# Heartwork: Guided Steps to the Path of Allah | Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy | Class 17

An episode of [Heartwork | Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1747587869), 1 Oct 2024, 1 h 08 min.

Audio: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/cznvljns8wm1ybvo/yt_video_cQ4zZkrmxPU.mp3

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## Transcript

[0:00] e
[0:35] ready okay all right
[0:44] Alum welcome home everybody it's good to
[0:46] see you
[0:50] alhamdulillah welcome back for those of
[0:52] you uh who are regulars welcome back
[0:55] those it's your first time welcome
[0:57] welcome alhamdulillah including this
[0:58] chair that I'm sitting on first time
[1:01] alhamdulillah just praying is not going
[1:02] to break
[1:04] inshallah um
[1:06] alhamdulillah we are um so tonight's
[1:09] session is uh I would say a little bit
[1:13] more heavy than some of the other
[1:16] sessions they've all been obviously very
[1:18] substantial and substantive but um
[1:21] tonight he's going to be speaking about
[1:24] um topics that are a little bit more
[1:26] heavy one of that being death and I
[1:28] think a lot of times when we frame the
[1:30] conversations
[1:31] around um death you know we we frame
[1:35] them in a way that's um maybe
[1:37] demoralizing or maybe it can be heavy
[1:40] without any sort of purpose but this is
[1:42] heavy in the same way that a person um
[1:45] lifts weights all right and the
[1:47] heaviness of lifting weights ultimately
[1:49] has benefit has tangible benefit and so
[1:52] he's going to provide us this
[1:53] conversation in Charlotte I'm just
[1:54] letting you know now just so everyone
[1:55] can prepare themselves I know that you
[1:57] know maybe some people in here are
[2:00] experiencing um you know in their own
[2:02] life the loss of a loved one or the loss
[2:04] of loved ones uh maybe more closely than
[2:07] than others and so just wanted to
[2:08] prepare you for that inshallah but it's
[2:10] going to be inshallah a good
[2:12] conversation it's a motivational
[2:13] conversation and when you look at the
[2:15] conversations about death you find that
[2:17] in the Quran and the Hadith and in the
[2:20] words of the scholars they always frame
[2:22] it in a motivational way meaning you
[2:25] know to use the reminder of death in
[2:27] order to remind somebody to do what they
[2:29] can inshallah to make the most of their
[2:31] life okay but before we get there we're
[2:33] going to continue inshallah with this
[2:35] section that we ended on so we we
[2:37] concluded last week with the section on
[2:40] how he was giving the imperative of
[2:43] being a thankful person
[2:46] yeah what
[2:50] up okay you have the license
[2:54] plate yeah do you have a license plate
[2:57] number or no yeah no this is important
[2:59] this is a a big deal for
[3:02] us Prius 6225 v50 we've officially
[3:06] become a Muslim
[3:07] organization I'm just so proud and
[3:09] honored that we had a a parking lot
[3:12] announcement I feel like we just reached
[3:15] Islamic organization puberty like we
[3:16] just was a major Milestone right we're
[3:19] now an adult Islamic
[3:21] organization so that's your Prius she's
[3:24] just looking out for you so that you
[3:25] don't drain your battery um inshallah so
[3:28] if that's yours get up not now because
[3:31] then we'll know it's you wait for 30
[3:33] seconds look at the coffee shop walk
[3:35] over there walk back and then when you
[3:37] leave we'll know that you know maybe it
[3:39] wasn't you okay all
[3:41] right appreciate it so he ended we ended
[3:46] last week reading the section on the
[3:48] importance of giving
[3:50] thanks and
[3:52] how it's easy for a person to be
[3:55] thankful uh well I take that back let me
[3:57] let me let's reframe this whole
[3:58] conversation
[4:00] we have times where it's easier for us
[4:03] to be thankful and we have times where
[4:05] it's challenging for us to be thankful
[4:08] um it's not always easy to be thankful
[4:10] when times are good sometimes when Allah
[4:12] T provides us with moments of blessing
[4:15] we become uh forgetful right so it is
[4:19] easy to be thankful in times of good but
[4:21] it's also easy for a person to neglect
[4:23] that gratitude and that that that
[4:25] thankfulness to Allah T so I don't want
[4:27] to assume that it's just easy for all of
[4:29] us because I know that it's challenging
[4:31] right um but at the same time it's also
[4:34] difficult to be thankful in some moments
[4:37] that are challenging that are difficult
[4:39] it's hard to find the silver lining and
[4:41] to be somebody that can identify you
[4:43] know the good in the bad right the good
[4:46] in the moments of of difficulty and so
[4:50] he began this section by saying the
[4:53] Arabic verb
[4:56] is that be consistent and be constant in
[5:01] your gratitude and this is not to say by
[5:06] any stretch or any means that you don't
[5:09] have any moments in your life that are
[5:11] difficult in fact if a person didn't
[5:15] have any difficult moments then
[5:18] gratitude would be a lot more
[5:20] challenging it's the difficult moments
[5:23] that makes gratitude more meaningful
[5:26] more sweet when a person is grateful for
[5:28] the things that Allah has given them
[5:30] they're constantly referring back to the
[5:33] times that they were challenged and
[5:34] tested when Allah relieves somebody from
[5:37] a difficulty right when when somebody is
[5:39] thirsty and they have a sip of water
[5:41] when someone's hungry and they have a
[5:43] bite of food right all of these are
[5:45] moments in which Allah has relieved the
[5:48] distress of somebody and in that relief
[5:50] you find gratitude okay so he says be a
[5:54] person that is consistent in your
[5:56] gratitude this is one of the paths of
[5:58] spirituality you know a lot of times we
[6:00] think spirituality is limited to certain
[6:02] things but if we look at it holistically
[6:05] we find that if we make these small
[6:07] shifts in our worldview how we see
[6:10] things and now you'll find on on
[6:12] Instagram right the influencer culture
[6:15] they're talking about you know
[6:16] mindfulness and
[6:18] gratitude and being
[6:20] present and I have to say it in this
[6:22] voice this is my mocking voice right and
[6:26] the reality is that the prophet taught
[6:28] us this 1,4 years ago you know the
[6:31] scholars mentioned this as being a
[6:33] necessary practice for a healthy heart
[6:36] over a thousand years ago and right now
[6:39] is when the Western world is discovering
[6:42] the importance of mindfulness and the
[6:44] importance of gratitude you know and The
[6:47] Importance of Being a person with a a
[6:49] positive mindset a growth mindset these
[6:51] are all things you know what growth
[6:53] mindset is in Islam we've been saying it
[6:56] since we were kids
[6:57] inshallah inshallah is growth mindset
[7:00] inshallah is the idea that I hope to I
[7:03] aspire to do this if Allah gives me the
[7:06] ability right and you're removing all of
[7:08] the onus and all the responsibility from
[7:10] yourself you know and and you know on
[7:13] Monday last Monday my son was having a
[7:15] lot of trouble memorizing Quran and he
[7:18] kept talk you know calling himself like
[7:20] like really you know I'm dumb I'm this
[7:22] I'm that he was being really harsh them
[7:24] so my wife when I actually was right
[7:26] before heart work so I was trying to
[7:28] like calm him down
[7:30] and he's a big kid he's actually as tall
[7:32] as my wife uh this not a joke he's seven
[7:35] and he's as tall as my wife who's
[7:37] 35 actually can I tell you a funny story
[7:40] so I bought him shoes and I wanted to
[7:42] buy all of us the same pair of shoes as
[7:44] a family I know I'm
[7:45] adorable and I wanted to buy all of us
[7:48] the same pair of shoes so I got myself
[7:50] my my my daughter Iman my son Musa and
[7:53] then I couldn't find the my wife's size
[7:56] so then I was like oh hold up my my wife
[7:59] and my son wear the same size
[8:01] shoes like maybe half a size off so then
[8:05] I just went and alhamdulillah it was
[8:06] like half off than the adult version
[8:09] right so if I were to find like the
[8:11] women's version of this basketball is a
[8:12] basketball shoe if I were to find the
[8:14] women's version of this I'm paying crazy
[8:16] money but now for the rest of her life
[8:18] Mahine is going to have to buy
[8:19] children's shoes CU I just unlocked this
[8:22] crazy savings right
[8:24] alhamdulillah but so he was having a
[8:26] tough time and he was basically being
[8:27] down on himself so my wife m
[8:30] she's a genius she was like look let's
[8:31] talk about this growth mindset and she
[8:34] discussed this with him and part of
[8:36] growth mindset which really unlocked a
[8:38] lot of his anxiety and it really took
[8:40] away a lot of his his self-deprecation
[8:42] that a lot of us might feel was
[8:45] gratitude being grateful for what you
[8:47] have and being grateful for even the
[8:49] things that you don't have because for
[8:51] one thing you don't have Allah has given
[8:53] you millions of other things and how
[8:56] callous is it how how hurtful how rude
[9:00] imagine that you made an entire dinner
[9:02] for somebody and you spent all day
[9:04] cooking it preparing it and you made so
[9:07] many different things and you're so
[9:08] excited and they come and they say oh
[9:10] you don't have soup and they pointed out
[9:13] the one thing that you didn't make like
[9:15] how offensive would that be and now
[9:18] translate that
[9:19] example Allah's example is infinitely
[9:22] greater think about how we do that with
[9:23] Allah Allah gives us a through z and we
[9:28] show up and we're like where's the
[9:29] apostrophe you know we get upset about
[9:32] the smallest thing instead of realizing
[9:34] that we are like overwhelmed with
[9:37] blessings right so being grateful is one
[9:40] of the keys of this success now what's
[9:42] one of the things that makes gratitude
[9:45] easier this is the next section that he
[9:48] goes into there's a practice that is
[9:52] very very helpful and very healthy
[9:55] optimism right the practice of being
[9:57] optimistic you and Arabic sometimes they
[10:00] call it
[10:01] like okay or hope or having good
[10:05] expectations from Allah subhana tala
[10:07] this is actually by the way a good good
[10:09] thing to be a good person has optimism
[10:12] okay but optimism has a really really
[10:15] ugly cousin don't think about your ugly
[10:17] cousin right now that's not nice
[10:19] optimism has a very ugly cousin and that
[10:22] ugly cousin is
[10:24] called in Arabic it's the translation
[10:27] is unrealistic IC or lofty lofty
[10:33] expectations like the person effectively
[10:36] is what is hoping for Hope is not bad
[10:39] but hoping for and expecting things
[10:43] without the preconditions that are
[10:45] required which is first and foremost of
[10:48] course believing having good intention
[10:50] believing that everything is from Allah
[10:52] that's number one number two putting
[10:54] forth the effort
[10:56] yourself many of us have aspirations
[10:59] hopes but we don't put forth the effort
[11:02] and then when we don't realize the hopes
[11:04] that we have we get upset but who's to
[11:07] blame who's to blame if we hope for
[11:09] something and then don't put any work in
[11:11] it's not Allah you know and this is
[11:14] something that I want to be very very
[11:16] intentional about saying
[11:18] tonight many of our generation okay you
[11:22] know mid 20s early 30s and so we have
[11:26] this really really horrific habit of
[11:28] blaming Allah for our
[11:31] problems like oh Allah didn't give me
[11:33] this it's like you woke up at 11:00 a.m.
[11:36] what do you mean he didn't give you this
[11:40] right the reality is that Allah gave you
[11:43] all of the toolbox that you needed to
[11:45] accomplish something but then that's not
[11:47] enough you know it's the equivalent of
[11:49] Us opening the fridge and saying there's
[11:51] nothing to eat what do you mean there's
[11:52] all the ingredients necessary just put
[11:54] it together but when we say there's
[11:56] nothing to eat what we're actually
[11:57] saying is I'm too lazy to put together
[11:59] all these things to eat something right
[12:02] so is when a person has those
[12:05] expectations they project it onto Allah
[12:08] they they don't put forth the effort
[12:11] themselves and then they come to a point
[12:13] of desperation or a point of
[12:15] disappointment in realizing or in
[12:17] feeling this distance and saying you
[12:19] know what Allah didn't give me this
[12:20] that's
[12:21] called now if a person struggles with
[12:23] lofty expectations it's almost
[12:25] impossible for them to be grateful so
[12:28] that's why he puts these two things
[12:29] together he said be grateful as much as
[12:31] you can force yourself into a state of
[12:34] gratitude find the lemonade amongst the
[12:37] lemons be that person that will always
[12:40] and again you you know you have to be
[12:42] smart about this you you don't want to
[12:44] necessarily even this isn't about you
[12:46] being the positive person in the group
[12:48] because sometimes your timeline and
[12:50] other people's timelines are not the
[12:52] same if somebody is going through it and
[12:54] processing that's not the time for you
[12:56] to be like well I went to this lecture
[12:58] and I know that you're sad but you need
[13:00] to find positivity right now that person
[13:03] is like leave me alone you know that's
[13:06] it's not about putting it on other
[13:07] people it's about what being grateful
[13:09] yourself yourself you can only control
[13:12] yourself so he couples that conversation
[13:15] that topic that subject in his text he
[13:18] couples it with you can only be grateful
[13:21] if you don't have
[13:23] unrealistic and lofty expectations that
[13:26] you do not work hard for
[13:29] okay so he says and he continues here
[13:34] one of the expectations that we have and
[13:36] this is an important one he says do not
[13:37] expect to live a long
[13:39] time you know everyone in this room
[13:41] right now has visions of their future
[13:46] they have ideas and hopes and dreams of
[13:48] what they want to become right what they
[13:51] want to what they want to accomplish
[13:53] right when it comes to their personal
[13:55] aspirations their family their
[13:57] professional aspirations
[13:59] right the religious aspirations all of
[14:01] these things now what happens is when we
[14:05] when we become too accustomed to this we
[14:09] actually start to give
[14:10] ourselves an
[14:12] uncomfortable concession of time we say
[14:15] you know what I can always do it later I
[14:17] can always do it at this point I can
[14:19] always finish it when the time comes but
[14:22] the scholars always say what that don't
[14:25] ever put off until tomorrow what you can
[14:27] do today don't ever put off what you
[14:30] have the ability to accomplish right now
[14:33] don't put it off till later because
[14:34] you're not sure that Allah will ever
[14:37] give you the ability to do that
[14:40] thing and many of us ask the question
[14:43] like why do bad things happen like why
[14:45] do we get sick and why do we get injured
[14:47] and why do these tests happen and one of
[14:49] my teachers Subhan Allah he said to me
[14:51] this is
[14:52] actually right after I tore my ACL the
[14:54] first time I tore my my my left ACL like
[14:57] 10 years ago um um he said to me and
[15:00] this is probably you remember I talked
[15:02] about not being too quick with it he was
[15:04] too quick with it for
[15:05] sure so when you tear your ACL when you
[15:08] have like a knee injury or a back injury
[15:10] one of the things that you can't do is
[15:12] you can't pray normally you have to pray
[15:15] in a chair okay and for anyone here
[15:19] who's ever done that after being able to
[15:22] pray normally for the majority of your
[15:24] life it's a really really weird feeling
[15:27] you almost feel like you're like this
[15:30] isn't this isn't uh uh really hitting me
[15:33] as hard as it is and and Subhan Allah it
[15:35] was during the month of Ramadan and so
[15:37] you know during T I'm sitting there and
[15:40] it's like all of these healthy people
[15:43] with two
[15:44] acl's you just see the world in acl's at
[15:46] some point you're like
[15:48] wow mallah may Allah protect
[15:51] them and I'm looking at this
[15:54] audience this Jama this congregation and
[15:57] then it's just me in a chair with like
[15:59] four uncles who are
[16:01] asleep and I'm sitting here and I'm like
[16:04] man and and Subhan Allah they're
[16:06] actually came a moment I'm not even
[16:08] exaggerating I'm just being open and
[16:10] vulnerable there was a moment where I
[16:11] was crying because I missed
[16:15] SJ like it just felt so weird finishing
[16:18] prayer and being
[16:20] like and and your head didn't touch the
[16:23] ground you know it's my favorite place
[16:25] to make Dua whenever I feel like my Dua
[16:27] can't focus I just go into SDA I take
[16:29] away all the distractions my face is on
[16:31] the ground the Hadith says it's when
[16:33] you're closest to Allah so I put myself
[16:35] in and for a year I couldn't do that
[16:37] well I could but then I wouldn't be able
[16:39] to get back up without like a lot of
[16:40] people helping me and that's not
[16:42] practical right so in that moment I
[16:46] remember making Dua to Allah I remember
[16:50] being like Oh
[16:51] Allah please just give me back my
[16:55] SDA I don't even want to play basketball
[16:57] anymore I don't I don't want to do
[17:00] anything that I I have no aspirations
[17:02] for anything that is the cause of my
[17:04] injury I just want to go back to praying
[17:07] you know then you fast forward and I
[17:09] remember that draw was very sincere by
[17:11] the way I wasn't making it like an you
[17:13] know public it was just I was really
[17:14] really
[17:15] sad and my teacher said that sometimes
[17:18] Allah does these things he takes away
[17:20] certain abilities so that you can miss
[17:22] them and in missing them you realize how
[17:26] valuable they are and that was true but
[17:29] we're human so what happens you do the
[17:31] rehab you do the physical therapy you
[17:33] get back you're praying
[17:34] normally and then you start to miss your
[17:37] prayers and the very same behavior that
[17:39] you were like really heartbroken about
[17:42] you went from longing for it like you
[17:45] long for like a sweet
[17:47] dessert and now you see it as because
[17:51] what your life got busy again you see it
[17:53] as a
[17:54] burden and this is the nature again of
[17:56] human beings now why why do we see these
[18:00] things turn into like burdens and
[18:02] difficult moments is because we have
[18:04] lofty expectations I think that I'm
[18:07] going to be able to make it I think that
[18:08] I'm going to pray later but this is why
[18:11] when the prophet Alam would stand up and
[18:13] lead the jam he would actually say what
[18:14] he would say pray this
[18:17] prayer as if it's your last one and I
[18:21] know that it sounds like a cliche thing
[18:24] you know pray this prayers if it's your
[18:25] last and some guy's like come on man
[18:27] don't be so dramatic
[18:29] but Subhan Allah for some people like
[18:31] when they pray that was their last
[18:33] prayer they didn't know when it was and
[18:35] it's not about you imagining during that
[18:39] Salah your untimely death that's not
[18:42] what it's about it's about you
[18:43] understanding that if I give this prayer
[18:46] my focus I'm not going to have any
[18:48] regrets when I finish it I'm not going
[18:51] to forget which raka I'm in do I have Wu
[18:54] or not you know some of us spend the
[18:55] first three Ras trying to remember if we
[18:57] have Wu
[18:59] and then we spend the fourth Ruck out
[19:00] trying to figure out what Ruck out we're
[19:01] in and then we finish the prayer we're
[19:03] like praying is not so hard right you
[19:06] know Subhan Allah that's not the kind of
[19:09] prayer that I want to finish with
[19:10] because you imagine that's your last
[19:11] prayer that's that's not what I want to
[19:12] finish with so he says don't have lofty
[19:15] expectations don't expect to live a long
[19:16] time the prophet Alam only lived till
[19:19] 63 when someone passes at
[19:23] 63 we now in the era of like modern
[19:27] medicine we say things like
[19:29] wow
[19:30] young but that's how long he lived there
[19:34] was a doctor in Knoxville Tennessee
[19:35] where I used to live and he said he he
[19:37] was 65 and he said you know people
[19:40] wished him a happy birthday on his 65th
[19:42] birthday and he said I don't care
[19:43] anymore 63 was all I expected everything
[19:46] after that is a bonus that was his
[19:48] mindset you know our Prophet lived till
[19:50] this number peace be upon him I don't
[19:52] expect anything more than
[19:54] that it's not about being sadistic and
[19:57] dark someone says happy birthday and
[19:59] you're like birthdays are Haram that's
[20:01] not they're not by the way but that's
[20:03] not the
[20:04] point but they're
[20:06] not the point is that if you understand
[20:10] every moment as being valuable you will
[20:13] live that moment and have minimal
[20:16] regrets he says do not expect to live a
[20:18] long time he says on that basis if you
[20:22] live thinking that you have forever
[20:24] you're going to be very bad at getting
[20:26] things done you're going to
[20:27] procrastinate and he says for example
[20:30] I'll go to Hajj when I'm 50 years old
[20:32] I'll go to Hajj later you know somebody
[20:34] might say like oh I'll do this I'll
[20:36] start praying
[20:37] later I'll start dressing a certain way
[20:40] later I'll get married I'll date for a
[20:43] little bit now but I'll get married
[20:44] later right when I'm
[20:46] serious all of those lers are
[20:49] manifestation of this
[20:51] disease right don't put off till
[20:53] tomorrow what you have the ability to do
[20:55] today and so he says no one one is
[20:59] Promised anything and a person who
[21:01] believes that they have this promised is
[21:03] delusional they are
[21:05] delusional so then he says cut short all
[21:09] of your expectations in this world that
[21:12] will instantly make your relationships
[21:14] better you know how many times have you
[21:17] experienced the loss of a loved one a
[21:18] friend or a family member and you
[21:20] instantly try to think of the last time
[21:22] you talk to
[21:23] them and you realize that you didn't
[21:26] speak to them as regularly as you should
[21:28] have have and you have this immense
[21:32] regret I should have I should have
[21:34] called them more I should have texted
[21:37] them more now there there's an element
[21:38] of that that's just reality you can't
[21:41] constantly be on the phone with somebody
[21:44] but on the other side of the spectrum
[21:46] there's also an element of this which is
[21:49] solved by a person not thinking that
[21:51] they have forever I saw the most
[21:54] heartbreaking but very true Subhan Allah
[21:57] realization
[21:59] you know a lot of us especially as you
[22:00] get older and I don't know how old what
[22:02] the average age in here but I'm 36 so
[22:05] you can measure yourself based off me I
[22:07] guess when you get to my
[22:09] age you start to
[22:12] see the
[22:14] signs of weakness in your
[22:18] parents you know the Quran describes as
[22:21] when you were born you were weak and
[22:22] then you became strong and then you
[22:24] returned back to weakness and that's the
[22:26] timeline Allah gives people in the Quran
[22:29] weak strong weak
[22:30] again so you start to see like you know
[22:34] my mom's Egyptian so Egyptian women you
[22:37] guys saw that you know yeah Obama
[22:39] Egyptian women you guys saw that we out
[22:41] Egyptian women so my mom's an Egyptian
[22:44] woman very strong very strong everything
[22:48] strong
[22:49] opinions strong voice strong
[22:52] hands sorry CPS all right okay so
[22:58] I say that I turned out okay but did I
[23:00] okay so
[23:01] anyways my mom used to Subhan Allah when
[23:03] she wanted us to like stop playing video
[23:06] games there's a very easy solution when
[23:09] we're kids but my mom was not the most
[23:12] like
[23:13] technologically like she you know these
[23:15] things are all new right she she's
[23:17] incredibly smart mallah but like the the
[23:20] mechanics of a Sony PlayStation to her
[23:22] are not the same as what she knew what
[23:24] she studied so there's a very easy way
[23:26] for a person when they leaving the house
[23:29] to like make sure their kids don't play
[23:31] video games you take the controllers
[23:33] right or you take like the power cables
[23:35] or the games take the games the the
[23:38] discs my mom would take the
[23:43] TV my mom would unplug and and for all
[23:46] of us for those of us who are under 30
[23:49] maybe a TV in your life has always been
[23:53] like what you see on the walls here like
[23:54] this really thin like 16 lbs no we're
[23:58] talking about speaking of Egyptian these
[24:01] things were like pyramids they were they
[24:03] were tubes that had a deep they were
[24:06] like 3 feet long right they were massive
[24:10] I mean it was like your couch was
[24:11] smaller than the television
[24:14] okay and she would literally pick it up
[24:17] if she worked on the weekends because
[24:18] she was a nutritionist at a hospital if
[24:21] she worked on Friday or on Saturdays and
[24:23] Sundays she would literally take it in
[24:25] her car and she would put it in her
[24:26] trunk
[24:28] and my brother and I were like both
[24:30] devastated but just honestly
[24:33] impressed you know you have to give
[24:35] props where props are due
[24:38] right so you need to imagine my
[24:41] framework when I think of my mom my mom
[24:44] is the woman who before feder would lift
[24:47] up a television and put it in the trunk
[24:48] of her
[24:49] Minivan and then go to work and she went
[24:52] to work at 7:00 so we'd wake up with
[24:54] like
[24:57] heartbreak and then you know you fast
[24:59] forward right you you you so that was
[25:01] like high school and then college and
[25:04] then like you get a job and you go and
[25:06] you're like chasing life right so you're
[25:07] like in your 20s and you're like it's
[25:09] all about me you know I got to find a
[25:11] job I got to do this do this this
[25:13] this and then you you know I move and
[25:16] you're my mom is like yeah move like you
[25:18] know she's happy not like yeah move
[25:20] she's like no no no please like you know
[25:23] be successful like I'm making Dua for
[25:24] you Habi etc etc like hiding her own
[25:27] pain right
[25:28] so then you plan your visits and you go
[25:30] back and visit your parents and you try
[25:31] to see them and you try to like as much
[25:34] as you can and you pick up on these
[25:35] things you know the same woman that
[25:37] could lift this
[25:38] television I saw her struggling to carry
[25:41] a gallon of
[25:43] milk
[25:48] right and so you realize like in your
[25:54] eyes those 15 years flew by from high
[25:58] school
[26:00] college you know master's degree Etc
[26:02] they were like so
[26:04] fast but the the the the degradation of
[26:09] strength was hidden from you and then
[26:11] bam it just hits you right so I saw this
[26:15] this post that I thought was really
[26:17] crazy which is that when your parents
[26:19] get
[26:20] older you start to think about like oh I
[26:22] have 20 years left with them you know
[26:24] you do the math you're guessing like oh
[26:26] they're 40 they're 50 hopefully I have
[26:28] years left but then if you only visit
[26:30] them like once a year twice a year three
[26:32] times a year you actually don't have 20
[26:33] years left with them you only have 20
[26:36] visits and then you go and visit them
[26:38] and this was a post that was for the
[26:40] general public you know where like most
[26:41] people see their parents on Thanksgiving
[26:44] and that's it when I say people I don't
[26:45] mean from the umah hopefully but we are
[26:48] a product of our
[26:50] environment and so you even if you see
[26:52] your parents four times a year like you
[26:54] only have 80 more meals with them 80
[26:57] more visits and and you start to count
[27:00] and realize like I went recently with my
[27:02] kids and I did the math and I thought
[27:04] Subhan Allah if my mom has this many
[27:07] years left and I see her this many times
[27:09] a year I only have this many visits and
[27:11] it hit me so
[27:13] heavily
[27:16] so it affects
[27:19] you across even yourself Subhan
[27:22] Allah and you have to realize like I
[27:25] don't have this much time with this
[27:27] person right I don't have this much time
[27:30] with these people I don't have this much
[27:31] time Etc even with
[27:34] myself and then ultimately when your
[27:36] soul leaves your body that's when the
[27:39] realest of realizations
[27:41] happens you know I I I was planning on
[27:44] praying like imagine this when the angel
[27:47] of death comes and takes your soul may
[27:48] Allah make it a good taking for us will
[27:51] you have prayed the prayer that was in
[27:54] the
[27:55] W will you have performed the that was
[27:58] in that time or as a result of delaying
[28:01] the prayers will you have been taken in
[28:03] a moment where you didn't
[28:05] pray let's say your death was written
[28:07] for or for nighttime after a let's say
[28:11] your death was written for that time
[28:13] will you have performed Isa before or do
[28:16] you have this habit of putting things
[28:18] off when it comes to Allah till the last
[28:20] minute and so when the angel comes is
[28:23] your request going to be no no no please
[28:26] give me 5 minutes I'm just going to pray
[28:27] and then you can can take me or is the
[28:30] thought going to be alhamdulillah that I
[28:32] prayed and I'm meeting Allah in a state
[28:34] where I completed the last prayer that
[28:36] was upon me I completed it so is a very
[28:41] very sophisticated and a very subtle
[28:44] disease of the heart and he says if you
[28:46] want to be grateful to Allah and be
[28:49] purposeful with him you conquer
[28:52] this this is why the Dua that we recite
[28:55] when we wake up in the morning is what
[29:06] translates to all praise and thanks be
[29:09] to the one who gave us life after he
[29:12] caused us to die and to him is
[29:16] our return you realize when you wake up
[29:20] that that was the rehearsal of
[29:22] death when you sleep at night there's no
[29:25] guarantee that you will wake up the next
[29:27] morning as dramatic as that sounds there
[29:29] isn't sleep is the ultimate trust
[29:32] exercise with Allah you have no
[29:35] clue and when you wake up the Dua from
[29:38] the Sun of the Prophet peace be upon him
[29:40] is to thank Allah for restoring the
[29:42] Hadith actually says this is crazy not
[29:45] crazy in a derogatory way but this is
[29:48] incredible when a person falls asleep
[29:51] their soul actually is lifted from their
[29:53] body
[29:54] temporarily and it hovers and then when
[29:57] it's time for them them to come back
[29:58] their soul is put back into their
[30:00] body right and there there's a
[30:02] conversation about that's where dreams
[30:04] come from because the the souls have a
[30:07] different experience than the bodies do
[30:09] but anyways the point being is every
[30:11] night when you fall asleep remember that
[30:14] that this is just a dress rehearsal for
[30:15] the eventual
[30:17] end and so when you go to sleep at night
[30:19] if you haven't prayed Isha yet remember
[30:21] that if you
[30:24] haven't communicated with your loved
[30:26] ones at least a simple text message I
[30:29] love you right I hope to see you soon if
[30:34] you haven't squash all your
[30:37] grudges all of your petty fights and
[30:40] arguments that you have think go through
[30:42] your head this is
[30:43] spirituality spirituality is when your
[30:46] head hits the pillow you have nothing
[30:47] heavy in your heart that's a spiritual
[30:51] person they have completed their
[30:53] responsibilities they've remembered
[30:54] Allah and they've put Allah first not
[30:57] themselves Allah
[30:58] I'm not going to have this dumb fight
[31:00] with this person that's hanging over me
[31:03] like a raincloud I'm not going to die in
[31:06] this state because I don't want to take
[31:07] this to the day of
[31:09] judgment I want to just finish it here I
[31:11] want to resolve this here may Allah T
[31:14] give us a good
[31:15] ending and as a result of this he
[31:20] says the next line is that one of the
[31:23] things that a person should do and and
[31:26] and is it's Rec recommended to do from
[31:28] the
[31:29] prophet is actually visit make it a
[31:33] habit to visit the graveyards or the
[31:36] resting places of The Departed beloved
[31:40] people that we have to go and visit the
[31:44] graves of
[31:45] people now I know that there's some
[31:49] like there's some Superstition for sure
[31:52] right um there's some there's some
[31:55] question even in Shar about like women
[31:58] visiting Graves so I'm going to clear
[31:59] this up one time okay the practice of
[32:04] visiting Graves without a doubt is a sun
[32:07] of the
[32:08] Prophet without a doubt in fact he would
[32:10] do it on Fridays of of of all days you
[32:14] know jum is like a happy day right jum
[32:17] you're like oh J and then go get some
[32:19] like some lunch and then you know it's
[32:20] kind of like the end of a week for us
[32:22] and so but he would go in the morning on
[32:25] Fridays and he would go to B which is
[32:27] the gravest in Medina it was right close
[32:29] to his house like 300 yards away and he
[32:32] would visit and he would go and make Dua
[32:34] for those who had passed away and the
[32:36] Dua when you visit the grave is actually
[32:38] even more
[32:40] amazing you know you you greet them as
[32:43] if they're still alive because you
[32:45] understand that in that moment they can
[32:47] actually perceive what you're
[32:52] saying right peace be upon you oh
[32:55] inhabitants of this abode
[33:00] right you were the ones who went ahead
[33:03] and we're just coming after you like
[33:05] we're right behind
[33:11] you we ask Allah for his pardon so when
[33:14] a person visits the grave listen to this
[33:17] the Dua is the exact mindset that we
[33:19] should have not only in that moment but
[33:21] in life number one is that the people in
[33:24] the grave are not so different from you
[33:27] the only difference is that your body is
[33:29] still
[33:30] working but their their soul and your
[33:33] soul is the same it's the same substance
[33:35] I told my son this he's like what what
[33:37] happens when you die and I was panicking
[33:39] because I'm like oh my God you're five
[33:42] but that's what happens you take a kid
[33:43] to Turkey all they see is gravestones
[33:45] everywhere donor kebab and graves
[33:48] right and so we're walking and he sees
[33:51] this Cemetery in front of the M he goes
[33:54] what's that and my wife looks at me and
[33:56] I'm like do we lie
[33:58] I'm like I got a few good deeds you know
[34:00] that I can and he goes no let's just
[34:02] it's time to explain I said you know
[34:04] this is a grave this is where people who
[34:06] die are
[34:07] buried and then he thinks of the oldest
[34:10] person that he and he goes are they
[34:13] going to die he says it's his grandma
[34:15] he's like is she going to die and I'm
[34:17] like no I mean eventually we're all
[34:20] going to die but I was like she's not
[34:22] GNA die and then he goes what happens
[34:24] when someone dies and I said I was
[34:26] panicking and I came up with this subh
[34:28] Allah explanation only from Allah cuz in
[34:30] a panic I didn't know what to say I said
[34:32] well when you
[34:33] die Allah made your your you as a person
[34:36] you are two things you are a body and a
[34:38] soul when you die your body stops
[34:40] working but your soul keeps
[34:42] living and I said so he goes okay so
[34:44] you're when you die that's when your
[34:45] body stops I said yes
[34:47] exactly right but the soul keeps going
[34:51] and that Soul goes to be with Allah and
[34:53] be in Jenna
[34:54] inshallah right but when you go to the
[34:58] graves and you're wishing upon them
[35:00] peace and and blessings and greetings
[35:02] you're admitting something which is what
[35:04] we're not so far off and then you even
[35:07] say in terms of sequence you say to them
[35:09] you were ahead of us sure but we're
[35:12] right behind you I'm not going to
[35:14] guarantee my there's not a big gap
[35:16] between
[35:17] us even if it's years even if you look
[35:20] at the tombstone you see oh wow this
[35:22] person passed away 20 50 60 years ago on
[35:25] the grand scale of human humanity and
[35:27] time it's going to be a blip when they
[35:30] look at you dying and someone else who
[35:31] died 50 years before you 100 years
[35:33] before you even a thousand years and
[35:36] then you say after admitting that you're
[35:39] coming soon you say we ask Allah for his
[35:42] AIA we ask Allah for his pardon his
[35:45] gentle pardoning that's what we need all
[35:48] of us so he says visit the
[35:51] graves go when you can make it a habit
[35:55] if you don't go at all which most people
[35:57] don't
[35:58] then make it maybe a once a month
[36:02] thing you don't have to go at night
[36:05] everyone of those room is like October
[36:06] 31st no
[36:08] wrong right don't cross culture like
[36:10] that go on Friday go during the daytime
[36:14] if if you can't go inside of one maybe
[36:16] drive by one with that intention that
[36:19] this is the I'm making Zar now I'm going
[36:21] to visit I'm making Dua for any Muslims
[36:24] who are here I'm praying for them
[36:25] praying for their forgiveness Etc
[36:28] but he says go with the focus of
[36:30] reminding you of
[36:33] death the prophet Alam would do this
[36:36] every single week the commentator says
[36:38] visiting the graves is one of the most
[36:41] incredible cures for so many diseases it
[36:45] softens your heart it disconnects you
[36:48] from all of the things that frustrate
[36:50] you and anger you remembering death is
[36:53] one of the most incredible cures if
[36:56] you're a person who has anger issues
[36:58] if you get into fights with people if
[37:01] you have like a lot of grudges or a lot
[37:03] of like beef between you and somebody
[37:05] else just start visiting
[37:07] Graves and you'll realize very quickly
[37:10] that none of it matters none of it if
[37:14] you're really worried about your life if
[37:17] you're really worried about getting
[37:19] married or making money or being
[37:21] successful or all that stuff just go
[37:23] visit the
[37:24] grave it doesn't mean that that stuff's
[37:26] not important
[37:28] but whenever you compare something to
[37:32] Infinity that other thing becomes
[37:35] zero so when you are staring at your
[37:38] eventual end 6 feet under and that your
[37:43] soul the thing that is gifted by Allah
[37:46] inside of you that is the only thing
[37:48] that will continue after your body
[37:50] dies when you realize and have that
[37:53] realization in that moment all of your
[37:55] concerns and worries they take a
[37:59] backseat and you get this really
[38:01] beautiful thing called perspective and
[38:03] you start to realize you know all those
[38:05] arguments all of those anxieties all of
[38:08] those stressors all of those things that
[38:11] frustrate me that make me into an angry
[38:15] person a bitter person a cold person a
[38:17] sad
[38:18] person all of them are completely and
[38:21] totally useless in the face of
[38:24] remembering death
[38:27] not only that I'll share with
[38:29] you some narrations Subhan Allah let me
[38:32] read to you one or two narrations and
[38:33] then we'll go to Q&A if you have any
[38:35] questions by the way slido.com you can
[38:36] go to heartwork
[38:38] inshallah this is not only displayed
[38:41] when a person visits the grave but also
[38:44] this should be what we reflect on when
[38:46] we see death and it's it goes without
[38:50] saying that for the past year we've
[38:53] witnessed mo more than likely for anyone
[38:55] in this room more death
[38:58] visually um and with you know
[39:01] information and pictures more than than
[39:03] we've ever anticipated seeing in ways
[39:06] we've never imagined may Allah T accept
[39:08] them all as Martyrs and give them all
[39:10] Jenna with with
[39:13] no um but even when somebody passes away
[39:16] and you attend their
[39:18] janaza you know even if somebody passes
[39:21] away and you knew them but you weren't
[39:23] able to it should have some effect on
[39:26] you
[39:28] even if it's
[39:29] momentarily meaning it's spiritually
[39:32] concerning if we hear about death and
[39:34] then we go to Door Dash and order
[39:36] lunch it's concerning it's concerning if
[39:40] we go to a janaza and we're making plans
[39:44] at the janaza to go to kaahwa
[39:46] house it's concerning it's concerning
[39:50] because in that environment the the
[39:53] heaviness and the weight of the
[39:56] undeniable truth of death should be so
[39:59] felt that you no longer feel
[40:02] hungry you're no longer planning what to
[40:05] do after that maybe you have plans later
[40:08] but now's not the
[40:09] time so there's some
[40:11] narrations that were
[40:14] shared about the people before us the
[40:17] companions of the
[40:20] Prophet one of them he says that there
[40:23] was a
[40:24] person that there was he was attending a
[40:28] janaza of one of his good friends his
[40:31] really good friend passed away and
[40:34] everybody came up to him and they saw
[40:35] him and they said Salam alikum to him
[40:38] and they all commented that he looked
[40:41] absent minded right or
[40:43] rude like he was ignoring
[40:46] them and then so after the janaza a few
[40:48] days later they went to him and they
[40:49] said like hey did we upset you like why
[40:52] didn't she respond to our Salam like we
[40:53] were giving you Salam and you just like
[40:55] shook our hand and left
[40:57] and he Saidi don't remember
[40:59] anything I don't even
[41:01] remember I was in such a reflective
[41:04] State like I can't even remember you
[41:06] guys being there I was just in a
[41:09] different
[41:10] place and so they said that he would
[41:12] just greet and turn away he was
[41:14] preoccupied another narration said that
[41:17] when the earlier Generations would
[41:18] attend a
[41:19] funeral it was
[41:22] noticeable on their behavior for at
[41:25] least a couple days
[41:28] like maybe you know if you're used to
[41:30] having like a big dinner or big
[41:32] breakfast or
[41:34] whatever these people after seeing a
[41:37] body be buried into the ground they just
[41:39] were no longer interested in
[41:41] that maybe it would take them a couple
[41:43] days to recover now again this isn't a
[41:46] performative thing like oh go to janaza
[41:48] and then don't eat that's not what I'm
[41:50] talking about and for some people it
[41:52] might affect you in different ways you
[41:54] know for some of us you might be
[41:56] shopping
[41:57] and then you go to a janaza and then you
[41:59] leave and you're like I'm going to empty
[42:01] the cart I'm going to donate this
[42:03] instead for some of us we haven't talked
[42:07] to our relatives or our siblings in a
[42:08] long time we go to a janaza and then as
[42:11] we're leaving the parking lot we stop
[42:12] and we text them we call them so
[42:14] everybody's reaction or response is
[42:16] different I'm not trying to prescribe
[42:19] one response but if there's no
[42:23] response when something doesn't respond
[42:26] in medicine we call that
[42:28] death if something doesn't respond
[42:31] they're trying to shock the heart back
[42:33] into life and there's no response that's
[42:35] when they call
[42:36] it so if a person experiences the
[42:39] greatest shock which is literally
[42:41] praying in front of a body of a person
[42:43] that was alive a few hours ago and then
[42:46] if they go to the burial ground and see
[42:48] that person's body being lowered into
[42:49] the Earth and nothing happens
[42:53] here that's a sign of a heart that is
[42:55] very close to dying
[42:58] right and so we ask Allah T to give us a
[43:00] heart that is soft and a heart that
[43:02] feels and we don't just scroll past
[43:04] death we don't just quickly stop by and
[43:07] make Dua and then go back to no we want
[43:10] to make sure that whenever we experience
[43:12] death which is reality which is a
[43:15] reality you cannot avoid it but we want
[43:17] to make sure that that experience gives
[43:19] us a better life it brings us closer to
[43:23] Allah now especially for those of you
[43:27] who have lost like dear loved ones
[43:29] people that are close to you there's
[43:32] something really really important he
[43:33] mentions here he says when you think of
[43:35] death take a journey with your heart to
[43:37] the place of Resurrection one thing I'd
[43:40] like to share raise your hand if you
[43:41] have someone that you loved who has
[43:43] passed
[43:44] away okay everybody here let me share
[43:47] with you a narration from and then we'll
[43:49] go to Q&A this is my favorite narration
[43:52] he shares in one of his books which is
[43:53] there's a chapter on it called the chap
[43:55] the book of death and he explains some
[43:57] of the narrations about what happens and
[43:59] one of the reasons why death is so scary
[44:01] for us is because it is the end of one
[44:05] thing but the beginning of something
[44:06] it's the end of what we know and the
[44:08] beginning of what we don't know okay so
[44:11] it's just a transition stage but the
[44:13] difference is we just don't know what
[44:14] follows none of us can come come and say
[44:17] I've experienced that so we have this
[44:19] very very um fearful curiosity about it
[44:23] but we know from the Hadith and from the
[44:24] Quran of course what to expect
[44:27] in in in most cases
[44:29] right says that when a person passes
[44:32] away and the Hadith tells us this and
[44:34] then he shares some others that there's
[44:37] two scenarios that occur the first
[44:38] scenario is that this person was a very
[44:40] Pious person and in that moment when the
[44:43] angel of death arrives into their
[44:46] vicinity into their environment this
[44:49] person was very Pious the angel of death
[44:51] does not show up with the you know the
[44:54] the black Moroccan
[44:55] thob and the Giant an sickle no the
[44:58] angel of death shows up like a handsome
[45:02] beautiful just soothing Pleasant
[45:05] individual and the Hadith says that the
[45:07] room smells like
[45:09] musk and the person who's actually on
[45:13] their deathbed in their last moments
[45:16] they actually while their face might not
[45:18] be able to the Hadith says that they
[45:21] actually
[45:22] smile they experience this Joy this this
[45:24] pleasantness
[45:27] and then Subhan Allah when the angel of
[45:30] death arrives the angel of death says oh
[45:32] you Noble wonderful
[45:35] person it is time for us to go Allah is
[45:39] calling
[45:40] you and the Soul again that you would
[45:43] think is like wants to stay here the
[45:46] Soul's like yes this place is not
[45:50] it and they basically the Hadith says
[45:53] that the soul is removed from the body
[45:55] and the example that is given is like
[45:57] when you pour water out of a glass how
[45:59] smooth that is and the angel of death is
[46:02] taking the Soul by the hand and then the
[46:05] angel of death shows you know this is
[46:07] the first time now that the soul has
[46:08] seen the body Out of Body Experience
[46:10] right the soul is looking at the body
[46:12] the lifeless body and then the angel
[46:15] starts to ascend the heavens and you
[46:18] start going above even the base sky that
[46:21] we see as the the highest right and you
[46:23] go throughout the heavens and the the
[46:25] Hadith says that on the way up there are
[46:28] crowds and like just immense crowds of
[46:32] Mala of
[46:33] angels and for the righteous soul for
[46:37] the good Soul the angels are like
[46:40] fangirling over
[46:42] you oh my God is that him I heard I saw
[46:46] him last Ramadan he usually prays two
[46:50] Raa he prayed
[46:52] four right he said he was going to
[46:54] finish a MAV msk he barely started right
[46:58] but he tried and they and they and
[47:00] they're like singing your
[47:02] praises the entire way up and all you
[47:05] hear are like people like celebrating
[47:08] your life like celebrities like like a a
[47:11] like a person who watched your top
[47:15] 10 and then the angel of death takes you
[47:18] all the
[47:19] way and Allah T gives permission for you
[47:22] to enter into
[47:23] the the The Veranda the balcony of what
[47:27] will then give you a view into
[47:29] paradise and Allah gives you in that
[47:31] moment the righteous Soul special
[47:34] permission to look at your reward in
[47:38] Paradise your
[47:40] Abode your
[47:42] home what you spent your whole life
[47:45] building that's your
[47:48] moment and you get to see your neighbors
[47:50] and you get to see everything and the
[47:53] soul looks in disbelief and says that
[47:55] mine and the angel of death says what
[47:57] and much
[47:58] more that's just one
[48:00] picture and then the angel of death
[48:02] takes the soul very gently down into the
[48:05] resting place into the
[48:08] bar and the soul is put in rest in that
[48:12] place but here's the interesting thing
[48:15] there's a life there that is not like
[48:18] the life here the Hadith tells us that
[48:21] the soul will be able to interact with
[48:23] other Souls of people that have passed
[48:25] away
[48:27] so if somebody for example lost their
[48:29] spouse and then they passed away they're
[48:33] reunited they get to have dinner again
[48:36] and this time nobody has to
[48:38] cook or if you miss your mom or your
[48:41] grandmother and you pass away now you're
[48:43] reunited or if you lost a
[48:46] child now you get to re you get to raise
[48:49] that child in
[48:50] the and the souls get to spend time
[48:54] together and it's B basically the best
[48:57] waiting room you could ever
[49:00] imagine now the Hadith goes on and
[49:02] explains the opposite and we don't have
[49:04] a lot of time so I'm not going to go
[49:05] through each
[49:07] detail but for The Wretched soul for the
[49:10] one that never sought repentance from
[49:13] Allah for the one that never remembered
[49:16] Allah that Soul when the angel of death
[49:19] shows he's not
[49:21] handsome he's intimidating he's
[49:25] scary and the soul Soul doesn't come out
[49:27] easy the Soul's screaming for more
[49:30] chances but it's pulled out the Hadith
[49:32] says like sheep's wool is pulled out of
[49:34] a steel
[49:35] conb doesn't doesn't want to come
[49:39] out and then the Soul is roughly carried
[49:43] and the angels that are aligning the
[49:45] sides they're not celebrating they're
[49:47] saying oh man I remember that guy he was
[49:50] horrible to his family he never prayed
[49:54] he was so dishonest used to backbite so
[49:58] instead of hearing all the good things
[49:59] you did which is interesting because the
[50:01] good people also sinned by the way but
[50:03] they just made
[50:04] Toba but this person didn't make
[50:07] Toba and they hear all of these things
[50:10] and then they see their position in the
[50:13] Hellfire and the person ask the angel is
[50:15] that it and the angel says no no much
[50:18] more and then that person is flung down
[50:21] to the Earth not gently carried flung
[50:23] down until their body their soul sorry
[50:26] rough hits their resting place and they
[50:29] experience the opposite instead of the
[50:31] pleasures the preview of the pleasures
[50:33] of paradise they get the preview of the
[50:35] torment may Allah T protect
[50:38] us when you spend some time reflecting
[50:42] about the inevitability of our
[50:47] destination there is no choice there's
[50:51] no choice but to feel some
[50:55] change now let me share with you one
[50:57] thing this is the last part of that
[50:59] narration that I think is beautiful for
[51:01] those of you who have lost somebody but
[51:02] you're still here you feel like there's
[51:05] nothing that you can do but shares a
[51:06] narration and he says when a person does
[51:09] a good deed donates reads Quran does
[51:12] something good and intends it for
[51:15] somebody who has passed away okay we
[51:17] call that
[51:18] like okay so makes Dua reads Quran gives
[51:21] charity does
[51:23] something the Angels show up with this
[51:27] massive
[51:29] feast and they present it in front of
[51:31] the Soul all of their favorite foods so
[51:34] if you imagine like what you're what the
[51:36] person that you're thinking about what
[51:37] they used to love eating what was their
[51:39] favorite
[51:40] dish
[51:41] briani maluba like what was it right a
[51:45] good
[51:46] burger and when you do something that's
[51:49] good in this life for them or a good
[51:51] deed in general as carrying on their
[51:54] their lineage their legacy the Angels
[51:56] come and they present this meal and the
[51:57] Soul asks like what is this where did
[52:00] this come from and the angel says this
[52:03] is because your daughter your
[52:07] son your granddaughter your grandson
[52:09] your
[52:10] sibling your parent
[52:12] whoever they're doing good deeds and
[52:15] they're dedicating them for you and so
[52:17] we're bringing you a preview of that
[52:18] reward here enjoy this
[52:22] feast and they are given updates on
[52:24] everything that you do
[52:27] so you know how in like the
[52:29] judeo-christian culture they say things
[52:31] like they're watching down at us from
[52:32] above not quite true but we do believe
[52:36] in Islam that the Angels
[52:38] deliver the updates and the good news
[52:41] about what those who have left
[52:45] us about what the good things that their
[52:48] beloved family and friends are still
[52:50] doing if you lost somebody and you worry
[52:52] about impressing them and you worry that
[52:55] you didn't have a chance
[52:56] to show them how good you could be in
[52:59] this life don't worry the angels are
[53:01] going to carry all of the good that you
[53:03] carry and they will give them that news
[53:07] you're going to not be having to tell
[53:08] them much in Jenna because they will
[53:10] have been told may Allah T give us a
[53:12] good ending may Allah T reunite us with
[53:14] our loved ones in Paradise may Allah T
[53:16] make us those who see the value of time
[53:18] and don't waste it may Allah T give us
[53:20] the ability to take advantage of all of
[53:23] the opportunities and not to take them
[53:25] for granted may Allah to protect us from
[53:27] thinking that we have a longer time than
[53:30] we
[53:31] do okay we'll do a couple questions
[53:33] inshallah and then we'll head for prayer
[53:35] because prayer is at 8:45
[53:36] correct yeah okay uh all
[53:43] right okay I know someone first
[53:47] question I know someone who has a lot of
[53:52] faith does not engage in Haram and
[53:55] strives in all aspects to be a good
[53:58] Muslim but struggles with prayer any
[54:01] advice
[54:03] okay so this is actually not as uncommon
[54:09] as one would think because the Hadith of
[54:13] the Prophet Sall actually explains this
[54:16] it's actually a lot easier for a person
[54:18] to hold themselves back from something
[54:21] than it is to produce something like
[54:24] it's harder for a person to do something
[54:27] good than it is just to not do something
[54:29] that's bad right the prophet s explained
[54:32] this so it's not completely like crazy
[54:36] to think of a person that really does
[54:38] well when it comes to staying away from
[54:40] the things that are bad but they really
[54:43] really struggle with prayer it's not
[54:45] it's not an uncommon thing to to imagine
[54:47] or to see
[54:48] so my
[54:50] advice there's a lot of things that
[54:52] could be said about this my advice to
[54:54] this person is
[54:56] make prayer make Salah the way in which
[55:01] you thank
[55:03] Allah make
[55:05] Salah God's love
[55:07] language if you are grateful for
[55:10] anything that you have imagine that the
[55:14] only time you can share that thanks is
[55:16] in
[55:17] prayer just imagine that now we know
[55:19] that Allah will you know if you say
[55:21] alhamdulillah at any time you're given
[55:23] reward but imagine in your head the only
[55:26] time time that I can truly thank Allah
[55:27] for what he's given me or truly ask
[55:30] Allah for support for difficulty or
[55:32] truly ask Allah for relief for for tough
[55:35] tough times that I'm going through the
[55:37] only time is through prayer if you say
[55:40] that I only have five chances a day to
[55:43] really directly communicate with Allah
[55:46] without a
[55:48] doubt maybe not all five but without a
[55:50] doubt you'll start to see the value of
[55:52] those windows of time you'll see the
[55:54] value okay um it's it's it's a mindset
[55:57] shift we have to get away from prayer
[55:59] being a burden and prayer being a
[56:03] responsibility and we have to start
[56:04] seeing prayer as an opportunity we have
[56:07] to the prophet he described prayer as an
[56:11] opportunity he called it sweetness he
[56:14] said it was
[56:15] relaxation you know I'm always stunned
[56:17] by the amount of people who do yoga but
[56:19] struggle to
[56:20] pray or who started meditating but
[56:23] struggled to pray or do morning
[56:24] affirmations or who tried to manifest
[56:27] but struggle to pray all of these things
[56:29] that we're seeking in these other
[56:31] modalities are found in prayer they're
[56:34] found there right so try to make that a
[56:38] way to uh uh commit yourself to Salah
[56:43] okay can women go to bra oh Graves I
[56:45] didn't answer that question okay so
[56:46] there's a Hadith in which the prophet he
[56:53] said he said the curse of Allah is upon
[56:56] the women who visit the graves okay and
[57:00] this is the quote that many people will
[57:01] quote but it's only half of the
[57:04] narration which is actually low-key
[57:07] really really bad thing you should never
[57:08] quote half of a Hadith so then the
[57:11] prophet s continued and actually I have
[57:13] a funny story one time we were doing a
[57:14] tour of the grave in Medina and we had
[57:17] the sisters and this man shouts out the
[57:21] first half of the Hadith he says Allah's
[57:24] curse is upon those women who visit
[57:25] Graves it was like a
[57:28] driveby and I was with Muti kamani and
[57:30] Muti Kanani he goes and he quotes the
[57:33] other half and the other half is those
[57:36] who make the cemetery a place of
[57:39] worship so he screams the back of the
[57:42] guy and the guy's
[57:45] like you know like what so the
[57:49] prohibition is not for women to not go
[57:52] to Graves the prohibition is for women
[57:55] to go to Graves if they this now it's
[57:57] kind of random why would the prophet
[57:58] just specifically call out women because
[58:00] that was a cultural practice of the time
[58:03] it was culturally a practice where
[58:05] people would actually hire
[58:08] Whalers to go and to make the grave a
[58:13] place of some kind of sanct
[58:15] sanctimonious practice where they would
[58:17] beat their faces as a way to display
[58:20] honor and grief for the
[58:22] deceased it's like a it's like a
[58:24] performance and this was pre-islam this
[58:27] was Jah so then the prophet Alam he
[58:30] forbade this and he cursed anyone who
[58:33] does
[58:34] this but the Hadith begins with the
[58:37] general and then it continues with the
[58:39] specific but you can't stop halfway
[58:42] right you can't stop halfway so that's
[58:44] why a lot of people they uh prohibit or
[58:47] I'm sorry not a lot of people that's why
[58:48] some people they think that the
[58:50] prohibition is there but it is not there
[58:53] unless you're going to go whale if
[58:54] you're going to go whale don't go if
[58:56] you're going to go whale and perform and
[58:57] make it a place of worship then don't go
[58:59] okay but if you're going there to
[59:00] reflect and to remind yourself of the
[59:02] temporary nature of this life then
[59:04] everybody should
[59:07] go is it okay to move out of an abusive
[59:09] home even though my parents are totally
[59:11] against it I feel anxious and conflicted
[59:13] I need this test to end so on its face
[59:16] on its face the answer to the question
[59:18] is yes of course if a person is being
[59:19] abused your primary responsibility is to
[59:22] seek safety but it's important for you
[59:25] to go and seek a professional
[59:30] opinion about the situation within
[59:33] within your realm of possibility right
[59:35] so go and speak to a licensed clinician
[59:37] explain the situation and give them the
[59:41] chance to uh what's the word ratify and
[59:44] verify and affirm that yes in fact this
[59:48] is absolutely abuse we're I'm not
[59:49] talking about physical abuse physical
[59:50] abuse you don't have to ask anybody hey
[59:52] is this actual abuse no if physical
[59:54] abuse no absolutely not get out get out
[59:57] okay I'm talking more so about if there
[1:00:01] is trouble in the home right what we
[1:00:04] deem as like toxic Behavior verbal abuse
[1:00:07] emotional abuse Etc not always from
[1:00:09] spouses by the way it could be from
[1:00:10] siblings could be from in-laws could be
[1:00:12] from parents may Allah protect us all
[1:00:14] you need to go and confirm that this is
[1:00:17] actually what you're seeing is what
[1:00:19] you're
[1:00:20] seeing right this is very very important
[1:00:23] because a person in an anxious State can
[1:00:25] sometimes
[1:00:26] underplay but sometimes also overplay
[1:00:28] and so you just have to go it's just one
[1:00:30] day one meeting going and talking to
[1:00:31] somebody who's trained and speaking to
[1:00:33] them and seeking that if that person
[1:00:35] does objectively say yes this is
[1:00:37] actually an abusive environment then
[1:00:39] without a doubt Islam gives the right
[1:00:42] for a person to seek self-preservation
[1:00:44] without a doubt right without a doubt
[1:00:46] but my only outside of physical abuse
[1:00:49] which is its own category my only
[1:00:52] request is that if you feel like you are
[1:00:54] in a home that is toxic Andor abusive
[1:00:56] Etc just take 50 minutes to go and speak
[1:01:00] to a counselor and see and make sure
[1:01:03] that what you're seeing is in fact what
[1:01:04] you're seeing
[1:01:06] inshallah uh the next one with 22
[1:01:09] upvotes we see the fresh cut and the
[1:01:12] drip you and everyone else Happ no I'm
[1:01:15] joking Allah bless okay
[1:01:20] um Salam must I wondering what the rules
[1:01:23] are for interactions with the opposite
[1:01:25] gender regarding getting to know them
[1:01:26] for marriage there we
[1:01:28] go is there any
[1:01:32] flexibility I
[1:01:38] mean flexibility is a weird thing to ask
[1:01:42] about it's not that things are flexible
[1:01:44] or inflexible there's just a way to do
[1:01:46] it the Shar gives us a way to do it now
[1:01:50] according to like your cultural
[1:01:51] expectations yes it might seem as it
[1:01:54] might seem flexible or according to your
[1:01:56] cultural expectations it might seem
[1:01:57] conservative like that's that's
[1:01:59] irrelevant right it is what it is so um
[1:02:02] the the best rule that I can give when
[1:02:04] it comes to people trying to uh speak to
[1:02:07] somebody for the purpose of marriage is
[1:02:09] make sure that every interaction that
[1:02:11] you have first of all there has to be of
[1:02:13] course consent right it has to be that
[1:02:15] can't be one-sided if it's one-sided
[1:02:18] that's called stalking so stop do not do
[1:02:20] that seriously do not do that um make
[1:02:23] sure that the way that you feel is the
[1:02:25] way that they feel
[1:02:26] okay that's a good starting point um if
[1:02:30] you have confirmation that in fact the
[1:02:31] way you feel is the way they feel then
[1:02:33] make sure that your conversations are
[1:02:37] PPL okay
[1:02:39] public purposeful and
[1:02:42] limited public here means there has to
[1:02:45] be
[1:02:46] knowledge amongst especially the the the
[1:02:49] Welly of the girl but really it should
[1:02:52] be the
[1:02:53] family that this conversation's happen
[1:02:55] happening number one um also it should
[1:02:58] not be like a private dating thing it
[1:03:00] should definitely be you don't have to
[1:03:02] announce hey I'm talking to somebody but
[1:03:04] you also should not go to links to hide
[1:03:06] it right because that that could be a
[1:03:09] sign of something purposeful is that the
[1:03:11] communication should not be the way that
[1:03:14] I explain this is it should not be like
[1:03:16] a constant thread all day like just an
[1:03:19] iMessage thread That Never Ends from
[1:03:21] 8:00 a.m. till midnight we're just
[1:03:22] constantly texting no if you're in the
[1:03:25] stage where you're getting to know each
[1:03:26] other just schedule some phone calls or
[1:03:30] give yourself a window of time where
[1:03:31] texting is okay not late at
[1:03:34] night I know that I'm big uncling right
[1:03:37] now big time uning right now but don't
[1:03:39] do it late at night is not good it's not
[1:03:41] good right that's when all the like the
[1:03:44] that's when all the the premature I love
[1:03:46] yous come out just
[1:03:48] stop day time is safe time night time is
[1:03:52] sleep time go to sleep wake up if you
[1:03:55] want to say something at night draft it
[1:03:57] wake up at feder and see if it still
[1:03:58] makes
[1:03:59] sense if it doesn't make sense Allah
[1:04:02] saved
[1:04:03] you okay purposeful make sure your
[1:04:07] communication is purposeful and limited
[1:04:09] which means what which means that this
[1:04:12] should not go on forever I believe that
[1:04:15] two people should know if they should
[1:04:16] get married within 90 days anything
[1:04:19] shorter can be doable but it has to
[1:04:22] anything longer is like
[1:04:28] I don't know if it looks like a duck and
[1:04:30] quacks it's a duck like if it doesn't
[1:04:33] you're not going to make a duck out of
[1:04:34] it like just just just read it three
[1:04:37] months three months three months is a
[1:04:39] lot relax everybody see people like
[1:04:42] shocked
[1:04:42] here your parents didn't even talk once
[1:04:45] before they got married right they met
[1:04:48] on their wedding they're like hey s w
[1:04:50] them and you're here and they're still
[1:04:52] together okay well some cases
[1:04:56] that's a different story okay we'll do
[1:04:58] one last one oh this is a good question
[1:05:00] to end on
[1:05:02] okay
[1:05:03] okay why do we
[1:05:06] see our loved
[1:05:09] ones perhaps dying or distressed in our
[1:05:14] dreams what is the best way to deal with
[1:05:16] it could it be from shaan or is it a
[1:05:19] sign from Allah
[1:05:21] okay dreams I'm going to explain this
[1:05:24] again one time
[1:05:26] dreams in Islam can come from a couple
[1:05:30] different categories two different
[1:05:32] categories really one is
[1:05:36] meaningless which means it does not have
[1:05:39] a meaning okay it could be from a
[1:05:43] overactive subconscious it could be that
[1:05:45] you had something like too much milk who
[1:05:48] knows that's one side the other side is
[1:05:51] a dream that has
[1:05:53] meaning in these the meaning is not to
[1:05:55] be interpreted literally there is
[1:05:58] actually a science behind it so it's not
[1:06:01] always what you're seeing is what the
[1:06:02] dream
[1:06:03] is there are symbols there are ways in
[1:06:06] which people can understand dreams that
[1:06:09] are absolutely not literally read line
[1:06:13] by line so if you see something in a
[1:06:16] dream you never ever carry that visual
[1:06:19] or that interpretation as literal
[1:06:23] ever okay the only time the prophet Sall
[1:06:26] wasallam said that if you see this in a
[1:06:28] Dream It's literal is when he said if
[1:06:30] you see me then you saw me and that's it
[1:06:34] everything else so if you see a dream
[1:06:36] and it's
[1:06:37] distressing the visual may have been
[1:06:39] distressing but that visual does not
[1:06:41] necessarily correlate with a meaning for
[1:06:44] example and we have to go pray so I I'm
[1:06:46] we're going to head out after this there
[1:06:48] was
[1:06:49] once a person that came to me and said I
[1:06:51] saw a dream of this it was like a really
[1:06:53] really like traumatic like child birth
[1:06:56] basically and they were like does this
[1:06:58] mean like bad things and the Sheikh said
[1:06:59] no this means that there's there's a
[1:07:01] rebirth in your life like a
[1:07:03] restart it was like a really traumatic
[1:07:05] visual but it was a really good meaning
[1:07:07] right and again I'm not trained in this
[1:07:09] so don't ask me please uh but just know
[1:07:13] that carry that as a as a thing okay
[1:07:15] it's not literal it's symbolic may Allah
[1:07:18] make it easy and may Allah give us all
[1:07:20] goodness from these gatherings let's go
[1:07:23] ahead and head to the prayer area if you
[1:07:24] can just stack the chairs on your way
[1:07:26] out and line up the backjacks um we're
[1:07:28] going to skip questions tonight because
[1:07:30] I want to go make

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