# Fibber McGee and Molly - "Molly Buys a Coffee Table" (Old Time Radio, 1956)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 10 Oct 2026, 15 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/75689003/ac20b5584e66d501_mastered.mp3

Fibber McGee and Molly presents “Molly Buys a Coffee Table,” episode 1268 of the classic NBC comedy series, originally broadcast January 11, 1956. Jim Jordan stars as Fibber McGee alongside Marian Jordan as Molly. In Wistful Vista, Molly’s new coffee-table purchase creates a household predicament—especially when the table proves to be more than the McGees expected. This 15-minute installment comes from the series’ final NBC run. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned/mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:39 Original Broadcast 15:00 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Jim Jordan and Marion Jordan are heard as Fibber and
[0:02] Speaker 1: Molly McGee in this 15-minute NBC visit to Wistful Vista.
[0:07] Speaker 1: Originally broadcast January 11, 1956, it is episode 1268 of Fibber, McGee,
[0:14] Speaker 1: and Molly, Molly Buys a Coffee Table. Molly's purchase brings
[0:19] Speaker 1: an oversized coffee table into the McGee household, setting off
[0:22] Speaker 1: a domestic predicament for the pair. The program came during
[0:26] Speaker 1: the series' final NBC run, which would conclude in March
[0:30] Speaker 1: of that year. Ladies and gentlemen, settle in for the
[0:33] Speaker 1: McGee's January visit to Wistful Vista. Now back to the
[0:37] Speaker 1: golden age of radio.
[0:39] Speaker 2: Miles Laboratories, makers of Alka-Seltzer, bring you another visit with
[0:44] Speaker 2: Fibber McGee and Molly.
[0:46] Speaker 3: ¶ ¶.
[0:52] Speaker 2: Again, we invite you to listen to the transcribed adventures
[0:55] Speaker 2: of Pepper McGee and Molly. The show is written by
[0:58] Speaker 2: Phil Leslie and directed by Max Hutto. Our story will
[1:08] Speaker 2: be underway in just a minute.
[1:10] Speaker 4: This is Eleanor Engel. Having fun is good for you.
[1:13] Speaker 2: Feel good so you can enjoy your fun.
[1:16] Speaker 5: When you feel all in, all over with a headache,
[1:19] Speaker 5: upset stomach, or general achiness, that's when you should take Alka-Seltzer.
[1:24] Speaker 6: Alka-Seltzer tablets dropped into a glass of water fizz up
[1:27] Speaker 6: and become a relief-giving liquid that's better because of action
[1:32] Speaker 6: in the glass.
[1:32] Speaker 5: Yes, action in the glass changes Alka-Seltzer tablets into a liquid.
[1:38] Speaker 5: And this is the form your system can use most
[1:40] Speaker 5: easily and naturally for relief.
[1:43] Speaker 6: Action in the Glass supercharges Alka-Seltzer with lively bubbles.
[1:47] Speaker 7: This soothing liquid speeds relief.
[1:49] Speaker 5: Action in the Glass makes Alka-Seltzer easy to absorb immediately.
[1:54] Speaker 2: Try it.
[1:54] Speaker 6: You'll like Alka-Seltzer for refreshing relief.
[1:58] Speaker 4: All drugstores sell Alka-Seltzer.
[2:10] Speaker 2: The big super rummage sale conducted each year by the
[2:13] Speaker 2: Junior League of Wistful Vista is underway this week at
[2:16] Speaker 2: the Muny Auditorium. And the place is simply loaded with
[2:19] Speaker 2: the fanciest rummage in town. Among the shoppers browsing through
[2:24] Speaker 2: the stock are Mrs. McGee and her friend Mrs. Mortimer Toopes.
[2:29] Speaker 8: Honestly, Mabel, I've never seen so much stuff in my life.
[2:32] Speaker 8: Looks like somebody opened a thousand hall closets.
[2:35] Speaker 9: It does at that. They got some wonderful junk down here, though, Ma.
[2:39] Speaker 4: No kidding.
[2:40] Speaker 9: A lot of this stuff comes from rich homes, you know.
[2:42] Speaker 9: Society crowd.
[2:43] Speaker 8: Well, they certainly throw away some lovely things. Just look
[2:46] Speaker 8: at the clothes and the furniture, pictures, glassware, everything.
[2:50] Speaker 9: Sure, you can.
[2:51] Speaker 10: Find practically anything here from a rocking chair Whistler's mother
[2:54] Speaker 10: didn't like to a ballpoint pen some banker disapproved of.
[2:59] Speaker 2: I believe it.
[3:00] Speaker 8: And the prices on some of this stuff, they practically
[3:03] Speaker 8: give it away.
[3:03] Speaker 9: Oh, you're not kidding.
[3:04] Speaker 10: I was down here last year. I picked up a
[3:06] Speaker 10: mink-trimmed house coat, just fur around the cuffs, you know,
[3:08] Speaker 10: but real mink.
[3:09] Speaker 4: Yes?
[3:10] Speaker 9: Three dollars and a half.
[3:12] Speaker 4: Should have seen it.
[3:12] Speaker 9: You're kidding.
[3:13] Speaker 8: Was it in good shape?
[3:15] Speaker 10: Well, it had a couple cigarette burns, a few gin
[3:18] Speaker 10: spots on it, but it cleaned up fine. I wish
[3:21] Speaker 10: you could have been with me when.
[3:23] Speaker 9: I got home.
[3:23] Speaker 8: Oh, what did Mort say?
[3:26] Speaker 10: I didn't tell him I had it, but after dinner
[3:28] Speaker 10: I went upstairs and put it on, and I dabbed
[3:31] Speaker 10: a lot of perfume around the collar and on the
[3:33] Speaker 10: fur and everything. And I went downstairs just like Clara Bow,
[3:37] Speaker 10: you know, real slinky.
[3:39] Speaker 8: I wish I'd have been there.
[3:41] Speaker 10: Mark was sitting by the radio listening to the fights,
[3:44] Speaker 10: kind of hypnotized like he gets after a big meal.
[3:47] Speaker 9: And I slithered up.
[3:48] Speaker 10: Behind him and I said, Where's your wife, baby?
[3:52] Speaker 9: Are you lonesome?
[3:54] Speaker 8: No, what did he say?
[3:56] Speaker 9: He didn't die, Ma.
[3:58] Speaker 10: He caught a whiff of that perfume and he got
[4:00] Speaker 10: a flash of the mink out of the corner of
[4:01] Speaker 10: his eye.
[4:02] Speaker 9: I'm telling you, Morton jumped four feet high.
[4:05] Speaker 10: Knocked over the coffee table, spilled his root beer into
[4:07] Speaker 10: the radio, blew out the set. The fight went off
[4:10] Speaker 10: just as the referee was.
[4:11] Speaker 9: Saying, he's down, he's down.
[4:13] Speaker 4: Oh, it was murder.
[4:14] Speaker 2: Oh, dear.
[4:15] Speaker 8: I'll bet he pouted for a week. When McGee has
[4:18] Speaker 8: the fights on. Say, look at these coffee tables, Mabel.
[4:23] Speaker 9: Oh, some of these are real nice. Look, here's a
[4:28] Speaker 9: French provincial.
[4:29] Speaker 8: Oh, here's something I've been looking for. Look, Mabel, come here,
[4:31] Speaker 8: come here.
[4:32] Speaker 4: The big one.
[4:33] Speaker 8: I've been wanting a big coffee table for our living
[4:35] Speaker 8: room for years.
[4:37] Speaker 9: Oh, gee, that is a beauty mall.
[4:40] Speaker 4: I wouldn't mind having that.
[4:41] Speaker 8: Look at the price on this, will you?
[4:42] Speaker 7: Six dollars.
[4:43] Speaker 8: Looks like it was a dining table originally.
[4:45] Speaker 9: Sure, it's been cut down. Looks good and solid.
[4:48] Speaker 7: And big.
[4:50] Speaker 8: I'm so sick of that dinky little table in front
[4:52] Speaker 8: of our divan, and this is just what I want. Oh, lady, madam,
[4:56] Speaker 8: could you sell me this coffee table and get someone
[4:58] Speaker 8: to help us out to the car?
[5:00] Speaker 3: Holy smoke.
[5:12] Speaker 7: A coffee table, huh? Boy, it sure is a big one.
[5:15] Speaker 8: Yeah, it took Mabel Toops and me ten minutes to
[5:16] Speaker 8: get it in the house. Isn't it a dandy? I've
[5:21] Speaker 8: been wanting a big, low coffee table for this room
[5:24] Speaker 8: for years, and I finally found it.
[5:26] Speaker 4: Well, how do you like it?
[5:29] Speaker 7: Boy, boy, it is a big one. Looks like somebody
[5:33] Speaker 7: took a dining room table and drove it in the floor.
[5:35] Speaker 8: Well, actually, it is a little bigger in this room
[5:38] Speaker 8: than it was in the Muny Auditorium.
[5:40] Speaker 7: Sure.
[5:40] Speaker 2: Sure.
[5:41] Speaker 8: But I'm so sick of that dinky little table we've
[5:43] Speaker 8: been using here. I think we're going to love this table, McGee.
[5:46] Speaker 8: As soon as we live with.
[5:47] Speaker 7: It a while.
[5:48] Speaker 3: We'll love it.
[5:49] Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[5:51] Speaker 2: We sure will.
[5:52] Speaker 7: Let me move this easy chair back a little. So
[5:55] Speaker 7: I can get out of the corner here.
[5:58] Speaker 4: There.
[6:00] Speaker 7: Oh, you know, that table don't look quite so big
[6:01] Speaker 7: if you back off a little.
[6:03] Speaker 2: Whoops.
[6:05] Speaker 7: Backed off three feet and bumped the dad-ratted piano.
[6:08] Speaker 8: Well, we might have to change the furniture around a
[6:10] Speaker 8: little in here.
[6:11] Speaker 7: Yeah, probably will.
[6:12] Speaker 8: But it'll work out. Oh, I'm just delighted to have
[6:15] Speaker 8: a nice big coffee table. Slide it back now, will you,
[6:18] Speaker 8: so I can get up off the divan here?
[6:20] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[6:20] Speaker 8: And I'll try to plan the best way for the furniture. Yeah.
[6:33] Speaker 2: In a moment, we'll return to Fibber McGee and Molly.
[6:36] Speaker 6: Mother, I'm sure you know that good health doesn't come
[6:39] Speaker 6: by accident. If you have a happy, healthy family, you
[6:42] Speaker 6: deserve a lot of credit. And you probably realize that
[6:45] Speaker 6: you must guard against vitamin shortage, one of the common
[6:48] Speaker 6: causes of loss of pep and energy. Now, an easy,
[6:52] Speaker 6: practical way to protect your family against vitamin shortage is
[6:56] Speaker 6: to give them one-a-day brand multiple vitamin tablets every day.
[7:01] Speaker 6: You see, your meals may not always contain enough vitamins,
[7:04] Speaker 6: but One A Day brand multiple vitamins provide all the
[7:07] Speaker 6: vitamins children and adults normally need to take in small,
[7:12] Speaker 6: easy-to-swallow tablets that leave no aftertaste. That's why youngsters take
[7:17] Speaker 6: them willingly. And low-cost One A Day brand multiple vitamin
[7:21] Speaker 6: tablets contain vitamin B12. Ask at your drugstore for One
[7:26] Speaker 6: A Day brand multiple vitamin tablets. in the blue box
[7:30] Speaker 6: with the big red one.
[7:32] Speaker 11: I should have had some help to move this pen on.
[7:47] Speaker 7: It's a heavy... No, no, no, don't you help, Molly.
[7:49] Speaker 7: That's too... Too heavy.
[7:53] Speaker 8: Leave it right there now. Let me see how the
[7:56] Speaker 8: room will look this way. I'll put the easy chair back.
[8:00] Speaker 7: Oh, my shin again.
[8:02] Speaker 8: Oh, you poor thing. That's the fourth time.
[8:04] Speaker 7: That ratted coffee table anyhow.
[8:06] Speaker 8: Shouldn't have started moving furniture around after dinner anyhow.
[8:09] Speaker 2: I guess.
[8:10] Speaker 8: Ah, shin hurts. McGee, it's just a wonderful table. Look
[8:14] Speaker 8: how sturdy and solid it is.
[8:15] Speaker 7: Anybody that thinks it ain't solid can look at my shins.
[8:18] Speaker 7: Every time I turn around, I bang the majunior out of.
[8:21] Speaker 8: Hmm, wonder who... What time is it?
[8:23] Speaker 7: It's after 10 o'clock. Maybe it's Doc Gamble.
[8:26] Speaker 2: Come in.
[8:26] Speaker 7: Hello there, kids.
[8:28] Speaker 2: Hi, darling.
[8:29] Speaker 7: Hi, Johnny. Just passing through.
[8:30] Speaker 3: Hello, Mr.
[8:31] Speaker 7: Oldtimer.
[8:31] Speaker 2: Hi.
[8:32] Speaker 7: Come in if you can get in.
[8:34] Speaker 12: Oh, changing the furniture around, huh? Hey, what's the dining
[8:38] Speaker 12: room table doing here in the living.
[8:39] Speaker 2: Room, daughter?
[8:40] Speaker 8: Well, that isn't our dining room.
[8:41] Speaker 12: You tore the legs off, too, didn't you? Why'd you
[8:43] Speaker 12: cut the legs off? You gonna start eating your dinner
[8:44] Speaker 12: on your knees now? Can't sit down that low.
[8:47] Speaker 8: No, no, this is not our dining room table, Mr.
[8:50] Speaker 4: Oldtimer.
[8:51] Speaker 8: It's a coffee table.
[8:53] Speaker 2: Oh, gotta drink coffee on your knees, huh?
[8:56] Speaker 7: This is not a table to drink coffee off of.
[8:59] Speaker 7: It's just a table to put things on. You know,
[9:02] Speaker 7: a cocktail table. Oh, oh, oh.
[9:06] Speaker 2: I never touch the stuff myself, kids. Cocktails, eh?
[9:11] Speaker 7: Doggone it. We're not going to use it. Oh, look,
[9:14] Speaker 7: as long as you're here, you can help me. We
[9:16] Speaker 7: got to take the piano out to the kitchen, see,
[9:18] Speaker 7: and put the gas stove in here and take that
[9:20] Speaker 7: heavy divan upstairs. So if you'll bend over here, I'll
[9:23] Speaker 7: put the piano on your back. Ah, just remember, Johnny,
[9:26] Speaker 7: I ain't fed my dog yet.
[9:27] Speaker 12: Dogs, I'd really love to help you, but I ain't
[9:28] Speaker 12: fed my dog.
[9:30] Speaker 7: I got rid of him. Now, look, kiddo, why don't
[9:34] Speaker 7: we get rid of this shin-busting space hogging coffee table?
[9:37] Speaker 7: I'll drag it out to the garage.
[9:38] Speaker 8: Oh, no, no, McGee. It'll fit in here. I can
[9:42] Speaker 8: work it out.
[9:42] Speaker 7: Gee whiz, Molly, my shins are black and blue. Every
[9:45] Speaker 7: time I move, I bang into it.
[9:46] Speaker 8: Oh, now you're exaggerating. Please, dearie, all my life I've
[9:50] Speaker 8: wanted a big coffee table. Let's give it a chance. Look,
[9:54] Speaker 8: let's go to bed now. We're both tired.
[9:56] Speaker 7: Yeah, you go on up to bed, kiddo. I'll be
[9:58] Speaker 7: up in a minute. I want to get a bite
[10:00] Speaker 7: to eat and lock the back door. And you go
[10:02] Speaker 7: on up.
[10:02] Speaker 8: Okay, I'll lay out your pajamas.
[10:04] Speaker 7: Yeah, that's okay. You go on. Something's got to be
[10:08] Speaker 7: done about this dead rat at table. I'll bet if
[10:10] Speaker 7: her shins hurt as bad as mine do, she wouldn't
[10:12] Speaker 7: be so anxious to... Wait a minute, McGee. You just
[10:17] Speaker 7: said something there. If her shins hurt as bad as mine... Hmm.
[10:23] Speaker 7: It's kind of a dirty trick, but.
[10:26] Speaker 7: Dial O for Myrtle. Something drastic's got to be done
[10:30] Speaker 7: before I break every leg I got on this. Hello, operator?
[10:34] Speaker 7: Give me Stuffy Logan's all-night hamburger joint at the corner of.
[10:53] Speaker 2: Molly.
[10:55] Speaker 7: Molly. She's sleeping like a baby. If I'd known she
[10:59] Speaker 7: was going to go to sleep so quick, I'd have
[11:00] Speaker 7: made this earlier. I've been laying here an hour and
[11:03] Speaker 7: haven't closed my eyes. Hope Stuffy Logan didn't forget because.
[11:10] Speaker 2: There it goes. I better be asleep.
[11:11] Speaker 7: Good and loud.
[11:14] Speaker 8: McGee.
[11:15] Speaker 3: McGee, is that the phone?
[11:16] Speaker 7: No.
[11:18] Speaker 8: McGee, the phone's ringing. Somebody's calling.
[11:20] Speaker 3: McGee?
[11:22] Speaker 8: Oh, I'd better get it. Couldn't wake him up with
[11:23] Speaker 8: a cannon. Who in the world could be phoning us
[11:26] Speaker 8: at this hour of the night? Must be after midnight.
[11:29] Speaker 8: I hope it isn't somebody sick. Oh, darn hall light
[11:34] Speaker 8: is out again.
[11:36] Speaker 3: Keep ringing.
[11:36] Speaker 8: I'm coming. We ought to have an extension upstairs so
[11:39] Speaker 8: I wouldn't have to.
[11:40] Speaker 2: Ah!
[11:42] Speaker 9: Oh, my shin!
[11:44] Speaker 8: Oh, I forgot all about that darn coffee table.
[11:49] Speaker 2: Oh!
[11:49] Speaker 7: Hey, what's the matter, kiddo? Hey, you bang your shin
[11:51] Speaker 7: on the coffee table? It hurts, don't it? I know
[11:53] Speaker 7: just how you feel.
[11:54] Speaker 2: It hurts.
[11:55] Speaker 7: Oh, you poor kid. That phone was.
[11:57] Speaker 8: Ringing and I started to cross the room and... Oh,
[11:59] Speaker 8: this darn, darn, darn thing anyhow.
[12:02] Speaker 7: Now, now, now, I know just how you feel, you
[12:04] Speaker 7: poor kid. I got black and blue marks all over my.
[12:07] Speaker 8: Turn on that floor lamp, will you? Watch your shins.
[12:09] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[12:10] Speaker 8: Help me drag this darn table out on the front
[12:12] Speaker 8: porch out of the way.
[12:13] Speaker 7: Sure, sure, I will.
[12:14] Speaker 8: Before somebody breaks their leg on the darn thing.
[12:16] Speaker 2: Sure.
[12:17] Speaker 8: It's just too darn big for this house, and I
[12:19] Speaker 8: never should have bought.
[12:29] Speaker 2: Your friends have more to say to you presently.
[12:32] Speaker 5: How good are you at recognizing sounds? See if you
[12:35] Speaker 5: can identify this sound. Mmm, that's a steak sizzling on
[12:44] Speaker 5: the grill.
[12:44] Speaker 4: Now try this.
[12:51] Speaker 5: If you said popcorn, you're right. Now how about this sound?
[13:01] Speaker 4: Of course, that's Alka-Seltzer fizzing in the glass.
[13:05] Speaker 5: And when you have an upset stomach or heartburn or
[13:08] Speaker 5: that stuffy, too-full feeling, that sparkling fizz can be the
[13:12] Speaker 5: most reassuring sound in the world.
[13:15] Speaker 4: It means that prompt, gentle relief is on the way.
[13:18] Speaker 5: Until you try it, you can't know what wonderfully comforting
[13:22] Speaker 5: relief Alka-Seltzer provides for indigestion. So do try it. Drugstores
[13:27] Speaker 5: everywhere sell Alka-Seltzer.
[13:37] Speaker 8: First thing tomorrow, I'll call Mabel Toops. And if she
[13:40] Speaker 8: wants that table, she can have it.
[13:42] Speaker 7: Yeah, you poor kid. How's your shin?
[13:44] Speaker 2: It's better.
[13:45] Speaker 8: How's yours?
[13:46] Speaker 2: Better.
[13:47] Speaker 7: What you doing?
[13:48] Speaker 8: Checking this hall light.
[13:50] Speaker 2: Hmm.
[13:50] Speaker 8: The bulb was loose.
[13:52] Speaker 2: Oh?
[13:52] Speaker 8: That's why it wouldn't turn on when I came downstairs.
[13:54] Speaker 7: Well, imagine that. Well, now, that bulb could get loose.
[13:58] Speaker 4: You know?
[13:59] Speaker 8: No. Maybe slamming the door does it.
[14:02] Speaker 3: I don't know.
[14:03] Speaker 4: Let's go to bed. Yeah.
[14:05] Speaker 2: Yeah, let's.
[14:06] Speaker 7: So long, everybody.
[14:07] Speaker 8: See you tomorrow.
[14:08] Speaker 2: Bye. Biber McGee and Molly Transcribed is brought to you
[14:17] Speaker 2: Mondays through Fridays at this time by Miles Laboratories, makers
[14:21] Speaker 2: of Alka-Seltzers. The old-timer is played by Bill Thompson and
[14:32] Speaker 2: Mabel Toop by Mary Jane Crong. This is John Wald
[14:35] Speaker 2: inviting you to follow the adventures of that coffee table
[14:38] Speaker 2: again tomorrow on Deborah McGee and Molly.
[14:41] Speaker 8: Today, listen to Woman in My House on most.
[14:43] Speaker 2: NBC radio stations.
[15:02] Speaker 1: That concludes Fibber McGee and Molly. Molly buys a coffee table.
[15:06] Speaker 1: Good night, and thank you for joining us for this
[15:09] Speaker 1: radio visit.

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