# The Strength In Submission w/Dr. Cheyenne Bryant

An episode of [Keep it Positive, Sweetie](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1689495115), 8 Dec 2024, 1 h 03 min.

Audio: https://pdrl.fm/1504e6/podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/44f61442-7ba4-4250-b406-b35901038504/de68f89a-5846-448f-b2d1-b359010b0631/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=2cfaa2b1-0f12-4656-aec3-b3590103850e

With an unabashed delivery and honest assessments of the social, romantic and professional lives of some of the biggest names in entertainment and more, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant is blazing a new path for herself as on-camera talent. Crystal and Dr. Bryant discuss her professional trajectory, her deeply personal dating history and how she's embracing her season of singleness. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: Coming up on Keep It Positive, Sweetie.
[0:03] Speaker 2: Marriage is not about kumba, y'all. It's about commitment. It's
[0:07] Speaker 2: about I said I was gonna lock in with you,
[0:08] Speaker 2: Kristal and be your best friend, and no matter what happens,
[0:11] Speaker 2: I already forgive you, and no matter what happens, I'm
[0:14] Speaker 2: gonna I'm gonna talk it out. I'm gonna have a
[0:16] Speaker 2: conversation and divorce ain't an option. So we have no
[0:19] Speaker 2: other option but to bring resolve in this friendship. And
[0:22] Speaker 2: if my friendships aren't on that foundation, that's what I
[0:25] Speaker 2: don't want them. Hi.
[0:51] Speaker 3: I'm christ Hneate Hazlet and this is the Keep It
[0:53] Speaker 3: Positive Sweetie Show, A say Stacey, Heal, Laugh, grow and love.
[0:57] Speaker 3: Today's show is all about mental health, the keys to
[1:00] Speaker 3: good communication, and the pathways to living your best life.
[1:04] Speaker 3: Doctor Cheyenne Brian is here, and between her viral interviews
[1:07] Speaker 3: and tell like it Is demeanor, there's a lot we'll
[1:10] Speaker 3: be able to talk about with an unapologetic delivery and
[1:13] Speaker 3: honest reads of the social, romantic, and professional lives of
[1:17] Speaker 3: some of the biggest names in the entertainment industry. Doctor
[1:20] Speaker 3: Cheyenne Bryan's brand is buzzing. I'm so excited to talk
[1:23] Speaker 3: to her about her love life, the formula for communication
[1:27] Speaker 3: without conflict, and how we can all attain mental and
[1:30] Speaker 3: emotional wellness. Doctor Brian, thank you so much for coming today.
[1:34] Speaker 3: This has been long awaited. Our fans were blowing you up,
[1:38] Speaker 3: they were blowing me up about getting you on the show.
[1:41] Speaker 2: So I'm so excited we got to make this happen. Yes,
[1:43] Speaker 2: thank you for having me. And then when I seen
[1:45] Speaker 2: you coming off the elevent I was like, oh my god,
[1:48] Speaker 2: come here, give me. We're both like as if we
[1:50] Speaker 2: had just like been friends for years. I was like,
[1:52] Speaker 2: oh my god. Yes, I was like, they want us
[1:54] Speaker 2: to do this thing, and you were just just so
[1:57] Speaker 2: amazing with making it happen and so quick working with
[2:00] Speaker 2: my time and your time. So thank you, Thank you.
[2:02] Speaker 2: Honored to be on your show.
[2:03] Speaker 1: Thank you as such a busy woman.
[2:05] Speaker 3: Every time I turn on my phone, I feel like
[2:07] Speaker 3: there's a clip of you.
[2:08] Speaker 1: You have been everywhere.
[2:09] Speaker 2: One day they love me and the next day they
[2:12] Speaker 2: hate me. But the cool thing is that every day
[2:15] Speaker 2: I love myself.
[2:16] Speaker 1: That's all that. Yes, I love that.
[2:18] Speaker 2: I love that.
[2:19] Speaker 1: So we've we're going to get to the deep stuff.
[2:21] Speaker 3: We see you on the phone on the interviews, give
[2:25] Speaker 3: having deep conversation, always therapizing and helping people. But I
[2:28] Speaker 3: want to know, what does doctor Bryan Do you pour
[2:31] Speaker 3: into everyone?
[2:33] Speaker 1: How do you pour back into yourself?
[2:34] Speaker 2: I love that well one having an amazing ecosystem. I
[2:39] Speaker 2: have best friends Lola, Gina, Kia that just surround me
[2:44] Speaker 2: with love. When I say they support me, sis, these
[2:48] Speaker 2: women root for me. And these are twenty five plus
[2:50] Speaker 2: your friendship. I could be all of myself, the loving, nurturing, catering,
[2:55] Speaker 2: submissive me, the fussy Brady. I'm just hungry. It's that
[3:00] Speaker 2: time of the month, you know, I want a burger
[3:03] Speaker 2: from McDonald's. Me. They just get me and it's reciprocal.
[3:07] Speaker 2: My best friend travels with me everywhere. She's my assistant
[3:10] Speaker 2: as well. Lola. Yeah, she's very protective over me, and
[3:13] Speaker 2: so that gives me cushion. My mom, who is my
[3:17] Speaker 2: only living parent now, she cooks, cleans, she lives with me,
[3:22] Speaker 2: and she treats me like I'm four years old. And
[3:24] Speaker 2: as crazy as that sounds, I feel like it's important
[3:27] Speaker 2: for all of us to be somebody's baby, no matter
[3:29] Speaker 2: how old we are, and still being her baby. It
[3:33] Speaker 2: just it's my It's like it helps me be vertical
[3:37] Speaker 2: and it gives me a lot to stand on it.
[3:38] Speaker 2: So no matter where I'm at in the world, no
[3:40] Speaker 2: matter what the blogs or the people are saying in
[3:43] Speaker 2: that moment, in that space, I have these people that
[3:46] Speaker 2: I stand on and so it feels really good. In
[3:49] Speaker 2: an addition, I meditate every day for twenty minutes. I've
[3:51] Speaker 2: been doing that for ten years. I'm big on Abraham Higgs,
[3:55] Speaker 2: Bishop Jake's I'm always listening to my audio books. I'm
[3:58] Speaker 2: not a TV person, although I don't watch TV, but
[4:01] Speaker 2: I did love Your as a Team, a show I
[4:03] Speaker 2: can't lie. I used to go in there like I'm
[4:05] Speaker 2: gonna to watch this with I don't watch TV, but
[4:08] Speaker 2: so I do all those things and that helps keep
[4:10] Speaker 2: the outside chatter completely outside. A ship sells as long
[4:14] Speaker 2: as the outside water doesn't get inside and the ship
[4:17] Speaker 2: that the material that the ship is built with, I
[4:19] Speaker 2: always say, is your friends, your family, the people who
[4:21] Speaker 2: support you, who love you. And so if you got
[4:23] Speaker 2: folks who are solid and who are built, that ship
[4:27] Speaker 2: is going to sell no matter what. And their job
[4:28] Speaker 2: is to make sure that the outside chatter stays out,
[4:31] Speaker 2: and then my job is to do that as well
[4:33] Speaker 2: with them, and we do a damn good job over here.
[4:35] Speaker 2: We do. I mean, I have a team. I'm telling
[4:37] Speaker 2: you because we have a real marriage where marriage is
[4:40] Speaker 2: not about kumbaya, it's about commitment. It's about I said,
[4:44] Speaker 2: I was gonna lock in with you, Crystal and be
[4:46] Speaker 2: your best friend, and no matter what happens, I already
[4:49] Speaker 2: forgive you, and no matter what happens, I'm gonna I'm
[4:52] Speaker 2: gonna talk it out. I'm gonna have a conversation, and
[4:54] Speaker 2: divorce ain't an option, so we have no other option
[4:57] Speaker 2: but to bring resolve in this friendship. And if my
[4:59] Speaker 2: friendship aren't on that foundation, that's what I don't want them.
[5:03] Speaker 3: I don't want you live what you preach, even in
[5:06] Speaker 3: your friendships, because we talk about your relationships and you
[5:08] Speaker 3: give advice on relationships. But it sounds like you do
[5:11] Speaker 3: that also in your friendships. That's amazing I do because.
[5:13] Speaker 2: The boy I tell my girls all the time, my
[5:15] Speaker 2: best friend may be like, you don't have to say
[5:16] Speaker 2: it like that. I said, girl, what we gonna do
[5:18] Speaker 2: to get over because you ain't going nowhere? You ain't
[5:21] Speaker 2: going nowhere? Girl would body slam you. And she's always like,
[5:24] Speaker 2: I'm hearing you got me? Do you have you a boy?
[5:26] Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I'm not, but I.
[5:29] Speaker 1: Will about it.
[5:29] Speaker 2: Say you you think you walking out this door? I
[5:31] Speaker 2: love you. You ain't going nowhere.
[5:33] Speaker 3: I love that in your downtime. I don't know how
[5:35] Speaker 3: much downtime you get.
[5:36] Speaker 1: Now.
[5:36] Speaker 3: What is like your favorite place to go on vacation
[5:38] Speaker 3: just to get away.
[5:40] Speaker 2: As crazy as it sounds, I have a you know,
[5:42] Speaker 2: and I say this with all humility. I have a beautiful,
[5:45] Speaker 2: really big home or lot, not the property or a
[5:49] Speaker 2: lot of twenty four thousand square feet or horse zone.
[5:51] Speaker 2: We got to pull a pool house or game room,
[5:54] Speaker 2: and we don't always have that. We always said we
[5:56] Speaker 2: went from the hood to the hills. And my favorite
[5:58] Speaker 2: place is like a retreat there vacation is and I
[6:01] Speaker 2: have the big mama houses at home with my mom,
[6:04] Speaker 2: and we have a pool day and my friends and
[6:05] Speaker 2: family come over, and my bishop comes over, my pastor
[6:08] Speaker 2: comes over with first Lady, and we have board games
[6:12] Speaker 2: and we drink our wine and we have our drink
[6:14] Speaker 2: and we're just shooting the shit literally and talking loud
[6:18] Speaker 2: and having a good time. And my hairs and the
[6:21] Speaker 2: birds nest and I running around in a bathing suit
[6:23] Speaker 2: and everybody is at home, And as crazy as that sounds,
[6:26] Speaker 2: that's my vacation. I like to be there. Yeah.
[6:29] Speaker 1: No, I feel the same way. A lot of times.
[6:33] Speaker 3: We go so much and the home can be a
[6:36] Speaker 3: vacation and actually enjoying your home. I remember telling a
[6:38] Speaker 3: friend I was working so much leading up to COVID
[6:42] Speaker 3: that when I had to sit home, I was like, wow,
[6:44] Speaker 3: like I finally got to appreciate where I lived because
[6:47] Speaker 3: it's literally just going to sleep there because I was
[6:49] Speaker 3: working and on the gost so much that I realized,
[6:52] Speaker 3: oh my goodness, this is a blessing and I can
[6:55] Speaker 3: actually sit in this for a minute.
[6:56] Speaker 2: So I get it sounds like refuge, yeah yeah. And
[7:00] Speaker 2: then being with my with my my mother, she is
[7:04] Speaker 2: a ball of energy. She is hilarious, she's so, she's catering,
[7:09] Speaker 2: she's loving, she's so for me, Like she creates this space.
[7:14] Speaker 2: Right Like I always say, I bought the I did.
[7:16] Speaker 2: I bought the house, but my mama makes it a home,
[7:18] Speaker 2: she really does. And so but for me, that's where
[7:21] Speaker 2: I go home, and I'm just like mommy mama, you know,
[7:26] Speaker 2: and and so that's that's my that's my vacation. And
[7:29] Speaker 2: so I mean, we gotta we gotta plan vacation. But
[7:31] Speaker 2: my mom she's like, if it's over four hours, I'm
[7:34] Speaker 2: not traveling, no acting where. I'm like, Ma, you have
[7:37] Speaker 2: to go my brother, and not even trying to get her,
[7:40] Speaker 2: like you have to go on a vacation. Yeah.
[7:42] Speaker 1: No, It's funny.
[7:43] Speaker 3: I just took my parents to Europe for the first time.
[7:45] Speaker 3: They've never been, and I just love traveling overseas.
[7:49] Speaker 1: And at first my dad was like, I don't know
[7:52] Speaker 1: that long flight.
[7:53] Speaker 3: And I'm like, Dad, come on, and he was like,
[7:55] Speaker 3: it's just I don't know if I can fly that long.
[7:57] Speaker 3: And a friend of his is like, if my daughter
[8:00] Speaker 3: is going to take me overseas, I've been on the
[8:01] Speaker 3: first thing smoking And he called me back and he goes,
[8:03] Speaker 3: you know what, I'm going to do it. And it
[8:05] Speaker 3: was the best decision he made, and they had. They're
[8:08] Speaker 3: still talking about they have the time of their life,
[8:09] Speaker 3: but I get it, you have they have to travel.
[8:11] Speaker 2: They have to Yeah, And she's like just stalling on
[8:15] Speaker 2: getting her passport. It's so cute. So we took her
[8:18] Speaker 2: to her wife, and she hit about that third hour
[8:20] Speaker 2: on that flight, she was fussing and cutting up. Me
[8:23] Speaker 2: and my brother. We were like, oh my god, like
[8:25] Speaker 2: mom stopped stop. She was like this is too Oh
[8:30] Speaker 2: my god, I'm so embarrassed. The people next to us
[8:33] Speaker 2: were like, can you move this woman. I was like,
[8:35] Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, Oh my god.
[8:36] Speaker 1: What did she have fun when she got there?
[8:38] Speaker 2: She had a time. She put a little bathing suit
[8:40] Speaker 2: on and she was just We went a dolphin watching
[8:43] Speaker 2: and swimming with the dolphins. It was adorable. We had
[8:46] Speaker 2: a good time. I love it.
[8:48] Speaker 1: You're very open about dating.
[8:50] Speaker 3: And we spoke offline about you're from Los Angeles, but
[8:55] Speaker 3: you are here working a lot, and he talked about
[8:57] Speaker 3: how the dating, it's not really a lot going on here.
[9:00] Speaker 2: It's not what Also, I'm in session from eight am
[9:06] Speaker 2: to five pm. I leave at five point fifteen to
[9:08] Speaker 2: go on set at six to feel my new talk show,
[9:11] Speaker 2: and then I'm home at eleven thirty. It's true Talk,
[9:13] Speaker 2: and so it's called True Talks on Fox. Thank you,
[9:15] Speaker 2: Thank you. So I don't think I've really been getting
[9:18] Speaker 2: out as much. I know. At home in LA I
[9:20] Speaker 2: have this thing where I practice what I preach. I've
[9:22] Speaker 2: committed to get out minimum twice a week to do
[9:24] Speaker 2: something non work related, in super social and be in
[9:28] Speaker 2: the environment with the men who I would want to date.
[9:30] Speaker 2: And so I may sure I do it at home
[9:32] Speaker 2: in la but in Atlanta I haven't done it. But
[9:37] Speaker 2: also I'm like, where do I go? I don't have
[9:39] Speaker 2: any friends, I don't know anyone, but I don't see
[9:42] Speaker 2: a lot of just men out where. I'm like, oh,
[9:46] Speaker 2: I want to flirt back, Hi, how you doing it?
[9:51] Speaker 3: You said something that stood out, making sure that you
[9:54] Speaker 3: put yourself in the places to attract the type of
[9:57] Speaker 3: unity want. I just talked about that because my friends
[9:59] Speaker 3: will I was looking today, they were like, well, where
[10:01] Speaker 3: are you going? I'm like, nowhere they looking today?
[10:05] Speaker 2: You ain't dating no more.
[10:06] Speaker 3: I'm dating now. But like I wasn't like I'm dating someone.
[10:09] Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
[10:14] Speaker 3: So I was like one of those things are like
[10:15] Speaker 3: what are you doing?
[10:16] Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't go anywhere.
[10:18] Speaker 3: And it was then I was like, I have to
[10:20] Speaker 3: start putting myself in places. So what are some of
[10:22] Speaker 3: the places that you go to attract the band that
[10:24] Speaker 3: you want?
[10:25] Speaker 2: Oh? Girl, you know? So I do rooftops a lot.
[10:29] Speaker 2: I know, I do rooftops. I'm president of ina A
[10:32] Speaker 2: CP in Los Angeles and so I go to a
[10:35] Speaker 2: lot of political events I do. I go to a
[10:37] Speaker 2: lot of This was election year, so I was at
[10:40] Speaker 2: a lot of different campaigns that you know, my cow
[10:44] Speaker 2: group put together fundraisers. We did fundraisers for our mayor,
[10:48] Speaker 2: Karen Bass, and the read a lot of really good looking,
[10:51] Speaker 2: you know men there who were contributors to the campaign.
[10:54] Speaker 2: So we know they got the money to contribute. We
[10:58] Speaker 2: know they know they're politics, so they're intelligent. They good talk.
[11:02] Speaker 2: So I was there and met a couple guys, went
[11:05] Speaker 2: on some dates. And I do have guys that I
[11:07] Speaker 2: go on dates with, and no disrespect to them because
[11:10] Speaker 2: they're all amazing men. But there hasn't been anyone that
[11:13] Speaker 2: I've been on dates with that I want to just
[11:16] Speaker 2: continue to date for the rest of my life. And
[11:18] Speaker 2: so I say I've been saying for the past since
[11:21] Speaker 2: I turned forty two in September, I'm like, I'm in
[11:22] Speaker 2: my choosing stage. I'm going to choose, yes, but I
[11:26] Speaker 2: ain't got no one come that I want to choose.
[11:28] Speaker 2: And it's not to say they're not amazing and they're
[11:31] Speaker 2: not really good men.
[11:33] Speaker 1: It's just like, what are those things that you're like?
[11:36] Speaker 2: That's what I love this. I love this. So I
[11:38] Speaker 2: have this thing where I tell my clients is all
[11:40] Speaker 2: the time, even the ones who are already married, I said,
[11:43] Speaker 2: did you choose marriage or did you choose him or her?
[11:46] Speaker 2: Because see, I'm not a woman who's choosing marriage, right.
[11:50] Speaker 2: I had a father, And no put attention to the
[11:53] Speaker 2: fatherless girls because that's it's a hard space to navigate,
[11:56] Speaker 2: and you know, I don't understand that personally, but I
[11:59] Speaker 2: understand that that been helping women navocate that for sixteen
[12:01] Speaker 2: plus years. But I had a father. He was participatory,
[12:05] Speaker 2: He was my best friend. He doted on me, he
[12:06] Speaker 2: loved me. I was his everything. I was his one
[12:09] Speaker 2: of his biggest investments, besides all the other six of
[12:12] Speaker 2: us that he has. But I said that to say, so,
[12:15] Speaker 2: I'm not choosing marriage because I need a title, validation
[12:19] Speaker 2: or something that I can just hang up like an ornament.
[12:22] Speaker 2: I'm really choosing a person. And so when you choose
[12:25] Speaker 2: a person, that's when marriage lasts. Because if I'm choosing you,
[12:28] Speaker 2: I'm plugged into you, and that means that I literally
[12:30] Speaker 2: can't go outside of you and find another you. But
[12:32] Speaker 2: if I choose marriage, I could take that title and
[12:35] Speaker 2: put that on anybody. Right. So that's how marriage is
[12:38] Speaker 2: able to dissipate so quick and the divorce rate is
[12:40] Speaker 2: so high because it's like, look, I was choosing marriage
[12:42] Speaker 2: to begin with. I never chose you anyway, so I
[12:45] Speaker 2: can just go choose me another pretty thing like you
[12:47] Speaker 2: put a marriage on her and be in a marriage,
[12:50] Speaker 2: but not in a relationship. And so when I'm out
[12:52] Speaker 2: with men, I'm like two things. Would I want my
[12:55] Speaker 2: son to be like you? If it's a no, then
[12:58] Speaker 2: it's a no. Can I really choose you? Like when
[13:02] Speaker 2: things get hard, am I willing to just forgive you
[13:06] Speaker 2: about everything? Because I'm not leaving my husband. And that's
[13:09] Speaker 2: why I don't think women are Men who stay through
[13:12] Speaker 2: anything except abuse, of course, are dumb. You know, I
[13:17] Speaker 2: don't think IV acts me. On Breakfast Club, he said,
[13:19] Speaker 2: do you think if a woman stays in a marriage
[13:21] Speaker 2: after she's been cheated on, she's dumb? I said, I
[13:23] Speaker 2: don't think she's dumb. No, that's her husband, that's her family.
[13:27] Speaker 2: If she wants to stay, I think she needs to
[13:28] Speaker 2: get the right tools to learn how to be in
[13:31] Speaker 2: an infidelity relationship, because that takes a shift in who
[13:35] Speaker 2: you are as a woman so that you can still
[13:37] Speaker 2: be submissive to this man and still treat him as
[13:39] Speaker 2: a king and not see him as less valuable in that.
[13:44] Speaker 2: So for me, it's just it's like, well, I God
[13:49] Speaker 2: forbid you end up stepping out on me or doing
[13:52] Speaker 2: things that dishonor me because you're human, not because you're
[13:55] Speaker 2: a bad man. Will I want to work that out
[13:58] Speaker 2: with you because you're my person. Yeah, when that presents itself,
[14:04] Speaker 2: I'm locking in. Yeah, I'm having babies and I don't
[14:07] Speaker 2: condone the cheating, but I'm not leaving my husband. I'll
[14:12] Speaker 2: leave a man. I'm not leaving my husband, your husband exactly.
[14:14] Speaker 3: I was watching something on you know, all these it's
[14:17] Speaker 3: a lot of relationship talk on Instagram, and I cannot
[14:20] Speaker 3: remember who it was, but he was saying that the marriages.
[14:23] Speaker 1: Oh, I think it was.
[14:25] Speaker 3: The pastor of twenty nine to eighteen, Philip Mitchell. I
[14:31] Speaker 3: think I don't want to miss Cody his name, Yeah,
[14:34] Speaker 3: but pastor here, And he was saying that marriages can
[14:38] Speaker 3: be stronger sometimes after infidelity if the both partners work
[14:42] Speaker 3: towards it and they can kind of learn more about
[14:45] Speaker 3: yourselves and what you can handle. But then going in
[14:48] Speaker 3: and doing the work together to change you sometimes you
[14:50] Speaker 3: can come out even stronger on the other side of that.
[14:53] Speaker 2: I love that because I always say the Bible says
[14:55] Speaker 2: seek White's counsel and want it's referend to seeking White's counsel.
[14:58] Speaker 2: When it comes to marriage, folks have been married fifteen, twenty, thirty,
[15:02] Speaker 2: forty years. They're not teaching you how to be happy.
[15:05] Speaker 2: They're teaching you how to stick through the bs that's
[15:07] Speaker 2: gonna come with life, whether you're single or marriage. Right,
[15:11] Speaker 2: no matter what you're doing, life is gonna life. And
[15:13] Speaker 2: they're teaching you that when y'all get to this space,
[15:16] Speaker 2: when you get to this red seat, don't get weary
[15:19] Speaker 2: and well doing it is split, right, And so it's
[15:22] Speaker 2: telling you when you get to the other side, and
[15:24] Speaker 2: you know there's a promise land or a wilderness depending
[15:27] Speaker 2: on what you choose, and if you choose to complain
[15:30] Speaker 2: after the red sea has split, God to give you
[15:32] Speaker 2: a man and water to help you sustain that wilderness.
[15:35] Speaker 2: But here puts you in that wardness for forty years
[15:37] Speaker 2: before you gets to the Promised Land. And so that's
[15:39] Speaker 2: why I said, it's not about a woman or a
[15:42] Speaker 2: man being dumb for staying through anything in their marriage
[15:45] Speaker 2: or even relationship. It's about do you have the effective
[15:48] Speaker 2: tools to not end up in a wilderness twenty thirty
[15:52] Speaker 2: more years in your marriage because you're resentful for staying
[15:55] Speaker 2: with this person for what you know they did. How
[15:58] Speaker 2: do you actively forgive because forgiveness it's an action word.
[16:02] Speaker 2: And how can you still love them and honor them
[16:05] Speaker 2: when they've just dishonored you? Because that's real.
[16:08] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the real work.
[16:09] Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I'm working on that. I get into that,
[16:13] Speaker 2: and I feel like me coming and open minded without
[16:18] Speaker 2: all of these conditions in compartmentalizing like I did in
[16:21] Speaker 2: my younger days when I was engaged, coming in with
[16:23] Speaker 2: these conditions. If this happens, if this happened, that I'm done. Well, baby,
[16:26] Speaker 2: you're already done, baby, because something's going to happen. Them
[16:29] Speaker 2: things is going to happen. Yeah, you're done, that's really
[16:32] Speaker 2: you know. And if you have this favorite tale ideology,
[16:34] Speaker 2: fairy tales end at some point that was me.
[16:37] Speaker 3: That was me for the longest, Like, and I feel
[16:39] Speaker 3: like Disney just kind of warped our minds and I
[16:42] Speaker 3: wanted that and I had. I dated a guy and
[16:43] Speaker 3: he goes, you just want this fairy tale and it
[16:45] Speaker 3: does not exist, and I'm like, yes it does, and
[16:48] Speaker 3: he's give it to me now, yes, He's like, no,
[16:50] Speaker 3: it does not, and I'm finally realizing it does not.
[16:54] Speaker 3: And it's because after I hear people talk about their
[16:57] Speaker 3: truths that have been made for so long, and I'm
[17:00] Speaker 3: literally like idolizing their relationship, like that's what I want,
[17:02] Speaker 3: that's what I want, and they tell me, no, honey,
[17:05] Speaker 3: it was not all roses. It still isn't, but this
[17:07] Speaker 3: is my person. So it's so true.
[17:10] Speaker 2: And you got to learn how to see in others
[17:15] Speaker 2: what you want to see in them and what you
[17:17] Speaker 2: want to experience. That has been one of my biggest
[17:19] Speaker 2: blessings is what do I want to experience with Crystal?
[17:24] Speaker 2: So what lens do I have to see or have
[17:27] Speaker 2: to see that in her? Because I'm responsible for my
[17:30] Speaker 2: experience absolutely. And in a marriage or relationship, do I
[17:33] Speaker 2: want to see my husband as having to be perfect
[17:35] Speaker 2: so that I'm always having to find something I can
[17:38] Speaker 2: criticize for or can I just accept them for being
[17:40] Speaker 2: a man and say that's my husband. That's just the
[17:43] Speaker 2: stuff girl girl, and I take them in dosage sometimes, right?
[17:48] Speaker 2: How do we do that? And then the other thing
[17:50] Speaker 2: is the Bible says marriages for discipline people.
[17:53] Speaker 1: You were just speaking on the records floor.
[17:55] Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And that's because I have to be disciplined
[17:58] Speaker 2: enough to know also how to self soothe. When you're
[18:02] Speaker 2: only at sixty percent of satisfying me? What do I
[18:05] Speaker 2: do with that forty percent? Do I self soothe? Do
[18:08] Speaker 2: I cheat? Do I ridicule you? Do I e masculate you?
[18:12] Speaker 2: Does he disempower you? Is? Does he have a side
[18:14] Speaker 2: chick for the forty percent you can't cover that he
[18:17] Speaker 2: knew you couldn't cover when he first met you. You knew this.
[18:19] Speaker 2: When you got with this woman, you knew this, Or
[18:22] Speaker 2: when you become the mother of his children? How does
[18:25] Speaker 2: he self soothe while you're transitioning from mommyhood to duality
[18:29] Speaker 2: of wife and mommy?
[18:31] Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's so yeah, I heard, yes, yeah.
[18:35] Speaker 2: You know. And I had my first fiance's mom. She
[18:38] Speaker 2: was so amazing at this we got when we first
[18:41] Speaker 2: got engaged, she took me on this ryde girl and
[18:43] Speaker 2: she was like, okay, honey, I got to talk to you.
[18:45] Speaker 2: And I'm like okay, and she's like, you know, I
[18:48] Speaker 2: buy you lingerie for birthdays and Christmas. That's from my son,
[18:51] Speaker 2: which I loved. I was like okay, and she was like,
[18:53] Speaker 2: you know, and when y'all have your first kids, I
[18:55] Speaker 2: just want you to know. She just wants you to
[18:58] Speaker 2: know now that that whole down there may not work,
[19:01] Speaker 2: but as a wife, you have other holes and you
[19:04] Speaker 2: have a mouth. His mom let me tell you how genius.
[19:08] Speaker 2: Though I thought that was because she was looking out
[19:12] Speaker 2: for her son. She was saying, as she had been
[19:15] Speaker 2: married about forty years to his father at that time,
[19:17] Speaker 2: as a married woman, she's saying, let me just tell
[19:20] Speaker 2: you what has worked for us, and possibly maybe the
[19:23] Speaker 2: mistake she might have made that yeah, And I just thought, Wow,
[19:26] Speaker 2: if more moms would have that real authentic conversation versus
[19:30] Speaker 2: just you know, I need to just get married and
[19:33] Speaker 2: and you know, ride off on a horse in the
[19:36] Speaker 2: midnight hours that it doesn't work, it's not no. What
[19:40] Speaker 2: do we do when I have this baby and he
[19:42] Speaker 2: has needs and I can't deliver? What are the alternatives?
[19:45] Speaker 2: How do we communicate that how do I make sure
[19:49] Speaker 2: that baby and father, her husband both feel seen and loved.
[19:54] Speaker 2: How do I communicate to him that my hormones are
[19:56] Speaker 2: crazy and I need more reassurance. Yes, I'm not in
[19:59] Speaker 2: the hearing. If I am, so what support me in this?
[20:03] Speaker 2: I don't care what title you put to it. Then
[20:05] Speaker 2: it's insecure. Then you really need to help me become
[20:07] Speaker 2: more secure. I just I just birth your baby. Yeah,
[20:10] Speaker 2: this face? What does that look like? Right?
[20:13] Speaker 3: Friends, male and female like, and I've been on the
[20:15] Speaker 3: receiving of hearing both the woman of the wife and
[20:18] Speaker 3: the husband vent about those things, and I'm like, we
[20:21] Speaker 3: need to understand her body's going through all these different changes.
[20:23] Speaker 3: And then the guys like like the same thing, like, well,
[20:26] Speaker 3: I mean, let me get some head or something.
[20:27] Speaker 2: And I'm like, but can I ask you this? I mean,
[20:31] Speaker 2: do you think that's too much for a man to
[20:32] Speaker 2: ask for you had a baby? I mean I'm not
[20:35] Speaker 2: saying the day you come out, right, for damn, I
[20:37] Speaker 2: mean a couple of weeks into it. Do you think
[20:39] Speaker 2: it's too much for him to not demand it, but
[20:42] Speaker 2: to say baby?
[20:44] Speaker 1: Because it's been a long time.
[20:45] Speaker 2: I mean, it's been reason we used to have a
[20:47] Speaker 2: really active sex life. I mean, can I get some
[20:49] Speaker 2: heads yeah in between? Is that too much? Or is
[20:53] Speaker 2: that just adult team and him being vulnerable enough to
[20:57] Speaker 2: say I got needs. I got needs, and I'm not
[20:59] Speaker 2: even thinking about stepping out on you job mount job.
[21:05] Speaker 2: I mean now, I don't have any kids, so I
[21:06] Speaker 2: say this now without mother. But my thing is like,
[21:10] Speaker 2: absolutely hold on, give them ten more minutes to be
[21:13] Speaker 2: hold on. Yeah, let's not Crystal Crystal, but can't you
[21:18] Speaker 2: hurry up? I'm like, and I'm dripping. Any wife I'm
[21:26] Speaker 2: listen is dedicated wife on my white baby wife. But
[21:30] Speaker 2: that's teamwork. What we're talking about here is teamwork because
[21:34] Speaker 2: while he's on the road, I got me.
[21:36] Speaker 1: Yeah that's real.
[21:37] Speaker 2: While you're doing things, I need to be seen. So
[21:40] Speaker 2: text me when you land, ask me where I am.
[21:43] Speaker 2: Buzz me throughout the day. I want to be loved.
[21:46] Speaker 2: Love me like this. Don't love me like this, because
[21:53] Speaker 2: if you love me like since we got a problem,
[21:56] Speaker 2: love me like okay, both ways, y'all in and out
[22:05] Speaker 2: the badger me like this.
[22:06] Speaker 1: Yes, that is hilarious.
[22:09] Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I love this.
[22:11] Speaker 1: This is what I wanted to get into. So say
[22:15] Speaker 1: that you're on a first date. What are some first
[22:18] Speaker 1: aid questions?
[22:18] Speaker 3: Because me and a Shan and so my girls even
[22:20] Speaker 3: talking about questions, the wildest questions that we've been asking
[22:24] Speaker 3: some turn offs.
[22:25] Speaker 1: What are some questions that you.
[22:27] Speaker 3: Feel are important to ask on a first date when
[22:29] Speaker 3: you're like, Okay, this is going in a good direction.
[22:30] Speaker 2: This is such an unpopular opinion. But when I said
[22:35] Speaker 2: all the women tend to go yes this, I feel
[22:37] Speaker 2: the same way. But he said I was insecure. I've
[22:40] Speaker 2: always asked, how do you feel about your woman having
[22:42] Speaker 2: your password to your phone or to your laptop and
[22:45] Speaker 2: having full access. That's the first thing I want to know,
[22:48] Speaker 2: because again, being loved like this means we're orbiting, means
[22:53] Speaker 2: I have access, and I'm not allowing you to access
[22:56] Speaker 2: my body. Yes, if I can't access your shit, I'm
[23:00] Speaker 2: not doing it. I have not and I won't. And
[23:02] Speaker 2: so that's the first question. And what are the answers. Oh,
[23:05] Speaker 2: I've had some men be like like password to my phone?
[23:09] Speaker 2: Like I just feel like, you know, if you're going
[23:11] Speaker 2: to trust me, then you trust me and you don't
[23:13] Speaker 2: need to have access. And in my personal experience, I
[23:17] Speaker 2: go red flag womanizer red flag womanizer and womanized just
[23:22] Speaker 2: means you got something going on, you're manipulative, you're sneaky,
[23:25] Speaker 2: you got something that you're not transparent about. I am
[23:28] Speaker 2: not into honesty. I'm into transparency. I don't want to
[23:30] Speaker 2: have to ask you fifteen questions to get you to
[23:33] Speaker 2: be honest with me. I like transparency. Baby. I was
[23:36] Speaker 2: on my way home and I got an email from
[23:38] Speaker 2: my ex girlfriend and I forwarded to you. This is
[23:40] Speaker 2: what she said. Okay, daddy, you hungry. I got dinner cooked.
[23:43] Speaker 2: That's me. I don't want to have to ask you
[23:45] Speaker 2: anything because I'm not the woman that's see and because
[23:48] Speaker 2: I'm not going to sneak and go through your phone
[23:50] Speaker 2: and I don't want it. I'm not going to try
[23:52] Speaker 2: to learn your password. I need to make sure that
[23:54] Speaker 2: I have full access because in my last relationship I
[23:57] Speaker 2: have full access and I would sit with him in
[24:01] Speaker 2: bed and be like, Bay, let me see your phone
[24:02] Speaker 2: real quick, and he would just go now. Sometimes because
[24:07] Speaker 2: I think he knew, like okay, I think it is
[24:09] Speaker 2: mind knowing my personality. He was like, either she's doing
[24:12] Speaker 2: it to flex her control, I'm just being transparent and
[24:15] Speaker 2: being very accountable, or like thebe like, how many times
[24:18] Speaker 2: are you looking off phone before you're reassured. I'm just
[24:20] Speaker 2: speaking real from what I felt a man would think, right,
[24:24] Speaker 2: But he would always go right to the game. And
[24:27] Speaker 2: sometimes I would joke and I'd be like, nervous. You nervous.
[24:31] Speaker 2: And this is even like two years in and when
[24:32] Speaker 2: a big rock on my feet and we engage the
[24:34] Speaker 2: wedding is like in too much And he'd be like,
[24:38] Speaker 2: he'd be like, you look in it anyways, I know
[24:40] Speaker 2: you do. But he also had access to mine. And
[24:43] Speaker 2: so if the phone, well, if I'm in the shower,
[24:45] Speaker 2: he go, your mama call him. So you're looking to
[24:48] Speaker 2: see who calls, or sometimes I say, baby, text her
[24:51] Speaker 2: back and tell her this this and that. I did
[24:53] Speaker 2: that for one or two things. One I wanted him
[24:55] Speaker 2: a text mama back, right, But two I wanted him
[24:57] Speaker 2: to know I'm reassuring you too, and you can text back,
[25:02] Speaker 2: you can respond. You have that access, you have that authority.
[25:05] Speaker 2: You're my man. Your minds were getting married, and I'm transparent.
[25:08] Speaker 2: And if there's something you see in there and we
[25:11] Speaker 2: need to talk about and I need to shift, I'm
[25:12] Speaker 2: willing to shift it. No big deal. But luckily knock
[25:15] Speaker 2: on wood. With both of my engagements with full access,
[25:19] Speaker 2: I've never ran into anything. I've never seen it. I mean,
[25:21] Speaker 2: I've had access to Facebook pages, social media, but for me,
[25:28] Speaker 2: that is my reassurance and I like that type of access.
[25:31] Speaker 2: And so again, on the first day, if a man
[25:33] Speaker 2: is like, now, that ain't me, and I don't just
[25:35] Speaker 2: walk off the dinner. I'm mature, but I do understand
[25:39] Speaker 2: that that's not my type of guy. And I've had
[25:42] Speaker 2: men follow up like date number two, and I say, look,
[25:43] Speaker 2: I don't want to waste your time. I am a
[25:45] Speaker 2: woman who's an access woman, and I just would never
[25:49] Speaker 2: even be intimate with you if I can't access what's
[25:52] Speaker 2: going on, because if there is a disease or if
[25:54] Speaker 2: there is something coming from someone, it's in that phone.
[25:57] Speaker 2: It's in that phone. And I'm not playing with my body,
[26:00] Speaker 2: I'm not playing with my heart. Yeah, and so I'm good.
[26:03] Speaker 3: I love that with your engagements, and you are still
[26:06] Speaker 3: a woman who who wants to be loved, aspires to
[26:09] Speaker 3: be in a relationship.
[26:11] Speaker 1: What kept you still wanted that?
[26:13] Speaker 3: Because I know some people when they've been engaged and
[26:15] Speaker 3: maybe it didn't work out that happened twice for you?
[26:17] Speaker 3: What kept you saying no, this is I still want love?
[26:20] Speaker 2: You know what's crazy? Chris So And again I say
[26:23] Speaker 2: this with all the compassion for the women who have
[26:25] Speaker 2: been left. Yeah, I think if I was the one
[26:29] Speaker 2: being left, I probably would be on the other side
[26:32] Speaker 2: of the emotion. I probably would maybe feel a little
[26:35] Speaker 2: disempowered or kind of like what am I not doing right?
[26:38] Speaker 2: Or why me? But being that I was the one
[26:43] Speaker 2: that was pursued obviously right, and I pursued back once
[26:46] Speaker 2: I wanted them, and acts right and chosen and chose back,
[26:50] Speaker 2: and then I did the leaving, and I called off
[26:52] Speaker 2: both engagements or both weddings. As crazy as it sounds,
[26:57] Speaker 2: it does put It gives me leverage. It puts me
[26:59] Speaker 2: in a position of power, not a power where I'm
[27:03] Speaker 2: taking advantage of the power of I did the leaving,
[27:07] Speaker 2: so I'm still the woman who was desired pursued. They
[27:10] Speaker 2: still wanted the relationship when I left, and I didn't
[27:12] Speaker 2: leave because they weren't great men. I left because they
[27:15] Speaker 2: weren't my men forever and I wasn't going to continue
[27:17] Speaker 2: to be in a relationship even with my last fiance,
[27:21] Speaker 2: where I was fully taken care of. I didn't pay
[27:23] Speaker 2: a bill by a grape. I made sure he had
[27:26] Speaker 2: food I was cooking. I was definitely fully submissive to
[27:30] Speaker 2: whatever he needed, which I loved, by the way. I
[27:32] Speaker 2: love that. I love that role. Just so you men know,
[27:34] Speaker 2: I love fascimission role. You could take care of me
[27:37] Speaker 2: any day. But I still wasn't going to stay and
[27:42] Speaker 2: allow him to take full care of me. Right knowing
[27:45] Speaker 2: that I didn't want to be with this man. I
[27:47] Speaker 2: wasn't staying to use him or I wasn't staying to
[27:49] Speaker 2: be taken care of. He didn't take care of me
[27:51] Speaker 2: because I didn't have my own I was a doctor already,
[27:53] Speaker 2: I have my own money, I have my own reserves.
[27:55] Speaker 2: And I also didn't need him to support me in
[27:59] Speaker 2: the sense of once I left, you know, he was
[28:01] Speaker 2: giving me money to leave. No when we left, we left,
[28:04] Speaker 2: and my last text message to him was I left
[28:08] Speaker 2: the house, thank you for taking such great care of me.
[28:13] Speaker 2: I am so grateful for you. Continue blessings. And he
[28:16] Speaker 2: text me back and said same to you. You know,
[28:19] Speaker 2: thank you for everything, Continue blessings. It wasn't bitter, but
[28:24] Speaker 2: I thanked him because that man took care of us.
[28:28] Speaker 2: I mean like literally was a retired basketball player and
[28:32] Speaker 2: was doing okay. But when it got a second regular job,
[28:35] Speaker 2: Christal to make sure he can fit me into his world,
[28:39] Speaker 2: and to me, that is just so just admirable, you know.
[28:43] Speaker 2: And when you see a man putting that much effort,
[28:46] Speaker 2: my opinion is, I don't care how alpha you are,
[28:50] Speaker 2: you pique, you'll submissive. And that was my first time
[28:53] Speaker 2: where I literally organically my alpha was like doormatt and
[28:56] Speaker 2: my submissive was like fully play. And I fell in
[28:59] Speaker 2: love with me, probably more than he did because I
[29:01] Speaker 2: was like, oh, this saw her so miss a woman
[29:04] Speaker 2: is She's everything. I love this. And yeah, anything he needed,
[29:08] Speaker 2: he can come home at twelve and working out and
[29:09] Speaker 2: he's like I'm hungry. I'm like, what do you want,
[29:12] Speaker 2: No problem, put my little gospel music on, and I'm
[29:14] Speaker 2: in that kitchen at twelve am cooking, having a good time.
[29:17] Speaker 2: So they do exist, but you just have to make
[29:22] Speaker 2: sure that you're choosing what works for you.
[29:24] Speaker 3: Yeah, at what point were you like this amazing guy,
[29:27] Speaker 3: he's doing all these amazing things, going the extra mile
[29:30] Speaker 3: to get that extra job. What was it that you
[29:32] Speaker 3: were like this isn't my forever person, because it sounds
[29:35] Speaker 3: like a great race is where.
[29:37] Speaker 2: Y'all gonna eat my ass up. And I'm okay with that. Okay,
[29:41] Speaker 2: I'm okay with that. I actually love myself, so I
[29:47] Speaker 2: don't date men with kids. Oh and he knew that
[29:51] Speaker 2: when we first started dating. I obviously knew that he
[29:55] Speaker 2: had two beautiful young adult daughters. But we still both
[30:01] Speaker 2: continue to pursue each other and ended up in a relationship,
[30:04] Speaker 2: ended up loving each other and engaged. And we would
[30:08] Speaker 2: sit in bed, Crystal, I'm not it. We'd have the
[30:10] Speaker 2: most amazing day, things would be good, and I would
[30:14] Speaker 2: just lay in bed and I say, Babe at night,
[30:16] Speaker 2: I'm like baby, He's like yep. I'm like, I'm having
[30:19] Speaker 2: those fills again. And he's like what. And I'm like,
[30:25] Speaker 2: I love that we're a family because we were like
[30:28] Speaker 2: the girls would come and we'd have dinner. I'd cook,
[30:30] Speaker 2: you know, and so but I'm like, I love our
[30:32] Speaker 2: family unit. It's not your girls at all. They did
[30:35] Speaker 2: nothing derogatory to the relationship. I mean, he made it
[30:38] Speaker 2: a breeze. There was no baby mama drama. I never
[30:41] Speaker 2: even met their mama's the oldest daughter would talk to
[30:44] Speaker 2: me about her mom and some concerns they would have.
[30:46] Speaker 2: It I would totally facilitate it, be open. I would
[30:49] Speaker 2: work out what his girls eat. I mean, it was
[30:51] Speaker 2: never then, and even after we broke up, me and
[30:55] Speaker 2: his daughter, she still kept in contact. But I said
[30:58] Speaker 2: that to say, I would say, it's not you, it's
[31:01] Speaker 2: not them, it's me. My spirit isn't letting me go
[31:05] Speaker 2: against my values of what I don't want. I come
[31:10] Speaker 2: from my father who has six of us by five
[31:11] Speaker 2: different women. And since I can remember speaking and thinking,
[31:16] Speaker 2: I used to say, Daddy, I love all my siblings,
[31:18] Speaker 2: but I don't like that you did this with five women,
[31:20] Speaker 2: and I don't want that. And my extance had two
[31:24] Speaker 2: beautiful girls by two different women.
[31:26] Speaker 1: So you were saying that.
[31:28] Speaker 2: My dad was like, Baby said, and I know you
[31:32] Speaker 2: think he's different, because it's too he's not. Wow, he's not.
[31:36] Speaker 2: He's not. So I told you, you know, we had
[31:40] Speaker 2: this agreement. And I was like, but Daddy takes care
[31:43] Speaker 2: of me and he loves me and we're good. And
[31:44] Speaker 2: my dad was like, Baby, I'm telling you hold off
[31:47] Speaker 2: on the wedding. Hold off. And so I would have
[31:50] Speaker 2: these conversations and when I learned that there was nothing
[31:53] Speaker 2: he could do to shift how I felt in here
[31:56] Speaker 2: and it wasn't his responsibility to shift me had to
[32:00] Speaker 2: be authentic and really show my love for him and
[32:02] Speaker 2: say I can't be married and have kids. And it's
[32:06] Speaker 2: continued to be this burden on us, and you try
[32:10] Speaker 2: to facilitate it, and through a lot of those spaces,
[32:13] Speaker 2: it will cause some conflict. And he wasn't always able
[32:18] Speaker 2: to have the emotional intelligence needed to totally facilitate us
[32:22] Speaker 2: through certain things. And so I start saying, you know,
[32:25] Speaker 2: what if I be when I're am pregnant, We're marry
[32:27] Speaker 2: and are pregnant, and I'm having these these moments and
[32:30] Speaker 2: he's not able to facilitate me. He's shutting down for
[32:33] Speaker 2: four or five days and we're in the house together.
[32:36] Speaker 2: And mind you, he was fourteen years older than me,
[32:38] Speaker 2: and so in my mind, I'm thinking, which most of
[32:41] Speaker 2: us think, older man, the matority's going to be there.
[32:44] Speaker 2: He can facilitate this. That's not an age thing. That's
[32:47] Speaker 2: just an experience and wisdom thing. And to his defense,
[32:52] Speaker 2: you know, I believe he tried his best to but
[32:54] Speaker 2: when it came to us having friction. The second part
[32:57] Speaker 2: of it was he was still very into that an
[33:00] Speaker 2: emotional intelligence work girl. We go five days without talking
[33:03] Speaker 2: in the same house, and I said, baby, I can't
[33:06] Speaker 2: be married like this.
[33:06] Speaker 1: Don't worry.
[33:07] Speaker 2: So two things. It was the reality of you have
[33:09] Speaker 2: these beautiful girls who have nothing to do with my decision.
[33:11] Speaker 2: It's all my values and what I want. And the
[33:14] Speaker 2: other thing is you're not able to problem solve and
[33:18] Speaker 2: bring resolve quick enough in this house and I want peace.
[33:22] Speaker 1: Now.
[33:22] Speaker 3: Do you think that if he didn't do the whole
[33:25] Speaker 3: I can go five days without talking to you. Do
[33:27] Speaker 3: you think you could have maybe let the having the
[33:30] Speaker 3: kids slide because you love.
[33:32] Speaker 1: The girls, they love you clearly still have a great
[33:34] Speaker 1: relationship with them.
[33:35] Speaker 3: Is that something that maybe if that was strong and
[33:37] Speaker 3: the communication and maturity was there, that you could have
[33:40] Speaker 3: kept that relationship going.
[33:42] Speaker 2: I think I think no. I think God would have
[33:46] Speaker 2: found a gentle way like he did in this relationship
[33:49] Speaker 2: to sever it. Because God knows my heart. Yeah, and
[33:54] Speaker 2: like he said, I know the plans that I have
[33:56] Speaker 2: for you, plans to prosper you and give you a
[33:58] Speaker 2: good life. And I know that he knows a good
[34:00] Speaker 2: life for me. Is meet my husband and our babies,
[34:03] Speaker 2: and he God built me, so he knows how he
[34:06] Speaker 2: built my little territorial self, and he knows that I
[34:09] Speaker 2: don't want to look across the room and see my husband,
[34:13] Speaker 2: as selfish as it may sound for others, for me,
[34:16] Speaker 2: it's not selfish, it's me. I don't want to look
[34:19] Speaker 2: cross the room and see my husband engaging interacting with
[34:23] Speaker 2: someone else's child that's not mine. The second thing is,
[34:28] Speaker 2: I'm a type of woman that if I'm with a
[34:29] Speaker 2: man with kids, I'm fully invested. Those kids will be
[34:32] Speaker 2: treated no different than my kids. I will love and
[34:35] Speaker 2: invest in them like their minds. And just like when
[34:38] Speaker 2: him and I when I caught off the wedding, I left,
[34:42] Speaker 2: He got to keep the family. I left as a
[34:45] Speaker 2: single woman having to go create my own family. So
[34:48] Speaker 2: that's an investment a lot of women and men make
[34:50] Speaker 2: where they're coming in and being stepmom or stepdaddy, and
[34:54] Speaker 2: if that relationship ends, those kids are not yours. It's
[34:57] Speaker 2: very rare that those kids roll with you when mom
[35:00] Speaker 2: or dad gets another relationship. Guess what, Yeah, it's the
[35:03] Speaker 2: next step mommy or daddy. So where did the return
[35:05] Speaker 2: on your investment go?
[35:07] Speaker 1: Right. Yeah, So I wanna ask you this because.
[35:11] Speaker 3: As we get older, the chances of having children and
[35:14] Speaker 3: like it gets less and less and less. Have you
[35:18] Speaker 3: ever had thoughts of like, dang, Like may you know
[35:20] Speaker 3: what I'm saying? I I want this thing, but is
[35:23] Speaker 3: this even possible? The longer I wait for this man
[35:26] Speaker 3: who doesn't have children, I used to have to That
[35:28] Speaker 3: was one of my ultimatums.
[35:29] Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want anybody to get kids
[35:31] Speaker 1: like liter. I was in college saying that, and my right,
[35:37] Speaker 1: I used to think like that.
[35:38] Speaker 3: And I don't know if it was my mom or
[35:41] Speaker 3: a friend of mine someone I was in college and
[35:43] Speaker 3: I was like, I do not want anybody that has kids.
[35:45] Speaker 3: I just saw the baby mama drama and I did
[35:47] Speaker 3: not want that. Like you, My father has four kids
[35:50] Speaker 3: by four different ways.
[35:51] Speaker 2: Wow.
[35:51] Speaker 3: Yeah, so, but my father is an incredible dad. And
[35:55] Speaker 3: someone had to point that out to me. What an
[35:59] Speaker 3: amazing far other my dad is and could you not
[36:03] Speaker 3: love someone who has children. That changed my mindset and
[36:07] Speaker 3: perspective on dating a man with children because of how
[36:11] Speaker 3: amazing my dad was, how he honored my mother with
[36:14] Speaker 3: the other women to make sure she never felt in
[36:16] Speaker 3: fear that there was still anything.
[36:17] Speaker 1: Going on, because you know, you had those issues too.
[36:20] Speaker 1: So I changed my mind on that.
[36:22] Speaker 3: But as a woman and we're getting older, how do
[36:25] Speaker 3: you wrap your mind around I'm still holding on to
[36:27] Speaker 3: wanting to date somebody who doesn't have kids when that
[36:31] Speaker 3: opportunity for us naturally is fleeting.
[36:34] Speaker 2: Two things. One, I've dated my first fiance had no kids.
[36:37] Speaker 2: Look how good God is He gave me all the
[36:39] Speaker 2: experience to choose. Our first fiance had no kids, My
[36:41] Speaker 2: second one had kids, two totally different men. The relationship
[36:46] Speaker 2: with no kids is more of the relationship for me regardless,
[36:53] Speaker 2: and so through my experiences, I know, no, the no
[36:55] Speaker 2: kid guy, that's my guy. I'm able to be fully open,
[36:59] Speaker 2: fully present with him. There's just that's my thing. I
[37:03] Speaker 2: just have to have that. That's a non negotiable. The
[37:05] Speaker 2: second thing is, you know, faith is an action word,
[37:09] Speaker 2: and you know I was a little girl in the
[37:12] Speaker 2: inner city or product of two parents who were teenagers.
[37:16] Speaker 2: My mom was addicted to the drug that my father
[37:18] Speaker 2: sold and she's now sober, thank God, and she's killing
[37:22] Speaker 2: the game. VP of my company, got her own business.
[37:24] Speaker 2: She's doing her thing. And my father has transitioned last
[37:28] Speaker 2: year he passed away. But before he passed away, he
[37:30] Speaker 2: was a family man. He was alongshoreman, a book, he
[37:33] Speaker 2: was working, so he transitioned out that lifestyle. I say
[37:36] Speaker 2: that to say that God took a little girl in
[37:38] Speaker 2: the inner city with abandonment issues and took my broken
[37:42] Speaker 2: pieces and made peace from me. He took a little
[37:44] Speaker 2: girl in the inner city and took him from the
[37:46] Speaker 2: hood to the hills. And there hasn't been one promise,
[37:49] Speaker 2: he hasn't one kept or double down on. And so
[37:52] Speaker 2: when I had that conversation with God, he checks me
[37:55] Speaker 2: and he says, I'm confused. How much more do I
[37:58] Speaker 2: need to do for you to tryst that what you
[38:00] Speaker 2: want will prevail? How much more do I need to
[38:03] Speaker 2: do for you to understand that maybe it's your career
[38:06] Speaker 2: that I need you to do right now, because if
[38:08] Speaker 2: you have that husband, the type of woman that you
[38:10] Speaker 2: are that loves the way you love, you might just
[38:12] Speaker 2: put this career aside. And I know how you are,
[38:15] Speaker 2: and so let me do what I do. If you're
[38:17] Speaker 2: gonna be in my will, and because of my faith
[38:20] Speaker 2: in Him and the way he shows up every day,
[38:23] Speaker 2: I would be completely dishonoring him and myself, completely disrespecting
[38:28] Speaker 2: God and myself to believe or disbelieve that the desires
[38:33] Speaker 2: of my heart won't come to pass. And so I'm
[38:36] Speaker 2: that woman. I understand Abraham and Sarah. You know, I'm
[38:39] Speaker 2: not saying I want to wait till i'm eighty. But
[38:41] Speaker 2: what happened with Sarah. She wanted a baby, and she
[38:44] Speaker 2: she wasn't barren right, and Abraham was eighty, and she said,
[38:48] Speaker 2: we'll go on and have a baby with the maid.
[38:50] Speaker 2: And as soon as he had got the maid pregnant,
[38:53] Speaker 2: Sarah and their pregnant, and God said, you just couldn't
[38:56] Speaker 2: wait a little longer. And then when the maid got pregnant,
[38:59] Speaker 2: Sarah said, get rid of this. Excuse my language, where
[39:02] Speaker 2: you got to go, because now I'm burying your child.
[39:06] Speaker 2: And Abraham was such a g and such a good
[39:10] Speaker 2: man and Sarah, he told the maid good day. God
[39:13] Speaker 2: had a conversation with the maid in the desert and said, listen,
[39:17] Speaker 2: you go back, because you don't know who you carrying.
[39:22] Speaker 2: You go back, you carrying what Sarah was supposed to carry.
[39:27] Speaker 2: Because Sarah couldn't wait for me. Baby, I'm not listen,
[39:33] Speaker 2: ain't no maid and to be pregnant with my blessing.
[39:36] Speaker 2: I refuse and I believe in trust that when it's right,
[39:41] Speaker 2: it happen. And I really know that that is what
[39:44] Speaker 2: allows me not to react or be in despair when
[39:48] Speaker 2: I'm dating. That's what gives me the verticalness of being
[39:50] Speaker 2: able to stand vertical in what I want and not
[39:53] Speaker 2: waivering it because God's like what you wanna, docause You're
[39:57] Speaker 2: gonna get your blessing either way. You either gonna get
[39:59] Speaker 2: it out after the maid gets it, or you're gonna
[40:04] Speaker 2: wait and have what you want and guess what al
[40:06] Speaker 2: wait ah wait.
[40:09] Speaker 1: So I something similar to that.
[40:10] Speaker 3: I was on the Dear Future WiFi with Latio Sweatfield
[40:13] Speaker 3: and he.
[40:15] Speaker 1: Asked me about.
[40:18] Speaker 3: Yeah, and he was asking me about having children. I said,
[40:22] Speaker 3: I'm so sick of people saying like I feel like
[40:24] Speaker 3: as a woman in our women in our forties, it
[40:27] Speaker 3: is the most annoying question is when you're gonna have
[40:30] Speaker 3: some babies?
[40:31] Speaker 2: You know?
[40:31] Speaker 3: And I told him, I said, I'm my answer is
[40:34] Speaker 3: just to stay out of my uterar. It's like people
[40:35] Speaker 3: have a friend that literally dms me like every few months,
[40:38] Speaker 3: have you frozen your egs?
[40:39] Speaker 1: Yet have you frozen your egg yet? I'm like, oh
[40:41] Speaker 1: my gosh, seriously.
[40:42] Speaker 3: And I told him, I said, I'm in a space
[40:44] Speaker 3: now where I've waited too late. I went to the
[40:46] Speaker 3: doctor and she was like, it's too late to freeze
[40:48] Speaker 3: your eggs because you don't want to freeze them and
[40:50] Speaker 3: then only one may survive. And she said, so at
[40:55] Speaker 3: this point, you just try to get pregnantnaturally.
[40:57] Speaker 1: And I was like, okay and same.
[41:00] Speaker 3: I've used the Abraham and Sarah analogies exactly like you did.
[41:04] Speaker 3: And I said, you know what, where I am where
[41:06] Speaker 3: my faith is, if it's meant to be, it will happen,
[41:09] Speaker 3: you know, and it's gonna be a healthy pregnancy. The
[41:11] Speaker 3: baby's gonna be healthy and live a great life. But
[41:13] Speaker 3: I can't put that pressure on myself. But I do
[41:16] Speaker 3: feel like because of M the same way I literally
[41:19] Speaker 3: said this, we we may be tween.
[41:21] Speaker 1: Where have you been?
[41:22] Speaker 3: Because I s I told a friend, I said, you know,
[41:24] Speaker 3: I used to pray like God, I have everything, but
[41:27] Speaker 3: this one component, like why am I missing the love?
[41:30] Speaker 3: Like I want somebody to share this beautiful life with
[41:32] Speaker 3: and it would it I'm telling you, I would like
[41:34] Speaker 3: sit in my room and be really sad walk into
[41:36] Speaker 3: this big, beautiful home, sad to not have anyone to
[41:39] Speaker 3: share it with.
[41:42] Speaker 1: Baby. It's a real thing.
[41:45] Speaker 3: And I was sitting there and I was like, but
[41:46] Speaker 3: I knew. I was like, I literally said, if if
[41:48] Speaker 3: I brought you that, I know how you are. I'm
[41:51] Speaker 3: always like, what you need, what you need, what you need,
[41:52] Speaker 3: how can I help? And I would have been putting
[41:55] Speaker 3: so much into that person that I would have let
[41:57] Speaker 3: my career go by the wayside. That would have been
[42:00] Speaker 3: And I looked back at relationships and I'm like, dang,
[42:03] Speaker 3: I wonder what it would have been like. It wouldn't
[42:05] Speaker 3: have been like this, right, you know, because there's amount
[42:08] Speaker 3: of energy that you have to put into your career
[42:11] Speaker 3: to get to the level that you want to get to.
[42:13] Speaker 1: So I'm with you on that.
[42:14] Speaker 2: That's good and I'm await. God blesses the bold, and
[42:17] Speaker 2: he blesses at the level of our belief. So anything
[42:21] Speaker 2: that we want, I feel like, once we pray and
[42:24] Speaker 2: every thought, maybe words of prayer, prayers, not just this,
[42:26] Speaker 2: I feel like it goes out into the download system
[42:29] Speaker 2: and it sits there waiting for our belief to align
[42:31] Speaker 2: with it. When our belief aligns with it. It downloads. Yeah.
[42:35] Speaker 2: And I used to I was poking at God more
[42:40] Speaker 2: like I think maybe about ten years ago or so,
[42:42] Speaker 2: and I was like, where are you taking so long?
[42:44] Speaker 2: You know? And I was I'm not gonna lie. I
[42:46] Speaker 2: was actually mad. I was mad and I said, I'm
[42:48] Speaker 2: mad at you. And he's like, well, let's talk about it.
[42:52] Speaker 2: Talk to you. I'm mad at you. He's like, well, woman,
[42:56] Speaker 2: I created you, so I know exactly what to say
[42:58] Speaker 2: to get you to talk to me. And I was like,
[43:00] Speaker 2: you do. And so, you know, I had this conversation
[43:05] Speaker 2: and he said, what if I told you to trust me,
[43:09] Speaker 2: that I know where I'm going with this and that
[43:12] Speaker 2: I just I know your heart, I know the plans.
[43:14] Speaker 2: And I said, I commit to trusting you. And he said, listen,
[43:21] Speaker 2: you've always said that you want you didn't want to be.
[43:24] Speaker 2: I was used Kobe Bryant because I love my favorite
[43:26] Speaker 2: players rest in peace. You always said you don't want
[43:28] Speaker 2: to be Kobe Bryant's wife. You wanted to be Chyenne
[43:32] Speaker 2: Briant who's married to Kobe Bryant. He says, so let
[43:36] Speaker 2: me establish you and you know what it says, right,
[43:39] Speaker 2: It says, those who wait upon the Lord will renew
[43:43] Speaker 2: their strength. He said, I will establish you and make
[43:46] Speaker 2: you perfect and count ups like egos. You're walking. I
[43:51] Speaker 2: get weary. You're running off fame. Babe, I'm doing all
[43:54] Speaker 2: right now. You're doing all of those. And I'm more
[43:58] Speaker 2: vertical and more healthy and I've ever been. I told
[44:01] Speaker 2: my best friend about a month agu I said, girl,
[44:03] Speaker 2: I'm the healthiest I've ever been. And I'm not just
[44:06] Speaker 2: talking about like because I got you know, money and
[44:09] Speaker 2: consciousness before even all this viral shit even happen. I
[44:11] Speaker 2: was like, well, I'm the healthiest open. I've never felt
[44:14] Speaker 2: so full. And I want to tell the woman. My
[44:18] Speaker 2: prayer was, God, Okay, if you're gonna have me, wait,
[44:21] Speaker 2: no problem. But can we negotiate? And he said what?
[44:24] Speaker 2: Because he knows how I am? He's like, what, woman?
[44:26] Speaker 2: I said, can you just fill me up, tap me
[44:29] Speaker 2: off as though I already have the husband, as though
[44:32] Speaker 2: I already have the kids, so that the despair and
[44:36] Speaker 2: in the turmworld doesn't cause a conflict where I can't
[44:39] Speaker 2: show up in your will. I want to show up
[44:41] Speaker 2: full for you. And he said back, you got a deal,
[44:44] Speaker 2: and I'm not playing. I have been filled up and
[44:47] Speaker 2: topped off as though the husband and the kids. I've
[44:49] Speaker 2: been so full, so full, and this has been for
[44:52] Speaker 2: the past maybe three or four years. I've just been full,
[44:56] Speaker 2: and so I don't feel the lack of their not
[44:59] Speaker 2: being a presence of my husband and my kids. I'm full.
[45:02] Speaker 2: So by the time the husband does get here, I'm
[45:05] Speaker 2: choosing again from my fullness. I'm not choosing from my
[45:08] Speaker 2: deficit and got to do it. I'm telling you anything you.
[45:13] Speaker 1: Ask will I'm a living witness.
[45:16] Speaker 2: You're doing, you know to your point, it's funny the
[45:18] Speaker 2: doctor told you you're too Oh the doctor been telling me,
[45:22] Speaker 2: let's freeze your eggs. You have eight follicles over here,
[45:25] Speaker 2: and you have eleven follicles over here. Let's do it. Yeah,
[45:28] Speaker 2: but see, and then that's what I mean by just
[45:32] Speaker 2: people going to get expert advice on certain things. It's
[45:36] Speaker 2: like you got to get a second third opinion, because right,
[45:39] Speaker 2: and I haven't frozen. But my doctor's like, you're forty two,
[45:42] Speaker 2: and I'm like, I know, freeze you got follicles. I'm like,
[45:45] Speaker 2: I know.
[45:46] Speaker 3: But even that process, people don't talk about how hard
[45:49] Speaker 3: that is on the body.
[45:50] Speaker 1: Going through that. It's a lot.
[45:53] Speaker 2: Put your body in the phases though you are Yeah,
[45:57] Speaker 2: we don't.
[45:57] Speaker 1: Talk about that. It's like, just go phrase your eggs.
[45:59] Speaker 1: I'm like, you go, like you want me to.
[46:02] Speaker 3: That's a whole process that I have to put my
[46:03] Speaker 3: body through, watching functions to.
[46:05] Speaker 2: See the eggs are pulling out of it. Yes, it's
[46:08] Speaker 2: it is.
[46:08] Speaker 1: It's a lot.
[46:08] Speaker 2: And I'm I know, you know what. So if I
[46:12] Speaker 2: do decide to do it natural without the eye and
[46:14] Speaker 2: frozen eggs yet, but I do know that. I told God.
[46:17] Speaker 2: You know, see, if God in lines with my plan,
[46:19] Speaker 2: he usually does it. But I tried. I tried it.
[46:22] Speaker 2: I did say by the end of next year, I
[46:26] Speaker 2: want to be in a place of where I'm doing
[46:28] Speaker 2: the do with someone who is going to be my
[46:30] Speaker 2: forever dude. And we're just in our baby making season.
[46:34] Speaker 2: But I told God, I don't want it until it's
[46:37] Speaker 2: on his time. Yes, but to sustain me, keep me
[46:39] Speaker 2: topped off because I love it here. I just I
[46:42] Speaker 2: love it here. So I'm like, I keep it here. Yeah,
[46:45] Speaker 2: and I and I it's easier for me to stay
[46:47] Speaker 2: directly you will.
[46:48] Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that.
[46:49] Speaker 3: It seems like one of your non negotiables, which is
[46:51] Speaker 3: having a man who has children kind of also is
[46:55] Speaker 3: in direct line with the broken homes that you talk about.
[46:59] Speaker 1: And I saw you first.
[47:00] Speaker 3: My first introduction to you is on Cam Newton Show,
[47:04] Speaker 3: and you talked about broken homes and broke that down
[47:06] Speaker 3: to him. What was it that you saw with your
[47:10] Speaker 3: father and your childhood that made you say, hey, I do.
[47:13] Speaker 1: Not want to repeat this.
[47:14] Speaker 3: And then also, what are some things that we can
[47:17] Speaker 3: communicate just to help communicate better about that so that
[47:20] Speaker 3: we can try to I know it's going to be
[47:21] Speaker 3: hard to like stop because it's so deeply rooted, but
[47:24] Speaker 3: what are some things that we can help our black
[47:26] Speaker 3: families understand how we can break this cycle.
[47:29] Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. Similar to your father, my dad
[47:33] Speaker 2: was just the daddy of the year. You know. He
[47:36] Speaker 2: was again a street dude, and so I was I'm
[47:40] Speaker 2: a product of a street dude at that time when
[47:43] Speaker 2: I was young, So you know, he was providing for sure. Yeah,
[47:47] Speaker 2: we had the street money. He was definitely protecting because
[47:51] Speaker 2: he was a very well respected ooji in his neighborhood
[47:57] Speaker 2: and so the provision that protection was there. But he
[48:01] Speaker 2: was a womanizer. He always had multiple women. He didn't
[48:04] Speaker 2: hide that to me or my siblings. He wasn't a
[48:07] Speaker 2: daddy who would, you know, hide his hand but tell
[48:09] Speaker 2: you something else. He was very transparent. And what I
[48:12] Speaker 2: love most about him is he would always tell me,
[48:16] Speaker 2: for man looks like me, speaks like me, smells like me,
[48:19] Speaker 2: does anything like me. No red flag, Do not date him.
[48:22] Speaker 2: It's you know, on you damn sure by not bring
[48:24] Speaker 2: him home because somebody would end up dead or in jail.
[48:27] Speaker 2: Don't do it. And I stuck to that, but I
[48:31] Speaker 2: remember there was one time I was dating a guy
[48:33] Speaker 2: and he was he was a street guy, and everything
[48:36] Speaker 2: was like and daddy, you know, and he did give
[48:38] Speaker 2: me the daddy vibes, I mean to my daddy vibes.
[48:41] Speaker 2: And I met my dad seeing a picture and was
[48:43] Speaker 2: like no, And my dad called me every day, Crystal
[48:45] Speaker 2: for two weeks, two or three times a day, get
[48:48] Speaker 2: rid of him, get rid of him. Of course I
[48:50] Speaker 2: got rid of him, but it wasn't because my dad said.
[48:53] Speaker 2: It's because my dad was right. He was right, And
[48:56] Speaker 2: so for me, I just feel like when you start
[48:59] Speaker 2: to create all these houses that are homeless, I think
[49:02] Speaker 2: it's a self projection of men who are overcompensating for
[49:07] Speaker 2: what they've been missing. I think that they are projecting
[49:10] Speaker 2: onto all these houses, which is a whole generation of
[49:13] Speaker 2: kiddos and women, their mommy issues, their daddy issues, and
[49:16] Speaker 2: their own inadequacies. I think it's unfair to the kids.
[49:19] Speaker 2: And no matter how good of a father you are,
[49:21] Speaker 2: just like your father, you can't be in the home
[49:25] Speaker 2: with all of us. And so I'm not waking up
[49:28] Speaker 2: on Christmas Morning with you. I'm still having to either
[49:30] Speaker 2: travel to you right or you to me. And it's
[49:33] Speaker 2: just unfair to all the other kids. There's seven of us,
[49:36] Speaker 2: and we're all close for the most part. My sister
[49:40] Speaker 2: who is not she's my father's daughter, she's not my
[49:43] Speaker 2: mother's daughter. She's at my home now with my mom
[49:46] Speaker 2: staying there because she lives in Vegas, but she has
[49:49] Speaker 2: a new job in LA and she calls my mom mama.
[49:52] Speaker 2: My mom cooks for her, my mom cleans behind her,
[49:56] Speaker 2: my mom packs her lunch to go to work, Crystal,
[49:58] Speaker 2: my mama. They go get massaged. When they FaceTime me,
[50:01] Speaker 2: it's her and Mama, and so I love this. This
[50:04] Speaker 2: is where the oxymoron comes on family. I love that
[50:07] Speaker 2: it's seven of us and I love that I'm the oldest,
[50:09] Speaker 2: and I love that my mama is the mama to
[50:11] Speaker 2: all of them. Yeah, but I tell my mom, you
[50:14] Speaker 2: have to be built a certain way to do that,
[50:16] Speaker 2: and she always says, yeah, but I was the first baby, Mama.
[50:21] Speaker 2: That's right, Mama, she said. If I wasn't the first,
[50:23] Speaker 2: I wouldn't have did it. Shy, she says, So Mama
[50:26] Speaker 2: agrees with you. Go get you a man like I
[50:28] Speaker 2: thought I had with your dad where there's no kids,
[50:30] Speaker 2: and start your own family. She said, all I wanted
[50:32] Speaker 2: was a family. Didn't know he was going to go
[50:34] Speaker 2: out and you know, kids. So I just feel like
[50:37] Speaker 2: it's a disservice to everybody who's involved. Until everyone gets
[50:40] Speaker 2: to a place of maturity and becoming older and we're
[50:45] Speaker 2: able to process, how do we blend and how do
[50:48] Speaker 2: we all equally get our love and our time with
[50:51] Speaker 2: this parent. Yeah, that's right.
[50:53] Speaker 1: I love that. So I get it. I totally I
[50:56] Speaker 1: understand why you do that.
[50:57] Speaker 3: You are the president of the Indelac I am, and
[51:01] Speaker 3: we just had an election.
[51:02] Speaker 1: I also worked on Capitol Hills.
[51:04] Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm really big into politics. And
[51:09] Speaker 3: I just spoke at North Carolina Central University, and the
[51:13] Speaker 3: students there were saying that the morale on campus is
[51:16] Speaker 3: so low right now. Everyone was really pulling for Kamala
[51:21] Speaker 3: to win, and now we are faced with our future
[51:25] Speaker 3: and what it could be, and everybody is really in
[51:28] Speaker 3: a low place. What are some tips that you could
[51:30] Speaker 3: give our community just kind of help us navigate this
[51:33] Speaker 3: because it's so fresh right now.
[51:34] Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that question. I'm truly honored to be
[51:39] Speaker 2: the NAACP president of in Los Angeles for things like
[51:42] Speaker 2: twelve years now, I was like the youngest years. I
[51:45] Speaker 2: was the youngest president to come in and within my
[51:48] Speaker 2: sitting in my branch. Yeah, and I was the first woman.
[51:51] Speaker 2: We had all male leaderships who did a great job
[51:53] Speaker 2: before me, by the way, Yeah, but I just happened
[51:56] Speaker 2: to come in and continue to do their great work.
[51:59] Speaker 2: I think most importantly is the messages to Kamala is
[52:04] Speaker 2: that you know, since you know, you ran the best
[52:07] Speaker 2: election you could run. But I think that her leadership
[52:10] Speaker 2: can't stop with this loss of the election. I think
[52:14] Speaker 2: that she has to still mobilize our people. I think
[52:17] Speaker 2: she should still be speaking to us as a leader.
[52:19] Speaker 2: I think she should still be putting together different different
[52:24] Speaker 2: not policies, but different call of actions for us as
[52:26] Speaker 2: a community to continue to be inspired. Leadership doesn't stop
[52:29] Speaker 2: when you take an ail. Leadership continues if you're really
[52:32] Speaker 2: in it for the right reasons. I know she didn't
[52:36] Speaker 2: show up at Howard HU, which is her you know,
[52:39] Speaker 2: her alumni, to address those kids and people who supported her.
[52:44] Speaker 2: I didn't think that was a good leadership characteristic. I'm
[52:47] Speaker 2: just gonna say it. Even though you know I supported Kamala,
[52:50] Speaker 2: voted for her, I just think that wasn't a good
[52:52] Speaker 2: leadership role for her to take. And then she sent
[52:56] Speaker 2: a man, a black man, out there to do her job.
[52:58] Speaker 2: To me, that reinforced to people who aren't ready to
[53:01] Speaker 2: have a woman president and a black woman president. That says, look,
[53:04] Speaker 2: she sent a man out there to do her job,
[53:07] Speaker 2: you see, And so that's the letter, right. Yeah, But
[53:10] Speaker 2: I think that that conversation. I think that people like yourself,
[53:12] Speaker 2: people like me, you don't need a title to be
[53:15] Speaker 2: a leader. You don't need an education to be a leader.
[53:18] Speaker 2: If you feel passionate about something, you are a leader.
[53:20] Speaker 2: Take that passion, create a committee, create a group, start
[53:24] Speaker 2: the conversation, and really start to try to mobilize people
[53:27] Speaker 2: around what you're passionate about within your community, and then
[53:31] Speaker 2: join your local NAACP branches, join another organization who that
[53:36] Speaker 2: you feel is black, brown minority that can push some
[53:38] Speaker 2: things out. And I think it's important that we continue
[53:41] Speaker 2: to do that. And more than that, though, Crystal, I
[53:43] Speaker 2: feel like as as a community of black people, not
[53:46] Speaker 2: Republicans are Democrats, but black people, we need to become strategic. Listen,
[53:52] Speaker 2: I must go there. White people are very strategic in
[53:54] Speaker 2: their politics, They're very strategic in their business tics, so
[53:58] Speaker 2: they are planning things out out. Trump appointed a Superior
[54:02] Speaker 2: Court judge four years ago who was pardoning him four
[54:06] Speaker 2: years later for all of his felons. Felons he had
[54:09] Speaker 2: someone ride up qualified immunity for him as a president.
[54:14] Speaker 2: I mean this, that's all strategy. We have to become
[54:17] Speaker 2: a very strategic community and not just a very here
[54:22] Speaker 2: and now what's going on now? We gotta start to strategize, well,
[54:24] Speaker 2: who's the next young councilwoman or man who's black that's
[54:27] Speaker 2: gonna run for our local cities. Who's gonna be our
[54:30] Speaker 2: next black Senate because we also didn't take the House
[54:32] Speaker 2: or the seats. Who is gonna be the person who's
[54:34] Speaker 2: gonna run for president. I always joke and say it
[54:37] Speaker 2: might be me in four years, but it might be
[54:38] Speaker 2: a Joe, not the Joe. I might have a bellt
[54:41] Speaker 2: on baby number two. And I'm sad. I told y'all
[54:46] Speaker 2: the christ that I was gonna run over me, but
[54:50] Speaker 2: we got general. And then when say Kamala, she didn't
[54:53] Speaker 2: get in office, but she needs to set up this
[54:55] Speaker 2: young black leadership and start to groom them. Grooming sometimes
[54:59] Speaker 2: as in the wrong way. We need to groom in
[55:02] Speaker 2: the right positive way and strategize who we put in
[55:05] Speaker 2: an office, from Senate to city council to Congress, all
[55:08] Speaker 2: the way through even down to police chiefs of our communities.
[55:13] Speaker 2: Can we get a black woman, can we get a
[55:14] Speaker 2: black young man, someone in their thirties. Let's groom these
[55:18] Speaker 2: folks so that they are mobilized, they are inspired to
[55:21] Speaker 2: do more, and we have to support them. One thing
[55:24] Speaker 2: about one of my co host Bremnations of Millennials, she's
[55:27] Speaker 2: always screaming, y She's always screaming. Now one supports us.
[55:30] Speaker 2: I'm like, girl, y'all just lazy. But to her point,
[55:34] Speaker 2: there are some that are just lazy. But to her point,
[55:37] Speaker 2: they do need support. They do need the people who
[55:40] Speaker 2: who came before them, who are running organizations like myself,
[55:43] Speaker 2: who are speaking at big schools, who are going to
[55:46] Speaker 2: the capitol to say, all right, so what are you
[55:48] Speaker 2: passionate about? Like I told you can join my NAACP,
[55:51] Speaker 2: I will give you entire committee to put together. I'll
[55:54] Speaker 2: put you on the executive board. What you're gonna do
[55:56] Speaker 2: with it? I want to see you run something. And
[55:59] Speaker 2: so we have to be able to be willing to
[56:00] Speaker 2: put them in position and not be the crabs in
[56:03] Speaker 2: a bucket. But we're not crabs in a bucket. You know,
[56:06] Speaker 2: there's room for all of us and we don't have
[56:08] Speaker 2: to be in competition with each other.
[56:10] Speaker 1: That's good, and.
[56:10] Speaker 2: We need leadership. We need leadership more now than ever.
[56:13] Speaker 1: Yeah, No, for sure, that's amazing.
[56:16] Speaker 3: You also have a book called Mental Detox, and I
[56:22] Speaker 3: want to ask you what do you do to mental
[56:24] Speaker 3: detoks after the day? This is like a busy day.
[56:26] Speaker 3: You got more to do after this at the end
[56:28] Speaker 3: of the day, what are you going to do to
[56:30] Speaker 3: mental detalks?
[56:31] Speaker 2: I either FaceTime my mom or my little brother Shane,
[56:35] Speaker 2: and if he doesn't answer, I'm sending him all kinds
[56:37] Speaker 2: of emojis, like, what the hell are you doing? That's
[56:40] Speaker 2: my detil I get to poke at him he's eleven
[56:41] Speaker 2: years younger than me, or meditating, and then what umbrellas?
[56:47] Speaker 2: All of that is. I put on a good Bishop Jakeson.
[56:50] Speaker 1: I love him.
[56:51] Speaker 2: I don't play by my bishop. Listen, and if I
[56:54] Speaker 2: choose you, I'm rolling with you. I tell you I'm
[56:57] Speaker 2: committed like that. We're friendships. Oh well, whatever going on
[57:00] Speaker 2: going on with you, my bishop. I put on sermons
[57:02] Speaker 2: from twenty five years ago up until ten years ago,
[57:05] Speaker 2: and I play that, or go to a really good
[57:08] Speaker 2: Abraham Hicks video on YouTube where she talks about law
[57:11] Speaker 2: of attraction and she talks about the belief and your responsibility,
[57:16] Speaker 2: and she also ties in the Bible verse, which is
[57:18] Speaker 2: one of my favorite. Think only on these things that
[57:21] Speaker 2: are good, that are prosperous in Keithy, that are praiseworthy.
[57:26] Speaker 2: And so I remind myself, Shy, would you pray for this?
[57:29] Speaker 2: If it's a hard no, next thought, if it's a yes,
[57:33] Speaker 2: I penetrate that thought. And so I go to these
[57:37] Speaker 2: for me, the bishops, And you know, sometimes Sarah because
[57:40] Speaker 2: she's been preaching more for him now, but I'm still
[57:42] Speaker 2: a bis. I'm still like the Yeah, he just has
[57:45] Speaker 2: a way about me, the voice and the presence. I
[57:48] Speaker 2: do that and then you know, I like me time.
[57:51] Speaker 2: I find that it's solitude, So I can sit for
[57:54] Speaker 2: forty five minutes just be in my solitude. And I
[57:56] Speaker 2: also find that that's a way for me to allow
[57:59] Speaker 2: God to speak to me. And the relationship that we have,
[58:02] Speaker 2: it's it's very humorous. There's a lot of you know,
[58:05] Speaker 2: who's your daddy? I tell you so, and I'm always
[58:07] Speaker 2: laughing at him. And when you build a relationship with
[58:10] Speaker 2: God that's past principles, past biblical past church, past religion,
[58:16] Speaker 2: you get to meet yourself and him the true essence
[58:19] Speaker 2: of who you are. And it's really beautiful and it's
[58:21] Speaker 2: really light, and it's really fun. And that's where you
[58:25] Speaker 2: become extremely fearless, extremely fearless, extremely fearless.
[58:30] Speaker 1: I love that.
[58:31] Speaker 3: So tell the people what is next for doctor Bryant's
[58:35] Speaker 3: love that.
[58:36] Speaker 2: So I have my new talk, True Talks. Yes I'm
[58:38] Speaker 2: Fox so Monday Friday, eight pm Eastern. I have my
[58:42] Speaker 2: new book called The Divine Wilderness that should be out
[58:45] Speaker 2: next year for sure. Well, it's y'all this book we use.
[58:50] Speaker 2: I'm using listen the the Moses journey metaphor with the
[58:53] Speaker 2: rest c and the promise and the wilderness. Yeah, I'm
[58:57] Speaker 2: gonna have to be ready for this book, my goodness.
[59:00] Speaker 2: I have my online Hybrid Certification program where I certify
[59:03] Speaker 2: other existing therapists and psychologists and coaches and new coaches
[59:09] Speaker 2: on how to apply my hybrid modality, which is therapy
[59:13] Speaker 2: and coaching. Because I started off as a marriage from
[59:15] Speaker 2: a child therapist transition into a life coach psychology experts,
[59:19] Speaker 2: so I couple bad and it's called hybrid effects. Anyways,
[59:21] Speaker 2: I have my online school that registration has just opened up,
[59:25] Speaker 2: and we have a lot of students who have taken
[59:27] Speaker 2: the course and have really amazing successful practices where they're
[59:31] Speaker 2: healing and changing lives just like me, and they're just
[59:34] Speaker 2: maybe not on these huge platforms, but they're doing it
[59:37] Speaker 2: just as good as me, if not better. I mean,
[59:39] Speaker 2: I'm so proud of my students. And so I have
[59:41] Speaker 2: my speaking tour every weekend for the next year, I
[59:45] Speaker 2: am on a speaking to every weekend. So I am
[59:47] Speaker 2: on Tonight's Conversation speaking tour coupled with my own Doctor
[59:51] Speaker 2: Brian speaking tour. I have my own Chicago. Outside of
[59:53] Speaker 2: Tonight's conversation, I have Iowa, I have Michigan again, Detroit,
[59:57] Speaker 2: we have la and this is outside Tonight's vertation. But
[1:00:00] Speaker 2: then we also have their tour, so I have co
[1:00:02] Speaker 2: mingled them too. Wo Yeah.
[1:00:04] Speaker 1: I have a lot of busy.
[1:00:06] Speaker 2: And hopefully you know, I have the husband and the kids.
[1:00:09] Speaker 2: I'm gonna throw that in there. I'm not rushing, you
[1:00:11] Speaker 2: got but I am, but I'm not. But I am,
[1:00:14] Speaker 2: I am, but I'm not, but I'm ready.
[1:00:18] Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, that is incredible.
[1:00:20] Speaker 3: Well, I just want to say thank you so much
[1:00:21] Speaker 3: taking the time, have your extremely busy schedule to come
[1:00:24] Speaker 3: sit down and talk with me. This has been such
[1:00:26] Speaker 3: a refreshing waiting.
[1:00:30] Speaker 2: And thank you for having this platform because I've watched
[1:00:32] Speaker 2: some of your some of your episodes, and they have
[1:00:35] Speaker 2: all been so informative, so emotionally just inclined, so touching.
[1:00:41] Speaker 2: And you know, I stick to the Bishop Jakes and
[1:00:43] Speaker 2: Abraham Hicks because it's hard for me to learn a lot.
[1:00:46] Speaker 2: I resonate with a lot, but I don't learn a
[1:00:48] Speaker 2: lot because of how much I do read and how
[1:00:50] Speaker 2: much I am doing what I do every day. But
[1:00:53] Speaker 2: I've learned a lot from watching your episode seriously in
[1:00:56] Speaker 2: your podcast, So when they were poking at me to
[1:00:58] Speaker 2: be on the show, I'm like, go tell her, I'm waiting.
[1:01:05] Speaker 1: Oh, I got the memo lauding we heard you.
[1:01:07] Speaker 2: So thank you for having this platform because, whether you
[1:01:10] Speaker 2: know it or not, and I believe you know it,
[1:01:12] Speaker 2: you're changing lives because a lot of women can relate
[1:01:14] Speaker 2: to you. They are relating to you, and you're so
[1:01:17] Speaker 2: vulnerable about just your journey of the single woman and
[1:01:20] Speaker 2: wanting to be a mom, and that is more of
[1:01:23] Speaker 2: our story than a lot of women know. And you're
[1:01:26] Speaker 2: giving women a space to feel heard, to feel understood,
[1:01:30] Speaker 2: and to feel valued without having to be a mommy
[1:01:33] Speaker 2: or a wife. And that's huge. We need that. It
[1:01:36] Speaker 2: is and that in itself is what leadership looks like, ladies,
[1:01:39] Speaker 2: So thank you for doing that so much.
[1:01:41] Speaker 1: I appreciate you too. It's been amazing.
[1:01:49] Speaker 3: Doctor shy Ande Bryant came through and guide us all
[1:01:51] Speaker 3: the way together, as I knew she would. But the
[1:01:54] Speaker 3: part of our conversation that really struck a chord with
[1:01:57] Speaker 3: me was when she spoke about wanting mayor and wanted
[1:02:00] Speaker 3: a family, but knowing that certain things you have to
[1:02:03] Speaker 3: weigh on. And she used the analogy of Abraham and Sarah,
[1:02:08] Speaker 3: and in that she also asked God to fill her
[1:02:10] Speaker 3: up in the places that she may have felt empty,
[1:02:13] Speaker 3: as though they already existed.
[1:02:15] Speaker 1: And I love that I never looked at it from
[1:02:17] Speaker 1: that perspective. So I want to challenge you.
[1:02:19] Speaker 3: Whatever you feel like you may be missing in your life,
[1:02:21] Speaker 3: pray for those things, but also ask God to fill
[1:02:23] Speaker 3: you up as though.
[1:02:24] Speaker 1: They already exist.
[1:02:29] Speaker 3: Thank you all so much for watching and all of
[1:02:31] Speaker 3: your support of the Keep It Positive Sweetie Show. I
[1:02:34] Speaker 3: also want to thank doctor Chyenne Bryant once more for
[1:02:36] Speaker 3: being our guest. To keep up with all the great
[1:02:39] Speaker 3: things happening in season six. You can follow me on
[1:02:41] Speaker 3: all social media platforms at love Chriserine, and you can
[1:02:45] Speaker 3: also follow our show at Keep It Positive Sweetie. If
[1:02:48] Speaker 3: you want to write into our positive Outcomes listener letter,
[1:02:51] Speaker 3: you can send us an email at keep It Positivesweetie
[1:02:53] Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. In the meantime in between time
[1:02:57] Speaker 3: you know what to do. Keep It Positive, Sweetie, You guys,
[1:03:00] Speaker 3: Next time, t

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