# Fibber McGee and Molly - "Armed Forces - Fibber McGee, War Hero (Monitor - Partial)" (Old Time Radio, 1958)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 27 Aug 2026, 4:58.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/74718795/5cd3c0ac3434b3df_mastered.mp3

Fibber McGee and Molly presents “Armed Forces - Fibber McGee, War Hero (Monitor - Partial),” episode 1452, originally broadcast on August 31, 1958. This is a local archival recording of the series. In this partial Monitor-era program, Fibber McGee is featured in a war-hero-themed installment. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned/mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:35 Original Broadcast 04:51 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: On August 31st, 1958, Fibber McGee and Molly reached episode 1452.
[0:08] Speaker 1: For this broadcast, the program is billed as Armed Forces,
[0:12] Speaker 1: Fibber McGee, War Hero, a Monitor Partial. It is a
[0:16] Speaker 1: late 1958 visit with one of radio's most familiar series,
[0:21] Speaker 1: carrying us back to an era when comedy programs remained
[0:24] Speaker 1: a regular part of the American airwaves. We'll leave the
[0:28] Speaker 1: introductions there and turn the microphone over to Fibber McGee
[0:31] Speaker 1: and Molly. And now, the original broadcast. General Mills, makers
[0:37] Speaker 1: of Cheerios, the oat cereal ready to eat, present Fibber
[0:41] Speaker 1: McGee and Molly.
[0:42] Speaker 2: Oh, McGee, not another houseplant. You've already got our house
[0:46] Speaker 2: looking like a jungle.
[0:47] Speaker 3: This is a botanical experiment, Molly.
[0:49] Speaker 2: First midget redwoods, then grafting bananas on my philodendron, and
[0:54] Speaker 2: that tropical flower that snapped at the Toops's cat poor thing.
[0:57] Speaker 3: Yeah, but Molly, this is practical. You see, I've got
[0:59] Speaker 3: this wire coiled around this bushel of oats. Trains them
[1:02] Speaker 3: to grow right into Cheerios, round like O's. You get it?
[1:05] Speaker 2: Oh, McGee, you don't have to do that. General Mills
[1:08] Speaker 2: takes oats, toasts them crisp, adds all kinds of extra
[1:12] Speaker 2: vitamins and minerals, and that's a Cheerios breakfast with par protein.
[1:17] Speaker 2: A real delicious power breakfast. Why.
[1:20] Speaker 1: Power, that's it.
[1:21] Speaker 3: Now, supposing I plug this wire in, toast the oats
[1:24] Speaker 3: right while they're growing.
[1:25] Speaker 2: McGee, you're yanking that wire mighty tight.
[1:30] Speaker 3: Ah, got a whole mouthful.
[1:32] Speaker 2: Like your oats that way, dearie?
[1:34] Speaker 3: They're good, but... I think I'll go back to Cheerios.
[1:37] Speaker 2: If you know your oats and want to feel your oats,
[1:40] Speaker 2: you'll go for Cheerios. And now here they are again,
[1:46] Speaker 2: Fibber McGee and Molly.
[1:48] Speaker 3: Now, let's see. When we march past the reviewing stand,
[1:51] Speaker 3: I wonder if I ought to salute or just wave.
[1:53] Speaker 4: Hi, mister.
[1:54] Speaker 3: Oh, hi there, teeny. Hi. How come you're out sashaying
[1:57] Speaker 3: around your social circle this sultry Saturday?
[2:00] Speaker 4: I saw you standing here in your boy's stock suit,
[2:03] Speaker 4: and I said to myself, if Mr. McGee builds a campfire,
[2:07] Speaker 4: he'll probably toast marshmallows. And if he toasts marshmallows, he
[2:11] Speaker 4: may toast more than he can eat himself. And if
[2:14] Speaker 4: he toasts more than he can eat himself, maybe a
[2:16] Speaker 4: little girl who just happened to be there would get some.
[2:22] Speaker 3: I'm afraid your calculations are all built on a faulty pumice, sis.
[2:26] Speaker 3: This isn't a boy scout suit I'm wearing. It's an
[2:28] Speaker 3: old uniform from World War I.
[2:31] Speaker 4: Gee, I better go home and hide in the fruit cellar,
[2:34] Speaker 4: I guess.
[2:34] Speaker 3: Hide in the fruit cellar?
[2:35] Speaker 1: What for?
[2:36] Speaker 4: My daddy told me the Army wouldn't take men in
[2:39] Speaker 4: your age group unless the outskirts of Wistful Vista were invaded.
[2:44] Speaker 1: Well, you're old man... Well, anyhow.
[2:46] Speaker 3: Never mind the pithy prattle of your paternal parent. On
[2:49] Speaker 3: top of which, I'm not going back in the Army.
[2:52] Speaker 3: I'm just going to march in the Armed Forces Day
[2:54] Speaker 3: Parade this afternoon.
[2:56] Speaker 4: Gee... Are you going to march with all the soldiers
[2:59] Speaker 4: and sailors and flyers, Mr. Who-Nya-Who?
[3:02] Speaker 3: That's just what I'm going to do, Teeny.
[3:04] Speaker 2: What is?
[3:05] Speaker 3: March.
[3:05] Speaker 4: Who with?
[3:06] Speaker 3: The soldiers and sailors and flyers.
[3:07] Speaker 2: Where?
[3:08] Speaker 3: In the parade.
[3:08] Speaker 1: When?
[3:09] Speaker 4: This afternoon. Oh, I'll bet you're not. You're just teasing
[3:14] Speaker 4: me because you know I'll believe anything you say.
[3:17] Speaker 3: No, no, I wouldn't tease a tiny tot like you, Teeny.
[3:21] Speaker 3: Us heroes are all going to march.
[3:23] Speaker 4: Oh, boy. Were you a hero? No.
[3:26] Speaker 3: Well, I don't like to boast, sis, but it was
[3:28] Speaker 3: I and a couple of other fellas who kept the
[3:30] Speaker 3: Huns from hiring themselves into Hartford, Huntington, Houston, Hackensack, and
[3:33] Speaker 3: the homey hills of Hollywood and various and sundry points
[3:35] Speaker 3: in between.
[3:36] Speaker 4: Gee, did you win the war all by yourself?
[3:41] Speaker 3: Well, there were a few other people involved, but I
[3:44] Speaker 3: was the one up there at the head of the
[3:45] Speaker 3: line using my vast knowledge of military operations so outwit
[3:48] Speaker 3: the Huns. After the war, the president called me to
[3:52] Speaker 3: the White House and he said, Colonel McGee... The nation
[3:55] Speaker 3: owes its victory to you.
[3:57] Speaker 4: Gee. Is that a colonel's uniform you're wearing now, huh?
[4:02] Speaker 3: Well, no, no, no, not exactly. You see, my colonel's
[4:05] Speaker 3: uniform is out at the cleaners. Somebody spilled soup on
[4:08] Speaker 3: it at a recent banquet, in my honor, and they
[4:11] Speaker 3: were trying to climb over the table to get my autograph.
[4:13] Speaker 4: Golly. I better go home and tell my daddy about this,
[4:17] Speaker 4: I guess.
[4:18] Speaker 3: Well, no, well, now wait. I figured that the story
[4:21] Speaker 3: of my exploits were just kind of between you and me, huh?
[4:25] Speaker 3: What do you want to tell your daddy for?
[4:27] Speaker 4: Because in the Korean War, he was only a captain,
[4:32] Speaker 4: and he only shot down 53 enemy planes, and he
[4:36] Speaker 4: only got the Distinguished Flying Cross. And if you were
[4:40] Speaker 4: a colonel, why, he ought to salute you.
[4:43] Speaker 1: Sure.
[4:44] Speaker 4: So long.
[4:47] Speaker 1: More from Fibber McGee and Molly later on in the day.
[4:50] Speaker 1: This has been Fibber McGee and Molly in Armed Forces,
[4:54] Speaker 1: Fibber McGee, War Hero. Good night, and thank you for
[4:57] Speaker 1: joining us.

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