# lent update | spoiler: not good lol

An episode of [AfterMass](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1823710125), 30 Mar 2026, 11 min.

Audio: https://traffic.megaphone.fm/APO4605340699.mp3

wanted to give an update on how I'm entering Holy Week!

## Transcript

[0:00] Hi friends, welcome back to Aftermath.
[0:03] So today is Monday, yesterday was Palm Sunday, Today is Monday
[0:06] of Holy Week. So happy Monday, happy beginning
[0:09] of Holy Week. A couple weeks ago about two, I
[0:12] made this video right here where I talked about how my Lent was
[0:16] not good. It wasn't good.
[0:19] I kind of fell to the wayside. All the things I gave up, I was
[0:22] forgetting about. I start, I ate meat on Fridays,
[0:25] which was very unlike me because I don't eat meat on Fridays
[0:29] throughout the year. It's just a personal devotion
[0:31] that I do. But I kept failing the first
[0:34] like 2-3 weeks of Lent. It was very bizarre.
[0:38] I also mentioned that I've been in some like serious desolation
[0:41] since, I want to say when Advent started right before Christmas,
[0:47] and I was kind of hoping to come out the other side, but I never
[0:50] really did. And then I started Lent in
[0:54] desolation and it just kind of kicked my butt.
[0:58] So as we are approaching Easter, I am sad to update that I'm
[1:02] still not doing good. I'm still not doing the best.
[1:05] Now nothing has happened. I am praying I'm doing my holy
[1:07] hour in the morning, which is something that I started after I
[1:10] had that realization. Like, listen, I have outgrown my
[1:13] spiritual life. So the things that I was doing
[1:15] before, they are not working. It's not working the same.
[1:18] So I kind of adjusted everything.
[1:20] I changed everything up. And I do feel like I've made
[1:24] some progress, but but I'm just kind of blah just right here.
[1:29] Nothing about me feels on fire. Nothing about my faith feels
[1:33] like I'm nailing it like I'm doing good, like, you know, like
[1:36] God would be proud. And that's not in like a woe is
[1:39] me, like, oh, feel bad for me. Like I, I know I'm doing the
[1:43] best I can with my situation and just trying, but I just wanted
[1:48] to post this video a little bit as an update because I have had
[1:51] a lot of you reach out and ask me how everything's going.
[1:54] And when I say not good, I don't mean that I am questioning my
[1:58] faith or I'm going through like a faith crisis or anything like
[2:02] that. I just feel very alone in my
[2:06] faith which is weird. I've never experienced such long
[2:11] spiritual dryness. It's never been like that for
[2:13] me. My channel, my content started
[2:18] as an overflow of my spiritual life.
[2:21] And I think I needed that kind of rock bottom a couple weeks
[2:26] ago to really realize that I need to take care of myself 1st.
[2:30] And I took, I took about a week off.
[2:32] It wasn't like a strategic week off.
[2:34] I just said I'm not posting anything.
[2:35] I don't feel like posting anything.
[2:37] And I feel like I'm jeopardizing my soul and my faith by
[2:41] continuing to kind of put this content out there, even if it is
[2:45] helping people. I need to help myself first.
[2:48] It's like when you're in an airplane and the airline
[2:51] attendant, flight attendant says that case of oxygen and the
[2:54] oxygen masks come down, that please put one on yourself for
[2:58] attending to your children. That's like, not that you guys
[3:01] are my children. That's not the analogy I wanted
[3:02] to make. My brain isn't firing out on all
[3:04] cylinders. But yeah, that's kind of like
[3:08] how I felt. So I just said, you know what,
[3:09] I'm just going to whatever. I don't care about the stuff
[3:12] online. I hope everyone's doing well.
[3:14] I posted that little video and then I kind of took about a week
[3:16] or so off and I did make some shifts, some changes in my
[3:21] spiritual life, in my prayer life.
[3:22] I feel like those have helped kind of maintain me.
[3:26] So now, you know, as Easter is approaching, I'm feeling even
[3:30] more like I wasn't able to turn it around for Easter, not even
[3:34] with Easter on the horizon. I, my faith isn't what it used
[3:37] to be or feels the way it used to be.
[3:39] And I've always been very big that faith and feelings,
[3:44] feelings are great, feelings are fantastic, but my faith is never
[3:47] dependent on my feelings. So keeping that in mind, but at
[3:51] some point you're like, well, hello, I want to feel a little
[3:54] good. Like I want to feel a little
[3:55] close to God. And I'm not feeling that, but I
[3:58] think it's just maybe like the time of my life that I'm in,
[4:02] maybe the spiritual warfare. I don't know what it is.
[4:05] Nothing's really happened. I haven't had a moment where
[4:07] I've been like I felt attacked or under attack.
[4:10] But sometimes that's, that is also spiritual warfare and it,
[4:15] it's not the devil is not subtle or the devil is not obvious.
[4:20] Sometimes it is subtle. And in thinking of Saint
[4:22] Ignatius's 14 rules of discernment, one of the things
[4:26] that comes into play is this overwhelming sense of
[4:30] responsibility and that the devil will tempt you with good
[4:32] things, things that appear to be good, whether it's more
[4:35] opportunities, more responsibilities, more work,
[4:38] more etcetera. And the cost of that is your own
[4:41] spiritual life. So just keeping that in mind of
[4:44] I can't be doing the stuff online if I'm not right in here.
[4:48] And so that's why I kind of took a little bit of a break.
[4:51] But I also think it's important to show up and show this side of
[4:55] our faith because it's not always rainbows and sunshine.
[4:58] And it's easy to say, hey, guys, if you're going through it, just
[5:02] just stick with it. Just be consistent.
[5:04] I've said it a million times, when you don't feel like
[5:06] praying, you double down when you're in desolation, you got to
[5:08] keep going. That is fortitude.
[5:10] That is God forming you. And I truly believe that.
[5:13] But I also think it's important for you or anyone really, to be
[5:18] able to see what it's like to not be on fire but still show
[5:22] up. So it's a little bit of a
[5:23] balance for me of what can I do that will make him proud, that
[5:30] will help you guys or the audience or, you know, we're
[5:35] kind of in this together. So, you know, when I'm down,
[5:37] your prayers and you guys help me and lift me up.
[5:40] And then vice versa, maybe when you're down, then maybe
[5:43] something that I post or that I say can lift you up.
[5:46] It's all about fellowship and communion with one another,
[5:48] communion with God. And I do really believe that.
[5:51] So anyways, all of that to say, I'm heading into Easter feeling
[5:55] like a huge weight is on my shoulders, not feeling the best
[5:59] about it. But I'm very grateful for the
[6:02] love, grace, and mercy that God continues to show us even when
[6:05] we don't feel it, even we don't feel it, especially when we
[6:09] don't feel it. So I want to let you know what
[6:11] I'm going to do heading into Easter.
[6:13] I'm not looking at Easter as kind of the end of Lent for me,
[6:17] And this is a personal decision. This is just what I have decided
[6:19] to do. I'm going to continue what I
[6:22] have been doing, my holy hour, the commitments that I am trying
[6:26] to keep up with during Lent. I don't want to overwhelm myself
[6:29] and I don't want to bog myself down with things to do.
[6:32] I'm very big on that. I always talk about different
[6:34] things that you can do, and sometimes people feel like I'm
[6:36] doing all those things. No, our faith is not this
[6:39] checklist of things that you can do to get into heaven.
[6:42] I never want it to come across that way.
[6:43] I just like to give people options because maybe a devotion
[6:46] works for one person, maybe the rosary works for another, Maybe
[6:49] both work for the third person, who who knows?
[6:51] But our faith is so full and rich and it's so deep.
[6:54] I feel like I know 3% of what there is to know about our faith
[6:58] and I'm just trying to live it out as much as I possibly can.
[7:02] So anyways, with all that said, yeah, I will be continuing like
[7:05] my own personal Lent. Not in the same way, but I'm
[7:08] going to continue my no meet on Fridays, my no meet on
[7:11] Wednesdays. I'm going to continue with my
[7:13] holy hour in the morning. I am going to try and start
[7:17] reading the Bible again in a different way, just different
[7:21] things to kind of keep me close. I'm going to be adding in an
[7:24] extra like adoration. I'm going to really, really,
[7:28] really try to make it to daily Mass.
[7:30] I work 8:00 to 4:00 to 4:30. I work at 9:00 to 5:00, but my
[7:35] hours are 8 to 4:30. And it's really difficult for me
[7:38] with two children and my husband who travels for work to make it
[7:41] to daily Mass without taking time off or something like that.
[7:44] And my time off is so limited at my job, but that I am going to
[7:47] try and make an effort, even if it's just once a month to make
[7:50] it to a daily Mass that that would be great.
[7:53] So I'm setting lower expectations, but the commitment
[7:56] is there 100% commitment. So that's what I'm personally
[7:59] doing. I'm going into this Easter very
[8:01] grateful, obviously, for God, for Mary, the Saints, for
[8:06] everything that Jesus did for us.
[8:07] I'm going into it in in a little bit more of a somber way than I
[8:10] anticipated, but ultimately still very, very grateful.
[8:14] I still feel very blessed and lucky to I, I always feel like
[8:18] being a Catholic is a privilege and I just feel very privileged,
[8:22] very lucky that I am a Catholic and that I'm able to see my
[8:28] faith grow, see the fruits of my faith, and also be able to
[8:33] receive God's mercy, God's healing, and his grace through
[8:37] the sacraments. At any moment.
[8:39] I can go and I can sit with Jesus.
[8:41] I can go and I can receive him. And the sacrament of
[8:43] reconciliation is, well, I think that's my favorite sacrament.
[8:47] Of course I'll tie the Eucharist, but it's just truly
[8:49] such a gift and I feel very privileged to be a Catholic.
[8:52] And so that's the piece that I'm holding on to, however long it
[8:56] takes me to get through this desolation, which is Basura.
[9:00] It just, it's been so annoying. Very defeating.
[9:05] But all of your comments, all of your prayers, everybody who said
[9:08] anything about praying for me, keeping me in your prayers, I
[9:11] felt the prayers and I'm just so grateful.
[9:15] So I will continue to pray for all of you.
[9:17] Please continue to keep me in your prayers as well.
[9:20] But yeah, I have some really great ideas that I wanted to
[9:23] share during this Holy Week. I'm doing the seven last words
[9:27] of Jesus. I'm doing one video a day of
[9:29] those. Those are a wonderful
[9:31] reflection. And anything that I'm posting
[9:33] from here on out is really just something that resonates with
[9:36] me, that has helped me not so much the kind of scheduled
[9:40] content. Because again, I need to take
[9:42] care of my spiritual life and my faith, my relationship with God
[9:47] before I can help anybody with theirs type of thing.
[9:50] So I hope the things that I will be sharing help you guys in any
[9:54] way. If you're going through it, just
[9:57] hang in there with me. We're in this together.
[10:00] You're not alone. But yeah, let's just just think
[10:03] of this time as a true time in the desert, much like Jesus had.
[10:06] We're coming to the end of Lent, obviously, but that doesn't mean
[10:10] that the battle is over. That doesn't mean that it's all
[10:13] going to be easy. So just, you know, dig your
[10:16] heels in the sand, keep on going, be very proud of anything
[10:19] that you've accomplished, everything you've accomplished.
[10:21] If you're watching this, that means that you're thinking about
[10:23] your faith and you want to enrich your faith.
[10:25] And that right there is reason enough to be very proud of
[10:27] yourself. So anyways, leave below any
[10:30] comments, concerns, questions like a little suggestion box,
[10:33] but anything you guys want to share, I'm always happy to read
[10:35] your comments and I'm going to try it and do a better job at
[10:38] commenting back. It's just sometimes I post the
[10:41] videos and then I go do like the mom thing and then by the time I
[10:44] come back, it's just time for bed and then I go to bed.
[10:47] So I do apologize for not commenting back, but I read all
[10:50] the comments and I try to respond when I can.
[10:53] But anyways, that's all I have for today.
[10:55] Thank you guys so much. I hope your Holy Week is a
[10:57] fruitful and wonderful week for you to deepen your faith and get
[11:00] closer to God. And yeah, just hang in there.
[11:05] Bye.

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