# Say Less, Mean More: How to Stop Filling Space Just to Be Heard

An episode of [A Really Good Cry](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1708895338), 22 Jul 2025, 19 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/df24579c-d34d-442a-8481-b06501282e4d/c29532a5-b6a6-4281-abc6-b3220068a1de/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=10ca5a50-409d-41dc-a52d-b06501421bfc

Why do we rush to fill silence even when there's nothing more to say? Are you using filler words to hide your nerves or to prove you're still interesting? What are you trying to cover up with “like,” “um,” or oversharing? When was the last time you sat in silence with someone you love, or with yourself? In this solo episode of A Really Good Cry, Radhi takes you deep into an unexpected topic: silence. What starts as a reflection on eliminating filler words like “um” and “like” quickly becomes an introspective and revealing look at the discomfort we feel when we’re quiet—and what we’re really trying to hide. She shares how learning to pause and breathe while speaking transformed her confidence, and how too often, we speak just to prove we belong. But what if true connection doesn't come from filling every gap—but from being fully present, even in stillness? Radhi also opens up about self-monitoring, the pressure to perform in conversations, and how she's learning to feel safe even when she has nothing to say. Plus: a sweet life update on her grandma’s health, nostalgia in London, and a birthday plan that’s pure joy. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why filler words can be subtle signs of insecurity and anxiety. • How silence can feel threatening—but also freeing. • Tools to eliminate filler words without losing your flow. • Why slowing down your speech makes people actually listen. • How to feel more seen and less performative in conversations. • The emotional impact of always adjusting to fit in. • What it means to be present with yourself—and others. This episode is a gentle invitation to stop performing and start feeling. Whether you’re a fast talker, a chronic over-sharer, or someone afraid of awkward silences—this one will meet you where you are. Follow Radhi: https://www.instagram.com/radhidevlukia/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxWe9A4kMf9V_AHOXkGhCzQ https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/ https://www.tiktok.com/@radhidevlukia See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: I actually realize how much more confident you can sound
[0:03] Speaker 1: and how much clearer you can be just by taking
[0:05] Speaker 1: out those filler words. It feels more intentional and easier
[0:08] Speaker 1: to understand. But it took me into deeper thoughts of
[0:12] Speaker 1: this idea, of the need we get to fill silences
[0:15] Speaker 1: and the discomfort silence can invoke inside of us. We
[0:18] Speaker 1: think it's a discomfort in the moment with another person,
[0:21] Speaker 1: but actually sometimes it might be showing us a discomfort
[0:25] Speaker 1: that we feel in ourselves. I'm Radi Wukiah and on
[0:28] Speaker 1: my podcast A Really Good Cry, we embrace the messy
[0:32] Speaker 1: and the beautiful, providing a space for raw, unfiltered conversations
[0:36] Speaker 1: that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune in to learn,
[0:39] Speaker 1: connect and find comfort together. Hey everyone, and welcome back
[0:43] Speaker 1: to this week's episode of A Really Good Cry.
[0:46] Speaker 2: Now, if you guys are new here, thank you so
[0:48] Speaker 2: much for coming hello.
[0:50] Speaker 1: And if you are an OG listener, thank you so
[0:52] Speaker 1: much for being here again and again. So today's episode
[0:56] Speaker 1: is going to be a little bit of a shorter one.
[0:57] Speaker 1: It's just something I've been thinking about, but I think
[0:59] Speaker 1: it's extremely useful. But you all sent me such lovely
[1:02] Speaker 1: messages after my episode about my grandma, and so I
[1:06] Speaker 1: want to give you guys a little bit an update.
[1:08] Speaker 1: She is doing really well. Actually, she's quite fabulous. I
[1:12] Speaker 1: would say she's a bit of a medical marvel, to
[1:14] Speaker 1: be honest, because she's kind of gone against everything that
[1:18] Speaker 1: the doctors had said would happen, and we're just getting
[1:23] Speaker 1: some really wonderful time with her. She has been thriving.
[1:27] Speaker 1: The other day, I walked in and I thought she'd
[1:29] Speaker 1: been at a spa because she was just glowing. And
[1:31] Speaker 1: part of me thinks it is just the magic of
[1:34] Speaker 1: a spiritual connection. A big part of me feels that
[1:37] Speaker 1: there's never a way to prove that you can't really
[1:39] Speaker 1: tell what's happening. But I have seen that in many people,
[1:43] Speaker 1: where their spiritual practice is so deep and their beliefs
[1:47] Speaker 1: are so strong that they go against what the medical
[1:52] Speaker 1: system would think would happen to somebody like that, regardless
[1:56] Speaker 1: of all the figures that they're seeing or the blood
[1:58] Speaker 1: results that are coming back. Somehow something else is carrying them,
[2:01] Speaker 1: you know. And that's definitely what I'm experiencing with my grandma.
[2:05] Speaker 1: So I'm still in London, really enjoying my time here,
[2:09] Speaker 1: being able to come back for this long after being
[2:12] Speaker 1: away for eight years. You know, I've obviously come back
[2:15] Speaker 1: and forth quite often, but it's so weird how easily
[2:18] Speaker 1: you can adapt to a space. Because I have come back,
[2:22] Speaker 1: and although I miss La obviously, with my family here
[2:26] Speaker 1: and Jay coming back and forth, it you know, doesn't
[2:30] Speaker 1: really feel like there's much that I am missing in La,
[2:33] Speaker 1: which is crazy because it's been my home for nearly
[2:35] Speaker 1: eight years. And so one thing I've really noticed is
[2:39] Speaker 1: how easy it is to adjust and adapt to a place.
[2:43] Speaker 2: But I guess it's the easiest.
[2:44] Speaker 1: When you have community or family or people that you
[2:48] Speaker 1: love in that space. And it made me realize that, oh,
[2:50] Speaker 1: you really need all the people that you love around
[2:52] Speaker 1: you and anywhere I can feel like home. So I'm
[2:55] Speaker 1: just living day by day and very much so realizing
[3:01] Speaker 1: that life is just not in your control a lot
[3:04] Speaker 1: of the times, you just have to go with the
[3:06] Speaker 1: flow and just let things be.
[3:08] Speaker 2: Did I expect to be in London at this time
[3:09] Speaker 2: of year?
[3:10] Speaker 1: No?
[3:11] Speaker 2: Am I happy about it? Actually? Yes?
[3:13] Speaker 1: And I think it's showing me and teaching me for
[3:16] Speaker 1: my body and my mind and the way that I
[3:19] Speaker 1: want to connect to people. It's actually taught me so much.
[3:22] Speaker 1: Since I've been here and Jay has been on tour
[3:26] Speaker 1: and he recently came back. He's been back twice since
[3:29] Speaker 1: I've been here. Oh, we actually went away to Italy
[3:32] Speaker 1: for a short period. It was just three days, but
[3:34] Speaker 1: it was really nice to get away together and have
[3:37] Speaker 1: time to reconnect. And that's actually how through our relationship
[3:42] Speaker 1: we have been able to connect, even though we have
[3:46] Speaker 1: had a lot of time apart. So at the beginning
[3:48] Speaker 1: of our relationship, Jay would travel a lot for work
[3:50] Speaker 1: and I would still be in New York or when
[3:52] Speaker 1: we moved to la whether it was him going on
[3:54] Speaker 1: tour or me coming back here or him traveling for work,
[3:58] Speaker 1: we actually have had quite a few gaps away from
[4:00] Speaker 1: each other and so a rule that well, Jay came
[4:03] Speaker 1: up with this, but it was a very good rule
[4:05] Speaker 1: that I also agreed to, so I guess I played
[4:07] Speaker 1: part in it. He said what we should do is
[4:09] Speaker 1: every month we should go away for a distance which
[4:13] Speaker 1: was less than two hours away for a minimum of
[4:15] Speaker 1: two days, just to get a moment of reconnection. And
[4:19] Speaker 1: so we haven't been able to keep that up that
[4:21] Speaker 1: much recently, but just having a couple of days of
[4:24] Speaker 1: connection when you've had time away from each other is
[4:27] Speaker 1: so needed and so wonderful. And so we went away
[4:30] Speaker 1: to Italy for a couple of days and we got
[4:32] Speaker 1: to wander around Rome, went to some delicious restaurants, and
[4:36] Speaker 1: it was the first time Joe was okay without having
[4:39] Speaker 1: a plan. Usually he's the planner, he wants everything mapped out.
[4:42] Speaker 1: But it was just so nice going with the flow
[4:44] Speaker 1: and just having the ability to wander around, be with
[4:48] Speaker 1: each other, actually speak to each other, catch up, and
[4:53] Speaker 1: so we had that and then he's going to come back.
[4:54] Speaker 1: It's my birthday coming up on the thirtieth of July,
[4:57] Speaker 1: and it's the first time I'm going to have been
[4:59] Speaker 1: in London with my family for my birthday in over
[5:04] Speaker 1: eight years. And so what I'm planning to do is
[5:07] Speaker 1: do something that I used to do when I was
[5:10] Speaker 1: younger for my birthday, So go to my local park
[5:13] Speaker 1: or in my mom's garden, have some barbecue pizzas and
[5:18] Speaker 1: play some games like rounders and family competitive games.
[5:23] Speaker 2: And that's honestly all I really want to do.
[5:25] Speaker 1: Another thing I want to do, which I used to
[5:26] Speaker 1: do when I was younger, is strawberry picking on my birthday.
[5:29] Speaker 1: The best memory I have of my birthday is when
[5:32] Speaker 1: my dad would take time off work on my birthday
[5:35] Speaker 1: and we'd go strawberry picking. And that sounds so British,
[5:38] Speaker 1: doesn't it, But it's because strawberries are the best during
[5:40] Speaker 1: this time, so we'd go strawberry picking and then we'd
[5:43] Speaker 1: come back. My mum would make some frozen yogurt ice
[5:46] Speaker 1: cream from the strawberries, and we'd sit play games and
[5:48] Speaker 1: have fun in the garden. So that's what I'm planning
[5:50] Speaker 1: to do for my birthday this year. But anyway, going
[5:52] Speaker 1: back to the topic that this podcast is supposed to
[5:55] Speaker 1: be about, is about something that I've recently become extremely
[5:59] Speaker 1: aware of, and that is the colossal amount of times
[6:03] Speaker 1: I say like or when speaking, especially when I listen
[6:08] Speaker 1: back to my own podcasts or even when I'm in
[6:11] Speaker 1: conversation with others.
[6:12] Speaker 2: I can hear it.
[6:14] Speaker 1: It's like I'm observing myself in the back of my mind,
[6:16] Speaker 1: but I'm unable to stop myself from doing it. Sometimes,
[6:19] Speaker 1: even when I'm finishing sentences, I end it with so
[6:23] Speaker 1: yeah or uh, what was I going to say, even
[6:25] Speaker 1: though I wasn't going to say anything. So I started
[6:27] Speaker 1: thinking about that and I think a big part of
[6:30] Speaker 1: it comes from carrying the conversation to the next place.
[6:33] Speaker 2: It felt like something that I wasn't really.
[6:35] Speaker 1: In control of, but I think I was using it
[6:38] Speaker 1: as a way to continue the conversation onto the next place,
[6:41] Speaker 1: or to fill gaps, and it had become a habit.
[6:44] Speaker 1: But honestly, a habit isn't created. It doesn't just appear
[6:47] Speaker 1: or just happen. It's created over time and with a lot,
[6:51] Speaker 1: a lot, a lot of repetition. So me being me,
[6:54] Speaker 1: I started thinking about where on earth did I pick
[6:57] Speaker 1: up this language from and how am I only us
[7:00] Speaker 1: noticing it? And I did try blaming it on the
[7:02] Speaker 1: American culture. I have been in America for eight years now,
[7:06] Speaker 1: and so I'm sure I picked up a few things
[7:08] Speaker 1: from there. But you know what, there's only so far
[7:10] Speaker 1: you can get from blaming others. But also it showed
[7:13] Speaker 1: me how much you can collect things throughout your life
[7:16] Speaker 1: without even noticing it, and how careful and aware that
[7:20] Speaker 1: means we have to be in our surroundings. But anyway,
[7:23] Speaker 1: I brought this up to Jay recently and he gave
[7:25] Speaker 1: me some solid advice. As usual, he said he went
[7:29] Speaker 1: through a phase of working on that too, and he
[7:31] Speaker 1: found two really simple techniques that made all the difference,
[7:35] Speaker 1: and that was slowing down and pausing. It was literally
[7:39] Speaker 1: just those two things, slowing down in my speech, in
[7:43] Speaker 1: my sentences, thinking before I'm speaking, and then pausing and
[7:47] Speaker 1: allowing there to be pauses and silences between those sentences.
[7:52] Speaker 2: So when it comes to slowing down.
[7:54] Speaker 1: Really it's because when you end up speaking too quickly,
[7:57] Speaker 1: it can lead to all these filler words that you're using.
[8:00] Speaker 1: So when you slow down your pace and you allow
[8:02] Speaker 1: your brain to catch up with the words that you
[8:04] Speaker 1: are saying or are or like, are most of the
[8:08] Speaker 1: time users placeholders while we end up gathering our thoughts
[8:11] Speaker 1: or we're deciding.
[8:12] Speaker 2: On what to say next.
[8:13] Speaker 1: So if you substitute the arms for just pauses or
[8:17] Speaker 1: silent moments, it can literally solve ninety percent of your
[8:21] Speaker 1: army and eyeing, which.
[8:23] Speaker 2: Sounds so simple, right, But it's taken me.
[8:25] Speaker 1: Such a long time to even get into the habit
[8:28] Speaker 1: of doing that, to not fill those silences or fill
[8:30] Speaker 1: those gaps. So I've really been working on slowing down
[8:33] Speaker 1: my speech. I have had a fair bit of feedback,
[8:37] Speaker 1: especially on my podcast, when I'm speaking like I'm already
[8:39] Speaker 1: on two X, and it is a symptom of my
[8:42] Speaker 1: nerves and anxiety in those moments. And to be honest,
[8:45] Speaker 1: when we do that in person or when we're in conversation,
[8:48] Speaker 1: it could also be a reflection of our nerves because
[8:51] Speaker 1: our speech is usually the slowest, and we're the most
[8:54] Speaker 1: comfortable around the people that we are the most comfortable around.
[8:56] Speaker 1: So if you're in a social setting that you're already
[8:58] Speaker 1: feeling anxious or not, it's likely that just like our
[9:02] Speaker 1: breath changes when we're in situations where we feel uncomfortable,
[9:06] Speaker 1: our speech also changes. It's kind of the same thing.
[9:10] Speaker 1: And so one of the techniques that I've been using
[9:12] Speaker 1: is as soon as I hear myself doing it, I
[9:15] Speaker 1: start taking deeper breaths between sentences to regulate my nerves.
[9:19] Speaker 1: I've noticed myself doing that when I am in podcasts,
[9:23] Speaker 1: where suddenly I become really hyper aware of the fact
[9:26] Speaker 1: that I am speaking so fast, and I just take
[9:30] Speaker 1: a breath, and just by taking that simple breath, it
[9:33] Speaker 1: makes me so much more aware of the pace that
[9:35] Speaker 1: I'm going at and also forces me to slow down.
[9:39] Speaker 1: So taking deep breaths between sentences, even if you're not
[9:42] Speaker 1: used to taking gaps. A breath can help you to
[9:44] Speaker 1: fill that gap in a way that isn't umming, eyeing,
[9:46] Speaker 1: or liking. I've also only been doing this for over
[9:49] Speaker 1: a week now consciously, and just by doing those two things,
[9:53] Speaker 1: my whole speech has transformed, and it really feels like
[9:57] Speaker 1: as if it has given more power in myself. I
[10:00] Speaker 1: actually recently heard this podcast by on Jay's podcast. Actually
[10:05] Speaker 1: this lady Korsadia Khan, and not only is she obviously
[10:09] Speaker 1: so intellectual and is so good at taking psychology and
[10:14] Speaker 1: making it feel useful and applicable and understandable, but the
[10:18] Speaker 1: power really came from her ability to speak so clearly
[10:23] Speaker 1: and throughout the whole time I was listening, she did
[10:26] Speaker 1: not have one filler word in between her sentences, and
[10:30] Speaker 1: so I actually realized how much more confident you can
[10:33] Speaker 1: sound and how much clearer you can be just by
[10:36] Speaker 1: taking out those filler words. So actually not only makes
[10:38] Speaker 1: you feel more confident, but I think the person receiving
[10:41] Speaker 1: the information is able to hear you clearer, and you're
[10:45] Speaker 1: able to articulate yourself and put across your point so
[10:48] Speaker 1: much better. By creating this slower pace and removing all
[10:53] Speaker 1: of these filler words, it feels more intentional and easier
[10:56] Speaker 1: to understand. But anyway, I bought this up today not
[11:00] Speaker 1: give you a speech lesson, but it took me into
[11:04] Speaker 1: deeper thoughts of this idea, of the need we get
[11:07] Speaker 1: to fill silences and the discomfort silence can invoke inside
[11:11] Speaker 1: of us. We think it's a discomfort in the moment
[11:13] Speaker 1: with another person, but actually sometimes it might be showing
[11:17] Speaker 1: us a discomfort that we feel in ourselves. My sister
[11:20] Speaker 1: told me this story about being at this retreat and
[11:23] Speaker 1: one of the exercises was grabbing someone else in the
[11:27] Speaker 1: retreet and sitting opposite them to stare into each other's eyes,
[11:32] Speaker 1: just maintaining eye contact for sixty seconds.
[11:35] Speaker 2: That's one minute.
[11:36] Speaker 1: One minute can go so fast, but when it comes
[11:38] Speaker 1: to something like this, it sounds so simple, But I
[11:42] Speaker 1: have tried to do this before, and it can feel
[11:44] Speaker 1: so uncomfortable. Those sixty seconds feel like five minutes. And
[11:48] Speaker 1: she told me I actually made her well up into tears,
[11:51] Speaker 1: and the person opposite her said, what is it that
[11:54] Speaker 1: you don't want me to see?
[11:55] Speaker 2: What is it that you do not want me to see?
[11:57] Speaker 2: Why is it that you're feeling so uncomfortable?
[11:59] Speaker 1: In this innner, and so I started thinking about that
[12:02] Speaker 1: for me, what is it that I don't want people
[12:04] Speaker 1: to see through the silences?
[12:06] Speaker 2: Is it that I'm boring?
[12:08] Speaker 1: Is it so that they don't lose interest and move
[12:10] Speaker 1: on to the next conversation.
[12:12] Speaker 2: Is it so that they don't see me thinking?
[12:14] Speaker 1: Because thinking might look like I don't really know what
[12:16] Speaker 1: I'm talking about.
[12:18] Speaker 2: But that question is such a great question. What is
[12:20] Speaker 2: it that you do not.
[12:22] Speaker 1: Want people to see in the silences? And I think
[12:25] Speaker 1: it's applicable in many different ways. What is it that
[12:27] Speaker 1: I don't want this person to notice about me? Whether
[12:31] Speaker 1: it's in a dating situation, whether it is in an
[12:34] Speaker 1: intellectual situation, whether it's in a social setting.
[12:38] Speaker 2: What is it that I'm.
[12:38] Speaker 1: Trying to hide or avoid through this continuous conversation without
[12:43] Speaker 1: these gaps where they can actually see me or hear
[12:45] Speaker 1: me for who I am. And actually, this exercise that
[12:48] Speaker 1: they did at the retreat is such a good one
[12:50] Speaker 1: to do with someone that you think you're close to
[12:53] Speaker 1: a partner, or your mom or your sibling, to see
[12:56] Speaker 1: if you can actually sit with them in silence, not
[12:58] Speaker 1: distracted on your phone. We're really just looking into each
[13:02] Speaker 1: other's eyes. Actually, think about it now, When was the
[13:04] Speaker 1: last time you did that with someone that you think
[13:07] Speaker 1: you're close to, even your partner, When was the last
[13:09] Speaker 1: time you sat for sixty seconds and just looked into
[13:12] Speaker 1: each other's eyes just like this, like I am with
[13:14] Speaker 1: you right now. It can be really difficult, and I
[13:18] Speaker 1: think it can invoke a lot of emotions just by
[13:20] Speaker 1: that connection, because we don't get that kind of connection usually.
[13:24] Speaker 2: Our connection is so distracted.
[13:26] Speaker 1: It's filled with external stimulus, whether it's our phone, whether
[13:30] Speaker 1: it's the TV, whether it's listening to music in the
[13:33] Speaker 1: background while we're spending time with someone.
[13:36] Speaker 2: And so this one on one.
[13:38] Speaker 1: Connection of eye contact, I think it can make you
[13:42] Speaker 1: feel almost too seen. It can make you feel really
[13:45] Speaker 1: uncomfortable in that situation. And you know, this idea of
[13:49] Speaker 1: filling the gaps is kind of similar to that feeling
[13:51] Speaker 1: when you volunteered too much information about yourself in those
[13:54] Speaker 1: situations that you actually didn't want to share or had
[13:57] Speaker 1: no intention of sharing that information with people, but for
[14:00] Speaker 1: some reason, to fill the gaps, you end up sharing
[14:03] Speaker 1: a little bit too much and leaving that space like
[14:06] Speaker 1: why did I even say that?
[14:08] Speaker 2: Or why did I tell anybody that I didn't even
[14:10] Speaker 2: want to talk about that in that moment.
[14:13] Speaker 1: And so since I've started putting it into practice, i
[14:16] Speaker 1: will be in conversation and I'll catch myself about to
[14:18] Speaker 1: say and instead I just pause or completely slow down.
[14:24] Speaker 1: And at first it feels really awkward, like I'm glitching
[14:28] Speaker 1: in some way. But the more that I practice, the
[14:31] Speaker 1: more comfortable that I get with it. Just letting the
[14:34] Speaker 1: silence be there, letting myself think from sentence to sentence,
[14:39] Speaker 1: letting others wait for what I actually have to say,
[14:41] Speaker 1: letting there be space between my thoughts. And honestly, I
[14:44] Speaker 1: think it makes me a better listener too, because I'm
[14:47] Speaker 1: not just sitting here preparing what I want to say next.
[14:50] Speaker 1: I'm actually with the other person instead of performing for them.
[14:54] Speaker 1: There's a psychological term called self monitoring, and it's basically
[14:58] Speaker 1: when we constantly adjust our behavior to fit into the
[15:00] Speaker 1: situation that we're in. And so people who are used
[15:03] Speaker 1: to being self monitors are hyper aware of how they
[15:05] Speaker 1: are coming across to other people. So they scan for reactions,
[15:09] Speaker 1: they tweak their tone, they fill their gaps and make
[15:12] Speaker 1: sure there are no awkward moments. And it's not necessarily
[15:14] Speaker 1: a bad thing. It can actually make you a person
[15:17] Speaker 1: that's easier to talk to, or seem more dynamic or charismatic,
[15:21] Speaker 1: but it can also mean that you may end up
[15:23] Speaker 1: coming away from conversations feeling like it wasn't really you
[15:26] Speaker 1: talking in that space, because you're always performing, even in
[15:29] Speaker 1: those microways, and so in a weird way, these fill
[15:33] Speaker 1: of words are kind of just these mini performances in
[15:36] Speaker 1: between the sentences that we are trying to actually speak.
[15:38] Speaker 1: They're subtle ways of saying, don't worry, I'm actually still here,
[15:42] Speaker 1: I'm still engaging, or a way to say I haven't
[15:44] Speaker 1: lost your attention, have I Please do not disconnect. And
[15:47] Speaker 1: it reminds me of this quote by this stoic philosopher Epictocus,
[15:51] Speaker 1: and I never say his name right, but he says
[15:53] Speaker 1: something like, it's not events themselves that disturb us, but
[15:57] Speaker 1: our judgment about them. So we get uncomfortable in silence,
[16:00] Speaker 1: not because silence is inherently uncomfortable or awkward, but because
[16:05] Speaker 1: we have judged it as being awkward.
[16:07] Speaker 2: We tell ourselves they must be bored, or I'm not
[16:09] Speaker 2: doing enough, or I sound a little bit unsure.
[16:12] Speaker 1: But actually, if I think about the people that I'm
[16:15] Speaker 1: the most captivated by when they're speaking or in conversation
[16:18] Speaker 1: with it is actually people who do practice this. There's
[16:22] Speaker 1: a kind of quiet confidence in someone who pauses, in
[16:26] Speaker 1: someone who takes the time to think about their next sentence.
[16:29] Speaker 1: It says, I'm not rushing to prove myself. I'm not
[16:31] Speaker 1: afraid to take my time. It's powerful. The people who
[16:35] Speaker 1: don't rush to speak are often the ones that we
[16:37] Speaker 1: tune into and listen to the most, because when they
[16:40] Speaker 1: finally do say something, you know that it's going to
[16:42] Speaker 1: be real. And actually, when you speak to someone who
[16:45] Speaker 1: doesn't stop talking, you probably feel less connected because it
[16:48] Speaker 1: feels like there's no space for reciprocation, and connection requires reciprocation.
[16:53] Speaker 1: Even in a five minute conversation, you can either come
[16:56] Speaker 1: away from that thinking, God, I don't think I got
[16:59] Speaker 1: one word in or I don't really feel connected to
[17:01] Speaker 1: that person, But as soon as there's been an interaction
[17:03] Speaker 1: which requires reciprocation, you feel more connected in that moment.
[17:07] Speaker 1: I think there are so many different ways that we
[17:10] Speaker 1: hide behind our anxiety, that we try to cover up
[17:14] Speaker 1: how we're actually feeling in the moment, and obviously this
[17:17] Speaker 1: is something that can be habitual For me, it was
[17:20] Speaker 1: a mixture of feeling anxious in social settings where I
[17:24] Speaker 1: think I probably spoke too fast, or being nervous when
[17:28] Speaker 1: I go on to podcasts and I'm trying to make
[17:30] Speaker 1: sure I get all the things in at the right time,
[17:34] Speaker 1: and that I feel like I'm giving enough information to
[17:37] Speaker 1: people to make it worthwhile for them to listen to.
[17:40] Speaker 1: And so the faster I speak and the more things
[17:43] Speaker 1: I say, the more I felt like that was happening.
[17:46] Speaker 1: But really, this episode isn't really about the ums and likes,
[17:49] Speaker 1: even though it started out like that. It's really about
[17:52] Speaker 1: presence and a reminder that you should feel safe with
[17:55] Speaker 1: yourself even when there is nothing to say. It's about
[17:58] Speaker 1: learning that you don't need to feel the gaps to
[18:00] Speaker 1: be worthy of being part of a conversation, and to
[18:03] Speaker 1: ask yourself the question regularly when discomfort comes through in
[18:07] Speaker 1: these moments, what am I wanting them to not see
[18:10] Speaker 1: or experience about me through these silences? So I hope
[18:14] Speaker 1: this little nugget that I've been thinking about brought some
[18:18] Speaker 1: sort of thought or intentionality to your speech. In the
[18:23] Speaker 1: way that you carry yourself, in the way that you
[18:25] Speaker 1: communicate with other people.
[18:27] Speaker 2: It's definitely been.
[18:30] Speaker 1: It has definitely been difficult to work on, and I
[18:31] Speaker 1: obviously haven't perfected it yet it's been one week, but
[18:34] Speaker 1: I do think that it has created a lot more
[18:37] Speaker 1: connection in the moments when I have spoken to people
[18:40] Speaker 1: trying to disconnect from these filler words and trying to
[18:43] Speaker 1: be seen in the way that I actually am. And
[18:46] Speaker 1: so thank you so much for listening. I hope you
[18:48] Speaker 1: enjoy this podcast, and if you did, then please go
[18:50] Speaker 1: ahead and subscribe and share this beautiful podcast where we
[18:54] Speaker 1: are trying to help you go through all these little things,
[18:57] Speaker 1: from filler words to the harder things in life together
[19:01] Speaker 1: so you don't feel like you are doing it alone,
[19:03] Speaker 1: because Lord knows, life comes with its challenges, and it's
[19:05] Speaker 1: so much nicer when you can go through it with
[19:07] Speaker 1: other people.

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