# Fibber McGee and Molly - "The Used Car" (Old Time Radio, 1945)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 17 Oct 2026, 31 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/75838202/9250204ef619bee2_mastered.mp3

Fibber McGee and Molly presents “The Used Car,” originally broadcast October 9, 1945. In episode 448 of the NBC comedy series, Jim Jordan and Marian Jordan star as Fibber and Molly McGee. With civilian automobiles newly relevant in the early postwar period, the McGees set out to shop for a car—especially a snappy green sedan. Fibber’s enthusiasm and Molly’s levelheaded perspective turn a practical errand into a classic Wistful Vista misadventure. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned/mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:34 Original Broadcast 30:28 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Jim Jordan and Marion Jordan return as Fibber and Molly
[0:03] Speaker 1: McGee in an NBC broadcast sponsored by Johnson's Wax. On
[0:08] Speaker 1: October 9th, 1945, the residents of Wistful Vista set out
[0:12] Speaker 1: to shop for a car, with Fibber particularly interested in
[0:15] Speaker 1: a snappy green sedan. Civilian automobiles had been scarce through
[0:19] Speaker 1: the war years, and car shopping had a timely place
[0:23] Speaker 1: in American life during the post-war reconversion. This is episode
[0:27] Speaker 1: 448 of Fibber, McGee, and Mollie, The Used Car. We
[0:31] Speaker 1: now take you back to the original broadcast.
[0:34] Speaker 2: The Johnson Wax Program with Fibber, McGee, and Mollie. The
[0:46] Speaker 2: makers of Johnson's Wax products for home and industry present Fibber, McGee,
[0:50] Speaker 2: and Mollie, written by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie, with
[0:53] Speaker 2: music by the Kingsmen and Billy Mills Orchestra. Do you
[1:19] Speaker 2: know what makes the difference between a car that's dull
[1:21] Speaker 2: and one that shines? Johnson's car new and an hour
[1:25] Speaker 2: or so of your time.
[1:26] Speaker 3: That's the difference.
[1:27] Speaker 2: People who haven't used wax-fortified car new can't possibly realize
[1:31] Speaker 2: how easily it transforms the looks of their car, removes
[1:34] Speaker 2: the road grime and dullness, and restores that original showroom shine.
[1:40] Speaker 2: Now that you're using your car regularly, there's no reason
[1:42] Speaker 2: for not being proud of its looks. Car new does
[1:45] Speaker 2: an amazing cleaning job, and what's more, it does two
[1:48] Speaker 2: jobs at the same time, cleans and polishes with one application.
[1:52] Speaker 2: It leaves the finish beautiful. And so wax smooth, the
[1:55] Speaker 2: dirt and grime don't have an easy foothold. Carnu is
[1:58] Speaker 2: a liquid polish easy to apply with a cloth. It
[2:01] Speaker 2: dries to a white powder. And when you wipe off
[2:03] Speaker 2: this powder, the dirt and dullness disappear like magic. Your
[2:07] Speaker 2: dealer has plenty of Carnu. Why not try it this week?
[2:10] Speaker 2: Ask for Johnson's Carnu, spelled C-A-R-N-U. We'd like to introduce
[2:41] Speaker 2: to you two well-known pedestrians who have just decided to
[2:45] Speaker 2: become motorists. Yes, the folks at 79 Westville Vista have
[2:49] Speaker 2: made up their minds to buy a new car.
[2:53] Speaker 3: As new as you can get one now, anyway.
[2:55] Speaker 2: And here, looking over the want ads, we find Fibber
[2:58] Speaker 2: McGee and Volley.
[3:07] Speaker 4: Well, what's in the papers, Daddy?
[3:11] Speaker 5: Lots of wonderful cars being advertised Cadillacs, Lincolns, Packards, Apperson,
[3:17] Speaker 5: Jackrabbits Hey, hey, here's.
[3:22] Speaker 4: An interesting one Read it in your well-modulated.
[3:24] Speaker 5: Voice It says 1939 coupe By school teacher with leather
[3:30] Speaker 5: rumble seat Knee action and custom-built body.
[3:37] Speaker 4: Is she a blonde or a brunette? Or does she
[3:39] Speaker 4: have a convertible top?
[3:43] Speaker 5: Don't say.
[3:44] Speaker 6: How much is it?
[3:45] Speaker 5: Don't say that either. It just says, bring an honest face.
[3:48] Speaker 4: Oh. Well, that'll be easy. You can take me.
[3:53] Speaker 5: Say, here's an ad that looks good, Molly. Bantams for sale.
[3:55] Speaker 4: Oh, I've always wanted one of those little cars. How
[3:58] Speaker 4: much are they?
[3:58] Speaker 5: Hens, three dollars. Rooster, four dollars. I'm on the wrong page.
[4:04] Speaker 5: This is lifestyle.
[4:09] Speaker 4: Look, dearie, why don't we just go downtown and prowl
[4:11] Speaker 4: through the used car lot?
[4:12] Speaker 5: Not a bad idea, Snooki. I like to walk around
[4:15] Speaker 5: poking the upholstery and kicking the tires.
[4:17] Speaker 4: Anybody who would kick a tire these days is taking
[4:19] Speaker 4: his life in his feet.
[4:21] Speaker 5: Besides, it isn't... Come in.
[4:25] Speaker 4: Oh, hello, Dr.
[4:26] Speaker 7: Gamble.
[4:26] Speaker 3: Hello, my dear.
[4:28] Speaker 7: And a curt nod of recognition to you, pickled puss.
[4:32] Speaker 5: Well, vaccinate my goldfish if it isn't the old belly
[4:35] Speaker 5: thumper himself. What's new in the world of medicine, witch doctor,
[4:39] Speaker 5: as if you'd know?
[4:42] Speaker 4: I see where Mayor Latrivia has appointed you health commissioner, doctor. Congratulations.
[4:47] Speaker 7: Thank you, Molly. After squawking my head off for 20
[4:50] Speaker 7: years about sanitary conditions in this town, I am now
[4:53] Speaker 7: in a position where I have to do something about
[4:55] Speaker 7: it or shut my big fat mouth.
[4:58] Speaker 5: You ain't yodeling the Indian love call there, bone bender.
[5:03] Speaker 5: When do you take office?
[5:04] Speaker 7: January 1st.
[5:05] Speaker 3: Why?
[5:05] Speaker 5: I just wondered how much longer it'd be safe for
[5:07] Speaker 5: us to drink our city water. Make a note of that, Molly.
[5:10] Speaker 5: The first of the year, we start using bottled water.
[5:14] Speaker 4: Don't be insulting, dearie. I'm sure Dr. Gamble will be
[5:17] Speaker 4: a wonderful health commissioner.
[5:19] Speaker 5: Ah, but among them city hall vultures, he'll just be
[5:22] Speaker 5: a boob in the woods. Them ward healers will hamstring
[5:25] Speaker 5: him so he can't prescribe an aspirin tablet without a referendum.
[5:30] Speaker 7: On the contrary, my boy, I will have the freest
[5:33] Speaker 7: hand of any health commissioner in history.
[5:35] Speaker 4: Why, doctor?
[5:36] Speaker 7: Due to my high ethical standards, my dear, I hesitate
[5:39] Speaker 7: to use the word blackmail. But Alderman McClutchie would find
[5:43] Speaker 7: it difficult to explain why I had to remove a
[5:45] Speaker 7: pearl earring from his larynx when his wife does not
[5:48] Speaker 7: wear earrings. And City Treasurer Fink might not care to
[5:56] Speaker 7: have it bruited about that he broke his leg leaping
[5:59] Speaker 7: out the second-story window of a gambling joint. I am
[6:03] Speaker 7: not quoting actual names, you understand, but you get the idea. Yes,
[6:09] Speaker 7: I think the lads will treat the new commissioner with
[6:11] Speaker 7: considerable courtesy.
[6:13] Speaker 5: Doc, I've underrated you.
[6:14] Speaker 7: Thank you. I underrate you, too.
[6:16] Speaker 5: Gee, thanks. You're not just saying that because you admire me.
[6:21] Speaker 7: Yes, I am, and now I think I'd better be going.
[6:24] Speaker 7: I have a delicate operation waiting for me.
[6:26] Speaker 3: At the hospital.
[6:27] Speaker 5: Something real fancy, eh, Doc?
[6:28] Speaker 3: Yes, I have to tell.
[6:29] Speaker 7: One of our wealthier patients to get up and go home.
[6:32] Speaker 7: His hangover has progressed from the amusing to the obnoxious.
[6:35] Speaker 8: Goodbye, Molly.
[6:37] Speaker 7: See you later, loose lip, I'm afraid.
[6:39] Speaker 4: Isn't he a sweet old character?
[6:50] Speaker 5: He's an insulting old curmudgeon. Hey, what's a curmudgeon?
[6:54] Speaker 4: Search me, dearie. I know what a cur is, but
[6:56] Speaker 4: I wouldn't know about mudgins. Haven't we better be going
[6:59] Speaker 4: downtown looking for a car?
[7:00] Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess we better have.
[7:01] Speaker 2: You all ready?
[7:02] Speaker 4: Well, I will be just as soon as I put
[7:03] Speaker 4: my face on. Now, you lock the door.
[7:05] Speaker 8: Okay, I'll get.
[7:06] Speaker 5: Everything down here. Ah, there goes a good kid. She
[7:09] Speaker 5: knows buying a car these days is pretty chancy. And
[7:12] Speaker 5: she knows what a bum driver I am. But is
[7:15] Speaker 5: she worried?
[7:16] Speaker 3: Scared stiff.
[7:19] Speaker 5: Is she going to let me know if she's scared?
[7:20] Speaker 3: No siree.
[7:22] Speaker 5: Not till 20 seconds after I stick that key in
[7:24] Speaker 5: the ignition. Why, George, if she... Come in.
[7:28] Speaker 4: Hi, mister. Well, slice me down.
[7:31] Speaker 5: The middle and call me Slim. If it isn't little Teenie.
[7:34] Speaker 8: Yes.
[7:34] Speaker 5: Hi, Teenie.
[7:35] Speaker 4: Hi.
[7:38] Speaker 9: What you doing, mister, hmm? What you doing, hmm?
[7:41] Speaker 4: Whatcha?
[7:42] Speaker 5: Well, sis, I and Mrs. McGee are about to go
[7:43] Speaker 5: car buying. Mommy and Poppy shoppy for a jalopy.
[7:47] Speaker 2: Oh.
[7:48] Speaker 9: Gee, that's dandy, mister. Why don't you get a car
[7:51] Speaker 9: that the top goes up and down on and buy
[7:53] Speaker 9: it while the top is down, hmm? Why don't you?
[7:56] Speaker 5: Now, there must be some glimmering of sense behind that idea, sis,
[7:58] Speaker 5: but I don't seem to get it. Why should I
[8:01] Speaker 5: buy a car that's a top-down?
[8:02] Speaker 9: No ceiling. That was a joke.
[8:10] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[8:12] Speaker 5: If I ever want to saw my way out of
[8:13] Speaker 5: a radio program, sis, I'll borrow your gag file. Now,
[8:17] Speaker 5: if you'll excuse me, I.
[8:18] Speaker 9: Hey, hey, mister, what kind of a car are you
[8:20] Speaker 9: going to buy? My daddy has a Cad.
[8:23] Speaker 5: Not only has, he is.
[8:26] Speaker 5: Frankly, Jeannie, we don't know exactly what we want as yet.
[8:29] Speaker 5: We're going to romp through a few used car lots
[8:31] Speaker 5: and take a gander at the situation.
[8:32] Speaker 8: Huh?
[8:32] Speaker 5: What do you think of the Stanley Steamer?
[8:34] Speaker 9: Well, I... Hmm?
[8:38] Speaker 5: I might go for a station wagon if I can
[8:39] Speaker 5: find a good bargain.
[8:40] Speaker 9: Oh, my daddy doesn't like station wagons. You know why?
[8:44] Speaker 4: No, why?
[8:45] Speaker 9: It's because he doesn't like police dogs.
[8:47] Speaker 3: Oh, I see.
[8:51] Speaker 5: Have I got my pajamas on, sis?
[8:53] Speaker 3: No. That's good.
[8:56] Speaker 5: I was afraid I was dreaming this whole conversation. Tell me,
[9:00] Speaker 5: Madam Interlocutor, why doesn't your daddy like station wagons because
[9:03] Speaker 5: he hates police dogs?
[9:04] Speaker 9: Well, he had a station wagon once, and somebody told
[9:07] Speaker 9: him a station wagon didn't look good unless it had
[9:10] Speaker 9: a police dog in it. So he got a police dog,
[9:12] Speaker 9: and it sat in the front seat with him. And
[9:14] Speaker 9: a cop stopped him one day when he was going
[9:17] Speaker 9: too fast, and he asked my daddy why he didn't
[9:20] Speaker 9: let his friend drive because he looked more intelligent than
[9:22] Speaker 9: my daddy.
[9:27] Speaker 5: Well, I've seen your old daddy.
[9:31] Speaker 5: And I've seen police dogs, and I'm inclined to agree
[9:33] Speaker 5: with the.
[9:33] Speaker 2: Stop!
[9:35] Speaker 9: I will not listen.
[9:36] Speaker 3: Okay.
[9:37] Speaker 9: My daddy is a good, kind man, and he's always
[9:40] Speaker 9: given me a quarter for a soda. I will not
[9:43] Speaker 9: stand here and listen to unkind remarks about him.
[9:47] Speaker 5: Well, I've given you plenty of quarters for sodas myself, this.
[9:50] Speaker 9: Not lately, I bet you.
[9:51] Speaker 5: Okay. Okay, here's a quarter. Means I'll have to buy
[9:57] Speaker 5: a cheaper car, but who cares?
[9:58] Speaker 8: Thank you, mister.
[10:05] Speaker 9: Now then, what were you saying about my daddy?
[10:07] Speaker 5: I said he looks like a police dog.
[10:09] Speaker 9: I know it.
[10:09] Speaker 5: And he's a stuck-up snob in the second place.
[10:11] Speaker 9: Isn't he, though?
[10:12] Speaker 5: He thinks because he's cashier in a bank that anybody
[10:14] Speaker 5: worth less than 200,000 bucks is a hobo.
[10:17] Speaker 9: You hit the nail on the head that time, mister.
[10:19] Speaker 5: And he's the only guy in town that wears a gardenia.
[10:21] Speaker 5: I hate guys that wear gardenias. And furthermore.
[10:24] Speaker 4: That's all, mister.
[10:25] Speaker 9: That's all. That's two bits worth. Goodbye now.
[10:39] Speaker 2: Billy Mills and the orchestra and No Cam Do.
[10:42] Speaker 8: No Cam Do. Thank you. Thank you.
[12:17] Speaker 3: The End.
[12:45] Speaker 5: Hey, this is a pretty good-looking assortment of cars.
[12:48] Speaker 4: Oh, look, McGee, that's awfully cheap for that beautiful car,
[12:51] Speaker 4: isn't it?
[12:51] Speaker 3: Where?
[12:52] Speaker 4: That one right there.
[12:53] Speaker 3: Huh?
[12:53] Speaker 4: It says Packard 120. Oh.
[12:55] Speaker 9: Isn't that quite a bargain?
[12:59] Speaker 5: That ain't the price, Mommy. That's the name of the car.
[13:01] Speaker 3: How do you do, sir? Good day, madam.
[13:03] Speaker 4: How do you do, I'm sure?
[13:05] Speaker 5: You the mastermind in this rattle trap roundup, bud?
[13:07] Speaker 3: I am, sir. My name is Stanley Stutz.
[13:11] Speaker 5: I'll bet you're a bearcat of a salesman, Stan. Did
[13:13] Speaker 5: you get it, Molly?
[13:15] Speaker 3: Stunt?
[13:16] Speaker 7: Bearcat?
[13:16] Speaker 5: You see, there used to be a car.
[13:17] Speaker 4: It ain't funny, McGee.
[13:19] Speaker 5: It ain't?
[13:21] Speaker 3: No, sir, it ain't. I mean, it isn't. It's a
[13:25] Speaker 3: common delusion, sir, that jokes referring to a person's name
[13:28] Speaker 3: are excruciatingly funny.
[13:29] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[13:29] Speaker 3: But they are usually painfully repetitious to the subject. Your
[13:33] Speaker 3: bearcat witticism is exceedingly threadbare, so far as I'm concerned.
[13:38] Speaker 4: Well, I bet it is at that. You owe the
[13:40] Speaker 4: gentleman an apology, McGee.
[13:42] Speaker 5: She's right, Bearcat. I apologize.
[13:44] Speaker 2: That's quite all right, sir.
[13:49] Speaker 3: Now then, may I show you something?
[13:51] Speaker 4: Yes, what?
[13:53] Speaker 3: I mean, did you wish to see some of our stock?
[13:56] Speaker 5: You betcha, Bearcat. Do you mind if I call you Bear?
[13:59] Speaker 5: You know, short for Bearcat.
[14:02] Speaker 3: No, not at all, sir. Do you mind if I
[14:04] Speaker 3: call you Pole? No.
[14:05] Speaker 2: No.
[14:09] Speaker 4: Now, now, boys, let's get to business.
[14:11] Speaker 5: How about that green sedan over there, Stan, old man?
[14:13] Speaker 5: That looks in pretty good shape.
[14:15] Speaker 3: Oh, that car's not for sale, sir. Now, over here
[14:17] Speaker 3: we have a splendid little car, a late model seven-cylinder Dillingham.
[14:22] Speaker 3: Good rubber, new battery.
[14:23] Speaker 4: Did you say seven cylinders?
[14:25] Speaker 3: Yes, madam.
[14:26] Speaker 5: What became of the other cylinder?
[14:27] Speaker 3: What other cylinder?
[14:28] Speaker 4: Isn't it supposed to have eight?
[14:30] Speaker 3: Oh, no, madam. This is a six-cylinder car. We added
[14:33] Speaker 3: an extra cylinder ourselves as a special premium. Oh, I see.
[14:38] Speaker 4: Well, I will say, Mr. Strode.
[14:40] Speaker 3: Stutz.
[14:41] Speaker 4: Excuse me. I will say, Mr. Stutz, that all your
[14:44] Speaker 4: cars look beautiful.
[14:45] Speaker 5: Yeah. Must keep a guy around here just to clean them.
[14:48] Speaker 3: Up for you, bud. Oh, we do. Oh, that lad
[14:51] Speaker 3: over there takes great pride in them. Oh, I say, boy,
[14:54] Speaker 3: did you polish that new Lincoln we just got in? Yes, Mr.
[14:57] Speaker 6: Stutz.
[14:58] Speaker 3: Looks beautiful, too, after that Johnson's car new treatment. Something wrong, folks?
[15:06] Speaker 4: No, no, not a thing. In fact, everything is very.
[15:09] Speaker 3: Much as usual.
[15:11] Speaker 5: That, uh, the fellow you just spoke to, Stan, is he, uh,
[15:15] Speaker 5: a new boy around here?
[15:16] Speaker 3: Yes, yes, he wandered in this morning. I asked him
[15:19] Speaker 3: if he was in the market for a car, and
[15:21] Speaker 3: he said no. He just had a morbid interest in dusty,
[15:24] Speaker 3: dirty cars. I see. Uh, you know him?
[15:27] Speaker 5: I've seen him someplace.
[15:28] Speaker 3: Ha, ha, ha.
[15:29] Speaker 4: Tell the truth, McGee. We see him every place.
[15:32] Speaker 6: Yoo-hoo!
[15:33] Speaker 9: Mr.
[15:33] Speaker 8: Wilcox!
[15:34] Speaker 5: Well, hello there, Molly.
[15:35] Speaker 3: Hello, pal. Oh, you know Mr. and Mrs.
[15:38] Speaker 2: McGee, Mr.
[15:38] Speaker 5: Stutz?
[15:39] Speaker 3: Sufficiently, I think.
[15:40] Speaker 5: What you doing here, Junior, which is the silliest question
[15:42] Speaker 5: of the week?
[15:45] Speaker 3: Oh, you know how I am, pal.
[15:46] Speaker 2: When I see a dingy-looking automobile, I've got to get
[15:49] Speaker 2: out the Johnson's car new and show the world how
[15:51] Speaker 2: easy it is to transform it into a showroom model.
[15:53] Speaker 2: The way car new cleans and polishes at one swell foop.
[15:57] Speaker 4: Fell swoop, Mr. Wilcox.
[15:59] Speaker 2: Oh, cleans and polishes at one fell swoop is amazing.
[16:11] Speaker 2: You see, you just apply a little carnue, let it dry,
[16:14] Speaker 2: and wipe it off. For a proud and lazy car owner,
[16:17] Speaker 2: it's the answer to his prayers. So, when I passed
[16:19] Speaker 2: this used car lot this morning, I just had to
[16:21] Speaker 2: move in and do my stuff. You see, as an
[16:24] Speaker 2: expert on Johnson's carnue.
[16:25] Speaker 3: Just a minute, son. These people and I were discussing business.
[16:29] Speaker 3: Why don't you go back to work like a good lad? Yes, sir, Mr. Stutz.
[16:32] Speaker 3: See you later, folks.
[16:33] Speaker 6: Good day, Mr.
[16:33] Speaker 4: Wilcox.
[16:34] Speaker 5: So long, Waxy. Well, you got a good boy there, Stutsy.
[16:39] Speaker 4: Yeah, I hope you can keep him.
[16:40] Speaker 3: Well, I rather doubt it. He's only paying me $ 5
[16:42] Speaker 3: a day to let him polish these cars. Well, back
[16:46] Speaker 3: to business, folks. Now, this Hudson Roadster over here.
[16:49] Speaker 5: Now, wait a minute, Cy. That green sedan in the
[16:53] Speaker 5: back there is just the kind of a car.
[16:54] Speaker 3: Now, Mr. McGee, I thought I'd made it clear that
[16:56] Speaker 3: that green sedan is not for sale.
[16:59] Speaker 5: You wouldn't be holding out on us, would you, Stan,
[17:01] Speaker 5: old horse?
[17:02] Speaker 3: No, sir, it is merely that it lacks equipment for delivery. Now,
[17:06] Speaker 3: you take this car here, Mr. McGee. It's only been
[17:08] Speaker 3: driven 12,000 miles. It belonged to an elderly lady who
[17:12] Speaker 3: used it only to do her marketing.
[17:14] Speaker 4: Well, she must have been a quaint old character. She
[17:18] Speaker 4: left a package of chewing tobacco in the front seat.
[17:23] Speaker 3: Well, uh.
[17:23] Speaker 5: And there's a street map of Honolulu sticking out of
[17:26] Speaker 5: the glove compartment. What was she marketing for, ukuleles?
[17:29] Speaker 3: Well, uh, she was, uh... Oh, excuse me a minute.
[17:34] Speaker 3: I hear my telephone. You just looked around all you like, folks.
[17:37] Speaker 8: Hey, why do.
[17:38] Speaker 4: You suppose he doesn't want to sell us that green sedan, McGee?
[17:41] Speaker 3: That's easy.
[17:42] Speaker 5: He's holding it for a friend. But by George, if
[17:44] Speaker 5: he thinks for one minute that he can.
[17:45] Speaker 4: Wait a minute, dearie. There goes Mrs. Carstairs.
[17:48] Speaker 6: Yoo-hoo!
[17:49] Speaker 8: Mrs.
[17:49] Speaker 6: Carstairs, yoo-hoo!
[17:52] Speaker 5: Ah, why didn't you let her go on past? She
[17:54] Speaker 5: gets under my skin like a tattooed dragon.
[17:56] Speaker 4: Well, my goodness, suppose she does act a little like
[17:59] Speaker 4: a coquettish dray horse. She's a fine woman. Well, imagine
[18:04] Speaker 4: meeting you down here, Mrs. Carstairs. Oh, how do you do,
[18:07] Speaker 4: my dear?
[18:07] Speaker 6: Are you alone?
[18:09] Speaker 8: Oh.
[18:13] Speaker 4: Well, I see you're approximately alone. Good day, Mr.
[18:18] Speaker 3: McGee. Hi, Carsty.
[18:19] Speaker 5: I'm surprised to see you up and around today.
[18:22] Speaker 2: Why, Mr.
[18:23] Speaker 6: McGee?
[18:23] Speaker 5: Well, judging by the newspapers, that must have been quite
[18:25] Speaker 5: a wingding you flung at your mansion last night.
[18:28] Speaker 6: The wing-ding, as you so vulgarly express it, Mr. McGee,
[18:31] Speaker 6: was in honor of Sir Humphrey Ramsbottom, the British consul
[18:35] Speaker 6: and his daughter, Lady Murgatroyd.
[18:36] Speaker 3: Oh.
[18:37] Speaker 6: The affair was notable for its complete dignity, and I
[18:40] Speaker 6: regret that the newspapers reported it for the derision of
[18:43] Speaker 6: the hoi polloi.
[18:43] Speaker 4: The what, Mrs.
[18:45] Speaker 6: Carstairs?
[18:46] Speaker 4: The hoi polloi, my dear.
[18:47] Speaker 6: A Greek word meaning the masses.
[18:49] Speaker 5: Oh, you speak Greek, Carstie? Yes.
[18:53] Speaker 4: Oh, say something in Greek for us, Mrs. Carstairs.
[18:57] Speaker 6: Hoi polloi.
[19:04] Speaker 3: Thanks.
[19:05] Speaker 6: Are you by any chance purchasing a car?
[19:07] Speaker 5: You betcha, Carstie.
[19:08] Speaker 3: Why?
[19:09] Speaker 6: Well, then perhaps I might make a suggestion.
[19:11] Speaker 4: Why, of course, Mrs. Carstairs.
[19:12] Speaker 6: Then do, by all means, get a motor car which
[19:15] Speaker 6: has a sufficiently long speaking tube between the tonneau and
[19:18] Speaker 6: the chauffeur seat. I find it quite a strain to
[19:21] Speaker 6: lean forward so much, telling Jeffers.
[19:22] Speaker 2: To look out for that truck.
[19:24] Speaker 3: Where?
[19:24] Speaker 4: That truck.
[19:25] Speaker 6: I don't... I was talking to Jeffers.
[19:31] Speaker 5: Yeah, I see. Well, maybe we can get a chauffeur
[19:35] Speaker 5: with longer ears.
[19:39] Speaker 4: I tell you, McGee will see that we get a
[19:41] Speaker 4: good car all right, Mrs.
[19:42] Speaker 3: Carstairs.
[19:43] Speaker 4: He's a wonderful mechanic. Knows all about cars.
[19:46] Speaker 2: Really?
[19:46] Speaker 5: You betcha, Carstie. Now you take this little coupe right here.
[19:49] Speaker 5: This kind of car is all right. had one definite weakness.
[19:51] Speaker 5: The horn gets stuck. Nine times out of ten, you
[19:53] Speaker 5: just touch it like this.
[19:55] Speaker 2: And it.
[19:56] Speaker 8: You see what I mean? It sticks.
[19:59] Speaker 4: Please, McGee, don't do that. Shut it off.
[20:01] Speaker 8: I can't shut it off.
[20:02] Speaker 4: It's stuck.
[20:03] Speaker 3: I think I know what to.
[20:04] Speaker 8: Do, Mr.
[20:04] Speaker 5: McGee.
[20:05] Speaker 3: What, Darcy?
[20:06] Speaker 2: What?
[20:06] Speaker 4: What would you do, Mrs. Carstairs?
[20:08] Speaker 2: I would go away.
[20:09] Speaker 6: Good day, my dear.
[20:10] Speaker 8: Hey, shut.
[20:10] Speaker 2: Hey, shut.
[20:12] Speaker 8: Come fix this thing.
[20:14] Speaker 3: Hey, it's stuck.
[20:16] Speaker 2: It's stuck.
[20:16] Speaker 7: Hey.
[20:30] Speaker 2: The king's man singing there, I've said it again. Why
[20:35] Speaker 2: is it when we're parked alone, I never.
[20:39] Speaker 5: Say what's on my mind?
[20:43] Speaker 3: I got a million things to say. Come over closer,
[20:48] Speaker 3: let me find.
[20:55] Speaker 6: I love you.
[20:56] Speaker 8: There's nothing to hide.
[20:58] Speaker 2: It's better than burning inside.
[21:03] Speaker 5: I love you. said it.
[21:13] Speaker 3: What more can I say?
[21:15] Speaker 4: Believe me, there's no other way I love you.
[21:21] Speaker 3: I will to the end.
[21:24] Speaker 9: There, I've said it again.
[21:28] Speaker 5: I've tried to.
[21:29] Speaker 10: Drum up a phrase that would sum up everything.
[21:33] Speaker 8: That I feel for you.
[21:35] Speaker 4: © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
[22:07] Speaker 8: I love you.
[22:29] Speaker 5: Now, looky here, Bearcutt. Let's quit the stalling.
[22:31] Speaker 3: Stalling, sir?
[22:32] Speaker 4: He means, why don't you sell us the green sedan
[22:35] Speaker 4: in the back there?
[22:36] Speaker 3: I've tried to explain, madam. That car is not in
[22:38] Speaker 3: a saleable condition. It is not for sale.
[22:40] Speaker 5: Holding it for a friend, eh, Stutz?
[22:42] Speaker 3: I assure you I wouldn't sell that car to my
[22:44] Speaker 3: best friend. Now, look, Mr. McGee, will you please consider
[22:47] Speaker 3: this 1941 Chevrolet? It's in excellent condition, and I... Oh,
[22:52] Speaker 3: I'm sorry, folks. My telephone again. You will excuse me. Certainly.
[22:55] Speaker 5: Well, Natch, take your time, Bearcat. We got all day.
[22:58] Speaker 5: You know, Molly, there's something fishy about him not wanting
[23:00] Speaker 5: us to have that green sedan.
[23:01] Speaker 4: Well, maybe he does want us to have it. Maybe
[23:03] Speaker 4: he's just trying to get us excited about it by
[23:05] Speaker 4: pretending it's not for sale. Sale?
[23:07] Speaker 5: Well, my goodness, what are you folks doing here?
[23:10] Speaker 4: Well, Mayor Latrivia, how nice.
[23:12] Speaker 5: Hi, Latrivia. How's it feel to be a weak old civilian?
[23:17] Speaker 3: How did you mean that, McGee?
[23:19] Speaker 10: A week old civilian or a civilian of a week's duration?
[23:23] Speaker 4: Oh, he meant how does it feel to be out
[23:25] Speaker 4: of the Coast Guard, Mr. Mayor?
[23:27] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[23:27] Speaker 10: To be frank, Molly, if I ever set foot on
[23:30] Speaker 10: another deck, it will be because I walked through a
[23:32] Speaker 10: pinochle game. And when I smell powder again, it will
[23:37] Speaker 10: be on the swan-like neck of some lovely woman. Some
[23:41] Speaker 10: lovely civilian woman.
[23:43] Speaker 3: Oh! On a dance floor.
[23:49] Speaker 10: Which I have not scrubbed five times that day myself.
[23:55] Speaker 3: What was your rank, Latrivia? Chief Gunner's maid.
[23:58] Speaker 4: How wonderful. And who was the gunner?
[24:05] Speaker 3: Who was what gunner, Mrs. McGee?
[24:06] Speaker 5: The gunner that you were the mate of.
[24:10] Speaker 10: I was not the mate of a gunner.
[24:12] Speaker 3: I myself was.
[24:13] Speaker 5: The gunner's mate.
[24:14] Speaker 4: Yes, but what gunner's mate?
[24:16] Speaker 3: Any gunner's mate.
[24:17] Speaker 5: Now, that's a kind of a haphazard system, ain't it, Latrivia?
[24:24] Speaker 5: If a gunner can pick any mate he wants.
[24:25] Speaker 2: But he can't!
[24:28] Speaker 4: Yes, but you said that.
[24:29] Speaker 2: Look!
[24:31] Speaker 10: In the Navy, the word mate means a subordinate officer
[24:34] Speaker 10: having no rank, but taking precedence over enlisted men.
[24:37] Speaker 5: I thought you enlisted yourself.
[24:38] Speaker 3: I did.
[24:39] Speaker 4: Then if you were a mate, you took precedence over yourself.
[24:41] Speaker 3: Of course I did.
[24:43] Speaker 4: I mean, no, certainly not.
[24:45] Speaker 5: That is, I was not... Well, I can see why
[24:47] Speaker 5: you never got to be an admiral at trivia. You're
[24:51] Speaker 5: too easy confused.
[24:54] Speaker 3: I am not confused. Let me explain.
[24:56] Speaker 4: Please do.
[24:57] Speaker 3: Very well.
[24:59] Speaker 10: Now then, I joined the Coast Guard as an apprentice seaman.
[25:03] Speaker 10: Then I was made a first-class seaman. Then I was
[25:06] Speaker 10: promoted to gunner's mate third class.
[25:08] Speaker 5: Third class, eh? You skipped the first two classes.
[25:12] Speaker 10: I did not skip the first two classes. Second class
[25:15] Speaker 10: and first class come after third class.
[25:17] Speaker 4: Don't be silly, Mr.
[25:18] Speaker 2: Mayor.
[25:18] Speaker 4: When I was in school... This has nothing to do
[25:21] Speaker 4: with school, Mr.
[25:21] Speaker 3: Mayor. A petty officer in the Navy.
[25:25] Speaker 5: Now, just because you're a little irritated with the trivia,
[25:28] Speaker 5: that don't give you the right to disparage the officers
[25:30] Speaker 5: of our Navy. Some of them may be petty, but
[25:34] Speaker 5: by George.
[25:35] Speaker 2: I.
[25:35] Speaker 3: Didn't say the officer. I said the petty officer.
[25:40] Speaker 2: The third class of the officer.
[25:42] Speaker 3: I mean the third class petty mate.
[25:43] Speaker 2: Gunner's friend.
[25:44] Speaker 5: Now, look.
[25:46] Speaker 3: A gunner's mate is a....
[25:55] Speaker 10: Oh, it's wonderful to be home again.
[26:05] Speaker 3: And do you know what you've done for me?
[26:07] Speaker 4: What, Mr. Mayor?
[26:08] Speaker 10: You have made me realize what it means to be
[26:10] Speaker 10: mayor of a city like Wistful Vista. Until now, the
[26:13] Speaker 10: responsibility has.
[26:14] Speaker 3: Really worried me. But no more.
[26:17] Speaker 5: What do you mean, kid?
[26:19] Speaker 10: Why, when I think that I am the civic leader
[26:21] Speaker 10: of thousands and thousands of people who are probably just
[26:24] Speaker 10: as dumb as you or Dumber, I realize my job
[26:29] Speaker 10: isn't so tough.
[26:32] Speaker 3: Thank you, citizen.
[26:34] Speaker 4: Good day, Molly.
[26:35] Speaker 5: Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. He sure gets
[26:45] Speaker 5: worked up, don't he, Molly? He was just liver with rage.
[26:48] Speaker 4: You mean livid, dearie.
[26:49] Speaker 5: Go on, livid is a girl's name, like livid de Havilland.
[26:53] Speaker 4: That's Olivia.
[26:54] Speaker 5: Oh, don't kid me, Snooki. Olivia is a country in
[26:56] Speaker 5: South America.
[26:58] Speaker 4: That's Bolivia.
[26:59] Speaker 3: Oh, yeah?
[26:59] Speaker 5: Well, then what does... Oh, hiya, Bearcat. You ready to
[27:03] Speaker 5: do business?
[27:04] Speaker 3: Yes, Mr. McGee, and I think this Chevrolet here is
[27:06] Speaker 3: just the kind.
[27:07] Speaker 4: Now, just a minute, Mr.
[27:08] Speaker 2: Bearstutz.
[27:11] Speaker 4: We want to know about this green sedan over there.
[27:13] Speaker 5: Yeah, why are you so anxious to keep us from
[27:15] Speaker 5: buying that? The best looking car in the place. Look
[27:17] Speaker 5: at them perfect tires. Look at the finish and the upholstery.
[27:20] Speaker 5: That's the car we want, Stutz.
[27:21] Speaker 3: Please, Mr. McGee, that car was the last model off
[27:24] Speaker 3: the assembly line after war was declared. It is not complete.
[27:27] Speaker 4: We don't care. We want it.
[27:28] Speaker 5: But it doesn't have any windshield wipers. So what? We
[27:31] Speaker 5: can buy those ourselves.
[27:32] Speaker 3: I didn't mean that. I was referring to the.
[27:34] Speaker 9: I know, fog lights.
[27:35] Speaker 4: But we don't care anything about those details, Mr.
[27:37] Speaker 2: Bearcat.
[27:38] Speaker 3: Will you please let me tell you, that car hasn't
[27:40] Speaker 3: got a rear bumper.
[27:41] Speaker 5: So what? I never learned how to back up anyway.
[27:47] Speaker 3: Come on, Bud.
[27:47] Speaker 5: Come on.
[27:48] Speaker 4: How much?
[27:48] Speaker 3: I'm warning you, Mr. McGee.
[27:49] Speaker 4: How much?
[27:50] Speaker 3: It wouldn't be fair to me if... Quit stalling, Cy.
[27:52] Speaker 5: How much?
[27:53] Speaker 8: $ 350.
[27:53] Speaker 3: But believe me.
[27:55] Speaker 8: No.
[27:56] Speaker 1: Yes, sir.
[27:56] Speaker 5: Here's the cash, Bearcat. Give me a receipt before you
[27:59] Speaker 5: back down again.
[28:00] Speaker 3: Oh, very well. There you are. Bill of sale and
[28:04] Speaker 3: the title certificate will take a little longer.
[28:06] Speaker 4: Oh, isn't this a beautiful car, McGee, and all ours.
[28:09] Speaker 5: Yeah, for 350 bucks, too.
[28:10] Speaker 4: Yeah, let's drive it around the block and see how
[28:13] Speaker 4: it runs.
[28:14] Speaker 5: Okay. Well, where's the ignition keys, bud?
[28:17] Speaker 3: You won't need any.
[28:18] Speaker 4: Huh?
[28:19] Speaker 3: No, I told you this was the last car off
[28:21] Speaker 3: the assembly line after Pearl Harbor.
[28:23] Speaker 4: So what?
[28:24] Speaker 3: So there's no motor in it.
[28:26] Speaker 4: No?
[28:26] Speaker 7: No motor.
[28:28] Speaker 5: Oh, this is ridiculous.
[28:30] Speaker 3: Oh.
[28:38] Speaker 2: In nearly every field, there's one product that stands out
[28:41] Speaker 2: above all others as the accepted favorite, and usually with
[28:44] Speaker 2: good reason. Among no-rubbing floor polishes, that favorite is, of course,
[28:48] Speaker 2: Johnson's Glow Coat. From coast to coast, it way outsells
[28:51] Speaker 2: all other no-rubbing polishes. That certainly is evidence of a
[28:54] Speaker 2: product's superiority, the test of continued use on millions of floors. Yes,
[29:00] Speaker 2: there are reasons. Glow coat not only saves you work
[29:02] Speaker 2: because it's self-polishing, it not only gives you maximum floor
[29:06] Speaker 2: beauty and adds greatly to the life of your linoleum, rubber, composition,
[29:10] Speaker 2: and finished wood floors, it's perfectly blended so that it
[29:13] Speaker 2: never streaks, is never uneven. Its quality is completely uniform,
[29:17] Speaker 2: and you can count on every single package giving you
[29:20] Speaker 2: the same satisfaction. That's why the demand for Johnson's self-polishing
[29:24] Speaker 2: glow coat increases.
[29:26] Speaker 3: From year to year.
[29:32] Speaker 4: Ladies and gentlemen, the real test of patriotism comes after
[29:36] Speaker 4: the bands have stopped playing and the guns have stopped shooting.
[29:39] Speaker 5: Well, the guns have stopped... shooting, folks, but our men
[29:41] Speaker 5: are still in their pitching until they are returned to
[29:44] Speaker 5: civil life. It's to them we owe victory, and it's
[29:47] Speaker 5: to them we owe the recreational care and maintenance of
[29:50] Speaker 5: morale until they do get home.
[29:52] Speaker 4: The agency which takes care of this is the National
[29:54] Speaker 4: War Fund. And when you are called on to subscribe,
[29:58] Speaker 4: give generously. We gave our boys a warm hand when
[30:00] Speaker 4: they left. Let's not give them the cold shoulder now.
[30:04] Speaker 5: Good night.
[30:05] Speaker 4: Good night, all.
[30:12] Speaker 2: This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson's
[30:14] Speaker 2: Wax products for home and industry, inviting you to be.
[30:16] Speaker 5: With us again next Tuesday night.
[30:18] Speaker 2: Good night.
[30:19] Speaker 7: This is the National Broadcasting Company.
[30:28] Speaker 1: We have just heard Fibber McGee and Molly, The Used Car.
[30:31] Speaker 1: Good night, and thank you for joining us.

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