# Fibber McGee and Molly - "Courteous Mcgee" (Old Time Radio, 1953)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 3 Oct 2026, 29 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/75548842/6e6b6388f7a75129_mastered.mp3

From the classic comedy series Fibber McGee and Molly, “Courteous McGee” is episode 720, originally broadcast on February 10, 1953. This archival presentation preserves a local recording of the original program. In this domestic comedy, Fibber’s efforts to embrace good manners and courtesy create fresh complications at home. The episode showcases the familiar husband-and-wife humor of Fibber McGee and Molly without giving away its later developments. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned and mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:38 Original Broadcast 29:16 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: On February 10th, 1953, Fibber McGee and Molly reached episode 720.
[0:06] Speaker 1: This long-running radio comedy had made the McGees familiar company
[0:10] Speaker 1: to audiences across the country, with Fibber's notions and Molly's
[0:14] Speaker 1: steady presence at the center of each visit. Tonight's installment
[0:19] Speaker 1: is titled, Courteous McGee, a broadcast from the series' 1953 season.
[0:25] Speaker 1: Settle in for a half hour with one of radio's
[0:28] Speaker 1: most enduring husband and wife teams in a program heard
[0:32] Speaker 1: by listeners more than seven decades ago. And now, the
[0:36] Speaker 1: original broadcast.
[0:38] Speaker 2: The Reynolds Aluminum Program with Sibber McGee and Molly.
[0:41] Speaker 3: SIREN BLARES.
[0:49] Speaker 2: The Reynolds Metals Company, makers of Reynolds Aluminum, presents Bitter
[0:52] Speaker 2: McGee and Molly Transcribed with Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur Q.
[0:56] Speaker 4: Bryan, Gil Stratton Jr., and me, Harlow Wilcox. The show
[1:00] Speaker 4: is written by Phil.
[1:01] Speaker 2: Leslie and Keith Fowler and directed by Max Hutto with
[1:04] Speaker 2: music by the Kingsmen and Billy Mills, Arkansas. What every
[1:11] Speaker 2: farmer wants is more income per acre. And one sure
[1:15] Speaker 2: way to get it is to use a portable sprinkler
[1:17] Speaker 2: irrigation system made of light, strong, rust-proof Reynolds aluminum pipe.
[1:22] Speaker 2: You move this equipment from field to field, have water
[1:25] Speaker 2: where you want it, when you want it. It's light
[1:28] Speaker 2: to carry. A 20-foot length of 4-inch pipe weighs only
[1:31] Speaker 2: about 15 pounds. And the results in increased crop yields
[1:35] Speaker 2: are amazing. Often the increase is enough to pay for
[1:38] Speaker 2: the whole system in one season. Your pastures will feed
[1:41] Speaker 2: more cattle with this modern irrigation. Two, three, and even
[1:45] Speaker 2: four times the number of head per acre. Your growing
[1:48] Speaker 2: season is stretched far into the fall. Then you just
[1:51] Speaker 2: store your Reynolds aluminum pipe outside without fear of rust.
[1:55] Speaker 2: Worth looking into, isn't it? Get your copy of the
[1:58] Speaker 2: big 16-page booklet, More Income Per Acre. Write to Irrigation,
[2:05] Speaker 2: Reynolds Metals Company, Louisville 1, Kentucky. That address again is Irrigation,
[2:11] Speaker 2: Reynolds Metals Company, Louisville 1, Kentucky. Ladies, suppose you had
[2:24] Speaker 2: a husband whose idea of being gallant was to take
[2:28] Speaker 2: off his hat when he went to bed. Then, uh,
[2:33] Speaker 2: suppose you came home one day from a shopping trip
[2:35] Speaker 2: with a large bundle in your arms, and that same husband.
[2:39] Speaker 5: Said, Pretty, Sir Danzel, wouldst thou allow me to take
[2:42] Speaker 5: thy bundle?
[2:44] Speaker 4: You'd probably say, Huh? Just like Mrs. McGee of Fibber
[2:51] Speaker 4: McGee and Molly.
[2:59] Speaker 3: Would you mind repeating that, McGee?
[3:01] Speaker 5: Not at all, not at all. I said privy, fair Danzel.
[3:04] Speaker 5: Wouldst allow me to take thy bundle?
[3:07] Speaker 2: Oh, sure, sure.
[3:08] Speaker 3: Take the bundle. And take an aspirin. Take a tonic.
[3:11] Speaker 3: You're not well.
[3:14] Speaker 5: No doubt my language does seem strange. As soon as
[3:17] Speaker 5: I takeeth your bundle and put it on the table,
[3:19] Speaker 5: I will explain it.
[3:20] Speaker 3: Yes, I wish you wouldeth. What goes on?
[3:24] Speaker 5: Oh, that was a sample of the new McGee, kiddo.
[3:26] Speaker 5: The courteous McGee that's replaced the old McGee, which I
[3:29] Speaker 5: used to have the manners of a Chinese bull in
[3:30] Speaker 5: a shop.
[3:33] Speaker 3: Oh, you shouldn't say that about Chinese bull. I mean,
[3:36] Speaker 3: you shouldn't say that about yourself.
[3:38] Speaker 5: Well, why not? Didn't I always put cigar butts in
[3:40] Speaker 5: your stone basket?
[3:41] Speaker 3: Well, yes.
[3:42] Speaker 5: And didn't I.
[3:43] Speaker 3: Wipe my hands and face with the his towels and
[3:45] Speaker 3: wipe my shoes.
[3:46] Speaker 5: With the hers towels?
[3:48] Speaker 2: That's true.
[3:49] Speaker 5: Didn't I read the newspaper at the breakfast table and
[3:51] Speaker 5: poke a hole in the middle of it so that
[3:52] Speaker 5: I could drink coffee without putting it down?
[3:55] Speaker 3: That you did.
[3:56] Speaker 5: Now, let's face it, Tootsie. I've been real uncouth, but
[3:59] Speaker 5: that's all over. From now on, I'm going to be
[4:01] Speaker 5: politer than a Pekingese pup in a backyard full of bulldogs.
[4:04] Speaker 3: You know, I think I'm going to like this, sweetheart.
[4:09] Speaker 3: To what do I owe this change for? I hope
[4:11] Speaker 3: the better.
[4:12] Speaker 5: I am reading a book. The Life of Sir Walter Raleigh.
[4:16] Speaker 3: Sir Walter Raleigh?
[4:17] Speaker 6: Yep.
[4:17] Speaker 5: Lived more than 300 years ago, and they're still writing
[4:19] Speaker 5: books about him. And why? On account of because he
[4:22] Speaker 5: was polite. Why, do you know what he done?
[4:25] Speaker 7: Yes.
[4:25] Speaker 5: I'll tell you about it. You see, Sir Walter was
[4:29] Speaker 5: looking through the streets of London one time, wrapped up
[4:31] Speaker 5: in one of them long velvet cloaks that nobody wears
[4:34] Speaker 5: nowadays except wrestlers.
[4:35] Speaker 3: He must have made a pretty picture.
[4:40] Speaker 5: It was floppy weather and the streets were full of mud,
[4:42] Speaker 5: and all of a sudden, here comes good Queen Bess
[4:45] Speaker 5: without her overshoes.
[4:46] Speaker 3: The careless girl.
[4:48] Speaker 5: Sir Walter sees the Queen prowling around the puddle, so
[4:51] Speaker 5: quits the flat. He whips off his velvet cloak and
[4:53] Speaker 5: spreads it over the puddle so she can try to
[4:55] Speaker 5: cross without getting her dog dancing. That kiddo is real curvy.
[5:03] Speaker 3: It certainly is. So, Sir Walter Raleigh is going to
[5:06] Speaker 3: be your model.
[5:07] Speaker 5: Right. I'm going to act like him and talk like
[5:09] Speaker 5: him and be like him. Maybe 300 years from now,
[5:11] Speaker 5: there'll be a book about Sir Fibber McGee.
[5:15] Speaker 3: I'd like to read that.
[5:16] Speaker 5: No longer needest thou do all the work and beat
[5:18] Speaker 5: thy brains out, for I am at thy beck and call.
[5:21] Speaker 5: Dost thou approve?
[5:23] Speaker 3: Yea, verily. Well, I'm a little tired from that trip downtown, so.
[5:28] Speaker 5: Sit here in my favorite chair.
[5:30] Speaker 2: Well, good.
[5:31] Speaker 3: I'd take a look at the morning paper, but it's
[5:32] Speaker 3: out in the kitchen.
[5:33] Speaker 5: Ah, thy slightest wish is my command, fair lady. I
[5:36] Speaker 5: shall take it.
[5:38] Speaker 3: Heavenly days. I think the lad's got something this time. Oh, ho,
[5:42] Speaker 3: could I get used to this treatment in a hurry.
[5:45] Speaker 5: I'll go. Here's a rock, my lady. Readeth thou the
[5:48] Speaker 5: latest dirt. It is only.
[5:51] Speaker 3: Come in.
[5:52] Speaker 2: Oh, hello, Dr.
[5:53] Speaker 3: Gamble.
[5:54] Speaker 5: Come in. Good afternoon, Molly.
[5:55] Speaker 6: Hello, pickle nose. Ah, we should have lifted the drawbridge
[6:03] Speaker 6: across the moat, my lady. The good doctor has caught
[6:08] Speaker 6: us with our bridges down.
[6:09] Speaker 3: But greetings to thee, my portly friend. What's with him, Molly?
[6:17] Speaker 5: Somebody slug him with a loaded plum pudding?
[6:19] Speaker 3: No, he's been reading about Sir Walter Raleigh, Doctor.
[6:23] Speaker 5: And a truly great man, Fat Sire. And my idol.
[6:29] Speaker 3: Yes, he's living the life of Raleigh today.
[6:32] Speaker 5: Hey, that was cute.
[6:36] Speaker 3: Did you hear what I said, Doctor? The life of Raleigh?
[6:39] Speaker 5: Yes. Ah, it was indeed a subtle trust, my dear.
[6:44] Speaker 5: Most provocative of nurses. Since I don't get it all. Well,
[6:48] Speaker 5: I'm merely immolating my idol, Doctor. So long as you, sire,
[6:54] Speaker 5: are a guest in my house, you shall get naught
[6:55] Speaker 5: but sweet talk from me.
[6:57] Speaker 2: What's for?
[6:59] Speaker 5: Oh, stop it, stupid.
[7:00] Speaker 6: You can't pour honey out of a vinegar bottle.
[7:02] Speaker 5: Well, why I said bottle, I don't know. You're shaped
[7:07] Speaker 5: more like a jug.
[7:10] Speaker 3: Well, now, he's really serious about this, Doctor. He's been
[7:12] Speaker 3: very sweet to me.
[7:13] Speaker 5: I mean it, Doctor. Politeness is my byword. Why, do
[7:17] Speaker 5: you think I'd refer to you, my guest, as a fat,
[7:19] Speaker 5: repulsive slob?
[7:21] Speaker 8: Never.
[7:22] Speaker 5: I'm too polite. Isn't he sweet?
[7:26] Speaker 2: Yes.
[7:27] Speaker 6: It doesn't seem possible, Molly, that this is the same
[7:30] Speaker 6: McGee I've known and despised for 20 years.
[7:34] Speaker 5: You think I'm going to answer that by saying that
[7:36] Speaker 5: the dislike of a lemon-headed lout with a satchel full
[7:39] Speaker 5: of sugar pills and a head full of nothing is
[7:40] Speaker 5: a compliment? Nay, nay, doctor. Fortsuit.
[7:46] Speaker 6: Can this be the same little rat who pulled that
[7:48] Speaker 6: contemptible trick on the golf course last fall?
[7:50] Speaker 5: It is indeed the same little rat, kind sir.
[7:55] Speaker 3: What did he do on the golf course, doctor?
[7:57] Speaker 6: Oh, I had to match one, Molly. All I needed
[7:59] Speaker 6: was a three-inch putt. Suddenly a little cheat nickel here
[8:02] Speaker 6: screamed he was bee-stung, staggered around in circles, and stomped
[8:06] Speaker 6: my ball six inches deep in the turf.
[8:08] Speaker 5: You chiseler.
[8:09] Speaker 3: It was a trick, wasn't it?
[8:16] Speaker 5: It was indeed a trick. Never again will I stoop
[8:20] Speaker 5: so low to win from a better player.
[8:21] Speaker 4: Okay, I quit.
[8:23] Speaker 6: When you admit a thing like that, I'm licked.
[8:25] Speaker 5: I'll just have to get used to this, I guess.
[8:27] Speaker 5: A new McGee with a heart of gold to match
[8:29] Speaker 5: his gold tooth. Your pardon, sir. But I have not
[8:39] Speaker 5: a gold tooth. Well, that's funny. I was sure you had.
[8:41] Speaker 4: Do you mind if I look?
[8:42] Speaker 5: Look at all you wish. Okay, open your mouth wide.
[8:46] Speaker 7: Ah.
[8:46] Speaker 5: Thanks. Now, you can close it. That'll be $ 5. $ 5
[8:52] Speaker 5: for what? For examining your throat.
[8:54] Speaker 7: What?
[8:54] Speaker 5: My charge for a house call is $ 5. Why? I'll
[8:56] Speaker 5: put it on your bill. Why, you big fat tub
[8:58] Speaker 5: of quiver and blubber.
[9:00] Speaker 3: I'm going to punch you right in the.
[9:02] Speaker 5: Hey. You tricked me. Forsooth.
[9:08] Speaker 4: Indeed, I did it.
[9:10] Speaker 5: Ha, ha, ha. Say be well, good pigeon. Out, lout.
[9:22] Speaker 2: Billy Mills from the orchestra and second star to the right.
[10:38] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[11:22] Speaker 5: How now, good wife? What, I see thee with a
[11:26] Speaker 5: rag in thy hand?
[11:27] Speaker 4: Yes, you dust.
[11:32] Speaker 3: I'm dusting.
[11:33] Speaker 5: Ah, my dear, cease thy toil. Would Sir Walter Raleigh
[11:36] Speaker 5: permit his queen to do such crummy work and perchance
[11:39] Speaker 5: toil her dainty lunch hooks? That's Duke Snow. Give me
[11:44] Speaker 5: the dust bag, kiddo.
[11:45] Speaker 3: There you are, Dad Duke. You can start dusting the
[11:48] Speaker 3: mantle first, if you like.
[11:49] Speaker 5: Ah, for truth, thy word is my command. I'll begin
[11:52] Speaker 5: it with these knick-knacks here, and when I'm through, every
[11:55] Speaker 5: nick and every knack will shine us like... What the
[11:57] Speaker 5: hecketh was that?
[12:02] Speaker 3: You just knocked a nick and a knick-knack. Look at it,
[12:06] Speaker 3: the little shine-a-bust of cupid asleep that Aunt Sarah gave us.
[12:08] Speaker 5: Ah, grieve not, good wife. It can be stucketh back together... Yeah, but, McGee,
[12:12] Speaker 5: I wish you hadn't broken it.
[12:14] Speaker 3: I love that little thing. It was the nicest bust
[12:16] Speaker 3: I ever saw.
[12:17] Speaker 5: Yeah, and the loudest bust I ever heard. Yeah, don't
[12:21] Speaker 5: you get it, milady? She's up there.
[12:23] Speaker 3: Come in.
[12:25] Speaker 2: Oh, hello, Ed.
[12:26] Speaker 5: Oh, Mrs. McGee.
[12:27] Speaker 2: Mr.
[12:28] Speaker 5: McGee, I brought your box of alfalfa colones. Well, greetings,
[12:31] Speaker 5: only little man. Delivery boy with cigars of tan. Boy,
[12:35] Speaker 5: that's quite a hello, Mr. McGee.
[12:36] Speaker 3: That's the new Mr. McGee, Ed. He's selling courtesy today.
[12:40] Speaker 3: Sir Walter Raleigh is his model.
[12:42] Speaker 4: Sir Walter Raleigh?
[12:43] Speaker 3: Oh, he was the guy with.
[12:45] Speaker 5: The mud puddle bit.
[12:46] Speaker 2: Right?
[12:47] Speaker 3: That's the man, Ed. He was famous for his courtesy.
[12:49] Speaker 5: How do you stack up in the courtesy department, Ed? Like,
[12:51] Speaker 5: for instance, what do you say when you ask a
[12:53] Speaker 5: girl to dance? Well, uh, I just grab her and say,
[12:56] Speaker 5: let's kick, chick.
[12:59] Speaker 4: I thought so.
[12:59] Speaker 5: What you ought to do, Ed, is give the girl
[13:01] Speaker 5: a low bow, see?
[13:02] Speaker 4: A low bow?
[13:03] Speaker 9: Mm-hmm.
[13:03] Speaker 8: Boy, if that gang would go and caught me bowing,
[13:05] Speaker 8: they'd boot me out the window.
[13:08] Speaker 5: But you do get razzed a little at first. You
[13:10] Speaker 5: keep on bowing long enough, and you know what'll happen? Sure,
[13:12] Speaker 5: I'll get Charlie horses. You'll get popular, that's what you'll get.
[13:18] Speaker 5: Politeness pays off, Ed. You pick out the politest guy
[13:20] Speaker 5: you know, and I'll bet he's funny popular. Girls like
[13:23] Speaker 5: that stuff. Now that you mention it, I know one
[13:26] Speaker 5: fella like that.
[13:27] Speaker 9: Yeah?
[13:27] Speaker 5: Sidney Mildred.
[13:28] Speaker 4: Mildred?
[13:29] Speaker 5: Yes, ma'am. Old Sid is funny, polite, and almost any
[13:32] Speaker 5: girl in town will give him a date. You see?
[13:34] Speaker 3: What does he do, Ed?
[13:35] Speaker 5: Well, he always brings the girl a big.
[13:37] Speaker 4: Box of candy.
[13:38] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm. And then he always holds the door of his
[13:40] Speaker 8: CAD convertible open and helps them in. And he always
[13:44] Speaker 8: takes them to dinner at the Rich.
[13:45] Speaker 5: Vista Sump Room.
[13:46] Speaker 7: Mm-hmm.
[13:47] Speaker 8: I never realized it was courtesy that made old Sid
[13:50] Speaker 8: so popular before.
[13:54] Speaker 5: Well, of course, there may be other things in history.
[13:57] Speaker 5: The reason I.
[13:58] Speaker 8: Know about him is because his girls usually get a
[14:00] Speaker 8: headache and he politely takes them home. Well, I work
[14:04] Speaker 8: late at Kramer's and the girls usually call me around 10.30
[14:06] Speaker 8: and I go by for some of Sid's candy and
[14:09] Speaker 8: a little smooching.
[14:13] Speaker 5: Well, I think you've got something with that politeness treatment, Mr. McGee.
[14:16] Speaker 5: Maybe I can be as popular as old Sid. Thanks
[14:19] Speaker 5: a lot. Bye. So long.
[14:27] Speaker 3: I think the lad is a little confused there.
[14:29] Speaker 4: He said it.
[14:30] Speaker 5: Hey, what's he going to do?
[14:30] Speaker 3: Well, I thought I'd go upstairs and get my sewing basket.
[14:32] Speaker 3: I've got a lot of mending to do.
[14:34] Speaker 4: Say no more.
[14:35] Speaker 5: I'll set you to it.
[14:37] Speaker 3: Much as I thought I was going to like this,
[14:39] Speaker 3: it's getting a little monotonous. I never saw. There, you are.
[14:44] Speaker 5: My dear, your sewing basket.
[14:48] Speaker 3: Heavenly days, that was a fast trip.
[14:50] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[14:50] Speaker 5: Thank you. Yeah, I'd have been quicker, only I stopped
[14:54] Speaker 5: in to put a few pair of socks in. I
[14:56] Speaker 5: punched the toes out of them. Well, what else can
[14:58] Speaker 5: I do for you?
[14:59] Speaker 7: Hello, Molly.
[14:59] Speaker 8: Hiya, pal.
[15:00] Speaker 2: Hello, Mr.
[15:00] Speaker 5: Wilcox. How now, kind sir?
[15:03] Speaker 4: How now? I thought you only said that to brown cows.
[15:07] Speaker 3: Well, it's the McGee version of the way Sir Walter
[15:09] Speaker 3: Raleigh talks, Mr.
[15:10] Speaker 2: Wilcox.
[15:10] Speaker 5: Yeah, and he's my ideal. Courtesy, that's the stuff I'm
[15:13] Speaker 5: handing out now.
[15:15] Speaker 4: Well, this I never dreamed of.
[15:17] Speaker 5: All my guests are going to be treated with the
[15:18] Speaker 5: utmost respect. In the past, perchance, I have shared some
[15:21] Speaker 5: lack of interest in a subject quite dear to your heart.
[15:24] Speaker 5: But that's all over.
[15:25] Speaker 4: In case you've got.
[15:26] Speaker 5: Something you'd like to say, I'll bring it up myself.
[15:28] Speaker 5: Reynolds Aluminum, forsooth. Take a pic from there.
[15:33] Speaker 4: Well, gee whiz, I.
[15:35] Speaker 2: Well, I would like to tell you about Reynolds Lifetime
[15:37] Speaker 2: Aluminum Flashing, pal.
[15:39] Speaker 5: Most notable product, sir. Please tell us how this flashing
[15:43] Speaker 5: is the metal one uses on roofs and around chimneys
[15:46] Speaker 5: and over doors and windows to prevent leaks.
[15:48] Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will. And beyond that, I'll tell.
[15:51] Speaker 5: Tell us why aluminum makes the best flashing. Because it's
[15:53] Speaker 5: rust-proof and cost-free and is easy to shape and trim.
[15:57] Speaker 5: Speak up, Maeve. Oh, okay, yeah, I will. Tell us
[16:00] Speaker 5: about the special package of Reynolds Flashing, which contains ten
[16:03] Speaker 5: aluminum sheets. Each 18 inches wide and four feet long
[16:07] Speaker 5: at least.
[16:07] Speaker 2: Okay.
[16:08] Speaker 5: What's wrong, kind sir? Has the cat got thy tongue?
[16:11] Speaker 2: No. Then tell us how you can buy round-life time
[16:16] Speaker 2: aluminum flashing from our hardware or building supplies dealer.
[16:19] Speaker 5: Be it my guest.
[16:21] Speaker 4: No, no, I.
[16:23] Speaker 2: I think I'll leave now and come back sometime when
[16:25] Speaker 2: your manners aren't so good.
[16:27] Speaker 5: But thou hast scarcely said a word about Reynolds' lifetime
[16:30] Speaker 5: aluminum placking.
[16:31] Speaker 2: Yeah, and if the Reynolds boys send me a nasty
[16:34] Speaker 2: letter about it, I know who to blame.
[16:36] Speaker 4: Really? No, Raleigh.
[16:39] Speaker 5: Goodbye.
[16:39] Speaker 4: Goodbye.
[16:47] Speaker 3: Well, I wouldn't say you were terribly polite to him again.
[16:50] Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I couldn't resist it, kiddo. For once, I
[16:52] Speaker 5: wanted to see him standing there with aluminum on his
[16:54] Speaker 5: mind and egg on his face.
[16:55] Speaker 3: Poor lad, he did look dumbfounded.
[16:59] Speaker 5: Yeah, he'll never be founded so dumb again. Well, kiddo,
[17:02] Speaker 5: what can I do for you now?
[17:03] Speaker 2: Well.
[17:04] Speaker 5: Oh, I know. I'll serenade you.
[17:06] Speaker 3: Serenade me?
[17:06] Speaker 5: Verily, my pet. The book I'm reading says all the
[17:09] Speaker 5: better class of gents used to do that.
[17:11] Speaker 2: Really?
[17:11] Speaker 3: Yep.
[17:12] Speaker 5: They sang mushy songs and played on a thing called
[17:14] Speaker 5: a lute, which probably means they swiped it. And on
[17:19] Speaker 5: another thing, kind of like a small harp.
[17:20] Speaker 3: Liar.
[17:21] Speaker 5: No, it's in the book. I got no small harp,
[17:25] Speaker 5: but my old mandolin's right here on top of the piano.
[17:28] Speaker 3: Uh, dearie, if you don't mind.
[17:30] Speaker 5: Relax, my lady, relax. While I pour sweet melodies into
[17:34] Speaker 5: thy shell-like ears. Oh, I had the little pig, and
[17:38] Speaker 5: I called him Peter Port. He backed into a bottle,
[17:41] Speaker 5: and his tail pulled out the cork.
[17:43] Speaker 3: This is the most heavenly day. Is that what Sir
[17:45] Speaker 3: Walter Raleigh sang?
[17:46] Speaker 8: Yes.
[17:49] Speaker 3: Is that what Sir Walter Raleigh sang to good Queen Bess?
[17:52] Speaker 2: Could have been.
[17:53] Speaker 5: It's an old song and a mighty pretty one. Sir
[17:57] Speaker 5: Walter had a high tenor voice and a low sense
[17:59] Speaker 5: of rhythm. He could have bowled Bess over with that.
[18:02] Speaker 3: Come in. Oh, it's the old-timer.
[18:05] Speaker 2: Hello there, kids. Hi, darling.
[18:08] Speaker 4: Hi, Johnny. Ah, this is indeed a pleasure.
[18:10] Speaker 5: Jolly nice to see you, old-timer. Pull up a chair. Here,
[18:13] Speaker 5: have mine. Sit down.
[18:15] Speaker 4: What's the gimmick, daughter?
[18:17] Speaker 5: You got the chair wired? They're full of upholstery tags.
[18:19] Speaker 3: I ain't got enough upholstery to take these tags.
[18:21] Speaker 5: Now, now.
[18:24] Speaker 3: Not at all, Mr.
[18:25] Speaker 5: Old-Timey.
[18:25] Speaker 3: He's just practicing politeness today.
[18:27] Speaker 5: From now on, boy, I'm going to be the soul
[18:28] Speaker 5: of courtesy.
[18:29] Speaker 4: Politeness.
[18:30] Speaker 5: Always pays.
[18:31] Speaker 4: Well, now, son, you got.
[18:33] Speaker 5: The right idea. I've always been very polite myself. But
[18:36] Speaker 5: I was just a kid, kid.
[18:38] Speaker 3: Mama taught us kids politeness.
[18:40] Speaker 4: Good.
[18:41] Speaker 5: Used psychology, Mama did. Yeah?
[18:43] Speaker 2: She had a book about like the one Johnny's got
[18:44] Speaker 2: there called Applied Psychology. Well. When Mama applied the flat
[18:48] Speaker 2: side of the psychology to the round side of us kids,
[18:50] Speaker 2: we learned manners.
[18:55] Speaker 4: What's reading, Johnny?
[18:56] Speaker 5: Well, this book is... Never interrupt when folks are talking,
[18:58] Speaker 5: Mama said. Be polite.
[19:01] Speaker 3: Your mother was right. She must have been a very nice.
[19:03] Speaker 5: Thank me, lady, she said. Never interrupt a lady, Mama said.
[19:06] Speaker 5: What's reading, Johnny? Well, this book is about... Always be
[19:09] Speaker 5: interested in what other folks are saying, no matter how
[19:11] Speaker 5: dull it is, Mama said. Makes them like you.
[19:14] Speaker 3: Your mother had the right idea.
[19:16] Speaker 2: She.
[19:16] Speaker 5: And never raise your voice to a lady, Mama said.
[19:19] Speaker 2: Don't holler at the women, folks, John, or they'll slap
[19:22] Speaker 2: the kinks into your bliss work.
[19:23] Speaker 4: What's the reason, Johnny?
[19:27] Speaker 5: Nothing. Just got this book to press butterflies in. What's
[19:32] Speaker 5: new with you? Well, my girl Sam Bessie got herself
[19:35] Speaker 5: a new job last week.
[19:37] Speaker 3: Well, good for her. How is Bessie, anyway?
[19:39] Speaker 5: Just fine, daughter. Cuter than a basket of puppies in
[19:42] Speaker 5: just about a frisky. Ha, ha, ha. Works with her sister, Essie, now,
[19:46] Speaker 5: down at the glue work. The glue work?
[19:48] Speaker 2: Yep.
[19:48] Speaker 5: I tells her last.
[19:49] Speaker 2: Night, Bessie, I says, how's your new job?
[19:52] Speaker 5: And she says, frankly, she says, it sticks.
[19:56] Speaker 4: She sure gets awesome bandies.
[19:57] Speaker 8: Yes.
[19:58] Speaker 5: She must be a corker.
[19:59] Speaker 3: No, she's a bottler, daughter.
[20:01] Speaker 5: And sister, Essie is the corker. Yes.
[20:22] Speaker 4: The King's Man and the wondrous word of the Lord.
[20:31] Speaker 5: Then you will all be eligible to sit in the
[20:35] Speaker 5: heavenly hall.
[20:35] Speaker 2: And you'll listen to the music and the beautiful singing.
[20:38] Speaker 4: And you'll listen to the wondrous world.
[20:53] Speaker 5: Of the Lord, Lord, Lord, the wondrous word of the Lord.
[20:57] Speaker 7: Now he's a-watchin' over everyone, every side of the day.
[21:03] Speaker 7: So heed to wisdom of that word and you'll never
[21:07] Speaker 7: forget to pray.
[21:08] Speaker 2: And listen to the music by the heavenly choir.
[21:13] Speaker 7: Listen to the wondrous word of the Lord, oh Lord.
[21:19] Speaker 4: Oh, the wondrous word.
[21:20] Speaker 3: Of the Lord.
[21:24] Speaker 2: Now, brethren and sisters of the congregation, are you ready
[21:27] Speaker 2: and able for the celebration? Better listen to the words
[21:30] Speaker 2: that I'm going to say. You better get ready for
[21:33] Speaker 2: the judgment day.
[21:34] Speaker 5: Oh, you must be.
[21:35] Speaker 2: Ready for it's call, no matter where you're wrong. So
[21:40] Speaker 2: walk that straight and narrow path, and it will.
[21:43] Speaker 5: Lead you home.
[21:44] Speaker 3: And listen to the music.
[21:46] Speaker 2: © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
[22:16] Speaker 3: And I think it's lovely of you to treat me
[22:17] Speaker 3: like a queen, dearie, and fun is fun, but.
[22:19] Speaker 5: Oh, I love doing it, kid. I'm afraid that in
[22:21] Speaker 5: the past I haven't pampered you enough.
[22:23] Speaker 2: Oh, yes, you have. I have?
[22:24] Speaker 5: Pampered you?
[22:25] Speaker 3: Oh, I thought you said hampered me.
[22:26] Speaker 5: Oh.
[22:28] Speaker 3: Look, now, I've got.
[22:30] Speaker 5: I'll get it. I wonder how Sir Walter Raleigh answered
[22:33] Speaker 5: the phone.
[22:34] Speaker 3: He probably just said, Palace, Raleigh speaking.
[22:38] Speaker 5: Palace, Raleigh... McGee's resident. Who? No, nobody here by that name. Funny,
[22:47] Speaker 5: that sounded like Doc Gamble.
[22:48] Speaker 3: Who did he want? Asked for a guy named Guy Fawkes.
[22:52] Speaker 3: You know any guy named Guy Fawkes? No, there was
[22:56] Speaker 3: a lad around the palace by that name, but he blew.
[22:59] Speaker 5: Oh.
[22:59] Speaker 3: McGee, hand me my apron off the sofa. I've got
[23:03] Speaker 3: to get out and start dinner.
[23:04] Speaker 5: Ah, say no more, my dear. Stay thy hand. I
[23:06] Speaker 5: shall prepare thyself.
[23:08] Speaker 2: Oh, no.
[23:09] Speaker 8: No.
[23:09] Speaker 5: The hill becomes a gentlewoman to toil with the bittles.
[23:12] Speaker 5: I shall don my apron.
[23:13] Speaker 2: On the seat.
[23:13] Speaker 8: Oh, dear.
[23:13] Speaker 3: Come in. Come in.
[23:15] Speaker 5: Good afternoon, Molly.
[23:16] Speaker 6: McGee.
[23:17] Speaker 4: Gadzooks.
[23:18] Speaker 5: It's the Lord Mayor himself. Praying for your worship.
[23:23] Speaker 4: How is that?
[23:25] Speaker 3: Just his way of saying come in, Mr.
[23:27] Speaker 5: Mayor.
[23:28] Speaker 4: I see.
[23:29] Speaker 9: What brings on the Peoria-type Elizabethan dialect, McGee?
[23:35] Speaker 4: You trying out.
[23:36] Speaker 5: For the role of the butler in the second rogue
[23:38] Speaker 5: company of Lady Windermere's fans? I am reading a book, Homer.
[23:43] Speaker 5: Sir Walter Raleigh. Very sterling character. Made up my mind
[23:47] Speaker 5: to copy him in every way.
[23:48] Speaker 4: I see.
[23:49] Speaker 9: Where did you read that Sir Walter Raleigh wore a
[23:51] Speaker 9: pink ruffled apron?
[23:52] Speaker 3: Well, that's his own touch, Mr.
[23:55] Speaker 5: Mayor. Yes, I am about to prepare our evening repast,
[23:57] Speaker 5: Your Worship, so that my lady may be spared the
[24:00] Speaker 5: rigors of the skilletry.
[24:05] Speaker 4: I think you mean scullery. Scullery?
[24:10] Speaker 5: I don't know what you keep in your kitchen, but
[24:12] Speaker 5: we keep skillets in ours. Not a skull in the
[24:18] Speaker 5: whole joint except the ones we're wearing.
[24:20] Speaker 3: Just let it lay there, dearie.
[24:21] Speaker 5: As my lady wishes.
[24:22] Speaker 3: How are things with you these days, Mr.
[24:24] Speaker 5: Mayor?
[24:25] Speaker 2: Busy?
[24:25] Speaker 5: Yes, yes.
[24:26] Speaker 9: I've had a rather bad time with the group of
[24:28] Speaker 9: unhappy taxpayers this week.
[24:29] Speaker 5: You ever see a group of happy taxpayers, boy?
[24:32] Speaker 4: No, no. But these were unusually unhappy.
[24:35] Speaker 2: Oh?
[24:36] Speaker 9: They're dissatisfied with the way the city treasurer is handling
[24:38] Speaker 9: our money.
[24:39] Speaker 3: Who is the treasurer, anyhow, Mr.
[24:40] Speaker 5: Mayor?
[24:41] Speaker 9: Oh, a man in whom I have the greatest confidence, Molly.
[24:43] Speaker 9: I've known him for years. He's almost like.
[24:45] Speaker 4: An uncle to me.
[24:46] Speaker 5: Who is he?
[24:47] Speaker 4: My cousin.
[24:51] Speaker 5: I assure the complainant that Cousin Wilbur has not put one.
[24:54] Speaker 9: Cent of city money into his own bank account.
[24:56] Speaker 4: It's ridiculous.
[24:57] Speaker 3: Of course it is.
[24:58] Speaker 9: How they expect a man to support a wife and
[25:00] Speaker 9: three racehorses and put money in the bank, I don't know.
[25:05] Speaker 3: Now, you boys just sit here and chat while I
[25:07] Speaker 3: go start dinner. Give me the apron, McGee.
[25:09] Speaker 8: No, sir.
[25:09] Speaker 5: You stay right where you darn are, fair lady. Even
[25:13] Speaker 5: as Sir Walter Raleigh done us to his queen, I
[25:16] Speaker 5: shall devote my life to protecting me from the necessities
[25:19] Speaker 5: of tribulation. I shall go ever onward, ever forward, spreading
[25:24] Speaker 5: my cloak over the puddles of life, lest thy dainty
[25:27] Speaker 5: foot be soiled. Sweet Genevieve.
[25:36] Speaker 3: Isn't that sickening? You know, it's been like this all day, Mr.
[25:43] Speaker 5: Mayor. That was a secret of Raleigh's success, was it?
[25:45] Speaker 5: He devoted his entire life to just doing nice things
[25:47] Speaker 5: for Queen Elizabeth. I'll bet she really appreciated him.
[25:50] Speaker 4: Well, as a matter of fact, McGee, she didn't.
[25:53] Speaker 5: She didn't?
[25:54] Speaker 9: Queen Elizabeth had him banished from her court, and he
[25:56] Speaker 9: finally wound up getting his head chopped off.
[26:00] Speaker 4: His head?
[26:01] Speaker 5: Chopped off?
[26:02] Speaker 4: Right.
[26:03] Speaker 3: I know how she felt.
[26:04] Speaker 5: Yeah. My gosh, after all he done. All his politeness.
[26:10] Speaker 5: And that's all the thanks he got?
[26:12] Speaker 8: Yeah.
[26:13] Speaker 4: Hey, Molly.
[26:14] Speaker 3: Yes, dearie?
[26:15] Speaker 5: Put this apron on and get my dinner ready. Give
[26:17] Speaker 5: me my chair. Come on, get started. Make it snappy.
[26:20] Speaker 7: My word.
[26:20] Speaker 4: Go home, Miss Trivia.
[26:22] Speaker 5: I'm sick of being polite. Come on, Molly, get with it.
[26:24] Speaker 3: Well, thank goodness I've got my husband back.
[26:27] Speaker 8: Yeah.
[26:43] Speaker 4: Raleigh and Molly will return in a moment.
[26:45] Speaker 2: Meanwhile, here's how to glorify that great American dish, the
[26:49] Speaker 2: baked potato. Bake yours in Reynolds wrap. Just mold this
[26:53] Speaker 2: pure aluminum foil around each well-cleaned potato and bake as usual,
[26:58] Speaker 2: only about 10 minutes longer. Serve them right in their
[27:00] Speaker 2: foil jacket. Just cut across through the foil, squeeze open,
[27:04] Speaker 2: pop in butter and seasoning. The most luscious baked potato
[27:08] Speaker 2: you ever tasted. Moist, mealy, full-flavored. And your potatoes stay
[27:13] Speaker 2: hot much longer in foil. Try this wonderful treat. And
[27:16] Speaker 2: while you have the oven on, pop in yesterday's rolls
[27:19] Speaker 2: or biscuits wrapped in a napkin of Reynolds Wrap. They'll
[27:23] Speaker 2: come out hot and moist like fresh bait. Get the
[27:26] Speaker 2: original and genuine Reynolds Wrap in standard 25-foot rolls and
[27:31] Speaker 2: jumbo economy rolls 75 feet. Also, heavy-duty Reynolds.
[27:34] Speaker 4: Wrap half a yard wide.
[27:36] Speaker 2: Made by the world's largest producers of aluminum foil, the
[27:40] Speaker 2: Reynolds Metals Company.
[27:50] Speaker 5: You know, Molly, I'm not just cut out for that
[27:53] Speaker 5: Walter Raleigh sort of stuff. I'd like to be your
[27:55] Speaker 5: gal at night, but I guess I just ain't the type.
[27:59] Speaker 3: Well, I don't expect you to come galloping up on
[28:01] Speaker 3: a milk-white steed, sweetheart. You'd only get saddle sores anyhow.
[28:08] Speaker 5: I guess so. Anyhow, even if I don't act like
[28:10] Speaker 5: it sometimes, you always will be my queen, Tootsie.
[28:15] Speaker 3: And you will always be my good night.
[28:17] Speaker 5: You what?
[28:18] Speaker 3: Good night.
[28:18] Speaker 5: Good night. Good night, Al.
[28:34] Speaker 2: The Reynolds Metals Company, pioneers of progress through aluminum, brings
[28:38] Speaker 2: you Fibber McGee and Molly each week at this time.
[28:41] Speaker 4: Reynolds Aluminum also brings you Mr.
[28:42] Speaker 2: Peepers, starring Wally Cox on NBC television Sunday night.
[28:46] Speaker 4: See your local paper for time and channel.
[28:49] Speaker 2: And don't forget to be with us again next Tuesday night.
[28:51] Speaker 4: Good night. Transcribed.
[29:06] Speaker 2: Tonight, play Two for the Money with Herb Schreiner on NBC.
[29:16] Speaker 1: Our visit with Fibber McGee and Molly concludes with Curtius McGee.
[29:20] Speaker 1: Good night.

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