# Christmas in Las Vegas w/ David Gborie

An episode of [Bombing with Eric Andre](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1700594299), 23 Aug 2023, 32 min.

Audio: https://podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/7443be8e-6758-4131-bd17-b04a00ee1705/33db4910-3d82-46cd-9c07-b066010a2a64/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=3dc328b2-90a9-4cb4-8c17-b04a00ee9da0

Eric and David talk about bombing in Las Vegas during Christmas. Everyone knows why they are there. They discuss the difficulties of opening for a celebrity headliner and David witnesses a elderly threesome at a La Quinta hot tub. Rate and Review Bombing with Eric Andre here! Do you like listening to Bombing and want extended conversations with more bombing stories every week? Then subscribe to Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get this episode ad-free, and get exclusive bonus content: https://apple.co/eric-andre See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:01] Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Bombing with Eric Andre,
[0:04] Speaker 1: where I talk with friends, comedians, musicians, and other creative
[0:07] Speaker 1: people about their worst moments on stage and being destroyed
[0:10] Speaker 1: by live audience. This time I was blessed by Sierra Leones.
[0:13] Speaker 1: Funny man David Borie. He's written on my projects and
[0:17] Speaker 1: he's just the coolest guy in the world where Pod Brothers.
[0:20] Speaker 1: He co hosts the podcast My Mama Told Me, also
[0:23] Speaker 1: on the Big Money Players Network, where each week he
[0:25] Speaker 1: and Langston Kerman dive into a new black conspiracy theory.
[0:28] Speaker 1: You can listen to my episode called it Could Be
[0:30] Speaker 1: a Crackhead about the infamous Crichton Leprechaun viral video. But
[0:34] Speaker 1: on this episode of Bombing, we talk about stories from
[0:36] Speaker 1: the Motherland and how insane it is to be on
[0:38] Speaker 1: the road on Christmas, especially in Las Vegas. If you
[0:41] Speaker 1: liked this episode, subscribe to the podcast to get a
[0:43] Speaker 1: new episode every week. Rate it five stars.
[0:45] Speaker 2: And if you're on.
[0:45] Speaker 1: Apple podcast, you can subscribe Big Money Player Diamond to
[0:49] Speaker 1: get an exclusive clip from My hang with David Bori,
[0:52] Speaker 1: plus ad free episodes every week. And now you're gonna
[0:55] Speaker 1: just have to listening. Let's get out to it. Bombing
[1:05] Speaker 1: with Eric Andre David Bori in the house.
[1:09] Speaker 3: Man, I miss you.
[1:09] Speaker 1: How are you doing all right? So I got a podcast.
[1:13] Speaker 3: You have a podcast.
[1:14] Speaker 1: It's called Bombing Bombing. We are here with one of
[1:17] Speaker 1: my favorite comedians. We toured together. He's written for the
[1:22] Speaker 1: Eric Andre Show, the voice of Comedy Central, the sex symbol,
[1:27] Speaker 1: he's the body of an Adonis and the ass of
[1:32] Speaker 1: mccullay cocaine. Yeah, yeah, David Bori, everybody, he first of all,
[1:45] Speaker 1: your name is spelled g b oh r I E.
[1:49] Speaker 1: Did I get it right? But the G is silent,
[1:53] Speaker 1: is silent? How bad have people fucked up and mispronounced
[1:56] Speaker 1: your name? Give me like a little what do you?
[1:58] Speaker 1: What do you get?
[1:58] Speaker 3: My high school football coach, he said orgy, which is
[2:03] Speaker 3: like you can't read. Yeah, he was like orange. It
[2:08] Speaker 3: was the first day of weightlifting and he was like
[2:10] Speaker 3: the borgy orgy and it's like you can't read, Like
[2:15] Speaker 3: that's the problem, not my orgy.
[2:18] Speaker 1: It's crazy, especially when you're.
[2:20] Speaker 3: A virgin, you can't live up to that. Thank god.
[2:22] Speaker 3: I went to a different school next year because I
[2:25] Speaker 3: had never even I think I'd seen a boob. And
[2:27] Speaker 3: then you call me orgy. I can't live like that.
[2:30] Speaker 1: All right, what is the worst you've ever bombed on stage?
[2:34] Speaker 3: This is so funny that you because I was telling Olivia,
[2:38] Speaker 3: your producer, also the producer from my MoMA told me, Oh,
[2:43] Speaker 3: I was telling her. I just got off of my
[2:45] Speaker 3: worst bombing weekend of my entire career, Christmas weekend in
[2:48] Speaker 3: Las Vegas. It was it was what happened, dog, It's
[2:52] Speaker 3: just like it just got so much worse, like it
[2:55] Speaker 3: started Christmas Eve Eve?
[2:56] Speaker 1: So what was the venue? What was it? What was it?
[2:58] Speaker 1: Given us some context? Was this I don't want to
[3:00] Speaker 1: say the venue, Okay, give us like the type of venue.
[3:02] Speaker 1: Were you playing a casino? Are you playing a theater?
[3:04] Speaker 1: Was it a room?
[3:05] Speaker 3: Was it was like off of a strip mall next
[3:07] Speaker 3: to a casino?
[3:08] Speaker 1: It was a theater? Or what was it? Comedy club?
[3:11] Speaker 3: It was a it was a comedy club, high high ceilings,
[3:14] Speaker 3: comedy club, crowd far far away, and it was the
[3:18] Speaker 3: type of people who were in Las Vegas on Christmas.
[3:21] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a tough crowd.
[3:22] Speaker 3: And I bomb like so I start on Thursday night
[3:25] Speaker 3: and I bombed consecutively worse.
[3:28] Speaker 1: Oh, every show, every.
[3:30] Speaker 4: Single fucking show and I tried to Oh so like
[3:34] Speaker 4: two a night, three at night night everyone, Oh my god,
[3:38] Speaker 4: that's a night. That's purgatory. That's a black Marror episode dog.
[3:42] Speaker 3: And then I had to go to sleep, wake up,
[3:43] Speaker 3: go to Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, and face that ship again
[3:48] Speaker 3: and again.
[3:51] Speaker 1: God, what was the talent? What was like the producer
[3:53] Speaker 1: or whatever the booker is saying to you.
[3:55] Speaker 3: They don't even give a ship because it's Vegas. They
[3:57] Speaker 3: just these people were going to be here and aways.
[4:00] Speaker 3: It's not about putting on a good show. It's just
[4:02] Speaker 3: having them go somewhere for an hour and a half
[4:04] Speaker 3: so they don't gamble.
[4:05] Speaker 1: Were you with any other comedian that you could commiserate
[4:09] Speaker 1: with and be like, oh, this is horrible.
[4:11] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[4:11] Speaker 3: I was with Steve Aj, Stephen AJ, my fellow gunnyan brother.
[4:16] Speaker 1: This isn't Steve ag no, no, no, this is this
[4:18] Speaker 1: is Stephen Aj.
[4:19] Speaker 3: Yeah, and he also was bombed.
[4:21] Speaker 1: So were you guys just like halfway through it like
[4:24] Speaker 1: this is hell on Earth? Yeah?
[4:26] Speaker 3: It was, because it was like every night you bomb
[4:29] Speaker 3: and then they let you loose on Las Vegas to
[4:31] Speaker 3: like think about it.
[4:32] Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's also Christmas Eve yeah.
[4:34] Speaker 3: So now it's like Christmas Eve in Vegas. You're in
[4:38] Speaker 3: a piano bar and Harah's just like thinking about everything
[4:41] Speaker 3: you've ever done wrong.
[4:42] Speaker 1: It's like the saddest Christmas all the time. Christmas it's
[4:47] Speaker 1: so much work. Piano's bombed in February. You want to
[4:51] Speaker 1: give a ship? Yeah no, but.
[4:53] Speaker 3: Christmas Eve, I'm just like trying to do the math
[4:55] Speaker 3: of like what time can I call my mom and
[4:57] Speaker 3: have her not worried that I'm doing it as I
[5:00] Speaker 3: am right now?
[5:01] Speaker 1: It was so did you have to do an hour?
[5:03] Speaker 3: I had to do forty five? Yeah, forty five forty five?
[5:06] Speaker 1: Sorry? Described the crowd to us? What's the crowd like?
[5:09] Speaker 1: Give us a paint us a picture?
[5:11] Speaker 3: Couples where one of them had kids and one didn't,
[5:16] Speaker 3: and those kids were out of state.
[5:18] Speaker 1: I don't even know how to respond to that. What
[5:20] Speaker 1: does that mean?
[5:21] Speaker 3: It's people who would go to Las Vegas for Christmas talk?
[5:24] Speaker 1: So is that like like Jimmy Buffett parent head white
[5:28] Speaker 1: people or is it like.
[5:30] Speaker 3: No, It's like it's like it's like people.
[5:33] Speaker 1: Who are they troubled?
[5:34] Speaker 3: They were happier than I was to be there, which
[5:36] Speaker 3: is odd. But I haven't even told you the worst
[5:38] Speaker 3: of two parts of it.
[5:39] Speaker 1: Okay, God go ahead, Okay.
[5:41] Speaker 3: The worst part was like one night I ran into
[5:44] Speaker 3: the arms of a sex worker. That was the only
[5:47] Speaker 3: way I thought it could get better. It did not
[5:48] Speaker 3: get better. So then I wake up on Christmas.
[5:51] Speaker 1: You ran into the arms of the sex worker. It's
[5:54] Speaker 1: such a beautiful poetic way of saying I bought a hooker.
[5:58] Speaker 3: For no, because dude, it gets so much deeper because
[6:01] Speaker 3: we didn't actually have sex. It was very complicated.
[6:03] Speaker 1: Well that's conceptual, is it.
[6:06] Speaker 3: It sounds sad. So then I wake up on Christmas.
[6:09] Speaker 3: Christmas is our last show. We only have to do
[6:12] Speaker 3: one show on Christmas, and I'm like, all right, just
[6:15] Speaker 3: one show and then I'm free. Lord, I was going
[6:18] Speaker 3: to Hawaii the next day. I was like, I'm free.
[6:21] Speaker 3: We're gonna be okay, I'll be okay, right, I wake up,
[6:26] Speaker 3: I'm doing my thing. The club owner calls me on
[6:29] Speaker 3: Christmas Day. He's like, hey, Lunell missed her flight, and
[6:33] Speaker 3: I was like, I don't know what that has to
[6:35] Speaker 3: do with me. Oh no, he wanted you to do more.
[6:38] Speaker 3: Lunelle does the late show every Sunday night at this
[6:40] Speaker 3: show and it's on Christmas and she missed her flight
[6:45] Speaker 3: and he's like, you want to just do it? I
[6:47] Speaker 3: was like, And then he talks about the pay and
[6:49] Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, the pay was good. The whole reason
[6:54] Speaker 3: I was even there was because the pay was incredible.
[6:56] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, right, many changes the conversation.
[7:00] Speaker 3: Which is no, but this is what it locked into me,
[7:03] Speaker 3: is like, now I'm like, I'm never doing this ever again.
[7:05] Speaker 3: I'm never doing comedy just for money. This is the worst.
[7:09] Speaker 3: So it's Lunelle's crowd on Christmas. They don't tell anybody
[7:13] Speaker 3: that she's not gonna make it until people start showing
[7:16] Speaker 3: up for the show.
[7:17] Speaker 1: No.
[7:18] Speaker 3: In between shows, the club owner comes up and he's like,
[7:22] Speaker 3: people are fucking freaking out downstairs.
[7:24] Speaker 1: Have to figure.
[7:25] Speaker 3: Out they want their money back.
[7:29] Speaker 1: Fuck.
[7:30] Speaker 3: So people who stayed are people who are so pissed,
[7:34] Speaker 3: but they refuse to get a refund. And they wanted
[7:37] Speaker 3: Lunell and it's me. They wanted Lunell on Christmas and
[7:41] Speaker 3: it's me. It's me, you hear me, it's me. I
[7:45] Speaker 3: got no Lunelle. And then the club owner starts getting crazy,
[7:48] Speaker 3: like kind of racist, like he takes me and Steve
[7:51] Speaker 3: Asidey's like, listen just so you guys know it's an
[7:54] Speaker 3: urban show, so.
[7:55] Speaker 1: Just you don't. My brother, he was like Luell, she.
[8:01] Speaker 3: Never holds back, just just just letting go. Baby.
[8:04] Speaker 1: It's like somebody who has never done comedy once.
[8:09] Speaker 3: Bro and then so and then yeah, her opener made
[8:13] Speaker 3: it so, her opener was there. And then I had
[8:16] Speaker 3: to headline Munell's show on Christmas for a bunch of
[8:19] Speaker 3: old black aunties who were pissed.
[8:21] Speaker 1: Oh my god, I wasn't. How'd you do.
[8:26] Speaker 3: Well? Thank god a guy was wearing a wife beater,
[8:29] Speaker 3: cause I got to be like, are you wearing a
[8:30] Speaker 3: wife beater? And his wife was like yeah, oh then
[8:33] Speaker 3: I got twenty five minutes.
[8:35] Speaker 1: Out of that. That was your saving grace. Yeah.
[8:37] Speaker 3: I made him stand up and spin around.
[8:39] Speaker 1: And you're just grabbing at straws the whole weekend, like
[8:43] Speaker 1: it was never We're just doing crowd work at one
[8:46] Speaker 1: point where you're like my jokes, they don't want my jokes.
[8:48] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[8:48] Speaker 3: I never got any traction ever. They never liked me,
[8:52] Speaker 3: they were never into it. I never understood what they
[8:55] Speaker 3: were doing there. They never understood what I was doing.
[8:57] Speaker 1: That did you just feel like you wanted to quit
[9:00] Speaker 1: doing stand up comedy at the end of it. Yeah,
[9:03] Speaker 1: where you're like, I'm gonna paint houses the rest of
[9:05] Speaker 1: my life.
[9:05] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[9:06] Speaker 3: I went to Hawaii like the day afterwards, and I
[9:08] Speaker 3: was like.
[9:09] Speaker 1: I might just not come back.
[9:10] Speaker 3: I was like trying to figure it out in my head.
[9:12] Speaker 3: I was like, you know, you got other things you do,
[9:14] Speaker 3: you can you can make money some other way, like
[9:17] Speaker 3: you don't have to.
[9:18] Speaker 1: The thing is we have no we have no comics
[9:20] Speaker 1: of no other life skill.
[9:21] Speaker 3: No, bro, I can't build anything.
[9:24] Speaker 1: I'm useless. I'm fucking like a useless skill set. If
[9:28] Speaker 1: this ends, there's nothing.
[9:30] Speaker 3: What am I gonna do?
[9:31] Speaker 1: There's nothing.
[9:31] Speaker 3: I haven't had a real job in fifteen years.
[9:34] Speaker 1: There's nothing entry level. I would have to I would
[9:37] Speaker 1: have to deliver pizzas. I would have to do data
[9:40] Speaker 1: entry dog Yeah. Yeah, I'd be temping living pizzas, going
[9:46] Speaker 1: up to a construction site with a hammer, like, hey,
[9:49] Speaker 1: I can fucking hammer some nails in be fucking that.
[9:51] Speaker 1: I would get fired from that.
[9:52] Speaker 3: I couldn't even do that. I'd have to like go
[9:54] Speaker 3: get their lunches.
[9:55] Speaker 1: I would just like break both my legs and collect
[9:58] Speaker 1: disability or something. I would just have some steamroll over
[10:01] Speaker 1: my foot.
[10:01] Speaker 3: Yeah, what are you gonna do tomorrow? He SAIDs tomorrow, chop.
[10:04] Speaker 1: Off a couple of toes, be like, yeah, I got diabetes,
[10:06] Speaker 1: just collect disability.
[10:07] Speaker 3: Did you ever have a job you were good at
[10:09] Speaker 3: besides this?
[10:10] Speaker 2: Never?
[10:10] Speaker 1: I was the worst employee. I was so fucking incompetent, lazy,
[10:18] Speaker 1: had no I was useless. I was useless every job
[10:23] Speaker 1: I ever had. Yeah, like I fired all the time, lectured, Yeah,
[10:28] Speaker 1: I got fired alive. I waited. I lied when I
[10:30] Speaker 1: first moved to New York and I told the guy
[10:31] Speaker 1: I was twenty one years old. And I told the
[10:32] Speaker 1: guy that I waited table since I was fourteen. Total lie.
[10:37] Speaker 1: And he's like, all right, we start waiting tables. And
[10:39] Speaker 1: I was like, oh, how do you do that? I
[10:41] Speaker 1: was dropping plates. I was burning myself. I was eating
[10:44] Speaker 1: food off the customer's thing when like they would like
[10:47] Speaker 1: beat in the bathroom and the other waiters like you
[10:49] Speaker 1: can't do that, man. I was like, I'm so hungry, bro,
[10:52] Speaker 1: I'm fucking starving. That was horrible. And then the guy
[10:57] Speaker 1: that the boss came in a few days later, he goes, oh,
[10:59] Speaker 1: my waiter said, you pretty nervous out there. You wanted
[11:02] Speaker 1: to just start as a busboy, and I had some
[11:03] Speaker 1: weird ego about it. I was like, fuck, no, man,
[11:05] Speaker 1: I'm a waiter till I d I E and then
[11:08] Speaker 1: I quit. And I was like so broken, hungry, and
[11:11] Speaker 1: I was like why did I just say that? And
[11:12] Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not a waiter, I'm a liar. Yeah no,
[11:15] Speaker 1: I should have just bus tables, Like I'm a fucking idiot.
[11:18] Speaker 3: The only job I ever had, I was good at
[11:19] Speaker 3: working at the gas station.
[11:20] Speaker 1: You worked at a gas station, but I also let
[11:22] Speaker 1: all my friends steal. Really I worked at like four.
[11:25] Speaker 3: Different gas stations in like two different states.
[11:27] Speaker 1: Yeah, you see any crazy shit? You see any brawls
[11:29] Speaker 1: at a gas station or anything?
[11:31] Speaker 3: Or was a mellow not really brawls, But like, I
[11:34] Speaker 3: did work overnight, so I just see a lot of
[11:36] Speaker 3: weird people getting out. There was a bar next door
[11:39] Speaker 3: called Venoogis, and you would just see weird people getting
[11:42] Speaker 3: out of the bar late at night, clearly driving like drunk.
[11:46] Speaker 1: This is rural Colorado, correct.
[11:48] Speaker 3: This is like Aurora. It's not that rural like the suburbs.
[11:51] Speaker 1: I interviewed the Beastie Boys one time and I asked them,
[11:54] Speaker 1: I think it was an ad rock deep responding, I go,
[11:57] Speaker 1: what's the craziest thing you guys grew up in New
[11:59] Speaker 1: York City. What's the crazy easiest thing you ever saw
[12:01] Speaker 1: on the subway? And he said he saw two Hasidic
[12:03] Speaker 1: dudes French kissing deep French kissing on the on the
[12:07] Speaker 1: subway the middle of the day. I was like, that's
[12:09] Speaker 1: a mind blowing just two rabbis going at it.
[12:13] Speaker 3: It's like a poster in your art school girlfriend's apartment.
[12:18] Speaker 1: I was like, it's kind of like an Eric Andrey
[12:19] Speaker 1: show bit. Can I borrow that from those.
[12:24] Speaker 3: In some type of blasphemy? Like if you do that,
[12:27] Speaker 3: they won't let you get buried somewhere.
[12:29] Speaker 1: I'm sure, yeah? Worth it? So any other bombing stories,
[12:35] Speaker 1: any other things that you like.
[12:37] Speaker 3: So there was this one. There was this one open
[12:39] Speaker 3: mic that I was at in San Francisco at this
[12:41] Speaker 3: place called the Brainwash that isn't there anymore. It was
[12:44] Speaker 3: like a laundry mat slash open mic.
[12:46] Speaker 1: Oh, it sounds like a great venue.
[12:48] Speaker 3: Oh, that's where I started. Maybe. It was like there
[12:52] Speaker 3: was this guy and he was like bugging the host
[12:54] Speaker 3: to get up, bugging the host to get up, and
[12:56] Speaker 3: the host was like, fuck you man, I'm not putting
[12:58] Speaker 3: you up, and the guy just kept bugging him, kept
[13:00] Speaker 3: bugging him, and finally the host puts him up, and
[13:03] Speaker 3: the guy just starts eating shit. And it's only five minutes, right, yeah,
[13:06] Speaker 3: but he's just eating a bag of Dixie's so terrible. Yeah,
[13:09] Speaker 3: he decides to turn on the host and start making
[13:13] Speaker 3: fun of the host.
[13:14] Speaker 1: Oh no, the host.
[13:15] Speaker 3: Grabs a knife and tries to stab him.
[13:17] Speaker 2: What.
[13:18] Speaker 3: Yeah, that was pretty great. And then everybody like grabbed
[13:20] Speaker 3: the host and like carry him outside.
[13:22] Speaker 1: The host had a knife and was ready to commit
[13:26] Speaker 1: on the sudden.
[13:27] Speaker 3: No, he didn't have a knife. He like grabbed it.
[13:29] Speaker 3: It was like one of those silk they were walking
[13:30] Speaker 3: because it was like laundry mat slash bar slash they
[13:35] Speaker 3: serve food too.
[13:36] Speaker 1: A laundry mat that served food and beer and like booze.
[13:40] Speaker 3: Yeah, and they had Pinballshit.
[13:42] Speaker 1: What kind of magical laundry mat is this?
[13:44] Speaker 3: Ah Soma, If anybody here.
[13:46] Speaker 1: You could wash your clothes and do and and drink.
[13:49] Speaker 3: And watch open my comedy. It was really great.
[13:51] Speaker 1: So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen, well.
[13:54] Speaker 3: Like from the counter, like they had the uh you
[13:56] Speaker 3: know they have the thing where they keep all the
[13:58] Speaker 3: silver were in like I think they had just.
[13:59] Speaker 1: Got he grabbed like a butter knife. He grabbed them.
[14:05] Speaker 3: He grabbed a butter knife, and it was like trying
[14:08] Speaker 3: to go and then everybody like carried him outside.
[14:11] Speaker 1: That's like a Michelle Gondry music video.
[14:13] Speaker 3: Yeah, it was great.
[14:14] Speaker 1: I was in a laundry mat doing my clothes, but
[14:16] Speaker 1: I was also doing stand up, but I was also
[14:18] Speaker 1: there was also a restaurant and a bar, and then
[14:21] Speaker 1: people were fighting with butter knives.
[14:23] Speaker 3: It was really great. I missed those old days of
[14:24] Speaker 3: stand up when it was scary.
[14:26] Speaker 1: Yeah, they're fucking rap. They were hell, but they were
[14:29] Speaker 1: like they made us men.
[14:31] Speaker 3: Yeah that's just sad.
[14:32] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's kind of like, Yeah, it's not as you
[14:35] Speaker 1: can always go back to those shows. Those shows still exist.
[14:37] Speaker 3: Yeah, but you it's like I don't even move the
[14:39] Speaker 3: way that I used to. I was like back then,
[14:42] Speaker 3: I was supposed to be in that room. Now it's
[14:44] Speaker 3: like a weird.
[14:45] Speaker 1: It's a weird feeling going back to those it's a
[14:47] Speaker 1: weird sadness going back to those room. You feel like
[14:49] Speaker 1: something is terribly wrong.
[14:51] Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't sleep on a couch anymore. I'm not
[14:53] Speaker 3: excited about the potential of what's gonna happen anymore.
[14:58] Speaker 1: I went to uh Columbus, Ohio one time to do
[15:01] Speaker 1: a gig. It was it was at a small venue.
[15:04] Speaker 1: It felt like almost like a sports bar. But they
[15:08] Speaker 1: had a stage. I had a proper stage and a mic,
[15:11] Speaker 1: and they did book me like they flew me out.
[15:13] Speaker 1: They paid me like a decent check. And I don't know.
[15:17] Speaker 1: I think this is like right before the air Gonder
[15:19] Speaker 1: Show started. But I'm on stage and I'm doing well.
[15:23] Speaker 1: I wasn't bombing. I was on stage just all college kids.
[15:26] Speaker 1: The place is packed. Maybe it was like season one
[15:29] Speaker 1: of the air Gun Show. Not sure place is packed.
[15:31] Speaker 1: I'm doing well. There's this super drunk white girl in
[15:35] Speaker 1: the front and like front row texting the whole time,
[15:39] Speaker 1: talking oblivious to me on stage, oblivious of the part
[15:43] Speaker 1: of a show. And I'm like trying to like roaster
[15:45] Speaker 1: he politely to be like, hey, I'm in the middle
[15:47] Speaker 1: of work right now, sweetie, can you shut the fuck up?
[15:52] Speaker 1: Like doing like little things like that, like playfully like
[15:54] Speaker 1: trying to get her to shut the fuck up, but
[15:56] Speaker 1: she won't, and she's being belligerent and texting, and I go,
[15:59] Speaker 1: give me your phone, and she's like, okay, okay. And
[16:01] Speaker 1: then I grabbed her phone. I looked up mom in
[16:04] Speaker 1: her contacts and I texted. I texted her mom, Mom,
[16:08] Speaker 1: I've always had a thing for dad. And the crowd
[16:11] Speaker 1: erupts like, oh shit, and I'm like and I was like,
[16:13] Speaker 1: I'm gonna hold your phone up here until your mom
[16:16] Speaker 1: starts responding. Her mom starts responding crazy, shit, I'm running
[16:19] Speaker 1: back shit. And then I give her phone back, thinking
[16:21] Speaker 1: like that you've been reprimanded. Now you can you can
[16:24] Speaker 1: do damage control with your mom. You can say that,
[16:26] Speaker 1: you know, that's her opportunity to be like, oh, comedian,
[16:28] Speaker 1: grab my phone and he's fucking with you. And then
[16:30] Speaker 1: she was so drunk, I don't think she processed anything
[16:32] Speaker 1: that happened. And she just kept blabbing away and kept
[16:36] Speaker 1: being fucking annoying. So it's like, goddamn it, sorry, I
[16:38] Speaker 1: can give me your phone, and I go, hey, everybody,
[16:40] Speaker 1: I'm going to pass this phone around. Let's pass it
[16:44] Speaker 1: around the whole audience and just text any text Her
[16:46] Speaker 1: mom text her dad text anybody in her phone anything
[16:49] Speaker 1: you want, and like hundreds of kids got access to
[16:52] Speaker 1: her phone and texted god knows what. I have no
[16:55] Speaker 1: idea what the kids did amazing. Then the phone, the
[16:58] Speaker 1: phone got back to her. She's kind of like in
[17:00] Speaker 1: and out, and then she's like grabs her phone. She
[17:03] Speaker 1: starts looking at it, and I see her turn like
[17:06] Speaker 1: bugs bunny thermometer, red with anger, with like drunken anger,
[17:11] Speaker 1: and like just like inhaling all the fucking foul texts
[17:15] Speaker 1: these college kids are probably sending to like every one
[17:17] Speaker 1: of her friends and family and anyone in her phone
[17:20] Speaker 1: ex boyfriends, old Boston is, people she currently works with
[17:23] Speaker 1: who knows, who knows what Jiva, yeah, demon pop pop,
[17:28] Speaker 1: like yeah, I'll just like just the fucking heinous debris
[17:34] Speaker 1: that these people, these the vitriol that whatever. I have
[17:37] Speaker 1: no idea. I'm not responsible entirely for what they said,
[17:39] Speaker 1: but like just heinous cribes against humanity. So I see
[17:44] Speaker 1: her just reacting to all these incoming ship on her phone,
[17:48] Speaker 1: and then she just and then I just go back
[17:50] Speaker 1: and I'm like kind of clocking out of the corner
[17:51] Speaker 1: of my eye and I just go back to my set, like, Hey,
[17:54] Speaker 1: what's up with the Duelibbity blue or whatever. Then she
[17:57] Speaker 1: just jumps on stage and sings like a big haymaker
[18:02] Speaker 1: at me, and I like whoa and like matrix tight
[18:05] Speaker 1: sheet out of the way. She almost punched me right
[18:08] Speaker 1: in the face, and then I'm like looking at security,
[18:11] Speaker 1: like help help me. And then like some college kids
[18:13] Speaker 1: just kind of like dragged her out real security because
[18:16] Speaker 1: the kid, yeah, it wasn't Yeah. I was like the
[18:18] Speaker 1: security didn't even help. They were like cracking up in
[18:20] Speaker 1: the background. They're like this guy's crazy.
[18:22] Speaker 2: Man.
[18:22] Speaker 1: I was like, no, help me out right now, and
[18:25] Speaker 1: I had some like eighteen year old kids like help
[18:27] Speaker 1: me out. So like the kids like kind of like
[18:30] Speaker 1: dragged her out, and then finally security came in dragged
[18:32] Speaker 1: her out, and I was like what the fuck? And
[18:35] Speaker 1: but like the crowd is erupting at this point. It
[18:37] Speaker 1: was actually a really good set and the crowd's erupting,
[18:39] Speaker 1: and I kind of ended early after that. I was like,
[18:41] Speaker 1: there's not really any jokes I can do after this.
[18:44] Speaker 1: I can't go back to like be like she Game
[18:46] Speaker 1: of Thrones or whatever the fuck, you.
[18:48] Speaker 2: Know what I mean.
[18:48] Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like the set's gonna be short, but whatever,
[18:51] Speaker 1: I'm going out on a high. And then as I'm
[18:54] Speaker 1: leaving the venue, she's outside in the hallway and I'm like,
[18:58] Speaker 1: oh fuck, and he looks at me like none of
[19:02] Speaker 1: that ever even happened, and she was like we Sam,
[19:05] Speaker 1: can I get a sound fanling you? And I was
[19:07] Speaker 1: like really, it's like her brain just control all deleted everything,
[19:13] Speaker 1: and she was like what's up. She's like, I had
[19:14] Speaker 1: a great time to do and like no anger. She
[19:18] Speaker 1: was just like, whoa, that was fun, Like comedy, That's
[19:20] Speaker 1: what a comedy show is. Like, I was like, didn't
[19:23] Speaker 1: I just like destroy your life fifteen ways?
[19:28] Speaker 3: Everybody said that you were trying to blow your brother?
[19:30] Speaker 3: And now she's just like, hey, good.
[19:32] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[19:32] Speaker 1: She was just like that was fun. Comedy shows are crazy.
[19:39] Speaker 2: With aeric codrey.
[19:47] Speaker 1: With aeric codrey, Well, what's the worst you've ever seen?
[19:50] Speaker 1: Somebody bomb?
[19:51] Speaker 2: Oh?
[19:51] Speaker 3: I have that. I wrote this one down too. This
[19:53] Speaker 3: was this was in Denver years ago. We were at
[19:55] Speaker 3: this bar called the lions Layer. Yeah, and this guy.
[19:58] Speaker 3: You know how when you first start comedy, there's these
[20:01] Speaker 3: guys who are like, you were technically a comic, but
[20:04] Speaker 3: mostly you're just like trying to stay out of jail,
[20:06] Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Yeah, don't like these guys
[20:09] Speaker 3: on that.
[20:10] Speaker 1: I mean, everybody you start with is a total psychopath.
[20:13] Speaker 3: Yeah, one hundred percent. Like in the beginning, it's like
[20:16] Speaker 3: all crazy people.
[20:18] Speaker 1: In the beginning, you're surrounded by lunatics.
[20:22] Speaker 3: Yeah. So this was one of those guys. And we
[20:25] Speaker 3: were at the.
[20:25] Speaker 1: Lions, Like, where's the Lions Layer?
[20:27] Speaker 3: It's off a Colfax in Denver, like the old Colfax
[20:30] Speaker 3: if you remember, it was pretty pretty wild.
[20:32] Speaker 1: Is it like a comedy club? What is it?
[20:34] Speaker 3: No, it's just a bar. It's just a a shitty bar,
[20:37] Speaker 3: a dive but classic. But we were in the Lions,
[20:40] Speaker 3: like this guy comes in with this girl and he's
[20:42] Speaker 3: like one of those guys. He's just known for being
[20:44] Speaker 3: nuts or whatever. And he goes on stage and he
[20:47] Speaker 3: does this whole bombing, does this whole bit about how
[20:51] Speaker 3: much he loves this girl named Allison, who is the
[20:53] Speaker 3: girl he brought, And he's saying crazy like he's like,
[20:57] Speaker 3: oh my god, he's like declaring his love.
[21:00] Speaker 1: He says it. How is she reacting?
[21:02] Speaker 2: Bro?
[21:02] Speaker 3: He says. At one point he's like he's like, I
[21:05] Speaker 3: love you, Alison. She is like, if some guy came
[21:08] Speaker 3: in here and he had AIDS and he pulled out
[21:11] Speaker 3: his dirty AIDS ridden dick and he said, I would
[21:14] Speaker 3: have to suck that dick to save your life. I
[21:17] Speaker 3: would do it to save you Allison. Right. So he's
[21:20] Speaker 3: saying all this crazy shit bombing. The girl puts her
[21:24] Speaker 3: head in her hands, like she's crying right the bar center.
[21:28] Speaker 3: This guy Tony, he thinks that she's laughing because he
[21:32] Speaker 3: thinks it's funny because he's a degenerate. So she's crying
[21:35] Speaker 3: with her head in their hands. Tony comes up and
[21:37] Speaker 3: slaps her on the back. It's like like I know, right,
[21:44] Speaker 3: And she's crying and Tony's like ha ha. And then
[21:47] Speaker 3: the comic asks her to marry him. He's like, and Alison,
[21:51] Speaker 3: just in front of here, in front of all these people,
[21:54] Speaker 3: I just want to ask, will you marry me? And
[21:56] Speaker 3: she goes, you already know the answer and she runs
[22:00] Speaker 3: out and he ran out. Oh my lord, it was
[22:04] Speaker 3: really amazing.
[22:06] Speaker 1: Why did that guy do this?
[22:09] Speaker 3: He's crazy, man, because he's crazy.
[22:12] Speaker 1: In like a shitty dive bard, like not a romantic
[22:15] Speaker 1: setting dog.
[22:16] Speaker 3: And she's crying into her hands and the bartenders just
[22:19] Speaker 3: got his hand on her back like this is great.
[22:24] Speaker 1: Yeah, it was it sucking Aids Dick to save you.
[22:27] Speaker 1: It's like, no one asked you to say that. A
[22:31] Speaker 1: crazy scenario. It was a crazy scenario. And it's not
[22:36] Speaker 1: stand up. So it's just he's just bombing and he's
[22:38] Speaker 1: like stinking.
[22:39] Speaker 3: Up the room everybody, and you know we're all up
[22:41] Speaker 3: there just waiting to go, like.
[22:43] Speaker 1: Just waiting to tell Joe j alright.
[22:46] Speaker 3: Yeah, I have just joked about the bus. I was
[22:48] Speaker 3: gonna tell and now you're gonna fucking talk about sucking
[22:51] Speaker 3: Aids Dick. Everybody el me in the room is into
[22:54] Speaker 3: this dude. And then she ran out and he followed her.
[22:57] Speaker 3: It is crazy ship.
[23:00] Speaker 1: That's fucking crazy.
[23:02] Speaker 3: Yeah, it was really good. It's really really good.
[23:10] Speaker 2: With Aeric Condrey, With Aeric Condrey.
[23:21] Speaker 1: What's the craziest ship you've ever seen in your life
[23:24] Speaker 1: before your very very eyes. And it doesn't have to
[23:26] Speaker 1: be anything dark like but just like fucking Tony taking
[23:31] Speaker 1: a big dump on the subway kind of wild.
[23:35] Speaker 3: I don't know, the craziest thing I've ever seen in
[23:37] Speaker 3: my wife. That's a hard one.
[23:40] Speaker 1: It's a hard one. I've had. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard.
[23:45] Speaker 3: I saw three dudes banging it a hot and a
[23:48] Speaker 3: look into a hot tub.
[23:50] Speaker 1: One time, just three boys having a good old time.
[23:54] Speaker 3: Yeah, well I think I think it was two old dudes.
[23:57] Speaker 3: And then the younger one was a sex worker because
[23:59] Speaker 3: he was like way too hot for them.
[24:01] Speaker 1: Oh it's like a lemon party.
[24:02] Speaker 3: I was opening for STEVEO with the Bray Improv and
[24:05] Speaker 3: I don't have a car. You know, I don't drive,
[24:08] Speaker 3: so I had to get a spot at the Leakinta
[24:10] Speaker 3: because I couldn't go back and forth to l A
[24:12] Speaker 3: the whole weekend.
[24:14] Speaker 1: Dude, I fucking tat. I'll give you a ride to
[24:16] Speaker 1: La Quinta. Dude, I'm fucking these two old guys.
[24:18] Speaker 3: Later he didn't, he didn't, which sucks. So I and
[24:22] Speaker 3: then I was just like, I had like a couple
[24:23] Speaker 3: of tall kids, and I was like, but from what
[24:27] Speaker 3: I saw around the corner, it looked like it was
[24:30] Speaker 3: like a train.
[24:32] Speaker 1: Like he was a dude, a human centipede.
[24:34] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what it looked like. But like I got there,
[24:37] Speaker 3: they split up.
[24:37] Speaker 1: You were you're a bit of a party boomer. Yeah,
[24:40] Speaker 1: you're a cock. Blocker, which it.
[24:43] Speaker 3: Was weird because I wanted to be like, hey, they
[24:45] Speaker 3: do it like I don't. Hey got school dude, whatever
[24:51] Speaker 3: it like, it's cool, it's reddite. What else I'm gonna
[24:58] Speaker 3: go and drink like you having a better night in
[25:03] Speaker 3: front of stevens Oh no, did you bomb? I didn't
[25:06] Speaker 3: do great. They just watched Steve Bough, you know what
[25:08] Speaker 3: I mean. So it's like anything else is not.
[25:10] Speaker 1: Opening up for a celebrity is a tough fucking nugget.
[25:15] Speaker 3: It's I haven't really done it a lot, so nobody.
[25:18] Speaker 1: That's the hardest I ever bomb opening up for Chris Rock.
[25:20] Speaker 1: I really, that's the hardest I bombed in like recent life.
[25:24] Speaker 1: It's closet recent life. I mean, like the first like
[25:27] Speaker 1: ten years of doing stand up is bombing. But like
[25:30] Speaker 1: in recent life, that was a fucking harsh Was it
[25:33] Speaker 1: like a bill? Was it like a big venue, huge
[25:37] Speaker 1: theater in New Orleans, huge beautiful theater, And I like
[25:41] Speaker 1: I never did great opening up for his audience. I
[25:44] Speaker 1: would just like hold my ground, you know, I would
[25:48] Speaker 1: just do like short enough and well enough where they
[25:52] Speaker 1: like want to completely turn on me. But I was
[25:55] Speaker 1: never lighting up the night sky right, but they let
[25:58] Speaker 1: you do it. But this night I was struggling so hard.
[26:03] Speaker 1: My girlfriend came to the show the first three nights,
[26:05] Speaker 1: so I was like really trying to fucking bring my
[26:07] Speaker 1: egg and then she left a day early. And then
[26:11] Speaker 1: the day she left and I didn't have the pressure
[26:13] Speaker 1: of impressing her. I like kind of was phoning it
[26:16] Speaker 1: in and not realizing it. And I was like halfway
[26:18] Speaker 1: through my set and then the crickets are getting louder
[26:22] Speaker 1: and I wasn't really paying attention. Then I just hear
[26:24] Speaker 1: this guy in the back go next, and I was like,
[26:28] Speaker 1: well and instead of instead of like just getting the
[26:30] Speaker 1: fuck out of there or trying to like roll into comedy,
[26:33] Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, I turned into fucking
[26:38] Speaker 1: what's that Patrick Swazy movie Roadhouse? I turned into a
[26:40] Speaker 1: guy from Roadhouse. I get up here, motherfuckers say that
[26:43] Speaker 1: to my face? WHOA Because I was like gonna try
[26:45] Speaker 1: to like, yeah, I don't know. I turned into like
[26:48] Speaker 1: the bad guy from fucking Karate Kids. And I was
[26:51] Speaker 1: like because I was like, I was like, in my mind,
[26:53] Speaker 1: I'll get him up here and I'll roast him and
[26:54] Speaker 1: then like and like he's like I'm not moving. I'm
[26:57] Speaker 1: not going up to you and kidding me. I'm like
[26:59] Speaker 1: getting like an expensive seat. I'm just chilling the back
[27:01] Speaker 1: and making fun of you. And then I tried to
[27:03] Speaker 1: like and then after that, I tried to like roll
[27:05] Speaker 1: into another joke. I was like, oh, anyway, a crazy
[27:08] Speaker 1: show or whatever the fu and then uh boy did
[27:11] Speaker 1: I bomb? And then I just remember this dude, like
[27:17] Speaker 1: Puerto Rican dude in the front row looked up and
[27:19] Speaker 1: he goes, come on, Eric, you can do better than this.
[27:22] Speaker 1: Oh no, because he loves like he kind of liked me,
[27:28] Speaker 1: and I was like, shit, man, I can't. I can't, dude,
[27:32] Speaker 1: I can't. I'm like I just try to do I
[27:35] Speaker 1: like try to end on my most universal joke with
[27:38] Speaker 1: that Cuban sign and like kind of got like a that,
[27:41] Speaker 1: but I already like fucking cobra kai dojo, the fucking
[27:46] Speaker 1: come on, motherfucker, like like I got off Sagent Hannibal
[27:51] Speaker 1: was there. He's like, this isn't a bar show. You
[27:53] Speaker 1: can't be like come on up here like just something
[27:55] Speaker 1: like drunk at like a bar. This is like thousands
[27:57] Speaker 1: of people, man, like they're not gonna go leave their seat,
[28:00] Speaker 1: Like what fistfight you on stage, like that's crazy, what
[28:04] Speaker 1: do you think's going on here? And uh, I just
[28:07] Speaker 1: remember being dead devastated. But Chris and his tour manager
[28:12] Speaker 1: were so sweet about it. They were like, oh yeah.
[28:13] Speaker 1: Chris was like, oh, get me a big hug, and
[28:15] Speaker 1: he was like, ask me what happened When Prince opened
[28:17] Speaker 1: up for the Rolling Stones. I go, what happened? And
[28:19] Speaker 1: he goes. People were like boo, like throwing bottles at Prints,
[28:22] Speaker 1: like get off the fucking stage, Rolling Stones. That made
[28:27] Speaker 1: that made me feel a little bit better. And then
[28:30] Speaker 1: his tour managers like old school dude who like tour
[28:32] Speaker 1: managed James Brown and shit, and he was like, ask
[28:35] Speaker 1: me what happened when Chris played London and I go,
[28:38] Speaker 1: what happened? He goes, he bomb so fucking bad and
[28:41] Speaker 1: it was our first show of the tour and I
[28:43] Speaker 1: was like, oh yeah, and he goes. And then he
[28:45] Speaker 1: was so frustrated. He like went back to the club
[28:48] Speaker 1: like as they were closing at eleven pm, and he's like,
[28:50] Speaker 1: just get me back on stage, and he like proceeded
[28:53] Speaker 1: to have like the best set of his life. He's like,
[28:54] Speaker 1: bombings makes you stronger, man, it doesn't make you weaker kid,
[28:58] Speaker 1: he was like an old like beat Nick. Yeah, he's
[29:00] Speaker 1: really nice. So that made me feel better.
[29:02] Speaker 3: But I mean, do you like bombing? Are you one
[29:05] Speaker 3: of those guys who like some comedy?
[29:06] Speaker 1: So that's like Nor McDonald said he had a bombing
[29:09] Speaker 1: and Kevin Barnett used to tell me, n yeah, yeah,
[29:13] Speaker 1: he's like I like that. The audience like paid all
[29:14] Speaker 1: this money they thought they thought me and they're like
[29:16] Speaker 1: fucking pissed about it. But I don't know. To me,
[29:19] Speaker 1: I'm too sensitive, man, I hate I don't mind if
[29:22] Speaker 1: if there's like a bunch of comics on the show
[29:25] Speaker 1: and they're all bombing, then I'm okay. But it was
[29:27] Speaker 1: just me bombing. It was like this was the lineup
[29:30] Speaker 1: for the show. By the way, it was like Jeff
[29:31] Speaker 1: Ross who crushed, then Me who bombed, then like Hannibal,
[29:36] Speaker 1: then Dave Chappelle, than Chris Rock and they all like destroyed.
[29:40] Speaker 1: Like I was the one week link. It was a
[29:44] Speaker 1: nightmare scenario. And I'm like up against like like the
[29:48] Speaker 1: Mount Rushmore stand up comedy, you know.
[29:51] Speaker 3: What I mean. That's the worst. I remember one time
[29:54] Speaker 3: I opened for the Waynes Brothers and they wouldn't even
[29:57] Speaker 3: let me meet them, and then I ate a bat
[30:00] Speaker 3: I could dix and then they for real would let
[30:01] Speaker 3: me just like I did, just like go home, like
[30:06] Speaker 3: on the bart, like oh god, dude, it's a long
[30:11] Speaker 3: bart ride. It's like Tommy T's. It was like pleasant
[30:15] Speaker 3: and it was like the last stop from the scene.
[30:18] Speaker 3: It was like, Man, yeah, I don't like bombing either.
[30:21] Speaker 3: I mean, it happens sometimes I do get The only
[30:24] Speaker 3: time I kind of like bombing is sometimes I'll get
[30:26] Speaker 3: in my head where I'll be like, for whatever reason,
[30:29] Speaker 3: I'll decide that I don't like them, yeah, and then
[30:32] Speaker 3: and then I'll go up and I have it in
[30:33] Speaker 3: my head that I don't like them. So if I don't,
[30:35] Speaker 3: if I don't do well, I kind of feel.
[30:37] Speaker 1: Okay about it, all right, David. They said it couldn't
[30:39] Speaker 1: be done, and we done this.
[30:40] Speaker 3: I said it couldn't be stopped.
[30:43] Speaker 1: I said it couldn't be started. We did it, all right, buddy.
[30:51] Speaker 1: It was great talking to you. If you come to
[30:53] Speaker 1: New York at me, ask I will I will den,
[30:55] Speaker 1: I'll hit you up. Hell yeah, man, always a pleasure.
[31:00] Speaker 1: I'll be with aericdre bombing with Aeric andres brought to
[31:04] Speaker 1: you by Will Ferreld's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
[31:07] Speaker 1: Executive produced by Hans Sani and Olivia Aguilar, edited and
[31:12] Speaker 1: sound designed by Andy Harris. Our art is by Dylan Vanderberg.
[31:16] Speaker 1: And if you want to confess to your own bombing
[31:18] Speaker 1: moments or give us a shout out, go rate us
[31:20] Speaker 1: five stars and drop a review on your podcast app
[31:22] Speaker 1: of choice right about your own stories of bombing at life.
[31:25] Speaker 1: If you're on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to
[31:28] Speaker 1: Big MANI Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with
[31:30] Speaker 1: every episode. Listen to all my episodes ad free. The
[31:34] Speaker 1: guests on Bombing with Eric Andre were recorded before the
[31:37] Speaker 1: SAG app Just Strike, So leave me alone, Internet, Bye

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