# Fibber McGee and Molly - "The Antique Dealer" (Old Time Radio, 1937)

An episode of [Fibber McGee and Molly | Old Time Radio](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1858238532), 1 Oct 2026, 31 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/75484354/789f30706e41f1a6_mastered.mp3

Fibber McGee and Molly presents “The Antique Dealer,” episode 91 of the classic radio comedy series, originally broadcast on January 4, 1937. This archival recording preserves an early installment featuring Fibber McGee and Molly. When an antique dealer enters the McGees’ orbit, Fibber’s enthusiasm and knack for turning ordinary situations into comic confusion set the stage for another domestic misadventure. Fibber McGee and Molly presents the original broadcast with a newly produced contextual introduction, a short closing announcement, and gently cleaned and mastered audio for a more consistent listening experience. Chapters: 00:00 Victor Sterling Introduction 00:25 Original Broadcast 30:27 Closing Support Old Time Retro Radio at https://www.patreon.com/oldtimeretroradio

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: January 4th, 1937. Fibber McGee and Molly returns with episode 91,
[0:06] Speaker 1: The Antique Dealer. It is an early broadcast from one
[0:09] Speaker 1: of radio's enduring comedy teams carried here from the opening
[0:13] Speaker 1: days of 1937. Settle in for Fibber McGee and Molly
[0:17] Speaker 1: and a visit to the radio dial as it sounded
[0:20] Speaker 1: nearly nine decades ago. Now, back to the golden age
[0:24] Speaker 1: of radio.
[0:27] Speaker 2: The Johnston Wax Program. Presenting Marion and Jim Jordan as
[0:32] Speaker 2: Fibber McGee and Molly.
[0:36] Speaker 3: The Johnston Wax Program.
[0:48] Speaker 2: Ted Williams and his orchestra open the show with Hallelujah,
[0:51] Speaker 2: Things Look Rosy Now.
[0:53] Speaker 4: Oh! Thank you. Thank you.
[2:00] Speaker 3: Thank you.
[2:22] Speaker 2: Now that the holidays are over, your home may show
[2:25] Speaker 2: a few signs of wear and tear. Smart housewives who
[2:28] Speaker 2: protected their floors and linoleum with Johnson's blowcoats before Christmas
[2:33] Speaker 2: have found it much easier to keep their floors clean.
[2:36] Speaker 2: Blowcoats save the surface by sealing the pores and cracks
[2:40] Speaker 2: of linoleum and wood so dirt can't.
[2:42] Speaker 5: Get a foothold.
[2:43] Speaker 2: You don't have to worry about things getting spilled on
[2:45] Speaker 2: the floor. You don't have to worry about foot marks
[2:48] Speaker 2: and wear when your floors are protected with blowcoats. This
[2:52] Speaker 2: remarkable liquid polish makes old floors sparkle like new and
[2:56] Speaker 2: keeps new floors always beautiful and bright. Glow coat is self-polishing.
[3:01] Speaker 2: It requires no rubbing or buffing, and it dries to
[3:05] Speaker 2: a gleaming polish in just 20 minutes. Order Johnson's glow
[3:08] Speaker 2: coat tomorrow from your dealer and make all your floors
[3:11] Speaker 2: beautiful and easy to care for. Insist on Johnson's self-polishing
[3:16] Speaker 2: glow coat. made by the makers of Johnson's Wax and
[3:19] Speaker 2: spelled G-L-O-hyphen-C-O-A-T. Johnson's Glow Coat. Well, this is our first
[3:31] Speaker 2: broadcast in the new year, and we're going to be different.
[3:34] Speaker 2: We're going to give you a little relief from all
[3:36] Speaker 2: these resumes of what happened in 1936. We're going to
[3:39] Speaker 2: give you a rest from prognostications for 1937. We're going
[3:43] Speaker 2: to give you a holiday from greetings and resolutions. We're
[3:46] Speaker 2: going to give you... Well, we're going to give you
[3:49] Speaker 2: Fibber McGee and Molly.
[3:58] Speaker 3: Heavenly days, McGee. What is that you're working on?
[4:00] Speaker 4: That's a problem Country Washburn give me. You know Washburn.
[4:04] Speaker 4: He's the fellow who plays the big tube in Ted's band.
[4:06] Speaker 3: The big tube of what?
[4:09] Speaker 4: Big, big horn. Good musician, too, country is. Good tuba
[4:13] Speaker 4: players are born, not made, you know.
[4:15] Speaker 3: Oh, I knew that.
[4:16] Speaker 4: How'd you know?
[4:17] Speaker 3: Well, they never could get into that thing after they
[4:19] Speaker 3: grew up.
[4:21] Speaker 4: What's the problem? Well, look, here's a little box about
[4:23] Speaker 4: ten inches long with a little hole in each end. Yes.
[4:26] Speaker 4: There's a mouse in the box, see? And he goes
[4:28] Speaker 4: to one end and he looks out through the hole
[4:29] Speaker 4: in the box. Then he goes back twice as fast
[4:32] Speaker 4: and looks out the other end. Oh, I know.
[4:34] Speaker 3: It's Minnie looking for Mickey.
[4:35] Speaker 6: No.
[4:36] Speaker 4: The problem is this. He goes to one end slow, see?
[4:39] Speaker 4: He runs back at 10 feet a second, back again
[4:42] Speaker 4: at 20 feet a second, back again at 40 feet
[4:44] Speaker 4: a second. Twice as fast every time.
[4:46] Speaker 3: But what's the problem?
[4:47] Speaker 4: Well, I gotta figure out how fast the mouse has
[4:50] Speaker 4: gotta go before his head is sticking out both ends
[4:52] Speaker 4: of the box at once.
[4:56] Speaker 3: Well, I'm afraid I'll have to help you, McGee. Why? Well,
[4:59] Speaker 3: on that problem, two heads are better than one.
[5:03] Speaker 5: Oh, hello, Harpo.
[5:04] Speaker 3: Hello, Mr. Wheelcock.
[5:06] Speaker 4: Hiya, folks.
[5:06] Speaker 2: Say, I want you two to give me credit.
[5:08] Speaker 4: Okay.
[5:09] Speaker 3: No cash, though. Credit for what, Mr. Wheelcock?
[5:12] Speaker 2: Well, remember, I didn't interrupt you even once last week
[5:16] Speaker 2: with a plug for Johnson's Glow Coat.
[5:18] Speaker 3: He's right, Mickey. He didn't.
[5:19] Speaker 4: Much obliged, Harpo. Oh, that's all right.
[5:22] Speaker 2: I was tempted, though, when you spilled that chicken soup
[5:25] Speaker 2: on the floor. I was going to pop right in
[5:26] Speaker 2: and say something about the superior polish that Johnson's Glow
[5:29] Speaker 2: Coat gives your floors, Linoleum.
[5:31] Speaker 4: Well, that would have been all right for chicken soup,
[5:34] Speaker 4: but what if it had been mushroom soup?
[5:36] Speaker 5: Mushroom?
[5:37] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[5:37] Speaker 5: Well, rooms look mush brighter with Johnson's Glow Coat on
[5:41] Speaker 5: the floor.
[5:43] Speaker 7: He's got two commercials in already tonight, McGee.
[5:46] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[5:47] Speaker 8: Mr.
[5:47] Speaker 3: Johnson must have docked his salary last week. Oh, yes, yes.
[5:50] Speaker 2: And if it had been salary soup, I'd have said with.
[5:52] Speaker 5: Johnson's... Harpo!
[5:55] Speaker 4: Don't be a lug.
[5:57] Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but I just wanted you to realize how
[5:59] Speaker 2: easy I've been with you last week.
[6:01] Speaker 4: Well, Molly, I think we could have solved that mouse
[6:03] Speaker 4: problem with Harpo.
[6:04] Speaker 6: Why?
[6:05] Speaker 4: He's getting so he sticks his head out of both
[6:07] Speaker 4: ends of this program at once. Just a little mouse
[6:11] Speaker 4: ought to be able to do it if a big
[6:12] Speaker 4: rat like Harpo.
[6:15] Speaker 3: He isn't a rat.
[6:17] Speaker 4: No, I guess he isn't. Whiskers ain't long enough.
[6:21] Speaker 3: You mustn't talk that way about Mr. Wilcox. He's a
[6:23] Speaker 3: fine boy.
[6:24] Speaker 4: Sure I know, but I still think we should have
[6:26] Speaker 4: tried him on mulligatawny soup. What was that? Mulligatawny. Make
[6:30] Speaker 4: something of that.
[6:31] Speaker 2: Molly Gattoni?
[6:32] Speaker 5: Yes.
[6:32] Speaker 4: It's easy.
[6:33] Speaker 2: If you had glow coat on your floors, boy, would
[6:36] Speaker 2: Molly go Tony.
[6:42] Speaker 4: Say, Fibber. Oh, Elmo Tanner. What's the matter with you, Elmo?
[6:45] Speaker 3: Have some peanuts? Oh, thank you.
[6:47] Speaker 4: Much obliged, Elmo. They're good, aren't they?
[6:50] Speaker 5: One of my fans sent them.
[6:51] Speaker 4: One of your fans. Likes the programs, huh? Sure does.
[6:55] Speaker 4: He runs a peanut stand.
[6:56] Speaker 3: He's got a radio on it.
[6:57] Speaker 4: Really? Yeah, and he says every time I whistle, he
[7:00] Speaker 4: does twice as much business. Oh, I see. He does
[7:05] Speaker 4: more business, so he thinks it's the whistle. No, he
[7:07] Speaker 4: thinks it's the nut. Hey, Ted, pass the peanut.
[7:13] Speaker 3: You know, when an animal whistles, his lips remind me
[7:16] Speaker 3: of a bird. A bird.
[7:17] Speaker 1: Yes.
[7:19] Speaker 4: What kind of a bird? A canary?
[7:21] Speaker 3: No, a wood pucker.
[7:22] Speaker 4: It ain't funny, Molly. Oh, hello there, Geraldine. Oh, hello there, Mr.
[7:30] Speaker 5: McGee.
[7:30] Speaker 4: Hello, Molly.
[7:31] Speaker 3: Imagine seeing you here.
[7:33] Speaker 4: Yeah, we're here.
[7:33] Speaker 3: It's a small world, isn't it?
[7:34] Speaker 8: Well.
[7:35] Speaker 7: I told Gerald it was a small world, and what
[7:36] Speaker 7: do you think he said?
[7:37] Speaker 4: I bet it was a quip.
[7:39] Speaker 3: It was priceless, I mean, really.
[7:40] Speaker 4: Yeah?
[7:40] Speaker 7: Yeah, but he always thought it was a small world, too, until.
[7:43] Speaker 4: New Year's morning.
[7:44] Speaker 2: I see.
[7:45] Speaker 3: Yeah, but he said he knew it had to be
[7:47] Speaker 3: pretty big to hold his head.
[7:48] Speaker 8: Oh, I bet you knew, Gerald, really.
[7:51] Speaker 4: Well, I got enough troubles without small world.
[7:53] Speaker 3: You know, I simply had to come down and hear
[7:54] Speaker 3: Perry Coleman sing.
[7:55] Speaker 4: Oh, dear.
[7:56] Speaker 3: Oh, I think he's a darling singer.
[7:59] Speaker 4: Sing again.
[8:00] Speaker 3: I told Gerald I'd rather hear Perry sing than eat,
[8:02] Speaker 3: and Gerald said, how do you know? You never heard
[8:04] Speaker 3: of me.
[8:04] Speaker 4: Oh, I have.
[8:06] Speaker 3: Oh, what does that mean? I mean, wasn't it really?
[8:09] Speaker 4: Yeah, but Perry Como is really a fine young fellow.
[8:12] Speaker 3: You don't have to tell me.
[8:13] Speaker 8: No?
[8:14] Speaker 4: I told Gerald I went for Perry in.
[8:16] Speaker 3: A big way, and Gerald said he used to feel
[8:18] Speaker 3: the same way about Kate Smith. Wasn't that something incredible?
[8:22] Speaker 3: I mean, wasn't it really?
[8:23] Speaker 4: It was awful.
[8:24] Speaker 3: Tell me, what's Perry going to sing?
[8:28] Speaker 4: He's going to sing Frost on the Moon, Geraldine.
[8:33] Speaker 3: Frost on the Moon.
[8:34] Speaker 4: Frost on the Moon.
[8:35] Speaker 3: Oh, I'd better run home and get my telescope.
[8:38] Speaker 4: I shall be musty a little bit.
[8:40] Speaker 3: I'll say so.
[8:54] Speaker 6: There is frost on the moon.
[8:59] Speaker 5: And snow on the ground.
[9:01] Speaker 6: But with you around, there is spring in my heart.
[9:08] Speaker 6: I don't need my raccoon, cause everything's mine.
[9:14] Speaker 4: As long as.
[9:15] Speaker 5: You're mine, there is spring in my heart.
[9:22] Speaker 6: I know why I'm married. I'm in love with old June.
[9:28] Speaker 6: Even in January.
[9:31] Speaker 4: Oh, honey, it feels like June. There is frost on
[9:36] Speaker 4: the moon.
[9:37] Speaker 5: But what do I care?
[9:40] Speaker 6: I don't know it's there.
[9:42] Speaker 5: There's spring in my heart.
[9:55] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[9:55] Speaker 5: © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
[10:22] Speaker 2: Our scene tonight is the Whistle Vista Antique Shop at
[10:26] Speaker 2: 14th and Oak Street. The proprietor has gone on a
[10:29] Speaker 2: buying expedition, leaving Fibber McGee in charge. Fibber had convinced
[10:33] Speaker 2: him that his knowledge of antiques was nothing less than phenomenal.
[10:37] Speaker 2: So here, gazing around the shop with what he believes
[10:40] Speaker 2: to be an expert eye, we find Fibber McGee with
[10:42] Speaker 2: his ever-present checker-upper, Molly.
[10:46] Speaker 3: Well, McGee, you got yourself in another mess.
[10:49] Speaker 7: What on earth do you know about antique?
[10:51] Speaker 4: Oh, it's old stuff to me, Molly.
[10:55] Speaker 3: Why, you don't even know the different periods.
[10:56] Speaker 4: Why, sure I do. I know all the periods from
[10:59] Speaker 4: early Renaissance to late Grand Rapids. Spinach desks, harpsichords, refractory tables,
[11:07] Speaker 4: electric chairs.
[11:08] Speaker 3: Electric chairs? Yeah. I hope you wouldn't class an electric
[11:11] Speaker 3: chair as period furniture.
[11:12] Speaker 4: Why not? Comes at the end of a sentence, don't.
[11:16] Speaker 5: It?
[11:17] Speaker 3: Maybe so.
[11:19] Speaker 7: Oh, well, I'm going to enjoy working here anyway with
[11:22] Speaker 7: all these lovely things.
[11:23] Speaker 4: Thanks, Molly.
[11:25] Speaker 3: I didn't mean you, Wigger Nuts. I meant the other antique.
[11:30] Speaker 4: Oh, how do you do, bud? What can we do
[11:32] Speaker 4: for you?
[11:33] Speaker 8: Well, I'm, uh.
[11:35] Speaker 4: Looking for something nice in a love seat.
[11:40] Speaker 3: I understand.
[11:42] Speaker 7: McGee, he's looking for something nice in a love seat.
[11:46] Speaker 4: Well, you're going at it wrong, bud. The idea is
[11:48] Speaker 4: to get the love seat and then look for something nice. Oh,
[11:52] Speaker 4: I see.
[11:54] Speaker 8: Of course.
[11:55] Speaker 9: Thank you.
[11:55] Speaker 4: What was I saying, Molly?
[12:00] Speaker 3: Nothing unusual.
[12:01] Speaker 4: You know, I've been looking at this stuff in here
[12:02] Speaker 4: and the trouble with it is that it don't look antique.
[12:05] Speaker 4: There ain't enough wormholes in it. Now, if I only
[12:07] Speaker 4: had me a shotgun and some number two bird shots.
[12:10] Speaker 3: Heavenly days, is that how they do it?
[12:12] Speaker 4: Well, that's one way. Now, when I had my antique shop,
[12:15] Speaker 4: I raised my own worms. I kept them hungry for
[12:19] Speaker 4: a week or so, and then I'd lock them in
[12:20] Speaker 4: a room with concrete walls and a few pieces of furniture.
[12:24] Speaker 4: I misjudged it once, though, and let the worms get
[12:26] Speaker 4: too hungry.
[12:27] Speaker 3: What happened?
[12:28] Speaker 4: When I opened the door to get the stuff out again,
[12:30] Speaker 4: I was shy of walnut bedstead and two end tables.
[12:35] Speaker 4: All I could see was my thousand worms. Overstuffed. I'll
[12:40] Speaker 4: never forget the time the woman comes in and asks
[12:42] Speaker 4: to see an antique bed. I showed her one, and
[12:44] Speaker 4: I told her George Washington had sat on that bed.
[12:47] Speaker 4: Why sat? Well, George couldn't lie, you know.
[12:50] Speaker 5: Oh.
[12:52] Speaker 4: I always try to.
[12:53] Speaker 3: How do you do?
[12:55] Speaker 4: Are you the proprietor? Oh, you betcha, sis. That is,
[12:58] Speaker 4: I'm the proprietor pro-Tom.
[13:00] Speaker 3: You mean pro-Tip.
[13:01] Speaker 4: No, pro-Tom. Tom Jones owns this place, and he's away
[13:04] Speaker 4: for the day. Get the idea? Pro-Tom?
[13:07] Speaker 5: Sounds like a lot.
[13:09] Speaker 3: Of foolishness to me. Tom foolishness. Well, what can we
[13:13] Speaker 3: do for you, madam? I'm looking for just the right
[13:17] Speaker 3: thing for our clubroom. I am Mrs. Jane Mitchell-Twitchell, acting secretary.
[13:22] Speaker 4: Oh, acting, huh? Well, wipe off your grease paint, sis,
[13:26] Speaker 4: and take it easy. What kind of furniture are you
[13:29] Speaker 4: looking for?
[13:30] Speaker 5: A highboy.
[13:31] Speaker 3: Oh, I think I know what you want, Mrs. Twitchell.
[13:34] Speaker 3: Step right over here.
[13:35] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[13:36] Speaker 3: Now, have you anything in Chippendale?
[13:38] Speaker 4: Oh, you betcha, sis. All the furniture on this side
[13:41] Speaker 4: is Dale.
[13:41] Speaker 3: And this over here is Chippendale. I see you have a... Oh,
[13:49] Speaker 3: what a lovely chair.
[13:51] Speaker 7: Yeah.
[13:51] Speaker 4: Neat little hunk of carpentry, ain't it, sis? Now, what
[13:54] Speaker 4: period is it, may I ask?
[13:56] Speaker 5: Adam.
[13:58] Speaker 3: Oh, but there is no upholstery on it.
[14:00] Speaker 4: Well, that's how we know it's Adam.
[14:01] Speaker 5: McGee.
[14:08] Speaker 3: Say, why don't you try to find what Mrs. Twitchell wants?
[14:11] Speaker 4: I'm just going to. How do you want it, Twitchy?
[14:15] Speaker 4: Seltzer or ginger ale? Bill, what on earth are you
[14:20] Speaker 4: talking about? Dad read it. You wanted a highball, didn't you?
[14:22] Speaker 6: Highball?
[14:23] Speaker 4: Hi, sis. Remember me? Proprietor, pro-town?
[14:30] Speaker 3: Yes, but about the highball.
[14:33] Speaker 4: Well, listen, Twitch. I don't think we got just the
[14:36] Speaker 4: thing for you. But if we get one in today,
[14:38] Speaker 4: we'll send it on approval to you.
[14:40] Speaker 3: Yes, do that. Send it to Mrs. J. Little-Twitchell at
[14:44] Speaker 3: the Whistle Distal Culture Club. But it must be authentic.
[14:48] Speaker 4: Oh, you betcha, Twitchy. If it ain't authentic antique, we'll
[14:51] Speaker 4: snap it back to the factory so fast it'll blister
[14:53] Speaker 4: the varnish.
[14:54] Speaker 1: Thank you, Doctor.
[14:55] Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
[14:57] Speaker 4: Hey, Molly.
[14:59] Speaker 3: What?
[14:59] Speaker 4: I can count it as a high boy.
[15:01] Speaker 3: A high boy?
[15:02] Speaker 8: Mm-hmm.
[15:02] Speaker 3: Well, it's a tall sort of dresser, quite plain.
[15:06] Speaker 7: No mirror and mounted on legs and with four to
[15:09] Speaker 7: eight drawers.
[15:10] Speaker 3: Eight drawers.
[15:11] Speaker 4: That's practically a trousseau.
[15:17] Speaker 3: I can see right now you won't keep this job.
[15:19] Speaker 4: Oh, is that so? Well, I guess... Oh, hello, Mr.
[15:23] Speaker 3: Wilcox.
[15:24] Speaker 4: Hi, Harpo. Want something?
[15:26] Speaker 3: Yes, yes.
[15:26] Speaker 4: I'd like a nice tapestry chair.
[15:29] Speaker 3: Oh, we have some lovely ones.
[15:30] Speaker 4: Try this one, Harpo. Sit down.
[15:32] Speaker 5: All right.
[15:33] Speaker 4: That's it. Ouch! Say, what's the idea? My mistake, Harpo.
[15:37] Speaker 4: That wasn't tapestry.
[15:38] Speaker 2: Well, what was it?
[15:39] Speaker 4: Needlepoint. Oh, I get it.
[15:42] Speaker 3: Oh, we knew you'd get the point.
[15:44] Speaker 4: Yeah, in the end.
[15:45] Speaker 3: Oh, all right.
[15:49] Speaker 2: McGee.
[15:49] Speaker 4: Hmm?
[15:50] Speaker 3: I wonder why they've got all those old bottles on
[15:52] Speaker 3: the shelf there.
[15:53] Speaker 4: Oh, lots of people collect old glass, Molly. That's early
[15:55] Speaker 4: American stuff.
[15:56] Speaker 5: Hmm.
[15:57] Speaker 3: They look like a lot of milk bottles to me. Well.
[16:00] Speaker 4: Milkman is about the earliest American there is, I guess.
[16:02] Speaker 4: I want to sit down on this box a while. Hey,
[16:06] Speaker 4: what period is this old music box, Molly? Henry VIII?
[16:09] Speaker 3: Well, open it up. Maybe it tells on the inside.
[16:12] Speaker 4: Okay. Just what I thought. Drunken fight.
[16:28] Speaker 3: Oh, it's Silly Watson.
[16:31] Speaker 4: Hi, Phil.
[16:32] Speaker 3: Hi, ma'am. How are you, boss? Y'all working here now?
[16:35] Speaker 4: You betcha, Phil. What can we do for you?
[16:37] Speaker 2: Well, Miss Weedle said she'd send me down for some
[16:40] Speaker 2: animal crackers.
[16:41] Speaker 3: Animal crackers?
[16:43] Speaker 4: You better go to the grocery store, Phil. We don't
[16:44] Speaker 4: handle no animal crackers.
[16:45] Speaker 5: No.
[16:46] Speaker 3: How about a nice pie crust table? No, ma'am.
[16:50] Speaker 7: Now, she said come down to the old antique shop
[16:53] Speaker 7: and get some nice animal crackers.
[16:56] Speaker 4: She's loony.
[16:57] Speaker 3: Yes, but she said the same compliment about you, Miss McGee.
[17:01] Speaker 4: Oh, she did, eh?
[17:02] Speaker 3: Yeah, but she said do it and.
[17:04] Speaker 4: I'll do it.
[17:05] Speaker 3: Maybe we better call her up, McGee, and see if
[17:07] Speaker 3: Philly got it right. I got it right, Miss McGee.
[17:09] Speaker 4: She say animal crackers right out. Well, any animal crackers
[17:12] Speaker 4: she got in here would be so old she'd get indigestion.
[17:16] Speaker 6: What?
[17:17] Speaker 3: Does she eat those things herself, silly?
[17:20] Speaker 4: Eat what? The animal crackers.
[17:23] Speaker 3: She ain't going to eat them, Mr.
[17:24] Speaker 4: McGee.
[17:25] Speaker 3: She's going to use them on the whole stuffery. On
[17:29] Speaker 3: the what? On the whole stuffery.
[17:32] Speaker 4: You mean the huck holstery, don't you? Yes, and what'd
[17:35] Speaker 4: I say?
[17:36] Speaker 3: You said whole stuffery.
[17:37] Speaker 4: Yes, ma'am, that's what I meant. Well, she say the whole.
[17:42] Speaker 3: Stuffery don't get so soiled if them little old cow
[17:46] Speaker 3: and stuff got animal crackers on them. Soil? Oh!
[17:50] Speaker 4: Oh, McGee.
[17:51] Speaker 8: Huh?
[17:51] Speaker 3: She means Anthony Cassidy.
[17:53] Speaker 5: Yes, ma'am, that's what I say.
[17:54] Speaker 3: You got some?
[17:55] Speaker 4: No.
[17:56] Speaker 3: Yes. Heavenly days. Animal crackers.
[18:03] Speaker 7: And all the time he meant to answer Macassar.
[18:07] Speaker 4: Imagine a dumbbell like that. Hey, Molly.
[18:13] Speaker 3: What?
[18:14] Speaker 4: What are Anna Macassar's?
[18:17] Speaker 3: She's a dumbbell, but you're smart.
[18:21] Speaker 7: Anna Macassar's, Inger, that's our little tidy to hang on
[18:24] Speaker 7: the backs of chairs.
[18:25] Speaker 3: Tidy?
[18:26] Speaker 4: Gee, I didn't even know Mrs. Wheeldick had a baby.
[18:40] Speaker 2: Ned Weems and the boys play Summertime from Porgy and Bess,
[18:43] Speaker 2: featuring a bit of midwinter whistling by Elmo Tanner.
[18:46] Speaker 3: The End.
[19:38] Speaker 7: Thank you.
[20:39] Speaker 5: The End.
[21:01] Speaker 2: Recently, I was checking over a list showing the outstanding
[21:04] Speaker 2: reasons why smart housewives prefer Johnson's self-polishing glow coat. Listen
[21:09] Speaker 2: to these five statements. They give you five good reasons
[21:13] Speaker 2: why you should use glow coat on your own floors. One,
[21:16] Speaker 2: glow coat saves both time and work. It gives a
[21:19] Speaker 2: beautiful bright polish to linoleum and floors without any work
[21:22] Speaker 2: of rubbing or buffing. Two, glow coat is very easy
[21:26] Speaker 2: to apply. It dries in 20 minutes and shines as
[21:29] Speaker 2: it dries. Three, it's never sticky or gummy. Never leaves
[21:33] Speaker 2: streaks on the floor. Four, Glow Coat protects linoleum from
[21:37] Speaker 2: dirt and wear and does away with the drudgery of
[21:40] Speaker 2: floor scrubbing.
[21:41] Speaker 5: Five.
[21:42] Speaker 2: Glow coat is made by the makers of Johnson's wax,
[21:45] Speaker 2: so you can depend on it to give brighter luster,
[21:48] Speaker 2: longer wear. Order Johnson's self-polishing glow coat tomorrow from your
[21:53] Speaker 2: dealer and make your own home more attractive and bright.
[21:57] Speaker 2: By the way, remember it's very economical to buy the
[21:59] Speaker 2: larger sizes. Well, business such as it is is going
[22:09] Speaker 2: on as usual at the Wistful Vista Antique Shop. Fibber McGee,
[22:12] Speaker 2: proprietor pro-top. Here's Fibber talking on the phone.
[22:16] Speaker 4: Yes. Yes. Who's speaking, please? Oh, Mrs.
[22:22] Speaker 3: Twitchell.
[22:23] Speaker 4: Yes, Mrs. Twitchell. No, no, your high boy ain't come
[22:27] Speaker 4: in yet.
[22:28] Speaker 6: No.
[22:29] Speaker 4: All right, since we get one, we'll send it right over.
[22:33] Speaker 4: You betcha, Twitchell. No trouble at all.
[22:38] Speaker 3: Hardly.
[22:39] Speaker 4: Okay.
[22:40] Speaker 3: Who was that, McGee?
[22:41] Speaker 4: That was Mrs. J. Mitchell Twitchell again. She wanted the
[22:44] Speaker 4: lowdown on her high boy. I told her we'd send
[22:48] Speaker 4: it out when we got one in.
[22:49] Speaker 3: Now, you know.
[22:50] Speaker 7: Very well the chances are a million to one against
[22:52] Speaker 7: our ever getting one in here.
[22:53] Speaker 4: Well, I know, but all women who buy antiques are optimists, Molly.
[22:57] Speaker 4: You can't crush their delicate little hopes with no brutal truth.
[23:02] Speaker 4: You know.
[23:03] Speaker 4: Oh, hi, ma'am.
[23:05] Speaker 3: How do you do?
[23:07] Speaker 4: Well, what can I do for you?
[23:08] Speaker 3: Have you anything in Italian Renaissance?
[23:11] Speaker 4: In what thing?
[23:12] Speaker 3: I said, have you anything in Italian Renaissance?
[23:14] Speaker 4: No, but I got a few hundred bucks in the
[23:16] Speaker 4: Swedish match. According to my broker, it's bound to go up.
[23:19] Speaker 3: No, no, no, you don't understand. I mean Italian Renaissance furniture. Oh,
[23:24] Speaker 3: you know, McGee, Italian Renaissance.
[23:28] Speaker 4: Oh, that. Oh, you bet you did. Here's a beautiful
[23:31] Speaker 4: chair right here.
[23:33] Speaker 3: Well, that's not a bad-looking chair.
[23:34] Speaker 6: Betcha.
[23:34] Speaker 4: But it's certainly not Italian.
[23:36] Speaker 3: Why, that's ordinary reed furniture.
[23:38] Speaker 4: It's Italian, sis.
[23:39] Speaker 3: Ain't nothing of the sort. That's nothing but wicker work.
[23:42] Speaker 4: I tell you it's Italian. Step back here and look
[23:44] Speaker 4: at it.
[23:44] Speaker 3: I'm looking.
[23:45] Speaker 4: Well, don't it look like a pile of old spaghetti? Oh.
[23:51] Speaker 3: Now, you see what you did? Huh? She went off
[23:55] Speaker 3: in a huff.
[23:57] Speaker 4: She drive it herself?
[24:01] Speaker 3: Oh, how do you do? What can we do for you?
[24:03] Speaker 4: How much is that ship in the bottle?
[24:05] Speaker 3: The ship in the bottle?
[24:06] Speaker 4: Where? Over there in the stand, Molly, that full-rigged ship
[24:09] Speaker 4: in the bottle. That thing has quite a.
[24:11] Speaker 3: History, Bud. Oh, yes, quite a history.
[24:14] Speaker 5: Mm-hmm.
[24:14] Speaker 3: What's historical about it?
[24:16] Speaker 4: Well, that's a Spanish ship from the Spanish-American War. You'll
[24:19] Speaker 4: remember how Admiral Dewey bottled up their ships in the harbor. Well,
[24:23] Speaker 4: that's the bottle in one of the ships. Yes.
[24:27] Speaker 3: 25 bucks.
[24:28] Speaker 4: Take it or leave it.
[24:29] Speaker 5: Let me see that.
[24:30] Speaker 6: Mm-hmm.
[24:31] Speaker 4: How did it get so wet? Still do it.
[24:37] Speaker 3: You know, McGee, I.
[24:38] Speaker 7: Always wondered how they ever got them full-rigged ships into
[24:41] Speaker 7: them bottles.
[24:42] Speaker 4: Why, shucks, Molly. They don't put the ship in the bottle.
[24:45] Speaker 4: They blow the bottle around the ship. Why, I used
[24:48] Speaker 4: to blow thousands of them when I was over in Glasgow.
[24:53] Speaker 7: With your wind, you could blow a bottle around the
[24:55] Speaker 7: Queen Mary.
[24:58] Speaker 4: Hello? Hello? Yes? Whisper, Miss Antique Shop. Pepper McGee speaking.
[25:05] Speaker 3: Uh, what?
[25:06] Speaker 4: Afraid I don't know what you mean, sis. Hold the wire. Hey, Molly.
[25:11] Speaker 4: This dizzy dame wants to know if we got a
[25:13] Speaker 4: Powell and Pickford desk. What does she mean?
[25:15] Speaker 3: William and Mary. Oh.
[25:18] Speaker 1: Hello.
[25:19] Speaker 4: No. Trying to make a chump out of me. Oh,
[25:24] Speaker 4: hi there, brother. What can I do for you? Good
[25:26] Speaker 4: day to you, my little antique peeker.
[25:28] Speaker 3: How do you do? I'm sure.
[25:30] Speaker 4: What you got there, bud? Put tool to be repaired,
[25:31] Speaker 4: you come to the right place. What I don't know
[25:33] Speaker 4: about antique... It is amazing.
[25:35] Speaker 3: What's the matter with it?
[25:36] Speaker 5: Out of thing, out of thing. I just dropped in
[25:39] Speaker 5: to offer you a rare bargain in a genuine antique ottoman.
[25:42] Speaker 4: Ottoman?
[25:42] Speaker 5: No, ottoman. Otto. Hi, Otto. Yeah, man.
[25:46] Speaker 8: Yeah.
[25:47] Speaker 5: Yes, I have here a genuine hepple white ottoman.
[25:50] Speaker 3: You mean hepple green, don't you?
[25:52] Speaker 5: No, no, not hepple green, hepple white.
[25:54] Speaker 4: Oh, I see.
[25:56] Speaker 5: I mean this, my friends, is a rare bargain. Yes, yes,
[25:59] Speaker 5: a rare bargain. It's only offered for sale because my cousin,
[26:03] Speaker 5: the Marquis de Pavardy, has his back to the wall.
[26:07] Speaker 4: Why didn't he keep the footstool so he could sit down?
[26:10] Speaker 5: This, I might say, is only one of the thousands
[26:12] Speaker 5: of heirlooms and treasures which I might dispose of to
[26:15] Speaker 5: you if I'm offered a reasonable sum for this remarkable
[26:18] Speaker 5: example of the craftsmanship.
[26:20] Speaker 3: Of all Europe. Well, how much do you want for it?
[26:23] Speaker 5: Well, I really couldn't say. Wait and look at my memoranda.
[26:26] Speaker 5: Let me see now. Memorandum, memorandum. Here's my bowie knife.
[26:31] Speaker 5: I mean pocket knife. My Christmas card. Small garter snake.
[26:36] Speaker 5: Wonder how that got in there. Don't remember passing a haberdashery. Peppermint,
[26:42] Speaker 5: streetcar transfer, and a short beer. Sorry, I don't seem
[26:46] Speaker 5: to have my memoranda here, but I let it go
[26:49] Speaker 5: for the small sum of $ 33. Sold.
[26:52] Speaker 4: Here's the dough, bud. Thanks.
[26:53] Speaker 5: You certainly got a real bargain there, folks. A real
[26:56] Speaker 5: old European antique.
[26:57] Speaker 3: Are you sure it's European?
[26:59] Speaker 4: Certainly.
[27:00] Speaker 5: Look what it says on the bottom of it.
[27:02] Speaker 3: USA.
[27:03] Speaker 4: USA? USA, meaning other side of the Atlantic. Thank you,
[27:08] Speaker 4: and good day.
[27:08] Speaker 6: Well.
[27:11] Speaker 4: I'm glad we got a footstool in here, Molly. Why? Well,
[27:14] Speaker 4: I got a couple of heels all lined up for you. Oh, hi, Bob.
[27:19] Speaker 4: Come right in.
[27:20] Speaker 3: Okay, sonny.
[27:22] Speaker 9: Why don't you get a door high enough for folks
[27:26] Speaker 9: to come in by?
[27:27] Speaker 3: We sure have to have a tall one for you.
[27:30] Speaker 3: You must be about six feet seven.
[27:32] Speaker 5: Six feet eight, dearie.
[27:34] Speaker 9: And I'm looking for a bed long enough for me
[27:36] Speaker 9: to get into. These beds they make nowadays are too short.
[27:40] Speaker 4: Well, Bud, I don't think we got one long enough
[27:43] Speaker 4: for you right now.
[27:44] Speaker 5: Well, I was afraid of that, Shorty. Been looking for
[27:47] Speaker 5: one for 80 years now.
[27:48] Speaker 2: 80 years?
[27:51] Speaker 4: Six foot eight. Hey, Bud, I got an idea.
[27:54] Speaker 3: Good for you, youngster. What is it? Here.
[27:57] Speaker 4: Go to this address. You better make it snappy, too.
[27:59] Speaker 9: Right.
[28:00] Speaker 2: I'm on my way.
[28:02] Speaker 5: Much obliged.
[28:03] Speaker 4: Okay.
[28:03] Speaker 3: Say, what's the idea, McGee? Where did you send him
[28:05] Speaker 3: for the bed?
[28:06] Speaker 4: Hold everything, Molly. Give me that phone. Hello, operator. Hello, operator.
[28:12] Speaker 4: Give me Green Apple 890000. In a hurry.
[28:17] Speaker 6: But, McGee, you.
[28:17] Speaker 4: Quiet, Molly.
[28:18] Speaker 6: Hello.
[28:20] Speaker 4: Mrs. J.
[28:20] Speaker 3: Mitchell Twitchell? Well, I just wanted to tell you, Twitchy,
[28:25] Speaker 3: your antique high.
[28:26] Speaker 4: Boy is on the way over.
[28:27] Speaker 8: Ha!
[28:27] Speaker 9: Ha!
[28:49] Speaker 3: THE END.
[29:11] Speaker 4: You know, Molly, I think I'm just the type for
[29:16] Speaker 4: the antique racket.
[29:17] Speaker 3: It's a sort of a... Oh, is that so? Well,
[29:19] Speaker 3: I think differently.
[29:20] Speaker 6: Huh?
[29:21] Speaker 3: For instance, what did you say.
[29:22] Speaker 7: When the man bought the banjo clock and wanted to
[29:24] Speaker 7: know where the pendulum was?
[29:26] Speaker 4: Why, I said.
[29:27] Speaker 3: You said Ted Williams had the pendulum teaching it to swing.
[29:31] Speaker 4: Well... Just I was only.
[29:32] Speaker 7: And worst of all, when that nice lady said she
[29:34] Speaker 7: wanted to cover a small living room chair.
[29:36] Speaker 3: What did you say?
[29:37] Speaker 4: Well, I just simply.
[29:38] Speaker 3: You says just eat plenty of pastry, baby.
[29:41] Speaker 9: Oh, well.
[29:42] Speaker 3: What have you to say about that?
[29:44] Speaker 4: Why, I.
[29:46] Speaker 3: Good night. Good night, all.
[29:47] Speaker 4: Thank you.
[29:54] Speaker 2: This is Harlow Wilcox inviting you all to be with
[29:56] Speaker 2: us next week at this same time. Until then, good night.
[29:58] Speaker 8: Bojangles of Harlem is from Springtime by Jerome Chang. This
[30:02] Speaker 8: is the Red Network of the National Broadcasting Company.
[30:13] Speaker 4: WMAQ, Chicago.
[30:15] Speaker 8: Pepper McGee and Molly are appearing in person at the
[30:17] Speaker 8: Kenosha Theater, Kenosha, Wisconsin, Friday, January 8.
[30:26] Speaker 1: That brings us to the close of Fibber McGee and Molly,
[30:29] Speaker 1: the antique dealer. Follow Fibber McGee and Molly for more
[30:33] Speaker 1: classic broadcasts.

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