# Helping Little Kids Through Big Fears (And What They Actually Need From You)

An episode of [Toddlers Made Easy with Dr Cathryn](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1641168814), 10 Dec 2025, 7:19.

Audio: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2632063/episodes/19534399-helping-little-kids-through-big-fears-and-what-they-actually-need-from-you.mp3

Dr. Cathryn talks about why toddler fears are so common — and how to support your little one without minimizing their feelings or rushing them through fear. You’ll learn simple, big-hearted ways to help your child feel seen, safe, and supported, while also building the confidence they need to move through scary moments at their own pace. We cover: • Why fears show up in toddlerhood • How to respond when fears feel inconvenient or confusing • What to say (and what to skip) • How naming and narrating emotions help kids process big feelings • Ways to empower your child without pushing them RESOURCES: Help! My Child Will Only Poop In A Diaper Toddlers Made Easy course Follow me on Insta Get Dr. Cathryn's emails packed with big-hearted tools, developmentally-strategies, and practical tools straight to your Inbox. Grab Dr. Cathryn's bestselling book, Toddlers Made Easy Sponsors: Acorns Early RESOURCES Toddlers Made Easy online course Potty Training Made Easy online course Help Your Child Fall Asleep Independently mini-class Toddlers Made Easy book 200 Big-Hearted Scripts FREE GUIDE: 5 Must-Dos Before Starting Potty Training And don’t forget to follow Dr. Cathryn on Instagram.

## Transcript

[0:07] SPEAKER_00: Welcome to toddlers made easy.
[0:09] SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
[0:10] SPEAKER_00: Catherine, pediatrician just retired, mom of four, and I'm here to make parenting easier.
[0:15] SPEAKER_00: There's no fluff, just what works.
[0:18] SPEAKER_00: Today we're going to talk about toddlers and fears.
[0:21] SPEAKER_00: We're going to talk about a big-hearted approach to fears and exactly what to say and do when your child is afraid.
[0:28] SPEAKER_00: Fears are a normal part of toddler life.
[0:31] SPEAKER_00: When you're two or three years old, the world feels huge and unpredictable.
[0:36] SPEAKER_00: The brain is still learning what's safe, what's dangerous, and how to sort the two apart.
[0:41] SPEAKER_00: So everyday things like the dark, animals, sudden noises, they can trigger a fight or flight reaction very quickly.
[0:49] SPEAKER_00: You might see fears show up at bedtime, in public washrooms, around certain relatives, or even during bath time.
[0:57] SPEAKER_00: These fears often appear suddenly without any clear reason.
[1:00] SPEAKER_00: One day your child loves the bath, the next day they're screaming in terror.
[1:05] SPEAKER_00: Now I remember when my son saw a turkey for the first time, the gobble was so loud he wrapped himself around my legs like we were in a real danger.
[1:15] SPEAKER_00: Now that wasn't drama, that was his amygdala firing.
[1:19] SPEAKER_00: The amygdala is the brain's alarm system.
[1:22] SPEAKER_00: Its whole job is to scan for danger and react instantly, much faster than the parts of the brain that help kids stay calm and think clearly.
[1:31] SPEAKER_00: So when the amygdala goes off, it shut down that calmer thinking center of the brain, and toddl simply can't talk themselves down.
[1:40] SPEAKER_00: They can't say it's just a turkey, there's nothing to be afraid of.
[1:44] SPEAKER_00: That wiring comes much later.
[1:46] SPEAKER_00: And that's why even pictures of turkeys upset my son for a while.
[1:50] SPEAKER_00: His brain had linked turkey with danger, and it took time and repeated feelings of safety for that association to fade.
[1:59] SPEAKER_00: Well the same brain development explains why toddlers struggle to separate real from make believe.
[2:05] SPEAKER_00: Their imagination grows faster than the systems that helped them sort fantasy from reality.
[2:12] SPEAKER_00: And without that mature braking system, the world can genuinely feel scary.
[2:17] SPEAKER_00: Sudden events also can shake kids deeply.
[2:20] SPEAKER_00: Years ago I cared for a little two and a half year old named Sally who became terrified of car rides after a very minor fender bender.
[2:29] SPEAKER_00: She wasn't hurt, but the unexpected jolt overwhelmed her sense of safety.
[2:34] SPEAKER_00: Her stress response lit up, and her body held on to that feeling for weeks, making car drives very difficult for everyone.
[2:43] SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about six big hearted ways to help toddlers through fear.
[2:48] SPEAKER_00: The first one won't surprise you, it's acknowledge the feeling.
[2:52] SPEAKER_00: Saying there's nothing to be afraid of comes from a very good place and you just want to make life easier for your child.
[2:59] SPEAKER_00: But unfortunately what ends up happening is it makes kids feel alone with those feelings, and that's not a fun place to be.
[3:07] SPEAKER_00: Saying something like the loud bang scared you helps a child's nervous system settle.
[3:14] SPEAKER_00: You become a team facing that fear together and your child feels understood.
[3:20] SPEAKER_00: Next is to narrate what's happening.
[3:22] SPEAKER_00: Narrating helps the brain organize the experience.
[3:26] SPEAKER_00: There's lots of loud sounds and new faces at this birthday party.
[3:30] SPEAKER_00: It's a lot for you right now.
[3:32] SPEAKER_00: Along with narration is retelling the story calmly and simply over and over.
[3:39] SPEAKER_00: This helps the brain process the event.
[3:42] SPEAKER_00: Dr.
[3:42] SPEAKER_00: Dan Siegel calls this memory integration, shifting the memory from the emotional parts of the brain to parts that make sense of what's happened.
[3:52] SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what helps Sally.
[3:54] SPEAKER_00: Her mum told the same simple story every single day, and slowly the fear softened.
[4:00] SPEAKER_00: In fact, Sally kept asking her mum to tell her the story over and over.
[4:05] SPEAKER_00: Within weeks, car rides weren't scary anymore.
[4:08] SPEAKER_00: The next is to share your own story about how you've overcome fears.
[4:13] SPEAKER_00: Stories are powerful, they stick, they engage emotion, imagination, and connection far more than logic or a description.
[4:23] SPEAKER_00: So sharing your own story of how you overcame fear will really help your child feel less alone and it'll give them a picture of courage.
[4:33] SPEAKER_00: Next is to use pretend play.
[4:35] SPEAKER_00: Your child's going to use this anyways, because pretend play is how toddlers process their feelings, those intense, difficult feelings.
[4:42] SPEAKER_00: Their play talk gives you clues about what's worrying them.
[4:46] SPEAKER_00: Play also makes tricky experiences like body training feel predictable and predictability lower stress.
[4:54] SPEAKER_00: Next comes problem solving together.
[4:57] SPEAKER_00: Kids feel braver when they have a bit of control.
[5:01] SPEAKER_00: So ask your child, what can I do next time to help?
[5:04] SPEAKER_00: Well you might hear them say something like, hold my hand or stay close or tell me when it's going to be loud.
[5:11] SPEAKER_00: A sense of control helps the fear center switch off and the calmer thinking parts of the brain switch on.
[5:18] SPEAKER_00: Now, you know, when your child is young, we assume that they can't problem solve, but you'd be surprised even very young children can come up with ideas.
[5:27] SPEAKER_00: The sixth strategy is to normalize fears.
[5:31] SPEAKER_00: Fear is part of being human.
[5:33] SPEAKER_00: Remind your child you can feel scared and still be strong, and you can do hard things.
[5:40] SPEAKER_00: So here's the bottom line.
[5:42] SPEAKER_00: When we support fears instead of minimizing them, kids learn that feelings are manageable and they don't have to face them alone.
[5:51] SPEAKER_00: My granddaughter reminded me of this recently.
[5:54] SPEAKER_00: We were sitting on the floor playing with her paw patrol figures when the garage door opened.
[6:00] SPEAKER_00: She flew into my arms, completely startled, and I said to her, That loud sound scared you.
[6:07] SPEAKER_00: That's just the garage door opening, sweetheart.
[6:09] SPEAKER_00: It means your grandfather is home.
[6:12] SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't want to pretend that's easy to do because my knee jerk reaction would be to reassure her, I'm older, more experienced, and I just want to protect her.
[6:21] SPEAKER_00: But I know that what she needs in this situation is not me to make light of her discomfort, but to acknowledge it.
[6:30] SPEAKER_00: And within a minute, she wandered off again, calm, relaxed, and ready to play.
[6:36] SPEAKER_00: Now later that day, I heard her talking about the garage door with her stuffed animal, honey bunny.
[6:42] SPEAKER_00: That's how kids process fear, first through their connection and then through play.
[6:47] SPEAKER_00: Kids need us to let them know that all feelings are okay, that they're strong and they're capable, and you're there to help.
[6:56] SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
[6:57] SPEAKER_00: Keep up the good work and have a great week.

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