# Ep 68 The Two Biggest Dog Training Mistakes (Part 2 of 2) & A Hat-Trick

An episode of [Help! My Dog: The Podcast. Dog Behaviour & Training Strategies that Work!](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1721245241), 19 Mar 2025, 20 min.

Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2287608/episodes/16738221-ep-68-the-two-biggest-dog-training-mistakes-part-2-of-2-a-hat-trick.mp3

Ever feel like your dog is glued to you 24/7 – following you everywhere (even the toilet!), demanding attention or struggling when you leave? It turns out that this could be due to another dog training mistake we might be making! In Part 2 of our special double feature, we’re breaking down why so many dogs have a hard time settling and staying calm when we’re not interacting with them. We’ll be learning why a “small” expectation can result in struggles with action prompting, separation anxiety and separation in the house, causing trouble when you just want to spend some time with your partner or visitors! And of course, we’ll be giving you some strategies to help your dog learn that sometimes, you’re their business, but other times, it’s ok to be on their own. ................ Whether your dog is unpredictable with other dogs or predictably bad… Whether it looks like freezing, barking, lunging or running away… Whether you are just starting out on your dog-owning journey or your dog has been labelled as having a “behaviour problem”… … this episode is for you and is going to give you huge insights! Want to join the Help! My Dog Online HUB? Here's the link: www.helpmydog.com/hub Dr Tom is a world-renowned veterinarian, behaviourist and dog trainer and director of the Behavet behaviour clinic (rated Excellent on Trustpilot), which sees over 400 pet behaviour consultations each and every month no matter where you are in the world. In 2023, he started Help! My Dog, an online dog behaviour learning platform to help even more owners all over the world and show that dog behaviour transformation is not only possible but it's FUN, with the right know-how! Make sure to subscribe/follow the podcast for the free weekly episodes! Useful Links: Follow Help! My Dog on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/helpmydogofficial/ Schedule a Consultation with Behavet: https://www.beha.vet/ Follow Behavet on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/behavet

## Transcript

[0:00] SPEAKER_00: They would never know, surely.
[0:02] SPEAKER_00: But I live with this secret every day and just smile when I meet my teenage neighbour.
[0:07] SPEAKER_00: Is it about time he played football at the park?
[0:10] SPEAKER_00: Have a super day.
[0:13] SPEAKER_00: Before we dive in, a warning.
[0:16] SPEAKER_00: The content of this podcast may not be appropriate for some young listeners.
[0:21] SPEAKER_00: This is real life, and that means that sometimes it can be a little bit graphic.
[0:25] SPEAKER_00: So listen on at your own peril.
[0:28] SPEAKER_00: As a veterinarian, dog behaviourist, best-selling author and trainer over the past decade, I've had an obsession with transforming the behaviour of dogs.
[0:37] SPEAKER_00: Understanding their brains and creating practical strategies that you can implement easily at home.
[0:43] SPEAKER_00: I know all too well when the dream you imagined when you first got your dog is far from your daily reality.
[0:50] SPEAKER_00: In fact, out of the blue, a few months ago, my little dog Gorse was bitten by a dog 20 times her size.
[0:56] SPEAKER_00: And suddenly our life of stress-free walks, a calm and cuddly household, and being teammates was replaced with reactivity, anxiety, and worrying about what's around the next corner.
[1:07] SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
[1:08] SPEAKER_00: Tom.
[1:09] SPEAKER_00: This is the Help My Dog podcast, and this is me documenting that journey of transformation, sharing my knowledge and experience with you and having a few laughs along the way.
[1:19] SPEAKER_00: Hello, HMD family, welcome back.
[1:22] SPEAKER_00: Well, I say welcome back, it's part two.
[1:24] SPEAKER_00: It's another episode, but it's referencing the previous part, hence part two.
[1:29] SPEAKER_00: And so if you are tuning in and you've not heard part one, then go revisit that, okay?
[1:35] SPEAKER_00: Because I'm building on what we talked about in the last episode.
[1:38] SPEAKER_00: Now, what did we talk about in the last episode?
[1:41] SPEAKER_00: We talked about a skill, a crucial skill, an essential skill, and it's almost like a secret skill that nobody tells you you need to teach your dog.
[1:49] SPEAKER_00: Um and I say it's a skill, it's more of an understanding of the world, and that is value and distractions are happening around me, but the value comes to me rather than I go to the value.
[1:58] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, unless I'm sometimes released to it, which is um which is part of the message.
[2:03] SPEAKER_00: And we talked about that in the last episode.
[2:06] SPEAKER_00: Now, this episode, I want to talk about how difficult it is for dogs.
[2:11] SPEAKER_00: Okay, it being a dog is so challenging because think about what we expect from our dogs.
[2:19] SPEAKER_00: We expect, or the ideal or the skill that we need to teach them, the message that we need them to know is that sometimes we are absolutely their business as their owners.
[2:30] SPEAKER_00: You know, we want to interact with them, we want to engage with them, but sometimes we're none of their business.
[2:35] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we are um we are, you know, not to be, you know, interacted with.
[2:40] SPEAKER_00: And that sounds really extreme, but what I mean is your dog needs to know that sometimes you're none of their business so that they can get be calm and settled and relax and decompress and empty their buckets, right?
[2:52] SPEAKER_00: And and yeah, many dogs just don't know that actually their owners are just sometimes none of their business.
[2:59] SPEAKER_00: And that makes it really difficult and it causes a few different struggles.
[3:03] SPEAKER_00: First struggle it causes is attention seeking and action prompting, yeah?
[3:07] SPEAKER_00: And a dog that can't access calmness and settle because they're constantly trying to prompt their owners.
[3:13] SPEAKER_00: Another one is separation struggles.
[3:16] SPEAKER_00: If your dog thinks that you're always their business and then you leave the house, well, their business has left the house.
[3:23] SPEAKER_00: Right, they're gonna follow.
[3:24] SPEAKER_00: Um, and the the third one is actually just having some level of separation from your dog in the house.
[3:31] SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, we've had uh we've had many a consultation um in the Behave VEP clinic where owners just can't, you know, owners can't get any distance from their dogs and it you know impacts, for example, relationships.
[3:48] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we've got, you know, we we for example see very often people that come for behavior consultation where they it limits their human relationships because actually, well, the you know, there's there's only room for their dog, right?
[4:04] SPEAKER_00: Um, and um, and that can be very, very limiting.
[4:07] SPEAKER_00: It can limit your ability to have visitors over because if your dog is overexcited or inappropriate or worried about your visitors and you can't create separation between you and your dog in the house, well, having visitors over is going to be pretty much impossible, right?
[4:22] SPEAKER_00: So the it sounds really, it almost sounds really kind of mild, this idea of a dog that does that hasn't learned that sometimes you're none of their business, but actually it has really significant ripple effect and repercussions and and struggles develop from that little you know acorn of um of a problem.
[4:44] SPEAKER_00: Now, why am I saying it's so difficult for dogs?
[4:50] SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, because think about when we first get our dogs, and maybe especially if they were a puppy, okay?
[4:57] SPEAKER_00: But it this applies to to every everybody, but uh it's to the extreme with puppies.
[5:04] SPEAKER_00: That puppy comes into your life, and that puppy is uh insanely cute, and you've been super excited about getting said puppy, and you've been thinking about it for days and days and weeks and weeks and months and months, and potentially years sometimes, because you know you've not been in a in a position to welcome a dog into your life and you've got your puppy, and you've been told about the all these things that you need to teach your puppy, and you've been told about all these experiences that you need to have with this puppy, okay?
[5:36] SPEAKER_00: So you've got a significant amount of work to do, and you've got and you're told that there's this critical time where they either learn it or don't learn it, right?
[5:47] SPEAKER_00: Or they're gonna be, you know, naughty dog forever.
[5:50] SPEAKER_00: Um not true, just to clarify, but anyway, um we can we can talk about that later, maybe.
[5:56] SPEAKER_00: The the key thing that I think causes a lot of problems and why that that in isolation isn't bad, but when you add in the next piece of the puzzle, it is it you can see why this is a problem in relation to dogs thinking that you know sometimes we're none of their business.
[6:13] SPEAKER_00: Puppies sleep 20 to 22 hours per day, right?
[6:20] SPEAKER_00: Or at least should, right?
[6:23] SPEAKER_00: So if you look back, and you might look back now, and you might think, oh, you know, yeah, you know, we did have that attitude of we had all these things that we needed to do with our puppy, as did I when I first got my dog, right?
[6:38] SPEAKER_00: But I wasn't constantly interacting with them.
[6:41] SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
[6:42] SPEAKER_00: You weren't constantly interacting with them, no, because you're awake maybe 12 hours of the day, right?
[6:49] SPEAKER_00: But your puppy was constantly interacting with you without realizing, right?
[6:55] SPEAKER_00: Because whenever that puppy's awake, they're either cute and we want to do something with them, or we've got something to do with them, or we've been wrongly told that we need to wear them out to make them sleep, so we're doing stuff with them.
[7:07] SPEAKER_00: And that puppy actually potentially went a few months where they're setting like their expectation or blueprint of the world, went a few months where pretty much every waking minute was interacting with you in some way.
[7:20] SPEAKER_00: Which, when you take a step back from that, I always find this mind-blowing when I think about it.
[7:25] SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh my goodness, it makes so much sense why dogs struggle to be calm and settled.
[7:32] SPEAKER_00: It makes so much sense why so many dogs have separation struggles.
[7:36] SPEAKER_00: It makes so much sense why dogs don't want to be separated from their owners in the house.
[7:40] SPEAKER_00: Because they basically, let's say you got your puppy when they were two months old, and the first three months was a little bit like that without us realizing, they've been on this planet five months.
[7:52] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but that's their entire life, right?
[7:55] SPEAKER_00: And so basically for their entire life, they have this had this expectation established of when I'm awake, I am interacting with my owner.
[8:07] SPEAKER_00: But then what starts to happen is they start to be awake for longer.
[8:12] SPEAKER_00: And so now they're awake for six hours or eight hours a day, yeah.
[8:17] SPEAKER_00: Um, and I, you know, I I would say, you know, if I look at our dogs that, you know, a really strong calmness and and and settling, they're still probably asleep for the majority of the day, or certainly chilled for the majority of the day.
[8:30] SPEAKER_00: Um, but the thing is that how did they learn that?
[8:33] SPEAKER_00: They had to learn that by understanding that we're not always their business so that they can go, uh, maybe I'll have a lie down.
[8:40] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, maybe I'll just close my eyes for a minute, right?
[8:43] SPEAKER_00: Um, because otherwise they don't even get the opportunity to learn that.
[8:46] SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense, guys?
[8:48] SPEAKER_00: Hey guys, I just want to take a moment to answer a question that has been coming in in literally 10 emails a day, and that is, how can we help you with your dog's behavior struggle, whether that be reactivity, separation, anxiety, resource guarding?
[9:02] SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've got a multi-dog household struggle right now, maybe your dog's just so overaroused on a walk that they just can't listen to you and they're chasing everything inside.
[9:11] SPEAKER_00: Like, can I get Tom's help?
[9:13] SPEAKER_00: Um, and the answer is that actually you can, and you can do that by booking a behavet behavior consultation.
[9:21] SPEAKER_00: That's where literally my team give you the plan on how to transform your struggle and get you to that dream that that made you get a dog in the first place, right?
[9:31] SPEAKER_00: Your world's got smaller and smaller and smaller, and actually it doesn't need to be that way.
[9:35] SPEAKER_00: You just need to reach out for help.
[9:37] SPEAKER_00: Now, a couple of things to say on that.
[9:39] SPEAKER_00: First of all, if you're insured, if your dog's insured with Pet Plan, Kennel Club, Agria, or many pets, we actually do direct claims with them, which means that that's covered by your insurance.
[9:49] SPEAKER_00: So you don't pay out of your pocket, your insurance covers that.
[9:53] SPEAKER_00: And the second thing to say is that we have loads of options if you're insured with another provider, or if your dog's not insured at all, that's also totally fine.
[10:01] SPEAKER_00: We have loads of options that we've developed to make this so accessible for you.
[10:06] SPEAKER_00: Um because we're aware that you've already invested a load of time and a load of money in getting your dog, looking after your dog, caring for your dog.
[10:13] SPEAKER_00: But the last thing we want is for you to have done all that and still not be living the life that you deserve with your dog.
[10:18] SPEAKER_00: And we know we can get you there.
[10:19] SPEAKER_00: So all you need to do is go to the Behave Vet website, and the way to do that is go B-E-H A.V-E-T.
[10:29] SPEAKER_00: That's beh and it will take you there.
[10:33] SPEAKER_00: Or just Google Behave Vet, right?
[10:35] SPEAKER_00: Um, and you can get scheduled in and we can literally get you booked in for a consultation as soon as possible.
[10:41] SPEAKER_00: We normally can accommodate it within a week, right?
[10:44] SPEAKER_00: So that you can be getting to your dream ASAP.
[10:47] SPEAKER_00: So, what I wanted to do is first of all, highlight this skill that maybe is fueling lots of different struggles in your dog.
[10:55] SPEAKER_00: Take a step back from that and see, oh, I can understand how my dog has misunderstood that.
[11:01] SPEAKER_00: But in understanding how we got there, we actually then also understand how to move forward.
[11:07] SPEAKER_00: How do we move forward?
[11:08] SPEAKER_00: Well, we've got to start changing the expectation.
[11:11] SPEAKER_00: We've got to start changing this idea that we need to constantly that they need to constantly be interacting with us or engaging with us.
[11:20] SPEAKER_00: How do we do that?
[11:21] SPEAKER_00: Well, there are a few different strategies.
[11:22] SPEAKER_00: The first one, I'm gonna do a shout out to some learning in the help my dog hub.
[11:26] SPEAKER_00: And if you're not yet in the help my dog hub, join the help my dog hub, okay?
[11:30] SPEAKER_00: Because that it's laid out step by step.
[11:33] SPEAKER_00: I created a program called Separation Solid.
[11:36] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's for separation anxiety and it for it resolves that and and transforms that.
[11:41] SPEAKER_00: But more exciting, it really helps with FOMO, yeah, where you can't separate your dog from you and you can't pop your dog in a puppy pen, you can't pop your dog in a room of the house, close the door, and they'll settle and be calm.
[11:54] SPEAKER_00: That program teaches that.
[11:56] SPEAKER_00: Um, and ultimately, that is how we're going to get our dogs to understand that sometimes we're none of their business.
[12:02] SPEAKER_00: We need to have separated time from them, even when we are at home, right?
[12:07] SPEAKER_00: Second thing that is really valuable um is uh if your dog is struggling to disengage from you, give them something to engage with instead, right?
[12:20] SPEAKER_00: So um they can't disengage from you.
[12:23] SPEAKER_00: Can they engage in a long-lasting chew it long-lasting chew in your presence?
[12:29] SPEAKER_00: If they can chew, chew, chew on a long-lasting chew, why is that that, um, while you're sat, guess what?
[12:36] SPEAKER_00: They're learning that you're non, you're non, you're none of their business.
[12:40] SPEAKER_00: Then build it up.
[12:41] SPEAKER_00: Can they have a long-lasting chew while you're maybe, I don't know, going and emptying the washing machine, putting the laundry away.
[12:49] SPEAKER_00: They've chosen to continue having their chew downstairs while you put the laundry away.
[12:55] SPEAKER_00: Now they've got cool with that, you've done that for a week.
[12:58] SPEAKER_00: How about long-lasting get a baby gate, baby gate on the living room?
[13:03] SPEAKER_00: They do long-lasting chew in the living room, you can't you put the laundry away.
[13:07] SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
[13:08] SPEAKER_00: Baby steps to change expectations, right?
[13:11] SPEAKER_00: Because otherwise, what happens when a dog has an expectation and it's not reality and it's extreme?
[13:17] SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm expecting my owner is my business and available all the time.
[13:22] SPEAKER_00: Now they're putting locking me in a room all of a sudden.
[13:25] SPEAKER_00: What happens?
[13:26] SPEAKER_00: Frustration, emotion explosion, anxiety.
[13:31] SPEAKER_00: And so instead we just do little baby steps, tweak their expectations, kind of mould their expectations towards what we would want them to be.
[13:42] SPEAKER_00: And I'd say the third one, the third one, I think, is a little bit of discipline on your part.
[13:49] SPEAKER_00: Okay, and I'm not saying discipline your dog, and I'm not saying I'm disciplining you.
[13:54] SPEAKER_00: I'm saying we are having internal discipline.
[13:57] SPEAKER_00: And that is don't forget that let's say you work and you get home at 5 pm and your dog's not seeing you all day, and you had a you've had dog walker come in or or whatever else, or there's been, you know, a family, another family member at home looking after them.
[14:14] SPEAKER_00: Don't forget that you might get home at five, get home at six, and you might go to bed at eight.
[14:21] SPEAKER_00: Let's say.
[14:22] SPEAKER_00: Get home at six, go to bed at eight.
[14:24] SPEAKER_00: We've been doing that lately, and it's like such a luxury.
[14:27] SPEAKER_00: We're like, oh my goodness, we're in bed and it's eight o'clock, right?
[14:30] SPEAKER_00: Reading a book.
[14:31] SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
[14:31] SPEAKER_00: Anyway, um, it sounds for some of you be like, that sounds like a hell.
[14:36] SPEAKER_00: Um so um don't forget that that's the equivalent of what we started with.
[14:42] SPEAKER_00: We're thinking about we're thinking about puppies.
[14:45] SPEAKER_00: They they have access to you for two hours a day.
[14:49] SPEAKER_00: If you feel like, oh, I've not seen my dog all day and I need to see them, and they want to see me, and of course they want to see you, and you spend two hours interacting with them, what that is is 100% of the day, isn't it?
[15:02] SPEAKER_00: Because you were only there for two hours.
[15:04] SPEAKER_00: So that's 100% of the day.
[15:06] SPEAKER_00: So we're creating an expectation in them that I am available, when I am available, when I'm here, when I'm present, I am yours 100% of the time, every second of every minute, of every hour.
[15:20] SPEAKER_00: Yeah?
[15:21] SPEAKER_00: And then you might expand your your hours on a weekend, and you're like, oh my goodness, my dog is a nightmare on a weekend, won't leave me alone, attention seeking, barking at me, constantly wanting to play, they don't settle.
[15:35] SPEAKER_00: Can't wait for Monday when I'm back at work.
[15:37] SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
[15:38] SPEAKER_00: 6 p.m.
[15:39] SPEAKER_00: on Monday, you come home, what do you do?
[15:41] SPEAKER_00: Two hours of interaction.
[15:43] SPEAKER_00: We've got to think in percentages.
[15:45] SPEAKER_00: We've we've just spent 100% of our time with our dog, yeah, even though you were doing other things that day.
[15:53] SPEAKER_00: And and so if you've only got two hours in the evening, I would urge you to think about okay, of that two hours, what percentage of the time could my dog have a long-lasting chew in my presence, right?
[16:05] SPEAKER_00: And could could we work towards maybe through the Separation Solid program in the Held My Dog Hub, you know, them spending time in a puppy pen or a behind a baby gate, right?
[16:17] SPEAKER_00: Still interact still have interactions with them, but what we've got to realize is those are just as important interactions because those are setting them up to thrive, right?
[16:26] SPEAKER_00: Thrive in the world.
[16:27] SPEAKER_00: Okay.
[16:28] SPEAKER_00: Now, on the subject of um owners that are not thriving, but rather potentially hopefully surviving, that's what we cover in the cringe stories every week, so that we can all have a laugh, realize that we're not alone, um, and that um almost like celebrating the fact that and remembering the fact that the reason why we brought a dog into our lives is for unpredictability, fun, variety.
[16:52] SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we forget that along the way and we start referring to the these mishaps as problems when actually it's kind of what we wanted, right?
[16:59] SPEAKER_00: Um a little bit.
[17:01] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, safely.
[17:02] SPEAKER_00: We'll find out about this one.
[17:09] SPEAKER_00: So good morning, Mrs.
[17:12] SPEAKER_00: Cringe, aka Madeline.
[17:14] SPEAKER_00: I hope you are well.
[17:15] SPEAKER_00: I've been meaning to send my story in, but wasn't sure how to tell tell the tale.
[17:20] SPEAKER_00: But here goes.
[17:21] SPEAKER_00: My neighbours have a teenage son who is um football mad.
[17:25] SPEAKER_00: Frequently we get footballs kicked over into our garden and we try and pick them up straight away as Grumbledore and Norman the Foreman, oh, I know who this is, have been known to cock their legs over the balls.
[17:37] SPEAKER_00: Ha! Amazing! But Norman, my gorgeous Scotty, don't mind if you give names away too late, um, likes to do a poo over the top of things.
[17:47] SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, no.
[17:48] SPEAKER_00: He's managed to do them over tennis balls, plant pots.
[17:52] SPEAKER_00: The list goes on.
[17:54] SPEAKER_00: His aim is magnificent.
[17:56] SPEAKER_00: I can kind of see, no, just to clarify, I would not I would not do this.
[17:59] SPEAKER_00: But it's kind of like it's got like a bit of like sculpture in him.
[18:02] SPEAKER_00: I saw I can I I can I can see it.
[18:04] SPEAKER_00: One day, my husband and I were out for the day and my son was house sitting.
[18:09] SPEAKER_00: He just ignored the footballs in the garden, and in the evening, once home, I went into the garden and Norman had managed a hat trick.
[18:18] SPEAKER_00: Three poos on top of the footballs.
[18:21] SPEAKER_00: I of course cleaned up, disinfected, and threw the balls back over.
[18:25] SPEAKER_00: That you're a very good neighbour.
[18:27] SPEAKER_00: They would never know, surely.
[18:29] SPEAKER_00: But I live with this secret every day and just smile when I meet my teenage neighbour.
[18:34] SPEAKER_00: Is it about time he played football at the park?
[18:37] SPEAKER_00: Have a super day.
[18:40] unknown: I love you.
[18:41] SPEAKER_00: That is awesome.
[18:43] SPEAKER_00: Awesome, awesome, awesome one.
[18:44] SPEAKER_00: And I think you should win a mug for that because I think a hat trick's pretty impressive.
[18:48] SPEAKER_00: So um, if you email team at helpmydog.com and um let Madeline know that you have won a mug.
[18:56] SPEAKER_00: We will get one sent out to you.
[18:57] SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to say your name, even though I know it.
[19:00] SPEAKER_00: Um I could do because you've said your dog's name, but I'm not going to.
[19:03] SPEAKER_00: Um so um yeah, send that over and um and we'll get a mug out to you.
[19:07] SPEAKER_00: That is awesome.
[19:07] SPEAKER_00: So, guys, I hope you got value from this episode.
[19:10] SPEAKER_00: Share it far and wide because I think you what what I see from this, and even in just teaching in this episode, I see that yeah, there's the initial challenge of like puppies and their waking hours that sets that picture up, which we can obviously fix now.
[19:25] SPEAKER_00: But also for those of you who maybe sometimes have periods where you only have a short time with your dog in the day, or one person in the family only has a short time with the dog in the day, this could be happening with someone you know where they're accidentally training the wrong thing and really struggling and not realizing that just some small tweaks would totally transform it.
[19:46] SPEAKER_00: So, share this episode for me, guys.
[19:48] SPEAKER_00: Leave a review if you have not already, and we will see you next time.

Shows are listed from Apple Podcasts' charts and directory, and Podcast Index where it is used. Every show and episode belongs to its publisher and plays from the publisher's own feed; this site hosts none of them.