# How to Find More Joy, Even When Life Is Hard

An episode of [A Really Good Cry](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1708895338), 13 Oct 2026, 22 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/df24579c-d34d-442a-8481-b06501282e4d/5d5885f2-8d34-4d52-a743-b4e20051a700/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=10ca5a50-409d-41dc-a52d-b06501421bfc

Do you feel like you’re always trying to survive life? Do the difficult moments seem to stay with you longer than the beautiful ones? What if having a good life isn’t about feeling happy all the time, but learning how to truly receive the good? In this episode of A Really Good Cry, Radhi explores what it really means to have a good life—not by denying pain, but by making sure pain isn’t the only thing we collect. She breaks down why our brains naturally hold onto negative experiences, how our attention shapes our inner world, and why joy often needs to be intentionally noticed and absorbed. From “whimsy maxxing” and reconnecting with your inner child to understanding what you’re truly giving your attention and devotion to, this episode invites you to look at what’s sitting at the center of your life. Radhi also shares simple practices for staying with joyful moments, cultivating gratitude, and creating more space for beauty, even when life feels difficult. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why we’re often better at surviving pain than receiving joy. • How negativity bias can make difficult moments feel more powerful than beautiful ones. • Why what you repeatedly give your attention to begins to shape your inner world. • How to notice and absorb joyful moments instead of letting them pass you by. • Why gratitude can transform how pain lives inside you. • How small daily practices can help you create a life with more joy, beauty, and contentment. Follow Radhi: https://www.instagram.com/radhidevlukia/ https://www.instagram.com/areallygoodcry/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxWe9A4kMf9V_AHOXkGhCzQ https://www.facebook.com/radhidevlukia1/ https://www.tiktok.com/@radhidevlukia See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Pain is an unavoidable part of being alive, right? We're
[0:02] Speaker 1: always going to go through some sort of suffering or pain.
[0:05] Speaker 1: That's inevitable. But poison is what pain can become when
[0:09] Speaker 1: it remains trapped inside of us as resentment or bitterness
[0:12] Speaker 1: or a permanent conclusion that we make about life based
[0:15] Speaker 1: on it. The alchemy of gratitude is the idea that
[0:17] Speaker 1: gratitude doesn't necessarily change what happened, but it can change
[0:22] Speaker 1: what the experience becomes inside of you and in your future.
[0:25] Speaker 1: Welcome to A Really Good Cry podcast. A Really Good
[0:28] Speaker 1: Cry is here to help you understand your body, feel
[0:31] Speaker 1: confident in your skin, manage your emotions and take back
[0:33] Speaker 1: control of your health. Because growth doesn't always start with answers,
[0:37] Speaker 1: sometimes it starts with A Really Good Cry. Hey everyone,
[0:41] Speaker 1: welcome back to this week's episode of A Really Good Cry.
[0:43] Speaker 1: I hope you've had such a wonderful week and you're
[0:46] Speaker 1: soaking in the sunshine or basking in the rain wherever
[0:48] Speaker 1: you are in the world and you're taking your supplements
[0:51] Speaker 1: and your creatine, which by the way... has been such
[0:53] Speaker 1: a game changer. I've been taking it for a good
[0:55] Speaker 1: few months now. I've been taking my Terra Origin Healthy
[0:58] Speaker 1: Creatine in my morning protein shake. And I cannot tell
[1:01] Speaker 1: you what difference it has made, not just to my
[1:03] Speaker 1: morning workouts, not just to my muscle gain, which by
[1:07] Speaker 1: the way, is higher than it's been in a really
[1:09] Speaker 1: long time, and my body composition. But also I've been
[1:12] Speaker 1: telling my parents to take it because it's meant to
[1:13] Speaker 1: be incredible for memory and focus and muscle repair too.
[1:17] Speaker 1: So make sure you get on that. I take it
[1:19] Speaker 1: every single morning before my workouts. while I read my
[1:22] Speaker 1: little essays on Substack. And actually that ends up being
[1:25] Speaker 1: a big inspiration into the thoughts that I have throughout
[1:27] Speaker 1: the day that then ends up becoming these beautiful episodes.
[1:30] Speaker 1: I came across this incredible quote and it got me
[1:33] Speaker 1: thinking about so much. It goes, you don't search for love,
[1:35] Speaker 1: you become love's resting place and everything shifts, not because
[1:39] Speaker 1: the world changed, but because your point of view did.
[1:43] Speaker 1: And God, it's so easy to just get lost in
[1:45] Speaker 1: trying to just survive life, to try and survive all
[1:47] Speaker 1: the bad things that get thrown your way. We're constantly
[1:50] Speaker 1: just focusing on how to get over the bad moments
[1:53] Speaker 1: or how to keep guard for the next potential risk
[1:55] Speaker 1: or issues that get thrown our way. But surely life
[1:59] Speaker 1: cannot just be about surviving because surviving and living require
[2:02] Speaker 1: two completely different mindsets, right? Like survival is about enduring
[2:07] Speaker 1: what is happening to you, fighting fires, but living is
[2:10] Speaker 1: Living is experiencing. It's truly being here in this moment,
[2:14] Speaker 1: in this life, and feeling it, breathing it, allowing yourself
[2:17] Speaker 1: to be fully part of it. The sad thing is
[2:20] Speaker 1: that it is just so much easier to live our
[2:22] Speaker 1: life during the survival route. It's kind of like our default.
[2:25] Speaker 1: So I realize in order for the sorrows of our
[2:28] Speaker 1: own life and also all the things that are happening
[2:30] Speaker 1: in the world, in order for them to not draw
[2:33] Speaker 1: out all the beauty and goodness that also exists, we
[2:36] Speaker 1: have to become intentional about collecting all those moments. creating
[2:40] Speaker 1: a basket that's big enough to collect all the flowers
[2:42] Speaker 1: that you see as you walk down the road of
[2:44] Speaker 1: your life. And while you're on that walk, not being
[2:47] Speaker 1: too distracted to notice each one of them. There's so
[2:49] Speaker 1: many distractions. There's so many negative things that happen in
[2:52] Speaker 1: the world and in our own lives that sometimes they
[2:55] Speaker 1: can end up taking over even all the good parts
[2:57] Speaker 1: of our life. And that's not how we want to live.
[2:59] Speaker 1: Like to be able to live life positively, we have
[3:02] Speaker 1: to be able to hold on to the great moments
[3:05] Speaker 1: and But if they keep getting drowned out by all
[3:07] Speaker 1: the sorrows in our life, then we are constantly living
[3:10] Speaker 1: from a place of emergency and a place of sadness
[3:12] Speaker 1: or from a place of discontentment. And so I think
[3:15] Speaker 1: we just spend so much of our time trying to
[3:18] Speaker 1: learn how to survive pain that we forget how to
[3:20] Speaker 1: fully receive joy. But a beautiful life is created by noticing,
[3:25] Speaker 1: by protecting and collecting the moments that remind us why
[3:29] Speaker 1: life is so worth moving through. The goal is not
[3:32] Speaker 1: at all to deny pain. It is to prevent pain
[3:35] Speaker 1: from becoming the only evidence that we collect. It's learning
[3:38] Speaker 1: how you can stay with joy long enough for it
[3:40] Speaker 1: to leave an impression on us. How to let love
[3:44] Speaker 1: and laughter and friendship and purpose and awe become more
[3:48] Speaker 1: than just brief moments that we rush past on our
[3:50] Speaker 1: way to solving the next problem. To be honest, we
[3:53] Speaker 1: all just need a little more whimsy in our life.
[3:56] Speaker 1: I heard this trending on TikTok and I love it.
[3:58] Speaker 1: It's called whimsy maxing and it's essentially just intentional optimism.
[4:03] Speaker 1: adding more playfulness, imagination, delight to your ordinary life. Dilly-dallying
[4:08] Speaker 1: or like noticing flowers, dressing up a little bit, being
[4:11] Speaker 1: a bit more playful, making all these little mundane routine
[4:14] Speaker 1: things feel really special. and allowing yourself to experience the
[4:18] Speaker 1: world with more of a childlike curiosity. The fact is,
[4:21] Speaker 1: it's not about trying to become a child again. We
[4:23] Speaker 1: have a little child in us all the time. It's
[4:25] Speaker 1: about reconnecting with it on a daily basis. Our inner
[4:28] Speaker 1: child is always waiting for us to recognize it and
[4:31] Speaker 1: come back to it. And so it's not an unnatural process, actually.
[4:35] Speaker 1: We all have that little child inside of us. It's
[4:37] Speaker 1: just learning how to reconnect with it. I don't know
[4:39] Speaker 1: whether you've noticed, but most of our language that we
[4:41] Speaker 1: have for our inner lives is language about endurance or
[4:45] Speaker 1: resilience or coping or healing. All of it is about
[4:48] Speaker 1: the return journey from pain and almost none of it
[4:52] Speaker 1: is about how to receive something good. Nobody sat us
[4:55] Speaker 1: down when we were kids and said, hey, here's how
[4:57] Speaker 1: you stay with joy long enough for it to leave
[4:59] Speaker 1: a mark on you. Here's how you let love and
[5:02] Speaker 1: laughter and friendship and all become something so much more
[5:06] Speaker 1: than brief little flickers you rush past on the way
[5:08] Speaker 1: to solving your next problem. So we end up building
[5:11] Speaker 1: this society of people who are enormously skilled at suffering
[5:15] Speaker 1: and almost illiterate in joy. And if the energy of
[5:18] Speaker 1: one person can affect the way a whole room feels,
[5:21] Speaker 1: imagine what happens when millions of people are carrying the
[5:25] Speaker 1: same fear or cynicism and expectation of disappointment. It actually
[5:29] Speaker 1: becomes more than an individual mindset. It becomes the emotional
[5:32] Speaker 1: atmosphere that we all live inside. And this is why
[5:35] Speaker 1: learning how to live with joy and receive it is
[5:37] Speaker 1: not a personal thing. Every person who chooses to notice,
[5:41] Speaker 1: to protect and contribute something good is also changing the
[5:45] Speaker 1: emotional atmosphere for everyone around them, which is actually such
[5:48] Speaker 1: a beautiful thought because it just means that by you
[5:51] Speaker 1: choosing to do this one thing, hold on to joy
[5:54] Speaker 1: or recognize the joyful moments in your life, it can
[5:56] Speaker 1: have a ripple effect on more people than you could
[5:59] Speaker 1: ever even imagine. It's so interesting, isn't it, that the
[6:02] Speaker 1: difficult moments often stay with us more easily than the
[6:05] Speaker 1: beautiful ones. which psychologically kind of makes sense for humans
[6:09] Speaker 1: because our brain is designed to pay attention to what
[6:11] Speaker 1: could threaten us. Remembering the place where you were hurt
[6:14] Speaker 1: was once more important for survival than remembering the place
[6:17] Speaker 1: that you felt peaceful. It is negativity bias in full flow.
[6:21] Speaker 1: Negative experiences can have a greater psychological impact than equally
[6:25] Speaker 1: positive ones. And maybe this is why we can receive
[6:28] Speaker 1: 10 beautiful messages and obsess over that one unkind comment.
[6:32] Speaker 1: Or why we can have an incredible day and lie
[6:34] Speaker 1: in bed replaying the one weird, awkward conversation that we had.
[6:37] Speaker 1: We can even have so many people that love us,
[6:40] Speaker 1: but we're fixated on that one person that we feel
[6:42] Speaker 1: misunderstood by. You may experience and your brain may register
[6:46] Speaker 1: a beautiful moment, but unless you pause, feel it and
[6:49] Speaker 1: give it your attention, you may not fully absorb it.
[6:52] Speaker 1: And I think the biggest mistake that we make is
[6:54] Speaker 1: that we think joy should be powerful enough to interrupt us,
[6:57] Speaker 1: to overpower the negative. But sometimes joy is much quieter
[7:01] Speaker 1: than fear and pain. Fear can often really demand our attention,
[7:05] Speaker 1: but joy is a little bit more demure. It waits
[7:07] Speaker 1: to be noticed. And there is such a big difference
[7:09] Speaker 1: between registering an experience and absorbing one. You register hundreds
[7:14] Speaker 1: of good moments in a day, right? Like they pass through.
[7:16] Speaker 1: Every single second we're experiencing a different moment, but they
[7:19] Speaker 1: can just pass straight through us. But when something just
[7:21] Speaker 1: passes through, it may not leave anything behind. But for
[7:24] Speaker 1: that moment to become... part of your structure, part of
[7:27] Speaker 1: your being, and part of the material your future self
[7:31] Speaker 1: is built on, it has to be held in attention
[7:34] Speaker 1: long enough to consolidate. Nothing that we repeatedly associate with
[7:38] Speaker 1: is actually neutral. We're not just collecting good memories. We
[7:41] Speaker 1: are consciously creating the inner impressions through which we experience
[7:44] Speaker 1: the future. And so I'm not saying that we should
[7:47] Speaker 1: pretend that the bad doesn't exist. Of course we shouldn't.
[7:49] Speaker 1: But without enough beauty or laughter or purpose or friendship
[7:53] Speaker 1: or gratitude, the difficult parts of life start becoming the
[7:57] Speaker 1: only lens that we see life through. And spiritually, I
[8:00] Speaker 1: actually think that this is why we're asked to protect
[8:02] Speaker 1: our consciousness. Your attention is like water, wherever you keep
[8:06] Speaker 1: watering grows. And if all you feed is resentment, fear,
[8:10] Speaker 1: and disappointment, they begin to take over your inner world.
[8:13] Speaker 1: But if you deliberately make room for awe, service, gratitude, prayer,
[8:18] Speaker 1: meaningful relationships, and moments that remind you that life is
[8:21] Speaker 1: still so beautiful, you can create something, that the difficult
[8:26] Speaker 1: moments cannot easily destroy. There are things in life that
[8:29] Speaker 1: naturally pull us into a lower state of consciousness. Things
[8:32] Speaker 1: like constant comparison, chasing status, obsessing over beauty, gossip, drama,
[8:39] Speaker 1: or being around other people who are really cynical. None
[8:41] Speaker 1: of these things are inherently evil. but they have a gravity,
[8:45] Speaker 1: they carry weight. And if you're not careful, they slowly
[8:48] Speaker 1: pull your mind downwards. The mistake that we make is
[8:51] Speaker 1: thinking that we can remain immersed in these energies or
[8:54] Speaker 1: environments without intentionally nourishing ourselves in the opposite direction. Your
[8:59] Speaker 1: consciousness becomes colored by what you spend your life contemplating.
[9:03] Speaker 1: So if your days are saturated in comparison, You don't
[9:07] Speaker 1: just need a small gratitude practice, you need a disproportionate one.
[9:11] Speaker 1: If your work revolves around beauty, you may need an
[9:14] Speaker 1: even deeper connection to the part of you that has
[9:17] Speaker 1: nothing to do with appearance. You may be someone who's
[9:19] Speaker 1: surrounded by ambition, then you would need practices that remind
[9:23] Speaker 1: you that your value is not something that you earn.
[9:26] Speaker 1: It's about tipping the equilibrium and understanding that every single
[9:30] Speaker 1: thing has an effect on you in some way. Whatever
[9:32] Speaker 1: your environment pulls you toward, you need a deliberate practice
[9:36] Speaker 1: pulling you the other way. Not just equal to it,
[9:38] Speaker 1: but tipping it in the other direction. The question is
[9:41] Speaker 1: whether you're feeding your soul enough that the things pulling
[9:44] Speaker 1: you down do not become the loudest voice in your life.
[9:47] Speaker 1: And I think we often overestimate our immunity to these things.
[9:50] Speaker 1: I know I definitely do. It's like you can end
[9:52] Speaker 1: up thinking, oh, I meditate and I clear my energy
[9:55] Speaker 1: and I am generally a positive person. And so we
[9:59] Speaker 1: can honestly believe that we are immune to all of
[10:02] Speaker 1: this negativity that happens around us. And I think that
[10:05] Speaker 1: is a really naive way to think, because how could
[10:08] Speaker 1: we constantly consume cynical content without becoming more cynical? or
[10:12] Speaker 1: participate in gossip without becoming more suspicious, or being on
[10:16] Speaker 1: Instagram and obsessing over other people's appearances without changing how
[10:20] Speaker 1: we end up seeing ourselves. It's actually impossible because our
[10:23] Speaker 1: consciousness is absorbent. It's how it's created to absorb everything
[10:26] Speaker 1: that our senses takes in. Even when you think you're
[10:29] Speaker 1: only observing something, actually, you're probably absorbing it. In ancient
[10:33] Speaker 1: yogic texts, it talks about this word chitta, which can
[10:36] Speaker 1: be understood as the field of mind in which your
[10:39] Speaker 1: thoughts and memories and impressions live. So imagine your consciousness
[10:43] Speaker 1: as a beautiful lake. Every single experience is like a
[10:46] Speaker 1: little drop of dye in it. One drop may seem
[10:48] Speaker 1: really insignificant, but repeated often enough, it begins to color
[10:52] Speaker 1: the whole body of water. So I'm sure you can
[10:54] Speaker 1: imagine what those drops of dye could be. Everything from gossip,
[10:58] Speaker 1: to comparison, to prayer, to gratitude. And I know we
[11:01] Speaker 1: hear gratitude all the time. It's such an overused word.
[11:04] Speaker 1: But it's actually so true, everything they say about it.
[11:07] Speaker 1: Gratitude separates pain from poison. Pain is an unavoidable part
[11:11] Speaker 1: of being alive, right? We're always going to go through
[11:13] Speaker 1: some sort of suffering or pain. That's inevitable. But poison
[11:17] Speaker 1: is what pain can become when it remains trapped inside
[11:20] Speaker 1: of us as resentment or bitterness or a permanent conclusion
[11:23] Speaker 1: that we make about life based on it. The alchemy
[11:26] Speaker 1: of gratitude is the idea that gratitude doesn't necessarily change
[11:29] Speaker 1: what happened, but it can change what the experience becomes
[11:33] Speaker 1: inside of you and in your future. What you repeatedly worship,
[11:37] Speaker 1: consciously or unconsciously, begins to organize your life. And I
[11:41] Speaker 1: remember hearing this quote a long time ago and it
[11:44] Speaker 1: has stuck in my head since it says there is
[11:47] Speaker 1: no such thing as not worshiping. Everybody worships. The only
[11:51] Speaker 1: choice we get is what we worship. And every time
[11:54] Speaker 1: it pops up in my mind, I visualize it as
[11:57] Speaker 1: every single person having this inner altar in their heart.
[12:01] Speaker 1: And something is always sitting at the center of this altar.
[12:04] Speaker 1: For some people, it's God. For some, it could be
[12:07] Speaker 1: fame or love of someone else or fear or Whatever
[12:11] Speaker 1: sits on that altar is what is receiving your attention,
[12:13] Speaker 1: your sacrifice, and your devotion. And whatever that is that's
[12:17] Speaker 1: in the center of your altar, you start to organize
[12:20] Speaker 1: your whole entire life around it. I often think of
[12:22] Speaker 1: that altar inside of myself and I ask, what are
[12:24] Speaker 1: the daily choices that I'm making? And it will reveal
[12:27] Speaker 1: to me what it is that I'm worshiping. What do
[12:30] Speaker 1: you think about first in the morning? What are you
[12:32] Speaker 1: afraid to lose? What determines whether you believe that you
[12:36] Speaker 1: have had a successful day? There are so many questions
[12:38] Speaker 1: we can ask ourselves to really start to understand what
[12:40] Speaker 1: is it that I'm worshipping in my heart and in
[12:42] Speaker 1: my altar. And the good thing is that that can
[12:45] Speaker 1: change depending on how we choose to live our day,
[12:48] Speaker 1: depending on what environments we put ourselves into. There are
[12:50] Speaker 1: so many choices, micro choices that we can make in
[12:53] Speaker 1: a day that can completely shift what we are worshipping
[12:55] Speaker 1: inside of our heart. And at the same time, we
[12:57] Speaker 1: can make a choice that this is what I want
[12:59] Speaker 1: to worship in my day. This is how I want
[13:01] Speaker 1: to live my life. And therefore, start creating the environments
[13:05] Speaker 1: and creating the situations that allow for that to actually
[13:08] Speaker 1: come to fruition. So you might say, oh, God is
[13:11] Speaker 1: at the center of my life, but your attention may
[13:13] Speaker 1: reveal that fear is. I may say that God is
[13:15] Speaker 1: at the center of my life while I spend most
[13:17] Speaker 1: of my mental energy anticipating how other people perceive me.
[13:20] Speaker 1: So at that point, God may be a part of
[13:22] Speaker 1: my belief system, but approval is occupying my altar. We
[13:26] Speaker 1: end up identifying our values by what we say matters
[13:29] Speaker 1: to us, Actually, your inner altar is revealed, more honestly,
[13:33] Speaker 1: by what receives your deepest attention. We don't only worship
[13:37] Speaker 1: through prayer. The thing is, we think worship comes through
[13:39] Speaker 1: things like prayer. But actually, we worship through preoccupation and
[13:43] Speaker 1: our attention. And through that, we decide how we perceive
[13:46] Speaker 1: the joys in life and the pains in life and
[13:49] Speaker 1: how deeply each consume us. I recently recorded a podcast
[13:52] Speaker 1: with someone called Jessica Winterstein. And in the podcast, she
[13:55] Speaker 1: used this term, devotion to the moment. And I realized
[13:57] Speaker 1: that finding and living in joy requires not just attention,
[14:01] Speaker 1: but devotion to that moment. When you think of the
[14:03] Speaker 1: word devotion, you think of it as something obviously spiritual,
[14:07] Speaker 1: chanting or praying or bowing or making offerings. But devotion
[14:10] Speaker 1: is also sustained attention. It's intense observation. It's awe and
[14:15] Speaker 1: curiosity in the moment. And so whatever you continually return
[14:19] Speaker 1: to becomes charged with significance. The mind starts treating it
[14:22] Speaker 1: as sacred, not because you decided it was, but because
[14:25] Speaker 1: you keep going back to it. And when you return
[14:27] Speaker 1: to something often enough, your mind starts to conclude that
[14:30] Speaker 1: this must be holy. Look how much we visit it,
[14:33] Speaker 1: which means it is entirely possible to worship something that
[14:37] Speaker 1: is actively destroying you. which is absolutely crazy, right? Purely
[14:41] Speaker 1: by refusing to stop thinking about it. And when I
[14:44] Speaker 1: think about how much our mind must process in a
[14:47] Speaker 1: day or even an hour and what it has to
[14:50] Speaker 1: filter through, it sounds exhausting. And it is exhausting, especially
[14:54] Speaker 1: if there are hundreds of fillers and empty unnecessary thoughts
[14:56] Speaker 1: and experiences that it has to process on top of
[14:59] Speaker 1: the important ones. Kierkegaard, the Danish philosopher, explored what it
[15:03] Speaker 1: means to live truthfully as an individual rather than simply
[15:06] Speaker 1: following what society tells us to. And he wrote this
[15:09] Speaker 1: book called Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing,
[15:12] Speaker 1: in which he argued that a pure heart, and in
[15:16] Speaker 1: my mind that translates to a peaceful and perhaps even
[15:19] Speaker 1: a happy heart, wasn't a perfect heart, it was an
[15:23] Speaker 1: undivided one. A heart whose beliefs, desires and actions were
[15:27] Speaker 1: all moving in the same direction. He essentially saw unhappiness
[15:31] Speaker 1: as a structural problem, which I kind of like hearing
[15:33] Speaker 1: because it's something that you can fix sometimes. When we
[15:36] Speaker 1: say that one thing matters most to us, but we
[15:38] Speaker 1: organize our lives around something else, we become divided within ourselves.
[15:42] Speaker 1: And the gap between what we say we worship and
[15:45] Speaker 1: what we actually worship, I think that might be the
[15:48] Speaker 1: source of so much of the low-grade exhaustion that we
[15:51] Speaker 1: carry and we can't explain. It isn't necessarily hypocrisy. I
[15:54] Speaker 1: don't think it is that. I think we often just
[15:57] Speaker 1: don't realize that it's happening. It's a structural misalignment running
[16:01] Speaker 1: continuously in the background of all of our processing. part
[16:04] Speaker 1: of us is desperately reaching towards what we know matters,
[16:07] Speaker 1: while another part of us is still trying to arrange
[16:09] Speaker 1: our life around what the world has taught us to worship,
[16:12] Speaker 1: or old patterns have told us to worship. You know,
[16:14] Speaker 1: sometimes I think, well, life is so complicated and everything
[16:18] Speaker 1: feels so existential. And then other times I sit there
[16:21] Speaker 1: and I think, God, nothing is really that deep. Just
[16:24] Speaker 1: chill out, have an ice cream, put your feet up,
[16:26] Speaker 1: Is it really that deep? But the fact is that
[16:29] Speaker 1: when you do end up chilling, all of these thoughts
[16:31] Speaker 1: do end up coming into your mind. And I think
[16:33] Speaker 1: I came to the conclusion that life is about asking
[16:36] Speaker 1: all these questions. It's about exploring these thoughts. It's about seeing,
[16:40] Speaker 1: is my heart actually happy? How am I feeling in
[16:42] Speaker 1: my day? What is happening throughout my day that's making
[16:45] Speaker 1: me happy or not making me happy? Asking and digging
[16:48] Speaker 1: into these thoughts, I think, is the purpose and the
[16:50] Speaker 1: point of life. So yes, enjoyment, of course, is. But
[16:53] Speaker 1: it is really difficult to enjoy something if your mind
[16:56] Speaker 1: is consumed with suffering. And so one simple practice that
[17:01] Speaker 1: has been really helping me tip the scale to feel
[17:03] Speaker 1: joy deeply and emphatically is next time something good happens,
[17:08] Speaker 1: anything at all, the first mouthful of coffee or sun
[17:12] Speaker 1: on your face or someone laughing at something that you said,
[17:15] Speaker 1: don't move straight on to the next thing. Stay in
[17:18] Speaker 1: it for 20 to 30 seconds. Acknowledge it. Be in it.
[17:23] Speaker 1: process it in your mind. Be like, wow, that was
[17:25] Speaker 1: a really nice moment, wasn't it? Say something out loud.
[17:27] Speaker 1: I do that a lot. Now, whenever I feel something
[17:30] Speaker 1: great or I see the moon or I usually connect
[17:32] Speaker 1: a lot in nature and nature makes me really happy.
[17:35] Speaker 1: So I'll say, wow, isn't the moon so beautiful? And
[17:38] Speaker 1: it helps register it in my mind. Like, wow, this
[17:40] Speaker 1: is a gorgeous moment. Or, oh my goodness, the way
[17:43] Speaker 1: that the sun's coming through in this room. Look at
[17:45] Speaker 1: the way that it's reflecting on the walls. Isn't that
[17:48] Speaker 1: so gorgeous? And so starting to really create the language
[17:52] Speaker 1: and the vocabulary for all the joy that you are
[17:54] Speaker 1: feeling is also really important. Because it's so easy to
[17:57] Speaker 1: be like, oh, I feel so tired. Oh, I'm so sad. Oh,
[18:00] Speaker 1: life is so difficult. That language we're used to. But
[18:03] Speaker 1: what about the language for joy? Have you started creating
[18:05] Speaker 1: that in your mind? Do you know how to express
[18:07] Speaker 1: how deeply you feel joy in your life? Do you
[18:10] Speaker 1: feel comfortable sharing joy? Do you feel comfortable saying all
[18:12] Speaker 1: the moments that you actually feel really happy? And if
[18:15] Speaker 1: you haven't created the language for it, Start to think
[18:17] Speaker 1: about it. Start to see what is it that I
[18:20] Speaker 1: want to express and how will I express it? And
[18:22] Speaker 1: so you name it in your head. This is a
[18:23] Speaker 1: good feeling. I enjoy doing this. This is so beautiful.
[18:27] Speaker 1: Because explicit labeling ends up creating more attention towards that experience.
[18:32] Speaker 1: Then you let it into your body. Where do you
[18:33] Speaker 1: feel it? In your chest? In your throat? Do you
[18:36] Speaker 1: feel your shoulders dropping? Does it feel warm in your
[18:38] Speaker 1: heart because you're with somebody that you love? Is your
[18:41] Speaker 1: belly hurting because you're laughing so much? And then let
[18:44] Speaker 1: it sink in. Hold the intention. that this is going in.
[18:47] Speaker 1: I think duration is the active ingredient. You are converting
[18:51] Speaker 1: something that used to be just a transient moment into
[18:54] Speaker 1: something tangible and concrete. And the hope is that eventually
[18:58] Speaker 1: it becomes something that you just do, not something that
[19:00] Speaker 1: you have to think about or consciously act on. And honestly,
[19:03] Speaker 1: that's it. The best place to start is literally doing
[19:07] Speaker 1: this one practice. Of course, there's also so many other
[19:09] Speaker 1: practices like saying 10 things you're grateful for in the morning.
[19:13] Speaker 1: Actually do that. Everyone's like, oh yeah, that sounds so lame.
[19:15] Speaker 1: And It's just such a like woo-woo practice. No, it's not.
[19:18] Speaker 1: It's actually such a beautiful practice because you get to
[19:21] Speaker 1: acknowledge and pay attention to and recognize all the joyful
[19:26] Speaker 1: things that have happened in your life before you start
[19:28] Speaker 1: noticing the negative ones or doing that at the end
[19:30] Speaker 1: of the day before your mind's thinking, oh, I'm so tired.
[19:33] Speaker 1: This went wrong. That went wrong. I've got to do
[19:35] Speaker 1: this tomorrow. Say, oh, I'm so grateful to be in
[19:37] Speaker 1: this bed. I'm so grateful that I actually get to
[19:40] Speaker 1: sleep tonight. I had such a wonderful day today. This
[19:42] Speaker 1: person was so nice to me. This experience was wonderful.
[19:46] Speaker 1: That meal I had, that was delicious. So many little
[19:49] Speaker 1: things that we forget to bask in so allow your
[19:51] Speaker 1: mind to bask in the wonderful things that happen in
[19:54] Speaker 1: your day I'm going to leave you with this one
[19:55] Speaker 1: thought now I've been listening to Emma Greed's book start
[19:57] Speaker 1: with yourself incredible book by the way absolutely recommend it
[20:00] Speaker 1: and she said she believes that life goes in thirds
[20:04] Speaker 1: one third of your whole life will feel absolutely spectacular
[20:07] Speaker 1: and amazing One third of your life might not feel
[20:09] Speaker 1: so great. And the other third will feel like absolute shy.
[20:11] Speaker 1: Like it will feel absolutely horrible. And the awareness of that,
[20:16] Speaker 1: knowing that you do not have to wake up every
[20:17] Speaker 1: single day feeling on top of the world and in
[20:19] Speaker 1: an extreme state of happiness. And that happiness is not
[20:23] Speaker 1: a constant state. It's just like sadness. It's just like anger.
[20:25] Speaker 1: It's like any other emotion. And so knowing that your
[20:29] Speaker 1: life is going to ebb and flow is also a
[20:31] Speaker 1: really important part because otherwise when you wake up sad
[20:33] Speaker 1: or angry or or whatever, you end up feeling disappointed
[20:37] Speaker 1: that you're not feeling happy. But maybe that's the state
[20:39] Speaker 1: that you're supposed to be in in that moment. Maybe
[20:41] Speaker 1: happy isn't what you're supposed to be feeling in that moment.
[20:43] Speaker 1: But gratitude can be. You can still have gratitude in
[20:47] Speaker 1: an unhappy state. You can still have gratitude in an
[20:49] Speaker 1: angry state. And so rather than reaching and striving for
[20:52] Speaker 1: happy all the time, which is actually more of a
[20:54] Speaker 1: transient emotion, try to focus more on gratitude and see
[20:58] Speaker 1: how that shifts you rather than trying to be in
[21:01] Speaker 1: a constant state of, smiling and joy I think it's
[21:04] Speaker 1: also changing what happy looks like happiness is different to
[21:07] Speaker 1: contentment you can be content and still feel other emotions
[21:10] Speaker 1: too anyway I hope this episode was useful and I
[21:13] Speaker 1: hope that it helps you to really think of all
[21:15] Speaker 1: the wonderful moments in your life because there are so
[21:17] Speaker 1: many I guarantee you the more you start looking for
[21:20] Speaker 1: it the more you'll find it it's literally like the
[21:22] Speaker 1: red car theory when you leave your house looking for
[21:24] Speaker 1: a red car you will see them everywhere So leave
[21:27] Speaker 1: your house wanting to find moments of joy and I
[21:28] Speaker 1: guarantee you, you will find them everywhere. I promise you that.
[21:32] Speaker 1: And if you don't, then DM me and let me
[21:34] Speaker 1: know and I will give you a reason to be
[21:37] Speaker 1: joyful in your day. Thank you so much for watching
[21:39] Speaker 1: and sending you all so much love and I hope
[21:41] Speaker 1: you have such a wonderful week.

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