# Ep 97 “Let Him Tell Them Off” The Worst Dog Park Advice Ever?

An episode of [Help! My Dog: The Podcast. Dog Behaviour & Training Strategies that Work!](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1721245241), 8 Oct 2025, 7:12.

Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2287608/episodes/17821903-ep-97-let-him-tell-them-off-the-worst-dog-park-advice-ever.mp3

You’ve probably heard the advice: “Just let the other dog tell them off. They’ll learn.” It’s one of the most common tips dog owners get…and one of the worst. In this episode, we unpack why that approach doesn’t work and what’s really going on when your dog rushes up to another dog. You’ll learn what your dog’s behaviour is actually telling you, and why it’s not about dominance or being “naughty.” We’ll dig into the emotions behind those high-energy greetings and what happens in your dog’s brain when things go wrong. Most importantly, we’ll talk about how to actually deal with these chaotic situations and how to build the right skills so your dog can thrive around others. This one’s a must-listen for anyone who’s ever felt embarrassed or frustrated at the park! ................ Whether your dog is unpredictable with other dogs or predictably bad… Whether it looks like freezing, barking, lunging or running away… Whether you are just starting out on your dog-owning journey or your dog has been labelled as having a “behaviour problem”… … this episode is for you and is going to give you huge insights! Want to join the Help! My Dog Online HUB? Here's the link: www.helpmydog.com/hub Dr Tom Mitchell is a world-renowned veterinarian, behaviourist and dog trainer and director of the Behavet behaviour clinic (rated Excellent on Trustpilot), which sees over 400 pet behaviour consultations each and every month no matter where you are in the world. In 2023, he founded Help! My Dog, an online dog behaviour learning platform to help even more owners all over the world and show that dog behaviour transformation is not only possible but it's FUN, with the right know-how! Make sure to subscribe/follow the podcast for the free weekly episodes! Useful Links: Follow Help! My Dog on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/helpmydogofficial/ Schedule a Consultation with Behavet: https://www.beha.vet/ Follow Behavet on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/behavet

## Transcript

[0:00] SPEAKER_00: And and all that happens is we're fueling the fire without realizing.
[0:04] SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
[0:05] SPEAKER_00: Because what we're doing is we're chucking more emotion into an emotionally driven behavior.
[0:10] SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
[0:10] SPEAKER_00: Before we dive in, a warning.
[0:13] SPEAKER_00: The content of this podcast may not be appropriate for some young listeners.
[0:19] SPEAKER_00: This is real life, and that means that sometimes it can be a little bit graphic.
[0:23] SPEAKER_00: So listen on at your own peril.
[0:26] SPEAKER_00: As a veterinarian, dog behaviourist, best-selling author and trainer, over the past decade, I've had an obsession with transforming the behaviour of dogs.
[0:35] SPEAKER_00: Understanding their brains and creating practical strategies that you can implement easily at home.
[0:41] SPEAKER_00: I know all too well when the dream you imagined when you first got your dog is far from your daily reality.
[0:47] SPEAKER_00: In fact, out of the blue, a few months ago, my little dog Gorse was bitten by a dog 20 times her size.
[0:54] SPEAKER_00: And suddenly our life of stress-free walks, a calm and cuddly household, and being teammates was replaced with reactivity, anxiety, and worrying about what's around the next corner.
[1:05] SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
[1:06] SPEAKER_00: Tom.
[1:07] SPEAKER_00: This is the Help My Dog Podcast, and this is me documenting that journey of transformation, sharing my knowledge and experience with you and having a few laughs along the way.
[1:17] SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to this episode of the Help My Dog Podcast, where we are dispelling a myth, okay?
[1:25] SPEAKER_00: And that myth or common bit of advice that is out there is let them tell them off.
[1:32] SPEAKER_00: In other words, when a when a puppy or a young dog or an adult dog is running up to another dog or bothering them, um, you know, the the what you'll often hear is either the owner of the the young dog going, it's fine, uh hopefully she'll tell him off because he needs to stop this, or um the other owner going, oh, let him, and then she'll tell, you know, she'll he or she'll tell him off um and that'll that'll teach him.
[2:00] SPEAKER_00: The reality is that advice is awful.
[2:03] SPEAKER_00: It does not work.
[2:04] SPEAKER_00: Um not only does it not work, it actually makes things worse, and we're going to explain why.
[2:10] SPEAKER_00: So the reason why your young dog or puppy or adult, whatever, is running up to other dogs and bothering them is because they find them very stimulating.
[2:22] SPEAKER_00: Okay.
[2:23] SPEAKER_00: They might they find them very stimulating for potentially a few different reasons.
[2:28] SPEAKER_00: The first is that maybe they just find them very overexciting and they struggle to disengage from them.
[2:34] SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
[2:35] SPEAKER_00: Um maybe they're actually worried about them.
[2:38] SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
[2:39] SPEAKER_00: Some it's very common for the emotional driver of your dog running up to other dogs to be actually that they are worried about other dogs or not quite sure what to do with them.
[2:49] SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it's actually the emotional fear that's driving that.
[2:52] SPEAKER_00: The third is that actually sometimes they feel excited about them, sometimes they feel worried about them, sometimes they're excited, sometimes they're worried.
[2:58] SPEAKER_00: And the thing about dogs is they have to then go and find out which they're gonna feel because they're, you know, inherent like gamblers and they they don't like mystery and they need to go and uh they need to go and find out the outcome.
[3:08] SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the problem.
[3:11] SPEAKER_00: When the other dog tells them off, what the dog's not learning, what the dog's not thinking is, oh, I ran over to this dog and now I am getting told off.
[3:21] SPEAKER_00: No.
[3:21] SPEAKER_00: What the what that dog is doing is going, oh my god, there's a dog.
[3:25] SPEAKER_00: Excitement, fear, or conflict of emotions, lights on no one's home.
[3:29] SPEAKER_00: I am not in a state of learning.
[3:31] SPEAKER_00: I am highly aroused, I am at the other dog.
[3:33] SPEAKER_00: Ah, it just bit me.
[3:35] SPEAKER_00: Oh, it just snapped at me.
[3:36] SPEAKER_00: Oh, it just barked at me.
[3:37] SPEAKER_00: I'm in a state of high arousal and I'm now feeling a little bit worried and I'm just in a negative state of arousal, right?
[3:43] SPEAKER_00: And and all that happens is we're fueling the fire without realizing, yeah?
[3:48] SPEAKER_00: Because what we're doing is we're chucking more emotion into an emotionally driven behavior.
[3:53] SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
[3:54] SPEAKER_00: There's a little fire there, and every time that your dog gets told off by another dog, it's chucking a bit more petrol on the fire, right?
[4:02] SPEAKER_00: Because at best, your dog learns nothing from being told off because there were lights on no one's home, right?
[4:09] SPEAKER_00: And they didn't even realize it was happening.
[4:11] SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
[4:12] SPEAKER_00: But at worst, they learn that actually now other dogs are sometimes something to worry about.
[4:18] SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
[4:19] SPEAKER_00: And now we're getting more and more fear into the mix.
[4:22] SPEAKER_00: Or we just promote that conflict of emotion of sometimes dogs are sometimes dogs are exciting, sometimes dogs are scary.
[4:28] SPEAKER_00: That often almost like accelerates the behavior.
[4:32] SPEAKER_00: And so the whole idea of let them tell them off does not ever resolve that problem.
[4:39] SPEAKER_00: Because the reality is that your dog is just as much the victim of that situation as the other dog.
[4:45] SPEAKER_00: They're the victim of that situation because they found themselves in a situation where they don't have the skills of calmness, they don't have the skills of disengagement, and they don't have the skills of optimism to think that dog over there, they're cool, they're a friend probably, but they're none of my business.
[5:02] SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
[5:03] SPEAKER_00: And so your dog is literally frantically trying to deploy the skills that they have, which basically is not enough for the situation, and they've been suctioned towards the other dog.
[5:14] SPEAKER_00: They've then happened upon the other on top of the other dog often, and now they're getting told off, right?
[5:20] SPEAKER_00: By the other dog, told off in quotation marks.
[5:23] SPEAKER_00: They're getting actually what's happening is they're getting barked at, snapped at, bitten, um, uh, stood over, whatever it might be, whatever that other dog does to try and cope with that situation as well.
[5:34] SPEAKER_00: And we've got two victims of a situation almost panicking with each other, which only makes it worse in the future.
[5:43] SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense, guys?
[5:44] SPEAKER_00: So it's one of the most common bits of advice that gets given to dog owners in the park, which is actually really bad advice.
[5:52] SPEAKER_00: And so I want to do like a fast fire episode that basically says, here's what's wrong, here's why it's wrong, and what to do instead is actually we need to be saying that dog needs to be your the dog that's running up to the other dog needs to be on lead for a period.
[6:08] SPEAKER_00: We need to be growing the skill of disengaging from other dogs, we need to be growing the skill of a calm, positive emotional response in the presence of other dogs.
[6:17] SPEAKER_00: And when we do that and we remove the lead or we grow the responsibility that that dog has, they've they're now entering that situation with the skills that they need to thrive in that situation.
[6:28] SPEAKER_00: Whereas right now they're trying to survive but getting told off for it, right?
[6:33] SPEAKER_00: So it's just such a different approach.
[6:36] SPEAKER_00: But that approach that I've just gone through is the approach that is going to get you that real life result, that that dog that actually you can take anywhere and everywhere, and you are both thriving, right?
[6:47] SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't that be cool?
[6:48] SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't isn't that why we got a dog, right?
[6:50] SPEAKER_00: So myth dispelled, forget that advice um and um and go back to this whole idea of we're going to grow the skills for the situation because that's how my dog thrives.
[7:02] SPEAKER_00: We will see you next week.

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