# Taking A Breath & Learning To Rest w/Tammy Franklin

An episode of [Keep it Positive, Sweetie](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1689495115), 24 Nov 2024, 58 min.

Audio: https://pdrl.fm/1504e6/podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/44f61442-7ba4-4250-b406-b35901038504/062f87d2-d53a-4e2a-b773-b359010ba308/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=2cfaa2b1-0f12-4656-aec3-b3590103850e

For decades Tammy Franklin has been the backbone of one of music's most prolific artists and global creative forces, Kirk Franklin. In retrospect, Tammy is a force all her own. In this episode, Crystal Renee Hayslett and Tammy Franklin talk marriage, motherhood and the importance of therapy. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Coming up on Keep It Positive, sweetie.
[0:03] Speaker 2: There's a group called Next. I used to choreograph.
[0:07] Speaker 1: You are kidding me?
[0:08] Speaker 3: Now?
[0:08] Speaker 1: Did you do too close stuff?
[0:11] Speaker 2: I didn't.
[0:11] Speaker 3: I didn't do that, but I was like I was
[0:13] Speaker 3: in the studio when like that was actually recorded.
[0:17] Speaker 1: Are you kidding?
[0:17] Speaker 2: I am not kidding. I love Next.
[0:19] Speaker 1: I grew up to Next. I was like a junior
[0:21] Speaker 1: high high.
[0:21] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[0:22] Speaker 3: So we all lived in Minnesota at the time. So
[0:24] Speaker 3: our manager was the same manager is at the time
[0:27] Speaker 3: as Net Condition.
[0:28] Speaker 1: Wow, and so.
[0:32] Speaker 2: You story to tell.
[1:00] Speaker 4: Hello, I'm Christopher and Hazel And this is keep It Pasitive, sweetie,
[1:03] Speaker 4: A safe face to heal, laugh.
[1:05] Speaker 2: Grow, and Love.
[1:06] Speaker 4: Season six is officially here and I am so excited
[1:09] Speaker 4: about how it will unfold. For decades, Tammy Franklin has
[1:13] Speaker 4: been the backbone of one of music's most prolific artists
[1:16] Speaker 4: and global creative forces, Kirk Franklin. In Retrospect and Real Talk,
[1:21] Speaker 4: she is all a force of her own. In recent years,
[1:24] Speaker 4: Tammy has branched out into more public speaking, along with
[1:27] Speaker 4: hosting television and radio shows, which have allowed her to
[1:30] Speaker 4: share her powerful testimony perspective while also exposing audiences and
[1:35] Speaker 4: fans to her infectious personality. As a wife, mom, gland
[1:39] Speaker 4: moom and encourager of women around the world. Tammy Franklin
[1:43] Speaker 4: personifies womanhood, wisdom, and winning.
[1:46] Speaker 1: I am so grateful we get to talk about how.
[1:48] Speaker 4: Tammy has withstood the storms of her past, how she's
[1:51] Speaker 4: embracing her present, and how she's embracing herself for the
[1:54] Speaker 4: blessings in the future ahead. Tammy Franklin, everyone, Davy, thank
[1:58] Speaker 4: you so much for coming.
[2:00] Speaker 2: I'm glad to be here.
[2:01] Speaker 1: We've been trying.
[2:02] Speaker 2: Yes, I've been trying to do this for a while.
[2:05] Speaker 2: I'm excited to come.
[2:06] Speaker 1: Sit on me too.
[2:09] Speaker 4: I've been wanting you to come on. We had Kirk
[2:11] Speaker 4: con and there's a few questions I asked him. He's like,
[2:13] Speaker 4: you got to ask Tammy, and I was like, you
[2:15] Speaker 4: know what, I am going to ask her about that.
[2:19] Speaker 1: So I was excited to get you here. I just
[2:22] Speaker 1: love you.
[2:23] Speaker 4: Like you have the most beautiful spirit. You're always pleasant
[2:26] Speaker 4: from the moment I met you. So just thank you
[2:29] Speaker 4: about you.
[2:30] Speaker 3: I mean, first of all, I'm assistant fans, so when
[2:34] Speaker 3: you were attitude the cast, I mean, all of you
[2:40] Speaker 3: ladies are beautiful. Yes, it was just something about you.
[2:43] Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, she's so. I just love her
[2:46] Speaker 3: the whole character.
[2:48] Speaker 2: It's just dope. So I'm like when I when I
[2:52] Speaker 2: met you in person, I was like, first of all,
[2:54] Speaker 2: you are gorgeous.
[2:55] Speaker 1: Thank you.
[2:57] Speaker 3: You like, I mean, you know, pictures, but in person
[3:02] Speaker 3: does not do your pictures in any justice. To meet
[3:05] Speaker 3: you in person just I was like, oh, yeah, she's grounded.
[3:09] Speaker 2: You can tell she.
[3:11] Speaker 3: I mean, the stardom is nice, but I could just
[3:17] Speaker 3: sense your intentionality with wanting to stay.
[3:20] Speaker 1: Who you are. Yes, oh my goodness.
[3:22] Speaker 3: And I love when I meet women, especially a beautiful
[3:25] Speaker 3: woman who is.
[3:27] Speaker 2: So self aware that that's.
[3:32] Speaker 1: It was.
[3:32] Speaker 2: Really it was very important.
[3:34] Speaker 4: I'm a country girl, so for me, it was very
[3:36] Speaker 4: important to keep my Martin Tennessee.
[3:40] Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, yeah, Martin, I hear, I hear the seven
[3:44] Speaker 3: Now I'm a text Texas girl, that's right, Yeah seven girls.
[3:50] Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I remember the first time I met you all.
[3:53] Speaker 4: We were at the grand opening of the new studio
[3:56] Speaker 4: Telebrade Studios and we're at the brunch and I told
[3:59] Speaker 4: Kirk that I was like, where'd you get those shipping grits?
[4:02] Speaker 1: And he gave me his plate, and y'all, you're like girl.
[4:04] Speaker 1: You had to take them grits and I was like,
[4:06] Speaker 1: is it okay? You're like, girl, take them? So they're
[4:09] Speaker 1: very good. Thank you. And I didn't have to wait
[4:11] Speaker 1: that long.
[4:12] Speaker 3: That you reminded us of that, because I remember the moment,
[4:15] Speaker 3: but to know that there.
[4:16] Speaker 1: Was because nobody knew I was then.
[4:19] Speaker 4: Yeah, I was still starling Tyler at that moment. I
[4:22] Speaker 4: had a very small role on Sisters, but nobody knew that, oh,
[4:25] Speaker 4: that's the girl from Sisters.
[4:26] Speaker 1: I was not hurt yet. Yeah.
[4:28] Speaker 4: It was so funny because all the girls were there
[4:30] Speaker 4: and everybody knew who they were, and I was just
[4:32] Speaker 4: kind of in the back, like.
[4:34] Speaker 1: Nobody knew how it was that I was. I was
[4:35] Speaker 1: in the room though. Now, yeah, come on, that's what
[4:38] Speaker 1: God does.
[4:38] Speaker 4: Hello, Hello, Yeah, what about you tell me congratulations on
[4:43] Speaker 4: your son's new marriage.
[4:45] Speaker 1: You got two kids, man, we got to get kiddy made.
[4:50] Speaker 1: My son is her whole husband. How do you feel
[4:53] Speaker 1: about that too? Married?
[4:56] Speaker 3: I think as a as a mom, you desire you
[5:00] Speaker 3: pray for.
[5:00] Speaker 2: I have prayed for.
[5:03] Speaker 3: My children's the spouses that they have already didn't necessarily
[5:08] Speaker 3: know I was praying for them specifically, but I think
[5:11] Speaker 3: you know, when you are a mom and you want
[5:14] Speaker 3: your kids to find someone who to do life with,
[5:19] Speaker 3: who is suitable for them, and then you know you
[5:23] Speaker 3: have the opportunity. What I'm getting the opportunity to do
[5:26] Speaker 3: now is to see the things that I've poured into them,
[5:30] Speaker 3: because they're not perfect, but they're they're they're good, they're
[5:34] Speaker 3: good adults, they're good spouses and so my my baby boy.
[5:38] Speaker 3: But you know something, I always told my husband that
[5:42] Speaker 3: he was gonna marry early, really because.
[5:44] Speaker 4: You knew when he was how do you pronounce your
[5:46] Speaker 4: son's name, Kaziah? Yes, okay, I knew it.
[5:50] Speaker 1: You knew.
[5:50] Speaker 4: What was it about him that she's like, I know
[5:51] Speaker 4: this one's gonna marry?
[5:54] Speaker 2: Very mature, very relational driven.
[6:02] Speaker 3: He was the one like even with when dating that
[6:04] Speaker 3: I would have to remind hey, we're not at forever yet.
[6:07] Speaker 4: Oh He's like me, I'm the one that's gonna be
[6:13] Speaker 4: like so I'm like already writing, like.
[6:15] Speaker 1: To see how our last name goes, his last name goes,
[6:17] Speaker 1: minded like.
[6:20] Speaker 2: A creative.
[6:22] Speaker 3: He was able to kind of tap into that because typically,
[6:24] Speaker 3: if you're right, it's the girl.
[6:25] Speaker 2: Because maybe we have our weddings playing down well, we done.
[6:29] Speaker 3: Met him in junior high and we got the names
[6:32] Speaker 3: and all this right, but it was just something about
[6:35] Speaker 3: him and then his his his faith compass was very,
[6:39] Speaker 3: very strong.
[6:41] Speaker 2: The way he.
[6:41] Speaker 3: Regarded I would say girls because he was young, and
[6:45] Speaker 3: then later women. He was always intentional, dating with the purpose.
[6:53] Speaker 3: That was his mindset. And so I remember telling my
[6:57] Speaker 3: husband probably I want to say it's early.
[7:01] Speaker 2: As junior high, you knew it. I said, he's gonna
[7:04] Speaker 2: he's gonna marry early.
[7:06] Speaker 3: I see him doing maybe because he has my husband's
[7:12] Speaker 3: gift times ten.
[7:13] Speaker 1: Yes, he's instrument I saw musically inclined.
[7:18] Speaker 2: And he's but he's also a speaker, he's a writer.
[7:21] Speaker 2: He's and so he's left and right brain.
[7:25] Speaker 1: He was an athlete, and I mean it's incredible.
[7:27] Speaker 2: He's a yeah, like a lot of unicorn.
[7:30] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[7:31] Speaker 3: And God showed me even how to pray for him.
[7:35] Speaker 3: I mean pray for all my kids, but and pray
[7:38] Speaker 3: for them in specific ways.
[7:39] Speaker 2: With him.
[7:39] Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, he's right and left brain. That
[7:42] Speaker 3: means his mind's always going, Oh.
[7:44] Speaker 1: God, I feel like that's my brother. Like are we related?
[7:47] Speaker 1: Because like people.
[7:49] Speaker 4: You know what s because I'm like literally like I
[7:52] Speaker 4: feel like maybe he's my cousin someone because I feel
[7:54] Speaker 4: like I'm all over the place. Yes I'm creative, but
[7:56] Speaker 4: I'm very analytical. Yeah, it's our brains.
[8:00] Speaker 2: I need to check on those.
[8:01] Speaker 4: Yes, you know, I identify with it.
[8:05] Speaker 1: I totally understand what you're saying.
[8:06] Speaker 3: But to see them married, it's just you know, and
[8:08] Speaker 3: and Kennedy's seriously dating and I like him good, you know,
[8:16] Speaker 3: And I was I saw it my parents when I'm married,
[8:23] Speaker 3: and I think Kirk being adopted, they took it even
[8:26] Speaker 3: an extra step. They became his parents, and so that
[8:32] Speaker 3: was modeled for me. And I'm that type of mother
[8:36] Speaker 3: in law. I want to be a mother in love
[8:38] Speaker 3: and not you know, horror. And so it's been I've
[8:42] Speaker 3: been it's been really important to me that Elena, my
[8:45] Speaker 3: son's wife, she is.
[8:47] Speaker 4: So I know she's a woman, but she's just adorable, yagol.
[8:53] Speaker 2: They just the perfect yeah, you know, they're all the.
[8:58] Speaker 3: Tree climbing and and all the things and so but
[9:01] Speaker 3: it was it's just was really important to me. In fact,
[9:03] Speaker 3: I did a post of my intentionality towards her and
[9:08] Speaker 3: her her mother passed and so I've been praying, like God,
[9:11] Speaker 3: what am.
[9:12] Speaker 2: I supposed to be to her. This is a very unique,
[9:14] Speaker 2: you know, set of circumstances.
[9:16] Speaker 1: So it was just.
[9:17] Speaker 3: Important to me that I'd be intentional with fostering relationship
[9:20] Speaker 3: with her, never wanting her to feel like she ever.
[9:25] Speaker 2: Needed to compete with me.
[9:26] Speaker 3: Yeah, nor put my son in the position of feeling
[9:29] Speaker 3: like he had to choose.
[9:30] Speaker 2: Yeah, So it was just really important to me.
[9:32] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[9:32] Speaker 4: I look at that and I love how you have
[9:34] Speaker 4: relationships with all your children and it's so beautiful to watch,
[9:38] Speaker 4: Like I've actually gotten to see firsthand with you and
[9:40] Speaker 4: Kenny when you're here in Atlanta, but with your son
[9:43] Speaker 4: and with.
[9:44] Speaker 1: Your older daughter. You all have a podcast or radio
[9:47] Speaker 1: show together.
[9:49] Speaker 3: We have a show on Serious ex sem Amazing and
[9:53] Speaker 3: it's in real life with Tammy and Carrington, I have fun.
[9:56] Speaker 4: What was like, what was the inspiration behind that? What
[9:59] Speaker 4: made you guys say hey, let's do this.
[10:01] Speaker 3: Honest, we would do like because on my husband's stations,
[10:06] Speaker 3: Kirk Franklin's pretty and so we would do like one
[10:09] Speaker 3: off shows like special shows, and the series came to
[10:15] Speaker 3: us and was like, hey, you know, people are saying
[10:17] Speaker 3: this would be a really cool weekly show, and so
[10:23] Speaker 3: that's kind of how it branched off, which we would
[10:25] Speaker 3: do like a Mother's Day special, a Father's Day special,
[10:28] Speaker 3: and but we wanted it, of course to be faith based,
[10:32] Speaker 3: but also we wanted to introduce our audience to maybe.
[10:38] Speaker 2: Things in the culture, you know, something.
[10:40] Speaker 3: Like imposture syndrome, things like that were you know, not
[10:44] Speaker 3: necessarily spoken about in a faith based space. And so
[10:50] Speaker 3: it's that's why were named it in real life, so
[10:52] Speaker 3: we wouldn't be like Pigeon held to like what we
[10:54] Speaker 3: could talk about. We talk about, you know, from dating
[10:58] Speaker 3: to mother in law, drama to you know, all the things.
[11:01] Speaker 2: And as fun as I get a chance to see
[11:03] Speaker 2: my daughter.
[11:03] Speaker 4: Yeah Bossom, Yeah, because she has her own family now,
[11:07] Speaker 4: two beautiful children.
[11:08] Speaker 2: I love you, love.
[11:10] Speaker 1: You, Yes, love me and my husband's boss.
[11:13] Speaker 4: Yeah those kids are Yeah, y'all just have some beautiful offspring.
[11:17] Speaker 1: Like and just kept going, yeah, beautiful, beautiful.
[11:21] Speaker 4: What was that transition like, going from like being a
[11:24] Speaker 4: mother to your children and now they're adults.
[11:28] Speaker 3: You know, God has gifted me in a way, and
[11:33] Speaker 3: I know it was there are times in your life
[11:36] Speaker 3: in which you know the realness of God and the
[11:39] Speaker 3: way I was staying I got married at twenty five.
[11:41] Speaker 2: I was, I was a baby. That was my goal
[11:43] Speaker 2: that now you know.
[11:45] Speaker 1: What twenty five is what I tell the Lord, you know, I.
[11:51] Speaker 3: Think twenty seven thirty like my earliest, but because I
[11:56] Speaker 3: mean there's so much and I'm, you know, be fifty
[11:59] Speaker 3: five this year.
[12:00] Speaker 1: Year tut what's the sek? What's the water? The well
[12:04] Speaker 1: you're drinking out of?
[12:07] Speaker 2: If you see my mama?
[12:08] Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, the pool?
[12:11] Speaker 2: Thank you?
[12:11] Speaker 3: Yes, right, thank you Jesus black cracks a little slower,
[12:15] Speaker 3: it does, congratulations.
[12:19] Speaker 2: Right, exercise.
[12:22] Speaker 3: I tried to eliminate stress, so, you know, and I
[12:26] Speaker 3: think it helps that we're tiny people. People just tend
[12:31] Speaker 3: to look younger.
[12:32] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[12:33] Speaker 3: But the transition into adulthood, so I've always had this
[12:40] Speaker 3: plan that that would.
[12:42] Speaker 2: I took motherhood like that seriously. So I was like,
[12:46] Speaker 2: it is my responsibility to foster, foster and usher them
[12:51] Speaker 2: into adulthood.
[12:53] Speaker 3: And so I always plan for it, right, But I
[12:56] Speaker 3: know at twenty five, like who things like that?
[12:58] Speaker 1: Right?
[12:59] Speaker 3: You know, shorter, Holy Spirit, I know I know for
[13:01] Speaker 3: a fact, God like was downloading that, you know, and
[13:05] Speaker 3: to me.
[13:05] Speaker 2: And so I'm still their mother. I'm more of a
[13:07] Speaker 2: friend now, I.
[13:09] Speaker 1: Ain't one of your friends.
[13:11] Speaker 3: I said that, but now I'll be like, okay, we're
[13:13] Speaker 3: friends experiends now.
[13:15] Speaker 2: And it's so funny because they're like, oh my gosh,
[13:17] Speaker 2: now that.
[13:17] Speaker 3: We're in the like friend zone of our mother, daughter
[13:20] Speaker 3: or mother, They're like, you're telling us everything.
[13:24] Speaker 2: You didn't know that.
[13:26] Speaker 1: This is new.
[13:27] Speaker 3: You know. It's like, well, welcome to adulthood. And now
[13:29] Speaker 3: you know that that cousin was crazy, you know, and
[13:33] Speaker 3: and they like.
[13:34] Speaker 2: And now they're saying things. But my always wanted my
[13:37] Speaker 2: kids to feel.
[13:37] Speaker 3: So comfortable, and I wanted to be approachable even when
[13:41] Speaker 3: they would tell me things that you know, I was
[13:44] Speaker 3: clutching my pearls on the inside, but on the outside
[13:46] Speaker 3: they gonna see, I got you.
[13:49] Speaker 1: I love that.
[13:50] Speaker 2: Ain't nothing you can't tell me.
[13:51] Speaker 1: Yeah, that is beautiful. I love that.
[13:53] Speaker 2: It's been. They're my little homies. Are my friends.
[13:57] Speaker 1: I see it.
[13:58] Speaker 3: My girls are my some of my best friends. I mean,
[14:01] Speaker 3: I have, you know, best friends.
[14:03] Speaker 2: But you know, my son.
[14:06] Speaker 3: Is so close and there is something about a mother's
[14:08] Speaker 3: son relationship in which he sees me.
[14:11] Speaker 2: Yeah in a way, I was like, am.
[14:14] Speaker 3: I blushing like a little school because he just he's
[14:18] Speaker 3: always let me know that.
[14:19] Speaker 1: He sees me. Yeah, very mindful. Yes, yeah, I love that.
[14:23] Speaker 1: I love that.
[14:24] Speaker 4: Now we had Kirk on and he talked about how
[14:28] Speaker 4: not having a father and mother was not as present,
[14:33] Speaker 4: how hard it was for him, and how he puts
[14:37] Speaker 4: so much emphasis in the children. Yes, And I asked
[14:40] Speaker 4: him on the show. I was like, Kirk do you
[14:42] Speaker 4: I said, how did Timmy feel about that? And he said, well,
[14:44] Speaker 4: you have to ask, I asked, tim Yeah, I want
[14:46] Speaker 4: you to watch this clip of what he said, and
[14:49] Speaker 4: I want to get your thoughts because I really I.
[14:51] Speaker 1: Was like, I'm going to ask her.
[14:55] Speaker 5: Even to the fault, I could be honest and saying
[14:57] Speaker 5: and I've never said this on anything before, and I've
[14:59] Speaker 5: been saying and I'll I'll be transparent here to say,
[15:02] Speaker 5: is that even to a fault that a lot of terms.
[15:03] Speaker 5: I realize now that they were empty nesting. I probably
[15:07] Speaker 5: invested even more to them than I even sometimes did her,
[15:12] Speaker 5: because with her, the natural man to do things is
[15:16] Speaker 5: always the red bottoms, the car, the person you know.
[15:20] Speaker 5: You know, you you're always doing the things that you
[15:23] Speaker 5: think are the things, and they're not the things you know,
[15:27] Speaker 5: and so I am guilty of that. I am make
[15:29] Speaker 5: sure me guilty of that, you know, and you know
[15:32] Speaker 5: it's not intentional. It's just what you end up doing
[15:35] Speaker 5: because you're so busy trying to make it. And then
[15:37] Speaker 5: when you come from poverty, you know, you you think
[15:40] Speaker 5: that these things are the things that matter. But also
[15:45] Speaker 5: it was a lot for me. A lot of the
[15:47] Speaker 5: attention was these kids cannot feel.
[15:50] Speaker 3: What I felt.
[15:52] Speaker 1: They cannot feel what I feeling.
[15:54] Speaker 5: And not having a blueprint for being a daddy, I
[15:56] Speaker 5: overdid the day.
[15:59] Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
[15:59] Speaker 5: You know, it's it's like I would come in from
[16:01] Speaker 5: the studio, you know, three or four o'clock in the
[16:03] Speaker 5: morning and sit up and sit up in the chair
[16:06] Speaker 5: so I wouldn't fall asleep, so I could take them
[16:07] Speaker 5: to school, you know, because like they cannot feel it,
[16:11] Speaker 5: they cannot feel it. And so that's what drove me.
[16:13] Speaker 4: Yeah, but you all that you feel like you was
[16:16] Speaker 4: neglecting Tammy as well.
[16:19] Speaker 5: It's I don't well that would be for her to say,
[16:24] Speaker 5: you know, well yeah, you know, but but but but
[16:28] Speaker 5: whatever she may feel, I look back and go, you know, man,
[16:34] Speaker 5: I did not learn. And then it's also the things
[16:39] Speaker 5: that you know, some things are taught, some things.
[16:42] Speaker 4: Are so now, mmy, did you because I thought about that,
[16:48] Speaker 4: you know, Eliza, as a child whose parents worked really
[16:51] Speaker 4: hard to give me everything that I wanted and needed,
[16:54] Speaker 4: there were often times where I needed them in other ways,
[16:57] Speaker 4: not like how he said the read a bout of
[16:59] Speaker 4: the person that I needed other things and those were
[17:02] Speaker 4: not the things I needed.
[17:04] Speaker 2: So other things you.
[17:05] Speaker 1: Got, yes, are the things you got? Yeah?
[17:07] Speaker 4: So was there a times where you felt neglected as
[17:10] Speaker 4: a wife because he was putting so much emphasis on
[17:13] Speaker 4: the career all the kids.
[17:15] Speaker 3: I think that when you're in it, you don't necessarily
[17:18] Speaker 3: recognize it like that him wanting to And I would
[17:24] Speaker 3: say this if anybody has.
[17:30] Speaker 2: Fallen madly and deeply in love with his.
[17:34] Speaker 3: Story to the point of wanting to protect him. I
[17:39] Speaker 3: think that as a wife, you kind of you know,
[17:42] Speaker 3: And so I think for me, you know, listening to
[17:46] Speaker 3: that clip and really kind of you know, thinking about it.
[17:50] Speaker 2: I remember when it when I watched when it first.
[17:52] Speaker 3: Came out, but I hadn't seen it in a while,
[17:55] Speaker 3: and so I think initially I cheered him on. I
[17:58] Speaker 3: applauded the fact. You know what, woman though, doesn't want
[18:00] Speaker 3: an involved father father. Yeah, But now on the opposite
[18:06] Speaker 3: end of that at empty nesting stage. You know, I
[18:11] Speaker 3: do see where there was deficiency. And I believe that
[18:16] Speaker 3: probably a lot of couples that you sit with a
[18:20] Speaker 3: wife would say, yeah, I don't think nobody can be
[18:23] Speaker 3: a woman supporting Yeah, yeah, no, nobody beat us supporting
[18:28] Speaker 3: Yeah to a fault.
[18:30] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true, to a fallt yeah.
[18:32] Speaker 2: And so that's real, you know.
[18:34] Speaker 3: And it's like, now, you know, at twenty nine years
[18:38] Speaker 3: of marriage, do I see there were deficiencies with regards
[18:43] Speaker 3: to support of me or pushing me in what would
[18:46] Speaker 3: you you know, like to do? And then two we
[18:50] Speaker 3: grew up in an error because I'm not mad at
[18:52] Speaker 3: him for it, we grew up in an error in which,
[18:55] Speaker 3: especially if you grew up in church and ministry, the.
[18:59] Speaker 2: Men industry is what.
[19:02] Speaker 3: Is, you know, the most vital, the most important, and
[19:05] Speaker 3: in terms of your role as a wife, that's your
[19:10] Speaker 3: role is home and supporting. So it's like supporting husband,
[19:17] Speaker 3: but the ministry is added, it adds a whole, it
[19:21] Speaker 3: does other layer. So in my mind, this is what
[19:25] Speaker 3: I'm called to do, this is my ministry.
[19:27] Speaker 1: That's a beautiful perspective.
[19:29] Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, so I'm not necessarily mad about it,
[19:31] Speaker 3: you know what I mean? My husband traveled a whole lot,
[19:36] Speaker 3: and his desire was that we'd not be apart anymore
[19:39] Speaker 3: than two got say, two years, dars two weeks, Yeah,
[19:46] Speaker 3: and he didn't want any more than two weeks of
[19:48] Speaker 3: being apart from me.
[19:49] Speaker 2: And then.
[19:52] Speaker 3: You know, my kids needed normalcy, and so it worked
[19:56] Speaker 3: best for us that I'd be at home. And you know,
[20:01] Speaker 3: do I wish I would have done some things different?
[20:03] Speaker 2: It's kind of like both and I.
[20:05] Speaker 3: Wouldn't change anything, but then I would change something, you
[20:08] Speaker 3: know what I mean?
[20:09] Speaker 4: What would you like if there's anything that you would
[20:12] Speaker 4: have like, Tim, you should have done this, or I
[20:14] Speaker 4: would have done this.
[20:14] Speaker 3: I think that just more emphasis and thoughts to what
[20:19] Speaker 3: is it that I would like to do as a woman,
[20:23] Speaker 3: Your your dreams, your hopes. Everything becomes like what your
[20:29] Speaker 3: kids you know, it's their hopes and their.
[20:31] Speaker 2: Dream is or my husband's. Wow, and I'm there to
[20:34] Speaker 2: like how we gonna make it happen?
[20:39] Speaker 3: Because, like I said, nobody beat us, nobody beat a woman.
[20:45] Speaker 3: But what it has informed me, Crystal, is I'm able
[20:49] Speaker 3: now to tell my daughter in law, Yeah, I was
[20:53] Speaker 3: shared with your story. I was going to I want
[20:55] Speaker 3: her to have a special gift from me, and I
[20:58] Speaker 3: bought her a necklace and I was going to buy
[21:02] Speaker 3: her an F symbolizing Franklin. And I took a step
[21:09] Speaker 3: back and I said, no, I'm going to get her
[21:10] Speaker 3: an A for Elena. Because of what I have experienced,
[21:17] Speaker 3: I now can share with my new daughter in law,
[21:19] Speaker 3: other women, hey, and my son. I raised him, Yes,
[21:24] Speaker 3: I raised him to understand that as a husband, she's
[21:27] Speaker 3: not there just to serve you and your.
[21:30] Speaker 2: Hopes and your dreams. Cultivate her what does she want
[21:33] Speaker 2: to do? Make sure you're asking her often.
[21:35] Speaker 3: Yes, And with Elena the gift I gave her with
[21:38] Speaker 3: that a, I wrote a little note to her and
[21:40] Speaker 3: I said, I know right now you're trying to think
[21:43] Speaker 3: about how can I be suitable, adaptable all the things? Yes, Kazaiah,
[21:47] Speaker 3: all the things wife. And I said, I want you
[21:50] Speaker 3: when you see this a on your neck, I want
[21:53] Speaker 3: you to think about yourself.
[21:55] Speaker 2: But I wouldn't want to do that.
[21:57] Speaker 1: You wouldn't have known that.
[21:58] Speaker 2: Yes, had I not gone through it.
[22:00] Speaker 1: Gold I love it. I love it.
[22:02] Speaker 4: Oh so talking about things that you put to the
[22:06] Speaker 4: side when you became a wife a lot of people
[22:09] Speaker 4: don't know this, but you you was.
[22:12] Speaker 1: A yes, that is incredible.
[22:18] Speaker 2: I did not.
[22:18] Speaker 1: I was like, you haven't asked Kirk in the family girl.
[22:27] Speaker 2: Because they signed.
[22:30] Speaker 1: Okay, it's different.
[22:32] Speaker 3: Yes, I was a little group called a Shanty Whoa
[22:37] Speaker 3: and we some people may remember this.
[22:38] Speaker 2: I saw this on like a.
[22:40] Speaker 3: You know how there's these different I G pages. This
[22:43] Speaker 3: this page was like all like old R and B. Yes,
[22:46] Speaker 3: and we had a really big single. We were side
[22:49] Speaker 3: signed to Scottie Brother Records and we had the single
[22:52] Speaker 3: that was a reply to.
[22:57] Speaker 2: And I wasn't there.
[22:58] Speaker 3: It's something wrong. They they got like pretty big.
[23:04] Speaker 1: Can I get how did it go? Because I know
[23:12] Speaker 1: how I don't see nothing wrong.
[23:14] Speaker 2: There is something wrong.
[23:18] Speaker 1: It was like the gospel version.
[23:20] Speaker 2: It was because we're already singing gospel music. Okay, yeah,
[23:24] Speaker 2: you know this is before a girls group were like
[23:26] Speaker 2: trying overly things.
[23:31] Speaker 3: And so for me, a lot of people know, part
[23:33] Speaker 3: of my story has been a single mom. When Kirk
[23:35] Speaker 3: and I married, I had Carrington and he had carry On.
[23:40] Speaker 3: So they were five and six and Kirk did legally
[23:44] Speaker 3: adopt her, and so you know, for me, it was
[23:48] Speaker 3: a way to take care of my daughter. I've always
[23:51] Speaker 3: you know, it's funny how God prepares you for what
[23:55] Speaker 3: you're going to do. Mm hm, and you have no
[23:59] Speaker 3: idea what it is, like, what are you preparing for?
[24:01] Speaker 1: Yes?
[24:02] Speaker 2: And so even within.
[24:03] Speaker 3: The group, I was the one that did the choreography.
[24:06] Speaker 2: I was the one that did.
[24:08] Speaker 3: Like our outfits. There's a group called Next I used
[24:12] Speaker 3: to choreograph.
[24:14] Speaker 1: You are kidding me? Now, did you do too close stuff?
[24:18] Speaker 2: I didn't.
[24:18] Speaker 3: I didn't do that, but I was. I was in
[24:20] Speaker 3: the studio when like that was actually recorded.
[24:24] Speaker 1: Are you kidding?
[24:24] Speaker 2: I am not kidding.
[24:25] Speaker 1: I love I grew up.
[24:27] Speaker 2: I was like in junior high high.
[24:28] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[24:29] Speaker 3: So we all lived in Minnesota at the time. So
[24:31] Speaker 3: our manager was the same manager is at the time
[24:34] Speaker 3: as net condition.
[24:35] Speaker 1: Wow, and so.
[24:39] Speaker 2: Story to tell what I've been around, friend.
[24:43] Speaker 3: I mean, it was twenty one, not a year in
[24:47] Speaker 3: the world living in Minnesota.
[24:49] Speaker 2: But let me God, even in.
[24:51] Speaker 3: That we rather than going to New York or l A,
[24:55] Speaker 3: Minnesota was the most family friendly at midnight, and we
[25:00] Speaker 3: were in church like we were inquired or we would
[25:02] Speaker 3: have on our little fish.
[25:03] Speaker 2: Net panting holes and hot paint.
[25:06] Speaker 3: You know, I'm not dressed for Wednesday night service and
[25:08] Speaker 3: then we're going to like we're going to Princess Club
[25:13] Speaker 3: with glam Slam.
[25:15] Speaker 2: I was ready for it. I was ready ready the
[25:19] Speaker 2: Church for Coming Seals performed that. It was a time.
[25:23] Speaker 1: Wow that you know, it took me back. Listen, you
[25:28] Speaker 1: need to write a book. I haven't thought about that.
[25:32] Speaker 2: It has been suggested to me often.
[25:37] Speaker 1: That was another one. Yeah you should. Yeah, I think
[25:42] Speaker 1: I would love to read your journey.
[25:44] Speaker 2: I mean yeah. I did.
[25:45] Speaker 3: Also actually did a forward for a book, and the
[25:50] Speaker 3: agent said, hey, have you thought about you know, writing,
[25:54] Speaker 3: See I got I got more time on my hands.
[25:57] Speaker 1: Now, yes, yes you do. That'll be dope author to
[26:00] Speaker 1: your resume.
[26:01] Speaker 2: I like that, I think.
[26:02] Speaker 1: So okay, awesome, Okay. So you know I am forty two.
[26:08] Speaker 1: I said I wanted to be married by twenty five.
[26:10] Speaker 1: That didn't happen.
[26:12] Speaker 4: As a woman, you know, I'm in the industry and
[26:16] Speaker 4: I'm a Southern woman.
[26:17] Speaker 1: So I was raised in the church.
[26:18] Speaker 4: I know about being submissive, I know about being a
[26:21] Speaker 4: helpmate and all the things that you all things.
[26:25] Speaker 1: Yes, And for a long time I felt like God.
[26:28] Speaker 4: At first, I was questioning, like God, why haven't you
[26:30] Speaker 4: you blessed me with everything else, but this thing, what
[26:33] Speaker 4: is it? And then I had to take a step
[26:35] Speaker 4: back and I realized I wasn't ready for that thing.
[26:38] Speaker 4: And now I feel like I'm in the states where
[26:39] Speaker 4: I am ready for it. And I want to know
[26:42] Speaker 4: if you could tell me, because I know you sowing
[26:44] Speaker 4: to your daughters, what would you tell a young woman
[26:47] Speaker 4: who is desiring marriage daughter? Yes, what would you tell
[26:54] Speaker 4: someone who is desiring marriage later on in life or
[26:57] Speaker 4: even now?
[26:57] Speaker 1: Because women, this dating culture is it's very ghetto.
[27:03] Speaker 2: I hear, sorry for y'all.
[27:07] Speaker 1: Sorry, man, my producers over here. She's like very trash.
[27:15] Speaker 2: So sorry. I mean these mamas to not raise trash.
[27:23] Speaker 2: That was my plan.
[27:25] Speaker 3: Yeah, you will be intral, yes, exactly. And I think
[27:28] Speaker 3: that's one of the first things is is he godly? Yeah?
[27:33] Speaker 3: But is he integral? Because there are some men that
[27:35] Speaker 3: are godly but they're not.
[27:36] Speaker 1: That is so true, yes, and they're not.
[27:39] Speaker 3: Yeah, And they are using repentance as an excuse to
[27:48] Speaker 3: just act the fool because forgive me, yeah, you know.
[27:53] Speaker 2: And it's like so first and foremost godly, but integral.
[27:57] Speaker 2: What's his character that's so good?
[27:59] Speaker 1: Yeah?
[28:00] Speaker 3: You know in the in the smallest and little of
[28:02] Speaker 3: the things. You know, we think it needs to watch
[28:05] Speaker 3: how you know the bigger thing?
[28:06] Speaker 1: Yeah, watch a small thing.
[28:08] Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, watch the really really small things. I love
[28:13] Speaker 3: the fact, Crystal, that you you wanted something but recognize
[28:17] Speaker 3: that you that you weren't ready for it. I love
[28:19] Speaker 3: the and I think to me that meant that you
[28:23] Speaker 3: have done.
[28:23] Speaker 2: A lot of soul searching.
[28:25] Speaker 3: Yes, and you've done Oh, you've done like inner work
[28:30] Speaker 3: that helps ward off foolishness. Yeah, because you're probably don't
[28:33] Speaker 3: have some foolishness, yes.
[28:35] Speaker 2: Along the way I have. And so now at forty two,
[28:39] Speaker 2: even though that wasn't your.
[28:40] Speaker 3: Plans, Yeah, that you have, you have healed eyes and
[28:45] Speaker 3: you have a healed heart.
[28:47] Speaker 1: Wow.
[28:48] Speaker 3: And you will attract healed yes, and not we all
[28:55] Speaker 3: gonna come with some trauma.
[28:56] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[28:57] Speaker 2: Yeah, we're all gonna gig out.
[28:59] Speaker 3: I've been in therapy on my own for a year
[29:02] Speaker 3: or now and I'm learning same.
[29:04] Speaker 6: Yeah.
[29:04] Speaker 1: I just started like a year ago two.
[29:06] Speaker 2: So there will be you're gonna you're gonna come with trauma.
[29:09] Speaker 2: He's gonna come with something. Yeah, but.
[29:12] Speaker 3: You will attract more of a healed person because you've
[29:15] Speaker 3: done the work.
[29:16] Speaker 4: Yeah, I realized that I was attracting exactly who I was,
[29:20] Speaker 4: and I was like, oh my gosh. And David Man,
[29:24] Speaker 4: him and Tamla did my live show and he told everybody,
[29:28] Speaker 4: make a list of what you want and your maid
[29:30] Speaker 4: and then become the list because a lot of times
[29:33] Speaker 4: we have.
[29:33] Speaker 2: I saw that. I thought that was so powerful, Oh
[29:36] Speaker 2: my god, especially coming from a man.
[29:37] Speaker 1: Yep.
[29:38] Speaker 3: But David is a he's a girl's dad, yes, yeah,
[29:42] Speaker 3: and so I think that that informs his lens for that,
[29:47] Speaker 3: because I mean typically that I think that's a woman
[29:51] Speaker 3: way of thinking.
[29:52] Speaker 2: Yeah, And I thought it.
[29:53] Speaker 3: Was so it was so powerful, but it was especially
[29:56] Speaker 3: powerful coming from him.
[29:57] Speaker 1: It was that was I was like, a I'm taking that.
[30:01] Speaker 3: Yeah, everybody for yourself, yes, as opposed to expecting someone
[30:08] Speaker 3: else to fulfill Yeah, all of that.
[30:10] Speaker 4: Yeah, the immature Christal was definitely looking for someone else.
[30:14] Speaker 4: If you feel all those things, you deserve it.
[30:16] Speaker 2: Yeah, you deserve the heel side of you. Yeah, yest.
[30:22] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[30:22] Speaker 4: And a lot of times I don't think I even
[30:23] Speaker 4: realized that I wasn't healed and how much trauma I
[30:26] Speaker 4: was holding on to until I.
[30:28] Speaker 1: Got into therapy. I was like, what, listen, need.
[30:34] Speaker 2: People to understand it is therapy. In Jesus, it is
[30:38] Speaker 2: therapy and Jesus it is.
[30:39] Speaker 3: Both and yeah, and it's hard, it's a process. It
[30:45] Speaker 3: is a lot of times people like, you know, oh,
[30:47] Speaker 3: I went to a couple of sessions that was.
[30:49] Speaker 1: Cute, that was.
[30:52] Speaker 3: Yes, exactly, Yeah, you gotta get you got to get
[30:55] Speaker 3: in there.
[30:56] Speaker 2: And We've always utilized therapy for our marriage.
[31:01] Speaker 3: And I've always been open, like to counsel, whether it
[31:05] Speaker 3: be even on my own before I was married, whether
[31:08] Speaker 3: it be getting with my my youth pastor getting with
[31:11] Speaker 3: like someone older woman that I trusted, so seeking help
[31:18] Speaker 3: wasn't foreign to me. And then, you know, you get
[31:21] Speaker 3: married twenty five and so now you're utilizing therapy for marriage.
[31:26] Speaker 3: But it was I'm my lord, Jesus, why would you
[31:32] Speaker 3: allow me to get in my fifties and have all
[31:35] Speaker 3: of a sudden all these triggers and I'm trying to
[31:37] Speaker 3: figure out where are they?
[31:39] Speaker 2: Yes, And I kind of was looking at him a
[31:44] Speaker 2: little sideways, like God, what were we doing? And he was like,
[31:50] Speaker 2: you'd handle it.
[31:50] Speaker 1: Now.
[31:52] Speaker 2: You can handle the answers.
[31:56] Speaker 4: You can handle its younger Meneah.
[32:04] Speaker 2: Messaging that you received, especially as a women. The messaging
[32:08] Speaker 2: that we received, messaging that you received unknowingly. They didn't
[32:12] Speaker 2: mean any any harm.
[32:13] Speaker 1: They love us and my parents.
[32:16] Speaker 2: My messaging was, I was you're strong. You're strong, and
[32:21] Speaker 2: so oftentimes it has informed.
[32:24] Speaker 3: How I lived throughout the world, and often I would
[32:29] Speaker 3: take on everybody's affirmities. You're strong hand, and that also
[32:37] Speaker 3: means you're taking on abuse. At times, you're taking on
[32:43] Speaker 3: being being something you were never.
[32:47] Speaker 2: Intended to be.
[32:49] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's real. Yeah.
[32:52] Speaker 2: And when I tell you this here therapy therapy sessions.
[32:55] Speaker 2: There are days. What I love about my therapist, she
[32:58] Speaker 2: was like, I don't want.
[32:59] Speaker 1: You to process at all.
[32:59] Speaker 3: The next couple of days rest Wow, And she'll text
[33:03] Speaker 3: me breathe.
[33:05] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[33:06] Speaker 2: There are times I don't.
[33:07] Speaker 3: I don't you walking through the day, you don't realize
[33:08] Speaker 3: you're holding your breath because you're like there's so much tension.
[33:12] Speaker 2: Literally in your body. Yeah that's so. There are times
[33:17] Speaker 2: I even telling myself breathe, breathe.
[33:19] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's real.
[33:21] Speaker 4: I just did a retreat and we had a meditation lady,
[33:24] Speaker 4: and she did a session. She goes take deep breaths.
[33:27] Speaker 4: She said, we live in a world of shallow breathers
[33:29] Speaker 4: because every's like this, and she said, you ain't realize
[33:32] Speaker 4: that you're not breathing.
[33:33] Speaker 1: Like take a deep breath and let it out.
[33:36] Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, I was like it's so simple,
[33:40] Speaker 2: that is so real.
[33:42] Speaker 4: Yeah, and you don't realize it because you go through
[33:44] Speaker 4: life just like just hold on to everything.
[33:46] Speaker 2: One day was a red light and didn't realize I
[33:50] Speaker 2: was like white knuckling the steering wheel and I was
[33:54] Speaker 2: like this, yes, and I.
[33:56] Speaker 3: Was like breathe and I just I really feel it.
[33:59] Speaker 3: And then I have to ask myself. I'm learning through therapy,
[34:03] Speaker 3: what is it that you need? What is it that
[34:05] Speaker 3: you want? What is it that you have not processed?
[34:09] Speaker 3: Because all that that tension is coming from someone.
[34:12] Speaker 1: It is Yeah, it really.
[34:14] Speaker 2: Is coming from somewhere.
[34:15] Speaker 3: So people therapy and Jesus quit making people feel shameful
[34:22] Speaker 3: that they're not.
[34:25] Speaker 2: That that they don't have faith if they if they
[34:29] Speaker 2: need therapy, and.
[34:31] Speaker 3: Then let me say this and someone the Saints won't
[34:34] Speaker 3: get mad at me. Okay, go to a licensed yes therapist.
[34:40] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[34:41] Speaker 3: There are a lot of people within ministry that are gifted.
[34:45] Speaker 3: They are they're gifted, but they may not be equipped.
[34:50] Speaker 1: MM hmm.
[34:52] Speaker 2: Equipped to go take that deep dive. Yes, that you
[34:55] Speaker 2: really really need.
[34:56] Speaker 3: A whole bunch of people walking around still broken and
[34:59] Speaker 3: they're like, why do I t I'm his sister, so
[35:00] Speaker 3: and so I went to my pasta or my mentor
[35:05] Speaker 3: that's great.
[35:05] Speaker 1: Mm hmm, that's good. That's I need to go. Yeah,
[35:10] Speaker 1: that's so true, and it helps.
[35:13] Speaker 2: And that little shirt to Jubai. They little shoes at
[35:15] Speaker 2: Dubai and you can put it towards therapy.
[35:17] Speaker 1: But yeah, I can't afford it.
[35:18] Speaker 2: I can't afford it.
[35:19] Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gonna have to do without something.
[35:22] Speaker 2: How about snow coffee? No, you know, for a little bit,
[35:26] Speaker 2: just a little bit, Yeah, just a little bit. Try it.
[35:29] Speaker 3: I Mean I always say, you know, I've never met
[35:31] Speaker 3: a person unless they just really really did want to
[35:35] Speaker 3: be there.
[35:35] Speaker 2: Yeah, they didn't try it, Yeah, and feel like it
[35:38] Speaker 2: was beneficial.
[35:39] Speaker 4: So yeah, you know, every person that I know that
[35:42] Speaker 4: has tried it is like, oh my goodness, why I
[35:44] Speaker 4: wait so long.
[35:45] Speaker 2: I'm like that about myself right now.
[35:47] Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm finally on my own
[35:50] Speaker 3: therapy journey, and why did I do this sooner?
[35:55] Speaker 2: And it wasn't like I was against it, right, I.
[35:58] Speaker 3: Think, you know, distracted by life raising kids.
[36:03] Speaker 2: You know, a husband who is.
[36:07] Speaker 3: A lot, him a lot.
[36:13] Speaker 2: And leads with his trauma. Yeah, so his became yeah,
[36:18] Speaker 2: what we.
[36:18] Speaker 1: Need to do.
[36:20] Speaker 2: Yes, now I'm taking care of Tammy.
[36:22] Speaker 1: I know, yes to taking care of Tammy. I love it.
[36:26] Speaker 2: Taking care of middle days.
[36:30] Speaker 1: It's my sister from another vista.
[36:32] Speaker 4: Okay, speaking of mental health your marriage, I know, like
[36:37] Speaker 4: a lot of things that Kirk has been in the
[36:39] Speaker 4: lights and even with the church, and I'm going through it.
[36:45] Speaker 1: I've gone through it.
[36:47] Speaker 4: The more I become vocal about my relationship with Christ
[36:50] Speaker 4: and still being flawed and being transparent about those flaws,
[36:55] Speaker 4: there's a lot of really ridicule that has come.
[36:57] Speaker 2: There's flawed people in the Bible. Hello, all off, why
[37:01] Speaker 2: do we require perfectionism? It is that is? It is
[37:05] Speaker 2: not God.
[37:06] Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's why I really try to encourage people
[37:08] Speaker 3: that walk away, Yeah from God.
[37:14] Speaker 1: People hurt you yeah, yep mm hmm.
[37:17] Speaker 4: People hurt they do Yeah, what have you done to
[37:21] Speaker 4: like stay strong when you see the comments, because I
[37:24] Speaker 4: know for me, when I see comments, I'll.
[37:26] Speaker 1: Be ready to clap back. And you know, like what
[37:29] Speaker 1: what like how need.
[37:30] Speaker 2: To keep Kennedy for the smoke. But she had saw
[37:37] Speaker 2: her daddy. She ready for the smoke, walk the smoke
[37:42] Speaker 2: fourteen and you're ready.
[37:48] Speaker 3: I am more contemplated, really, I am now when it
[37:52] Speaker 3: but when they come to.
[37:52] Speaker 1: My kids, that's that's a different story.
[37:55] Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm still that's just my personality.
[37:58] Speaker 3: I'm gonna take us. I'm always gonna take a step
[37:59] Speaker 3: back to take a beatback. There are times in which
[38:03] Speaker 3: I really really want to like go in and say, oh,
[38:08] Speaker 3: you're so misinformed.
[38:09] Speaker 2: Yeah, And then.
[38:11] Speaker 3: I'm like, I am trying to explain myself or I
[38:14] Speaker 3: want to explain myself to strangers why this is not
[38:19] Speaker 3: my circle?
[38:20] Speaker 1: Right?
[38:20] Speaker 4: And I had to check myself. Chris, you do not
[38:22] Speaker 4: know these people. They don't really know you.
[38:24] Speaker 3: And right now there is such a it's a weirdness
[38:29] Speaker 3: going on. You mentioned about you know, the more your
[38:33] Speaker 3: vocal with your faith, there.
[38:34] Speaker 2: Is it is a.
[38:37] Speaker 3: Legalistic, offensive, judgmental spirit. And I call it a spirit.
[38:43] Speaker 3: It is because it's like you, you are giving me
[38:46] Speaker 3: man made requirements.
[38:49] Speaker 2: God is not requiring this of me.
[38:51] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[38:52] Speaker 3: One time, something as simple as I was this this
[38:56] Speaker 3: girl did like incredible nails. There were Thanksgiving nails like law.
[39:00] Speaker 3: But the girl she had a turkey.
[39:02] Speaker 1: Yeah, and.
[39:07] Speaker 2: It is evil and not a god.
[39:12] Speaker 1: So I had the time that day see the sun days.
[39:14] Speaker 2: I got.
[39:17] Speaker 3: To tell me that God that made all these animals
[39:22] Speaker 3: to the point, there are something we have never.
[39:23] Speaker 2: Seen before, all the beautiful skylines and truth, our creative God.
[39:31] Speaker 2: It's mad about creativity. And I said, stop adding to salvation.
[39:38] Speaker 1: Stop it, yes see, and you're gonna put this on.
[39:44] Speaker 3: And I'm I guess I was raised so etiquette and
[39:48] Speaker 3: sometimes I'm wonder I'll DM a person because I'm like,
[39:54] Speaker 3: I'm gonna read you.
[39:55] Speaker 2: But but I was like, no, we're gonna put it
[39:56] Speaker 2: in the thread.
[39:57] Speaker 4: You put it on, you went to So I'm like
[40:00] Speaker 4: to you, right, yes, I mean, and I.
[40:02] Speaker 2: Know that was simple. That wasn't about you know, my family.
[40:05] Speaker 3: Yeah, but that' that is a depiction of the weirdness
[40:10] Speaker 3: I'm talking about.
[40:11] Speaker 1: How do you call you take that? How do you
[40:13] Speaker 1: even get that from that?
[40:14] Speaker 2: So what do you that little tiny thing?
[40:17] Speaker 3: So what do you How are you treating people and
[40:20] Speaker 3: the earth like we're supposed to be hands and feet? Yeah,
[40:24] Speaker 3: and we are not reflective at all, and we're losing people,
[40:28] Speaker 3: we're losing.
[40:29] Speaker 1: We are we are and I was I have spoke
[40:32] Speaker 1: about it.
[40:33] Speaker 4: A woman evolved and I said, you know, it got
[40:34] Speaker 4: to the point where, like even my podcast, I was like,
[40:37] Speaker 4: I want to rebrand everything else that's getting too turchy.
[40:40] Speaker 1: I was like, I want to just be me, because.
[40:42] Speaker 4: Like, if y'all gonna ridicule me and criticize me, I
[40:45] Speaker 4: might as well just be me and like not even
[40:47] Speaker 4: like try, you know, and.
[40:51] Speaker 1: Not try to be authentically exactly.
[40:54] Speaker 4: That's crazy, You're literally because I told him, I I
[40:57] Speaker 4: feel like I'm not I'm losing myself. I was like,
[40:59] Speaker 4: because I'm like, I know who I am, I know
[41:02] Speaker 4: what I believe, and I'm trying to tell you guys,
[41:04] Speaker 4: this is where I am, so that people who are
[41:06] Speaker 4: not quite there or maybe like further behind than I am,
[41:10] Speaker 4: they need to get to where I am can know that,
[41:12] Speaker 4: Oh I.
[41:12] Speaker 1: Got somewhere, I can start, you know, like that's we're
[41:15] Speaker 1: all supposed to be that.
[41:17] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[41:17] Speaker 1: I was like, oh my goodness.
[41:19] Speaker 4: And I was like, you know what I call the craft.
[41:20] Speaker 4: I'm never talking about dating again. I was like, I'm
[41:23] Speaker 4: not going to talk about this. This this I was like,
[41:25] Speaker 4: because people just act like they have never lived. I
[41:27] Speaker 4: was like, they've been saints their entire life. And I
[41:29] Speaker 4: was like, I can't do it. So I told my team.
[41:31] Speaker 4: I was like listen, I was like I want to.
[41:33] Speaker 4: I was like, bring on, Ghunna.
[41:37] Speaker 1: I said, I want everybody.
[41:38] Speaker 4: I said, I want my plate, my podcast to be
[41:41] Speaker 4: honestly can bring something something because everybody has a story.
[41:47] Speaker 2: Everybody everybody has a story, and you can't be one
[41:50] Speaker 2: dimensional and the people that you that you bring on.
[41:53] Speaker 4: Yeah, yep, I have everybody out here welcoming because I
[41:58] Speaker 4: said I wanted that is more like Christ to invite everybody.
[42:01] Speaker 1: I want everybody.
[42:01] Speaker 4: I can still be who I am and hopefully when
[42:04] Speaker 4: you leave the sofa, you're inspired to be like hey,
[42:06] Speaker 4: let me But.
[42:07] Speaker 2: How how strong is your faith if you can't be
[42:09] Speaker 2: around and talk.
[42:10] Speaker 1: To people but don't believe you exactly?
[42:13] Speaker 2: That's how I feel.
[42:14] Speaker 1: Yeah, no, for sure?
[42:15] Speaker 2: How strong is it?
[42:16] Speaker 3: Yes that you we're gonna you're gonna lose it from
[42:18] Speaker 3: one conversation, right, You're gonna lose it?
[42:21] Speaker 1: Yeah at all?
[42:24] Speaker 3: Yeah, that's I'm so glad. I mean, I get it,
[42:27] Speaker 3: though there are times I want to delete all.
[42:31] Speaker 2: I'm all I'm on is Instagram. I can't.
[42:33] Speaker 3: I can't do the Twitter, Twitter and ticket talking. I
[42:37] Speaker 3: can't do all of that.
[42:37] Speaker 2: I sound so old, but there are times I wanted to.
[42:41] Speaker 1: Delete the app. Same I do a little fast because
[42:43] Speaker 1: it's too much.
[42:45] Speaker 3: Yeah, I do that as well. I also have set
[42:48] Speaker 3: boundaries for myself. If I decide to venture into the comments,
[42:53] Speaker 3: I don't do it past because you can see how
[42:55] Speaker 3: many hours old something is, So I don't do it
[42:58] Speaker 3: past like three.
[43:00] Speaker 1: Okay, that's good. I never thought about that. That's good.
[43:02] Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like that's enough.
[43:04] Speaker 3: Yeah, because I mean, I allow myself to read the
[43:06] Speaker 3: comments at times, because there are times in which the
[43:10] Speaker 3: comments bless me.
[43:11] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[43:11] Speaker 3: Yeah, you know to know that my reason for being
[43:15] Speaker 3: on the platform. Yeah, initially was to spile my kids,
[43:20] Speaker 3: but I recognize what the platform affords me. Yes, and
[43:27] Speaker 3: so I want to be inspiration. I want to be encouragement.
[43:32] Speaker 3: I want to show that you can be saved, love God,
[43:37] Speaker 3: love Jesus, and dance, Yeah, fun and fail.
[43:45] Speaker 2: That's what I want to show.
[43:47] Speaker 1: And you do that. You do that very well.
[43:49] Speaker 4: Like I love when you're while watch your workout videos
[43:52] Speaker 4: and you're dancing and I'm like.
[43:54] Speaker 3: It's like some people have a problem with the fact
[43:55] Speaker 3: that I just don't work out the Christian music seeing
[43:58] Speaker 3: then that.
[44:00] Speaker 1: I can't.
[44:01] Speaker 4: Now there's some days where I might just play the
[44:03] Speaker 4: whole Every City album.
[44:06] Speaker 2: Days where I'm like, we praise the worshiping today.
[44:08] Speaker 1: Yes, yes, some days.
[44:13] Speaker 2: Like it's like because.
[44:15] Speaker 6: I'm not coming, I don't want to be in the
[44:19] Speaker 6: gym anyway, right and so but it's like, and I'm
[44:22] Speaker 6: so thankful to my parents that they raised me around
[44:26] Speaker 6: all genres and mine too.
[44:28] Speaker 3: I'm mindful of what I let into my spirit just depending.
[44:31] Speaker 2: On where I'm at for sure.
[44:34] Speaker 3: But it's like you're gonna judge me, and you're gonna
[44:37] Speaker 3: judge if I'm saved or not based off of based
[44:42] Speaker 3: off of come on, yeah.
[44:44] Speaker 2: You heard that be Drop.
[44:45] Speaker 1: Yes, he.
[44:51] Speaker 2: Gets me through.
[44:52] Speaker 1: Listen. I love your video.
[44:54] Speaker 3: So now I'm like, if it's hard, I'm not gonna
[44:56] Speaker 3: act like it's not.
[44:58] Speaker 2: But I have been able to get to a place
[45:00] Speaker 2: if you're not in my circle, mm hmm.
[45:05] Speaker 3: Matter it is because it does. Social media opens you
[45:10] Speaker 3: up to everybody's a critic. Everybody has opinions. Yeah, and
[45:17] Speaker 3: you know some of that if you're gonna have your
[45:19] Speaker 3: comment songs. People are people are going to comment. Yeah, yeah, no,
[45:22] Speaker 3: that's so true.
[45:23] Speaker 1: That's so true.
[45:24] Speaker 4: So you work out what else does Tammy do for Tammy?
[45:28] Speaker 4: Like in your free time when it's just you, what
[45:31] Speaker 4: are things that you enjoy to do?
[45:33] Speaker 2: Sometimes I go and I volunteer.
[45:36] Speaker 3: Okay, volunteering has helped to keep me grounded. We have
[45:44] Speaker 3: an amazing organizations within our city that I love and support,
[45:50] Speaker 3: and I get to go in there and just serve
[45:53] Speaker 3: and not be served.
[45:54] Speaker 2: I think it's important in life to intentionally.
[45:58] Speaker 3: Especially if you are in a place of always being served.
[46:02] Speaker 3: So it's so important to be in a place where
[46:06] Speaker 3: you're being a service to someone else.
[46:08] Speaker 2: That you can't get anything back. You may not get
[46:10] Speaker 2: a thank you, you won't get paid for it. They're
[46:13] Speaker 2: not going to park your.
[46:14] Speaker 3: Car like that. That's that's important. I'm also now that
[46:22] Speaker 3: I have more time on my hands and empty nested
[46:26] Speaker 3: and going through my own therapy journey, I'm recognizing as
[46:32] Speaker 3: a child there were times a lot of times that
[46:36] Speaker 3: I experienced great trauma and I should have had canceling wow,
[46:41] Speaker 3: and but back then it just wasn't It wasn't a
[46:47] Speaker 3: thing and so I am we shared on the episode
[46:52] Speaker 3: I did on Oprah's Behind the Man.
[46:56] Speaker 2: I love that my mother's story was able to be shared.
[46:59] Speaker 2: And my mother story is one of domestic abuse. Why
[47:03] Speaker 2: was that kid who was in the room of a
[47:07] Speaker 2: domestic abuse? And so the the organizations that I am
[47:13] Speaker 2: partnering with now I'm loving because it is helping the
[47:20] Speaker 2: woman but also the child.
[47:22] Speaker 1: Yes, that's so important, and that's that's so important. What
[47:26] Speaker 1: what organization is that?
[47:28] Speaker 3: Genesis Women's Shelter is an organization. There is an organization, Oh,
[47:34] Speaker 3: Child of Hormones, dang it, but it is specifically yeah,
[47:42] Speaker 3: and I'm so excited to be a part of that.
[47:45] Speaker 3: There are the organizations called Bouch's House.
[47:50] Speaker 2: When it comes to women with sex trafficking, I know
[47:55] Speaker 2: it is not It ain't my ministry to.
[48:01] Speaker 3: Try to help reform them. I love helping people and
[48:07] Speaker 3: mothers encouraging. You have got to let your daughters talk,
[48:11] Speaker 3: You got to let them be real. That's when they
[48:14] Speaker 3: get in trouble because you didn't. You didn't allow us
[48:17] Speaker 3: safe space. Especially get mad at me, but I don't care.
[48:23] Speaker 2: Especially.
[48:23] Speaker 3: I mean, it can happen in any household, but for
[48:26] Speaker 3: some reason, in Christian households, there are subjects that are taboo. Yeah,
[48:32] Speaker 3: and she may be struggling and she cannot come and
[48:35] Speaker 3: talk to you, and now she's in trouble. It doesn't
[48:38] Speaker 3: mean that every girl is going to get trafficked because
[48:40] Speaker 3: of that, but there there is a reason and why
[48:42] Speaker 3: in which there was not safety. And so that's the
[48:47] Speaker 3: part of that organization that I like going to the
[48:51] Speaker 3: moms and saying, hey, open up, like frequent communication.
[48:56] Speaker 2: With honest dialogue.
[48:59] Speaker 3: But yeah, those are the things that and I like
[49:02] Speaker 3: to I love to dance. I love to dance sometimes,
[49:07] Speaker 3: and I learned that in therapy. She was like, do
[49:09] Speaker 3: something that you enjoy that it's simple, that does.
[49:11] Speaker 2: Not require much.
[49:14] Speaker 3: Yeah, and I love music, so I've been like literally
[49:17] Speaker 3: implementing it. And there was a one day I was
[49:21] Speaker 3: just dancing around.
[49:25] Speaker 2: I was it went from you know, Beyonce to CC.
[49:33] Speaker 3: And there was this one particular song that came on
[49:36] Speaker 3: that brought out a worship than me and a cry
[49:39] Speaker 3: in me that I think music is powerful like that
[49:45] Speaker 3: it is, and so I'm glad that she's encouraged me
[49:49] Speaker 3: to tap back into something so very very simple there.
[49:53] Speaker 3: You know, tears are cleansing, and oftentimes we shut them off.
[49:58] Speaker 2: Because we don't want to feel.
[50:00] Speaker 1: Yep, oh that was me for a very long time.
[50:03] Speaker 2: We don't want to feel. We don't want to and
[50:05] Speaker 2: and once the tears starts falling, yeah, we don't want
[50:10] Speaker 2: to deal. We don't want to feel it. We don't
[50:12] Speaker 2: want to deal.
[50:13] Speaker 3: And girl, I think I must have rolled around. I laugh,
[50:20] Speaker 3: because when I looked at myself in the mirror, I
[50:22] Speaker 3: was like, you know, James video, James.
[50:26] Speaker 2: Brown coming up with the hair said ma'am, you needed
[50:33] Speaker 2: that cry and you needed that worship and that time alone. Girl,
[50:38] Speaker 2: I cried, I screamed, I let out a scream, and
[50:43] Speaker 2: I'm like, then I go to therapy and she's like,
[50:46] Speaker 2: let's talk about what do you.
[50:47] Speaker 1: Think it was?
[50:47] Speaker 2: What are you releasing? You need your body. One of
[50:50] Speaker 2: the things I've learned.
[50:51] Speaker 3: About therapy is there may be things that you don't recall.
[50:58] Speaker 3: There may be ways in which your body protected you.
[51:02] Speaker 2: Your brain.
[51:02] Speaker 1: Your brain is so powerful.
[51:04] Speaker 3: It's so powerful when I look at us gods protecting
[51:06] Speaker 3: as well. Yeah, but what she told me is your
[51:09] Speaker 3: body remembers. Oh yeah, and so when you're put back
[51:12] Speaker 3: into the same environment, you're like you're like, what's happening?
[51:16] Speaker 3: And that's what was you know, like I said, started
[51:18] Speaker 3: with me with therapy in the first.
[51:21] Speaker 2: You know, I was like getting triggered.
[51:23] Speaker 3: Like I was like like, but yeah, music, music is
[51:30] Speaker 3: one of those I would say, just private moments that
[51:33] Speaker 3: I have.
[51:34] Speaker 1: Yeah, I was telling Kirk when he came.
[51:36] Speaker 4: When I was a kid, I used to listen to
[51:37] Speaker 4: Hold Me Now, and that's like when I was having
[51:40] Speaker 4: suicidal thoughts, I literally would like sit in my room
[51:42] Speaker 4: and just cry and I could just like feel guys
[51:45] Speaker 4: embrace and and it's now it's.
[51:49] Speaker 1: Tasha Cobbs put a praise on it. There is something
[51:53] Speaker 1: about that.
[51:54] Speaker 2: Song, baby, that song. And she has another one with
[51:56] Speaker 2: Chandler Moore.
[51:58] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Feel the Room his new.
[52:00] Speaker 4: Album It is listen to drop Me Crazy because I
[52:05] Speaker 4: listen to me and she is annoying.
[52:12] Speaker 1: She's special. She is she really really is. So that voice, man,
[52:18] Speaker 1: just see who she is. She's just she's special.
[52:21] Speaker 4: Yeah, but they won't they have me on the floor,
[52:23] Speaker 4: Like how you was on the floor getting that on
[52:26] Speaker 4: the floor. I was like, I don't know what it
[52:30] Speaker 4: is because you're thinking of the goodness of God.
[52:31] Speaker 1: I'm like, man, Yeah.
[52:33] Speaker 4: When I talk to my friends who don't really have
[52:35] Speaker 4: that strong foundation of faith, I'm like, I just don't
[52:39] Speaker 4: understand it, because for me, it's like and the things
[52:45] Speaker 4: He's brought me through and how good he's me, And
[52:46] Speaker 4: I'm like, do you think you did this on your own?
[52:49] Speaker 1: Because there's no way.
[52:52] Speaker 3: Those that think they have done it on their own,
[52:54] Speaker 3: they're sadly mistaken.
[52:55] Speaker 1: They are they.
[52:56] Speaker 3: Don't even know, and they may not even belie lead.
[53:02] Speaker 1: But God's still making ways. Yes he is, Tammy. This
[53:08] Speaker 1: has been amazing. Is there anything that you want to
[53:11] Speaker 1: let the people know that you're working on or anything
[53:13] Speaker 1: we need to stay tuned in for besides the book?
[53:20] Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. I mean a lot of what I'm
[53:22] Speaker 2: working on is me. I love that that's a good project,
[53:27] Speaker 2: a good projecting project, and I'm open to whatever that evolves.
[53:31] Speaker 2: I've always been.
[53:33] Speaker 3: I think one of the things which I've been able
[53:36] Speaker 3: to compliment my husband on, and this has been a
[53:40] Speaker 3: complimented of me, is that I don't have to be
[53:43] Speaker 3: the things I do don't have.
[53:44] Speaker 2: To be shown.
[53:45] Speaker 4: Wow, that's good and I'm okay with that, and I
[53:47] Speaker 4: feel like sometimes that's a good balance when you have
[53:50] Speaker 4: someone who is in the spotlight and then has one.
[53:53] Speaker 1: Who's like, well, I'm good.
[53:53] Speaker 4: I want my man to be like that, like somebody
[53:56] Speaker 4: who's like we have that balance where he's not chasing
[53:59] Speaker 4: the light and he's like, babies, do you think I'm
[54:02] Speaker 4: good right here?
[54:03] Speaker 3: And I mean I'm okay with and I think you
[54:05] Speaker 3: know what it helps in with me is that I
[54:10] Speaker 3: could take it or leave it.
[54:11] Speaker 2: Yeah, like you know you're comfortable with it, a little
[54:14] Speaker 2: television on the little radio.
[54:16] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not like craving, That's what I'm saying.
[54:21] Speaker 4: Yeah, because some people like I want it, Like there's.
[54:26] Speaker 2: This one project.
[54:28] Speaker 3: It hasn't been green light yet, but I love it
[54:30] Speaker 3: because it infuses all that's me. I love it, and
[54:34] Speaker 3: it's got some fitness in it, got some faith in it,
[54:37] Speaker 3: and so.
[54:37] Speaker 1: So I'm exciting for that. Fingers crossed. Yes, it's going
[54:41] Speaker 1: to have here. I can see it and I get
[54:43] Speaker 1: to encourage people. I love it.
[54:45] Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, I'm excited about that possibility.
[54:48] Speaker 2: I'll share that.
[54:49] Speaker 4: Yes, thank you, Thank you so much. Well, we're excited
[54:52] Speaker 4: for everything you have come in. I want to continue
[54:55] Speaker 4: to see your workout videos, hear more about your therapy journey.
[54:59] Speaker 1: I think people need to hear more about who you
[55:01] Speaker 1: want to share.
[55:02] Speaker 4: More about that, Yeah, because I'm telling you, like, it's
[55:04] Speaker 4: been very inspiring for me even just watching you, following
[55:06] Speaker 4: you on social media.
[55:07] Speaker 1: I'm like, I just love this woman. Like everything you
[55:10] Speaker 1: do just a light and I think more people.
[55:12] Speaker 4: I know there's certain things you want to just kind
[55:14] Speaker 4: of hold close, but I think you should.
[55:17] Speaker 1: People want to see you.
[55:19] Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, and I love how you've even doing more.
[55:21] Speaker 4: You've been on more panels, yeah, doing more speaking stuff.
[55:24] Speaker 1: So yeah, a little more, just a little bit, you
[55:26] Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Just whatever you're comfortable with.
[55:29] Speaker 4: But yeah, I feel like there's a boy that needs
[55:31] Speaker 4: to be filled with timmy.
[55:33] Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
[55:36] Speaker 3: You're saying. What I hear you saying is that I
[55:41] Speaker 3: can step into.
[55:44] Speaker 2: The evolution.
[55:45] Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yeah and be open. Yeah, because there's been
[55:51] Speaker 4: endless possibilities.
[55:52] Speaker 2: I'm open. The only thing is it has to be
[55:54] Speaker 2: authentically me.
[55:55] Speaker 1: Yep, exactly. I'm telling you, get not want.
[55:58] Speaker 2: Any part of it?
[55:59] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, good, what's thing?
[56:01] Speaker 2: Well, thank you, thank you for having it. I'm so
[56:03] Speaker 2: proud of you.
[56:03] Speaker 1: I'm broddy, I'm so proud, thank you. I love you.
[56:06] Speaker 1: I love you too, Thank you so much.
[56:11] Speaker 4: There is so much I picked up from my one
[56:13] Speaker 4: on one with Tammy Franklin today, But one of the
[56:16] Speaker 4: things that sticks out the most is it is never
[56:20] Speaker 4: too late for therapy. There is such a big stigma
[56:22] Speaker 4: around therapy and when you should start or if you
[56:26] Speaker 4: should even do it, because some people just feel like
[56:27] Speaker 4: they're too far removed from the situation or whatever may
[56:31] Speaker 4: have caused trauma. But I think the main thing that
[56:34] Speaker 4: really stood out today is that guys, it is never
[56:36] Speaker 4: too late to seek health and there's nothing wrong with it.
[56:42] Speaker 4: I can't thanks Tammy enough for sobbing by today and
[56:45] Speaker 4: keeping it positive as always.
[56:47] Speaker 1: I'm so thankful you join me as well.
[56:50] Speaker 4: You can always join in on the conversations that we
[56:52] Speaker 4: have here on the show by following me on all
[56:54] Speaker 4: social media platforms at love Chris Ornee, and you can
[56:57] Speaker 4: also follow our show and keep it positive, sweet If
[57:00] Speaker 4: you want to write into our Positive Outcome listener letter,
[57:03] Speaker 4: you can send us an email to Keep it Positivesweete
[57:06] Speaker 4: at gmail dot com. In the meantime, in between time,
[57:09] Speaker 4: y'all already know what to do. Keep it positive, sweetie,
[57:12] Speaker 4: I'll see you next time,

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