# It’s Giving… Boo’d Up, Not Glued Up

An episode of [Everybody's Crazy](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1738947925), 13 Oct 2026, 38 min.

Audio: https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/episode.flightcast.com/01M4SGMST7AJW1KGXQ7TJDTHK1.mp3

NFL season is back, and some women have lost their men three nights a week. But how much of your partner’s world do you actually have to be part of? Savannah and April get into what it means to be boo’d up without doing everything together, and if being a devoted partner can start to look like doing too much. Then the callers bring the relationship questions. One woman wants to move, but her breadwinner husband’s job has her wondering if she’s married to the zip code. Another has a girlfriend she cares about but isn’t in love with. And one wife is tired of being judged for how devoted she is to her husband. So where’s the line between showing up for your person and losing yourself in their life? Savannah and April have thoughts. Go to https://baskandlatherco.com and use code EVERYBODYSCRAZY for 20% off.

## Transcript

[0:00] You put your outside clothes on your bed?
[0:01] Ooh, we know.
[0:01] She's laughing at me.
[0:01] Now you gotta take responsibilities, two people in the story.
[0:03] So, you just got a little taste of your own medicine.
[0:08] Damn shy.
[0:08] I didn't like the taste, that's why I called it.
[0:09] Yeah, exactly.
[0:10] No, you did like it.
[0:10] She gave you some Vicks Rape for Rub.
[0:12] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
[0:28] Hey, y'all.
[0:30] We're back at it again.
[0:31] Savannah said I'm not a steady yeti.
[0:34] Oh, Lord.
[0:36] Yeah, I do.
[0:37] Okay.
[0:37] Well, Savannah, what's your crazy today?
[0:42] Do I have a crazy today?
[0:44] Yes.
[0:44] Oh, you know what I think is crazy?
[0:46] And I think this is just something that I don't know why I be thinking about weird shit like that.
[0:52] I think it's crazy how some people could brush their teeth with their clothes on.
[0:55] Yeah.
[0:58] You can't brush your teeth with your clothes on?
[1:00] I will have a toothpaste stain every single...
[1:03] I am a ravaging toothbrusher.
[1:06] Like, it is not clean.
[1:07] It is not cute at all.
[1:08] And I could never do it fully clothed.
[1:10] Full face.
[1:11] Full everything.
[1:12] So you ain't brushing your teeth good.
[1:16] How?
[1:16] I think that is insane.
[1:18] That is the craziest thing to me.
[1:20] Yeah, that's me.
[1:21] I wonder how many people brush their teeth.
[1:23] Like, I wish we could do a poll.
[1:24] How many people brush their teeth fully clothed?
[1:29] Y'all are crazy.
[1:30] I know.
[1:31] I would like to know.
[1:32] Who brushes their teeth fully clothed and who waits until they get dressed?
[1:38] Brushes their teeth before they get dressed.
[1:40] I could not do it.
[1:41] I'd do it at the end.
[1:41] It would be a mess.
[1:43] It would be a mess.
[1:45] Oh, Lord.
[1:45] So you thought that that was crazy or crazy that you thought about that?
[1:48] Yeah, I just, you know, random stuff that'd be popping in my head.
[1:51] I'm like, I want to get random things popping in my head to me.
[1:56] Yes, for sure.
[1:58] How do you feel about clothes on the bed?
[2:00] No outside clothes on my bed.
[2:02] I will kick you out of my house.
[2:04] Me.
[2:05] You put your outside clothes on your bed?
[2:08] Oh, we know.
[2:10] No, no, no, no.
[2:12] I don't even really like, I also don't like shoes in my bathroom specifically.
[2:16] Like I'm not one of them people who do like take your shoes off at the door, which I would love to do.
[2:21] Maybe when I move into my new house, I will do.
[2:26] You better not come in here with no outside shoes on.
[2:28] And like my closet, ew.
[2:31] I definitely did in that closet with no outside shoes first of all.
[2:34] I'm sorry.
[2:34] I'm sorry.
[2:35] I'm not going to do it.
[2:37] No, I think that's because we don't check it at the door.
[2:39] So once we check it at the door, we don't have to worry about it.
[2:42] Very interesting.
[2:43] That's crazy, right?
[2:46] So NFL season is back, which means people are losing access to their men a few times a week.
[2:54] Mm-hmm.
[2:56] How much do you think your partner's life and their external activities do you need to be involved in?
[3:04] I think it should be a healthy amount.
[3:06] I don't think that everything should be wrapped up because I do think you should have your things that you love.
[3:11] And that's okay to have that.
[3:13] But I do think there should be an amount of things that you do together or share interest in.
[3:17] But I also think that it's important to compromise.
[3:22] And specifically as you're talking about like NFL season starting, like I don't watch football.
[3:28] Like I feel like it's too long.
[3:29] It's too slow.
[3:30] All of the things, but I will like force myself to sit and watch a game every now and then.
[3:36] So will you, will you watch the game voluntarily or is LJ being like, come on, watch the game with me?
[3:43] It's kind of both.
[3:44] Sometimes I'll be knowing like,
[3:47] I ain't seen them.
[3:49] Let me go down here and watch this game.
[3:51] But then other times people are like, just come down to it.
[3:53] I'm like, okay.
[3:53] Yeah, it's very interesting.
[3:56] I love living separate lives.
[3:59] So I'm just like, do your thing.
[4:01] Yeah.
[4:02] But I think if you, so my, if we go into like love language situation, my love language is quality time.
[4:09] So I just, if this is where I got to fit it in, then I guess I'd just be on my phone the whole time, but I'm here with you.
[4:16] Got you.
[4:16] Be in the same space.
[4:17] Very interesting.
[4:19] Yeah.
[4:19] Does he like watch shows and movies with you?
[4:22] But y'all share similar interests in horror films.
[4:25] Yeah.
[4:26] Yeah.
[4:26] That's our go-to.
[4:27] Scary.
[4:27] A number one.
[4:29] That's our go-to because we both love that.
[4:32] I feel like it's a couple of shows that he'll watch with me and not think that he would enjoy.
[4:37] And then he ended up being like, oh, that's actually not bad.
[4:40] And vice versa.
[4:42] But yeah, he has some that I just don't get into.
[4:44] I feel like y'all like TV in your house.
[4:46] I mean, we do, but... You appreciate.
[4:51] Yeah, the art for sure.
[4:53] Yeah, and I feel like you watch a lot of sports.
[4:56] I feel like you're...
[4:57] We haven't all the stuff that I didn't even know exists streaming volleyball, streaming this.
[5:02] Like I just didn't know existed.
[5:04] I feel like you guys are good at like being connected and understanding what's going on in all the aspects of like that, which I think is nice.
[5:14] Yeah.
[5:14] We keep each other pretty up to it.
[5:17] Could you have a partner's entire world that you don't participate in?
[5:23] I don't think that that would be sustainable.
[5:26] Because like I said, I think the compromise is very important.
[5:31] And you got to come into my world just a little bit, even to understand who I am.
[5:35] Yeah.
[5:35] I think that that's important.
[5:37] And you can't just completely disregard that part of your person's life.
[5:42] Yeah, for sure.
[5:43] Yeah.
[5:44] All right, let's get a voicemail.
[5:47] Hi, ladies.
[5:49] I'm calling in to ask you guys, am I crazy?
[5:54] Because...
[5:56] I live in South Florida.
[5:59] I live in Boca Raton.
[6:01] It would be 10 years since I lived in South Florida.
[6:04] I was kind of like living in different parts.
[6:07] But I just feel like I still, it doesn't feel like home, number one.
[6:12] I'm from Ohio.
[6:13] I met my husband in Atlanta, Georgia, and it's pretty much a big culture shock for me.
[6:18] And I am a stay-at-home mom.
[6:20] So my question is, am I crazy?
[6:22] Because I really do not want to live here.
[6:24] But like I said, I'm a stay-at-home mom.
[6:25] So my husband is the breadwinner.
[6:28] And I see a lot of similarities between me and Savannah because, again, she, you know, had her duties as a wife and a basically a stay-at-home mom.
[6:40] So when I listen to her, it's like she might understand a little bit of what I'm going through.
[6:44] So I really, really would love your advice.
[6:47] But I want to move back to Atlanta.
[6:48] And I've been feeling like this for two years.
[6:50] I mean, I'm sorry, for eight years.
[6:51] So it was like the first two years of living here, I feel like paradise is still a beautiful place, but like it's too dang hot anyway.
[6:58] I feel like I can only go outside early in the morning or in the evening.
[7:02] And I don't like that because I'm an outdoorsy person.
[7:04] I like to like walk up hills and it's so flat here.
[7:07] But anyway, yes, I always, you know, whenever I get a chance, I let my husband know, I don't want to be up here.
[7:12] He's just like, this is where he makes his money.
[7:14] I'm like, I am at the age where,
[7:18] I have been raising children.
[7:19] I have five kids.
[7:21] And I have a three-month-old right now.
[7:23] I'm 34.
[7:24] And I'm just trying to figure out my stuff because I'm at love.
[7:28] I need to get out of whatever I'm in and figure something out because I need to get out of here.
[7:33] I feel like I'm stuck on the island.
[7:34] But y'all, am I crazy?
[7:37] And I would love to hear what April has to say as well.
[7:41] Thank you, ladies.
[7:42] Take care.
[7:43] Bye.
[7:45] Wow.
[7:45] Five kids is impressive.
[7:47] Very.
[7:48] That's impressive.
[7:50] That's a lot, though.
[7:52] Yeah, there's a lot there.
[7:54] But I also don't know if location is the core issue.
[8:01] Should we call her back and see what may be?
[8:03] Yeah.
[8:05] All right, let's do it.
[8:06] Cool.
[8:07] We'll call back.
[8:12] Hi, Dana.
[8:14] Hi, Dana.
[8:15] It's April in Savannah.
[8:16] Hi.
[8:19] Oh my gosh, how are you?
[8:20] Five kids, girl.
[8:21] We proud of you.
[8:23] You're doing it.
[8:25] You are doing it.
[8:26] You are doing it.
[8:27] Yes, yes.
[8:28] We just listened to your voicemail and wanted to call you back because there's a lot going on there, girl.
[8:33] So give us a little bit, just, you know, top line, what you're thinking right now, you know, since you sent the voicemail and just how we can, you know, maybe help you out with some things.
[8:44] Oh my goodness.
[8:45] Well, I feel like you guys kind of like
[8:49] from the voicemail, I feel like y'all kind of feel what I'm experiencing without knowing every detail.
[8:55] Yeah.
[8:57] But, so, pretty much, I met my husband in Atlanta, and I don't know how I ended up here.
[9:05] Yeah.
[9:06] I'm here.
[9:07] This is, like, the retirement state.
[9:11] Like, I thought after, like, coming from a girl from Ohio, like, I left Ohio because I felt like I needed to spread my wings.
[9:17] So I literally left with like a few hundred dollars.
[9:22] And I was told my best friends, like we, I'm leaving.
[9:24] If y'all not come in, then I'm gonna be gone.
[9:26] And my best friend, she dropped out of the police academy and we got on the road, moved to Atlanta.
[9:34] And then I met my husband a couple of years later and he's nine years older than me.
[9:38] And you know, he swept me off my feet.
[9:41] Like just such a gentleman and yeah, he's adopted from Korea.
[9:46] And to sum it up a little bit, I became a mom of three in the same year.
[9:51] I don't have triplets.
[9:52] So basically, my husband was previously married.
[9:56] He's a veteran.
[9:57] So we ended up getting custody of the older two children.
[10:00] So I became a mom of three in 2018.
[10:04] And now we just had our work.
[10:06] So yeah, I've been raising my oldest two children since 2018.
[10:12] So, yeah, I'm in Florida.
[10:13] We don't have a support system.
[10:16] And here I am.
[10:18] And I just feel like sometimes I think exactly what I said, the message.
[10:23] So, yeah, I'm in Florida.
[10:26] Trying to figure it out.
[10:28] Yeah.
[10:29] Well, maybe I said to Savannah this April, but I said to Savannah, like,
[10:34] maybe it's not where you are is maybe more like where you are in life instead of like location.
[10:43] And I think it's that, that I was a step mom at a young age as well.
[10:47] So I can definitely relate.
[10:50] And I raised my stepson, he's now 23, but, um, and I adopted him when my husband passed.
[10:56] And I think, you know, it was just life altering, you know what I mean?
[10:59] Like, I think
[11:00] Your life goes from one thing to another.
[11:02] And when you love somebody, you take on everything that they're responsible for.
[11:07] And that could take you a second to get accustomed to it while becoming a new mom, while being stay at home, while not liking the area.
[11:15] And I think- Also being a wife.
[11:17] Yes.
[11:18] That's a job too.
[11:19] Yeah.
[11:19] So I just feel like you have to give yourself some grace.
[11:23] And I mean, I know in the voicemail, you say you have a three month old, like,
[11:27] It's just a lot to take in and it doesn't sound like a minute to breathe.
[11:32] So the one thing I would say is finding some space for yourself to listen to yourself and really hear the things that are bothering you.
[11:43] And I don't know if you're in therapy or anything, but I feel like something like that could be helpful just for you to kind of better articulate what it really is.
[11:51] Because when I hear you talk and I hear the journey, I feel like it was fast and furious
[11:57] I too was also swept off my feet and, you know, being young and in love.
[12:01] And then you grow over the course of eight or nine years and you change so much.
[12:06] I just think you become a different person.
[12:08] And I think some of that internal work and giving yourself some space and time to have a minute to process what you're feeling can help you to get a better understanding.
[12:18] And I think environment plays a huge part, but I think also community,
[12:24] and where you see community.
[12:25] And like, if you don't have community in Florida, like what does that community look like?
[12:31] I mean, I also, again, we both, me and Savannah lived in Florida.
[12:37] And I found a great mother community at my kids' school.
[12:41] And I actually find, I've lived in New York, Miami, and LA, and I find the best moms to be in Miami, to be honest.
[12:50] just in like the way that they build family I feel like is the city that had the most stay at home moms but also the moms that were present like they didn't just stay at home and sit around they were doing stuff with their kids they was running errands they were
[13:06] I mean, one of my best friends, Alex, lives there, and I used to call her the Columbia Martha Stewart.
[13:11] She used to cook, take the kids to the zoo, go swimming, have 50 activities in one day.
[13:16] I'd be like, are you out of your mind?
[13:18] I just think that there is a good community in Miami, and you just have to look for your tribe, but as well as look for your space that works for you.
[13:27] What is the hobby you're doing outside of the kids?
[13:30] Is it Pilates?
[13:31] Is it whatever it is?
[13:32] It could be a small thing, and I think you start as little as like,
[13:36] 30 minutes, an hour.
[13:37] Savannah does a walk every morning.
[13:40] Everybody has their little thing.
[13:41] I think you got to get your little things back so then you can listen to yourself a little bit more and really get to the bottom of what it is.
[13:49] And it still could be where you live.
[13:52] But I think you may have a different perspective on approaching it because I have a lot of grace for you.
[13:57] I think your story, not even hearing the details, is I understand and can relate in a lot of ways.
[14:05] And I think you just have to be kind to yourself that it was a lot fast.
[14:11] Yes.
[14:11] No.
[14:12] Yeah, that's true.
[14:13] And I have met some moms here through the communities.
[14:16] I feel like they're nice people.
[14:18] I have met people that I just gravitate to.
[14:20] It's almost like I'm one of those people.
[14:21] If I'm at the mall, I end up meeting a stranger and we can have a conversation about everything.
[14:28] You know?
[14:28] So just meeting some of the mothers from my children's school, I feel like it's kind of a little bit of forcing the relationship.
[14:38] Because it just doesn't feel as natural.
[14:40] But I also don't.
[14:42] give it enough time and put myself out there like that.
[14:45] I just kind of go back into my shell.
[14:47] You have to, you have to.
[14:49] Cause I mean, I'll tell you this, you after 10 years, you getting dropped back in Atlanta.
[14:53] Yeah.
[14:53] You may have some friends there, but you want to do the same thing there.
[14:55] I think in any market you have to search for your tribe.
[15:00] And I think you've changed.
[15:01] So like your tribe is going to be a bit different and you have to try and put effort and prioritize things.
[15:08] not only yourself, but relationships that make you feel good.
[15:11] And it'll be awkward and weird at first, but at the end of the day is worth it.
[15:16] Yeah, I can relate to you and, you know, putting all your eggs in your basket and being a mom and even kind of at a time where you weren't really prepared for it.
[15:25] But what piggybacking off of what April is saying, just give yourself some grace and a time and space to be able to focus on you.
[15:33] Having a small baby.
[15:35] I don't know what you're going to find that time.
[15:37] But just as long as you're being intentional with the little glimmers, it's totally doable.
[15:45] But also, I get it.
[15:46] I feel you.
[15:47] We thinking about you.
[15:49] Yes.
[15:50] We know it's hard, but you got it.
[15:52] Where's your best friend at?
[15:54] My best friend, they're in Atlanta.
[15:56] But I have been finding time in the morning when I drop my children off of school, I'll go to the gym.
[16:01] Yeah.
[16:02] But also you could take a trip to a town.
[16:04] Like that's the thing is like, you need to be doing that as well.
[16:07] I feel like making a little plan.
[16:09] It could be six months away.
[16:10] It could be eight months away, but like just something that rejuvenates your soul.
[16:15] Like me and Savannah, we'd be quick to hop on a flight and get away from home.
[16:19] Like, ta-ta.
[16:20] Yeah, see you later.
[16:22] So I feel like you got to give, like, you could plan it.
[16:25] If your husband has a week off, three days, you going to go to Atlanta with your girls.
[16:29] Or y'all could all meet in Miami.
[16:32] Like, you know, a good Miami trip.
[16:34] We give you the run.
[16:34] We give you all the little spots.
[16:37] Just drive down the way and get it posted.
[16:39] Yeah, exactly.
[16:40] I feel like that's, like, an easy...
[16:42] little treat to like, you need something to look forward to as well.
[16:46] It sounds like you've kind of isolated because there's been so many things and like staying connected to friends and being in presence is important as well.
[16:54] Okay.
[16:55] I agree.
[16:55] I do that.
[16:56] Come on Dana.
[16:57] But I feel like it's not enough, but yeah.
[16:59] Yes, exactly.
[17:00] And give yourself some grace.
[17:02] You don't got to do it all, you know, all at once.
[17:05] You can do it in your time.
[17:06] Send me the itinerary.
[17:07] You can do it in your time.
[17:08] Well, thank you so much, April.
[17:10] You can do it, Dana.
[17:10] We're here.
[17:11] We appreciate you.
[17:13] Thanks for calling us.
[17:13] Thank you.
[17:14] Bye.
[17:15] Bye.
[17:16] You're welcome.
[17:20] All right, everybody gang, it's football season.
[17:23] Do y'all be sitting there watching every game with him?
[17:26] Because for me, that's a perfect time to do my hair routine unbothered.
[17:30] That's right.
[17:31] You watch the game.
[17:32] I'm going to handle this hair.
[17:33] Everybody's doing their own thing.
[17:36] That is a successful relationship to me.
[17:38] And with your hair, you have to figure out what works for you.
[17:41] One person's routine might be doing the most, and your hair could need something completely different.
[17:46] Like when you're trying to get the back of that kitchen, and it ain't quite working out right, you might need to do something a little bit different or use a different product.
[17:55] Baskin Lather creates products with textured hair needs in mind.
[17:59] Their stimulating scalp and hair balm is designed for curly and kinky hair to help reduce breakage and add shine.
[18:06] With a non-greasy formula and no petroleum.
[18:10] They also have a hydrating hair mist with aloe vera and avocado oil to help the dryness, frizz, and detangling.
[18:16] You can work it into your routine, including if you wear locks, twists, or braids.
[18:21] So while he's taking care of his team, you can take a little bit more time to take care of yourself.
[18:26] I'll tap in at halftime when we're ready for the eats, okay?
[18:29] Explore viral bestsellers and hair products for healthier hair for all hair types from Baskin Lather.
[18:36] Go to BaskinLatherCo.com and use code EVERYBODYSCRAZY for 20% off.
[18:43] That's 20% off at BaskinLatherCo.com, code EVERYBODYSCRAZY.
[18:50] So we've been talking about being cozied up with your man.
[18:52] And what better way to be cozied up than with a good set of PJs?
[18:56] And in the bed.
[18:57] I mean, I feel like I love to make my bed in the morning.
[19:01] I love to be cozy in my bed.
[19:03] I love a good sheet.
[19:04] I love a good blanket.
[19:06] I just bought some new pillowcases.
[19:08] I love that.
[19:09] But I also bought some new pillows.
[19:11] Okay.
[19:12] Come on with the pillows because you're getting big.
[19:14] Yeah, I know.
[19:15] I was very proud of myself.
[19:17] You also have to set the ambiance.
[19:18] How about a good candle or diffuser or blanket to accent and set the tone?
[19:24] I feel like Quince has everything.
[19:25] They literally have everything.
[19:27] And that's what I like about being in a place where it's a one-stop shop.
[19:30] You can get everything for your home, something for you personally.
[19:33] Something for your man.
[19:35] Something for your family.
[19:36] So I just feel like it's easy to go to places where you can shop and get it all done at once.
[19:43] Make your home a little bit more cozy this fall with Quince.
[19:46] Download the Quince app.
[19:47] Or go to Quince.com.
[19:49] You get free shipping on your orders and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too.
[19:56] And when Quince asks, where have you heard about them?
[19:58] Just let them know.
[19:59] It was Everybody's Crazy.
[20:00] It's the best way to support the show.
[20:05] Yo, everybody's great.
[20:07] Everybody's great.
[20:08] She got it.
[20:09] It's so crazy how you get to a...
[20:11] point in life.
[20:13] What the fuck?
[20:14] What is going on?
[20:15] What is going on?
[20:16] Who am I?
[20:16] What's funny is the things people think it is.
[20:21] You try to go for the most tangible thing.
[20:24] Like, oh, I don't like where I live.
[20:26] But it's not really that.
[20:27] It's deeper than that.
[20:29] It's the lack of community, being uncomfortable, getting your body back.
[20:34] Just all the things.
[20:36] I think it's so layered to what does that really look like.
[20:40] So I feel like
[20:41] You have to really, when you're feeling like that, you have to dig deeper and be like, what is it?
[20:47] Yeah.
[20:47] But we talk about this a lot too.
[20:49] Like the community portion is important because then you can have, you know, a conversation and back and forth about that.
[20:56] I think it would make it easier if you had someone who was actually in Miami, like someone you can have a physical, you know, conversation with, as opposed to always having to like seek out and your friends are away.
[21:09] Yeah.
[21:10] Yeah, it's hard.
[21:11] It's so funny to me because being...
[21:14] I feel like we're in community, but not really.
[21:17] Because I don't see you that much during the week.
[21:19] So I feel like FaceTime is... You think I do?
[21:23] No, you don't.
[21:24] Right.
[21:25] Yeah, that's what they make FaceTime for.
[21:27] But there is a difference between FaceTime communication and IRL communication.
[21:32] For sure.
[21:35] Let's take another voicemail.
[21:37] Hello, ladies.
[21:37] Hello.
[21:39] I freaking love you.
[21:40] Savannah, April, I love you guys down.
[21:44] I've honestly binged every single episode.
[21:46] But anyway, my message got cut off.
[21:49] So my crazy is I am currently dating this girl that I've been talking to a little over a year.
[21:57] It's been a crazy situation.
[22:00] But I'm noticing that I'm not in love with her.
[22:06] And I don't want to be a person that like necessarily continues to date somebody that I know where my feelings aren't necessarily involved as deeply as I would want them to be.
[22:18] And granted she is in love with me.
[22:21] And I think that that's the thing that's kind of keeping me with her.
[22:26] Cause she's an adult person.
[22:27] And just because it feels good, doesn't mean that, or I won't even say it feels good.
[22:31] Just because it is a good person doesn't mean that it's the person for you.
[22:35] But yeah,
[22:36] I've tried to cut it off in the past, but she keeps coming back and I keep allowing her to come back.
[22:40] So, yeah.
[22:42] Let me know if I'm crazy.
[22:44] And I am fly-size from North Carolina.
[22:49] That makes me sad.
[22:49] I don't like that.
[22:56] I do not like that.
[22:58] Okay.
[23:02] I wanted to this with you.
[23:05] Okay.
[23:06] I think that this is, I mean, this is not a friendship audit, but I think this is one of those situations that you have to have a conversation about.
[23:15] Oh.
[23:15] But do you think we should call her back and see what's really going on?
[23:20] Okay.
[23:20] All right, let's call her back.
[23:22] I'm sorry.
[23:26] Shai?
[23:27] Hello, hello.
[23:28] hi i'm so upset it's april i'm stressed about this voicemail stressed okay i do actually have an update for the voicemail oh god what okay so um i don't feel like i went into enough detail on that voicemail so it was about a year of
[23:52] her being in my DMs and then finally giving her an opportunity after me being in a 10-year relationship.
[23:57] But I had took like two years break to basically like heal and get myself together and just focus on me.
[24:04] And then gave her an opportunity, well, gave it a chance or us a chance or whatever the case may be.
[24:09] And throughout the relationship, she failed.
[24:12] And with lesbian relationships, we typically do fall fast.
[24:15] But with this particular situation...
[24:17] Everything felt good, but I just never got to the point where I fell in love with her.
[24:23] I loved her, but I never fell in love with her.
[24:26] And I did try to cut it off like two or three times where I did actually leave her, but she kept coming back.
[24:31] Now, to that, for that point, I did also let her come back every single time or whatever, whatnot.
[24:38] So the update would be, and I guess this would actually be the crazy part about it.
[24:46] I can see why she got to this particular point, but my main gripe was I told her multiple times, like if you wanted to talk to other people, I would have been cool with that.
[24:56] Like as long as I knew, especially if you're going to be sexually active with those people, just let me know.
[25:01] Cause we could both be on the same type of time.
[25:04] Like I'm not a person to take away your choice and I don't want you to take away my choice.
[25:07] So she decided that she wanted to rekindle with her ex, but I did not find that out until,
[25:15] You know, you watch your partner's pattern.
[25:17] I start to see changes within the last couple of months.
[25:20] And, of course, it made me curious, but I just tucked it in the back of my mind.
[25:23] I didn't necessarily act on it.
[25:25] I just kept it tucked.
[25:27] And then, finally, something within me, you know that intuition, check that phone.
[25:31] Like, check the phone.
[25:32] And I don't think she remembered that I knew her password or whatever and whatnot.
[25:36] So, I checked it.
[25:38] And I found out that her and her ex have been, like, back talking for almost, like, two months.
[25:44] Like when she stopped coming to my house or was giving me all these excuses, like I said, her patterns changed.
[25:49] She was spending like weeks in time with her ex or whatever, whatnot.
[25:54] And, um, I guess this is that, this is where my crazy would technically come in at.
[26:00] I broke up with her.
[26:01] Well, that night that I checked her phone, I woke her up out of her sleep.
[26:03] Cause we hadn't seen each other in like two weeks.
[26:06] I woke her up out of her sleep.
[26:07] I could basically like kicked her out of my house or whatever, whatnot.
[26:09] But,
[26:10] After talking to a mutual friend that we both have, actually how she ended up finding out about me, I talked to that mutual friend.
[26:16] My mutual friend was like, are you going to reach out to the ex?
[26:19] And at first I wasn't because I was like, what's the point?
[26:21] Like, what is that going to do for me?
[26:23] But it sat on my heart.
[26:25] And since it sat on my heart, I had to reach out.
[26:28] Oh, my gosh.
[26:29] And get on all the details.
[26:32] Oh, God.
[26:33] I'm stressed.
[26:33] Oh, yeah, girl.
[26:34] I got to tell you.
[26:35] I got to tell you.
[26:36] So I ended up reaching out to the, actually all of this happened.
[26:40] Well, I found out Sunday, I reached out to the ex on Monday.
[26:43] So gave her like all the details and stuff.
[26:46] Cause like in the messages, cause they're, they're rekindling in the messages and all that stuff.
[26:50] So I'm seeing everything that they're saying between each other.
[26:54] And I'm like, she's telling this girl that I was just a friend.
[26:57] We've been together for damn near a year and a half.
[26:59] How am I just a friend or whatever, whatnot.
[27:02] So,
[27:03] And so I sent her, I was like, she's been in my DM since 2024.
[27:05] Like, what are you, and y'all probably was talking during that time frame.
[27:09] I don't really know all of y'all details, but y'all were probably still together during that time frame.
[27:13] So I sent her like all of the messages and all of the things, like from the, from when I saw that they started, well, I didn't really go that deep into the messages.
[27:21] I went deep enough, but from what I saw that they were talking, I sent her a little bit of something for everything.
[27:27] like for all of that time frame.
[27:30] I'm like, girl, she's been in my bed and sent the screenshots, sent the recordings and all the recordings of our messages and stuff.
[27:36] Oh, okay.
[27:37] Okay.
[27:38] It was messages.
[27:39] It wasn't like, it wasn't like videos.
[27:41] Oh my God.
[27:42] This is.
[27:43] Don't think that.
[27:45] It wasn't all of that.
[27:48] So that's, that's technically where my crazy would be at.
[27:51] But hindsight, like maybe like a day or so later, I started to feel bad.
[27:55] Cause I was like, well,
[27:57] With the original situation, I knew that my heart wasn't fully in it.
[28:01] And what if I kind of fucked up a situation where that was her actual person and they were rekindling and getting back to each other?
[28:08] So, like, in hindsight, I'm a Leo, so I'm a little petty.
[28:11] I'm petty.
[28:12] So I got to get the one up.
[28:15] But in hindsight, when I'm actually looking back on the situation, I was like, damn.
[28:20] That's kind of fucked up because, you know, that could have been her person.
[28:23] And if it is her person, they'll come back to each other if it's meant to be.
[28:27] I agree with that.
[28:29] I feel like her moving on, how was you mad, though?
[28:35] That's the part I'm like, you ain't have no right to be mad.
[28:38] You kept telling the girl, no, she was going away.
[28:41] Then she was coming back.
[28:42] And then you got mad.
[28:44] That's the part I'm confused about.
[28:46] Everything else I understand.
[28:48] I got mad because I gave you the opportunity to be open with me and tell me whether or not you wanted to sleep with other people.
[28:55] Right, but she really wasn't sleeping with you like that.
[28:58] She was, though.
[29:00] She said every few weeks.
[29:02] When we saw each other, we did mess around.
[29:03] Yeah, just a little pop in, pop out.
[29:06] No, well, up until maybe like the last, maybe up until the end of...
[29:12] July and coming into August.
[29:15] But we started back messing around in August.
[29:17] So maybe like two weeks in July and two weeks in August.
[29:20] But the whole... From last year up until that particular point in time, we were together.
[29:26] Right, but she wasn't messing with the ex.
[29:28] She was just messing with the ex once you rejected her.
[29:31] No, she was messing with the ex for like two months.
[29:34] Right, but you rejected her a while ago.
[29:37] You said for the last year.
[29:38] I think, listen...
[29:41] I think you just got a taste of your own medicine.
[29:44] The message, the lesson is when you know it's not right for you, you got to go.
[29:49] Cause I feel like you kept something, you kept something that was a security blanket.
[29:54] And then when she flipped it on you, you was like, well, wait a second.
[29:58] And then, I mean, listen, I'm not even worried about her in the ex.
[30:01] I ain't even worried about that, but I'm just saying in the future.
[30:04] It's like, you just got to be true to yourself.
[30:05] Because when you called, I was like, oh, you don't want to be with her.
[30:09] And when you said the message, it was so honest.
[30:11] Because you were like, she's a really nice person, but I don't love her like that.
[30:15] And I felt that shit in my heart.
[30:17] I was like, before we even called you, I was like, oh, man, that's so sad.
[30:21] Like, I hate that.
[30:22] But it's so honest.
[30:23] It's true.
[30:23] People do that all the time where they don't feel like it's their person and they stay because it's comfortable, it's convenient.
[30:29] And if someone ends up getting cheated on or doing something, just go ahead and leave.
[30:34] I tried.
[30:35] She kept coming back.
[30:36] He came back like three times.
[30:37] Oh, come on now.
[30:37] You got to take responsibilities.
[30:39] Two people in the story.
[30:40] You and her.
[30:42] So she kept coming back.
[30:44] I take responsibilities.
[30:46] I blocked her and everything.
[30:47] She called me star 69, bro.
[30:49] Because she loved you.
[30:50] She kept coming back.
[30:52] I would agree.
[30:54] I knew that.
[30:55] Right, and that's also mean.
[30:57] How about that?
[30:58] That's mean.
[30:59] You shouldn't have kept sleeping with her if you knew she loved you.
[31:02] Because you knew that's mean because you didn't want the girl.
[31:04] So you just got a little taste of your own medicine.
[31:09] Damn shy.
[31:10] I didn't like the taste.
[31:11] That's why I called it.
[31:11] Yeah, exactly.
[31:12] No, you didn't like it.
[31:13] She gave you some Vicks Rape-a-Rub.
[31:16] I do, but I mean... And I came back with my own good.
[31:21] I know, I know, but that's the thing.
[31:23] Like, when somebody loves you, just have enough consideration.
[31:26] I don't know what happens in lesbian relationships.
[31:28] So when you were saying you fall in love quick, I got to get up to speed with it.
[31:32] but I'm saying in the future like when you for me it's like when someone loves you because I've loved somebody and it hasn't been mutual and like when you love somebody if you love them enough you can be kind enough to let them go I tried but I would say like the me one of the reasons that I kept letting her come back was because
[31:53] Because I had just got out of a 10-year relationship, and this was the first person that I had afterwards, I was like, well, maybe I'm blocking it.
[32:01] Well, no, maybe I'm blocking it because I'm so guarded after that situation.
[32:05] So that was, like, my main thing when I let her come back, like, the first two times.
[32:09] And then, like, the last time, it was really, like, me processing everything within our relationship.
[32:14] And I was like, I don't, this isn't my forever.
[32:16] Like, that was genuinely why I left her the last time.
[32:19] I was like, this isn't my forever.
[32:20] I don't see it forever.
[32:22] Me.
[32:22] My forever.
[32:23] Yeah.
[32:23] Or whatever, whatnot.
[32:23] And I left her alone.
[32:26] I genuinely left her alone.
[32:27] We didn't talk for, like I said, in those two weeks, those first, the end of July going into August.
[32:32] My birthday is the first week of August.
[32:33] We didn't talk for like the first damn net three weeks.
[32:36] And then she called me on three-way at like one-something in the morning.
[32:40] And not three-way, start 69, like one-something in the morning.
[32:43] I just happened to wake up and I answered the phone.
[32:46] And I was...
[32:47] I was trying to end the conversation.
[32:48] She kept calling back or whatever, whatnot.
[32:50] I'm like, why do you keep calling back?
[32:52] And then the conversation, I guess we just got a chance to hash it out.
[32:56] Yeah.
[32:57] Or whatever, whatnot.
[32:58] And I saw her maybe like the day she was out of town working.
[33:03] I went to see her out of town.
[33:05] And that's when we did the do or whatever, what not.
[33:07] And then I didn't see her for two weeks when she came back home or whatever, what not.
[33:10] And that's when, like, once I got in her messages, I saw why she wasn't coming over because she was with the ex or whatever, what not.
[33:15] But she was still, like, entertaining me.
[33:17] But in that same thought process, if you were already entertaining somebody else, why you keep coming back?
[33:23] Well, I think it is on both ends.
[33:27] But when you knew she loved her and you didn't want her no more.
[33:30] Next time you gotta go.
[33:32] We like you.
[33:33] Thank you for taking our call back because this was exciting.
[33:36] Yeah.
[33:36] It was a lot, Shy.
[33:38] We love it.
[33:39] We love it.
[33:40] It was crazy.
[33:41] It was crazy.
[33:42] It's a lot of crazy going on.
[33:43] You need calmness in your life.
[33:45] So nice and calm right now.
[33:47] Thank you, ladies.
[33:48] Thanks, Shy.
[33:51] Listen, Shy.
[33:52] Whatever, what not.
[33:54] Whatever that you do, that you do say it?
[33:59] Let's take a call.
[34:00] Hi.
[34:00] What's your name?
[34:01] Where are you from?
[34:02] And what's your crazy?
[34:04] Hi, Savannah.
[34:05] Hi, April.
[34:06] My name is DeJanae, and I'm from New York.
[34:09] Hi.
[34:09] What's your crazy?
[34:10] What's your crazy, DeJanae?
[34:13] My crazy is, well, I'm a Virgo.
[34:15] So Virgos, we have a little crazy.
[34:17] Savannah, you may know that.
[34:18] Just a little bit.
[34:19] My crazy is when it comes to being a wife, I've been married for going on two years.
[34:25] I put $110.
[34:27] percent into my marriage and my husband does as well but I feel like my friend not my friends but like people around me they judge me on how devoted I am so let me give you some context so my husband's an artist he's a painter so I'm I work in New York I live in New Jersey so I go to the art store I want to surprise him I go to the art store and I get him a 48 by 60 canvas and I travel from New York
[34:55] to New Jersey on a train with him.
[34:58] Like saying excuse me, like with his big canvas.
[35:02] And when I go away, I cook dinner, lunch, and make sure he has what he needs.
[35:09] And my friend made a comment like, why can't he Uber Eats?
[35:12] And I'm like, because I don't want him to Uber Eats.
[35:15] Like, I just want to know why when you are a devoted wife, it's shunned upon.
[35:21] Or it's like, why do you have to do so much?
[35:24] And I just feel like our generation is in that mode of like not giving too much, but give, I don't know.
[35:31] So my question is, why do you think we're being judged for being a devoted wife?
[35:38] Yeah, I think it's simply because in today's day and age, it's not really the norm.
[35:45] I think being a traditional wife is not norm, the norm.
[35:50] I think that showing that level of devotion as far as a marriage goes is not the norm.
[35:57] And I just think that that's where we are right now.
[35:59] It's a very, I don't know, like.
[36:03] Transactional world.
[36:04] It's a very transactional world.
[36:06] But also, who cares?
[36:09] Are they married?
[36:10] Don't pay them no mind.
[36:11] I don't think there's nothing wrong with taking care of your man.
[36:14] No.
[36:14] But the one that made the comment is married.
[36:16] So I was disappointed.
[36:18] Well, you know what?
[36:19] Let her do her marriage how she going to do hers.
[36:21] And you do yours how you going to do yours.
[36:23] Do the things.
[36:24] Cook the meals.
[36:24] Get the canvas.
[36:25] Do the things.
[36:26] I love it.
[36:27] And you said he's right there with you.
[36:29] So it's a very equal.
[36:30] Mutual girl.
[36:31] Keep your man.
[36:32] Yes.
[36:32] I don't see nothing wrong with one of them.
[36:34] Do what you want to do.
[36:35] I love it.
[36:36] I love it.
[36:37] Love it.
[36:37] Love it.
[36:38] Love it.
[36:38] Love it.
[36:39] It's getting delusional as Savannah would say.
[36:41] I'm delusional.
[36:44] But I feel like you can't listen to other people.
[36:46] I think everybody's going to have an opinion.
[36:47] It's the same when you have a baby.
[36:49] Everybody's going to have an opinion on how the baby should be doing this.
[36:52] You should be doing that.
[36:53] You just do whatever works for you.
[36:55] I think the noise is just cluttered.
[36:57] And I love that.
[36:59] It's like what?
[37:00] Yeah.
[37:01] What you say?
[37:02] Assholes.
[37:02] Thank you.
[37:03] Everyone has one.
[37:04] We need a club for devoted wives.
[37:07] Can you guys add that to your group for women?
[37:10] We need that.
[37:11] Yes.
[37:12] I love that.
[37:13] It needs to come back and be spoken on and about Loud and Proud.
[37:17] Okay.
[37:17] Let's talk about it.
[37:18] Well, I don't know about that life, but all righty.
[37:20] I'm here to support the girlies.
[37:22] All righty.
[37:22] Thank you.
[37:23] Thank you, Dijanae.
[37:24] Thank you, Dijanae.
[37:26] you guys okay bye bye oh that's so sweet so sweet devoted wives that's that be devoted watch your man watch football spend time that you don't want to spend to compromise do all the things you really love be in love and delusional cook meals and buy canvases i walk through the subway where
[37:57] All right, guys.
[37:58] We out of here.
[37:59] We out of here.
[37:59] We'll see you later.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.