# Why Awareness Alone Cannot Change Old Patterns with Megan Dupuis An episode of ["Mindset2Results" with Elena Apalkova](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1739157956), 18 Oct 2026, 39 min. Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/media.podcastai.com/episodes/fPl4AfNWeIf.mp3?u=1792300501 Why can old patterns persist even when you understand where they came from? Megan Dupuis explores how safety in the body and nervous system can help loosen childhood survival responses, including people pleasing, self abandonment, weak boundaries and control. She and Elena Apalkova discuss listening to triggers with care, taking small consistent actions and building the self trust needed to respond differently over time. (0:00) Introduction to Safety and Patterns (4:09) Childhood Patterns in Adult Life (15:17) Safety Starts in the Body (26:51) Listening to Triggers with Care (32:26) Spirituality Trust and Moving Forward ## Transcript [0:02] Hello. [0:03] Hello. [0:03] Welcome to mindset two results. [0:06] Have you ever thought I know exactly why I do this? [0:10] So why I do keep doing this? [0:13] My guest today, Megan Dupuy, believes the missing piece may be not just knowledge or more [0:22] healing work, but safety. [0:25] Today, we are exploring how childhood survival patterns follow us into adulthood and what it [0:32] takes to finally begin changing them. [0:36] Hi, Megan. [0:37] Welcome to Mindset to Results. [0:39] Hi, Alina. [0:40] Thank you so much for having me. [0:42] I'm really excited to be here today. [0:44] Yeah. [0:44] You're most welcome. [0:45] Before we start our interview, I usually have this, habit to ask our guests what makes them [0:54] so passionate to be podcast guests and be on our show today? [1:00] Because there could be so many things to do, but you choose to share with the world your [1:05] experience, your life, your patience. [1:08] So what is that behind? [1:11] I really want women to experience clarity and healing, however that looks in their life. [1:20] And I I think that when... [1:24] Like, we... [1:25] Especially women who are, like, in their forties and and up and even the late thirties, [1:31] we spent our whole lives kind of in a box that necessarily wasn't our box, but the box that [1:36] was put on us as children. [1:38] And then you start, like, hitting perimenopause, and you realize that that box [1:44] doesn't fit. [1:45] And... [1:45] But what do you do? [1:46] How... [1:47] Who are you? [1:47] Like, you've lost yourself. [1:49] So it's it's helping. [1:50] I... [1:50] Like, I really have a passion for helping women evolve into their next chapter, evolve their [1:57] soul so that they can really bring in what they're craving in life and the things that [2:03] align most with them. [2:06] Yeah. [2:06] That is very important. [2:08] So, Megan, someone can spend years in therapy, read dozens of self help books, and understand [2:16] exactly where their patterns came from, yet still repeat them. [2:22] So the question is this. [2:24] Why isn't awareness alone enough to create lasting change? [2:31] So my theory is that it's not enough to create lasting changes because you don't feel safe [2:38] enough to actually make the changes. [2:41] So you see, okay. [2:42] I have to do this and this. [2:43] But if you don't feel safe to make the change, it's never going to to happen. [2:48] And when your inner child doesn't feel safe, you're still reacting from the points of, like, [2:58] childhood, like, how you would emotionally react as a child. [3:02] That that still comes out whether we see it or not. [3:05] These patterns are still there. [3:06] And even if you look at it, it's like, yeah, I can see why I do it, but I just... [3:10] I I don't know how to change it or I don't feel safe enough to change it because who would I be [3:17] if I wasn't doing these things? [3:20] And what is one sign that tells someone, I understand my pattern intellectually, but I [3:28] haven't actually changed it yet? [3:32] Feel like one sign is that you you know what you have to do, and you just aren't doing it. [3:36] Like, you know that you have to change it, and you're just kind of not making an effort to do [3:42] it. [3:43] And that's an okay place to be. [3:44] I feel like half of this battle is acknowledging where you are, and there's no [3:50] shame of being where you are. [3:51] And if you're in that space where I need to do this... [3:54] So if, say, you need to stop drinking or smoking or something. [3:56] Right? [3:57] I know I gotta do it. [3:58] I'm just not there yet, and that's okay. [4:00] But you are gonna know. [4:02] I... [4:03] That you're gonna know I need to change something and just haven't made that leap yet. [4:09] Yeah. [4:10] So let's speak about this [4:11] that, the pattern we don't realize, we are repeating. [4:16] And because most of our behavior is subconscious. [4:20] Yes. [4:20] And if we don't realize, we just have unconsciously will repeat the same. [4:25] So you teach that childhood survival patterns can continue running our adult lives. [4:33] What are some of the most common ways these patterns show up in relationships, business, [4:40] boundaries, or the way we treat ourselves? [4:43] So some of the ways that these will show up are, you know, people pleasing, self [4:48] abandonment, avoidance, addiction. [4:55] These are, like, all, like, some of the the common ones is that you are, even, like, high [5:02] achieving. [5:03] Like, you have to be the best at everything. [5:06] These are some of, like, the the core foundation. [5:08] There are more, but these are some, like, the core p... [5:10] Ones that I see people have the most, especially the people pleasing and the lack of [5:14] boundaries because as a child, you've been taught you needed to behave a certain way to [5:19] receive love. [5:21] And so whether it's avoidance, whether it's, you know, anxious attachment, you've been [5:28] programmed that certain way. [5:30] And if it's not coming in that way, then you don't know what to do. [5:34] So you tend to bring in relationships whether they're platonic, they're work relationships, [5:40] they're romantic relationships that are gonna mirror back to you, that it's... [5:45] So if you are... [5:46] You... [5:47] You're someone who chases love and love is hard, it's going to be hard for you to pull in [5:52] partners who are secure because if you don't have to chase it, you're like, oh, that's too [5:56] easy. [5:57] They they can't possibly love me. [5:59] So that's, like, a good example of of that. [6:04] Yeah. [6:05] Thank you. [6:06] And can you give us, another example of an adult behavior that looks completely normal on [6:12] the surface but may actually been an old survival response? [6:18] So the boundaries is huge. [6:20] It's saying yes when you mean no, not being able to tell someone. [6:24] And it could be a simple thing like, I don't wanna go someplace, but you feel an obligation [6:31] or you feel I have to include somebody even though, like, you might not want to, but [6:37] you've... [6:37] Like, that's an example is boundary setting, just not being able to stand up for yourself [6:42] for simple things and, of course, for more difficult things, telling people, you don't [6:48] like the way someone's treating you. [6:50] But it also is just simple things like, do you... [6:54] What restaurant do you wanna go to? [6:56] I don't know. [6:56] Whatever you want. [6:58] That... [6:58] I mean, that's a simple thing that sometimes you don't even think about because you're just [7:04] trying to constantly make that other person happy or trying to please. [7:10] That... [7:10] That's a simple one. [7:12] So when the person answers like this, like, whatever you think, like, whatever you choose, [7:18] so what it speaks? [7:19] Like, what it tells us about the person? [7:22] Like, what is going be... [7:24] Behind this answer? [7:27] So oftentimes when people are responding of, well, whatever you want, it's... [7:33] They are afraid to tell you what they want because they want you to have that admiration [7:39] from you. [7:40] They want... [7:40] So if it's a romantic relationship, they want you to love them. [7:45] And they feel that if I don't do this, I won't be liked or loved, and I need to be liked or [7:50] loved by this person. [7:52] And that... [7:52] I mean, it can be for a friendship. [7:53] It can be in work. [7:54] Like, oh, if I if I speak up, I'm I'm becoming difficult. [7:59] And you're really not becoming difficult. [8:01] You're... [8:01] As long as you're saying whatever you need to say in a respectful way, it's okay. [8:07] But people who are kind of on that boat... [8:09] You know, I'm guilty of it too. [8:10] I, yeah, I would just allow p... [8:13] Like, go along with what everyone else wanted because I didn't wanna be the only person being [8:18] like, oh, no. [8:19] No. [8:19] Like, I... [8:19] No. [8:20] I don't like that. [8:20] I don't wanna do it. [8:22] It's... [8:22] It was just to kind of make sure, oh, I'm still liked. [8:26] I'm still loved. [8:26] The status quo is still good. [8:29] Yes. [8:30] And it also can show the low self esteem of the person. [8:33] It's because he, like, neglecting his own wishes. [8:37] And maybe he didn't or she even didn't learn or used to think about what she wants or what he [8:45] wants is because since childhood, we were taught what to want. [8:51] Right? [8:51] Because, like [8:52] Yeah. [8:52] We really wanted. [8:54] We could hear that, oh, no. [8:56] This is not for you what you're thinking about. [8:58] Like, no. [8:59] Forget about this. [9:00] Like, this is what you have to want. [9:02] Like like, parents, they were not asking us what we really want. [9:07] But I noticed that many parents, they, like, put their own will on children, and they make [9:16] them [9:17] want what they want. [9:18] Like, even if child says no, they don't accept it as no. [9:22] They start, like, trying to change the child's mind. [9:27] Or why you don't want look like this, this and this. [9:30] See, this is good. [9:31] Yes. [9:32] So they try to put their opinion on children. [9:35] And if it is repeated pattern, this is how children just... [9:39] Okay. [9:40] They want to be good for parents. [9:41] They love their parent. [9:42] This is how they accept and say, okay. [9:45] Let me accept what my parent want because I don't want to, like, disappoint my mom. [9:51] Right? [9:52] And this is how it it creates the habit to put yourself back. [9:56] Right? [9:56] And just start accepting what other people want you to want. [10:00] Right? [10:00] And this pattern can go all... [10:02] Like, through all life, and this is how it reflects in relationships. [10:06] But and also, like, the person thinks that by pleasing someone and just accept what they [10:13] want, like restaurant they want or dish or what... [10:16] Okay. [10:16] What what you choose Yeah. [10:18] What you want. [10:18] I will choose the same. [10:19] Right? [10:20] So this is actually not serving them, right, like this pattern because they will get tired. [10:27] Like... [10:28] Right? [10:28] Because Yeah. [10:29] Sometime you do this, two times. [10:31] But later, you will start feeling like you're you're not living for yourself. [10:35] Right? [10:36] Like, you... [10:36] It start becoming boring. [10:38] And Yeah. [10:39] Absolutely. [10:40] Start expecting you because you showed it, like, from the beginning like that. [10:44] Right? [10:44] So they just expecting you that you will continue. [10:48] No. [10:48] Absolutely. [10:49] There is... [10:49] Like, we are taught, and I I feel like like, the way I'm raising my kids, I'm trying to [10:55] raise them. [10:57] Also, I feel... [10:58] Comes into that is, like, a lot of parents, they put their emotions on you, and so you [11:03] weren't allowed to feel, which ties in with what you were saying. [11:06] Like, you weren't allowed just to feel. [11:07] You had to, oh, why are you upset? [11:11] I'm gonna give you something to cry about. [11:13] But then the parents have an emotion, and they often wanted you to regulate their emotions. [11:18] And, it it all starts of this learning to self abandon from a very young age. [11:26] And so we learned, hey. [11:28] If I if I make mommy or daddy or whoever your caregiver is happy, then I'm a good girl. [11:34] I'm a good boy. [11:34] Like, I'm, like, I'm being good. [11:36] So then we just carry it forward, and it does. [11:38] It I think in the beginning of life, you're okay. [11:42] Yeah. [11:43] And you just do it because it's a it's a pattern you've developed, and you don't [11:46] necessarily even recognize it because it's what you've always done. [11:49] And, well, I always do what everyone else wants. [11:51] And then you get to a point in your life where you're like, I I don't wanna go to that [11:55] restaurant. [11:56] I don't wanna do whatever. [11:59] And you start having to speak up, and it's super uncomfortable when you do. [12:04] But it it... [12:05] It's because the voice inside is so much louder now. [12:08] It's like, no. [12:09] I can't just not say what I want anymore. [12:13] I have to start speaking. [12:15] Yes. [12:16] It is like relearning, like like learning the new skill because it [12:21] is [12:22] it is uncomfortable. [12:23] If you are if you are not you... [12:25] Not used to tell what you want and to put you as priority, if you were told that putting you [12:32] as priority, it is being selfish. [12:35] Right? [12:36] But [12:36] Yeah. [12:37] And if you think like, oh, if I start speaking, I will be looked like selfish. [12:42] Yeah. [12:42] But I'm not selfish. [12:43] Yeah. [12:43] So this becomes like that inner inner dialogue, which is like, where am I? [12:48] Like, when I am... [12:49] Can speak at all about my [12:52] It's very true. [12:53] It's because we've been taught not to have the needs. [12:56] You can't need something. [12:58] Why would you need something? [12:59] I've given you everything you could possibly want. [13:02] Why do you need? [13:03] And so we silence the, oh, I don't need anything. [13:06] I'm good. [13:06] I don't need... [13:07] And that when you start to speak up about it, it is scary because you don't feel safe. [13:14] You don't... [13:15] Like, you've been taught that if you stay quiet, that is safe. [13:20] And so when you're, like, starting to speak up, that feels very unsafe because oftentimes, the [13:27] people around you are used to, like you said, you behaving in that certain way. [13:32] And when you don't behave that way, they react in a non favor... [13:36] Oftentimes, they don't react in a favor. [13:39] Well, why are being difficult? [13:40] And it's coming to that conclusion. [13:44] And I... [13:44] And it's after you've done work where it's, I'm allowed to have my wants and needs. [13:48] Again, it comes down to if somebody really loves me, they're... [13:53] As long as I'm being respectful in how I'm delivering my wants and needs, if they can't [13:59] see that I can have them, those aren't necessarily someone I want in my life, and [14:03] that's okay because you want people in your life who want you to have wants and needs. [14:08] And, like, I'm not saying that every time you have to go against the grain, they've... [14:12] You know? [14:12] Like, I tell my kids this too. [14:14] It's like... [14:15] It's okay to, like, want what you want, but sometimes in a group, you you have to be... [14:19] If everyone's going to one restaurant and you're like, I don't want it, sometimes you [14:22] have to be like, okay. [14:23] I'll go. [14:24] But it's picking when it's time to voice what you want and what you need. [14:29] You know? [14:30] What's really important to you. [14:33] Yes. [14:34] Yes. [14:34] Definitely. [14:35] And, yeah. [14:37] So it is, again, about awareness. [14:39] It's because people can live and carry this and think that they have to be that person who just [14:46] accepts everyone's opinion or who even cannot decide. [14:51] Like, every time it come to decide something, he ask everybody else, what should I do? [14:56] Because he never used to make decision. [15:00] Parents did decisions what to wear, what to eat, where to go, to whom to be friends. [15:05] And this is how they didn't practice. [15:07] And then they come in with this, like, what should I do? [15:10] They cannot make decision even for small things. [15:13] Yeah. [15:13] So And that all... [15:14] I'm sorry. [15:15] Go ahead. [15:15] I'm sorry. [15:16] Yeah. [15:16] Yeah. [15:16] Yeah. [15:16] You go ahead. [15:17] And, no, but that also comes down to not feeling safe. [15:20] Like, you don't feel safe in your body. [15:23] You don't feel safe in yourself, which breaks down to, like, that inner child. [15:27] Right? [15:27] The inner child is not feeling safe to make the simple of decisions of do I like green or blue? [15:33] And I'm... [15:34] Like, and there's nothing wrong in being in that situation. [15:36] And I feel like your experiences also are gonna shape that. [15:39] So if you have, grown up, like, to everyone else, you're often gonna be brought into [15:46] relationships where you are meant to just listen and go to what everyone else thinks and [15:54] that when you speak up, well, I like this. [15:57] And, no, you don't. [15:58] Right? [15:58] So you're gonna keep... [16:00] You're gonna pull in marriages. [16:02] You're gonna pull in friendships that are gonna tell you how to live your life and not... [16:06] And you never build up that self trust of, no. [16:10] This is what I want. [16:11] And it can be big or small. [16:13] It can... [16:14] Like like, it'd be the favorite color. [16:16] But... [16:16] And I also think, you know, depending on, like, the traumas that you've received, there are [16:23] points... [16:23] Like, if you've had... [16:24] If you've been in a narcissistic relationship with someone, you aren't gonna be able to make [16:29] easy decisions about things. [16:32] Like, I've had clients where they got out of narcissistic relationships, and they couldn't [16:38] pick out a comforter for their home. [16:40] Like, they had moved out of the relationship. [16:43] They're redecorating their own home. [16:45] And because for years, they had not been able to utilize what their wants and needs were, [16:51] that they spent a month picking out a comforter. [16:56] And they still didn't like it, but they needed a comforter. [16:59] So they just bought whatever because they just... [17:01] I don't know if I... [17:02] I don't know what I like anymore. [17:03] I don't I don't know what I need anymore. [17:05] You know? [17:05] You you get to that point where you just don't know if you allow everyone to always tell you [17:11] what it is that you want and need. [17:13] And there's nothing wrong with being there. [17:15] I never want anyone to feel like, oh, I'm here. [17:17] This is a... [17:17] Like, it's okay to be where you are. [17:25] Oh, I can't hear you. [17:27] Yes. [17:28] It's okay to be where you are, and it is always way out. [17:31] Yes. [17:32] Like Yeah. [17:32] Absolutely. [17:33] Yeah. [17:33] As long as, like, if you're... [17:34] If you say, hey. [17:35] I'm here. [17:36] And then you can start to, like, make the plans to to change. [17:40] Right? [17:42] Yeah. [17:42] This is all about awareness. [17:44] Because if you know where you want to be, this is very important to know where you are. [17:48] Right? [17:49] So you [17:49] can [17:49] Yeah. [17:50] Bridge that gap between two dots. [17:52] Absolutely. [17:54] Don't know where you are. [17:55] It is difficult, like, what you you have to do if you don't know where you are. [17:58] Right? [17:59] What do you want to change? [18:00] So this awareness comes first. [18:02] And, of course, we grow in consciousness, understanding, and we have access to right [18:09] environment, this helps to, get the help to move forward wherever we [18:15] Yeah. [18:16] No. [18:17] And I I really agree with that because, like, I I actually tell my clients a lot. [18:21] Like... [18:21] And in my program, I... [18:23] I'm... [18:23] When you first start, it's... [18:24] I I want you to write down where you are right now and put it all down because you... [18:33] It's a good marker so that you can look back later and say, oh my god. [18:37] I was here, and I'm in such a different place. [18:41] But it maps out, k. [18:43] Where... [18:44] What... [18:44] Where do I... [18:45] And even if you can't see the path of how to get where you wanna go, I feel like if you have [18:49] that destination in mind, like, I wanna go here, it will somehow finagle its way out, and [18:57] you'll be able to get there. [18:58] But it's the awareness of I'm not where I wanna be and what are the small baby steps I can take [19:06] to accomplish that bigger goal? [19:09] Yeah. [19:09] Some situations may feel that you just are there, and you can't move anywhere else. [19:15] Like, sometimes when you're in that situation, it feels like it is the end. [19:18] Like, this is only life you can have. [19:21] But this is just a point from that situation, from that angle. [19:25] Is... [19:25] And there are a lot of different angles how to look at things. [19:29] Like, when time passes and then you can look back and you can have totally different life. [19:34] Right? [19:34] So knowing that it can be different. [19:37] It... [19:37] Everything, like, passes. [19:39] Like, this situation also can pass. [19:41] But this is you will have just to make decision really where you want to live, how you want to [19:48] live, what do you want your life to look like. [19:50] Yes. [19:51] And then when you understand that this is important, what is important for you? [19:54] Why is it important? [19:56] Yes. [19:56] Like, that why should be very strong in order to make your compass to that direction. [20:05] No. [20:05] Absolutely. [20:06] Like, you you have to have that why behind it. [20:09] And even if, like, it... [20:14] Is ever stagnant. [20:16] Things are always changing. [20:17] Things are always moving. [20:19] And once that you say, okay. [20:22] I don't like it now, but doesn't mean it's always gonna be... [20:25] Like you said, like, you can totally change your life around. [20:28] Like, my life is completely different from where I was five years ago. [20:31] Like, night and day, two separate things. [20:34] And at the time when I... [20:36] So I left the marriage. [20:38] At the time when I was leaving my marriage, I had... [20:42] I couldn't have seen out of a paper bag. [20:44] I didn't have clarity. [20:45] I just... [20:47] It was a difficult marriage. [20:48] I lost a lot of myself in it, and, I didn't know how I could get to the next steps. [20:56] And little by little, it became clear. [20:59] It didn't happen overnight, but but sometimes you do wake up overnight, and you're like, I'm [21:04] in a totally different spot. [21:06] And because you've been living it and when you really take a look at that original spot of [21:11] where you were when you were like, I want... [21:13] You realize I am the version of me that I was praying to be. [21:19] And that's, like, a big, like, oh, moment because you you spend so much time wanting to [21:25] be someone else, and then you go through what you have to go through. [21:29] And one day you do. [21:30] You wake up, and you are that version. [21:32] If you've make... [21:32] If you make the steps to do so, you know, that it is possible. [21:37] It doesn't... [21:37] It's not a clear path, but it is possible to become that version. [21:42] Yeah. [21:43] So true. [21:44] So let's speak about safety. [21:46] Yes. [21:47] Why safety comes first? [21:49] You said that before rushing into shadow work or deeper healing, we need to create safety for [21:56] the inner child. [21:58] What does safety actually mean in practical terms? [22:02] And how can someone know whether their nervous system genuinely feels safe rather than simply [22:09] telling themselves that they're safe? [22:13] So what I mean by safe... [22:15] So why it's so important is because when you start doing, like, a lot of deep healing work [22:20] or your shadow work, you are accessing parts of yourself, and you are in a sense retraumatizing [22:26] yourself because you are allowing yourself to relive things that happen to you. [22:33] And if you don't feel safe, you are not able to access that version because it doesn't feel [22:39] safe. [22:40] And so when you go into it... [22:42] And I saw this a lot with clients where they wanted to discover certain things about [22:47] themselves. [22:47] So we'd go into a hypnosis or we'd go into a session, and they wouldn't be able to move [22:52] forward. [22:53] And it was because they didn't have that internal safety. [22:56] Their inner child did not trust them. [22:58] If you've spent your whole life telling yourself that your wants and needs are wrong, [23:04] when you want to start looking at your past trauma, why would your inner child and yourself [23:11] say, okay. [23:11] I'm right here. [23:12] It's okay. [23:13] I'm safe to feel these things. [23:16] When your whole life, you've been like, no. [23:17] You're not. [23:18] You're not good. [23:18] You're not safe. [23:19] You're not any of this. [23:21] Your inner child is very much like a regular child. [23:23] And so I I... [23:25] In my program and I... [23:26] When I was doing one on ones, would teach my clients, think of, like, your inner child as an [23:32] actual child. [23:34] If you were to approach a small child, you wouldn't run up to them and try... [23:40] Like, you would, hi. [23:42] How are you? [23:42] Like, you would gently try to, like, introduce yourself. [23:46] Like... [23:47] And that's kind of what this is. [23:48] It's building that trust so that you can eventually look at those traumas and you know, [23:55] hey. [23:55] I... [23:56] I'm a safe person. [24:00] Ways that you don't know you're safe... [24:01] So you're gonna see... [24:05] So for instance, like, if you are way... [24:08] This is a way that... [24:09] One simple way to know, like, if depending on your attachment style, if you feel safe. [24:14] So if you're someone that's like... [24:16] If you receive a text message or a call or something and you instantly have to write back [24:21] to them because you're afraid they're gonna be mad or you're afraid, oh, like, I didn't [24:29] respond. [24:29] Like, what if... [24:30] Or you're waiting for a response back. [24:33] No one's responding to me. [24:34] What's going on? [24:35] You're afraid to make your own decisions. [24:38] You're afraid to set the boundaries. [24:39] These are all kind of, like, simple tell... [24:41] Like, you are just afraid to trust yourself. [24:44] And I feel like a lot of times, we don't even realize that we don't feel safe until you start [24:50] really feeling in your body asking, what does safety mean to me? [24:56] What does that feel like? [24:57] And it's gonna feel different for everybody. [25:00] And when you start looking at where you... [25:03] With who you feel safe with and what situations you feel safe with, that's when it's like you [25:08] see a bigger picture of how much you actually don't feel safe. [25:15] Oh, yeah. [25:16] So true. [25:17] Could you give our listeners one simple somatic exercise that they can use it every time when [25:27] they notice themselves becoming triggered. [25:31] So one simple thing I like to say is listen to what your trigger is saying, but listen to it [25:39] like you were speaking to a friend or a loved one. [25:42] So if someone... [25:43] If I came to you and I was like, I don't know what to do with this and, like, da da da da, [25:47] like, whatever the situation is, would... [25:50] Like, how would you respond to somebody else saying these things to you? [25:55] Would you get mad at them, or would you just listen and try to help them work through it? [26:01] So once some... [26:02] So it's just listening. [26:04] It doesn't mean that you have to give weight to what that voice is saying. [26:08] It's listening to what they're saying and why they're saying it. [26:14] Because it often is coming down to, I don't feel safe. [26:18] When you really start to listen like, oh, I don't know if I should accept this job because, [26:23] you know, I have a job right now, and what if it's... [26:27] What if? [26:28] And you start going off on the what ifs. [26:30] And so when you start listening to it, it's coming down to fear. [26:34] You don't feel safe. [26:36] So start just listening and not judging, not trying to fix it. [26:41] It's just simple listening. [26:44] Yeah. [26:45] So people listen to themselves and they understand they they have fear. [26:49] So what is the next step? [26:51] So after you, like, listen and you start having fear, it's... [26:54] Then you can kind of... [26:55] Where is this fear coming from? [26:57] What what is it that I'm actually afraid of? [26:59] And often, it is often I don't feel safe in this situation. [27:02] I don't feel safe in my body. [27:04] And that's when you can start to do small things to show up to... [27:08] For yourself to make yourself feel safer. [27:12] So... [27:13] And and I always say, like, pick something you can do no matter what. [27:18] Something that it it... [27:19] Like, such a tiny thing. [27:21] Like, I'm going to drink more water in a day, and you set an amount. [27:27] And that way... [27:28] Like, you can never make an excuse why you can't drink water. [27:30] Like, don't set these goals that are, I'm gonna lose 20 pounds, or I'm gonna stop drinking or [27:35] smoking. [27:35] It's something really little, or I'm gonna make sure I have two snacks and the three meals in a [27:42] day. [27:42] Like, setting tiny goals. [27:46] Because when we start showing up and we do it in these small, consistent, little baby steps, [27:54] it builds up bigger trust. [27:56] And then, eventually, these small, consistent baby steps, you add other things, and then [28:01] you're able to accomplish so much more, you feel safer because you're saying, hey. [28:07] I can do this. [28:08] I can trust myself. [28:11] Yes. [28:12] Okay. [28:12] Great. [28:13] So let's make this, very practical. [28:17] Imagine someone gets triggered. [28:19] Perhaps they feel rejected, criticized, abandoned, or ignored. [28:24] And they immediately fall into an old reaction. [28:28] Mhmm. [28:28] What can they do in that exact moment to interrupt that automatic pattern rather than [28:35] letting it control what happens next? [28:40] So I think that if you fall into a old pattern, that's okay. [28:44] And you need to acknowledge it's an old pattern and saying, I'm acknowledging that I am [28:54] reacting from a place that I'm working out of, and it's okay to react from here. [29:00] And how can... [29:01] Like, listening to what's coming up because it's often coming up because you haven't been [29:06] listening. [29:07] So the the the old trigger is resurfacing because another part of you isn't safe because [29:12] you haven't been listening, and you don't feel safe there. [29:15] So when you... [29:16] It's it's it's... [29:17] Again, it's acknowledging, this is where I am right now. [29:19] It doesn't mean I'm gonna be there forever, and it doesn't mean I've lost all of the work [29:24] because you haven't lost all the work. [29:25] And just sitting and acknowledging that one spot is, okay. [29:30] I'm I'm here, and what are things I can do differently? [29:37] And, sometimes you have to kinda unravel yourself a little bit to get to that point. [29:41] But when you do... [29:43] When you are able to come to the spot where you're like, oh, I reacted in the same way I [29:49] did, starting to say, okay. [29:51] What what was different? [29:53] What wasn't I listening to? [29:55] What was I not allowing myself to feel? [30:01] Great. [30:01] So, can you walk us through the process step by step from recognizing the trigger to choosing a [30:09] different response? [30:11] Yeah. [30:12] So, like, if you're recognizing a trigger, it's... [30:14] I mean, sometimes you're gonna recognize it in the middle. [30:18] Sometimes you're gonna recognize it afterwards and that wherever you recognize it is an okay [30:23] place. [30:23] So it's simply saying, you know, oh, okay. [30:27] I am being... [30:28] Why am I being triggered here? [30:30] When you finally come to the point of, like, you've recognized it's what's being triggered [30:34] inside of me, and then stopping and listening to yourself on what is being triggered. [30:43] Why are you feeling this way? [30:46] It doesn't necessarily have to make sense. [30:48] It's allowing that part of you to tell the story of what's going on. [30:53] Just like I said, you're listening to without trying to fix. [30:58] Oh, I feel this way because I'm scared. [31:00] I feel this way because I can't control it. [31:03] Control is another big thing that comes to when we... [31:05] We wanna control things so that we feel safe so we know the outcome. [31:09] So when we can't control, we get angry. [31:12] We get anxious, and those are big trigger wars. [31:15] So then you're going to react differently. [31:16] If if, you're not sure what's happening, you might be snap... [31:20] Like snap at somebody and, or even at yourself or just get angry. [31:25] And it's really listening to what that trigger is trying to tell you that's deeper. [31:31] And it... [31:31] It's... [31:31] Most of the time, it's something with your safety. [31:34] And so when you're not feeling safe, then how can I make my? [31:39] Feel... [31:39] Why aren't I feeling safe, and how can I make myself feel safe? [31:44] And kind of relying on that. [31:45] And if you don't know how to make yourself feel safe at first, that is totally okay. [31:49] It's because you haven't built up that trust. [31:51] But that trust can be built up. [31:53] It's just going to take a lot of little baby steps. [31:56] Like I spoke about starting to do consistent small things for yourself is, like, the the the [32:01] best way and listening to yourself to build up that consistency and trust so that the [32:07] triggers, and it's gonna take a little while, like, also giving yourself that grace that I'm [32:13] not gonna be able to change this overnight. [32:15] It's... [32:15] I've spent a lifetime building up this defense mechanism. [32:20] Not that it's gonna take a lifetime to undo it, but it is gonna take a little bit of time. [32:26] Yeah. [32:27] So true. [32:28] Megan, your work brings psychology and spirituality together. [32:34] Where do practices such as meditation, Reiki, intuition, and spiritual exploration fit into [32:42] healing? [32:43] And how can someone use spirituality as a support for growth rather than as a way of [32:50] avoiding difficult emotions or unresolved patterns? [32:57] So, I feel like spirituality, however that looks for you, it's gonna look different for [33:03] everybody. [33:04] It's finding what works best for you and trusting that. [33:10] So if you are somebody that talks to God, rely in the trust for God. [33:15] If you're someone that talks to your spirit guides, rely in in that. [33:19] And, once you kind of find what works for you, it's allowing that part of you to kind of open [33:28] up and give the faith and the trust into that. [33:31] And I and I think, like, if you're going through a spiritual awakening, a lot of times, [33:36] you know, they look so different. [33:38] When I look at the different spiritual awakenings I've had throughout my journey, [33:42] they've looked different from, like, everyone. [33:45] And it's just trusting that if you are opening to that, that it is because something greater [33:50] is coming for you. [33:51] And it is learning to have faith and the trust, which is hard when you don't feel safe, but it [33:57] is it is... [33:58] It's kind of learning to lean into the unknown. [34:02] And at and at certain points, the unknown is not just going to be, like, your higher beliefs [34:08] and spirituality, whether it's God or your guides or whoever. [34:12] It's also gonna be that faith in yourself. [34:15] And I... [34:16] That it's learning that faith that I can trust myself. [34:20] And if I can trust myself, I can trust the universe or whoever. [34:28] Yes. [34:29] For someone listening who has been working on themselves for [34:33] years [34:34] Mhmm. [34:34] But still feel stuck, what would you encourage them to focus on first? [34:43] I would... [34:45] Oftentimes, if people feel stuck, sometimes it's because they're trying to push something, [34:51] and they have one expectation. [34:55] And sometime... [34:56] And it's, you were speaking about this earlier. [34:58] Hindsight is always twenty twenty. [35:00] Like, and we don't always see the full picture. [35:02] And so if we're really feeling stuck, it's what can I work on? [35:09] What are the tiny changes I can make? [35:12] So maybe I can't change my financial situation overnight. [35:15] I can't change my romantic relationship overnight. [35:18] But what is something I do have control of? [35:21] And you always have control of yourself and how you react. [35:25] So if... [35:25] Even if... [35:26] And I and I get I have felt stuck so many times on my journey, so I get that feeling of stuck. [35:32] It's like you want to do something, and sometimes I have been humbled in learning that [35:40] sometimes the thing that you need to do is just sit back and allow and be in a place to receive [35:46] or be in a place to trust. [35:49] And that's a really hard lesson to learn, and you will not be stuck forever. [35:55] I promise. [35:56] Like, you are on whatever journey. [35:58] Nothing is stagnant. [35:59] If you are feeling super stuck, and even if you've been super stuck for a long time, [36:04] doesn't mean there's no hope. [36:05] There's always... [36:06] It will work itself out eventually. [36:10] Yeah. [36:10] Thank you. [36:11] Thank you, Megan, for this, conversation. [36:15] And, if there would be one advice which you would like people to take away with them from [36:22] this conversation? [36:23] Maybe something that we didn't discuss yet, but you know this is very important and you would [36:27] like them to hear. [36:28] What would be that? [36:30] You know, I would... [36:31] I really encourage people to listen to themselves and start to build that trust in [36:38] themselves and that safety in themselves because it is all about you and how you [36:46] perceive yourself that's going to get you wherever you need to go. [36:49] And if you have a great way of looking at things, you're gonna... [36:56] It's gonna change your circumstance, but also allowing yourself to feel everything. [37:01] And so you can't always stay high vibrational and in one direction. [37:04] You have to let yourself have the polarity of everything. [37:08] So just letting yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel whenever it is that you need [37:13] to feel it and then moving forward from there. [37:19] This is such [37:19] a great reminder. [37:21] Yeah. [37:22] So I think that one of the most important ideas from this conversation is that sometimes we [37:28] don't need another book, another technique, or more information. [37:34] We need to understand the pattern under... [37:36] And beneath, right, our behavior, which created this, and create enough safety to respond [37:45] differently. [37:46] Thank you, Megan, for sharing your insights and your experience. [37:50] And people who are listening to us, they... [37:54] You can find how to follow Megan in the description, her links to her social media [38:01] website. [38:02] And, of course, follow Megan, and, you can also ask questions here below this video. [38:09] Share this link with somebody who you think about, who might benefit from this [38:15] conversation. [38:16] Subscribe to mindset to results podcast. [38:19] And, yes. [38:21] And, if someone in your life keeps asking why do I keep doing this, yeah, share this episode [38:29] with them. [38:29] And, Megan, again, thank you so much for being an amazing guest, and I'm looking forward to [38:34] see you again in our future episodes. [38:37] Thank you so much. [38:38] I really appreciate it. [38:39] You have a great day. [38:40] You too. Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.