# Six Without the Nine w/ Michelle Buteau

An episode of [Bombing with Eric Andre](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1700594299), 9 Aug 2023, 34 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/7443be8e-6758-4131-bd17-b04a00ee1705/0734f08a-fa03-4067-9cd6-b0530138e6fe/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=3dc328b2-90a9-4cb4-8c17-b04a00ee9da0

Eric and Michelle talk about their early stand-up days, not knowing how to handle piss, an audience turning on you in Jamaica, and day drinking with Dutch friends. Hold on to your tooth! Rate and Review Bombing with Eric Andre here! Do you like listening to Bombing and want extended conversations with more bombing stories every week? Then subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/eric-andre See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Hey, what's up, y'all? This is Eric Andre, and welcome
[0:02] Speaker 1: to my new podcast Bombing, where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians,
[0:06] Speaker 1: and other creative people about their worst moments on stage
[0:09] Speaker 1: and being annihilated by a live audience. Today, I have
[0:12] Speaker 1: my good friend, the incredibly talented Michelle Buteu. You may
[0:17] Speaker 1: know her stand up and you've seen her all over
[0:19] Speaker 1: TV and movies. We go way back years and years
[0:23] Speaker 1: and we talk about our stand up touring days together
[0:25] Speaker 1: and get into crazy stories she's encountered overseas and in
[0:28] Speaker 1: the great planes of the US of A. If you
[0:30] Speaker 1: like this episode, come back every week for more rated
[0:33] Speaker 1: five stars, and if you're on Apple Podcast, you can
[0:36] Speaker 1: subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond to get an extended
[0:39] Speaker 1: interview with Michelle, plus ad free episodes every week. Let's
[0:42] Speaker 1: get into it.
[0:43] Speaker 2: Excuse me, that's you?
[0:44] Speaker 3: Sorry, Bombing Boming with Eric Andre.
[0:55] Speaker 1: We are here with the wickedly talented one and only
[1:02] Speaker 1: into my young dare I say, oh my god, the
[1:06] Speaker 1: tomato to my tomato, probably my oldest friend in comedy,
[1:12] Speaker 1: my sister from another mister hell, Michelle Buteau.
[1:17] Speaker 2: I thought you're gonna say, oh my god, we've known
[1:24] Speaker 2: each other.
[1:25] Speaker 1: A long time, twenty years more, I think twenty years. Well,
[1:28] Speaker 1: this podcast is about bombing, So I'm gonna ask you.
[1:31] Speaker 1: I'll just give you a little set up. Okay, I'm
[1:32] Speaker 1: going to ask you, like, what's the worst bomb that
[1:34] Speaker 1: you ever experienced, what's the worst bomb that you've ever
[1:36] Speaker 1: seen that you were just like there to witness, And
[1:39] Speaker 1: like what's the most wasted you've ever been on stage?
[1:41] Speaker 1: Those are kind of like the three questions. Oh my god,
[1:43] Speaker 1: before we get into that decade, week into any decade,
[1:46] Speaker 1: let's start with like our in time, we're playing at college,
[1:55] Speaker 1: played this college, and they put you. They don't put
[1:57] Speaker 1: you in the auditorium when you're like unknown, and they
[2:00] Speaker 1: put you in the cafeteria in the middle of the
[2:02] Speaker 1: cafeteria where the kids are ordering chicken wings and hit
[2:06] Speaker 1: and Michelle and I had to do this show, so
[2:08] Speaker 1: it was a scarcely packed show in a campus cafeteria.
[2:13] Speaker 1: People are literally ordering chicken nuggets next to us as
[2:16] Speaker 1: we're trying to tell jokes. There's no context for us.
[2:18] Speaker 1: Me and Michelle haven't been on television at this point.
[2:20] Speaker 1: We're like, what early mid twenties something like that. And
[2:26] Speaker 1: it's scarcely packed. I'm doing horrible. I mean, like the
[2:30] Speaker 1: odds are stacked against me, but I'm not doing well,
[2:33] Speaker 1: and these girls are making fun of me in the
[2:36] Speaker 1: in the audience. And I end my set by looking
[2:39] Speaker 1: at like the nine people peppered throughout this cafeteria that
[2:42] Speaker 1: we're not paying attention. I went, you guys are the
[2:45] Speaker 1: worst fucking audience I have ever performed in my entire life.
[2:52] Speaker 1: And I threrew the mic down. I was an angry Yeah,
[2:55] Speaker 1: it was before I went to therapy. I just was
[2:57] Speaker 1: so frustrated, threw the microphone down. Then I completely forgot
[3:01] Speaker 1: I had to bring Michelle up next.
[3:03] Speaker 2: And.
[3:05] Speaker 1: I picked the microphone back up off the ground and
[3:07] Speaker 1: I was like, you've seen her on v H one
[3:09] Speaker 1: and he said, please get up for Michelle. Oh my god,
[3:13] Speaker 1: I remember you coming on stage and looking at me
[3:15] Speaker 1: like this and You're like, do you need a hug?
[3:17] Speaker 1: And I was like, no, back off me, and I
[3:19] Speaker 1: went backstage so wide. I kicked the garbage over the
[3:24] Speaker 1: coffee flu.
[3:25] Speaker 2: Everything so wild, so like, not only is it like
[3:28] Speaker 2: you bombing, then like I have to live in that bomber. Yeah,
[3:33] Speaker 2: I'm I'm like the Ukraine in this situation where I'm
[3:36] Speaker 2: just like, why am I getting bombed? Like it was
[3:39] Speaker 2: too soon. I'm so sorry, thoughts and prayers, but I
[3:41] Speaker 2: was like, this is wild. You are not Chris Rock.
[3:45] Speaker 2: We are in somewhere in Pennsylvania. Was it Pittsburgh?
[3:48] Speaker 1: It was always like Possom fuck Arkansas, or like.
[3:51] Speaker 2: It was seven places. But I should should.
[3:54] Speaker 1: Seven flights to get there, Yes, I.
[3:56] Speaker 2: Should also, and then like we had to like dry.
[4:00] Speaker 1: I think they lost my luggage on the way there,
[4:01] Speaker 1: and I started crying during that. Yeah, they lost my
[4:03] Speaker 1: little carry on its Michelle. They lost my carry one.
[4:12] Speaker 2: I know I have seen you cry.
[4:14] Speaker 1: And you owed me like thirty bucks or something. I
[4:17] Speaker 1: was like, I need that thirty dollars year.
[4:19] Speaker 3: My god.
[4:19] Speaker 2: You hit me up in the middle of a breakfast
[4:21] Speaker 2: sandwich at the airport, at a dusty airport like in Arizona,
[4:25] Speaker 2: and you're like, I don't mean to bring this up,
[4:27] Speaker 2: but they haven't paid me back. I'm like, I haven't
[4:29] Speaker 2: gotten paid back. I'm like, so I'll write you a check.
[4:31] Speaker 2: I didn't realize how broke you were. I'm so sorry.
[4:35] Speaker 2: I'm so sorry that.
[4:36] Speaker 1: Thirty bucks would have been like breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
[4:38] Speaker 2: Oh my god, Okay, I have the thirty bucks. I
[4:40] Speaker 2: will pay you back.
[4:41] Speaker 3: Thank you.
[4:42] Speaker 2: I think it's also important to tell the people we
[4:44] Speaker 2: met in New York we did stand up and then
[4:46] Speaker 2: we did a diversity showcase for NBC. Right, showcases are
[4:52] Speaker 2: just a show where like a bunch of agents and
[4:54] Speaker 2: managers go and then you just sort of tap dance
[4:56] Speaker 2: and be like, look, we have a black one, we
[4:58] Speaker 2: have a light skinned one, we have age one, we
[4:59] Speaker 2: have a gay one. And like, because there was like
[5:01] Speaker 2: no diversity in Hollywood, Like even the needle has moved
[5:06] Speaker 2: like tremendously just in the last five years. So like,
[5:11] Speaker 2: you know, when we started twenty years ago, there was
[5:12] Speaker 2: no non binary royalty. There was none of this was
[5:16] Speaker 2: in the vocabulary. There was no conversation. It was literally
[5:19] Speaker 2: like I checked two boxes because I am black and female.
[5:23] Speaker 2: And so when we were friends and we did the
[5:27] Speaker 2: showcase and people were like, they're cute, we don't want
[5:30] Speaker 2: to pay full price for one. Let's just put them
[5:34] Speaker 2: in a little package deal together. So we were a
[5:38] Speaker 2: package deal and everyone thought we were brother and sister.
[5:40] Speaker 2: But there was no guitar, there was no singing. We
[5:43] Speaker 2: never said we were brother and sister. We just all
[5:45] Speaker 2: happened to be half Haitian. And they're like they're related.
[5:48] Speaker 2: They're light skinned enough to like send to the Midwest
[5:52] Speaker 2: and the South. I mean, I remember we went to
[5:56] Speaker 2: some place in Louisiana. It wasn't New Orleans, it was
[6:01] Speaker 2: another place street Port, I think. And you have this
[6:05] Speaker 2: really epic hurricane joke. This was after Hurricane Katrina.
[6:09] Speaker 1: And they just got rocked by the hurricane.
[6:11] Speaker 2: Yeah, and you did the joke and you're like, what
[6:13] Speaker 2: the fuck people, that's a great job, and they like
[6:18] Speaker 2: it took like I had to go on stage and
[6:20] Speaker 2: do the thing and then we had a conversation. But
[6:23] Speaker 2: it's like those learning lessons, that's an education you could
[6:27] Speaker 2: never get at a fucking school.
[6:28] Speaker 1: I will say, there's a coda to the end of
[6:30] Speaker 1: that story where I kicked the garbage can over in
[6:32] Speaker 1: that cafeteria. Those girls that were making fun of me
[6:35] Speaker 1: the most flirted with me after the yeah fucking thing.
[6:39] Speaker 1: I was like, you're learning with me, you were you
[6:40] Speaker 1: were talking about me the whole time.
[6:41] Speaker 2: They're where it's like they were pulling your hair on
[6:46] Speaker 2: at the playground.
[6:46] Speaker 1: Playground flirting. Yeah, termembers later that woman is still my wife,
[6:51] Speaker 1: the love of my life.
[6:52] Speaker 2: And I remember that night too because we had headshots
[6:54] Speaker 2: that we were signing, because I was like, someone went
[6:56] Speaker 2: to Kinko's with a budget and you drew a mustache
[6:59] Speaker 2: on my face and I was you didn't like that?
[7:01] Speaker 2: I was so offended.
[7:02] Speaker 1: Yeah, you didn't like that.
[7:03] Speaker 2: I hated that.
[7:04] Speaker 1: You really, of all the things that you would.
[7:07] Speaker 4: Be offended by, the one that broke the camel tooeg
[7:14] Speaker 4: we say foul shipped to each other all day and
[7:16] Speaker 4: that was like cartoon moustas.
[7:19] Speaker 1: It's like a fifth grader from the eighties.
[7:21] Speaker 2: With like, dude, well like I think I had like
[7:24] Speaker 2: like I reached my max with like being with you
[7:26] Speaker 2: on that trip because I was you were It was
[7:31] Speaker 2: a testing time.
[7:32] Speaker 1: That was a pre therapy therapy. I was pre therapized. Yeah,
[7:38] Speaker 1: those were hard. No, you take like air tran middle
[7:41] Speaker 1: seat three flights to fucking Coyote Bladder, Mississippi. Yes, the
[7:48] Speaker 1: shows were always miserable. The pay was miserable.
[7:51] Speaker 2: You're like, why am I doing to survive?
[7:53] Speaker 1: You're like, so, why am I doing this?
[7:55] Speaker 2: Is not going to work? To travel? We couldn't even
[7:58] Speaker 2: afford to go to I think Idaho. We had borrow
[8:00] Speaker 2: money from our college agent to go because we couldn't
[8:02] Speaker 2: afford to go.
[8:03] Speaker 1: Yeah. So, and like when you're starting out, nothing's guaranteed.
[8:06] Speaker 1: You don't know if you're gonna have a career at all,
[8:08] Speaker 1: you think, you know, So it's a it's a it's
[8:10] Speaker 1: a grind. The first like decade of comedy.
[8:13] Speaker 2: Yeah yeah. When people ask me how do I make money?
[8:17] Speaker 2: How do I do this? How do I get on that,
[8:18] Speaker 2: I'm like, just keep your head down and stay funny,
[8:22] Speaker 2: be funny.
[8:23] Speaker 1: You know.
[8:24] Speaker 2: I feel like there is a generation of comedians where
[8:26] Speaker 2: it's cool not to be funny, like not to have jokes.
[8:31] Speaker 2: And I'm like, that's kind of your job, Boo boo.
[8:34] Speaker 2: Take some really difficult ship and make it funny, you know,
[8:38] Speaker 2: to make me think about it. It's a lot of medicine.
[8:41] Speaker 2: I need some motherfucking sugar.
[8:42] Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. I feel you. So
[8:45] Speaker 1: there's another time me and Michelle we were like super
[8:49] Speaker 1: late to this gig in Virginia.
[8:50] Speaker 2: Oh my good god, this is disgusting. I need to
[8:57] Speaker 2: shower right away. Do you have a wet white producer. God,
[9:02] Speaker 2: So we're late to the show. Relate to the show
[9:05] Speaker 2: because you had an audition for Joe Cooy sketch Showy
[9:09] Speaker 2: Central's because you are. You're already like starting to do
[9:14] Speaker 2: things like you.
[9:18] Speaker 1: I bought that audition because I kept being like I'm
[9:21] Speaker 1: so high right now as a joke, and I think
[9:23] Speaker 1: they thought I was actually high. So we're in this car.
[9:25] Speaker 1: We're driving from New York to Virginia. We are hauling ass.
[9:28] Speaker 1: We get stuck in horrible traffic and like Michelle's driving,
[9:31] Speaker 1: She's like every second count. I was like, I got
[9:33] Speaker 1: a peace so bad. She's like, no way, we can't.
[9:35] Speaker 1: We're gonna miss the show.
[9:37] Speaker 2: There is no worse a feeling than knowing that you're
[9:40] Speaker 2: gonna be late for a show and people are waiting
[9:42] Speaker 2: for you. It's like missing your prompt. I don't know
[9:44] Speaker 2: how to describe it. Yeah, So I was anxious as fun.
[9:47] Speaker 1: So I'm looking at the big gulp in the console
[9:50] Speaker 1: next to Michelle and I'm like, that's my toilet right there.
[9:52] Speaker 1: I was like, Michelle, I'm gonna pee in this thing.
[9:55] Speaker 1: Can I pee any If you're not gonna let me pee,
[9:57] Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta I'm gonna explode and you're like, yeah, right,
[10:00] Speaker 1: all right, and then so I dumped the soda that.
[10:02] Speaker 3: Was in it.
[10:03] Speaker 1: I like, like, you got in the backseat, you were in.
[10:07] Speaker 2: The passenger seat. Let's just let's beak here. He goes
[10:10] Speaker 2: to the magasine. I don't want any part of this, okay.
[10:13] Speaker 2: We were stuck in so much traffic. I was like,
[10:15] Speaker 2: you can get out, go pee on a bush, and
[10:19] Speaker 2: come back in and find the car because there was
[10:21] Speaker 2: so much you know, like every movie that has like
[10:23] Speaker 2: an apocalyptic like, oh no, we gotta get out of
[10:25] Speaker 2: this town with like the the track, like that's what
[10:27] Speaker 2: that traffic was like. We were moving, so I was like,
[10:30] Speaker 2: get out the car.
[10:31] Speaker 1: You're like no, you're getting like retriggered about.
[10:39] Speaker 2: Really, We've been through so much fucking mess By the
[10:42] Speaker 2: time I met my husband, I have been like like
[10:46] Speaker 2: almost best friend, like best friend like brothers sister with
[10:50] Speaker 2: Eric and try on the road before therapy, the marriage
[10:53] Speaker 2: is nothing. This is crazy? Are you fucking kidding me?
[10:57] Speaker 2: They're like, Wow, you guys really like you? Yeah, because
[11:00] Speaker 2: he pee's before we leave the fucking house. What do
[11:03] Speaker 2: you mean you really set me up for success?
[11:06] Speaker 1: Bro ship Okay, So I'm in the back seat apparently
[11:09] Speaker 1: with a big gould cup and I'm filling it out
[11:11] Speaker 1: on my beat.
[11:12] Speaker 2: No, no, no, what let don't let's back it up. Eric,
[11:16] Speaker 2: He surprised himself by what was coming out of his body.
[11:20] Speaker 2: And as it's a big gulp, as it's the peace
[11:25] Speaker 2: about to overflow, and you start freaking out. I don't
[11:32] Speaker 2: have a penis, I don't pay cups, and I was
[11:38] Speaker 2: just like, we're gonna to old diaper. I don't know,
[11:41] Speaker 2: you know, like I believe once some mo my unverses
[11:44] Speaker 2: on the floor and I still show up on somep
[11:45] Speaker 2: of a smile. You're fucking intake, bro. It wasn't say
[11:50] Speaker 2: you look, what do I do?
[11:51] Speaker 3: What do I do?
[11:52] Speaker 5: The peace coming also is your own peace? Like it
[11:56] Speaker 5: was shields, it's called I'm filling up a big gulp
[12:02] Speaker 5: with P. The p's like pee flicks are like slashing out.
[12:06] Speaker 1: Then I cut the stream off and I like dumped
[12:08] Speaker 1: some out and I keep going and I'm like and
[12:11] Speaker 1: then I and so I'm like and then I just
[12:14] Speaker 1: instead of doubbing it out, I just have like a
[12:16] Speaker 1: full big gulp of my own urine next to Michelle
[12:19] Speaker 1: in the little middle console why she's she's driving, and
[12:22] Speaker 1: I just break into casual conversation as if none of
[12:25] Speaker 1: that just happened.
[12:26] Speaker 2: I was like, hey, so what are you going to
[12:27] Speaker 2: open your set with?
[12:28] Speaker 1: And Michelle's like white knuckling it, She's like, my set,
[12:32] Speaker 1: I don't really know what I want to And I'm like,
[12:34] Speaker 1: what is going on with you? You're like, it's just
[12:36] Speaker 1: your pee is a cop and it's like three inches
[12:39] Speaker 1: from my elbow and I'm driving, and I don't want
[12:41] Speaker 1: to smell your pee. I don't want to see your pee.
[12:43] Speaker 1: I don't want to feel your.
[12:45] Speaker 2: Everyone's pea smells and that should be disgusting.
[12:48] Speaker 1: Disgusting, disgusting. And I was like, oh, you're upset about
[12:51] Speaker 1: the p You're like, You're like, what else would I
[12:53] Speaker 1: be upset about?
[12:54] Speaker 2: Idea? You're hearing right.
[12:57] Speaker 1: There, sit around with every.
[13:00] Speaker 2: Scientists with organs and jars. And then I was like, well,
[13:04] Speaker 2: you want me to dump it out the window?
[13:06] Speaker 1: And you were like, I don't know, just I don't know.
[13:08] Speaker 2: I don't have answers for your.
[13:11] Speaker 1: Swallowing involuntarily, like having a panic of actual and I'm like,
[13:15] Speaker 1: I'm gonna dumb it out the window.
[13:16] Speaker 2: You're like, don't get it on the car.
[13:17] Speaker 1: I just don't let anybody see you, you know.
[13:20] Speaker 2: And then I was just like splash, so gross, honestly,
[13:24] Speaker 2: because I couldn't breathe. Because I could, I could feel
[13:26] Speaker 2: it in my nose and if I open my mouth
[13:28] Speaker 2: then I taste it. And I don't want any part
[13:30] Speaker 2: of that. And I really want to be like, did
[13:32] Speaker 2: you have asparagus? Because all of it was so fucking y.
[13:35] Speaker 1: I rope it was like yellow ropes.
[13:38] Speaker 2: It was so young. You know, when you have guy brown,
[13:40] Speaker 2: you think you're gonna go use your bathroom and see
[13:43] Speaker 2: a skid mark, you know what I mean? Or like
[13:44] Speaker 2: a dirty condom. No, not with Eric. Now, it's way
[13:47] Speaker 2: more intimate, a dank piss, dank yellow, dark yellow piss.
[13:52] Speaker 1: I want to tell one story. Oh my god, Okay, wait,
[13:55] Speaker 1: we're not done with the peepee story. So I dumped
[13:57] Speaker 1: the p out. We get to the gig and then
[13:59] Speaker 1: Michelle goes, I got this new joke. It's a fucking
[14:01] Speaker 1: banger dog. And then she gets on stage and she goes, yo,
[14:05] Speaker 1: y'all ever be running and you just run in And
[14:09] Speaker 1: then she forgets a joke got the joke.
[14:12] Speaker 2: I forgot the joke. Listen, you don't know what you
[14:14] Speaker 2: don't understand. Okay, there's so much that happens before you
[14:17] Speaker 2: get on stage, and the only thing you want to
[14:19] Speaker 2: do is show up and be cute like Beyonce, you
[14:21] Speaker 2: know what I mean at Coachella. But like, we didn't
[14:24] Speaker 2: even know Beyonce went through all that until she made
[14:26] Speaker 2: a documentary. There is so much shit you have to do,
[14:29] Speaker 2: and when you're sitting next to your friends, there are
[14:33] Speaker 2: levels of emotions. You know what I mean. It's a whole,
[14:37] Speaker 2: it's it's an onion. That was a crazy gig because
[14:41] Speaker 2: I do think that brought us closer. We had to
[14:44] Speaker 2: leave very early.
[14:45] Speaker 1: The next rove through the mist we joked the nice
[14:48] Speaker 1: so I had to do a Pepsi commercial you get it.
[14:50] Speaker 2: Yeah, you were starting to blow up. I mean no,
[14:54] Speaker 2: like people, you had an audition, a show in Virginia
[14:58] Speaker 2: and then like a commercial next day for a newbie comedian.
[15:02] Speaker 2: That's like a really big deal. So I was like, bet,
[15:05] Speaker 2: let's go like talk about rider Die. I was like, yeah,
[15:09] Speaker 2: let's just go sleep for an hour or two.
[15:11] Speaker 1: Yeah, And we drove back through the misty misty fog.
[15:15] Speaker 2: Yeah, but what you don't know, which I don't think
[15:17] Speaker 2: I told you I took the biggest dump when I
[15:22] Speaker 2: got to the hotel. I was holding in so many things.
[15:29] Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was. It was it was like
[15:36] Speaker 2: every season of The Amazing Race came out in that
[15:38] Speaker 2: toilet and I was like, what the fuck? And I
[15:42] Speaker 2: clogged the toilet up and then it started overflowing and
[15:46] Speaker 2: I just like closed the door and left it and
[15:48] Speaker 2: like slept because I was like, I don't even know
[15:50] Speaker 2: what to do with this day anymore. I don't even
[15:53] Speaker 2: know what this day is. It was one of these
[15:56] Speaker 2: days like am I worthy? Am I doing the right thing?
[16:00] Speaker 2: It was a curse fucking day. And then we got
[16:02] Speaker 2: back in the car while it was still dark to
[16:04] Speaker 2: make it back. And let me tell you something, the
[16:09] Speaker 2: way Eric was driving, you, if you're an atheist, you
[16:12] Speaker 2: would have been.
[16:12] Speaker 1: Religious because a lot of driving crazy.
[16:16] Speaker 2: You were driving crazy through and through fun.
[16:18] Speaker 1: And then we came up on like a nightmare twenty
[16:21] Speaker 1: car pile of accidents where there's definitely like fatalities one hundred,
[16:25] Speaker 1: and you were like and you were like half asleep,
[16:27] Speaker 1: and I was like, it's okay, it's okay, go back
[16:28] Speaker 1: to sleep. You're like, just the car, It's okay, it's okay.
[16:33] Speaker 1: And hills, you're bad at anytime you drove by a hill.
[16:37] Speaker 2: You drive by a hill. Yeah, I have I have
[16:43] Speaker 2: anxietyphobia and I also have panic attacks and with hills,
[16:47] Speaker 2: and I have verdico. I'm real fun, guys. And when
[16:50] Speaker 2: I go up and down a hill, I have like
[16:52] Speaker 2: this tunnel vision where I don't know if I'm going
[16:53] Speaker 2: up or down, So I don't know if I go slower,
[16:56] Speaker 2: go fast.
[16:57] Speaker 1: Ship, I feel bad roasty.
[16:58] Speaker 2: You know, yeah you should, bitch.
[17:00] Speaker 3: That's a major ship.
[17:01] Speaker 2: I'm trying to almost together, like I'm Stacey Abrams bitch
[17:04] Speaker 2: on January seventh.
[17:06] Speaker 5: Motherfucker, I'm trying, bitch, Okay, you really know you want this?
[17:12] Speaker 2: Motherfuckers? Like, what are we doing with my peepe?
[17:13] Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm going through?
[17:17] Speaker 2: I can't remember my fucking jokes. I'm just like, this
[17:20] Speaker 2: is so toilet. I'm like, I got this great joke.
[17:25] Speaker 2: I don't remember it. It was it was wild.
[17:32] Speaker 3: With a Recodrey with Aridrey.
[17:43] Speaker 2: We're gonna get to the bombing story, but this was
[17:45] Speaker 2: like a really crazy story that not a lot of
[17:46] Speaker 2: comedians either go through or talk about. There was this
[17:50] Speaker 2: festival named the Aspen Comedy Festival. It takes place in
[17:54] Speaker 2: a spin and talking.
[17:56] Speaker 1: About one we almost died on that air ye playing.
[17:58] Speaker 2: Yeah, so when you go to Aspen, you gotta fly
[18:01] Speaker 2: into Denver and then take a little small plane a
[18:03] Speaker 2: la la bamba.
[18:04] Speaker 1: Yeah, like a Fisher Price propeller plane.
[18:07] Speaker 2: Yes, And we get on the plane. There's some weather
[18:11] Speaker 2: like it was already delayed. We're very excited and tired
[18:14] Speaker 2: to just fucking go.
[18:15] Speaker 1: Kyle Kanane's on the plane as well.
[18:16] Speaker 2: Kyle Kanane is next to me and hilarious comedian. The
[18:21] Speaker 2: turbulence is so bad that there was a moment where
[18:24] Speaker 2: I thought we were gonna die. And I'm like, this
[18:27] Speaker 2: is how it goes. And I know that you're an atheist.
[18:28] Speaker 2: I look back at you. You're making the sign of
[18:30] Speaker 2: the Cross.
[18:30] Speaker 1: I became religious. I was religious for however long. That
[18:34] Speaker 1: plane rind to us.
[18:35] Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was we were in a dryer. We
[18:39] Speaker 2: were like in a tumble dryer. Because what happens is
[18:41] Speaker 2: it's a valley and there's crosswinds and it's impossible to
[18:45] Speaker 2: land because the plane is going left and right and
[18:48] Speaker 2: can't fucking find its way, and you always look to
[18:52] Speaker 2: the flight attendant to see if you know they but
[18:54] Speaker 2: they look like they.
[18:55] Speaker 1: Were like they look stressed.
[18:57] Speaker 2: They did, and then like it was it's like bumpy
[19:01] Speaker 2: and Kyle Kanane took my hand and he goes, we're
[19:04] Speaker 2: gonna be okay, and I took his hand with both
[19:07] Speaker 2: my hands and I'm like I really hope so wow,
[19:10] Speaker 2: And we couldn't land the plane, so they had to
[19:13] Speaker 2: get it get us out of it.
[19:16] Speaker 1: Yeah, it was it was all for it was all
[19:17] Speaker 1: for nothing. It was like flying. They were trying to
[19:20] Speaker 1: fly into this blizzard. They tried once too, turbulent, tried
[19:23] Speaker 1: twice too, turbulent, tried three times. So we had to
[19:25] Speaker 1: go through that hell three times and then they just
[19:28] Speaker 1: gave up. It was like all for nothing, and they
[19:30] Speaker 1: just took us back to Denver and me, you and
[19:32] Speaker 1: Eric Charles Nielson had to take a bus with all
[19:34] Speaker 1: the other comics through icy, sleety snow and that's dangerous too.
[19:38] Speaker 1: We were probably running a band. Who's whose tour bus
[19:40] Speaker 1: crashed on those mountains and the yeah, because it was
[19:43] Speaker 1: so icy and ship.
[19:45] Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know why we gotta call it black ice,
[19:47] Speaker 2: but it is what it is, comic view. But Moniqu's
[19:54] Speaker 2: gonna be so mad. I took our joke.
[19:57] Speaker 1: Why they the white Ice? So what is the worst
[20:01] Speaker 1: you have ever bombed?
[20:02] Speaker 2: I mean there's been a few bombs, right, there's just
[20:04] Speaker 2: been a few. You're working out materials. The crowd doesn't
[20:06] Speaker 2: get you. I want to say the worst for me.
[20:09] Speaker 2: It was a comedy show, but it wasn't a comedy club.
[20:12] Speaker 2: It's the first and last time I ever did stand
[20:14] Speaker 2: up in Jamaica.
[20:15] Speaker 1: Oh wow, Yeah.
[20:16] Speaker 2: I thought. I was like, I thought I had enough.
[20:20] Speaker 2: You know, it's like the five year old that's had
[20:21] Speaker 2: two lessons and they could swim. I was like, I've
[20:24] Speaker 2: been doing comedy for eight years. Will sil Vince was hosting.
[20:28] Speaker 2: Also really hilarious comedian that does a lot on the
[20:30] Speaker 2: Caribbean as well as a comedy seller.
[20:32] Speaker 1: Check him out and was he doing Okay?
[20:35] Speaker 2: He was killing because he like he's got that on lock.
[20:40] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[20:40] Speaker 2: And so they were so warm and so like ready
[20:44] Speaker 2: to laugh.
[20:44] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[20:45] Speaker 1: I got a text Will.
[20:46] Speaker 2: I call him, Yeah, I miss Will. He's great. Will,
[20:49] Speaker 2: He's the best, the best, And he started boxing and
[20:52] Speaker 2: it's just like yeah, all like ripped and stuff. Like
[20:55] Speaker 2: every time I see him, there's always an excuse for
[20:57] Speaker 2: him to lift his shirt. I wear a shirt to
[21:01] Speaker 2: be topless.
[21:03] Speaker 1: So he's on stage, he's doing well.
[21:04] Speaker 2: He's on stage, he's like murdering. Oh shit, like murdering,
[21:10] Speaker 2: like this is his this is his bag. He's in
[21:13] Speaker 2: his zone. And you know, my mom is Jamaican. I've
[21:17] Speaker 2: been to Jamaica every year since I was three weeks old,
[21:20] Speaker 2: So I feel like, you know I family. Yeah, I'm
[21:24] Speaker 2: born and raised in Jersey. Good, No, but you feel
[21:27] Speaker 2: more Jamaican in Jersey than you do in Jamaica.
[21:30] Speaker 1: Did he have Jamaican joke because he's Haitian? Was he
[21:33] Speaker 1: doing Haitian jokes? Or was he doing Haitian jokes?
[21:35] Speaker 2: And Jamin he can do Caribbean accents.
[21:37] Speaker 1: So he's doing Jamaica. Yes, very specific, yesh.
[21:42] Speaker 2: And like I pride myself on being able to do
[21:44] Speaker 2: my material anywhere for anyone. Comedy should be universal.
[21:49] Speaker 1: It's not. It's like the least universal thing.
[21:55] Speaker 2: Pictures Showtime at the Apollo, but with machetes and guns
[22:00] Speaker 2: outside with like you know, the jerk chicken is you know,
[22:06] Speaker 2: jerkin women look like dance all queens. Just picture.
[22:11] Speaker 1: I love my Jamaican people, but they can be emotional.
[22:13] Speaker 2: Emotionally emotional, that's one way of putting it. And there's
[22:20] Speaker 2: just a lot of like absolutes in Jamaica. Well, I
[22:23] Speaker 2: get on stage and I haven't had the shaky hands
[22:27] Speaker 2: in a while.
[22:28] Speaker 1: Oh, you were nervous.
[22:29] Speaker 2: So I was nervous. I was like, oh, I'm in
[22:30] Speaker 2: over my head. And it felt like like what do
[22:37] Speaker 2: you do when you know you're gonna bomb? You just
[22:40] Speaker 2: lean into it, right, Yeah? And then it's just like,
[22:42] Speaker 2: if anything, I'm going to deliver these lines with like
[22:45] Speaker 2: the confidence of Steve Harvey. You know what I mean?
[22:48] Speaker 1: What else can you do?
[22:49] Speaker 2: You like, I can't leave. They've flown me down there
[22:52] Speaker 2: and put me up and now this is like my
[22:55] Speaker 2: mom feels like I've made it. So now I'm doing
[22:56] Speaker 2: comedy and her mother land.
[22:59] Speaker 1: What town was this?
[23:01] Speaker 2: It was Kingston, Kingston. I've invited some friends that I knew.
[23:06] Speaker 2: They're so happy for me because working out. Also, my
[23:11] Speaker 2: uncle's the archbishop of Jamaica, WHOA. So it's been in like.
[23:15] Speaker 1: Gleasure a lot of pressure on this Jamaica show.
[23:18] Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not hosting the Golden Globes. I'm
[23:20] Speaker 2: just doing a set in Kingston.
[23:22] Speaker 1: It's a lot of pressure on the show. You get
[23:24] Speaker 1: up there, you get the shaky hands.
[23:26] Speaker 2: I get the shaky hands. I also realize like people
[23:28] Speaker 2: are dressed up like I dressed up, but like a
[23:31] Speaker 2: Caribbean dress up is just different. Like people have gone
[23:33] Speaker 2: shopping for an hour shopping.
[23:35] Speaker 1: They got a babysitter like that. Production went into this
[23:39] Speaker 1: for them for the audience and not me. It paid
[23:41] Speaker 1: their money and to drink minimum.
[23:43] Speaker 2: I don't even remember all my material. There was a
[23:46] Speaker 2: joke about sex where I'm just like, ladies, if a
[23:50] Speaker 2: guy's not going down on you, you don't go down
[23:52] Speaker 2: on him because you can't have the six without the nine.
[23:55] Speaker 2: And that's when I heard the booze, and then the
[23:59] Speaker 2: booze didn't stop, and then I heard a gunshot and
[24:02] Speaker 2: I was like, thank you so much, dot Com.
[24:08] Speaker 1: And you're playing with fire.
[24:10] Speaker 2: Yeah I was, I was, but I was like, this
[24:14] Speaker 2: is what I say, this is what I want to say,
[24:17] Speaker 2: and even if it helps one person at this point,
[24:20] Speaker 2: it is what it is. And so my mom got
[24:23] Speaker 2: phone calls, my uncle got phone calls. There was like
[24:27] Speaker 2: articles about it in Jamaica. Oh yeah, it followed me,
[24:33] Speaker 2: and to this day people are like, do you want
[24:35] Speaker 2: to come to a Ruba and do comedy? I'm like no, no, no,
[24:39] Speaker 2: do you want to come to Puerto Rico for this
[24:41] Speaker 2: thing to do? I was like, no, I just want
[24:43] Speaker 2: my titties out and I want some spicy chicken. That's it.
[24:45] Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'll go to Ruba.
[24:47] Speaker 2: Yeah, but not to do comedy one hundred.
[24:49] Speaker 1: I'll drink rum out of a coconut.
[24:52] Speaker 3: Ooh okay Withdre.
[25:06] Speaker 2: With Regardre, there's been bombing situations where people have thrown
[25:10] Speaker 2: a glass at me. Really yeah, at Carolines it was
[25:13] Speaker 2: Wendy Williams.
[25:14] Speaker 1: Wendy Williams experience was Wendy Williams experience. But who threw
[25:20] Speaker 1: a bottle at you?
[25:21] Speaker 2: There was the Wendy Williams experience at Caroline's. And this
[25:24] Speaker 2: the comic before me, don't remember who that was, was
[25:27] Speaker 2: making fun of this girl and it was a guy's
[25:31] Speaker 2: girlfriend and he was like in on it too, and
[25:33] Speaker 2: she felt really bad and I saw it in her face.
[25:35] Speaker 2: So I got up there and I'm just like, you
[25:38] Speaker 2: were so lucky that somebody wants to sit and spin
[25:40] Speaker 2: on your tiny little dick. Why the fuck would you
[25:42] Speaker 2: do that? And why are you with someone that does
[25:44] Speaker 2: that to you? Yeah, I turned into like a fucking
[25:46] Speaker 2: disgruntled Ricky Lake audience member because you cannot see something
[25:51] Speaker 2: and not say something, especially if you're gonna ultimately be
[25:53] Speaker 2: a truth tailer on stage. And I'm just like, sometimes
[25:56] Speaker 2: it just takes a fucking stranger to see something that
[25:58] Speaker 2: you're living in because you're just in the cloud of smoke.
[26:00] Speaker 2: I'm like, you might be in the eye of the storm,
[26:01] Speaker 2: but get the fuck out, drop that zero, get yourself
[26:03] Speaker 2: a hero. I'm telling you. It's very Jennie Jones. And
[26:06] Speaker 2: he's just like he did the whole fuck you fat,
[26:08] Speaker 2: nobody wants to fuck you, don't worry about don't worry
[26:10] Speaker 2: about my fat, don't worry about who wants to fuck me?
[26:12] Speaker 2: Okay ship. Yeah, And so we got into a yelling argument,
[26:18] Speaker 2: and you can tell when someone's going through abuse, and
[26:22] Speaker 2: so I was just like, you don't need him. I
[26:24] Speaker 2: don't know if anyone else is going to tell you
[26:25] Speaker 2: what you don't. Other sisters were clapping. He threw a
[26:28] Speaker 2: glass at me, he smashed on the table in front
[26:31] Speaker 2: of me, and I'm like, okay, here's one joke. I
[26:34] Speaker 2: told the joke and I left. It was like, ever
[26:36] Speaker 2: find a little piece of toilet paper?
[26:37] Speaker 1: Just kidding.
[26:39] Speaker 2: I left and then they had to escort me out
[26:41] Speaker 2: the back because he was like waiting for me. Yes, yeah, dude.
[26:46] Speaker 2: So comedy. Yeah, people when it goes well, people are like,
[26:50] Speaker 2: you're so brave. No, that's not the brave part. That's
[26:53] Speaker 2: not the brave part.
[26:54] Speaker 1: I'll tell you what got me to the Yeah. Yeah yeah.
[26:57] Speaker 1: So what's the worst bomb you ever like just saw,
[27:00] Speaker 1: like like a night besides you. I mean, was there
[27:06] Speaker 1: any just been like any fights you've seen on stage
[27:09] Speaker 1: or any like crazy someone got naked or like a
[27:12] Speaker 1: drunk guy got kicked out or.
[27:15] Speaker 2: Oh well there was this.
[27:16] Speaker 1: You can think about it too. We could circle back.
[27:18] Speaker 2: To no, I know what it is, Okay, Michael Chay,
[27:22] Speaker 2: Oh really it was. But Michael definitely did not think
[27:25] Speaker 2: he bombed. He thinks that he like saved the integrity
[27:30] Speaker 2: of comedy. Okay, Michael the.
[27:34] Speaker 1: Kind of likes bombing a little bit. He's like Norm
[27:36] Speaker 1: McDonald or Kevin Bartnett. I feel like those guys I
[27:38] Speaker 1: kind of liked.
[27:39] Speaker 2: Michael, Michael, Sherry Shepherd and I did a gig for
[27:43] Speaker 2: like Practical and Gamba and yeah, I don't even remember,
[27:48] Speaker 2: and like we had to write all these jokes that
[27:50] Speaker 2: they like just combed over right. It was like they
[27:53] Speaker 2: just took the air out of comedy. And my big
[27:56] Speaker 2: closer was just like boy bands are like yodorant, like
[28:01] Speaker 2: one has you one slips, I don't even or I
[28:04] Speaker 2: like my men, like I like my deodorant, like strong
[28:07] Speaker 2: white and reliable. Whatever the fuck hackety Hacket like gave
[28:11] Speaker 2: my mortgage.
[28:12] Speaker 1: That that night with that show, make that money.
[28:14] Speaker 2: Sherry was into it too. We all follow the rules, right,
[28:18] Speaker 2: Michael gets up there, he's a rule breaker. Ah ah
[28:22] Speaker 2: ah ah. And no one's a Karen, but they're definitely
[28:26] Speaker 2: Karen adjacent, like they got the Karens in the family.
[28:28] Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, he told a story about
[28:30] Speaker 2: how he went to Arizona and the lady in the
[28:33] Speaker 2: front called him a nigga, no way, and he probably
[28:35] Speaker 2: said nigga like twenty seven times. A corporate at this
[28:40] Speaker 2: corporate event, I mean, the ties were loosening. I can
[28:45] Speaker 2: see like holes just popping in people's pantyhose. The eyes
[28:49] Speaker 2: were bouldering. The shoulder pads were just deflating. No, no, no, no.
[28:56] Speaker 1: Is he just one of those comics if you tell
[28:57] Speaker 1: them not to do it, that's all they want to do.
[28:59] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[29:00] Speaker 2: Yeah, Which I love him and I appreciate it too,
[29:03] Speaker 2: because I'm just like, okay, okay, And I don't think
[29:06] Speaker 2: I've done a corporate gig since because I'm like, no,
[29:08] Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that.
[29:10] Speaker 2: I'm gonna live my truth.
[29:13] Speaker 1: What's the most wasted you've ever been on stage?
[29:15] Speaker 3: Oh? My god?
[29:16] Speaker 1: Have you ever been really drunk on stage?
[29:18] Speaker 3: Or high or like what? Yeah?
[29:20] Speaker 2: I started day drinking this one Saturday with some Dutch friends.
[29:23] Speaker 2: Know you had a show later, yeah, but you were
[29:25] Speaker 2: just like fighting. It was just supposed to be like
[29:28] Speaker 2: an afternoon hang which she's crackers and wine and then
[29:32] Speaker 2: we took it to the bar across the way and
[29:35] Speaker 2: then there was like pizza and like cocktails.
[29:37] Speaker 1: Sounds like a good day to me, and heisst was.
[29:39] Speaker 2: Like, please don't go to the show, call and cancel.
[29:42] Speaker 2: He is her husband, and I'm like, no, babe, I'm
[29:45] Speaker 2: such a workhorse. I'm such like I'm like no, I'm
[29:47] Speaker 2: gonna do it.
[29:48] Speaker 1: You're like, I gotta do it.
[29:50] Speaker 2: And our friend Case is just like she should do
[29:52] Speaker 2: it because he loves to star the pot and I'm like, no,
[29:55] Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do You can't tell
[29:57] Speaker 2: me what to do because I'm drunk. He's like, Babe,
[30:00] Speaker 2: please just call It's just a fifteen minute spot for
[30:02] Speaker 2: like a nine o'clock show or some shit, Please don't go.
[30:05] Speaker 2: And I'm like, fine, I won't go. Wink wink. So
[30:09] Speaker 2: Kis goes to the bathroom and like Cases like, I'll
[30:13] Speaker 2: call this a car. Let's go to the show. And
[30:15] Speaker 2: I'm like, let's go. We're in the backseat of the taxi.
[30:18] Speaker 2: I am like Denzel Washington in like the pilot was
[30:22] Speaker 2: that flight flight and like Cases like John Goodman. He
[30:27] Speaker 2: gives me a bump. I'm like, I'm ready to go.
[30:30] Speaker 2: Let's do it. Like I am slurring my words, not
[30:33] Speaker 2: even realizing I am a mess. We take the taxi
[30:37] Speaker 2: to the city. People get to the comedy club. They're
[30:41] Speaker 2: holding me up and they're like, I'm I don't even
[30:45] Speaker 2: know what I'm saying any subtitles. I'm just like moving
[30:47] Speaker 2: my mouth and I just remember the booker saying, is
[30:49] Speaker 2: she okay? Can she do this? And then I go,
[30:52] Speaker 2: I can, don't tell me what I can't do, and
[30:54] Speaker 2: so Salty the host brings me up. And then it's
[31:00] Speaker 2: like autopilot, you know what I mean. I was like
[31:02] Speaker 2: Tony Bennett on his ninety six birthday.
[31:04] Speaker 3: So you just we were it.
[31:06] Speaker 2: I don't know, I think. So I did some crowd work,
[31:11] Speaker 2: I think, and I walked. I walked up the stage.
[31:14] Speaker 2: I didn't fall. I had to call the comedy club
[31:17] Speaker 2: two days later and apologize. Tell him I told him
[31:20] Speaker 2: I got new medication and I really had to figure
[31:21] Speaker 2: it out. HIHI in case, And I still talk about
[31:26] Speaker 2: that story because Kaise is like, how fucking dare you?
[31:29] Speaker 2: How fun try to sell to you? To see me
[31:32] Speaker 2: the most drunk?
[31:33] Speaker 1: I remember one time you were at the Village Lantern
[31:34] Speaker 1: and you're you're on stage and one of your teeth
[31:37] Speaker 1: flew out of your mouth.
[31:38] Speaker 2: Yeah, there's been a journey. So I have a book
[31:41] Speaker 2: called Survival, the thickest plus sized Essays in a small
[31:43] Speaker 2: minded World Now, and there is a whole less chapter
[31:45] Speaker 2: about my tooth, and it's called Tooth Be Told. There's
[31:48] Speaker 2: a chapter about my tooth. It's you know, growing up
[31:52] Speaker 2: in America. You know, health insurance is a luxury, so
[31:55] Speaker 2: you don't always take care of your shit and or
[31:57] Speaker 2: the doctor's going to take advantage of you.
[31:58] Speaker 1: So but it's not like you didn't brush your teeth, No,
[32:01] Speaker 1: I just it's you had a genetic gum.
[32:03] Speaker 2: Most of that stuff is DNA, yes, And so I
[32:07] Speaker 2: had a flipper. Well, I mean it was.
[32:09] Speaker 1: Just funny that I was on stage, want your teeth
[32:12] Speaker 1: went fly?
[32:12] Speaker 2: Here's the thing. I was like, this is how much
[32:14] Speaker 2: I love comedy. I have like a flipper. My gum
[32:17] Speaker 2: is resting from like a surgery has had but I'm
[32:19] Speaker 2: still gonna go out and do stand up And then
[32:21] Speaker 2: I'm doing a joke and my tooth flies out. And
[32:24] Speaker 2: who's at the back of the show, fucking Eric. And
[32:26] Speaker 2: you know what, you have a you have a memory
[32:28] Speaker 2: for shady ship like an elephant. And every time something
[32:32] Speaker 2: bad happens, this mother he won't remember the good remember
[32:35] Speaker 2: the good ship. He remembered that one time he slipped
[32:37] Speaker 2: on the banana peel and remind you and then introduce you.
[32:40] Speaker 2: That's your intro. Oh my god, meet my friend Michelle.
[32:44] Speaker 2: She wants her tooth on stage one time. Anyways. That's it, Yes,
[32:48] Speaker 2: that's it. Michelle Buteau, thank you very much, Eric Gonzalez, Gonzalez, Cheetah,
[32:57] Speaker 2: Samuel Johnson, Good Nice.
[33:05] Speaker 3: With Eric Andre.
[33:06] Speaker 1: Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
[33:08] Speaker 1: Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Executive produced
[33:12] Speaker 1: by Hans Sani and Olivia Aguilar, edited and sound designed
[33:16] Speaker 1: by Andy Harris. Our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. And
[33:20] Speaker 1: if you want to confess to your own bombing moments
[33:22] Speaker 1: or give us a shout out, go rate us five
[33:24] Speaker 1: stars and drop a review on your podcast app of choice.
[33:26] Speaker 1: Write about your own stories of bombing at life. If
[33:29] Speaker 1: you're on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to Big
[33:31] Speaker 1: MONI Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with every episode.
[33:35] Speaker 1: Listen to all my episodes ad free. The guests on
[33:38] Speaker 1: Bombing with Eric Andre were recorded before the sag After strike,
[33:42] Speaker 1: so leave me alone, Internet, Bye,

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