# Fibber McGee and Molly - "Beware of Pickpockets on the Bus" (Old Time Radio, 1937)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 29 Aug 2026, 31 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/74747526/9285b1a1c766b091_mastered.mp3

Fibber McGee and Molly presents “Beware of Pickpockets on the Bus,” episode 99 of Fibber McGee and Molly, originally broadcast March 1, 1937. Jim and Marian Jordan star as Fibber and Molly McGee in this NBC Red Johnson’s Wax Program broadcast. On an early-morning bus trip from Wistful Vista, Fibber’s self-assured travel know-how is put to the test after a bus detective warns passengers to beware of pickpockets. This 1937 broadcast is a repeat of the March 9, 1936 program of the same title. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned/mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:41 Original Broadcast 30:45 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: At Wistful Vista's bus terminal, a detective warns early morning
[0:04] Speaker 1: passengers to watch for pickpockets. It is the starting point
[0:07] Speaker 1: for Fibber McGee and Molly, Beware of Pickpockets on the Bus,
[0:11] Speaker 1: Episode 99, originally broadcast on NBC Red on March 1st, 1937.
[0:19] Speaker 1: Jim and Marion Jordan bring Fibber and Molly aboard an
[0:22] Speaker 1: intercity coach, where Fibber's professed worldly wisdom meets fellow travelers
[0:27] Speaker 1: and a series of misunderstandings. This Monday night, Johnson's wax
[0:31] Speaker 1: program was a repeat of a broadcast first heard on
[0:35] Speaker 1: March 9th, 1936. Now, back to the golden age of radio.
[0:45] Speaker 2: The Johnson Wax Program. Presenting Marion and Jim Jordan as
[0:51] Speaker 2: Fibber McGee and Molly.
[0:55] Speaker 3: Woo!
[1:08] Speaker 4: Ted Williams and his orchestra open the show with... Excuse me, Harpo.
[1:11] Speaker 4: What's the matter, Fibber?
[1:12] Speaker 5: Oh, listen, I don't want to be persnickety or critical
[1:15] Speaker 5: or didactic, but.
[1:17] Speaker 4: Oh, yeah? What does didactic mean?
[1:21] Speaker 5: Well, I don't know, but I'd hate to be that way.
[1:24] Speaker 5: What I was going to.
[1:24] Speaker 3: Say was this.
[1:25] Speaker 5: I noticed last week that, well, I mean, can't you
[1:30] Speaker 5: manage to get a little more hoop-de-doo into your voice?
[1:34] Speaker 3: Hoop-de-doo?
[1:35] Speaker 5: Yeah. Can't you work up a little enthusiasm, you know?
[1:38] Speaker 5: Make your announcements with more gusto and... Verve?
[1:43] Speaker 4: Huh? Verve?
[1:45] Speaker 5: What's that?
[1:46] Speaker 4: Well, I don't know, but I think that's what you mean,
[1:47] Speaker 4: isn't it?
[1:48] Speaker 5: Well, roughly, yes.
[1:50] Speaker 6: McGee, come away from there.
[1:51] Speaker 3: Okay, well, just bear it in mind, Harpo. I meant
[1:53] Speaker 3: it kindly.
[1:54] Speaker 4: Well, I took it kindly. Ladies and gentlemen, Ted Weems and.
[1:58] Speaker 5: Harpo!
[1:59] Speaker 4: Oh, yes, I forgot.
[2:00] Speaker 2: Ted Weems and his orchestra open the show with Riding High!
[2:05] Speaker 7: Riding High!
[2:19] Speaker 2: A housewife writes us that she has some floors of
[2:21] Speaker 2: black and yellow linoleum, very striking in appearance. Although such
[2:25] Speaker 2: floors are usually most difficult to care for, requiring constant attention,
[2:29] Speaker 2: since this housewife started using Johnson's glow coat, she cleans
[2:33] Speaker 2: them only once a month. They stay so beautifully polished
[2:36] Speaker 2: that everyone that comes into the house comments on the
[2:39] Speaker 2: lovely floors. Yet, she never has to do any rubbing
[2:42] Speaker 2: or buffing. This woman uses glow coat on her closet floors, too,
[2:45] Speaker 2: so dust can't stick to them. She praises glow coat
[2:48] Speaker 2: for the protection it gives her linoleum and the great
[2:51] Speaker 2: amount of work it saves her.
[2:53] Speaker 4: Millions of housewives are enthusiastic users of.
[2:56] Speaker 2: Johnson's self-polishing glow coat, made by the makers of Johnson's wax.
[3:01] Speaker 2: Order glow coat tomorrow in the attractive yellow can. By
[3:03] Speaker 2: the way, remember, it's very economical to buy the larger sizes.
[3:06] Speaker 8: © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
[3:47] Speaker 2: Tonight, we are complying with a number of requests to
[3:50] Speaker 2: repeat one of the episodes of a year ago. So
[3:53] Speaker 2: let's go to the Wistful Vista bus terminal, where the
[3:55] Speaker 2: McGees are going to take an early morning trip. Among
[3:58] Speaker 2: the people awaiting the arrival of the 3 a.m. bus,
[4:01] Speaker 2: we find Fibber McGee and Molly.
[4:11] Speaker 5: It's a wonder they wouldn't fold up the newspapers they
[4:13] Speaker 5: leave on these benches, Molly.
[4:16] Speaker 6: Well, McGee, at least it's all there.
[4:18] Speaker 9: Yeah.
[4:18] Speaker 6: That's more than I can say about you.
[4:23] Speaker 3: Say, looky here.
[4:26] Speaker 6: Now, McGee, stop looking at the picture of that lady
[4:28] Speaker 6: dressed up mostly in goose pimples.
[4:33] Speaker 5: Chuck, Molly, that's art.
[4:35] Speaker 6: Looks more like Eve to me.
[4:38] Speaker 5: Oh, sirree. That's Gypsy Rose Lee. I'll read you the
[4:43] Speaker 5: headline that goes with the picture, Molly.
[4:44] Speaker 3: Let's see here.
[4:45] Speaker 5: Morton Minsky claims no vulgarity in striptease. Striptease?
[4:52] Speaker 3: What's that?
[4:52] Speaker 6: Is it something like a comic strip?
[4:56] Speaker 5: Well, that depends on who does it. This here, this
[5:01] Speaker 5: here Gypsy Rose, she's an expert at the tease.
[5:06] Speaker 6: I suppose she works in a little gypsy tease room.
[5:12] Speaker 5: That's pretty far-fetched.
[5:15] Speaker 6: That's what they said about me, Uncle Dennis. That time
[5:17] Speaker 6: he swallowed the poker chip and they fetched him 40
[5:19] Speaker 6: miles to a hospital.
[5:21] Speaker 5: Did he have openers? Did you get it, Molly? It
[5:26] Speaker 5: ain't funny, Mickey.
[5:27] Speaker 3: Okay, okay.
[5:28] Speaker 5: What's your deal?
[5:31] Speaker 6: Well, shuffle the paper and turn to something interesting.
[5:35] Speaker 3: Okay.
[5:35] Speaker 5: Let's see now.
[5:36] Speaker 3: Here's... Pardon me, laddie.
[5:38] Speaker 9: Would you mind holding your paper still a wee minute?
[5:40] Speaker 3: I'm trying to read the funny.
[5:42] Speaker 9: Oh.
[5:43] Speaker 5: Well, is the light all right, sir?
[5:45] Speaker 6: Can I strike a few matches for you?
[5:47] Speaker 3: Thank you kindly, Lassie. But I've only a bit more
[5:50] Speaker 3: to read. Cheapskate.
[6:00] Speaker 5: Talked to me like I owned this paper. Well.
[6:05] Speaker 6: Ah, isn't that sweet? Look there, McGee. The Dion quintuplets.
[6:10] Speaker 5: Yep. There's five of them. Can you imagine that?
[6:15] Speaker 3: Ah.
[6:16] Speaker 6: And look at Dr. DePoe carrying that one piggyback.
[6:19] Speaker 5: Oh, piggyback, yeah. I used to do that, Molly, with
[6:22] Speaker 5: the kids back in Peoria.
[6:23] Speaker 10: Yeah.
[6:24] Speaker 5: Piggyback McGee, the kids all called me in them days.
[6:27] Speaker 2: Oh, my.
[6:28] Speaker 5: Piggyback McGee, the peripatetic promulgator of playground paraphernalia and top
[6:33] Speaker 5: calamiter of the pale and picky and pappooses of Peoria.
[6:36] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[6:42] Speaker 6: Promulgate us another page of the paper, piggyback. Ah, ah, ah,
[6:47] Speaker 6: that's Gypsy Rose Lee again. You turned the wrong way.
[6:50] Speaker 5: Oh, did I?
[6:51] Speaker 6: Now, come on, turn over a new leaf. Okay.
[6:55] Speaker 5: Hey, looky here, Molly. Says baseball players warm up in
[6:58] Speaker 5: training camps. You mean they join the army?
[7:01] Speaker 11: No, no, no.
[7:02] Speaker 5: That means that they went... Excuse me, folks.
[7:04] Speaker 3: Oh, certainly.
[7:04] Speaker 6: What is it, mister?
[7:05] Speaker 4: You waiting to take the 318 bus?
[7:08] Speaker 5: You think we come in here to wait for our
[7:09] Speaker 5: old age pensions?
[7:10] Speaker 2: McGee.
[7:11] Speaker 6: Pay no attention to him, mister. Yes, we're taking the
[7:14] Speaker 6: 318 bus.
[7:15] Speaker 4: Well, I just wanted to tell you to keep your
[7:16] Speaker 4: wits about you.
[7:17] Speaker 5: Huh? What for, bud?
[7:19] Speaker 10: Well, uh, don't look now, but I'm a detective for
[7:24] Speaker 10: the bus line.
[7:26] Speaker 6: Oh, heavenly days, a detective. Kind of a rumble seat dick, eh, bud?
[7:31] Speaker 4: I just wanted to warn you to watch your valuables.
[7:34] Speaker 4: You carrying much money on you?
[7:36] Speaker 5: Oh, I got $ 37.
[7:36] Speaker 10: McGee!
[7:39] Speaker 6: Why did you ask, Mr. Detective?
[7:41] Speaker 5: Well, you see, we've had a few pickpockets on our
[7:43] Speaker 5: bus lines.
[7:44] Speaker 10: Lately, so I just thought I'd warn you. Of course,
[7:47] Speaker 10: probably nothing will happen, but then you never can tell.
[7:50] Speaker 4: Oh.
[7:51] Speaker 6: Well, it was real nice of him to warn us now,
[7:54] Speaker 6: wasn't it?
[7:54] Speaker 5: Oh, I don't know. I guess I can take care
[7:56] Speaker 5: of myself. I'll never forget the time when I was
[7:58] Speaker 5: riding the subway from Times Square to Bowling Green. Oh,
[8:03] Speaker 5: hello there, Charlie.
[8:04] Speaker 12: Oh, hello, Mr.
[8:05] Speaker 9: McGee.
[8:05] Speaker 12: Imagine seeing you here at the bus station.
[8:07] Speaker 3: Well.
[8:08] Speaker 12: Gerald said he'd meet me here, but I don't see
[8:10] Speaker 12: him anywhere.
[8:10] Speaker 5: Well, maybe he's probably under a bench somewhere.
[8:13] Speaker 6: Gerald says he used to meet some nice girls on
[8:15] Speaker 6: trains by taking tinders out of their eyes, but he
[8:17] Speaker 6: says there's no romance taking carbon monoxide out of their lungs.
[8:20] Speaker 13: Oh, isn't that just too, too exhilarating?
[8:24] Speaker 6: Yeah, that's too, too sick to eat.
[8:26] Speaker 10: Oh.
[8:27] Speaker 13: You know, Gerald says almost everybody travels by bus nowadays.
[8:30] Speaker 5: That so?
[8:31] Speaker 12: Yeah.
[8:32] Speaker 13: He says his uncle always used to travel by rail,
[8:35] Speaker 13: but it took six men to carry him.
[8:38] Speaker 5: Virgin of Feather. Tired of getting it.
[8:40] Speaker 12: On another thing, Gerald, it was so cute.
[8:42] Speaker 3: I mean, it really was, Mr.
[8:43] Speaker 12: McGee, really.
[8:43] Speaker 11: Yeah?
[8:44] Speaker 13: I asked Gerald if buses had dining rooms on them,
[8:46] Speaker 13: and what do you think he said?
[8:47] Speaker 5: I don't know, but I bet there was food for
[8:49] Speaker 5: thought in it.
[8:50] Speaker 13: Gerald said no, that they didn't have dining rooms, but
[8:53] Speaker 13: they were working on a new bus with donut tires
[8:55] Speaker 13: and a coffee clutch.
[8:56] Speaker 5: Oh.
[8:56] Speaker 13: Okay, Gerald, now, it simply must be on.
[8:59] Speaker 5: I'll say so.
[9:00] Speaker 3: Biddle, biddle, biddle.
[9:01] Speaker 7: © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
[9:37] Speaker 3: When there's a rainbow on the river.
[9:40] Speaker 8: The birds are mating they're busy dating each other above
[9:50] Speaker 8: happy in love.
[9:54] Speaker 4: That's you and.
[9:57] Speaker 8: I go sailing Along the rippling stream Holding hands together
[10:08] Speaker 8: Together we'll dream With a rainbow on the river You
[10:16] Speaker 8: get the feeling Romance is stealing right out of the
[10:22] Speaker 8: blue Into your heart.
[10:55] Speaker 2: That was Ted Williams and his men playing Rainbow on
[10:57] Speaker 2: the River with Perry Como singing. And now, back in
[11:01] Speaker 2: the bus station at Wistful Vista, it's just 3 a.m.
[11:05] Speaker 4: As we find Fibber and Molly watching the bus pull in.
[11:12] Speaker 6: There's the bus town, McGee.
[11:14] Speaker 14: Come on.
[11:15] Speaker 6: And hang on to your money. Or better still, let
[11:18] Speaker 6: me carry it.
[11:19] Speaker 5: Hey, what's the idea? Ain't I old enough to carry
[11:21] Speaker 5: my own money?
[11:22] Speaker 6: Well, if I'm carrying the money, I don't have to
[11:24] Speaker 6: worry about you getting lost. Besides, as the baby kangaroo
[11:29] Speaker 6: says to its mama, getting into your pocket would be
[11:32] Speaker 6: child's play.
[11:35] Speaker 5: I'd like to see somebody take my role. Hey there,
[11:38] Speaker 5: quit shoving there, you.
[11:40] Speaker 4: Take it easy, brother.
[11:41] Speaker 3: Only me.
[11:42] Speaker 8: Oh.
[11:43] Speaker 6: Oh, the bus detective again.
[11:44] Speaker 5: Yeah, that guy. You know, I don't like that guy's look.
[11:49] Speaker 3: You don't?
[11:49] Speaker 14: 318 now leaving for Johnsonville, Johnsonburg, Johnson's Corners.
[11:56] Speaker 4: Johnson's Wax, and Waterhole.
[12:00] Speaker 5: Quit acting like a.
[12:01] Speaker 14: Horse's head, painted post, Schenectady, Spotstown, Elmira, and Johnsonstown.
[12:10] Speaker 5: Show the driver your ticket.
[12:13] Speaker 14: All aboard, please.
[12:14] Speaker 5: Off you go, Molly.
[12:16] Speaker 3: That a girl.
[12:20] Speaker 6: My, my. Looks real comfortable, doesn't it, McGee?
[12:23] Speaker 5: Aye, you betcha. Oh, we've come a long way since
[12:25] Speaker 5: the old jitney bus days. I'll say.
[12:28] Speaker 6: But it is sort of stuffy in here. Heavenly days.
[12:33] Speaker 6: What's that smell?
[12:34] Speaker 9: Garlic?
[12:35] Speaker 3: Sure, babushka. Always, wherever I'm going, I'm eating garlic. You
[12:39] Speaker 3: want some?
[12:40] Speaker 6: Heavenly day. No, take it away.
[12:43] Speaker 5: Yes, vodka, take it outside and bury it.
[12:46] Speaker 3: No, tovarich, if I am buried, this garlic is losing
[12:50] Speaker 3: all its strength.
[12:52] Speaker 6: That might help some.
[12:54] Speaker 5: Yes, it's strong enough.
[12:56] Speaker 3: You should be eating garlic, too, I'm thinking, Tavares.
[12:59] Speaker 5: Why should he?
[13:00] Speaker 3: Your father is too pale, babushka. He should be more
[13:03] Speaker 3: of a rat in the face.
[13:04] Speaker 6: My father?
[13:06] Speaker 5: Hey, listen here, babushka. Don't go too far with me.
[13:09] Speaker 3: Sure not, Tavares. I'm only going to squat top.
[13:13] Speaker 6: Well, you shouldn't eat garlic in a public conveyance.
[13:16] Speaker 5: No, certainly not, bud. You know, that stuff don't smell
[13:19] Speaker 5: like violets.
[13:21] Speaker 3: You can eat violence, but with me, violence is for teaching.
[13:25] Speaker 5: Oh, yeah?
[13:26] Speaker 3: Breakfast, dinner, lunch, always I'm eating garlic. What happens after
[13:31] Speaker 3: is somebody's business half.
[13:37] Speaker 5: Here, Molly. Sit down next to the window. I'll sit
[13:40] Speaker 5: on the aisle.
[13:41] Speaker 6: My, they're nice, comfortable seats, aren't they, McGee?
[13:44] Speaker 5: I'll take those. Now, now, how about a little snooze, Molly?
[13:51] Speaker 5: I can hardly keep my eyes open.
[13:53] Speaker 6: You're doing all right with your mouth. Ah, but I
[13:57] Speaker 6: am a little sleepy.
[14:00] Speaker 15: Me too.
[14:06] Speaker 5: I'll never forget the time I was traveling... Good night, McGee.
[14:11] Speaker 5: Good night, Molly.
[14:13] Speaker 15: Good night. Shh.
[14:30] Speaker 2: I don't want to wake Molly. But I do want
[14:32] Speaker 2: to tell you that you can keep your linoleum and
[14:34] Speaker 2: floor shining like new all the time if you use
[14:38] Speaker 2: Johnson's self-polishing glow coat. Now think of it. Glow coat
[14:42] Speaker 2: dries in just 20 minutes and shines as it dries
[14:46] Speaker 2: without rubbing or buffing. It seals the pores and cracks
[14:49] Speaker 2: of the floor so dirt can't get a foothold. You'd
[14:52] Speaker 2: better order Johnson's Glow Coat tomorrow if you want to
[14:55] Speaker 2: save yourself a lot of work and yet have floors
[14:58] Speaker 2: that everyone will admire. Glow Coat is spelled G-L-O hyphen C-O-A-T.
[15:05] Speaker 2: Johnson's Self-Polishing Glow Coat.
[15:10] Speaker 15: Molly.
[15:16] Speaker 5: Molly.
[15:22] Speaker 3: Sweet.
[15:23] Speaker 5: Now you saw the big smoke. Who took my cigar? Oh.
[15:30] Speaker 3: Hey.
[15:31] Speaker 11: Hey.
[15:31] Speaker 5: My pocketbook. Who took my pocketbook?
[15:33] Speaker 3: Hey. My pocketbook's gone.
[15:36] Speaker 5: Oh, shucks. I wish I'd have let Molly take care
[15:38] Speaker 5: of that money. Molly.
[15:41] Speaker 3: Hey.
[15:42] Speaker 6: Molly.
[15:45] Speaker 5: Down to sleep. Now what'll I do? I got to
[15:48] Speaker 5: find that pocketbook. Maybe that fellow over there saw it.
[15:52] Speaker 4: Hey.
[15:54] Speaker 3: Hey.
[15:55] Speaker 5: Hey, brother.
[15:55] Speaker 11: What?
[15:58] Speaker 4: What's the matter?
[16:00] Speaker 5: Listen. Have you seen anything of a pocketbook about this long?
[16:03] Speaker 3: What?
[16:05] Speaker 5: I said, have you seen anything of a pocketbook about.
[16:07] Speaker 3: No, I don't want the book.
[16:09] Speaker 5: I got the book.
[16:10] Speaker 3: No.
[16:10] Speaker 16: No.
[16:12] Speaker 5: A pocketbook. Have you seen one?
[16:14] Speaker 12: Louder.
[16:15] Speaker 3: I can't hear you.
[16:16] Speaker 5: Have you seen a pocketbook about... Did you find some dough?
[16:20] Speaker 10: Eh?
[16:21] Speaker 4: Dough.
[16:22] Speaker 8: Dough, dough, dough.
[16:24] Speaker 10: If you can't sing any better than that, I don't want.
[16:27] Speaker 4: To hear you.
[16:30] Speaker 5: Oh, now, listen, brother. I'm in a jam.
[16:32] Speaker 3: I just lost hundreds of dollars.
[16:34] Speaker 5: Nope, I never heard it.
[16:36] Speaker 9: You sure I hadn't?
[16:37] Speaker 8: Tell me the rest of.
[16:39] Speaker 11: It.
[16:40] Speaker 3: Oh, shucks. Listen, brother.
[16:43] Speaker 5: My name's McGee and I just lost a wallet with
[16:46] Speaker 5: thousands of dollars in it.
[16:50] Speaker 2: And then what did the farmer's daughter say?
[16:52] Speaker 5: What farmer's daughter?
[16:58] Speaker 9: What'd she say?
[16:59] Speaker 5: I said, who was talking about a farmer's daughter?
[17:02] Speaker 3: Oh, is that so?
[17:05] Speaker 1: Well, I've never been.
[17:06] Speaker 2: There myself, but they say it's just mighty pretty.
[17:11] Speaker 5: Oh, shucks, forget the whole thing. Go take a jump
[17:14] Speaker 5: in the lake. Yes, I certainly will.
[17:18] Speaker 8: She's a card, that's for sure.
[17:25] Speaker 5: I knew which one of these mugs had that pocketbook. Oh, well.
[17:30] Speaker 5: Suppose I'll have to go.
[17:32] Speaker 7: And tell Molly.
[17:33] Speaker 3: What?
[17:33] Speaker 5: Please, get off my lap.
[17:36] Speaker 3: I'm sorry, ma'am.
[17:37] Speaker 5: This bus driver must have been a ball player. He
[17:39] Speaker 5: throws a fast curve.
[17:41] Speaker 6: Exactly what I deserve for allowing myself to travel in
[17:44] Speaker 6: this absurd fashion. With the hoi polloi.
[17:48] Speaker 5: With the what?
[17:48] Speaker 6: The bourgeoisie.
[17:49] Speaker 5: No, no. That ain't what you says before. You're switching
[17:53] Speaker 5: on me, Susie.
[17:53] Speaker 3: Please.
[17:55] Speaker 5: Hey, listen, now that we're acquainted, ma'am, let me introduce myself.
[17:59] Speaker 6: I beg your pardon?
[18:00] Speaker 5: Oh, shucks, don't mention it. You'd have thought of it
[18:02] Speaker 5: yourself in a minute. My name is McGee, Fibber McGee,
[18:07] Speaker 5: and I'm in trouble.
[18:08] Speaker 3: Indeed.
[18:09] Speaker 5: You see, baby, somebody's kidnapped my Mazuma.
[18:11] Speaker 3: Mazuma?
[18:12] Speaker 12: Kidnapped?
[18:13] Speaker 5: Well, I mean, somebody copped my dough, lifted my leather,
[18:17] Speaker 5: shook me for my chugger.
[18:18] Speaker 7: Oh.
[18:20] Speaker 5: Now, how about me giving you an IOU for about
[18:23] Speaker 5: 25 bucks so that I can.
[18:24] Speaker 12: Why, how preposterous.
[18:26] Speaker 5: Lend you money? I do not even know you. Well,
[18:30] Speaker 5: did the United States know France?
[18:32] Speaker 6: Sir, if you don't leave at once, I shall call
[18:36] Speaker 6: the driver.
[18:37] Speaker 5: That won't do you any good, sis. I tried him. Oh, well,
[18:41] Speaker 5: I'll see you later, babe.
[18:42] Speaker 3: I should hope not. Okay, okay, if.
[18:44] Speaker 5: You want to get stuffy about it. I ought to
[18:49] Speaker 5: wake Molly up and tell her.
[18:51] Speaker 3: No.
[18:52] Speaker 5: I'll get some money. That's what I'll do. Out of
[18:54] Speaker 5: the way there, little girl. You mustn't stand in the
[18:56] Speaker 5: aisle like that.
[18:57] Speaker 12: Like what?
[18:58] Speaker 5: Like you were saying. Well, just don't stand around in
[19:00] Speaker 5: the aisle, that's all.
[19:02] Speaker 13: Well, you're in the aisle.
[19:03] Speaker 5: Well, I know, but I'm looking for something.
[19:07] Speaker 3: What?
[19:07] Speaker 5: A pocketbook. Have you seen a pocketbook laying around on
[19:11] Speaker 5: the floor any place?
[19:12] Speaker 12: Was it a black one?
[19:13] Speaker 5: Yeah, that's the one.
[19:14] Speaker 6: About this big?
[19:15] Speaker 5: Yes, yes, yes. Where'd you put it?
[19:16] Speaker 12: With some money in it?
[19:17] Speaker 5: That's the one, Fish. Where is it?
[19:18] Speaker 3: Hurry up.
[19:19] Speaker 16: Why?
[19:20] Speaker 5: Claus, it's mine.
[19:22] Speaker 3: What?
[19:22] Speaker 10: The pocketbook.
[19:23] Speaker 5: Where is it?
[19:24] Speaker 9: I don't know.
[19:25] Speaker 13: I didn't see it a bit.
[19:26] Speaker 14: Spot Town.
[19:27] Speaker 3: Spot Town. Ten minutes stopover.
[19:30] Speaker 4: Okay. Say, what is this place?
[19:33] Speaker 5: Why, this here is Spot Town, brother. Oh, Ted Wing.
[19:36] Speaker 4: Hello, Fibber. You say this is Spot Town?
[19:39] Speaker 5: Yeah, why?
[19:40] Speaker 2: Why, this is the spot where we go to town
[19:41] Speaker 2: with Elmo Tanner whistling finesse.
[19:43] Speaker 15: Whistling THE END.
[20:54] Speaker 12: THE END.
[21:44] Speaker 2: Well, the bus is still stopped at Spotstown. Fibber hasn't
[21:47] Speaker 2: found his wallet yet, but Molly is still soundly sleeping,
[21:50] Speaker 2: so McGee is trying to borrow some money from the porter.
[21:54] Speaker 5: Hey, porter. Hey, boy.
[21:57] Speaker 10: Yes, sir?
[21:58] Speaker 5: Oh, silly Watson. Hi there, Phil.
[22:00] Speaker 3: Yeah, hiya, Miss McGee.
[22:02] Speaker 5: Are you a porter for the bus lines now, Phil? Yeah,
[22:05] Speaker 5: so what? Listen, I just had me my pocket picked.
[22:09] Speaker 2: What?
[22:11] Speaker 5: I said somebody picked my pocket.
[22:13] Speaker 3: Which pocket? The left hip.
[22:15] Speaker 5: What difference does it make?
[22:17] Speaker 3: It makes a large difference, Miss McGee.
[22:19] Speaker 5: How do you think? Did you wear an old coat? Yes. Yeah, see,
[22:24] Speaker 5: you see, McGee?
[22:26] Speaker 6: If you ain't wearing no overcoat, boss, you won't carry
[22:29] Speaker 6: no money in it.
[22:29] Speaker 9: No.
[22:30] Speaker 6: And if somebody takes them pockets, you ain't gonna lose nothing.
[22:36] Speaker 5: No kidding, Phil. I'm in a bad fix. Every cent
[22:39] Speaker 5: I had was in that pocketbook. How much money you
[22:41] Speaker 5: got with you? Just enough to eat on, boss. Well,
[22:44] Speaker 5: how much is that? Nothing.
[22:46] Speaker 3: I done ate.
[22:51] Speaker 5: You mean you ain't got any money?
[22:53] Speaker 4: Yes, sir.
[22:54] Speaker 3: I ain't.
[22:57] Speaker 6: Listen, do you know anybody you could ask for something?
[23:00] Speaker 12: Yes, sir.
[23:01] Speaker 8: Fine.
[23:01] Speaker 3: I don't know anybody.
[23:03] Speaker 5: Give me a real. All aboard.
[23:06] Speaker 3: Next stop is Johnstown.
[23:08] Speaker 5: Excuse me, Miss McGee.
[23:09] Speaker 6: I got to go put some glow coat on the
[23:11] Speaker 6: waiting room floor.
[23:12] Speaker 5: Okay. What am I going to tell Molly when she
[23:16] Speaker 5: wakes up?
[23:24] Speaker 3: I wish I knew her to... Oh, yes. Excuse me, sis.
[23:28] Speaker 3: May I.
[23:29] Speaker 12: Oh, trying to get fresh, eh, Skippy?
[23:32] Speaker 5: Oh, wait a minute, Grandma. I just wanted to ask you.
[23:35] Speaker 13: A matter, huh?
[23:37] Speaker 6: It's getting so as.
[23:38] Speaker 13: The girl can't go anywhere anymore without some fresh squirt
[23:41] Speaker 13: trying to scrape up an acquaintance.
[23:44] Speaker 5: Oh, listen, Grandma, I didn't mean.
[23:46] Speaker 12: Oh, you didn't, didn't you?
[23:47] Speaker 3: No.
[23:47] Speaker 12: Don't tell me, you... you... you.
[23:50] Speaker 13: Casaloma. Now go on and get back to your own seat.
[23:56] Speaker 13: My goodness, a girl's got to harden up.
[23:58] Speaker 6: Time without an old rooey like you coming around and
[24:01] Speaker 6: trying to.
[24:02] Speaker 3: But listen here, Grandma.
[24:04] Speaker 5: I'm in a kind of an embarrassing predicament.
[24:06] Speaker 3: You see, I was.
[24:07] Speaker 5: Well, have you got any money with you?
[24:11] Speaker 12: Oh, money. First you're out.
[24:13] Speaker 13: To damage a girl's reputation and now you want money.
[24:17] Speaker 12: You're just a gigolo, that's what you are.
[24:19] Speaker 15: Oh, now, listen.
[24:20] Speaker 12: Now, stop it, Shorty. You go way back and sit
[24:23] Speaker 12: down and leave a girl to her dreams.
[24:30] Speaker 4: Oh, damn.
[24:32] Speaker 2: Pardon me, my little aisle blocker. Could you let a
[24:34] Speaker 2: man by? It's pretty hard for a man to get
[24:37] Speaker 2: by nowadays.
[24:37] Speaker 5: Oh, excuse me, brother. I didn't mean to block the aisle.
[24:40] Speaker 3: Not a bit. Not a bit. That's two bits, my boy. Yes, sir. Ah,
[24:45] Speaker 3: but excuse me, my friend. Permit me to introduce myself.
[24:48] Speaker 3: You betcha. I'm Horatio K.
[24:50] Speaker 9: Boomer, the secretary and treasurer of the Little Angel Gold
[24:53] Speaker 9: Mine Corporation.
[24:54] Speaker 3: Tell me, my friend, are you a little angel? I mean,
[24:58] Speaker 3: are you a mining man?
[24:59] Speaker 5: Well, I always.
[25:01] Speaker 9: I thought so. The outdoor type. Sir, you have all
[25:04] Speaker 9: the earmarks of the great outdoors. That is, you might
[25:07] Speaker 9: think it's great outdoors, but give me an old easy
[25:09] Speaker 9: chair and a pipe.
[25:11] Speaker 10: A pipe?
[25:12] Speaker 3: Two pipes. One for blowing bubbles. Yes, yes. I'm always
[25:16] Speaker 3: blowing bubbles, my friend. And out of these bubbles I
[25:19] Speaker 3: have hewed a vast fortune.
[25:21] Speaker 11: Hewed?
[25:22] Speaker 3: How do you do that? I've often wondered myself. Yes, yes.
[25:26] Speaker 9: Now, Little Angel Gold Mining Corporation, my friend, is floating
[25:29] Speaker 9: a small issue of special preferred stock.
[25:32] Speaker 3: Why, my friend... Pardon me, my friend. Certainly, my friend.
[25:36] Speaker 5: Listen, my friend. My name is River McGee, and I've
[25:40] Speaker 5: just had my pocket picked with quite a sum of
[25:42] Speaker 5: money that I was taken out to begin operating on
[25:44] Speaker 5: an oil well project.
[25:45] Speaker 3: Oh, yes, oil. Fine business, oil. One of my favorite occupations.
[25:50] Speaker 5: What?
[25:51] Speaker 3: Getting out the old oil. Yes, indeed, yes. Now, listen,
[25:55] Speaker 3: my friend.
[25:56] Speaker 5: As I says, I just had my pocket picked of
[25:58] Speaker 5: about $ 15, 000.
[25:59] Speaker 3: How much? $ 50, 000. Hmm, quite a tiny sum, my friend.
[26:04] Speaker 5: Well, it ain't the money I missed so much as
[26:06] Speaker 5: this being took for a chop. Now, if you could
[26:08] Speaker 5: see your way clear, brother, to advance me enough to
[26:10] Speaker 5: carry me over till... well, till I get home... Five bucks, maybe.
[26:15] Speaker 5: I'd be real much.
[26:15] Speaker 3: Pardon me, my friend. What was I... What am I
[26:18] Speaker 3: doing here? Oh, yes, yes.
[26:20] Speaker 9: I was going to get a drink of water, yes.
[26:23] Speaker 9: Great thing, water, if you can care.
[26:24] Speaker 3: For the stuff. Well, I guess.
[26:32] Speaker 5: There ain't nothing for it but to tell Molly.
[26:36] Speaker 3: Johnstown, next.
[26:37] Speaker 4: Johnstown.
[26:39] Speaker 5: Molly.
[26:40] Speaker 3: Hey. Molly, wake up.
[26:43] Speaker 5: We're almost there.
[26:44] Speaker 3: Oh, almost where, McGee?
[26:47] Speaker 5: Johnstown, Molly.
[26:49] Speaker 3: Say, I... Oh, dear.
[26:52] Speaker 6: I slept like a log.
[26:53] Speaker 3: Molly, I.
[26:56] Speaker 5: I want to tell you something, Molly.
[26:57] Speaker 6: What is it, McGee? What's the matter with you anyway?
[27:00] Speaker 5: Well, shucks, I... I hate to... Well, it wasn't my fault.
[27:04] Speaker 6: What wasn't your fault?
[27:06] Speaker 3: Johnstown, all out, end of the line, Johnstown. Cab? Cab?
[27:13] Speaker 12: Cab, mister?
[27:13] Speaker 16: Cab?
[27:14] Speaker 6: Shall we take a cab or walk, McGee?
[27:16] Speaker 5: Cab?
[27:17] Speaker 3: Cab?
[27:17] Speaker 6: Cab, mister?
[27:19] Speaker 5: I don't know. Might be more healthy to walk, Molly.
[27:23] Speaker 5: I was saying, I hate to admit I'm a chump, Molly, but.
[27:26] Speaker 6: Heavenly days, McGee. What are you trying to say?
[27:28] Speaker 5: Well, you know what that detective told us about pickpockets, Molly?
[27:33] Speaker 3: Yes.
[27:33] Speaker 6: Oh, and that reminds me, McGee.
[27:35] Speaker 3: What?
[27:36] Speaker 12: Here's your pocketbook.
[27:38] Speaker 3: What?
[27:39] Speaker 6: I took it out of your pocket whilst you were sleeping.
[27:41] Speaker 5: You.
[27:42] Speaker 6: I was afraid you'd lose it. I.
[27:44] Speaker 5: Now.
[27:45] Speaker 6: Now, what were you saying? I.
[27:48] Speaker 5: Well... Shucks, I knew you had it all the time.
[27:59] Speaker 5: Come on, let's call a cab. Let's call two cabs,
[28:05] Speaker 5: one for each of us.
[28:19] Speaker 12: Thank you.
[28:19] Speaker 15: Thank you.
[28:50] Speaker 8: Thank you.
[29:22] Speaker 5: Hey, Molly. Where were we going on that bus tonight, anyway?
[29:28] Speaker 6: Down to visit me Uncle Dennis, remember?
[29:30] Speaker 11: Oh.
[29:31] Speaker 6: But come on now, McGee, confess. You were afraid that
[29:34] Speaker 6: somebody had picked your pocket, weren't you?
[29:37] Speaker 5: No, not me. I should say.
[29:40] Speaker 3: Not.
[29:41] Speaker 5: Why, I'll never forget the times when I did try
[29:42] Speaker 5: to pick my pocket. I carried his thumb on my
[29:48] Speaker 5: watch chain for years.
[29:49] Speaker 6: Ah, ah, McGee.
[29:52] Speaker 3: Huh?
[29:52] Speaker 6: Remember your resolution to stick to the truth.
[29:55] Speaker 5: The truth?
[29:56] Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
[29:56] Speaker 5: Oh, yeah. Well, come to think of it, it wasn't
[29:58] Speaker 5: his thumb... Just his little finger. Good night.
[30:02] Speaker 6: Good night, all.
[30:04] Speaker 11: This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson's
[30:18] Speaker 11: Wax and inviting you all to be with us again
[30:20] Speaker 11: next Monday at this same time.
[30:21] Speaker 5: Good night.
[30:22] Speaker 3: The June riding high is in red, hot, and blue.
[30:25] Speaker 16: This is the red network of the National Broadcasting Company.
[30:37] Speaker 16: Fibber McGee and Molly will appear in person at the
[30:39] Speaker 16: Municipal Auditorium in Junction City, Kansas on Wednesday, March the 3rd.
[30:45] Speaker 1: We have been listening to Fibber McGee and Molly in
[30:47] Speaker 1: Beware of Pickpockets on the Bus. Follow Fibber McGee and
[30:51] Speaker 1: Molly for more classic broadcasts.

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