# Wisdom Gained from Relationships, Love and Lust w/ Josh Powell

An episode of [Keep it Positive, Sweetie](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1689495115), 13 Feb 2024, 1 h 14 min.

Audio: https://pdrl.fm/1504e6/podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/44f61442-7ba4-4250-b406-b35901038504/23eb2a4d-c620-48f6-8cfc-b35901110e22/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=2cfaa2b1-0f12-4656-aec3-b3590103850e

In this weeks episode, I have former NBA player now author, Josh Powell on the couch. I learned about Josh through mutual friends who shared with me how moved they were by his vulnerability and the open conversations he has been having about healing his relationship with love, lust and sex. So many of us can relate to his journey! Tune in and be sure to get his book, What I Wish I Knew: The Wisdom Gained From Relationships, Love, and Lust See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:09] Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to this episode of Keep It
[0:11] Speaker 1: Positive Sweet. Today, we are talking about what I Wish
[0:15] Speaker 1: I knew with Josh Powell. Josh, thank you so much
[0:18] Speaker 1: for coming today. I've known you through mutual friends for years,
[0:23] Speaker 1: but we've never spoken.
[0:24] Speaker 2: It's always been kind of in passing.
[0:26] Speaker 1: But recently a friend of mine and her boyfriend went
[0:29] Speaker 1: to your book signing event and she called me and
[0:32] Speaker 1: she goes, could.
[0:32] Speaker 2: We go to church together? And she goes yeah.
[0:34] Speaker 1: She's like, my boyfriend asked me to come to this
[0:36] Speaker 1: book signing and she was like, I didn't think it
[0:38] Speaker 1: was gonna be anything special, and she said, girl, it
[0:40] Speaker 1: was the most amazing different book signing that I've ever
[0:43] Speaker 1: been to in my life.
[0:45] Speaker 2: And she talked about how you spoke about.
[0:47] Speaker 1: Relationships and did an open apology to women that you
[0:50] Speaker 1: may have mistreated or that you felt were old and
[0:54] Speaker 1: apology in your past, and she's like, it.
[0:57] Speaker 2: Was the most beautiful thing ever.
[0:59] Speaker 1: And a daily later, I get an email from your
[1:01] Speaker 1: team to come on your podcast Relationships Matter, And when
[1:05] Speaker 1: I realized it was.
[1:06] Speaker 2: You, I said, hey, is this the same guy? She
[1:08] Speaker 2: goes yeah.
[1:08] Speaker 1: I said, we need to get him, keep him out
[1:10] Speaker 1: of the suite, so it all worked out. I'm excited
[1:13] Speaker 1: to do your podcast as well. Absolutely cannot wait. But
[1:17] Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming.
[1:18] Speaker 3: Thank you.
[1:19] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[1:19] Speaker 3: And it's funny because it's kind of like one of
[1:21] Speaker 3: those things like what's the athlete gonna talk about in
[1:24] Speaker 3: regards to relationships. That's the thing that I that I
[1:28] Speaker 3: love about this platform is just being able to show
[1:32] Speaker 3: that different side because when you see me, you know,
[1:35] Speaker 3: you see an athlete, You see a guy with just
[1:37] Speaker 3: all these tattoos and dad and it's like, man, what
[1:40] Speaker 3: he gonna be talking about right and being in this
[1:45] Speaker 3: place and space that I'm in right now, just service.
[1:48] Speaker 3: That's it. Like I really want to make an impact
[1:52] Speaker 3: each and every day and continue to grow and get better.
[1:55] Speaker 3: So you know, I feel like, you know, I'm trying
[1:58] Speaker 3: my best to write wrongs, even though that's impossible for
[2:02] Speaker 3: any of us to do, but I do try to
[2:04] Speaker 3: make the effort. So I really do appreciate, you.
[2:07] Speaker 1: Know, for real, because some people don't even try to
[2:10] Speaker 1: make amends. So the fact that you have the awareness
[2:13] Speaker 1: and I know that's come with.
[2:14] Speaker 2: The work that you've done.
[2:15] Speaker 1: And we'll get into the work that you've done we're
[2:17] Speaker 1: going to get into all that, but for the audience
[2:19] Speaker 1: and members who do not know, Josh, you are a
[2:21] Speaker 1: former NBA player, you're a league champ Big Three co
[2:25] Speaker 1: captain of the Killer Threes in twenty twenty three, Yes,
[2:31] Speaker 1: and then most recent you're a podcast host of Relationships Matter,
[2:35] Speaker 1: and now you're the author of What I Wish I knew, Wisdom,
[2:40] Speaker 1: the wisdom gain from relationships, love and lust. Absolutely, when
[2:45] Speaker 1: I think, I always either open up with a quote
[2:47] Speaker 1: or with a song. And when I think about what
[2:50] Speaker 1: we're talking about today, is the saying that we've always
[2:53] Speaker 1: heard is if I knew then what I know now,
[2:56] Speaker 1: I would have done things differently. And that's what I
[2:59] Speaker 1: think about based on the topics that we're going to
[3:01] Speaker 1: touch on today.
[3:02] Speaker 3: Absolutely.
[3:03] Speaker 1: Yeah, speaking of athletes, I've dated an athlete or two
[3:09] Speaker 1: in my life and it has not been the best
[3:11] Speaker 1: experience to a point where I'm like, you know, I
[3:13] Speaker 1: don't want to do this anymore. I'm good, and I
[3:17] Speaker 1: think a lot of times we don't understand, just like you,
[3:22] Speaker 1: what those young men and little boys went through that
[3:25] Speaker 1: made them who they are today.
[3:26] Speaker 3: I'm glad. I'm glad you brought that up. Because I
[3:29] Speaker 3: definitely and I think this might be the first time
[3:31] Speaker 3: that I've actually gotten a chance to like speak to
[3:34] Speaker 3: that because it's not it's not necessarily like an athlete thing.
[3:39] Speaker 3: But when you look at young men who are groomed,
[3:44] Speaker 3: you know, or bred to be in baseball, football, basketball
[3:49] Speaker 3: or whatever, you know, the exposure to things, yes, you
[3:54] Speaker 3: know some of the experiences that we face. And then
[3:58] Speaker 3: don't you be one of those ones that have the
[4:01] Speaker 3: opportunity to make it because now it's not just your peers,
[4:06] Speaker 3: that's not the damaging part. It's the adults. It's the family,
[4:10] Speaker 3: it's the friends, it's the coaches, it's all of these
[4:13] Speaker 3: people that have access to you that kind of sort
[4:18] Speaker 3: of allow the behavior. You know that women who are
[4:22] Speaker 3: on the other side of it experience when you meet
[4:25] Speaker 3: this guy that you like, I'm attracted to and he
[4:28] Speaker 3: plays this sport or he does this thing, and then
[4:32] Speaker 3: it's like I tried it with an athlete. I'm not
[4:35] Speaker 3: going there. It's like, nah, he's a human being first,
[4:39] Speaker 3: but he has experienced so many different things that have
[4:43] Speaker 3: shaped and molded his way of thinking. So to try
[4:47] Speaker 3: to break that, you're talking about somebody that's probably been
[4:51] Speaker 3: doing something for ten plus years. That's so even if
[4:55] Speaker 3: you start young. So if you date them or meet
[4:58] Speaker 3: him at thirty, then if they started at ten, that's
[5:02] Speaker 3: twenty years of being shaped and molded. So I just
[5:06] Speaker 3: think grace, absolutely, one of my favorite words, is so important.
[5:10] Speaker 3: And the issue that we have is just amongst men
[5:13] Speaker 3: and women. Yeah, you know what I mean, because understanding
[5:16] Speaker 3: that so much happens before we meet the person, and
[5:21] Speaker 3: we have to be willing to peel those layers off first, Yeah,
[5:24] Speaker 3: in order to get into a healthier space and place
[5:27] Speaker 3: presently or how we move forward.
[5:29] Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's so good.
[5:32] Speaker 1: I opened up your book. I tried to order it,
[5:34] Speaker 1: but it wasn't going to be here in time. So
[5:36] Speaker 1: I took this from my good friend, and as you
[5:38] Speaker 1: can see, I've got.
[5:39] Speaker 2: Every like literally every page.
[5:41] Speaker 1: I was like, ooh, another gym, another nugget, Like it
[5:44] Speaker 1: was so much in this book, and like, I'm seriously, guys,
[5:47] Speaker 1: you definitely need to get it. But one thing like
[5:50] Speaker 1: that immediately drew me in was your upbringing.
[5:54] Speaker 2: Like from the intro, that intro got me darkness. I
[5:58] Speaker 2: was in a choke cold. That's how you got to start.
[6:00] Speaker 1: That was good because people. We've all lived that. I
[6:03] Speaker 1: think that's the one thing that we all have in common,
[6:06] Speaker 1: no matter how we try to suppress it or push
[6:08] Speaker 1: it back, we've all had that darkness. And I think
[6:10] Speaker 1: as a community for blacks, we definitely have been taught
[6:15] Speaker 1: and basically race, don't talk about.
[6:17] Speaker 2: It, move on, it never happened.
[6:20] Speaker 1: And we've literally been molded to just push things aside.
[6:24] Speaker 3: And that's the thing that I feel is so hurtful
[6:27] Speaker 3: because and it's not a black thing, but I know
[6:31] Speaker 3: we definitely experience it in our community. But it's secrecy.
[6:35] Speaker 3: It's the fact that trauma is happening, abuse has happening,
[6:39] Speaker 3: you know, things that are hurtful to young men, young women,
[6:45] Speaker 3: and we don't talk about it. We always just sweeping
[6:48] Speaker 3: under the rug. Oh that's show business, it ain't mine.
[6:51] Speaker 3: And that's so scary it is. And then me as
[6:54] Speaker 3: a father now when I think of who would my
[6:58] Speaker 3: kid run into. And we have a responsibility if we're
[7:03] Speaker 3: talking community in order for us to have the proper
[7:06] Speaker 3: conversations and to be able to communicate these different things,
[7:10] Speaker 3: because you know, I want my kids, especially to be
[7:14] Speaker 3: able to stand on business and to communicate if they
[7:17] Speaker 3: feel that they're uncomfortable if there's something that's going on
[7:20] Speaker 3: or whatever. But also too any chance that I get
[7:23] Speaker 3: to speak at a school, any chance that I get
[7:26] Speaker 3: to talk to a young athlete, I share with them,
[7:28] Speaker 3: like your responsibility because if you bump into my daughter,
[7:31] Speaker 3: you gotta do right, bro period respectfully, be the example,
[7:36] Speaker 3: you know what I mean? Like that doesn't mean everything's
[7:39] Speaker 3: gonna be peachy king or you know, heartbreak won't happen,
[7:42] Speaker 3: but it's a way you go about it. It's the
[7:44] Speaker 3: fact that some of the hurt and pain that we're
[7:46] Speaker 3: causing doesn't necessarily have to happen.
[7:48] Speaker 2: That's so true. And it's so true. So and I
[7:51] Speaker 2: like the way you wrote this because you started us.
[7:53] Speaker 1: From the beginning, and I want to kind of take
[7:55] Speaker 1: the audience through that without telling too much because I
[7:58] Speaker 1: want you guys to read this. But you started because
[8:02] Speaker 1: I think what you did was brilliant, because you helped
[8:04] Speaker 1: us to understand Josh the man who you as, who
[8:09] Speaker 1: who you were as you evolved firstus just like this
[8:12] Speaker 1: is what happened and then or this is how it
[8:14] Speaker 1: turned out.
[8:14] Speaker 2: Now we know re the reason behind it.
[8:16] Speaker 1: And it's much deeper than that you said that your
[8:20] Speaker 1: mother and father separated and you ended up moving with
[8:24] Speaker 1: her and then sh she couldn't really take care of you,
[8:26] Speaker 1: so you moved with your aunt, and then from your
[8:27] Speaker 1: aunt your grandparents came. But you never felt like you
[8:30] Speaker 1: were being shuffled. It was just kind of like, Okay,
[8:32] Speaker 1: this is just what it is. Yeah, And it seems
[8:36] Speaker 1: kind of like that's your energy still to this day.
[8:37] Speaker 2: Just go with the flow.
[8:38] Speaker 1: I kind of feel that, ye, yeah, and I saw that.
[8:43] Speaker 2: And then your grandparents raised you in.
[8:45] Speaker 1: The church, so you had a early foundation, which is
[8:49] Speaker 1: very important. And I feel like when people are rooted
[8:53] Speaker 1: in that, they always it eventually come back to that,
[8:56] Speaker 1: which we end up finding out that you did.
[8:58] Speaker 4: Yeah.
[8:59] Speaker 1: But what I found so interesting was the dysfunction once
[9:03] Speaker 1: your parents decided to move on to their respective spouses
[9:07] Speaker 1: and you've been implanted in those situations, and how it
[9:11] Speaker 1: just completely turns your world upside down to the point
[9:13] Speaker 1: where you ended up pulling a gun, actually pulling trigger
[9:17] Speaker 1: on your brother step brother, to being sexually abused by
[9:24] Speaker 1: a step cousin who was a lot only we're not
[9:26] Speaker 1: blood related, and I've heard so many stories like that.
[9:30] Speaker 3: So to address that, to kind of spare people from
[9:36] Speaker 3: some of the people that did it. That's why I
[9:38] Speaker 3: specifically just said a relative, not who or whom who
[9:45] Speaker 3: because it was more than one.
[9:47] Speaker 2: Stop it.
[9:48] Speaker 3: Yeah, it was more than one. And I just tried
[9:54] Speaker 3: to be very strategic in how do I communicate these
[9:58] Speaker 3: things that are going on.
[9:59] Speaker 1: It's hard when you were the one that was hurt,
[10:01] Speaker 1: but you're still trying to protect the people that did it.
[10:02] Speaker 3: Because the thing that I have to answer to now, like,
[10:05] Speaker 3: for example, my mother knew nothing about this. Me and
[10:08] Speaker 3: my mom had a conversation about it maybe like three
[10:12] Speaker 3: years ago, four years ago, goods and just kind of
[10:17] Speaker 3: speaking to a lot of my experiences and it's just
[10:21] Speaker 3: really important to get into that place and space where
[10:25] Speaker 3: you can. So when I was writing this, right, depending
[10:29] Speaker 3: on who picks this up, even my kids, I have
[10:32] Speaker 3: a responsibility. And that's the thing. Like I tried to
[10:36] Speaker 3: be very strategic on the intro and not go too
[10:42] Speaker 3: deep because there's so much that I left out. So
[10:46] Speaker 3: if you if you felt that way just about it,
[10:50] Speaker 3: it's a lot that's left out. And you know, I'm
[10:54] Speaker 3: not mad at those people. I'm not. I don't have
[10:59] Speaker 3: anything in my life heart, and that's why I was
[11:00] Speaker 3: trying to share with people at the overall, So I
[11:02] Speaker 3: wanted to go dark, yeah, because I feel like that's
[11:06] Speaker 3: one of the things that allows us to make excuses
[11:10] Speaker 3: for the behavior men and women right yeah, is they
[11:15] Speaker 3: don't confront the trauma. So it's just tucked and this
[11:19] Speaker 3: is just me, this is the way that I am,
[11:21] Speaker 3: and it's not true. So I felt like, if I
[11:23] Speaker 3: can show you and be put myself in your shoes,
[11:27] Speaker 3: then I could be that example of well, if he
[11:30] Speaker 3: can do that, then I should be able to do that.
[11:33] Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's so good. It's crazy to say that.
[11:37] Speaker 1: I had a guest on recently, a good friend of
[11:40] Speaker 1: mine who was sexually abused by family members as well,
[11:44] Speaker 1: and to see where she is now and to have
[11:47] Speaker 1: the heart posture of forgiveness and how you say the
[11:49] Speaker 1: same thing, like, I don't have any ill will towards
[11:52] Speaker 1: these people. You know you've forgiven them and moved past it.
[11:57] Speaker 1: It takes a lot for a person to know that
[12:00] Speaker 1: as a child went in such an innocent phase of
[12:02] Speaker 1: your life that you were taking advantage of.
[12:05] Speaker 3: But so let me say this, and I'm glad you
[12:06] Speaker 3: brought that up, cause I I didn't address this at
[12:08] Speaker 3: the book sign it cause it was the way the
[12:10] Speaker 3: conversation was flawed. But I wanna address it. In some
[12:14] Speaker 3: situations there might be an understanding that it's wrong. In
[12:17] Speaker 3: my situation, I thought this was what everybody was.
[12:19] Speaker 2: Doing, right, Yeah, yes, as you said, Yeah, So I.
[12:22] Speaker 3: Just felt like this was just the normal thing, and
[12:25] Speaker 3: we don't talk about it. We just keep it moving.
[12:28] Speaker 3: And then when you get way older or y, something
[12:32] Speaker 3: comes up and then you know, like even today, the
[12:36] Speaker 3: conversations that I'm having, it's like some of the guys
[12:40] Speaker 3: that are opening up to me about the things that
[12:42] Speaker 3: have happened to them, whether it's been because I've been
[12:45] Speaker 3: open because of the book or whatever, and it's just like, Yo,
[12:48] Speaker 3: it's not it's not normal. It's not you know what
[12:51] Speaker 3: I'm saying. Like the first time I understood that I
[12:55] Speaker 3: was sexually abused was three years ago in a therapy session,
[13:00] Speaker 3: and I was like, when I was getting ready to
[13:03] Speaker 3: go through you know what I'm saying, my divorce at
[13:05] Speaker 3: the time, Like I said, you know what, when I
[13:09] Speaker 3: get back out here, I got to start over. I
[13:12] Speaker 3: got to peel back these layers. I gotta figure out
[13:14] Speaker 3: me like I understand or I feel I do, but
[13:17] Speaker 3: let me figure out what's really going on in my spirit.
[13:21] Speaker 3: And I was telling her I'll never forget me. I
[13:26] Speaker 3: was telling her like a lot of the things that
[13:29] Speaker 3: it happened, because in that session, I was naming names.
[13:32] Speaker 3: I was naming like I still very vivid, like I
[13:35] Speaker 3: still remember to this day. I don't miss details nothing.
[13:38] Speaker 3: I know who, I know when I know what, I
[13:41] Speaker 3: know all the things that happened as the start, and
[13:45] Speaker 3: she let me get it out and then she just
[13:47] Speaker 3: looked at me and she said, do you realize you
[13:50] Speaker 3: were sexually abused? And I paused and it was like
[13:53] Speaker 3: the emotion that came, but nothing came out because I
[13:57] Speaker 3: was super confused, and I looked at her and I
[14:00] Speaker 3: didn't say nothing for probably like ten minutes MM, cause
[14:04] Speaker 3: I I didn't. I didn't understand that, like not that
[14:08] Speaker 3: it was something hard to comprehend, but I just for me,
[14:10] Speaker 3: it was so normalized. Yeah, like the things that had
[14:14] Speaker 3: happened started from the age of nine ten, right, that
[14:17] Speaker 3: just kept going, you know, and and you know, it
[14:21] Speaker 3: was just it was just it was just crazy. Like
[14:23] Speaker 3: even now just thinking about that therapy session, it was
[14:26] Speaker 3: just that was heavy. That was a real heavy day,
[14:29] Speaker 3: real heavy day.
[14:30] Speaker 2: I can't even imagine. I can't.
[14:32] Speaker 1: I've talked to friends who same had therapy and realized
[14:38] Speaker 1: that they have been sexual abused and a lot of
[14:40] Speaker 1: times at a young age, same situations where it was
[14:43] Speaker 1: like step cousins, that we're not blood related or this
[14:47] Speaker 1: is just what you do. And she said, my friends
[14:49] Speaker 1: have said that we didn't realize this is what was happening.
[14:51] Speaker 1: It's like your your body's grown. You're like, oh, this
[14:54] Speaker 1: feels good, or I like I kind of like that.
[14:56] Speaker 1: I don't know it was apposed to like that, and
[14:57] Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm not supposed to be liking it with you,
[15:00] Speaker 1: you know, and you go through things and then you
[15:01] Speaker 1: realize that an older age that was not normal and
[15:04] Speaker 1: it wasn't right, and it just breaks my heart because
[15:08] Speaker 1: people who know better, you know, should not do that,
[15:13] Speaker 1: you know, should not pray on younger people.
[15:18] Speaker 2: You talked about how when you.
[15:21] Speaker 1: Got into basketball, that's when you really it's like your
[15:23] Speaker 1: first crush, you know, falling in love with the game
[15:26] Speaker 1: of basketball.
[15:27] Speaker 3: It was the og. And again, when we talk about
[15:33] Speaker 3: community and we talk about certain things, these are like
[15:37] Speaker 3: this is the way it was sure taught to him
[15:41] Speaker 3: and then it's just passed down. And I remember like
[15:47] Speaker 3: we would go play games on the weekends and it
[15:50] Speaker 3: would just be like drop him off here, he don't
[15:53] Speaker 3: need nothing, We'll take care of everything. And we would hit.
[15:58] Speaker 3: We would go practice. We were hitting them clubs. We
[16:02] Speaker 3: was doing everything.
[16:03] Speaker 2: And this when you were like a junior in high school.
[16:04] Speaker 2: How were you this one?
[16:05] Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, So I was like fifteen sister and.
[16:10] Speaker 1: I couldn't even get out the house at sixteen, and
[16:12] Speaker 1: my parents had me. You couldn't even go to sleep over,
[16:15] Speaker 1: was like nothing, like it was a very straight.
[16:17] Speaker 3: Yeah, I left the names of the locations, but I
[16:22] Speaker 3: for sure we would I mean grown women that's like
[16:27] Speaker 3: our age now. Like I was having sex with and
[16:32] Speaker 3: you know, receiving different pleasures from so I was experiencing
[16:37] Speaker 3: so much. And by the time I get back to
[16:38] Speaker 3: school on Monday, I'm going to sleep in class. They
[16:41] Speaker 3: looking at me like what you were doing? Right? And
[16:43] Speaker 3: I'm like, bro, you wouldn't even believe it if I.
[16:45] Speaker 2: Told you, right, you know what I mean?
[16:47] Speaker 3: But to me again, if this is what we're supposed
[16:52] Speaker 3: to do, I don't know nothing different, right, Yeah, I was.
[16:56] Speaker 3: I was twenty six in.
[16:58] Speaker 2: My class, yes, three point seven.
[17:01] Speaker 3: Yeah, I was still called lazy. I did handle business
[17:08] Speaker 3: on the court, you know what I mean. So it's
[17:10] Speaker 3: like nobody people don't realize how we're functioning. You know,
[17:16] Speaker 3: how we've normalized dysfunction. Wow, And that was me now
[17:21] Speaker 3: looking back at it, you know. And then and then
[17:23] Speaker 3: I had this situation with the fallout with my stepdad
[17:26] Speaker 3: at the time. Yeah, and you know a lot of
[17:29] Speaker 3: people didn't know that I was homeless for like, yeah,
[17:34] Speaker 3: because I was just bouncing around trying to find a
[17:36] Speaker 3: place to go. It was it was a lot. It
[17:39] Speaker 3: was a lot, and I was still hooping. Yeah, I
[17:41] Speaker 3: still like I was just show up like nothing, because again,
[17:46] Speaker 3: this is how I've been grown. Like, you don't make
[17:49] Speaker 3: no excuses, you can't be emotional, you can't like you
[17:53] Speaker 3: just this is life and this is what we do,
[17:56] Speaker 3: you know. So it's just being able to go through
[17:58] Speaker 3: it and the blessing in that is I still kind
[18:02] Speaker 3: of operate like that today, but I try to address, yes,
[18:05] Speaker 3: the different areas in my life to overcome and to
[18:08] Speaker 3: be better.
[18:08] Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. At what point in your very relationships.
[18:13] Speaker 2: Did you realize I have a problem like that you.
[18:16] Speaker 1: Had been over sexualized at a young age and that
[18:18] Speaker 1: you were everything was just a physical transaction at one point.
[18:21] Speaker 2: At what point were you like, Okay.
[18:23] Speaker 3: You know what scary is? I still don't. I still
[18:25] Speaker 3: don't think I have a problem. Wow, I asked my therapist.
[18:31] Speaker 3: I said, I understand, you explain what happened to me, right,
[18:36] Speaker 3: and it's traumatic. Am I this way because of the trauma?
[18:42] Speaker 3: Am I this way because I really like it now?
[18:45] Speaker 3: Or is it both?
[18:47] Speaker 2: I think it could be both, honestly, And there's no
[18:51] Speaker 2: judgment in that, you know, no, absolutely.
[18:53] Speaker 3: But for me, I feel like, Okay, I acknowledge, I understand,
[18:57] Speaker 3: I get it, but I've moved past that and then
[19:00] Speaker 3: I really do feel this way about relationship right. So
[19:04] Speaker 3: that's always my thing too, because on the flip side,
[19:08] Speaker 3: let's remove the trauma. Now, let's go to the experiences.
[19:11] Speaker 3: So let's look at this box. And if I'm seeing
[19:13] Speaker 3: everybody that's in my circle or their people or whomever,
[19:18] Speaker 3: nobody's being faithful, nobody's moving, you know, according to what
[19:24] Speaker 3: the monogamous standard is male and female. Yeah, I guess
[19:30] Speaker 3: this is life and how it's supposed to be. So
[19:33] Speaker 3: then there's that transition, yes, and then here we are today?
[19:38] Speaker 2: Where are we today?
[19:41] Speaker 3: Where we are today? Is I still believe the way
[19:43] Speaker 3: that I believe, but I subscribe to the that's to
[19:47] Speaker 3: my ability to the monogamous channel.
[19:49] Speaker 2: Is it hard for you?
[19:51] Speaker 3: Absolutely?
[19:51] Speaker 1: Yeah, because your desires are like yeah, the fact that
[19:57] Speaker 1: you can even own up to that is powerful in
[20:00] Speaker 1: itself because some people don't even have their word to
[20:02] Speaker 1: to be like, this is who I am.
[20:04] Speaker 3: But finding the person, you know, because even with my
[20:10] Speaker 3: old lady now, like I've caused pain and hurt and
[20:16] Speaker 3: she may never look at me the same way she
[20:18] Speaker 3: did when I first met her. Yeah, so that's a
[20:23] Speaker 3: that's that's a burden that I got to care.
[20:25] Speaker 2: How do you like every day?
[20:27] Speaker 1: What do you do to try to make that writer
[20:29] Speaker 1: kind of mend those wounds with her?
[20:32] Speaker 3: I don't ever try to. Really, My belief system is
[20:38] Speaker 3: the more I continue to grow and work on me,
[20:42] Speaker 3: then it'll manifest in the areas of my life.
[20:44] Speaker 2: That's true, because she'll see the change, at least I hope.
[20:48] Speaker 3: Yeah, Because the other part to that is not saying her,
[20:53] Speaker 3: but maybe in the other situations somebody can carry they
[21:00] Speaker 3: can carry that pain and treat you as such. And
[21:05] Speaker 3: then that's why grudges a for him. Yes, yes, so
[21:08] Speaker 3: it doesn't matter. I just heard a story the other
[21:10] Speaker 3: day about a gentleman that is, you know, loves his
[21:13] Speaker 3: wife and feels like that's his person and he made
[21:17] Speaker 3: he made one decision, right, he stepped out of their relationship,
[21:23] Speaker 3: you know, that decision, mistake whatever, whoever you know. Yep,
[21:27] Speaker 3: well if you would have you know, can we get
[21:29] Speaker 3: into that. But the point is he made the decision
[21:32] Speaker 3: that he made and it is now probably cost him because.
[21:36] Speaker 4: She can't she can't get over it.
[21:39] Speaker 3: So understanding that level of pain that you caused to people,
[21:45] Speaker 3: you know, I I get it. But at the same time,
[21:53] Speaker 3: you know, I know what I come from and I
[21:55] Speaker 3: know my background and it's not my intention. So I know.
[21:59] Speaker 3: You know you talked about earlier, like the the me
[22:02] Speaker 3: asking for forgiveness, you know, at the at the event,
[22:07] Speaker 3: and it was to do like two things. It was
[22:11] Speaker 3: one acknowledging, Like even to most people, it's like, man,
[22:16] Speaker 3: you're you're healed and you're this and you're that, and
[22:19] Speaker 3: I'm like you might think that, but I'm still not
[22:22] Speaker 3: everybody's cup of tea. So let me excite that first,
[22:27] Speaker 3: but then also too, let me do let me take
[22:30] Speaker 3: the time for those people that I have hurt. It
[22:35] Speaker 3: wasn't intentional, but I just need to own whatever I
[22:40] Speaker 3: did to you, even I'm saying my apologies at the
[22:44] Speaker 3: level of even if I feel I didn't do something, yes,
[22:48] Speaker 3: but you're hurt and you feel upset about something. I
[22:50] Speaker 3: respect that. I don't have to agree, which is different,
[22:55] Speaker 3: but I respect that. So that's a part of my ownership,
[22:59] Speaker 3: you know. So it's it's a lot of things that's
[23:01] Speaker 3: that that's going on that I have to face daily,
[23:05] Speaker 3: and it's not it's not easy, you know what I'm saying, Like,
[23:08] Speaker 3: it's not easy for me to feel the way that
[23:13] Speaker 3: I feel or try to suppress or do whatever it
[23:16] Speaker 3: is that I'm doing. But I do understand, you know,
[23:19] Speaker 3: the bigger picture, you know, for example, and I try
[23:23] Speaker 3: to just stick to that. So that's my struggle. It's
[23:27] Speaker 3: a serious struggle.
[23:28] Speaker 2: Yeah, I can imagine.
[23:31] Speaker 1: Is there anything that what do you do for Josh
[23:33] Speaker 1: daily to make sure that you continue to evolve in
[23:37] Speaker 1: your healing process?
[23:38] Speaker 2: What do you do?
[23:40] Speaker 1: Is there anything you do to try to suppress those
[23:42] Speaker 1: urges or feelings or I know you said, now you meditate,
[23:46] Speaker 1: you do yoga.
[23:47] Speaker 2: You take time for yourself, or do you feel like, hey,
[23:49] Speaker 2: this is who I am and this is what it is.
[23:53] Speaker 3: It's both, but I do try to praying and and
[24:03] Speaker 3: read more, try to So going back a little bit
[24:07] Speaker 3: right the way that I was raised. I'm still Christian,
[24:11] Speaker 3: but I found a new faith and in my belief system. Right,
[24:20] Speaker 3: we believe at the Church of God, for example, we
[24:23] Speaker 3: believe in Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, and we do all
[24:28] Speaker 3: New Testament teachers. But everything that we do right is
[24:32] Speaker 3: according to what the book is. So like going to
[24:34] Speaker 3: church on Saturday, which is the Sabbath, you know, third
[24:38] Speaker 3: day for us is Tuesday. You know we practice the Passover,
[24:43] Speaker 3: we do you know, the Feast. It's just a different
[24:47] Speaker 3: way of moving. So in this church, you know, God
[24:50] Speaker 3: bless brother David Shan's because that's who That's who preached
[24:53] Speaker 3: to me. But in this church, that was like my
[24:57] Speaker 3: first time seeing monogamous men. Hm. That was my first
[25:04] Speaker 3: time seeing women who are completely monogamous.
[25:14] Speaker 2: This is your first time. I actually seen examples of it.
[25:16] Speaker 3: Absolutely before I knew it exists, but I just didn't
[25:19] Speaker 3: see it.
[25:20] Speaker 2: Do you think you saw it with your grandparents?
[25:25] Speaker 3: So I got a version of it, and I love
[25:27] Speaker 3: my grandparents. But then come to find out my grandfather
[25:30] Speaker 3: had three other kids. Oh wow, So I just met
[25:34] Speaker 3: some my uncles and aunts are like four years ago.
[25:39] Speaker 2: I feel like everything has it. Were like, yeah, this
[25:41] Speaker 2: is your.
[25:41] Speaker 3: What these are the secrets and things, and so that's
[25:44] Speaker 3: what I'm saying. So it's like, at one point in
[25:47] Speaker 3: time my vision of them was this is the model. Yes,
[25:52] Speaker 3: and I still feel that they're the model.
[25:54] Speaker 2: Yes.
[25:55] Speaker 3: That doesn't take away from whatever he did or whatever
[25:58] Speaker 3: the case may be. Yeah, not here to judge or
[26:01] Speaker 3: none of that, but it's just how do I view that?
[26:04] Speaker 3: How do I take that? So I was saying all
[26:08] Speaker 3: that to say, like, these are the reasons why I'm
[26:10] Speaker 3: trying to like do better now. So like beforehand, when
[26:14] Speaker 3: I would be outside, now it's like, if I do
[26:17] Speaker 3: happen to go outside, it has to be with a purpose,
[26:21] Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, Or if I am feeling
[26:23] Speaker 3: an urge or you know, feeling whatever. I'll call a
[26:28] Speaker 3: brother now and we get a study in. Can you
[26:32] Speaker 3: share a scripture? With me. Can you pray for me,
[26:34] Speaker 3: you know, or I might write a letter to God myself.
[26:38] Speaker 3: And these are some of the things that helped me
[26:41] Speaker 3: to stay the course. More so, it's still hard because
[26:49] Speaker 3: you know, women are beautiful and attractive, like I see
[26:52] Speaker 3: I want. That's always been me. But but just trying
[26:58] Speaker 3: to you know, and keep doing what I'm doing is
[27:05] Speaker 3: what I give my effort to.
[27:07] Speaker 1: So I guess you would say, like going to this
[27:09] Speaker 1: church is helping you stay on the right path. If
[27:11] Speaker 1: the people that you're calling now was like, hey, you
[27:13] Speaker 1: guys hold each other accountable.
[27:15] Speaker 3: It's that and it's just being around good brothers. And
[27:18] Speaker 3: I think that's important too because I do got other
[27:21] Speaker 3: brothers that aren't a part of the church that are
[27:23] Speaker 3: just solid and we hold each other accountable, you know
[27:25] Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I think that's super important. We need community, absolutely.
[27:30] Speaker 3: I don't think we understand how important community is. Whether
[27:33] Speaker 3: it's you know, relationship, whether it's friendships, whether it's you
[27:37] Speaker 3: got kids, whether you're single, no matter what. Like to
[27:41] Speaker 3: have good people in your life, people that hold you accountable,
[27:45] Speaker 3: people that want to continue to uplift you, make sure
[27:47] Speaker 3: you're okay to check on you. You know, it's just
[27:49] Speaker 3: it's just really important. So I can't I can't stress
[27:53] Speaker 3: that enough. You know, we have to get away from
[27:55] Speaker 3: feeling like that's your business, that's your life. If you
[27:58] Speaker 3: love somebody who care to check out, they should they
[28:01] Speaker 3: should be just as much a part of yours as
[28:04] Speaker 3: you should be of theirs.
[28:06] Speaker 2: Y's so true. I love that.
[28:08] Speaker 1: If you were to speak to young men today who
[28:11] Speaker 1: are maybe struggling with monogamy or struggling with their own
[28:16] Speaker 1: past traumas, what advice would you give them?
[28:20] Speaker 3: Well, first, forgive yourself, like it's okay, that's a great question,
[28:25] Speaker 3: by the way, But I think that one of the
[28:29] Speaker 3: most powerful things you can do is accountability. So when
[28:32] Speaker 3: I wrote this boat wrote this book, I took the
[28:35] Speaker 3: eight mile approach. I literally thought about the scene with
[28:40] Speaker 3: Eminem and Papa Die and him figuring out is he's
[28:45] Speaker 3: moving round to round to round and then getting to
[28:48] Speaker 3: the final like, how am I going to approach this situation? Yeah,
[28:52] Speaker 3: And for him it was I know what I can
[28:59] Speaker 3: address That removes power from anything that you're gonna say.
[29:05] Speaker 3: And I feel like in this day and age, you
[29:08] Speaker 3: make a mistake, just own it. If you make a decision,
[29:13] Speaker 3: own it right, wrong, and different, because that's your power.
[29:17] Speaker 3: It's sures to have. I'll be the first to say
[29:20] Speaker 3: I don't do everything right. I don't queen, and I'm
[29:24] Speaker 3: forever trying to grow past that, you know. But I'm
[29:31] Speaker 3: a man and I'm gonna own it and I'm gonna
[29:32] Speaker 3: stand on it. And I hope that that's something that
[29:36] Speaker 3: encourages men, young men, women, young women to just hold
[29:41] Speaker 3: yourself accountable when we get into trouble. Is like the embarrassment.
[29:46] Speaker 3: We don't want people to think some way about us. Oh,
[29:49] Speaker 3: you're judging me.
[29:52] Speaker 2: It's a judging world, right there.
[29:57] Speaker 3: I told you I was coming to it. I give
[30:00] Speaker 3: zero fs. I'm saying that respectfully. I am not worried
[30:05] Speaker 3: about what nobody says about me, how you think about me. No,
[30:08] Speaker 3: none of that, because the reason being right is I
[30:11] Speaker 3: don't been drawn through the mud by the closest people
[30:14] Speaker 3: to me, So why would I Why would I worry
[30:17] Speaker 3: about what the judge was? Yeah, why would I worry
[30:20] Speaker 3: about what the teachers or the coaches, or the family
[30:24] Speaker 3: or other friends like. It doesn't. It doesn't because some
[30:29] Speaker 3: of the things that I've seen and witnessed like my
[30:33] Speaker 3: experiences is crazy.
[30:36] Speaker 1: Do you feel like you would ever open up fully
[30:38] Speaker 1: about everything you've been through? You thought this is maybe
[30:42] Speaker 1: just breaking the tip of the iceberg and that you
[30:44] Speaker 1: may eventually like share everything. Because I'm not gonna lie
[30:47] Speaker 1: when I watched it, I mean when I watched it,
[30:49] Speaker 1: see because when.
[30:49] Speaker 2: I read this, okay, I literally was like.
[30:56] Speaker 1: This could be a movie, Like because I could tell
[30:58] Speaker 1: there was more. I was like, there's so much more
[31:00] Speaker 1: to this than we're getting told right now.
[31:03] Speaker 3: You know, what I wanted to do is create the
[31:05] Speaker 3: conversation where you started it. Because I study, I study
[31:08] Speaker 3: what other people do. I really am a student, like
[31:11] Speaker 3: I want to. I'm watching how people are going about
[31:14] Speaker 3: their life stories. I'm watching how people are talking about
[31:16] Speaker 3: their relationships and doing this and doing that, and so
[31:19] Speaker 3: many people are either secretive or private, and I get it.
[31:23] Speaker 3: I get it. I'm not here to say that I
[31:25] Speaker 3: don't understand. But when we talk about healing and when
[31:29] Speaker 3: we talk like if we have a platform, you know
[31:33] Speaker 3: my platform. You know what I'm saying. You know the
[31:38] Speaker 3: twenty four thousand people that follow me for whatever reason,
[31:41] Speaker 3: and the many you know that see me on other platforms.
[31:45] Speaker 3: I always have a responsibility no matter where I'm atter
[31:48] Speaker 3: what I'm doing, So I try to just be the
[31:50] Speaker 3: example of that.
[31:51] Speaker 2: It's amazing, you know, and.
[31:52] Speaker 3: For me, what other way are we gonna heal if
[31:55] Speaker 3: you don't speak to it. I know pain when I
[31:58] Speaker 3: see I walk every day, I see broken people, hurt people,
[32:02] Speaker 3: you know, people that are suffering from trauma and all that.
[32:05] Speaker 3: I see it. I feel it. Even when you smile.
[32:08] Speaker 3: I'm like, big dog, come talk to me, man, what
[32:10] Speaker 3: you got going on? I am you queen? What you that?
[32:14] Speaker 3: Ain't you come here? Let me talk to you? Listen,
[32:19] Speaker 3: because it ain't no way. I remember in my in
[32:23] Speaker 3: my dating stages after my divorce, I was having a
[32:25] Speaker 3: conversation with this young lady, beautiful young lady, and we
[32:29] Speaker 3: were talking about and breaking down so many different things.
[32:33] Speaker 3: So I expressed because I was like, I didn't do
[32:37] Speaker 3: it my first go around. I'm gonna be honest, I'm
[32:39] Speaker 3: gonna do it this go around. I was like, listen,
[32:43] Speaker 3: I'm into polygamy, like that's my thing.
[32:47] Speaker 2: What is not enough? Multiple?
[32:50] Speaker 3: So well, what if I did it? And I said,
[32:59] Speaker 3: that's that's on your spirit, let's talk about it. But
[33:02] Speaker 3: don't say you're gonna do something to see or get
[33:05] Speaker 3: a reaction out of me. If you're not about that life.
[33:09] Speaker 2: She just wanted to know, Like, yeah, different.
[33:13] Speaker 3: But if you want to have this conversation, then let's
[33:15] Speaker 3: have it. It's worth a conversation. I'm not gonna sit up
[33:19] Speaker 3: here and shut down anything or however we moving, but
[33:22] Speaker 3: let's have the conversation. That's me. I was a fool
[33:26] Speaker 3: for it before suppressing and not talking, and maybe a
[33:31] Speaker 3: part of that was I didn't quite understand it. So
[33:34] Speaker 3: out of fairness, I'll throw that in there too, But
[33:38] Speaker 3: I feel that we all should have real transparent conversations
[33:42] Speaker 3: about who we are, what we want, what our expectations are,
[33:45] Speaker 3: you know, the things that we would like to see,
[33:47] Speaker 3: what our visions are, you know all of these different things,
[33:50] Speaker 3: because that'll help you where you're trying to go in
[33:55] Speaker 3: regards to your personal relationships, business, friendship, whatever ships you
[34:01] Speaker 3: got going on in your life. That'll help you establish
[34:06] Speaker 3: better foundations across the board.
[34:08] Speaker 2: I love that now have you let go completely of
[34:12] Speaker 2: the idea of polygamy now you know now you're really
[34:15] Speaker 2: geared towards monogamy. It just looks at me like.
[34:20] Speaker 1: Girl, like, is that still a thought or you like,
[34:24] Speaker 1: I'm cool with one person now.
[34:27] Speaker 3: So as heartfelt as I can say this, because of
[34:37] Speaker 3: my belief system, I have to change my thought process,
[34:45] Speaker 3: I have to change my behaviors, and I have to
[34:48] Speaker 3: really grow and conform to things the way that God wants.
[34:54] Speaker 2: But in the New Testament, if you live out the
[34:56] Speaker 2: New Testament, the New Testament, they had different wise.
[35:01] Speaker 3: I know we hear the stories, yeah, but but also too,
[35:07] Speaker 3: at the end of the day, there's a reason why
[35:10] Speaker 3: the system was designed the way that it was. And
[35:13] Speaker 3: to be honest, the stories that are in the Bible
[35:16] Speaker 3: go to show and lead us for the things that
[35:20] Speaker 3: we deal with today. So it's already happened. That's why
[35:24] Speaker 3: they buy everything just repeats itself. So for those that
[35:28] Speaker 3: think a certain way, it's like, we can go to
[35:30] Speaker 3: this book, show this version of the person that did
[35:33] Speaker 3: what they did, and even they can say, at the
[35:37] Speaker 3: end of the day, when it's time to go back
[35:38] Speaker 3: to heaven, none of this, yeah, right, because when you
[35:42] Speaker 3: get to that point, you got your brothers and you
[35:45] Speaker 3: got your sisters. You know what I'm saying. We ain't
[35:47] Speaker 3: supposed to be on none of that. We all want
[35:49] Speaker 3: big family. So for me, that's really my main focus
[35:56] Speaker 3: is to try to live according to that and hopefully
[36:00] Speaker 3: that helps me to continue to grow and to change
[36:02] Speaker 3: a lot of my behaviors. That's good, you know what
[36:05] Speaker 3: I mean. But on the flip side, I still I'll
[36:08] Speaker 3: tell you now, I would scream it to whomever any
[36:13] Speaker 3: other time if it wasn't for my spirit and it
[36:15] Speaker 3: wasn't for my belief system. I still feel the way
[36:18] Speaker 3: that I feel. Yeah, Wow, that is really my that
[36:24] Speaker 3: is really deeply embedded in me.
[36:27] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[36:29] Speaker 1: So I know you said before this is what you want,
[36:32] Speaker 1: you want to polygamy. Do you feel like that was
[36:35] Speaker 1: a choice that you were making because it would make
[36:39] Speaker 1: sense of why you felt the way you felt in
[36:41] Speaker 1: needing more than one woman? Almost like this is a
[36:46] Speaker 1: justification as to why I feel. So I'm gonna choose
[36:48] Speaker 1: this life.
[36:50] Speaker 3: I don't. I don't want to say it's justifiable because
[36:55] Speaker 3: you know, we still have our experiences. Great question, but
[37:02] Speaker 3: I do think that being who we authentically are as
[37:10] Speaker 3: as superpower, and so many of us are subscribing to
[37:15] Speaker 3: channels that we don't necessarily agree with. True. Yeah, and
[37:20] Speaker 3: we're being a representative, So I speak about that too.
[37:25] Speaker 3: You know, how many people can honestly say that you
[37:29] Speaker 3: feel safe in your relationship? How many men, how many
[37:34] Speaker 3: women can say that you feel safe, that you can
[37:36] Speaker 3: speak your mind freely, that you can express something that
[37:40] Speaker 3: is a displeasure. You know, that you can come forth
[37:43] Speaker 3: about information that has been weighing heavily on you that
[37:47] Speaker 3: you need to be set freed from. And not many
[37:50] Speaker 3: people can say that they're doing that.
[37:51] Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's so true.
[37:53] Speaker 3: For a young man, are you comfortable enough telling you
[37:57] Speaker 3: know your significant other that you are molested as a child.
[38:01] Speaker 3: For a young woman, do you feel comfortable telling you're
[38:04] Speaker 3: a man that you were raped at nineteen? You know,
[38:07] Speaker 3: do you feel comfortable telling your man that you got
[38:11] Speaker 3: daddy issues and vice versa? Like, it's a long list
[38:14] Speaker 3: of things that we could throw in there, but instead
[38:18] Speaker 3: of doing that, we have people that want to portray
[38:20] Speaker 3: perfection and it's dangerous and now we live in this
[38:25] Speaker 3: day and age of the internet and everything else. So
[38:29] Speaker 3: we're gonna do that times ten. We're gonna let people
[38:33] Speaker 3: know I'm happy, I'm good, or that relationship is way
[38:37] Speaker 3: beyond me. I'm good, like I ain't tripping on him.
[38:40] Speaker 3: I ain't tripping on her. I didn't get hurt. You know,
[38:43] Speaker 3: I break up, they don't break up with me. Whatever,
[38:46] Speaker 3: whatever it is that we want to touch up.
[38:48] Speaker 1: Yes our pastor literally just talked about that yesterday. And
[38:52] Speaker 1: we don't even want to give people the power or
[38:55] Speaker 1: the recognition of hurting us. It's like, I'm good, I
[39:00] Speaker 1: broke up with you. You didn't break up with me?
[39:02] Speaker 1: Or yeah, like you literally just talked about that.
[39:05] Speaker 3: That's so silly. And the other part that's crazy is
[39:11] Speaker 3: majority of people think that way. So that's the sad part. Right,
[39:14] Speaker 3: if you're a beautiful woman, how dare he break up
[39:18] Speaker 3: with you? COLONL what's wrong? Do you see who you are? Right?
[39:21] Speaker 3: Or bruh, you got this bag of money? Like? How
[39:23] Speaker 3: dare she treat you like?
[39:24] Speaker 2: Like?
[39:24] Speaker 3: Bro? That's that's not it.
[39:26] Speaker 2: Y'all ain't addressing this exactly. It's deeper than that.
[39:29] Speaker 3: Y'all ain't addressing this. So even when you look at you,
[39:33] Speaker 3: you get uncomfortable because you know you're living a lot. Yeah,
[39:37] Speaker 3: I sleep peacefully at night because I know that. Yeah,
[39:40] Speaker 3: I fed up. I said some things I probably shouldn't
[39:43] Speaker 3: have said. I did some things I probably shouldn't have did,
[39:46] Speaker 3: but I own that. I take full responsibility. I've apologized,
[39:52] Speaker 3: even if it ain't been the sexiest thing for me
[39:54] Speaker 3: to do. If my kids look at me sometimes and
[39:57] Speaker 3: be like, bro, I can't stand you. But at least
[39:58] Speaker 3: you know the truth. I rather you know that than
[40:02] Speaker 3: be having this relationship formed off of a lie or
[40:06] Speaker 3: formed off of a half truth or whatever. I rather
[40:09] Speaker 3: you know who your father is. Yeah, I rather you
[40:11] Speaker 3: know who your friend is. I rather you know who
[40:14] Speaker 3: your son is, or your cousin or whatever I am
[40:17] Speaker 3: to you. Yeah, because I know the dangers of these
[40:24] Speaker 3: fake people that come into your life. Yeah, And they
[40:28] Speaker 3: come to seek to seek and destroy, you know what
[40:33] Speaker 3: I mean. And I've been dealing with that from childhood
[40:36] Speaker 3: up until today. Yeah.
[40:38] Speaker 1: Speaking of your children, what do you do as a
[40:40] Speaker 1: father to protect them? And do you feel like a
[40:43] Speaker 1: lot of things that may have happened to you are
[40:45] Speaker 1: a reason why you're overprotective? Or I know you said
[40:48] Speaker 1: you naturally are overprotective, but you know, some things they
[40:51] Speaker 1: have to learn themselves.
[40:52] Speaker 2: You can't be too.
[40:54] Speaker 3: Overprotective, but you can't, and it has to be tough love.
[40:59] Speaker 3: And you know, I got a own mind, because I
[41:01] Speaker 3: know a lot of times people are saying, man, you're
[41:03] Speaker 3: such an amazing dad, You're sol this, and you're so that,
[41:08] Speaker 3: And I always challenge those people. If I'm so amazing,
[41:10] Speaker 3: then why does my seventeen year old not talk to me?
[41:12] Speaker 1: Mm?
[41:14] Speaker 3: Why why does she have a level of hatred towards
[41:17] Speaker 3: me based on what this one is saying or what
[41:20] Speaker 3: that one is saying? If I am who I'm supposed
[41:23] Speaker 3: to be to her, then can't there be some type
[41:26] Speaker 3: of foundation that she would have where Okay, even at
[41:29] Speaker 3: that moment she heard something that wasn't easy to hear,
[41:32] Speaker 3: but that she can feel comfortable enough to come to
[41:34] Speaker 3: me and say, Dad, can we have a conversation? Right? Right?
[41:37] Speaker 3: There's a disconnect, right, And there are some things that
[41:42] Speaker 3: I've done, And even for the things that I that
[41:45] Speaker 3: that I didn't do, I'll still take responsibility for it
[41:48] Speaker 3: because she's hurting. Yeah, and she's hurting because of me.
[41:52] Speaker 2: MM.
[41:53] Speaker 3: I own that. I own that like and I wouldsh
[41:57] Speaker 3: there was something I could do to change it. But
[42:00] Speaker 3: as much as I want to protect her, as much
[42:03] Speaker 3: as I want to shield her, I'm gonna let her
[42:08] Speaker 3: go through this process. It's not it's not easy, you
[42:12] Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, Like I'm blocked from a phone
[42:15] Speaker 3: that I pay for. Wow, you know I my last
[42:21] Speaker 3: actual sighting of her was in a courtroom and she
[42:26] Speaker 3: was testifying against me. That's the last time that I
[42:30] Speaker 3: pretty much got to lay eyes on her. And then
[42:32] Speaker 3: everything else has been me trying to get her on
[42:36] Speaker 3: the phone or try to something, and eventually I just stopped.
[42:41] Speaker 3: And some people are like, bro, you gotta keep fighting,
[42:43] Speaker 3: you gotta and it's like, listen, I can keep fighting, right,
[42:47] Speaker 3: but she's in a she's in a very different place. Yea,
[42:51] Speaker 3: so my fight could push her even further. Yeah, she
[42:57] Speaker 3: already feel like you know, she a young woman. She
[43:00] Speaker 3: told me, she was like, I'm different. This ain't the
[43:04] Speaker 3: same old patience, Like I'm different. And I know it
[43:09] Speaker 3: was hard for her to hear, but I said, I
[43:10] Speaker 3: don't like this version of you. Was I right for
[43:15] Speaker 3: saying that? Was I wrong for saying that? But that
[43:19] Speaker 3: was on my spirit because I know I know the
[43:22] Speaker 3: young lady that I raised, and I don't need to
[43:27] Speaker 3: be experiencing this new version of you. Because this new
[43:32] Speaker 3: version of you is it's coming from a place of hurt.
[43:38] Speaker 3: And I'm not saying you wasn't hurt before, but definitely
[43:41] Speaker 3: in a place of pain now. But to you, it
[43:44] Speaker 3: looks like happiness. You know why, because oh I ain't
[43:47] Speaker 3: around my dad no more. We're good. He raised me
[43:50] Speaker 3: on survival. My mom raised me from a place of love, Like, yeah,
[43:54] Speaker 3: she got me right, not him. Wasn't nothing about his
[43:59] Speaker 3: upbringing that was conducive, Like that was in the best
[44:01] Speaker 3: interest in me. I got to swallow that when I
[44:06] Speaker 3: when I go by, you know, when I'm in my
[44:08] Speaker 3: house and I go buy pictures or go buy a room,
[44:11] Speaker 3: and that could be dedicated to her or whatever. Like
[44:14] Speaker 3: I constantly am reminded, and that's that's a deep thing
[44:18] Speaker 3: to feel. But I've I'm constantly reminded, and that's where
[44:23] Speaker 3: the numbness comes from. So at that event, it was interesting.
[44:27] Speaker 3: I was talking to I was talking to think of
[44:31] Speaker 3: one of my homegirls about it. But I had, like
[44:35] Speaker 3: I had, I had felt like some emotion, and I
[44:42] Speaker 3: was like, yo, I'm growing because before I was super numb,
[44:46] Speaker 3: and I was when I wrote this book. When I've
[44:49] Speaker 3: done other interviews, the way things come out and there's
[44:53] Speaker 3: no there's no.
[44:54] Speaker 1: Nothing that that was the first time you felt something you.
[44:58] Speaker 3: Were like and it felt good. So I'm hoping that
[45:03] Speaker 3: the more the more I can express, the more you know,
[45:06] Speaker 3: conversations I can have that tears will actually flow, which
[45:10] Speaker 3: would probably be another chapter, right, another level of healing
[45:15] Speaker 3: that I'll be able to reach, because that was the
[45:18] Speaker 3: first time. It's like I got choked up because I
[45:20] Speaker 3: felt I felt myself like, wait a minute, what's going on?
[45:24] Speaker 3: But it was this rush of like it was just pain.
[45:28] Speaker 3: It was all kinds of things that I had felt,
[45:31] Speaker 3: you know what I mean, like and it happened like
[45:32] Speaker 3: at the beginning because I was thinking my brother, you know,
[45:35] Speaker 3: for changing my life and being a big part of that.
[45:39] Speaker 3: There was another point where, you know, my cousin, so
[45:42] Speaker 3: my mom was there, my cousin was there, I had
[45:44] Speaker 3: family there, and you know, my cousin who just lost
[45:49] Speaker 3: both her mom and her dad were in the past year.
[45:52] Speaker 3: But she talked about like, you know, her mother that
[45:57] Speaker 3: was in an abusive relationship til she passed, like m
[46:01] Speaker 3: her husband was abusive. And I looked at my cousin
[46:07] Speaker 3: and I was just like the amount of pain that
[46:09] Speaker 3: I felt because it's like you wanna do something to bruh,
[46:11] Speaker 3: but I can't. That ain't my battle.
[46:13] Speaker 2: Yeah, mm.
[46:17] Speaker 3: And how many of us are in situations like you
[46:19] Speaker 3: love a person, you express what you express, you be
[46:22] Speaker 3: there for 'em. But some things people just have to
[46:25] Speaker 3: go through. And I share that to say, my daughter's
[46:29] Speaker 3: in a place where she got to go through whatever
[46:30] Speaker 3: it is is she got to go through. Yeah, I'm
[46:33] Speaker 3: not carrying that guilt no more.
[46:35] Speaker 2: M M.
[46:35] Speaker 3: Yeah, that that guilt, that burden was heavy. I can
[46:39] Speaker 3: imagine that that it was really heavy.
[46:42] Speaker 2: How does that affect your other children?
[46:44] Speaker 1: Do you make sure you're present and that you don't
[46:47] Speaker 1: let that relationship with her tarnish your relationship.
[46:51] Speaker 3: With it, that relationship, there's a lot of things that
[46:53] Speaker 3: have affected so many things in all of their lives.
[46:57] Speaker 2: MM.
[46:59] Speaker 3: Because my oldest who's with my ex wife, like she's hurt.
[47:04] Speaker 3: She lost her sister. Yeah, they were close in age.
[47:07] Speaker 3: She's fourteen, mother mother, she's about to be fifteen next month.
[47:10] Speaker 3: But you know that was always her big sister. Like
[47:13] Speaker 3: they talked, they kicked it, they vibed right, and now
[47:17] Speaker 3: she don't have that. So we as adults got to
[47:21] Speaker 3: think about the things that we're doing when we get
[47:23] Speaker 3: it children involved in adult business. Yeah, my story is
[47:30] Speaker 3: a product of that. Me as a man, I may
[47:35] Speaker 3: not have been the best partner, but don't let that
[47:38] Speaker 3: get in the way of me being a father. Yeah,
[47:40] Speaker 3: that's separate in the part yep, yep. Too many times
[47:44] Speaker 3: women treat men the same. You wasn't a bad You
[47:48] Speaker 3: wasn't a good husband or a good partner or a
[47:51] Speaker 3: good boyfriend, So you're a terrible father too, and vice versa.
[47:55] Speaker 3: And it's not fair.
[47:56] Speaker 2: It's not fair, Yeah, for sure, So I have to
[48:00] Speaker 2: have to deal with that.
[48:00] Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm definitely gonna pray for her because
[48:04] Speaker 1: I know what it's like to be in a last
[48:07] Speaker 1: state at a young age and you think that everything
[48:10] Speaker 1: is fine until you hit that wall, you know, and
[48:13] Speaker 1: eventually it's gonna happen. You talked about privacy earlier. You're
[48:20] Speaker 1: super private about your personal life. My team tried to
[48:25] Speaker 1: We tried to find out everything we could. They were like,
[48:27] Speaker 1: we just can't find we just we literally after all
[48:29] Speaker 1: the digmalllow, he's actually married.
[48:31] Speaker 2: How long have you? I know you got divorced three
[48:33] Speaker 2: years ago.
[48:35] Speaker 3: So I got divorced five years ago?
[48:37] Speaker 2: Five years Okay? So you're recently married. How's that going?
[48:42] Speaker 3: Been married a year?
[48:43] Speaker 2: Yeah?
[48:44] Speaker 3: Okay, working through it even when we got it done,
[48:47] Speaker 3: Like nobody knew we got married.
[48:49] Speaker 2: Why are you so private?
[48:54] Speaker 3: I don't think it's it's intentional. I think that I
[48:59] Speaker 3: know based on my experiences, it always weighs on me
[49:05] Speaker 3: because people that I thought would be happy for me,
[49:08] Speaker 3: or be supportive or love me have done the most damage.
[49:13] Speaker 3: So now I don't even view it as that. That's
[49:16] Speaker 3: what I'm saying, Like I'm having like I wish she
[49:19] Speaker 3: could be here right now to hear this, because it's
[49:21] Speaker 3: like this is another thing of my thought process, because
[49:26] Speaker 3: it's not that it's like it's this secret, but it's
[49:29] Speaker 3: like who do you turn to for the good news?
[49:34] Speaker 2: I've been through that.
[49:37] Speaker 3: Yeah, my mom was the only person that was a
[49:40] Speaker 3: part of that zoom because when we got married, it
[49:44] Speaker 3: was just me, her, our young our son, and I
[49:48] Speaker 3: think she had one of her best guy friends or whoever.
[49:54] Speaker 3: It was like five people in the road. That's as
[49:59] Speaker 3: real as.
[49:59] Speaker 4: It gets versus it's huge.
[50:02] Speaker 3: The huge situation and there's so many people in this
[50:07] Speaker 3: space that you don't know what they're on. Yeah, I
[50:12] Speaker 3: have the utmost respect for her because we've had a
[50:19] Speaker 3: lot of hard conversations. And the thing that I respect
[50:23] Speaker 3: the most is whether we do or we don't work out,
[50:29] Speaker 3: we're in this this place of love and just understanding
[50:35] Speaker 3: and trying to grow and be the best that we
[50:39] Speaker 3: could be for each other.
[50:41] Speaker 2: That's good. I like that.
[50:43] Speaker 1: And I think just me being in the space that
[50:45] Speaker 1: I'm in.
[50:47] Speaker 2: As a celebrity in dating, learning.
[50:50] Speaker 3: That every time give your flowers.
[50:55] Speaker 1: But it is different when you like dating someone and
[50:58] Speaker 1: you want to like keep it private, you know, and
[51:00] Speaker 1: a lot of times the other person's.
[51:02] Speaker 2: Like, why why can't we post?
[51:03] Speaker 1: Or like, well, I don't want to take a picture
[51:05] Speaker 1: because you're not gonna post it anywhere, And I'm like.
[51:06] Speaker 3: But you gotta do what's best for you. I feel
[51:09] Speaker 3: like us has grown grown men and grown women if
[51:12] Speaker 3: we're in a place in space where we're focused on
[51:17] Speaker 3: people their part, because this would be my thing to
[51:24] Speaker 3: your guy or whoever else. How many people did you
[51:28] Speaker 3: see post that put on as if they're gonna be forever,
[51:34] Speaker 3: and then you hear something or you see something and
[51:38] Speaker 3: it throws you off. I don't have nothing in this
[51:44] Speaker 3: world to prove other than to her. Now, I do
[51:49] Speaker 3: have a responsibility to these kids. But that's it.
[51:51] Speaker 2: Yeah, Like.
[51:55] Speaker 3: How many times somebody hit my bra I ain't even
[51:57] Speaker 3: know you was married, Like I ain't even know, like
[52:00] Speaker 3: and it's like my bad because it wasn't. And I'm
[52:07] Speaker 3: not trying to be excuse me, secretive about it. If
[52:12] Speaker 3: it come up, it come up, like I don't have
[52:14] Speaker 3: a problem doing that, you know what I mean, Like
[52:18] Speaker 3: I'll address it, I'll speak to it. You know, I'm
[52:21] Speaker 3: not holding some secret because it's like I got this
[52:25] Speaker 3: this whole slew full of women that you know, whatever
[52:29] Speaker 3: that is, people like I can't speak for everybody it.
[52:34] Speaker 3: I'm just saying for me, because me be as honest
[52:38] Speaker 3: with you. Even even in other relationships when I was involved,
[52:45] Speaker 3: I let those people know I'm married when.
[52:49] Speaker 2: I was living a life living.
[52:52] Speaker 1: You never like because some man would be like, oh no,
[52:55] Speaker 1: or act like.
[52:55] Speaker 2: They're leaving their wife or completely act single.
[52:58] Speaker 3: I've said that, and I actually was, you know what
[53:01] Speaker 3: I'm saying Like I was in that process, right, So
[53:04] Speaker 3: I'm not trying to say that these weren't things that
[53:06] Speaker 3: were going on. But I've been on both sides of it.
[53:12] Speaker 3: I understand I understand why people have the notions that
[53:15] Speaker 3: they have, but I do think that however people decide
[53:20] Speaker 3: to move, just respect that. That's what's important. And then
[53:26] Speaker 3: me and you we share because you know, I may
[53:31] Speaker 3: not have been like film and this and that, but
[53:35] Speaker 3: being a public figure, you know what I mean, Like
[53:39] Speaker 3: it's my first time ever saying that, Like it's crazy,
[53:41] Speaker 3: but I don't because I don't move that way.
[53:44] Speaker 2: You know, you always move.
[53:46] Speaker 3: But I understand to your point, because it's like people
[53:51] Speaker 3: know you even if they don't, Hey that's Josh. They're like, hey, brouh,
[53:56] Speaker 3: you used to play for the Hawse or hey, bro,
[53:58] Speaker 3: you used to play for the Lakers, or you know
[54:00] Speaker 3: all that. So I get it, but I don't know
[54:04] Speaker 3: what people are on. Yeah, and that's the thing that
[54:08] Speaker 3: plagues me because I have personal situations where people who
[54:15] Speaker 3: I felt could be trusted have done things that have
[54:20] Speaker 3: made me think otherwise.
[54:24] Speaker 2: And that's probably another reason why you're so guarded, because
[54:27] Speaker 2: like I just now, I moved away that I'm rightfully, but.
[54:33] Speaker 3: I honestly feel like everybody should do what they feel
[54:36] Speaker 3: is best for them, you know what I mean, Like
[54:39] Speaker 3: you do that, But then too, when I talked to her.
[54:43] Speaker 3: It's like she's a little funny about stuff too, So
[54:50] Speaker 3: I don't know I get it right sometimes because just
[54:54] Speaker 3: things that she might like. I remember when she was
[54:56] Speaker 3: pregnant and I did a podcast which was a while ago,
[54:59] Speaker 3: and the one of the co host was like, you know,
[55:02] Speaker 3: oh see, you got your wife here. She's pregnant, and
[55:05] Speaker 3: you could see she's like a deer in headlights because
[55:09] Speaker 3: it was and she told like she told the people
[55:11] Speaker 3: like I gotta cut that I didn't want that to be. Yeah,
[55:17] Speaker 3: everybody different, man, Like, you know, I try to uphold
[55:21] Speaker 3: to the best of my ability, and I know that,
[55:27] Speaker 3: you know, there are days where I succeed at it
[55:30] Speaker 3: and there are days that I don't. But I own
[55:34] Speaker 3: that I and I try my best to be better
[55:37] Speaker 3: every day.
[55:37] Speaker 2: That's awesome.
[55:40] Speaker 1: There is this thing going around about a list of
[55:43] Speaker 1: places that women don't want men to take them on
[55:46] Speaker 1: first dates. What was you in your wife's like first
[55:49] Speaker 1: day or how did y'all meet initially?
[55:51] Speaker 3: First of all outside of my wife. I'm gonna look
[55:53] Speaker 3: at this camera again because this is silliness, right, This
[55:57] Speaker 3: is pure silliness. When you rock with somebody, if you
[56:02] Speaker 3: truly rocking with somebody. That means y'all should be able
[56:05] Speaker 3: to go on walks, go to Starbucks, go to the movies,
[56:09] Speaker 3: do the do do the smallest things, take a yoga class, whatever,
[56:14] Speaker 3: the places to go to eat that has nothing to
[56:16] Speaker 3: do with anything.
[56:17] Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I thought, because some of those plays,
[56:18] Speaker 1: I'm like, I actually think these are great first dates.
[56:21] Speaker 3: You know, but again, like is your focus on the
[56:25] Speaker 3: person in the conversation or is your focus on the
[56:30] Speaker 3: ambiance or you're trying to you're trying to get a
[56:33] Speaker 3: taste of this life depending on the person, And it's like,
[56:38] Speaker 3: I'm not doing that right.
[56:40] Speaker 1: So what did you what's your first date? Like when
[56:42] Speaker 1: if you were to let's talk because you're married, so
[56:44] Speaker 1: let's talk.
[56:45] Speaker 2: What was your first date? Do you remember?
[56:51] Speaker 3: I don't know if we considered that a first date, but
[56:53] Speaker 3: I mean the first time I met her, we went
[56:54] Speaker 3: to a cool little restaurant in Bucket. That's a date,
[56:57] Speaker 3: and I met but it was like a group of us,
[57:00] Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, I don't even know her.
[57:01] Speaker 3: You feel me so like the way that we kind
[57:02] Speaker 3: of just bumped into each other. And I think the
[57:04] Speaker 3: next time you know, outside of that weekend. The next
[57:08] Speaker 3: time that she came, I think the first thing that
[57:11] Speaker 3: we did was we went to my boys hook Allows
[57:14] Speaker 3: Super south Side was in McDonald's.
[57:17] Speaker 2: Oh he was way out.
[57:20] Speaker 3: Because he had some type of event. We came through
[57:22] Speaker 3: and supported and and that was it. Like, yeah, it
[57:26] Speaker 3: wasn't it wasn't about none of that because we also
[57:30] Speaker 3: when she came to visit, we went to the movies.
[57:33] Speaker 3: Definitely hit the waffle House from Atlanta. Like you think
[57:39] Speaker 3: we get the Scramble, You feel me that All Star
[57:42] Speaker 3: Special come on? So I feel like we all that's cute, man,
[57:49] Speaker 3: it sounds good. But if you don't know who you
[57:52] Speaker 3: rocking with. And I talk about this too, man, we
[57:56] Speaker 3: got people laying up with each other. You're going raw,
[57:59] Speaker 3: you're doing all these things. You're seeing people in that form,
[58:02] Speaker 3: but you ain't seeing their heart. You ain't seeing who's
[58:05] Speaker 3: actually you know the person that when something hit the fan,
[58:10] Speaker 3: that's the person you're gonna you're gonna have to deal hell.
[58:13] Speaker 2: That is so true, so true.
[58:15] Speaker 3: Listen, man, you want to go to Applebee's, do you
[58:18] Speaker 3: you know? Because something and I think I feel like
[58:20] Speaker 3: for you, right if somebody did like the the simple things.
[58:23] Speaker 3: I feel like that would be that would be very important.
[58:26] Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, you know what I'm saying.
[58:28] Speaker 3: Like somebody taking the time to write a letter or
[58:34] Speaker 3: just doing just this little things that that are like
[58:37] Speaker 3: heartfelt because it's not we're all busy. So the fact
[58:41] Speaker 3: that you took the time to even write a sentence
[58:44] Speaker 3: on a piece of paper, even if it's that small
[58:46] Speaker 3: little thing, just to share your appreciation of thoughts or hey,
[58:51] Speaker 3: let's go do yoga, let's go you know whatever, or
[58:54] Speaker 3: like let's make this sexy, like let's go have a
[58:57] Speaker 3: therapy session together. Why not let that.
[59:02] Speaker 2: I'm about to lay it all on the table. Still
[59:06] Speaker 2: want to be with me now, I'm telling you that's real.
[59:09] Speaker 3: We would cut you know what, We would cut through
[59:11] Speaker 3: a lot of bs if we did that too, we
[59:13] Speaker 3: would I like that. I'm a big fan of that.
[59:16] Speaker 3: That's good for me, Like you know, everybody's like, you know,
[59:19] Speaker 3: take your time to do this and do that. Now,
[59:20] Speaker 3: I own mind. Let me share this with you. I
[59:23] Speaker 3: got all these kids, I got these different women, I
[59:25] Speaker 3: got this, I got that. Are you cool with that
[59:28] Speaker 3: or not?
[59:28] Speaker 2: Right? That's good, Josh, thank you, it's been good. Thank you.
[59:33] Speaker 3: So much.
[59:34] Speaker 1: Thank you for being open, thank you for being vulnerable.
[59:37] Speaker 1: And guys, please go get the book.
[59:40] Speaker 2: You can order. I know it's on Amazon. Where else
[59:41] Speaker 2: can you get?
[59:42] Speaker 3: This is a Relationships Matter Live. We got it on there,
[59:46] Speaker 3: so Amazon, Bars and Nobles, we try. We out you.
[59:50] Speaker 2: Now you're out here, so proud of you.
[59:52] Speaker 3: See that's your girls copy. Now I got my own,
[59:55] Speaker 3: got so you know, but.
[59:56] Speaker 2: I'm gonna buy my own too, like to support. So
[59:59] Speaker 2: thank you for bringing me.
[1:00:00] Speaker 1: You signed this one for me, but thank you because
[1:00:02] Speaker 1: she hears a sign and look.
[1:00:06] Speaker 3: I did this on purpose. It's a super easy read.
[1:00:10] Speaker 3: It is. I love it because a lot of times
[1:00:13] Speaker 3: people either because you're busy, or you may be the
[1:00:15] Speaker 3: person that don't like to read. But I wanted to
[1:00:17] Speaker 3: be very I wanted those hundred pages to be very
[1:00:20] Speaker 3: impactful and kind of like The Alchemist or maybe.
[1:00:26] Speaker 2: One of you favorite books.
[1:00:27] Speaker 3: Read it, you end up going back to it because
[1:00:30] Speaker 3: there's different things that you get out of it, and
[1:00:34] Speaker 3: that was my goal along with creating the conversation. So
[1:00:38] Speaker 3: I wanted to be and do something different. I'm not
[1:00:41] Speaker 3: sugarcoating nothing that I went through. I'm not putting no
[1:00:44] Speaker 3: media training in no book. I want people to know real,
[1:00:48] Speaker 3: raw me, and that way you get to understanding of
[1:00:50] Speaker 3: who I am, the way that I move, the why,
[1:00:53] Speaker 3: the everything. You know what I'm saying, and I know
[1:00:56] Speaker 3: some people you're gonna be in there. I still love
[1:00:59] Speaker 3: it because I am you. I love even though you
[1:01:03] Speaker 3: might feel a way, but the same things. If we
[1:01:06] Speaker 3: share stories or whatever, guarantee you there'll be a lot
[1:01:09] Speaker 3: in there where you're like, wow, I didn't know you
[1:01:12] Speaker 3: went through that.
[1:01:12] Speaker 2: No, seriously reading this, it was a lot of parallels.
[1:01:16] Speaker 3: So in the healing, that's the most important thing. Yes,
[1:01:19] Speaker 3: what do those steps look like? And that's why I
[1:01:21] Speaker 3: wanted to make sure I put those in there, because
[1:01:24] Speaker 3: that's important. Give you this, but how do we overcome it?
[1:01:26] Speaker 2: I love that?
[1:01:27] Speaker 3: But thank you so much, No, thank you.
[1:01:28] Speaker 1: There's one thing I want to before we close. I
[1:01:32] Speaker 1: thought this is important to share with the readers. You said,
[1:01:35] Speaker 1: repeat after me. I know my value and worth and
[1:01:38] Speaker 1: my decisions reflect self love, and I want to leave
[1:01:41] Speaker 1: you guys with that before we close out, because I
[1:01:43] Speaker 1: thought that was really powerful to tell yourself that every day,
[1:01:46] Speaker 1: because a lot of times they lose sight of our
[1:01:48] Speaker 1: own worthiness.
[1:01:49] Speaker 3: I do it. So I have a piece of paper
[1:01:51] Speaker 3: and I wrote down these affirmations and it's in my
[1:01:55] Speaker 3: toilet you bag, So I gotta brush my teeth multiple
[1:01:57] Speaker 3: times a day. My goal is every time I come
[1:02:00] Speaker 3: to that bag, I'm gonna crack that paper open. It
[1:02:03] Speaker 3: takes me probably forty five seconds to read each line.
[1:02:06] Speaker 3: As a reminder, because I'm human, I get frustrated, you
[1:02:10] Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. Sometimes I don't feel loved or respected. Sometimes.
[1:02:15] Speaker 3: You know, I'm bothered because I see dads that receive
[1:02:21] Speaker 3: love from their kids and I yearned for that, you know,
[1:02:24] Speaker 3: I see. I mean, the list goes on and on
[1:02:27] Speaker 3: and on, but I can speak to that because I
[1:02:31] Speaker 3: go through my battles too. I want people to know that,
[1:02:35] Speaker 3: you know, I'm no different. So I put the time
[1:02:38] Speaker 3: and the effort in and I just you know, I
[1:02:42] Speaker 3: don't do it for the accolades or the shine, but
[1:02:46] Speaker 3: it's nice to be knowledge. Absolutely, I'm human, man, and
[1:02:51] Speaker 3: the acknowledgement that I want is from my loved ones.
[1:02:55] Speaker 3: That's sure, because I really do try. I really do.
[1:02:58] Speaker 2: So that's good. Head talk to you.
[1:03:01] Speaker 1: Congratulations on the book. Seriously, in closing, we do what's
[1:03:08] Speaker 1: called positive outcomes where we give advice to a listener
[1:03:11] Speaker 1: who wrote into us. And this week her name is Sherry,
[1:03:15] Speaker 1: and it says Hime is frist. So my name is Sherry.
[1:03:18] Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship for eight years. I have
[1:03:21] Speaker 1: two children, ages six and seven. We live together and
[1:03:24] Speaker 1: have been through a lot together. We aren't engaged or
[1:03:27] Speaker 1: even talking about marriage, and anytime I bring up the
[1:03:29] Speaker 1: subject or attend another friend's wedding, he refuses to go
[1:03:32] Speaker 1: and doesn't show interest or enthusiasm. I would love for
[1:03:36] Speaker 1: us to get married someday soon, but I think he's
[1:03:38] Speaker 1: more worried about the financial aspect, which I understand, but
[1:03:42] Speaker 1: I'll settle for the courtroom wedding. I don't know what
[1:03:45] Speaker 1: to do, but I can't go on like this anymore.
[1:03:48] Speaker 1: Should I give him an ultimatum? Well, first thing, men
[1:03:53] Speaker 1: hate ultimatums, so I.
[1:03:55] Speaker 2: Wouldn't do that. But eight years.
[1:03:58] Speaker 1: You've been with somebody for eight years, and you already
[1:04:01] Speaker 1: have children, already having children with someone.
[1:04:03] Speaker 3: This is an easy answer. Tell them to your point, right,
[1:04:10] Speaker 3: You never give an ultimatum, Bood. You got to put
[1:04:14] Speaker 3: yourself first. And you know how many women, at least
[1:04:19] Speaker 3: that I've heard that have regrets. Oh yeah, and regret
[1:04:24] Speaker 3: is a silent killer. And in order for us to
[1:04:28] Speaker 3: move past, we have to be able to put ourselves first.
[1:04:31] Speaker 3: Because in a way it sounds like settling. Right, Yeah,
[1:04:35] Speaker 3: you got the eight year relationship, there's kids involved, but
[1:04:41] Speaker 3: those feelings can harbor into something else, and that's why
[1:04:44] Speaker 3: it's important that she addressed what she feels is important
[1:04:48] Speaker 3: to her.
[1:04:49] Speaker 2: Yeah, communicating you.
[1:04:50] Speaker 3: Have that conversation. I'm not saying do anything drastic, but
[1:04:56] Speaker 3: there's so much power in having that conversation. Now, gentlemen,
[1:05:00] Speaker 3: God bless him. If he continues to avoid, then you
[1:05:04] Speaker 3: might need to do some self searching and kind of
[1:05:06] Speaker 3: seek where you're at, what it is that you want
[1:05:11] Speaker 3: to do.
[1:05:12] Speaker 2: And how you want to move Absolutely.
[1:05:14] Speaker 3: Because for me on the flip side, and let me
[1:05:16] Speaker 3: share this with her, you her both, Yes, right. I
[1:05:22] Speaker 3: was with my ex wife for eleven twelve years, had
[1:05:27] Speaker 3: three children together, already had a child outside of the
[1:05:30] Speaker 3: relationship that I brought into that relationship, and making a
[1:05:36] Speaker 3: decision to walk away was hard, yet one of the
[1:05:42] Speaker 3: most fulfilling things that I've done in my life because
[1:05:47] Speaker 3: that person, that situation was stunting where I needed to
[1:05:52] Speaker 3: be in my life. But at the same time, that
[1:05:55] Speaker 3: person in that situation woke me up as to how
[1:05:58] Speaker 3: much more work needs to be done. So no matter what,
[1:06:01] Speaker 3: I'm still grateful for her and that experience because it
[1:06:09] Speaker 3: helped me to grow and mature into a much better
[1:06:12] Speaker 3: version of myself. And sometimes people can be there for
[1:06:17] Speaker 3: that moment. But please don't allow the fact that you
[1:06:22] Speaker 3: have those children to stop you from where you need
[1:06:26] Speaker 3: to go. And that's a hard decision anybody to make.
[1:06:30] Speaker 3: And I wouldn't be able to tell.
[1:06:32] Speaker 2: Her that if you hadn't done it, I hadn't done
[1:06:34] Speaker 2: it myself.
[1:06:35] Speaker 3: Because the other thing, too, is I don't know if
[1:06:38] Speaker 3: she has two boys, two girls, son, daughter, but you're
[1:06:41] Speaker 3: teaching your kids to settle, and not only that, you're
[1:06:46] Speaker 3: just setting a foundation for so many behaviors that you
[1:06:50] Speaker 3: don't even realize what you're.
[1:06:52] Speaker 2: Doing, and you think they don't, they do.
[1:06:57] Speaker 3: And then the other thing is like you're now, so
[1:07:02] Speaker 3: now basically my son and daughter got to meet your
[1:07:04] Speaker 3: son and daughter.
[1:07:07] Speaker 2: That's it. That's so good. I think that was a
[1:07:11] Speaker 2: good answer. That was so good.
[1:07:16] Speaker 1: All right, so we do what I'm going through and
[1:07:18] Speaker 1: what I'm growing through and based on where I am
[1:07:23] Speaker 1: in this episode, I am going through continue to evolve
[1:07:28] Speaker 1: and heal from my own childhood traumas and growing through
[1:07:34] Speaker 1: understanding that everything is a season. When I feel like
[1:07:40] Speaker 1: it's too heavy, this too shell.
[1:07:41] Speaker 3: Pass, I got a question for you, Yes, what is
[1:07:45] Speaker 3: one of your childhood traumas that you're going through?
[1:07:48] Speaker 2: Who's doing the interview?
[1:07:51] Speaker 3: Wouldn't be right if it was a conversational because I
[1:07:55] Speaker 3: want you to know too, like with your work and
[1:07:58] Speaker 3: this platform that you have, you're helping heal a lot
[1:08:01] Speaker 3: of people, So don't don't take that opportunity likely, But
[1:08:06] Speaker 3: I would.
[1:08:07] Speaker 1: Like to know you're open for Yes, I would. I've
[1:08:14] Speaker 1: touched on this on I Get to Know Me episode,
[1:08:18] Speaker 1: but it's something that I still work on and it's
[1:08:21] Speaker 1: just the upbringing and I think that's where it's a
[1:08:25] Speaker 1: lot of things that I read in your book. I
[1:08:27] Speaker 1: was like, I've been through those things, you know, growing
[1:08:31] Speaker 1: up and as like you said, you want to be
[1:08:34] Speaker 1: careful how you say, because you don't want to hurt people,
[1:08:37] Speaker 1: So we can talk about offline, Yes, but yeah, definitely,
[1:08:42] Speaker 1: but I.
[1:08:42] Speaker 3: Want to get a chance to because I know this
[1:08:44] Speaker 3: is your platform. But still it's importantly I appreciate that.
[1:08:47] Speaker 3: I want to tell you I appreciate you, and I
[1:08:49] Speaker 3: love you, and I'm proud of you because everything that
[1:08:53] Speaker 3: you're doing, you know, in your life and just trying
[1:08:55] Speaker 3: to be the best version of yourself, it's not easy.
[1:08:58] Speaker 3: It's the hardest job that we don't receive enough, you know,
[1:09:03] Speaker 3: appreciation for facing you. So I wanted to genuinely tell
[1:09:07] Speaker 3: you that I don't even know you, but I do
[1:09:11] Speaker 3: think that you're so amazing. Thank you, And I just
[1:09:15] Speaker 3: want to tell you, man, keep keep keep doing the work.
[1:09:19] Speaker 3: And you have a brother in me now, thank you.
[1:09:23] Speaker 3: So you know, I know that it's not it's not easy,
[1:09:26] Speaker 3: and you know, hopefully you know I've done my part.
[1:09:30] Speaker 3: Hopefully we can continue to serve together. But I'm really
[1:09:34] Speaker 3: proud of you because this is this is really amazing,
[1:09:37] Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying, And I know it's not easy,
[1:09:39] Speaker 3: and I could tell it wasn't even even when I
[1:09:42] Speaker 3: threw that back at you. Yeah, we're gonna talk all right,
[1:09:50] Speaker 3: but I think but I think, you know, for your
[1:09:52] Speaker 3: supporters to be able to see you have this moment,
[1:09:55] Speaker 3: it's truly powerful because there's beauty in that and you
[1:09:59] Speaker 3: just took an other stuff I did, absolutely, thank you,
[1:10:02] Speaker 3: So I'm gonna give it back to you.
[1:10:04] Speaker 2: Don't All right now, we've got to have a whole
[1:10:08] Speaker 2: nother podcast.
[1:10:13] Speaker 1: We ended with keep it Blank, Sweetie, and for this one,
[1:10:19] Speaker 1: I will say, I think I've used this before. But
[1:10:24] Speaker 1: keep it healing, Sweetie, Keep healing and keep evolving.
[1:10:30] Speaker 3: Yes, keep it gracious, Sweetie. Keep forgiving sweet.
[1:10:36] Speaker 2: Yes, that's good.
[1:10:39] Speaker 3: Keep fighting. Yeah, keep fighting for you.
[1:10:43] Speaker 2: That is so good. Thank you so much. Wow.
[1:10:46] Speaker 1: I didn't expect to be brought to tears at the
[1:10:49] Speaker 1: end of this episode, but guys, I hope you enjoyed this, Josh,
[1:10:51] Speaker 1: you were amazing. Seriously, such a good conversation. Guys, if
[1:10:55] Speaker 1: you want to write into our Positive Outcomes listener letter,
[1:10:58] Speaker 1: write into keep It Positive gmail dot com and it's
[1:11:01] Speaker 1: sweetye with an Ie. You can follow kIPS on all
[1:11:04] Speaker 1: platforms that Keep it Positive, Sweetie. You can follow me
[1:11:06] Speaker 1: on all platforms at luv Christa Renee Josh tell the
[1:11:10] Speaker 1: people where they can find you.
[1:11:12] Speaker 3: Josh twenty one Poule on Instagram. Do we still do Twitter?
[1:11:17] Speaker 3: Not really?
[1:11:17] Speaker 2: We will do everything.
[1:11:18] Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm on TikTok, but not really mostly everything is Instagram,
[1:11:22] Speaker 3: but you know, check us out what I wish I
[1:11:26] Speaker 3: knew you know this lovely project.
[1:11:28] Speaker 2: Yes, and then your podcast.
[1:11:31] Speaker 3: Oh relationships Matter. The podcast we actually just our first
[1:11:37] Speaker 3: episode will air on in the Black Network awesome on
[1:11:40] Speaker 3: the fifteenth.
[1:11:41] Speaker 2: Amazing, congratulations, So.
[1:11:43] Speaker 3: Please watch that. If I'm not mistaken from what I heard,
[1:11:48] Speaker 3: I think we're gonna start with this Stephen Jackson episode.
[1:11:51] Speaker 2: Oh wow.
[1:11:52] Speaker 3: They all do not want to miss this episode, and.
[1:11:56] Speaker 2: Then you don't want to miss mine because I'm going
[1:11:57] Speaker 2: to be on there team.
[1:11:58] Speaker 3: Definitely don't want to miss your's for sure. But this
[1:12:02] Speaker 3: is so beautiful and amazing. I'm truly humble. This is
[1:12:07] Speaker 3: also a big deal to be in your space.
[1:12:10] Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm very particular about who I let in this space.
[1:12:16] Speaker 1: Definitely because we knew mutual people like even just inviting
[1:12:19] Speaker 1: people into my home for safety reason. So I'm very
[1:12:23] Speaker 1: particular about who I bring in here. But also because
[1:12:25] Speaker 1: this is a space and people leave energy in your space,
[1:12:28] Speaker 1: so I knew you were good people.
[1:12:31] Speaker 3: So I'm so happy that we got and I took
[1:12:33] Speaker 3: my shoes off.
[1:12:34] Speaker 2: He did. We appreciate it.
[1:12:36] Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you so much. All right, guys in
[1:12:41] Speaker 1: the meantime and in between.
[1:12:42] Speaker 2: Times you knew what to do.
[1:12:44] Speaker 4: Keep it positive, CD, I want to give.
[1:12:56] Speaker 3: Thanks for praise to heavenly Father and having a mother
[1:12:58] Speaker 3: for allowing us to come together. I ask for all
[1:13:01] Speaker 3: the blessings and support as we continue this mission to
[1:13:04] Speaker 3: serve MM, continuing to open the hearts and minds of many.
[1:13:09] Speaker 3: Praying that you continue to bless these two queens on
[1:13:11] Speaker 3: their journeys and everything that they have going on. Bless
[1:13:15] Speaker 3: their families, Bless their loved ones. Protect this king behind
[1:13:19] Speaker 3: the camera, make sure that he continues to say blessed,
[1:13:23] Speaker 3: and just continue to bring healing amongst all of us.
[1:13:25] Speaker 3: Continue to bring understanding, continue to bring love, continue to
[1:13:28] Speaker 3: bring a plan of action that serves you and where
[1:13:31] Speaker 3: you want us to go and how you want us
[1:13:32] Speaker 3: to be. And we love you, and we truly thank you.
[1:13:35] Speaker 3: When we lift this prayer in your name, it Amen,

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