# Heartwork: Guided Steps to the Path of Allah | Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy | Class 13

An episode of [Heartwork | Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1747587869), 3 Sep 2024, 56 min.

Audio: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/jdmdopyt8beqxmb2/yt_video_RDo0QNjvWtQ.mp3

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## Chapters

- 0:00 Introduction
- 0:50 Todays Reading
- 5:27 How to Protect Yourself
- 7:55 How to Be a Muslim
- 9:30 Care for Your Heart
- 14:00 Spend Time with Good People
- 16:50 Medina
- 20:10 Abdullah Salam
- 21:55 My eyes laid upon his face
- 23:40 Who are the best friends
- 26:00 Are you that friend
- 28:10 Confrontation
- 31:26 Hadith
- 33:48 I Wish
- 34:48 Hypocrite
- 37:00 Example
- 39:14 Whats at stake
- 41:07 Responsibility
- 43:16 Marriage
- 45:30 Culture
- 49:34 Music
- 52:36 Respond to the Invitation

## Transcript

[0:25] okay alhamdulillah
[0:33] welcome home everybody it's good to see
[0:34] you
[0:35] alhamdulillah uh for those of you who
[0:37] are um you know regulars here we're
[0:40] happy to have you back for those of you
[0:41] who it's your first time here masallah
[0:42] we're happy to welcome you here we hope
[0:44] inshallah that you feel at home uh
[0:47] inshallah
[0:48] inshallah um we don't have a ton of time
[0:51] tonight
[0:53] because keeps uh sliding earlier and
[0:55] earlier with the sunset so we're going
[0:58] to begin inshallah uh we're going to
[1:00] have our reading and then we're going to
[1:01] have our Q&A if you want to type your
[1:03] questions out you can send them to our
[1:05] slido which is uh slido.com s o.com and
[1:10] then the code is heartwork and then you
[1:12] send those questions in and then I'll
[1:13] have them here and we'll go over a Q&A
[1:15] uh today at the end of our reading
[1:19] inshallah uh tonight's
[1:22] reading uh we're reading from the book
[1:26] by uh his textt which is called
[1:31] the book or the guide for those people
[1:34] that are seeking closeness and nearness
[1:36] to Allah subhanahu wa tala and we're
[1:39] reading from his advices and his uh his
[1:43] counsel to those people that want to
[1:46] live their life in a way that is going
[1:48] to bring them closer to Allah subhanahu
[1:50] wa ta'ala uh both internally and
[1:53] externally and he's giving a set of
[1:55] advices for everybody on how to improve
[1:58] this and one of the things that we we
[2:00] talked about last week that we kind of
[2:01] ended on which is where we're going to
[2:03] start today is that anytime you engage
[2:06] on a journey or embark on a path there's
[2:09] obviously like the forward motion right
[2:12] you can go forward but then there are
[2:14] things that you might do there are
[2:15] things that you can do as a person that
[2:17] will take you
[2:19] back so you don't want to negate all the
[2:22] progress that you've made and last week
[2:25] he began and discussed with us um the
[2:30] the the struggle of what we in our
[2:33] tradition call n which is spiritual
[2:35] hypocrisy and we talked about the
[2:37] difference between like the definition
[2:39] of hypocrisy from the English language
[2:42] where somebody does something that they
[2:43] don't mean uh or they say something that
[2:47] they don't do Etc like the the basically
[2:49] the difference between speech and action
[2:52] but spiritual hypocrisy is different
[2:56] it's like the highest form of that sort
[2:57] of hypocrisy where a person
[3:00] engages in a behavior and in their heart
[3:04] they have the exact opposite feeling for
[3:07] that behavior so a person for example
[3:09] they engage they say that they believe
[3:12] but in reality they don't believe and
[3:15] that's what Allah subhana tala when he
[3:17] speaks about thef in the Quran those
[3:19] people who are hypocrites this is what
[3:20] he's talking about now IM M here is not
[3:24] saying that everybody's a hypocrite and
[3:25] that we all have to you know realize and
[3:27] recognize our hypocrisy but he gives us
[3:30] some traits and he says that this is how
[3:33] the Hypocrites behave this is how the
[3:35] Hypocrites act and if a person doesn't
[3:38] watch themselves they're going to start
[3:40] to behave like this now what's at stake
[3:44] well all of your forward progress can be
[3:46] negated by this type of behavior I'll
[3:49] give you an example okay you as a
[3:52] person can have prophetic character you
[3:55] as a person can you know be the kindest
[3:59] most soft in your language and you can
[4:01] be so generous and magnanimous and you
[4:03] can be somebody that's really reflecting
[4:05] the example of our prophet sallallahu
[4:07] alaihi wasallam and then you slip and
[4:10] fall into the behavior of a hypocrite by
[4:12] telling lies now what happens to a
[4:15] relationship when somebody is found out
[4:18] to be a person who lies or tells lies
[4:21] consistently what happens naturally that
[4:24] relationship starts to fall apart people
[4:26] find it very difficult people find it
[4:28] very challenging to be in a close
[4:31] relationship with somebody that is not
[4:33] truthful or somebody that back bites or
[4:36] somebody that is Harsh with their words
[4:39] you know you could have somebody that
[4:40] you love very dearly but because they're
[4:42] so harsh when they get upset you don't
[4:45] want to take the chance of being around
[4:47] them because in the case that they get
[4:48] upset you don't want to be a victim of
[4:50] their sharpness and their harshness
[4:52] right so all of that is what Subhan
[4:55] Allah imas is saying he's saying you
[4:57] could make a lot of progress but just as
[5:00] much progress as you've made you can
[5:02] quickly undo a lot of that if you're not
[5:05] careful right so it's as important to
[5:08] make sure that you're worried about
[5:10] growing but it's equally important to
[5:12] make sure that you're not erasing all of
[5:15] the growth that you've done and that's
[5:17] where we're at today that's what we're
[5:18] reading about today and now he gives us
[5:20] some advice on how to be a person that
[5:24] protects themsel from this hypocrisy how
[5:27] do you protect yourself from negating
[5:28] all of the hard work work that you've
[5:30] done right so it's like a person goes to
[5:32] the gym they work out they feel great
[5:35] and then they go home and they stop at
[5:37] Daves on the way and then they get
[5:40] themselves you know a nice little
[5:41] chocolate lava molten lava cake and then
[5:45] after that they have a nice you know
[5:47] they go out and they they're craving
[5:48] some boba they did all of that hard work
[5:50] but they negated all of it or you worked
[5:53] really hard and you get paid and on
[5:55] payday you feel so accomplished mallah I
[5:58] worked all that much and I got this much
[6:00] but then you spend it on something or
[6:02] you do something that gets you a ticket
[6:05] and now you've wasted all of that
[6:06] hard-earned money on what because you
[6:08] drove a little bit fast or because you
[6:10] parked in the wrong place or whatever so
[6:12] Imam muhas says look just as much work
[6:14] as you put in we have to make sure we
[6:16] don't erase all that hard work how do we
[6:17] do it and he gives us some advice the
[6:19] first thing he said and this is kind of
[6:21] where we're going to begin we ended here
[6:23] last week is he says be a person that
[6:28] always sits with
[6:30] the people who are morally
[6:34] intelligent okay he says be an
[6:37] individual I'm trying to find the exact
[6:39] Arabic here for us he says be an
[6:42] individual who only
[6:48] sits he says don't spend time with
[6:52] people that don't show the ability to
[6:55] make good intelligent moral decisions
[6:59] and here by the way we talked about this
[7:00] last week I'm going to say it again
[7:02] intelligence here is not scientific
[7:04] intelligence or academic intelligence
[7:07] because we said there's a lot of people
[7:09] that are very intelligent academically
[7:12] but they're horrible ethically and
[7:14] morally and there are a lot of people
[7:16] that don't possess the intellectual uh
[7:18] uh you know credentials and Merit that
[7:21] we oh wow Harvard oh wow Stanford oh wow
[7:24] Yale but their core their soul is so
[7:27] beautiful so here he's not talking about
[7:30] a person who's intelligent up here he's
[7:32] saying a person who's intelligent here
[7:34] by the way the Quran speaks about this
[7:36] the Quran actually equates this is going
[7:38] to blow your mind Allah subhana wa tala
[7:40] when he speaks about
[7:42] intelligence he actually equates it not
[7:45] to a person's IQ but he equates it to a
[7:50] person's uh
[7:52] character in the inat which is basically
[7:56] an entire chapter where Allah talks
[7:58] about how to how to behave right as a
[8:00] Muslim Allah T he says to the Believers
[8:03] he says don't you know don't raise your
[8:06] voice above the voice of the
[8:08] Prophet uh don't become a person that
[8:11] talks to him just like you speak to
[8:13] anybody else don't be a person who
[8:14] speaks rough and harsh to people Etc and
[8:17] then he actually says Subhan Allah when
[8:20] he describes the people that don't
[8:21] engage in good behavior he says but
[8:24] rather a lot of them are not
[8:26] intelligent so according to the Muslim
[8:30] intelligence is not only the ability to
[8:32] have
[8:33] complex understanding of math and
[8:35] science and reading and literature and
[8:38] that's not intelligence for us
[8:39] intelligence is when a person can make
[8:41] the right decision that will affect them
[8:43] spiritually and morally intelligence is
[8:45] when a person knows that if I say this
[8:49] or if I do this or if I don't do this
[8:52] it's going to affect my relationship
[8:53] with Allah that's an intelligent person
[8:55] regardless what degree or what
[8:57] credentials they carry so he says sit
[9:00] with the spiritually intelligent people
[9:02] and those people who have tawa who
[9:04] remember Allah and the thing I love
[9:06] about this is that he's saying that you
[9:08] know you don't even have to be a person
[9:10] that qualifies like you don't have to be
[9:12] the most spiritually intelligent person
[9:13] or the most God-fearing or the most god-
[9:15] conscious but as long as you sit in the
[9:18] company of those people you're going to
[9:19] benefit from them and you will be
[9:21] elevated amongst them you'll be a person
[9:24] that is sort of like you blend in
[9:26] because you chose the right people to
[9:28] spend time around
[9:30] and then he says only sit in the
[9:32] presence of people that show this
[9:34] Insight that show this concern and this
[9:36] care for their heart as much concern and
[9:40] care as we show for everything else look
[9:43] I went to isna this weekend too
[9:46] okay if you want to see what the umah
[9:48] cares about just go to a Muslim
[9:50] conference all right all the veila
[9:53] girlies were there all right all the
[9:56] brothers masallah we in the tight
[9:58] t-shirts on the on the
[10:00] arms I look we care a lot about our
[10:05] image Allah is beautiful and he loves
[10:08] Beauty right and I realize it's a
[10:10] struggle may Allah T make it easy for
[10:12] everyone to find a righteous
[10:14] spouse I get it okay I'm not here to
[10:17] hate on that but what I will say is if
[10:20] we cared as much about our heart as much
[10:22] as we care about our external maybe this
[10:25] challenge would become a little bit more
[10:27] solvable because people find each other
[10:30] attractive and then they begin the
[10:31] process and they begin to see that
[10:33] what's at the core does not represent
[10:35] what was on the outside and it's like a
[10:37] a terrible shock you're so beautiful
[10:40] physically why are you this way
[10:43] internally it's because that's all we
[10:45] care about and so Imam muas here is
[10:48] saying the hypocrite all they care about
[10:51] is how they present themselves that's
[10:54] all they care about that's where their
[10:55] concern stops their reputation
[10:59] their physical presence their brand uh
[11:03] uh uh attribution what they wear what
[11:04] they drive all of that that's all they
[11:06] care about but at their core they're
[11:09] nothing like a shiny Red Apple that is
[11:11] rotten in the core and that experience
[11:14] is the most it's even more painful it's
[11:17] even more disappointing may Allah
[11:19] protect us from being those people so he
[11:22] mentions here this and we have a verse
[11:24] in the Quran Allah subhana he says
[11:30] oh you who believe right remember Allah
[11:33] have consciousness of Allah and be with
[11:36] those who are
[11:38] truthful those who are truthful truthful
[11:41] in what well the when you look at the
[11:44] explanations of the Quran anytime the
[11:46] group of people who are truthful is
[11:48] mentioned the scholars of the Quran they
[11:50] explain it and they say what were they
[11:52] truthful in it's not just that they were
[11:53] truthful in telling the truth that's of
[11:55] course one of the things but they were
[11:57] truthful in their claim and what's the
[11:59] claim the claim is that as a Muslim when
[12:02] you say I am a Muslim I believe in Allah
[12:04] I believe in his messenger sallallahu
[12:06] alaihi wasallam when you say that you're
[12:09] actually not stating a fact yet you're
[12:13] stating a proposition you're stating a
[12:15] hypothesis or a theory right when you
[12:18] say I'm a Muslim you're making a claim
[12:21] now what backs up that
[12:23] claim is when you actually behave that
[12:26] way that's why whenever Allah me
[12:30] mentions oh you who believe he always
[12:33] follows it up with
[12:35] actions
[12:38] right remember Allah and be with those
[12:41] who are what who are truthful keep your
[12:43] promise if you say I believe in Allah
[12:45] keep your promise how do you keep your
[12:47] promise that you believe in Allah when
[12:49] it's time to pray you pray when you say
[12:51] there's nothing more important to me
[12:53] than God right that's your Twitter Bio
[12:55] God first it's so impressive right but
[12:59] then when it's time for feder who comes
[13:01] first when it's time for is it work
[13:04] first when it's time for a what is it is
[13:05] it the gym first when it's time for m is
[13:07] it food first what is it right so all of
[13:10] our actions and our statements have to
[13:13] be congruent because wah as much as we
[13:16] think we can trick everybody here and
[13:18] you can by the way you can definitely
[13:20] trick people here you know everybody in
[13:23] this room can trick everybody here into
[13:26] thinking that they are the best person
[13:27] in the world but on the day of judg
[13:29] judgement there's no
[13:30] trickery there's nothing there's only
[13:33] the truth and that truth is going to be
[13:36] apparent doesn't matter how many people
[13:38] you tricked into believing that you were
[13:39] someone special
[13:41] here try to work and make sure that
[13:43] Allah knows that you're special that's
[13:46] the key and then Subhan Allah as a
[13:47] result of that we're promised by Allah
[13:50] and his messenger peace be upon him that
[13:51] what if Allah knows that you're special
[13:54] you will be special You Will Be Loved
[13:57] we'll talk about that he'll explain it a
[13:58] bit
[14:00] okay now he continues when he keeps
[14:04] explaining and he talks about the power
[14:07] of sitting in the companionship of
[14:10] somebody that is righteous you know many
[14:13] of us we struggle with being good people
[14:15] all the time it's not possible right we
[14:17] can describe Perfection but it's hard to
[14:19] live it so one of the things that we
[14:21] learn Subhan Allah is that when you
[14:23] spend time in the company of people that
[14:25] are admirable you naturally start to
[14:28] take on the those traits it's just like
[14:31] when you sit in the the the shop of a
[14:33] person who sells perfume the prophet
[14:34] Alam used this analogy you sit in the
[14:37] shop of someone who sells perfume you're
[14:39] naturally going to smell good or at
[14:41] least you're going to enjoy the
[14:42] fragrance while you're there so one of
[14:45] the tricks to avoiding n hypocrisy this
[14:48] is a tip he's giving is spending time
[14:50] with good people and he says Subhan
[14:52] Allah there are people that if you
[14:56] invest your time to spend with them
[14:59] they will actually have an impact on
[15:01] your heart even without directly trying
[15:04] to address you like they won't have to
[15:07] give you advice you know somebody that
[15:09] you sit with and you admire them and you
[15:11] love them because you look at them and
[15:13] they're just really good you know as we
[15:15] say in our era like wholesome such a
[15:16] wholesome person these types of people
[15:20] are the ones that simply being in their
[15:22] presence it doesn't matter if you're at
[15:23] a doesn't matter if you went to jum with
[15:26] them or if you just played basketball
[15:27] with them or if you just went shopping
[15:29] with them or if you just went and got
[15:31] one of the thousand one yemeni coffee
[15:33] shops with them we need to sell it we
[15:36] need to give Yemen their flowers
[15:38] masallah yemeni coffee shops are taking
[15:40] over alhamdulillah right at this point
[15:42] in Dallas we're about to have more
[15:43] yemeni coffee shops than gas stations
[15:46] There's an opportunity there you many
[15:47] coffee shops and gas okay so the reality
[15:51] is that if you are willing to spend time
[15:54] with people now here's the trick often
[15:57] times shaan the nefs we don't want to
[16:00] spend time with people that are like
[16:02] ostensibly and like very noticeably
[16:03] better than us because it makes us
[16:05] remember our own
[16:07] shortcomings right it's like being
[16:08] around a group of people that are doing
[16:10] something really well and you're not
[16:12] very good at it so in order for you to
[16:13] do this you do have to swallow a little
[16:15] bit of Humble Pie you have to be willing
[16:17] to accept that and you have to be
[16:19] willing to say you know what I'm not
[16:21] going to let my my nefs or my I'm not
[16:24] going to let that get the better of me I
[16:26] know that me being in the company of
[16:28] these people is good for me for me right
[16:29] and it helps me and Subhan Allah there
[16:32] was no one better at this than the
[16:34] prophet you know when the prophet Alam
[16:37] came to Medina I want you guys to
[16:39] understand something okay when the
[16:42] prophet Muhammad Alam peace be upon him
[16:44] when he moved or was made was forced to
[16:46] migrate from Mecca to
[16:49] Medina um a lot of times that is is
[16:52] shown as being like a really really easy
[16:54] smooth move right go to Mecca go to
[16:57] Madina and for those of us who have been
[16:58] to Medina you know you love Medina
[17:00] everyone falls in love with Medina it's
[17:02] so nice it's so peaceful right but
[17:04] Medina was not that way when he arrived
[17:08] Medina was known as a as a city or a
[17:11] town that had it had some bodies of
[17:14] water in it but those bodies of water
[17:16] they were not very clean so there was a
[17:18] lot there was some pollution there and
[17:20] as a result of that there was some
[17:22] sickness and so Medina was not really
[17:25] like looked at as a desirable location
[17:28] at the time of course now we know
[17:30] it's it's the illuminated City so now
[17:32] it's the most desirable but then pre
[17:36] migration it was not it was like Denton
[17:37] if someone's like where do you want to
[17:38] go you're like Dent like no right so
[17:42] there was some there was some adverse
[17:44] reaction to going to Medina okay the
[17:47] other thing about Medina that I think
[17:48] people don't think about historically
[17:50] and you only know this when you read a
[17:52] biography on the life of the Prophet
[17:54] wasam really important everybody in this
[17:55] room you need to have one b biography
[17:59] that you can be reading on his life
[18:01] doesn't matter how fast you read doesn't
[18:02] matter one page a day just to keep that
[18:04] going one thing that's interesting
[18:06] Subhan Allah is that Medina was a
[18:09] pluralist society there were other
[18:11] religious groups there it wasn't just
[18:13] Muslims and it wasn't like Mecca because
[18:16] Mecca had the traditional Pagan
[18:19] Arabs so Medina had some people that
[18:22] were they had Jewish tribes they had
[18:25] other religious groups and now of course
[18:27] they have some Pagan Arabs and now they
[18:28] have the Muslims so it was it was a city
[18:31] that had a little bit of diversity and
[18:34] mixture so one of the narrations that we
[18:36] have upon the arrival of the
[18:39] Prophet this place that is a struggling
[18:42] City the two main tribes El and Kaz were
[18:45] battling they were Waring with each
[18:46] other um there's obviously a little bit
[18:49] of uh hesitation amongst some of the
[18:53] Jews of Medina because the the final
[18:56] Prophet has been announced and he's
[18:58] coming and he's not from Jewish lineage
[19:00] so this is a problem for them they don't
[19:02] like this they're trying to really push
[19:04] back on that because they wanted they
[19:06] wanted the last prophet to be from
[19:08] Jewish lineage and and he was not so
[19:10] there's all this drama just waiting in
[19:13] Medina for the
[19:14] prophet and everything that they said
[19:17] about him in Mecca you know he's this
[19:19] he's that he's a liar all of those
[19:22] things like the wind is carrying them
[19:24] this it's carrying all these rumors into
[19:26] Medina and and the quray are trying to
[19:28] spread these rumors about him as much as
[19:29] they can okay so now understand that's
[19:32] the context and now the prophet Alam is
[19:35] arriving and you have these people that
[19:37] accepted him the tribes that pledged
[19:40] allegiance to him and they're waiting
[19:42] for him but you have also in the people
[19:45] in the mix some Skeptics you have people
[19:48] that don't believe so there's all these
[19:50] Muslims that are like
[19:52] waiting you know the famous right so I
[19:56] just gave Sunday School uh you know
[19:58] recall for everybody
[19:59] so they're waiting they're going to sing
[20:01] they're all excited but amongst them
[20:03] they have what they have some Skeptics
[20:05] one of them his name is Abdullah Salam
[20:08] Salam and he was a
[20:10] rabbi and these people again more than
[20:13] anything wanted to be able to point out
[20:16] a contradiction or something to be able
[20:19] to say aha see he's not a prophet they
[20:22] wanted to have that leverage so that
[20:24] they could you know disengage from this
[20:27] requirement of believing in him
[20:29] and say you know what the final
[20:30] messenger is coming and he's going to be
[20:31] from our people so this narration is
[20:35] coming from abdah Salam the rabbi and he
[20:39] says listen to this
[20:41] narration he says when the prophet s
[20:45] wasallam he
[20:49] says when the prophet Muhammad arrived
[20:52] in Medina he says that
[20:56] what everybody when they heard that he
[20:59] was arriving everybody got up and they
[21:01] ran to the outskirts and they waited on
[21:03] the border to greet him and the prophet
[21:06] is not coming with a large delegation
[21:08] it's just him Abu Bakr sidik and a
[21:11] servant or two maybe from people from
[21:13] kuat from the city nearby maybe they're
[21:15] joining him so it's a very small
[21:17] delegation and they're coming and I want
[21:19] you to imagine the Horizon of the desert
[21:21] and they're sitting and they just see
[21:22] these two or three figures with an
[21:24] animal just making their way slowly of
[21:26] course all of the all of the
[21:28] apprehension are building people are
[21:29] excited people are looking and they he
[21:31] said that when the prophet toam came
[21:34] when the prophet toam
[21:36] arrived he
[21:40] says that he says that the prophet came
[21:43] and everybody announced and they said
[21:45] that he has come and he says I looked at
[21:48] the face of the prophet
[21:55] sallam he says as soon as I saw his face
[22:00] like think of this he was so good as a
[22:04] person he was so pure as an individual
[22:07] that this man who's a rabbi is saying
[22:11] the moment my eyes laid upon his
[22:15] face I knew
[22:18] immediately that his face was not the
[22:20] face of a liar I could tell right away
[22:24] and this is a guy who at that moment
[22:26] wanted more than anything to yell what
[22:29] liar he's a liar but he said as soon as
[22:32] I saw him I knew now what is the what is
[22:36] the lesson here the lesson here is this
[22:40] all of us have people in our lives that
[22:43] when we look at them when we spend time
[22:45] with them their presence reminds us of
[22:48] something their presence reminds us of
[22:50] something and the hard part is this
[22:52] their presence reminds us of something
[22:54] that we know we have to fix you might
[22:58] have have a friend in your life that is
[23:01] really really really good about their
[23:03] prayers or really really good about
[23:05] their the language they use or very very
[23:08] good about just generally their their AK
[23:11] or maybe they dress a certain way that
[23:13] you know islamically you admire that we
[23:15] all have friends that have certain
[23:17] traits that we look up to and it's
[23:21] important to keep that friendship
[23:23] because every time you engage with them
[23:25] just like abdah Salam is saying I knew
[23:28] he was a liar as much as I wanted to say
[23:30] he was a liar I knew he wasn't and that
[23:32] was the moment he accepted him we all
[23:34] have friends that when we look at them
[23:35] their face their beautiful face is
[23:37] reminding us you have to be better and
[23:41] don't push those friendships away don't
[23:44] get rid of them because they make you
[23:45] feel self-conscious no appreciate the
[23:48] fact that Allah put those people in your
[23:50] life now here's the other side of the
[23:52] coin you might also be that person for
[23:54] somebody else there is a point where you
[23:57] possess a trade
[23:59] that Allah has given you that might be
[24:01] to you very natural and intuitive to you
[24:04] it's nothing special but to somebody
[24:06] else they're really struggling with that
[24:08] and your presence in their life helps
[24:11] them get better this is what it means to
[24:12] be part of an umah is that we all help
[24:15] each other may Allah T give us okay so
[24:18] he says the the the the the mere
[24:21] presence of somebody can be a good trait
[24:24] of companionship and only sit try to be
[24:27] as careful as you can to make sure that
[24:28] you sit with people that you admire then
[24:30] he continues he says the prophet he says
[24:33] which of the companions are are best
[24:36] like which friends are the ones that are
[24:37] best he said the one whose appearance
[24:40] simply appearance reminds you of Allah
[24:43] subhana wa tala the one whose speech
[24:46] increases you in knowledge and the one
[24:49] whose actions remind you of the
[24:50] Hereafter you know there's a beautiful
[24:53] science in in Islamic Studies where you
[24:56] look at what the Quran or the Hadith say
[24:59] and then you apply the the inverse of
[25:03] that to be able to figure out the
[25:05] inverse of what the question was so the
[25:08] question was what oh messenger of Allah
[25:10] who are the best friends that we can
[25:12] have don't raise your hand I know
[25:13] everyone's like I'm them no right he's
[25:15] saying this is a this is a a vague
[25:18] question it's not specific not
[25:19] definitive so then the prophet gives
[25:21] three traits What are the three traits
[25:23] again number one he says what the one
[25:25] who simply their presence reminds you of
[25:27] Allah the the one who when they speak
[25:30] your your knowledge is increased and
[25:32] we'll talk about that and the one who
[25:35] their actions do what remind you of the
[25:38] Hereafter so let's go ahead and flip the
[25:41] coin what is the worst kind of friend
[25:44] that a person can have number one is
[25:48] that their
[25:49] presence makes you forget about
[25:54] Allah that when you're with them you
[25:57] don't remember Allah
[25:59] can you
[26:00] imagine by the way everyone now is like
[26:03] yeah I have that friend no wrong are you
[26:07] that friend are you that friend are you
[26:10] the person that when people come into
[26:12] your presence your presence causes
[26:14] people to forget about
[26:16] Allah and it's not intentional just like
[26:20] the presence of somebody reminding about
[26:21] Allah is also not intentional right that
[26:24] friend can be a little bit try hard
[26:26] right heyum why
[26:34] right I'm like chill right you sound
[26:36] like a Ramadan NBC series
[26:40] right it's not always the it's it's it's
[26:42] the organic remembrance of Allah it's a
[26:45] person who they're so beautiful and
[26:47] wholesome so now are are we the person
[26:50] that our presence takes away the
[26:52] remembrance of Allah and it's not about
[26:55] the very obvious things you know
[26:56] sometimes you think it's how you dress
[26:59] it's how you walk it's how you talk this
[27:00] and that no this is way deeper than that
[27:03] this is way deeper than that who are you
[27:05] as a person you know the hijab cannot
[27:08] hide an ugly heart the beard cannot mask
[27:12] an ugly person it doesn't matter if it's
[27:15] fist length or not it's a
[27:18] reality all of that is important no
[27:21] doubt hijab beard whatever all that's
[27:24] important no doubt but at the core of
[27:27] the issue you is your core and that's
[27:30] what elevates and really magnifies all
[27:33] of this number two the trait of the
[27:36] worst kind of friend after their
[27:38] presence disturbs you and dissuades you
[27:40] from remembering Allah number two is
[27:42] that this person their speech you gain
[27:45] nothing from it you gain nothing from it
[27:48] because the first person is what when
[27:49] they talk you learn something you learn
[27:51] about Allah you're reminded about Allah
[27:53] you learn about yourself right just the
[27:56] way they speak you learn it's not even
[27:57] necessarily the content sometimes you
[28:00] can learn from even how people speak you
[28:02] know I'll tell you an example about this
[28:03] right so when these big big Scholars
[28:06] visit and they give classes and
[28:10] lectures in America we're taught that
[28:12] when you have a question for a teacher
[28:14] and the teacher said something it's not
[28:17] rude for you to say to the teacher you
[28:19] said like in class right so if the
[28:21] teacher said something in class you can
[28:23] be like I have a question you mentioned
[28:26] this this this it's actually not seen as
[28:27] Inc cons as rude or or impolite but in
[28:30] the Islamic education
[28:33] sphere making the confrontation about
[28:35] student and teacher is really
[28:37] impolite so what you say and this is
[28:41] beautiful is you say what it was
[28:44] mentioned you remove the person from the
[28:47] action you make it what in Arabic they
[28:49] say you make it invisible me you you you
[28:52] remove the doer why because you want to
[28:55] resp obviously the teacher said it but
[28:57] you don't want it to come off is we're
[28:58] battling now you like stand up you're
[29:00] like fight that's not what you want so
[29:03] if you have a question about something
[29:04] the teacher said you say what it was
[29:06] mentioned it was mentioned or I heard or
[29:09] something to remove the confrontation
[29:12] because naturally if you said something
[29:14] and I said something and I say well you
[29:16] said this what happens to the NS is what
[29:18] agitation oh now we're battling so I was
[29:22] with one of my teachers and we were
[29:24] sitting in front of one of his teachers
[29:27] and he said something in the
[29:31] conversation and later on my teacher
[29:33] said it was mentioned and I remember
[29:35] looking at him being like what do you
[29:37] mean it he said it I didn't say that but
[29:40] in my head I was like this is a long
[29:41] time ago like like 10 years ago what do
[29:44] you mean he said it so later I asked I
[29:46] said I said sh did you did you forget or
[29:48] like and he goes no he said you should
[29:51] never ever make the question
[29:54] confrontational it's not good adub with
[29:56] your teachers and so even just Subhan
[29:59] Allah what's the Hadith say the one
[30:01] whose speech increases you in knowledge
[30:04] it wasn't that I learned about the
[30:06] question in fact I even forgot the
[30:07] question actually but I remember the way
[30:10] the question was posed now think about
[30:14] forget the teacher student relationship
[30:16] think about your relationship with your
[30:18] parents your friends your children your
[30:21] spouse think about how many fights are
[30:25] caused because why because the framing
[30:28] of the conversation is
[30:29] confrontational as opposed to saying
[30:32] it's not you versus me we're on the same
[30:34] team we're trying to figure this out
[30:35] together as opposed to it being what I
[30:37] and you are battling to figure this out
[30:40] right how many of those confrontations
[30:42] can be avoided if we learn this trait so
[30:45] a person Subhan Allah when they learn
[30:47] from the speech of somebody that's a
[30:49] good companion but now the opposite is
[30:52] if the friend is somebody that when they
[30:54] speak you don't benefit at all and in
[30:57] fact their speech is is only filled with
[30:58] what maybe it's filled with backbiting
[31:00] slander maybe it's just filled with
[31:03] nothing it's just empty you know a lot
[31:05] of people Allah it's like when we write
[31:06] essays for school just word count just
[31:09] talk talk talk talk and at the end of
[31:11] the night you're like what did we even
[31:12] talk about there was no substance and
[31:15] then the last trait that he mentions
[31:16] Sall alaihi wasallam is that this person
[31:18] that their actions remind you of the
[31:20] Hereafter so the obvious opposite is
[31:22] that a person whose actions distract you
[31:24] from the
[31:25] Hereafter and this can be very slippery
[31:30] but a person who's more focused on this
[31:33] than the and we can do this we can take
[31:35] this a whole lot of ways but I'll let
[31:37] you carry that and interpret that
[31:39] inshallah or apply it on your own
[31:41] inshallah so this is Imam M giving that
[31:45] advice via the Hadith of the Prophet
[31:47] sallallahu alai wasallam now one of the
[31:49] things that the prophet Alam he mentions
[31:51] that is very beautiful in another
[31:52] narration is he describes the people
[31:55] that have Good Vibes good good spiritual
[31:58] Vibes and he describes these people and
[32:00] he gives the best uh certificate or the
[32:04] best recognition of their status because
[32:07] a lot of people are like well you know I
[32:09] want to I also you know I feel like I
[32:12] want to be me I want to have my
[32:13] personality I want to have friends I
[32:14] want to do this and this and that's all
[32:16] fine but you should never ever seek to
[32:19] want to have friends or relationships at
[32:21] the expense of being a good person right
[32:24] ultimately your goal is not to have
[32:26] friends your goal is to be a good person
[32:28] and naturally what we hope is that good
[32:29] people will attract the Friendship of
[32:31] other good people but the prophet he
[32:34] says that Allah in a Hadith
[32:37] mentions the ultimate value of being a
[32:40] good person is that on the day of
[32:41] judgment think of
[32:43] this we are told on the day of judgment
[32:46] that everybody that you know and you
[32:49] yourself are a liability for somebody
[32:52] else even family everybody you're going
[32:55] to have friends fighting on the day of
[32:57] judgment you're going to have family
[32:58] fighting on the day of judgment best of
[33:00] friends spouses you
[33:07] know Allah says even the parent will be
[33:10] running from the child the child running
[33:12] from the parent The Sibling running from
[33:14] The Sibling the SP everyone's going to
[33:16] be running from each other because why
[33:18] because it's like a it's a huge
[33:20] liability but he says there's one person
[33:23] that's the general there's a concession
[33:25] there's one person that on the day of
[33:27] judgment Allah describes them with the
[33:30] most beautiful phrase he says about them
[33:33] that these people that they remember
[33:35] Allah and they don't lie or cheat or
[33:38] steal or backbite they're good good
[33:40] companions all the traits we just
[33:41] covered he said on the day of judgment
[33:44] they will never be a source of grief for
[33:46] anybody that knew them nobody will look
[33:49] at them and say man I wish I didn't know
[33:52] you I wish in the dun I never met you
[33:55] isn't that kind of scary that phrase in
[33:57] the day judg is going to be uttered a
[33:58] lot I wish I never spent time with this
[34:00] person I wish I never called them or
[34:03] texted them our texts were just filled
[34:05] with backbiting I wish I never texted
[34:08] them I wish I didn't have their number
[34:10] and that person in the duny was your
[34:12] best
[34:12] friend or the spouse or your family but
[34:16] there is one type of person the person
[34:18] who carries all those traits that Allah
[34:19] says on the day of judgment anyone who
[34:21] knew them will say you caused me no harm
[34:25] you were the best companion because
[34:27] today is the the day where you have no
[34:29] negative impact on my destination which
[34:32] is Paradise you have no negative impact
[34:34] may Allah T make us good friends okay
[34:37] now the next trait that he gives and
[34:39] inshallah we'll go into Q&A right after
[34:41] this is we talked about this a little
[34:44] bit but he's going to kind of uh uh beef
[34:46] it up a little bit for us here and he
[34:47] says that the next trait to make sure
[34:50] that you're not a hypocrite and to make
[34:52] sure that you're not going against
[34:53] yourself remember when we talk about
[34:55] hypo hypocrisy here we're talking about
[34:57] a person negating their progress so the
[35:00] first one was good company okay now he's
[35:02] talking about humbling yourself to the
[35:05] truth what does this mean um raise your
[35:08] hand if you came to find out or learn
[35:14] something that directly went against the
[35:17] way that you behave and that thing was
[35:20] an advice or a command or something good
[35:22] for you you learned something that was
[35:24] good for you and then you looked at your
[35:25] life and you're like I am the exact
[35:26] opposite raise your hand
[35:28] I'll tell you my story I have a lot of
[35:31] these did I ever tell you guys you guys
[35:33] know the the the Arabic uh uh white
[35:36] cheese it's called
[35:38] Puck okay when I was like when I was
[35:41] like 18 years old because we're used to
[35:43] like otabe breakfast I thought that
[35:44] stuff was
[35:46] healthy okay later did I find out that
[35:49] literally it adds one pound per teaspoon
[35:52] that you eat okay so I'm putting that on
[35:54] everything I'm like pck it's cheese it's
[35:57] Dairy right you can always figure it out
[35:59] and then Subhan Allah you're like why
[36:01] are my pants not fitting and there's
[36:03] just like six empty Puck chars behind me
[36:05] right so when you come to find out for
[36:09] example like Nutella I thought Nutella
[36:11] at some point when I was younger when I
[36:12] was like a kid I was like man all right
[36:15] I'll have the Nutella the healthy stuff
[36:17] finally my brother is like that's not
[36:18] healthy bro the reality is when you come
[36:21] to find out these things you realize wow
[36:24] I have to change like this is staring me
[36:27] directly in the face and it's saying you
[36:29] have an issue right whether it's cream
[36:31] cheese whether it's Nutella right you
[36:33] have a problem I I I purposly use the
[36:36] light-hearted examples because some of
[36:38] the heavier ones are really heavy but
[36:40] you come to realize that there are
[36:42] certain patterns of behavior that you
[36:44] and I we don't even really realize
[36:46] anymore but we are embedded we are in
[36:48] that Groove and then we learn something
[36:50] whether it's the religion or whether
[36:52] it's something from you know just
[36:54] general etiquette from the Sun of the
[36:55] Prophet the Quran and we learned that
[36:57] man I've been doing this wrong the whole
[36:59] time you know imagine somebody for
[37:01] example that is very very harsh and
[37:04] tough and their language is very and
[37:05] then they read about the life of the
[37:07] prophet wasam and they come to find out
[37:09] that he was the most softspoken he
[37:11] reserved his direct communication for
[37:14] very serious moments but his General
[37:17] Behavior 99.9% of the time he was the
[37:20] softest of people now that person that's
[37:22] lived their entire life being harsh As
[37:25] Nails tough as nails with people and and
[37:27] they've scared away all of their friends
[37:28] and family because of how they attack
[37:30] them that person now at the age of who
[37:34] knows 30 40 50 even sometimes older is
[37:37] coming to realize I messed up and if
[37:39] only I knew this earlier my life would
[37:41] have been so different so he says here
[37:44] Subhan Allah humble yourself to the
[37:47] truth and make yourself a servant of it
[37:52] when you come to hear something from
[37:54] Allah and his messenger don't try to
[37:57] negotiate all the time don't try to
[38:00] bargain this isn't a
[38:03] Marketplace if Allah and his messenger
[38:06] and we're not talking about the
[38:07] differences of opinion all of that we're
[38:09] just saying clear things if Allah and
[38:11] his messenger have said for example
[38:14] pray it's not it's not time to negotiate
[38:17] that oh but I'm really busy you know the
[38:20] prophet Isam was pretty busy I know he
[38:23] didn't work for a Fortune 500 but he was
[38:24] pretty busy right
[38:28] oh I don't have time for this the
[38:29] negotiations are the beginning of your
[38:32] downfall and Subhan Allah what he says
[38:34] here is so beautiful when truth arrives
[38:37] at the heart of a
[38:39] person all argumentation should stop Ali
[38:43] say the cousin of the prophet he
[38:45] something very beautiful he said that
[38:48] knowledge when it arrives at the heart
[38:50] of a person it knocks on the door he
[38:54] says if the door answers without action
[38:58] I.E with change then knowledge walks in
[39:00] and
[39:01] stays but if the door is not answered
[39:04] meaning what the person doesn't change
[39:06] if they come to learn something and they
[39:08] don't change even a bit of who they are
[39:12] the knowledge
[39:14] leaves think about what's at stake the
[39:18] more I ignore the truth from Allah the
[39:22] less I will be able to recognize the
[39:24] truth and there will come a time years
[39:27] later decades later where the truth will
[39:29] be right in front of my face and I will
[39:32] be unable to admit it because why
[39:35] because I have ignored it for so long I
[39:37] can't even recognize it there are some
[39:40] you know when you see for example the
[39:42] situation that we're witnessing right
[39:43] now in Gaza may Allah T give them
[39:46] Victory may Allah T make the Muslims
[39:49] victorious in the situation and Sudan
[39:51] and all over where there is just clear
[39:54] guys this is not debatable it's not
[39:56] ambiguous
[39:58] it's clear it's defined as a genocide it
[40:02] is defined as a crime over and over and
[40:05] over again and then you sit and you
[40:07] engage with these people that have
[40:09] denied Truth for decades and you show
[40:13] them pictures and videos and statistics
[40:15] and you lay things out for them and you
[40:17] explain to them and they say what no
[40:20] it's not true it is a form of mental
[40:24] incapacity Allah has removed their
[40:27] ability to see the truth what a horrible
[40:30] punishment Allah has taken away the
[40:32] ability to see the truth and this is
[40:35] only one example but imagine a person
[40:37] that has ignored
[40:39] prayer has pushed it off a person that
[40:43] ignored the Quran a person that
[40:47] ignored the Hadith the life the story of
[40:50] our beloved messenger for years and then
[40:53] when it's finally presented to them
[40:56] there will come a time if
[40:58] says where you will want to engage with
[41:00] it but because you became so averse to
[41:03] it it avoids you like oil avoids
[41:06] water it's not it's not just a light
[41:09] switch there's a priming of the Soul
[41:13] there's a preparation of the heart
[41:15] there's a condition a health of this
[41:18] person that has to constantly be growing
[41:21] towards Allah in order for any of this
[41:22] stuff to
[41:24] stick in Bak which is the first first
[41:27] major long s of the Quran it's the
[41:29] second chapter Allah
[41:31] addresses the Hypocrites and he
[41:35] describes them as people who see the
[41:37] truth but when they see the truth it
[41:39] pushes them away from the truth even
[41:42] further and this is the result of a
[41:44] person who ignores it when Allah gave it
[41:46] to them so constantly in their life so
[41:48] our responsibility when it comes to the
[41:50] truth is even if we can't be perfect we
[41:54] never want to reject it even if we can't
[41:56] follow it ex exactly I know I know look
[41:59] we're all human no one is saying here
[42:01] you're going to walk out of these doors
[42:02] walk out of this lecture and be Angel
[42:04] jabriel we have a friend by the way we
[42:06] call him Angel jabriel because as far as
[42:09] we know he's perfect okay uh mallah but
[42:12] the point being is we know that that's
[42:14] not an expectation but you know what's
[42:16] an expectation everybody can achieve
[42:18] everybody can at least recognize the
[42:20] truth is truth even if you can't follow
[42:23] it exactly we can recognize it I can say
[42:26] that Salah is beautiful even if I'm not
[42:28] there yet I don't pray I can say that
[42:30] the prophet's life is amazing even if
[42:33] I'm not representative of him yet I can
[42:37] say that the hijab is amazing even if
[42:39] I'm not there yet and my respect and
[42:42] love for the ideal Allah's promise is
[42:46] that if I maintain that he will take me
[42:48] there he'll get me there if I want to
[42:51] but if I keep pushing it away over and
[42:53] over and over again at some point every
[42:56] person that's not welcomed in leaves the
[42:58] door every person that's not welcomed
[43:00] into the house will walk away and that's
[43:02] the case with truth and knowledge may
[43:04] Allah T give us the ability to be humble
[43:05] with his truth let's go ahead inshallah
[43:07] and do some uh some
[43:09] Q&A oh my gosh you guys upvoted again
[43:12] marriage oh my
[43:16] goodness okay this is a this is a good
[43:18] question if I wish to marry someone
[43:21] outside of this person said Arab culture
[43:24] but any
[43:25] culture um but my father refuses to give
[43:28] him a chance due to his cultural
[43:30] background what should I
[43:32] do so there's there there's like a
[43:35] scientific answer and then there's like
[43:37] a applied answer okay um the best case
[43:41] scenario is that everybody in the
[43:43] situation of a a proposal is on board
[43:47] everybody is supportive everybody is is
[43:50] because you need the support of really
[43:52] everybody as much as possible okay
[43:54] that's the best case scenario however
[43:57] there are some situations where a person
[43:59] finds somebody the prophet he said
[44:01] listen to this Hadith he said if you
[44:03] find a person who is good in their
[44:05] character and good in their Dean then
[44:07] let them get married otherwise you'll be
[44:09] spreading
[44:10] facad and you know I I do tell this to
[44:13] people I say look if you keep preventing
[44:15] people from getting married because
[44:17] they're not from your village or from
[44:19] your belad or from anywhere you're just
[44:21] increasing Zena I said that's all you're
[44:24] doing because this person wants to get
[44:25] married it doesn't matter if they're
[44:26] from Pasha or from Punjab or anywhere or
[44:30] if they're from Palestine or Egypt it
[44:32] doesn't matter as long as the person's
[44:35] faith and character is sufficient is
[44:37] pleasing to you then that should be what
[44:39] what is you know and compatibility wise
[44:41] they match then that should be all that
[44:42] you look for so the prophet he
[44:45] prophesized this problem he actually
[44:47] told us that it was going to happen
[44:49] because he said if you become a people
[44:51] that don't that you create more
[44:53] expectations than what I gave you you're
[44:55] going to be increasing facad which is is
[44:57] open sinning okay which means the more
[44:59] you make marriage difficult for dumb
[45:01] reasons I'm not talking about Good
[45:02] Reasons there are some people they're
[45:03] like I want to get married I'm like go
[45:05] back to Sesame Street you know like you
[45:07] need you need to get a job right and I
[45:10] I'm with you like I think there are some
[45:11] people where it's like they're a little
[45:13] bit you know in in fantasy line when it
[45:15] comes to getting married right I want to
[45:16] get married who's going to take care of
[45:17] you baa no that's not how that works
[45:21] okay but the people who are genuinely
[45:24] mature enough genuinely ready and the
[45:26] only reason they being held back is
[45:27] because of
[45:29] culture
[45:30] now this also there's an important layer
[45:34] here you also when you find someone
[45:36] who's not from your culture or your
[45:37] parents culture or the culture you grow
[45:39] up in you also have to admit and
[45:41] understand that things will be
[45:43] different if if they don't for example
[45:45] share all of the same now you're going
[45:47] to be gaining some things that's true
[45:49] but you're also your parents might also
[45:52] be losing some things which you have to
[45:54] be able to be smart enough to
[45:56] emotionally engage with that for
[45:59] example my wife is Bangladeshi okay and
[46:04] her grandmother and I our communication
[46:07] is adorable is hilarious but is very
[46:12] minimal it's all body
[46:15] language that's it I give her hugs high
[46:18] fives fist
[46:19] bumps you know she looks at me I look at
[46:22] her we can't really communicate like we
[46:25] cannot talk about the political IC
[46:27] climate of Bangladesh
[46:30] like you know I could just be like wow
[46:32] and she's like I'm like and we just
[46:35] that's it and and we're there right and
[46:38] and and you know I've been married now
[46:39] 15 years so like we're kind of beyond
[46:41] the whole like but I will say like it's
[46:43] a challenge it is a challenge like I'm
[46:46] sure I'm sure that there is a world
[46:49] where you know my wife's grandmother
[46:51] would have liked to be able to have a
[46:53] conversation with me I'm sure but but to
[46:55] her credit she was the most supportive
[46:58] of our marriage especially in the
[46:59] beginning and she was the one that was
[47:01] like I don't care if he speaks bang or
[47:03] not if he's good just let them get
[47:05] married that was my my wife's
[47:06] grandmother so she was like the one who
[47:08] took the the the you know the the
[47:11] hardest fall so to speak not being able
[47:13] to speak with or communicate with in in
[47:16] complexity me as her granddaughter's uh
[47:20] husband so what I'm trying to say is
[47:23] this yes there is a world where
[47:25] islamically you know Multicultural
[47:27] marriages are the
[47:29] inevitability if you're trying hard to
[47:31] preserve it you have like one generation
[47:34] left my my father's Irish my mother's
[47:36] Egyptian my wife is Bangladeshi my kids
[47:39] are the future of American Islam like
[47:42] you have a half bangali quarter Egyptian
[47:43] quarter Irish kid named Musa Murphy who
[47:46] people still are going to think is a
[47:48] convert himself even though his
[47:50] grandfather converted like there's
[47:52] there's no hope you know in terms of
[47:53] preserving this pure bloodline right
[47:56] like you're a Slytherin like there's no
[47:58] hope just you just got to you just got
[48:00] to like embrace it gracefully but at the
[48:03] same time and that's and that's really
[48:05] the consequence of moving here for
[48:07] economic Prosperity like if you wanted
[48:08] to have that sort of like homogeneous
[48:11] then you should have really just like
[48:13] stayed you know and no no I say that I
[48:15] say that very
[48:16] respectfully that's why my mother by the
[48:18] way when she was like blah you know
[48:21] early on she's like why don't you marry
[48:22] an Egyptian and I was like you didn't
[48:24] marry an Egyptian like you married D dad
[48:27] is as white as Puck you know cream
[48:29] cheese like you like that call back so
[48:32] you can't you can't I realized the pun
[48:35] there and I was not
[48:36] intentional you can't enforce upon me
[48:39] Marrying an Egyptian when you married an
[48:41] Irish convert like you know what I mean
[48:44] and she said you're right how it like
[48:45] she's like you know you're right like I
[48:47] I I I concede so the inevitability is
[48:50] like one generation two generations like
[48:52] how long can we hold this out but but
[48:55] that doesn't mean that we need to act as
[48:57] if everything's just going to be the
[48:58] same like there are going to be
[48:59] challenges and young people who are
[49:01] trying to get married have to be honest
[49:03] about those challenges you can't tell
[49:05] your parents like it doesn't matter no
[49:06] it does matter because now your kids
[49:09] won't be able to speak to their
[49:11] grandparents unless you really work hard
[49:13] at it and it's not going to be easy for
[49:15] everybody so you can't just sort of
[49:17] ignore and erase all of their concerns
[49:19] that's that's part of being emotionally
[49:21] immature but embracing their concerns
[49:24] and trying to mitigate them and trying
[49:25] to reach a compromise
[49:27] will demonstrate again that this is not
[49:30] a tragedy looming this this is something
[49:32] that you can work
[49:34] through um I'm having trouble quitting
[49:36] music I feel like it distracts me from
[49:38] Allah uh I feel like Allah is
[49:40] disappointed okay so this is a very good
[49:42] I love this because there is a whole
[49:45] discussion about the permissibility of
[49:47] music or impermissibility of Music
[49:49] generally speaking there are Scholars
[49:51] that say that all Scholars agree that
[49:55] impermissible music music is that which
[49:58] the contents are
[49:59] impermissible so no one is arguing oh
[50:02] music is permissible and they're like
[50:03] here let's play like cardi B's Greatest
[50:05] Hits like no one no one is saying that's
[50:08] fine okay we're talking about things
[50:10] like instrumentals Etc some Scholars are
[50:13] saying there might be an argument there
[50:14] is an argument that it's not
[50:15] impermissible Etc but no one is debating
[50:18] if the content is wrong everyone knows
[50:21] that that's wrong so this person mallah
[50:22] may Allah bless you you're very mature
[50:25] for you to be able to say you know what
[50:26] I realize it's a weak point I realize
[50:28] it's something I struggle with that is a
[50:31] huge masallah growth point and growth
[50:33] opportunity uh my my advice to anyone
[50:36] who's having trouble quitting music is
[50:38] you simply have to find a replacement
[50:40] cutting cold turkey is difficult you
[50:42] have to find a replacement you can
[50:44] listen to of course a Nashid if you
[50:46] really really need something melodious I
[50:47] mean Quran for me is just like when when
[50:50] I feel like an itch to listen to music
[50:53] which I really don't anymore because you
[50:55] get to a certain age where all music is
[50:56] just the same but when I listen to Quran
[50:59] music just sounds like a children's toy
[51:02] when you listen to a good
[51:04] reciter you're like nothing compares to
[51:07] this and I'm saying this not as like a
[51:10] you know a person who's like like lame I
[51:13] I I mean this genuinely my entire high
[51:15] school and college career like many
[51:17] concerts way more than I want to admit
[51:20] but when you listen to Quran all of that
[51:23] stuff just sounds so offkey no pun
[51:25] intended a a beautiful recitation of
[51:28] Allah's book will always extinguish all
[51:31] of the distractions okay so make it a
[51:33] part of your morning make it a part of
[51:35] your day and see how that starts to
[51:36] affect uh you and then also just listen
[51:38] to silence a lot of us we listen to
[51:41] stuff all the time because we don't want
[51:42] to listen to silence because silence
[51:44] kind of like makes us think listen to
[51:45] silence okay we'll do one more and then
[51:47] we'll go for M
[51:49] inshallah um
[51:57] oh
[52:05] God if a dear friend I'm just going to
[52:08] answer it
[52:09] okay if a dear friend is having a mixed
[52:12] wedding with music now you're just
[52:14] combining all of the
[52:16] questions you're like and there are Jin
[52:19] there it's
[52:20] like and the Jin is a dog it's like oh
[52:23] God okay how can we politely decline the
[52:25] invitation if we attend how can we make
[52:27] it as Halal as possible smiley face okay
[52:29] I know exactly what gender you are now
[52:31] so okay so
[52:35] look look
[52:38] um responding to the invitation is a
[52:41] prophetic trait whether or not you can
[52:43] come whether or not you can attend you
[52:44] have to let them know if you can attend
[52:47] you should attend but the amount that
[52:50] you attend does not need to be the
[52:52] entire duration if you don't feel
[52:53] comfortable there there have been many
[52:55] weddings look have to go to weddings I'm
[52:57] kind of like the one that makes it sort
[52:59] of a wedding in a way so when I go there
[53:02] okay and everyone puts the napkins on
[53:03] their head and the DJ like
[53:05] stops right and they play like the Quran
[53:08] and all that and I go and and and you
[53:11] just got to you know you have to W wish
[53:14] the family well make Dua for them Etc
[53:16] and then when the Dance Floor stuff
[53:17] happens I politely you know that's when
[53:20] ESP on my phone in the lobby like and
[53:23] that's okay but to skip the entire thing
[53:26] to not even get make the effort to get
[53:29] dressed bring a gift say Salam give hugs
[53:33] and then depart to me that's more
[53:36] destructive than anything you know the
[53:39] entire Gathering itself is not
[53:41] impermissible there might be elements of
[53:42] it and that might be something that the
[53:44] person themselves they're fighting a
[53:46] hard battle against their family
[53:47] whatever but you can at least show up
[53:49] for 10 minutes and to show your love and
[53:52] support and give something and you know
[53:55] give them a tight hug and make Dua for
[53:57] them and then you know they'll forget
[53:59] when you when you had out because you
[54:01] were there you were there you did your
[54:03] part okay so this whole black and white
[54:06] thing where it's like either don't or do
[54:07] go no don't be so lame like be creative
[54:11] be creative like what's a way that I can
[54:13] go I can show face I can give my love
[54:16] and and duas my gift and then anything
[54:19] that makes me uncomfortable I can leave
[54:21] and that's that's the beauty of Islam is
[54:24] that you can be creatively spiritual in
[54:26] a way that doesn't sacrifice your
[54:27] principles but you also don't ruin the
[54:29] relationship okay it's just it's just
[54:32] it's it's a tough battle for a lot of
[54:34] people and so don't be the one that
[54:36] leaves them hanging okay now if it's
[54:38] very if every part of it if every
[54:41] element of it is
[54:43] questionable right no I mean that really
[54:45] if there's like if alcohol is flowing
[54:48] and this and this and whatever and like
[54:49] belly dancing and all that then maybe
[54:51] what you do is you say hey I can't make
[54:53] it but here I'm sending my gift and you
[54:55] send your gift anyways and then you take
[54:56] them out for coffee the day after or
[54:58] something but you don't ever just like
[55:00] ghost the person completely right but
[55:03] you have to gauge uh you know your
[55:05] spiritual standing and principles may
[55:06] Allah T make it easy may Allah T give us
[55:08] the ability to practice everything we've
[55:10] said and heard inshallah we'll see you
[55:11] next
[55:12] Monday if you sat on the chairs please
[55:14] help us by stacking them if you sat on
[55:16] the backjacks please help us by lighting
[55:18] them up we're going to head to the Mah I
[55:20] have to head over there because M time
[55:22] and then we have actually a brother
[55:24] who's been attending heart workk who
[55:25] wants to take shahada tonight so I have
[55:26] to make my way over there inshallah okay

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