# Fibber McGee and Molly - "Paying the Bills" (Old Time Radio, 1952)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 1 Sep 2026, 31 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/74784509/76abba605abe19a0_mastered.mp3

Fibber McGee and Molly, “Paying the Bills,” originally broadcast February 5, 1952. Episode 684 of the long-running NBC comedy stars Jim and Marian Jordan as Fibber and Molly McGee, with Pet Milk sponsorship. A routine effort to settle household bills and mail out checks becomes the basis for Fibber’s latest comic complication. The February 1952 broadcast was written by Phil Leslie and also features Richard LeGrand and Harlow Wilcox. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned/mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:40 Original Broadcast 30:46 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: A household bill is waiting to be paid, and Fibber
[0:02] Speaker 1: McGee sets out to take care of it, with checks
[0:05] Speaker 1: and mailing envelopes close at hand. Ladies and gentlemen, it
[0:09] Speaker 1: is Fibber McGee and Molly in Paying the Bills, episode 684,
[0:15] Speaker 1: first heard on NBC on February 5th, 1952. Jim and
[0:20] Speaker 1: Marion Jordan star as Fibber and Molly, with Richard Legrand
[0:24] Speaker 1: and Harlow Wilcox in the cast. Phil Leslie wrote this
[0:27] Speaker 1: Tuesday night broadcast from the Pet Milk years. For listeners
[0:31] Speaker 1: who know the McGee's world, even a routine obligation can
[0:34] Speaker 1: set a busy evening in motion. And now, we return
[0:38] Speaker 1: to the original broadcast.
[0:40] Speaker 2: The Pet Milk program with Fibber McGee and Molly!
[0:42] Speaker 3: Thank you!
[0:50] Speaker 2: The First Evaporated Milk, Pet Milk, presents Vera McGee and
[0:53] Speaker 2: Molly with Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur Q. Bryan, Dick Legrand,
[0:56] Speaker 2: Ed Begley, and me, Harlow Wilcox. The show is written
[0:59] Speaker 2: by Phil Leslie and Keith Fowler and directed by Max
[1:02] Speaker 2: Hutto with music by the King's Men and Billy Mills Orchestra.
[1:05] Speaker 4: The First Evaporated Milk.
[1:12] Speaker 2: Maybe you think 13's an unlucky number, but down in Galveston, Texas,
[1:17] Speaker 2: there's a happy family that knows 13 is a mighty
[1:20] Speaker 2: lucky number. You see, 13 years ago last Friday, four
[1:24] Speaker 2: extremely tiny, delicate babies were born to Mr. and Mrs.
[1:27] Speaker 2: Badgett of Galveston. So tiny and delicate, the Badgetts wondered
[1:31] Speaker 2: if all four would live. Well, you should see Joan, Joyce, Jeanette,
[1:36] Speaker 2: and Geraldine now. They're pretty as a picture, happy and
[1:39] Speaker 2: healthy as can be. And one big reason is, almost
[1:42] Speaker 2: from the day of their birth, they've had the nutritional
[1:45] Speaker 2: benefits of pet evaporated milk. Yes, from infancy right on
[1:50] Speaker 2: through to teenage, pet milk has helped the Badgett girls
[1:53] Speaker 2: grow and developed into sturdy, happy youngsters with good, sound teeth, strong,
[1:58] Speaker 2: straight bones, and a wonderful feeling of well-being. Well, everyone
[2:03] Speaker 2: at Pet Milk is glad and proud to have had
[2:05] Speaker 2: some part in making February 1st a very happy 13th
[2:09] Speaker 2: birthday for the Badgets. There's an old saying to the
[2:21] Speaker 2: effect that he who dances must pay the piper. It
[2:25] Speaker 2: fails to mention that he who sits at home and
[2:27] Speaker 2: can't dance anyhow... must pay the butcher, the baker, and
[2:32] Speaker 2: the Wistful Vista Gas Company. That's what's happening right now
[2:35] Speaker 2: at the home of Fibber McGee and Molly. Bills, bills.
[2:46] Speaker 5: These dad-ratted monthly bills take all the fun out of living, Molly.
[2:49] Speaker 5: If you can call this living.
[2:50] Speaker 4: Well, now, don't let it throw you, dearie.
[2:52] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[2:53] Speaker 6: We're not the only ones with bills to pay. Everybody's
[2:55] Speaker 6: in the same boat, you know.
[2:57] Speaker 5: Yeah. And the boat always sails in the same direction.
[3:00] Speaker 5: Up the creek. Why, George, if there's anything I hate
[3:04] Speaker 5: to pay for, it's after it's already used up.
[3:09] Speaker 6: Well, after all, McGee, our creditors have to live, too.
[3:12] Speaker 4: You know.
[3:12] Speaker 5: Not on my account, they don't. Here, look at this
[3:16] Speaker 5: gas bill, $ 3. 80.
[3:17] Speaker 4: It's down a little.
[3:18] Speaker 5: $ 3. 80 for gas? What do they think I'm doing, inflating
[3:21] Speaker 5: blimps for the Navy or something? My gosh, you think the.
[3:25] Speaker 4: I'll pay it, dearie.
[3:26] Speaker 5: Oh, sure.
[3:26] Speaker 6: The last hassle you had with the gas company, I
[3:29] Speaker 6: cooked in the fireplace for a week.
[3:30] Speaker 5: 21 meals on my knees is enough to last me
[3:36] Speaker 5: for a while. Don't worry, Tootsie, I'll pay it. I
[3:41] Speaker 5: know when I'm stuck. I got so many knives between
[3:44] Speaker 5: my shoulder blades, now I can't get my overcoat buttoned. There.
[3:50] Speaker 5: Now that's one ready to go.
[3:52] Speaker 4: How many more checks do you have to mail?
[3:53] Speaker 5: One more, Tootsie.
[3:54] Speaker 2: Good.
[3:55] Speaker 4: Here's an envelope.
[3:56] Speaker 3: Oh, thanks.
[3:57] Speaker 5: As soon as I address this one, I'm... Oh, for...
[3:59] Speaker 5: Now look at that. My pen is dry. Where's the ink, kiddo?
[4:04] Speaker 5: I gotta fill my pen.
[4:04] Speaker 4: There isn't any ink. You used the last drop two
[4:07] Speaker 4: weeks ago.
[4:08] Speaker 7: Two.
[4:09] Speaker 5: Well, how do you like that? Practically through, and now.
[4:11] Speaker 6: Well, if you only have one more envelope to address,
[4:14] Speaker 6: do it with a pencil.
[4:16] Speaker 8: Oh, no.
[4:18] Speaker 5: Not me. I got my pride, kiddo. I'm not going
[4:21] Speaker 5: to let the guys that get these checks have the
[4:23] Speaker 5: satisfaction of thinking they busted me down so low I
[4:25] Speaker 5: can't even afford a bottle of ink.
[4:29] Speaker 4: Can you?
[4:30] Speaker 5: Well, don't worry. My credit's good. Come on.
[4:33] Speaker 9: Back the car out.
[4:34] Speaker 5: We're going to Kramer's Drugstore.
[4:36] Speaker 10: I'm going to....
[4:43] Speaker 5: Now, let's not waste any time shopping here, Molly. I
[4:46] Speaker 5: want to get that ink, get home, and get that
[4:48] Speaker 5: last check mail.
[4:49] Speaker 4: Well, as long as we're down here, McGee, I do need.
[4:50] Speaker 5: There's no time to shop now, Tootsie. You know me.
[4:52] Speaker 5: When I start something, I like to get it finished.
[4:55] Speaker 5: No dilly-dally. Oh, hold it, hold it. I want to
[4:58] Speaker 5: weigh myself. Give me a bobby pin, will you?
[5:02] Speaker 4: A bobby pin? Your curls coming down?
[5:06] Speaker 5: Come on, come on, give me one. I'll show you
[5:08] Speaker 5: how to use that instead of a penny.
[5:09] Speaker 4: But, McGee, you shouldn't. I mean.
[5:10] Speaker 5: Don't worry. I've been working the scales for years, Tootsie.
[5:12] Speaker 2: Now, watch this.
[5:13] Speaker 5: I just straighten the bobby pin out, step on the scale.
[5:16] Speaker 4: But what if Mr. Kramer.
[5:17] Speaker 5: You can't see what I'm putting in it. I just
[5:19] Speaker 5: stick the end of the bobby pin in the slot and... No!
[5:23] Speaker 4: No!
[5:24] Speaker 11: No!
[5:25] Speaker 2: No!
[5:37] Speaker 5: My gosh. Of all the dirty, rotten tricks I ever heard.
[5:42] Speaker 5: Like to scare the... Oh, hi, Kramer.
[5:45] Speaker 2: Had to scale wires since you were last here, McGee.
[5:47] Speaker 2: Doesn't work on bobby pins anymore. Try a penny sometime.
[5:52] Speaker 5: Anytime I want to get weight, Kramer, I got a
[5:54] Speaker 5: scale at home. We're here on business.
[5:56] Speaker 4: Yes, we want a bottle of ink, Mr. Kramer.
[5:58] Speaker 2: Well, you're in luck today. We're having a penny sale
[6:00] Speaker 2: on ink. One bottle for 25 cents, two for 26.
[6:03] Speaker 4: We'll take two, Mr.
[6:04] Speaker 2: Kramer. Here you are.
[6:05] Speaker 5: Hey, the ink looks kind of gummy in one of
[6:08] Speaker 5: these bottles, Kramer. The two-bit one. Let's just put that
[6:14] Speaker 5: one back and I'll just take the penny bottle. All right.
[6:20] Speaker 2: You tried that at our last penny sale, McGee, remember?
[6:23] Speaker 4: Oh.
[6:23] Speaker 5: Oh, was that here? I thought that was the drugstore
[6:25] Speaker 5: across the street. Okay, charge my account.
[6:28] Speaker 2: Anything else? Yes.
[6:29] Speaker 5: You still fill lighters free, don't you?
[6:32] Speaker 2: Well, all right.
[6:34] Speaker 5: Here, here's mine. It's been dry for a week. I've
[6:37] Speaker 5: been trying to get down here, but I've been so.
[6:39] Speaker 2: Hey there, kids! Hi, daughter!
[6:41] Speaker 4: Hi, Johnny! Well, hello, Mr. Oldtimer.
[6:44] Speaker 5: Hi, Oldtimer. What are you doing down here?
[6:46] Speaker 9: Oh, a little shopping, Johnny.
[6:47] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[6:47] Speaker 7: I'm in to buy some vitamin pills for Papa.
[6:50] Speaker 4: Oh, what kind do you get for him? Don't matter, daughter,
[6:52] Speaker 4: as long as they're big and round. Papa don't take them.
[6:56] Speaker 4: He shoots marbles with them. My goodness. At his age,
[7:00] Speaker 4: he still plays marbles, huh?
[7:01] Speaker 7: Best shot in town with a cloudy alley.
[7:04] Speaker 9: Used to pitch horseshoes, too.
[7:05] Speaker 5: About to give it up. Too strenuous for him, hey?
[7:09] Speaker 3: Nope.
[7:10] Speaker 5: Papa likes to keep up with the times, Johnny.
[7:12] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[7:12] Speaker 7: Figured the automobile had replaced the horse, so now he
[7:15] Speaker 7: pitches auto tires.
[7:18] Speaker 5: What does he use for a steak? Lamp post, Johnny. Oh,
[7:20] Speaker 5: lamp post.
[7:21] Speaker 7: There's one in our corner, and when Papa makes a ringer,
[7:23] Speaker 7: the whole neighborhood goes dark.
[7:26] Speaker 5: Must be quite a sight, the old boy flinging automobile
[7:29] Speaker 5: tires at lamp post.
[7:30] Speaker 9: Yes, sir.
[7:31] Speaker 7: Looks very impressive, Johnny.
[7:33] Speaker 4: Especially on Sundays.
[7:34] Speaker 7: Weekdays, Papa just wears old clothes and tosses retreads. But
[7:39] Speaker 7: Sundays he gets all dressed up and throws nothing but
[7:41] Speaker 7: white sidewalks.
[7:45] Speaker 4: Well, now, isn't that a little undignified, Mr. Oldtimer?
[7:47] Speaker 7: Oh, maybe, daughter, but Papa loves it. Made him some money, too,
[7:51] Speaker 7: in a roundabout way.
[7:52] Speaker 11: How?
[7:53] Speaker 7: Well, it's kind of hard to find tires for pitching, Johnny,
[7:56] Speaker 7: so Papa took an ad in the paper.
[7:58] Speaker 2: Oh?
[7:58] Speaker 7: Says, see me first if you want to get rid
[8:01] Speaker 7: of that.
[8:01] Speaker 3: Old spare tire.
[8:03] Speaker 5: And what happened?
[8:04] Speaker 7: Fifteen fat ladies showed up and Papa opened up a
[8:06] Speaker 7: gym class.
[8:15] Speaker 2: Billy Mills, the orchestra, and always.
[9:15] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[9:16] Speaker 10: Thank you.
[9:50] Speaker 2: The End.
[10:08] Speaker 5: Well, kiddo, back to work. When I start something, I
[10:11] Speaker 5: finish it. Hand me an envelope and I'll get this
[10:14] Speaker 5: last check ready to mail.
[10:15] Speaker 4: There's an envelope in the desk drawer there.
[10:16] Speaker 5: Wait, hold it. First, I got to fill my fountain pen.
[10:19] Speaker 4: Careful now. Don't get ink on your fingers.
[10:21] Speaker 5: No, don't worry about me, Tootsie. Anytime I can't fill
[10:23] Speaker 5: a pen without getting ink... Hand me a towel.
[10:29] Speaker 4: Use the blotter there.
[10:30] Speaker 5: It's all over my fingers. That's what happens when you
[10:32] Speaker 5: buy cheap ink from a guy like Kramer's Drugstore.
[10:34] Speaker 2: Come in.
[10:34] Speaker 4: Come in.
[10:36] Speaker 9: Well, hello, Mrs. Hi, McGee.
[10:38] Speaker 4: Hello, Olly. Come in.
[10:39] Speaker 5: Oh, hi, Olly. How's it going, boy?
[10:41] Speaker 9: Well, not so good, McGee.
[10:42] Speaker 2: Oh?
[10:42] Speaker 9: I got circles under my eyes all the way down
[10:44] Speaker 9: to my whiskers.
[10:46] Speaker 5: What caused that?
[10:47] Speaker 9: Well, I ain't feel so hot at the Elks Club
[10:49] Speaker 9: this morning, so I go home and stretch out on
[10:51] Speaker 9: the sofa to took a little nap.
[10:53] Speaker 4: Oh, did you have a good rest?
[10:54] Speaker 9: Oh, fine, until my Mrs. tiptoes in to see if
[10:57] Speaker 9: I'm asleep. She leans over me in the dark, her
[11:00] Speaker 9: elbow hits the goldfish bowl, and I'm better than the
[11:02] Speaker 9: old mill stream and fuller of fish.
[11:04] Speaker 11: Ah.
[11:06] Speaker 9: And just for that, I wake up.
[11:08] Speaker 5: My gosh, no wonder. She dry you off?
[11:10] Speaker 4: Oh, sure.
[11:11] Speaker 9: And removes the goldfish. Including one little fellow who is
[11:14] Speaker 9: swimming up my necktie to spawn. Then I go back
[11:18] Speaker 9: to sleep, but I guess I smell like fish because
[11:20] Speaker 9: our cat comes in next and yonks on my chest.
[11:23] Speaker 9: I wake up looking to push right in the bush.
[11:28] Speaker 6: Sounds like sort of a cat nap.
[11:31] Speaker 2: Yeah. That's a very funny message.
[11:35] Speaker 5: Well, anyway, I'll haul her and my.
[11:36] Speaker 9: Message comes back.
[11:39] Speaker 4: She chases him out with a broom.
[11:41] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[11:42] Speaker 9: She hits the cat once, the floor lamp twice, and
[11:44] Speaker 9: me six times.
[11:47] Speaker 4: That was the end of your nap.
[11:48] Speaker 9: No, I give it one more try. I smoke a
[11:51] Speaker 9: pipe a while to quiet my nerves. Then I knock
[11:54] Speaker 9: it out and snooze again. This time I'm dicked up
[11:57] Speaker 9: by a very high hot foot.
[12:01] Speaker 5: A high hot foot?
[12:03] Speaker 9: Just below the hips. A spark from that pipe had
[12:08] Speaker 9: dropped on the sofa. I went to sleep on it
[12:10] Speaker 9: and there was such a bonfire burning close to the
[12:14] Speaker 9: head of me.
[12:16] Speaker 5: I don't suppose you went to sleep again.
[12:18] Speaker 9: That was too late, McGee. I burned my britches behind me.
[12:24] Speaker 9: So now I go down to there. I think I
[12:28] Speaker 9: took a little nap in the coal bin. So long.
[12:30] Speaker 5: So early.
[12:39] Speaker 4: I hope they have soft coal down there.
[12:43] Speaker 5: Now, doggone it, if I can concentrate for a minute,
[12:45] Speaker 5: I'll get this envelope addressed.
[12:47] Speaker 4: Let's see.
[12:48] Speaker 2: Oh, that dress.
[12:50] Speaker 4: Now what?
[12:50] Speaker 5: Ah, that cheap ink of Kramer's.
[12:52] Speaker 9: Leaked all over the envelope.
[12:53] Speaker 4: Oh, dear.
[12:54] Speaker 5: Give me another one.
[12:55] Speaker 4: That's the last envelope in the house. What?
[12:58] Speaker 5: Oh, if this isn't the most exasperating. By George, this
[13:01] Speaker 5: thing ain't gonna lick me. Back the car out, Molly.
[13:04] Speaker 5: Back to Kramer's Drugstore.
[13:06] Speaker 4: Oh, dear.
[13:16] Speaker 5: Boy, here's a break. Room to park right in front
[13:18] Speaker 5: of the drugstore, Molly.
[13:19] Speaker 4: Good. He's the car in there.
[13:21] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[13:22] Speaker 4: Hey, mister, watch out. Missed him, thank goodness.
[13:26] Speaker 5: My gosh, he stepped off the curb right in front
[13:28] Speaker 5: of us. Maybe he's been figuring his income tax and
[13:30] Speaker 5: done that on purpose. You better watch where you're going there, bud.
[13:35] Speaker 5: You almost... Oh, hey, it's you, Junior.
[13:37] Speaker 2: Hi, pal.
[13:38] Speaker 4: Hello, Molly. Well, hello.
[13:39] Speaker 2: Oh, thanks for the fast stop.
[13:41] Speaker 4: Didn't you see us coming, Mr. Wilcox?
[13:43] Speaker 2: I'm afraid not, Molly. I'm in a kind of a daze, kids. Look,
[13:46] Speaker 2: you know that big quiz show on WVIS? The one
[13:49] Speaker 2: with all the loot?
[13:49] Speaker 4: Yes, why?
[13:50] Speaker 2: Well, I was over there this afternoon. They called me
[13:52] Speaker 2: up on the stage, and I won the jackpot prize.
[13:55] Speaker 4: Oh, that's wonderful, Mr. Wilcox.
[13:57] Speaker 5: Yeah, boy, you must have won enough stuff to fill
[13:58] Speaker 5: a hole.
[13:59] Speaker 2: You should have seen the stuff they had on that stage, pal.
[14:01] Speaker 5: Yeah.
[14:02] Speaker 2: First prize was three mink coats, six convertibles, a yacht,
[14:05] Speaker 2: and I don't know what else.
[14:06] Speaker 6: Heavenly days, isn't that wonderful? What are you going to
[14:09] Speaker 6: do with all of it, Mr.
[14:10] Speaker 9: Wilcox?
[14:11] Speaker 4: My mink size is 14.
[14:12] Speaker 5: If you can't do it.
[14:14] Speaker 2: Oh, Molly, I didn't take any of that junk.
[14:16] Speaker 5: I like yellow convertibles, if you can.
[14:18] Speaker 9: Yeah?
[14:19] Speaker 4: You didn't take it?
[14:20] Speaker 2: No, no. You see, as first prize winner, I had
[14:22] Speaker 2: a choice, pal. So I took the other prize.
[14:24] Speaker 5: The other prize?
[14:25] Speaker 2: Great, big, beautiful cherry cream pie. Made with pet evaporated milk.
[14:35] Speaker 5: I was wondering when we were going to hear the
[14:36] Speaker 5: first little trickle.
[14:39] Speaker 2: Ah, what a fabulous prize. That delicious, smooth custard made
[14:43] Speaker 2: so rich and creamy with pet evaporated milk.
[14:45] Speaker 4: Ah, yes.
[14:46] Speaker 2: Ah, yeah. It's pet that makes that difference. Pet milk
[14:49] Speaker 2: that gives it that delightful, creamy smoothness. That tops everything, tastes.
[14:53] Speaker 4: I know it's wonderful, Mr.
[14:54] Speaker 6: Wilcox, but, well, six convertibles and a yacht and three
[14:58] Speaker 6: mink coats, after all.
[14:59] Speaker 2: Well, Molly, look, let's be practical. I've got a car,
[15:02] Speaker 2: yachts make me seasick, and, well, I look awful in mink.
[15:07] Speaker 2: But a cherry cream pie made with pet milk, oh,
[15:11] Speaker 2: I'm no fool.
[15:13] Speaker 5: That's one man's opinion.
[15:16] Speaker 2: Picture me tearing into that beautiful meringue topping.
[15:19] Speaker 5: Ah, boy, I'd like to have saw that.
[15:20] Speaker 2: Slicing through that creamy filling, tasting that fabulous pet milk richness.
[15:25] Speaker 5: Boy, I'm killing me. You're killing me, too, Junior.
[15:29] Speaker 2: Hey, let me sit down here beside your car and
[15:31] Speaker 2: dream about it some more.
[15:32] Speaker 9: What a pie.
[15:33] Speaker 5: What a flavor.
[15:34] Speaker 2: What a thrill.
[15:35] Speaker 5: What a knucklehead. Well, come on, Molly. Let's get in
[15:39] Speaker 5: the drugstore. Oh, hi, Kramer.
[15:43] Speaker 4: We're back.
[15:43] Speaker 2: McGee, I told you before there'd be no refund on
[15:45] Speaker 2: that bottle of ink. It's not my policy to take
[15:47] Speaker 2: back any.
[15:47] Speaker 4: We've come to buy some envelopes, Mr. Kramer.
[15:50] Speaker 2: Oh, I beg your pardon.
[15:51] Speaker 5: I don't care about the weave or the gloss or
[15:53] Speaker 5: the finish. I just want plain envelopes.
[15:54] Speaker 2: Manila?
[15:55] Speaker 5: I don't care about the flavor either. All I want
[15:58] Speaker 5: is just some funny.
[15:58] Speaker 4: White envelopes, Mr. Kramer. Regular size.
[16:01] Speaker 2: How about these? Fifteen cents a package.
[16:03] Speaker 5: How much for one?
[16:04] Speaker 2: One?
[16:05] Speaker 12: One envelope?
[16:07] Speaker 5: That's all I need. I'm just mailing.
[16:09] Speaker 4: Oh, live it up, dearie. Buy the whole package.
[16:15] Speaker 9: He will if he wants any. Okay.
[16:18] Speaker 5: Put them on my bill. And hey, Kramer.
[16:20] Speaker 2: Yes?
[16:21] Speaker 5: Fill my lighter, will you?
[16:23] Speaker 2: I already filled your lighter.
[16:24] Speaker 5: Yeah, but that was my pocket lighter. This one's off
[16:28] Speaker 5: our coffee table. Snap it up, will you, Kramer? Because
[16:33] Speaker 5: I've got to get back to work.
[16:34] Speaker 2: All right.
[16:35] Speaker 13: That's it.
[16:36] Speaker 2: You had to have a drugstore, Kramer. Why didn't you
[16:39] Speaker 2: stay in the veterinary business like you started to? If
[16:41] Speaker 2: you're going to deal with a jackass anyhow, you might
[16:43] Speaker 2: as well be safe.
[16:53] Speaker 4: What was that he was saying, dearie?
[16:55] Speaker 5: He said he'd fill it. I hope he hurries, too,
[17:01] Speaker 5: on account of.
[17:01] Speaker 2: Oh, hi, Latrivia.
[17:02] Speaker 4: Oh, well, hello, Mr.
[17:04] Speaker 13: May.
[17:04] Speaker 5: Nice to see you, Molly.
[17:05] Speaker 2: Hello, McGee.
[17:06] Speaker 5: What brings you down here, Latrivia? The squad car?
[17:11] Speaker 2: As a matter of.
[17:12] Speaker 4: Fact, yes.
[17:13] Speaker 8: Oh.
[17:13] Speaker 13: My own car is in the shop today, so I've
[17:15] Speaker 13: been using a city car with a police chauffeur.
[17:17] Speaker 4: I guess you're pretty busy these days, Mr.
[17:19] Speaker 8: Mayor.
[17:20] Speaker 13: Oh, extremely so, Molly. Meetings with the city council, paving
[17:23] Speaker 13: contracts to study, setting up a new budget for the year.
[17:26] Speaker 13: I've just been on a merry-go-round all day.
[17:29] Speaker 5: Well, that's a heck of a way to run the
[17:30] Speaker 5: city hall, boy. That's all I can say.
[17:34] Speaker 2: I beg your pardon, McGee?
[17:35] Speaker 4: Spending all day on a merry-go-round. Which one do you
[17:38] Speaker 4: go to, Mr.
[17:39] Speaker 11: Mayor?
[17:39] Speaker 4: The one down on Oak Street?
[17:40] Speaker 3: No, no, no.
[17:41] Speaker 2: Oh, no, no. Just a minute. Please, please. I didn't mean.
[17:44] Speaker 5: No wonder that budget of yours makes the taxpayers dizzy.
[17:47] Speaker 5: If you make it out riding around on a merry-go-round all.
[17:49] Speaker 8: Day, boy.
[17:51] Speaker 13: I don't make anything out on a merry-go-round. Look, all
[17:53] Speaker 13: I meant is that I've been terribly busy today.
[17:56] Speaker 5: I've just been going around in circles.
[17:57] Speaker 4: Well, of course you go around in circles on a merry-go-round, Mr.
[18:00] Speaker 2: Maynard.
[18:01] Speaker 6: If you find a merry-go-round that goes up and down,
[18:03] Speaker 6: that's a Ferris wheel.
[18:07] Speaker 8: Certainly.
[18:08] Speaker 5: And if you think you can run this town from
[18:09] Speaker 5: the top of a Ferris wheel, that's the worst political
[18:12] Speaker 5: mess I ever heard of. I didn't say anything about
[18:14] Speaker 5: a Ferris wheel.
[18:14] Speaker 4: Who said anything about Ferris wheels?
[18:16] Speaker 8: Mr.
[18:17] Speaker 13: Mayor.
[18:17] Speaker 4: Mr. Mayor, does the city council know about this? Does
[18:20] Speaker 4: the council know how you spend your day? Well, of
[18:22] Speaker 4: course they do.
[18:24] Speaker 13: The entire council has been with me all morning.
[18:26] Speaker 5: Oh, boy, that does it. A whole dead-ratted crew riding
[18:31] Speaker 5: the horses on the merry-go-round. Probably all dressed up in
[18:35] Speaker 5: hop-along Cassidy suits with cap pistols and.
[18:37] Speaker 8: I don't get dressed up in cap-along Hossity suits. Dressed
[18:41] Speaker 8: up in wrap-along Cassidy suits. Cassidy suits.
[18:44] Speaker 4: Shoots.
[18:45] Speaker 2: Look!
[18:46] Speaker 8: When I said I'd been on a merry-go-down at Jericho Brown,
[18:48] Speaker 8: good round, hold down, I didn't take the county's pistol.
[18:53] Speaker 5: On the wearer's heel at all.
[18:55] Speaker 8: I just found those fitzl on the... Where is fitzl?
[18:58] Speaker 13: Slitzl.
[18:59] Speaker 4: You were the one that.
[19:01] Speaker 2: I was the.
[19:02] Speaker 11: I.
[19:02] Speaker 4: Didn't... I was.
[19:04] Speaker 7: I was.
[19:19] Speaker 8: McGee?
[19:23] Speaker 5: Yes, boy, I'd like to hear your explanation, but I
[19:25] Speaker 5: got no time. I got to get home and mail
[19:27] Speaker 5: out a bill. Our car's right out in front of you.
[19:29] Speaker 4: Oh, is that your car out there?
[19:31] Speaker 13: The one with Wilcox sitting right beside it?
[19:33] Speaker 2: Yep.
[19:34] Speaker 4: Oh, he's still sitting there, McGee.
[19:35] Speaker 2: Oh?
[19:36] Speaker 4: There's a man in a blue suit talking to him.
[19:38] Speaker 2: That's, uh.
[19:40] Speaker 13: That's my driver, Sergeant Breen.
[19:43] Speaker 5: Mr.
[19:43] Speaker 4: Wilcox is shaking his head.
[19:45] Speaker 2: Oh?
[19:46] Speaker 4: The officer has a book out.
[19:47] Speaker 2: Oh?
[19:49] Speaker 4: Mr. Wilcox shrugs.
[19:51] Speaker 5: He gets up.
[19:53] Speaker 4: He walks away.
[19:54] Speaker 2: Hey.
[19:55] Speaker 5: Hey, what was he sitting on out there anyhow? A
[19:58] Speaker 5: fire hydrant. Well, it must have been pretty uncomfortable.
[20:04] Speaker 8: What?
[20:06] Speaker 4: We parked next to a hydrant? Yes.
[20:08] Speaker 8: Hey, officer, just a minute. Don't write that ticket.
[20:18] Speaker 10: I'm a friend of the mayor.
[20:24] Speaker 4: Hey, breathe.
[20:25] Speaker 2: The King's Men and Marshmallow Moon.
[20:34] Speaker 10: There's a marsh.
[20:36] Speaker 3: Malamoo in a velvet sky tonight. And she'll... There's a
[20:54] Speaker 3: time coming soon When her arms will hold me tight
[21:04] Speaker 3: And I'll count the moments Till we share this.
[21:11] Speaker 5: Delight Now I know.
[21:15] Speaker 10: She must be watching This same woman.
[21:24] Speaker 4: I wish that she.
[21:26] Speaker 3: Could join me on this night so bright for all.
[21:33] Speaker 10: Oh, there's a marshmallow moon in the sky tonight.
[21:46] Speaker 3: And soon we'll... There's a marshmallow moon Tonight.
[22:18] Speaker 6: And frankly, sweetheart, I'm just happy to get home and
[22:20] Speaker 6: sit down for a minute. What does the citation say again?
[22:24] Speaker 5: It says, violation of order 4927. Which translated means, be
[22:30] Speaker 5: at the police court tomorrow morning with ten bucks in
[22:32] Speaker 5: my hand.
[22:32] Speaker 4: Oh, dear. Well, sit down, relax.
[22:35] Speaker 2: Ah.
[22:36] Speaker 4: You can start mailing that envelope again tomorrow.
[22:38] Speaker 5: Relax my clavicle. This thing has got my backup, kiddo.
[22:41] Speaker 5: I'm going to address this letter and get this check
[22:43] Speaker 5: mailed if it's the last thing I ever do.
[22:45] Speaker 4: Well, now you can do it, sweetheart. I know you can.
[22:49] Speaker 4: Mother has confidence in you.
[22:51] Speaker 5: Well, thank you. Give me an envelope.
[22:55] Speaker 4: Here.
[22:55] Speaker 5: Let's see, George and George. There, finally got it addressed.
[23:02] Speaker 2: At last.
[23:03] Speaker 5: Give me a stamp, quick, while I'm hot.
[23:05] Speaker 4: Stamp right there in the little box.
[23:07] Speaker 5: Oh, I used all the stamps in that box. Don't
[23:09] Speaker 5: tell me we're all out of.
[23:10] Speaker 4: Pack the car out.
[23:11] Speaker 3: Oh.
[23:14] Speaker 5: Molly, I can't afford another trip in that car.
[23:16] Speaker 4: Skip it. You mean we can stay home?
[23:18] Speaker 5: No, sirree, we can't stay home.
[23:20] Speaker 4: Grab your hat. We'll take a streetcar.
[23:22] Speaker 5: Down to Kramer's. Oh, no.
[23:23] Speaker 11: Well, at least we don't have to worry where we
[23:35] Speaker 11: park this car, dearie.
[23:36] Speaker 5: No, personally, I'd park this thing in the middle of
[23:38] Speaker 5: Dugan's Lake. Of all the clankin' flat-wheeled riders.
[23:43] Speaker 8: What did.
[23:50] Speaker 5: He say? That's Oak Street.
[23:53] Speaker 4: For goodness sakes. Look who's coming up the aisle.
[23:57] Speaker 2: Dr.
[23:57] Speaker 4: Gamble.
[23:58] Speaker 2: Hiya, Molly.
[23:59] Speaker 11: Hello, mule mouth.
[24:01] Speaker 12: I thought I heard you sounding off back here.
[24:04] Speaker 5: Hiya, Lancelot. I'd ask you to sit down with us,
[24:07] Speaker 5: but I'm scared you'd do it. I will, too. I'm
[24:10] Speaker 5: a big, strong fellow.
[24:11] Speaker 12: I can stand you for three blocks.
[24:14] Speaker 5: What brings you downtown, Molly?
[24:16] Speaker 2: Shopping?
[24:16] Speaker 4: No, himself. He's mailing out the checks for our monthly bills, Doctor.
[24:20] Speaker 9: Oh, no.
[24:21] Speaker 4: Don't tell me he's paying off at last.
[24:24] Speaker 2: Yep.
[24:24] Speaker 5: I figure a man's credit... All the most fabulous next.
[24:27] Speaker 4: All the most fabulous. Connection with Neva Trust.
[24:29] Speaker 12: All the most fabulous next.
[24:40] Speaker 5: I figure a man's credit is his greatest asset, Doctor.
[24:43] Speaker 5: I have drawn checks today for all my honest debts,
[24:46] Speaker 5: and I shall not rest until the last one is mailed. Well,
[24:49] Speaker 5: this is exciting.
[24:50] Speaker 12: I'll rush right back to the office and wait for
[24:51] Speaker 12: the mailman, and thank you, Honest John.
[24:55] Speaker 5: I didn't make a check out for you, Fatso, so
[24:57] Speaker 5: just relax.
[24:58] Speaker 2: What?
[24:59] Speaker 12: What about that $ 10 you owe me since November for
[25:01] Speaker 12: curing that bad cold you had?
[25:03] Speaker 5: I said my honest debts. I ain't going to pay
[25:06] Speaker 5: that one, boy. Oh, blackmail, huh? Call it what you will.
[25:09] Speaker 12: If I don't cancel it, you'll tell all the citizens
[25:12] Speaker 12: of Whistle Vista that.
[25:13] Speaker 5: I saved your life and they'll run me.
[25:14] Speaker 2: Out of town.
[25:15] Speaker 5: No, I ain't going to pay you on account if
[25:18] Speaker 5: it was your fault I got the cold in the
[25:19] Speaker 5: first place.
[25:20] Speaker 4: Oh, McGee, how could it be the doctor's fault?
[25:22] Speaker 5: Because what give me that cold was I got caught
[25:23] Speaker 5: in the rain coming home.
[25:25] Speaker 4: Well?
[25:25] Speaker 5: If I'd have got home five minutes earlier, I wouldn't
[25:27] Speaker 5: have got caught in the rain.
[25:28] Speaker 9: Go on.
[25:29] Speaker 5: The reason I didn't get home five minutes earlier was
[25:31] Speaker 5: because I ducked into Walt's Small Shop and had a
[25:33] Speaker 5: cup of coffee.
[25:33] Speaker 2: Continue.
[25:34] Speaker 5: The reason I ducked into Walt's small shop was because
[25:36] Speaker 5: I saw you coming down Oak Street and I didn't
[25:38] Speaker 5: want to talk to you.
[25:47] Speaker 4: Oh.
[25:47] Speaker 5: My cold was your fault and I ain't gonna pay it.
[25:49] Speaker 5: I see.
[25:50] Speaker 12: Well, I'd better get off this car before you expect
[25:53] Speaker 12: free treatment for the knot.
[25:54] Speaker 5: On your head, too. I haven't got a knot on
[25:56] Speaker 5: my head.
[25:57] Speaker 4: You will have.
[25:58] Speaker 5: If I stay.
[25:58] Speaker 10: All right.
[26:03] Speaker 5: How do you know who I am?
[26:05] Speaker 8: Next stop, go for Lassimer.
[26:07] Speaker 9: Go for Lassimer.
[26:08] Speaker 10: Next, change for Nerf.
[26:11] Speaker 5: Hey, Molly, this is our stop.
[26:13] Speaker 2: Sorry, dearie.
[26:14] Speaker 4: Come on, come on.
[26:16] Speaker 5: Go for Lassimer.
[26:18] Speaker 4: Call out for go for Lassimer.
[26:19] Speaker 5: Nerf car.
[26:20] Speaker 9: Watch it, Molly.
[26:21] Speaker 5: Give me your hand.
[26:22] Speaker 8: Watch this, please.
[26:23] Speaker 5: It's the first metal truck company.
[26:24] Speaker 3: Hey, boy!
[26:25] Speaker 8: Hey!
[26:31] Speaker 6: My goodness, I'll be so glad to see you get
[26:33] Speaker 6: that letter.
[26:33] Speaker 4: Stamped and mailed and get it in the way. Yes, sir.
[26:35] Speaker 5: I'm closing in on it, Tootsie. Well, hi, Kramer.
[26:39] Speaker 9: It's me again.
[26:40] Speaker 2: I'm out of liar fluid.
[26:41] Speaker 5: Liar fluid I don't need.
[26:42] Speaker 10: I come to buy.
[26:58] Speaker 2: Fine. What do you want?
[27:00] Speaker 5: A three-cent stamp. What? Oh, for the.
[27:04] Speaker 2: Here. Three cents.
[27:06] Speaker 9: Charge it. Thank you.
[27:07] Speaker 2: Anything else I can do for you?
[27:09] Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah. One more thing. Stick out your tongue, will you, Cranky?
[27:12] Speaker 4: Oh, McGee, lick it yourself.
[27:17] Speaker 5: Ah, that does it. I finally got this check ready
[27:19] Speaker 5: to mail. I told you I could do it.
[27:21] Speaker 4: Quick, to the mailbox. Right out here. Hang on to it.
[27:24] Speaker 2: I got it.
[27:24] Speaker 5: I got it.
[27:25] Speaker 4: Shop begins.
[27:27] Speaker 5: Ah, there, that's it.
[27:28] Speaker 4: Oh, at last the check is.
[27:29] Speaker 5: On its way. Yeah, when I start something, I stay
[27:32] Speaker 5: with it, kiddo. I follow through.
[27:33] Speaker 6: My goodness, for all the time this thing took, you
[27:35] Speaker 6: could have probably delivered that.
[27:37] Speaker 5: One in person. Yeah, I probably could. I never thought
[27:39] Speaker 5: of that.
[27:40] Speaker 4: Who did the check go to, anyway?
[27:41] Speaker 5: Kramer's Drugstore. Oh, come on, let's grab a streetcar and
[27:52] Speaker 5: get out.
[27:53] Speaker 2: Pepper and Molly return in a moment. You know, it
[27:56] Speaker 2: seems to me that mothers get smarter and smarter all
[27:58] Speaker 2: the time. For instance, in the old days, when it
[28:01] Speaker 2: came time to wean the baby, some mothers would switch
[28:03] Speaker 2: to ordinary bottled milk. They had a time of it, too,
[28:06] Speaker 2: because the baby was used to pet evaporated milk. And
[28:09] Speaker 2: he had some pretty definite ways of telling Mom that
[28:12] Speaker 2: he didn't like any change in diet. Well, these days,
[28:15] Speaker 2: mothers don't have that trouble at weaning time. They just
[28:18] Speaker 2: keep baby on pet milk and everything's rosy. Baby like
[28:21] Speaker 2: pet milk in the bottle, he likes it in the glass.
[28:24] Speaker 2: And even more important, the very same protective substances in
[28:27] Speaker 2: pet evaporated milk that help babies build sound teeth, strong
[28:32] Speaker 2: straight bones, and make sturdy, steady growth helps youngsters through
[28:36] Speaker 2: all their growing years. Yes, it's getting so in happy
[28:39] Speaker 2: homes throughout the country. Youngsters have safe, easy-to-digest pet milk
[28:44] Speaker 2: from the time they're born till they have pet milk
[28:47] Speaker 2: babies of their own. Which is probably one reason why
[28:50] Speaker 2: there are more happy, healthy youngsters today than ever before.
[29:00] Speaker 6: Well, it took a while to do it, dearie, but
[29:02] Speaker 6: it's nice to have all our debts paid, huh?
[29:04] Speaker 5: Yeah, but there'll be more. Don't worry. Reminds me of
[29:07] Speaker 5: a guy I knew back in Peoria. He always kept
[29:10] Speaker 5: his monthly bills hid in the chandelier.
[29:13] Speaker 4: In the chandelier?
[29:14] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[29:14] Speaker 5: He finally had to move, though. He couldn't stand having
[29:17] Speaker 5: a bunch of bills hanging over his head. Won't you
[29:22] Speaker 5: get it, Molly? A bunch of bills.
[29:23] Speaker 4: Ain't funny, McGee.
[29:25] Speaker 5: Well, I can't keep up this pace all night.
[29:27] Speaker 4: Good night. Good night, all.
[29:38] Speaker 2: The first evaporated milk, that's milk. you Fiddle McGee and
[29:40] Speaker 2: Molly each week at this time. Be with us again
[29:43] Speaker 2: next Tuesday night, won't you? Every Saturday morning on the
[29:54] Speaker 2: Pet Milk program, Mary Lee Taylor brings you the story
[29:57] Speaker 2: of the week about modern marriage. The story next Saturday
[30:00] Speaker 2: morning concerns one of those well-known triangles, two men and
[30:03] Speaker 2: a woman. And the woman is young wife Sally Carter.
[30:06] Speaker 2: Don't miss this dramatic story of the week. On the
[30:09] Speaker 2: same show, you'll hear Mary Lee Taylor's Pet Milk Recipe
[30:12] Speaker 2: of the Week for Valentine Cookies. Delicious, easy to make,
[30:16] Speaker 2: low in cost. Remember, for top-notch entertainment and helpful service,
[30:21] Speaker 2: set your dial for Pet Milk's Mary Lee Taylor next
[30:24] Speaker 2: Saturday morning on NBC.
[30:26] Speaker 10: Now, Eddie Cantor on NBC.
[30:46] Speaker 1: We close the ledger on Fibber McGee and Molly's paying
[30:49] Speaker 1: the bills. Follow Fibber McGee and Molly for more classic broadcasts.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.