# Why You're Spiritually Stuck

An episode of [AfterMass](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1823710125), 8 Jul 2025, 1 h 01 min.

Audio: https://anchor.fm/s/1069762b8/podcast/play/105177296/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2025-6-8%2F403499178-44100-2-279e97f9725ba.mp3

You want to be devout. You want to be on fire for God. But no matter how hard you try, praying more, adding devotionals, going to daily Mass.. you still feel stuck. Like something is holding you back from actually changing. This episode is about why and how Confession might be the missing piece. You cannot live a devout Catholic life while dragging around unrepented sin.Confession isn’t just a nice tradition, it’s the sacrament that breaks cycles, shatters shame, and re-ignites your pursuit of holiness. Confession isn’t a burden, it’s a weapon. It’s not a guilt trip, it’s grace in action. You’ll hear real stories, raw struggles, and practical tools that will help you not just go to Confession, but use it like the spiritual nuke it is. If you’re tired of feeling lukewarm, tired of dragging chains you were never meant to carry.. if you’re serious about holiness but just feel stuck.. this episode is for you. 🎙 Heard in the ConfessionalThis episode also features real questions from listeners like you. We talk about: • Navigating Confession while using NFP in a hard marriage • How to stay devout at college when you feel isolated • What to do when you’ve returned to the Church, and your relationship is falling apart • And why you’re not “behind” if you’re just now learning the faith Whether you’re brand new to the faith, returning after years away, or just trying to live this Catholic life more devoutly, this episode is your sign to go to Confession. Like, for real. You don’t have to carry this anymore.You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to get honest.You don’t need another motivational quote. You need a sacrament. Don’t skip this one. This episode could be the one that sets you free. Follow, share, and send in your stories or questions to be featured on our next “Heard in the Confessional” segment. Email: theaftermasspodcast@gmail.com Follow Ana on TikTok + IG: @anamunley New episodes every week. Because when Mass ends.. your faith really starts. See you After Mass.

## Transcript

[0:00] Hi, friends, and welcome back to Aftermath, the podcast for
[0:02] Catholics who want more than just checking a box on Sundays.
[0:05] I'm your host, Anna, and today's episode is one that I've been
[0:08] dying to talk about. Because if you've ever felt
[0:10] stuck, like you want to be holy, you want to grow, but something
[0:14] keeps holding you back, then this just might be the missing
[0:17] piece. I'm going to be honest with you,
[0:23] I think confession is the sacrament that unlocks
[0:25] devoutness. Like truly, if you're serious
[0:28] about becoming who God made you to be, then it has to start
[0:31] there. You can't be devout if you're
[0:33] dragging around unrepentant sin. You just can't without
[0:36] repentance. What are we even doing?
[0:39] Saying I'm good while clinging on to what nailed him to the
[0:42] cross? Confession is how we say Lord.
[0:44] I am not OK with this anymore. It's how we stop justifying,
[0:48] stop hiding, and finally let grace break in.
[0:51] When we don't go to confession. What we're really saying is I
[0:54] don't need to be healed. I don't need to change.
[0:57] I'm fine how I am. And if we believe that, then how
[1:00] can we ever grow? How can we ever be transformed?
[1:04] Repentance is freedom, confession is honesty, and
[1:07] devoutness starts with both. In this episode, we're going to
[1:10] cover why confession is the key to becoming the Catholic you're
[1:13] trying to be, why you keep struggling with the same sins,
[1:16] what to do with the guilt and the shame, and how to stop
[1:19] living in cycles of defeat and start walking in real spiritual
[1:23] power. So grab a coffee and get comfy
[1:25] and let's get honest and make sure that coffee is hot because
[1:28] we don't do anything lukewarm anymore.
[1:31] So if I'm sitting right in front of you and I say, do you really
[1:33] want to be devout? I mean, like actually holy,
[1:36] fully surrendered on fire, you would say yes.
[1:39] But when it comes to the how, when it comes to the daily
[1:42] battle, the hard choices, the uncomfortable truths, that's
[1:45] when we freeze. And I think I know why.
[1:47] Confession is the sacrament that unlocks devoutness, and without
[1:51] it you're not just stuck, you're spiritually paralyzed until
[1:54] you're willing to name your sin, repent, and let Jesus wash you
[1:58] clean. You're just dressing up the
[2:00] wound without ever actually healing it.
[2:02] If you're not going to confession regularly, what
[2:05] you're saying is I'm not that bad off.
[2:07] I don't really think I need to change.
[2:09] Or even worse, I know better than the church the sin, I'm
[2:13] going to keep it because it's not that.
[2:15] And you might not say those words out loud, but your actions
[2:18] preach louder than any homily. If you've ever had a moment
[2:21] where you felt convicted after Mass or adoration or retreat, or
[2:25] you just felt that fiery, I'm done with lukewarm moment, and
[2:29] maybe you made a few changes. You prayed, went to daily Mass,
[2:33] you added a new devotional. But then life crept in and you
[2:36] snapped at your husband. You gossiped.
[2:39] You went back to the same sin. You swore off that you know, you
[2:42] said I'm done with this. And then the shame comes in and
[2:45] whispers, see, you'll never change, and suddenly you're back
[2:48] to square one. If you have gone through that
[2:51] whole cycle, you're not crazy. That's the pattern for so many
[2:55] of us. We want to be devout, we want to
[2:57] be Saints. But we're in the same cycle,
[3:00] this spiritual war cycle, and we are showing up unarmed.
[3:05] And the devil does not need us to worship him.
[3:07] He just needs us to stay lukewarm.
[3:10] So why do we get stuck? Think about it like this.
[3:13] This is what's happening behind the scenes.
[3:15] We're stuck in this endless loop where we sin, we feel guilty,
[3:19] that guilt turns to shame, shame makes us want to hide from God,
[3:23] and instead of running to the confessional, we're running away
[3:25] from prayer or from Mass and everything that would actually
[3:29] heal us. The enemy wins by keeping us
[3:31] silent. And silence is not humility,
[3:34] it's spiritual paralysis. If the goal is sainthood, then
[3:39] we need to be honest and recognize that the Saints were
[3:41] sinners who kept getting back up.
[3:44] Stop putting Satan on pedestals like they were born Holy Saint
[3:48] Paul. He struggled.
[3:50] He said I do not understand my own actions for I do not do what
[3:54] I want but I do the very thing I hate.
[3:57] That guy literally wrote part of the Bible and he still wrestled
[4:01] with sin. Or how about Saint Francis de
[4:03] Sales? He said a St. is a Sinner who
[4:05] keeps trying. Holiness is not about being
[4:08] perfect, it's about refusing to settle for anything less than
[4:12] heaven because that is the goal and we need to keep that in
[4:15] mind. So here's a gut check.
[4:18] If the voice in your head is telling you you'll never change,
[4:21] just give up. You messed up a lot.
[4:23] Why are you bothering? Your sins aren't that bad.
[4:25] That is not God. That's the accuser.
[4:28] That's the enemy trying to get you to tap out God's voice
[4:31] sounds more like come back, I still love you, let's start
[4:35] again. The Holy Spirit convicts you but
[4:37] always draws you closer to mercy.
[4:39] The devil accuses you and leaves you feeling like trash.
[4:43] So if your Catholic guilt is making you run away from God
[4:46] instead of towards Him, guess what?
[4:48] That is not from God. That's the first step, is
[4:51] recognizing that any voice or any thought you have that is not
[4:54] drawing you closer to God, that's not pulling you closer to
[4:57] the Church. It's not coming from God.
[5:00] That's not the Holy Spirit that's the enemy.
[5:02] It's the one who wants to keep you down and away.
[5:05] The Church isn't made for perfect people.
[5:07] It's a hospital for the broken who want to get better.
[5:11] We need to stop treating sin like it's just a personal issue,
[5:14] because it is not. It's a cancer for your soul.
[5:17] The longer it goes unnoticed, the longer it goes untouched and
[5:20] untreated and ignored, the bigger and heavier and a lot
[5:24] more damaging it can become. And if you want to heal, you
[5:27] don't just Google the symptoms and cross your fingers.
[5:30] You go to the doctor, and in this case the divine physician
[5:34] gave you a sacrament and a priest and the actual authority
[5:37] of heaven to get you back on your feet.
[5:40] James 516 says confess your sins to one another and pray for one
[5:44] another that you may may be healed.
[5:46] That verse isn't just poetic, it's a game plan and the
[5:50] confessional is where it starts. The truth is that that one thing
[5:54] that you're avoiding, that one sin that you've convinced
[5:57] yourself is not a big deal. That might be the one thing
[6:01] holding back your entire spiritual life.
[6:03] So what if the freedom you're craving is on the other side of
[6:07] just saying it out loud? And if you're someone listening
[6:10] and wondering, but I'm telling God I'm sorry and I am truly
[6:13] sorry for my sins, but they're not that bad, then this next
[6:17] section is for you. Because every time I talk about
[6:19] confession, whether on TikTok, Instagram, or in real life,
[6:23] someone always has the same objections.
[6:25] That's not in the Bible. Why can't I just confess to God
[6:28] directly? You made that up in the Middle
[6:30] Ages. You know, all this weird stuff.
[6:33] And I get it if you grew up outside the church or maybe even
[6:37] in it, but never had it explained.
[6:39] Confession can feel random or like a ritual and probably
[6:44] unnecessary necessary. So let's walk through this
[6:47] because you deserve to know why the church asks this of you.
[6:50] And spoiler, it's because Jesus did.
[6:53] Let's go to the Gospel of John in John 2021 through 23.
[6:57] Picture this moment. Jesus has just risen from the
[7:00] dead. The apostles are locked in a
[7:03] room scared out of their minds and Jesus walks in and says
[7:07] peace be with you as the Father has sent me, so I send you.
[7:11] And he breathed on them and said, receive the Holy Spirit.
[7:14] If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven.
[7:18] If you retain the sins of any, they are retained.
[7:21] So just pause and breathe that in.
[7:25] He didn't just say you're forgiven.
[7:27] He said I'm giving you the authority to forgive others.
[7:31] And that little phrase forgive or retain, that only makes sense
[7:35] if people are actually confessing their sins out loud.
[7:39] How could the apostles retain anything unless they knew what
[7:42] the person did? Jesus gave his authority to men
[7:46] and he gave it through the Holy Spirit, not as a symbol, not as
[7:49] a metaphor, but as a real powerful gift that would carry
[7:53] forward into the life of the church.
[7:55] Think about it logically. If God intended for everyone to
[7:58] just confess their sins privately in their heads, there
[8:01] would be 0 need for that moment in John 20.
[8:04] He wouldn't have given the power to the apostles, but he did.
[8:08] And it echoes something way older.
[8:10] Because confession to a priest isn't a Catholic invention, it's
[8:14] just a continuation. Leviticus 556 says when someone
[8:18] is guilty, that person shall confess the wrong committed and
[8:22] bring it to the priest. So even under the old covenant,
[8:25] confession involved 2 steps, confessing out loud and going to
[8:29] the priest for reconciliation. God didn't need the priest to
[8:32] find out what sins occurred, he already knew, but he still asked
[8:37] his people to confess it out loud and go to the one appointed
[8:40] to receive it. Because confession is not for
[8:43] information, it's for transformation.
[8:46] And if you're still saying to yourself, I don't need a priest,
[8:49] then ask yourself, why did Jesus give us one?
[8:52] Why did he breathe the Holy Spirit on to the apostles and
[8:56] give them authority? Why does Scripture say confess
[8:59] your sins to one another? Why does Acts 1918 say many
[9:03] believers came forward confessing and divulging their
[9:07] practices? Because this was always the
[9:09] plan. The idea that confession was
[9:12] invented by the Catholic Church is just false.
[9:16] The early church lived it and they were not vague about it.
[9:19] Let me hit you with some early church quotes and the Church
[9:23] Confess your transgressions. Let each confess his sin while
[9:26] he is still in this world through the priests.
[9:29] It is not enough to be inwardly converted.
[9:32] One must also confess one's sins to a priest.
[9:35] So do you see the pattern? This wasn't an awkward
[9:38] afterthought. It wasn't a weird side
[9:41] tradition. It was front and center and how
[9:43] Christians lived out their faith early on.
[9:46] Confession was public, especially for serious sin.
[9:49] Can you imagine walking up in front of your whole parish?
[9:52] And good morning everyone. Hi.
[9:53] So I gossiped and I cursed out my husband in my head, and I
[9:58] yelled at my kids and I lied to my boss.
[10:01] Oh and I didn't fast last Friday.
[10:02] No thanks, no thanks. So anyways, the whole point is
[10:05] that the method has evolved but the meaning has stayed the same
[10:09] overtime. The Church in her mercy and
[10:11] wisdom. We realized that private
[10:13] confession preserved the dignity and invited more people to
[10:17] return. So we shifted from a public
[10:19] confession to a private confession with a priest.
[10:22] But the sacrament itself never changed.
[10:24] Still a priest, still absolution, still grace.
[10:28] So why does all of this matter? Because you were made for
[10:31] holiness, and you cannot live a devout life while dragging
[10:34] chains behind you. Confession is not some hoop to
[10:38] jump through. It's the mercy of God meeting
[10:40] you at your lowest moment, saying you are still mine.
[10:44] Psalm 32 Because I kept silent, my bones wasted away.
[10:49] Then I declared my sin to you, and you took away the guilt.
[10:52] If you're walking around feeling spiritually dry, distant from
[10:56] God, unable to focus in prayer, stuck in patterns you can't
[10:59] break, check your confessional record.
[11:02] Seriously. Because spiritual dryness isn't
[11:05] always a test, it's often a symptom, and the unconfessed sin
[11:10] will dry up your soul like a sponge in the sun.
[11:13] Not going to confession while trying to grow spiritually is
[11:16] like trying to run a marathon with a backpack full of bricks.
[11:20] You might move forward, but you'll be exhausted,
[11:24] discouraged, and wondering why everyone else seems to be
[11:27] thriving while you are just surviving.
[11:30] If you want to run light and free, drop the backpack, name
[11:33] the sin, and step into the light.
[11:35] OK, so now we can get a little more personal.
[11:38] Because if confession is the weapon, guilt and shame are the
[11:41] enemies most used distractions to keep us from ever picking up
[11:45] that weapon and going to confession.
[11:48] And that's a real war, the one that's going on in your head.
[11:51] We have all been there. You fall into sin, your
[11:54] conscience starts speaking up. You know, you get a twinge in
[11:57] your soul and that is guilt. And listen, guilt is not a bad
[12:02] thing. It's like a warning light on
[12:04] your dashboard that it's telling you something is off.
[12:07] Hey, time to go to a mechanic. So what happens when you ignore
[12:11] that guilt? Well, that's where shame creeps
[12:13] in. Guilt says I messed up, but
[12:16] shame says no, I am the mess. And you know who says that?
[12:19] The enemy, not God. God never says that.
[12:23] Second Corinthians says godly sorrow brings repentance and
[12:26] leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow
[12:31] brings death. Translation.
[12:33] If your sadness over sin leads you back to God, that is grace.
[12:37] If it makes you want to hide, isolate or give up, that's a
[12:42] spiritual ambush. So that's what the devil does.
[12:45] He doesn't just tempt you and leave.
[12:47] He tempts you and then accuses you for falling.
[12:51] First he says it's not that big of a deal.
[12:53] Then you sin. And immediately he turns around.
[12:56] Wow, look at you. You call yourself a Catholic.
[12:58] It's like psychological warfare, and it's designed to keep you
[13:03] from running to the one place that can free you, which is the
[13:06] confessional. And let me tell you, the devil
[13:08] does not like the confessional. He's terrified of that
[13:11] confessional because every time you walk in and you say that sin
[13:15] out loud, every time you reject the shame and claim the mercy,
[13:19] you're burning a hole through Hell's plan for you.
[13:22] That's what you're doing. Revelation 12 says the accuser
[13:25] of our brothers is cast out and they conquered him by the blood
[13:29] of the Lamb and by the world of their testimony.
[13:32] That's it right there. The blood of Jesus plus your
[13:35] honesty equals a total destruction of the enemy's
[13:38] power. The devil can't stand when you
[13:41] speak the truth because his whole strategy is built on lies
[13:44] and secrecy. If your sin makes you hide from
[13:47] God instead of running to him again, you're listening to the
[13:50] wrong voice. That is not God's voice.
[13:53] Another common reason that there's hesitation for people
[13:56] when going to confession is the thought of, well, what will the
[13:59] priest think of me? The priest is going to judge me.
[14:02] No, I'm sorry, he's not. He's heard it all.
[14:04] Like I hate that this might sound mean, but you are not that
[14:07] special. He has heard that sin before.
[14:10] He is not surprised. You're not shocking him, and
[14:12] you're definitely not making him think less of you.
[14:15] He became a priest for this moment.
[14:18] He signed up to be a vessel of God's mercy, to stand in the
[14:22] person of Christ and say those words.
[14:24] I absolve you from your sins. That moment is not symbolic.
[14:28] It's not a motivational pep talk.
[14:30] It's the actual power of God being unleashed over your life.
[14:34] It's like a divine delete button on your worst moments.
[14:37] And that's what the priest is there.
[14:38] Recently, I had a listener send me an e-mail and say, Anna, I
[14:42] hadn't gone to confession in 14 years.
[14:44] I was so scared. I felt like I was going to throw
[14:47] up walking in. But the moment I said it out
[14:49] loud, everything that I've been carrying, I felt like I could
[14:52] breathe again. And that is the power.
[14:55] That's the grace of God. It's not a punishment, not
[14:58] shame, but it's freedom. Confession doesn't crush you, it
[15:02] lifts you. It doesn't chain you in guilt.
[15:04] It unlocks you in grace. That listener didn't didn't walk
[15:08] out condemned, she walked out free.
[15:11] So let's talk about why that freedom is so powerful because
[15:15] the church doesn't say that all sin is the same in John, it says
[15:19] all wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that is not mortal.
[15:23] So I want to talk about the different types of sin and this
[15:26] podcast, I want it to help people and motivate people, but
[15:31] I also wanted to educate people because there's a lot of
[15:34] teachings in our Catholic faith that were glossed over, whether
[15:38] you went to Catholic school or did our CIA or whatever it may
[15:42] be. There were so many things that I
[15:44] didn't find out until recently. So I just wanted to kind of
[15:47] pause and just kind of explain that because it's really
[15:50] important to me that you guys understand the teachings,
[15:53] understand why we do what we do, why things are so important, why
[15:57] different things are the way that they are, because if you
[16:00] understand them, then you can appreciate them.
[16:02] So I just wanted to take a quick break just to kind of mention
[16:05] that, but let's move on. So you know what is the
[16:08] difference between the different sins?
[16:10] We have mortal sin and we have venial sin.
[16:13] Mortal sin is like a spiritual death.
[16:15] You cut yourself off from God, you're unplugged from grace.
[16:19] Venial sin is like a sickness. You're still in relationship
[16:23] with God, but you're weakened. Your soul is more vulnerable.
[16:27] And the Catechism 1857 says that for a sin to be mortal, there
[16:32] has to be 3 things present. The first thing is that it has
[16:35] to be of grave matter, meaning it's something serious, not
[16:38] necessarily serious to you, but something that God considers
[16:42] serious. The second thing is you have to
[16:44] know that it was wrong, so you have to have full knowledge.
[16:47] And the third thing is that there must be deliberate
[16:50] consent. So you did it anyways.
[16:52] So if there's a mortal sin, like missing mass on Sunday, that is
[16:56] a mortal sin, but you didn't know it was a mortal sin, then
[16:59] for you specifically, it's not a mortal sin because that second
[17:02] piece, full knowledge, is not there.
[17:05] So here's the dangerous part. If you treat the venous sins,
[17:09] you know the sickness like it's no big deal.
[17:12] It can become your gateway drug to mortal sin.
[17:15] Venial sin is like a slow leak in your roof.
[17:18] It doesn't seem like that big of a deal until your whole ceiling
[17:21] starts caving in. Venial sin is like skipping oil
[17:25] changes on your car and everything seems fine.
[17:27] The car is still running until the engine stops and dies.
[17:31] And I'm not a car person so I don't know if that's how all of
[17:34] that works, but you get the analogy.
[17:36] So that's what happens to your soul when you let these little
[17:39] sins pile up. You know, you build habits, they
[17:42] dull your conscience. They make mortal sin feel like
[17:45] it's not that big of a deal. Ignoring it doesn't fix it.
[17:49] Only grace does. Only confession does.
[17:52] And we don't talk about the guilt that we feel in a way that
[17:56] we should. Sometimes we brush it off.
[17:58] We laugh it off or we hide it. And honestly, that's because we
[18:02] have been trained by a culture that is allergic to discomfort.
[18:07] And that's what the culture who gets so wrong about guilt the
[18:10] world says stop judging yourself.
[18:12] Don't feel guilty, accept yourself, love yourself.
[18:16] But if you had a broken leg, would you just accept it or
[18:19] would you go to the hospital and get it healed, go through
[18:22] surgery, put yourself in a cast, etcetera, etcetera.
[18:25] That's what confession is, spiritual surgery.
[18:28] It's uncomfortable, duh, but is it necessary?
[18:31] Also duh. Ignoring the guilt doesn't make
[18:34] us healthy. It just delays the healing.
[18:37] So if someone is telling you or you see somewhere confession is
[18:41] just this Catholic guilt trip, here's what you tell them.
[18:43] Guilt got me to the confessional.
[18:45] Mercy is what walked me out. John 15 says the light shines in
[18:50] the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
[18:53] So if you want to break the devil's power over you, turn on
[18:56] the light. Say it out loud.
[18:58] Drag that sin into the open, open and watch the enemy lose
[19:01] its grip. You were never meant to carry
[19:03] all of this stuff by yourself in the darkness, So drag it out
[19:07] into the light. Even if you're battling with a
[19:09] sin that you don't believe in, but you're still falling into
[19:13] it. No, ignoring it doesn't make it
[19:15] harmless. It doesn't just disappear
[19:17] because you stop believing in it.
[19:19] And if you justify it, that just tightens the chains.
[19:23] We're living in this society that says, I mean, it's not like
[19:27] you killed anyone or God knows my heart and everybody messes up
[19:32] and sin is just this religious. Gill and I get the instinct that
[19:37] none of us want to feel like the bad guy.
[19:39] We don't want to acknowledge all of our wrongdoings.
[19:41] But sin is not just bad behavior.
[19:44] It's separation. It's rebellion.
[19:46] It's the one thing that's keeping us from the life we were
[19:49] made for. John 18 says if we say we have
[19:52] no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
[19:56] So if you want truth, you want devoutness, you have to start
[19:59] with humility. If we pretend we're fine, we
[20:02] never let God do the deeper healing.
[20:05] Denying your sin does not just set you free, it just makes the
[20:09] chains invisible. But God is not fooled by the
[20:13] invisible chains. He sees the way that sin poisons
[20:16] our peace even when we don't see that.
[20:19] And it's because he loves us. He refuses to let us stay
[20:22] shackled. People love to say.
[20:25] Well, God is love, and he is. But we forget that real love
[20:28] cares when something is hurting you.
[20:30] And that's what God wants to free us from.
[20:32] Sin is like a poison. If it gets in your system, it
[20:35] starts destroying things. Your peace relationships, your
[20:38] sensitivity to God's voice, your ability to love well.
[20:43] And so God takes sin seriously, not because he wants to control
[20:48] you, but because he wants you healed and whole and free.
[20:52] And sometimes the problem isn't that we, I don't know, sin is
[20:55] serious, it's that we talk ourselves out of doing anything
[20:59] about it. We justify, we delay, we
[21:02] downplay, and we keep it moving. Have you ever had any of these
[21:06] thoughts? God understands, you know, you
[21:08] were just stressed. I'll confess it later when it's,
[21:11] you know, more convenient or that doesn't feel like a sin to
[21:15] me. Let's pause, OK?
[21:16] All of those are feelings. And our feelings do not
[21:20] determine what is true. The cross, not your comfort, is
[21:24] the measure of how serious sin is.
[21:26] So if you need a wake up call, this can be it.
[21:29] If Jesus died for it, you shouldn't be playing with it.
[21:33] Here's how it goes. You commit a venial sin, you
[21:35] brush it off, you do it again and again.
[21:38] Now it's a habit. You start skipping prayer.
[21:41] You don't feel close to God. You stop going to confession
[21:43] because you don't need it. And before you know it, you fall
[21:46] into a mortal sin. And then you're shocked.
[21:49] That's not an accident. That's spiritual erosion.
[21:53] Saint Teresa of Avalos said God delivers us from lukewarmness
[21:57] more than from all other evils. So that means you don't wake up
[22:01] one day and walk away from God. It happens one unchecked sin at
[22:05] a time. The enemy is working in this
[22:08] quiet, subtle, strategic way, but the moment you name the sin,
[22:12] you break his silence. Healing starts when you name the
[22:15] thing, the sin, when you own it. And that's what confession will
[22:19] help you do. And that's why it's so powerful,
[22:21] because you're not just feeling bad and hoping for the best.
[22:25] You're naming the sin, claiming the grace and surrendering
[22:29] control. And when you do that, God
[22:31] doesn't just forgive you, he rebuilds you.
[22:35] James 210 says Whoever keeps the whole the law but fails in one
[22:39] point is guilty of all of it. And I don't say that to scare
[22:43] you. It's just meant to wake you up.
[22:45] Because if you're letting one area stay hidden, you're holding
[22:49] back the full healing God wants to give you.
[22:52] God wants to heal all of you, not just the parts you're
[22:54] comfortable bringing into the light.
[22:56] So if you're serious about holiness, you've got to start
[22:59] examining your life like someone who actually wants to be
[23:02] transformed. And now this is the part we can
[23:05] go from theory to because it's one thing to know that
[23:09] confession is important, but it's another to actually use it
[23:13] like the secret weapon it is. And most of us treat confession
[23:18] like a spiritual car wash. We go in dirty, we come out
[23:22] clean, and then we drive in the mud the next day and then rinse,
[23:25] repeat. But if you're listening to this,
[23:28] you want more than that. So we don't want to just stay
[23:30] Catholic. We want to be devout.
[23:32] We want to change. And that's what this part is
[23:35] about. So let's start here.
[23:37] Why do so many of us as Catholics go to confession and
[23:42] still feel stuck? Because for a lot of people,
[23:44] confession is a habit, not a sacrament.
[23:47] You walk in, you say your usual stuff, you get absolution, and
[23:52] you walk out exactly the same. God didn't invent confession so
[23:55] you could stay the same, He gave it to you so you could become a
[23:59] new creation. And that does not happen without
[24:02] some intentionality. If you don't know where to
[24:04] start, this is your pre confession game plan, the devout
[24:08] version. OK so Step 1 is going to be pray
[24:11] for clarity. Say something like Holy Spirit
[24:13] show me my sins. You know, not just the obvious
[24:16] stuff, but what I'm blind to. Give me courage to face it and
[24:20] grace to name it. You would be surprised what the
[24:22] Holy Spirit brings up when you directly ask.
[24:25] So this is also what I would say.
[24:27] Be careful what you wish for, but do it.
[24:29] Do it. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you
[24:31] #2 do not wing it, OK? Use a good Catholic examination
[24:36] of conscience. Don't just sit in silence for 30
[24:39] seconds hoping that something floats to the surface.
[24:42] Walk through the 10 commandments, the Beatitudes,
[24:45] the seven deadly sins, your state and life when it comes to
[24:48] your spouse, your children, you as a parent, you as a friend in
[24:53] your work life, etcetera. Ask where have I chosen comfort
[24:56] over virtue? Where have I withheld love,
[25:00] time, truth, or forgiveness? Next one, look for patterns.
[25:04] If the same sin keeps coming back, ask what's beneath it?
[25:09] Like what is it? Is it fear, pride, Is it
[25:11] insecurity, habit. This is the level of
[25:14] self-awareness that the Saints lived with, not perfection,
[25:18] relentless honesty. And now fess like you mean it.
[25:22] When you're in the confessional, be specific, not dramatic.
[25:26] You don't need to give a Ted talk.
[25:27] Just say what it was, how often, and if it was serious.
[25:31] Instead of I struggled with purity, say I watched
[25:34] pornography three times this week.
[25:36] Instead of I was mean, say I yelled at my husband and refused
[25:40] to speak to him for two hours. Clarity brings healing.
[25:43] Vagueness keeps you in the dark and don't hide anything.
[25:47] I know it's, it's scary, but there's always that one sin that
[25:50] we want to leave out, but the sin that we want to forget about
[25:54] is the one that's holding us hostage.
[25:56] The priest is not there to judge you, He's there to free you.
[25:59] And God already knows. He already knows what you are
[26:02] going to say. He's just waiting for you to
[26:05] hand it over. And my last tip, don't get stuck
[26:07] in the past. Focus on the future.
[26:09] After you confess, ask God for grace, not just to feel
[26:12] forgiven, but to fight harder. Next time make a small spiritual
[26:17] resolution and you know, whether it's adding 5 minutes to prayer
[26:20] in the morning or saying a Hail Mary every time you're tempted,
[26:24] ask a friend to check in on you. You know, it's not about being
[26:27] perfect, but it's about putting some things in place so you can
[26:30] move forward. So now after a good confession,
[26:33] how do we break the sin? Confess, repeat cycle, we're in.
[26:37] Well, you can make sure you do your penance right away.
[26:40] Don't delay it, don't forget it, do it with heart.
[26:43] Treat it like a thank you, not as a punishment.
[26:47] You know, thank you, thank God for not giving up on me.
[26:49] Help me not to give up either. Another thing you can do is
[26:53] replace that sin with a virtue. Don't just try not to do it
[26:56] again because that's not going to work, but replace the bad
[27:00] with the good. If you've gossiped, give 3
[27:03] compliments to someone. If you have been wasting time,
[27:07] you know, and just letting life pass you by experiencing some
[27:10] gluttony, then make A to do list and finish it.
[27:14] If you've lusted, go on a rosary, walk, take a cold
[27:16] shower, you know, so maybe sit in silence and just pray the
[27:19] rosary or do a devotional. It's not just saying no, saying
[27:22] no, no, no, no to sin, no to temptation, no to whatever.
[27:25] It's also about saying yes to something better.
[27:29] And lastly, go to confession regularly.
[27:31] I'm talking monthly at minimum, especially if you're struggling
[27:35] with something every two weeks. If you are serious about
[27:38] breaking cycles and you can, you can go weekly.
[27:41] It's not about, I hate this word, but it's not about screw
[27:45] scrupulosity, it's about spiritual strategy.
[27:48] Saint Francis de Sales literally said go to confession once a
[27:50] week and you will see yourself changed.
[27:52] So hello, enough said. You know, something I personally
[27:55] struggled with was the word of my nightmares, scrupulosity.
[27:58] I constantly was afraid that I missed a sin or that I didn't
[28:02] say it right. But God is not a math teacher
[28:06] with a red pen. He is a Father.
[28:08] He knows your heart. So if you forget something
[28:11] genuinely, it's forgiven. Say what you know and be
[28:15] sincere, but then let it go. If you are obsessing over your
[28:18] sins after confession, that is not repentance.
[28:21] That's the enemy. Just twisting your worries into
[28:24] a cage that you're going to continue to be shackled in.
[28:27] So do not carry this alone. You can talk to a spiritual
[28:29] director. You can take it to prayer, but
[28:32] take it to prayer and know that he heard you.
[28:35] You are forgiven. And I want to share this little
[28:37] spiritual hack, I guess, that I found to be very practical and
[28:41] powerful and kind of helped me level up in my confession.
[28:45] So I started to journal after my confession.
[28:48] I started to write down what I confessed, what the priest said,
[28:52] anything that kind of stuck with me.
[28:54] And it helped me to kind of track my growth, not just my
[28:58] guilt. Another thing is to offer your
[29:00] penance for someone, whether it's a family member or someone
[29:03] in purgatory, someone who hurt you.
[29:05] It makes the sacrifice feel redemptive.
[29:09] You can also bring an intention to it.
[29:11] You know, you don't just go in to get clean, you go in to get
[29:14] stronger. So if you have a conversation
[29:17] with God and say heal my anger, give me courage, teach me how to
[29:21] love, that's really great. That can really help your
[29:25] confession game be much stronger.
[29:27] Give it more of a purpose too. And if you can, try and receive
[29:32] the Eucharist right after. And I know that can be hard if
[29:35] you know your parish has confessions at 3:00 PM on a
[29:39] Saturday, Mass isn't until six. OK, you know, that doesn't make
[29:42] sense, but sometimes parishes have confession right before a
[29:46] Mass, and if you can try and make that work, that would be
[29:49] really beneficial for you. A soul that's freshly absolved
[29:53] plus the body of Christ is like fireworks, you know, spiritual
[29:57] firepower. Oh, confession, Eucharist and
[30:00] grace. To me, that's how you fight.
[30:03] But how do you live, You know, now what?
[30:06] How do we actually live this stuff out?
[30:08] Well, why don't we just follow the ones who already fought the
[30:11] fight and won because we don't have to overthink it.
[30:15] So let's look at Saint John Paul.
[30:17] Second, he said weekly confession.
[30:19] He called it the sacrament of mercy.
[30:21] St. Padre Pio.
[30:22] He heard confessions for how where is every single day.
[30:25] He called it a battlefield. And St.
[30:27] Terese of La Soux said the more I confess, the more I grow.
[30:31] None of them said I'm good. I don't really need it.
[30:34] They ran to confession because they knew how weak they were and
[30:37] they knew how strong grace is. So let these verses be your
[30:41] reset. Isaiah, though your sins are
[30:43] like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.
[30:46] Psalm 51 Restore me to the joy of your salvation.
[30:50] John. If we confess our sins, he is
[30:52] faithful and just and will cleanse us from all
[30:55] unrighteousness. So you want to be devout?
[30:57] You don't need a new book. You don't need to try harder.
[31:00] You don't need to wait for a spiritual breakthrough.
[31:02] You need to run to confession over and over as often as it
[31:06] takes. Because devoutness does not mean
[31:08] you never fall. It means you fall and you are
[31:11] getting back up so fast. So include confession in your
[31:17] setting up plan, not your backup plan.
[31:19] It's your launchpad. OK, this next little section, I
[31:23] wanted to add this in for our Protestant brothers and sisters.
[31:27] I have gotten some messages from some of you who are listeners
[31:30] who are considering Catholicism. So because of that, I wanted to
[31:34] be able to address a little bit more some of the objections that
[31:37] we hear. I see them a lot on my TikTok
[31:40] and Instagram. But this can also be helpful to
[31:43] those of you who, you know, maybe want to be able to defend
[31:47] the faith, whether online or in person, and live it boldly in a
[31:51] world that calls us legalistic or brainwashed for believing in
[31:56] the sacraments. You know, sometimes we as
[31:58] Catholics, we need answers, Biblical ones, historical ones,
[32:02] logical ones. So let's just address the most
[32:05] common pushbacks that is Catholics we get about
[32:09] confession. Why can't I just confess to God?
[32:12] The short answer is you can and you should.
[32:15] The Church teaches that you should go directly to God with
[32:17] sorrow for your sin. But Jesus in his mercy gave us
[32:21] more than just a private prayer. He gave us a sacrament, a
[32:24] visible, powerful way to experience his forgiveness
[32:27] through his church. Because we were human, He knew
[32:31] that we're human. We doubt, we rationalize, we
[32:33] overthink, we need confirmation that we're actually forgiven.
[32:36] And that's what confession gives you.
[32:38] As the Father has sent me, so I send you receive the Holy
[32:42] Spirit. Another objection is why are you
[32:44] putting a man between me and God?
[32:46] So let's take that down. God has always worked through
[32:49] his people. He used Moses to free his
[32:52] people. He used the prophets to speak
[32:55] truth. He used Peter, the hot tempered
[32:57] fisherman as the first Pope. Second Corinthian says all this
[33:01] is from God and he has given us the ministry of reconciliation.
[33:04] We are ambassadors for Christ as though God were making his
[33:09] appeal through us. It's not about replacing God.
[33:12] It's about God working through the church, through human
[33:16] instruments, because that that's how he designed it.
[33:18] Next objection. But Jesus paid for my sins.
[33:21] Why do I have to do this? Yes, he did pay for your sins,
[33:24] but grace is not automatic. It's offered and we have to
[33:28] respond. That's why he gave us the
[33:29] sacraments, because grace always involves cooperation.
[33:32] Think about it. Jesus died to forgive your sins,
[33:35] but you still have to repent. You still have to turn away from
[33:38] the sin and receive that mercy. And the normal way he gives us
[33:42] that forgiveness is through the sacraments.
[33:44] Next objection. But I feel forgiven when I pray.
[33:46] That's nice and beautiful, and it might even be true, but your
[33:51] feelings are not the sacrament. You might be forgiven in private
[33:54] prayer, but in confession you know you're forgiven.
[33:57] You hear the words, I absolve you from your sins in the name
[34:00] of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
[34:03] There is nothing that compares to hearing that.
[34:07] That's Christ speaking through the priest.
[34:09] That's spiritual certainty. That is real freedom.
[34:14] And the last objection. I touched upon this before, but
[34:16] I'm embarrassed. What will the priest think?
[34:18] OK, listen, priests have heard it all.
[34:21] You are not that original. Neither are your sins.
[34:24] They are not judging you. And if they are, guess what?
[34:26] That is their sin to confess. But more than that, your
[34:30] embarrassment is a part of the healing.
[34:32] Saying it out loud is how the shame breaks.
[34:35] It's how you expose the lie and start to walk in truth.
[34:39] And if you need a little help, then go behind the screen during
[34:41] confession. You don't have to do it face to
[34:44] face. You can go behind the screen.
[34:45] You can whisper it, you can cry it out, just do whatever you got
[34:49] to do, but just say it. And for all you out there who
[34:53] want to live your faith boldly online, if anyone ever asks you
[34:56] why do Catholics confess to a priest?
[34:58] Short answer, because Jesus gave us the sacrament, not to
[35:01] embarrass us, but to set us free.
[35:04] It's biblical, historical, and it's changed my life.
[35:07] I go to confession not because I love guilt, but because I love
[35:10] grace. So.
[35:11] And you'll leave it there. Confession is not a burden or
[35:14] guilt trip. It's a grace bomb.
[35:16] If you're devout, you don't run from it, you run to it.
[35:19] And some people look at devout Catholics and think that's just
[35:22] not me, I'm not like that. But that's not true.
[35:25] Saints are built one yes at a time, and often those yeses come
[35:30] from former disasters. St.
[35:33] Augustine was a mess. Saint Mary Magdalene had demons.
[35:36] Saint Paul killed Christians before he was converted.
[35:39] If you feel lukewarm, you're exactly the kind of person God
[35:43] lights on fire. The righteous falls 7 times and
[35:46] rise again. Notice this is from Proverbs.
[35:49] It doesn't say the righteous never fall, it says they rise.
[35:53] Being devout is not that you never mess up, it just means
[35:56] that you don't stay stuck. It means you do not settle.
[35:59] You confess, you recommit and you repeat.
[36:02] So let's get practical so we can go from lukewarm to devout.
[36:08] Get brutally honest with God. Take 5 minutes today and pray.
[36:11] Where have I settled Lord? Where have I gone numb?
[36:14] What am I avoiding? Honesty is always the first step
[36:18] and the second step, easy. Go to confession.
[36:21] Duh, of course I was going to say that even if it's been 10
[36:23] years, if you're embarrassed, if you don't feel ready, who cares?
[36:26] Just go. Pick a day, put on your
[36:28] calendar. Do not flake.
[36:30] Third, make a concrete spiritual commitment.
[36:32] Small, measurable, repeatable morning prayer before you.
[36:35] Checking your phone. 1 rosary decade a day.
[36:38] A daily examination of conscience before bed.
[36:41] Accountability with a friend. Hi, I will be your friends.
[36:44] That's fine. Don't try and do everything,
[36:46] pick one and stick to it for build your life around the
[36:50] sacraments. If you want grace, go where
[36:52] grace is. Go to Mass as often as you can,
[36:55] daily if you if you're able to make it work, receive the
[36:58] Eucharist in a state of grace, go to adoration.
[37:01] Use sacraments like holy water, medals, the rosary.
[37:06] Don't just attend Mass, build your life around it.
[37:09] And Step 5, embrace the rhythm, confess, commit, repeat.
[37:14] This is the whole Catholic life. You fall, you confess, you
[37:19] recommit, and you grow. Devoutness is built in that
[37:22] rhythm. And here's what biblically God
[37:25] says about your process. He who began a good work in you
[37:29] will carry it on to completion. My grace is sufficient for you,
[37:33] for my power is made perfect in weakness.
[37:36] There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
[37:40] So you are not too far gone or too weak.
[37:43] You're not alone. So keep all of that in mind and
[37:46] remember what devoutness looks like in the real world.
[37:50] It's not floating into Mass, glowing with holiness.
[37:54] It's not feeling the warm and fuzzies during every rosary or
[37:57] waking up at 4:00 AM with your Bible and a cup of coffee.
[38:02] It means that you go to Confession regularly.
[38:04] It means you try even when you're tired.
[38:07] It means you pray even when it's dry.
[38:10] It means you show up even when you failed.
[38:12] And slowly you will start to notice that your peace deepens,
[38:17] your conscience sharpens, your love grows, and your hunger for
[38:21] God intensifies. And the people around you will
[38:24] notice too. The difference between a
[38:26] lukewarm Catholic and a devout 1 is that lukewarm falls and stays
[38:31] down. Devout falls and gets back up.
[38:34] So when you fall, go to confession, even if it's the
[38:37] same sin and you're embarrassed. And you confessed it yesterday.
[38:40] Every single St. was a repeat offender and every time they
[38:44] came back they got stronger. You don't get stronger by
[38:48] yourself. Surround yourself with people
[38:51] pursuing holiness, whether it's real life or online.
[38:54] Find your circle. Fill your mind with truth.
[38:58] Catholic podcasts, scripture, books, music.
[39:04] Don't fear spiritual dryness. Faithfulness when you feel
[39:07] nothing is often your most powerful prayer and celebrate
[39:13] small victories. Every time you resist sin, you
[39:17] show up tatteration or you bite your tongue.
[39:20] There's people, a lot of people cheering you on.
[39:23] Heaven is rejoicing and to keep going back to the sacraments
[39:27] because that is your lifeline. So don't abandon it.
[39:30] Don't wait for the perfect tree or a perfect planner or
[39:35] motivation. Just start with the sacrament,
[39:37] start with confession, start with one honest step towards
[39:40] Jesus and let him do the rest. So now we're going to move on to
[39:44] the segment that we call heard in the confessional.
[39:46] This is where we go over real questions sent in by you guys
[39:50] anonymously, and we tackle raw struggles and share honest
[39:54] thoughts. And before I dive into it
[39:56] though, I just want to ask a question back to you guys if you
[40:00] guys would like this. Segment to be its own standalone
[40:04] episode that I could put out once a week, maybe on a Saturday
[40:08] or Sunday or something like that.
[40:10] Just one episode that's just dedicated to the weekly
[40:13] questions and answers. And then having, you know, the
[40:16] Tuesday episode that I can, I'm going to continue to do.
[40:19] We can do that or we can just leave it as is.
[40:23] And I can just highlight a couple of the questions that I
[40:25] received and put them at the end of each episode like I'm doing
[40:28] today. So let me know your thoughts in
[40:30] the comments. I'm going to try and put a poll
[40:32] or something that you can kind of vote on or feel free to reach
[40:36] out to me again. If you have any questions for
[40:38] future episodes, you can send them into
[40:41] theaftermathpodcast@gmail.com. You can also share your thoughts
[40:46] that way too. But now here are some emails
[40:49] that came in this week. And I know that this first one
[40:51] is going to hit home for a lot of women listening.
[40:54] So here we go. The question says, I haven't
[40:56] been to confession in over a year.
[40:58] A big reason is contraception. I'm confused about NFP.
[41:02] Why do Catholics disagree on how it should be used?
[41:05] And if someone's using it to avoid pregnancy even for a
[41:09] serious reason, how is that different from birth control?
[41:12] I struggle going to confession because I feel like I can't say
[41:15] no to my husband. I'm afraid of the stress that
[41:17] comes when I do, and I know that I need to trust God, but I'm
[41:21] scared of the suffering that might come with it and I'm just
[41:25] exhausted. So first of all, thank you for
[41:27] your honesty. That kind of vulnerability
[41:29] really does take courage. And this is layered.
[41:32] It's not just about NFP or theology or marriage.
[41:36] It's about trust and surrender and that deep fear that we all
[41:40] feel sometimes Because at the end of the day, the question
[41:43] here is what if holiness costs more than I'm ready to give?
[41:47] So let's break it down. The first thing is the NFP and
[41:50] birth control question that I do want to address.
[41:53] It's not about effectiveness. It's about cooperation versus
[41:57] control. Birth control.
[41:59] It shuts down the body's natural function and closes closes the
[42:02] door to life intentionally and artificially.
[42:05] NFP, on the other hand, when used with the right disposition,
[42:09] it doesn't destroy or block anything.
[42:11] It works with the natural rhythm that God has designed.
[42:16] It requires sacrifice and discernment and communication.
[42:20] But here's the key. Intention matters.
[42:22] If someone is using NFP with a contraceptive mentality, meaning
[42:27] just to avoid kids out of fear, convenience or lack of trust, it
[42:31] starts to imitate the same spiritual posture as birth
[42:35] control. But if a couple is using NFP for
[42:38] just reasons, serious health, mental or financial reasons, and
[42:43] is doing so in a prayerful trust, that's a whole different
[42:47] heart posture. The church doesn't say never
[42:49] avoid pregnancy, but she says don't reject lifeout of fear or
[42:54] selfishness. So what about when your spouse
[42:56] isn't on board? So you are not alone with this.
[42:59] So many Catholic women are carrying the same cross of
[43:02] spiritual leadership in their homes when it feels like it
[43:05] should be the other way around. So this is a hard but freeing
[43:08] truth that you are not responsible for your husband's
[43:12] passions, but you are responsible for your
[43:15] participation and sin. And that doesn't mean that you
[43:18] withhold intimacy altogether, but it means that you have every
[43:22] right to say, I want to honor our marriage and my conscience,
[43:26] and I need us to find a way forward that honors both.
[43:30] I'm not saying that that's easy, because it is is not.
[43:32] Will it require suffering? Probably.
[43:35] But suffering here is not the enemy.
[43:37] It's what Christ used to redeem the world.
[43:40] And when you offer your exhaustion, your fear, your
[43:43] sacrifice, it can become redemptive too.
[43:46] And that's probably not the answer that you want to hear.
[43:50] And I'm not even sure if that's very comforting, but it is true.
[43:53] You can OfferUp your suffering for the conversion of His heart,
[43:57] for both of you to be on the same page for an intention that
[44:01] you have. So I would suggest trying
[44:04] something like that. And this next part really broke
[44:07] me. I don't struggle trusting God
[44:09] can take care of it. I struggle trusting that it
[44:12] won't require more suffering. That's very real.
[44:15] We say, Jesus, I trust in you. But sometimes what we mean is,
[44:21] Jesus, I trust you'll make this easy.
[44:23] But real trust does not mean less suffering.
[44:26] It means suffering with purpose. And listen, God is not asking
[44:32] you to muscle through this alone.
[44:34] He's asking you to bring the exhaustion into the light
[44:38] because that's where the healing really begins.
[44:41] And if this is the thing that's keeping you from confession,
[44:45] then let this be your sign. You don't have to have it all
[44:48] figured out. You don't need to show up
[44:50] perfect. You just need to show up.
[44:53] Say it loud. Drag it into the light.
[44:55] Everything that we talked about this whole episode, Jesus will
[44:58] meet you there. Confession is not for the people
[45:00] who have it all together. It's for the exhausted, for the
[45:04] confused, the ones that are barely hanging on.
[45:07] This next e-mail is from a listener who just started their
[45:10] journey into the Church and is already thinking ahead, Which is
[45:13] very wise because a lot of us don't.
[45:15] But it says. I've recently decided to convert
[45:18] to Catholicism. I've been going to Mass, praying
[45:20] the rosary, reading scripture, and I'll be starting our CIA in
[45:23] September. My worry is that this spiritual
[45:26] high is going to wear off, especially when I go to
[45:29] university. How do I stay devout in a place
[45:31] where chastity, modesty, and obedience are not exactly
[45:35] encouraged? So let me just start off with
[45:37] this. Your awareness is a gift.
[45:39] You're not being dramatic. You're being very spiritually
[45:42] strategic. And that's exactly what the
[45:45] devil hates. So that's number one.
[45:47] But #2 the devil is not going to just come at you with
[45:51] temptation. He's going to come at you with
[45:53] apathy, busyness, distraction, and shame because he knows if he
[45:56] can't make you fall, he'll try to make you drift.
[45:59] So, so this is how I would fight back #1 build a rule of life now
[46:04] so your routine becomes your refuge.
[46:07] When the feeling fades, start setting up the structure.
[46:09] Before you actually get to campus, make sure that you make
[46:13] a plan to go to Mass at least once a week daily if possible.
[46:17] But if not, of course that's fine.
[46:19] But definitely Mass at least once a week #2 daily rosary.
[46:23] Keep that habit going no matter how tired you are.
[46:26] Find your best guided rosaries that you can listen to in a
[46:29] podcast test form, whether it's walking to and from class every
[46:33] day, every time you go to the gym, every time you go to lunch,
[46:36] every time you go wherever. Make it a part of your daily
[46:39] routine and try and see if you can find an accountability
[46:42] buddy, whether it's online or on campus, a Catholic student or
[46:46] friend that can kind of walk with you and call you out with
[46:49] love when you start slacking. So that's the first thing.
[46:52] Build a routine and stick to it. Second thing is prepare for
[46:55] desolation. Right now you're in what Saints
[46:58] call consolation, which is where God feels close and prayer feels
[47:02] easy and joy is natural. But soon you will hit desolation
[47:06] where it feels dry, distant, pointless.
[47:09] And that doesn't mean God's left you, but it means that he's
[47:12] maturing you. Feelings fade, but faith is a
[47:15] choice. So make the decision now that
[47:17] when that desolation hits, you will not abandon God just
[47:21] because you don't feel Him. Third thing is to get loud about
[47:24] holiness. Here is the deal.
[47:27] You're not going to be accidentally devout in a college
[47:30] culture. You'll either be on fire or
[47:32] you'll fade. Do not hide your faith to blend
[47:35] in. Live it boldly.
[47:36] Join your campus Catholic center or you know, a club ASAP.
[47:41] Find or start a Bible study or a Catholic book club where your
[47:46] scapular make the side of the cross in public.
[47:48] Be the one friend in your group who prays before meals.
[47:51] Say no to things that compromise your integrity and don't
[47:55] apologize for it. You will inspire people more
[47:59] than you realize. And last but not least, know the
[48:02] traps. Isolation, compromise and delay.
[48:05] Isolation is I'll just do my faith alone.
[48:07] No, you need community online or in person, but you need
[48:10] spiritual backup to the second one.
[48:13] Compromise. It's just one party.
[48:15] It's just one night, one slip. No small compromises stack, so
[48:19] stay sharp. And last delay.
[48:22] I'll get serious later. Right now I just want to enjoy
[48:25] college. The devil loves this one.
[48:27] So later rarely happens. And final words, your conversion
[48:31] isn't a phase, it's a battle cry.
[48:33] And yes, it's going to get hard, you're going to get tired, and
[48:37] you might even fail. But Saints are not people who
[48:39] never fall. They're people who fall and get
[48:41] back up over and over and over again.
[48:43] So don't pray to stay excited. Pray for perseverance.
[48:47] Pray for the grace to choose Jesus when it's boring and
[48:50] lonely and when it costs you something.
[48:53] And just know this, you're not alone.
[48:55] You've got the Church, you've got the sacraments, and you've
[48:58] got a God who never stops pursuing you even when you
[49:01] wander. So you've got this.
[49:04] This next one here came from someone who just started our
[49:07] CIA, and I think it's going to speak to the hearts of so many
[49:10] different people who feel like they're stepping into the church
[49:14] late in life. So the message says I'm recently
[49:16] on my journey to becoming Catholic.
[49:18] I signed up for our CIA. I have a long story for my
[49:21] journey on getting to where I am.
[49:23] God was with me growing up and I know he led me to where I am
[49:26] today, but I am scared because I have never had religion in my
[49:29] life. Growing up I never knew what a
[49:31] Catholic was and now that's changed.
[49:34] I'm truly a believer and a follower of Jesus.
[49:36] My husband has always been Catholic and waited so patiently
[49:39] for me. He is now getting back into his
[49:41] faith with me. I have my husband, our children,
[49:44] and my in laws in my corner and I have an overwhelming feeling
[49:48] of falling behind. They grew up in the faith and I
[49:51] grew up a completely opposite way.
[49:53] So First things first, you're not behind.
[49:56] You're exactly where God wants you to be.
[49:59] Grace is not measured in years, it's measured in.
[50:03] Yes, some people spent their whole lives around the faith and
[50:06] never actually live it. I can name 5 people off the top
[50:10] of my head who are cradle Catholics who haven't gone to
[50:13] Mass or haven't gone to confession in 10-15 years.
[50:16] So that's number one. Then you have other people like
[50:19] you who have a radical encounter with Jesus and jump in with
[50:22] everything you've got. That is not late.
[50:25] That's Pentecost. God isn't asking for perfect
[50:28] track records. He's asking for open hearts.
[50:32] In the e-mail you said I grew up completely different from
[50:35] everyone else around me. That is not a deficit, that is a
[50:38] gift. You know what it's like to live
[50:41] without the Church, with, without the sacraments, without
[50:44] Jesus at the center, which means you're going to appreciate the
[50:47] faith in a way that cradle Catholics sometimes forget.
[50:51] Your fire is going to remind them what they've had all along.
[50:55] And I also want to make sure that you know to walk at your
[50:58] own pace, not theirs. It's OK if you don't know all
[51:01] the prayers yet. It's OK if Mass confuses you.
[51:05] It's OK if you're still learning how to explain the Eucharist or
[51:09] the Saints or the rosary. Don't confuse learning with
[51:13] lacking. You're not behind, you are
[51:15] hungry and God feeds the hungry. So my final words to you would
[51:18] be that the enemy wants you to feel like you don't belong.
[51:22] But you need to hear that the church is your home now.
[51:25] You're not just welcome, but you are wanted.
[51:28] This did not come for the well prepared, He came for the open
[51:31] hearted. And the fact that your husband
[51:33] is reawakening his faith, that is also not a coincidence.
[51:36] That's a legacy. Your kids are going to grow up
[51:39] in the faith not just because of what you know, but because of
[51:43] how you said yes. Here's another question that
[51:46] came in, and this is also one that I think people are
[51:49] wrestling with but probably feel too scared to say out loud.
[51:52] So the e-mail said. I have been struggling in my
[51:55] walk with my relationship. We've been together for over a
[51:58] decade, no kids, no marriage. We've always been open to
[52:01] marriage, but it was never really something we cared for.
[52:04] Now I feel like I'm betraying God by not being married.
[52:07] However, when I think of marriage, I would want it to be
[52:10] with someone who has God in their life to grow together.
[52:13] My boyfriend is not religious, he's not anti but he just
[52:17] doesn't talk much about religion.
[52:19] He'll listen to me talk but I don't learn anything from him
[52:22] either. I feel like it's also causing
[52:24] this confusion in me where I see Catholic men and think that's
[52:27] what I want for my future. My boyfriend is great but I'd be
[52:30] very surprised if he one day decided to be on fire for God
[52:34] and also become Catholic. So I feel like I'm just confused
[52:37] lately. I also worry about stirring up
[52:39] doubts in us over something that I may fall away from.
[52:42] Do you have any advice? First of all, this is a very
[52:45] real cross. Not just because of your
[52:47] relationship, but because you've started walking a new road and
[52:51] now everything else in your life is being reevaluated under this
[52:56] new light of faith. So that's not you being
[52:59] unstable, that's waking up spiritually.
[53:02] You are not shallow, you're not being disloyal, you're not crazy
[53:05] for wanting more, and you're not ruining a good thing just
[53:09] because you're craving a man who's on fire for God.
[53:12] That desire, that's from the Holy Spirit.
[53:15] It's the Holy Spirit saying there is more than comfort,
[53:18] there's holiness, there's eternity.
[53:20] So when you say something like, I feel like I'm betraying God,
[53:24] you're not being dramatic, you're being honest.
[53:27] Because once you start walking with God, cohabitation without
[53:30] marriage, living together as husband and wife without
[53:34] actually being husband and wife, it no longer feels like just
[53:38] this next step you took. It feels like spiritual tension
[53:41] because it is. When I read that, you said he's
[53:44] not against God, he just isn't involved.
[53:47] Listen, I am not saying that he's a bad guy.
[53:50] I'm not saying any of that, that he's not toxic.
[53:52] He's not anything. But marriage isn't just about
[53:55] compatibility. It's about mission.
[53:57] And if you're suddenly on fire for God, the man next to you
[54:00] doesn't even have a spark. That's not just hard, it's being
[54:05] unequally yoked. The yoke is going to pull.
[54:08] It's going to create friction, infusion, silence, and a sense
[54:12] of being alone in your convictions, which is exactly
[54:15] what you're feeling. So All in all, you're asking the
[54:18] right questions, but don't delay the right action.
[54:22] You said I worry about stirring up doubts in us over something I
[54:25] may fall away from, and that's a really big red flag.
[54:29] Not about him, but about your own confidence in you staying
[54:33] faithful in your walk. If the only way to preserve the
[54:36] relationship is by risking your soul, that's not love, that's
[54:40] fear. And I'm not here to to tell you
[54:42] what to do with your relationship, but I am here to
[54:45] remind you that you cannot get to heaven through someone else's
[54:49] comfort zones. So my final words would be God
[54:52] is not asking you to hate him or to resent your boyfriend or to
[54:56] write him off, but he's asking you to prioritize him, capital
[55:01] HIM to prioritize God first, even when it's hard.
[55:06] And that might mean maybe moving out until things are made right,
[55:10] setting spiritual boundaries, having having the hard
[55:13] conversations and seeing where his heart truly lies, or maybe
[55:17] having the courage to walk away if you know you're walking in
[55:20] different directions. And I can't answer those
[55:22] questions for you, but I can say that those things are not
[55:25] weaknesses. That is holiness and the ache
[55:29] and weirdness that you feel right now.
[55:32] That's the tension of wanting God more than the life that you
[55:36] built without God. He sees it, He honors it, and He
[55:39] will never ask you to give up something good unless he's
[55:42] trying to give you something holy.
[55:45] And the last listener message, this one's going to be good for
[55:49] those who have ever had to wrestle with faith, love, and
[55:52] loss at the same time. And for background, this
[55:55] listener is dating someone who is of a different Christian
[55:59] denomination, so it says. I recently reverted back to
[56:02] Catholicism. I was only going to his church
[56:05] in the beginning of our relationship last year before I
[56:08] reverted back to Catholicism this year.
[56:10] I take full responsibility and accountability for starting
[56:13] arguments about religion and letting it get in the way of our
[56:16] relationship, though I do know that it is an important
[56:19] discussion that couples need to have.
[56:22] We were talking about marriage already.
[56:24] He's a very good man. Not once did he ever yell at me
[56:27] or insult me during any argument.
[56:29] But I did not respect his beliefs and after a terrible
[56:33] argument which resulted in him doubting this relationship, he
[56:37] asked for space and I haven't seen or spoken to him since.
[56:41] It hurts so much because I genuinely want to have a life
[56:44] with this man. I truly believe God sent him for
[56:46] me and it's hard for me not to feel like I ruined it.
[56:50] At this point I'm surrendering it to God, but I almost feel
[56:52] regret for reverting back to Catholicism for not handling
[56:56] things well. I almost wish I didn't have that
[56:59] call back to the church. I wish we were still happy
[57:02] together going to His church and that I had stayed ignorant about
[57:05] the faith that I was born into, even though I know this is the
[57:08] fullness of truth. I know so many people have mixed
[57:10] marriages in regards to religion.
[57:12] I was never forcing him to convert, but I just wish he
[57:15] would do more research before shutting me down.
[57:17] He claims he did, but I know only God can change a man.
[57:21] We just plant the seed. So when it comes to the Catholic
[57:24] faith, I just get too heated and angry when defending it.
[57:27] So number one, this is very raw and real and deeply relatable,
[57:31] especially for anybody who's had to choose between love and
[57:33] truth, between comfort and conviction.
[57:36] And you know, this person articulated something that so
[57:39] many people feel but they're afraid to say out loud, which is
[57:41] I almost wish I had that stayed ignorant because it would have
[57:44] been easier. First hear me when I say this,
[57:47] Your heart is not weak. You are not unstable.
[57:50] You're not faithless for grieving what it seems like
[57:54] you're losing. You're just a woman who woke up
[57:56] to truth and now you're carrying the weight of everything it's
[57:59] cost you. God did not call you back to the
[58:02] church to ruin your life. So that ache you feel and that
[58:05] hunger for the Eucharist, that conviction that you can't shake,
[58:09] that is grace and that is mercy. That's the whole Holy Spirit
[58:13] pulling you out of lukewarm and into life.
[58:15] You did not ruin something good. You responded to something
[58:19] eternal. And yes, it came with a cost.
[58:23] But if your faith isn't costing you anything, it might not be
[58:27] your faith. You said that you didn't force
[58:29] him to convert. I just wish he would research
[58:31] more before shutting me down. And that's a totally fair
[58:34] desire. You're not being controlling.
[58:37] You're craving spiritual intimacy, which is exactly what
[58:40] marriage is meant to be rooted in.
[58:43] You were never going to be able to build a Sacramento marriage
[58:46] on spiritual avoidance. And God is not punishing you for
[58:50] wanting that unity. He's protecting you from
[58:53] building a life on shaky ground. And I know this is really hard
[58:58] to hear, but I think you already know it.
[59:01] Truth matters, but truth without love does not reflect Christ.
[59:05] In the e-mail it said I got to heed it.
[59:07] I didn't respect his beliefs. So that requires self-awareness
[59:11] and that kind of awareness, that's repentance speaking
[59:14] through, that's humility. And God can do a lot with that.
[59:17] So even if your relationship doesn't recover, you still can.
[59:22] So let this be the start of you learning how to defend your
[59:25] faith with conviction and peace, but with that balance because
[59:29] that's how hearts are changed, not with bickering back and
[59:33] forth and arguments, but by being a grace filled witness.
[59:37] And it's OK to cry over, you know what could have been.
[59:41] It's OK to feel regret, but don't confuse regret with
[59:45] rebellion. You returned, and in that return
[59:49] it's going to bear fruit. And you might not see it now,
[59:52] and it might not be with this man, but what God is growing in
[59:56] you is preparing you for something far more holy than
[1:00:00] just being equally liked. He wants you to be equally yoked
[1:00:06] and He will not waste your obedience.
[1:00:09] Ever. So those were the questions that
[1:00:11] I decided to put into this week's episode.
[1:00:14] But what I really want everyone to take away and remember is
[1:00:17] that you are not defined by your sin.
[1:00:19] You are not stuck, you are not alone, and you are absolutely
[1:00:23] not disqualified from holiness. Confession is not about clearing
[1:00:27] A checklist. It's not Catholic guilt.
[1:00:30] It's the sacrament that sets devout Catholics on fire.
[1:00:34] So use it often, honestly, wholeheartedly.
[1:00:37] This has been episode 2 of After.
[1:00:39] Be sure to follow the show, leave a review, share this with
[1:00:43] someone who's tired of just going through the motions.
[1:00:45] And as always, you can find me on TikTok and Instagram as well.
[1:00:49] And you can also e-mail me at theaftermathpodcast@gmail.com
[1:00:54] with your stories and questions for the herd in the confessional
[1:00:57] segment for next week's episode. So go be devout, go be bold, go
[1:01:03] be free. Thank you so much for being
[1:01:05] here. I will see you aftermath.

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