# Cocaine in the Attic w/ Nick Rutherford, Karl Hess, Cornell Reid

An episode of [Bombing with Eric Andre](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1700594299), 1 Nov 2023, 35 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/7443be8e-6758-4131-bd17-b04a00ee1705/9b696c90-4738-489e-9a2f-b0ad003f5901/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=3dc328b2-90a9-4cb4-8c17-b04a00ee9da0

Eric and his travel buds Nick Rutherford, Karl Hess, and Cornell Reid (also his friends in comedy) talk about their funny escapades together. Cornell talks about an awkward comedy spot he did in college, Nick talks about a crazy encounter with a married woman in Texas, and Karl witnessed too much cocaine in an empty attic. This is for sure the wildest episode of the season and you will not want to miss listening to it! Pre-Order our new book "Dumb Ideas" here Get Your Tickets to the Eric Andre Explosion Tour here! Rate and Review Bombing with Eric Andre here Do you like listening to Bombing and want extended conversations with more bombing stories every week? Then check out Big Money Players Diamond, a new subscription available exclusively on Apple Podcasts, where you can get exclusive material from all my interviews for the show, plus 100% ad-free episodes every week. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where
[0:02] Speaker 1: I talk with comedians, musicians, friends, chefs, and.
[0:08] Speaker 2: Known murderers convicted murderers. Actually, we have a lot of
[0:11] Speaker 2: them on the show.
[0:13] Speaker 1: This episode we featured three of my best drinking buddies,
[0:16] Speaker 1: Nick Rutherford, Carl has Cornell Red some of my favorite
[0:20] Speaker 1: standup comics. They're my vacation and adventure buddies. We've all
[0:23] Speaker 1: gone to the worst open mics in the world together
[0:26] Speaker 1: for the past twenty years, and collectively we've had the
[0:29] Speaker 1: most absurd, raunchiest nights. As always, follow the podcast for
[0:34] Speaker 1: new episodes every week. Rate us five stars of check
[0:36] Speaker 1: out Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get
[0:38] Speaker 1: exclusive weekly bonus content plus ad free episodes.
[0:41] Speaker 2: Let's get into it, Bobby.
[0:50] Speaker 3: With aeric Andre.
[0:51] Speaker 2: We'll start with our worst bombing stories, and.
[0:54] Speaker 3: Then we'll.
[0:56] Speaker 4: Take turn saying the N word. Okay, I heard you
[1:03] Speaker 4: had a fuck. Do you want to kick it off
[1:05] Speaker 4: or do you want to make sure I can hear
[1:07] Speaker 4: you like boom?
[1:09] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[1:10] Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I'm of.
[1:11] Speaker 2: The century story.
[1:13] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:13] Speaker 6: Should I start now?
[1:14] Speaker 2: We're recording? Oh yeah, yeah, we're recording.
[1:17] Speaker 6: All right, So this was right when I started doing
[1:20] Speaker 6: stand up comedy. I was still in college and my Ra,
[1:25] Speaker 6: who was I was kindly friendly with, she comes up.
[1:27] Speaker 6: She's like, hey, knocks on my dorm room, open the doors, Hey,
[1:31] Speaker 6: I got you a set some fifteen minutes. Come follow me.
[1:34] Speaker 6: And I was like, okay, so I walk with her.
[1:37] Speaker 6: I follow her.
[1:38] Speaker 7: We go to like the how people get booked from
[1:41] Speaker 7: comedy shows all the time.
[1:43] Speaker 6: Most of them start doing comedy, and I was just like, wow,
[1:47] Speaker 6: I'm a new comic. This sounds like an opportunity to shine,
[1:50] Speaker 6: you know. And I started walking to the little like
[1:53] Speaker 6: center they have. And as we start walking to this
[1:56] Speaker 6: little event center, I see signs all over for uh
[2:03] Speaker 6: Soul Night.
[2:06] Speaker 5: I'm like, surely this can't.
[2:08] Speaker 2: Be like a neo soul like an Eric or what.
[2:17] Speaker 6: Uh No, it was just black in general.
[2:21] Speaker 5: It wasn't especial.
[2:24] Speaker 6: Yes, yes, yes, Soul Night. I walk inside, following my Ra,
[2:32] Speaker 6: who wasn't black either. I don't know how she got
[2:34] Speaker 6: this booking on this.
[2:36] Speaker 8: She's like, I got a guy. I got it.
[2:39] Speaker 5: I got the perfect guy for you.
[2:41] Speaker 6: My brother, well, my name's Cornell too, so they probably
[2:44] Speaker 6: don't even bad. And EYE like that sounds great. I
[2:51] Speaker 6: walk in and it's full. It's packed. There's like three
[2:56] Speaker 6: hundred people there in the seats, and on State is
[3:01] Speaker 6: spoken word poetry going on.
[3:05] Speaker 2: Yeahtry slam.
[3:10] Speaker 6: CSU Northward poetry slam going down, and they are loving it.
[3:16] Speaker 6: After that gospel choir comes off, you were like perfect, yeah, yeah,
[3:26] Speaker 6: you know it's so naive. Back then, I was just like, well,
[3:28] Speaker 6: I'm gonna get up there and kill him. This is
[3:30] Speaker 6: gonna be great. Comedy fits in line with this programming.
[3:36] Speaker 6: So gospel choir finishes and the like up next for
[3:41] Speaker 6: some comedy. Here's Cornell read and I walk on stage
[3:47] Speaker 6: immediately silent record. Yes, absolutely, I start telling my first joke. Nothing,
[3:57] Speaker 6: absolutely nothing.
[3:58] Speaker 2: Remember the joke.
[3:59] Speaker 6: I don't remember the joke, but I do remember.
[4:02] Speaker 5: It was, what's the deal with black people?
[4:09] Speaker 2: Too many?
[4:13] Speaker 6: Cornell, Hey, I'm glad you guys are here, because no
[4:17] Speaker 6: one's not robbing my car right now.
[4:22] Speaker 9: She just started doing Bernie Max sat from Comedy Jam.
[4:26] Speaker 5: But I was very scared.
[4:27] Speaker 3: I was.
[4:29] Speaker 8: I am scared, very scared.
[4:34] Speaker 6: So I started doing jokes and then they just start
[4:38] Speaker 6: they're talking, they're not paying attention.
[4:39] Speaker 5: They start heckling me.
[4:42] Speaker 6: Like before I would I would start setting up a joke,
[4:45] Speaker 6: they would go like haa before I even got to
[4:49] Speaker 6: the punchline, and they're heckling like me like that I was,
[4:52] Speaker 6: you know, and I was like two years into it.
[4:54] Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like a heckle. Well, that sounds like
[4:56] Speaker 2: they were having fun.
[4:57] Speaker 5: What's your problem with black people?
[5:02] Speaker 8: That guy killed?
[5:02] Speaker 5: Hell, he's doing really well. My favorite comedian.
[5:05] Speaker 9: It's really mad at for some.
[5:06] Speaker 6: Reason though they know, they're like trying to uh shut
[5:11] Speaker 6: me up, like like uh.
[5:14] Speaker 5: Mocking me.
[5:15] Speaker 6: And you know, I'm so early on into comedy. I'm
[5:19] Speaker 6: doing like what's the deal with transformers? I mean, with
[5:23] Speaker 6: that one robot transforms into a tape player? What tap player?
[5:27] Speaker 6: In the future at least be a CD player? You know.
[5:31] Speaker 8: That's very strong.
[5:35] Speaker 6: Sure, my material for.
[5:40] Speaker 8: He's outdated a little bit.
[5:42] Speaker 6: So I'm doing these jokes and I'm still going even
[5:46] Speaker 6: though no one's giving me anything. I'm powering through. These
[5:50] Speaker 6: people are legitimately trying to interfere with my set. And
[5:55] Speaker 6: I bring up one joke and this guy goes like
[5:58] Speaker 6: the hah before I it anywhere, and I look at
[6:01] Speaker 6: him and he had one sleeve rolled up on his
[6:06] Speaker 6: T shirt. And for some reason. It sparked a memory
[6:11] Speaker 6: in me. I got the feeling to riff to finally
[6:13] Speaker 6: win this audience on my side up yeah yeah, And
[6:18] Speaker 6: he had one sleeve rolled up, and it reminded me
[6:22] Speaker 6: of the movie Sunset Park. I don't know if you've
[6:26] Speaker 6: remember that movie, but it's like Ray Pearlman coaches an
[6:30] Speaker 6: inner city basketball team.
[6:32] Speaker 3: That movie I have.
[6:35] Speaker 6: Yeah, it was not a hit, but it was in
[6:37] Speaker 6: the late nineties that movies around. And one of the
[6:40] Speaker 6: guys on the basketball team had one of his sleeves
[6:42] Speaker 6: cut off of his shirt underneath his jersey. I remember
[6:45] Speaker 6: that because I thought it looked cool, and I did
[6:47] Speaker 6: it when I played basketball in seventh grade for a
[6:49] Speaker 6: little while.
[6:49] Speaker 5: It's kind of early days of like the Kobe sleeve, you.
[6:52] Speaker 6: Know, yeah right right, Well, people were doing like sleeveless shirt.
[6:56] Speaker 6: So this is the first guy I saw it doing
[6:57] Speaker 6: one sleep.
[6:58] Speaker 9: I don't think I've ever seen that.
[6:59] Speaker 8: It's kind of.
[7:00] Speaker 6: Nobody has he has. So I that guy heckles me.
[7:04] Speaker 6: He has one shirt sleeve rolled up. So I pointed,
[7:06] Speaker 6: I'm gonna go, oh, Sunset Park over there like that joke,
[7:11] Speaker 6: and I didn't No one made the connection that one
[7:13] Speaker 6: kid in Sunset Park off.
[7:19] Speaker 2: That black guy.
[7:20] Speaker 6: Looks like an inner city basketball player. That came off,
[7:25] Speaker 6: and that was finally the whole crowd just goes okay.
[7:29] Speaker 5: Now they had something to sink their teeth into, right.
[7:32] Speaker 6: And I distinctly remember having some hearing a woman in
[7:36] Speaker 6: the front row say verbatim that white motherfucker's going to
[7:41] Speaker 6: get his ass. And the lady comes up, literally takes
[7:50] Speaker 6: the microphone out of my hands and walk off stage
[7:55] Speaker 6: and just went straight back to my dorm room and
[7:58] Speaker 6: just like hit in my bed.
[8:02] Speaker 5: And that that ra is still your manager.
[8:06] Speaker 3: It's to be fair.
[8:09] Speaker 5: She's gotten better at Cornell's gotten better. They're growing.
[8:12] Speaker 10: He did tour later with that gospel band that you
[8:14] Speaker 10: know they I have.
[8:18] Speaker 7: I I have a similar like they just stopped. They
[8:21] Speaker 7: just stopped me from doing comedy. That's the worst one
[8:25] Speaker 7: stopping there. We don't even finish your time what I
[8:30] Speaker 7: was in.
[8:31] Speaker 3: Uh.
[8:31] Speaker 5: I went up to I went up.
[8:33] Speaker 7: To Alaska with Brooks for for Brits Wheelians like thirtieth birthday.
[8:37] Speaker 7: We camped to like Denali and our way back down
[8:39] Speaker 7: to the airport, we stayed one night in this little
[8:42] Speaker 7: town called Talketna, which is like this little mountain toown
[8:45] Speaker 7: is really cute. It's like a real quirky little mountain town.
[8:48] Speaker 7: Like there's a bar that like the manager is a cat,
[8:52] Speaker 7: you know, it's like one of.
[8:53] Speaker 5: These yeah, like the.
[8:59] Speaker 3: Beret.
[9:01] Speaker 5: I guess the cat doesn't like cursing and something.
[9:04] Speaker 7: Then when we went to that bar, they were like, oh,
[9:06] Speaker 7: you know if you if you curse it all, you're
[9:08] Speaker 7: kicked out immediately. And we were like, are you fucking serious?
[9:10] Speaker 7: And then they kicked us out. Like so it was
[9:14] Speaker 7: a really quirky little town. And we go to this
[9:15] Speaker 7: one bar and they had an open mic and it
[9:19] Speaker 7: was just you know, like poetry, like singer songwriters. It's
[9:23] Speaker 7: a super little local open mic and Brookes.
[9:26] Speaker 2: Can do something stand up.
[9:28] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[9:28] Speaker 5: We're like, we're from La, let's shake this town up.
[9:33] Speaker 6: Yeah, like a small town Alaskan town loves more than.
[9:40] Speaker 2: Slam bo tree and a singer songwriter.
[9:43] Speaker 5: Yeah, the cat came out and did a trick.
[9:46] Speaker 7: He's like hard working, like blue collar, like lumberjacks are like,
[9:50] Speaker 7: what's this guy think about?
[9:51] Speaker 9: Airlines?
[9:53] Speaker 7: So we signed up for the open mic and it
[9:55] Speaker 7: was a pretty rowdy crowd and I go up and
[9:57] Speaker 7: I was doing this bit at the time that was
[10:00] Speaker 7: about ants eating my Like, giz, you're still doing.
[10:04] Speaker 5: I haven't done it. I love doing it for a while.
[10:13] Speaker 8: It's it's pretty funny.
[10:14] Speaker 5: Yeah, it's about ants to your ji.
[10:16] Speaker 7: Yeah, it was like back when I lived with like
[10:18] Speaker 7: like three guys like I like.
[10:22] Speaker 6: That.
[10:23] Speaker 5: It's not important, but similar in a lot of ways,
[10:27] Speaker 5: drinking a lot of happier than Yeah, you're trying to
[10:31] Speaker 5: keep your roommates happy. And I just remember.
[10:36] Speaker 7: Apparently, but I just remember like like just ants going
[10:41] Speaker 7: after my little like jerk off towels like in the
[10:44] Speaker 7: in the trash.
[10:45] Speaker 5: Yeah, I know it's gross. It's a gross bit, but
[10:46] Speaker 5: it's about these.
[10:47] Speaker 7: Ants, like me meeting like a nick ant hybrid doesn't matter.
[10:51] Speaker 1: It's a gross bit, like the ants eat your come
[10:53] Speaker 1: and then they have a little baby.
[10:54] Speaker 7: Yeah yeah, Like there's like a.
[10:59] Speaker 5: Calm his father like that about this great act out.
[11:04] Speaker 7: Okay, And so I jumped into my aunt seating my
[11:08] Speaker 7: cum stuff, and the crowd just turns like people.
[11:14] Speaker 2: Are like like what the hell?
[11:20] Speaker 5: People were disgusted. And this is in the no cursing bar. No, No,
[11:23] Speaker 5: this was not I had no rule, but they have
[11:29] Speaker 5: one rule.
[11:32] Speaker 7: Took the bartender like screams out like you're done, and
[11:37] Speaker 7: then cuts the power to the microphone. And then the
[11:42] Speaker 7: host came up and like grabbed them and I was like, okay, cool.
[11:46] Speaker 7: And then and then Brooks went up and crushed really no,
[11:50] Speaker 7: I don't remember what he did, but we we hung
[11:52] Speaker 7: out at the bar for like the rest of the night.
[11:54] Speaker 8: That's that's brave.
[11:55] Speaker 5: Yeah, you just d didn't.
[11:59] Speaker 3: Fun.
[12:00] Speaker 5: They had the bell.
[12:01] Speaker 8: We couldn't go back to the cat bar.
[12:02] Speaker 9: It was there was only two bars in town.
[12:04] Speaker 5: I wanted to learn my lesson.
[12:08] Speaker 2: Because they had a bell.
[12:09] Speaker 7: They had a bell and if you rang the bell,
[12:11] Speaker 7: if somebody rang the bell, that person had to buy
[12:13] Speaker 7: everybody in the bar a drink. So like there would
[12:16] Speaker 7: be like Brooks and I felt like we were like
[12:18] Speaker 7: locals at this point, so like there'd be.
[12:20] Speaker 10: Like, you know, disgusted by everyone.
[12:29] Speaker 7: Hey, I'm tal keating a knick, not everyone. Because the
[12:32] Speaker 7: night ended up with like Brooks and I sitting at
[12:35] Speaker 7: the bar and this kind of buxome like mountain, like
[12:39] Speaker 7: a much older mountain woman had really taken a shining
[12:42] Speaker 7: to me.
[12:43] Speaker 5: She really liked me.
[12:44] Speaker 8: She's like I like that kum talk. I don't care
[12:46] Speaker 8: what anybody said.
[12:48] Speaker 5: I want to be one of those.
[12:50] Speaker 7: Baby, And so she was very aggressive and we were
[12:56] Speaker 7: like sitting at the bar and she was on the
[12:58] Speaker 7: other side of Brooks and we were like he was
[13:00] Speaker 7: like holding my hand behind Brooks.
[13:02] Speaker 5: And then I was just trying to like kind of
[13:04] Speaker 5: be nice and like, you know, be like I'm not
[13:07] Speaker 5: really interested. I'm good and somebody.
[13:10] Speaker 6: You're sitting in a seat there.
[13:15] Speaker 7: On your date, Yeah, exactly, because I was trying to
[13:18] Speaker 7: be away from her, but she would like sneak her try, Yeah,
[13:23] Speaker 7: she would. Well, she has a big, strong, lumberge lumber
[13:26] Speaker 7: Jane hand. She got this callous lumber Jane hand. So
[13:31] Speaker 7: she she does what she wants to. And so I
[13:35] Speaker 7: think she went to the bathroom and I was like
[13:37] Speaker 7: talking to somebody else and I was like, I just
[13:39] Speaker 7: I don't I don't know what to do about this.
[13:41] Speaker 7: And the guy was like, seems like Dave's wife really
[13:44] Speaker 7: likes she.
[13:46] Speaker 8: Oh, yeah, Dave's.
[13:48] Speaker 7: Wife and never got her name is Dave's wife. And
[13:51] Speaker 7: she kept saying, I just really wish you would walk
[13:54] Speaker 7: me home, Like I'm only five minutes away.
[13:56] Speaker 5: If you walk me home, I'd really make him.
[13:58] Speaker 3: Worth your while.
[13:59] Speaker 2: God don't want to know.
[14:00] Speaker 7: Dave, did you ever catch you? No, no, nothing happened.
[14:05] Speaker 7: We just like, you know, I went home. We fucked
[14:07] Speaker 7: for a day's Uh no, nothing happened. We just baby
[14:12] Speaker 7: comes out at the end of the story.
[14:14] Speaker 2: You never saw.
[14:17] Speaker 3: The son of a bitch.
[14:18] Speaker 5: You got my wife.
[14:20] Speaker 6: Dave's listening to this podcast right now, jumping up and
[14:22] Speaker 6: down on his cowboy hat. Dave's wife, you call that too.
[14:31] Speaker 7: It felt like that's just kind of a thing she does.
[14:33] Speaker 7: And she, you know, she she seduces all the l
[14:36] Speaker 7: A comedians that come through.
[14:37] Speaker 5: Tell nobody.
[14:39] Speaker 7: Nobody was like, beware, that's Dave's wife. They're like, oh yeah,
[14:42] Speaker 7: Dave's wife. Like she she lives right down the road,
[14:44] Speaker 7: walk her home. It felt like that was just how
[14:46] Speaker 7: it works. They wanted to have you killed because because
[14:50] Speaker 7: it comes to the way.
[14:51] Speaker 2: I love that you told the income story. And then
[14:53] Speaker 2: they were.
[14:54] Speaker 5: Like, fuck you get out here, I will say for
[14:57] Speaker 5: four more.
[15:00] Speaker 3: On to the bar.
[15:01] Speaker 7: And you were like, who's married here?
[15:08] Speaker 5: Do you know if she's.
[15:10] Speaker 8: Brooks stand right here?
[15:13] Speaker 3: Brother?
[15:14] Speaker 9: Did you see your set?
[15:16] Speaker 7: Do you know if Day's wife was there for I imagine
[15:18] Speaker 7: she was there wasn't a lot to like this guy.
[15:21] Speaker 5: Yeah, I think she liked the gall you know.
[15:23] Speaker 9: Yeah, I feel like my story is nor near as
[15:25] Speaker 9: bad as these do.
[15:26] Speaker 5: But okay, here we go.
[15:28] Speaker 6: Oh wow, I've never I'm actually never.
[15:32] Speaker 10: I don't know why I'm here. I've never done that.
[15:36] Speaker 10: It was it was early on. I probably knew in
[15:38] Speaker 10: comedy like two years and I somehow got a gig.
[15:42] Speaker 9: I forget the town name.
[15:43] Speaker 10: I really tried to look it up on Google Maps,
[15:45] Speaker 10: but I couldn't find it. Somewhere in central California, just
[15:48] Speaker 10: like a tiny town, and they were like, you can
[15:51] Speaker 10: do forty five minutes, right, I was like, your goddamn.
[15:53] Speaker 1: Right, it's going for three weeks.
[15:59] Speaker 9: Probably had like fifteen minutes maybe.
[16:02] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[16:03] Speaker 10: It was like it was like one local comic and
[16:06] Speaker 10: then like just me, And it was like there wasn't
[16:09] Speaker 10: even like a host and the place is like packed
[16:12] Speaker 10: because it's one of those small towns where there's like
[16:13] Speaker 10: not a lot going on. It wasn't as charming as Telkeena.
[16:16] Speaker 10: It was just like pretty bleak, and like it was
[16:20] Speaker 10: like a place where like you you would see like
[16:22] Speaker 10: a guy. It was like a place where there'd be
[16:25] Speaker 10: like a fight at a thing and you would take
[16:27] Speaker 10: like break a pool cube.
[16:29] Speaker 8: It was it was like a roadhouse.
[16:31] Speaker 9: It was like a rough bar.
[16:33] Speaker 6: It's like a bunch of Punisher logo.
[16:35] Speaker 10: I mean, there was definitely like biker dudes and it
[16:39] Speaker 10: was like a very meth vibe.
[16:41] Speaker 9: And it was just like I drove up specifically for
[16:45] Speaker 9: this show.
[16:45] Speaker 10: I booked it through like another comic or like, oh yeah,
[16:48] Speaker 10: there's like this show you can do a.
[16:49] Speaker 9: Long and I was just like I want to do
[16:50] Speaker 9: a long set.
[16:52] Speaker 10: No, it was north. It might have been Toulari. It
[16:55] Speaker 10: wasn't that areacked. It wasn't even that big. It was tiny.
[16:58] Speaker 10: It might have been too lare. And I just right
[17:01] Speaker 10: off the bat, I'm just like eating ship. It's like yeah, no,
[17:04] Speaker 10: it's like nothing's working. And like the guy before me,
[17:08] Speaker 10: I think it was a local comic like ate it
[17:10] Speaker 10: so bad that I was terrified. I was like, I
[17:12] Speaker 10: was like, why are these people even here?
[17:14] Speaker 3: Like that?
[17:14] Speaker 10: Do you want to be here? Like the entire town
[17:16] Speaker 10: seemed like it was there. And like one of my
[17:19] Speaker 10: early bits was like a five minute chunk about Hitler and.
[17:25] Speaker 5: His glies.
[17:28] Speaker 10: I was just like, this is a bit like I
[17:31] Speaker 10: just go into it and it is just like not
[17:34] Speaker 10: doing well.
[17:36] Speaker 8: It was like one of them.
[17:37] Speaker 10: There's multiple parts, but one part is about like the
[17:40] Speaker 10: Hitler family name was originally chickel Gruber and Hitler changed
[17:43] Speaker 10: it. It might have actually been his dad who changed it.
[17:45] Speaker 10: And I was like the joke had something to do
[17:48] Speaker 10: with how like it would have been way funnier if
[17:50] Speaker 10: like he didn't change it, because like chickel Groover is
[17:52] Speaker 10: such a fun name.
[17:55] Speaker 2: Yeah, so Hitler is like his stage name.
[17:57] Speaker 10: Well it was like chicicle Grover was like a family
[17:59] Speaker 10: name with it and changed to Hitler. But I was
[18:01] Speaker 10: like it would have been he would have been more
[18:03] Speaker 10: deadly because no one would have taken him seriously. You know,
[18:05] Speaker 10: you hear like, oh, Hitler's invaded pol and you're like,
[18:07] Speaker 10: oh my god, we got to do something. You hear
[18:08] Speaker 10: like chicle Gruber has just invaded pol and you're like,
[18:11] Speaker 10: that fucking sounds hilarious. He's up to his old tricks
[18:17] Speaker 10: clowning friends.
[18:19] Speaker 8: As you can see, very solid joke.
[18:21] Speaker 10: And I had like a bunch more shot I don't
[18:23] Speaker 10: even remember, but it was like a huge chunk and
[18:25] Speaker 10: it was just not doing Get this is the only
[18:29] Speaker 10: time someone's actually done this, because I feel like this
[18:32] Speaker 10: only happens in movies when someone's getting heckled.
[18:34] Speaker 9: But like someone was literally like, you suck like.
[18:37] Speaker 8: That never happens.
[18:40] Speaker 10: Usually hecklers are like too drunk and they're just talking loud.
[18:43] Speaker 9: But like I got like a full on you suck like.
[18:46] Speaker 5: A perfectly, and it was just like a dagger to
[18:49] Speaker 5: the herd.
[18:51] Speaker 10: And then I was like, I was like, you know,
[18:53] Speaker 10: I'm floundering. I'm like, I'm just gonna go into crowd work.
[18:55] Speaker 10: So I start talking to these guys and like somehow
[18:58] Speaker 10: we started talking about meth because I think there was
[19:00] Speaker 10: like a it was.
[19:01] Speaker 9: Like a meth type of vibe.
[19:03] Speaker 10: Yeah, and I like kind of I kind of got
[19:05] Speaker 10: a few laughs, like making fun of the town down
[19:08] Speaker 10: the road.
[19:08] Speaker 9: I was like, what are you doing a small town?
[19:09] Speaker 9: You sit on the next small town.
[19:11] Speaker 10: I was like, I bet that town fucking smokes way
[19:14] Speaker 10: more math, you know.
[19:15] Speaker 9: But and then someone was like, we actually smoked more math.
[19:23] Speaker 8: Proud of man.
[19:23] Speaker 10: I was like, oh, I mean, you guys, this is
[19:26] Speaker 10: the math town.
[19:28] Speaker 8: Springfield was like.
[19:30] Speaker 5: Towns trying their hardest coming.
[19:32] Speaker 8: From you show fucking sweating.
[19:35] Speaker 10: I remember At one point there was like a stuffed
[19:37] Speaker 10: bear and I like went into a riff about how
[19:40] Speaker 10: like the bear was the mayor of the town and
[19:43] Speaker 10: like they did not love that. And then I think
[19:47] Speaker 10: I just started getting more drunk on stage and I
[19:51] Speaker 10: just like did crowd work for the rest of the time.
[19:52] Speaker 10: But like it was bad. There was definitely like biker dudes.
[19:55] Speaker 10: I was like, these guys are gonna like beat the
[19:56] Speaker 10: shit out of me. I'm like making fun of their town.
[20:00] Speaker 10: You know, they all kind of came together over.
[20:01] Speaker 9: The med stuff. So you know, at least I had
[20:03] Speaker 9: that silver lining.
[20:04] Speaker 11: You got them with a Recondrey, with a Condrey.
[20:21] Speaker 2: Okay, so we got our bombing stories. What were the
[20:24] Speaker 2: other two parts of my podcast? Quick?
[20:28] Speaker 1: Oh, the worst bob you've ever witnessed in public? Like
[20:31] Speaker 1: people getting bottles thrown at them on stage, or they just.
[20:36] Speaker 9: Get segue into Nick's other stories.
[20:40] Speaker 2: Humble.
[20:40] Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I don't. Well, let's transition into that later.
[20:46] Speaker 8: I do have.
[20:49] Speaker 1: A quick trying to get out of here tomorrow. Well
[20:54] Speaker 1: I have well, what is this humble story?
[20:58] Speaker 7: So Cornell run a festival up and Humble at Savage
[21:02] Speaker 7: Henry Comedy Club.
[21:03] Speaker 2: It's great.
[21:04] Speaker 5: Every year.
[21:05] Speaker 7: It's super fun, super chill. It was one of the
[21:07] Speaker 7: first times I had gone up there, maybe the second
[21:09] Speaker 7: time i'd gone up there for the festival, and it
[21:11] Speaker 7: was the final show of the weekend. It was the
[21:13] Speaker 7: big like headliner show, right, this huge, beautiful venue, beautiful
[21:18] Speaker 7: like theater. And so they decided to like book like
[21:22] Speaker 7: thirty comics on the show.
[21:24] Speaker 6: Guy, I don't run it.
[21:29] Speaker 5: I don't know story. Yeah you don't run it, but
[21:36] Speaker 5: you're a big part of the scene up there.
[21:37] Speaker 12: And yeah with the comics you deal the drugs else
[21:47] Speaker 12: from our listener.
[21:49] Speaker 6: But you know the guys, the guys who run it.
[21:51] Speaker 6: It was like the first time putting any of this
[21:53] Speaker 6: ship together. I didn't really understand.
[21:56] Speaker 1: You always say thirty comics or nothing. Yeah, comic comedy
[22:01] Speaker 1: gets at the three hour mark, warming up the crowd.
[22:05] Speaker 6: Literally every show was at least two and a half hour.
[22:07] Speaker 2: It was ridiculous.
[22:08] Speaker 6: It's like buy a bracelet for the whole weekend. They
[22:11] Speaker 6: go to one show like.
[22:13] Speaker 2: Comedy.
[22:14] Speaker 6: I never want to see comedy again. It's like all
[22:17] Speaker 6: your favorite comics from tilarryo yea.
[22:23] Speaker 5: And check it out. Dave's wife is in the lobby.
[22:27] Speaker 8: Do not walk her home.
[22:30] Speaker 7: So we so it was like all of our comedy
[22:33] Speaker 7: buddies and we all had we all were like, on
[22:35] Speaker 7: this show is the last like blowout night of the festival.
[22:38] Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a old movie theater too. Was really cool
[22:41] Speaker 6: on stage in front of the big screen.
[22:43] Speaker 7: With like like there's what are those things called like
[22:45] Speaker 7: where they shot Lincoln There's like yeah, yeah, Like it
[22:52] Speaker 7: was just really cool.
[22:52] Speaker 5: It's a really beautiful venue.
[22:53] Speaker 7: Lincoln Murder vibes, Yeah, and uh, somebody had cocaine and
[22:59] Speaker 7: so we're like, let's do a little bit of cocaine
[23:02] Speaker 7: before our set. We'll go up there like Richard pryor,
[23:04] Speaker 7: you know, we'll just have a good time on stage.
[23:07] Speaker 7: But the show is like three and a half hours long,
[23:09] Speaker 7: and when you do a little bit of cocaine, you
[23:11] Speaker 7: want to do a little more.
[23:12] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[23:13] Speaker 6: That other is my home town. My mom's in the island, step.
[23:19] Speaker 5: Grandma, Grandma, grandma's there, everybody's there. It's a big day.
[23:25] Speaker 5: We're in this like attic space.
[23:27] Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, because you go behind the screen and everyone's
[23:31] Speaker 6: like kind of hanging out back there as a green room.
[23:32] Speaker 6: But then Nick, Carl and I find this ladder up
[23:35] Speaker 6: to a mystery at it, just like.
[23:38] Speaker 7: A blare Witch projects like Addic that was like dusty
[23:41] Speaker 7: and chalky, and so we're like that's where we're go
[23:43] Speaker 7: do our drugs, and we go and we just keep
[23:47] Speaker 7: doing cocaine and we're like go down and check them
[23:50] Speaker 7: with the host, like am I up next?
[23:51] Speaker 5: And be like yeah, nine more comments? Okay, great, Well
[23:54] Speaker 5: I guess yeah, And I remember I think I was last.
[23:58] Speaker 5: I don't I might have been last headline and I
[24:05] Speaker 5: don't think. I don't.
[24:07] Speaker 7: I don't know what we were doing, but I was
[24:08] Speaker 7: like so like numb mouthed, like something like clenching my teeth,
[24:14] Speaker 7: and I'm trying to get through this like already miserable.
[24:16] Speaker 9: Show, like a full mental breakdown on stage.
[24:19] Speaker 5: I definitely I've.
[24:20] Speaker 9: Really never seen anything.
[24:21] Speaker 2: Wait what happened?
[24:22] Speaker 7: I mean, I just was like the place was packed,
[24:24] Speaker 7: but of course people trickled out because it was going
[24:25] Speaker 7: on way too long, so there's nobody there.
[24:28] Speaker 6: There are fucking exhaust exactly the other commedia.
[24:33] Speaker 5: I hate comedy. At this point, next doing.
[24:36] Speaker 9: The cum joking front Cornell's grandmother.
[24:38] Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm screaming about my and how you get on stage?
[24:42] Speaker 7: I can't on stage, and I'm like, I can't even speak,
[24:44] Speaker 7: man Like, I was so like cracked down.
[24:46] Speaker 2: Tell them you were coked up, audience.
[24:48] Speaker 5: I want to say that was my I think.
[24:52] Speaker 6: My cover there. I think my mom was like, Oh,
[24:55] Speaker 6: that's why Corner was acting so.
[24:58] Speaker 9: Put together.
[25:00] Speaker 5: We usually bulge that much.
[25:02] Speaker 6: He was a bit bulge.
[25:05] Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm gripping the mic and it shattered in my hand.
[25:11] Speaker 8: So you did.
[25:11] Speaker 10: You could have done like like ten fifteen and just
[25:13] Speaker 10: gotten out of there like a mercy, but you you
[25:16] Speaker 10: did like forty headline.
[25:23] Speaker 7: Also, if you remember an Hour four, oh you brought
[25:27] Speaker 7: him over into Tomorrow. I remember like Andre Hyland performed
[25:30] Speaker 7: in that show too, and he had this like video
[25:33] Speaker 7: of like this was.
[25:34] Speaker 5: Like a bomb.
[25:34] Speaker 9: I would love to watch this said on this video
[25:37] Speaker 9: was like it's just like a.
[25:38] Speaker 5: Different horse a c g I horse horse.
[25:41] Speaker 2: Have you seen it?
[25:42] Speaker 3: Yeah?
[25:42] Speaker 7: It was also did not go below, so he said
[25:45] Speaker 7: set the tone, and I was like, I need some chemical.
[25:49] Speaker 9: Influence to get these guys back.
[25:50] Speaker 8: I love horses and I love come.
[25:52] Speaker 9: That's a good idea for a joke.
[25:54] Speaker 2: God, it was a nightmare. So were you just like.
[25:56] Speaker 7: It's just like you couldn't even like talk bo I
[26:00] Speaker 7: did some cocaine in the back three hours.
[26:04] Speaker 8: I was like, I've been in the attic doing.
[26:06] Speaker 7: Cod for hours, people like just NY nine one one
[26:12] Speaker 7: and hovering the finger over sand.
[26:21] Speaker 5: You learned a lot.
[26:21] Speaker 1: That Is that the most wasted you've ever been on stage?
[26:28] Speaker 3: Would you say?
[26:29] Speaker 7: Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely, for surely. I'm sure I've been
[26:33] Speaker 7: like Drunker on stage because I was crystal clear.
[26:46] Speaker 3: With aeric codre. With aeric codre.
[26:57] Speaker 7: My worst like other people bombing story was the very
[27:00] Speaker 7: very first time I did any open mic and I
[27:03] Speaker 7: went to the Haha Cafe in North Hollyway.
[27:05] Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I got some nightmare stories.
[27:07] Speaker 7: From I had my my really good friend Brandy was
[27:13] Speaker 7: the only one who came to support me, which was
[27:15] Speaker 7: fine singer or the singer, no, the beverage, and so
[27:27] Speaker 7: I was, you know, I was like fortieth in the
[27:29] Speaker 7: fucking lineup or whatever, and it started packed and then
[27:32] Speaker 7: it just kind of get in like people left and
[27:33] Speaker 7: people left, and I was like very very late in
[27:35] Speaker 7: the show and right before I go up, it was
[27:38] Speaker 7: probably like half full at this point. Right before I
[27:40] Speaker 7: go up, this guy comes on stage and brings up
[27:42] Speaker 7: like a real dog and takes out like a gun.
[27:45] Speaker 7: There's a toy gun, but brought out a gun and
[27:48] Speaker 7: holds it to the dog's head and says, if you
[27:50] Speaker 7: guys don't laugh at my jokes, I'll shoot this.
[27:54] Speaker 5: It's a fucking hack lampoon bit.
[27:56] Speaker 9: And lastic national lampoon thing if you don't come to
[27:59] Speaker 9: this movie.
[28:00] Speaker 7: But it was an awful bit, and they walked the
[28:03] Speaker 7: entire crowd. The entire crowd left. He did shitty four
[28:07] Speaker 7: minutes of comedy and then it was just me my
[28:09] Speaker 7: friend Brandy, and like the next comic was in the room,
[28:11] Speaker 7: and I went on stage did my three minutes, and
[28:13] Speaker 7: she laughed loud and hard enough that I was like,
[28:15] Speaker 7: I'm going to do this for the rest.
[28:17] Speaker 2: Of Thanks, Brandy, better than.
[28:22] Speaker 8: You're my favorite singer.
[28:27] Speaker 2: Dude.
[28:27] Speaker 1: Julie Ashton, who's a casting director, very lovely casting it
[28:32] Speaker 1: was always.
[28:32] Speaker 2: Very sweet to me early on when I didn't know
[28:35] Speaker 2: what the fuck I was doing.
[28:37] Speaker 1: I asked her one time, what was the worst, what's
[28:41] Speaker 1: the worst audition you've ever experienced? You've seen like a
[28:44] Speaker 1: billion actors come through your your casting studio, Like, what's
[28:47] Speaker 1: the worst, what's the worst you've ever experienced?
[28:51] Speaker 2: She goes.
[28:51] Speaker 1: A guy pulled out a gun during an audition, a
[28:54] Speaker 1: real gun, a loaded gun, because there was a gun
[28:56] Speaker 1: in the scene. He was like a villain in the
[28:58] Speaker 1: you know, some drama.
[29:00] Speaker 5: To bring a gun today.
[29:03] Speaker 1: Pulled out the gun and aimed it at her and
[29:05] Speaker 1: like did the scene and she was like.
[29:07] Speaker 6: Okay, thanks for coming in.
[29:10] Speaker 5: Christ worked, It worked, Lauren.
[29:18] Speaker 6: There was this comic who did open mics back in
[29:21] Speaker 6: the day, and he would always bomb, but I thought
[29:23] Speaker 6: he was the funniest man in the world. He went
[29:26] Speaker 6: by the name gay Lord Dingler.
[29:30] Speaker 5: Already laughing already.
[29:33] Speaker 2: That was Hitler's original.
[29:38] Speaker 6: End of the show, kay Lord Dingler. And he would
[29:44] Speaker 6: always he'd just be sitting out in front of an
[29:46] Speaker 6: open mic, just sitting on the ground, drinking of forty
[29:49] Speaker 6: of mickeys before the started, and he would go up
[29:53] Speaker 6: and he had the same act every single time. You
[29:56] Speaker 6: know those crazy guys who just do open mics and
[29:58] Speaker 6: they'd never change a fucking word verbatim.
[30:02] Speaker 5: He's one of those guys.
[30:04] Speaker 6: And every time he would just bomb at these crazy,
[30:08] Speaker 6: weird open mics and I would be dying laughing. The
[30:12] Speaker 6: only joke of his I really remember it was he
[30:17] Speaker 6: had remember two jokes. One joke he go, he go, uh,
[30:22] Speaker 6: you know, I open up the newspaper and I see
[30:24] Speaker 6: all these these ads for garage sales.
[30:26] Speaker 5: Garage sales.
[30:27] Speaker 6: Yeah, but uh, you know, I've been driving around with
[30:29] Speaker 6: my dog and he hasn't seen one garage for sale.
[30:33] Speaker 6: It always involved his dog for some reason.
[30:36] Speaker 2: I don't know.
[30:38] Speaker 6: That. The other joke, he yeah, he goes, this was
[30:45] Speaker 6: this was my favorite one. He goes, Yeah, this woman
[30:47] Speaker 6: was working at a gym. She lost thirty pounds in
[30:51] Speaker 6: one day. Yeah, can you believe it? Thirty pounds in
[30:54] Speaker 6: one day? Yeah, a machine ripped her leg off.
[31:12] Speaker 7: On that gun shooting guy, the gun and dog guy.
[31:16] Speaker 7: I saw him like months later at the cafe and
[31:20] Speaker 7: I was like.
[31:20] Speaker 8: Where's your dog?
[31:21] Speaker 5: He goes, He's like.
[31:22] Speaker 7: I did nobody, and he had he now had complete
[31:31] Speaker 7: like huge fake veneers, like the masks, and they were
[31:36] Speaker 7: like poppins. They were like dentally, like a dentist installed them.
[31:40] Speaker 7: And he was wearing a suit and he was like,
[31:42] Speaker 7: I'm working on my new bit and I was like, oh,
[31:44] Speaker 7: cool man, what is it? And then he pants himself
[31:48] Speaker 7: and he had sewn out of like nylon and like
[31:51] Speaker 7: flesh colored threads, photorealistic stuffed penis. This was like outside
[31:57] Speaker 7: of the comedy club. He was like, you got to
[32:00] Speaker 7: I'm going on the later show. You got to check
[32:02] Speaker 7: my bit out. I was like, what is it? And
[32:03] Speaker 7: then he just exposed himself. But it's not exposing if
[32:06] Speaker 7: it's not real, but it is kind of exposing if
[32:09] Speaker 7: you can't tell it's not real. So his bit was
[32:12] Speaker 7: having crazy mask teeth and just showing his dick to.
[32:15] Speaker 9: The crows better than a dog.
[32:18] Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it is a step up.
[32:20] Speaker 9: Everybody's got their journey.
[32:21] Speaker 10: I used to work at this bar in Venice and
[32:24] Speaker 10: I was like just starting stand up. So we found
[32:27] Speaker 10: out there was gonna be a stand It was like
[32:28] Speaker 10: a music though there was never any stand up there.
[32:29] Speaker 10: We found there's gonna be a stand up night, and
[32:31] Speaker 10: it was like Howard Stern guys, but not like the
[32:34] Speaker 10: A tier. It was like sal the stockbrokers, like Jim
[32:39] Speaker 10: Florentine Scream and Cindy. I forget who it was, but
[32:43] Speaker 10: one guy closed his set by bringing a woman on
[32:46] Speaker 10: stage and pouring ranch dressing into her ass crack and
[32:50] Speaker 10: then licking it out of her whole.
[32:52] Speaker 8: He had multiple women who.
[32:53] Speaker 9: Wanted to get on stand WHOA And I was like,
[32:56] Speaker 9: that's a.
[32:56] Speaker 5: Ranch pioneer right there.
[32:58] Speaker 3: Like I was.
[33:00] Speaker 8: Literally like people were like big me, big man.
[33:04] Speaker 10: It's like, I guess this is like a thing, but wow,
[33:06] Speaker 10: I was like, that's a closer.
[33:08] Speaker 1: Any other any other fucking things. This is a great
[33:10] Speaker 1: this is phenomenal, fantastic. Yeah, I'm surprised that you're wasted.
[33:16] Speaker 1: Stories weren't that.
[33:17] Speaker 5: I got to think crazy.
[33:19] Speaker 2: I got the three of you. I think you guys
[33:21] Speaker 2: have been so often wasted on stage.
[33:24] Speaker 1: It's kind of like normally you're like, yeah, whatever, it's
[33:26] Speaker 1: called Thursday, my man, you know you're gonna be like
[33:29] Speaker 1: I dropped ten hits of acid in my eye and and.
[33:33] Speaker 2: Board on stage.
[33:35] Speaker 5: The stage is precious, man, that's a precious space.
[33:38] Speaker 9: Is a temple.
[33:39] Speaker 5: Yeah you don't. You don't.
[33:40] Speaker 6: And it's not so funny of a story of it
[33:42] Speaker 6: was like, I've been getting drunk on stage for fifteen
[33:44] Speaker 6: years and it's probably be successful.
[33:46] Speaker 9: That's not really a story so much.
[33:48] Speaker 5: As I've wasted my life. I can't face the audience
[33:53] Speaker 5: unless I.
[33:53] Speaker 6: Myself my life. I've days away from giving it all up.
[34:02] Speaker 7: But it is interesting. That's like, why you put us
[34:04] Speaker 7: on the podcast. He's they're gonna have it once. I
[34:08] Speaker 7: ship myself and suck my own dick.
[34:13] Speaker 9: That was my closer for most of the early two thousands.
[34:18] Speaker 2: All right, thank you, gentlemen.
[34:20] Speaker 1: I'll probably see you guys, like in a few hours,
[34:23] Speaker 1: like best vision or something like that.
[34:25] Speaker 2: Ye bye, guys, Thank you Bye.
[34:32] Speaker 3: With Ericdre.
[34:33] Speaker 1: Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
[34:35] Speaker 1: Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast.
[34:38] Speaker 2: It is executive produced by.
[34:39] Speaker 1: The handsome Hansani, the wickedly talented Olivia Aguilar, edited and
[34:45] Speaker 1: sound designed by the stupendous Andy Harris, and are artist
[34:49] Speaker 1: by the genius still in Vanderberg.
[34:51] Speaker 2: I want to thank the four of them very much.
[34:54] Speaker 1: If you want to confess to your own bombing moments
[34:56] Speaker 1: or give us a shout out, go rate us five
[34:57] Speaker 1: stars and drop a review on your podcast app of
[35:00] Speaker 1: write about your own stories of bombing at life. If
[35:02] Speaker 1: you're on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to Big
[35:05] Speaker 1: Money Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with every
[35:07] Speaker 1: episode and listen to all my episodes ad free. The
[35:09] Speaker 1: guests I'm Bombing with Eric Andre were recorded before the
[35:12] Speaker 1: SAG after strike bye,

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