# Hey Lady, Close Your Legs! w/ Dan Curry

An episode of [Bombing with Eric Andre](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1700594299), 11 Oct 2023, 30 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/7443be8e-6758-4131-bd17-b04a00ee1705/fa0fe9c3-d4de-46b5-b8d2-b098000b7a97/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=3dc328b2-90a9-4cb4-8c17-b04a00ee9da0

Eric and creative partner/man behind "Kraft Punk" Dan Curry reminisce about the days of doing rooms around NYC and the crazy shit they have seen and heard. They talk about a comic who was obsessed with the word "queef" and how the audience didn't vibe off of it at all, what it means to be good on stage versus online, drinking cultures in the US vs. Europe, and the obsession with numbers when it comes to pleasing a woman. It's all lies and completely cringe when you think about it. Pre-Order our new book "Dumb Ideas" here Get Your Tickets to the Eric Andre Explosion Tour here! Rate and Review Bombing with Eric Andre here Do you like listening to Bombing and want extended conversations with more bombing stories every week? Then check out Big Money Players Diamond, a new subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts, where you can get exclusive material from all my interviews for the show, plus 100% ad-free episodes every week. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: What's up, y'all.
[0:00] Speaker 2: It's me Eric, and we are back with another edition
[0:03] Speaker 2: of Bombing, where I talk with friends, comedians and musicians
[0:05] Speaker 2: and other creative people about their worst moments on stage
[0:08] Speaker 2: and getting their soul shattered by a live audience. This
[0:10] Speaker 2: man has been with me since day one of my career.
[0:13] Speaker 2: He did the stand up circuit and eventually became my
[0:15] Speaker 2: creative partner, Dan Curry. What can I say about him?
[0:18] Speaker 2: He is a force to be reckoned with. Boy, oh boy,
[0:20] Speaker 2: did we wreck some rooms in stage time. He is
[0:25] Speaker 2: my writing partner on the Eric Andre Show. We got
[0:28] Speaker 2: a book coming out together. It's one of the funniest guys,
[0:31] Speaker 2: but probably the hardest I ever laughed in my life
[0:33] Speaker 2: is with Dan Curry on my side. Helped me with
[0:35] Speaker 2: Bad Trip, wrote on Bad Trip, He's written on everything
[0:38] Speaker 2: I've done.
[0:39] Speaker 1: The wickedly talented one and only Dan Curry.
[0:42] Speaker 2: As always, please subscribe to the podcast to get new
[0:44] Speaker 2: episodes every week, rated five stars and on Apple Podcasts.
[0:47] Speaker 2: Subscribed to Big Money Players Diamond to get an exclusive
[0:49] Speaker 2: clip from my chat with Dan Curry. Pltus add free
[0:51] Speaker 2: episodes weekly. Let's fucking Dominate.
[0:59] Speaker 3: Me with Eric and Dre Okay, Yeah, I'm sitting here
[1:09] Speaker 3: with none of the lovely, gorgeous, smooth, silky vanilla skin.
[1:17] Speaker 1: Dare I say a delicious little creamsicle before my very
[1:21] Speaker 1: very before you very eyes?
[1:24] Speaker 2: His livers in great shapes, Chris, he doesn't hit the
[1:28] Speaker 2: sauce like, Yeah.
[1:33] Speaker 1: I drink less than six drinks a week, but I
[1:37] Speaker 1: keep it to two or three. I'm fucking great.
[1:41] Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't be like, well, what about when you
[1:43] Speaker 2: were like in your early twenties, you were like.
[1:45] Speaker 1: I didn't care. You were like bow bow Bow didn't
[1:47] Speaker 1: count my boozes. I didn't even have a bottom. I
[1:51] Speaker 1: got an app once to be like, how much do
[1:52] Speaker 1: I drink? And I like, actually, will be honest, and
[1:55] Speaker 1: the answer is more than I thought I did, and
[1:58] Speaker 1: way more than the CDC as I should. I need
[2:02] Speaker 1: to monitor this, Ladies and gentlemen.
[2:05] Speaker 2: You know him as craft punk executive producer of The
[2:08] Speaker 2: Aeric Conjury Show, head Rider The Aeric Conjury Show, A sassy, sassy,
[2:14] Speaker 2: sassy boy who kind of gets a little silly for
[2:18] Speaker 2: of fun.
[2:19] Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for doing my go ahead, Dan, Dan, Yes,
[2:29] Speaker 1: BEA's a Bob Curry name. Thanks for reading it exactly
[2:34] Speaker 1: as I like my intro to a perfect reading of
[2:40] Speaker 1: how I like to be. This is a podcast about bombing.
[2:43] Speaker 4: Yeah, it's about.
[2:44] Speaker 2: The worst you've ever done on stage, the biggest you
[2:47] Speaker 2: ever big any bombed, the worst bomb you've ever seen,
[2:51] Speaker 2: and the most hammered you've ever been on stage.
[2:53] Speaker 1: Okay, the bombing and hammering are one of the same,
[2:56] Speaker 1: are one and the same. But no, I bombed a
[2:59] Speaker 1: bunch of times. What's the most fucked up ship you've
[3:02] Speaker 1: ever seen? Fucked up thing I ever seen? Can we
[3:05] Speaker 1: use real names? Can you beep it in case? You
[3:08] Speaker 1: can do whatever you want. I think you were there.
[3:10] Speaker 1: You were either you were like adjacent to this or
[3:14] Speaker 1: you were there, but it was probably this is a
[3:17] Speaker 1: while ago, but we're doing some showcase in the East
[3:20] Speaker 1: Village and there was this guy, oh boy, who I
[3:28] Speaker 1: never met, was hosting the show, and the show was
[3:31] Speaker 1: like a mafia kind of show. It was like it
[3:33] Speaker 1: wasn't a mafia show. He was apparently he came from
[3:36] Speaker 1: mafia shows. She's like, he kills with the wise guys
[3:39] Speaker 1: whatever that was. He was like with wise guys, he
[3:42] Speaker 1: fucking shreds it. And he was this like tough guy.
[3:46] Speaker 1: He was tough as ship, like terrifying, like you could tell,
[3:49] Speaker 1: like he probably did some dirt and but he was.
[3:54] Speaker 1: He was also gay but intimate. He was like I
[3:57] Speaker 1: love those little Asian kids yump, like that was a
[4:00] Speaker 1: thing that speap this guy's name. The more we're talking,
[4:03] Speaker 1: just beat the nave. Yeah, you can change his name
[4:07] Speaker 1: lifted up. His name was fucking silly Peak. He was
[4:12] Speaker 1: like Jacked. He was Jerry like butch.
[4:15] Speaker 2: Yeah, but he was out of the closet, out of
[4:18] Speaker 2: the closet, like very out of the closet, but you
[4:21] Speaker 2: didn't know it meeting. But he was old school. He
[4:23] Speaker 2: was like old school and Jack. But he's like, hey, okay,
[4:26] Speaker 2: what the fuck, what do you got to do about?
[4:28] Speaker 2: He's kind of a mind blowing guy. He was a
[4:30] Speaker 2: mind blowing guy.
[4:30] Speaker 1: He was nice. I remember him being nice to be
[4:32] Speaker 1: behind the scenes. I have a wisp of a memory
[4:35] Speaker 1: of him. He's like, what kind of dough for you?
[4:36] Speaker 4: You know?
[4:37] Speaker 1: He was real cordial And then we had this packed room.
[4:41] Speaker 1: But he had a crazy opener. His crazy opening joke.
[4:45] Speaker 2: Was, Okay, it's a background, paid us a picture, so
[4:48] Speaker 2: here's a brain brush.
[4:50] Speaker 1: Say let's give it this. There's one hundred people in it.
[4:52] Speaker 1: It's packed. It's tight.
[4:54] Speaker 2: It's New York City where Midtown, Manhattan, East Village, East Village, Okay,
[4:57] Speaker 2: East Village packed.
[4:59] Speaker 1: Tight, some venue that I don't think I ever went to.
[5:01] Speaker 1: It was like a Friday night. Friday night. Everyone just
[5:05] Speaker 1: wants to last. Okay, they want to have a good time.
[5:07] Speaker 1: Are there other comics have gone up yet nobody. We're
[5:11] Speaker 1: all sitting in the back. So he's the opener. He's
[5:13] Speaker 1: the opener. And he gets up on stage and there's
[5:16] Speaker 1: these two women sitting at the front row and he
[5:19] Speaker 1: says to the moment, he goes, hey, lady, close your
[5:23] Speaker 1: legs out of what you to be quefit over here?
[5:26] Speaker 1: Opening joke. He he just went right to like I
[5:32] Speaker 1: don't want to be dealing with quefin and he goes
[5:34] Speaker 1: because I'm gay and I fucked Asian young hair Asian dudes.
[5:40] Speaker 1: And then ever he lost everybody like a video was
[5:43] Speaker 1: like up at arms. It was just like you filled
[5:46] Speaker 1: the room with people just trying to have a nice night.
[5:51] Speaker 1: And he opened and he opened with like and he
[5:53] Speaker 1: got like personal bites. I'm sorry what you don't what
[5:55] Speaker 1: it's true, it's true, and he like, he like doubled
[5:58] Speaker 1: and tripled down one and it was like an unbelievable.
[6:04] Speaker 2: So he walked him on stage and just went, hey,
[6:05] Speaker 2: close your legs, I don't want you quef it and
[6:09] Speaker 2: she was.
[6:09] Speaker 1: Like, oh, come on, and ever they just felt and
[6:12] Speaker 1: they just like turned into themselves, like oh geez. And
[6:16] Speaker 1: then he dropped double triple. They kept going works like
[6:20] Speaker 1: come on, man, He's like, well, what do you know
[6:22] Speaker 1: how cuefs work? And You're like, come on, come on,
[6:26] Speaker 1: can we leave the topic?
[6:28] Speaker 4: Oh?
[6:29] Speaker 1: He just dug so alienating the Lord above. And then
[6:34] Speaker 1: when I got up on stage, I think I was like,
[6:35] Speaker 1: first or second up. I just accused him of stealing
[6:38] Speaker 1: my opening joke and people like that, and then I
[6:42] Speaker 1: just criped about it. In the case. Yeah, but I
[6:47] Speaker 1: never saw him again.
[6:48] Speaker 2: I never saw I never saw him again.
[6:52] Speaker 1: And then he vanished. He was in and out and
[6:54] Speaker 1: I was like, who is that man? Yeah, And I've
[6:56] Speaker 1: even googled him and and there's no trace that. So
[7:00] Speaker 1: there's like a MySpace, but it's like all that's all
[7:03] Speaker 1: ones and nose when you click on it. They tried
[7:06] Speaker 1: to delete without a trace. He just vanished.
[7:09] Speaker 2: He would be dead people die people in stand up,
[7:12] Speaker 2: like people in the mafia die people in the mafia,
[7:14] Speaker 2: people in the stand up.
[7:16] Speaker 1: But that was that was that was the thing. It's
[7:17] Speaker 1: like because like you got to see him in front
[7:19] Speaker 1: of like wise guys. He kills it. But I'm like,
[7:21] Speaker 1: I don't I don't want that one. I don't know,
[7:23] Speaker 1: I don't want that life.
[7:28] Speaker 4: With Ariddre with Aridre.
[7:39] Speaker 2: Dan and I met about twenty years ago at the
[7:42] Speaker 2: Botanica Bar with Hannibal and Joshpha Lapowski and a bunch
[7:46] Speaker 2: of other stand ups. Yeah, and we uh, I was
[7:51] Speaker 2: homeless at the time, and you and Josh were doing
[7:55] Speaker 2: that show together and then we uh we just started
[7:58] Speaker 2: growing out.
[7:59] Speaker 1: Yeah, with a bunch of people used to do that.
[8:01] Speaker 1: I liked that room. I had a lot of fun there.
[8:03] Speaker 1: I have a lot of fond memories, a lot of
[8:05] Speaker 1: fun memories of the room. I don't remember bombing there
[8:07] Speaker 1: because I felt very much at home and I didn't
[8:09] Speaker 1: What about stand up? What's the worst you ever? The
[8:12] Speaker 1: worst tanked ever? Tanked at stand up?
[8:15] Speaker 2: Like a fucking show that just like shook you to
[8:17] Speaker 2: your cores, shook me too much, shook it you to
[8:21] Speaker 2: the core I'll start.
[8:23] Speaker 1: This was actually my worst one and it had to
[8:25] Speaker 1: do with drinking. And I doubt this is the drunkest
[8:29] Speaker 1: start because I used to be. When I first started
[8:32] Speaker 1: stand up, I was like, well, gotta have it lost
[8:34] Speaker 1: two or three beers before I like go up and
[8:36] Speaker 1: talk to people. That's that completely changed when I watched
[8:39] Speaker 1: a video of myself and I was like, oh, you
[8:41] Speaker 1: were like sloppy, Joe. Oh, I won't even take a
[8:43] Speaker 1: sip of something before I got It's like, like I
[8:46] Speaker 1: take one sip of alcohol, I'm like, I think I'm
[8:50] Speaker 1: already on the cusp of slurring stone sober.
[8:53] Speaker 2: I saw a video of me just hanging out with
[8:56] Speaker 2: my friends on my couch this weekend and I was
[8:58] Speaker 2: a little like sloppy and I was like, that was
[9:00] Speaker 2: even on stage And only like two people have seen
[9:03] Speaker 2: this video, just sloppy on my couch this weekend, and
[9:06] Speaker 2: I was like, I E so I couldn't imagine on stage,
[9:09] Speaker 2: like oh.
[9:10] Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want an audience to see that. Yeah,
[9:12] Speaker 1: it's like depressing something Like what is he repressing?
[9:16] Speaker 4: Nothing?
[9:17] Speaker 1: I'll deal with today. Yeah.
[9:18] Speaker 2: It's like at my birthday party, I was pretend before
[9:21] Speaker 2: I even started drinking. I was pretending I was all
[9:24] Speaker 2: fucked up on stage. I was like spitting and like.
[9:27] Speaker 2: But I was like, oh, this audience doesn't know if
[9:29] Speaker 2: I'm actually this fucked up. It was in the afternoon,
[9:32] Speaker 2: so I was like sing a song and like spit
[9:33] Speaker 2: on the stage and pretend I'm all fuck But I
[9:36] Speaker 2: could feel the audience like be like and I was like, oh, yeah,
[9:40] Speaker 2: cause it's kind of like dark if I'm super fucked up.
[9:42] Speaker 2: At like two pm. Yeah, I was like, so I
[9:45] Speaker 2: hadn't started drinking yet, so I was like, Oh. It
[9:47] Speaker 2: was funny to me because I was like, I was
[9:49] Speaker 2: sober behaving that way. But I was like, but I'm
[9:52] Speaker 2: really selling it like they think I'm like darkly fucking.
[9:56] Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, I gotta I feel back.
[9:59] Speaker 1: And then I was like, hey, what up? Oh? And
[10:02] Speaker 1: I was like yeah, okay, all right, so you get
[10:05] Speaker 1: on stage. What what year is this? This is probably
[10:08] Speaker 1: where are you at. This is probably two thousand and
[10:12] Speaker 1: thirteen or fourteen, and I was in Boston at that point.
[10:15] Speaker 1: I had a kid. No, no, no, before I had
[10:18] Speaker 1: a kid, it doesn't matter. But I was in Boston
[10:22] Speaker 1: visiting some friends and I hadn't, and I'd heard all
[10:26] Speaker 1: about Boston Comedy. In New York. You always hear people
[10:28] Speaker 1: from other cities, like think about Boston Comedy, who is
[10:31] Speaker 1: We're the best? Or Chicago Comedy with everyone's the best
[10:35] Speaker 1: from their little region and everyone's excited for you when
[10:38] Speaker 1: you come to New York or LA and talk about
[10:41] Speaker 1: another city that you're from. And so I went to
[10:46] Speaker 1: the Boston thing and I was like, told, it's like
[10:48] Speaker 1: this is the exclusive showcase show that you know, and
[10:51] Speaker 1: I don't know, I know, someone got me, Like I
[10:53] Speaker 1: emailed the right person and I got on the thing.
[10:56] Speaker 1: But before my friend Jay is that I grew up with.
[10:58] Speaker 1: He like works in he's like a construction like hot
[11:03] Speaker 1: like a project manager, like I guess, like the equivalent
[11:06] Speaker 1: of like a producer on a TV show for you know,
[11:09] Speaker 1: like they fucking I don't know counts beans make sure
[11:13] Speaker 1: people show up on time. But part of his job
[11:16] Speaker 1: is he takes clients out. So he has this gold
[11:19] Speaker 1: card and like knows all the restaurants and can get
[11:22] Speaker 1: it everywhere. So we go to this restaurant before the
[11:25] Speaker 1: performance and he's just like, you gotta try this bourbon.
[11:28] Speaker 1: You gotta try this bourbon, and it's like, I'll be
[11:31] Speaker 1: honest you, I don't even drink hard liquor, and it
[11:33] Speaker 1: when I did it all tastes kind of the same.
[11:36] Speaker 1: It's all good, but I don't really care. Like I'm
[11:39] Speaker 1: like wow.
[11:40] Speaker 2: Because as soon as you're like discerning nuanced bourbon taste.
[11:46] Speaker 1: So we were like nuanced bourbon tasting. But like with
[11:49] Speaker 1: the expense card, we just kept doing it and doing it.
[11:51] Speaker 1: And two friends from high school and my cousin Bob
[11:54] Speaker 1: and you had the show later that night. Yeah, show
[11:56] Speaker 1: later that night, and so four of us are getting like, yeah,
[11:59] Speaker 1: straight bourbon lost other people too. I feel like other
[12:03] Speaker 1: people from high school were like aye, up here too.
[12:06] Speaker 1: I'm like, oh cool. Like a bunch of people came
[12:09] Speaker 1: out and I was getting I start getting sauced. I
[12:12] Speaker 1: was getting sauced, and I spent all my my comedy
[12:15] Speaker 1: juice at the dinner. Oh You're like like ra raight, hey,
[12:19] Speaker 1: now we're cool. And when I got to the place
[12:22] Speaker 1: and like, I don't know these guys and they were like, Okay,
[12:24] Speaker 1: you're gonna go for I'm like, Barry, that sounds great,
[12:29] Speaker 1: and like my eyes are like bloodshot. He smell yeah,
[12:32] Speaker 1: it was like Charles Bukowski by the time I got there.
[12:35] Speaker 1: And also I remember going up there slurring my speech,
[12:39] Speaker 1: bombing the first few jokes. And then I had two
[12:41] Speaker 1: jokes that I remember. I thought of this the other day.
[12:44] Speaker 1: Here's the joke. I have a joke that goes an
[12:47] Speaker 1: old joke that I said, they say, when you have
[12:49] Speaker 1: sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they had
[12:51] Speaker 1: sex with, and everyone they had sex with, no and on,
[12:54] Speaker 1: and I wondered if I've ever slept with Kevin Bacon,
[12:56] Speaker 1: and that's a retired joke from the old days. That's
[12:59] Speaker 1: the same up and punch. And then there was another
[13:02] Speaker 1: joke I had that went like, I texted my old
[13:05] Speaker 1: girlfriend now my old girlfrill. She was my old girlfriend
[13:08] Speaker 1: at the time. This is a true story. I actually
[13:10] Speaker 1: texted you this. I was like, come over soon, I'm
[13:14] Speaker 1: totally horny, and my friend Eric text me back. It
[13:18] Speaker 1: was like, uh, what's this text for. I'm like, oh,
[13:22] Speaker 1: for someone else. It's like, why are you busy? You know,
[13:25] Speaker 1: and I go, why are you busy? And it's like,
[13:27] Speaker 1: whatever the fucking joke was, I'm already fucking up my joke.
[13:31] Speaker 1: Twelve years point is I did the setup of the
[13:34] Speaker 1: of the Kevin Bacon joke when you have sex and
[13:38] Speaker 1: so you're sex, and I wondered, it's just like how
[13:42] Speaker 1: quick can you get here? And everyone just like goes what.
[13:46] Speaker 1: And then I remember being up on the stage bombing
[13:48] Speaker 1: so bad. I'm like, oh, I just ate through two
[13:52] Speaker 1: jokes and my brain is on fire. And I was
[13:58] Speaker 1: at that point you know when you start how many
[14:00] Speaker 1: you write it all the time, and you get into
[14:02] Speaker 1: it and you're fucking into it and into it. And
[14:04] Speaker 1: I was at like a lull moment in Stand Up
[14:06] Speaker 1: Too where I was like, my mom was a little rusty. Yeah,
[14:10] Speaker 1: I wasn't writing new material. I was probably writing on
[14:12] Speaker 1: the show at that point, so I think I was
[14:14] Speaker 1: like fulfilled in some level. But it's all I remember
[14:18] Speaker 1: being like, ah shit, and then it just got bad.
[14:20] Speaker 1: But the best was at the end of my cousin
[14:23] Speaker 1: this one guy Seth, who I knew from high school
[14:25] Speaker 1: and I kind of we've always been frenemies. He just
[14:28] Speaker 1: kind of was like he need never seen me before
[14:30] Speaker 1: and he saw me bomb and he kind of made
[14:33] Speaker 1: a comment and my cousin Bob goes to me, He goes,
[14:37] Speaker 1: you know the stuff I've seen online's good and that
[14:42] Speaker 1: was his comment. And then and then it just wasn't
[14:44] Speaker 1: that fun of a night. It was like put that
[14:47] Speaker 1: in the bourbon files, like what are the many reasons
[14:51] Speaker 1: I'll just like not touch the bourbon.
[14:53] Speaker 2: Wait, so your high school friends are there, and a
[14:56] Speaker 2: frind of me was like.
[14:58] Speaker 1: A front of me, Like it was like my buddy
[15:00] Speaker 1: Jay's friend and it was like watched bomb and that's
[15:04] Speaker 1: all he knows me. I said, like I think I like,
[15:06] Speaker 1: I like fought this guy before, like I've like puniched
[15:09] Speaker 1: him in the face. Other times he's like closer to
[15:12] Speaker 1: enemy than in front of him. He's friend of me
[15:14] Speaker 1: because we have the same friends. So like so socially,
[15:18] Speaker 1: nobody's gonna like they're like, oh, come on, guys. But
[15:22] Speaker 1: like as adults, sometimes people just don't like each other.
[15:26] Speaker 1: It's just like one of those things you gotta be like, yeah, yeah,
[15:29] Speaker 1: I just don't like him and the and it's nothing
[15:32] Speaker 1: he did, uh, other than my own internal like I
[15:39] Speaker 1: have an internal with some people. Yeah. Life, that's how human,
[15:43] Speaker 1: That's how the species works.
[15:45] Speaker 2: Is that the most drunk you've ever been on stage?
[15:47] Speaker 1: Probably? But then we used to do. Me and Victor
[15:52] Speaker 1: Vernad I would host that show and like they would
[15:55] Speaker 1: just like keep him coming and they would deserve us beers.
[15:59] Speaker 1: Like I didn't have any responsibilities at that time in
[16:03] Speaker 1: my life, and so I have like blackout nights.
[16:08] Speaker 2: It was still there by the way East Village, Frat
[16:12] Speaker 2: boy n y U frat boy dive bar, total kind
[16:17] Speaker 2: of craphole bar.
[16:19] Speaker 1: Right. It's very much like.
[16:21] Speaker 2: Yeah, your shots, Irish car bombs, all that, like peer
[16:24] Speaker 2: pressure drinking, like cheap liquor, Like you gotta do a
[16:29] Speaker 2: brain eraser. It's like I don't. I don't have to
[16:32] Speaker 2: do one, and I don't want to do it. What
[16:34] Speaker 2: is it? Five ounces of kolua and five ounces of
[16:37] Speaker 2: back to back.
[16:38] Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, they had, nobody has to do that.
[16:41] Speaker 1: It's like a grost. They had like a fish bowl
[16:43] Speaker 1: Long Island iced tea and they deserve it.
[16:46] Speaker 2: Ke. Yeah, it's just like pound alcohol, no matter how
[16:50] Speaker 2: disgusting it is.
[16:52] Speaker 1: It's like their botto in Long Island, Icy is just
[16:54] Speaker 1: mixing all the liquors, which is.
[16:56] Speaker 2: Like what is the most disgusting. It's tequila, gin vodka
[17:04] Speaker 2: and whiskey and Coca cola and sugar and lemon, THEYD
[17:10] Speaker 2: sugar syrup, simple cyrus, the Coca cola thing. I don't
[17:15] Speaker 2: think you should be the most disgusting cocktail. That's that
[17:19] Speaker 2: there ever is, And I don't really know what The
[17:21] Speaker 2: only reason anybody talks about it is because it's so
[17:24] Speaker 2: extreme and disgusting.
[17:25] Speaker 1: It's extreme, and it was in a fish bowl. I
[17:27] Speaker 1: don't know if that was I think they had the
[17:29] Speaker 1: fish bowl. I've been doing a few bars. I had
[17:30] Speaker 1: the fish bowl of Long Island. I s tea. That's
[17:33] Speaker 1: just and you everyone put a straw in and.
[17:35] Speaker 2: You really I think in college, my friend teaches an
[17:38] Speaker 2: alcohol class. You should teach kids how to drink because
[17:41] Speaker 2: they're just gonna get sick and go to the hospital.
[17:43] Speaker 1: Wait, you go the wrong way. There's an alcohol class. Yeah,
[17:46] Speaker 1: my friend teaches an alcohol What.
[17:47] Speaker 2: Is the alcohol class? What is the history of alcohol?
[17:50] Speaker 2: How to make cocktails?
[17:54] Speaker 1: Yeah? Your wine? Does he teach about acid aldehyde? I
[17:58] Speaker 1: don't know. Everyone's got an old Yeah. People should know
[18:01] Speaker 1: about the risks. Yeah, the risks, the poison of alcohol
[18:06] Speaker 1: breaking down in your liver, the feeling of hangover. If
[18:09] Speaker 1: you took a shot of acid aaldehyde, you'd have a hangover. Yeah,
[18:12] Speaker 1: it was just like an instant hangover. Yeah.
[18:14] Speaker 2: You know what Hamilton Morris told me, Acetal to hide
[18:16] Speaker 2: smells like a person hungover. He's like, I can't even
[18:19] Speaker 2: drink because I smell acidtal the hide in my lab,
[18:22] Speaker 2: and I like associated with people that are like drunk,
[18:25] Speaker 2: like that booze smell.
[18:26] Speaker 1: That's the smell. It's like pouring out of your skin.
[18:30] Speaker 2: Oh yeah, but they should teach kids are gonna drink.
[18:33] Speaker 1: College kids are gonna drink.
[18:34] Speaker 2: You teach them the right way to drink, because that
[18:36] Speaker 2: is the wrong way.
[18:37] Speaker 1: That's a crazy way to drink. Yeah, because culturally, when
[18:39] Speaker 1: I was younger, it was always more and more you had,
[18:43] Speaker 1: Like yeah, it was very very competitive. Yeah, the amountains enjoying.
[18:48] Speaker 1: Europeans enjoy it like Americans like it's like it's like
[18:51] Speaker 1: a race to Yeah. It was like I remember in
[18:53] Speaker 1: high school there was kids like, yeah, I drank eighteen,
[18:56] Speaker 1: I had nineteen Yeah, okay.
[18:58] Speaker 2: Yeah, didn't tell me one guy in your college I
[19:02] Speaker 2: gave a girl ninety three orgasms.
[19:04] Speaker 1: Like you're like, yeah, yeah, he taught me the way
[19:08] Speaker 1: to go down to give a girl ninety three orgasms,
[19:12] Speaker 1: like one after another and I was like, and I
[19:14] Speaker 1: was like, wait, you counted him, Like what what are you?
[19:21] Speaker 1: Are you tracking your clicker? Are you tracking them click
[19:26] Speaker 1: click clicker? Yeah? I didn't buy it seventy Yeah it
[19:36] Speaker 1: was crazy and he had a method and he told
[19:39] Speaker 1: me about it, and uh, it's already too much. Yeah
[19:43] Speaker 1: it's fine, but I'm not gonna get the method. Stupid,
[19:46] Speaker 1: it's just normal.
[19:47] Speaker 2: It's just some I already command to roll out of
[19:51] Speaker 2: that conversation off the top, from the setup, from the setup, Okay,
[19:56] Speaker 2: a pretty lousy bar. And uh, it's your kid, it's
[20:00] Speaker 2: for like twenty one, it's for kids. It's it's for
[20:02] Speaker 2: people that don't know how to drink. So there's no ambia.
[20:05] Speaker 2: It's gross, and it's got to be filthy in there.
[20:08] Speaker 1: Right, filthy.
[20:08] Speaker 2: It's stinks, stinks like mildew filthy. They have like like
[20:13] Speaker 2: black lights and Christmas lights. It's kind of like like
[20:16] Speaker 2: dorm room decor its.
[20:18] Speaker 1: Dorm room to core Christmas lights surely and bartenders right
[20:23] Speaker 1: like they're like miserable. Right, they were like because I
[20:27] Speaker 1: was there every Thursday or where the fuck it was,
[20:30] Speaker 1: every Thursday night, I was there and they got to
[20:32] Speaker 1: know me, so they liked me. Yeah, but I did
[20:36] Speaker 1: fight a guy one time when like, okay, yeah, this is.
[20:38] Speaker 2: What I want to talk about. So you're on stage,
[20:40] Speaker 2: you're hosting. You're hosting a comedy show. It's like an
[20:44] Speaker 2: open mic. You're hosting a comedy show. It's a book show.
[20:46] Speaker 2: It's a bookshow. You're hosting this comedy show. Up and
[20:50] Speaker 2: coming comedians. It's you and Victor Vernado.
[20:53] Speaker 1: Yes, but there's rowdy frat boy, it's real frat boy.
[20:56] Speaker 1: You're doing your stand up and what happens. So I
[20:58] Speaker 1: think on this day I didn't host. I said I
[21:01] Speaker 1: just want to do a spot, and Victor brought me
[21:04] Speaker 1: on stage and I'm not even I'm talking, and I'm
[21:09] Speaker 1: not even in my first joke. I'm like setting up
[21:12] Speaker 1: my first joke. And this guy in a white hat,
[21:14] Speaker 1: a Yukon hat, and that's often like a trigger for me,
[21:17] Speaker 1: like a white Yukon hat, like a titleist hat, you know,
[21:21] Speaker 1: and he's like, you're not funny man, and I was
[21:24] Speaker 1: like I just was like just I like waved him
[21:27] Speaker 1: on the University of Connecticut. University of Connecticut.
[21:30] Speaker 4: This is like.
[21:32] Speaker 1: Taking that metro north down. Okay, got it? And he
[21:38] Speaker 1: told me, I wasn't funny, and I just kind of
[21:39] Speaker 1: waved him off, like sometimes you're not in the move
[21:41] Speaker 1: for crowd work either. Yeah, he was like I just
[21:43] Speaker 1: wan like I think I was like prepping for something.
[21:46] Speaker 1: I was like, I want to get a joke. I
[21:48] Speaker 1: want to get this through. And I didn't even get
[21:51] Speaker 1: to half, Like I didn't even get to the punchline.
[21:54] Speaker 1: And he said it again and I just started ripping
[21:56] Speaker 1: into him and I just like broke and I and uh,
[22:02] Speaker 1: I started accusing him of all sorts of stuff, making
[22:04] Speaker 1: his friends laugh, like what, pray tell what I told him?
[22:08] Speaker 1: He gave me a blowjob in the bathroom before, and
[22:10] Speaker 1: you told me not to tell anyone. I used his
[22:13] Speaker 1: like perceived homophobia against him kind of thing, and I
[22:16] Speaker 1: was just like it was fine, it was great. And
[22:18] Speaker 1: now he's all mad at me, and now he's acting
[22:20] Speaker 1: like he doesn't even know me. And it was the
[22:22] Speaker 1: opposite of how we left the bathroom, and I got
[22:25] Speaker 1: into the weeds with that. His friends were laughing and
[22:28] Speaker 1: he got all like tongue in the cheet, not tongue
[22:31] Speaker 1: in cheek, but you know that like when you're a
[22:33] Speaker 1: pissed dude, when you're a pissed bro and you stick
[22:37] Speaker 1: your tongue and you're like, whoa, this guy doesn't know
[22:40] Speaker 1: who he's messing with. He did, he was sure I
[22:44] Speaker 1: didn't know who he was messing with. And I'm like,
[22:47] Speaker 1: you can't have like the end like you're like, that's
[22:50] Speaker 1: not intimidating. So at the end, I just I just
[22:54] Speaker 1: let I just laid into him for a long time
[22:56] Speaker 1: until like turn the audience against him and everybody, including
[22:59] Speaker 1: his friends, were lamping. And on the way out, I
[23:03] Speaker 1: gave him like a double middle finger to the face.
[23:06] Speaker 1: She swang at me and I swung back, and then
[23:09] Speaker 1: the bouncers pulled them off, and it was like it
[23:11] Speaker 1: was like hardly a fight, you know, but it was
[23:14] Speaker 1: like live in the moment. And then uh, afterwards, his
[23:18] Speaker 1: friends bought me drinks like pets all right, normally I'm like,
[23:22] Speaker 1: fuck Pete. It was like is he waiting for me?
[23:26] Speaker 1: I'm like, is he waiting for me? Because I'm out
[23:28] Speaker 1: of energy now. That was really so it was his
[23:31] Speaker 1: friends then went bought me drinks and they were like
[23:34] Speaker 1: they really thoroughly enjoyed it. And then the hosts of
[23:40] Speaker 1: the show after that they go that that got buzz.
[23:43] Speaker 1: But there was a fight and then it like started
[23:46] Speaker 1: like the audience changed, because then it started turning into
[23:48] Speaker 1: like more of like are they going to wrestle tonight too?
[23:54] Speaker 1: And then there was like Elisa and Micah. I don't know,
[23:57] Speaker 1: I think they said that that was their show. I
[24:00] Speaker 1: think they set up a fake fight a few weeks
[24:02] Speaker 1: later and it didn't work. And it was like we
[24:06] Speaker 1: learned that in production, like fake fighting looks fake, looks
[24:10] Speaker 1: fake unless you know the magic of cutting makes John
[24:14] Speaker 1: Wick look good. If you just like watch raw footage
[24:16] Speaker 1: of John Wick, you wouldn't be like, wow, he's fighting.
[24:19] Speaker 1: But yeah, that that was a fun little thing.
[24:25] Speaker 5: With Aerdre. With Aerdre, there's lots of waste to bomb.
[24:38] Speaker 5: My friend, ways, what bomb have you seen in real life?
[24:43] Speaker 1: That was like the worst bomb you've ever seen?
[24:45] Speaker 2: Now we don't have to say the comedian you'd before.
[24:49] Speaker 2: I've asked it before and I'm asking it again, brother man.
[24:52] Speaker 1: I liked this one guy, al who used to bomb,
[24:55] Speaker 1: but he was self aware about it. He's like, I
[24:58] Speaker 1: almost had the audience but bomb as usual, and I'm like,
[25:02] Speaker 1: see he could feel it. And I liked that guy because.
[25:04] Speaker 2: You ever see somebody told me that Tracy Morgan used
[25:07] Speaker 2: to go on stage, drop trow and turn around and
[25:12] Speaker 2: spread his ass cheeks open to the crowd.
[25:14] Speaker 1: No, you go, y'all want to see my birthmark?
[25:17] Speaker 2: And then he dropped trout and spread his ass cheeks
[25:19] Speaker 2: to the crowd and show his raw asshole to the crowd.
[25:23] Speaker 1: Classics just performance art, he did. Really, y'all want to
[25:31] Speaker 1: see my birth I remember there was a community was
[25:34] Speaker 1: wild right.
[25:35] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[25:35] Speaker 1: I was doing a show up at the basement of
[25:38] Speaker 1: Comics whatever that was called Ochie's Lounge.
[25:40] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[25:41] Speaker 1: And then suddenly there was this mass exodus from this
[25:43] Speaker 1: from the from the big room upstairs. They were like,
[25:46] Speaker 1: ohr for our, for our, for our Somebody I'm not
[25:49] Speaker 1: gonna say name was a comedian got up on stage.
[25:52] Speaker 1: It was their show and he goes, I'm on high
[25:55] Speaker 1: five some titties, Eddy high five a woman's breasts, and
[26:00] Speaker 1: it was like it was like it was like a
[26:03] Speaker 1: big deal, and it was. And I remember mama high five.
[26:06] Speaker 1: I remember I remember asking the booker of the show,
[26:09] Speaker 1: like what happened and she was just like a ship
[26:12] Speaker 1: Oh man.
[26:13] Speaker 2: I remember there was articles. I remember there were like
[26:20] Speaker 2: articles about that show.
[26:21] Speaker 1: Yeah, I was there, and I was like, not in
[26:23] Speaker 1: the room. I was below the red another show. You
[26:25] Speaker 1: felt the stampede. You felt the stampede, but then it
[26:29] Speaker 1: filled the room with people who just wanted to have
[26:31] Speaker 1: a just came out to have a couple of laughs,
[26:33] Speaker 1: and then some people got there got their fix.
[26:37] Speaker 2: The only one thing I worry about this premise of
[26:39] Speaker 2: this podcast, I don't want to I don't want to
[26:41] Speaker 2: Beatlejuice a bunch of like dark, bitter comics back in
[26:45] Speaker 2: my life. Maybe I should starry today because because like
[26:50] Speaker 2: that is a treacherous question, like what's the worst bob
[26:52] Speaker 2: You've ever seen?
[26:52] Speaker 1: That's not you? It's like, all right, well I saw something.
[26:55] Speaker 1: Because I've seen some really good comedians who I like
[26:58] Speaker 1: and respect bomb and I don't want to be like, hey, yeah,
[27:01] Speaker 1: you know who you think it's funny? Yeah, Sam Jay
[27:04] Speaker 1: did a good job.
[27:04] Speaker 2: She didn't say she's like Comic A and Comic B
[27:08] Speaker 2: had a beef and she like told this whole story
[27:10] Speaker 2: about these guys. It's like they like went into a
[27:13] Speaker 2: whole fistfight on stage and it was I think I
[27:17] Speaker 2: just got to.
[27:17] Speaker 4: Like protecting it.
[27:18] Speaker 1: One time I was in El Paso. I was moving
[27:21] Speaker 1: out to La and I did a show and that
[27:25] Speaker 1: Sunday we were just about to shoot the pilot. It
[27:28] Speaker 1: was like the Saturday, I think we were like we
[27:31] Speaker 1: were shooting the pilot on like a Monday, and I
[27:33] Speaker 1: was in El Paso on Friday the pilot of the
[27:37] Speaker 1: Ericondrew Show. But that Sunday I was on I did
[27:41] Speaker 1: a bit on This American Life where I was trying
[27:43] Speaker 1: to learn Spanish and I was like psyched about it,
[27:46] Speaker 1: and I told the announcer that like, oh yeah, mentioned
[27:50] Speaker 1: that you can listen to me this Sunday on This
[27:52] Speaker 1: American Life and the announcer like went off script on
[27:56] Speaker 1: like a forty five second over a minute ty raid
[28:00] Speaker 1: about n PR and like yeah, we need more freedoms.
[28:04] Speaker 1: It was like pre last It was like post Bush,
[28:09] Speaker 1: sort of like raw raw like anger, and it was
[28:13] Speaker 1: like the club owner I was like, like what did
[28:15] Speaker 1: you bring me on? I told him like I'm like,
[28:18] Speaker 1: just don't mention it, like I was like, I was
[28:20] Speaker 1: like like it was like I'm like you was wait.
[28:22] Speaker 1: You being on MPR triggered him, triggered him when he
[28:25] Speaker 1: brought me on stage to like go on like, uh, yeah,
[28:29] Speaker 1: he's gonna be on NPR or whatever communist radio network. Yeah,
[28:33] Speaker 1: it was what like, why did you try to turn
[28:38] Speaker 1: the audience on me.
[28:39] Speaker 2: As you're going on, what's I'm going on?
[28:45] Speaker 1: Oh cool? Where's my latte?
[28:48] Speaker 4: You know?
[28:48] Speaker 1: Like that wasn't cool at all.
[28:53] Speaker 2: Go to the bathroom, all right, dn't curry everybody there there.
[29:03] Speaker 4: With Eric Andre.
[29:05] Speaker 2: Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
[29:07] Speaker 2: Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast. Executive produced
[29:11] Speaker 2: by Han Sani Olivia Aguilar, edited and sound designed by
[29:14] Speaker 2: Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. If
[29:17] Speaker 2: you want to confess to your own bombing moments or
[29:18] Speaker 2: give us a shout out, go rate us five stars
[29:20] Speaker 2: and drop a review on your podcast app A choice
[29:22] Speaker 2: right about your own stories of bombing at life and
[29:25] Speaker 2: if you're on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to
[29:27] Speaker 2: Big Money Player's Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with
[29:30] Speaker 2: every episode and listen to all my episodes ad free.
[29:33] Speaker 2: The guests on Bombing with Eric Andre were recorded before
[29:36] Speaker 2: the SAG After strike, Hey Bye,

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