# S3 Ep3: It's Giving.. Girlfriends Edition

An episode of [Everybody's Crazy](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1738947925), 26 Nov 2024, 1 h 28 min.

Audio: https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/episode.flightcast.com/o8eaczlp1vm55w22m65m850d.mp3

Welcome back to Everybody's Crazy with April and Savannah! 🎙️ Join us for this very special episode as we sit with some of our greatest friends! We discuss all things relationships, love, and living life from everyone's perspective! What would your advice be to your younger self? Tune in with us for this fun episode and be sure to leave your comments! Merch is here!!: everybodyscrazy.co Follow us on socials: https://www.instagram.com/AprilsOffice https://www.instagram.com/mrs_savannahrj/ https://www.instagram.com/everybodyscrzy/ Full video episodes can be found on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@EverybodysCrazy See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

## Transcript

[0:13] Hey, y'all. As you can see, we have some guests. We are so elated. We've been dying to do this. It is season three, episode three, and it's six of us.
[0:31] Talking about all the great things in life. We are so happy to have our friends here. Our real friends. Yes. Real. Let me emphasize. Not associates. Real life. Ride or die. Fucking call when you're crying. Call when you're laughing. Call all the times. And we wanted to bring our friends on. I think we had a lot of calls about friendship, love, relationships, everything. And we thought it would be nice to open up.
[0:56] our heart and home to show our friends. So I'm going to pass it to them. They're going to intro themselves. And the prompt we've given is what do you want to talk about today? What do you want the callers to kind of prompt us to discuss? And just trying to get some different perspectives around the table. So I'm going to pass it to Hazel Green.
[1:19] Hi, everybody. My name is Hazel Green. I've been married for two years. Can't you tell? I'm related. But I would like to talk about friendships. I think that with all of us having busy schedules and just trying to make time for one another and support each other and be there for each other, I think the callers would probably also like to hear, how do you just balance that on top of our crazy already? So that's what I would like to be prompt. Hit us up. Erin.
[1:49] hi guys i'm a lake of fraser terrified i'm a lake of fraser and i think i would like to hear about experiences dating as a mom and like what that looks like no matter your age as a mom just what does that look like how do you navigate that because that is rough okay okay
[2:14] Hi, everyone. My name is Raven B. So happy to be here. Very nervous. I want to talk about dating, partly because I'm always in a relationship. I'm currently in a relationship right now. And all of my single friends always come to me and tell me the streets are awful. So I want to hear about it and give advice.
[2:35] Oh, boy. Hi, everybody. I'm Portia Ellis. Very nervous also. So joining the club. I want to talk about or hear about sex. Ooh. Get right. It's spicy. Get right. It's spicy. Love that for us. Talk about it. All right. What about you? Oh, y'all know it's the big one. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. All right.
[3:03] Hey, y'all. It's Savannah back with y'all again. I'm so happy to have y'all here. This is so fun. I mean, I sweat through my clothes every time. So just get ready. It does not get easier. This one was just talking about being nervous a couple episodes ago. And I just it just doesn't get easier. But we're here together. We are supporting one another. And this is supposed to be fun. So yes, that is what we are going to do. I love that.
[3:25] And last but not least, it's April. I would like to talk about what is love?
[3:36] Are we going to cry? No, I'm not going to cry. Just not giving a fuck. I think everybody has their own version of love. So, like, what really is that to you? What does that look like? And I think operating in a world where everyone is struggling to find their, like, core group, what does love look like to you? So I feel like that is very unique to me.
[4:03] individuals and I think is different in relationships is different in friendships. And, um, the more that I live and grow as an individual, I realized that everybody has their own version of how people show up. So I think that that is very important. I think going back to the essence of the show and everybody's crazy is,
[4:24] I think everyone needs support. And I think that that's why we created this space to show people that you can have so many friends. You can have a community. You can have a support system. So like, what does that look like to you? So I think we want to hear from the callers on what does love look like to you? And that doesn't always have to be a sexual situation. You can love your friends. You can love your dog friends.
[4:49] You can love your kids. You can love all the things. So what does that look like? So I think we're just going to jump in and let's take a caller. Hello. Who are we speaking to? Where are you from? And what's your crazy?
[5:03] Hi, guys. My name is Stephanie, and I'm from Atlanta. How y'all doing? Hi. Hi. Hey. Hey. So my question. Oh, my God. So my question to you guys is, so I'm kind of nervous. Sorry. So I am ready to start dating. Yes, it is very much ghetto out here. It's really hard. But what I've been keeping to myself is I haven't had sex in,
[5:33] like three years and I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm just nervous that if I do find love or a good person and I'm ready to have sex with them, I don't know what I'm doing. So like, I don't want him to laugh at me or look at me like, you know, what, what am I getting myself into? And I know TikTok is not real, but it is real. And when you listen to men talk and what they want, it's really intimidating. So yeah,
[6:01] Am I crazy that I'm 30 plus and I don't know how to do the do? Like, I'm just nervous and scared and I want child advice. So help me. Well, I just have one quick question. You never did it or you just haven't done it in three years? It's been a long time. I haven't done it in a long time. So I just feel like, and I've done it like I was dating someone for six years and he's all I know. So, and then I haven't done it in three years. So it's kind of like,
[6:30] I just feel I don't have it. I'm not very experienced, so I don't know.
[6:37] Okay. I'm just nervous. Malika has. Well, I was celibate for three and a half years, so I can give you some real advice. The first thing is lead with passion. Like when you're in the bedroom or even before then, like make sure that you are being vulnerable outside of sex. So if you like him, kiss him all over his face. If you want to hold his hand, if you want to rub him, it starts well before y'all start bumping and grinding. So...
[7:05] I think that's the biggest thing, being vulnerable well before y'all do the do. And then once you do get in the bedroom, I would say be submissive and let him lead so that, you know, he can melt into you, girl. That's what I got for you.
[7:24] Oh, that's what I think. Can I add something? I also think it's good to know what you like and what you need. Because I feel like if you're going into the situation and your only concern is what he likes, it's not going to be successful for you regardless. So I feel like I don't know what you've been doing with your own time, but I think knowing your body, knowing what you like, knowing what...
[7:45] you want him to do to you is just as important as going in there knowing because i think even in like being submissive or being in there you have to know what pleasures you like it's about you as well it's really about you so okay that is the priority i love that i mean i feel like when you take a hiatus from sex and then have a comeback the tigers come out yeah and i just feel like i'm about to say something so inappropriate it's out of character for me
[8:17] But if you got good pussy, then it ain't no problem. Ooh.
[8:20] Oh, wee! Oh, no. I didn't know. Okay. But that's the thing. How do you know? Okay. She said, but that's the thing. How do you know? I think it's a confidence thing. Yeah. Is it a confidence thing? But going back to what Raven said, I do think that it's important to explore yourself because I think that comes with the confidence. So, like, if you know your body, know what you like, know what you need, know what you want, I think it's easy for you to come into a sexual situation and have the confidence to be.
[8:48] And then I think learning your partner and learning him along the way is a part of the journey, too. But start with yourself. And knowing what your tricks are. I feel like you should. I love a trick. But she doesn't know that part. She doesn't know that. But I think no matter what, like the first time you have sex with someone, if you haven't, it's going to be a little it can be a little awkward, no matter like your chemistry, because you're getting to know them. But I think after that initial time, like if you know, like your knees are weak, maybe. Yeah.
[9:14] I don't know if Charlize maybe you're in a virtual other position. You got to go to a yoga class. Yeah, yoga, prep, but know your strengths of your body as well. Because then I think after this. Starfish is the best position if you're just not sure. Just put your hands back and lay on back, baby. Starfish? Go on the ride. Go on the ride. Starfish is wild.
[9:39] Starfish is crazy. I never heard that before. Starfish didn't mean that. If you're not sure, just say that. Well, listen, what I do say is get on out there. Yeah. You ain't got none to lose.
[9:56] I feel like you have nothing to lose. I just don't want him to laugh at me. Girl, he is. You are giving him vagina, child. He is not going to be enjoying. Test him on. If he made you uncomfortable, then he's not somebody you should be sleeping with regardless. So I feel like even if you're a little rusty, if he makes you feel uncomfortable, then that's just not the man for you in general. And just make sure you pick something to chop on him. Then you can up the roster. On your way out. Your ball-headed nigga.
[10:25] He ain't going to do you like that. No. He's getting vagina. He's going to be happy. He is. Listen. Listen, have a little bit more confidence than that. You got this. Yeah. All righty. Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. Bye. Bye. All right. Bye. Okay. Starfish is crazy. It's so wild. I didn't even know people have names of positions. You like that?
[10:48] I mean, she was bad for a long time. What are some names? Doggy style. Oh, I know that one. Cowgirl. Cowgirl. What is a cowgirl? Reverse cowgirl. Reverse cowgirl. You're living at reverse cowgirl. Reverse cowgirl make them go crazy.
[11:06] put a nigga in a choc-hole put a nigga in a choc-hole put a nigga in a cowgirl reverse cowgirl missionary who was doing missionary in this day and age I feel like sometimes people in love do missionary sometimes missionary be right I like intimate
[11:24] yeah i like passion i need you to be right here i need you to see me touch me kiss me make me feel like we're here okay i love that for you and then starfish that's missionary starfish you tired starfish is like tired missionary yeah i've never heard that before in my life i'm so sorry i'm very proud of us is it a name for from the side with your leg up
[11:48] Oh, that's a good one, too. I call that in the morning. Yeah, okay, because that's giving 7 a.m. call time. And no, no, no, wakes somebody else up. But I'm here. It's called breakfast. Breakfast, I love that. That's breakfast. I love that. All right, should we take another caller? Go for it. I could do this all day and talk to people. This is amazing. Okay, hi, what's your name, where you from, and what's your crazy? Hi, my name is Jacey. I am calling from Washington.
[12:18] And my crazy is that I feel like as long as I'm just like being honest or I'm being truthful, like if you just ask me for advice or just, sorry, I'm a little nervous. I'm trying, I'm done, I guess. If you just ask me for advice or if you just come to me with a problem or something and I'm just being honest to you or if you just say something dumb and I'm like telling you like, hey, yo, that's like lucky dumb. Like whether I'm your friend or not, like.
[12:42] I feel like it should be good. It should be smooth sailing. But, like, my friends tell me that I'm just, like, too blunt or too honest. And, like, it's not, like, what you say, but it's how you say it. But I don't really, I don't see that as a problem. So I'm wondering if that's, like, is that crazy? That as long as I'm telling the truth, I find it. Yeah, I was like, what's your sign? What's your sign?
[13:02] Giving fireside. I'm a cancer. Oh, you emotional. You got the nerve to be giving somebody rough advice. You're crying out of the night. Now that makes sense. We're not going to get into that one. That's a whole other crazy. I feel like, this is April, I feel like I'm very similar to that, but I just have my friends who get to know me. I'm not for everybody. So I just fuck with who I fuck with. Agreed.
[13:26] They know that it comes from a place of love. So you can call me in your worst moment, your best moment. I'm going to give, typically I will give fair advice, but very direct.
[13:37] And if you're slouching, you got to you got to you got to pep it up. You got to tidy up like. Yeah. I think the level of advice, though, people get and how they get advice also determines if like how they see you as a friend. So I think sometimes people are willing to take a little bit more advice from somebody that they admire or see in a further part in life.
[14:03] Now, I don't know what you're doing and what you're doing over there, but if you ain't got no job and doing whatever, tell them what to do. They may be like, are you out of your mind? So I think you just got to weigh the situation and determine that. Use emotional IQ. Oh, I was going to say, as the receiver.
[14:19] of friends that have blunt advice sometimes who I'm very sensitive, but I think I can receive it when I know that person shows up for me in other ways. And also like knowing your friends. So if your friend knows you, they know your intention, sometimes the intention of it is more important than how you say it. But if you're showing up for them in other ways, then I don't know. I really appreciate it. Like, I feel like I love the friends that do talk to me like that because sometimes you need it and you need someone that's like honest and is like,
[14:49] Fuck him. But then you also need them to be like, okay, but come to my house and I'm going to take care of you and we're going to get through it together. So I think it's a matter of like the balance, but if they, if you're not for everybody, then you could drop them. Like for sure. And also read the room. Right. Like there's certain times and situations that,
[15:06] Blunt advice is needed. And then sometimes you may have to take a softer approach just based upon what somebody is dealing with or the personality. So I think it is also on you to read the room a little bit. Like even April, I've been friends with April for a while. As direct as she is, there's times when she's...
[15:23] there is empathy, there's compassion for like a more sensitive, serious moment. And I think being able to do that and decipher which moments are for just like the hard, real truth where, or, you know, situations that are on the other end where you do need to be a little bit more sensitive, like that's on your end to kind of like teeter the line. Yeah. And how you, how do you receive feedback? I think is important. Well, she says she was a cancer. She was crying all the time.
[15:54] All right, thank you. We appreciate you. I mean, I can take it. I don't think so. It's giving dicey. Delusional. I don't know if she said it's giving dicey. Listen, it's giving dicey. Thank you for calling. Okay, bye. Girl, how can y'all take advice? It depends.
[16:15] I think I take it well. Huh? That's coming from two Libras. With two V's. How about you? I want to hear the real and the raw. And then, but a lot, I think most of the time, yes. Because that's the only way I'm going to consider. You know what I'm saying? Like, otherwise I'll just be like, okay. But you're a Virgo, so you already know because you planned out every single scenario. Not always. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not that kind of Virgo.
[16:42] I'm an organized chaos, Virgo. And usually when it comes into that, it's chaos. And how about y'all take advice? I feel like I take advice well because I always want to hear another side. And I try to digest it if it's hard.
[17:04] And then ask the person what they think I could do differently and really try to apply it. I think. What do you think? Do you think? I think I'm like that, but I might see myself in a different light. I feel like that. How about you, Hayes? Well, you know, I'm a consider. I'm a consider. I'm going to consider what's being said. I'm going to consider it right after I fight. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm going to be like, you know what? You was right. I was wrong. It's possible. I could have been wrong. It is.
[17:33] I want your selfish things. See, yeah. I give a little feedback first of a, ah. Yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, uh, uh, uh. Yeah, okay. Pow, pow, pow. Aries is coming in hot. It's giving none but a hot fire and hot lava. Yes, hot lava's right. Hot lava. We're burning everything down. And then we're going to take the advice in and say, now I got to put it back together. Build it back up.
[17:55] I mean, I feel like that's the good thing about my friends. I feel like I always seek perspective because I'm very calculated. So like I'm very rigid.
[18:06] which they will say yes. But, and then my friends, the ones I'll go to for a lot of advice are a little bit more riskier than me. Because you'd be needing some risk. Yeah, y'all be like, ah, go ahead. And I'm like, ah. Yeah. Yeah, so I feel like most of the ones that I get a lot of advice from are a little bit more riskier or a little bit more nonchalant about something I would never do. Right.
[18:30] You need the push. It's not really a push, but it's kind of like, just go ahead and fuck it. You know, like, I'm more like. I ain't never gay that time. I was just like, huh? Just go ahead and sleep with them. Like, just relax. It's not that big of a deal.
[18:51] The word is relax. Yes. Relax. Yes. Yes. It's okay, guys. All right. Let's take a caller. Hello. Who are we speaking to? Where are you from? And what's your crazy? Hi, girlfriend. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
[19:10] I thought it was only right that I called in for this. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I know this voice. DJ zone. I know this voice. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. Hey, girl. It's Andy from Akron. Hey, Amber. Amber from Cleveland. Akron, Akron. Amber from Akron. It's Akron. It's Akron. It's Akron. All right. Well, what's your crazy baby? So I got two things.
[19:39] First, I'm going to answer, I feel like April had a question. What is love? And I feel like I'm exploring the relationships right now. And for me, I feel like love is just somebody really truly accepting me and all of me. Like when I'm goofy as fuck, awkward as fuck, bitchy as fuck, all the things. And I really feel seen and heard. Okay. But that's in regular relationships and the other sex relationships as well. Yeah.
[20:08] But my question about crazy is, is it crazy to meet someone and really just fall very quickly and just be ready for all the things? Like meet someone, think they're your person or know they're your person and just be ready to get a house, get married.
[20:29] Have a baby. Here you go. All the things. Like, what's a time limit for that? Is there a time limit? Is there a time limit for that? What's quickly, though? I don't believe it, Tom. What's quickly? Portia said, what's quickly? What's quickly?
[20:45] A year? Oh, no. That's a long time. That's a long time. I thought you were about to say a month. So maybe I'm self-sabotaged because no matter how good it feels, I, like, tell myself in the back of my mind, like, this is just too quick. It's too quick to feel this way, even though it does feel so good.
[21:01] But that falls on the worthiness, though. Oh, okay. Here we go. Okay. Hamdan ala. Yeah, like you have to be willing to be deserving of that and know that you're deserving of it, especially if you were seeking it. It's here. It's at your front door. So embrace it. Live in it. The worst thing that could happen is that the shit fall apart.
[21:26] Like, that's the worst thing that could happen. And then you have, prayerfully, you have people in your life that will help you put it back together. But don't deny yourself that, man. Don't do that. No, don't. Hello? Well.
[21:44] am. Hey girl, how your daughter doing? Tell us, hey. As someone who was in a rather moving fast relationship and I'm happily married, of course, we've been through our things because it takes a while to get to know someone and unpack those things. But when I mean, it was like a hurricane of fun and like crazy and like,
[22:06] We were just feeling all the things. And we moved so fast that, whoo-hoo, you just have to be ready for that. If things don't go 100% like you thought, it's totally fine. It doesn't mean that it's just going to go away. It doesn't mean that you guys won't be together. It doesn't mean that you guys shouldn't get married. It just means that you guys didn't take the time to learn each other. So you are going to have to grow through that at the same time because you are just going right now. Like you said, it's been a year, but everything is so good, so fast. What I will say is...
[22:35] Do not sabotage what's good. Let the good come. Don't question it. If it feels good to you, hold on to that. Don't let anybody else get in your head. Like, if it feels good to you, then that's what matters. Like, if it feels great to you, ride that. And then it's a roller coaster, baby. They know. Put your hands up. Put your hands up. You got to ride. And just, you got to go with life and put your hands up and enjoy the ride, no matter what. Just give an Edward Scissorhand. I don't like it.
[23:00] I'm scared. I'm too fucking scared. I'm terrified on a roller coaster. It's scary. It is scary. I think love is scary. It is. Oof. But that's because you don't have the answers. You need answers. Well, most people need answers. Like, what is the end result? What is this? I don't think it's so much of answers. I think the idea of somebody taking answers.
[23:26] like being in control of a piece of your destiny is very hard for me personally. But you got to let go of control. Like, when is this going to be? Is there the same thing? But I think that- Me being so vulnerable. Yes. And also like, didn't you just change your mind?
[23:41] But people wake up every day and change their mind. Right. And I'm not really for that. It's scary. It is very scary. But it also can happen with you. You can wake up and change your mind on somebody. What's the alternative is nothing. You have to work through that fear. Like for me, you have to work through that fear. But that shit is terrifying. And I'm a G in everything else. But yo, that shit is like, yeah, no.
[24:02] It's scary I don't know I feel like there's so much beauty In the experience itself I think even when we all think about times That we've been heartbroken When we were in love It was great And what we learned from it was great So I feel like Everything you've learned When you've been vulnerable Is like The best parts of you So I think even if it's gonna go sour Because it's not the person Like it was a season in your life That was important And you needed it And people come into your life for a reason And I feel like
[24:31] You have like, that's the whole purpose of living is to love. Like there's no other purpose to me than you love all the other things, right? You want to like love your job, love your friends, love your kids, love what you wear. Like, of course you should be able to like experience love with other people. I don't think you should hold back. And I feel like sometimes, especially as we get older, you know more about yourself. So you know exactly what you want. So when you meet somebody, it comes quicker to you because you already know you're not like trying to figure it out. Yeah.
[24:59] It's still for her. It's still giving very, very nervous for me. I remember one of me and Savannah's guy friends, Taco. Shout out to Taco. Taco, Taco, Taco. He said to me, I love being in love. I was like, what in the hell? It's like a rollercoaster. It was pure joy. It is.
[25:24] Yeah, but yeah. You can't deal with the dip. The dip is what gets you. It's called the stomach coming out your mouth. You're like, yeah, that don't work for me. It's too erratic. I want to be on a little rowboat. No. That would be fun for you. That would not be fun. A rowboat. Amber said a rowboat. April, you're more of a yacht type of girl.
[25:54] Lounge it with my man in his wheelchair with no problems. Because I don't want no problems. You still gonna have problems. Why you gotta say that about him? I appreciate all you ladies and I'm so proud of you. We love you Amber. Thank you Amber. Many more seasons. Love you guys. Okay. Bye. Now go canoodle with your man. Hello. Right. Go get him. Wait. Can we just talk about would you date a man in a wheelchair? Like what?
[26:24] You know she's a master manifester. She has been saying this recently a lot. I don't know. It's stressing me out. She's giving me... I'm just saying an older man. We're talking about 60s, 70s. Preferred. April. I am open-minded for whatever is going to come find me. Any age. No, not any age.
[26:49] We're done. What's the range? Yeah, what's the range? The younger men. Yeah, we're done. Young is not my bracket. That's not my bracket. But wheelchair? Maybe, maybe. 50 is cute. She said 45 to 80. Okay.
[27:04] 80 is crazy. 80 is insane. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. 80 is Anna Nicole. Isn't that Anna Nicole? Thank you very much. No. I'm just joking. I mean, I just think- You can't even have sex with him. Oh, yes, you can. I think I'm just like open to all the things, but yeah. The wheelchair's just as crazy. 80 is crazy. Call me.
[27:27] Uh-uh. Is that call me? Don't. Not on this hotline. Look at her pushing the wheelchair and serving the food. Nurse outfit and all. All right, let's take a caller. Hey, who we speaking to? Where you calling us from? And what's your crazy? Hi, my name is Lisa and I go to Howard University. Hey, Lisa. What you got for us? Mostly homecoming was a blast. Hi. My crazy is that
[27:55] I'm Gen Z, but I'm more of like millennial mindset. So I wonder, like, I know I'm not crazy, but my generation is. And I just want to know, like, how come men in my generation don't approach?
[28:11] the men in your generation honey they want to be the women they want to be it's crazy it's crazy we heard about me and Savannah learned about in season 2 a sassy man because we didn't know about that we didn't know what a sassy man was so we got educated on that I think
[28:27] It's very interesting. And it's also disheartening. Well, I was going to say I agree. I think it's crazy. What I have heard from men in friend groups and stuff is that women don't feel approachable anymore. Them young women?
[28:44] That's what I heard. Yeah, they feel like you have to have 101 things to even approach a woman. You have to have the cars, the jewelry, the money, and they don't want a regular guy. Yes, that is what I heard. And even if you do have those things, they still might not want you.
[29:01] This is where social media is killing us. Yeah. Yes. Or killing them. But that's all ages. Wait a minute. You telling me there ain't no brothers at Howard? She said not that's the problem. Yeah. There are, but they just stare. Okay, but don't you know like eye contact? They just stare.
[29:19] But also, I have a question. They still don't approach, though, sometimes. I have a question. Is this still a thing about a woman approaching a man? Is it still... Women shouldn't approach a man. You should wait for a man to approach you. I feel like one of the things, being especially Gen Z, if you see something you like, go get it. But I feel like if someone gives you eye contact, you could just wink and whistle.
[29:47] But are you going over? Are you going over? What is wink and whistle? Is that not a thing? I'm sorry. If somebody winks and whistles at you, you're lying to that? I mean, I'm like. No, you're not. Stop. I mean, if he's cute, I'm like, hey. Do you approach men you like? Or is it just that you want them to approach you? I do not. I just sit there. She said, I just sit there. So she don't. Yes, I want them to approach. I think the issue is that you guys don't know how to communicate.
[30:15] There it goes. So I think that maybe going to places and doing things that you like doing and maybe being around like-minded people may help a bit because that's like a fair ground. So maybe try that. And then...
[30:32] Always maybe being introduced by a friend. Right, right. That's another way maybe you could be introduced to someone. But I do think if someone is staring at you, there is a nice way to engage and be like, hey. Yes, but if they're staring at her and she doesn't approach them because she wants them to stare at her and then approach her.
[30:47] We're getting nowhere. But I mean, it's okay. But it's okay for you to say, hey. Agree. Yeah. You should be like, hi. She should. You're on a college campus. Everything is fun. It's free. It's, hey, how you doing? Talk to five of them. Right? Okay. Open up the roster. You're kidding. Open up the roster. However. But it's, you're young and you're having fun. Like, you should definitely just approach. You could be missing your match, girl. Let me ask one question. Are you nervous to approach? Or do you feel like that's not your role? No.
[31:17] Both. Okay. Well, I don't think, I don't, I mean, listen, I'm 101. And if somebody going to be looking over here, I'd be like, hey, if I think he's cute. Yeah. And I also feel like that man was just talking about it. She said she got a millennial mindset. If he's in a wheelchair, I got to go over there and chit chat. But I also feel like you saying, like you just giving the high or like,
[31:38] some sort of sign that you're available could then allow him to approach you. Like it's different if, to your point, if he looks at you and you give a little smile or something, you give him a sign and then he doesn't approach you. That's different. But I feel like you got to give a little bit of like, hey. Hopefully you're not giving rest and bitch face. Cause that is a millennial thing as well. Okay. And then you can't definitely see him looking at you and then look at your phone. Cause that's giving janky.
[32:04] I know that janky's not a word for y'all, but that means bootleg. I guess that's not a word for y'all. I mean, half-ass. I mean, what is a millennial word? You know what I mean? Janky's a millennial word. Yes, janky. I just think you can't, somebody see you and then you looking all nervous looking at your phone. It's giving not confident. You see them looking and be like, hey, you know, like. What's that? Haven't you ever seen, what is that movie with the Dalmatians and the.
[32:29] lady in the tramp 101 dalmatians cruella de vil yes not that cruella de vil i don't want her to be that but kind of like the cute dog that's like kind of like so lady in the tramp lady in the tramp now the dalmatians is running for their life the dalmatians is running for their life lady in the tramp so give it lady in the tramp like give a little flirty energy oh i know what word you give
[32:54] demure ain't that the word but you gotta give demure but if she's demure then she's not reaching out to them they're reaching out to her I'm talking about when the eye connection is made then you give the wink it could be like a little wink
[33:11] Not with that much smile. But yeah. A smirk. A smirk. But yeah, I love it. I mean, y'all know I like to show all the teeth. They're mine. Thank you very much. All righty. Well, good luck. See you later. Thank you. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Listen, you talk about a roster raven.
[33:31] You done told her to be a Dalmatian. Just give a lady in a trap. You know what I mean? Flirty. Flirty. Flirty is cute. Flirty is cute. She's in college. She could be cute. Yeah, flirty. Yeah, I feel like that generation is... Hey, we are... It's gone to shit. It's very interesting. It's going to be interesting. Like, I...
[33:50] Not to go into my personal details, but I have a cousin who is 25 on dating apps. I'm just like, when I was 25, I was out in the streets. I don't understand. No, but I feel like that's the... It's just... I mean, it's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time. It's the time.
[34:06] As a younger person, you have to do things that are outside of your comfort zone. I say flirty is key. But I also think, think about it like this, right? Like nowadays when people go to a club, right? And before you probably would go out, there weren't that many sections. You go to a bar, somebody buys you a drink, y'all dancing, there's a connection. Now you go to a club. If you're not in a section with someone that has a lot of money, you at the bar by yourself, no one is buying you a drink, no one is dancing. All the music is like...
[34:31] All the music is like, fuck life, fuck him, fuck her. So it's like the energy around like going out and socializing, I feel like it's so different. That like when you do, like I go out all the time with my friends and I watch here in LA, people are not. Connected. Connecting. They with their friends. The guys with the guys. They on their phone. They recording. Like no one is like, yo, can I buy you a drink? Yo, there's no music that they really dancing to. Like it's definitely all of those things. LA is rough.
[34:58] LA is rough. I think it's rough everywhere. No, LA is rough. LA is rough. LA is... I think it's rough everywhere. I think across the board is just... I think social media done changed the game. People, go find your people. Go connect. Go on a date. Show some vulnerability. Be outside. Are you going to do that? All right, we're going to take another... April, would you get on the app?
[35:27] I cannot see that. So you will only meet somebody through a friend? Not through a friend, but in IRL. Like where? Where are you at that you're going to meet somebody you don't know? Where are you hanging? Maybe, I don't know, an elevator. An elevator? Maybe an elevator. Because you hang out tight in your circle. Yeah. So it's like, you're not just out at a party. Like, I'm like...
[35:49] No, you're not. I love genies. So like, ding, they will come. She said it. It's going to manifest it. Listen. She's going to be in the elevator at a whole home. The master manifestor. You never know. Elevators work. Listen, elevator, airport. I mingle to an extent. Maybe one of my friends will run into somebody that's good. I just, an app is not for me.
[36:12] I agree. I actually agree with that. I would pay to see what app. An app is not for me. I would pay to see you make a profile. All of the experiences that I've heard about people on apps and being on an app and engaging with people on apps is never good. Really? And I know that that's not true. People that got married on apps. Yeah, I know that that's not true. So many people. But there's a lot of trash on apps. Yeah, more so. There's a lot. It's bad. I mean, you definitely have to filter. Filter through.
[36:36] the noise. Yeah. I just don't have time to filter. I don't have any time to filter. Let's take a caller. Hello. Who are we speaking to? Where are you from? And what's your crazy? Hi. Okay. I'm Samantha Sam for short. I'm from Washington, D.C. Okay. I want to answer April question. She asked, what is love? I feel like love is like different things. You could, um,
[37:06] You could love somebody by showing them how patient you are with them or comforting them, making sure that they're safe and you just want to feel warm in somebody's arms. So with answering that, my quick crazy is I've been knowing a friend for 20 plus years and we have been dating for a year.
[37:35] However, he is going through a divorce. And I have seen the side of him of being a married man, being a father and everything. But also, I also seen like him being vulnerable, him crying to me about certain situations. And now that we have been dating for a year, I've seen a side of him of,
[38:05] he's my safe home. And like, I'm his safe home. We pray together. We love each other. We go to church. And I'm like, why didn't you give, like, well, why didn't your wife see that side of you? And I have girlfriends like you all. And they say that, you know, sometimes it takes for another person to bring that side of them out.
[38:35] I know this person for 20 plus years that I done seen like the good, the bad, the ugly. And now that we're dating, I just feel like, I don't know. Is it too good to be true? Or I don't know what should I do? I know that they're legally separated. I've seen the divorce papers. They're going through the divorce. It's a lot going on because they do have kids involved.
[39:02] However, like I told him, I don't want to move sexually forward with him until the divorce is finalized. Hold on a second. So y'all not having sex? No. But if that's his friend, I could see him not having sex yet.
[39:23] I'm sorry. Were you friends with... Announce yourself. Say your name. Hi, this is Hazel. Yes. Quick question for you. So you were friends with him for 20 years. Were you friends with his previous wife? No, I was not. Oh, oh, oh. So I know him before I knew her.
[39:42] Oh, yeah. You would have definitely had to know me. Hazel's saying it's crazy that y'all are doing this. Is your fear, like, because you saw that he... How long was he married? Not the residual one. He was married... They've been married for nine years.
[40:02] Okay, so is your fear in seeing his marriage for nine years and seeing him fall apart, and now you see, like, a different version of him with you, is your fear that it's, like, an act, that it's not genuine? I fear that if, like, later on within the years that it might happen between us, I can't go into details of his relationship with his wife. Yeah, no, for sure. However, I...
[40:31] I just want to make sure that I, like I said, he's my safe home. I'm his safe home. We talk about anything and everything. Like, always been for, been there for each other since we were kids. We never thought that we would date when we get later on within the years. I didn't go to his wedding, none of that. So you won't, I don't want you all to think, oh, I was up in his white face, he can't, or none of that. No, I'm not that type of girl because I'm just like April. Like,
[41:01] I'm that friend that I'll keep it blunt with you. And I even tell him, like, no, you know, you need to fix this out, work it out some kind of way, do therapy before you get a divorce. They did all of that, but it wasn't working. What I would say, this is April speaking, but what I would say is I feel like to take a minute and a beat and let them get a divorce and let them settle in. I do believe people...
[41:32] It's not cheating, but I do believe people emotionally cheat. So when they're seeking something that's outside of their relationship, a lot of times that can happen in friendships. And I was in a relationship with my friend. And I think more than anything, we are no longer together, but I miss our friendship because I was so hurt that it didn't work out. So I just feel like you have to, you have to let him finish out. And that's what I don't want. I don't want help. Mm-hmm.
[42:01] Yeah, you want it to be. I don't want our friendship to mess up. Yes, I agree. And also you want to give him a chance to just fully heal from what he's going through and you not be the cushion for that. You want him to be with you because this is really what he wants to do and not because now he's indebted to you because you were there. Yes.
[42:22] Yeah. And I guess I want to say as like as someone who I currently date someone who is my best friend and I think you can't like you have to allow him to everyone's point to like get over all his situation and his relationship because that's the only way that he can have his own clarity and know that you're right for him because he.
[42:41] You also right now, like, you're shiny and you're comforting and you're his friend. Like, you're his safe space. But it's also within all his chaos of, like, his divorce and finding himself. So I think you should, like, to April's point, take a B. Be his friend because you deserve someone that's whole as well. Like, you don't want him kind of, like, half-assed showing up for you. Let him get through his— Right? Yeah. Look at me. Go live it. Love it here. And—
[43:07] Let him finish out his divorce and then explore it because then I think it gives it like I think the reason my relationship works is because I was like a whole version of myself and had to like get out of situations and like be like, OK, now this is what I want. It wouldn't have worked any other way. And it's selfish if he's expecting that of you without ending his fully ending it like he has to fully divorce. Agreed. Yeah. And not just the divorce, but like divorce in time.
[43:34] Yes. Nine years is a long time to be with someone that then starts your life. And then you have kids. And you and you have kids. Yes. So, well, good luck. We're here. Yeah. Call us again. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.
[43:50] Girl. Can I ask a question? Yes. No, wait, wait, wait. I have a question. Yes. Y'all think you're about to go wrong. Go ahead. So is it hard, because you guys are married, right? So is it hard when people call in or like when you have to have marital conversations like that? Because that was crazy. For me, it is. Yeah. For me, it is. Yeah. Sometimes I'll be like, I can't really, I know what I got going on. So to give my two cents about, let me stay in this relationship. It's hard. Yeah.
[44:19] Your face. It's saying otherwise. Okay. So I agree with that. Our lovely last caller, I get where she's coming from because I think that a lot of men, when you see a different side of someone, you're like, wow, you really didn't give that last energy to your last relationship. Why not? So I do think that people do change for people.
[44:41] They change for themselves, but they're like, no, I don't want to be the same person. If my standards are, I want boom, boom, boom. And you need to communicate, you need to do this. And someone else's standards work that like, I can't get blamed for that. You rose to the occasion. And now you're meeting me at the things that I need for this relationship to work. So I do agree with her in that sense of like, some things do end with people. Now, when you're married, because it's different when you girlfriend, boyfriend, you hanging out, marriage is a
[45:11] You can't give someone advice to be like, oh, try to make that marriage work. But then also being their safe haven and they can come lean on your shoulder and cry on your shoulder and get on your couch. You didn't come to the wedding. You didn't. You're not friends with the girl. So I just I don't understand. We're done. We're done here. Because I was just like, well, wait, because there's no way that he would be friends with someone for.
[45:34] 20 plus years and then i get married to him in year nine so i don't agree with that i think there's also respect the relationships and marriages too a lot of people don't put respect on the name of marriage because that's agree because if i'm his friend he married should be having a friend of 20 years that you don't know but did she say but did she say that she didn't know that know her she's not a friend of mine
[45:58] So you've been friends with somebody for 10 years and they get married. You've been friends with somebody for 10 years. They get married and you don't come to the wedding, but you they best friend. Yeah, I do think that's crazy. That'd be like me not being at Rich's wedding. It sounds like they weren't actually... As close as... It sounds like they knew each other. Yeah. Like they probably...
[46:15] No. I don't think it's wrong. I'm not some people that have been some friends now. And I done said, it's a no for me. No. I don't know. I don't like her in the head. This is where the gray comes in. If you're in a relationship, you don't need to be hanging out with no women that are single and mingling. And then that doesn't know your girlfriend or wife. Correct. That just doesn't. I agree with that. You don't add up. I agree with that. That's giving gray. I've been friends for 20 years and like. Not have met the. I should know. I should know. I should know.
[46:40] We got married and you ain't come to our wedding. I'm like, where your best friend at? Yeah, I'll be acting a fool like, oh, she ain't come? Why she ain't come? That's kind of crazy. Yeah, that's weird. Now you've already burned shit down. Look at this. No, it's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving.
[47:09] She can say it like When she said 20 years And married nine I said hold on Well I just I just think that the hard part Is like People can have friends Girls that are friends I mean listen I've been with people Where they've been like Oh that's my friend But we slept together
[47:27] Is that okay? I would prefer somebody to be transparent and honest and act like you ain't sleep with her. And then she like, hey, girl. No, but would you be okay with someone that your man has slept with before and he's still friends with her? I would. Yeah, I think it depends. I don't really care. No, I would.
[47:42] But I think... I think it's all about communication. I think it's communication and transparency. But see, niggas want to be in the gray. So let's talk about what is lying. Because that's part of the problem. Is people are not clear on lying. Lying doesn't have to be, you said, a clear lie. Omitting the truth. Omitting is lying. Omitting stuff and being a little gray and froggy is where the problem comes in. I agree.
[48:07] I also think to Hazel's point, it's marriage. Like, you were married for this long and we're friends, but...
[48:14] You don't know nothing about my family? Because also to that point, if you're my friend, then you only getting what I'm saying too. You're not around. You don't actually, you can't see who I actually am. He could be the common denominator. He can actually be the problem. And he's making that woman out to be the problem that he's leaving. When the truth is, like, the other friend doesn't even know the woman. She's never seen their interaction. She's never been around them. So we friends, but you haven't seen that part of me? Yeah. How can you say how I am with her?
[48:39] Yeah, it's very difficult. I think relationships and the next circle of relationships outside of that, where do people seek conversation and guidance can determine a lot and can also determine how people move in a relationship. If somebody's parents don't like you, if somebody's friends don't like you, if somebody's something don't, they can impact a relationship. They can have impact. So I think it's like,
[49:03] People don't realize that what you feed yourself through friendships, through relationships, can...
[49:11] ultimately determine how you move. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. And I think if someone provides you that space while you're going through that time, it's a lot easier to be like, oh, the grass is greener. Like, oh, it's green over there. It's nice. It's easy. No. But just so we clear. It's never greener over there. But just so we clear. It's never greener over there. Water your own grass. Water your own grass. So our partners can't have friends. No, I'm fine with friends. But we got another mystery friend that I ain't never met that didn't also come to our wedding and support them.
[49:41] we're not playing but wait you can have friends like
[49:47] Yes, but they just popped up. Oh, this my friend. No. Like, can they make new friends? Yeah, can they make new... I'm sorry. This is not giving fucking guess who. This is not what we're playing today. This is my question for women. New friends that they are introducing to you. Ding, Susie. Bang, Becky. Who the fuck is Susie and Becky? New friends that they introduced to you that they are transparent about.
[50:15] New friends that you saw where? New friends from work? Yeah. Through work? Work, yes. I mean, I think in a common area, yes, within reason. You don't even like people. How you going to let the people have new friends? You have no new friends. I mean, at work, you can't control that. Like, I feel like with Bruno or whatever, like, there's so many people. It's like a family environment. If you was like, oh, I was at the gym and Laura said hi. Who the fuck is Laura? Mm-hmm.
[50:44] the fuck is going on tell Laura to mind her goddamn business there's definitely like a nuance there's like a nuance to it like it's it's very like situation and I also just feel like as adults like I don't know even for me like I've had male friends my whole life they got girlfriends they got wives the immediate reaction from me is like let me meet your wife let you meet my boyfriend look like
[51:09] Oh my God, I've known him all this time. But also, there's a respect level there too. And I'm not saying that she... I don't know her story, so we don't know what it is. But I think that you're not just going to pop up with a friend. No, I mean, I definitely... And I think it is... You're going to pop up and I'm going to pop out. Listen, listen. I just feel like it's... Yeah, I'm not okay with that. And I'm popping out even if we divorced, nigga. You're okay.
[51:32] you ain't getting rid of me it's like what was you doing where's you got questions huh I got questions but I'm gonna give the answer I'm popping out I feel like that is a great part for me
[51:49] Like, I'm very clear with who my guy friends are. And you establish it from the beginning, which I feel like that's another thing. Yeah, because first of all, you're coming to the judgment table with all my friends. Yeah, judge Judy. They all lined up like, hmm, let's figure this out. Let's see where your heart is. Like, my friends ain't fitting to play about me. So you better be fucking tough as nails and confident as fuck because they come in with the sledgehammer. Yeah, it's like pull you over to the side. No, it's like, hmm.
[52:16] it's giving 17 parents so like it's not really for the faint of heart I'm in love everybody's at the table everybody's at the table like tell me who are you tell me everything and she's like I love him and we're like who is he I feel like that is that is real friendship though I don't even I could be open in that kind of place because I know everybody else got me
[52:44] That's love, though. You see? When you feel love, look at you just open. Yeah. Scary Spice. Started all over again. I was free for two seconds. Let's take a call. I'm breathing. Hello. Who we speaking to? Where you from? And what's your crazy? Hi, this is Asia. I'm from Baltimore, Maryland. Hello. Hi. And I just called because my crazy is
[53:13] I'm a 21-year-old black girl trying to figure it out, and I'm kind of losing my mind. We all need you to lose your mind, so let's get some grounding. Why are you losing your mind? Tell us. I just feel like once I hit 20, life just really started life in a little too quick for me. Just so you know, I'm 43. I feel the same damn way.
[53:43] I'm just trying to balance work and being in and out of school and bills and just trying to figure out the whole adulting thing of it all. Yeah. Well, what I'll say is this is April speaking. I think at every point in life, it is not it's not easy.
[54:04] And I think it's important to have a community and a safe haven around you. And I feel like the younger generation is y'all hard on yourselves. Like you have this standard that is almost impossible. Like I remember meeting a young girl, maybe she was 24 and she stopped me.
[54:25] I was out somewhere. Oh, my God, you're Birkin. I said, I'm one hundred and five. You shouldn't be looking at this bag. And that shouldn't be goals for you at twenty four. Like, right. Eventually, sure. But I feel like with social media and everything, people are so smitten by things. And it's like, you know, you really those things aren't going to matter, you know, right?
[54:48] And you will get them when they're meant to be for you. And sometimes you may not, you may decide you don't even want them. You know what I mean? So I think you just have to figure out what your balance looks like. And I mean, I'll open it up to the floor ladies here, but I think all of us struggle with balance, but I'll let everybody else chat. Hi, this is Raven. I was going to say, I feel, I feel like,
[55:13] I always now at 34 think about like who I was from like 19 to 23 because I feel like it was really tumultuous. And I was like figuring out school and leaving school and working. And then I left school and then I felt like I failed because I left school. But like now that I look back at the time, like 21 year old me was doing everything she needed to do for me then.
[55:34] And you won't really know that until later. But I think that like, you're not, yes, you're becoming an adult, but like, there's so much more life to live and it's so much harder to navigate. So you have to like, if I could tell my 21 year old self something, I'd be like, girl, just give yourself grace. Like,
[55:51] grace like you need to just be like okay cool like what's in my control what do I want to do but like you really do not have to have it figured out and I think that's the beauty of that age and people weren't telling us that they were like telling us we need to have it figured out but I really wish I didn't think I had to have it figured out then that's what I would tell myself so you don't have to it's like there's no reason to because you're going to be 30 40 50 and not know anything still how about y'all
[56:20] I mean, I agree with what Raven said. This is Malika and I'm from Baltimore.
[56:26] But, you know, I feel like at the end of the day, nobody is perfect. We don't even have it figured out. So how would you have it figured out at 21? And I think that that is a lie that society tells you. And your way of being able to combat that is, like she said, to give yourself grace. But also, what does that look like? Giving yourself grace is...
[56:51] forgiving yourself if you did something that maybe wasn't the best or taking time to write down your feelings or going for a walk like you have to learn the ways to give yourself grace okay if you have bills you have to pay and you have to work okay you can't call out on work but what other things can you do to give yourself some time I think that's the most important thing making room for yourself so that you don't feel so overwhelmed
[57:19] And I have a 23-year-old son, and that's what I tell him. So I'm going to give you that same advice. And just know that you are not perfect. Nobody's expecting you to be perfect. Just be you. Whatever that is tomorrow, that's what you're going to be. Whatever that is the day after that, that's what you're going to be. And you just take each day and build a little bit. Because, girl, it's not that serious, and it's just going to get harder. Girl, it's ghetto here.
[57:43] figure it out zero out of time and even like with school like even like with school like it'd be like oh my gosh like I gotta finish school or maybe that's not what I want to do all of that is fine we're not saying take a hundred years and figure it out but at 21 you do have some time yes give yourself some grace
[58:06] Thank you. Thank you, ladies. All right. Bye. Ooh, the youth love us. I love that. It's giving the youth. You got to listen to the youth. I think it's good to hear from older women to know that the same things or similar things that you are struggling with at 21, we over here are still trying to figure it out. And just trying to build on a day-to-day basis.
[58:31] Sorry. There we go. But yeah, like, I think knowing that the older generation of women are still trying to figure out how to be their best selves. I'm not really riding with the older generation. We are older generation. I just want to say I identify. Bitch. I identify as a 34-year-old woman. Can't you tell? I just turned 40 this year, and I am embracing it. Okay, great. Why? For what? Talk!
[59:01] Time is not real. I don't look like I'm 40. I embrace it. Our generation is giving geriatrics. Listen, 20 plus years on her. We older. Older. I'm 34. I identify as a 34 year old. Yes. Yeah. No problem.
[59:27] Oh, I love that. 20 with money. 20 with money. I feel like she has so much life to live. And I think the biggest thing I do think, because I feel like we're an older generation, right? She want to be older so bad, y'all. But I think that...
[59:51] I just feel like women were not telling us that when we were that age. Like, it was like, you need to get married. You need to have kids. You need to know what you want to be. You need to know your career. What's your major? Oh, you don't have a job? And it was like, what? Like, why would I do that? That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Slow down. It's crazy because I'm like...
[1:00:14] I didn't even have the tool. Like, my frontal lobe wasn't even, like, fully developed. What do you mean I was making those decisions? I should have been lit. And see, I had the total opposite. Had no job and just figured it the hell out. I think your 20s, especially your early 20s, that's an opportunity to try things and fail and do it wrong. And, like, when you have no responsibilities or- I loved doing things in my 20s broke.
[1:00:41] I loved it. I had a ball. I loved it. I had the best time. I was such a hustler. I did so many scrappy little things. I had my full-time job. Then I would work the money booth at the club. Then I would be doing my little things. Like, I lived my best life. I spent all my money on traveling. I maxed out my credit cards, had bad credit for four years. Don't do that. I can't. Don't do it. I don't recommend it. Don't do that. Victoria's Secret. I had eight credit cards. That's right. Yeah.
[1:01:07] That is crazy. We'll take the finance. That's crazy. But I did all the things I wasn't supposed to do, and it turned out just fine. And I had a ball. Like, I really lived with the utmost joy of like, okay, guess that's not it. Because I feel like if you got common sense and you're hardworking, you'll figure it out. Agreed. Like, those are two things. Now, if you ain't got no common sense, I'm concerned.
[1:01:33] If you don't have common sense, I'd be nervous. So, just, you know. I wasn't broken my 20s. I was balling the fuck out.
[1:01:41] Yeah, I was doing hair. I was balling. I was having a ball. I would drop Justin off like, see you later. Here's the thing. I have a question. Do you feel like because you had your son already, you were like, because I think that, do you feel like you were a little more mature or like you had like a better- I had to be. Like I was, I was always the youngest. I didn't level out like age wise among my peers, like in salons until like,
[1:02:11] 27, 28. I didn't have like... So my experience was totally different where I had y'all then. You know, like all of my clients were older than me. They were all professional women and they would be like, oh, do this. Oh, put your money in this money market account. Oh, you need to try to think about flipping houses. Like they would feed me with so much information that I was living a very adult life and I was acting like it. Me and my son, we...
[1:02:41] I think to like your point earlier with social media is that like, think about it like this is how I think about it. We are all consuming like the same internet, right? So like you scroll and you see you with your Birkin or your life or your travel. And you think like, oh, I should have that. I should be eating here. I should be doing this when it's like, it should be kind of by age. Like when I was 21, I was putting $5 on a bottle of Bacardi. I was in the little club. It was like,
[1:03:09] I didn't have that expectation. But now you look online and they're telling all... We're giving all people, all ages, the same advice about dating. Not us, but like they're giving the same advice about dating, about work, about all these things. And that's not true. Like you shouldn't be going on a $300 date at 21. No. But I think one difference is...
[1:03:27] You think they should be going on $300 a day? I think it depends. I feel like each age bracket right now has a group of people that are successful. And they are the ones that are leading the charge. So people that are in Casanette's
[1:03:46] age bracket. They're looking at him and see how much money this man makes just from streaming. That's not normal. I'm not saying that it's normal, but what I'm saying is that is who they're looking at. And then you have people that in our age bracket, there's so many people that wouldn't be out named April. Like, you know, oh, she has this, she has that. They don't see the hard work behind it. I think that technology, not so much just social, but just technology overall, it just feeds us so much. But I think that there are so many people that
[1:04:16] In these different age brackets that are making money. My young clients that I have are millionaires. You live in LA. But it's the same thing when I was in Baltimore. I had clients that was rich. I don't think that's normal. But I don't think that's the norm. I think that's the thing. I don't think that's normal. It's like everybody should be striving towards. I understand that. But what I'm saying is... I don't think being a millionaire is...
[1:04:36] Very obtainable. Making 100K is like 1%. I'm sorry. You're in the 1%. I think that that's ridiculous. Like, I was so happy when I was 27 to make $90,000. You couldn't tell me fucking nothing. And I done been enslaved. I started my career at 21 making $35,000. What about inflation? But that's still a high. I get it. But 30...
[1:04:57] to a million now. Right, inflation is not taking you to, like that's a crazy, unrealistic, unrealistic like thing. Like it's terrible for kids. Like if you make 150, it's like, oh man, you kind of doing it. Like 150, what? I wasn't making one, well that's a lot of money.
[1:05:14] It's not a lot of money now, but I also- It is a lot of money. But I think the problem to me is that like we live in a world, even with dates, it's like, you need to take me on this date. It's like, the reason we were having fun at that age was that wasn't the expectation. We didn't have- That is the problem. That's the problem. I feel like it's so unfortunate and disheartened. But we also have to debunk.
[1:05:33] We also have a responsibility to debunk it too, right? Like, because it's the problem. I do debunk it. You know how many times I sit at the Popeyes line on Fairfax? At least once every two weeks. I fucks with it all. You can take me to Popeyes. I don't think it's you. You can take me to Sushi Fumi. You can take me to Nobu. You can take, listen, I got my low spots and my high spots. I love a Zara with a boot. Like, don't get it fucked up. I don't think that people understand the high-low.
[1:06:00] The high low is the truth. It's how you live your life. And don't you shop. They don't know like what you sell, what you buy, what you do, like how you work. But that is why I think when you are, but people don't share the process of that either. I think it's because. Everything is so curated. That's the issue. If we saw the tears. That's not curated. It's called fake.
[1:06:21] curated it's fake it's curated because some of it isn't fake i mean your life is not fake no no no no wait a minute you guys are saying the same thing it's curated to what you want people to see and it's fake because it does not represent your full life in totality
[1:06:38] Okay, go ahead. Come on, Libra. Come on, Libra. Libra is correct. It's both because, but that's the problem with social media. People see the high, it's a highlight reel. Right. People are mostly sharing. So you go on April's office and look at all these goddamn bags. I ain't flicked one bag one time. Like you go on my little other page, I'm posting things, little dumb ass emojis and things that make me laugh. Like that's not real. But they're not seeing the back end to what Malika was saying. They're not seeing the back end of all the work. They're not seeing your 17 hour days.
[1:07:05] Yeah, like don't get it fucked up. The this, the that. But that's what I'm saying. Like they don't, what I'm saying is that people don't see, like she said, the full story. So they see these highlights of all of these different things to obtain, but they're not seeing how to obtain them. And also, time out.
[1:07:24] Even if they saw all of that, that, how you can operate is not attainable for most people. It's not attainable for me. It's not attainable. Nobody is in their bathtub at 4 a.m. every day. Every day. Sending an email. It's crazy. It's crazy. And then says it like, I just took a bath, bitch.
[1:07:44] the email has no subject you ready to work question mark don't know the contact 4 a.m wake up frantically she's like this way it's 8 a.m she's like and i done done 19 things
[1:08:01] and you were like baby don't put don't bring out that checklist she's like and you're a bum right so i deserve but that's the whole thing is like i deserve the 12 birkins y'all motherfuckers start working 18 hours and come chat at me like come at me like that's the thing that people got it fucked up well i got 78 jobs out this bitch literally
[1:08:23] I'm two kids, like a dog, a nanny, a household, an office, 40 employees. Like this is a hobby. Yeah.
[1:08:34] This is a fucking hobby. And motherfuckers is getting on here like, oh, let's go. It's a podcast. I want to go on your podcast. I want to fucking podcast. I don't give a fuck on this thing. She does care. She does care. But I mean, it's like, this brings me joy. This is like what makes me happy instead of like the other things that I have to do. And I think the world that we live in now, people just don't understand really what it means to work. The work-life balance drains me.
[1:09:03] It doesn't drain me because I know what my capability is. Like, I would never. I could never. Yeah. I wouldn't even attempt it. Once upon a time, oh, I want to wake up at 6 a.m. No, the fuck I don't. No, I don't. I don't. I enjoy eight solid hours of sleep. I don't think I've ever had eight. I want my sleep score to be above a 87 every time. Really? Yes. I can't. I'm not. And I'm not.
[1:09:30] And you're not. I love that. I'm not. And I think that that is what people should be doing, is recognizing where you are, what you need for yourself, what brings you joy, and not trying to compare yourself to somebody you see on social media because most of the time it is not real. Real in its full capacity. Like, live your life. But it's, I don't know, I'm just like, but social media, most people are so trapped in this social media cycle that it can't, it's hard to escape it.
[1:09:59] But I also think like even being in the social media cycle, right? Because it's very meta. Like we're talking about it on a podcast. I'm going to put it on social media. It's like, I think the reality is everybody doesn't have to...
[1:10:10] want to be a boss. Like, some people should, everybody doesn't have to want to work 15 hours and run a business. Agreed. Some people should want, like, if you want to stay at your job and that's, and you have a passion. Listen, listen, it's giving trad wife. Not interested. April McDowell will learn to cook. I'll put out an infomercial because we're giving stay at home. I love a soft life.
[1:10:33] And you can be an employee of something you love. Like, I feel like, how is the world going to operate if everybody is a boss? That's the problem. Everybody's a boss. Nobody wants to do work. Nothing is functioning because everybody wants to be a boss. And I just think that, like, I don't know. And I do feel like, I will say, I think we're all to blame. Like, we all play this blame of, like, look at our lives. Look at us being boss women. You know, like, they've seen, like, oh, I had a whole thing. Like, I quit my nine to five to be a photographer. For me, that worked for me to be my own boss. But, like...
[1:11:02] If you don't want to do that, you shouldn't feel like you have to do that. And I think that's the pressure that everyone thinks they have to run this business where like some of the best times in their lives, they just working somewhere that they love. They have co-workers. They love it. You know, I think it's twofold. Right. So I think we have that part. And then I think the other part is that some people are not. They don't understand the power of being a part of something that's greater than just themselves. Mm hmm.
[1:11:30] You know, like everybody, it's all a machine. Everybody needs a partner and every role is important. And I think it's so important. Look at Ratatouille. Ratatouille. Everything is a Disney movie this episode. We're going to have a Disney reference. I loved him. He was killing it. Are you talking about the actual rat? She's talking because he was a part of the machine. He was a part of the machine. He was the lead chef. But it all worked together. He was the lead chef.
[1:11:59] Yes. Yes. Ratatouille. He was killing him with his crew. Look at, Ratatouille is wild. Ratatouille. So crazy, man. What's wrong with her? Everybody is something. But to her point, the rat was important. You know, one of the most important parts. Call Ratatouille, not the rat. Ratatouille. Because it's not given. No disrespect. Ratatouille. No, it's not. Ratatouille. Ratatouille is called Ratatouille. The dish is Ratatouille. What is his name? I don't remember, but it's not. The rat. The rat.
[1:12:30] Okay, but he was a part of the machine. I'm over here trying to think about it too. Can y'all check his name? I don't think it was. We want to know the rat's name and rapped it to him. I think it was Francois. It was something very French. Something very French. Francois doesn't sound French to you? It does. That's what I said. I think so. Remy. Remy. Remy. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's hilarious. Well, guys. I think it's just, you know, being a bigger part of something and...
[1:13:01] being happy with that yeah i agree well we're gonna take one last caller oh i don't want it to end i could be here all night yeah this is a good one i love y'all yeah okay don't get weird all right we're ready go ahead have one more call in hey who we speaking to where you calling us from and what's your crazy
[1:13:20] I don't know if it's crazy. I just feel crazy that I'm doing this. But hi, my name is Talia. I live in Concord, California now by way of Los Angeles and Baltimore. My crazy is I am over 40. My husband works in sports. He is a basketball coach. So for half of the year, I am like a single mom.
[1:13:44] which means all my friends are the people who I normally have to connect with to do my thing, but I had to recently relocate. And I am trying to figure out how you people over, I guess, 40, make new friends in town when you have, I have two children.
[1:14:00] One of them is four. The other one is one. And it's hard. It's just hard. So just wanted to give y'all advice and hear a little bit of all of y'all had to say. Tilly, I can't believe you got in. Oh, my God. So I have done a horrible job. Okay? I have done a horrible job of being the kind of friend that she needs. This is my first friend, my first best friend. Uh-uh.
[1:14:27] I knew her voice as soon as she So don't start crying She's a cancer Don't start crying, Talia But um Oh my gosh, you're so closer now You're in Compton, you said you relocated I don't know how to help you Get friends there, but You can come over to the house and I can cook for y'all
[1:14:50] I think she said Compton. Oh, no, no. I'm in Concord. What's that? Concord, California. I live in the Bay now. Oh, in the Bay? I thought you said Compton. You're Oakland. Oakland. Oakland, California. Well, she could be Hazel's friend. Hazel live up by there. Yeah, well, she could be Hazel's friend.
[1:15:07] But I don't know how to help you that, but I'm so happy to hear your voice. I can't believe that you got in. Yeah, I do agree. It's hard. I think making friends is hard. I think people don't really talk about it. And I think women have often distrusted other women. So it's not always been the easiest thing. Well, me and Savannah have let it break. We're not doing a shameless plug, but we're going to be in the bay soon enough. We're going to be in the bay soon enough.
[1:15:34] We love it there. Yeah. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. And I think in the meantime, you got to take little road trips down to L.A. and hang out with Lake and all of us. We be having some parties here at Crown and Conquer. We be doing some gatherings. And I just think making space for yourself, like, you know, being around the people that do make you feel good and just making a conscious effort every eight weeks or 12 weeks.
[1:15:58] to do that because I feel like people feel like they get accustomed to live in their life and they don't need friends. And there's something really hard will happen and you can feel really alone. So I think it's important to cultivate those relationships because when the shit hit the fan, you need friends.
[1:16:16] You need the team. Like, you need the team. I was no new friends for a really long time. And I feel like exactly what April said happened to me. Like, I have a friend who was like my ride or die. I could call her anytime. But something that I started to do here in the last maybe three or four years is to say, like,
[1:16:34] I want to welcome any relationship, any connection that is put in front of me that's worth having. So like I was talking to a young lady before on the phone and I'm just like, even if that's giving a compliment or telling somebody you like, they bust that. I don't know. But just putting yourself out there to to.
[1:16:55] engage and have a genuine connection or genuine just exchange. You never know where it could go and who that person could be for you. So I started doing that. And my, listen, my, my team is solid. I love that for you. I was going to say really quickly, as a newer mom. Oh, good. What did you say? That's what I was going to say. Like as a, as, as that, as a, as a mom who,
[1:17:21] You know, basically, I had a newborn last year and then the four year old and it's, you know, like I said, most of the time my husband's on the road. I think that's the hard part, trying to figure out how to bridge it while still trying to figure out how to do. Because I know people don't talk about it a lot, but half of the year, I feel like I'm a single mom by myself trying to while also being a working mom.
[1:17:42] So the friend thing has been on the wayside. I honestly didn't even think about friends until my son, who I'm like, are you making friends at school? He said, Mom, I'm making friends. Did you make any friends? And I was like, hmm.
[1:17:55] I was going to say, this is Portia. I have two daughters. I was going to say as a starting point, thinking about leaning into activities or things that your kids are doing and making mom friends. I think that that's an easier way outside. Like if you don't have time to go out by yourself or be without your kids.
[1:18:15] Using that, like I used to meet moms on the playgrounds. I mean, listen, you find your tribe and you have to weed out. But I think if it's classes or activities or things that you can do with your kids that allow you to still spend time with your kids, but you're meeting other parents that are maybe like minded, that could be an initial first step in finding people that resonate with you. And then from there, those are relationships that you can build outside of your kids.
[1:18:40] I don't know. I was going to appreciate that. I don't have any personal advice, but from my mom friends that I've learned, I have like a mom friend that she has three kids. Two of them are under three and she moved to a new state and she went on like her like Facebook and social media and stuff. And there are a lot of groups that are like moms that just moved or like she started going to like one specific activity. She wanted to do like a dance class and then like,
[1:19:05] She only could do that once a week because she doesn't have any time. But in her going there, she met other people there that were only available at that time. So to the point of like activities. But I also think there are so many people and so many women that are in a similar space looking for that. And like they're there. But sometimes we don't research it because it feels uncomfortable or we feel nervous. It's like school. But like there are those spaces, even like clubs online or like women's groups that are like searching for people to join and are like minded to you.
[1:19:35] So don't be shy about it. You got this, Talia. Yeah. Thank y'all so much. All right. You're welcome. Bye. Bye. Bye. So guys, thank you for coming on to Everybody's Crazy Episode 3. A little...
[1:19:55] Sex, a little relationship, a little dating, a little mom advice, all the things. I'm going to just pass it around if everybody wants to say, if you could leave it with the viewers on what you would tell your younger self, I think is a good little statement.
[1:20:13] And I think we are all here to kind of be the best versions of ourselves and also let everybody know that none of us in this circle here have it all together and are figuring it out. And I think me specifically, I'm just better with these people here.
[1:20:32] Um, and I think that this is a security space for me to be the best version of myself. So I'm so thankful for you guys. And if I could say something to my younger self, it would be, um, don't be afraid of love. Go ahead, Hazel. Don't get weird and mushy.
[1:20:53] You hate, by the way, April hates weird and mushy. She don't like hugs. Don't tell her you love her, all the kind of stuff. She don't like it, which is crazy. However, now, you know, tell your younger self that, then you would. Yes. I'm going to. Yes. Ugh. Okay.
[1:21:06] She's dying in the inside. Okay. So first of all, thank you guys seriously for having us, for having me. I appreciate and love y'all. They have been there through some crazy times in my life and everyone on this couch has known a bit of my story and what I've been through. So thank you so much for showing up as a friend and supporting me through all my crazy.
[1:21:27] Um, one thing I would tell my younger self is simply just don't be so hard on yourself. That's it. Like, just give you just give yourself some time. And it's okay. Like, I was like having a great time when I was in my 20s. But I think it was because I was just like,
[1:21:46] Okay, I got to find it. Got to find it. Got to. Okay, stay focused. And it's just like, I'm good. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're going to do it all. And you can do it all. Just give yourself some time. That's it. I love that. Yeah. Wait.
[1:22:01] Thank you, guys. It's a smile for me. I just think I would tell myself, I just thought of this just now. I think that I advocate for so many other people. And I think I would tell my younger self to learn to advocate for yourself. Because I think...
[1:22:20] there are plenty of times when I could have maybe spoken up for myself or just put myself first and I didn't do that so that's what I would tell my younger self like girl it's okay to advocate for yourself and show up for yourself and be your biggest self you don't have to like
[1:22:42] just be in the background all the time. That's what I would say. Thank you so much. Also, I want to say I truly feel like my friendship with each of you has made me a better version of myself. Everybody that knows me and knows how much I love April, I feel like I tend to be the friend in my group that takes care of everybody, shows up for everybody, has wisdom, and, you know,
[1:23:07] She is someone in my life that like has whipped me together in a very much needed. I wouldn't even say it's tough love because I feel like it's tough, but it's like it feels exclusive. Like if she loves you, it feels like, oh, like I'll be happy.
[1:23:22] And I think all of you have really just shed light. I mean, she's wise beyond belief. So I feel like the two of you come into people's lives and you're like, we see something in you that maybe sometimes you don't always see no matter what you see and you shine through it. And I hope that.
[1:23:42] we all do the same for you. I hope we give you like the same safe space you give everybody in your lives because it's tough. And I think that, I don't know, you guys make it really easy to fall apart and feel good about it. And I would tell my younger self at this moment, thank you, because I think when I was young, I was really hard on myself. And I, for a long time after that, I was hard on myself about it. And now I look back and I'm like, wow, this girl was like,
[1:24:09] so full of life and was romanticizing life and has such big dreams and like yeah she was like messing up things or like not always making the best decisions but like she made me me and I wouldn't change anything about her and I felt like I wanted to change so many things about myself before when I was that age and I was younger my whole life I've always I want to change this I want to change I look I want to change what I do and like now I'm like wow if I would have did that
[1:24:39] Oh, we I think echoing what everyone else has said, really just thankful to be here. If you know me, I am not one who likes to be on video. So this I think the things that I can say about April and Savannah challenging me to step outside of my comfort zone and to be uncomfortable and to be OK with that.
[1:25:00] And thankfully be able to do it in a space of women who I trust and who I appreciate and admire is something very special. So just really happy to be here. If I could give myself a piece of advice, it would be to always know that you are enough. Yeah.
[1:25:19] I think for me, I am in a space of really coming into my own as a now 40 year old. And if I could have had just a sliver of self-worth and self-confidence that I do have now or that I'm gaining now, I'm going to be a little bit more.
[1:25:37] I know that I would be in a better place, but this is my journey and I'm happy that I'm here where I am now. So, yeah, just always knowing that you're enough no matter what and not looking for that in anyone else but yourself.
[1:25:51] I love that. Thank y'all for being here. This has been one of my favorite episodes so far. Just being able to hear the different perspectives and talk to our community and, you know, shoot the shit has been super fun. But I would tell my younger self to and this is, it goes back into myself, not into the world, but
[1:26:22] Open your heart. I love my kids. I love my husband. I love my family. I love my friends. But wasn't always in love with myself. So I would tell myself to open your heart. You're worthy. You're enough. Advocating for myself. I mean, this is all like, I'm like, damn, what do I tell my younger self? But to open your heart. Yeah. Yeah.
[1:26:47] Well, guys, I mean, I think this is the epitome of friendship at its finest. Laughs. I'm pretty sure a ton of us want to cry right now. Knowing me, I'm like very emotional. But no, you're not going to get a tear. Not going to get a motherfucking tear. But I mean, this is the epitome of what we want for the rest of the world. And I hope that all the young women that are looking at
[1:27:14] everybody's crazy realize that you are enough to advocate for yourself thank your younger self don't be so hard on yourself open your heart internally don't be fearful of love all those have like a common thread and i think um
[1:27:31] I think that the reason we created this show is for people to realize that even with all of the things that you guys may see, that being a good person, being kind, being true, being honest, having values is all that really matters. Because at the end of the day, when everything is stripped down and stripped away, which a group of us here have all seen loss.
[1:27:55] That is what matters and that's what you need. So thank you. We love our community. And everybody's crazy. Everybody's crazy. Bye.

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