the side and went, I
[22:41] Speaker 3: don't know about this. I don't think you should be
[22:43] Speaker 3: doing this anymore. You know, and I loved hearing that. Yeah.
[22:47] Speaker 3: I wasn't offended. I didn't feel like they were questioning
[22:50] Speaker 3: my dream. They were more interested in my health.
[22:52] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[22:53] Speaker 3: You know, that's a lot of hormones to put into
[22:54] Speaker 3: your body. That's a lot for a body to go through.
[22:57] Speaker 3: You know, it was almost a decade. And I knew
[23:00] Speaker 3: that it came from love.
[23:01] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[23:02] Speaker 3: And so you've got to ask yourself, are you looking
[23:06] Speaker 3: for love or are you looking for, you know, just company?
[23:10] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[23:10] Speaker 3: Are you looking for an outcome or are you looking
[23:13] Speaker 3: for validation on what you know is a problem because
[23:15] Speaker 3: you brought it up as a problem? I did not
[23:17] Speaker 3: take any offence with that. And I thought here are
[23:21] Speaker 3: my friends that have got my greatest interests in mind,
[23:25] Speaker 3: not the outcome. My husband, of course, wanted a child.
[23:30] Speaker 3: My in-laws and my mum wanted a grandchild. My brother
[23:32] Speaker 3: wanted a niece or a nephew. So I felt like
[23:35] Speaker 3: they were truly in my camp because they were looking
[23:38] Speaker 3: out for what was best for me. So I think
[23:41] Speaker 3: we need to be a little bit more open to
[23:44] Speaker 3: a healthy love, even though it can feel like a
[23:46] Speaker 3: punish at the time.
[23:47] Speaker 1: But how did that go then? Because you obviously chose
[23:49] Speaker 1: to keep going with the IVF.
[23:51] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[23:51] Speaker 1: Was there any issues with?
[23:53] Speaker 4: No, no.
[23:54] Speaker 3: No, I just said, you know, I love that you've
[23:56] Speaker 3: brought that up and I can see where you're coming from,
[23:59] Speaker 3: but I think I can get there and I'm going
[24:01] Speaker 3: to keep trying. And then they moved on. They didn't
[24:03] Speaker 3: bang on about it. And I don't think you need to.
[24:06] Speaker 3: I think that when really good information comes in, and
[24:09] Speaker 3: this is my definition of intelligence is not being educated
[24:14] Speaker 3: or anything like that. It's knowing what to do with
[24:16] Speaker 3: good information. So you could be anyone. Some of the
[24:19] Speaker 3: most successful people I know are truly uneducated in the
[24:23] Speaker 3: formal sense, but are really quick at hearing good information.
[24:27] Speaker 3: I heard what they said, but I knew that It
[24:31] Speaker 3: was a numbers game and if I could just stay
[24:33] Speaker 3: in it long enough, I would get there, especially after
[24:36] Speaker 3: having gotten pregnant with my daughter Stevie. I knew that
[24:39] Speaker 3: I could fall pregnant. The only thing I needed to
[24:42] Speaker 3: worry then was how long could I withstand the pain
[24:45] Speaker 3: before I got there and, you know, that was sort
[24:48] Speaker 3: of the main issue for me. So, yeah, I didn't
[24:50] Speaker 3: see it as anything other than a very loving, bold
[24:53] Speaker 3: gesture from some of my friends, which I really appreciated.
[24:57] Speaker 2: And I think it just comes down to communication skills. saying,
[25:00] Speaker 2: you know what, today I just need to complain and
[25:03] Speaker 2: I need you to smile and nod, or today actually
[25:06] Speaker 2: am I the arsehole?
[25:08] Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's one of the Robins, like the
[25:12] Speaker 1: Mel Robins or the Glenn Robins or the Tony Robins.
[25:16] Speaker 3: I like the Glenn Robins.
[25:19] Speaker 1: No, I think it's actually Glennon Doyle, different, not a Robins,
[25:22] Speaker 1: who talks about the knowing and how you can get
[25:25] Speaker 1: all the advice in the world but you go into–
[25:30] Speaker 1: She would go into the knowing. I think she was
[25:32] Speaker 1: describing when she was deciding whether to leave her ex-partner
[25:36] Speaker 1: for her current partner, Abby Wambach. And she went into
[25:40] Speaker 1: a room and she actually went deep into her knowing,
[25:43] Speaker 1: her intuition, what have you, and was able to kind
[25:46] Speaker 1: of clear through all of the advice that she'd received
[25:49] Speaker 1: and go to what she knew. And I think that's
[25:51] Speaker 1: probably what we all need to do despite all of
[25:55] Speaker 1: these advice.
[25:56] Speaker 4: Go with your gut.
[25:56] Speaker 1: Go with your gut. Go with your knowing. Go with
[25:59] Speaker 1: the Robins.
[25:59] Speaker 2: Yep.
[26:00] Speaker 4: When my marriage ended, as you will know, Sal, it
[26:03] Speaker 4: is the worst time.
[26:04] Speaker 1: The worst.
[26:05] Speaker 2: And I was just so irrational, so unbearable and so angry,
[26:11] Speaker 2: like so angry and resentful. And my best friend in
[26:14] Speaker 2: the world, she said, we would understand if you were
[26:17] Speaker 2: angry for the rest of your life, but it's not you.
[26:19] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[26:20] Speaker 2: And you don't get to control what happens to you,
[26:22] Speaker 2: but you control how you respond.
[26:24] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[26:25] Speaker 2: And that's, it just flicked something in me and I just,
[26:29] Speaker 2: I dropped it. And I needed that. I needed someone
[26:31] Speaker 2: to say, hey, and just tell me, no, this is
[26:35] Speaker 2: not you. And if your best friends can't do that,
[26:39] Speaker 2: you know, I needed that at the time.
[26:41] Speaker 3: Look, I had a friend that went through a divorce
[26:44] Speaker 3: and with time because there's so much to fix after
[26:48] Speaker 3: a breakup. You know, there's so much to fix before
[26:51] Speaker 3: a breakup and if you can't fix it, then you're
[26:54] Speaker 3: fixing it after. And one of my closest ever friends
[26:58] Speaker 3: went through a divorce and And I found with time
[27:01] Speaker 3: that the narrative was changing. I found that she forgot
[27:05] Speaker 3: that she wanted out of that marriage.
[27:06] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[27:07] Speaker 3: In her wildest dreams, she never imagined being divorced, even
[27:11] Speaker 3: though that's what she wanted. Do you know what I mean?
[27:13] Speaker 3: She just thought when she got married, she never thought
[27:16] Speaker 3: she'd be the girl that would get the divorce.
[27:17] Speaker 4: No, none of us do.
[27:18] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[27:18] Speaker 4: We wouldn't do it.
[27:20] Speaker 2: No.
[27:20] Speaker 3: And so years later, you know, I found her still
[27:23] Speaker 3: struggling with it. And she was starting to really have
[27:28] Speaker 3: a narrative that wasn't true to the experience that I
[27:31] Speaker 3: had with her. The highlight reel is what I call.
[27:33] Speaker 3: And so I just gently, and I've got to say
[27:36] Speaker 3: she is an incredible woman and she never takes things
[27:41] Speaker 3: the wrong way. She's that much of a supreme human being.
[27:43] Speaker 3: That's a good quality, isn't it? There ain't no bitch
[27:45] Speaker 3: in this woman. There isn't like there's just, you know.
[27:49] Speaker 3: So we were taking a walk and I said to her, listen,
[27:52] Speaker 3: I think I need you to hear me. I think
[27:55] Speaker 3: you've been doing a rewrite. on what actually happened. I
[27:58] Speaker 3: think you've forgotten all those years where we talked about
[28:02] Speaker 3: Shaw shanking you out of this relationship, you know, chipping
[28:06] Speaker 3: away at what it was going to take for you
[28:07] Speaker 3: to escape this relationship. Here's the good news. He did it.
[28:12] Speaker 3: So he looks bad.
[28:14] Speaker 1: Yes.
[28:14] Speaker 3: Right? But you didn't want that marriage in the end.
[28:19] Speaker 3: So can we just put those elements back into the script? Yeah.
[28:23] Speaker 3: And I think that was the beginning of some major
[28:26] Speaker 3: shifts for her. And I said it lovingly. I think
[28:29] Speaker 3: it's how you hear the information too. Tough love doesn't
[28:32] Speaker 3: mean you have to say it in a tough way.
[28:34] Speaker 1: No.
[28:35] Speaker 3: Tough means, I think, truthful, but you can say the
[28:37] Speaker 3: truth in a soft way too. So, you know, and
[28:42] Speaker 3: you've got to think of the result and the human
[28:44] Speaker 3: being that you're being tough with. And the reality is
[28:46] Speaker 3: you love that human being. So you don't want to
[28:48] Speaker 3: hurt them on top of hurt.
[28:49] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[28:50] Speaker 3: But you also want to help heal them and move
[28:52] Speaker 3: them forward.
[28:53] Speaker 1: And help them grow. In fact, when I dated after
[28:56] Speaker 1: my divorce, which I only went on two dates, but
[28:59] Speaker 1: one of my questions, one of the things that I
[29:02] Speaker 1: thought was really important was that I would ask them,
[29:06] Speaker 1: what have you learned from your divorce? Because both the
[29:08] Speaker 1: people I went out with were also divorced. And if
[29:11] Speaker 1: the answer was nothing, if it was just, you know,
[29:14] Speaker 1: they were crazy, if they weren't actually able to look
[29:17] Speaker 1: at their part in it, which is all about, you know,
[29:20] Speaker 1: accepting feedback and not just, then that meant they were
[29:25] Speaker 1: a no, you know. But if you're able to take
[29:27] Speaker 1: it you know, look at yourself. That's the kind of strength.
[29:30] Speaker 1: And your part in things. And your part in things.
[29:31] Speaker 1: That's the strength of character that's able to hear that
[29:35] Speaker 1: and take it on. And that's who we all want
[29:37] Speaker 1: to be.
[29:49] Speaker 2: Alright, it's time for Other People's Problems. This is the
[29:52] Speaker 2: part of the show where you send us your dilemmas,
[29:54] Speaker 2: your questions and your moral grey areas and we attempt
[29:58] Speaker 2: to offer very, very good advice.
[30:01] Speaker 4: This week's problem comes from Nat.
[30:04] Speaker 5: My younger sister is getting married next year. She's asked
[30:07] Speaker 5: four of her friends to be bridesmaids but not me,
[30:10] Speaker 5: her own sister. She says it's because sisters are just
[30:13] Speaker 5: different and wants me to do a reading instead. I'm
[30:16] Speaker 5: trying to be supportive but I'm honestly devastated. Is it
[30:19] Speaker 5: unreasonable to say something or do I just accept it's
[30:21] Speaker 5: her day and her choice? Yikes.
[30:24] Speaker 3: Oh, that's a tough one.
[30:26] Speaker 4: Do you guys have sisters?
[30:27] Speaker 2: No.
[30:27] Speaker 3: I don't.
[30:28] Speaker 1: Do you?
[30:28] Speaker 4: I've got a sister.
[30:29] Speaker 1: Okay, you go.
[30:30] Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that definitely... I'd be devastated.
[30:35] Speaker 1: Would you?
[30:35] Speaker 4: I feel like a sister is like for life.
[30:38] Speaker 1: Are you older or younger?
[30:39] Speaker 4: I'm five years older.
[30:41] Speaker 1: Okay.
[30:41] Speaker 2: Yeah. And actually we're both divorced and we were both
[30:44] Speaker 2: each other's bridesmaids. Maybe it's the kiss of death.
[30:48] Speaker 1: Don't do it.
[30:49] Speaker 2: No, I definitely feel like the sister shouldn't get a job.
[30:53] Speaker 2: Like a reading is a job at a wedding. That's
[30:56] Speaker 2: not being part of your special day.
[30:57] Speaker 1: But a bridesmaid is a job. Yeah.
[30:59] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[31:00] Speaker 3: I don't like being a bridesmaid. Maybe I've been them
[31:03] Speaker 3: too many times. Maybe it's better as an adult, but
[31:06] Speaker 3: I was a bridesmaid a lot and I found it
[31:08] Speaker 3: so embarrassing.
[31:09] Speaker 1: Yeah, it is embarrassing.
[31:10] Speaker 3: I was embarrassed.
[31:12] Speaker 2: But if it means something to her, being a bridesmaid,
[31:18] Speaker 2: I can't imagine not including my sister in something really important.
[31:22] Speaker 1: What do you think, Mary?
[31:23] Speaker 3: I think it's a conversation that has to be had, right?
[31:26] Speaker 3: It sounds like it's been had in a clumsy way
[31:29] Speaker 3: or in a odd way that hasn't made the sister
[31:32] Speaker 3: feel more important than being a cast of four?
[31:36] Speaker 4: I mean, four's a lot of bridesmaids.
[31:37] Speaker 1: It is.
[31:38] Speaker 3: And does she want to be just thrown in there
[31:40] Speaker 3: with the friends?
[31:42] Speaker 2: Imagine five bridesmaids and like five groomsmen and the insufferable photos.
[31:47] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's panoramic, isn't it? You wouldn't be able to
[31:51] Speaker 3: see the groom and the bride at that point. But
[31:54] Speaker 3: I would say, look, Is there a matron of honour role?
[31:58] Speaker 3: Is there a more significant head bridesmaid.
[32:00] Speaker 1: Role that she could get? But she can't just insert herself, right?
[32:03] Speaker 1: She can't. Like she can't say, hey, I've got an idea.
[32:07] Speaker 4: What if?
[32:07] Speaker 2: Yeah, and also brides can get very bridey and bridezillery.
[32:12] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[32:13] Speaker 2: You know, like that's a– it's a very difficult conversation
[32:16] Speaker 2: to have with a bride.
[32:17] Speaker 1: Well, it happens both ways too. So true story at
[32:21] Speaker 1: my wedding, actually stepping back, my ex-husband was the groomsman
[32:25] Speaker 1: at his brother's wedding, the best man.
[32:28] Speaker 4: Yes.
[32:28] Speaker 1: And then fast forward, it was about 10 years later
[32:31] Speaker 1: that we got married and he did not ask his
[32:34] Speaker 1: brother to be the, well, he did ask him to
[32:37] Speaker 1: be a groomsman, but not the best man. He had
[32:39] Speaker 1: his best friend be the best man. And it caused
[32:42] Speaker 1: such a hullabaloo that his brother didn't end up coming
[32:45] Speaker 1: to to the wedding, to our wedding. And years later,
[32:50] Speaker 1: it's still now we're divorced. It's been a sore point,
[32:54] Speaker 1: which I thought was really interesting. I've always sort of
[32:58] Speaker 1: thought that these choices are a let them situation. And
[33:02] Speaker 1: I don't have a sister, so I can admit that,
[33:04] Speaker 1: you know, and I know that there are things that
[33:06] Speaker 1: happen with sisters, you know, that it's a very interesting relationship.
[33:10] Speaker 1: It's a lot simpler with brothers. But you can't sort
[33:14] Speaker 1: of say, well, I I mean, their say goes, doesn't it?
[33:18] Speaker 4: You're an afterthought.
[33:19] Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah, I don't know if I'd say anything but
[33:23] Speaker 2: I would be like super annoyed. Yeah.
[33:26] Speaker 3: Well, I'd rather that conversation happen than have an annoyed
[33:29] Speaker 3: sibling at my wedding.
[33:30] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[33:31] Speaker 3: So I would just say, listen, I understand that you
[33:34] Speaker 3: want your friends, no issue with that. Am I just
[33:37] Speaker 3: a bit of a tack-on? How do I feel a
[33:40] Speaker 3: bigger part of it for you? Also, if she's got
[33:42] Speaker 3: a killer speech... and she does something, she can steal
[33:45] Speaker 3: the show, you know, and not have to stand up
[33:48] Speaker 3: there opposite these other girls and opposite, I don't know
[33:52] Speaker 3: whether there's groomsmen, but I find that whole thing like.
[33:55] Speaker 4: The panoramic, the 5,000 bridesmaids.
[33:57] Speaker 3: I don't know.
[33:57] Speaker 4: And the dresses are always disgusting.
[34:00] Speaker 1: Awful.
[34:00] Speaker 3: Is there something? Can she walk her down the aisle?
[34:03] Speaker 3: I mean, I understand.
[34:04] Speaker 1: I think she becomes a beggar. Beggar.
[34:06] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[34:06] Speaker 1: On the wedding. Look, I have another option, okay, so
[34:09] Speaker 1: if she really feels strongly about it, Buy a dress
[34:13] Speaker 1: the same colour as the bridesmaids but a little bit different.
[34:17] Speaker 1: Do your reading. That's fine. That just makes you a
[34:21] Speaker 1: bit extra special. Then you are, bang, you're the matron
[34:24] Speaker 1: of honour. Just when the wedding starts, just get up,
[34:28] Speaker 1: stand up next to the rest of them. What's she
[34:31] Speaker 1: going to do? Make a big fuss in the middle
[34:32] Speaker 1: of the wedding?
[34:33] Speaker 3: Or maybe she's the one that does the veil and
[34:36] Speaker 3: the train but doesn't stand up there. There's got to
[34:39] Speaker 3: be some level of involvement. That actually allows her to
[34:42] Speaker 3: have some dignity and a place of her own, I
[34:45] Speaker 3: would hope.
[34:46] Speaker 4: Or she could just wear a white dress. That would
[34:49] Speaker 4: be hilarious.
[34:49] Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
[34:50] Speaker 4: And just steal the show.
[34:51] Speaker 1: Sabotage.
[34:51] Speaker 3: Sabotage.
[34:52] Speaker 4: White dress, make a speech, done, you win.
[34:55] Speaker 1: But the key, I think, is that she has to
[34:56] Speaker 1: insert herself now. She has been left out. You know,
[34:59] Speaker 1: her sister's had the opportunity to include her and now
[35:03] Speaker 1: that she hasn't taken it, she has to step up
[35:05] Speaker 1: and include herself however she can.
[35:07] Speaker 4: In a white dress, preferably.
[35:09] Speaker 3: Fluffing.
[35:11] Speaker 1: Impromptu speech during dinner.
[35:14] Speaker 4: That's all we.
[35:15] Speaker 2: Have time for today. Thanks for having me on the couch, girls.
[35:19] Speaker 2: Before you go back into the world, can we ask
[35:22] Speaker 2: one tiny thing? Share this episode with your friends. Please
[35:26] Speaker 2: hit share on the podcast app for us. And if
[35:29] Speaker 2: you want to contact the show, you can DM us
[35:31] Speaker 2: at unleashed.show on Instagram.
[35:34] Speaker 4: We read all the messages and we love them.
[35:36] Speaker 3: We do, we love them.
[35:36] Speaker 1: And if anyone knows the truth about why we need
[35:38] Speaker 1: to be hydrated... You can put them in the comments
[35:41] Speaker 1: as well.
[35:42] Speaker 4: Just don't strain. We'll be back next Tuesday or as
[35:45] Speaker 4: we like to say.
[35:47] Speaker 3: See you next Tuesday.
[35:49] Speaker 4: Until next time, stay unfiltered, stay unreasonable, stay unleashed.
[35:54] Speaker 2: Bye. Bye.
[35:59] Speaker 1: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
[36:02] Speaker 1: that this podcast is recorded on.

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