# S1 Ep4: It's Giving.. Mahogany? Monogamy!

An episode of [Everybody's Crazy](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1738947925), 21 May 2024, 44 min.

Audio: https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/episode.flightcast.com/zaiiaoptn4jrk77g5h9o0ot5.mp3

Welcome back to Everybody's Crazy, with Savannah James and April McDaniel. In this episode, we’re keeping it real and raw. We're talking about monogamy, the ups and downs of friendships, the journey to forgiveness, and owning our self-worth. Join us as we break it all down with real talk and life lessons. Don’t miss out! Follow us on socials: https://www.instagram.com/AprilsOffice https://www.instagram.com/mrs_savannahrj/ https://www.instagram.com/everybodyscrzy/ Full video episodes can be found on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@EverybodysCrazy See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

## Transcript

[0:00] Hello? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Hello. Okay, here I come. Here I come. Here I come. Don't trust me out. Don't trust me out. I have 78 jobs. My name's April McDaniel.
[0:11] This is my hobby. And this is episode four. This is episode four of Me and the Queen. What am I? The Joker or the Jester? No, you're the Queen too. It's giving big Queen energy. What are you talking about? The Joker or the Jester? It's giving the Queen. It's giving two Queens running all the things. That's funny. The Jester. You're aggravating. You are aggravating. You are aggravating. It's never given that. That's funny. That's what we're following.
[0:41] No, you're not. I don't. I do not approve. Oh, my God. I love it. I don't approve. Episode four. Hey, y'all. We can't be two queens. What are we? Yes, we can. We need something else. Why is that tickling you so bad? Because I feel like there should only be one queen. That's not true. We need something like...
[1:07] Two strawberries. Because it can be two strawberries. What could we be two of, y'all? What could we be two of? Dances. Church of school twins. Okay, we could be twins. Dances. Dances. Shribas. Where have you been? Nobody knows me like you do. That's cute. That's cute. Okay, sorry. We're focused. Okay. Episode four. Everybody's crazy.
[1:38] We're locked and loaded. Excited to have you guys here. Focused. We've changed our outfits. Are we supposed to tell you that? No, we're actually not. But since you guys know now, we've changed our outfits. Okay, so let's start over again. We got people waiting on the line. Everybody's crazy. Yo, everybody's crazy. Yo, everybody's crazy. Everybody's crazy.
[2:08] Where are you calling us from and what's your crazy? Thank you so much for waiting for us. Hey, y'all. It's the Kira from Miami. Hi. Hey. So I'm calling basically about dating, right? So it's been like four years. I left my ex, like, you know, real toxic stuff. So I had to let that go. So I broke up with him. And, you know, it's like four years. I've been single. And for like two of them, I, you know, being like, you know, playing, you know, out here but not.
[2:36] But then I got like real intentional. I was like, you know what? I want like me, a real man, like my man, you know, like my man, my man, my man. And I don't want him to be like, you know, you know, like mahogany. No, not mahogany. What's that word? No. No, not mahogany. What's that word when someone's faithful? Monogamous. Monogamous. Girl, there you go. Yeah. Martin's beautiful. Look what God did with you. Okay. Okay. Here we go. So, yeah. Wait, one more time. Mahogamous?
[3:05] monogamous what's the word monogamous yes i want me a monogamous man so i you know i made a promise to god i was like you know what i'm gonna you know shut the cootie cat down like i i have been celibate for two years i have been really intentional on doing my work and doing what i do to find me a man so like you know i just like i haven't been like actively looking but i've been out you know doing here like you know little bard they came here and there so it's just like you don't know like people have came up but just
[3:33] The dating pool is trash, okay? So you just got to really go by the scene. It's like finding a diamond in the rough out here. It's treacherous. So basically, I would say to my homegirl, like,
[3:45] you know, like, girl, like, I'm out here, but it's like, I'm not seeing what I like. And this type of person told me, like, me as bad as I am, to get on a dating app. It never did that, ladies. Like, if you see me, it don't get dating app. Like, I am not about to offer myself off of no love. So basically, I guess my asking is, like, do y'all think I should get on a dating app? Like, I don't know. Like, I just feel like dating app is just so, like,
[4:09] it really just got a sour taste in my mouth. Cause I just be feeling like that day. That is just so like one night fan culture. And I'm not about like, I'm not for that, you know? So I have some thoughts. This is April speaking. So I am single and I find it very challenging to date as well. I appreciate you being intentional about what you want. And I appreciate you doing the work.
[4:35] One thing I think I personally have realized about myself is like I said, I kept saying I wanted something. But then when opportunities, I was faced with certain opportunities, I was quite fearful. So I didn't, I said I wanted it, but those two things didn't match. I feel like with the dating app, you don't have anything to lose. So it's a risk. I think love is a risk.
[5:05] we do on a day-to-day basis have some sort of risk. So like it could not work for you at all, but to immediately not do it, I feel like you may be blocking a blessing. So like, I feel like to try something and be open-minded. You said so, April.
[5:24] Oh my God. I'm sorry. No, I'm saying like, you think so? Cause I'm like, that's what she said too. Like you have nothing, you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. And I don't think every dating app is a one night stand. I don't believe that. I know a lot of people that have been married from dating apps. So I feel like,
[5:40] give things a try, you've now done the work. So you have to take a little bit of risk on how you're gonna reach your reward. So like nobody's falling out of the sky. No, you may not meet the person in the supermarket. So you gotta put like- I'm gonna be trying to find him on Amazon, check him.
[5:59] So you got to put your feelers out and trust the process. And if you have a good gut instinct, it's not going to guide you. And sure, you're going to get some weirdos and it's going to be uncomfortable. But me and Savannah always say people need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. So once you do that, you never know what you're going to get. And I feel like you don't want to be by yourself. And everyone deserves love. Mm-hmm.
[6:25] That's true. Okay, real quick, because I know y'all got ugly on the line. One more thing. Like, how... I personally don't want no men with no kids. So, you know, like, is that, like, that's really my frozen five. Like, I got this thing called frozen five. It's a top five thing that I ain't moving on. He gotta be tall. He gotta... Like, he gotta have good hygiene because when with that dirty... He can't be missing no teeth. I'm a side tooth. Mr. Baby, you out the dope.
[6:47] And he can't have no kids. And like, that's the one he's got to believe in God. So can't have no kids. That's my frozen side. Well, I have to say about that. Yeah. First of all, it's giving judgy. So one, one.
[7:03] You never know someone's situation. Just like somebody like me, I'm a widow. I have two kids. I lost my husband 10 years ago. If someone would have said that to me, you don't know people's situation. You never know what kind of package the universe is gonna bring you. So stop putting stipulations on things. The hygiene thing I totally get. Some people can't affect their height. Like I've had so many friends have like very rigid aesthetic requirements.
[7:31] And maybe missed out on their person. So I feel like give yourself a chance to just be open-minded. You have nothing to lose. Spend three months just dating a whole bunch of different people. And you never know what you're going to get. And you never know someone's situation. Like...
[7:47] Someone could have lost their wife. Someone could, you know, anything. You know what I mean? You really don't know. And if they're a great dad, that is how they're going to treat and love you and potentially how they will treat and love your kids. So don't count somebody out. That's so true.
[8:04] If they're a bad dad, I'm not fucking with it. So that is a telltale sign. That is true. That if they're not a good father and how they show up, but if they are and they're a good person, give someone a chance. Everyone has mistakes and I'm pretty sure there's things in your life that have not been perfect that they will have to deal with. So just a little bit more open-minded. Let's not be so rigid. And I will say I'm giving that advice from the same advice that was given to me by Savannah James.
[8:34] because I'm rigid as hell. Okay. So that is, you know. Okay, one more thing, because I really like you. What's your sign, April? What's your sign? My sign is Taurus, honey. Who's giving Taurus? Taurus? You know what's so crazy? I knew it. I promise you. I was like, she is a Taurus. I love these Tauruses. Okay, well, I'm definitely going to take your advice.
[8:53] and what's that word again? I'm about to write it down. I'm trying to learn. See, I'm growing. I'm trying to upscale my vocabulary. Well, see, see, I'm going to tell you this. My vocabulary ain't right either. So Savannah, what's the word? Monogamous. Okay, please. Monogamous. I'm trying to upscale. Monogamous. Okay, I wrote it down on the Google. Thank you. And maybe he's going to be mahogany too, honey. You never know. Don't count it out.
[9:18] All right, thank you. Thank you. I'm going to call my little friend and tell her she was right. All right, y'all right. All right, see you later. Bye. Hi. What's your name? Where are you calling from? And what's your crazy? I'm Maddie, and I'm from London. And basically, I had this friend, and she decided she no longer wanted to be friends with me. She didn't really give an explanation at all. And I was, like, really confused. And then a month later,
[9:47] I got a paragraph from her and it was like a horrible paragraph. And I just decided to ignore it, be the bigger person. And then months, months and months later, still, she posts about me publicly online. Sometimes it's like horrible things, but sometimes it's like, oh, I miss her and things like that. And I've never responded to any of them. But I was wondering, should I keep quiet and be the bigger person or say something? I have a quick question. What is the paragraph? What was so horrible about the paragraph?
[10:18] It was sort of like, she thought that I wasn't enough for her. She said that my mental state wasn't as bad as hers. I was like, okay. Wasn't as sad? As bad. Like, it wasn't good enough. Like, I didn't even know. It was weird. Got it. The sad thing about friendships are that you outgrow them.
[10:41] Like, and I think Summer meant, someone made a statement to me and I'm trying to remember it correctly. Reason a season or lifetime? Yes. And it was like leaves, seeds or something else is how they equated it. But I feel like if it's not some... Leave, seeds, roots. Yes. So I feel like if it's not something that you're missing and you're not looking for closure, I feel like you just let it be. But...
[11:09] If it is a real friendship that has value to you of some sort, I personally am somebody that seeks closure and conversation. I need to be able to express myself. So it could be three years, four years, five years, a month, a year.
[11:26] I'm going to revisit it because I want to hear from your personal mouth. Like, what was it? I feel like I'm mature enough now to have those hard conversations because I also feel like the insight she may provide, whether you agree or disagree, could also bring you some growth or closure. So, yeah.
[11:43] I feel like something about yourself. Maybe correct. She saw that you didn't see correct. Maybe you were working on it or maybe you don't. Now, if you don't really care and the relationship wasn't of that value to you, then I just feel like move on. But it really depends on where it sits in your soul. You on the other hand, I feel like you could just, Savannah can kind of be a little bit more cut. Yeah. Not cutthroat, but I feel like you don't need to have a lot of conversation.
[12:14] No, because I feel like I give purely and I, if it's not, if it's something that don't feel right to me or I feel like the relationship has died down and there's no conversation as to why, I'm okay with just letting it go. And I'm more like, I really want to get to the bottom of it. And sometimes I feel like in certain situations that has nothing to do with you and it's all about the journey that person is on.
[12:44] like it's like the way they showed up was actually like I was having a hard time I was whatever like and they projected and it wasn't really your fight so I feel like at times I always just want to discuss
[13:00] So that's the advice we have for you. I mean, it's sad to lose friends, though. I feel like people don't acknowledge that it's sad to lose friendships. I feel like people can grieve friendships. Like, friendships are a hard thing to lose. And you have memories with somebody. And it's hard when you can't just pick up the phone and call them or laugh about something or share a connectivity of something. Especially when it was a connection that was important to you. Yes. So I feel like that is sad.
[13:27] Like, and I think people don't say that that's sad. And I feel like the world should acknowledge, like, when you miss your friend. Or when, but the other thing is a lot of people don't say when they're wrong. That's definitely true, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So people out there, make sure you not acknowledge when you're wrong. It's hard because I definitely think communication is a big thing. But because it's been so long, and I know she still posts about me, but I'm
[13:55] I am able to ignore it. I just wondered if there was much point saying anything and, you know, confronting her about all the stuff she is saying about me continuously. I just feel like it's based on how you feel about it. If you want the closure, then get it. But also, it does not sound like she's in the best place. I don't think I would ever want to be friends with her ever again.
[14:16] Closure and friendship are two different things, though. I do want to say that. Like, you can get closure from something and still never want to talk to that person again. I just feel like it just may settle you in knowing that you actually took a step to have a hard conversation that you probably didn't think you had to have. So I don't think you having a conversation with her has to ignite a friendship. I do not believe that. Just I'm flagging that. I don't know how I feel. So you think I should say something?
[14:45] I think I think it's up to you. It really is up to how you feel inside. Like, you know what I mean? Like if it's going to. But what I will say is if you are going to have a conversation, organize your thoughts. Don't go in emotional. Go in with a level of empathy, because I feel like because she's posting things on social and whatever, she's hurt. That comes from a hurt place.
[15:10] Right. Which is sad because it's been a year and you're still hurt about it when she could have just picked up the phone and had a conversation and we could have moved on. But there's a lack of maturity. So if you are going to approach the situation, you have to approach it very grounded, very strategic and very calm. Right.
[15:28] Do not go in there ranting and raving, hooking off. That's not the vibes we're on. We're on calm, soft, peace life. Like no one's trying to do all that. We're not fighting nobody. We're not arguing. She has valid points. Y'all don't have to agree, but you can acknowledge somebody's feelings. Yeah. Okay. I will. Thank you. All right. Thank you. Have a great day. Thank you. Bye. Bye.
[15:56] I think that that's something that I struggle with personally. Walking away from friends. Walking away from friends. But also like, it's not that I need the closure and it's not that I can't walk away. But there is like, maybe it is the closure. Like there's always that question of like, why? Like, what was it?
[16:22] Why? I think my biggest thing is, and this is not a good trait. I'm working on this. But once you do something that is not fitting to my core, you're dead. So I think that might be what it is, but I'm not so cut.
[16:40] throat. I still have the like, damn. No, I still have damn, but you're dead. Like, I still have damn, but like, you're dead. Like, I see you, you're dead. Like, which is... And like I was saying, I just feel like what I, like, with my friends, I'm like, it's everything. Like, and I think that's just like, for me, it's like, if I fuck with you, and you, I trust you, and I feel like we have this same accord with each other, I'm wide open.
[17:10] And I don't know, maybe I feel offended if I don't feel like that's being reciprocated back to me. And when I use the word friend, it's a very strong intentional, strong word. So I get. But most people, what I've learned is most people don't know how to be a friend.
[17:28] Most people don't value friendship and most people don't know how to be a friend. There's not a level of integrity. There's not a level of honesty. And there's not a level of transparency. Like, people really don't keep it 100. People be lying to each other. Your friend looking fat in that dress. You're like, oh, you look great. No, she looks fat. Like, so...
[17:46] Like, again, again, that is to me, that's real friendship. I want you to be like, listen, when I was skinny, when I was skinny looking like on the cusp of a crackhead, he was like, you got to gain that balance. This is getting crazy. Like, that is friendship. So it's like if I got to sugarcoat things with you, I actually don't want you to be my friend. But not everybody can take the brashness of friendship.
[18:09] Certain things, but everybody sees friendship differently. Yeah. Really ride or die. For me though, what I've learned about friendship is I don't actually know how to forgive. And that is what I'm working on is forgiveness. I could forgive very easily. I'm very easy in that way. But see, you can forgive and forget. No, I don't forget shit. No, you forgive, but then you're forgetting the person in the situation. You're done with it. What is forgiveness is what I've been asking myself.
[18:39] Because you could forgive somebody, can you rebuild? What is forgiveness, people? What is forgiveness? What's the definition? What is the definition? I have no idea. Let's go to the definition of forgiveness and why it's hard for the people.
[18:53] Stop feeling angry or resentful towards someone for an offense, flaw or mistake. But see, the thing about I don't like about that is it says stop. Right. Is the first thing. But then once you forgive, how do you move on is the part that I struggle with.
[19:11] So do you rebuild? Do you trust that person? Or is it possible? Like, that's the part I really would like the people to tell us about forgiveness. Because I feel like that is the part. I feel like it's always a rebuild. Some people are like, oh, you don't forgive your friend, but you forgive your man. Because you know that's a line a lot of people will say. And my whole thing is...
[19:36] That's my aunt. No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding. I ain't got a man, so I mean. I feel like for me, it's a different relationship. It's, you know, like. That's not fair. Well, I consider my husband to also be my friend. Like, my best friend. Your best friend. That's your best friend. That's my bestie. Here we go. Get in line. Get in line, people. But.
[20:01] I don't know. It's different. It's very different. Like, I mean, also forgiveness. Parents. Do you forgive your parents? There's certain things your parents did that you was like, that was dead wrong. And it was child abuse. It's like, wait till you say that's black people. But I'm just saying, like, forgiving parents, forgiving friends, forgiving boyfriends or girlfriends. There's like so many different levels of forgiveness. I think that that
[20:31] is a podcast and a show in itself, to be honest. We may have to swing that back. Episode five. Hello. What's your name? Where are you calling from? And what's your crazy? Oh, my God. It's my turn. I am so dumb. Hello, guys. Hi. I am so sorry. Hi, April. Hi, Savannah. I love you. I am so... I love your girl. Oh, my God. We love that. What's your name? My name is Emily Del Rey. I am calling from Portugal.
[21:01] Love that. What's your crazy? My crazy is that I am having the biggest fear of letting the world see me as a beginner, especially after becoming a mom. And, you know, I'm 27 and I feel like I should have been in some kind of level right now that I am not. And even though I know that I should have given myself more grace,
[21:29] than I actually do because of so many things that have been happening and so many things that I've been conquering. I feel the pressure of presenting, you know, my son and people and just the world in general to a certain type of work. And I just don't know how to get out of my head.
[21:51] Well, I feel like nobody has it together and it is all rigged and fooled out here. So I just feel like you cannot put that kind of pressure on yourself because that's not a freeing way to live.
[22:08] And, you know, whatever you're doing is good enough. And I think that that's the challenge with social media that me and Savannah talk about so much. And that's why we created Everybody's Crazy and we're creating so many different things because no one has it figured out. No one.
[22:24] So the fact that it's not figured out, like no one says they don't have it figured out, though. So people don't have it figured out, but they don't say they do. And they don't show that they don't. And then everyone thinks that, you know, since you don't show it, that you do. So I feel like you really have to you you acknowledged it, but you have to figure out why.
[22:46] you're being challenged with not feeling worthy enough and showing up in a certain type of way. And that is a more deeper rooted issue. Like I dealt with a worth issue. Savannah's dealt with a worth issue. Like, you know, I think you have to get to the bottom of where that stems from, because that's not something that happened in the last like year or two. I feel like it's deeper than that.
[23:12] Yeah, exactly. So you have to figure out where that is. And I think if you are doing some self work and trying to discover where that is, once you discover it, then it can help you work through fear, because that's what you're stuck in right now is fear and the misconception that you're going to be judged.
[23:30] No one out here should be judging anybody because no one has it together. So it's like you can't act like you do when you don't. So I just feel like you have to give yourself, you have to get to the bottom of what is blocking you from not giving a fuck. Because you still give a fuck and you shouldn't give a fuck. Mm-hmm.
[23:50] I shouldn't be giving a fuck. I feel like I'm crazy. Yeah, but you shouldn't be giving a fuck. Everybody's crazy, but I feel like I'm the craziest. No, but everybody is crazy. Everybody is crazy, and I feel like, too, you have to give yourself a chance to just make a mistake. Like, it's okay to do something and figure out if you like it or not, or... I don't know, just trial and error. You are completely able to do that, and it's okay. And if it doesn't work out, you just re-up again.
[24:18] Yeah, and especially, I'm sorry, I don't want to take anyone's time, but I just have to say this. Especially because I am, I want to make, I want to, how do I say, I'm sorry, English is not my first language. It's okay. I am trying to make a media company here in Lisbon. But because I am so passionate about all things media, television, music, I'm struggling with how can I,
[24:46] can combine all those passions in one, and I feel like I'm all over the place.
[24:53] Yeah, but I feel like, again, you don't have to caveat that English is not your first language because we did not know that. We could not tell. And we just had somebody in here on the line asking about how to say something. And they are American. So, like, you know, again, you don't have to explain yourself to anybody. When you stop caring about what people think, you're going to get into your power. That's what you need to be focused on is your power.
[25:22] Because once you have your power, can't nobody take that away from you. Nobody can discredit it. Nobody can dim it. Nobody can tell you whatever it is. Once you're in your power, nobody's talking to you. Ain't nothing to chit chat about. So like, that's my thing is like operate in that. And you'll realize how resilient and strong you actually are when you stop
[25:45] getting rid of like wondering if you're doing something right or wrong. None of us know what's right or wrong. Did I know how to run an agency? No. Do I run an agency every single day? Yes. Do we know how to be parents? No. Does Savannah know how to be a mom at 17? No.
[26:01] Just, you know, to be a wife to the one of the biggest basketball. No, none of us know any of this. Like, listen, I didn't even know how to do Pilates a month ago. So it's like, what was we talking about? Like, it's just like you just try it, you do it and figure it out. Like, and if it doesn't work out and it's bad for my back, that's why I quit for a while. You know, like, it's like you understand. Exactly. And you move on to another thing. So I feel like you have to think in that way instead of you feeling like you're going to lose something if you mess up. So good luck.
[26:31] Okay. I'm feeling crazy, but I'm ready to be crazy about things that I'm passionate. I'm ready to be crazy about my blessings. Exactly. You know, just stepping into my better version of myself. Your power. Yeah, stepping into my power. There you go, baby. Live your best life.
[26:50] I am ready to call in on season two and do the testimony. That's right. Love it. Everything works well. That's right. I am thriving. That's right. I'm thriving. You got it. You got it. I love it. Step into your power. Appreciate you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Congrats on the new show. Thanks. Thank you. Hi. What's your name? What's your number? Oh. What's your number, child? What's your name? Where you from? And what's your crazy?
[27:17] Hi, my name is Diamond. I am from Nashville, Tennessee, the good old country. Yes. My crazy right now is not going to my man's house and slashing tires. Girl. Yeah. No. No. Okay. We need you, sis. Eight and a half years. This was my first everything. And the day before, well, the day after Valentine's Day, he spent $4,000 on gifts.
[27:44] I went to his, well, I didn't have to go through his phone. He did something that my woman's intuition just said, there's something else going on that you're not seeing. I'm very old school, so I'm not like these girls. They'd be like, oh, your 20s, you need to go experience, go find different men and different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was actually okay at the age of 17, being like, I want that Savannah LeBron. I want that young love that, you know, the love that you have when y'all are young, y'all can grow together and, you know, everything just be great.
[28:13] he cheated and then he said that you know he wasn't happy he hadn't been happy for a long time um he physically was there but not mentally there he pretty much i was like so what the gifts like guilt gives because we love sneakers so i got some travis thoughts a couple of sean weather spoons and i was really excited you know we got a couple and i was just like that was an expensive gift we're young like that
[28:35] you with that guilt you know so i'm in the process of what you guys are talking about forgetting how do i go about this when this was the first everything i didn't get any form of closure he just kind of like stopped talking to me and that was it how long were y'all together eight and a half years it would have been nine on april the 6th got it y'all have kids we have absolutely no kids okay and you're what in your 20s
[29:03] I am 24, he's 25. Honey, you got life to live. Like your best life. Yeah. And listen, you're going to have a few loves, I feel like. I agree. LaRon and Savannah's situation is very much so unique. But...
[29:23] I'm not saying that that does not exist because I do believe that it does exist for some people, but sometimes the universe send you what you need it for then. So to be with somebody for eight years and you're 24, first of all, what was y'all day when he was like 10? Like, it's just like, you know, y'all have grown apart and that is normal. And you're going to grow at 24. You're going to grow at 30. You're going to grow at 35. You're going to grow at 40. You're going to grow at 45. Like,
[29:49] And it is constantly, whether in a long-term relationship like Savannah and LJ, where you have to grow with each other, which really takes a lot of intentional work. Yes. Or if you're growing in different types of relationships, it is...
[30:05] you have to look at it as a lesson and a blessing and not, we don't slash chires. We don't fight. You're too cute for that. And whoever he's going to be with that, if that's his person, God bless. And you're going to find your person. And like, I feel like, and you don't have to necessarily forgive people.
[30:23] I think, but you can learn to come to peace with it and look at the situation as the lessons that it did give you. You know what I mean? And I think the other thing I would say is like, especially for young people, like a lot of materialistic things are put onto social and put into the world as a professing your love. Oh, my God, he bought me a car. He bought me.
[30:45] 100,000 roses. He bought me a Birkin bag, a Chanel bag and sneakers and whatever. People are out here getting a ton of gifts and dysfunctional relationships. So empty connections. Things, the things don't matter. Like the things are nice to have, but they don't matter. Rebuild yourself.
[31:03] Take time to heal and be sad because I think it's important. You're going to mourn a relationship you have for eight years. And he, the one thing I will say that I heard you say is that he was not transparent and honest about how he felt about the relationship. So then in the next relationship you have, you know,
[31:20] You want to have that. So you just got to remember that that is a priority for you. Somebody that is your best friend and is transparent. You may not want to hear it, but I would rather hear it than somebody to not say it. So nobody's fitting to be listening to nobody not tell you how they really feel. And that's a real relationship. And that's what lasts over time. So keep your class. Go shake your ass. And go find a new man. I think I was going through this.
[31:50] I think I'm going through the motions of anger. Yes. Just that part. I don't think I'm built to go slash because, you know, I'm going to jail and I'm not built for jail. No. No. I'm not going to get me out. You're not built for it. And also, I feel like an eight-year relationship is a mourning. Like, people always attribute grief and mourning to death, which I've personally experienced. But I think grief and mourning is attributed to loss of friendship. Grief and mourning is attributed to...
[32:17] to loss of relationship. Grief and mourning is attributed to loss of a child, loss of a marriage. Like there's so many different versions. So if you look at all the signs of grief, if you Google it, which you should, you won't feel every single one of those emotions equivalent. Grief does not mean death.
[32:36] Grief, you could be grieving something you've been in for eight years. That's all you've known. You became an adult within that relationship. So sure you won't grieve it. And anger is one very small emotion of the different levels of grief. So I think just doing some research around it. So when you feel it, you also, one of the things I learned in therapy was giving yourself space to feel it.
[33:00] Like, you know, so you're angry, so be angry for two weeks. Okay. And then you move on. And then you're sad, and you be sad for two weeks, and you move on. And then, you know, you... Accepting it. Yeah. And then you accept. Right. And then you go shake your ass and get a new man. Thank you so much. I needed that. Yeah, you said that well. Yeah, thank you. More to come, baby. You young. Go live your best life. Make us proud.
[33:29] I will. Thank you. All right. See you later. Bye. Hello. Who do we have on the line? What's your name? Where are you from? And what's your crazy? So my name is Tori. I'm from Columbia, Maryland. And my crazy would have to be right now these crazy baby daddies. And I only have one.
[34:00] significant other just are going through it. And I'm at a place where I am taking accountability for where I went wrong. We're no longer together, but it's still a whole process. And in this process, it's like, he does not like me and that's fine. So he just makes my job as a mom so hard. And it it's things that like my mouth is on the floor of things that he will say that he refuses to do.
[34:30] pertaining to his child just to make my life hard and it's just like why like why and then we still have to show up we still have to get the job done we still have to you know put our best foot forward still make sure the kids are taken care of so it's like my crazy is just going through the motions trying to self-heal you know keep moving forward keep healing myself and it's just
[35:00] It's like a crazy, beautiful, crazy mess. So that's my crazy. Yeah. I mean, I think you're doing the right thing first by being intentional with yourself. Yep. And I think for me, I would just say like the kids are the number one priority.
[35:18] or your child is the number one priority. So you just have to do what you have to do to stay together for them, for him or her. And, you know, you kind of let him, I mean, it's unfortunate you want it to be better and you want the co-parenting relationship to exist and everything to work out. But sometimes, you know, you just got to hold it down and that's okay too. Just, you know, keep the
[35:45] you know, doing what you need to do. And hopefully he comes around and you guys can come to an, you know, a common ground and things can get better. But do you, do you ever show up out of spite? No, because I'm not there in my life anymore. I'm to the point where I need peace. And if that's,
[36:06] you know, suffering now. And, you know, it's like, I'm looking at the bigger picture. But let me ask you this. Have you shown up in spite? Yes, absolutely. When I was, you know, just had the baby, going through emotions, found that I was cheated on. Like, it was so many different things that,
[36:26] I wasn't placing right. So for me, I didn't necessarily know how to deal with those things. So, you know, you may say something. I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. Or, or, you know, like here's an example. I'm so happy that nobody knows who I am. But I basically, you know, him and I were not together. And my mom asked me, she said, are you going to put his name on the birth certificate? And I'm like, well, you know, that's his, you know, that's his father. And, and,
[36:54] in the delivery room, I see, or a female reaches out to me of all the things that he's doing and doing up to the day and telling her that he's a single baby father. And I'm just like the audacity, the embarrassment, the this and that. And so in that moment, going through my emotions, just having a baby, I added my name to the birth certificate. So my son has both of our names. And I feel like in that moment, that was a little out of spite because I wasn't thinking about the long term when my son gets older. And he's like,
[37:23] Why do I have two last names? And that's something that I have to explain because I was not dealing or handling my emotions based off of something that his father did. So that's like an example of something that I've done. And it actually does hurt him and bother him. But, you know, that was in the moment. That's how I felt. And I feel bad. But.
[37:44] again, like my, my emotions. So today I'm in such a better place, but it's, it's been a journey. It's still a crazy, beautiful mess that I'm trying to make it, but it's like, you know, you want the best for your kids. And unfortunately, like he just doesn't get it. And he just wants to make my life hell and that's fine. But it's like, it's like, Oh, like Lord.
[38:08] Let me ask you one other question. How old is your kid? My son is five. He's five. I have a five-year-old. So the one thing I'll say is like, it's our responsibility as parents at times to try to, you know, people look at parenthood and say taking care of a kid is a little bit better.
[38:26] And that could mean a lot of things. And a lot of people can be physically there, make sure their kid is fed, go to school. But an emotional, stable kid is one of the greatest gifts to the world, especially an emotional, stable man, because that is how he is going to treat his wife and his kids. And I mean, maybe it is time that if you guys want to have some sort of healthy situation, maybe you and him should seek like,
[38:55] co-parenting therapy once a month where you can talk through it. It is very clear that there's some deep rooted hurt and pain. I don't think a man ever gets over not being a full last name on a birth certificate. I think there's certain things that people just can't learn to get over. And me and Savannah were just talking a minute ago about forgiveness and what does that really mean? Because you can forgive, but sometimes you don't know how to move forward. So what I would say is like,
[39:25] because you want to have an emotionally stable son, nothing else matters. Like, but figuring out how to get there. And although you're in a good place, it's obvious that he is still hurt about certain things. That's why he's showing up. And it deserves conversation in a, in a more mediated calculated way that maybe y'all can find some healing to. And I mean, I don't know what y'all situation is, but maybe he still loves you. I have no idea of the dynamics, but yeah,
[39:54] you know, being able to give space to all those emotions and acknowledge the pain can only make your son that much more of a great person. So I feel like starting there and, you know,
[40:09] really understanding. I don't think that man intention, I don't think sometimes men feel like I personally think men feel like they don't have power over certain situations, especially with baby moms, especially with the court system, especially with all these things that they do things out of spite just because that's the only way they have control. And there are other ways to get through it. So I feel like if that's really a priority for you,
[40:37] And really for you guys to be in a healthy situation that you try to figure out what really is the core root of his pain. And some of it may not be just from you. It could be from how he was raised, his relationship with his mom. I have no idea what this guy is. You know, there's a lot of unpacking to do, especially for him.
[40:55] men of color, but I feel like if you could figure out how to have a little bit more empathy, then maybe you guys can figure out how to rebuild some sort of mutual friendship. Yeah, no, I definitely agree. And just being in a space that I'm in now and understanding from a different perspective that healing is something that's definitely needed. But unfortunately,
[41:25] paced than he is just in life. So trying to get him to understand that it's like talking to a brick wall, unfortunately. So I think it's just prayer, honestly. And, you know, whenever his time where he's ready and we can have that conversation without, you know, being cursed out and me being called every name in the book, I will be more than open and ready because I am ready to, you know, go to the zoo and we're both there smiling, even though we're not together.
[41:55] you know, like I said, it's just like, you know, we're on two different pages in life. And, you know, I feel like I have to kind of go through the motions. And while he's figuring out him, I still have to, you know, hold it down. And again, that's the crazy, that's the part where I just have to like, get it done. And it's tough. It's not easy. But
[42:19] That's what we did have to do. I'm right with you. That is what we do. But we're here and we appreciate you calling in. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Just be honest. So can we work on honesty, people? That should be our word of this episode. Okay. Honesty. Honesty. Keep it honest with your friends, your baby mamas, your baby daddies, your boyfriend. Baby mamas, mamas.
[42:49] your husband, your best friend, just be honest. I'm pretty sure you're not going to lose that much. And if the person doesn't receive it, just know everybody's crazy. We appreciate you. Episode four. We love you guys. Love you guys. This is so much fun, by the way. This is going to be my full-time job. But can't wait to see more of you guys sooner than later. Yeah, we are here.
[43:18] All right. Later. Bye.

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