# The Fifth Quest: Lick The Jiblets

An episode of [Sex.Life](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1682116236), 1 Jul 2025, 1 h 09 min.

Audio: https://pdst.fm/e/dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/7784f840-c291-422a-924b-ad9000bbad71/b6e57592-81b4-43ae-aeea-afe201571891/b0875e77-5117-419b-a7ca-b3080025d0b7/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=ac6c0115-835b-4807-ba08-afe201580f7e

Content Warning: R18, Language and Sexual Material May Offend. Hold onto your bits because this ep is a full-blown munch-fest! Rugby Boy’s back in town and he’s hot property. Overcome by jealousy, Morgan pulls a slippery finger move to claim her man. But it’s Rugby Boy, Schmugby Boy once a sexy soldier marches in and steals her attention. Deep in the sleeping bag trenches, the Army boy heads downtown and delivers Morgan’s best munch to date- the true way to her heart! Love is in the air... until Ant shows up. Plus, the origin story of Morgan’s mink blanket phobia, a poorly enforced munching ban, and a best friend on a penis leash. Wild Secrets is the proud sponsor of the Sex.Life podcast. With 30 years’ experience behind the scenes and between the sheets helping Kiwi’s live their best Sex.Life Wild Secrets have the biggest range and best prices. Use promo code sex.life for a 20% discount on your next purchase at wildsecrets.co.nz. Hungry for more? Watch Pillow Talk, where Morgan pulls back the covers on the stories behind the podcast—think deeper dives, photos, surprise guests (including a few of the boys), and a weekly debrief with her glorious Mumma Kez. Morgan Insta: @morganthesexologist Hayley Insta: @hayleysproull ZM Podcast Network: @ZMOnline See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:04] Speaker 1: Sex.life brought to you by Wild Secrets. The ZDM Podcast Network.
[0:11] Speaker 2: Literally took his index finger and slid it along my pusswa.
[0:17] Speaker 1: And he was like, oh my god. Hot move. You're
[0:19] Speaker 1: not wearing any undies. Eat it.
[0:21] Speaker 2: Sorry.
[0:22] Speaker 1: Eat it. Make out with it.
[0:23] Speaker 2: Oh my god, make love to it.
[0:24] Speaker 1: Make out with it.
[0:25] Speaker 2: It is a smorgasbord. He got pissed off when I
[0:29] Speaker 2: put my best guy mate in a penis leash and
[0:32] Speaker 2: walked him around the room. Hello, divine beings. Shit, am
[0:44] Speaker 2: I a bit lispy today?
[0:45] Speaker 1: A little bit.
[0:46] Speaker 2: I'm actually doing the content warning here. I'm just letting
[0:49] Speaker 2: you know that, like, you've shown up here and I
[0:52] Speaker 2: honour your bravery because this is a sex podcast.
[0:55] Speaker 1: It's R18. Welcome.
[0:57] Speaker 2: It's a bit wild.
[0:58] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[0:58] Speaker 2: We're talking about relationships. We're talking about sex, positions.
[1:04] Speaker 1: A lot of oral. A lot of oral and some butt. Oh, yes.
[1:08] Speaker 2: Butt is definitely involved in this, isn't it?
[1:10] Speaker 1: Butt's always welcome.
[1:11] Speaker 2: Absolutely. And with these kind of topics, you know, it
[1:14] Speaker 2: can be sensitive. So if you're feeling a little bit
[1:17] Speaker 2: tender today, just take care of yourself. Maybe come back
[1:20] Speaker 2: to this tomorrow or find, you know, a knitting podcast
[1:24] Speaker 2: if that's more up your alley.
[1:25] Speaker 1: What would that be? Hello, knitters.
[1:28] Speaker 3: Welcome back to We've Got Knit. Now, on today's podcast,
[1:34] Speaker 3: we're going to be knitting a lovely beanie.
[1:36] Speaker 1: Oh, a beanie. A beanie.
[1:38] Speaker 2: For Mr.
[1:39] Speaker 1: Beanie. Because the colder seasons are coming.
[1:41] Speaker 2: Yes.
[1:42] Speaker 1: And we need our beanies to keep our heads and
[1:45] Speaker 1: our ears warm. And our teapots. That's right, Morgan.
[1:47] Speaker 3: So the one we're making today doubles as a kettle warmer.
[1:51] Speaker 1: Oh, no way.
[1:51] Speaker 2: God, you'd have to have a small head for that.
[1:54] Speaker 1: No, big kettle is the preference.
[1:57] Speaker 2: Oh. Hi, welcome to Sex.Live. We've got a juicy podcast.
[2:02] Speaker 2: We do not knit on this podcast.
[2:04] Speaker 1: We do not.
[2:04] Speaker 2: I have had knits before, but I do not knit.
[2:06] Speaker 1: I got knits at 19.
[2:07] Speaker 2: Okay, what the hell?
[2:08] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[2:09] Speaker 1: Okay.
[2:09] Speaker 2: I mean, no judgment. They can happen at any age.
[2:11] Speaker 1: No, I know, but you think children.
[2:13] Speaker 3: Yes.
[2:14] Speaker 1: I was playing the piano and my mum came up
[2:15] Speaker 1: behind me and I had knits.
[2:17] Speaker 3: Oh.
[2:17] Speaker 1: I know.
[2:18] Speaker 3: Oh, I know.
[2:18] Speaker 2: But here's the thing. I think knits must be cousins
[2:21] Speaker 2: to crabs.
[2:23] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, just.
[2:24] Speaker 2: Different head, yeah. Yes, but you don't really hear about
[2:26] Speaker 2: crabs anymore because of the removal of pubes.
[2:29] Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't have many. No, you don't.
[2:31] Speaker 2: No. And I've just got a tuft.
[2:33] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[2:33] Speaker 2: So that would be not very fertile ground for the crabs.
[2:36] Speaker 1: Crabs would get there, but they'd be like, where's the
[2:37] Speaker 1: rest of it? Yeah. Yeah.
[2:40] Speaker 2: I'm going to the 70-year-old neighbours. Oh no, they've probably
[2:42] Speaker 2: lost all of them by now.
[2:43] Speaker 1: They're gone.
[2:44] Speaker 2: I'm Morgan Penn. I'm a somatic sexologist. I educate about
[2:48] Speaker 2: all things sexual. STIs and crabs included.
[2:51] Speaker 1: Yes.
[2:51] Speaker 2: And I'm on a mission to change the world by
[2:54] Speaker 2: bringing all these things that we normally just do in bedrooms,
[2:57] Speaker 2: in the dark, into the light. And I've decided that
[3:00] Speaker 2: the best way to educate and destigmatize sex is to
[3:03] Speaker 2: tell all my own very raw stories. Yeah. Yeah.
[3:08] Speaker 1: Very much in season three. I'm Hayley Sproul. I'm here
[3:10] Speaker 1: to listen, ask, observe, learn.
[3:13] Speaker 3: And also ram in some in my own stories of
[3:17] Speaker 3: sexual experiences past, present and future.
[3:19] Speaker 2: Which we're so grateful for.
[3:20] Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaking of sharing. Yes. Homeplay. Let's talk about last
[3:25] Speaker 1: week's homeplay. Yes. For our listeners who are just joining us,
[3:27] Speaker 1: remind us of the homeplay. Yeah, it was a deep one.
[3:30] Speaker 2: I was reflecting on my actions with men and actually
[3:32] Speaker 2: if I had had more self-worth, I think that I
[3:35] Speaker 2: would have shown up differently.
[3:37] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[3:37] Speaker 2: And research tells us time and time again that with
[3:40] Speaker 2: healthy self-worth, we have feelings of deserving of love and respect.
[3:45] Speaker 2: And that is regardless of external achievements or whatever comes
[3:48] Speaker 2: towards us. So something that I set for us all
[3:52] Speaker 2: was to have a really nice session in front of
[3:55] Speaker 2: the mirror, actually touching our bodies, looking and using affirmations.
[4:00] Speaker 2: And the affirmations that I gave were as just suggestions.
[4:04] Speaker 2: I am whole, worthy and radiant. My body is a
[4:07] Speaker 2: vessel of beauty and wisdom. I do not need to
[4:10] Speaker 2: earn love.
[4:11] Speaker 1: I am love.
[4:12] Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
[4:13] Speaker 2: So it was a bit of a different kind of
[4:15] Speaker 2: home play.
[4:16] Speaker 1: I know.
[4:16] Speaker 3: And when you said it last episode, I said to
[4:18] Speaker 3: you I was going to find this difficult. As someone
[4:20] Speaker 3: who did this in therapy once as well.
[4:22] Speaker 1: Yes. And you know what?
[4:24] Speaker 3: I said to you maybe before the podcast, I'll cry.
[4:26] Speaker 3: I wonder if it'll keep it in. Such an unhealthy relationship.
[4:34] Speaker 1: You're all welcome here, my darling. Do you know what?
[4:37] Speaker 1: It's been so interesting.
[4:38] Speaker 3: Recently, over the last year, I've lost 18 kgs after
[4:41] Speaker 3: putting on 30.
[4:42] Speaker 1: You know I've been on a real journey.
[4:44] Speaker 2: With your body.
[4:44] Speaker 1: With my body and feelings of, here it goes. Yeah, darling.
[4:53] Speaker 1: Let it out. Let it out. Please also want to
[4:55] Speaker 1: be an entertaining podcast.
[4:57] Speaker 2: No, darling. We're all of it here. We're not just
[5:00] Speaker 2: here for the lulz.
[5:01] Speaker 1: I know.
[5:01] Speaker 3: I'm a bit of an emotional taboo. Also, oh my God,
[5:04] Speaker 3: thank God my period started today.
[5:06] Speaker 2: Oh.
[5:07] Speaker 1: Oh my God. It's been one of those like boilers,
[5:09] Speaker 1: which for like three days I was like, hurry up.
[5:11] Speaker 1: I know you're knocking at the door. Yeah. Bleed, release
[5:14] Speaker 1: me from this prison. Yeah, so I've been on this
[5:18] Speaker 1: really interesting journey of, oh my God, it's going to
[5:20] Speaker 1: be so hard to say. Oh, this is going to
[5:23] Speaker 1: sound ugly. Just take your time. Whatever.
[5:24] Speaker 3: I think gaining a lot of weight was really beneficial
[5:29] Speaker 3: for me because I.
[5:33] Speaker 1: Have always put so much value on weight.
[5:35] Speaker 3: And I think we talked about this a little bit
[5:36] Speaker 3: last season, eh, that I was like, some of it
[5:38] Speaker 3: was really positive to let go of a lot of
[5:40] Speaker 3: value on being small.
[5:42] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[5:43] Speaker 3: And then I started to feel unhealthy and so I,
[5:46] Speaker 3: focused on trying to get rid of some of it.
[5:50] Speaker 1: And it's been good. But I think this week's.
[5:54] Speaker 3: Home play I found difficult because I think when you
[6:00] Speaker 3: think that that's going to fix all of your problems
[6:03] Speaker 3: and realise that it doesn't, it's confronting. So that's how
[6:07] Speaker 3: I found it this week, wanting to steer in a
[6:09] Speaker 3: body that's worked hard to get better and to look better.
[6:14] Speaker 1: And I'm saying that in quotations.
[6:15] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[6:16] Speaker 3: And then still just stand there feeling kind of like
[6:18] Speaker 3: an almost equal amount of self-hatred.
[6:20] Speaker 1: I think it's hard.
[6:24] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[6:25] Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that.
[6:27] Speaker 2: Yeah. So relatable.
[6:30] Speaker 1: So relatable. I know, I know, I know.
[6:32] Speaker 3: And that's why I try to talk about it a
[6:34] Speaker 3: little bit in my new comedy show, this, you know, 90s,
[6:37] Speaker 3: 2000s hangover, I think, that's lifelong, that I work.
[6:41] Speaker 1: Out every year. But I tried to do the home play,
[6:44] Speaker 1: which is affirmations. Yeah. I'm trying to find body neutrality.
[6:48] Speaker 3: Yes. And to take away the power of– needing to
[6:54] Speaker 3: love it and agree that it looks good or something
[6:57] Speaker 3: like that.
[6:57] Speaker 1: Yes.
[6:58] Speaker 3: So I reminded myself that my body is one of
[7:01] Speaker 3: the least interesting things about me.
[7:02] Speaker 1: And that was my big one. Yes, darling.
[7:05] Speaker 3: I tried to remember that I am nice and funny
[7:08] Speaker 3: and cool and a good friend. And actually that none
[7:13] Speaker 3: of those things changed. 30 kgs up, 18 kgs down.
[7:17] Speaker 2: No way in hell. And I can't believe you just
[7:18] Speaker 2: whipped out like, three things that I could go on
[7:21] Speaker 2: and on.
[7:22] Speaker 1: Totally.
[7:22] Speaker 2: You know, you're authentic, you're bubbly, you're loyal, you're true.
[7:28] Speaker 2: I mean, there's just so much. I feel a million
[7:31] Speaker 2: bucks when I'm in your presence.
[7:32] Speaker 3: Totally.
[7:33] Speaker 1: Because you show up.
[7:34] Speaker 3: Yeah, not because I'm a size 12 or a 14
[7:37] Speaker 3: or a 16 or a 10.
[7:37] Speaker 1: No way.
[7:38] Speaker 2: And God damn, the hugs are even better because I
[7:41] Speaker 2: get to schnuzzle.
[7:42] Speaker 1: Into those booty slacks.
[7:42] Speaker 2: I know.
[7:43] Speaker 1: I mean, let's not forget the photo shoot was a
[7:44] Speaker 1: bit heavy and we had juicy tits to play with.
[7:46] Speaker 3: Oh my God.
[7:46] Speaker 1: You know, those are going.
[7:48] Speaker 3: Right.
[7:49] Speaker 2: Anyway, sorry to make you both cry. No, don't you
[7:52] Speaker 2: dare apologise. It's actually such a gift to hear.
[7:55] Speaker 1: And I mean.
[7:58] Speaker 2: Show me a woman that doesn't feel that way about
[8:00] Speaker 2: her body.
[8:01] Speaker 1: I know.
[8:01] Speaker 2: When she looks in the mirror, regardless of size.
[8:03] Speaker 1: I know.
[8:04] Speaker 2: And I just think that is such a reality. We
[8:07] Speaker 2: think that we're going to feel better if we are
[8:09] Speaker 2: a certain size or we're going to feel sexy or
[8:11] Speaker 2: we're going to.
[8:12] Speaker 1: All our problems will be gone. Yeah.
[8:13] Speaker 2: We're going to be ready for the relationship or we're
[8:15] Speaker 2: going to, you know, whatever. And it just doesn't change
[8:18] Speaker 2: what's happening on the inside. Yeah. And that is that
[8:21] Speaker 2: worth piece. And to work through that as a human,
[8:25] Speaker 2: that's one of our biggest journeys of being here.
[8:27] Speaker 1: I think that's the thing. It's like an ongoing thing. Yes. Yeah.
[8:32] Speaker 3: I just think through moments of time I place more
[8:34] Speaker 3: and less value on it. And at the moment I'm
[8:36] Speaker 3: placing a lot and I'm trying to work towards giving
[8:38] Speaker 3: it less.
[8:39] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[8:40] Speaker 1: And a sort of neutrality. Neutrality. Neutrality. Yeah.
[8:45] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[8:46] Speaker 2: And the neutrality piece is so powerful.
[8:48] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[8:49] Speaker 2: Because it really starts to bring you into a space
[8:51] Speaker 2: of what your body is capable of.
[8:54] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[8:54] Speaker 2: And then gratitude comes.
[8:56] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[8:56] Speaker 2: From that piece.
[8:57] Speaker 1: Yeah. You know?
[8:58] Speaker 2: And so, yeah. Good on you. Thank you. Thank you
[9:03] Speaker 2: for even attempting it.
[9:04] Speaker 1: Well, you two. Did you both do it as well?
[9:08] Speaker 1: What were your experiences? Of course. Rachel, did you? Oh, God.
[9:13] Speaker 2: I'm not going to be upbeat either. Oh, no. What
[9:16] Speaker 2: have I done?
[9:17] Speaker 1: Ah.
[9:18] Speaker 4: It's interesting timing for me because my six-year-old daughter has
[9:21] Speaker 4: started saying to me, often when she sees me looking in.
[9:25] Speaker 2: The mirror, she says to me, mom, why do you
[9:27] Speaker 2: do this face?
[9:30] Speaker 4: And I didn't realize, but every time I look in
[9:32] Speaker 4: the mirror, I have this like frown and she started
[9:34] Speaker 4: copying it and asking me why I'm doing it.
[9:36] Speaker 1: I had no idea.
[9:40] Speaker 4: And I feel terrible because I've worked so hard because
[9:43] Speaker 4: I don't want my children to be burdened.
[9:45] Speaker 2: I have two daughters.
[9:45] Speaker 4: I do not want them to be burdened with this
[9:47] Speaker 4: that we all carry. And to think that the subconscious
[9:50] Speaker 4: thing that I've been doing and frowning when I look
[9:53] Speaker 4: at myself, like that was such a wake up call
[9:55] Speaker 4: to me.
[9:55] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[9:56] Speaker 3: And they look at you and just think you're the
[9:58] Speaker 3: greatest thing in the world. And so they'll be genuinely
[10:01] Speaker 3: without these learned things that we've learned. will be being
[10:05] Speaker 3: so confused why mum would ever look.
[10:06] Speaker 1: At herself and frown.
[10:08] Speaker 2: Yeah, and that is her question, like her face.
[10:10] Speaker 4: She's asked me multiple times and I just am so
[10:13] Speaker 4: like called out by it and I've been trying to
[10:15] Speaker 4: work on it. And so this was hard for me too.
[10:18] Speaker 4: And the affirmation that I chose is my body is
[10:21] Speaker 4: my own. And that's a real phase of life, like
[10:23] Speaker 4: a reclamation of being a mother.
[10:25] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[10:25] Speaker 4: I breastfed for six years nonstop between my two children.
[10:30] Speaker 4: So it's just a whole new getting to know yourself,
[10:34] Speaker 4: claiming it back. I love that it was my body
[10:37] Speaker 4: shared with them and I grew them and I fed them.
[10:39] Speaker 4: But it's a real journey coming back into your own body.
[10:43] Speaker 4: And allowing space for things like pleasure, which is very
[10:46] Speaker 4: hard to match with what your body has been to
[10:48] Speaker 4: other people.
[10:49] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[10:50] Speaker 1: Yeah, this is hard.
[10:51] Speaker 3: Even just hearing this, I'm like, guys, only a couple
[10:55] Speaker 3: of months ago, the three of us were in our
[10:56] Speaker 3: underwear at a party. And it actually adds kind of
[11:01] Speaker 3: so much more, I don't know, weight and like. pride
[11:04] Speaker 3: and fuckiness about that night.
[11:07] Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%.
[11:07] Speaker 3: We talked about it a bit like, you know, all
[11:09] Speaker 3: feeling a bit sheepish, but now I'm like, these are
[11:11] Speaker 3: the things that have been underneath that this whole time.
[11:14] Speaker 1: 100%. Yes, and we went to this party and, like,
[11:17] Speaker 1: rocked it.
[11:17] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[11:18] Speaker 1: With the cock sits.
[11:19] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[11:19] Speaker 1: Rachel, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing.
[11:22] Speaker 2: And I love that my body is my own because
[11:24] Speaker 2: I think body sovereignty is so important for people. We
[11:28] Speaker 2: don't have it as children, you know, a lot and
[11:32] Speaker 2: then we definitely don't get taught it as we kind
[11:34] Speaker 2: of grow up in terms of our nose being heard
[11:37] Speaker 2: properly like even if the kids don't want to go
[11:38] Speaker 2: to school like they've got to go to school you
[11:40] Speaker 2: know all these kind of things and when we might
[11:42] Speaker 2: have had boundary violations by other people of our bodies
[11:45] Speaker 2: then it doesn't feel like our own have children of
[11:47] Speaker 2: course it's a beautiful sacrifice but it isn't your own
[11:50] Speaker 2: and it isn't for years that you've got climbers and
[11:53] Speaker 2: suckers and You know, it's all part of it. But yeah,
[11:56] Speaker 2: to come back and reclaim your own tinana is just
[12:00] Speaker 2: like so fucking powerful.
[12:01] Speaker 1: Yeah, beautiful. Yeah. Morgzy?
[12:05] Speaker 2: Yeah, for me, it's really interesting. I mean, it is
[12:08] Speaker 2: for most people, but I try to do things like
[12:10] Speaker 2: this like nearly every day.
[12:12] Speaker 1: Yes, yeah.
[12:12] Speaker 2: It's part of my self-love routine. And first day I
[12:16] Speaker 2: did it, I was like, whoop, sweet. Yes. I don't
[12:19] Speaker 2: need to earn love. I am Liz.
[12:20] Speaker 1: Look at how I am. I was all about it.
[12:23] Speaker 2: And then the next day I turned up to do
[12:25] Speaker 2: it and I just started raging.
[12:27] Speaker 1: Wow. Raging. Raging.
[12:29] Speaker 2: Like I stood and looked at myself for ages first.
[12:32] Speaker 2: And then I just was like, I'm.
[12:33] Speaker 1: Not saying that. I'm not saying that.
[12:36] Speaker 3: Wow.
[12:36] Speaker 2: And I just could feel my belly bigger than yesterday.
[12:39] Speaker 2: And I just felt this like. And I just had
[12:43] Speaker 2: to grab the towel and squeeze it because I was
[12:45] Speaker 2: in the bathroom.
[12:46] Speaker 1: Squeeze it.
[12:47] Speaker 2: Like I just had rage move through me.
[12:49] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[12:50] Speaker 2: And I said the affirmations, but I said them in rage. Yeah.
[12:54] Speaker 2: Almost angry at my body. And afterwards then I started
[12:57] Speaker 2: crying and I had softness and a nice little moment
[12:59] Speaker 2: with my body.
[13:00] Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm sorry.
[13:01] Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
[13:01] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[13:02] Speaker 2: I'm sorry. And then the next day I showed up
[13:04] Speaker 2: and it was just a very neutral.
[13:05] Speaker 1: Yeah. It's just interesting.
[13:08] Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
[13:08] Speaker 2: Because we feel different in our mental state, emotional state,
[13:12] Speaker 2: and in our bodies every day.
[13:13] Speaker 1: Totally.
[13:14] Speaker 3: Also, like, for me, the menstrual cycle as well, because
[13:17] Speaker 3: you're holding water, you feel awful, and your hormones are everywhere,
[13:19] Speaker 3: and then it releases, and you're like.
[13:22] Speaker 1: Oh, thank God.
[13:24] Speaker 2: Let me flow. Flower.
[13:26] Speaker 3: Yes.
[13:26] Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
[13:28] Speaker 2: So I think that is what is really beautiful. Like
[13:30] Speaker 2: this is really powerful as a one-off thing to do.
[13:32] Speaker 2: But also a little daily kind of thing like this
[13:35] Speaker 2: also gives you a real good check-in with actually your
[13:37] Speaker 2: emotional overall state. Yeah.
[13:40] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[13:41] Speaker 3: And sometimes you've got to force it as well. You've
[13:43] Speaker 3: got to look in the mirror and be like, say
[13:45] Speaker 3: something nice.
[13:45] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
[13:46] Speaker 3: So Vaughan, who I work with, he always says, sometimes
[13:48] Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I feel bad or I feel like this.
[13:50] Speaker 3: He's like, don't talk about my friend like that all
[13:52] Speaker 3: the time.
[13:53] Speaker 1: Real nice. Yeah, yeah.
[13:55] Speaker 2: And I think it's even more powerful hearing that from
[13:57] Speaker 2: a man because from our generation that have grown up, like,
[14:01] Speaker 2: everything we do is to look good and for the
[14:03] Speaker 2: male gaze.
[14:04] Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.
[14:04] Speaker 2: You know, to have a brother, a safe man, say
[14:07] Speaker 2: something like that to you, you're like, thank you. That
[14:09] Speaker 2: is actually a gift.
[14:11] Speaker 1: The power, the power.
[14:13] Speaker 2: Yes.
[14:13] Speaker 1: This is good.
[14:14] Speaker 3: That was a nice little release, actually, because I feel
[14:17] Speaker 3: like I knew we were going to talk about it
[14:19] Speaker 3: and I was going to get upset. It was probably, Rach,
[14:21] Speaker 3: you were feeling the same, like, and now I actually
[14:24] Speaker 3: feel really good and excited to pick up where we are.
[14:26] Speaker 1: I'm good, too. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
[14:30] Speaker 1: I'm good. You're the crier. I'm good.
[14:32] Speaker 3: I'm fucking, I'm fine. I'm fine.
[14:34] Speaker 1: No, it is good.
[14:36] Speaker 3: We've got to stop apologising for crying too, eh?
[14:38] Speaker 1: Getting emotional.
[14:39] Speaker 2: Oh my God, because like, it's just the body sequencing
[14:43] Speaker 2: something through. And once it's allowed to, it just does
[14:47] Speaker 2: its thing and then we're on. Yeah. We don't have
[14:49] Speaker 2: to stay in there.
[14:50] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[14:50] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[14:51] Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, let's pick up. Let's pick up. Okay.
[14:59] Speaker 2: So the last episode, I was literally at a crossroads,
[15:02] Speaker 2: you know. I had this beautiful older workmate who was stable,
[15:05] Speaker 2: showing up for me, kind of offering me life. Yeah.
[15:10] Speaker 2: And then I had this bloody fuckboy.
[15:13] Speaker 1: Fuckboy. That was like.
[15:15] Speaker 2: Letting me down all the time. Hot, not African, rugby player. Yeah.
[15:20] Speaker 1: Hot, not African, rugby player.
[15:23] Speaker 2: Yes.
[15:24] Speaker 1: Yes.
[15:25] Speaker 2: And I had to make this choice.
[15:27] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[15:28] Speaker 2: What do you think 20-year-old Morgan chose?
[15:32] Speaker 1: Fucking fuckboy. Fuckboy through and through.
[15:36] Speaker 3: We will take years before we acknowledge the pull of
[15:40] Speaker 3: the fuckboy.
[15:41] Speaker 1: And that it doesn't work.
[15:42] Speaker 2: God dang it, you're right.
[15:43] Speaker 1: I know. I know I am.
[15:45] Speaker 2: I'm so mad at 20-year-old Morgan.
[15:47] Speaker 1: I know.
[15:48] Speaker 3: I mean, I also, like, wasn't super hot on the
[15:52] Speaker 3: idea of the person taking care.
[15:54] Speaker 1: I'm like, it's too early. She's got to. You know,
[15:56] Speaker 1: you're incredibly independent. And as much, as alluring as it
[15:58] Speaker 1: is to have some older guy be like, let me
[16:00] Speaker 1: take care of you. I'm like, no. No. Let her
[16:03] Speaker 1: go do her fuckboy thing.
[16:04] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[16:05] Speaker 2: She did have to go do that. Yeah. So I
[16:07] Speaker 2: tell this guy, I move out.
[16:09] Speaker 3: Yeah, good.
[16:10] Speaker 2: Obviously, he's like, okay, get out.
[16:12] Speaker 1: You have no use to me now, so please leave
[16:14] Speaker 1: my apartment.
[16:15] Speaker 2: Yes. And Rugby Boy came up for the Sevens in Wellington.
[16:20] Speaker 1: Oh, wow. The rugby... tournament. Yes, yeah. Big, huge thing.
[16:24] Speaker 2: Yes, yes. Everyone dresses up. It's very wild. And we
[16:28] Speaker 2: got real boozy and he was a little bit well-known,
[16:31] Speaker 2: you know, so people would sort of stop and ask
[16:33] Speaker 2: for photos and have chats with him.
[16:35] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[16:35] Speaker 2: And there's this one woman who just took extra.
[16:39] Speaker 1: Liking.
[16:39] Speaker 2: Liking, that's the word. Liking to him and was flirting
[16:43] Speaker 2: up a storm. And I normally didn't get jealous unless
[16:46] Speaker 2: I was drunk.
[16:47] Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
[16:49] Speaker 2: And so I just like stood up, went to him
[16:52] Speaker 2: and I said, babe, I'm worried about something. Can you
[16:55] Speaker 2: check something for me?
[16:56] Speaker 1: And he's like, what?
[16:57] Speaker 2: And he like turned his back to that woman. I
[16:59] Speaker 2: like grabbed his hand and just slipped it under my
[17:03] Speaker 2: sailor girl outfit and literally took his index finger and
[17:08] Speaker 2: slid it along my puswa.
[17:11] Speaker 1: And he was like, oh my God. Hot move.
[17:14] Speaker 2: You're not wearing any undies.
[17:15] Speaker 1: And I was like, no.
[17:16] Speaker 2: And he's like, why are you so wet? I was like,
[17:18] Speaker 2: I just can't wait to get you home. And he
[17:21] Speaker 2: was like, oh, my God.
[17:23] Speaker 1: Splurge. I know. That's a really, that's a hot move.
[17:26] Speaker 1: At 20, I wouldn't have had the guts. Oh, my God. Yeah,
[17:29] Speaker 1: I know. I love this woman.
[17:30] Speaker 2: I just was like, that's my man. Stay away from
[17:33] Speaker 2: my man.
[17:34] Speaker 3: I love that your response to someone flirting with your
[17:37] Speaker 3: man is.
[17:37] Speaker 1: To grab his finger and shove it in your pussy. Like,
[17:40] Speaker 1: it's so fucking funny. It's so good. Whereas other people
[17:44] Speaker 1: would be like, don't you talk to her.
[17:46] Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true.
[17:46] Speaker 1: Whereas you're like, give me your hand. That's true.
[17:49] Speaker 2: Interesting tactic, really.
[17:50] Speaker 1: Really powerful. She's a boss.
[17:52] Speaker 2: We went home and had like hot sex in our uniforms.
[17:54] Speaker 3: Oh, sorry, I just did a post-cry sniff right into
[17:56] Speaker 3: the microphone. And I just, rather than editing it out,
[17:58] Speaker 3: was going to keep it in there.
[17:59] Speaker 1: Thanks for letting us know. Sniffs are welcome. Sniffs are welcome.
[18:03] Speaker 1: Tears are welcome. Pussy strokes are welcome. Yes, they are. Okay,
[18:07] Speaker 1: so you go home, you have a bangerang.
[18:08] Speaker 2: Yep, we have a good old time.
[18:10] Speaker 3: Okay.
[18:10] Speaker 2: Then he leaves again. And he's gone. He's living in
[18:13] Speaker 2: Christchurch at this time.
[18:14] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[18:15] Speaker 2: So he flies back to Christchurch. And I think it's
[18:18] Speaker 2: about a month later and it's actually my 21st. So
[18:21] Speaker 2: I was very excited about this. And I'd been away
[18:24] Speaker 2: from Nelson for about two years. And, you know, I
[18:26] Speaker 2: realized with this rugby boy, I hadn't actually found anybody
[18:30] Speaker 2: that I liked better than him. So I was sort
[18:32] Speaker 2: of thinking, well, maybe I will actually, you know, propose
[18:37] Speaker 2: that we get together officially.
[18:39] Speaker 1: Right, yeah.
[18:39] Speaker 2: And maybe even I'd move to Christchurch to be with him.
[18:42] Speaker 1: Yeah, right, all in.
[18:43] Speaker 2: Yeah, or his family was in Wellington, like maybe he
[18:46] Speaker 2: could actually move up that way and play for a
[18:48] Speaker 2: different team. Yeah. So I thought, great, 21st, it's a
[18:52] Speaker 2: moment in the calendar, it's a special time.
[18:54] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[18:54] Speaker 2: And he came up for it.
[18:56] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[18:56] Speaker 2: And I just assumed that he would stay with me
[19:00] Speaker 2: that night at the family home.
[19:02] Speaker 1: Which feels like an obvious assumption to have. Yes, yes.
[19:06] Speaker 2: But he really let me down that night.
[19:11] Speaker 1: He came late. Did he? The fuck boy rugby boy
[19:14] Speaker 1: let you down this night? Morgan, my jaw is on
[19:19] Speaker 1: the floor.
[19:19] Speaker 2: Hayley, I had hope, okay?
[19:23] Speaker 1: I know.
[19:23] Speaker 2: I may as well have been faithful, a faithful virgin. Yeah.
[19:28] Speaker 2: Because I had hope.
[19:29] Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, what are you, Mother Mary? Yeah. Did you, okay,
[19:33] Speaker 1: how did he let you down? He came late. Bastard.
[19:37] Speaker 2: He missed the speeches.
[19:37] Speaker 1: Oh, you prick. He should have been given one.
[19:41] Speaker 2: Yes, he should have been, actually. Yeah. He got pissed
[19:44] Speaker 2: off when I put my best guy mate in a
[19:47] Speaker 2: penis leash and walked him around the room.
[19:49] Speaker 1: Sorry? Wait, wait.
[19:54] Speaker 3: Wait at 21 this is before you even knew you
[19:56] Speaker 3: were going to be working in the sex world yes
[19:58] Speaker 3: sex realm you put your best guy mate in a
[20:01] Speaker 3: penis leash yes penis.
[20:03] Speaker 2: Leash a penis leash You bet your best guy man
[20:10] Speaker 2: in a penis leash.
[20:11] Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody gave me it as a present. And I said.
[20:15] Speaker 1: Get your cock out.
[20:16] Speaker 2: I said, all right, who's up for it? And, of course,
[20:18] Speaker 2: my friend H.E.
[20:19] Speaker 1: Was like, boy. Okay, so he gets his penis in
[20:21] Speaker 1: a penis leash.
[20:22] Speaker 2: Yeah, so he gets on his knees.
[20:24] Speaker 1: I don't know why we. Far out. My 21st was
[20:26] Speaker 1: so mild.
[20:27] Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, it's so funny because it was at my
[20:29] Speaker 2: mum's home. I had aunties and uncles there.
[20:32] Speaker 1: My dad, my mum. Penis leash. And a penis leash.
[20:35] Speaker 2: Well, because at the time, HG's party trick was the
[20:40] Speaker 2: wristwatch with his cock. So he was quite.
[20:42] Speaker 1: Big dick. Big floppy dick. No.
[20:47] Speaker 2: Self-proclaimed average.
[20:49] Speaker 3: But wait, but he can turn his dick into a watch.
[20:52] Speaker 2: Yeah, you really have to pull it.
[20:55] Speaker 3: Oh, far out.
[20:57] Speaker 2: He'd like come up to me at parties. This would
[20:58] Speaker 2: happen all the time. He's like, what's the time, Morgz?
[21:00] Speaker 1: Oh, for God's sake. I know. I know.
[21:05] Speaker 2: Okay. So he was the obvious candidate for the penis shlash.
[21:08] Speaker 2: So he was on his knees. I tied it up
[21:12] Speaker 2: and was walking him along and he was just walking
[21:14] Speaker 2: on his knees along the wooden floors.
[21:15] Speaker 1: Okay, great.
[21:16] Speaker 2: And yeah, rugby boy did not like this.
[21:18] Speaker 1: Right. And left. Okay.
[21:21] Speaker 2: And I thought, God dang it.
[21:23] Speaker 1: Stuff him.
[21:24] Speaker 2: Stuff him. But I tried calling him when the party
[21:26] Speaker 2: was over to be like, where are you? Like, come back.
[21:29] Speaker 2: And he didn't answer.
[21:30] Speaker 3: Okay.
[21:31] Speaker 2: And he finally messaged at about, I don't know, like
[21:34] Speaker 2: 2am being like, I'm at blah, blah, blah. Come and
[21:36] Speaker 2: stay with me here. And I was like.
[21:38] Speaker 1: It's my party. Are you kidding me? Yeah.
[21:40] Speaker 2: Like that is, yeah. I was devastated. Like I was
[21:43] Speaker 2: actually devastated and I was almost going to go to him.
[21:47] Speaker 2: You know, I'm so glad that I actually didn't. But
[21:50] Speaker 2: I was, yeah, I was embarrassed and I was devastated,
[21:53] Speaker 2: but I didn't even let on, you know. I was like, fine,
[21:56] Speaker 2: do what you want. Trying to be the cool girl.
[22:00] Speaker 2: The next morning, my sister and I devised a plan
[22:05] Speaker 2: to find out what.
[22:08] Speaker 1: It's that you just never do things straightforward.
[22:12] Speaker 3: You know, it's always like this weird game or this
[22:15] Speaker 3: weird sort of. thing I'm not going to say it
[22:20] Speaker 3: I'm going to sing it in the lyrics of a
[22:21] Speaker 3: song and now I'm like you've had this problem overnight
[22:25] Speaker 3: and instead of addressing it and being like hey I
[22:27] Speaker 3: was really gutted yesterday that you were late to my
[22:30] Speaker 3: 21st party and I'm sorry about the penis leash but
[22:33] Speaker 3: you know I was having some drinks and it was
[22:34] Speaker 3: my party now you're like my.
[22:36] Speaker 1: Sister and I have devised a plan.
[22:40] Speaker 3: So Morgan she's unwell she's been unwell since day one
[22:43] Speaker 3: I love her she was in the wardrobe watching her
[22:46] Speaker 3: neighbour Oh, my God.
[22:48] Speaker 2: I know. We laugh about this, and it is quite
[22:50] Speaker 2: wild to hear this reflected back at me, but.
[22:52] Speaker 1: It really is.
[22:53] Speaker 3: Oh, by the way, for me, it's a fantastic trait.
[22:55] Speaker 3: You're a beautiful, stunning woman who is a sexologist, and
[23:00] Speaker 3: people are like, yeah, and I'm like, she's a freak.
[23:03] Speaker 1: And she has been since day one.
[23:05] Speaker 2: I think people are going, oh, we see why she's
[23:07] Speaker 2: single now. Yeah, this is all making sense.
[23:09] Speaker 1: Oh my God, actually, she's sort of unhinged. Yeah.
[23:12] Speaker 2: But I think it is quite sad to reflect on that, like,
[23:14] Speaker 2: why did I not just have these conversations?
[23:17] Speaker 1: We didn't know how.
[23:18] Speaker 2: I was riddled with fear.
[23:20] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[23:21] Speaker 2: Of rejection, abandonment.
[23:23] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[23:24] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[23:24] Speaker 2: And so I tried to do everything other than doing
[23:28] Speaker 2: what was the best thing to have my needs met
[23:31] Speaker 2: or to be heard.
[23:31] Speaker 1: What is this plan?
[23:32] Speaker 2: Well, I wanted to know if he actually did stay
[23:35] Speaker 2: at the friend's place, he said. So we decided to
[23:38] Speaker 2: prank call him.
[23:40] Speaker 1: You're 21. I used to prank call when I was
[23:43] Speaker 1: like seven, eight.
[23:46] Speaker 2: Now this plan was flawed from the start because anybody
[23:48] Speaker 2: who knows my sister Becky knows knows that we actually
[23:51] Speaker 2: sound pretty much exactly the same. Yeah.
[23:53] Speaker 1: When I met him, I couldn't believe it. You close
[23:56] Speaker 1: your eyes. I would have been like, morgues. It's partying
[23:59] Speaker 1: with the pens. Yeah. It's a thing.
[24:02] Speaker 2: Anyways, we think this is so great. We're going to
[24:05] Speaker 2: get him so good. And he accidentally stole a duvet
[24:11] Speaker 2: cover from Briscoe's once.
[24:14] Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Like just walked out with it.
[24:16] Speaker 2: No, it was in his trolley that he hadn't even
[24:19] Speaker 2: realised was in the trolley.
[24:20] Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[24:21] Speaker 2: So I'd gone round to his house one day and
[24:23] Speaker 2: he had this purple, sheeny, shiny... Bedspread?
[24:27] Speaker 1: I can picture it immediately.
[24:28] Speaker 2: And I said, what the hell is this? And he goes, oh,
[24:31] Speaker 2: I don't know. It just happened to come home with
[24:33] Speaker 2: me and so I put it on the bed. He
[24:37] Speaker 2: told me the story and I was like, this is
[24:38] Speaker 2: ridiculous and it's heinous.
[24:40] Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet. I can picture it immediately.
[24:42] Speaker 2: But it used to have like those big mink blankets,
[24:44] Speaker 2: so in a way it was actually better.
[24:45] Speaker 1: Yeah, faux mink blankets. Dudes, get those off your beds, okay?
[24:48] Speaker 1: I know they're warm. Unacceptable. Gotta go.
[24:50] Speaker 2: Or at least wash them, for God's sakes.
[24:52] Speaker 1: Oh no, you never wash them. Ugh.
[24:54] Speaker 2: So we think this is the angle to prank call
[24:57] Speaker 2: him on.
[24:57] Speaker 1: So calling him up. He answers. Hello? No.
[25:05] Speaker 2: And she goes, yeah, do you need a mattress protector?
[25:13] Speaker 2: Who's this? She goes, did you make a mess last night?
[25:17] Speaker 2: Do you need a new mattress protector?
[25:19] Speaker 1: And I'm like, this is good. This is so good.
[25:22] Speaker 1: It's not good.
[25:23] Speaker 2: And he goes, what the hell? And she goes, I
[25:25] Speaker 2: know you stole a.
[25:26] Speaker 1: Duvet from Briscoe. Oh, my God.
[25:29] Speaker 2: And he goes, Morgz, is this you? And we both
[25:33] Speaker 2: look at each other like, oh, my God, shit. And
[25:35] Speaker 2: she's like, no, definitely not.
[25:37] Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Who let these women loose? Like, they've
[25:40] Speaker 1: got no chaperone. They needed a chaperone. She's like, where
[25:44] Speaker 1: are you? No, it's not Morgan. Where are you?
[25:48] Speaker 2: And he just hung up.
[25:49] Speaker 1: Yeah, rightfully so.
[25:50] Speaker 3: I'm on his side at this point in the story.
[25:54] Speaker 2: Surely I'm the only one he told the Briscoe story
[25:56] Speaker 2: to as well. I didn't think that bit through.
[25:58] Speaker 1: Yeah, of course. Who would have this information?
[26:00] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[26:01] Speaker 1: See, I would have called up saying.
[26:02] Speaker 4: Oh, well.
[26:03] Speaker 1: Okay. Bring, bring. Bring, bring. Bring, bring. You answer.
[26:08] Speaker 2: I'm him.
[26:08] Speaker 1: Bring, bring. Yo. Hi there.
[26:10] Speaker 3: This is Margaret from Briscoe's. We have security camera footage
[26:15] Speaker 3: of you stealing from our store. We have taken the
[26:20] Speaker 3: issue to the police. And you will be charged for theft.
[26:23] Speaker 3: We just wanted to give you a heads up unless
[26:24] Speaker 3: you wanted to return the item. Let's put the fear
[26:26] Speaker 3: of God in him.
[26:27] Speaker 2: How do we get the information what Betty's in and
[26:29] Speaker 2: if he made a mess in it? I don't know.
[26:32] Speaker 3: Why?
[26:33] Speaker 1: Who? I don't know. Your plan is so shit. You
[26:40] Speaker 1: were never going to get this. What did you want
[26:41] Speaker 1: him to say?
[26:42] Speaker 3: You all fucked someone in it last night, actually, and
[26:44] Speaker 3: it's a mess.
[26:45] Speaker 2: I don't know.
[26:46] Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know either.
[26:48] Speaker 2: We were giggling. We were absolutely giggling.
[26:50] Speaker 1: Okay, so he's hung up.
[26:52] Speaker 2: He's hung up.
[26:53] Speaker 1: It's done.
[26:54] Speaker 2: I know what you're thinking. Well, hopefully that was it, right? Yeah. Like,
[26:58] Speaker 2: this is the straw that broke the camel's back. This
[27:01] Speaker 2: guy's cheated on me. He's let me down numerous times.
[27:03] Speaker 2: He's ruined my 21st.
[27:04] Speaker 1: I thought he would try to text you and be like,
[27:05] Speaker 1: did you just call Morgz? Come and see me. You
[27:07] Speaker 1: would have said, actually, no, I'm done with you. Goodbye.
[27:08] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[27:09] Speaker 2: He's a thief as well.
[27:11] Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a known criminal. You know? He stole from Briscoes.
[27:14] Speaker 1: And you don't steal from Briscoes. No. The Briscoes lady
[27:17] Speaker 1: is one of the nicest women in New Zealand. It's
[27:20] Speaker 1: not it, is it?
[27:20] Speaker 2: No.
[27:21] Speaker 1: Morgane.
[27:22] Speaker 2: I still keep seeing this Barnard. Why?
[27:25] Speaker 1: I don't know.
[27:27] Speaker 3: Did he have a phenomenal cock? This is a guy
[27:29] Speaker 3: you had to convince to go down anymore.
[27:31] Speaker 2: I know.
[27:31] Speaker 1: And he was shit at it, you know, really. Yeah, totally.
[27:35] Speaker 1: And you love it. If there's one thing we know
[27:37] Speaker 1: five episodes in, it's that you love a munch.
[27:40] Speaker 2: Oh, God, I love a munch. You love a munch.
[27:43] Speaker 1: I relish a munch.
[27:44] Speaker 2: Munching is just the greatest thing.
[27:45] Speaker 1: Honestly, just a moment again for the munch.
[27:48] Speaker 2: Oh.
[27:49] Speaker 1: Oh, God. Shit, I'm back in the munch portal.
[27:52] Speaker 4: I've got to rein this in. There's like 25 minutes
[27:55] Speaker 4: straight of you guys talking about munching. We've got to
[27:57] Speaker 4: move on, guys. It's just the best.
[28:00] Speaker 1: Like, if someone came in here right now and was like,
[28:02] Speaker 1: I'll give you a munch, I'd be like, absolutely.
[28:04] Speaker 2: Absolutely.
[28:04] Speaker 1: I don't even have a shower this morning. I don't
[28:06] Speaker 1: even give a fuck.
[28:06] Speaker 2: Even if they had a mask on, I don't know
[28:08] Speaker 2: who they were.
[28:08] Speaker 1: A masked man. I mean, I'm almost more into it.
[28:11] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[28:13] Speaker 1: Anyway, okay, fine.
[28:13] Speaker 2: Yes, Rachel. Okay, okay, okay. Thank you, Rachel.
[28:15] Speaker 1: I just wanted to shout out that this bastard, this
[28:17] Speaker 1: fuckboy is not good at munching. Okay, here we go. Okay, well.
[28:20] Speaker 1: Keep seeing old no munch. Yes, yes.
[28:23] Speaker 2: I go back to Wellington. He goes back to Christchurch. Anyways,
[28:27] Speaker 2: six months pass. It's Christmas time again. Do you know
[28:30] Speaker 2: what that means?
[28:31] Speaker 4: What?
[28:31] Speaker 2: I go back to Nelson.
[28:32] Speaker 1: Who's there? Oh, God.
[28:36] Speaker 2: Yes.
[28:37] Speaker 1: But don't let me down.
[28:39] Speaker 3: What's actually going to happen this time?
[28:41] Speaker 2: Well, maybe... There's somebody else I might see. Who else
[28:45] Speaker 2: comes home to New Zealand at Christmastime?
[28:47] Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
[28:48] Speaker 2: Neighbour. Yes.
[28:49] Speaker 1: Ant.
[28:50] Speaker 2: Ant. Ant.
[28:50] Speaker 1: Dude. This is what I mean, though.
[28:54] Speaker 3: Like, every time Ant's around, I get hopeful and then
[28:57] Speaker 3: you hurt me by being with old No Munch, mate.
[29:00] Speaker 1: I know. I know. Okay. Well, let's see. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
[29:05] Speaker 1: So Christmas is No Munch, rugby boy, coming to Christmas?
[29:09] Speaker 3: Yes.
[29:10] Speaker 2: He might have been coming up, like, after.
[29:12] Speaker 1: But you know the ant's going to be there.
[29:15] Speaker 3: Yes.
[29:16] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[29:16] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[29:17] Speaker 3: I just feel like it's a conscious thing. I would
[29:20] Speaker 3: have just been like, oh, no, don't come to Christmas.
[29:22] Speaker 1: Rugby boy. Because you know the ant's going to be there.
[29:25] Speaker 1: And you want ant to munch you. I do. Sorry,
[29:27] Speaker 1: back on the munching range. Munch, munch, munch, munch.
[29:31] Speaker 2: Get those giblets.
[29:32] Speaker 1: Just make out with her. Nibble on the giblets. Nibble
[29:35] Speaker 1: the giblets. Oh, my God. I know.
[29:37] Speaker 2: Oh.
[29:38] Speaker 1: Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm back. We're here.
[29:40] Speaker 2: No more of the giblets. This is out of hand. Sorry.
[29:46] Speaker 1: It should be called munch.life. Don't just lick the clit.
[29:48] Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. No, no, no. Bitter there. Nibble
[29:52] Speaker 1: the giblets.
[29:53] Speaker 2: Oh, no.
[29:53] Speaker 1: Anyway, eat it.
[29:54] Speaker 3: Sorry. Eat it.
[29:55] Speaker 1: Eat it. Make out with it. Oh, my God.
[29:57] Speaker 2: Make love to it.
[29:57] Speaker 1: Make out with it.
[29:59] Speaker 2: It is a smorgasbord.
[30:00] Speaker 1: Eat every dish on that, Minj. Oh my God, stop.
[30:04] Speaker 2: Oh God.
[30:05] Speaker 1: Okay, what are we... Eat the ass as well. Anyway, sorry.
[30:07] Speaker 1: Go on. Okay, we go home for Christmas. Go home
[30:15] Speaker 1: for Christmas. Rugby boy and I have been hot messaging.
[30:19] Speaker 2: We've got a whole new list of places where I
[30:21] Speaker 2: want to have some sexy time. You know how we
[30:24] Speaker 2: were always doing that in public places. So I wanted
[30:26] Speaker 2: to go back to my college grounds.
[30:28] Speaker 1: Oh my God, you naughty monks. Church steps. Oh.
[30:30] Speaker 2: And the doorway of the hospice shop.
[30:32] Speaker 3: Apologies to our Christian listeners, of which I assume there's
[30:35] Speaker 3: not many, but our apologies anyway.
[30:37] Speaker 1: I think there'd be a few. Okay.
[30:39] Speaker 3: Well, we're sorry that she was planning to have premarital sex. Well,
[30:43] Speaker 3: On the steps of the church.
[30:44] Speaker 2: Christians love sex more than most.
[30:46] Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, but in the eyes of the Lord.
[30:48] Speaker 1: I know. Shunned. Shunned me from behind. What?
[30:52] Speaker 2: Stop.
[30:53] Speaker 1: Lick the giblets. Oh, my God. So horny. I think
[30:57] Speaker 1: it's because I've cried a cry. Oh, yeah. Do you
[30:59] Speaker 1: know what I mean?
[31:00] Speaker 2: You've just sort of cracked open a bit.
[31:01] Speaker 1: I'm open.
[31:01] Speaker 2: There's a softness in there.
[31:02] Speaker 1: Open my fucking legs.
[31:03] Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
[31:04] Speaker 1: Lick the giblets. Anyway, sorry.
[31:06] Speaker 2: Okay, this is actually, we're professionals.
[31:09] Speaker 1: We are professionals. This is our third season.
[31:12] Speaker 2: I'm setting you a goal. 10 minutes, no mention of munching.
[31:14] Speaker 1: Oh, Rachel. No, five. Yeah, five. Seven, seven, five. Start
[31:20] Speaker 1: the clock.
[31:20] Speaker 2: Okay, go. So the first day I got back to
[31:24] Speaker 2: Nelson was the same day that Rugby Boy arrived as well.
[31:27] Speaker 2: And our plan was that... I was going to see
[31:30] Speaker 2: my family, do like a little sort of pre-dinner kind
[31:33] Speaker 2: of thing. And he was going to go and catch
[31:35] Speaker 2: up with his rugby boys. And then we were going
[31:37] Speaker 2: to meet up and do dinner together.
[31:38] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[31:39] Speaker 2: So anyways, I let him know once I'd finished things
[31:41] Speaker 2: with my family. And I didn't hear back from him.
[31:45] Speaker 1: Get out. I knew you were going to say that.
[31:47] Speaker 1: And I thought.
[31:48] Speaker 2: Hmm, this is weird.
[31:49] Speaker 1: Where is he?
[31:50] Speaker 2: He called me an hour later and he was a
[31:52] Speaker 2: sozzled sausage. Oh. He was just.
[31:54] Speaker 1: On the turps.
[31:55] Speaker 2: Absolutely gone burgers. Oh, God. He's like, I'm sorry, babe.
[31:57] Speaker 1: Like, the boys are bloody blah, blah, blah. And I
[32:00] Speaker 1: just thought.
[32:03] Speaker 2: And I was gutted and I was embarrassed, especially because
[32:06] Speaker 2: this was the first time I was home since my
[32:09] Speaker 2: 21st and my family were.
[32:11] Speaker 1: Disappointed with him. Yeah.
[32:13] Speaker 2: The next day I went to this party with some
[32:15] Speaker 2: of my old, like, high school friends.
[32:18] Speaker 1: And there was this guy there that I'd never seen before. Wait,
[32:21] Speaker 1: have we seen Andy?
[32:22] Speaker 3: No.
[32:23] Speaker 1: No, okay.
[32:23] Speaker 2: He wasn't back at this point.
[32:24] Speaker 1: Okay, okay.
[32:25] Speaker 2: It was like T minus two days landing in Nelson.
[32:29] Speaker 1: Okay.
[32:30] Speaker 2: And this party was, you know, like Penish Leash was there.
[32:35] Speaker 1: Oh, hello, Penish Leash.
[32:36] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. So that was nice. I was catching up
[32:37] Speaker 2: with him. And this new guy that was there, I
[32:39] Speaker 2: was like, oh, my God, who is this? And he
[32:41] Speaker 2: did have a girl on his arm, but I've got
[32:44] Speaker 2: to say– He was looking at me.
[32:46] Speaker 1: Wow. Like nonstop eye penetration. Yeah.
[32:50] Speaker 2: Yeah, I could tell he wanted to munch me.
[32:52] Speaker 1: Yeah, we did it. I don't think we hit it.
[32:54] Speaker 1: I don't think we hit seven.
[32:54] Speaker 2: It was like three minutes, not even close.
[32:58] Speaker 1: Unbelievable. But those eyes, you can tell through someone's eyes
[33:00] Speaker 1: when they want to munch you.
[33:01] Speaker 2: You can tell like there's a hunger.
[33:03] Speaker 1: There's a hunger. They want to eat you. Like you
[33:05] Speaker 1: should eat the giblets. Devour like a vampire. Make out
[33:07] Speaker 1: with it. Oh, my God. God, anyway, sorry. Three minutes
[33:13] Speaker 1: is better than no minutes.
[33:14] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's right, that's right. He had dark hair,
[33:17] Speaker 2: bluey green eyes, tan skin, big shoulders, biceps. Oh, my God, yes.
[33:23] Speaker 1: Far apart.
[33:25] Speaker 2: Kind of like a Romany broken nose.
[33:27] Speaker 1: Yes, Roman God. Yeah, yeah.
[33:30] Speaker 2: Oh, it was really doing it for me. For 21-year-old Morgan, like,
[33:34] Speaker 2: that was the height of hotness. Yeah, I.
[33:37] Speaker 3: For 35-year-old Hayley right now, I'm like, the description is
[33:40] Speaker 3: really ticking some boxes.
[33:41] Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah.
[33:43] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[33:44] Speaker 2: So we had like a few little chats throughout the night.
[33:46] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[33:46] Speaker 2: It was quite electric.
[33:47] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[33:47] Speaker 2: Like there was just this charge between us. And the
[33:51] Speaker 2: next day, he added me on Bebo.
[33:53] Speaker 1: Hello. Hello.
[33:54] Speaker 3: Welcome.
[33:54] Speaker 2: Coming in.
[33:55] Speaker 1: Hi.
[33:55] Speaker 2: Yeah. And we had a bit of a chat on there,
[33:57] Speaker 2: and I asked him if he was going to Penish
[33:59] Speaker 2: Leash's New Year's Eve party.
[34:02] Speaker 1: Oh, fun.
[34:03] Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
[34:04] Speaker 1: I feel like Penish Leash would throw a good party.
[34:06] Speaker 1: That's my vibe. I don't know him. That's my vibe.
[34:09] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[34:09] Speaker 1: He throws a good party.
[34:10] Speaker 2: He does throw a good party. He's always been a
[34:12] Speaker 2: party thrower. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[34:14] Speaker 1: Nice. I see a lot of myself in Penish Leash.
[34:16] Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Actually, I'll get you two together.
[34:18] Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll have a fun time. Oh, we'd have such
[34:20] Speaker 1: a good time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, fun. Okay, great.
[34:23] Speaker 2: But he didn't know if he was going. He'd just
[34:25] Speaker 2: actually gotten back from serving overseas in the army.
[34:28] Speaker 1: Oh, fuck. I just screamed at myself. Jesus Christ. It's
[34:31] Speaker 1: Roman gods in the army?
[34:32] Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
[34:34] Speaker 1: Serving in the army?
[34:35] Speaker 2: Yeah, he's still currently serving in the army. Living in Christchurch,
[34:39] Speaker 2: just home.
[34:40] Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[34:40] Speaker 2: Home in Nelson for the summer, where his family was.
[34:43] Speaker 3: Wow.
[34:43] Speaker 1: Yeah, he's an active GI Joe. Wow. GI Joe, let's
[34:47] Speaker 1: call him GI Joe.
[34:48] Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah.
[34:48] Speaker 3: Okay. Okay.
[34:49] Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Well, I hope G.I. Joe's around for a while,
[34:52] Speaker 1: but I'm scared.
[34:53] Speaker 2: Well, let's see if he munches.
[34:55] Speaker 1: Yes. Oh, my God. If G.I. Joe had a munch. Oh,
[34:58] Speaker 1: my God.
[34:59] Speaker 2: If he really got down there with his Defence Force mouth. Yes.
[35:03] Speaker 1: Yes. And started making commands.
[35:05] Speaker 2: Yes. And defended my borders.
[35:07] Speaker 3: Yes.
[35:08] Speaker 2: You two are like naughty children.
[35:12] Speaker 1: Sorry, Mum. I'm horny. It's day one of my period.
[35:15] Speaker 1: Forgive me. Yeah, no, I will forgive you. Get as
[35:18] Speaker 1: horned up as you want. Thanks. Okay. So G.I. Joe, right?
[35:23] Speaker 2: He's on my radar.
[35:24] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[35:26] Speaker 2: Meanwhile, we're a few days out from New Year's Eve.
[35:29] Speaker 2: I've planted the seed. You better be coming to this
[35:30] Speaker 2: goddamn penis leash party.
[35:33] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[35:34] Speaker 2: And I decide that it's time to talk to Rugby Boy. Yeah.
[35:37] Speaker 2: And I'm feeling brave enough to actually tell him the truth.
[35:40] Speaker 1: You've let me down. Yeah.
[35:42] Speaker 2: So I pick Te Honanui Beach in Nelson. I pick
[35:45] Speaker 2: a very, very public place. Now, I know that does
[35:48] Speaker 2: turn both of us on. Yes. But I choose a very,
[35:51] Speaker 2: very public part of the beach so nothing can happen. Yes. Yeah.
[35:54] Speaker 1: Don't you seduce me now.
[35:55] Speaker 2: That's right.
[35:56] Speaker 1: That's right.
[35:57] Speaker 3: And.
[35:58] Speaker 2: I told him that he let me down on my
[36:00] Speaker 2: 21st and I told him that I was going to
[36:01] Speaker 2: actually say, why don't we get more serious?
[36:04] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[36:05] Speaker 2: And he said nothing.
[36:08] Speaker 1: Just sat there.
[36:08] Speaker 2: He sat there. Looked like a sad sack of shit.
[36:11] Speaker 1: Yeah, sad sack of shit.
[36:13] Speaker 3: I hate that response that you've got nothing to say
[36:15] Speaker 3: because you haven't really thought about this.
[36:16] Speaker 1: Totally. And you haven't actually really thought about the bigger
[36:19] Speaker 1: impact of your actions.
[36:20] Speaker 2: That's exactly right. Yeah. He was like a dog that
[36:23] Speaker 2: had just been growled, you know? Like, oh, I didn't really, oh, oh,
[36:26] Speaker 2: I'm sorry, oh. And so I asked him, I'm like,
[36:29] Speaker 2: where do you think we're going?
[36:31] Speaker 1: He doesn't. Silence. Yeah.
[36:34] Speaker 2: And silence is actually a trigger for me because my
[36:38] Speaker 2: dad used to weaponize silence. He didn't obviously know that's
[36:41] Speaker 2: what he was consciously doing. But that was his defense.
[36:44] Speaker 2: He didn't know what to say. He was like, shut up.
[36:47] Speaker 2: I mean, now what I know about nervous systems and trauma,
[36:49] Speaker 2: he just didn't want to make things worse. He didn't
[36:51] Speaker 2: know what to say. He didn't know how to answer
[36:54] Speaker 2: a child about big emotional feelings.
[36:56] Speaker 1: Yes, it just went quiet. Quiet.
[36:58] Speaker 2: Yeah. And so I could feel my body like, oh,
[37:00] Speaker 2: my God, what am I going to do? And the
[37:02] Speaker 2: tension and a classic Morgan move came in.
[37:06] Speaker 1: Oh, what, did you sing a song?
[37:08] Speaker 2: Yes. Wait, no.
[37:09] Speaker 1: Oh, my God, I looked to Rachel like, ha, ha, ha,
[37:13] Speaker 1: as if.
[37:14] Speaker 2: I said, well, I guess you've got a new theme song.
[37:18] Speaker 1: Oh, Morgan. Morgan Penn.
[37:23] Speaker 2: I know.
[37:24] Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed. I want the whole earth to eat
[37:26] Speaker 1: me up right now.
[37:26] Speaker 3: No, no, no.
[37:26] Speaker 2: This is clever. This is actually so good.
[37:28] Speaker 3: Is it?
[37:29] Speaker 2: This is the best. Is it? This is so good.
[37:33] Speaker 2: I said, you know that song from Ronan Keating? Life
[37:37] Speaker 2: is a rollercoaster. And he looked at me and he said, what?
[37:41] Speaker 2: I said, you say it best.
[37:45] Speaker 1: When you say nothing at all.
[37:49] Speaker 3: It's so weird. This is how you could have said it.
[37:53] Speaker 3: You know what, rugby boy? Your silence speaks volumes. And
[37:56] Speaker 3: you could have left.
[37:58] Speaker 1: I mean, how amazing. Boom. Mic drop.
[38:00] Speaker 3: Not, wow, looks like you've got a new theme song.
[38:05] Speaker 1: You say it best. Oh, my God. Ronan Keating. I
[38:09] Speaker 1: didn't think Ronan Keating was going to be referenced in
[38:12] Speaker 1: this breakup.
[38:13] Speaker 2: Well, she's a certified freak.
[38:15] Speaker 1: We know this.
[38:17] Speaker 2: It just came, it popped in.
[38:19] Speaker 1: How did he react?
[38:20] Speaker 2: He looked at me for a long time.
[38:25] Speaker 1: That would be running through your head. Who is this
[38:27] Speaker 1: unhinged woman?
[38:28] Speaker 2: And then he burst out laughing. Yeah. He lost it.
[38:31] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[38:32] Speaker 2: And I think he was grateful for the shift in energy.
[38:35] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[38:35] Speaker 2: And he just like grabbed me and like dunked me
[38:37] Speaker 2: down into the.
[38:38] Speaker 1: No, get off me!
[38:39] Speaker 2: Well, that's the thing. And he pashed me and we
[38:41] Speaker 2: dry humped and... See, this is the issue. I was
[38:44] Speaker 2: trying to have this heartfelt moment. I was trying to
[38:47] Speaker 2: end it, you know, and then.
[38:50] Speaker 3: He just uses his charm, but that's so bullshit. He's like, oh,
[38:54] Speaker 3: shut up. I know how to get to you.
[38:55] Speaker 1: I know. Little tickles and attention and kisses. And you're like.
[38:59] Speaker 2: I know I got stuck in the dick sand again.
[39:02] Speaker 1: Wait, but how long are we back in the dick sand? Look.
[39:06] Speaker 2: Look.
[39:07] Speaker 1: No, wait, no, no, no, Morgan. I didn't pound him.
[39:10] Speaker 2: I didn't pound him.
[39:11] Speaker 1: Oh, no, I know, but we're done with him after
[39:13] Speaker 1: this day. Morgan, we're done with him after this day.
[39:19] Speaker 2: My intention was just to see how my summer went
[39:23] Speaker 2: and to see him after New Year's.
[39:25] Speaker 3: Okay. It's okay.
[39:29] Speaker 2: Because I go to the New Year's party, which is
[39:32] Speaker 2: like over the hill from now Yeah.
[39:35] Speaker 1: To HO8.
[39:36] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[39:37] Speaker 1: Penish Lash's party.
[39:38] Speaker 2: Yeah. And we're all planning to camp there.
[39:40] Speaker 1: We've all got our tents. You know, it's on the
[39:42] Speaker 1: paddock land, the family land.
[39:43] Speaker 2: Right. And I'm excited to see if G.I. Joe turns up.
[39:46] Speaker 1: Yes. Yeah.
[39:48] Speaker 2: And he did in like a real cool car.
[39:50] Speaker 1: Yeah, cool.
[39:51] Speaker 2: That he'd bought with his money coming back from serving overseas.
[39:55] Speaker 1: He's an army man.
[39:55] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[39:56] Speaker 1: He's a man. We salute you. And like I got
[39:59] Speaker 1: tummy tickles, you know.
[40:00] Speaker 2: I was so excited that he was there.
[40:03] Speaker 3: How good to be at those parties, eh, when someone
[40:05] Speaker 3: that you really liked was there and you'd be like drinking,
[40:09] Speaker 3: talking to your mate, and then just like looking. You
[40:11] Speaker 3: see them walk in that feeling where you're like, Like, yeah,
[40:13] Speaker 3: tonight just got so good.
[40:14] Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
[40:14] Speaker 1: I know.
[40:15] Speaker 2: It's just, like, so magical at that age as well.
[40:18] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[40:18] Speaker 2: Because you can just, like, flirt and you don't know
[40:21] Speaker 2: what's going to happen. It doesn't really matter. Like, nothing matters.
[40:23] Speaker 2: Nothing matters. There's no huge consequences.
[40:25] Speaker 1: No, I'm not looking to have a baby. I'm not
[40:27] Speaker 1: looking to get married. I'm just like, oh, sexy man.
[40:31] Speaker 2: Oh, my God. As the sun was setting, he did
[40:36] Speaker 2: burnouts in his car in the paddock.
[40:40] Speaker 1: I mean, that's a peacocking thing, I understand. Yes.
[40:44] Speaker 2: But it really pissed off Penish Lish.
[40:46] Speaker 1: I bet, because that's the family land. Exactly.
[40:48] Speaker 2: And I thought that was so disrespectful. And so I
[40:53] Speaker 2: took it upon myself to growl him.
[40:55] Speaker 1: Did you? Big time. Not on, G.I.
[40:57] Speaker 2: I said, that ain't the one. That is disrespectful. The
[41:00] Speaker 2: cows go there.
[41:01] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[41:01] Speaker 2: You know, like, do not do that.
[41:03] Speaker 1: That's for the cows.
[41:05] Speaker 2: Yes. G.I. Joe.
[41:06] Speaker 3: Duh.
[41:06] Speaker 2: Yeah. And he was so embarrassed and really like, I'm
[41:10] Speaker 2: so sorry, I'm so sorry. And I stormed off. I
[41:12] Speaker 2: was so like brazen back then.
[41:14] Speaker 1: I know, I love it.
[41:15] Speaker 2: And took off. And then anyways, he came and found
[41:17] Speaker 2: me and he just said to me, I'm so, so sorry.
[41:20] Speaker 2: And he was like, do you want me to stay?
[41:23] Speaker 2: Because the only reason I came to this party was
[41:24] Speaker 2: to see you. If you want me to stay, I'll stay. Yeah.
[41:27] Speaker 2: I was like, of course I want you to stay.
[41:30] Speaker 1: Of course. But like no more silly burnout, silly boy. Yes.
[41:34] Speaker 3: Stop it.
[41:36] Speaker 1: I know, and please take those white dirty dog sunglasses off. Yeah,
[41:40] Speaker 1: but it's a time.
[41:41] Speaker 3: I know.
[41:41] Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Sorry, I just had
[41:43] Speaker 1: a flashback.
[41:44] Speaker 3: He's got the blue race car, the white, the white
[41:47] Speaker 3: dirty dog. If you don't know what a dirty dog is,
[41:48] Speaker 3: it's like the wraparound glasses from the early 2000s.
[41:52] Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
[41:53] Speaker 2: If you didn't have a pair of dirty dogs or Oakleys.
[41:55] Speaker 1: Or Oakleys, yeah. You weren't cool. You weren't cool. You
[41:58] Speaker 1: weren't a bad boy.
[41:59] Speaker 2: No. No. And so I was sharing a tent with
[42:03] Speaker 2: one of my best friends, Laura, and I thought, how am.
[42:06] Speaker 1: I going to do this? Get her the fuck out. Well,
[42:09] Speaker 1: I couldn't put her anywhere else. No.
[42:11] Speaker 2: So I thought, what I'm going to do is, as
[42:14] Speaker 2: soon as she went to the house to brush her teeth,
[42:17] Speaker 2: I snuck him in and put him up against, like,
[42:19] Speaker 2: the other side. That was my plan. And then I
[42:21] Speaker 2: thought it was going to be dark. She wouldn't even know.
[42:23] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that there's another man in a flimsy
[42:26] Speaker 3: material abode.
[42:28] Speaker 2: So– I go, get him in, get him in. Zip
[42:34] Speaker 2: down the zip. And he's like, quite good at that.
[42:38] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[42:39] Speaker 2: He's like on his knees and he like pulls me down.
[42:42] Speaker 2: He's like, you are literally the most beautiful girl I've
[42:44] Speaker 2: ever seen.
[42:45] Speaker 3: Yeah, you are.
[42:46] Speaker 2: And he just like put his hands all around my
[42:49] Speaker 2: face and then he's like pulled me in for this pash.
[42:52] Speaker 1: And it was just.
[42:54] Speaker 2: It was like a pash I'd never had before. From
[42:57] Speaker 2: that first one I had with brows on the big
[42:59] Speaker 2: black pillow.
[43:00] Speaker 1: On the pillow with the photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[43:02] Speaker 2: It felt like that but magnified.
[43:04] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[43:05] Speaker 2: My whole belly just did like full flips and there
[43:08] Speaker 2: was fireworks and I was like, This is it. This
[43:10] Speaker 2: is how it's meant to feel.
[43:12] Speaker 1: Yes.
[43:13] Speaker 2: I'm sure that's what I've seen in Disney cartoons.
[43:16] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[43:16] Speaker 1: Like that your feet are off the ground and you're floating.
[43:19] Speaker 2: Yes.
[43:20] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[43:21] Speaker 2: It was like that. And I was like, oh, my God, okay.
[43:23] Speaker 2: And so I was like, now, Laura's coming back. You've
[43:25] Speaker 2: got to, like, get into the corner. And he was like, oh,
[43:27] Speaker 2: my God, this is so weird. Next minute, the tent
[43:30] Speaker 2: zip goes up.
[43:31] Speaker 1: Do your zip. Yeah, great. Thank you. And it is Laura. Yeah.
[43:37] Speaker 2: And her cousin who's Penishlish. Oh. Yes. So, it's a
[43:43] Speaker 2: very small town. Small town, okay?
[43:46] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[43:46] Speaker 2: No judge.
[43:47] Speaker 1: No, no judge. No judge. Everyone's cousins. Yeah.
[43:50] Speaker 2: Yeah. Pretty much. So, I didn't get time to kind
[43:53] Speaker 2: of hide G.I. Joe.
[43:54] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[43:54] Speaker 2: They were both looking and Penishlish says, oh no, no more.
[44:00] Speaker 2: It's anybody but him.
[44:02] Speaker 1: Oh, Penishlish.
[44:03] Speaker 2: And I think.
[44:05] Speaker 1: What the hell?
[44:06] Speaker 2: And I'm thinking, what am I missing out on here? Yeah.
[44:10] Speaker 1: What am I not clocking? And then I just didn't care.
[44:13] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[44:13] Speaker 1: Because I was butterflies in my belly. Yeah, good pash,
[44:17] Speaker 1: good pash. Makes you lose your mind.
[44:19] Speaker 2: Yeah. Normally with this, you know, my best guy mate,
[44:22] Speaker 2: his word is law.
[44:23] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[44:24] Speaker 2: Take his advice through anything. But I was like, arrivederci,
[44:30] Speaker 2: get out of here, please.
[44:31] Speaker 3: Goodbye.
[44:32] Speaker 1: Goodbye.
[44:33] Speaker 2: And Laura was like, okay, so. G.I.
[44:35] Speaker 1: Joe's in here for the night?
[44:36] Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, if that's okay. She was like, yeah,
[44:38] Speaker 2: all right, just like no funny business, okay?
[44:40] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, of course not. Of course not. Oh my God,
[44:42] Speaker 1: like what even? I wouldn't even. I would never. Oh
[44:46] Speaker 1: my God, I would literally never. No.
[44:50] Speaker 3: Did you?
[44:52] Speaker 1: Guess what he did? Oh my God, he fucking munched.
[44:54] Speaker 1: He munched, he munched, he munched. He munched. Great, good boy.
[45:05] Speaker 2: Yeah, yes.
[45:05] Speaker 1: Were you trying to keep quiet? It's so weird when
[45:07] Speaker 1: you're young, eh?
[45:08] Speaker 3: Like in a situation where other people were sort of there,
[45:10] Speaker 3: you're like, oh, I'll just fucking do it quietly.
[45:12] Speaker 1: I know. You know what I mean? It's so weird.
[45:14] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[45:14] Speaker 1: Like it's such an odd thing. I would never do
[45:16] Speaker 1: it now.
[45:17] Speaker 3: No, no, no.
[45:17] Speaker 1: But like there's people in the room. Don't be absurd.
[45:19] Speaker 3: I know.
[45:19] Speaker 2: But I guess, you know, with tents, there's like rustling.
[45:22] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[45:22] Speaker 2: Other noises.
[45:23] Speaker 1: Outside noise.
[45:24] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[45:24] Speaker 2: And he just unzipped the bottom of the sleeping bag.
[45:27] Speaker 1: Oh, it got up through the feet? Yeah, it got
[45:29] Speaker 1: down there. God, he would have been hot.
[45:31] Speaker 2: Oh, my God. He was sweaty. I remember touching his
[45:33] Speaker 2: head and just like, oh, that boy's working hard.
[45:35] Speaker 1: Hot though.
[45:36] Speaker 2: But that guy's been in the trenches, man.
[45:38] Speaker 1: Yeah, man. He's used to this.
[45:39] Speaker 2: This guy's been to war.
[45:40] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[45:41] Speaker 3: Wow.
[45:42] Speaker 1: He can get hot. Munch, munch, munch.
[45:44] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[45:45] Speaker 1: Did you get down on the giblets?
[45:47] Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
[45:47] Speaker 1: Good munch?
[45:48] Speaker 2: Oh, the best munch.
[45:49] Speaker 1: Oh, fuck off.
[45:50] Speaker 2: This was the best munch to date.
[45:54] Speaker 1: Far out.
[45:54] Speaker 3: Great.
[45:55] Speaker 1: I had like.
[45:56] Speaker 2: Head spins and the tingles in my fingers.
[45:58] Speaker 1: Oh my God, how good when you get in a munch.
[46:00] Speaker 1: And it's so good that your fucking fingertips are fizzing.
[46:03] Speaker 1: Pins and needles.
[46:04] Speaker 3: And then mine does this, my mouth gets kind of
[46:06] Speaker 3: almost paralyzed.
[46:07] Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't. And they move and it's just so good.
[46:10] Speaker 2: You don't even care what you look like.
[46:13] Speaker 1: And afterwards you're like.
[46:15] Speaker 2: You feel like you've been through an ordeal.
[46:17] Speaker 1: I can't stand. My knees are weak. I can't hear.
[46:21] Speaker 1: My hearing goes. Yes, yes. Tinnitus comes in. Yeah, you're like.
[46:25] Speaker 2: Oh god how good the signs of a good munch
[46:29] Speaker 2: you've just described an allergic reaction.
[46:31] Speaker 1: Yeah an allergic reaction or like a semi-stroke.
[46:36] Speaker 3: Yeah i know you don't know whether to laugh or
[46:38] Speaker 3: cry yeah yeah.
[46:39] Speaker 2: No no you just got to go with it.
[46:41] Speaker 1: Yeah yeah it was hot hot.
[46:44] Speaker 2: And then he you know squirmed back up through the
[46:46] Speaker 2: sleeping bag yeah and we just spent the whole night
[46:49] Speaker 2: like grinding you know just like him from behind on
[46:54] Speaker 2: my butt and then you know then we'd face each
[46:56] Speaker 2: other and I'd like grind on his knee and like
[46:59] Speaker 2: it's all night long grinding like we got no.
[47:01] Speaker 1: Sleep yeah it was just hot the grind yeah we
[47:05] Speaker 1: don't grind enough we do.
[47:07] Speaker 2: Not grind enough no I feel like I had some
[47:09] Speaker 2: very big grinder years from about 16 to 21 yes
[47:12] Speaker 2: maybe even earlier maybe 14 yeah.
[47:14] Speaker 3: 16, a lot of grinding with my first boyfriend.
[47:19] Speaker 1: A lot of just sort of dick through jeans on thigh.
[47:22] Speaker 2: It can't have been good for guys, eh, with their jeans?
[47:25] Speaker 1: Yeah, jeans.
[47:26] Speaker 3: And I was an emo with my boyfriend, so he
[47:28] Speaker 3: had the skinniest jeans.
[47:29] Speaker 1: Like, every now and then he used to wear, like,
[47:31] Speaker 1: my jeans. He'd wear women's jeans. And they were, like,
[47:34] Speaker 1: the skinniest, skinniest jeans. So tight. And his poor dick
[47:37] Speaker 1: would have just been in there, like, trying to grind.
[47:39] Speaker 2: But you never think about it. The guy's going for it.
[47:42] Speaker 1: It's grinding. Grinding, grinding. Yeah, I could get down on
[47:46] Speaker 1: a bit of grinding.
[47:52] Speaker 2: Next day was the Kai Tiritiri Beach Festival.
[47:56] Speaker 3: And I.
[47:58] Speaker 2: Was like with my girlfriends and he was kind of
[48:00] Speaker 2: with the guys. But I just kept on looking at him.
[48:03] Speaker 2: There was something in my body that was like, I
[48:04] Speaker 2: think I'm in love.
[48:05] Speaker 1: Yeah, immediately.
[48:07] Speaker 2: And I had this song in my head.
[48:10] Speaker 1: God help me. God help me.
[48:17] Speaker 4: God, help me.
[48:20] Speaker 2: Damien Rice.
[48:21] Speaker 3: Listener, listener, are you with me? Like, what are we feeling?
[48:25] Speaker 3: What is she up to, eh? I'm just talking direct
[48:28] Speaker 3: to listener at the moment.
[48:28] Speaker 1: Guys, guys, Morgan, eh? What the fuck? Can't take my
[48:34] Speaker 1: eyes off you by Damien Rice. Oh, The Blower's Daughter.
[48:38] Speaker 2: Yeah, Blower's Daughter, that's the one.
[48:39] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[48:39] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[48:40] Speaker 1: I can't take my eyes off of you.
[48:42] Speaker 2: Yeah, I was smitten kitten. I don't worry, I did
[48:45] Speaker 2: not sing this one to him.
[48:46] Speaker 1: Oh, thank God.
[48:47] Speaker 2: No, I kept it to myself for once in my life.
[48:52] Speaker 2: I contained myself because I was trying to be kind
[48:54] Speaker 2: of cool with this guy.
[48:56] Speaker 1: He does burnouts, he wears dirty towels. Exactly. Yeah.
[48:59] Speaker 2: And he came over to me and he said, do
[49:00] Speaker 2: you want to go for a swim? And I said,
[49:02] Speaker 2: oh my God, yes.
[49:03] Speaker 1: Swim in your butt hole. Sorry.
[49:05] Speaker 2: Sorry.
[49:05] Speaker 1: I don't know that came out. I'm so sorry. Carry on.
[49:07] Speaker 2: Did you say swim in your butt hole?
[49:09] Speaker 1: Yeah, I did. We'll just carry on. I think don't
[49:10] Speaker 1: worry about it.
[49:12] Speaker 2: Fair enough.
[49:12] Speaker 1: It just came out. Yeah, it's all right.
[49:14] Speaker 2: Sometimes it does.
[49:14] Speaker 1: It just does. Sometimes it shoots out. It shoots out.
[49:18] Speaker 1: Stop it.
[49:19] Speaker 2: No, you stop it.
[49:19] Speaker 1: You stop.
[49:20] Speaker 3: No.
[49:21] Speaker 1: Because I'm feeling. No, you're leading me here.
[49:23] Speaker 2: Okay.
[49:23] Speaker 3: Okay.
[49:24] Speaker 1: Now, we said at the start that one of us
[49:26] Speaker 1: was going to hold on strong.
[49:27] Speaker 3: And actually, Rach, are you feeling that we're doing a
[49:29] Speaker 3: good job of one of us holding on strong?
[49:31] Speaker 2: I don't think you need me to answer that, Hayley.
[49:33] Speaker 1: Okay, thank you. Just realise the promise we made up top.
[49:36] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[49:37] Speaker 1: And now here we are. Now we're down below. Now
[49:38] Speaker 1: we're down below. Munching.
[49:39] Speaker 2: Munching. Oh, my God. Okay, do you want to go
[49:44] Speaker 2: for a swim? Yeah, I went for a swim in
[49:45] Speaker 2: his bottle.
[49:46] Speaker 1: In his bottle. Bloop, bloop, bloop.
[49:51] Speaker 2: I'm a snork now. I'm a snork.
[49:53] Speaker 1: Doing the butterfly.
[49:54] Speaker 2: Oh, no.
[49:59] Speaker 1: Oh, no.
[50:03] Speaker 2: Oh, no.
[50:03] Speaker 1: She's grabbing her fanny. Don't pee.
[50:05] Speaker 2: Oh, well, don't make me swim in a butthole. Okay.
[50:08] Speaker 1: We're not swimming in a butthole. You're swimming in the ocean.
[50:10] Speaker 2: I'm swimming in the ocean and I lose my ring.
[50:13] Speaker 1: Oh, no. Your fucking butt ring. Your fucking ring.
[50:19] Speaker 3: Oh, no.
[50:19] Speaker 1: We've gone mad.
[50:20] Speaker 3: Oh, no.
[50:20] Speaker 2: I've lost it.
[50:22] Speaker 1: Oh, no. This is not coming back. Oh, my God.
[50:25] Speaker 2: We've got to come back.
[50:26] Speaker 1: Okay. Okay. We're back.
[50:27] Speaker 2: I lost my ring.
[50:29] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[50:29] Speaker 2: And he goes diving for my ring.
[50:33] Speaker 1: Oh, my God. What a hero. I mean, he's in
[50:34] Speaker 1: the military.
[50:35] Speaker 3: He is.
[50:35] Speaker 1: That's right.
[50:36] Speaker 2: Yeah. So he knows how to find rings, but he couldn't.
[50:40] Speaker 1: He didn't.
[50:40] Speaker 2: I was very upset.
[50:41] Speaker 1: Gone.
[50:42] Speaker 2: But he tried. And just having a man try. Oh,
[50:44] Speaker 2: I know.
[50:45] Speaker 1: Very. Like he was very in service to him.
[50:48] Speaker 3: Valiant.
[50:48] Speaker 2: You know? Now, look, I needed to get back to
[50:51] Speaker 2: Nelson because I'd had a couple of days away by
[50:53] Speaker 2: this stage. And I came back and I told my mum,
[50:56] Speaker 2: I think I found the one.
[50:58] Speaker 1: Wow. And she goes, about bloody time. Yeah. You know?
[51:02] Speaker 1: She's like, it better not be that rugby.
[51:05] Speaker 2: Exactly.
[51:05] Speaker 1: She was done with him by then. Yeah, I bet
[51:07] Speaker 1: she was. Knowing your mum.
[51:09] Speaker 3: Yes.
[51:10] Speaker 1: Exactly.
[51:12] Speaker 2: And so G.I. Joe calls me the next day and
[51:15] Speaker 2: he says, can I pick you up before– we go
[51:19] Speaker 2: to this mutual friends party. I said, absolutely, I'd love to.
[51:24] Speaker 2: And so he does. And as soon as I opened
[51:26] Speaker 2: the door, he was just like, oh my God, you
[51:28] Speaker 2: look gorgeous. He just really laid on all this beautiful compliments.
[51:35] Speaker 2: I could feel the adoration. And I sat in the
[51:37] Speaker 2: car and he handed me a box. And there were
[51:41] Speaker 2: two rings inside. And he said, I couldn't find your one,
[51:45] Speaker 2: but I've gone out and Bought me some new ones.
[51:48] Speaker 1: Oh, gee. I, Jo. I know. Oh.
[51:51] Speaker 2: And I thought, oh, my God, I think.
[51:53] Speaker 1: This guy likes me.
[51:54] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[51:55] Speaker 2: He actually likes me. And, yeah, we went to this party,
[52:00] Speaker 2: and it felt nice for the first time to feel
[52:02] Speaker 2: like an actual adult in– a union, even though we
[52:06] Speaker 2: weren't anything, that felt really mutual. Yeah. He was parading me.
[52:10] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[52:11] Speaker 2: He claimed me.
[52:12] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[52:13] Speaker 2: He literally showed up the way that I wanted rugby to. Yeah.
[52:16] Speaker 1: Like that. Instantly. Yeah.
[52:19] Speaker 3: Not hiding his affection or his desire for you.
[52:22] Speaker 2: Exactly.
[52:22] Speaker 1: And it felt so safe and nourishing. I was smitten.
[52:26] Speaker 2: Yeah. It was so beautiful. He took care of me,
[52:28] Speaker 2: got me drinks all night and I loved it.
[52:31] Speaker 1: And all my friends were.
[52:32] Speaker 2: Like, oh my Like, you've found your person. It was
[52:34] Speaker 2: this kind of thing. And we went into town after that.
[52:39] Speaker 2: And this is when I didn't feel as connected to
[52:43] Speaker 2: him or as secure because I guess he had been
[52:46] Speaker 2: overseas for a while and he was back in town.
[52:49] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[52:49] Speaker 2: And he was bumping into lots of people that he knew,
[52:51] Speaker 2: particularly quite a few women.
[52:54] Speaker 1: Yeah. And I was starting to feel quite jealous. And
[52:56] Speaker 1: I was like, oh, my God.
[52:57] Speaker 2: Okay, maybe he's not everything that I thought he was. Yeah.
[53:00] Speaker 2: And I was just trying to dance with my girlfriends.
[53:03] Speaker 2: And then who do I see walk through the bar door?
[53:06] Speaker 1: It's Anne. It's Anne. Hi, Anne. You fucking turned up
[53:10] Speaker 1: at an odd time, Anne.
[53:11] Speaker 2: No, it was the best time.
[53:13] Speaker 1: No, but you're into this. Because G.I. Joe's here. We
[53:16] Speaker 1: don't need Anne anymore.
[53:18] Speaker 2: Don't forget about young Morgan. If she smells rejection on
[53:23] Speaker 2: the horizon... She's, right, who's next?
[53:26] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is my tried and true. And, yeah,
[53:31] Speaker 1: and it's Anne.
[53:32] Speaker 2: And it's the guy who I think, once he moves
[53:34] Speaker 2: back from Australia, we're going to settle down and have babies.
[53:37] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[53:38] Speaker 2: So there he is. And I'm just like a moth
[53:41] Speaker 2: to the flame. Oh, my God. I can't even describe
[53:45] Speaker 2: the feeling we had when we were together.
[53:47] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[53:47] Speaker 2: People talk about soulmates.
[53:50] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[53:50] Speaker 2: And I just feel like our love was otherworldly. Because
[53:54] Speaker 2: it just felt like I was whole again with him.
[53:58] Speaker 2: I felt this warmth, this safety, this.
[54:02] Speaker 1: Everything, all encompassing.
[54:04] Speaker 2: And he was just like, oh, my God, you've grown
[54:07] Speaker 2: into like an actual woman. Like you are so beautiful.
[54:11] Speaker 2: And he's like, I'm sorry I couldn't come to your 21st.
[54:14] Speaker 2: And even though I hadn't seen him probably for over
[54:17] Speaker 2: a year now, a year and a half, nearly two years,
[54:20] Speaker 2: you know, we always emailed and stayed in touch and talked.
[54:23] Speaker 2: things like that, and I was catching up on his
[54:25] Speaker 2: world and he told me that he'd just broken up
[54:27] Speaker 2: with a girlfriend.
[54:28] Speaker 1: Interesting.
[54:29] Speaker 2: I'm so sorry for your loss.
[54:31] Speaker 1: Oh, darling, my heart breaketh for you. Oh, how abhorrent.
[54:36] Speaker 2: And I just, I forgot about G.I.
[54:38] Speaker 3: Joe.
[54:38] Speaker 1: Fuck.
[54:38] Speaker 2: Because I was in my vortex. Yeah.
[54:42] Speaker 1: But G.I. Joe did not forget about me.
[54:44] Speaker 2: No. Turns out he'd been watching every single little moment
[54:48] Speaker 2: with Ant. And he came over and he slipped an
[54:52] Speaker 2: arm around my waist.
[54:54] Speaker 1: Acclamation.
[54:55] Speaker 2: Very much so. And introduced himself to Ant.
[55:00] Speaker 1: Big dick swinging.
[55:01] Speaker 2: I kind of squirmed out of the hold because I
[55:06] Speaker 2: felt awkward in front of Ant. I felt like I
[55:09] Speaker 2: was betraying him.
[55:10] Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want you to think that I'm with
[55:11] Speaker 1: this person.
[55:12] Speaker 2: No, exactly. And I was like, in this moment, I
[55:13] Speaker 2: was like, you don't get to claim me. Yeah. And, yeah,
[55:16] Speaker 2: there was this awkward jealousy process. between them, and I
[55:20] Speaker 2: was like, and so I just said, this is my
[55:24] Speaker 2: friend I haven't seen in ages, can you take some
[55:26] Speaker 2: photos of us together? And Jojo's like, fuck.
[55:32] Speaker 1: Sure. Yeah, sure.
[55:34] Speaker 2: So I've got these beautiful photos from that night.
[55:38] Speaker 1: Amazing. Which I'll put up of us together.
[55:40] Speaker 2: Because it's quite funny when you know who's taking the
[55:43] Speaker 2: photo and the backstory to it. Yeah. Like, made it
[55:46] Speaker 2: my profile picture.
[55:47] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[55:48] Speaker 1: Oh, gosh. Woo, brutal.
[55:51] Speaker 2: I know, I know.
[55:52] Speaker 1: That's brutal, eh? I know.
[55:54] Speaker 2: And then anyways, Ant sort of goes, okay, I'm going
[55:56] Speaker 2: to go get a drink. Do you want a drink?
[55:58] Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, no, I'm going to be
[55:59] Speaker 2: on the dance floor. But get your drink, come over
[56:01] Speaker 2: to the dance floor. Anyways, GI Joe was like, do
[56:05] Speaker 2: you want to go to another bar? And I'm like, no.
[56:08] Speaker 2: And he was like, oh, okay. And I was like,
[56:10] Speaker 2: come and dance with me. This guy did not like dancing.
[56:13] Speaker 1: Okay. At all.
[56:15] Speaker 2: So he was like, I'll be at the bar. And
[56:16] Speaker 2: I was like, okay, I'll be with the gals. And
[56:18] Speaker 2: I think I'd already started to be a bit cool
[56:20] Speaker 2: towards him because I just didn't know. And I had Ant,
[56:24] Speaker 2: you know, and I was very confused. Anyways, we all
[56:25] Speaker 2: sort of stayed in that bar for quite a while.
[56:28] Speaker 2: Then I lost sight of Ant. I don't know what happened,
[56:30] Speaker 2: where he was. And then JoJo came to me. It
[56:33] Speaker 2: was like 2 a.m. And he was like, I think
[56:35] Speaker 2: we should go home. And I was like, I don't know.
[56:38] Speaker 2: I was thinking maybe I want another hour before the
[56:40] Speaker 2: pub's shut, you know, grinding on the grumpy mold table.
[56:44] Speaker 1: Yeah, of course. It's our right.
[56:47] Speaker 2: Exactly.
[56:47] Speaker 1: To party. To party. And I come out of the bar.
[56:54] Speaker 2: And we're walking out together and this girl calls.
[56:58] Speaker 1: Out to JoJo. And I'm like, oh my God.
[57:02] Speaker 2: And he goes over and it looks like they're having
[57:04] Speaker 2: quite an intense combo. And I think, fuck this noise.
[57:10] Speaker 2: I was like, I'm going to get in a cab
[57:11] Speaker 2: and I'm going to go by myself home.
[57:14] Speaker 1: And then I.
[57:17] Speaker 2: Hear and feel this breath behind my neck. And from
[57:23] Speaker 2: behind comes this hand that slips down my thigh and
[57:26] Speaker 2: And just latches on above my.
[57:28] Speaker 1: Knee and gives me a horsey bite. Oh, fuck. And
[57:33] Speaker 1: he says, you like that, don't you? Oh, yes, I do.
[57:38] Speaker 1: And I just like, and kind of like with my bum,
[57:41] Speaker 1: like shimmy down on his groin.
[57:43] Speaker 2: Yeah. And I spun around and he's like, are you
[57:46] Speaker 2: coming with me?
[57:48] Speaker 1: Oh. And I was like, where are we going? And
[57:53] Speaker 1: he was like, well, we can go home and go
[57:55] Speaker 1: to another bar. What do you think? And I looked
[57:59] Speaker 1: over at G.I. Joe.
[58:01] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[58:02] Speaker 2: And he's looking at me. Now he's clocked that I'm
[58:05] Speaker 2: back with Ant.
[58:09] Speaker 1: And I'm trying to like.
[58:12] Speaker 2: Feel into my heart, feel into this new connection, trying
[58:16] Speaker 2: to figure out what is actually like the best thing
[58:20] Speaker 2: To do for my future, for my heart, for the moment.
[58:23] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[58:24] Speaker 2: And I just said, I don't think I can. I've
[58:27] Speaker 2: just started seeing this guy. I think I have to
[58:31] Speaker 2: choose him.
[58:31] Speaker 1: And he's like, can you choose him tomorrow? Yeah, come on.
[58:37] Speaker 2: And I was like looking and I like put my
[58:40] Speaker 2: hand like on his chest, on his heart. I was like,
[58:44] Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Like, I'm sorry.
[58:46] Speaker 1: I actually can't. You're such a better person than me.
[58:52] Speaker 1: I would have been like, yeah. I know.
[58:57] Speaker 2: But what I didn't know in that moment was that
[59:00] Speaker 2: that was going to be the last time I ever
[59:03] Speaker 2: saw Ant.
[59:04] Speaker 3: No.
[59:04] Speaker 2: No.
[59:04] Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
[59:14] Speaker 3: I know.
[59:15] Speaker 4: I know.
[59:16] Speaker 2: Oh.
[59:17] Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know what to do with that. I'm
[59:24] Speaker 3: so invested. I'm so behind her.
[59:27] Speaker 2: Why? No.
[59:28] Speaker 1: Where did it go? What happened?
[59:29] Speaker 3: Why?
[59:29] Speaker 2: Why?
[59:33] Speaker 1: Why did you go?
[59:34] Speaker 2: I know, why didn't I go? Why didn't I go?
[59:40] Speaker 1: Because, I.
[59:44] Speaker 2: Don't know, I feel like, I don't know. I don't
[59:47] Speaker 2: know the bigger picture of this, but I had these
[59:51] Speaker 2: feelings for G.I.
[59:52] Speaker 1: Joe and I just....
[59:55] Speaker 2: I don't know. I can't even talk to 20-year-old Morgan
[59:58] Speaker 2: now and be like, why? Yeah. Because I wanted him.
[1:00:01] Speaker 1: Yes, I know. It's all you've ever wanted.
[1:00:03] Speaker 2: But I also, I guess I knew it was temporary
[1:00:06] Speaker 2: as well. You know, I knew that I wouldn't have
[1:00:09] Speaker 2: him a week later. He'd be gone again. Yeah.
[1:00:14] Speaker 1: Why did you never see him again? Oh, you're not
[1:00:15] Speaker 1: going to tell me right now. I'll tell you another time.
[1:00:18] Speaker 2: Oh, Morgz.
[1:00:20] Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh.
[1:00:25] Speaker 3: It's so, oh my God, my heart is like racing.
[1:00:30] Speaker 3: It's so mad. So you know, like this is years ago.
[1:00:34] Speaker 3: It's so weird, these missed connections and how they stay
[1:00:39] Speaker 3: with you forever. Even when you find complete happiness later.
[1:00:43] Speaker 1: Yes. They always stay with you. I have one as well.
[1:00:46] Speaker 1: And it's just always there. Yeah. And you're like, just
[1:00:51] Speaker 1: a world of what ifs.
[1:00:52] Speaker 2: Because I think with humans, it's a rarity to feel
[1:00:56] Speaker 2: such a depth of connection that is more than just
[1:01:00] Speaker 2: friendship or sexualness.
[1:01:02] Speaker 1: Totally.
[1:01:02] Speaker 2: That is kind of an enmeshment of something and the
[1:01:07] Speaker 2: promise of what could be. But yes, it's the missing,
[1:01:10] Speaker 2: all these moments of missing or not quite the right
[1:01:12] Speaker 2: time or not choosing, not being ballsy enough or yeah,
[1:01:17] Speaker 2: it's life, it's love, it's people, it's Wild.
[1:01:24] Speaker 3: Is this where you're leaving us this episode? Oh my God,
[1:01:26] Speaker 3: I feel on a fucking cliff. No, I feel maybe
[1:01:29] Speaker 3: I've toppled over.
[1:01:30] Speaker 1: I don't know. This is not where I expected we
[1:01:34] Speaker 1: were going.
[1:01:37] Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you never know where life's going to take you,
[1:01:40] Speaker 2: do you?
[1:01:41] Speaker 1: You really don't.
[1:01:42] Speaker 2: No.
[1:01:42] Speaker 3: This, honestly, this episode has been like quite.
[1:01:48] Speaker 1: A, wow, quite a journey. It really has. I'm not
[1:01:51] Speaker 1: mad about it.
[1:01:52] Speaker 2: No, I think we've had a full range of emotions.
[1:01:54] Speaker 2: I know.
[1:01:55] Speaker 1: I got so horny at one point. So horny. I
[1:01:59] Speaker 1: was really horny.
[1:02:01] Speaker 2: I missed actually an origin story. Oh. Okay, Morgan has
[1:02:04] Speaker 2: another fear and it is mink blankets. Do you know this?
[1:02:07] Speaker 1: No, but I hate them.
[1:02:10] Speaker 3: And I have slept with so many guys that had
[1:02:12] Speaker 3: those fucking blankets on their bed.
[1:02:14] Speaker 4: Particularly if it's got like a large animal print, like
[1:02:17] Speaker 4: a whale jumping through a rainbow or like a lion.
[1:02:20] Speaker 3: Or Superman, you know, or like Spider-Man. And you're like,
[1:02:25] Speaker 3: what the fuck? Yeah, I'll fuck you on this thing.
[1:02:27] Speaker 3: But Jesus Christ.
[1:02:28] Speaker 4: No, she has like a full-blown fear like, They're awful, eh?
[1:02:31] Speaker 4: I have one that kind of floated around. We used
[1:02:34] Speaker 4: to live together and if it came out.
[1:02:36] Speaker 1: It was all over. Morgan was angry, furious.
[1:02:39] Speaker 2: Sometimes I just send her pictures of them just to
[1:02:40] Speaker 2: piss her off.
[1:02:41] Speaker 1: Yeah, just to be like.
[1:02:42] Speaker 2: Rugby boy, he's the emerging woman blanket. Yeah. I can't
[1:02:47] Speaker 2: believe you... Drawn on this piece of pain of my life.
[1:02:50] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:02:51] Speaker 2: But it's true. It was just sitting with me. I
[1:02:53] Speaker 2: had to get it out.
[1:02:53] Speaker 1: Okay, thank you.
[1:02:54] Speaker 2: And I don't know if you remember, but because I
[1:02:57] Speaker 2: hated them so much and we had this ongoing gag
[1:03:00] Speaker 2: about it and sending each other these pictures of it,
[1:03:02] Speaker 2: that I actually had a boyfriend at a time that
[1:03:05] Speaker 2: bought me, like, a Maori-designed mink blanket because he thought
[1:03:09] Speaker 2: I loved them. Yeah.
[1:03:10] Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, because he was like, you're constantly talking about
[1:03:13] Speaker 3: these mink blankets.
[1:03:14] Speaker 1: Yes, and you know, I love Maori culture.
[1:03:16] Speaker 2: Yeah.
[1:03:17] Speaker 1: And... Well, of course.
[1:03:19] Speaker 2: This is unbelievable.
[1:03:21] Speaker 1: Look, they're cheap and they're warm, but they're not sexy.
[1:03:24] Speaker 1: That's the thing.
[1:03:25] Speaker 3: No.
[1:03:25] Speaker 2: 11 minutes. That's just the warm-up. Pour the rosé and
[1:03:30] Speaker 2: press play on the main act.
[1:03:32] Speaker 1: Home play. Brought to you by Pascua.
[1:03:34] Speaker 2: House of the Unconventional.
[1:03:36] Speaker 3: Okay, my fragile little heart is brave enough to ask,
[1:03:40] Speaker 3: what is our home play for this week?
[1:03:42] Speaker 2: Okay, well, because last week we were really dealing with
[1:03:45] Speaker 2: the inner work, this time we're dealing with the outer work.
[1:03:49] Speaker 3: Okay.
[1:03:49] Speaker 2: And it's a bit more sexy.
[1:03:50] Speaker 1: All right.
[1:03:51] Speaker 2: Okay, I think we all deserve a bit of sex
[1:03:53] Speaker 2: in our lives, you know?
[1:03:54] Speaker 3: This is a journey we're on though, you know? It's
[1:03:57] Speaker 3: a bit of everything and I'm down for it all.
[1:03:59] Speaker 2: And, you know, I love that you got on board
[1:04:01] Speaker 2: so quickly with this episode about the grinding and the
[1:04:04] Speaker 2: dry humping.
[1:04:06] Speaker 1: Because that is what we're doing this week. Okay? I
[1:04:10] Speaker 1: want us to bring it back. Yeah, we're bringing back
[1:04:11] Speaker 1: the grind.
[1:04:12] Speaker 2: And I'm actually bringing in a.
[1:04:14] Speaker 1: Tool to help.
[1:04:16] Speaker 3: Oh.
[1:04:17] Speaker 1: What am I grinding on? Please pass that to Hayley.
[1:04:22] Speaker 1: Oh my God.
[1:04:25] Speaker 3: Okay, before my eyes, the Wave Rider triple stimulating vibrating grinder.
[1:04:30] Speaker 1: Uh-huh. <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL>.
[1:04:34] Speaker 2: <HAL> Did we talk about once when you used to
[1:04:36] Speaker 2: grind on a couch arm?
[1:04:37] Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I used to straddle the arm of a couch.
[1:04:40] Speaker 3: When I was figuring out, that feels nice, and I
[1:04:41] Speaker 3: don't know why.
[1:04:42] Speaker 2: Yeah, and a lot of people did that with like pillows.
[1:04:45] Speaker 1: Pillows, teddy bears, their friends.
[1:04:47] Speaker 2: Yep, I think even I did a bed knob, you know,
[1:04:50] Speaker 2: the wooden knob.
[1:04:51] Speaker 1: On the bed frame, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1:04:53] Speaker 2: This is a toy that's just going to kind of
[1:04:55] Speaker 2: help this. So you can just turn it on. You
[1:04:57] Speaker 2: can either lie on it.
[1:05:00] Speaker 1: You know, I always love to do this out of fear.
[1:05:02] Speaker 1: I know.
[1:05:03] Speaker 2: Oh, and this is not helping our horniness.
[1:05:06] Speaker 1: I'm so horny. I'm literally like, let's fucking shut up
[1:05:09] Speaker 1: so I can go.
[1:05:10] Speaker 2: It's a triple grinder.
[1:05:12] Speaker 1: So where's my bits going?
[1:05:14] Speaker 2: So you can either lie that flat on the ground
[1:05:17] Speaker 2: and literally just lie your body on it. So like
[1:05:20] Speaker 2: you could sort of have that top end, the big
[1:05:23] Speaker 2: sort of bulbous bit. Describe it for people.
[1:05:25] Speaker 3: It's like your classic rubber silicone, but it's got three
[1:05:29] Speaker 3: kind of heads. It's like a camel's back with three halves.
[1:05:34] Speaker 1: Now you're talking. Ridged. So one, two, it's like, whoa, whoa,
[1:05:38] Speaker 1: like a wave.
[1:05:38] Speaker 3: Yes.
[1:05:39] Speaker 2: And so you can lie your genitals on any part
[1:05:42] Speaker 2: of that that feels good. You could have the bit
[1:05:45] Speaker 2: that's at the end, the bulby bit, kind of on
[1:05:47] Speaker 2: the anus.
[1:05:48] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:05:48] Speaker 2: And you could have the other bit sort of sitting
[1:05:50] Speaker 2: on the clit.
[1:05:51] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:05:52] Speaker 2: So this is quite nice for if you are having
[1:05:54] Speaker 2: partnered sex as well because it's great for solo and partnered.
[1:05:58] Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Imagine being on your tummy and lying
[1:06:00] Speaker 1: on this and they're fucking you from behind.
[1:06:01] Speaker 2: Yeah. Exactly, exactly. And it's got a remote as well.
[1:06:05] Speaker 1: Yes, I see this.
[1:06:06] Speaker 2: It's got nine different vibration modes. So you can do
[1:06:09] Speaker 2: it with clothes on as well or clothes off. Clothes off,
[1:06:13] Speaker 2: use some lube.
[1:06:13] Speaker 1: And it's just like you're sliding up and down it
[1:06:16] Speaker 1: as well.
[1:06:17] Speaker 2: And in terms of like movement, yeah, you can slide
[1:06:20] Speaker 2: or you can move side to side, you know. But
[1:06:23] Speaker 2: just like trust yourself because you can do all sorts
[1:06:25] Speaker 2: of stuff.
[1:06:26] Speaker 3: I'm so excited about this because do you know what
[1:06:27] Speaker 3: I've been doing recently and I don't know why?
[1:06:29] Speaker 2: What?
[1:06:30] Speaker 1: Masturbating on my stomach or my hands and knees.
[1:06:33] Speaker 2: Oh, great to shift things up.
[1:06:36] Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm a big on your back gal. And
[1:06:38] Speaker 3: then I was like, oh, yeah, and it's really been
[1:06:41] Speaker 3: doing it for me. So this is like, that's the vibe.
[1:06:44] Speaker 2: And so just to give some context to why this
[1:06:47] Speaker 2: grinding is good, it builds erotic self-awareness, right, without actually
[1:06:52] Speaker 2: focusing on Penetrative stuff, you know, it actually normalizes non-penetrative
[1:06:57] Speaker 2: pleasure that you can actually find so much without it.
[1:07:00] Speaker 2: And it's a low stress way to orgasm.
[1:07:02] Speaker 3: Yeah.
[1:07:03] Speaker 2: I know that sounds quite weird.
[1:07:05] Speaker 1: No, just a bit of, yeah.
[1:07:06] Speaker 2: But it's a really, like that rhythmic of grinding is
[1:07:09] Speaker 2: actually really innate to the body.
[1:07:12] Speaker 1: Yeah.
[1:07:13] Speaker 2: And to just kind of find your own groove to
[1:07:15] Speaker 2: grind with is really nice. It's a down-regulating thing. Yeah,
[1:07:20] Speaker 2: lazy way to orgasm.
[1:07:21] Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.
[1:07:22] Speaker 2: And it kind of encourages fantasy and creativity because you
[1:07:25] Speaker 2: can just imagine that you're grinding on anything you want.
[1:07:27] Speaker 2: A face, a knee, a cock, another minge.
[1:07:31] Speaker 1: Yeah, a minge to minge. Yeah, whatever you want.
[1:07:34] Speaker 3: Oh my God, this is so horny and I feel
[1:07:36] Speaker 3: like this is a great end to our.
[1:07:38] Speaker 1: Horny app?
[1:07:39] Speaker 2: Yes, but I've also got one for Rachel because I
[1:07:42] Speaker 2: just found out the other day that she has never
[1:07:45] Speaker 2: owned a sex toy in her life.
[1:07:46] Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh. Here you go, Rachel. Oh, my God, Morgan.
[1:07:51] Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
[1:07:52] Speaker 2: She's been doing the home play.
[1:07:54] Speaker 1: Of course she has.
[1:07:55] Speaker 2: She's got to bloody get on board with the Empowered Poussoirs.
[1:07:58] Speaker 1: I love this.
[1:07:59] Speaker 2: Oh my God, your eyes are so wide, Hayley.
[1:08:02] Speaker 3: It's because in the last three years, and I know
[1:08:05] Speaker 3: that aligns with my being on this podcast and hanging
[1:08:08] Speaker 3: out with Morgan a lot. My kit has just grown
[1:08:10] Speaker 3: and I just, I really like relish it now.
[1:08:13] Speaker 1: And I always, as you recommend as well, you know,
[1:08:16] Speaker 1: I always go back to a manual wank. Oh, God, yeah.
[1:08:18] Speaker 2: Never let the acoustic go.
[1:08:19] Speaker 1: No, no, no. But like, I'm just watching the beginning
[1:08:23] Speaker 1: of your kit.
[1:08:24] Speaker 3: Yes.
[1:08:24] Speaker 1: Right.
[1:08:25] Speaker 2: I thought this is a nice gentle start because it
[1:08:28] Speaker 2: is meant to be external, but you can put it
[1:08:30] Speaker 2: internal as well.
[1:08:31] Speaker 1: The end, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1:08:32] Speaker 2: Because it will snuggle up against your G spot. And
[1:08:35] Speaker 2: you can start with clothes on. This is a good
[1:08:36] Speaker 2: beginner's toy.
[1:08:37] Speaker 3: Okay.
[1:08:37] Speaker 2: I don't know what to say.
[1:08:39] Speaker 3: She's sheepish, but you will hear from her next week
[1:08:42] Speaker 3: because we're turning up.
[1:08:44] Speaker 1: Yep, yep.
[1:08:44] Speaker 2: We'll see what happens.
[1:08:45] Speaker 1: What a beautiful time spent with you guys today, actually.
[1:08:49] Speaker 1: We've been through it all. Thank you all for showing
[1:08:50] Speaker 1: up with your open hearts. Yeah.
[1:08:52] Speaker 3: And your open pussies because make out with it.
[1:08:56] Speaker 1: Have a much.
[1:08:59] Speaker 3: Later.
[1:08:59] Speaker 1: Oh, I'm hungry. Suck the giblets. Bye.

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