# It's Giving...A Reality Check on Your Reality

An episode of [Everybody's Crazy](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1738947925), 5 Aug 2025, 52 min.

Audio: https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/clrtpod.com/m/episode.flightcast.com/bkmoj3byip6mijaajf64acu6.mp3

Welcome back to Everybody's Crazy with April and Savannah! 🎙️ This week, we're joined by Victoria Song, executive coach, author of Bending Reality, and expert in helping people unblock what's keeping them stuck. We talk about feminine vs. masculine energy, breathwork, the freeze response, and why so many ambitious people hide behind structure instead of letting softness in. Then the calls roll in: a one-sided crush in the DMs, a travel dilemma between friendship and boundaries, and a debate on when "feedback" becomes plain conflict. This episode is about all the crazy that comes with truth-telling, emotional release, and learning what it actually means to open up. The GOAT Method with Victoria Song: https://victoria-song.mykajabi.com/a/2148120895/62Fom2eE Bending Reality: How to Make the Impossible Probable: https://a.co/d/1mF0ygR Follow us on socials: https://www.instagram.com/AprilsOffice https://www.instagram.com/mrs_savannahrj/ https://www.instagram.com/everybodyscrzy/ Full video episodes can be found on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@EverybodysCrazy Episode Sponsor: Visit functionhealth.com/EVERYBODYSCRAZY or use gift code EVERYBODYSCRAZY100 at sign-up to own your health. Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

## Transcript

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[1:09] Hey guys. Hi. We're back today, episode two of season five. And we have a very special guest that we have been trying to get on for so long. We have Victoria Song with us today. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. It's our friend. Of course. Our teacher friend, but not our friend. But yes, yes. And we are going to get into all the things today.
[1:40] transitioning, all the things. And I think the reason me and Savannah wanted to have Victoria on is I did her amazing 18-week course and really trying to unblock something for myself and step into my feminine energy, which I want her to talk about because I need a refresher call.
[2:00] and really just trying to get to the next level of where I want to be in a number of different ways. So I would love for you to tell the viewers like exactly what you do. I think it's really important.
[2:16] And how you kind of came to this point in your career, because I think it's also really interesting. And then we'll jump into like a little bit of our experiences and kind of freestyle. I have a couple of questions. I'm pretty sure we will take a few callers just to hear from people. I think what you do is really unique and really unconventional.
[2:38] And as somebody who often is quite rebellious and fearless, I feel like I needed to do something unconventional to get to the other side. And then I went to the other side and then I was like, all right, Savannah, come on.
[2:51] come on, you come to, you come to. So I think just in being able to share. So I would love for you to tell everybody kind of what you do first. Yeah. Okay. So what I do is I help people understand what is blocking them from achieving what they want. And sometimes that's what they want is their love life. It could be their next financial milestone. It could be having a family. And so I identify and unblock that thing. It could be a trauma, a wound, a pattern. And
[3:17] And we just sort of block and tackle. We're like, okay, next thing, let's heal that. Let's free you until you're completely free to have everything that you want. And do you think people can have everything? Absolutely. Yes. You do? Yes. My God, I don't even know if I do. It's a lot of work. Do you think so? I think so. I think so. But it's a lot of work. You mean a lot of work on the person to have everything? Yes. And how do you feel about that?
[3:45] Yeah, I think it requires a lot of truth telling and a lot of releasing things that no longer serve. And sometimes that's scary for people. Everybody wants the breakthrough, but they're not really willing to give up what they know, the familiar, their comfort zone. Like I want the dream relationship, but it's like, but are you willing to either do whatever it takes or even be willing to walk away if this isn't it? And most people would rather settle and be like, no, I don't want to bloat my life. But ultimately it can look like breakdown, but it's actually a breakthrough. You have to give up what you know.
[4:15] okay with the show's over guys we can leave now it's a giving i'm about to be crying because you know how i feel and tell us a little bit about your book which i love and i give it away all the time there's 42 of them in my office i give it to everybody but tell me a little tell the viewers and you know samana's read it already as well but tell us a little bit about the book and what you think it helps people get to
[4:41] Yeah. So the book is called Bending Reality, How to Make the Impossible Probable. And now we've been upgraded that to inevitable because I do think you can have whatever you want. And one of the main frameworks I teach in it is contraction versus expansion. And so the idea is contraction. You can feel it in your body. It's like this visceral feeling of like contracting the body. Maybe you're playing small, you're shrinking back. It feels like shallow breathing. It feels like fight or flight, you know, so all of those things are contraction.
[5:07] And everything can trigger into contraction, whether it's doubt or guilt or shame or limiting beliefs, right? These are all the sorts of things that trigger contraction. And then what I help my clients do is release the contraction so they can make the opposite expansion their default state of reality. And expansion is like feeling good, like confident, powerful, breathing, you know, deeply, deeply.
[5:28] And being able to feel grateful for your life, celebratory, excited about things like that. So there's a live energy. That expansive feeling is what I'm teaching people how to reach in the book.
[5:38] I mean, I feel like we were just talking about that because we were talking about Savannah's birthday a couple episodes ago and just like even people not wanting to celebrate their birthday. Is that even a small celebration? Like to me, that's a big celebratory moment to make another year around the sun. But the idea of like planning for it or like it's coming up in a few. We were just talking about the other day, but it's coming up in a few or two months. We're like, so what are we going to do? And she's like, hmm.
[6:06] Hmm. This is a conversation that we had last year. Yes, I remember. Yes. And it's so interesting because I went into that birthday coming off of our conversations like so happy, so joyful, so receiving. It was amazing. Amazing. I remember. And then it was great. And then somewhere along the line.
[6:27] I started to contract again, go back into that state of fear, shame, not being as confident. And that's why when we talk about like having a refresher and doing all the things like you have to work to stay in that state. Right. That's what makes it so. So we'll talk every time before your birthday to make sure you can receive and have your heart open. Yeah. I think that that's probably my issue with the feminine energy. Like receiving. And also being in it.
[6:56] You know, when I originally, so fly by Jing, shout out to Jing. She introduced me to Victoria. And I think just being in my feminine energy so that I can receive love and be open to dating and be open to that. I think I automatically go back to what's familiar, which is like protecting myself, being in more masculine energy. And I think it's really hard, not only for myself, but a lot of women.
[7:25] to be in feminine energy. We recently were talking about it as well and saying like, do women want to work because they feel like men no longer like will provide consistently for them? Like, you know, in 50 years ago, you'd ask the lady like, would she want to work? And she'd be like, no, like I'm a stay at home wife. Yeah.
[7:45] And times have changed, but I wonder, like we were talking about, do we wonder if women are in that place out of fear and wondering if they're truly going to be taken care of? And if there is a real definition of partnership and that level of trust, instead of being in the feminine energy, we're mostly in the masculine because we have to provide and take care of and all of those things. Can you talk a little bit about the two different energies? Because that's originally what brought me to you was.
[8:13] working in my feminine energy and opening my heart for love, which I feel like I often struggle with out of fear. Of course. Yeah. So my observation is that especially powerful, ambitious women, they tend to lean into their masculine because they were deeply wounded or disappointed by the masculine in their life. And so they're like kind of doubling down and sort of becoming untouchable. They're like, I don't need this. I'm going to become it in my life. Mm-hmm.
[8:41] Okay. Again, we'll see you next week on Thursday. Thank you very much. That sounds very familiar. Okay. And how do often women work through that? Because I feel like even going through the 18-week course, I feel like I came out renewed and refreshed. And you had some great relationships and learned a lot. But then I feel like I completely contracted and just am like, hmm. And not so much...
[9:10] I desire it, but I don't think that I showed that I desire it. Like, so I desire it, but I don't like, you know, it's funny. One of our other close friends, Malika, said to me the other day, she was like, you're the queen of no. Like someone asked you something. No, I'm not going on a date. No, I'm not doing that. Like, no, no. How does no protect you? I feel like no. No.
[9:34] Well, most of the time I say no because I'm not interested. Okay. And I feel like I know what I'm interested in, but maybe I don't. Or maybe I just...
[9:46] Most of the time I feel like I don't, I'm not interested in it. How do you feel, Victoria, about like something like that? And we just had a caller say that they don't want to be, they don't want to feel dumb if they fall or if they surrender into love for the sake of the conversation and they basically get egg on their face. What do you say about the surrender? Because I feel like that might be a little bit of what,
[10:09] the fear is, is just letting go and living in that. And you have been heartbroken. Yeah. Yeah. Immensely. Yeah. Like, but I feel like every time I feel like I come closer to healing from that, then it's like, well, why can't I just try it again? And I'm like, hmm.
[10:25] Yeah. Well, the pain is so great because you have such a capacity for love. Your heart's so big. And when you let somebody in, it touches you so deeply. You have so much capacity to feel. And so that's why someone can only really hurt you if you open your heart to let them in that deeply. And that's...
[10:45] a blessing because there's so many people who don't even let people in as to your point that caller asked like i don't even want to let somebody in because i don't be disappointed but you've actually allowed yourself to let people in and the heart people forget is actually a muscle and we understand that the way muscles grow is that they have to rip and tear and then they grow back stronger so just as you go to the gym and break those muscles you got to break that heart
[11:07] So it grows back and stronger and bigger. Again, this is 17th time. We're now closing this episode. Have a great night. Sorry to be so short. 20 minutes. It's sad to go. That's crazy. So you're saying that the heart is supposed to break? Yes. Be stretched. Yes. I never heard that. Do you like that? No, but I get it.
[11:32] That's crazy. I don't think nobody want to get their heart broke. I don't like that at all. When you say it comes back, like, does it? It comes back stronger. Yeah, absolutely. And your capacity to feel is greater. So then your ability to receive and give love is also deeper. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
[11:54] So you're being prepared for the love of a lifetime. The love of many lifetimes. Love it. Love it. I keep telling myself that I'm going to be an old lady with a bunch of cats.
[12:04] I love something. The cats are the men. Either way, something's going to happen. And tell me a little bit more about feminine and masculine energy, because I feel like that is a real thing in this day and age. Like so many independent women are saying like they can't find love. So many men are also, I feel like, not vulnerable enough or they get to a point and then they're like scared.
[12:32] Yeah. For like what that next feeling feels like. Yeah. So in addition to there being masculine versus feminine, there's also the wounded masculine and the wounded feminine. So the wounded masculine is the part of the masculine that feels like he's not good enough and he's afraid to fail because he's afraid he's inadequate.
[12:51] And the wounded masculine is what causes burnout and overdrive and overfunctioning. So the man who defines his self-worth based on his status and his money and like his partner, like that's the man who still didn't get the approval that he's been seeking his whole life, most likely from his father. And so that's causing him to like burn himself out trying to perform and overfunction. And then we can also see the wounded masculine and woman
[13:17] Right. That's what we're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's also the wounded feminine, which is like almost the, you can think of it as the unmet inner child, right? Who felt really disappointed, let down by dad, who wasn't emotionally available, wasn't present. Right. And so that part of us who's still kind of like reaching out, wanting to be lovable, thinking we need to be perfect to be loved. Right. That's the wounded feminine.
[13:42] And so most people are walking around with the wounded masculine and the wounded feminine. So it's not necessarily that women have to stop operating from the masculine, but we want to balance and be in our healthy masculine and our healthy feminine. And how do you know that those two things are healthy?
[13:58] Yeah. So to me, healthy masculine is like the structure, you know, it's like the schedule of your day. Right. And then the feminine is like the creativity and the flow. Oh my God. Explain the water bottle thing. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Explain the water bottle thing. So the water bottle container. Yeah. So the container is the masculine and it holds the flow, which is the feminine.
[14:20] right? So the structure of your day, your calendar holds the creativity and the juices flowing throughout the day. And you want both, right? Because without the structure, it just sort of gets messy and you fall apart. And then also with just structure, it just becomes kind of boring and there's no creativity, no flow. So you want both. And that is why we actually want a healthy masculine and healthy feminine. Another way of thinking about this when it comes to energetics is that the masculine is about giving energy and the feminine is about receiving energy.
[14:49] So the masculine is about doing energy and the feminine is around being energy. So let me say the first part. Giving is what? Masculine. And receiving is feminine. I never received. Just think about the anatomy of the body. Do you receive? Do you receive an all the things?
[15:11] I don't be receiving a thing. Because even in your friendships, you could be in the masculine role where you're planning and pointing together and giving and taking care of. And then your friends are all in their feminine being like, it's so great. I get to just receive. April makes the plans. I just show up. Oh, my God. Is that me? Yeah.
[15:31] Okay, what you gonna do for me today? What you need, baby? I gotcha. What you gonna do? I want some sushi. Oh, gosh. Oh, my gosh. I got you. I want you to drop me in. Oh, yes. I love you so much. Yeah. Oh, that's so interesting. I did not know that. I just felt like it was like the orchestrator.
[15:50] But it's deeper than that. Yeah, because you actually only needed one of those in a group situation. Like at a restaurant, you don't need every person to be like, let me fix the thing. Let me talk to the waiter. You just need one person to do that. So you're that person in your groups. Okay, so I'm going to get rid of that. And it turns, I think for you, it turns on and off.
[16:10] Because when you are loving in a union and a connection, it's giving all the feminine energy. Yeah. Which I think is very interesting. But I think the last situation was, that was the only time it was like that. Okay. Because we worked on it. See, you have gotten better. You have to mark that. I was definitely receiving all the things. It was like.
[16:36] I think that level of love feels so good. But like, I just don't understand how people just rip it away. Like, that's the part I struggle with. The change in mind or I think often I'm dealing with people that want to meet me where I am, but they're not there yet.
[16:54] really there yet. Yeah. I do think it takes so much self-awareness because what I find is there's so many men who would articulate, oh, I want a powerful woman. I want a woman who knows what she wants. But then when you see them in action, they're actually quite intimidated by someone who shows up in that energy.
[17:11] You know, that's why I think men often date younger because they want to be the Aladdin and like, I want to show you the world. And the younger, less experienced you are, the more impressed you are by everything. Yeah. Right. The guy could take you to the same restaurant, but the woman's younger. And she's like, I've never been to this restaurant before in my life. Right. And you're like, I already take out from this place. Yeah. Definitely. I'm like, I know the major beat. I don't have to wait for a reservation. April VIP. Yes. Mm hmm.
[17:39] Yeah, I feel like that even if I try to dumb it down, though, it's hard for me. And I realize also through the work we did, dimming my light is just not what like even me do. Even me dimming my light 40 percent is still brighter than the average light. No. Yeah, because you're going to like do a bait and switch like you think he's pulling it back, but you might have not given him the clear impression of what your life really is about. Yeah.
[18:05] Because maybe at the beginning you're like, oh, I don't want to scare him off. And you didn't realize the ways you were kind of editing how you were showing up. And then maybe when he saw your fullness and the bigness of your life, he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And so you experienced him as him pulling back. But maybe he would say, well, you kind of showed up differently at the beginning. I didn't realize you actually needed a different version of me. Yeah.
[18:25] I feel like also, what do you think people need to be successful when in the world dating? I do think that in this day and age, I feel like we're not just looking for the traditional like providership or, you know, we're looking for someone who gives us emotional support, who sees us, understands us. Right. And so.
[18:44] We're looking for not just a friend, but also a lover, right? Because I think that that's where you get a little messy too, is now we have this almost two 50-50 equal relationship where the chemistry is gone. And it's like your best friends, your roommates living together. So I do think it requires a level of commitment to growth.
[19:00] and a level of self-awareness, right? It can't just be that you're like, oh, this is good enough. It's better than what our friends have. It has to be really like date nights, checking in with each other, understanding like, how are you experiencing one another? Like, you know, with everything else in life, I do feel like the self-awareness and commitment to growth is ultimately the personal development path.
[19:21] And I do feel like those people who bring that lens to relationships end up having stronger, healthier relationships. Because if you're in a good relationship, even bad times make you better. Yeah. Oh.
[19:37] You and these calls, you'd be already really thinking. It's always a session. Yes. Always a session. We're not taking any callers. We need all the advice for ourselves. Let's talk about like the additional unconventional work people can do, which we've done. And we just got finished talking about breath work and meditation and being in an unconscious state. Am I saying that correctly? Altered state. Altered state.
[20:06] Um, and really what is the unconventional thoughts around that? I think me and Savannah both have done unconventional things and I do think it has given us a lot of clarity. Um, and we just got finished talking before we went on camera about breath work. We went to a session with, separately, but with a gentleman that was introduced to us to a friend. And I said, I never went back because it was too intense for me. Um, why didn't you go back?
[20:36] I just didn't. I just didn't. Like, it was so weird. But it had to be a reason why. Well, it's rough. Like, you think it's just breathing. Oh, I'm going here and lay on this mat and breathe. No, it's intense. Three-part breath break, right? Yes. Like, yeah. Yes, yes. And it's like you have to psych yourself up for that. So when I thought I was ready, I actually reeled it back. Like, actually, no, I'm not ready for this yet. And I just, it just time-
[21:04] Yeah, I realized when I went to go do it that I was really never breathing. Like that I always am in like a suffocated state. So for me to even get to like, he was basically like, you need 78 sessions to breathe again. You know what I mean? Like, I think that that was the part for me that was so daunting that I was so, I guess, contracted like this, that it was like. That's a freeze response. Yeah.
[21:33] Let's break that down. Yeah. So fight, flight, freeze. There's also fawn. We spoke about this. We talked about this. Yeah. And so the freeze response would be like dissociating, numbing out. Yes. So it looks like calm to everybody else. And I know you because I worked with you. But it's like you can handle the most chaotic situations. And everyone's like, wow, you look so calm. But it's like because a part of you has been trained to disassociate. I feel like I always go into protection. So my first one, I went to my...
[22:02] right side and went into like a fetal position. What is that called? Protected yourself. Yeah, it's interesting. I've noticed that when I take people to altered states that a lot of the woman will go in like a little fetal position and roll up on their side. Yeah, it's protection. Yeah. What state is that then? If it's not fight? I think it is a form of like
[22:24] freeze yeah it's like you can't quite run away because you have to stay on the mat and get as small as possible maybe they won't see me yeah yeah got it yeah that's like oh that's crazy i know
[22:41] I feel like I also feel like the even and I talked a little bit about this. And one of the reasons we wanted you to have have you come on is like everybody talks about therapy. Like and even the 18 week course I did with you is very unconventional. Yeah, I would say.
[22:56] And even the commitment, like even the idea of taking the 18 week course and it was three hours on Wednesday. And I'd be like, ma'am, three hours. Like, I mean, like two hours, but I go long. But I want to stay on and I want to hear the questions and get the information. She's like, you can stay and talk. I have time. And I'm like, I have to get to work. I want to talk.
[23:15] But I think even that just in making that space in itself for 18 weeks was a big thing. And then to come to the end of it with all of the work. But I think in talking about like all the unconventional things, because I think people go and I think that there is a lot of stigma around therapy because people go and feel like it becomes monotonous, like talking about the same thing. Talking about your problems. Yes.
[23:41] The thing I loved about the 18 week course is like we would do we would study something for that week and then we would come out with like now you're going to do this. You're going to apply this. And I'm that kind of person. Like I need tools. You know what I mean? And I think that that is the difference between therapy and even with breath work and being in this altered state, altered state, I think allows you to get there quicker than just traditional therapy.
[24:08] For sure. I would say therapy is very much backward looking. And the work that we do is forward looking. And we might go into the past sometimes when it's relevant, but for like a session so that we can break through it, heal it and move forward. Whereas I feel like sometimes in therapy, maybe because there isn't a full toolkit of modalities, what they do is they keep connecting it back. Oh, it's like that time you were five. Oh, it's like what happened to when you were a kid. Oh, let's talk about that. And it sort of makes you feel like you almost can't
[24:38] break it because it's just what happened to you in the past. And now you're just wounded with this thing. And the best you can do is just hopefully have some self-awareness around it so you can mitigate it. But there isn't this sense of like you could actually set yourself free from the pattern. That's the thing for me. It's like I know that therapy is important in trying to figure out what the best modality is for you. And I feel like I haven't been able to identify exactly what that modality is for me.
[25:05] Because it's always going back. But I'm like, I don't have much to go back. Yes, I feel like you would like that. Alchemy journey. Yeah, I do think the alchemy journey. Everyone's telling you. Ivin Jing was like, do that first. Yeah, I do think the alchemy journey did do that for me. And unlocking, because you do touch on so many different things. Sex, you know.
[25:24] Love, money. Yeah, everything. I think being a boss, like all of the things. And I think that that was like I went from Hoffman to like therapy to the 18 week course. But for me, like every time I'm itching from therapy, like I get an itch. I'm like, OK, I'm done with this. What's next? What's next? I'll call and be like, hey, can we whatever like, you know, or I'll go to breath work or I'll do something. I haven't I can't really get with meditation.
[25:54] I can do it but it has to be guided I can't do it by myself
[26:01] So guided. Because I also did, what is the man's name that does trans? TM. Yes, I did TM too. Okay. I did a 10 week, I done did everything. But I did a 10 week course there, but I was in there falling asleep. They give me that chant and I was out there knocked out. The male lady was like, miss. Yeah, I mean, they give you your own chant. And like, I did TM as well. I just feel like.
[26:28] I still couldn't really grasp onto that. Maybe because I was too exhausted. I also think that the body keeps the score. And so the work that we do is very somatic. And it includes feeling your emotions. Because to me, I feel like you're not, you can't heal what you're not yet ready to feel. And do you remember what you told me when you did Hoffman? You were like, I couldn't really cry. I couldn't really feel anything. And then Jing was like, oh, well, then you should go to Victoria.
[26:55] Yes. And then that's when you started feeling you're like, I'm feeling so much. What is up with this? Yeah, I was crying all over the place. Yeah, I feel like that. That is very interesting. You can't. You can't feel what you're not yet ready to feel. You need to go. I'm like, OK.
[27:14] Yeah, that's what I mean. I was crying over sushi. I just told her. Yeah, and it's beautiful. Yeah. She's like, no, I just move on. I guess it wasn't for me. I was like, what? The sushi place is closed. Like, I feel like I cried more than that. I thought you meant you cried because the sushi was so beautiful or tasted amazing. No, it was closed and I was devastated. I was like, what the hell is happening? It's so upsetting. I do. I do think we should take a few callers for you. So you're going to grab the headphones.
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[29:40] Hi, what's your name? Where are you from? And what's your crazy? And just you're also here with me, Savannah and Victoria. We're just talking a little bit about love and all the things. So if you heard us, you'll hear the conversation, but we would love to hear from you. Okay. My name is Crystal and I'm from Atlanta.
[30:01] Hi, Crystal. So, am I crazy is I have a crush on a man who doesn't know who I am at the moment. Because he's like low-key famous. And I want to get, I asked him like through his like screen if we could go on a date. He saw my little comment and said yes.
[30:32] which is crazy to me as well. Yeah, that's crazy to me too. Wait a minute. So how do you know? How does, I guess, new age dating is different. So I don't know. Do people ask people out online? Is that normal? I mean, I just did it to see if I could get a response. I usually don't shoot my shots.
[30:58] Because I guess I'm one of those girls who are just like, I feel like the guy has to come to me. So you said I'm trying to change that. OK, so Victoria has a question. You said he's low key famous. And so I'm curious, what about him is it that you think, you know, and therefore like him? Well, right now, I feel like it's just like a physical attraction. Yeah.
[31:25] I just like, I guess it's online present. Okay. And yeah. So I would say that if you are serious about finding someone, chances are you're projecting qualities onto this person that you don't really know of what you're looking for. And if you have a pattern or habit of, you know, even going after people who are not available.
[31:51] emotionally or physically because they're in a relationship, this might be an extension of a pattern like that where you're keeping yourself actually from being fulfilled, which is to be in relationship with someone truly, right? It feels like you're still maybe projecting a fantasy onto someone that won't be real. That's an interesting advice. I mean, I can't imagine dating someone online, so I don't know. I feel like
[32:13] To me, that feels unaccessible to me personally, like like looking at somebody and being like, oh, yeah. And I feel like I am in the vicinity of pretty successful, unaccessible people. And I still look at them as unaccessible to me because that's not who I necessarily want to be with. But I feel like also is your do you have like an active dating life, I guess, is the other thing. Like what's your dating pattern?
[32:45] No. Well, I was in a relationship last year. But since then, I haven't been dating actually at all. Yeah, I feel like you have to. And I get it. I was in a relationship last year, too, and I have not really dated either. Just out of.
[33:05] I don't know. I can't get it together, but I'm working on that neither here nor there. But but I feel like just trying to step your foot out in something that is accessible instead of. And real and real. Like, I mean, I guess I guess if he responds back and you go on a date with him, but I think. Take it offline.
[33:23] Yeah. Take it offline, maybe. She was talking. Savannah? I ain't heard nothing. Oh, yeah. Savannah didn't hear. I was having technical difficulties. She was having technical difficulties, but we were just talking about she admires somebody online and she went on to his stream and asked him out. Oh. And he said yes, but now she's like, okay, what now? Now what? Yeah. I mean, also, how do you know if somebody is online and they're single?
[33:55] kind of don't right yeah that's true girl yeah go date in atlanta and and let's figure out what's happening there because first of all online is fake and phony just so you know that's how i feel that's the fact like i feel like even sometimes a look somebody people will look at me or april's office like oh you have it together i'm like girl i'm drowning by a thread
[34:19] doggy paddling. I just feel like it's not, you know, you don't really know what you're dealing with. And I feel like try in your local market first. And listen, if it's meant for you, the universe will have him and you meet up somewhere and passing and then maybe it'll happen. OK. OK. See you later. All right. Bye. OK. Girl, why do people want to date people online?
[34:44] I think that's the primary source of that. It wasn't like an online dating app, though. No, it was. Oh, yeah. No, it was. She just crushed on this guy who she said is low key famous. Oh, like it sounded like he was a streamer. OK, interesting. And then she went on the stream and said, hey, do you want to go on a date?
[35:04] I mean, I'm pretty sure if I was a streamer, I'd be like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm pretty sure men swipe right on everybody. Mm-hmm. Do you think that's true? And then they just see who swiped on them, and they're like, great. No, I'm stressed about that. Why do you have to say that? Everybody, Victoria is terrible. Let's take a call. Oh, my God. Jesus, Christmas.
[35:27] Hello. Who are we speaking to? Where are you from? And what's your crazy? Hi, my name is Shanice and I'm from Portland. How are you guys? Hey, Shanice from Portland. What's your crazy? You're here with me, Savannah and Victoria. So my crazy is I grew up with really strict parents and they didn't let us sleep over anyone's house like ever. So now that I'm an adult, it's like if I'm visiting, if I'm visiting a friend, I mean, if I'm visiting another city,
[35:55] I go straight to a hotel. I never really sleep at my friend's house because I just always feel guilty that I'm an inconvenience or I just was raised. Hey, don't inconvenience people get a hotel. And lately my friends have been getting really offended that they're like, why don't you just stay with us? Like what's going on? But do you think I'm crazy that I prefer to stay at a hotel than a friend's house? Yes.
[36:18] That's April. I do think that's great. Girl, just go ahead. I think it's because it's your friend. I feel like your parents were protecting you from certain situations. I feel like when your parents don't let you spend a night at houses, it's a fear and a protection. Correct. I agree. But I do think that when you're going with your friends, you can trust your friends to stay with them. Yeah, like, girl, I want to get dressed with you. We want to dance, have some wine, and then you go over at the hotel. But what if I'm not there to see them? Like, what if I'm in L.A. to, you know, just
[36:46] take a solo trip, I usually just want to... Now it's starting to sound sneaky. What you doing? What is you doing, Shanae? I didn't tell anyone I was here. If I'm in town... No, seriously, if I'm in town... I live in Portland. There's not any good malls. There's not... You know, it's not really much happening. So if I want to take a weekend trip to Portland and stand at a really nice hotel in L.A. or Chicago, my friends are like, why don't you stay with us? And I just feel guilty because they got kids.
[37:14] and a husband I'm not mad at that I just don't want to be inconvenient yeah I'm not mad at that perspective it's different waking up with kids in the house I agree with that occasionally but I do think coming to town and visiting your friends and staying with them is important too so I think you can do two things can be true
[37:33] Yes. Or a portion of the trip, you could be like, girl, I'm going to stay with you. We're going to go out to dinner, but I don't mess with your kids. See, like, also be honest with them. I don't want to wake up with your husband in the house and a bunch of things going on. I'm trying to go do what I'm going to do. So I think you could do both things. I thought you were just going to visit them and staying in a hotel. Yeah, I think is wild. Okay, so then that is fair. I agree with that. I agree with that. Same. Okay, and...
[37:59] Sorry, another thing. I was listening to the conversation you guys were talking about. And my question is, I'm a nurse and I work really hard and I'm single. And people are always saying, oh, you need to get into your feminine energy. How do you tap into your feminine energy when you're single and you take care of yourself? Like if you're a princess and you are like a full-blown adult taking care of yourself, how do you tap into your feminine energy if that's all you know? Victoria will answer that very well.
[38:28] Yeah. So I would say, you know, even the female CEOs I work with have this issue because they're used to managing and putting out fires and taking care of everything. And ultimately, when you get home, you have to consciously turn that part of you off and see if you can get into your relaxation situation.
[38:45] Even taking a bath is going to help you switch. Getting a massage will help you switch. Anything where you're pampering yourself, letting yourself be spoiled, letting yourself even connect and talk with a girlfriend where you're actually doing most of the talking versus holding space and listening, because that's actually the masculine. So if you're in your feminine talking and sharing, that's going to actually also put you in your feminine energy. So those are small things, but I agree. It is a balance of finding it. And I mean, she talked about it like being...
[39:14] In some of your masculine energy and some of your feminine, I do think getting in your feminine energy for me is so hard. And being friends with somebody that's so feminine, Savannah, that's giving butterfly. I'm like, hi, are you here? What's happening? I'm here. I'm working on it. But it's hard to tap into my feminine in that way.
[39:36] I mean, I'm sorry, into my masculine in that way. It's hard for me. Yeah, I know. And I'd be envious. I'd be like, come on, tap in so I can tap in on this guy. I want to do a wife swap. Friday Freaky Fridays. Friday the 13th.
[39:51] trying to do it. I just feel like that is very I agree with you. It's very hard when you're so used to coasting through life. Being majority in your masculine energy is something that I am consciously working on. And I do think Victoria's book was super helpful for me personally to try to tap in. So maybe reading that as well will give you a lot of like
[40:15] tools to try to do. And they're even small tools. Like even like saying holding space with a friend where you talk more is huge. Like, I think that that is a huge thing. Yes. It's not a large feat to like, just be like, okay, girl, sit here and listen. I don't even tell you to listen. I just start talking. That's true. Yeah. I love that. You're basically my husband. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for calling us. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.
[40:44] Yeah, I think that that is a real thing for women. Really tapping. And I think, too, just understanding what it is. Like, what is feminine energy and being in it? What is masculine energy and being in it? Feminine energy, I don't feel like... Feminine energy, I don't think you do anything. That's not true. It's about the quality versus the quantity. What do you think you're doing? All the things. What? Very femininely. Yeah.
[41:10] She tosses her hair when she does things. Listen, what do you do? I don't know. I just, it's so funny because at one point I didn't think I was feminine at all. Oh my God. Seriously, I didn't think so. So part of my intention, I did like a detox.
[41:26] And part of my intention was to tap into my feminine energy. And basically I did all of the things that you were saying. I got massages. I started my first round of like talk therapy. I was like taking baths. Like this is when I first started doing all of that. And I just think that that is a space that felt the best. So I just stayed in it. Stayed there. Yeah. She's very good at it. Like it's crazy, but I don't, I think feminine energy is doing nothing.
[41:52] So for me, the masculine is the part that gets shit done. Yeah. Right. And then the feminine is about, okay, let's celebrate it. Let's get into the quality of life now. So the masculine is about quantity. Like, did we get it done? And then the feminine is like, okay, well, how did it feel? Are we celebrating? Are we enjoying our life? Oh my gosh. It's crazy how everything taps back and ties. Shit, it's crazy. What? Like when we were just talking on last Friday. Yeah.
[42:21] for two Fridays ago. It was like, you don't take the time for the little moments. You rush and do all the things. And I'm like, but I live in the little moments. Exactly. That's the feminine. Yeah, she lives there forever like this, like a panda on an ice cube. Oh, a panda! I love it! Meanwhile, meanwhile, the jaguar
[42:42] This is over here. Hunting. Yes, hunting. Smacking people around. Pipslapping people. Bring me some more eucalyptics. Yes, yes. You over here just chilling. But it's just crazy how it really, like, when you break it down and look at it, like, it's very clear. But I don't want to be here, but I think it's so hard to get out.
[43:02] It's muscle, right? You got to practice. Got to go to the gym and lift the weights. Yeah. I take a bath every day. 70 baths a day. And it don't be working. I'm not floating in my feminine energy. For you, it's more about receiving. Yes. Yeah. Like who's competent enough to receive? Taking and giving and doing and leading and managing. Mm hmm.
[43:25] You have to trust that it will still get done. You will still be taken care of, even if you're not handling it. Got it. Very interesting. Wow. That is crazy. Very good. Let's take a voicemail. Hey, my name's William, Wisconsin, and I'm 20. I just broke up with my girlfriend, and she's...
[43:50] She's like, I mean, she's huge, she's totally personality and stuff like that. And like, it's great chemistry. But the reason I work up with her was because every single time I would try to like tell her that like something bothered me that she did. It would like turn into like a fight. And I don't, I just, that was kind of hard to deal with. I wouldn't be able to deal with that all the time. You know, like ideally...
[44:13] kind of like tell you things without you having to like tell me about shit you know and I'm like I'm misfering a little bit and I'm just kind of wondering like do you guys think that was the right move do you guys think that do you guys think I should have tried to wait it I waited for seven months that was like an issue like this is going to be an issue and then it just didn't change it never got better so anything can go
[44:43] But yeah, what do you guys think about that? Do you think I should have waited? Do you think I made a mistake? What do you think? It depends on, did you give her feedback about how she was taking the feedback? And I also need to know what kind of feedback were you giving and how were you giving the feedback? I...
[45:05] feel like if everything is a fight, it's enough. Yeah. Like if I can't have a conversation with you about anything without you getting offended or thinking that I'm coming at you a certain type of way, it's not worth the conversation. Even if, I mean, he don't even sound like he giving no real feedback. He sounds so chill. He sounds so like, he sounds like he's in Wisconsin smoking weed and eating cheese.
[45:25] Like, I just feel like, what feedback is he giving that you got to be popping off all the time? He said he was over it. He don't even really miss her. He did. Yeah, kind of. What does that mean? I feel like that goes back to what you said of people staying somewhere because they're
[45:45] Is it comfortable ultimately? Yeah. You'd rather have something than be alone. And people usually are used to settling for whatever they experienced as love growing up. Do you think people... So I think people get too comfortable also with being alone. Hmm. Like you? Yeah. Yeah.
[46:11] What expected that one was you? Okay, what minutes are we at, Josh? This should be fucking over. Yes, like me. Like me, becoming uncomfortable with being alone is that bad. So it actually only takes two things to be securely attached. It just requires you to be able to take care of your own needs, like put your feelings and needs first, but then also be pro-relational and think about someone else's feelings and needs.
[46:40] So an avoidantly attached person is only thinking about themselves and then an anxiously attached person is spending too much time thinking about the other person. So we're on that spectrum are you? Can you think about yourself and the other person kind of, you know, balanced at the same time?
[46:54] No. Okay. So that's the part to work on. What is it when you do have the balance, but it's not, I mean, maybe it is a little bit unbalanced. Like you think about the other person, but your comfort is more important. So I do feel that we should be self-responsible and take care of our needs. Like we wouldn't fight with our partners so much if we actually knew how to give ourselves what we wanted versus be like, I'm not happy until you make me happy or I don't feel loved until you make me feel loved. Right. So I think there is an element of,
[47:24] be self-responsible, put your oxygen mask on first. But if you have a pattern of being like, I don't care that you don't like Italian. I don't care that you don't want to go to that. I don't care what movie you want to watch. Then you have to ask yourself, like, am I really making space for another person? And then chances are you're going to get bored really fast, right? Because ultimately you want to feel like there's energy. There's something that you kind of push pulling with versus it's just you in the relationship.
[47:50] Yeah, right. You look impressive, baby. You good. It's okay. I'll stick around after. We'll do a session.
[48:00] no I think it's it's mind-blowing it is it really is I mean because it's so simple and it makes so much well she makes it sound so simple that's not that's also not simple but not easy I think just in the way that it can be received to someone to be able to implement pieces of it it's like oh okay like I could totally do that yeah but it's so hard to put the work in and do it consistently like it's
[48:25] I think that's great. I say that in a book. It's simple, but not easy. Yeah. And I think people automatically go to where they're comfortable. Yeah. Like, and I, and the thing about it is I try to be uncomfortable. I just feel like sometimes I say to myself, like, is it truly worth it? Hmm.
[48:43] Is this worth it? Like, am I going to like or will I be disappointed? You know what I mean? And I think that that's the piece that always I'm like, I'll deal with that later. Or like because the being desired, I don't think is my issue. Like, I think I am desired. It's just like, how much do I want to engage with being desired? Because you don't want to be disappointed. Yeah.
[49:07] I don't want to be disappointed. And I just, I feel like I almost want somebody like to come and be like, this is it. Like, I don't know that I want to do the work. Like, I don't, I don't, I don't think I want to do the work to get to know the person. That's why I think I have so many guy friends. Already done. Why isn't she with one of her guy friends? I, obviously no names being said.
[49:37] But she know how I feel. She knows. And it is. It is. Yeah. Yeah. And she'd be like, Stop friend zoning. What? Good guy. Yeah. Everybody's crazy.
[49:55] Oh, my God. Can you come back 78? Can you come back every season? Absolutely. Every week? Yeah. No, every. Yeah, every season. Every season. Yeah. I think I would love if you're open to it when this when this episode drops to do like a live Q&A. Oh, yeah. On Everybody's Crazy. Like the day it drops. So, Dar, if we can just tag. I think.
[50:18] I think you're so special and amazing. I think what you do simplifies everything that feels hard. It really does. And sign me up for the 18-week course. I'm back. So I'm probably going to sign myself. I love that. No, I actually tell all the grads, I'm like, if you need to come back, you just do another round for free because I'm committed to your transformation. Listen, I feel like it's just I want to be able to find the thing that I'm missing. Mm hmm.
[50:44] But I also have to put in the work, more work, which I feel like I do a lot of work. We just need to heal from this prior heartbreak because you were so open and ready to receive love. And then you were crushed. And so you just went back into your shell. So we just need to heal this recent time that you contracted. Well, that's that, guys. Talking about healing, willing and dealing. Thank you, guys. We love you, Victoria. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.
[51:38] Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

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