# Fibber McGee and Molly - "Secret Project X-R-5" (Old Time Radio, 1955)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 7 Sep 2026, 15 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/74959391/05a1cfa164da075f_mastered.mp3

Fibber McGee and Molly presents “Secret Project X-R-5,” episode 1236 of Fibber McGee and Molly, originally broadcast November 28, 1955. This 15-minute NBC entry from the series’ final radio season stars Jim and Marian Jordan as Fibber and Molly McGee. Fibber’s latest invention is under wraps with the code name Secret Project X-R-5, leaving Molly and listeners to wonder just what he has devised. Written by Ralph Goodman and Phil Leslie, and directed by Max Hutto. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned/mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:50 Original Broadcast 15:19 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Jim and Marion Jordan star as Fibber and Molly McGee
[0:03] Speaker 1: in this 15-minute NBC broadcast from the program's 1955-56 final
[0:10] Speaker 1: radio season. Originally heard on November 28, 1955, this is
[0:13] Speaker 1: Fibber McGee and Molly, episode 1236, Secret Project XR5. Fibber's
[0:25] Speaker 1: latest invention is being kept under that code name, and
[0:28] Speaker 1: the day's business turns on the question of what he
[0:31] Speaker 1: has devised. Ralph Goodman and Phil Leslie wrote the script,
[0:35] Speaker 1: Max Hutto directed, and John Wald is heard as announcer,
[0:39] Speaker 1: with Eleanor Engel as commercial spokesperson. Alka Seltzer and Miles
[0:44] Speaker 1: Nervine sponsored the series. And now, we return to the
[0:48] Speaker 1: original broadcast.
[0:50] Speaker 2: Miles Laboratories, makers of Alka-Seltzer, bring you another visit with Fibber, McGee,
[0:55] Speaker 2: and Mollie. Again, we invite you to listen to the
[1:04] Speaker 2: transcribed adventures of Fibber, McGee, and Mollie. The show is
[1:08] Speaker 2: written by Phil Leslie and Ralph Goodman and directed by
[1:11] Speaker 2: Max Huttle. Our story will be underway in just a minute.
[1:21] Speaker 3: This is Eleanor Engle. They say experience is the best teacher. Well,
[1:26] Speaker 3: from experience, for example, we know that acid indigestion sometimes
[1:30] Speaker 3: results from too much food or food eaten too fast.
[1:34] Speaker 3: But occasionally when the food tastes especially good or the
[1:38] Speaker 3: hands of the clock say hurry, hurry, we forget. And then,
[1:41] Speaker 3: after we try Alka-Seltzer, we learn from experience that it
[1:45] Speaker 3: can be a wonderful friend at times like that. So
[1:48] Speaker 3: the next time you have indigestion, I hope you'll not
[1:51] Speaker 3: only remember what I tell you.
[1:53] Speaker 4: About Alka-Seltzer, but also try it.
[1:56] Speaker 3: That's the only way to find out about the wonderful
[1:59] Speaker 3: relief Alka-Seltzer brings. Just drop a tablet or two into
[2:03] Speaker 3: a glass of water like this. Listen to it fizz.
[2:11] Speaker 3: And there you have it, a glass of sparkling Alka-Seltzer,
[2:15] Speaker 3: ready to bring gentle, soothing relief for an upset stomach.
[2:20] Speaker 4: Try it soon. Alka-Seltzer is sold at all drugstores.
[2:24] Speaker 1: Just set the groceries there on the sink, Mr.
[2:28] Speaker 5: Old-timer. McGee's out in the garage working on his secret project.
[2:40] Speaker 6: Secret project? What kind of secret project?
[2:44] Speaker 5: Project XR5, he calls it. Been at it off and
[2:47] Speaker 5: on for the past couple of weeks, and I don't
[2:49] Speaker 5: have the faintest idea what it is.
[2:51] Speaker 7: Does he?
[2:52] Speaker 5: Probably not. I think it may have something to do
[2:55] Speaker 5: with medical science, because every time he comes out of there,
[2:58] Speaker 5: he's wearing a bandage on a different finger.
[3:01] Speaker 7: Medical science, eh? Say now, oh hammering his fingers again is.
[3:08] Speaker 5: He hammering and sawing and planing if you stand by
[3:12] Speaker 5: the back window here you can hear him out there.
[3:16] Speaker 7: What's the matter?
[3:17] Speaker 5: You know, that's funny. It stopped. Not a sound.
[3:20] Speaker 7: Well, don't worry about it. You probably just hit yourself
[3:23] Speaker 7: between the eyes with a hammer, daughter. He'll come in
[3:25] Speaker 7: in a minute.
[3:26] Speaker 6: It's me, Molly. I got it, kiddo.
[3:28] Speaker 7: I got it. He's got it, daughter. What is it?
[3:30] Speaker 7: I guess it's... I think we ought to fumigate him
[3:31] Speaker 7: before he gives it to us.
[3:32] Speaker 8: Oh, hi, old-timer. It's all finished, Molly.
[3:35] Speaker 9: You two are now looking at the successful completer of
[3:38] Speaker 9: secret project XR5, the great McGee invention that is going
[3:42] Speaker 9: to completely revolutionize the month of December.
[3:44] Speaker 5: How was that again?
[3:46] Speaker 7: Yeah, gonna do what to what? If you're thinking of
[3:49] Speaker 7: turning December around so it starts with New Year's Eve
[3:52] Speaker 7: and runs backwards to Thanksgiving... No, no, no, no.
[3:54] Speaker 8: Nothing like that. Let me simplify it for you. My friends.
[3:59] Speaker 9: During the next few weeks which follow, our great nation
[4:02] Speaker 9: is always beset by the outrageous slings and arrows of misfortune.
[4:07] Speaker 4: Hear, hear.
[4:08] Speaker 5: Yeah, let's hear what this is.
[4:09] Speaker 9: But through the invention of my XR5 machine, every American
[4:13] Speaker 9: can wipe that frown now from his face and walk
[4:16] Speaker 9: forward into the maelstrom of Christmas with a happy smile.
[4:19] Speaker 5: What is it? What is this machine?
[4:21] Speaker 8: Brace yourself. It's a bow maker.
[4:25] Speaker 5: A what?
[4:26] Speaker 8: A Christmas bow maker.
[4:28] Speaker 9: That ties beautiful bows out of colored ribbon for Christmas packages,
[4:32] Speaker 9: electronic automatic.
[4:33] Speaker 5: Hmm?
[4:35] Speaker 7: Well, if you'll excuse me, daughter, I think I'll go
[4:38] Speaker 7: down and cross the street at 14th and Oak against
[4:41] Speaker 7: the lights and get run over. I deserve it for
[4:44] Speaker 7: wasting my time sitting around here while I.
[4:46] Speaker 8: Is that all you've got to say? Yep.
[4:48] Speaker 7: Not being married to you, I can speak frank, Johnny.
[4:51] Speaker 8: Huh?
[4:51] Speaker 7: But if you're looking for a pat on the head,
[4:53] Speaker 7: daughter here will give you that. Use the flat side
[4:55] Speaker 7: of the meat cleaver there, daughter, so as not to
[4:57] Speaker 7: dull the blade.
[4:58] Speaker 8: Oh, is that so, wise guy? Well, here. Just take
[5:02] Speaker 8: a look at these samples, you're so scoffy.
[5:04] Speaker 5: Samples? Let me see.
[5:05] Speaker 9: There.
[5:07] Speaker 6: Look at that.
[5:08] Speaker 9: Six beautiful automatic electronic tied bows.
[5:13] Speaker 8: I made them this morning with my machine. Automatic.
[5:16] Speaker 7: Say.
[5:18] Speaker 9: All different colors with little sparkly stuff on top and
[5:20] Speaker 9: a tiny pine cone tied onto each one.
[5:22] Speaker 5: Oh, for goodness sakes, McGee, why, why, they're beautiful.
[5:26] Speaker 7: Hey, by golly, son, I apologize.
[5:30] Speaker 6: Them's real pretty.
[5:32] Speaker 7: I thought you meant little bitty bows out of shoelaces.
[5:35] Speaker 7: Them bows are just beautiful.
[5:36] Speaker 6: Sure.
[5:37] Speaker 5: And you mean to say your machine tied these?
[5:40] Speaker 8: Completely automatic. Untouched by human hands or anybody else's.
[5:45] Speaker 5: My goodness.
[5:46] Speaker 9: All you got to do is plug the machine in,
[5:47] Speaker 9: and it's run by electricity with the motor out of
[5:49] Speaker 9: our electric fan.
[5:50] Speaker 8: You put a spool of ribbon and stuff in it,
[5:52] Speaker 8: and zingo, we're in business.
[5:53] Speaker 5: Business?
[5:54] Speaker 7: Business?
[5:54] Speaker 8: The gift wrapping business, you betcha. Boy, oh, boy. Between
[5:58] Speaker 8: now and Christmas, I'll make us enough money that we'll have.
[6:00] Speaker 7: I'll be your first customer, Johnny. Them's mighty pretty bows,
[6:04] Speaker 7: and I'll order some right now.
[6:05] Speaker 8: You see there, Molly?
[6:06] Speaker 7: I can use at least a dozen, Johnny. How much
[6:08] Speaker 7: will they be?
[6:09] Speaker 8: I figure about 50 cents apiece, because... Yeah, two.
[6:13] Speaker 7: Two bows. That's what I'll need. Here's a dime deposit.
[6:16] Speaker 5: Oh, McGee, this is exciting. See, I'll bet a lot
[6:19] Speaker 5: of my women friends would be interested in this.
[6:21] Speaker 6: Sure.
[6:22] Speaker 5: I'll tell you what. Start that machine again and tie
[6:25] Speaker 5: up about 20 of these bows for me, and I'll
[6:27] Speaker 5: show them to the girls at the club meeting this week.
[6:29] Speaker 8: That's a deal. I'll bring the machine in the house
[6:31] Speaker 8: right now. It's portable, of course.
[6:32] Speaker 7: It does all that and portable, too? Johnny, you're a genius.
[6:38] Speaker 9: Yeah, why not? Come on out to the garage with me,
[6:41] Speaker 9: both of you. Molly, you can carry the ribbon and
[6:43] Speaker 9: the pine cones and the motor in for me. And old-timer,
[6:45] Speaker 9: you can help me load the machine on a wheelbarrow and.
[6:47] Speaker 8: We'll bring it.
[6:51] Speaker 3: In here.
[6:58] Speaker 2: In a moment, we'll return to Febber McGee and Molly.
[7:01] Speaker 4: Mother, you know and I know that having fun is
[7:04] Speaker 4: good for us.
[7:05] Speaker 3: But how about the times when you'd like to get
[7:07] Speaker 3: out for a little relaxation, and when you suggest it
[7:10] Speaker 3: to your husband, he says.
[7:12] Speaker 2: Oh, honey, I just don't feel up to it. I
[7:15] Speaker 2: wouldn't enjoy myself. I've got a headache, and I kind
[7:18] Speaker 2: of ache all over.
[7:19] Speaker 4: Well, now, look.
[7:20] Speaker 3: You just fixed friend-husband a glass of sparkling, speedy Alka-Seltzer,
[7:25] Speaker 3: the medicine that's so refreshing. He'll soon be ready to
[7:28] Speaker 3: enjoy some fun. You see, Alka-Seltzer tablets dropped into a
[7:32] Speaker 3: glass of water fizz. and become a liquid way to relief.
[7:37] Speaker 3: Now starting with a liquid is wise because anything else
[7:40] Speaker 3: you swallow has to be changed by your body into
[7:43] Speaker 3: liquid form before it can help you.
[7:46] Speaker 4: So try Alka-Seltzer.
[7:47] Speaker 3: Whenever you or anyone in your family has a headache
[7:51] Speaker 3: or an upset stomach or general achiness.
[7:54] Speaker 4: Once you try it, you'll agree.
[7:56] Speaker 2: There's nothing quite like Alka-Seltzer. Buy it by the glass
[8:00] Speaker 2: at the soda fountain or by the package at the
[8:02] Speaker 2: drug counter.
[8:03] Speaker 8: Alka-Seltzer, the medicine that's so refreshing.
[8:17] Speaker 5: Come on, hurry and get it started. I'm dying to
[8:20] Speaker 5: see how the thing works. Those bows are beautiful.
[8:23] Speaker 8: Just about set, Tootsie. As soon as I thread these
[8:25] Speaker 8: spools of ribbon.
[8:26] Speaker 5: And this little pine cone on top of each bow.
[8:29] Speaker 5: How do you.
[8:29] Speaker 8: You'll see, Tootsie, you'll see.
[8:31] Speaker 9: I'll knock out 20 beautiful sample bows for you to
[8:33] Speaker 9: show your gal friends. Hey, take a batch of pine
[8:36] Speaker 9: cones out of the basket there and just drop them
[8:37] Speaker 9: in that part of the machine there marked C.
[8:39] Speaker 8: See?
[8:40] Speaker 4: Okay.
[8:41] Speaker 5: Oh, C for cones, huh?
[8:43] Speaker 9: No, C for careful. That's where I got my fingers
[8:46] Speaker 9: caught yesterday. The red arrow points to the switch I
[8:48] Speaker 9: accidentally turned on.
[8:49] Speaker 5: You do it.
[8:50] Speaker 8: Okay. There. Now we're all set.
[8:55] Speaker 9: Ribbons threaded. Cross arms set. Pine cone hoppers closed. You
[9:02] Speaker 9: want to check the plug?
[9:03] Speaker 5: It's plugged in. My business. Ah, good.
[9:05] Speaker 8: Now let's see. I'll fix the gears. Twist the dial here.
[9:11] Speaker 8: Pull this lever. And throw the switch.
[9:15] Speaker 5: And away we go.
[9:25] Speaker 8: Ah, listen to her rumble. Isn't that beautiful?
[9:28] Speaker 5: What?
[9:29] Speaker 8: I said, isn't that beautiful?
[9:30] Speaker 5: Sounds more like you're making liverwurst or sausage than Christmas bowls.
[9:33] Speaker 8: Yeah, more than that at 50 cents a piece.
[9:35] Speaker 2: What?
[9:36] Speaker 8: I said we ought to get.
[9:37] Speaker 5: Never mind, someone's at the door. I'll get it. Just
[9:41] Speaker 5: a moment.
[9:41] Speaker 4: Come in. Well, Dr.
[9:45] Speaker 5: Gamble.
[9:45] Speaker 6: Good afternoon, my dear. How is that famous husband of yours?
[9:48] Speaker 8: Oh, hi, Fatso.
[9:49] Speaker 6: The one whose head was the inspiration for that song hit,
[9:52] Speaker 6: Suddenly There's a Valley.
[9:54] Speaker 8: Come on in, 16 tons. Rest your load.
[9:58] Speaker 6: Touche. Say, what's that racket in the dining room?
[10:01] Speaker 5: It's McGee's latest invention, Doctor.
[10:03] Speaker 8: And where did you see this, Spatzle?
[10:05] Speaker 6: I can hardly.
[10:06] Speaker 5: I think he's really got something this time, Doctor. It's
[10:08] Speaker 5: a machine that ties bows. Christmas bows for gift wrapping. Here,
[10:13] Speaker 5: look at these. Tied this morning.
[10:15] Speaker 6: Hey, those are beautiful. Are you kidding, Molly? You mean
[10:20] Speaker 6: little Flabber Skull here actually has a machine that'll tie these?
[10:24] Speaker 6: They're beautiful.
[10:25] Speaker 8: It's tying them right now. Come on in and watch
[10:27] Speaker 8: it work.
[10:27] Speaker 5: He's going to make 20 of them for samples for
[10:29] Speaker 5: me and we're going in the gift wrapping business for Christmas.
[10:32] Speaker 6: Well, I'll be accustomed to it. Is that it? I'm
[10:35] Speaker 6: sure a funny looking contraption.
[10:37] Speaker 5: 79 Whistle Vista, Molly McGee speaking.
[10:42] Speaker 8: Tell whoever it is to call back, Molly.
[10:43] Speaker 5: Oh, hello, Mabel.
[10:44] Speaker 2: What?
[10:45] Speaker 8: Tell her we're busy, kid, or call her back.
[10:47] Speaker 5: No, Mabel, nothing's wrong. It's a machine McGee invented. It
[10:51] Speaker 5: makes bows for Christmas. No, it won't blow up. He's
[10:55] Speaker 5: demonstrating it now, making 20 sample bows for me. I'll
[10:59] Speaker 5: show you some. Yeah, call you back later.
[11:01] Speaker 2: Bye.
[11:01] Speaker 8: Boy, oh boy, oh boy. She can call up at
[11:04] Speaker 8: the most... Oh, now who?
[11:07] Speaker 5: Come in. Hello, Mr.
[11:10] Speaker 8: Wimple.
[11:10] Speaker 6: Hello, folks.
[11:11] Speaker 7: I was just passing by and heard the strangest sounds
[11:14] Speaker 7: coming from good heavens.
[11:16] Speaker 4: Is that it?
[11:17] Speaker 5: Yeah. Secret Project XR5. McGee's latest invention.
[11:21] Speaker 6: Makes bows for gift wrapping, he says. Like these.
[11:25] Speaker 7: My, they're beautiful.
[11:26] Speaker 6: If you ask me, this is all a hoax. Probably
[11:29] Speaker 6: bought those bows somewhere.
[11:31] Speaker 5: Oh, McGee, what happened?
[11:33] Speaker 9: The machine just automatically turned itself off, that's all. Now
[11:36] Speaker 9: you can all see for yourself if this is a
[11:38] Speaker 9: hoax or not.
[11:39] Speaker 4: My, this is extremely interesting.
[11:42] Speaker 6: Yeah, let's see the bows it ties. Come on, come on.
[11:45] Speaker 4: Yeah, hurry, Binky.
[11:46] Speaker 5: I'm excited.
[11:47] Speaker 9: Very well, my friends. Wallace, will you kindly open that
[11:49] Speaker 9: little door there marked exit?
[11:51] Speaker 7: Oh, yes, gladly. There.
[11:55] Speaker 8: That's it. Now I shall pull this release lever marked
[11:58] Speaker 8: pull and.
[12:00] Speaker 2: There.
[12:02] Speaker 8: Now watch what slides down the chute on the table.
[12:06] Speaker 8: There you are. Now, what do you skeptics say?
[12:11] Speaker 5: Is that all? Just one bowl?
[12:14] Speaker 8: Yeah.
[12:15] Speaker 5: I thought you were going to make 20 for me.
[12:17] Speaker 8: Oh, I am. Just be patient. You can only make
[12:20] Speaker 8: them one at a time with this machine.
[12:22] Speaker 6: Of course.
[12:23] Speaker 5: What?
[12:24] Speaker 7: My gracious.
[12:26] Speaker 8: What do you guys expect, miracles?
[12:28] Speaker 7: One bow.
[12:29] Speaker 9: I'll admit it takes a little longer with the machine
[12:31] Speaker 9: than it does to tie them by hand, of course.
[12:33] Speaker 8: But ain't they pretty?
[12:34] Speaker 7: Stop laughing, Doc.
[12:36] Speaker 9: I claim it's a swell machine and we can get
[12:38] Speaker 9: gift wrapping paper.
[12:49] Speaker 2: Your friends have more to say to you presently. Mother,
[12:52] Speaker 2: how's the day going with you? There are days I
[12:55] Speaker 2: know that may have you feeling tense and a little
[12:58] Speaker 2: on edge... When those days do happen along, I'd like
[13:01] Speaker 2: to suggest you try Myles Nervine. I think you'll find
[13:05] Speaker 2: it's just the thing to help you keep calm. Now,
[13:08] Speaker 2: here's the wonderful thing about Myles Nervine. It relaxes you,
[13:12] Speaker 2: yet it doesn't leave you feeling dull and logy. That
[13:16] Speaker 2: means you'll be able to carry on your day's activities
[13:19] Speaker 2: more calmly and efficiently. You can buy Myles Nervine at
[13:22] Speaker 2: your drugstore. Why not get a package next time you're there?
[13:26] Speaker 2: Follow the label, avoid excessive use. That's Miles Nervine to
[13:30] Speaker 2: help you relax and be yourself.
[13:34] Speaker 5: It's a wonderful invention, McGee, I really do.
[13:44] Speaker 8: Sure.
[13:45] Speaker 5: It's just that people are in such a hurry at
[13:47] Speaker 5: Christmas and, well, frankly, the girls down at the Bond
[13:50] Speaker 5: Town can wrap eight or ten packages, bows and all,
[13:52] Speaker 5: while your machine is tying one bow.
[13:54] Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, sure.
[13:56] Speaker 8: Sure. That is a disadvantage, I guess.
[13:58] Speaker 5: I would say so, yes. I hate to be discouraging, but.
[14:03] Speaker 8: Oh, that's okay.
[14:03] Speaker 9: I'm not discouraged. Just trying to figure out how to
[14:06] Speaker 9: get tooled up for next Christmas, that's all.
[14:08] Speaker 5: Next Christmas?
[14:09] Speaker 1: Yep.
[14:10] Speaker 9: I timed this machine, and it can tie a bow
[14:12] Speaker 9: in just over 18 and a half minutes.
[14:15] Speaker 8: That's three bows an hour, right?
[14:17] Speaker 5: Yes.
[14:17] Speaker 9: Now, if I can build 100 of these machines by
[14:20] Speaker 9: next year and have them all working, I can turn
[14:22] Speaker 9: out 300 bows an.
[14:23] Speaker 8: Hour, and then... Oh, let's skip it. So long, everybody.
[14:27] Speaker 5: Bye. See you tomorrow.
[14:35] Speaker 2: Fibber, McGee, and Molly Transcribed is brought to you Mondays
[14:38] Speaker 2: through Fridays at this time by Miles Laboratories, makers of Alka-Seltzer.
[14:49] Speaker 2: As usual, Bill Thompson appeared as the old-timer and Mr.
[14:52] Speaker 2: Wimple and Arthur Q.
[14:53] Speaker 6: Bryan as Dr.
[14:54] Speaker 1: Gamble.
[14:54] Speaker 2: And, as usual, we'll be back tomorrow with more nonsense.
[14:58] Speaker 2: This is John Wald bidding you goodbye. Weekdays, follow the
[15:04] Speaker 2: story of Pepper Young's family on most NBC radio stations.
[15:18] Speaker 1: We leave Fibber McGee and Molly with Secret Project XR5.
[15:22] Speaker 1: Follow Fibber McGee and Molly for more classic broadcasts.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.