# Heart to Heart with Dinorah Peña

An episode of [Keep it Positive, Sweetie](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1689495115), 3 Oct 2023, 1 h 14 min.

Audio: https://pdrl.fm/1504e6/podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/44f61442-7ba4-4250-b406-b35901038504/c2d9c327-0991-4e24-b9bb-b35901117d7c/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=2cfaa2b1-0f12-4656-aec3-b3590103850e

Season 2 | Episode 4. When I met this week’s guest, I had no idea how much my life would change. KIPS Gang has requested my manager, Dinorah Peña on the show since season 1 and now she’s on the couch! Not only is she my manager, but she is my sister and my friend. We dive deep in this episode discussing our careers, faith, healing through issues with parents, and more. Enjoy this heart to heart, Sweeties. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:09] Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie.
[0:12] Speaker 1: I'm Christine Hazlet and today I'm having girl talk with
[0:16] Speaker 1: my girls last Sister's Last Manager, Danauda aka the noord
[0:21] Speaker 1: Alina Opinion Denor. First of all, thank you so much.
[0:29] Speaker 1: What a lot of people don't know is that this
[0:32] Speaker 1: would not have happened without you, well us without but
[0:36] Speaker 1: it was your like you really pushed it though. You
[0:38] Speaker 1: was like, you need to do this. You know, it
[0:40] Speaker 1: was a thought when we first met and started working together,
[0:43] Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, because I feel like podcasts
[0:45] Speaker 1: were kind of oversaturated. Didn't know if my voice would
[0:48] Speaker 1: be heard, if it even mattered. And at the top
[0:51] Speaker 1: of this year, you were like, no, you need to
[0:53] Speaker 1: do this and you have a lot to talk about
[0:55] Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, and we're filming season two now.
[0:59] Speaker 2: It's been a how do you and how do you feel?
[1:02] Speaker 2: I feel good as someone who thought like I don't
[1:04] Speaker 2: have a voice, but this doesn't matter, and you get
[1:07] Speaker 2: flooded yeah with messages and d ms and emails about
[1:11] Speaker 2: how impactful this podcast has been.
[1:13] Speaker 1: It feels amazing, And then it's also a testament that
[1:16] Speaker 1: we made the right choice to go forward with this
[1:19] Speaker 1: because I was nervous. I remember the first episode I did,
[1:23] Speaker 1: it was a Doctor Darius and I was so nervous, y'all.
[1:28] Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so nervous. And I found my footing
[1:31] Speaker 1: and got more comfortable with it. And because of you guys,
[1:35] Speaker 1: it's just grown and the support has been amazing, my team, you,
[1:40] Speaker 1: Chanelle Kyle, it's just been incredible. And I'm super excited
[1:46] Speaker 1: to have you on the couch. This is this is
[1:47] Speaker 1: important because we have We have some really good deep talks, y'all.
[1:51] Speaker 1: We do, and I want people to see another side
[1:54] Speaker 1: of you. Yes, so nervous, y'all, don't be nervous. Don't
[1:59] Speaker 1: be nervous because.
[2:01] Speaker 2: I don't you know, I'm used to, as you know,
[2:04] Speaker 2: being behind the scenes. And I mean you met me
[2:08] Speaker 2: back when I was like, even when you're doing social media,
[2:10] Speaker 2: I don't want to be in it.
[2:11] Speaker 1: Yes, like not, I want to be on camera, y'all.
[2:14] Speaker 1: She's like, no, stop, get the game round of my face.
[2:17] Speaker 2: And you know, it's really interesting because you spoke a
[2:22] Speaker 2: word over me on my birthday that I've seen sort
[2:28] Speaker 2: of manifests. This manifests itself throughout the year. So for
[2:34] Speaker 2: my birthday, you called me and it was crazy because
[2:37] Speaker 2: it like, I do you remember when I was like, Chris,
[2:40] Speaker 2: what was that? And you were like, I don't know
[2:42] Speaker 2: what that was? It was not me that came out
[2:44] Speaker 2: of nowhere, but in wishing me a happy birthday and
[2:49] Speaker 2: all of these things, she's like, you know, didn't I
[2:50] Speaker 2: just I just see you on stages and on platforms,
[2:53] Speaker 2: like speaking to people, and you you were just going
[2:57] Speaker 2: and going and I'm like listening and then you finish
[3:00] Speaker 2: and I go, Crystal, what was that? And You're like,
[3:02] Speaker 2: I don't know what that was? And I was like, God,
[3:06] Speaker 2: Holy Spirit telling you to tell me what I needed
[3:10] Speaker 2: to hear. And I've seen that manifest itself this year
[3:16] Speaker 2: as far as you know. I said yes to another
[3:19] Speaker 2: podcast that I also was super nervous about, and I
[3:24] Speaker 2: did that podcast, Interior, which came out recently. And then
[3:29] Speaker 2: I've just been finding more and more courage to share
[3:33] Speaker 2: what God imparts on me on social media. And yeah,
[3:39] Speaker 2: so we're literally having this conversation in the list is
[3:43] Speaker 2: a very uncomfortable season for me, very very very uncomfortable season.
[3:50] Speaker 2: Like I'm still actually shaking right now. I don't even
[3:53] Speaker 2: know which the Ravens Smith face truly truly, like I
[4:00] Speaker 2: just I am shaking right now.
[4:03] Speaker 1: Listen. I feel like what we've learned in our walk,
[4:06] Speaker 1: in our faith walk, it's in moments like that where
[4:09] Speaker 1: you have to have the faith to just go for it,
[4:12] Speaker 1: you know, And I do. I see, I don't know what,
[4:14] Speaker 1: Like I watch you on your social media. I see
[4:17] Speaker 1: how you run all of our lives because you have
[4:18] Speaker 1: so many clients and you literally I'm like, Donora, you
[4:22] Speaker 1: could do this for yourself too, you know. And I've
[4:25] Speaker 1: always I said in that conversation, to make space for yourself.
[4:28] Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Fine, time for Donora, because
[4:31] Speaker 1: you sow and so and so and water everybody else's
[4:34] Speaker 1: guarden that you have to make time to water your own.
[4:36] Speaker 1: But I think it's in seasons where you're scared to
[4:38] Speaker 1: take that next step or you're shaking on the couch
[4:41] Speaker 1: that God is really saying just trust me.
[4:43] Speaker 2: Yes, I have.
[4:44] Speaker 1: That thing too, Like I have to speak in public.
[4:46] Speaker 1: I literally like I get so nervous. I'm like, Lord,
[4:50] Speaker 1: just give me the words, speak through me, because I
[4:52] Speaker 1: don't know what to say, Like to speak through me,
[4:54] Speaker 1: Speak through me, God and literally as soon as I
[4:57] Speaker 1: hit the stage and when we start talking, it's like
[5:00] Speaker 1: it's gone. But like literally before I'm like, okay, what
[5:02] Speaker 1: if I start stutering? What if I don't find the words?
[5:04] Speaker 1: Because sometimes I'm looking for the word. I know the word,
[5:07] Speaker 1: I'm like, what's the word? Like, please don't let me
[5:09] Speaker 1: get up here and not be able to speak, you know,
[5:11] Speaker 1: and like just speak clearly and articulate myself. And it
[5:15] Speaker 1: gets very nerve wracking. So a lot of people think, like,
[5:18] Speaker 1: because I do this all the time, that I don't
[5:19] Speaker 1: have those nerves. I'm saying that, just say that this
[5:21] Speaker 1: is normal. What you're feeling is normal. And it's always
[5:24] Speaker 1: when God put you in a little uncomfortable season that
[5:27] Speaker 1: you're about to propel, you know, and absolutely buckle up.
[5:31] Speaker 2: Listen that I've seen that my entire life, like my
[5:35] Speaker 2: entire life is a display of what happens when you
[5:43] Speaker 2: allow yourself to sit in the discomfort. You know, you
[5:46] Speaker 2: think about when I quit my job, I had a
[5:50] Speaker 2: six figure salary, I had a good position at that time.
[5:53] Speaker 2: I had a dream and a vision of becoming a
[5:55] Speaker 2: CMO for a beauty brand. And you know, I have
[6:00] Speaker 2: always been very ambitious, incredibly driven, and I was just
[6:04] Speaker 2: on that path and on that track. And God, just
[6:06] Speaker 2: like you remember when you were younger and you always
[6:09] Speaker 2: knew that you were gonna be a business woman an entrepreneur,
[6:12] Speaker 2: I'm gonna need you to lean in on that. And
[6:13] Speaker 2: then little by little starts revealing exactly what he wants
[6:16] Speaker 2: me to do and how he wants me to do it,
[6:19] Speaker 2: and then I start obeying. But I start obeying and
[6:20] Speaker 2: what feels safe for me, which is, Okay, I'll do
[6:23] Speaker 2: this on the side while I still keep my safety,
[6:25] Speaker 2: which is my full time job with my Saturday and
[6:27] Speaker 2: my benefits and my bi weekly check.
[6:31] Speaker 1: Yes, And.
[6:34] Speaker 2: He continued like fast forward to me doing it safe,
[6:37] Speaker 2: and then he continues to tug out my cart, like
[6:38] Speaker 2: I need to do this. I need to do this,
[6:40] Speaker 2: I need to do this, but I'm uncomfortable and I'm
[6:44] Speaker 2: feeling like, what do you mean? How do I just quit?
[6:47] Speaker 2: I've worked my way up to get to this moment.
[6:51] Speaker 2: And what I recognize started happening in my life was
[6:54] Speaker 2: that God was literally warning me like, if you do
[6:57] Speaker 2: not do this, I'm going to cost havoc in your life.
[7:02] Speaker 2: And you're not gonna like it because now you're making
[7:04] Speaker 2: me force.
[7:05] Speaker 1: You to obey, and he will shake things up.
[7:07] Speaker 2: Listen, let me tell you there was nothing. There were
[7:10] Speaker 2: two experiences that I had, the first one being I'll
[7:13] Speaker 2: never forget. I was negotiating a deal for two of
[7:16] Speaker 2: my other clients and the deal came through from an
[7:20] Speaker 2: agency that we had at Shade Moisture. So I was
[7:23] Speaker 2: head of Influencal Marketing Brand Partnerships at Shame Moysture. Our
[7:27] Speaker 2: agency that we had hired as a social media agency,
[7:31] Speaker 2: reached out to me separately as these folks manager about
[7:37] Speaker 2: this deal, and I'm like nervous as something negotiating this
[7:40] Speaker 2: because I'm like, don't sign as donor. This is when
[7:42] Speaker 2: like I would only sign as D. Don't sign as donor,
[7:46] Speaker 2: don't this delete your number? And that panic and I
[7:49] Speaker 2: was like, okay, God, I hear you. And then the
[7:51] Speaker 2: second time was I was negotiating another deal and that
[7:55] Speaker 2: person at that time, Shay had already been acquired by
[7:59] Speaker 2: UNIL and so that deal was being came in from
[8:04] Speaker 2: someone that was at PNG. So as I read competitors
[8:08] Speaker 2: and I don't know what research that person did, and
[8:11] Speaker 2: then an email goes, oh so did you leave Shaye Moisture.
[8:13] Speaker 2: And I was like, and I was like, Okay, God,
[8:19] Speaker 2: I hear you. I hear you. Because the biggest, my
[8:22] Speaker 2: biggest thing was that I didn't want Richlu, who was
[8:26] Speaker 2: the founder of Shame Moisture and who recruited me, created
[8:30] Speaker 2: this opportunity for me, believed in me. I didn't want
[8:32] Speaker 2: him to find out. I wanted to honor him and
[8:35] Speaker 2: what he saw in me, and I didn't want him
[8:37] Speaker 2: to find out like because somebody exposed me. And I
[8:43] Speaker 2: was like, God, you know, I hear that you're clearly
[8:46] Speaker 2: calling me to do this, but I'm scared. So I'm
[8:49] Speaker 2: going to commit to a fast, and at whatever point
[8:52] Speaker 2: during that fast, you give me peace about this decision.
[8:55] Speaker 2: I promised that I will obey. And my fast was
[8:58] Speaker 2: I got off social and I was drinking water until
[9:01] Speaker 2: like six or seven pm to have dinner.
[9:03] Speaker 1: Wow.
[9:04] Speaker 2: Day three, I woke up and I thought it because
[9:06] Speaker 2: up until that moment, every time that I would think
[9:08] Speaker 2: about quitting, I had a nod in my stomach and
[9:11] Speaker 2: I was scared. Day three, I woke up and the
[9:15] Speaker 2: idea of going of quitting did not terrify me anymore.
[9:20] Speaker 2: And I said I heard your God, and I called
[9:21] Speaker 2: Richidl right away, and Ritual's exact words were, Gnori, you're
[9:25] Speaker 2: gonna fucking crush it. Yes, it was like I hired
[9:28] Speaker 2: you and recruited you and poached you because you are entrepreneurial,
[9:32] Speaker 2: because you work so hard, because you're a jack of
[9:34] Speaker 2: many trades, because of all of this. I knew you
[9:37] Speaker 2: would eventually leave me. I just didn't want it to
[9:40] Speaker 2: be so, but I knew you would eventually leave me.
[9:42] Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's what happens.
[9:44] Speaker 2: And that's exactly what happened.
[9:45] Speaker 1: Wow. I love that. I love that, I too had
[9:49] Speaker 1: it take a leap of faith. My work on Capitol Hill,
[9:51] Speaker 1: similar story where I just realized that I was not
[9:54] Speaker 1: living my dream.
[9:55] Speaker 2: I feel like I had.
[9:56] Speaker 1: It's something about when when you know that guy has
[9:58] Speaker 1: something else for you, when you he starts tugging at
[10:01] Speaker 1: your heart and it's like you're restless, It's like why
[10:04] Speaker 1: can't I like shake this thing? And it's like you know,
[10:08] Speaker 1: d down in your heart that you have something more
[10:10] Speaker 1: to offer the world in a bigger capacity. And and
[10:13] Speaker 1: sometimes in those moments, it's taking that leap of faith,
[10:16] Speaker 1: being scared, jumping blindly, not knowing we can gonna land
[10:20] Speaker 1: on your feet or on your face. Listen, you have
[10:23] Speaker 1: no idea where do you think that stems from? Just
[10:26] Speaker 1: the the doubt or the because I know rich he
[10:30] Speaker 1: saw something in you. Did you always? Did you ever
[10:32] Speaker 1: see that in yourself? Or were you alwayskind of like
[10:33] Speaker 1: what does he see? Ity me?
[10:35] Speaker 2: So I've always recognized Donal, you are insanely ambitious and
[10:40] Speaker 2: you are very driven. I've always recognized that about myself,
[10:43] Speaker 2: like I earned most likely to succeed in high school,
[10:47] Speaker 2: like in high school the same thing. Yeah, I've always
[10:51] Speaker 2: been very ambitious, and so that I recognized. The irony
[10:56] Speaker 2: is that growing up I never thought of myself as
[11:00] Speaker 2: a person with any skills or any talent, because we
[11:04] Speaker 2: have a different idea of what skills and talent looks
[11:06] Speaker 2: like everyone can you sing?
[11:08] Speaker 1: Can you dance?
[11:08] Speaker 2: Do you play an instrument? Are you you know? My
[11:11] Speaker 2: brother was like all American and every single before he
[11:13] Speaker 2: ever played, and that was not my story, and so
[11:16] Speaker 2: I didn't necessarily I always recognize the ambition and the
[11:19] Speaker 2: driving me, but never the talent and the gift. And
[11:22] Speaker 2: so it was in high school, actually my English teacher
[11:26] Speaker 2: shout out to miss Macaboy, who I wonder what she
[11:30] Speaker 2: is in the world. But my English teacher I became
[11:33] Speaker 2: the head of the prom committee and she was like,
[11:38] Speaker 2: at that time, I wanted to do journalism and she
[11:40] Speaker 2: was like, don't know, what did you say you want
[11:41] Speaker 2: to do? I was like journalism. She was like, I
[11:43] Speaker 2: feel like you should look into a career in PR marketing,
[11:46] Speaker 2: like you just have there's just something that you have.
[11:49] Speaker 2: I had never even heard of the word marketing. I
[11:51] Speaker 2: had no idea what it was. And so she had
[11:55] Speaker 2: connected me to one of her college friends that worked
[11:59] Speaker 2: at MAC and she told me a little bit about
[12:01] Speaker 2: what she did, and then I became intrigued with that
[12:04] Speaker 2: and I was like, okay, yeah, I want to do that.
[12:06] Speaker 2: And then that was my initial major. And then they
[12:08] Speaker 2: told me how to take statistics and I was like, well,
[12:10] Speaker 2: the way my math is, said ma'am, so what's the alternative?
[12:15] Speaker 2: And so then then I was like, oh, you know what,
[12:18] Speaker 2: I'll do PR and journalism And so that was what
[12:21] Speaker 2: all of my career was.
[12:24] Speaker 1: You know.
[12:24] Speaker 2: I had a stint in music. I managed do y'all
[12:28] Speaker 2: remember Lea Sunshine. I don't know how old y'all are,
[12:30] Speaker 2: but Lea Sunshine from that little flip record. So fifty
[12:33] Speaker 2: signed her to G Unit Wow, and I one of
[12:38] Speaker 2: the A and rs from Unit who I knew because
[12:39] Speaker 2: I had a brief stin in music I worked at BMI.
[12:42] Speaker 2: He was like, do you know what, I feel like
[12:44] Speaker 2: you'd be a really great manager. So he was the
[12:46] Speaker 2: one that planted the manager seed firstever. He's like, I
[12:50] Speaker 2: feel like you'd be a really great manager. And we
[12:51] Speaker 2: just signed Lea Sunshine and she needs a manager like
[12:54] Speaker 2: you guys should meet And we met and I did
[12:56] Speaker 2: that for a while and then I went, you know,
[13:00] Speaker 2: back into pr that's a long winded way for me
[13:02] Speaker 2: to answer your question. We want to be there. It's no,
[13:08] Speaker 2: she's a long winded mommy. But I no, I did.
[13:12] Speaker 2: I recognize my own ambition and my own drive. But
[13:15] Speaker 2: I never recognized my own my own actual talented, skilly
[13:20] Speaker 2: and And I think that that also has a lot
[13:22] Speaker 2: to do. I think your environment set has a lot
[13:25] Speaker 2: to do with determining whether you recognize that. You know,
[13:28] Speaker 2: I didn't necessarily grow up in an environment where you know,
[13:32] Speaker 2: I have parents that affirmed me in that way and
[13:35] Speaker 2: to no fault of theirs, rather than them, just you know,
[13:38] Speaker 2: out of sheer ignorance of not understanding that that's something
[13:41] Speaker 2: that you should do for a child, that you should
[13:43] Speaker 2: tell your children. You're so smart, you're so talented, you're
[13:45] Speaker 2: so dierous to that. So yeah, that's real.
[13:49] Speaker 1: Yeah wow, So when you took that leap of faith.
[13:53] Speaker 1: I love telling people. I love people to understand that
[13:56] Speaker 1: things don't happen overnight. What was your first gig? Ass
[14:00] Speaker 1: like when you really like, Okay, this is like I'm
[14:02] Speaker 1: doing what I want to do.
[14:05] Speaker 2: I would say the first gig was, ooh, that's a
[14:09] Speaker 2: really good question, because I would say I have several,
[14:11] Speaker 2: Like I did always love everything that I did out
[14:16] Speaker 2: of college. I worked at be and My and I
[14:19] Speaker 2: was there for a couple of months and then one
[14:21] Speaker 2: of the the the guy that was a president at
[14:24] Speaker 2: a pure agency that I interned for, then ended up
[14:28] Speaker 2: hiring me. Like he called me to recruit me. I say,
[14:31] Speaker 2: getting recruited.
[14:32] Speaker 1: But then speak see your work, your characters, because if
[14:36] Speaker 1: they didn't see something in you, they wouldn't call you.
[14:38] Speaker 2: But that's very true. What work that you said yesterday.
[14:41] Speaker 1: That I have? You have to have work, and they
[14:46] Speaker 1: like Beyonce, you do the record show. You remind me
[14:49] Speaker 1: so much. If you watch me on documentaries, you see
[14:53] Speaker 1: that she is relentless with her work, and so are you.
[14:56] Speaker 2: I just didn't want you to forget that.
[14:58] Speaker 1: I said that, yes, but I have.
[15:06] Speaker 2: I've always done work that I loved. I have been
[15:11] Speaker 2: very fortunate with that. I again, right out of college,
[15:14] Speaker 2: I was in the music business, did that for a while.
[15:17] Speaker 2: Was recruited by this guy who was the president of
[15:21] Speaker 2: an agency that I entered for. He launched his own agency.
[15:25] Speaker 2: He recruited me. I worked there and then actually at
[15:28] Speaker 2: that point then I was there for a couple of months,
[15:30] Speaker 2: and then I had my first stint at trying to
[15:31] Speaker 2: be an entrepreneur. And I was only twenty twent and
[15:34] Speaker 2: it was like going back, I'm like, I don't know
[15:36] Speaker 2: what were you thinking. But again, it was an experience
[15:39] Speaker 2: that really helped me even understand what it takes to
[15:43] Speaker 2: be an entrepreneur. And so I did that for maybe
[15:45] Speaker 2: a year and a half and two years or two years,
[15:47] Speaker 2: and I was like, Okay, you're broke. You're still living
[15:50] Speaker 2: in your mama's basement, and for the first time met
[15:53] Speaker 2: my mom actually had to start helping I have paid
[15:55] Speaker 2: my own cell phone though, since I was fourteen, so
[15:57] Speaker 2: the first time, remember my mom had to start start
[15:59] Speaker 2: helping me with my bills because you know, I was
[16:02] Speaker 2: out there like grinding and it was hard. And she
[16:08] Speaker 2: and I ended up going back and I went back
[16:10] Speaker 2: to an agency, and actually that was a job that
[16:13] Speaker 2: I didn't really like much because I was in medical
[16:15] Speaker 2: PR and I was like, this is so boring, but
[16:17] Speaker 2: I was desperate and I needed a job. But then
[16:20] Speaker 2: I ended up at the agency where Shaye Moisture became
[16:23] Speaker 2: my client, and that absolutely changed my life and definitely
[16:27] Speaker 2: my time at Shaye Moisture was my most like my
[16:31] Speaker 2: best memories, my favorite time, the season of my life
[16:35] Speaker 2: that I was stretched the most, you know, having access
[16:41] Speaker 2: and being in the proximity of someone like a rich
[16:44] Speaker 2: Loal Dennis is incredible. I mean he owns Essence now
[16:48] Speaker 2: and he's in Western Sludy Vegan and in Honey Pot
[16:51] Speaker 2: and in all these other companies. And just being in
[16:54] Speaker 2: proximity to that and being someone that that to this
[16:56] Speaker 2: day like he calls for you know, projects or whatever
[17:00] Speaker 2: that is. That was life changing. And I would say
[17:04] Speaker 2: that was definitely my favorite experience as an employee.
[17:11] Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, so let's get into something that
[17:13] Speaker 1: you've had a big impact on my life, and I'll
[17:16] Speaker 1: go back to how we originally met. We originally met
[17:18] Speaker 1: through de Valenkadeen Ellis and you managed them as well,
[17:22] Speaker 1: and I was just getting started trying to find some
[17:25] Speaker 1: just trying to find my footing in this industry. And
[17:28] Speaker 1: at the time when I contacted you, you didn't have
[17:31] Speaker 1: the bandwidth to really help me. And then you called
[17:34] Speaker 1: me He's like, hey, I've built my team. We can
[17:36] Speaker 1: take you out if you're so interested. And I was
[17:37] Speaker 1: like yes, So when you sign on to a management
[17:40] Speaker 1: team I did. I'm thinking like, Okay, this is a
[17:44] Speaker 1: person that helps me get deals, she manages my career,
[17:47] Speaker 1: my contracts, all those things, not knowing that you would
[17:51] Speaker 1: be someone who also came into my life to help
[17:54] Speaker 1: me to even bond over God. You know, we bond
[17:57] Speaker 1: through God, through our faith, through healing, and you knew
[18:02] Speaker 1: I was going through some things because as we talk now,
[18:05] Speaker 1: it's not just like a business, it's like we're actually
[18:08] Speaker 1: friends and family. And you were like, Chrys, so you
[18:11] Speaker 1: need to go to therapy and I was like I do,
[18:15] Speaker 1: and it's my thing I had been going. I had
[18:17] Speaker 1: tried somebody, but I wasn't being honest with a person,
[18:20] Speaker 1: so it wasn't working for me. And I had to
[18:22] Speaker 1: be real myself. You're not telling this person everything so
[18:24] Speaker 1: they can really help you. So you like, I got
[18:26] Speaker 1: somebody and you introduced me to doctor Delayna Zimmerman. And
[18:31] Speaker 1: when I say, completely changed my life.
[18:36] Speaker 2: A disciple of God, she is?
[18:38] Speaker 1: She is. What was it that made you realize the
[18:43] Speaker 1: nor you need counseling? And like, what helped you get
[18:46] Speaker 1: those ups? Because a lot of times, I know, even
[18:49] Speaker 1: our viewers, they're saying, just from watching it, they're going
[18:53] Speaker 1: through a healing process. Now we've opened them up to
[18:56] Speaker 1: the idea of therapy. Even though I feel like we're
[18:59] Speaker 1: now in a space culturally where mental health awareness is
[19:03] Speaker 1: so big people are actually taking it more serious than
[19:06] Speaker 1: they did in the past. But just even this podcast
[19:09] Speaker 1: alone is inspiring women and men a lights to go
[19:12] Speaker 1: get help. Yes, what was it that made the North like,
[19:16] Speaker 1: okay this, I need to go talk to somebody?
[19:18] Speaker 2: Child? I can't do this on my own child?
[19:21] Speaker 1: Who child?
[19:24] Speaker 2: I was aware for a while that I needed therapy
[19:28] Speaker 2: because I had to. I had already recognized that I
[19:32] Speaker 2: had daddy issues, which I had addressed twenty eighteen. God
[19:38] Speaker 2: spoke a word over my life that changed my life.
[19:40] Speaker 2: And the first thing that God called me to do
[19:43] Speaker 2: was heal a relationship with my father. And so I
[19:47] Speaker 2: think I want to touch on that real quick because
[19:49] Speaker 2: it's related but not related to your question. But I
[19:51] Speaker 2: want to touch on that because many from our community
[19:54] Speaker 2: experience I hate the word daddy issues, but for lack
[19:57] Speaker 2: of a better term, daddy issues. And my father, though
[20:01] Speaker 2: I you know, he's present, he's you know, still lives
[20:05] Speaker 2: at home with my mom and all of that stuff,
[20:06] Speaker 2: my father was and still is to this day, an
[20:09] Speaker 2: emotionally absent father mm and also was not a physically
[20:13] Speaker 2: present father because he was gambling until two, three, four
[20:17] Speaker 2: o'clock in the morning MM when he should have been
[20:19] Speaker 2: at home with his kids. And so I, oh, I
[20:25] Speaker 2: had reached an age maybe around like fifteen, where that
[20:29] Speaker 2: really I think in me and my own development as
[20:32] Speaker 2: a as a young adult and all of that where
[20:35] Speaker 2: I recognized his absence and it started to hurt me MM.
[20:38] Speaker 2: And so I became very judgmental over my father. I
[20:42] Speaker 2: started like rejecting him. I didn't MM necessarily care to
[20:45] Speaker 2: have a relationship with him. And but there's always consequences
[20:50] Speaker 2: to things like that, like you picked the wrong men
[20:54] Speaker 2: because you end up wanting to find or or or
[20:58] Speaker 2: you end up turning the men that you dated to
[21:01] Speaker 2: your father or wanting them to fill the role of
[21:04] Speaker 2: your father, and that's not what they're there for. But
[21:07] Speaker 2: you don't recognize that cause you don't have the self
[21:09] Speaker 2: awareness to even know that. And after after in twenty eighteen,
[21:18] Speaker 2: when God called me to heal my relationship with my father,
[21:21] Speaker 2: he literally said to me, I needed you, Oh Lord,
[21:24] Speaker 2: we're not gonna cry. He said, I need you to
[21:28] Speaker 2: see your father through my eyes. That is still my child.
[21:36] Speaker 1: Wow.
[21:38] Speaker 2: That was the word that the Lord gave me. Took
[21:45] Speaker 2: as long enough it is. I got my canvas, I
[21:47] Speaker 2: got my canvas napkin though, But that was the word
[21:54] Speaker 2: that God gave me that set me free and allowed
[22:00] Speaker 2: need to create space for the relationship to heal. Because
[22:04] Speaker 2: I think that what's very easy for us to do
[22:07] Speaker 2: as Christians that are in our world and that do
[22:10] Speaker 2: go to church and that do read the devotionals and
[22:12] Speaker 2: I can recite scripture, is that we become self righteous
[22:16] Speaker 2: and we think, oh, well we know God, so oh
[22:22] Speaker 2: he's gonna have as they were God, so are you hello?
[22:25] Speaker 2: So are you what she said? And so when God
[22:30] Speaker 2: said that to me, when God basically said, y'all are
[22:33] Speaker 2: the same before my eyes, So I'm gonna need you
[22:36] Speaker 2: to see him through my eyes. Yes, set me free.
[22:39] Speaker 2: And so that in twenty eighteen, that sort of that
[22:44] Speaker 2: was the beginning of my healing journey. What led me
[22:47] Speaker 2: to say, baby, you need therapy, though, like and therapy
[22:51] Speaker 2: is a gift from God, because a lot of people
[22:53] Speaker 2: think you just pray about it and read scripture. No,
[22:56] Speaker 2: therapy is a gift from God. Yes, and it's meant
[22:59] Speaker 2: to be a resource to help you. It's not meant
[23:00] Speaker 2: to be the source, but it's meant to be a resource.
[23:03] Speaker 2: It's not meant to be a source, it is a resource.
[23:07] Speaker 2: And so the thing that led me to finally say
[23:11] Speaker 2: I need to go to therapy was that I was
[23:15] Speaker 2: in a relationship non relationship. I was in a situationship
[23:21] Speaker 2: with someone. I was in a situationship with someone. And
[23:24] Speaker 2: it's funny because I had said to him one day,
[23:26] Speaker 2: I was like, you remind me so much of my dad,
[23:28] Speaker 2: and he was offended by that because he's like, he
[23:32] Speaker 2: knew my story with my dad, and he has two
[23:34] Speaker 2: children and he's very present in their lives and all
[23:36] Speaker 2: of that. But I couldn't. I didn't understand why. And
[23:40] Speaker 2: it was because he it's also or was because he
[23:44] Speaker 2: has the right to have changed. He was so emotionally
[23:46] Speaker 2: unavailable as well, and I was like, that is why
[23:51] Speaker 2: he reminds me so much of my father, because he's emotional.
[23:54] Speaker 2: I found myself doing what I did with my father
[23:58] Speaker 2: as a child. Look, I'm a good child, I got
[24:00] Speaker 2: good grades, I come, I'm home on time, when I
[24:04] Speaker 2: have curfew love me, choose me over your friends. In
[24:07] Speaker 2: the streets, I found myself what everyone wants listen, doing
[24:13] Speaker 2: the same thing with him, wanting to be chosen by him.
[24:17] Speaker 2: Wow it and it never happened. And I used to
[24:21] Speaker 2: take that as a reflection of me and who I
[24:26] Speaker 2: was as a woman, not understanding that had nothing to
[24:29] Speaker 2: do with me, nothing to do with nothing. I now
[24:32] Speaker 2: know that, but then I didn't. And so that was
[24:35] Speaker 2: it was when I recognized I had gotten out of
[24:38] Speaker 2: the situationship and I said, Donora, you need therapy because
[24:43] Speaker 2: your picker is still all the way off because you
[24:48] Speaker 2: continue to pick.
[24:49] Speaker 1: The wrong men. I did that too. I went through
[24:51] Speaker 1: a phase of that, just picking the wrong and not
[24:53] Speaker 1: just it's a never ending cycle. Wonder why I'm ending
[24:56] Speaker 1: with the same results. I'm like, you gotta stop going
[24:59] Speaker 1: for these type of men.
[25:02] Speaker 2: It's a trauma attraction, it is. It's trauma trauma bond.
[25:06] Speaker 2: It's trauma. It's trauma bonding. And you don't even recognize
[25:09] Speaker 2: that that's what it is until you're on the other
[25:13] Speaker 2: side of that, you know. And the funny thing is
[25:16] Speaker 2: that because I always talk about the one man that
[25:18] Speaker 2: I've that I've ever been in love with in my life,
[25:20] Speaker 2: because I've only been in love the ones, And the
[25:22] Speaker 2: funny thing is that that man was actually the complete
[25:25] Speaker 2: opposite of my father.
[25:28] Speaker 1: Right.
[25:28] Speaker 2: He was present, he was emotionally available. In fact, he
[25:32] Speaker 2: was who, you know, would say, no dinnerord, it's not
[25:36] Speaker 2: okay for you to shut down, so we're just gonna
[25:37] Speaker 2: both sit here until we talk about it, you know,
[25:40] Speaker 2: Like he like he was that, but I was so
[25:44] Speaker 2: immature and did not have the awareness to even recognize
[25:51] Speaker 2: what I had in front of me. And so and regardless,
[25:54] Speaker 2: he wasn't meant to be with me. He's married with
[25:57] Speaker 2: three children. Now like he's with who he was supposed
[25:59] Speaker 2: to be. He's with who he was supposed to be.
[26:01] Speaker 2: Clearly he actually left me for her.
[26:06] Speaker 1: We're here, I need his address. We're gonna pull up
[26:10] Speaker 1: on you.
[26:11] Speaker 2: You know he lost anyway, No no, no, no no,
[26:15] Speaker 2: but listen, it's so funny because all jokes aside. He made,
[26:20] Speaker 2: he made the right decision. No no, no, no, no, he made.
[26:23] Speaker 2: He's with who he was supposed to do. We had
[26:26] Speaker 2: to be in each other's lives because he needed to
[26:30] Speaker 2: experience me to be able to recognize her, and I
[26:33] Speaker 2: needed to experience that to grow.
[26:36] Speaker 1: That's good, you know what I'm saying.
[26:38] Speaker 2: All working for yoga, It all worked for a good
[26:41] Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, Like, it's so so he's
[26:44] Speaker 2: with who he was supposed to be with.
[26:45] Speaker 1: You know, I don't.
[26:46] Speaker 2: I don't look at that experience and hate him. In fact,
[26:50] Speaker 2: I have when I've seen because you know, as girls,
[26:53] Speaker 2: we do the check ins randomly, you know, and and
[26:55] Speaker 2: when I and when I've done my check ins, I
[26:57] Speaker 2: actually smiled looking at his family.
[27:00] Speaker 1: Good.
[27:00] Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm like, he's who are supposed to be.
[27:03] Speaker 3: That's beautiful maturity, healing. We love it. I love it
[27:13] Speaker 3: so through that.
[27:14] Speaker 1: Let's talk about dating, Okay, because you and I are
[27:16] Speaker 1: both driven, powerful women. We've talked about dating women, women
[27:22] Speaker 1: of our caliber, the type of man we attract, the
[27:25] Speaker 1: type of man, men that we need in our lives
[27:27] Speaker 1: and that we want. How have you been able to
[27:31] Speaker 1: balance your career?
[27:32] Speaker 2: Because it's you haven't.
[27:34] Speaker 1: That's real, that's real question. You haven't, Okay, Is that
[27:44] Speaker 1: something that you are ready for, that you're open to?
[27:47] Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, I am desiring and ready to share my
[27:55] Speaker 2: life with someone and to start a family. I have,
[27:58] Speaker 2: especially now that I'm born and raised in New York
[28:01] Speaker 2: vx end Up and I now live in California, And
[28:05] Speaker 2: I've been in California for three years, and I've had
[28:08] Speaker 2: to navigate life on my own as a woman that
[28:12] Speaker 2: has been family oriented her entire life. Who the idea
[28:15] Speaker 2: of a weekend is we go to my mom's house
[28:17] Speaker 2: and we have parties and all twenty three of my
[28:19] Speaker 2: cousins are there with my forty five aunts and uncles, right,
[28:22] Speaker 2: And so that's the life that I grew up in.
[28:24] Speaker 2: To then make such a drastic change to California, where
[28:28] Speaker 2: I had, you know, people that I know in a
[28:30] Speaker 2: community of friends, but not family, you know. And now
[28:35] Speaker 2: I'm like, I want my own family. And I've done
[28:39] Speaker 2: the work, you know. Again, my healing journey started in
[28:42] Speaker 2: twenty eighteen, and I've been in therapy for the past
[28:46] Speaker 2: three plus years. So I've done the work and I
[28:48] Speaker 2: want it. But dating is hard, and dating as a ambitious,
[28:55] Speaker 2: successful woman is even harder, you know, because I think
[28:59] Speaker 2: that unfortunately a lot of men I think have rested
[29:05] Speaker 2: in well. I provide and so I bring money, and
[29:10] Speaker 2: I bring stability, and I bring this and I bring that.
[29:12] Speaker 2: But how do you show up for a woman that
[29:14] Speaker 2: already provides that for herself. It requires for you to
[29:19] Speaker 2: step into parts of yourself, yes, that you perhaps have
[29:23] Speaker 2: not exercised before or that you had no awareness of. Like, wait,
[29:29] Speaker 2: she can take care of for own though, So what
[29:31] Speaker 2: she needs for me to do is provide her an
[29:32] Speaker 2: emotionally safe space.
[29:34] Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And they're not used to this, and they're
[29:36] Speaker 1: not used to that. They're literally used to buying love
[29:38] Speaker 1: and just paying. Okay, you're taking care of this, exactly,
[29:41] Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get this next deal done, exactly. They're
[29:43] Speaker 1: so used to that, and some women are okay with it, yes,
[29:46] Speaker 1: you know, but there are women like you and I
[29:48] Speaker 1: who need more than we.
[29:49] Speaker 2: Need more than that. I don't need you, I don't listen.
[29:53] Speaker 2: We all want an eight ten, nine ten whatever figure
[29:57] Speaker 2: this and a man that looks like this and that
[29:59] Speaker 2: has this. We all I want that. But what I
[30:03] Speaker 2: need more than I can get those things for myself.
[30:06] Speaker 2: I can do that thing for myself. What I need
[30:09] Speaker 2: to be able to do is I need to be
[30:11] Speaker 2: able to rest somewhere. I need I need someone that's
[30:15] Speaker 2: going to be able to create an environment for me
[30:17] Speaker 2: to flourish. I need somewhere that where I can be
[30:20] Speaker 2: just soft and where I can exercise all of my
[30:25] Speaker 2: femininity with Yes, as a businesswoman, I am in my
[30:29] Speaker 2: masculine twenty four to seven because I'm often the only
[30:33] Speaker 2: woman in the room. I'm often the only person of
[30:36] Speaker 2: color in the room, right, And so you kind of
[30:41] Speaker 2: walk into and step into environments where you're kind of
[30:43] Speaker 2: like automatically like on the defense, almost absolutely right. I
[30:47] Speaker 2: need to just walk in and be able to rest
[30:51] Speaker 2: and to be able to chill. And you know something
[30:55] Speaker 2: that I recent a revelation that I recently had is
[30:58] Speaker 2: that I really want to be with someone who can
[31:03] Speaker 2: create a safe space for my inner child. I didn't
[31:06] Speaker 2: even know that until recently. Wow, that's good because it's
[31:10] Speaker 2: so funny because I told you this yesterday. But Katrice,
[31:13] Speaker 2: who's you know, you know, she's my client, but she's
[31:16] Speaker 2: also one of my very close friends. I'm like, very
[31:20] Speaker 2: close with all of my client's children and her son, Ashton.
[31:23] Speaker 2: He calls me Demora securest thing ever and he's and
[31:27] Speaker 2: we're on the phone one day and he's like, Demurra,
[31:29] Speaker 2: who's your favorite character? A Smurf character? And Katri is
[31:33] Speaker 2: being funny. She's like, actually, she didn't watch the Smurfs
[31:38] Speaker 2: growing up. She watched Judge Judy thought it was hilarious,
[31:42] Speaker 2: but it was also true. I've been working since I
[31:45] Speaker 2: was thirteen years old. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't have
[31:47] Speaker 2: a high school experience of cutting school to go to
[31:50] Speaker 2: hockey parties or or going to games. I wasn't on
[31:54] Speaker 2: a sports team. I wasn't on like I've been working
[31:57] Speaker 2: since I was thirteen. Oh, I know, and all I
[32:00] Speaker 2: recognize this work. And it was the same thing for
[32:03] Speaker 2: me in college. I was in school full time. I
[32:06] Speaker 2: was interning full time. At a point I pledged we
[32:09] Speaker 2: won't even talk about that. And then I was also
[32:11] Speaker 2: working full time. I was a retail manager for Bebe
[32:16] Speaker 2: Hard and b Remember when we used to pull up
[32:18] Speaker 2: in the club.
[32:18] Speaker 1: With that ma'am. Every Friday, I would give me a
[32:21] Speaker 1: new little dress, a little bit dress. What was a
[32:24] Speaker 1: shoe store Aldom now the other one where can get
[32:28] Speaker 1: like buy one and get one half off Steve Madden. No,
[32:31] Speaker 1: it was another one.
[32:33] Speaker 2: Baggers. Oh my god, Baker Baggers used to have some.
[32:42] Speaker 1: I was an our girl, but I liked I love
[32:45] Speaker 1: some bb I love Steve Man too.
[32:47] Speaker 2: Yes, was the one maybe those strappies I still but
[32:52] Speaker 2: but yeah, I mean my entire life has been work
[32:56] Speaker 2: and so and so. I I recently recognized like and
[32:59] Speaker 2: I I've had friends like you know. Devou, for instance,
[33:01] Speaker 2: has told me a thousand times over the years, like,
[33:04] Speaker 2: you know, you're too rigid, You're too rigid, You're too rigid,
[33:07] Speaker 2: You're too rigid, right and so and so I want
[33:10] Speaker 2: to be with someone who can create a safe space
[33:13] Speaker 2: for me to experience some of that that stuff that
[33:19] Speaker 2: I didn't experience as a child.
[33:22] Speaker 1: Absolutely, do you find it hard like transitioning from work
[33:26] Speaker 1: and having to be that masculine person and the boss
[33:29] Speaker 1: that you are and take no shit from anybody to like,
[33:32] Speaker 1: if you are dating someone then becoming soft. Is it
[33:35] Speaker 1: like a light switch or are you able to.
[33:37] Speaker 2: I'm easily able to transition.
[33:38] Speaker 1: Oh good, some people I know that they can't, like
[33:40] Speaker 1: really yeah, no.
[33:42] Speaker 2: I am easily able to transition. I think one thing
[33:45] Speaker 2: that if you were to ask the men that I've dated,
[33:49] Speaker 2: what's one thing that you loved about the North, I
[33:51] Speaker 2: feel like every single one of them would say the
[33:52] Speaker 2: way that she took care of me. I'm very, very
[33:55] Speaker 2: very nurturing, and so I love to serve and to
[33:59] Speaker 2: take care of people where that has been an issue
[34:03] Speaker 2: in previous relationships. And I'm just gonna be real. I
[34:07] Speaker 2: was a realist man in the house. So like my
[34:14] Speaker 2: thing is, if you're gonna be a man, be a man.
[34:17] Speaker 1: My guy, please said, she said, I'm the only lady.
[34:28] Speaker 1: You got to steal the realist nigga in the room.
[34:31] Speaker 2: Truly I was. I was.
[34:34] Speaker 1: I was the realist like.
[34:36] Speaker 2: My brother makes. My brother made a joke before he
[34:39] Speaker 2: was like he was like, there's three men here, and
[34:43] Speaker 2: my sister is the realist, one like, I'm gonna need
[34:49] Speaker 2: you to be a man like and one thing, Oh,
[34:52] Speaker 2: I feel my trigger is going on. Don't I'm triggering?
[35:03] Speaker 1: Smile at her car Why do we.
[35:07] Speaker 2: Smile a me car head? You can get it. I listen.
[35:14] Speaker 2: Please do not let me. Please do not be the
[35:18] Speaker 2: man talking about I'm the man and batting your chest
[35:21] Speaker 2: and wanting to split bills with a woman.
[35:23] Speaker 1: Okay, into that. This is that's all folks.
[35:35] Speaker 2: Like I would Once upon a time I did it
[35:39] Speaker 2: a man who was like chest out brideful, like, yeah,
[35:48] Speaker 2: you know, I'm this and I work here and I
[35:51] Speaker 2: got this title and I this and I DI and
[35:53] Speaker 2: I'm like, but we splitting bills and I still got
[35:56] Speaker 2: to remind you of ven your half, Like what are
[35:58] Speaker 2: we talking about? And so it would hurk me. It
[36:04] Speaker 2: would hurt me when we would be sitting like I
[36:06] Speaker 2: would hang out with him and his boys and he's
[36:09] Speaker 2: like talking all that.
[36:09] Speaker 1: Man ship, knowing he ain't doing shit, and I'm like,
[36:14] Speaker 1: but you still.
[36:15] Speaker 2: Send me your half of the rent. And we just
[36:18] Speaker 2: had a fight over who's gonna get this uber? So
[36:22] Speaker 2: what are we talking about?
[36:25] Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, like they do it what are we
[36:28] Speaker 1: talking about that?
[36:30] Speaker 2: Either you know what I'm saying, and so and so
[36:32] Speaker 2: that's where my masculine has been an issue in relationships
[36:39] Speaker 2: where I'm just.
[36:40] Speaker 1: Like, brou.
[36:42] Speaker 2: If you're gonna be a man, I'm gonna need you
[36:44] Speaker 2: to be a man though you know what I'm saying,
[36:47] Speaker 2: Like I'm like down to simple things. But but like
[36:52] Speaker 2: that might mean and I will admit I'm the woman
[36:55] Speaker 2: that subscribes to gender roles. So this may or may
[36:58] Speaker 2: not relate to some of you, but like, why am
[37:01] Speaker 2: I taking out the trash? And so if you create,
[37:04] Speaker 2: if you are creating an environment where my masculine has
[37:07] Speaker 2: to be present, then don't be mad at me when
[37:09] Speaker 2: I have to be the man in the house.
[37:11] Speaker 1: Hello, that's real, that's real. That's real. I think as
[37:16] Speaker 1: a single woman or I'm not seeing anywhere, but like
[37:19] Speaker 1: in that phase, but.
[37:24] Speaker 2: It was maybe there's a distinction.
[37:29] Speaker 1: No, you know what I'm saying, Like I'm still like
[37:31] Speaker 1: even saying we're not married, so yeah, I still have
[37:34] Speaker 1: to do a lot of things that says to take
[37:35] Speaker 1: the trash out, Well he's not here. But it's like
[37:38] Speaker 1: when I didn't have anybody, It's like, dang, like, I
[37:41] Speaker 1: want to do this. I don't want to do everything
[37:43] Speaker 1: like I do want my man be like, don't I'll
[37:45] Speaker 1: take care of that. You know, there's not, like you said,
[37:47] Speaker 1: we almostubscribe to gender roles. But there's just some things
[37:50] Speaker 1: that a woman shouldn't have to do, you know. And
[37:53] Speaker 1: I grew up in a household where my father built
[37:56] Speaker 1: every home that we lived in. So I'm a handy woman.
[38:00] Speaker 1: I have a toolbox. I know how to put some
[38:02] Speaker 1: stuff together, like I can assemble anything. But I don't
[38:07] Speaker 1: want to have to do that all. Yeah, you know,
[38:09] Speaker 1: like have to get a leader and change the lights
[38:11] Speaker 1: and take the trash out, takes the garbage disposal every day.
[38:15] Speaker 1: It's something else, and it's and it all falls on
[38:17] Speaker 1: you everything.
[38:18] Speaker 2: I just had that experience because I recently moved. And
[38:22] Speaker 2: and when I'm when I'm going, I'm like, I don't
[38:29] Speaker 2: want to do this by myself. It's the unpacking. It's
[38:32] Speaker 2: the unpacking, it's the I have to put everything up,
[38:34] Speaker 2: it's I have to make decisions. I was like, I
[38:37] Speaker 2: do not want to do this by myself. It's a lot,
[38:40] Speaker 2: you know, And and let and let the record show
[38:42] Speaker 2: that I'm not doing it I'm doing it by myself,
[38:45] Speaker 2: by choice. From the standpoint of if I was desperate
[38:49] Speaker 2: to be in a situation, I would be in a.
[38:51] Speaker 1: Situation easily could be in a situation, you know what
[38:53] Speaker 1: I'm saying.
[38:54] Speaker 2: But I'm not desperate because what I want is the
[38:58] Speaker 2: right thing, not a thing.
[39:00] Speaker 1: It's a good place to be in, you know.
[39:01] Speaker 2: And so I am willing to wait for him, yes,
[39:07] Speaker 2: versus finding fake substitutes of who he is, I'm not.
[39:13] Speaker 2: I'm not willing. So again, if I if I wanted,
[39:16] Speaker 2: if I just wanted to have someone around, I could.
[39:20] Speaker 2: I went through a phase like that of just choosing whoever.
[39:23] Speaker 1: Yes, it was great man, Like on paper, everything was
[39:27] Speaker 1: like perfect, rich, fine portfolio, just really smart, vegan like
[39:36] Speaker 1: just just worked out like not vegan everything girl, just everything.
[39:40] Speaker 1: But he had a little situation, and I was in
[39:43] Speaker 1: a stace in my life where I was like, Okay,
[39:45] Speaker 1: that's fine, like whatever. Honestly, probably thinking now to think
[39:49] Speaker 1: about it, I was thinking, he don't end up leaving her,
[39:51] Speaker 1: like once he.
[39:52] Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Yeah, once I guess to
[39:53] Speaker 2: know me, I realized he was not.
[39:55] Speaker 1: Leaving this girl. I was like, Okay, what is really
[39:57] Speaker 1: going on, you know, And I found myself in a
[40:01] Speaker 1: space where I just got comfortable, you know, because I
[40:04] Speaker 1: was the type of person and still I love my space,
[40:07] Speaker 1: you know, and I have to have someone that can
[40:10] Speaker 1: respect that. And even if you're right here and I'm here,
[40:14] Speaker 1: I still feel like I have my space. But we
[40:16] Speaker 1: can still be in the same household and not and
[40:19] Speaker 1: I not feel claustrophobic or like, oh my gosh, I
[40:21] Speaker 1: just need a minute, you know. So with him, it
[40:23] Speaker 1: was a great balance. It was a good balance where
[40:25] Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, he lived on the South Side, you know,
[40:28] Speaker 1: far away, and I could see when I wanted to
[40:30] Speaker 1: see him, when I didn't want to see him, and
[40:32] Speaker 1: have to see him. So I was like, this is
[40:33] Speaker 1: actually kind of cool for where I was my life
[40:35] Speaker 1: that moment. And I remember the last day I went
[40:38] Speaker 1: to his house. It's something about with God. When I'm
[40:41] Speaker 1: driving God, I always liked to come and sit on
[40:42] Speaker 1: that passenger side and I'm like, what you want? What
[40:46] Speaker 1: you got to tell me? And it was literally like,
[40:48] Speaker 1: you know, you ain't going back after this, and I said, wow, okay,
[40:54] Speaker 1: And it was literally the whole time was there. I
[40:56] Speaker 1: was just like it was like a like almost like
[41:00] Speaker 1: left your b I literally left my body. I was like,
[41:02] Speaker 1: I'm good.
[41:03] Speaker 2: I love those experiences. Oh my god, I love when
[41:06] Speaker 2: that happens. The crazy thing is that it always happens
[41:10] Speaker 2: after us being so disobedient, because I know, because God
[41:15] Speaker 2: was telling you it say that, the saying it, the
[41:18] Speaker 2: sain't it the same that it ain't it, it ain't it,
[41:21] Speaker 2: but you weren't listening.
[41:22] Speaker 1: No, And I was in it for like two years
[41:25] Speaker 1: and then like we stopped talking for a while, and
[41:27] Speaker 1: then COVID happened.
[41:30] Speaker 2: When they say that was playground, look at that blessing,
[41:33] Speaker 2: and that was that was my relationship with old old boy, because.
[41:38] Speaker 1: That's when he came back.
[41:41] Speaker 2: Oh he came back COVID. Oh I thought you were
[41:44] Speaker 2: saying that, like COVID helped it finish.
[41:46] Speaker 1: No, I had finished it the year before and then
[41:49] Speaker 1: we had like maybe seven or eight months apart, and
[41:53] Speaker 1: COVID happened. COVID happened, and just sitting in the house
[41:57] Speaker 1: and you know how people start going through their phone.
[42:00] Speaker 2: What you're doing is checking just check it, just check
[42:02] Speaker 2: it in. So how'd you get out?
[42:09] Speaker 1: I got out with the last song. It was just
[42:11] Speaker 1: like God was like, this ain't it for you? I
[42:12] Speaker 1: had better for you, and I need you to listen
[42:14] Speaker 1: to me, because you're settling right now because everything is
[42:17] Speaker 1: just easy and well.
[42:20] Speaker 2: In my experience, what I recognized was that I was
[42:28] Speaker 2: settling because what I had was a self worth issue
[42:33] Speaker 2: and that then that's also been something that I've had
[42:36] Speaker 2: to battle with my entire life again. Up up until
[42:41] Speaker 2: twenty eighteen, when God really started propelling all of my
[42:44] Speaker 2: healing forward, I had issues of self worth where I
[42:48] Speaker 2: would also find myself dating men that are like what
[42:52] Speaker 2: are you doing? Like why are you here? Why are
[42:57] Speaker 2: you tolerating this treatment? Why are you tolerating this behavior?
[43:00] Speaker 2: Your but but when you don't see yourself good enough
[43:06] Speaker 2: to get what you almost dream of for you, it's
[43:12] Speaker 2: like you're not good enough to get that, like until
[43:16] Speaker 2: you end up settling m hm. And so, at least
[43:19] Speaker 2: for me and my experience, I walked out of that
[43:22] Speaker 2: last relationship that I had recognizing like, Yo, don't you
[43:25] Speaker 2: have a self worth issue?
[43:26] Speaker 1: Wow? I think, yeah, yeah for sure?
[43:30] Speaker 2: Because who like yeah like that? That That's what That's
[43:34] Speaker 2: what it comes down to, and that's what leads us
[43:37] Speaker 2: to making the wrong choices and being in situations that
[43:40] Speaker 2: we shouldn't be in.
[43:44] Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's real. Wow, that's good. So we talked
[43:48] Speaker 1: about our dating, We talked about our walk, we talked
[43:50] Speaker 1: about our at least she said, I can't really can't.
[43:56] Speaker 2: I can't.
[43:57] Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
[43:58] Speaker 2: Yeah, I really know.
[44:00] Speaker 1: But it's I mean, even dating, it's still you know,
[44:03] Speaker 1: ups and downs getting to know someone. I was just
[44:06] Speaker 1: telling them the other day, like, we gotta make this
[44:08] Speaker 1: work because I don't want to get to know nobody else. Listen.
[44:11] Speaker 1: It's like too much listen, letting someone else in. Yeah,
[44:17] Speaker 1: so what's your what do you like to eat? What's
[44:18] Speaker 1: your favorite color? It is so exhausting. It's exciting in
[44:22] Speaker 1: the beginning when you really like the person, but thinking
[44:24] Speaker 1: about doing that all over again with somebody else, it's
[44:26] Speaker 1: like I'm at the age where I don't want to
[44:28] Speaker 1: keep doing it.
[44:28] Speaker 2: Yeah, and then the worst part is, see, I would
[44:32] Speaker 2: care less about going through it again if it wasn't
[44:37] Speaker 2: that in between period of like when you were with
[44:42] Speaker 2: somebody until like, so when am I going to be
[44:45] Speaker 2: with somebody that season?
[44:47] Speaker 1: Oh that's hard. That's a hard season.
[44:49] Speaker 2: That's a hard season. Let's talk about that that season
[44:53] Speaker 2: is hard. I have been single. The last relationship that
[44:57] Speaker 2: I had was five years ago, twenty eighteen. M was
[45:01] Speaker 2: when I was set free by the Lord. Yes, Lord,
[45:05] Speaker 2: and and then since then I dated one guy on
[45:11] Speaker 2: and off for like a year and some change very
[45:15] Speaker 2: on and off, like very off. We were probably off
[45:18] Speaker 2: longer than we were on. Yes, and then and then
[45:20] Speaker 2: I dated one other person for two and a half months. Okay,
[45:24] Speaker 2: five years.
[45:25] Speaker 1: In five years?
[45:26] Speaker 2: Yeah, so I like, I have been in a five
[45:30] Speaker 2: year waiting season.
[45:31] Speaker 1: I'm like, Lord, where's it? I was like that too
[45:35] Speaker 1: from after twenty seventeen, and a part of that my
[45:39] Speaker 1: job just did not give me the time or the space.
[45:43] Speaker 1: And I said, I probably. I feel like sometimes with
[45:46] Speaker 1: careers we sacrificed a lot as women. Oh yeah, men,
[45:49] Speaker 1: I feel like they can kind of it works in
[45:51] Speaker 1: their favor when their career driven men. But for women,
[45:54] Speaker 1: when we're career driven and successful, it's hard for us
[45:58] Speaker 1: to find that balance, especially if I feel like like
[46:01] Speaker 1: we're I was in a service space industry where I'm
[46:03] Speaker 1: styling and I'm literally at this person's beckon call twenty
[46:06] Speaker 1: four to seven. They can wake up like, hey, we're
[46:08] Speaker 1: going here tomorrow, I've got to be ready, you know,
[46:10] Speaker 1: and it's like I can't roll and like, hey babe,
[46:12] Speaker 1: so yeah, I know we had a weekend plan, but
[46:15] Speaker 1: I gotta go and there with those things would happen
[46:17] Speaker 1: and I was like and he was at the time,
[46:19] Speaker 1: he was like super supported. The guy was dating. But
[46:22] Speaker 1: I realized like acting, I was like, I don't. It
[46:24] Speaker 1: just didn't feel fair, right, you know. So I went
[46:26] Speaker 1: through years where I just didn't. I would meet people
[46:30] Speaker 1: and it just was like you can't really go anywhere
[46:32] Speaker 1: because I don't know what's going to happen. I may
[46:34] Speaker 1: have it, yeah, I'm all for a while, then tomorrow
[46:37] Speaker 1: the whole thing changes and it's like where I thought
[46:38] Speaker 1: we had time.
[46:39] Speaker 2: Do you look at those years with regret from the
[46:44] Speaker 2: standpoint that you're like, damn, I should have chosen myself
[46:50] Speaker 2: and my love life.
[46:51] Speaker 1: But I struggle with it, yes, even even with kids
[47:00] Speaker 1: like that the latter part of your thirties, you know,
[47:03] Speaker 1: I spent that the last five six years literally like
[47:09] Speaker 1: committing myself to another person's life, you know, And the
[47:14] Speaker 1: only thing that I regret, that's the only thing where
[47:17] Speaker 1: I have I struggle, like dang, like I probably could
[47:19] Speaker 1: have married, or I may have missed out on something.
[47:22] Speaker 1: But then I also go back to whatever's for you
[47:25] Speaker 1: wanna miss you and everything that I've gained, the knowledge,
[47:30] Speaker 1: the life that I've earned, and everything that I've learned
[47:34] Speaker 1: in these moments, the places I've seen, they make up
[47:38] Speaker 1: for all that. And I know if God hasn't in
[47:40] Speaker 1: the cars for me to have children or to get married,
[47:42] Speaker 1: it's gonna happen, and it'll be more amazing than what
[47:47] Speaker 1: I thought it would have been those past few years
[47:49] Speaker 1: of what I thought maybe I was missing, you know,
[47:51] Speaker 1: but I do. I've I've thought about like dang, like
[47:54] Speaker 1: I've really sacrificed a lot, and sometimes I even think
[47:58] Speaker 1: about there's There was a time where I was like, well,
[48:00] Speaker 1: maybe an hour joker like I'm just gonna be over
[48:02] Speaker 1: found me as deadman and never give me. Just focus
[48:05] Speaker 1: on my career and just have somebody that's supportive. And
[48:07] Speaker 1: then I also was like, well maybe that's not in
[48:09] Speaker 1: the cards for me either. I got okay with being
[48:12] Speaker 1: alone and being like maybe this is just my life.
[48:15] Speaker 1: Maybe that's the sacrifice of having it all, because they
[48:17] Speaker 1: always say that you can't have it all, you know,
[48:20] Speaker 1: so I'm like, what is that. Maybe I'm sacrificing love
[48:22] Speaker 1: to live the life I want to live.
[48:25] Speaker 2: I mean, moment of truth. Like I struggle with that
[48:28] Speaker 2: a lot, and it scares me. I'm scared in advance
[48:36] Speaker 2: of experiencing that because even most recently, I hadn't been
[48:41] Speaker 2: on a vacation in four years. Yes, the last time
[48:43] Speaker 2: that I took a vacation was July twenty nineteen. Wow,
[48:47] Speaker 2: And okay, yeah, the pandemic happened in twenty twenty, so
[48:49] Speaker 2: let's erase that. But then I had all of twenty
[48:51] Speaker 2: twenty one and all of twenty twenty two to go
[48:54] Speaker 2: and I did it. And I literally just took a
[48:57] Speaker 2: vacation for the first time. And I hadn't taking a
[49:00] Speaker 2: vacation because I kept be like, I can't be away
[49:02] Speaker 2: from my desk. I can't be away from my desk.
[49:03] Speaker 2: I can't be away from my desk.
[49:04] Speaker 1: Well, oh, well, I.
[49:05] Speaker 2: Can't take a vacation because I gotta go to Alanda
[49:07] Speaker 2: to be with this client, or I gotta go to
[49:08] Speaker 2: la to be with this client, or I gotta go
[49:09] Speaker 2: to New York to be with this client. Like it
[49:11] Speaker 2: was always the work and whatever was happening in my
[49:15] Speaker 2: client's life. It was always that it would exactly do it.
[49:20] Speaker 2: It's not like, yeah, oh no, I never But then
[49:24] Speaker 2: it's also very hard and this is the first time
[49:27] Speaker 2: that I'm saying this out loud, but like, it's also
[49:30] Speaker 2: very hard to be the person that consciously makes that decision,
[49:34] Speaker 2: but then seeing everybody else live their lives because I
[49:37] Speaker 2: didn't stop you from being on me choosing to sacrifice
[49:41] Speaker 2: my vacation because you didn't ask me, hey, do or
[49:43] Speaker 2: don't go on vacation because I want you on your desk.
[49:45] Speaker 2: That's a decision that I'm MA made, you know, see
[49:47] Speaker 2: what I'm saying. But then it put But then when
[49:50] Speaker 2: I when I have employees that have no issue requests
[49:53] Speaker 2: in their paid time off, or see my.
[49:56] Speaker 1: Clients live in their best lives, I'm like, DeNora, that's
[50:00] Speaker 1: a part of that phone call when I was like,
[50:02] Speaker 1: take time for yourself. Yeah, that's the part of because
[50:04] Speaker 1: I know you gotta recharge. You're doing too much for everybody, for.
[50:07] Speaker 2: Everybody, and I don't do And still that's something that
[50:10] Speaker 2: like my therap delaying to our therapist is trying to,
[50:15] Speaker 2: you know, get me through the fact that.
[50:19] Speaker 1: Like because you do so much for everyone else. What
[50:22] Speaker 1: do you do to take care of Donora? Do you
[50:24] Speaker 1: have to do like spat days? Exercise? Like what is
[50:28] Speaker 1: it that you find time? This is Donora's time. Yeah.
[50:31] Speaker 2: So I love to work out and I do that.
[50:35] Speaker 2: I do that usually at night I do go to
[50:40] Speaker 2: There's this spot in West Hollywood called Pause where I
[50:44] Speaker 2: can go and get like float therapy and sauna and
[50:49] Speaker 2: cold plunges and all that.
[50:50] Speaker 1: So I like to do that. What is your mind reset?
[50:55] Speaker 1: Because you have a million things going on, when do
[50:57] Speaker 1: you take time to be like phone on? Do not disturb?
[51:01] Speaker 1: Like I need this time?
[51:03] Speaker 2: I don't, Are you serious? The one thing that I
[51:07] Speaker 2: do have boundaries around is that I my phone goals
[51:12] Speaker 2: are both of my phones go on? Do what I
[51:13] Speaker 2: just serve at nine pm?
[51:14] Speaker 1: Okay?
[51:15] Speaker 2: Good, But I'm still on my phone, like I'm still
[51:18] Speaker 2: like checking email, sending emails like I'm still active.
[51:23] Speaker 1: You know.
[51:24] Speaker 2: I've been better about donor does this need a response
[51:28] Speaker 2: now or can you respond to it in the morning? Yes,
[51:31] Speaker 2: And so I've that I've gotten better at Like if
[51:33] Speaker 2: I can respond to that tomorrow, then there's no reason
[51:35] Speaker 2: for me to like do it now? But that is
[51:39] Speaker 2: something that I'm still working on on, like figuring out,
[51:42] Speaker 2: like Donor, you need to.
[51:45] Speaker 1: You need to see.
[51:46] Speaker 2: Your identity outside of work. You know, you need to
[51:50] Speaker 2: see yourself outside of this you do. Right, So I've
[51:57] Speaker 2: taken like an interest in wanting to learn ten so
[52:00] Speaker 2: I'm hoping to like start tennis lessons. So that's sad
[52:05] Speaker 2: I'd like to do. But yeah, I mean that that
[52:08] Speaker 2: that's still that's still a space where I need to.
[52:14] Speaker 2: I need to to create more space for myself. What
[52:19] Speaker 2: I will tell you though, is I really like myself.
[52:26] Speaker 2: Because everybody talks about old self lesson self love is important,
[52:29] Speaker 2: but I like myself. Like I had this moment Today's
[52:34] Speaker 2: on uh no, so Saturday, where I you know, again,
[52:40] Speaker 2: so I recently moved, and so I'm still doing things right,
[52:43] Speaker 2: like I still have to pick up this and take
[52:44] Speaker 2: this down and return the Wi Fi from the old house,
[52:47] Speaker 2: like I'm still.
[52:48] Speaker 1: Doing all this.
[52:50] Speaker 2: And and I'm like doing all of this, running all
[52:52] Speaker 2: these errands and I'm like in the car literally laughing
[52:55] Speaker 2: with myself. I'm turning on music, I'm acting out the
[52:58] Speaker 2: music like and I and I had this moment I
[52:59] Speaker 2: was like I really enjoy my own company, like I
[53:04] Speaker 2: really enjoy myself, you know, And I'm doing all those
[53:09] Speaker 2: things and I'm getting back at home and I had
[53:12] Speaker 2: to work for for actually like an hour, so finishing
[53:15] Speaker 2: up like all the stuff for for this, for the
[53:17] Speaker 2: taping for this, and then I went back to my errands.
[53:20] Speaker 2: I did my pedicure, like I did all my things,
[53:22] Speaker 2: and I'm like, wow, it's so important. And I almost
[53:25] Speaker 2: got on the ground to talk about this. But it's
[53:27] Speaker 2: so important to just like yourself, to enjoy your own company.
[53:32] Speaker 2: It is to know yourself enough to like even know
[53:36] Speaker 2: like what music I'm craving or or should I actually
[53:42] Speaker 2: sit in silence today and not listen to anything like that.
[53:47] Speaker 2: I love that I have through my healing, got into
[53:51] Speaker 2: a place where I like myself.
[53:54] Speaker 1: I love it. I like you too, thank you a lot.
[53:57] Speaker 2: I like it.
[53:57] Speaker 1: And then you hear like you know, sometimes you have
[53:59] Speaker 1: guests and they'll be like, oh, it's like they gonna leave.
[54:04] Speaker 1: I can share my space with you.
[54:06] Speaker 2: That's because we're both very similar, Like I'm gonna go
[54:10] Speaker 2: to my space and isolate and you're gonna go to yours.
[54:14] Speaker 1: Similar we are. I love that. I love it. I
[54:17] Speaker 1: love it so in clothes. I'm gonna challenge you to
[54:21] Speaker 1: make time for yourself. I'm gonna do check ins like, hey, Donor,
[54:24] Speaker 1: what have you done for yourself lately? And I want
[54:27] Speaker 1: you to prioritize that because you prioritize everyone else in
[54:30] Speaker 1: your life. And I know that's a part of the gig,
[54:33] Speaker 1: that's your job. But you can't pour for an empty cup. Yeah,
[54:37] Speaker 1: you know. And I really want you to find time
[54:38] Speaker 1: to really take care of yourself because you can get
[54:41] Speaker 1: burned out really fast in this industry. You're growing, it's
[54:43] Speaker 1: not slowing down anytime soon. And also makes space for
[54:47] Speaker 1: yourself so that you can have room to create your
[54:49] Speaker 1: own okay, because I need you to platform to be
[54:56] Speaker 1: ready to step out. Okay, yes, because that's a part
[55:02] Speaker 1: of it, that's that's alone time to really curate what
[55:05] Speaker 1: it is that you want to do. You to find
[55:07] Speaker 1: that time, because if you're constantly like got make sure
[55:09] Speaker 1: Chris right right right, all everybody else is like when
[55:15] Speaker 1: is like okay, I need to see make sure Donor
[55:18] Speaker 1: is right? You know. So I want to challenge you
[55:19] Speaker 1: to do that. Thank you, You're welcome.
[55:21] Speaker 2: I love you.
[55:23] Speaker 1: I love you so much. Yes, is there anything else
[55:27] Speaker 1: you want to touch on? Good? Okay, she's also a producer,
[55:31] Speaker 1: so it's like she's okay, let's also touch on So
[55:36] Speaker 1: thank you seriously, that was good. Yes, a lot of
[55:39] Speaker 1: nuggets on this one. All right, Donores. So now it
[55:45] Speaker 1: is time for my favorite part of the show, which
[55:48] Speaker 1: is positive outcomes. And we have a letter from a
[55:50] Speaker 1: young lady named Meg. It says, good evening, Crystal. My
[55:54] Speaker 1: name is Meg, sending love all the way from Kenya, Baby, Kenya. Yeah, Africa,
[56:01] Speaker 1: can you stand up?
[56:02] Speaker 2: Africa?
[56:02] Speaker 1: Stand up? Listen, Big Love. Got to forget how we
[56:06] Speaker 1: gonna get to y'all because the insights are insightful. You
[56:10] Speaker 1: guys are up in there everywhere. We love it, She says,
[56:14] Speaker 1: I honestly love you, and I'm your number one fan.
[56:17] Speaker 1: I struggle with self confidence, and with this I kind
[56:20] Speaker 1: of feel like I'm giving too much because of my insecurities.
[56:23] Speaker 1: For instance, if a guy shows me a little bit
[56:25] Speaker 1: of attention, I tend to give in much because of
[56:28] Speaker 1: all I want is validation and to know that I
[56:31] Speaker 1: am loved. I'm so insecure that when I sleep over
[56:34] Speaker 1: the man's house, I wake up before him to apply
[56:36] Speaker 1: my makeup. In fear of him seeing my face naked. Wow,
[56:42] Speaker 1: it's really stressing me out. I pray that one day
[56:44] Speaker 1: that I can look in the mirror and be grateful
[56:46] Speaker 1: for what I see. How do you handle your fears
[56:49] Speaker 1: and how can I begin to heal my insecurities? Wow? First, Meg,
[56:53] Speaker 1: thank you so much for writing in this is This
[56:57] Speaker 1: is a big one because I know as women, when
[57:00] Speaker 1: we're not feeling our best selves, we do seek validation
[57:04] Speaker 1: from men and even our friends. We seek validation everywhere
[57:07] Speaker 1: we can get it. So just know that you're this
[57:11] Speaker 1: is not an isolated incident. A lot of women deal
[57:13] Speaker 1: with this, I've I've dealt with this as well. But
[57:17] Speaker 1: you have to understand that you are worth more, that
[57:21] Speaker 1: you don't need the validation of anyone, and it starts
[57:23] Speaker 1: with yourself. So I would definitely start start off by saying,
[57:26] Speaker 1: just do some self work, self inventory, reflection on the
[57:31] Speaker 1: things that you love about yourself, Say okay, I love this,
[57:34] Speaker 1: I love that, and start pointing out things and even
[57:36] Speaker 1: I have insecurities and I've learned to l And I
[57:40] Speaker 1: would also look to my man to be like, baby,
[57:42] Speaker 1: it's fine, you look great for me, Be like Okay,
[57:45] Speaker 1: it's okay, you know, because you wanna make sure you
[57:47] Speaker 1: look good for your person or just even society. It
[57:50] Speaker 1: can be a lot of stress from everything that you're
[57:52] Speaker 1: seeing on social media that looks so perfect, where you
[57:55] Speaker 1: feel like you're not perfect. But I would say scratch
[57:57] Speaker 1: all that and really just start talking to yourself saying
[58:01] Speaker 1: I love this about me, Like I hate my feet.
[58:03] Speaker 1: I just told the Nord today I hate my feet,
[58:05] Speaker 1: and she goes, I didn't know that about you. I
[58:06] Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I hate him, but I walk around barefoot.
[58:09] Speaker 1: You know, I'm not afraid to show my feet anymore.
[58:11] Speaker 1: Usually I would have on socks because I had bunians,
[58:13] Speaker 1: So that's my insecurity. I hate my feet, but I'm
[58:18] Speaker 1: learning to just love everything about me and be like,
[58:20] Speaker 1: you know what, it's not bad. I've seen worse, okay,
[58:24] Speaker 1: you know, And I would just tell myself, I love
[58:27] Speaker 1: this about me, whatever those things are, even your face.
[58:29] Speaker 1: I will say I was in a situation I was
[58:31] Speaker 1: telling you about where the guy I needed to get
[58:33] Speaker 1: out of it. The one thing he didn't like was
[58:35] Speaker 1: a lot of makeup. So was I love makeup? I
[58:39] Speaker 1: still do love makeup. But he allowed me to see
[58:42] Speaker 1: myself everything I was trying to hide. That was one
[58:45] Speaker 1: of the good things that came out of the relationship.
[58:47] Speaker 1: So I would say, take it all off and look
[58:50] Speaker 1: at yourself and learn to love what you see, because
[58:53] Speaker 1: I too was like that. I felt like I needed
[58:55] Speaker 1: the makeup to feel pretty. And now it's too a
[58:58] Speaker 1: space where I can wipe it all off and go
[58:59] Speaker 1: out the house and not feel like I had been
[59:01] Speaker 1: made up and I feel beautiful just like this. So
[59:04] Speaker 1: I want you to take the time to really tell
[59:07] Speaker 1: yourself and really pour into your own cup, you know,
[59:09] Speaker 1: and not look at it from a man or from
[59:11] Speaker 1: your friends or mom and dad. Start sewing into yourself
[59:14] Speaker 1: and you'll see a difference for sure.
[59:17] Speaker 2: Good Yeah, so good thing.
[59:18] Speaker 1: What do you got? What do you think?
[59:20] Speaker 2: I would add to that that confidence is a revelation
[59:23] Speaker 2: MM and the the transition for me and I'm and
[59:30] Speaker 2: I've I I've shared this on my social before. I
[59:33] Speaker 2: that I used to suffer from severe insecurity M like
[59:37] Speaker 2: I would l I used to literally look at myself
[59:39] Speaker 2: in the mirror and not be in any way attracted
[59:44] Speaker 2: to myself or or I like I couldn't And again,
[59:48] Speaker 2: I I would look at myself and couldn't find anything beautiful.
[59:52] Speaker 2: And then I also thought that I didn't to the
[59:55] Speaker 2: point that we were talking about earlier. I didn't have
[59:56] Speaker 2: any skills or any talent or anything that made me
[59:58] Speaker 2: stand out. But confidence is a revelation. And what I
[1:00:02] Speaker 2: mean by that is that it, at least for me,
[1:00:05] Speaker 2: My journey was that I had to start with one thing.
[1:00:08] Speaker 2: And so that was actually an exercise that I learned,
[1:00:11] Speaker 2: which is just take it on a post it and
[1:00:14] Speaker 2: write it down. And so I wrote the first thing
[1:00:16] Speaker 2: on I forget. I wrote the first thing that came
[1:00:18] Speaker 2: to mind, which is I love my integrity, and I
[1:00:20] Speaker 2: put that on a mirror. And then it took me
[1:00:23] Speaker 2: a while. It took me weeks to find something else.
[1:00:25] Speaker 2: But then when I found one thing, I found the other.
[1:00:27] Speaker 2: And then when I found the other, I found another,
[1:00:29] Speaker 2: and little by little then I started becoming a confident woman.
[1:00:34] Speaker 2: And so that's what I would say, at least from
[1:00:36] Speaker 2: a practical standpoint of something that you can do is
[1:00:40] Speaker 2: start with that. And it is okay if the post
[1:00:43] Speaker 2: it only has one thing, put that thing on the
[1:00:45] Speaker 2: mirror and allow God and be intentional about praying for
[1:00:49] Speaker 2: God to reveal yourself to you so that you can
[1:00:53] Speaker 2: see you through God's lens. Right, And as you get
[1:00:59] Speaker 2: each revelation and write it, put it on the mirror,
[1:01:01] Speaker 2: right it. Put on the mirror because you'll see it
[1:01:03] Speaker 2: and read it to yourself. And then at some point
[1:01:06] Speaker 2: you know you believe it because you started to see it.
[1:01:10] Speaker 2: And so that for me at least, was the exercise.
[1:01:13] Speaker 2: I ate it in my transition of going from an
[1:01:16] Speaker 2: insecure woman to a very confident one.
[1:01:18] Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, I love it. That's good. All right,
[1:01:24] Speaker 1: So we're gonna do what I'm going through and what
[1:01:27] Speaker 1: I'm growing through.
[1:01:29] Speaker 2: You know what I'm going through too, because we were
[1:01:31] Speaker 2: all crying about it yesterday.
[1:01:34] Speaker 1: You want to go first? No, you go? Okay, So
[1:01:38] Speaker 1: right now I am going through a phase of I
[1:01:45] Speaker 1: don't want to say reinventing, but tapping into new passions,
[1:01:51] Speaker 1: going into a place of the unknown. We're on strike
[1:01:54] Speaker 1: right now, and it's a scary place to be in,
[1:01:57] Speaker 1: you know. So I think this is quite like COVID
[1:02:01] Speaker 1: and quarantine. It put me in a place where it's like, Okay,
[1:02:03] Speaker 1: what can I do to come out better in this situation?
[1:02:05] Speaker 1: When this is all over and I think just figuring
[1:02:10] Speaker 1: those things out and keeping my faith strong and not
[1:02:15] Speaker 1: getting anxious. Because I caught myself the other day I
[1:02:18] Speaker 1: was like, oh gosh, get a little anxious here, get
[1:02:21] Speaker 1: little anxieties had coming on, and I was like, Crystal,
[1:02:25] Speaker 1: I like I have everything I need. I like nothing
[1:02:27] Speaker 1: what the nor always tells us. And when I said that,
[1:02:29] Speaker 1: I said that a few times. I was like, You're good,
[1:02:32] Speaker 1: it's fine. Everything has worked out. It's always going to
[1:02:34] Speaker 1: work out. And so I'm going through that and growing
[1:02:39] Speaker 1: through just being just being still, you know, and learning
[1:02:47] Speaker 1: that things are going to happen, do to work, but
[1:02:49] Speaker 1: also sit and just allow God to speak and have
[1:02:52] Speaker 1: that clarity. So that's right right now.
[1:02:56] Speaker 2: I am both going through and growing through a season
[1:03:02] Speaker 2: where God is calling me into bigger and higher and greater,
[1:03:09] Speaker 2: and navigating both what does that look like because I
[1:03:15] Speaker 2: truly don't know the actual like this is what it
[1:03:19] Speaker 2: looks like and this is what I need you.
[1:03:21] Speaker 1: To do, and.
[1:03:28] Speaker 2: Both seeing like understanding what that is and then the
[1:03:32] Speaker 2: fear of how big it is. The One thing that
[1:03:36] Speaker 2: I do have clarity on is that it does have
[1:03:39] Speaker 2: to do with ministry. I'm very very very clear on
[1:03:42] Speaker 2: that I have felt God's tug on my heart to
[1:03:49] Speaker 2: no longer sort of gatekeep my experience with him and
[1:03:56] Speaker 2: how he reveals himself to me and what he shares
[1:03:58] Speaker 2: with me, which I've always done because I've been uncomfortable
[1:04:03] Speaker 2: being in front of a camera or or posting, you know,
[1:04:07] Speaker 2: myself on social media, Like if you followed me before
[1:04:11] Speaker 2: twenty twenty three, I wouldn't even do stories like showing
[1:04:14] Speaker 2: my face you know what I'm saying, and so and
[1:04:17] Speaker 2: so just understanding like I'm clear that it's ministry. I
[1:04:23] Speaker 2: don't know what that ministry looks like. And I'm still
[1:04:27] Speaker 2: battling the why why does anybody care what you have
[1:04:33] Speaker 2: to say?
[1:04:34] Speaker 1: They do?
[1:04:35] Speaker 2: Why? Why?
[1:04:37] Speaker 1: Who? Who?
[1:04:37] Speaker 2: Who do you think you are? I'm still battling that
[1:04:41] Speaker 2: in all of it, in the uncovering of like well, well,
[1:04:45] Speaker 2: what's the what what does it actually look like? Because
[1:04:48] Speaker 2: I refuse to believe that God wants me like taping
[1:04:50] Speaker 2: myself on. So I'm like, bro, you know, I don't
[1:04:53] Speaker 2: like this, so I refuse to believe that that's what
[1:04:56] Speaker 2: it is for me. I just know that it's in ministry.
[1:04:59] Speaker 2: I don't know what it looks like. Wow, And So
[1:05:02] Speaker 2: that is both what I'm going through and what I'm
[1:05:04] Speaker 2: growing through. And God has sent people to affirm that
[1:05:09] Speaker 2: that's what it is and that God is calling me
[1:05:11] Speaker 2: outside of my box. Shout out to Pastor Stephanie Akho
[1:05:16] Speaker 2: gave me a word that to this day. I played
[1:05:20] Speaker 2: it for Crystal yesterday and I like bald and I
[1:05:23] Speaker 2: got this word what a month ago and I'm still
[1:05:26] Speaker 2: bawling over it. I still listen to it every single day.
[1:05:30] Speaker 2: So I am going through and growing through that season
[1:05:35] Speaker 2: of trying to just navigate the waters that he's calling
[1:05:39] Speaker 2: me on.
[1:05:39] Speaker 1: Yeah that's good. Yeah, that's good. I like that. So
[1:05:45] Speaker 1: we do the keep it blank sweetie. For this episode,
[1:05:50] Speaker 1: I'm going to say, keep it faithful, sweetie, because I'm
[1:05:55] Speaker 1: in a very phase driven season of my life where
[1:05:57] Speaker 1: it's a little it's being tested. Keep it faithful, sweetie.
[1:06:02] Speaker 2: I'm going to say keep it obedience. You know, I
[1:06:09] Speaker 2: will say that my life over the past five years
[1:06:13] Speaker 2: is a testimony to the result of being obedient. That's
[1:06:20] Speaker 2: not to say that I'm perfect, because I'm not. And
[1:06:22] Speaker 2: that's also not to say that I have not been disobedient,
[1:06:24] Speaker 2: because I have. But but in the things that I
[1:06:29] Speaker 2: have been obedient in I have seen God's grace and
[1:06:35] Speaker 2: mercy and favor all over it, and so I will say,
[1:06:40] Speaker 2: keep it obedient, sweet.
[1:06:42] Speaker 1: I love it. I love it.
[1:06:48] Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I no longer have like I was
[1:06:52] Speaker 2: shaking for like the first fifteen minutes.
[1:06:55] Speaker 1: Listen, I never know. You're amazing.
[1:06:59] Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you for sharing your platform. And I
[1:07:02] Speaker 2: also want to say, it's been beautiful to watch your evolution.
[1:07:10] Speaker 1: I'm gonna start crying, don't you do it.
[1:07:14] Speaker 2: I met Crystal as a very very very guarded woman.
[1:07:21] Speaker 2: Oh god, yeah, very guarded, very guarded.
[1:07:28] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:07:28] Speaker 2: And watching you fully step into the fullness of who you.
[1:07:33] Speaker 4: Are early morning, I know it took me forever to y'all,
[1:07:42] Speaker 4: I don't know how to do my makeup so good.
[1:07:47] Speaker 2: But watching you step into the fullness of who you
[1:07:54] Speaker 2: are as a woman and seeing the actual transition of
[1:07:59] Speaker 2: you being a woman who was so close off I remember,
[1:08:02] Speaker 2: I remember I would even say like damn, you know,
[1:08:07] Speaker 2: like almost struggling in our relationship because I felt like damn,
[1:08:14] Speaker 2: I'm so close to everybody else, but I feel like
[1:08:16] Speaker 2: I can't break through Crystal, Like I can't break through
[1:08:18] Speaker 2: Crystal and again, if my business, if I did ran
[1:08:23] Speaker 2: my business differently, that wouldn't matter. But I don't run
[1:08:30] Speaker 2: this business the way that Hollywood runs. I don't manage
[1:08:34] Speaker 2: the way that people manage.
[1:08:37] Speaker 1: And so.
[1:08:39] Speaker 2: For me, having a degree of closeness with you and
[1:08:44] Speaker 2: intimacy with you and everybody else is very important to me.
[1:08:48] Speaker 2: And I remember just feeling like Dad, I can't break through.
[1:08:50] Speaker 2: I can't break through. And there was something about this year.
[1:08:56] Speaker 2: I don't know what encounter you had. I mean, we've talked,
[1:09:00] Speaker 2: but there was a switch. It was there was a
[1:09:04] Speaker 2: switch for you that it was literally almost as if
[1:09:09] Speaker 2: you woke up and you just had it. I no
[1:09:10] Speaker 2: longer want to live like this, and I'll never forget.
[1:09:16] Speaker 2: When we recorded season one, you made a comment you said,
[1:09:21] Speaker 2: it just feels so good to feel like myself. Yes, yes, because.
[1:09:29] Speaker 1: I was, Oh my gosh, it's so hard to like
[1:09:32] Speaker 1: when you're in the light all the time. You want
[1:09:35] Speaker 1: to have something for yourself, you know, And it was
[1:09:37] Speaker 1: hard trying to figure out, Okay, what can I let
[1:09:39] Speaker 1: people in on and so they can feel a part
[1:09:41] Speaker 1: of this life with me in this journey, and then
[1:09:45] Speaker 1: what can I keep to myself? You know? And I
[1:09:48] Speaker 1: was unpressure that, Okay, Fatiam is for the world, crystals
[1:09:52] Speaker 1: for me and like my close people, you know, And
[1:09:54] Speaker 1: I did not know how to be like, no, you
[1:09:57] Speaker 1: can be yourself. People allow people to fall in love
[1:09:59] Speaker 1: with And even Deval had told me one day he said,
[1:10:02] Speaker 1: when I look at your social media, I don't know.
[1:10:03] Speaker 2: Who you are. Yeah, And I was like, well.
[1:10:06] Speaker 1: You know who I am, right, Why does it matter
[1:10:08] Speaker 1: if you don't know me? Like He's like, it does matter.
[1:10:11] Speaker 1: He was like people need to have to have some
[1:10:13] Speaker 1: type of relations You'd be like, I can relate to
[1:10:15] Speaker 1: this girl? What is it? And I think through me,
[1:10:19] Speaker 1: I'm very guarded with people, you know, especially like how
[1:10:22] Speaker 1: we are now, Like it takes a minute to like
[1:10:25] Speaker 1: really and I think too. I didn't know, like, okay,
[1:10:27] Speaker 1: it's just business like that she just have a relationship
[1:10:30] Speaker 1: with her other clients because they've been together, or can
[1:10:33] Speaker 1: we have that too, you know? And as we spent
[1:10:36] Speaker 1: more time together, I was like, I really I feel
[1:10:39] Speaker 1: safe with you, you know. And that's another like knowing
[1:10:41] Speaker 1: that you can trust someone, that you can talk to
[1:10:44] Speaker 1: them about things other than business, like I talked to
[1:10:46] Speaker 1: about everything we do. Yeah, So it was one of
[1:10:50] Speaker 1: those things where I just I definitely I feel so
[1:10:52] Speaker 1: much free, freer than I did before because I can
[1:10:56] Speaker 1: be myself and people don't judge me for.
[1:10:59] Speaker 2: It, you know, and who cares if they do, and
[1:11:03] Speaker 2: who cares if they did. So I just wanted to
[1:11:05] Speaker 2: leave you with that. I hadn't said that to you
[1:11:08] Speaker 2: intentionally because I wanted to share that with you here.
[1:11:11] Speaker 2: I wanted to just honor you in that journey because
[1:11:15] Speaker 2: that's not an easy journey.
[1:11:16] Speaker 1: It is not, it is, but.
[1:11:21] Speaker 2: Experiencing all of you has just inspired, like it personally
[1:11:27] Speaker 2: inspires me on so many levels, even as in the
[1:11:32] Speaker 2: season that I'm currently going through where if you remember
[1:11:35] Speaker 2: you said to me like I didn't even know that
[1:11:36] Speaker 2: I had a voice. Yes, I am navigating, you know
[1:11:40] Speaker 2: what I'm saying.
[1:11:42] Speaker 3: So thank you, absolutely no, thank thank you we did
[1:11:46] Speaker 3: for each other.
[1:11:47] Speaker 1: I love you too.
[1:11:49] Speaker 2: This is good, This is good.
[1:11:50] Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much. I hope you were blessed
[1:11:53] Speaker 1: by this episode. We touched on so many different topics
[1:11:55] Speaker 1: we did, and we have a lot in common story
[1:11:59] Speaker 1: I'm like, dang, I'm very similar. Yes, that's why why
[1:12:01] Speaker 1: we connected to But thank you guys so much. For
[1:12:04] Speaker 1: tuning in. If you guys want to be a part
[1:12:07] Speaker 1: of our Positive Outcomes Listener letter, please write in to
[1:12:10] Speaker 1: Keep It Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com. I'm looking
[1:12:13] Speaker 1: at this. I'm not even looking at this. You look
[1:12:15] Speaker 1: at I don't know what. Yeah, I don't know why
[1:12:18] Speaker 1: I'm looking there instead of here.
[1:12:19] Speaker 2: Maybe because she's fine and she saw that she was like,
[1:12:22] Speaker 2: let me talk myself.
[1:12:26] Speaker 1: It's probably let me talk to me about me, about me,
[1:12:29] Speaker 1: about me. That's some point spaces over the north. Thank
[1:12:39] Speaker 1: you so much. I appreciate it.
[1:12:41] Speaker 4: I have my.
[1:12:45] Speaker 1: This is amazing. I appreciate you for coming on. This
[1:12:49] Speaker 1: is amazing. I wasn't blessed by this, and we have
[1:12:51] Speaker 1: so much in common that I didn't. I'm like, wow,
[1:12:53] Speaker 1: we have a lot of similarities and parallels when it
[1:12:55] Speaker 1: comes to our trajectory. Yes, absolutely so that Thank you
[1:13:00] Speaker 1: guys so much. Thank you for tuning in to this
[1:13:02] Speaker 1: episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie. Remember, if you want
[1:13:04] Speaker 1: to be featured on our Positive Outcome Listener letter, write
[1:13:07] Speaker 1: in to Keep It Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com.
[1:13:10] Speaker 2: And that's Sweetie with an I E, not a y baby.
[1:13:13] Speaker 1: That's right because because why because it's not tweetybird, I
[1:13:20] Speaker 1: E I A. Make sure you follow kIPS on all
[1:13:24] Speaker 1: platforms and then you can also follow me on all
[1:13:27] Speaker 1: platforms at love Chris orinee and that's l u V Donora.
[1:13:30] Speaker 1: Tell them where the people can find you.
[1:13:34] Speaker 2: I am Donora.
[1:13:35] Speaker 1: I A M D I N O R A H.
[1:13:38] Speaker 1: Because you are Donora.
[1:13:39] Speaker 2: I am Donora.
[1:13:40] Speaker 1: She is all right, guys. That's all for today. We
[1:13:43] Speaker 1: love you, guys, and we will see you soon by
[1:13:45] Speaker 1: you know what to do with the meantime. Keep it positive, sweetie,
[1:14:00] Speaker 1: Beca

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