# Heartwork: Guided Steps to the Path of Allah | Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy | Class 21

An episode of [Heartwork | Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1747587869), 29 Oct 2024, 1 h 03 min.

Audio: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/fou43zaiwy8w1296/yt_video_u0bqEjuZpJc_pa47ec.mp3

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## Transcript

[0:02] welcome home everybody it's good to see
[0:03] you here alhamdulillah welcome back to
[0:05] Roots um for those of you who it's your
[0:07] first time welcome alhamdulillah for
[0:09] those of you who've been coming welcome
[0:11] back it's good to see everybody here uh
[0:13] we are reading from um a wonderful text
[0:17] by
[0:18] IM uh and we're making our way through I
[0:20] think this is uh session number 20 so I
[0:23] think we got we're going to do about
[0:24] three or four more I'm going to try to
[0:26] summarize uh the rest of his writing but
[0:29] effectively what he what he wrote was a
[0:31] recipe for Spiritual success right and
[0:34] how to take your spiritual growth from
[0:38] stage you know zero like the
[0:39] introduction all the way um to higher
[0:42] levels of God consciousness of being a
[0:45] person who's connected to Allah tala and
[0:48] um reason why books like this are so
[0:50] important is because many times whether
[0:53] you are born into Islam uh whether you
[0:55] converted to Islam or whether you were
[0:57] born into it and later engaged
[1:00] um there's often times a very heavy
[1:03] emphasis on Islamic law and ritual which
[1:06] of course we know without a doubt is
[1:08] necessary right we have to know how to
[1:10] pray we have to know how to fast these
[1:12] are things that if we don't know them we
[1:14] won't be able to fulfill them um but
[1:17] sometimes when we focus on these things
[1:19] in the absence of thinking about the
[1:23] wisdoms and reflecting on how these
[1:25] things should affect us then it's almost
[1:28] like um being told told to go to like an
[1:30] amazing restaurant that's very famous
[1:33] for a specific type of dish but not
[1:35] knowing what the dish is and so we have
[1:37] the understanding of the ritual but we
[1:40] need the reflection on how the ritual
[1:42] affects us right and this is what im m
[1:45] is giving us now so we've all heard you
[1:47] know the advice from the prophet Alam
[1:50] we've all heard Islam tell us for
[1:52] example to not be angry how many of you
[1:54] have ever heard that it's part of Islam
[1:56] to not become angry you guys ever heard
[1:57] this before the prophet Alam was one
[2:00] time asked by somebody what what's the
[2:02] best thing that I should do and he he
[2:04] said don't get angry and he told them
[2:07] this you know multiple times so we've
[2:09] heard the Hadith but how many of us have
[2:12] really reflected and thought about what
[2:14] entering into a state of anger does and
[2:16] how destructive it is so IMI goes over
[2:19] things like this and tonight we're going
[2:20] to talk about it inshallah last
[2:23] week kind of tied to anger a little bit
[2:26] um we discussed the culture
[2:30] that is ever so prevalent on the
[2:33] internet what would we do without Tik
[2:35] Tok Subhan Allah what would we do
[2:37] without the internet um the culture of
[2:39] debate right debate and and discourse
[2:44] and
[2:44] argumentation and Imam Massi he puts
[2:47] forth an advice and a reminder where he
[2:50] basically says don't debate don't argue
[2:53] about religion when it comes to religion
[2:56] do not get into the weeds as they say
[3:00] okay and if somebody's trying to pull
[3:02] you into an argument don't argue with
[3:04] them right there's nothing good coming
[3:07] out of a religious argument or an
[3:10] argument on religion so the general
[3:12] advice to every Muslim is don't engage
[3:15] in this stuff because ultimately both
[3:19] people who are arguing end up in some
[3:21] way
[3:22] losing um and that's because people
[3:24] typically who argue are not like trained
[3:27] you know it's like two people who are
[3:28] not Healthcare specialists talking about
[3:30] Healthcare or two people that are not
[3:33] you know lawyers talking about law like
[3:36] when you don't have the training all the
[3:38] argumentation is just hot air right we
[3:41] don't actually know so we're just
[3:42] arguing it's kind of like politics right
[3:43] now everyone's got an opinion but in
[3:45] reality no one knows what the truth of
[3:47] the matter is right and that's why we we
[3:50] defer that and we give that back to
[3:51] Allah subhah wa tala so he says when it
[3:53] comes to religion don't argue and
[3:56] there's another book by the way where
[3:58] Imam zerui talks about what happens when
[4:00] you argue what happens when a person
[4:03] argues you know what he says he says
[4:05] three or four things happen I can't
[4:06] remember all of them off the top of my
[4:07] head but I I think I remember them
[4:09] actually he says number one is that you
[4:12] end up pushing away actually learning
[4:15] something when you argue you either
[4:18] don't know something and so when you
[4:20] argue you're like it's almost like a
[4:22] defense response you're pushing away
[4:25] actually learning or you think you know
[4:29] and
[4:30] that's going to stop you from learning
[4:31] more or you're going straight to Google
[4:35] and you're Googling like what is the
[4:36] ruling on Halloween you know somebody
[4:39] told you don't don't trick-or treat this
[4:40] year don't go to Halloween don't dress
[4:42] up right you're 27 right put the costume
[4:45] away like you know what I mean there's
[4:47] no more concessions for you you're not a
[4:49] child but all of these and then oh go to
[4:53] Google okay you know what's interesting
[4:54] is that when you're searching for an
[4:56] answer you have what's called
[4:57] confirmation bias when you're already
[5:00] searching for an answer that you want to
[5:01] prove like okay I've already arrived at
[5:04] this now I need Google to give me the
[5:06] verses and the Hadith to show me how I
[5:07] can get there that's not knowledge
[5:10] that's not knowledge you're playing with
[5:12] this stuff right so people there's a lot
[5:15] of people that have already kind of
[5:16] arrived at the answer that they want and
[5:20] then they're trying to go to Islam to
[5:22] see how can I manipulate this to get
[5:23] there both ways by the way on both sides
[5:26] when I say both sides I mean the people
[5:27] that really want things to be Hal
[5:30] and the people that really want things
[5:31] to be Haram and this is why the prophet
[5:34] he said something very powerful he said
[5:37] what is halal is halal even if everybody
[5:41] around you says it's Haram and what is
[5:43] Haram is Haram even if everybody around
[5:45] you says it's Hal by the he didn't say
[5:48] one way or the other I know typically we
[5:50] have one side of that oh what's Haram is
[5:52] Haram doesn't matter if the whole world
[5:54] tells
[5:54] you right and usually UK Muslims but
[5:57] anyways right but the the other side is
[6:00] true too what is halal is halal it
[6:03] doesn't matter if people say oh I don't
[6:04] think that's right Allah in the Quran
[6:09] says Allah is asking the prophet why did
[6:12] you make impermissible what Allah has
[6:14] made permissible for you so when we talk
[6:16] about Islamic law always remember this
[6:19] making something
[6:21] impermissible permissible is very bad we
[6:25] can't say alcohol is halal no you can't
[6:27] say that something that is Haram is
[6:29] halal absolutely not but you know what's
[6:31] equally bad taking something that's
[6:33] permissible and making it
[6:35] impermissible because you're taking the
[6:38] mercy of Allah and you're shutting it
[6:40] down Allah didn't say that you couldn't
[6:42] do that why are you telling people they
[6:43] can't do that why are you saying that
[6:46] the prophet wasam one time he chastised
[6:49] somebody he said why are you doing that
[6:51] you want to make it hard on people you
[6:54] think that it's going to make people
[6:55] closer to Allah by doing this no in fact
[6:59] the opposite is true sometimes where if
[7:02] you make something that is not in fact
[7:04] impermissible but you make someone feel
[7:06] guilty for doing it you're actually
[7:08] pushing them further away from Allah T
[7:10] so when it comes to what is right or
[7:12] wrong in Islam we we try to leave this
[7:14] to The Experts we leave it to the
[7:15] experts right people who have given
[7:17] their life I'm talking like 10 15 20 25
[7:20] years studying this stuff not people
[7:23] that are just can I wear nail
[7:26] polish that's not how you figure out a
[7:29] fatwa right that's not how we do that
[7:31] sorry say can I get a Haram haircut you
[7:33] know like can I get a fade is it really
[7:36] Haram you got like seven Scholars it's
[7:38] Haram you got like one who's like got
[7:40] the Fate himself you know like
[7:42] everyone's confused right okay so the
[7:44] point being is these things have sources
[7:46] and these sources have proper
[7:48] interpretation according to Legal
[7:50] scholarship okay so he saysi says if
[7:53] you're not there don't open your mouth
[7:56] as they say don't Yap right just a lot
[7:59] of yapping going on don't Yap and Tik
[8:02] Tok is the house of yapping where
[8:04] everybody wants to come out and say this
[8:06] is right this is wrong I heard this I
[8:08] heard that he says you're losing your
[8:10] life and that's actually what Imam Zari
[8:12] says he says number one you're pushing
[8:14] away knowledge number two you're losing
[8:16] your life both in reality like you're
[8:19] losing time you know how many hours do
[8:22] you spend arguing with somebody and then
[8:24] at the end of it all you're like I can't
[8:26] believe I just wasted my whole night I
[8:29] miss out on trick-or-treating
[8:31] completely trying to defend Halloween
[8:33] you know okay so the person gives up
[8:36] their entire night sometimes weeks
[8:38] sometimes months sometimes years you
[8:41] know every dinner party that people go
[8:43] to the the culture of like discusting
[8:46] and imagine Subhan Allah If instead of
[8:48] going to dinner parties and socializing
[8:50] with
[8:51] friends and talking about things that
[8:54] really there's no resolution there's no
[8:57] there's no accomplishment made we're
[8:59] just talking about things like in in
[9:01] speculation mode right imagine if people
[9:03] got together and talked about like hey
[9:05] how could I be better to my wife and all
[9:07] the husbands talked about that what are
[9:09] some ways or moms got to how can I be
[9:12] better to my daughter and we talked
[9:14] about that can you imagine how
[9:16] beneficial these social Gatherings would
[9:18] be if we actually put like a topic on
[9:20] the table that was practical instead of
[9:22] it being like what do you guys think is
[9:25] p is Imran Khan guilty what do you think
[9:27] who cares what you think like honest hly
[9:29] right and if you talk about it too much
[9:31] you might you know anyways so the point
[9:34] being is practicality is part of that
[9:36] and knowing your limit is also part of
[9:38] that okay so he says number one
[9:39] knowledge runs away from you like oil
[9:41] and water number two you lose your life
[9:43] number three and this is very
[9:45] interesting he
[9:48] says he
[9:50] says he says you you
[9:54] inherit this
[9:56] animosity you start to hate everybody
[9:59] you know when you get involved in debate
[10:00] and argumentation you start to just hate
[10:02] everybody you become a hater andawa you
[10:07] start to inherit enmity which means that
[10:09] you start to cut off people that used to
[10:11] be your friend oh you did that I'm done
[10:14] with you oh you watch that I'm done with
[10:16] you oh you and Subhan Allah tell me of a
[10:20] really passionate argument that ended
[10:22] with two people coming closer
[10:24] together one out of a million the other
[10:27] 999,000 is what people arguing over
[10:30] something that they don't even know
[10:32] about they waste their time talking
[10:33] about and now what now they hate each
[10:35] other and the friends group they're a
[10:36] part of has to be very careful hey you
[10:39] want to come play ball yeah but you
[10:40] can't invite him why he already
[10:41] confirmed guys have drama too by the way
[10:44] big drama right just look at basketball
[10:47] leagues we have major drama okay so the
[10:50] point being Subhan Allah is that
[10:52] argumentation leads to almost nothing
[10:55] good
[10:57] now says if you must if you must meaning
[11:02] don't do it are you sure yes don't do it
[11:04] really don't do it what if I have to if
[11:07] you must what what does it mean must it
[11:09] means that you are up against very clear
[11:13] ignorance somebody is being very
[11:16] obstinate and just purely ignorant in
[11:18] front of you and they're saying wrong
[11:21] things they're misinforming people
[11:22] they're they're lying they're just being
[11:24] off-the-wall crazy about stuff then he
[11:26] says there's an etiquette to this in
[11:29] Islam remember this everything that
[11:32] Islam allows or says to do also has the
[11:36] right way to do it it also gives an
[11:37] etiquette a form Allah doesn't say do
[11:41] without saying this is how and the how
[11:43] to do is from the
[11:45] prophet Allah says pray the prophet
[11:48] sallam says let me show you how Allah
[11:50] says fast the prophet sallam says here's
[11:52] exactly how you do it right so the
[11:54] Sunnah of the Prophet with argumentation
[11:57] there's a few things that were mentioned
[11:58] he said says adhere to proper etiquette
[12:00] number one I'll give you five things
[12:03] okay number One never ever become
[12:06] disrespectful of the topic
[12:09] itself never become disrespectful of the
[12:11] topic itself meaning if we're talking
[12:14] about Islam if we're debating about
[12:15] something with regards to Islam we
[12:17] cannot do in Arabic they call it or we
[12:20] can't make light or make mockery of the
[12:23] topic even if you disagree with it you
[12:25] know some people want to debate for
[12:27] example about certain Islamic practices
[12:29] and in in in in debate in logic it's not
[12:33] quite an ad hominy like you're not
[12:34] attacking the person themselves but
[12:36] you're attacking the religion and that's
[12:38] actually a sign of foolishness in of
[12:40] itself so instead of being a person
[12:43] that's so disparaging and so dis you
[12:45] know you trying to disqualify the
[12:47] religion actually be somebody Subhan
[12:49] Allah that even says you know what I
[12:51] don't agree with this but I can see
[12:52] where this is coming from I can see
[12:54] where this is coming from so number one
[12:56] he says uphold the sanctity of Allah do
[12:59] not lose respect for Allah in the
[13:01] process of trying to defend the religion
[13:05] what's the
[13:06] point we got the adans going off tonight
[13:08] I feel like I'm in Cairo right okay
[13:11] number one number two he said always
[13:14] hold yourself to a high standard when
[13:17] you engage in this debate in this
[13:19] discussion don't be a person that sinks
[13:22] to the tactics and the methods of really
[13:25] low people right we don't do this we
[13:27] don't engage in those tactics you know
[13:30] you never have the prophet Isam like if
[13:32] you look at how he engaged how did he
[13:33] debate he debated by the way he did
[13:35] debate he had to he went toe-to-toe but
[13:38] you never see him referring to somebody
[13:41] in a way that's disparaging he doesn't
[13:43] use bad language he never uses anything
[13:47] that could be marked against him in his
[13:49] character I'll always say this the
[13:51] prophet Alam had many people who
[13:53] disagreed with him but they never
[13:54] disagreed with how he spoke to
[13:57] them they would disagree with with him
[14:00] but they never had an argument against
[14:02] him his character they never could that
[14:04] was one of the strongest arguments in
[14:06] the Quran is that Allah
[14:09] says you are such an amazing person
[14:12] these people have nothing against you
[14:13] and if you think about it in in our time
[14:16] when you're debating against somebody
[14:18] when you kind of are done debating the
[14:20] idea you start to attack them as people
[14:23] right why because you're trying to tear
[14:24] them down thus tearing down their ideas
[14:27] as well number three he says if you have
[14:30] to hold Allah in high esteem number two
[14:32] have high standards for yourself number
[14:34] three he
[14:35] says be
[14:37] sincere be sincere means basically know
[14:39] when to take the
[14:41] L shaf he used to debate he's very
[14:44] famous for debating shaf and he he said
[14:48] before every debate in Islamic law I
[14:51] would make one prayer I would say oh
[14:52] Allah please make it the case that the
[14:56] truth becomes manifest
[14:59] by the Tongue of my
[15:01] opponent he was so sincere that he
[15:04] actually walked into the debate saying
[15:06] oh Allah allow me to
[15:09] lose he was just that good it's a really
[15:11] amazing Flex by the way he was that good
[15:14] at debating I'm not even shaf but he was
[15:16] that good at debating that he would
[15:18] actually say oh Allah let the truth come
[15:20] from them because why because the value
[15:23] of being humbled and feeling sincerity
[15:27] and saying you know what you're right I
[15:29] concede I concede you're right that
[15:31] feeling is very rare it's very rare and
[15:35] once you concede to somebody who's right
[15:37] once twice three times guess what
[15:38] happens you start to actually fall in
[15:41] love with losing the pressure of winning
[15:44] try this next time next time you're
[15:46] arguing with somebody try to actually
[15:50] see if you can find a way to take their
[15:51] side in the middle of it try to see if
[15:54] you can actually defend their point your
[15:56] NS initially is going to say like no way
[15:58] it's actually going to cause like a
[15:59] response you're going to have like
[16:01] heartburn but Tums is not going to help
[16:04] it's a different kind of heartburn it's
[16:05] a spiritual heartburn right you're not
[16:07] going to be able to do it it's going to
[16:08] be so tough but then Subhan Allah when
[16:11] you try you know what's going to happen
[16:12] then they're going to try to help your
[16:14] your case and you know what just
[16:16] happened in that moment you both went
[16:17] from instead of trying to prove yourself
[16:19] you tried to find the truth and the
[16:22] truth is often times somewhere in the
[16:23] middle often times okay so IM sh would
[16:26] would do this so he says be sincere
[16:29] number four he says be thorough don't be
[16:33] like a surface level debater be a
[16:36] thorough person don't take the easy win
[16:39] don't be a person that just looks for
[16:41] Google statistics and tries to
[16:42] manipulate facts no and then he says
[16:44] number five once the conversation is
[16:47] over once everything has settled once
[16:49] things have been completed thank Allah
[16:53] why because you're remembering that this
[16:54] had nothing to do with you anyways had
[16:56] nothing to do with you or me anyways if
[16:58] we find out whether or not something
[16:59] isal or or Mak or or this nothing to do
[17:04] with me no one's going to write your
[17:06] name down in the books there's no
[17:07] Guinness you know world record waiting
[17:10] for you to win the argument when you
[17:13] come to a conclusion that your opinion
[17:15] or the opinion that you were following
[17:17] was in fact the correct one or incorrect
[17:18] one everybody should
[17:21] sayd I'm just happy that that's over I'm
[17:24] happy that we have a clear path forward
[17:26] I'm happy that we have the straight path
[17:28] I was talking about somebody uh not
[17:30] about whoa relax I was talking to
[17:33] somebody recently about something
[17:35] sensitive right politics and they were
[17:37] asking me my opinion which I'm not going
[17:39] to share tonight or ever because I like
[17:41] my life okay and and we were talking and
[17:46] he was very passionate and I was very
[17:48] passionate I'm Egyptian Irish so it's
[17:50] like impossible to not be passionate uh
[17:53] and he's passionate but he was like out
[17:55] passion me right which is pretty
[17:57] crazy so we got to a point where it was
[18:00] kind of like those WhatsApp debates
[18:02] where it's just really not good not
[18:03] productive and we got to a point
[18:06] where I actually said to him in this In
[18:09] the Heat of this I said uh you know what
[18:12] man after all this is said and done I
[18:14] hope you're right like I really do hope
[18:16] you're right I hope I I actually hope
[18:18] that you can come to me and say I told
[18:19] you so I really really hope that I hope
[18:22] what you're saying is true I know
[18:23] everyone's like dying to figure out what
[18:24] he was saying I hope that what you're
[18:25] saying is true and I hope inshallah when
[18:27] it comes true that I'm
[18:29] wrong I hope I'm wrong because that
[18:33] would mean that all of this was
[18:36] irrelevant and what's right is right and
[18:37] alhamdulillah it's what's best for the
[18:39] community that's that's all I said and
[18:40] in that moment he said the most crazy
[18:43] thing he said you know what I
[18:46] agree I hope I'm
[18:49] right so he really believes what he
[18:51] believes in right but the point being is
[18:55] you just say alhamdulillah and you move
[18:56] on and a lot of times we get involved in
[18:59] these very heavy disputes and we don't
[19:02] realize that there's an entire world
[19:04] that's moving on without you in entire
[19:07] world how many people have sat here
[19:10] wasted their time their life their
[19:11] energy trying to fight and argue and
[19:14] then like their family and their friends
[19:16] are just moving on you know they're
[19:18] missing things everyone's sitting there
[19:20] at dinner having a good time everyone's
[19:21] sitting there at a one of the masallah
[19:24] mallah many yemeni coffee shops in
[19:26] Dallas having their Adin and their
[19:29] lattes and they're sitting there and
[19:30] they're and and everyone else is talking
[19:32] and you're just you know and then the
[19:35] night is over and everyone else is like
[19:37] that was really nice and you're like
[19:38] what what was nice you just wasted your
[19:41] time right so he says by doing this when
[19:44] you give thanks to Allah it means that
[19:46] you've maintained good etiquette in this
[19:48] process okay okay so now the next step
[19:52] that he gives when he talks about how to
[19:55] grow towards Allah subhana tala and it's
[19:57] it's it's related you'll see the thread
[19:59] constantly we talked a little bit about
[20:01] being a person who's humble who can turn
[20:03] it down who can concede who can give up
[20:05] all of that requires one characteristic
[20:09] like one trait that every person must
[20:10] have and that is the ability to conquer
[20:13] yourself that is the ability to not be
[20:16] angry the ability to control your anger
[20:20] in Islam there are things that in their
[20:23] Essence have a default
[20:26] ruling default ruling mean this is the
[20:29] ruling okay an example okay is sleeping
[20:34] what's the ruling for sleeping is it
[20:35] Halal is
[20:37] itam it depends don't be cute what's the
[20:41] default ruling it's Halal it's
[20:44] permissible very good okay except for
[20:46] when normal Don you can
[20:48] sleep when is there when is it
[20:50] restricted on a person to sleep again
[20:52] don't think too hard about this yeah
[20:54] missing Salah very good thank you so a
[20:57] person should not go to sleep knowing
[20:59] that they're going to miss Salah you got
[21:01] 10 minutes left for Asser you're like
[21:03] now is a good time take a nap right a
[21:06] little bit too much laughter there but
[21:07] it's okay we'll move on so that's but
[21:10] the default ruling of sleep no one can
[21:11] say oh sleep is Haram now because no
[21:14] sleep the default ruling is permissible
[21:16] but if a person is entering into the
[21:18] last stages of a prayer time and they're
[21:20] like oh well sleep's permissible no no
[21:22] no no not for you not anymore you got to
[21:24] pray Osa first to make it permissible
[21:25] again okay so there's a default ruling
[21:29] and then there's the exceptional ruling
[21:30] so with sleep it's permissible but
[21:32] exceptionally it can become
[21:33] impermissible okay make sense okay so
[21:37] you find this with a lot of things a lot
[21:38] of discussions so what they say is
[21:41] Subhan Allah anger the default ruling is
[21:45] that it is
[21:46] reprehensible not impermissible because
[21:48] it's a human trait you can't make
[21:50] impermissible what's what's human but
[21:52] it's reprehensible it's a bad thing to
[21:54] have anger is not a good characteristic
[21:57] like generally speaking
[21:59] now I know all the angry people are like
[22:00] but what about okay relax you're a
[22:01] little angry okay I say that as as your
[22:05] people
[22:07] okay anger is a reprehensible trait
[22:10] however there are times and moments
[22:14] where not feeling anger is a
[22:17] problem okay so before we get into the
[22:21] conversation about the concession the
[22:23] exception I just want to let you know
[22:24] that it's there let's talk a little bit
[22:26] about anger in general conceptually
[22:28] anger
[22:29] he
[22:30] says says distance yourself and he
[22:34] connects these two things from the
[22:36] desires of your soul and of getting
[22:39] angry the desires the whims that your
[22:42] NPS has and getting angry what's the
[22:44] relationship between those two things
[22:46] well I'm sure you know I'm going to say
[22:48] what everyone's probably thinking which
[22:49] is if you can't control indulging in
[22:53] things you're not going to be able to
[22:54] control getting
[22:55] angry if you can't control getting that
[22:58] plate of food or having the dessert or
[23:02] sleeping through fudger or watching what
[23:04] you shouldn't be watching or talking
[23:06] about who you shouldn't be talking about
[23:07] if you can't control those things then
[23:10] it's a very difficult task to be able to
[23:12] say you know what the next time that I
[23:14] feel this Burning rage inside of me
[23:17] against somebody I'm going to figure out
[23:18] a way to control it no no no you know
[23:21] Subhan Allah anger is one of the things
[23:23] that the prophet says it
[23:25] shaves he says it's the shaver and the
[23:28] companion said shaver of what he said
[23:31] Iman said anger can actually shave your
[23:34] faith see a lot of times we think that
[23:36] anger is a sign of Bravery of Courage
[23:40] right for the men we think it's a sign
[23:42] of being masculine not necessarily in
[23:45] fact one could argue that the inability
[23:47] to control anger is the lowest form of
[23:51] existence as a man or a woman or
[23:53] anything it's the lowest form your
[23:56] inability to hold your tongue back this
[23:57] is why the prophet
[23:59] said what he said the strong one the
[24:02] person who's strong is not the one that
[24:05] can wrestle somebody else to the ground
[24:08] and I know right now Muslims are
[24:09] dominating UFC so this is kind of a
[24:11] weird thing right every time you I don't
[24:13] watch UFC because I don't think it's
[24:14] permissible but anyways and they hit the
[24:16] face but anyways the point being is
[24:20] Muslims are are are absolutely killing
[24:21] it every time I look at ESPN it's like
[24:24] some you know like central European name
[24:26] of of like Muhammad you know like I'm
[24:29] just like mallah man we are killing it
[24:32] but Subhan Allah the prophet said those
[24:34] guys are not the strong ones they're not
[24:36] the strong ones unless they're able to
[24:40] control themselves and they get angry
[24:42] it's not about winning in a fist fight
[24:44] or being able to use your tongue you
[24:46] know some people think oh I'm so good
[24:48] I'm so sharp and they take pride in that
[24:50] be careful the Arabs used to say my my
[24:53] tongue is Like a Knife I'm sharp and
[24:55] some people are like yeah that's like a
[24:57] Twitter bio right don't cross me I'll
[24:59] cut you with my words right tell me
[25:02] somebody who has that I'll tell I'll
[25:03] point you somebody who has no friends
[25:04] okay so so we take pride in the wrong
[25:09] things oh I'm so strong oh I'm so sharp
[25:12] oh I'm so I'm just blunt you know
[25:14] somebody walks around like I'm just
[25:15] blunt I'm just real with people no not
[25:19] okay the real strong person is the one
[25:23] who can behave in a way that when they
[25:27] are feeling irritated or frustrated or
[25:30] angry the person that they're with
[25:33] inshallah should not be able to
[25:35] tell that's true strength that's true
[25:39] strength you know it's like being around
[25:41] somebody that's fasting and not knowing
[25:44] their fasting that's true fasting no one
[25:47] wants to be around a person who's
[25:47] fasting they're like when's MB they're
[25:50] like Sunset they're like when at that
[25:53] point you're like just don't fast you
[25:54] know like just or fast
[25:56] alone somebody who always has to talk
[25:59] about what they're doing is not really
[26:01] displaying any strength with that so a
[26:03] person that's talk I'm so angry right
[26:05] now but I'm not going to say anything
[26:07] okay then don't say anything including
[26:09] how angry you are don't say anything the
[26:12] prophet Alam said that the strong one is
[26:14] not the one who can wrestle and pin
[26:15] someone down it's the person who can
[26:17] control themselves when they are angry
[26:19] so IM says number one the first step on
[26:22] that path is being able to control
[26:24] yourself ask yourself right now tonight
[26:27] 801 p.m. Monday night when is the last
[26:31] time that I have wanted something and
[26:35] especially things that are permissible
[26:37] but you know you can also maybe think
[26:38] about things that we struggle with and I
[26:40] have been able to say no to
[26:42] myself when's the last time when's the
[26:45] last time I actively wanted something
[26:47] and by the way brothers are like yeah I
[26:49] wanted that Ferrari yeah you can't
[26:50] afford that that's not you're not
[26:52] actually saying no to yourself right cuz
[26:55] self-control is when you can actually
[26:57] afford it or when when you can actually
[26:58] have access to it that's what
[27:00] self-control is self-control is not oh
[27:02] man I'm so self-control is when it's
[27:04] right in front of you and when it's in
[27:07] reach and maybe add this layer no one's
[27:11] around nobody would know nobody would
[27:14] know you could get away with it Scott
[27:17] free nobody would have any clue have you
[27:19] been able to control yourselves in those
[27:21] moments have I have I been able to
[27:23] control myself only Allah knows may
[27:25] Allah give us that strength that
[27:27] strength you know and Subhan Allah one
[27:29] of my teachers he told me something the
[27:31] prophet Alam used to use this phrase uh
[27:33] the sweetness of faith that you know may
[27:36] may Allah give us all the sweetness of
[27:38] IM right that's a Dua that would be made
[27:40] you know what's interesting Subhan Allah
[27:42] my teacher used to say the highest level
[27:44] of sweetness of Faith like the sweetest
[27:47] of mangoes that you can imagine of Iman
[27:50] is when you are alone and you obey
[27:53] Allah when you're
[27:55] alone you know it's it's when you are
[27:58] watching something by
[28:01] yourself and the Haram scene shows up
[28:05] and you know that nobody's there but you
[28:10] because of your own tawa you either shut
[28:13] it off or you fast forward or do
[28:14] whatever you got to do to get that out
[28:15] of your face to get that stuff off your
[28:17] heart it's you it's nobody else or
[28:20] there's a financial opportunity and you
[28:23] can take you can walk away with
[28:24] something that you didn't earn it would
[28:26] not be halal right it's either cheating
[28:29] something or taking something or time
[28:32] theft at work something and you would
[28:33] get away with it but you don't indulge
[28:36] because you know that Allah T is
[28:39] watching you know many of us have
[28:40] probably heard the age-old story about
[28:42] the three boys their dad gave them candy
[28:44] he said go eat this where nobody can see
[28:45] you you guys ever heard that one before
[28:48] no no one's heard this okay I it's an
[28:50] it's an honor by the way to be the
[28:51] person to First tell you the story CU
[28:53] this is like an AMU tradition there was
[28:55] a kid yesterday that called me AMU I
[28:56] almost died
[28:58] he goes I'm I was like
[29:00] listen we got to have a talk later he's
[29:03] like 16 I was like you relax okay so I
[29:06] could still hit a jump shot in your face
[29:08] so so the the famous Story Goes and I'm
[29:11] not sure if it's an ethet or if it's
[29:12] just one of the you know like from the
[29:14] tabat just like something that was told
[29:16] was a father who had sweets and he gave
[29:19] his son each you know three kids one
[29:20] sweet one sweet one sweet said go and
[29:22] eat this where nobody can see you so the
[29:24] first son ran to the the the forest in
[29:26] their in their property and he went went
[29:28] deep into the forest he went when waited
[29:30] till it got dark and then he went and he
[29:31] ate it and he said okay I did it and
[29:35] then the second one went into the house
[29:36] and hid in the corner behind the Shelf
[29:38] this and that one he ate it and the
[29:40] third one just stood there with their
[29:41] dad with his dad the whole time so then
[29:43] finally they came back and then the dad
[29:45] said where did you eat it where did you
[29:47] eat it so I ate it in the forest no one
[29:49] was there oh wow good thinking I ate it
[29:51] in the house I was hiding in the dark oh
[29:53] good thinking and the third son said I
[29:55] didn't because you said no one and I
[29:57] know that Allah can always see me right
[29:59] which normally in a in a non-emotional
[30:02] setting we would all make fun of that
[30:03] kid and be like nerd right but that kid
[30:06] was was right that kid was right okay
[30:10] that if you try to think that there is
[30:12] any moment or time where nobody can see
[30:14] you you have to remember that Allah T is
[30:17] the one
[30:17] who's he can watch he is watching he
[30:20] knows but he's not watching like the
[30:23] paranoid security camera he's watching
[30:25] like the loving
[30:29] Allah is cheering you on in that moment
[30:33] he's cheering you on he wants to see you
[30:36] win he wants to see you succeed a lot of
[30:38] times Allah is framed as the one who's
[30:40] waiting to drop the hammer on us but why
[30:43] does Allah tell the angel on your
[30:45] shoulder here when you make a mistake
[30:47] Allah says don't write it the angel says
[30:49] why Allah says give them six hours for
[30:53] what for
[30:54] Toba it's interesting my teacher said
[30:57] why why would Allah do that cuz if you
[31:00] make Toba Allah will just erase the sin
[31:02] right yes or no and he said Allah does
[31:05] not even want the marks of an eraser on
[31:07] your book that's how much he's cheering
[31:09] for you he wants you to show up on the
[31:11] day of judgment with your book and
[31:13] there's no eraser marks there's nothing
[31:15] it's just Allah giving you Grace and
[31:17] time to come back so when you think of
[31:20] Allah watching you you can't think of
[31:21] Allah watching you like this audit like
[31:25] this really scary observation no this is
[31:27] the Allah who want wants you to win he
[31:29] wants you to do what's good okay so
[31:31] number one hold yourself back now it's
[31:35] interesting because one of the signs
[31:37] that you're succeeding in this one of
[31:40] the signs that you're succeeding in
[31:41] controlling your desires is that you can
[31:44] control your anger that you are the one
[31:47] and this is why Allah T in the Quran he
[31:56] mentions Allah promises Jenna for the
[31:59] one who is able to hold themselves back
[32:01] not the perfect person but the one who
[32:03] can hold themselves back and then he
[32:05] says anger intoxicates you like
[32:10] alcohol does anyone ever make a good
[32:12] decision when they're angry does anyone
[32:15] ever say something that they really are
[32:17] proud of in a moment of anger no now
[32:21] again everyone we're all thinking the
[32:23] same kind of anger right now I know we
[32:25] are in a moment of Perpetual anger for a
[32:28] specific reason and we'll get there but
[32:30] let us first cover the general before we
[32:32] get to the concession okay because
[32:34] righteous anger is different than anger
[32:36] there is such a thing as righteous anger
[32:38] but let's talk about anger first so he
[32:41] says anger is like its own intoxicant
[32:44] it's like a wine when a person drinks
[32:46] from the cup of anger it runs through
[32:50] their blood and causes them to make
[32:53] choices to say things and do things that
[32:55] fill them with nothing but regret
[32:58] with nothing but regret and just like
[33:00] alcohol has its own hangover so does
[33:03] anger the person who's angry and sends a
[33:06] text message The Hangover the after
[33:08] effect of that intoxication is what the
[33:11] next day when they have to see that
[33:12] person and they feel it the bitterness
[33:15] the sourness and they say in that moment
[33:18] most people if I were not upset I would
[33:21] have never said those words you know
[33:23] there are times where you let things
[33:25] flow off of your tongue or you T them
[33:28] and you wish you could pull them back
[33:31] with your words you can't I know with
[33:32] imessage now you can unsend but
[33:35] TBH the unsent message is more
[33:38] incriminating actually when you're in a
[33:40] thread with somebody and it just says
[33:41] ABD rman unsent a message that person's
[33:44] like what did you say they're like
[33:46] nothing they're like clearly you said
[33:47] something right come out with it you
[33:49] know so and then they have one iPad that
[33:52] they didn't
[33:53] update so they go to the iPad and they
[33:55] check it but the point being is once
[33:58] those things leave your lips or your
[33:59] thumbs you can't get them back and if we
[34:02] think that there's anything that can be
[34:05] as destructive as this IM M says you
[34:07] might be kidding yourself so he says
[34:09] hold yourself back from anger the
[34:11] prophet one of the companions came to
[34:13] him and he asked him please give me
[34:16] advice and the prophet repeatedly said
[34:18] to him do not become consumed with anger
[34:22] do not become overwhelmed with anger now
[34:25] everybody feels anger but don't let let
[34:27] your anger get the best of you you know
[34:29] sometimes they say don't be angry it's
[34:31] not always possible you're a human but
[34:33] do not become overwhelmed with it do not
[34:35] let it make your decisions for you don't
[34:38] let it speak on your behalf don't let it
[34:40] make your judgments for you let your
[34:43] anger settle if you have to imagine
[34:45] anger in your mind it is a dust storm
[34:47] you can't see clearly you have to wait
[34:49] until everything's calm and you have to
[34:51] give yourself that time this is why when
[34:54] the prophet Alam himself became upset
[34:58] in his home he retreated he took time
[35:03] away and he went to the roof of his
[35:06] house he climbed up to the upper level
[35:09] of his house and he spent time there by
[35:11] himself do you see what he did he
[35:14] protected himself not by isolating
[35:17] everybody he isolated what himself not
[35:20] because the prophet Alam was ever going
[35:22] to put someone in danger no but because
[35:25] he's modeling for us he's telling us
[35:27] when you get angry the correct response
[35:29] is not has nothing to do with other
[35:31] people it has to do with yourself how
[35:34] can you protect people from your
[35:37] words be
[35:42] quiet Allah the prophet says whoever
[35:46] believes in Allah in the last day say
[35:48] good or be quiet say something good or
[35:51] just be quiet a person will never regret
[35:53] what they didn't say but they will
[35:56] almost always regret what they had what
[35:57] they accidentally said so if you're
[35:59] angry keep your mouth closed if you're
[36:02] angry don't do anything don't make
[36:06] decisions don't make choices in a state
[36:09] of anger because IM M says it is like
[36:12] this for this reason he says when you
[36:14] feel yourself being overcome by anger
[36:17] the prophet Alam gave a few remedies I
[36:20] I'm smiling because I just taught this
[36:22] to my kids they're seven and five so
[36:25] heart work is applicable to un
[36:27] professionals and toddlers okay he said
[36:31] that the person should first say this
[36:33] phrase everyone say it with
[36:40] me because Shan is the one who leverages
[36:43] your anger against you shaan is that
[36:47] really shady person in your life that
[36:49] wants more drama that wants more damage
[36:53] Shan sees a fire here takes a stick
[36:56] lights that stick on fire and takes it
[36:58] over here to start another one so the
[37:00] prophet wasam said when you feel your
[37:03] anger erupting inside of you seek refuge
[37:05] in Allah from shaan because you'll see
[37:08] that shaan is coming and trying to cause
[37:11] these issues now the scholars say how do
[37:13] you know what thoughts you're having are
[37:14] Whispers from shaan versus from yourself
[37:17] I don't want anyone to leave this room
[37:20] saying I hear shaan whispering to
[37:23] me I cannot take professional or career
[37:26] responsibility if you say this at work
[37:28] okay but the scholars have given us an
[37:30] indication on how to know if the
[37:33] whispers are coming from within or from
[37:35] the outside and they say if the Whispers
[37:39] coming to you sound relatively familiar
[37:44] relatively normal right meaning let's
[37:47] say somebody left you out they didn't
[37:48] invite you somewhere okay oh heartbreak
[37:52] I get to sleep early how sad am I okay
[37:56] you start to feel upset what are some
[37:57] thoughts you might have oh see they
[37:59] always leave me out oh see they forgot
[38:01] about me they don't even like me blah
[38:03] blah blah blah okay that all comes from
[38:04] the inside all
[38:06] right The shanic Whispers the scholars
[38:09] say are things that are a little bit
[38:12] crazy you know like you know what
[38:15] they've been planning to do this without
[38:16] you for so long that's the shaitanic
[38:19] whisper the scholars say Shan why
[38:21] because he always tries to reach a
[38:23] little bit he always tries to push you a
[38:25] little bit further down the path like
[38:26] too quickly you know what I mean so when
[38:29] Shan gives you those like jumps don't
[38:31] take those jumps most people when they
[38:33] become consumed by their anger it's
[38:35] because they've taken the jump so then
[38:37] they call the friend and they say you
[38:38] didn't invite me yeah how long have you
[38:40] been planning this person's like wah it
[38:43] just came up today they're like you're
[38:44] lying no no it's because you were pushed
[38:48] right you were pushed So when you
[38:51] say don't think that it's going to
[38:53] magically disappear everything you still
[38:56] might have feelings of pain and fr
[38:57] frustration that's okay that's normal
[38:58] you're human but hopefully what it does
[39:01] is it reminds you that Shan is at play
[39:03] here and his goal is to make you come to
[39:06] the most absolutely like bizarre
[39:10] conclusion about why you're angry and
[39:12] how you should be angry and how those
[39:14] people deserve it okay the second thing
[39:16] he says is he mentions that a person
[39:18] should make wo a person should actually
[39:21] go over and make wo you know this is a a
[39:23] famous trick across many cultures go and
[39:26] go and throw some cold water on your
[39:27] face and a lot of times we think to we
[39:30] think to ourselves like oh this is not
[39:31] going to do anything yeah well try it I
[39:33] distinctly remember remember you I told
[39:35] you about my Egyptian mother over the
[39:37] top always a little bit too much right
[39:39] okay my love bless her I love her uh I
[39:41] love her a lot but she's a little bit
[39:42] too much sometimes but so so when we
[39:45] used to get angry at each other you know
[39:46] five siblings with five kids in my house
[39:48] we get angry we get upset we loved each
[39:50] other but we you know fight and stuff
[39:52] you know what she would do she wouldn't
[39:54] make us do she would give us
[39:57] she would take cold water and just dump
[39:59] it on our heads no matter where we were
[40:01] and it's interesting because now all of
[40:04] our anger was directed towards her you
[40:06] know she was able to unite the tribes
[40:08] you know In This Moment against her but
[40:11] truth be told even as a child even in my
[40:13] like you know pre-teens I remember these
[40:15] moments where that feeling was something
[40:18] that actually Subhan Allah extinguished
[40:20] the anger because anger is hot right
[40:23] it's a very very combustible feeling and
[40:26] so when you make W Subhan Allah
[40:28] theith mentions W because it's an
[40:30] extinguisher water cools you down right
[40:33] Allah also says in the
[40:36] Quran that Allah brings every living
[40:40] thing from water and anger then we can
[40:43] understand is something that leads you
[40:44] to a slow burning death spiritually
[40:47] kills your soul so when you make wo
[40:50] you're actually Reviving yourself you're
[40:52] giving yourself a reminder and at the
[40:54] end of it all you're reminding yourself
[40:56] of what you're REM of Allah when you say
[41:00] and you make you're reminding yourself
[41:02] of Allah subhanahu waala and so he says
[41:06] the prophet Alam he says in the Hadith
[41:08] verily anger is a charcoal is a lump of
[41:11] charcoal like an ember burning on the
[41:14] heart of the person and that's how it
[41:17] feels doesn't it he says do you not see
[41:19] the redness of the eyes the redness of
[41:22] the face and the veins on their head and
[41:24] their neck then the prophet he says
[41:28] anyone who senses these feelings should
[41:34] make make do and then if that doesn't
[41:36] work he said go and lay down go and lay
[41:40] down remove yourself from the situation
[41:43] altogether take yourself out of the
[41:45] situation and refrain from being a
[41:47] person who experiences anger there's one
[41:49] thing that we can say about anger I know
[41:50] that we're going to we're going to run
[41:52] out of time tonight there's one thing
[41:53] that we can say definiely about anger if
[41:55] a person can not control their anger
[41:58] they can never be close to Allah it's
[42:00] almost guaranteed it's almost guaranteed
[42:04] because that person's life will be
[42:05] filled with so much chaos internally and
[42:08] externally that they will constantly be
[42:12] erasing any spiritual gain that they
[42:14] make anything anger is the thing that
[42:17] leads to backbiting it's the thing that
[42:20] leads to jealousy it's the thing that
[42:22] leads to judgment it's the thing that
[42:23] leads to using bad language anger is
[42:26] that emotional
[42:27] okay now righteous anger the scholars
[42:31] actually talk about this and say that
[42:33] this is actually a good experience it's
[42:35] a good emotion to have when you see
[42:38] bombs dropping on innocent people you
[42:40] should be angry when you see that people
[42:43] are responsible for this and they don't
[42:45] care you should be angry when you see
[42:48] that oppression is happening you should
[42:50] be angry in fact the only time the
[42:53] prophet was known to get angry was when
[42:56] he saw aess
[42:58] there are times where he would have the
[43:01] Hadith would quote his vein was popping
[43:04] from his Temple and his face became red
[43:08] when he saw oppression Happening by the
[43:10] way on a small scale and a large
[43:12] scale there were times when somebody
[43:15] would make a racist comment towards
[43:16] another person in front of him and he
[43:18] Sall alhi wasallam would tell that
[43:20] person would raise his finger dude I
[43:23] can't even imagine Subhan Allah the
[43:24] feeling of the Prophet pointing at you
[43:27] and he
[43:31] says you are a person inside of you
[43:34] lives ignorance it's breeding inside of
[43:35] you how could you say that about
[43:37] somebody how could you make a racist
[43:38] comment about somebody think about how
[43:41] freely racism flows in society in the
[43:44] community think about the statements
[43:46] that are made think about the
[43:48] subcultures that are developed as a
[43:49] result of racist beliefs and now picture
[43:52] your Prophet my Prophet sallallahu
[43:54] alaihi wasallam saying this is ignorance
[43:57] this is ignorance the colorism the
[43:59] racism this is all from ignorance Islam
[44:01] came to destroy these shackles and so
[44:04] when somebody said it in front of him he
[44:06] became angry with them this is an
[44:08] example of righteous anger so take every
[44:11] moment of anger that you feel and
[44:14] categorize it as righteous or
[44:18] destructive and the last thing I'll say
[44:20] about this is that when you do get angry
[44:21] at something in life that's Petty when
[44:23] you do get upset at something in life
[44:25] that's Petty one way to distinguish and
[44:28] extinguish it from your life is to ask
[44:30] yourself is this really something that
[44:33] Allah would be proud of me for being
[44:34] angry about is there not something
[44:37] actually worth being upset about you I'm
[44:39] using all this energy because I'm upset
[44:41] that this person got in line before me
[44:43] right I'm using all this energy because
[44:44] I'm person that this person cut me off
[44:46] it's Dallas get used to it they just got
[44:48] done riding horses like 10 years ago
[44:50] okay they're still figuring out how to
[44:51] use turn signals they don't have turn
[44:52] signals on horses can you believe it so
[44:55] you get upset with these things people
[44:56] get so upset Subhan Allah and in that
[44:59] moment when you're upset ask yourself
[45:01] like is there not something more
[45:03] actually virtuous and actually more
[45:05] noble for me to dedicate my energy to or
[45:07] is this what it's going to be just for
[45:08] me just for myself right and sometimes
[45:12] Allah T sends those people and those
[45:14] moments to anger you to remind you that
[45:16] you're not all
[45:17] that sometimes Allah T will send you the
[45:19] person just to rub you the wrong way
[45:22] just so you'll know man I'm really not
[45:24] all that that's really not you know subh
[45:28] um we ask Allah T to give us we ask
[45:31] Allah to protect us and to make us those
[45:33] that are not consumed by the anger that
[45:34] we feel but rather we are guided and we
[45:37] feel the only good anger which is
[45:38] righteous anger anger for the sake of
[45:40] those that are being oppressed but we
[45:41] never feel anger for the sake of our own
[45:43] NS we ask Allah to extinguish the flame
[45:46] of Anger from us and give us the wisdom
[45:48] and the light of perspective and give us
[45:50] the flame of new of Illumination so that
[45:52] we can make good choices we ask Allah to
[45:54] protect our tongues from uttering things
[45:56] that could destroy us we ask Allah to
[45:58] protect us from making decisions in that
[45:59] state that could hurt us and our loved
[46:01] ones we ask Allah T to remove any anger
[46:03] any malice in the Heart from us or from
[46:06] others we ask Allah to give us the power
[46:08] to forgive grudges I'll share with you
[46:09] one Hadith and we'll go to Q&A there was
[46:11] a time where
[46:12] Abdullah was given a an opportunity to
[46:17] spend the night at the house of somebody
[46:19] who was told who was announced was a
[46:20] person from the people of Jenna so this
[46:23] person basically was given he was
[46:24] stamped as they say he was certified and
[46:27] and he uh he went to his house and he
[46:30] said you know I observed him and I have
[46:31] to be honest with you he said he's
[46:33] nothing
[46:34] special he goes you know I pray more
[46:36] than him I do more than him I'm confused
[46:38] why did the prophet wasam announce that
[46:40] he's you
[46:41] know and he said that on the last day I
[46:44] when I asked him you know the prophet
[46:46] Alam he said this about you that you're
[46:47] a person of Jenna and the man said what
[46:50] I think is probably the most frustrating
[46:52] thing he said I have no idea why the
[46:53] prophet would say that and then abdah
[46:56] started walking away and he said you
[46:57] know what this is I'm never going to
[46:59] figure it out this person's given Jenna
[47:00] and I don't even know why and the guy
[47:03] then called him back and said you know
[47:04] what there's one thing that I do that's
[47:06] special and he said this is the only
[47:09] this is the only thing I can think of
[47:11] That's Unique maybe he said every night
[47:13] when I go to sleep I ask Allah to remove
[47:15] The Grudge in my heart for anybody that
[47:18] I have just clean my heart get rid of
[47:21] that that stuff is toxic you know we
[47:23] talk about toxic toxic this tox that is
[47:25] actual toxicity
[47:27] you know giving people free rent in your
[47:29] heart it's not good business wah it's
[47:33] not there's a lot more noble things that
[47:36] you could love and think about than
[47:38] wondering why somebody did or said
[47:40] something last week last year last
[47:42] decade Just Let It Go W Just Let It Go
[47:46] your body the blood pressure the anxiety
[47:48] all of it it will thank you if you just
[47:51] learn to not be an angry person may
[47:52] Allah T give us this mean okay let's go
[47:55] ahead and go some Q&A and then we'll
[47:56] stop for prayer
[47:58] inshallah oh
[48:01] wow a marriage question this is
[48:05] crazy is this the right laptop okay
[48:08] so what is the most Halal way to get to
[48:11] know somebody without family involvement
[48:13] already wrong okay already off
[48:16] like I see you shaan I see you they try
[48:19] to sneak one in there all right
[48:24] okay what is the what is the I'm I'm so
[48:27] reckless right now what is the most
[48:29] Halal way to get to know somebody
[48:31] without family involvement for cultural
[48:33] reasons okay how long should one assess
[48:36] compatibility months or Years
[48:40] allahar Years wow okay so this is all my
[48:44] preference okay this is all my
[48:46] preference my preference is involve
[48:48] family if you can that's the default you
[48:51] have to you should not be avoiding
[48:54] family in this stuff okay now let's say
[48:58] that you have everybody always goesh but
[49:00] okay you're an exception you're an
[49:02] exception okay so if you have an
[49:05] exception then that doesn't mean that
[49:07] you're given a pass there has to be some
[49:10] arbitrator there has to be someone who
[49:12] is senior who is wise who's mature who's
[49:16] responsible who can facilitate
[49:18] conversation okay what I would recommend
[49:21] is someone of knowledge an Imam or a
[49:24] Sheikh or somebody that you trust that
[49:26] knows you that knows at least one of you
[49:28] very well I know it's not always
[49:30] possible for both parties to know this
[49:31] person one of you okay and this person
[49:34] has to be included in every
[49:38] correspondence okay because if the in
[49:40] the absence of family you're basically
[49:43] trying to facilitate an artificial
[49:46] protection which Allah has mandated
[49:48] through the well right the father of the
[49:50] girl and the family ultimately of the
[49:53] guy even though the family of the guy is
[49:54] not necessary per se but it's wise to
[49:56] include the family how long should one
[49:58] assess compatibility I believe I believe
[50:01] okay this is so interesting we're part
[50:03] of a generation that can't even stay at
[50:05] the same company for more than a year so
[50:08] I believe that if you don't know in 90
[50:10] days then it's a
[50:12] no three months if you don't know like
[50:16] if if you don't figure it out in 90 days
[50:18] whether or not this person is like
[50:19] actually who you want to marry and you
[50:21] want to take the conversation
[50:24] forward hit the button move
[50:27] all right move on okay that's but again
[50:30] that's not Shar let me give Clarity
[50:31] that's my opinion that's my because
[50:33] Sharia doesn't have a limit sh it's it's
[50:36] the scholars say it's within a reason so
[50:38] some for some people that reason might
[50:40] be shorter might be longer I know some
[50:41] people are like you got a week figure it
[50:43] out I think three months is Rel in in in
[50:45] a contained in a uh uh planned
[50:48] communication system is a reasonable
[50:50] amount of time for somebody to know 90
[50:52] days is a long time 90 days is a very
[50:54] long time by the way 90 days is the
[50:56] limit you should know before that right
[50:58] if you don't know before that can you
[51:00] imagine like do you want to do you want
[51:01] to sign for this apartment I don't know
[51:03] how long do you need uh 6 months at
[51:04] least to figure it out you you you pick
[51:07] an apartment right there like right then
[51:09] right go for
[51:12] it a friend and I are interested in
[51:14] marriage and okay Islam very important
[51:17] to both but recognize we need some more
[51:18] time to grow internally advice uh okay
[51:21] so this is actually a good
[51:24] question uh if you are interested in
[51:27] marrying somebody but both of you
[51:29] acknowledge that you need more time to
[51:30] grow then you need to immediately cease
[51:33] and
[51:39] desist everyone laughing is just telling
[51:41] on themselves like they're just like oh
[51:43] my god did you hear what he said we have
[51:45] to talk tonight right like
[51:47] okay you need to cease and assist you
[51:49] need no no I'm telling you here you
[51:51] ready for this in your continued
[51:54] relationship you might be depleting the
[51:57] blessing that you need to make it
[51:59] successful
[52:00] later in your continued relationship
[52:03] outside of what is islamically mandated
[52:07] you may be draining the Baka of what you
[52:10] might need later so you need Bara in
[52:12] your marriage you need it if you are
[52:15] engaging in
[52:17] premarital you know dating for 3 years
[52:21] that's not to say that it's guaranteed
[52:22] to be a failure but you might be right
[52:25] and the reason why and I'll give like
[52:27] there's the spiritual reasons but I'll
[52:28] give the psychological ones because we
[52:29] don't have a lot of time you you are
[52:31] entering into a stage of relationship
[52:33] where there is really no
[52:35] commitment like you're speaking to each
[52:37] other like you're married you're talking
[52:39] to each other like you want to get
[52:40] married you're sharing Secrets you're
[52:42] making plans you're sending each other
[52:43] Pinterest Boards of houses and interior
[52:45] design and wedding dresses and all that
[52:47] and then one day like he has to marry
[52:48] his cousin or something and you're like
[52:50] what you
[52:52] know or her dad just says like no like
[52:55] I'm sorry you know and and I'm that one
[52:58] definitely burned like some people are
[53:00] crying you're better than his cousin wah
[53:03] so no Allah knows best okay you might
[53:05] not be
[53:06] so but what I'll say is this okay what
[53:10] I'll say is
[53:12] this in that
[53:14] moment this is definitely next week's
[53:16] Real by the way uh in that moment you
[53:20] have put the weight and burden the
[53:22] weight you guys know what weight is you
[53:24] have put the weight and burden of
[53:26] something that only marriage can handle
[53:28] on what is not
[53:30] marriage does that make sense would you
[53:32] ever put something heavy on something
[53:33] that can't handle it so then something
[53:36] breaks your relationship you say why
[53:37] because you weren't married Habibi you
[53:39] weren't married oh but we loved each
[53:41] other love is not enough you need
[53:43] commitment you need commitment
[53:45] commitment is when you look the person
[53:47] you in the eye and you say we're not
[53:50] ending this all right I told my wife on
[53:52] our wedding day there's no such thing as
[53:54] divorce she's like there is I said
[53:59] no because at the the the the early
[54:03] ejection is way too
[54:05] quick okay so don't put the burden of a
[54:08] relationship that is meant to only be
[54:10] sustained and kept by a marriage a union
[54:13] on something that is not marriage okay
[54:16] may Allah give us um how do we deal with
[54:19] angry people oh that's a really good
[54:21] question Subhan Allah let's let's start
[54:23] next week with that one inshallah okay
[54:24] because now we have is prayer we're
[54:25] gonna end
[54:27] everybody if you can just leave the
[54:28] chairs where they are inshallah our
[54:29] staff will handle after but for the
[54:31] backjacks if you can put it up on the
[54:32] front I appreciate it I do have to head
[54:35] to theah because I can't miss is so I
[54:37] appreciate you letting me head over
[54:39] there without questions
[55:17] came
[55:26] that's

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