# James Van Der Beek's passing.. everyone needs to hear this.

An episode of [AfterMass](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1823710125), 13 Feb 2026, 9:03.

Audio: https://traffic.megaphone.fm/APO5484912131.mp3

In this video, I’m reacting to a message shared by James Van Der Beek about identity, fatherhood, purpose and what it means to be worthy of love. There is so much beauty in what he says about being a husband, father and steward, and I want to unpack why that resonates so deeply. But I also want to gently address the part where he suggests removing the word “God” if it feels too scary or triggering. As a Catholic, I believe the longing he describes ultimately points somewhere deeper. This is a reflection on identity, love, God and what happens when we try to redefine worth apart from Him.

## Transcript

[0:00] Hi friends, so I want to share this video with you all that I
[0:03] came across and then afterwards we can discuss it.
[0:07] It has been the hardest year of my life and I wanted to share
[0:11] something that I learned with you all.
[0:15] When I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor,
[0:19] right? Which it was never really all
[0:22] that fulfilling. And then it became a husband and
[0:24] that was much better. And then it became a father.
[0:26] And that was the ultimate I could define myself then as a a
[0:30] loving, capable, strong, supportive husband, father,
[0:37] provider, steward of the land that we're so lucky to live on.
[0:40] And for a long time, that felt like a really good definition to
[0:43] the question, who, Who am I? What am I?
[0:48] And then this year, I had to look my own mortality in the
[0:53] eye. I had to come nose to nose with
[0:56] death and all of those definitions that I cared so
[1:01] deeply about were stripped for me.
[1:03] I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband
[1:07] that was helpful to my wife. I could no longer be a father
[1:10] who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for
[1:13] them. I could not be a provider
[1:14] because I wasn't working. I couldn't even be a a steward
[1:19] of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the
[1:22] trees during the window that you're supposed to prune them.
[1:27] And so I was faced with the question, if I am just a a too
[1:30] skinny weak guy alone in an apartment with cancer, what am
[1:40] I? And I meditated and the answer
[1:45] came through. I am worthy of God's love simply
[1:52] because I exist. And if I'm worthy of God's love,
[1:57] shouldn't I also be worthy of my own?
[2:02] And the same is true for you. And as I move through this
[2:05] healing portal toward recovery, I wanted to share that with you
[2:09] because I think that revelation that came to me was doing no
[2:12] small part to all the prayers and the love that had been
[2:15] directed toward me. So Ioffer that to you.
[2:18] However it sits in your consciousness, however it
[2:20] resonates, run with it. And if the word God trips you
[2:25] up, I certainly don't know. I can't claim to know what God
[2:29] is or explain God. My efforts to connect to God are
[2:33] an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to
[2:37] me. But if it's a trigger, it feels
[2:39] too religious. You can take the word God out
[2:40] and your mantra can simply be I am worthy of love because you
[2:49] are. Thank you for the love and
[2:55] prayers everyone. OK, goodness.
[3:04] So that was James Van Der Beek, most famously known for his role
[3:09] in Dawson's Creek, which I'm pulling it up right now.
[3:12] So lately I've actually been watching Dawson's Creek for the
[3:15] first time. I didn't watch it growing up on
[3:17] Season 3 episode 20, and I had never watched it before.
[3:22] And he's a great actor. I wasn't particularly like
[3:26] following him or anything like that.
[3:27] So the reason that I'm watching Dawson's Creek is because at the
[3:30] end of the day, I like to unwind and not think about life.
[3:33] I do my rosary, I do all my stuff.
[3:35] But then I'm still in that like, thinking, you know, I'm
[3:37] overthinking. And so I found that if I just
[3:40] watch a show that is just kind of like in the background, in
[3:43] the back of my head, I can just kind of relax and not feel
[3:46] anxious and not overthink things.
[3:48] And all of the shows out there that I used to watch, Scandal,
[3:52] Grey's Anatomy, The Vampire Diaries, like all these like,
[3:56] weird shows that they just don't align with my life anymore and
[3:59] what I want to subject my soul to.
[4:01] And so I said, you know, when stuff was a little bit more
[4:03] wholesome in the 90s, what were some shows then?
[4:07] And I said, Oh my gosh, Dawson's Creek.
[4:09] So like, that's why I started watching it recently.
[4:11] And so anyways, I haven't really been following any of the actors
[4:16] from it. I'm not familiar with any of
[4:17] them. But I did see that James passed
[4:18] away yesterday, and may he rest in peace.
[4:21] But I found that video. And there's something sacred
[4:23] about hearing someone speak from that place when you're no longer
[4:27] theorizing about mortality, when you're not imagining weakness,
[4:30] when you're actually living it, because suffering has a way of
[4:33] stripping identity right down to its bones.
[4:36] And what he articulated is something that I think most of
[4:38] us spent our entire our lives trying to understand because we
[4:41] build identity on roles, on usefulness, on strength, on
[4:45] being needed. And when those things are
[4:47] present, we feel very secure, we feel solid, we feel kind of
[4:51] defined. But what happens when those
[4:53] things are gone? When you can't perform the role
[4:55] anymore, when you can't provide, you can't protect, when you
[4:59] can't even physically show up the way that you used to?
[5:02] What are you then? That is not a small question.
[5:05] That is a human question. And the answer he discovered is
[5:08] profoundly true, that he was worthy of God's love simply
[5:11] because he existed. That's the foundation of
[5:14] Christian anthropology. That your dignity is not
[5:17] functional. It is not earned.
[5:19] It's not dependent on your capacity or productivity or
[5:23] strength. It's not dependent on how well
[5:25] you fulfill your calling at a given moment in time.
[5:28] It's rooted in the fact that you were created.
[5:30] And more than that, that you are sustained.
[5:32] Every single second of your existence is held together by
[5:35] the will of God. So that means that when you're
[5:37] weak, you are still willed. When you're sick, you're still
[5:41] sustained. When you're alone, you're still
[5:43] seen. And that truth becomes very real
[5:45] when everything else is stripped away.
[5:47] And I think that's why his words feel very heavy.
[5:50] They aren't motivational, they're not theatrical, they're
[5:53] not theoretical. They're forged in suffering.
[5:56] And then he says something super honest.
[5:57] If I'm worthy of God's love, shouldn't I also be worthy of my
[6:01] own? And that line is going to
[6:03] resonate with so many people because self hatred thrives in
[6:07] performance based identity. If my worth is tied to what I
[6:10] can do, then the moment that I cannot do it, I collapse.
[6:14] But if my worth is rooted in the fact that I exist, then even in
[6:18] my lowest state, I'm not disposable.
[6:21] That is deeply Catholic. Now, at the very end, he says
[6:23] something that I understand but I want to respond to.
[6:27] He says that if the word God feels triggering or too
[6:30] religious, that you can just kind of take that part out, that
[6:33] word out, that word God out, and just say I am worthy of love.
[6:37] And I agree, you are worthy of love.
[6:39] And I understand why he said that.
[6:41] You know, he wanted this message to reach people who struggle
[6:43] maybe with their faith. And he didn't want the word
[6:46] itself to become a barrier to the actual message behind it.
[6:49] And there's so much charity in that.
[6:50] But if I could add something small, something maybe
[6:52] clarifying, it would be this. The reason the statement is so
[6:57] powerful is because of God. Without God, I am worthy of love
[7:01] becomes an affirmation. With God, it becomes a truth
[7:04] that's grounded in reality. Because if love is just
[7:07] something that I tell myself, it can fluctuate.
[7:10] If love is something that society gives me, it can be
[7:13] withdrawn. If love is something that I
[7:15] generate internally, then on the days that I can't generate it, I
[7:19] lose my foundation. But if I am worthy of God's love
[7:22] simply because I exist, then my worth is not self manufactured.
[7:27] It is bestowed. It is objective.
[7:29] It doesn't rise and fall with any feelings I may feel.
[7:33] It doesn't disappear when I fail.
[7:35] It doesn't weaken when my body weakens.
[7:37] It doesn't evaporate when I'm alone in an apartment with
[7:40] cancer. It remains.
[7:42] And I think that's the kind of love that James experienced
[7:45] because it was never rooted in him.
[7:47] It was rooted in God. And I think that's the part that
[7:50] makes the message not just comforting, but really
[7:53] unshakable. If the word God, it is difficult
[7:55] for someone, I don't think the answer is maybe skipping over
[7:58] it. I think the answer is healing.
[8:00] Because if the concept of God feels threatening or triggering,
[8:03] that often says more about how God was presented to you than
[8:06] who God actually is. The God who created you is not
[8:09] repulsed by your weakness. The God who sustains you does
[8:12] not withdraw when you're unproductive.
[8:14] The God who numbers your days is not measuring your output.
[8:17] He is loving you into existence at every single moment.
[8:20] And that's why your dignity survives illness.
[8:23] That's why your identity arrive suffering, and that's why your
[8:26] death doesn't erase you. James Van Der Beek, I think,
[8:29] discovered something eternal in the middle of something very
[8:32] devastating. That he was not loved because he
[8:34] was useful, not loved because he was strong, not loved because he
[8:38] fulfilled his roles perfectly, but loved because he existed.
[8:41] And that truth is not small. So we pray for him.
[8:44] May he rest in peace. May eternal light shine upon
[8:48] Him, and may all of us, before suffering forces the lesson,
[8:52] learn what he learned. That when everything else falls
[8:54] away, we are still loved. Not vaguely, not sentimentally,
[8:59] not personally, but by God. I'll see you guys next time.

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