# Tems: Embodying Intimacy In Love & Standing Firm In Faith

An episode of [Angie Martinez IRL](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1633466636), 2 Apr 2026, 1 h 19 min.

Audio: https://mgln.ai/e/808/arttrk.com/p/ARTS0/podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/09313230-a088-4537-b3d1-aeca00f910df/77549c25-03cf-4271-8ece-b42000051d39/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=910ebdb0-f7f7-4c39-a376-aeca00f9f039

Grammy Award–winning and Oscar nominated artist Tems sits down with Angie Martinez to talk about how Celine Dion changed her life, learning the true meaning of love, and how she deals with comments on social media. Plus, she answers questions from our "IRL Bowl of Questions" including describing herself in three words and how faith has played a big part in her career path. All lines provided by Hard Rock Bet See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:00] Speaker 1: So I've learned to be a cheerful giver, but also
[0:04] Speaker 1: know when to step back, Like I don't need to
[0:07] Speaker 1: be the one that people say thank you too. I
[0:10] Speaker 1: can't be the one saying thank you yeah, oh.
[0:12] Speaker 2: Yeah, because you know, sometimes people don't realize it's almost selfish.
[0:15] Speaker 1: Like you said, yeah, I took care of everybody. I
[0:18] Speaker 1: took you know I did that. Well, we didn't ask
[0:20] Speaker 1: you to exactly.
[0:28] Speaker 2: Thanks for watching, guys. Today's episode is brought to you
[0:30] Speaker 2: by boost Mobile. Okay a girl from Legos who used
[0:34] Speaker 2: to sing alone in her bedroom. That girl is now
[0:37] Speaker 2: one of the most celebrated artists on the planet. She
[0:40] Speaker 2: is OSCAR nominated and the only Nigerian artists male or
[0:44] Speaker 2: female to win two Grammys. She is a singer, songwriter, producer,
[0:49] Speaker 2: entrepreneur and now co owner of the San Diego Football
[0:52] Speaker 2: Club and then most recently, her EP wrote and produced
[0:55] Speaker 2: almost entirely by herself. It's called Love Is a Kingdom
[1:00] Speaker 2: MS is on IRL today. Guys.
[1:06] Speaker 1: What's up, my love? What's good? Thank you so much
[1:09] Speaker 1: for having me? No, very exciting.
[1:11] Speaker 2: It's exciting for me.
[1:12] Speaker 1: And a great intro that was I was like, whoa.
[1:16] Speaker 2: It's funny because I haven't seen you in a little while. Yeah,
[1:18] Speaker 2: last time you came to the radio show, and since then,
[1:22] Speaker 2: a Grammy happened, Yes, a tour happened, and EP happened.
[1:28] Speaker 1: Yeah, some things have happened. Things have happened, things have happened.
[1:31] Speaker 1: It's been it's been a whole I don't think I'm
[1:35] Speaker 1: the same person that you met then, for sure, Okay, definitely,
[1:38] Speaker 1: Like how Oh, I just think I've just evolved. I
[1:41] Speaker 1: think I'm I'm I just no more. I mean so
[1:46] Speaker 1: much experience, Like there's just so many things that have
[1:48] Speaker 1: happened since I last saw you that I don't even remember. Remember.
[1:55] Speaker 1: I think I watched that interview finally, like the full thing,
[2:02] Speaker 1: maybe like a year or so ago, real, Yeah, and
[2:06] Speaker 1: I was like, what was I why was what was
[2:08] Speaker 1: going on?
[2:10] Speaker 2: Do you watch your interviews normally right now?
[2:13] Speaker 1: No? I tried. It's not that I don't. I just
[2:16] Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know, it's not for me, it's
[2:19] Speaker 1: for them, you know, they watch it. I I'm like
[2:24] Speaker 1: trying not to.
[2:25] Speaker 2: Are you critical of yourself?
[2:27] Speaker 1: Sometimes? I think?
[2:28] Speaker 2: So? Are you you sensitive?
[2:31] Speaker 1: I'm I'm hm, I am an artist, you know, so
[2:40] Speaker 1: I'm sensitive about my music, you know, anything else I'm
[2:45] Speaker 1: not too sense. I'm not sensitive about like yeah, like
[2:48] Speaker 1: you know, I think the way I look facially I
[2:52] Speaker 1: can't do much about, you know, body wise I can't
[2:55] Speaker 1: do much about. So everything that I can't really do
[2:57] Speaker 1: much about, I'm not too quit to cover myself. But
[3:01] Speaker 1: I think music is, like I think, a bit more
[3:05] Speaker 1: of a sensitive topic for me. And like the direction
[3:09] Speaker 1: of like visuals and things like that.
[3:12] Speaker 2: Where does that come from? Like when did that start?
[3:14] Speaker 2: And where does that come from?
[3:18] Speaker 1: I think, Well, you know, when when I was making
[3:22] Speaker 1: music or when I started out writing stuff, it used
[3:25] Speaker 1: to be a secret and didn't tell anyone, So it
[3:27] Speaker 1: used to be my thing. I was very possessive over it.
[3:31] Speaker 1: You know, people couldn't hurt me because I had something
[3:34] Speaker 1: that nobody knew about and it was mine. And then
[3:39] Speaker 1: you know, I.
[3:39] Speaker 2: Know we talked about this a little bit bit. How
[3:42] Speaker 2: did you know how to do it?
[3:44] Speaker 1: I don't know. I loved it, like I fell in
[3:47] Speaker 1: love with music. Your how old I was selling Dionne
[3:53] Speaker 1: was the first person like the Titanic song it wasn't
[3:57] Speaker 1: it was it was the song that goes just all
[4:06] Speaker 1: coming back to me now and you touch me like
[4:09] Speaker 1: this and when you know me?
[4:12] Speaker 2: It was like, ah, like that was the song that
[4:16] Speaker 2: didn't for you?
[4:17] Speaker 1: That was that was the song and then that's the
[4:19] Speaker 1: way is and that's the way it is. That was like,
[4:25] Speaker 1: oh that was my But I was like maybe like
[4:30] Speaker 1: seven when I first heard that song.
[4:33] Speaker 2: But what was it though? Like was it the sonically
[4:37] Speaker 2: or sonically?
[4:37] Speaker 1: I think the melody I felt like she the songs
[4:42] Speaker 1: were very like they just touched my heart.
[4:48] Speaker 2: What were you going through? What were you learning when
[4:50] Speaker 2: you made this last project? Mmm, you don't have to
[4:55] Speaker 2: say who?
[4:56] Speaker 1: Okay, I mean there's a couple people. But I think
[5:08] Speaker 1: I even till now, I'm learning the true meaning of
[5:14] Speaker 1: love and all we're all trying to figure that out. Yes,
[5:19] Speaker 1: are you close? I am very I think I think
[5:23] Speaker 1: I am close in understanding that what love truly is.
[5:30] Speaker 1: You know. I think first of all, the reason why
[5:34] Speaker 1: I said love is a kingdom is because God is love,
[5:38] Speaker 1: and God is the kingdom that I'm talking about. And
[5:43] Speaker 1: the type of love that that everyone is truly looking for.
[5:48] Speaker 1: It's not the love that is physical, but one that
[5:51] Speaker 1: is it's spiritual, it's intimately, it's spiritually intimate. It's more
[5:58] Speaker 1: of like it's it's in your heart, it's in your character,
[6:04] Speaker 1: it's in your personality. You become love before you even
[6:07] Speaker 1: meet someone, and when you meet someone who has also
[6:12] Speaker 1: embodied love, then you know you recognize it instantly because
[6:17] Speaker 1: you know where the source comes from, which is good.
[6:21] Speaker 1: I love that.
[6:23] Speaker 2: Have you gotten there? Have you had a love like that?
[6:28] Speaker 1: Well? Earthly, I don't know. Well, you know what? Actually,
[6:33] Speaker 1: let me be we're being honest here right So, right now,
[6:38] Speaker 1: I'm in a stage in my life where God is
[6:40] Speaker 1: teaching me about love through people. But it's not through
[6:46] Speaker 1: like romantic love necessarily. It's the way certain people in
[6:52] Speaker 1: my life show up for me. It's how I see
[6:54] Speaker 1: my flaws, like I see that messed up, and nobody
[6:58] Speaker 1: is saying that I messed up. Every Body is encouraging me.
[7:01] Speaker 1: Everybody's still showing up for me. And to be honest,
[7:07] Speaker 1: I have experienced like a love where I thought was love,
[7:11] Speaker 1: and it was like it was more like when someone
[7:16] Speaker 1: is trying to own you. You know, they think that
[7:19] Speaker 1: they own you, and love is not that's not it's
[7:23] Speaker 1: not obsession. No, it's not obsession and it's not possession.
[7:28] Speaker 1: We can't I can't own another human being. We can become.
[7:33] Speaker 1: Love is when both of you become one person, like
[7:38] Speaker 1: you're not nobody. We don't own each other, we are
[7:42] Speaker 1: each other like you know. So that's a whole song
[7:47] Speaker 1: just like what so we were locked in, you know,
[7:52] Speaker 1: and you know, I feel like everyone has experience of
[7:56] Speaker 1: that toxic love. It's someone that doesn't even know that
[7:59] Speaker 1: they're toxic. They don't even know that, you know. They
[8:03] Speaker 1: say I love you, I love you, but they don't
[8:06] Speaker 1: know that they don't even love me. Because you can't
[8:09] Speaker 1: love someone if you don't love yourself.
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[10:26] Speaker 2: coderl It's funny get. We talked about love a lot
[10:29] Speaker 2: on the show in this podcast, and I find that
[10:32] Speaker 2: the most the people that I know, people always talk
[10:35] Speaker 2: about marriage and they're like, well, who do you know
[10:36] Speaker 2: who's in a happy marriage? Or who do you know
[10:38] Speaker 2: the marriage really work? I don't know anybody's happy. This
[10:41] Speaker 2: is a conversation that happens a lot with girlfriends are
[10:43] Speaker 2: friends right? And whenever I really try to think about okay,
[10:46] Speaker 2: let me let me think about who I know? Who
[10:48] Speaker 2: got it right, who's happy, who's in love? Who loves
[10:50] Speaker 2: their spouse. I do know a couple of people who
[10:53] Speaker 2: are in those relationships, and they're usually usually there is
[10:58] Speaker 2: spirituality inside of that relationship. Not usually every time anybody
[11:05] Speaker 2: I know who from the outside, because you don't really
[11:07] Speaker 2: know what goes on inside people's house, right, But from
[11:09] Speaker 2: the outside, anybody that I know that has gotten it right,
[11:13] Speaker 2: there's some spirituality involved there. They pray together. There's something
[11:18] Speaker 2: bigger than themselves.
[11:19] Speaker 1: Yeah, there has to be. Yeah, because what's the reason?
[11:23] Speaker 1: Why would you love me? If you if you don't
[11:27] Speaker 1: have anyone you answer to, if you're not accountable to
[11:31] Speaker 1: anyone or to how could you? How could you choose
[11:35] Speaker 1: to love me and keep loving me for the rest
[11:38] Speaker 1: of our lives? If there's no there's no accountability. If
[11:44] Speaker 1: you are the god of your life, then why are you?
[11:46] Speaker 1: Why are you really?
[11:48] Speaker 2: Like?
[11:48] Speaker 1: Why would you love me forever? You could just discard
[11:51] Speaker 1: me anytime you want. But marriage is I mean, obviously
[11:55] Speaker 1: I have not been married, I'm not married.
[11:57] Speaker 2: But would you one day? Is that something you helped
[12:02] Speaker 2: to do?
[12:02] Speaker 1: I think, yeah, if I feel like that is the
[12:08] Speaker 1: next step of my Like, I feel like marriage is
[12:11] Speaker 1: something that makes you better as a human being it
[12:14] Speaker 1: should It shouldn't be about whether you or you're like
[12:18] Speaker 1: so into this person or like you like this person
[12:21] Speaker 1: so much. It's about compatibility, and it's about whether this
[12:25] Speaker 1: relationship makes you a better person, like if it evolves
[12:33] Speaker 1: you like you are now on the next stage, because
[12:37] Speaker 1: marriage is a whole other level. Yeah, it's a whole
[12:40] Speaker 1: It's supposed to bring out the hard times.
[12:43] Speaker 2: So how much of that goes into like with like
[12:47] Speaker 2: even this ep, like, how much of those feelings and
[12:51] Speaker 2: those ideas about love play a part into you know
[12:55] Speaker 2: what I'm saying or yeah, or is it actual things
[12:57] Speaker 2: you're going through in real life or is it.
[12:59] Speaker 1: Just it's definitely thinks that it's definitely inspired by the
[13:03] Speaker 1: things I've gone through in real life, and what is
[13:06] Speaker 1: it's just my journey. I was just like most of
[13:09] Speaker 1: the songs on there, just like me documenting every stage,
[13:15] Speaker 1: like oh, in my understanding of love, you know, talking
[13:22] Speaker 1: to a guy and you're not sure where he stands,
[13:26] Speaker 1: And I have a song called I'm not sure where
[13:28] Speaker 1: It's like, if you want to see me, come and
[13:30] Speaker 1: find me, Like I'm not chasing you, bro, if you
[13:34] Speaker 1: want me, if you want me, you know where I'm
[13:36] Speaker 1: at you know, you have my number, so let's not
[13:40] Speaker 1: it's either you are here or you're not here. There's nowhere,
[13:44] Speaker 1: there's no me do. And also I think at the
[13:50] Speaker 1: end there's a song called is There a Reason? Where?
[13:52] Speaker 1: Really that song is about me speaking to God and
[13:57] Speaker 1: wondering why he chose me. I think that's Those are
[14:03] Speaker 1: the kind of things I contemplate on like, Okay, surely
[14:07] Speaker 1: I'm here for a reason, like like, is what do
[14:11] Speaker 1: you need of me? Like? You know, sometimes I get
[14:13] Speaker 1: scared that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Really, Yeah,
[14:17] Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like I need to do more. I
[14:20] Speaker 1: need to show up more. I need to help more people.
[14:24] Speaker 1: I need to physically like go and I don't know,
[14:28] Speaker 1: go through, get get something, do something.
[14:32] Speaker 2: You know, is that because of what you've built and
[14:35] Speaker 2: how blessed you are?
[14:36] Speaker 1: Yeah?
[14:38] Speaker 2: Like is that?
[14:39] Speaker 1: Yeah? I think it's I think it's definitely because of
[14:43] Speaker 1: just how much God has really blessed me. And you know,
[14:47] Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I am the person
[14:51] Speaker 1: you know, I am the daughter that He's called me
[14:54] Speaker 1: to be. And yeah, I think sometimes I I worry,
[15:01] Speaker 1: but I'm not meant to be worrying, you know, so
[15:04] Speaker 1: that's just here. I love that, you know that, I
[15:06] Speaker 1: know that that's a human thing. For sure. That's definitely
[15:09] Speaker 1: not something I'm meant to be doing. But on in all,
[15:12] Speaker 1: I feel like everything is working how it's supposed to
[15:16] Speaker 1: be at work.
[15:17] Speaker 2: But maybe you're not meant to worry. But I do
[15:20] Speaker 2: think you and all of us probably are meant to
[15:22] Speaker 2: ask the questions. Yeah, you know what I mean, I'm
[15:25] Speaker 2: meant to like stop what we're doing and just look
[15:29] Speaker 2: around and ask, am I my purpose? And I am
[15:33] Speaker 2: I work?
[15:34] Speaker 1: You know?
[15:35] Speaker 2: Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am
[15:36] Speaker 2: I missing something? Like? Yeah, I don't know that that's
[15:39] Speaker 2: worried so much, but I get I get you asking
[15:41] Speaker 2: those questions.
[15:42] Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I try. I try not to worry, though,
[15:46] Speaker 1: because I feel like if you are the person, like
[15:49] Speaker 1: if you are being transformed into like a higher you,
[15:52] Speaker 1: it better you. You would automatically be doing the things
[15:56] Speaker 1: that you're meant to be doing. It's not something that
[15:59] Speaker 1: you would even need to think, like, okay, let you know,
[16:03] Speaker 1: like you need to force it, is what I mean.
[16:05] Speaker 1: The ideas would just they come. They'll just come to you. YEA.
[16:09] Speaker 2: How often do you pray a lot? Oh?
[16:12] Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think sometimes I pray twice in
[16:17] Speaker 1: a day, and I feel like that's not enough. I
[16:19] Speaker 1: think what's more important is spending time in like the word.
[16:24] Speaker 1: I think so because that's what feels my prayers. Sometimes,
[16:30] Speaker 1: if I haven't read or filled myself up with like word,
[16:35] Speaker 1: I don't know how to pray. I mean, I know
[16:41] Speaker 1: how to pray, but I don't know I have nothing
[16:44] Speaker 1: to like honest, It's like, you know, I'm on the road.
[16:48] Speaker 1: There's so many things going on. I would always say,
[16:51] Speaker 1: like a little prayer, But I think to feel be,
[16:54] Speaker 1: you know, constantly filling yourself up with like knowledge of
[16:58] Speaker 1: the word truth, I think that helps me understand where
[17:05] Speaker 1: I'm at, like heart wise, like where my heart postures.
[17:09] Speaker 2: And you know, I'm wondering if you've ever had have
[17:16] Speaker 2: you ever had a word given to you or something
[17:19] Speaker 2: coming and completely stap you on your tracks and put
[17:23] Speaker 2: you on a different course, Like.
[17:26] Speaker 1: I mean, the best I can say is when I
[17:30] Speaker 1: quit my job, like that was like a word that
[17:34] Speaker 1: came to me and I was like, like clear, it
[17:37] Speaker 1: was really clear. It was very urgent. You know, I
[17:40] Speaker 1: had already settled in the job, and my my auntie
[17:47] Speaker 1: she was my boss at the time. She was she's
[17:52] Speaker 1: like she's my She's not like my auntie, like my
[17:55] Speaker 1: mom's sister.
[17:56] Speaker 2: She was more like a friend of the family, like.
[17:59] Speaker 1: She it's more like my mom's sisters, husband's cousin. You know.
[18:07] Speaker 1: So it wasn't like you know, but mid course, I
[18:13] Speaker 1: remember actually begged her for that job. You know, I
[18:17] Speaker 1: actually was desperate. I looked everywhere for a job.
[18:20] Speaker 2: You were on the phones, right, yeah.
[18:21] Speaker 1: I was in marketing, marketing, right, yeah, yeah, digital marketing.
[18:27] Speaker 1: I remember selling furniture.
[18:31] Speaker 2: How do you sell furniture on the phone? How does
[18:32] Speaker 2: that even work? Oh?
[18:33] Speaker 1: I wasn't on the phone always. I was actually going
[18:36] Speaker 1: to places and pitching them, like, oh, we can furnish
[18:40] Speaker 1: your office for you. Yeah, we you know, this is
[18:43] Speaker 1: our track record, this is what we've been doing. I
[18:46] Speaker 1: go to hotels, I go to where different like companies
[18:51] Speaker 1: older year. At this time, I was like twenty one
[18:56] Speaker 1: or twenty two. I think, wow, yeah, it's not that
[19:01] Speaker 1: long ago. Not that long. That's crazy. Yeah.
[19:03] Speaker 2: So you go on and you're doing the furniture thing.
[19:05] Speaker 2: You beg for the job. She gives you the job.
[19:07] Speaker 1: It gives me, she gives me a chance. I'm terrible
[19:10] Speaker 1: at the job. I'm I did my best, but like,
[19:15] Speaker 1: I don't think I was very personable. Knowing what I
[19:18] Speaker 1: know now and seeing how I used to be, I
[19:21] Speaker 1: definitely know that I was not a salesperson. You don't
[19:24] Speaker 1: give me a salesperson, but I don't think so I didn't.
[19:29] Speaker 1: And when I received that word, it was like just
[19:32] Speaker 1: after the New Year's And how did it come though?
[19:34] Speaker 1: Tell me honestly, like the first word, the first verse,
[19:39] Speaker 1: I was just the same verse. Sorry, the same word,
[19:43] Speaker 1: which was take a leap of faith, just kept on
[19:48] Speaker 1: coming to me, like my mom was telling. My mom
[19:51] Speaker 1: was like, oh, this is what I received for you
[19:53] Speaker 1: this year, Like and I think you should really stand
[19:57] Speaker 1: in your faith and actually do what God is turned
[20:00] Speaker 1: you to do. And I was like, I don't know
[20:02] Speaker 1: what he's telling. I don't know what do you mean?
[20:05] Speaker 1: And then the what I was reading was about faith
[20:10] Speaker 1: and how like you have to have faith first. You
[20:13] Speaker 1: can't see something and then have faith. You have to
[20:17] Speaker 1: have faith before you see anything. That's how it works.
[20:21] Speaker 1: You first have faith.
[20:22] Speaker 2: If you see it, you don't need faith, it's there if.
[20:25] Speaker 1: You see it, you won't understand it. Actually, so what
[20:28] Speaker 1: faith does is you have faith and then you get understanding.
[20:32] Speaker 1: So I apart from that, the devotion that I had
[20:37] Speaker 1: the I can't remember the day before work started again
[20:42] Speaker 1: was taking a leap of faith again.
[20:45] Speaker 2: So in my seeing it, or people are saying it
[20:48] Speaker 2: to you, you're reading it.
[20:49] Speaker 1: I was reading, I mean my Bible. I was reading
[20:51] Speaker 1: about faith at the time. My mom was speaking to
[20:55] Speaker 1: me about faith. I think there was a sermonize I
[20:59] Speaker 1: watched that it was about faith. The algorithm wasn't there
[21:02] Speaker 1: at the time, so it wasn't any algorithm. It was God's.
[21:06] Speaker 1: It was, you know. And then I just started like
[21:09] Speaker 1: there was just like a voice in my head that
[21:11] Speaker 1: was like, you need to leave this job right now,
[21:15] Speaker 1: like right now, you need to do it today, you
[21:17] Speaker 1: need to do it. By the end of today. You
[21:19] Speaker 1: need to have done it.
[21:20] Speaker 2: I'm always fascinated when people tell me this time, no.
[21:23] Speaker 1: No, it was like, okay, it felt like as if
[21:26] Speaker 1: something was going to happen, like if I didn't do it.
[21:29] Speaker 2: Had you ever experienced that before? It was at the
[21:31] Speaker 2: first time.
[21:31] Speaker 1: No, that was the first time.
[21:33] Speaker 2: Was it a little scary?
[21:34] Speaker 1: It was But the thing is I had before I
[21:37] Speaker 1: experienced that, I had prayed that God would reveal what
[21:43] Speaker 1: he wanted me to do, and so when I received that,
[21:50] Speaker 1: I felt like I needed to be obedient and I
[21:53] Speaker 1: needed to leave that job like ASA. So my auntie
[21:58] Speaker 1: I went to her house sent because she was still
[22:02] Speaker 1: sending me like missions. She was like, oh, I need
[22:04] Speaker 1: you to do this, I need you to do that.
[22:06] Speaker 1: She was already you know, for the year.
[22:08] Speaker 2: Yeah, because she didn't know the design.
[22:11] Speaker 1: You know, Usually I'm like okay, yes, yes, yes, I will, Yes,
[22:14] Speaker 1: I will. But this time I said, oh, I would
[22:17] Speaker 1: like to speak to you. And she was like, you know,
[22:20] Speaker 1: if you're not careful, you're going to be fired. And
[22:22] Speaker 1: I said, actually, I would like to speak to you
[22:26] Speaker 1: about this. So I went to her house and she
[22:30] Speaker 1: was like, you know, giving me a talk, like what
[22:32] Speaker 1: are you doing? You know, I told you not handling
[22:35] Speaker 1: this thing where I was trying to believe in. I
[22:37] Speaker 1: was trying to help you out and look at what
[22:39] Speaker 1: you're doing and doing nonsense and you're not handling this well.
[22:44] Speaker 1: So I was like, my leg was shaking. I said.
[22:47] Speaker 1: She was like, do you want to get fired? And
[22:49] Speaker 1: I was like actually, yes, I need to leave this job.
[22:53] Speaker 1: She was like, what you need to work? I need
[22:58] Speaker 1: to leave this job. She was like she looked like
[23:02] Speaker 1: she wanted to meet me. She was like, what what
[23:08] Speaker 1: you want to quit? She was like, who do you
[23:11] Speaker 1: think is going to hire you after this? Like you
[23:15] Speaker 1: don't have any credentials? Like, who do you think is
[23:18] Speaker 1: going to want you? I said, actually, I'm going to
[23:21] Speaker 1: do music.
[23:22] Speaker 2: I'm going Were you crying?
[23:24] Speaker 1: I was crying. My god, I was crying and I
[23:27] Speaker 1: was shaking, and I was like, I'm going to do music.
[23:30] Speaker 1: And I know that that sounds crazy. I know it
[23:32] Speaker 1: sounds crazy, but this is why I truly believed that. God,
[23:36] Speaker 1: I was talking to you and I'm so sorry I
[23:38] Speaker 1: have to do it. I know you may be disappointed.
[23:42] Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh that that day my whole body.
[23:49] Speaker 1: By the time I left there, I wasn't living there shaking.
[23:52] Speaker 1: I left. It was the hardest thing I ever had
[23:55] Speaker 1: to do. Oh that was so hard. I went to
[23:59] Speaker 1: my car and I was just co crying. I was like, well,
[24:05] Speaker 1: I guess this is it. I guess we're gonna see
[24:07] Speaker 1: what's going to happen from now.
[24:10] Speaker 2: Why were you crying though? Because you were scared.
[24:13] Speaker 1: I was scared. Yeah, I was scared. I just I
[24:17] Speaker 1: wasn't very confrontational.
[24:19] Speaker 2: Oh so you felt bad, probably to letting her down
[24:22] Speaker 2: in some way.
[24:22] Speaker 1: I just was. I was very people pleasing. I didn't
[24:26] Speaker 1: want to disappoint anybody. And that was one of the
[24:29] Speaker 1: first times I felt like I was disappointing everyone. I
[24:32] Speaker 1: wasn't going to have a job, I wasn't going to
[24:34] Speaker 1: have money to take care of my mom. I wasn't
[24:36] Speaker 1: going to have anything. You know, I was letting down
[24:40] Speaker 1: every everyone in my life, you know, their perception of me,
[24:45] Speaker 1: of what they thought was the best life for me.
[24:48] Speaker 3: You know.
[24:49] Speaker 1: And I didn't even have the answers. I didn't even
[24:51] Speaker 1: know what to do.
[24:53] Speaker 2: Are you Are you doing this because you've you had
[24:56] Speaker 2: such a strong desire to do music, or is it
[24:59] Speaker 2: strictly you're doing this because of the word that you
[25:01] Speaker 2: were received.
[25:01] Speaker 1: It was because of the word wow, because I was
[25:04] Speaker 1: okay not releasing me like I was okay. I was
[25:07] Speaker 1: enjoying my own music. My cousins would be like, you'll
[25:11] Speaker 1: send me that voice notes that you because I will
[25:14] Speaker 1: send my cousins like voice notes, like just one song,
[25:18] Speaker 1: this song I should be like, why why don't you
[25:20] Speaker 1: posting this online? No? I don't want people to I don't.
[25:25] Speaker 1: You know, my cousin will be like, do you have
[25:27] Speaker 1: any new voice notes for me? She'll be the only
[25:31] Speaker 1: one to join. Yeah, And I was content with that, Like,
[25:37] Speaker 1: you know, my dream was like, you know what, maybe
[25:40] Speaker 1: I'll just make this a Friday night thing. I'll find
[25:43] Speaker 1: a bar and I'll have one of those Friday shows
[25:46] Speaker 1: that people come and listen to live music. That was
[25:49] Speaker 1: That was my idea of making money. You see how
[25:55] Speaker 1: funny it sounds now, like are you insane? No?
[25:58] Speaker 2: I mean I get it, Yeah, I get it.
[26:01] Speaker 1: Like I was.
[26:01] Speaker 2: But do you ever are you an ever ever in
[26:03] Speaker 2: awe of how that moment? Like just because I'm sure
[26:10] Speaker 2: people get worried sometimes and out of fear or out
[26:13] Speaker 2: of whatever, just don't pull you know, pull the trigger
[26:19] Speaker 2: or whatever. That's probably a bad term, but they don't
[26:21] Speaker 2: push the button or they don't they're not diligent about
[26:25] Speaker 2: listening to that voice. Are you ever in awe that
[26:29] Speaker 2: of that moment? Even yourself, that you were able to
[26:32] Speaker 2: do that?
[26:33] Speaker 1: Honestly, sometimes I just thank God that I, like I
[26:39] Speaker 1: couldn't ignore it for me. It was especially what I
[26:44] Speaker 1: was learning about was actually Abraham right and basically he
[26:53] Speaker 1: made it coven out with God. And for me at
[26:57] Speaker 1: the time, it was like, if I say I really believe,
[27:01] Speaker 1: like I'm not just performing, I'm not just I'm not
[27:04] Speaker 1: just making sure that I don't you know, I don't
[27:07] Speaker 1: go to Hell or something trouble. If I really, like
[27:11] Speaker 1: I'm saying, I really want to know you, I really
[27:14] Speaker 1: want to work on this journey with you, then I
[27:17] Speaker 1: have to have faith and I have to say God's parties.
[27:21] Speaker 1: If you believe, then I will do so for me
[27:25] Speaker 1: to show that I believe, He instructs and you're the
[27:30] Speaker 1: proof of your belief is your obedience. So for me,
[27:34] Speaker 1: I was like, I have to be a woman of
[27:35] Speaker 1: my world. I can't go back now, you know. And
[27:39] Speaker 1: I was as I was quitting my job, I was like, well, God,
[27:43] Speaker 1: you see, I'm shaking all over. I don't know what's
[27:46] Speaker 1: going to happen. But I did what you said. I
[27:51] Speaker 1: did what you said. If I perish, I perish. If
[27:54] Speaker 1: I if I find myself under the bridge, that's going
[27:57] Speaker 1: to be the best under the bridge life I would
[28:01] Speaker 1: ever have. Because you said he's you know, whatever life
[28:05] Speaker 1: he has in stuff for you is going to be
[28:07] Speaker 1: better than your imagination and hasn't been is being beyond
[28:12] Speaker 1: my imagination. You know, when you read certain things, it's
[28:16] Speaker 1: like could this possibly be true? But what it is
[28:20] Speaker 1: is I allowed myself to actually truly believe, like just
[28:23] Speaker 1: trust because I had never seen any other thing all
[28:28] Speaker 1: my life. I've been relying on my own knowledge. So
[28:32] Speaker 1: maybe I should just try try this for a second.
[28:37] Speaker 1: And you know, it wasn't easy at first, but I
[28:40] Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I'll just take it step
[28:43] Speaker 1: by step, day by day. You know, I'm not going
[28:46] Speaker 1: to chase anything. I'm going to wait. In my mind,
[28:50] Speaker 1: I was like you said, I don't need to do
[28:52] Speaker 1: the work, Like I don't need to do too much.
[28:55] Speaker 1: I just need to believe, right, Okay, I'm just going
[28:59] Speaker 1: to be leave people, you know, and I'll do whatever
[29:03] Speaker 1: I receive.
[29:05] Speaker 2: How much do you attribute the career that you've had
[29:09] Speaker 2: to that moment?
[29:10] Speaker 1: Oh?
[29:11] Speaker 2: Oh?
[29:11] Speaker 1: I think every every passing day that, like, I wouldn't
[29:16] Speaker 1: be termed if I didn't. If I chose not to
[29:21] Speaker 1: answer that voice, I would still be I might even
[29:26] Speaker 1: be unemployed because things are haved now.
[29:29] Speaker 2: I clearly couldn't sell no furniture.
[29:32] Speaker 1: I could, I would definitely have been fired. I might
[29:36] Speaker 1: be like a sales I might be like a cashier
[29:39] Speaker 1: or like a registered person. I don't know. There's nothing
[29:43] Speaker 1: wrong with that, by the way, if that's you.
[29:46] Speaker 2: Know, but that wouldn't have been.
[29:47] Speaker 1: That wasn't That was not the highest I could have gone.
[29:50] Speaker 1: And I don't think I would have reached. I mean
[29:54] Speaker 1: maybe I would. I don't know. You never know, We'll
[29:56] Speaker 1: never know. We're never gonna, We're never gonna.
[30:00] Speaker 2: I don't know, how did you now? So now, okay,
[30:03] Speaker 2: So that happens, and then time passes clearly before you
[30:07] Speaker 2: this thing really I mean opens up or was it?
[30:09] Speaker 2: How how long from that moment.
[30:11] Speaker 1: So you're like twenty twenty eighteen January I quit my
[30:17] Speaker 1: job January like second or fourth. I can't remember that
[30:23] Speaker 1: first week I quit my job. Then after that from
[30:28] Speaker 1: January March so January, February March April, I was kind
[30:34] Speaker 1: of living off people hand out my auntie. I asked, oh,
[30:37] Speaker 1: do you have any you know, just doing my best
[30:41] Speaker 1: to you know, live. My mom had to move out
[30:45] Speaker 1: of state because I quit my job. But I spoke
[30:53] Speaker 1: to you. No, she was actually what she was like,
[30:56] Speaker 1: this is something that I know that you have to do,
[30:58] Speaker 1: so don't worry about me. I want you to actually,
[31:01] Speaker 1: like go chase your dreams and go chase this thing
[31:05] Speaker 1: that you really feel strongly about.
[31:07] Speaker 2: Wow.
[31:08] Speaker 1: So she was very supportive. It was like the rest
[31:11] Speaker 1: of my family that was like, how can she She's
[31:15] Speaker 1: out of her mind, but she's crazy. By May, my
[31:23] Speaker 1: cousin convinced me to finally put out a video on
[31:27] Speaker 1: Instagram of me singing with my face. Just doing that.
[31:33] Speaker 1: That was nerve working for me because I used to
[31:35] Speaker 1: put videos out but without my face, and this meant
[31:38] Speaker 1: like I was going to be seen. So the first
[31:41] Speaker 1: time I did that, that's when I started getting people
[31:47] Speaker 1: dming me, Oh, hey, do you want to work? Do
[31:49] Speaker 1: you want to come to this studio. I'll go to
[31:51] Speaker 1: the studio, I'll meet different people. And then at some
[31:56] Speaker 1: point I decided, you know, now I understand it more
[32:00] Speaker 1: about this music thing. Let me try and release his song.
[32:04] Speaker 1: And that song was called Mister Rebel. And that song
[32:08] Speaker 1: came out August of the same year, twenty eighteen.
[32:12] Speaker 2: Wow.
[32:13] Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, yeah, it works fast when it works right.
[32:19] Speaker 1: He literally is actually us. That makes it.
[32:22] Speaker 2: Slow because you don't listen. Is that what you think?
[32:25] Speaker 1: Yeah? I think you have to be the kind of
[32:28] Speaker 1: person that can handle the thing that he wants to
[32:31] Speaker 1: give you. And if you're someone that isn't true to
[32:34] Speaker 1: your word, how can you trust you with the whole
[32:37] Speaker 1: load of things when you can't even trust yourself with
[32:40] Speaker 1: a little So.
[32:42] Speaker 2: How do you sort that out through your head? Though? Sometimes?
[32:45] Speaker 1: Do you? And how do I ask this?
[32:48] Speaker 2: Like, you know, sometimes how do you know what? Because
[32:51] Speaker 2: sometimes we have a lot of voices in our head,
[32:53] Speaker 2: a lot of things the world, our own thoughts, Yeah,
[32:58] Speaker 2: things that we ingest from whatever situations we're in. How
[33:02] Speaker 2: do you know which is the right voice? Does that
[33:07] Speaker 2: make sense? Yeah? Because sometimes men I all want even
[33:12] Speaker 2: could sometimes get in the way where you're like, write
[33:15] Speaker 2: the that's what I want, That's what I should be doing.
[33:17] Speaker 1: You know.
[33:17] Speaker 2: Sometimes there's just so many voices. So how do you
[33:20] Speaker 2: quiet the noises to hear that you're the noise, the
[33:24] Speaker 2: one noise you're supposed to hear.
[33:26] Speaker 1: Yeah? I think for me personally, what I've discovered is
[33:31] Speaker 1: that a lot of the voices that people here are
[33:33] Speaker 1: not theirs, their opinions that they've read of they've heard
[33:37] Speaker 1: from other people, like especially now that way in the
[33:40] Speaker 1: social media, you know AI and social and technology, and
[33:46] Speaker 1: when you're online a lot, you don't realize that you're
[33:50] Speaker 1: reading a lot of the comments in your mind. You're
[33:53] Speaker 1: reading a lot of the opinions of other people in
[33:56] Speaker 1: your mind. Even though it was someone else that typed it,
[33:59] Speaker 1: you are reading it in your mind. If someone was
[34:02] Speaker 1: spewing like negative like comments, you're still the one reading it.
[34:08] Speaker 1: So your body is not going to think that it
[34:11] Speaker 1: was somebody else. It's you that you're still feeding yourself.
[34:14] Speaker 1: That so when you go to sleep, all the things
[34:18] Speaker 1: that you've read, that you've fed yourself. That's what's in
[34:22] Speaker 1: your That's what's in your mind. Those are the things
[34:24] Speaker 1: that your mind uses as references for what to think
[34:28] Speaker 1: about things that happen to you.
[34:30] Speaker 2: That's so good.
[34:31] Speaker 1: That's where the narrative of how you see life is
[34:34] Speaker 1: drawn is from the things you read. It's from the
[34:38] Speaker 1: things you allow yourself to watch, the things you allow
[34:41] Speaker 1: yourself to hear, from your eyes, your ears, what you
[34:44] Speaker 1: feed yourself, what you feed yourself, and so I if
[34:48] Speaker 1: you're reading so many people's opinions and you're always online
[34:52] Speaker 1: and you're always watching comments, watching people talk, right, you
[34:58] Speaker 1: won't be able to hear the voice of God or
[35:01] Speaker 1: even your own voice, because your voice should align with
[35:05] Speaker 1: the voice of God, right, like it should only be good.
[35:09] Speaker 1: It should only be good things, right, because that's God
[35:12] Speaker 1: only wants you to win. No, there's no there's none,
[35:17] Speaker 1: there's no hate actually, right, So if you're thinking hateful things,
[35:21] Speaker 1: or like if you're not believing in yourself and you're
[35:25] Speaker 1: thinking I will never make it or I'm not good enough,
[35:28] Speaker 1: that can't be you. That can't be your voice.
[35:32] Speaker 2: You ingested that from somewhere.
[35:33] Speaker 1: From somewhere. It's something you believe, like it's something you
[35:38] Speaker 1: believe and you've adopted it as yours. But you can
[35:41] Speaker 1: also let it go. But you need to. It's about awareness,
[35:45] Speaker 1: you know. So I feel for me once I realize that.
[35:49] Speaker 1: I stop reading opinions sometimes, like if I'm scrolling and
[35:54] Speaker 1: I see like someone starts to speak and I already
[35:58] Speaker 1: know that you're about to SA say so cross.
[36:00] Speaker 2: You want to get away from it first, right, I don't.
[36:03] Speaker 1: Want to hear. I can't hear too many crazy things,
[36:07] Speaker 1: you know. I try not to be online too much
[36:09] Speaker 1: because anything can pop out at you and you can't
[36:13] Speaker 1: stop it, and you're reading all these things in your mind.
[36:17] Speaker 1: So if someone is angry at someone else, you're reading
[36:21] Speaker 1: the anger into yourself. Yes, that's so good. You're reading
[36:26] Speaker 1: the anger, you're reading the hate, you're reading the negativity.
[36:29] Speaker 1: And then how do you read all of that and
[36:31] Speaker 1: then go and pray or then go and tell yourself? Yes,
[36:34] Speaker 1: I mean WIA today, But you've been reading hate all day, right,
[36:39] Speaker 1: and in your mind it's fun, it's banter. Yeah, but
[36:43] Speaker 1: the banter is all your body knows, it's all your
[36:46] Speaker 1: mind knows.
[36:47] Speaker 2: It's so good. Terms. I think of you in twenty eighteen,
[36:50] Speaker 2: sitting in that hearing that message that it was time
[36:53] Speaker 2: for you to do that. Had you spent the past
[36:56] Speaker 2: month reading negative shit or hanging out with negative people
[37:01] Speaker 2: all month, I don't know that you would have had
[37:04] Speaker 2: that type of clarity to hear that type of word. Yeah.
[37:07] Speaker 1: I was very isolated. I wasn't around a lot of
[37:10] Speaker 1: my friends, the friends I had at the time. I
[37:13] Speaker 1: started like distancing myself because I wanted to find out more,
[37:20] Speaker 1: you know, And I feel like that period God really
[37:23] Speaker 1: like was calling on me to just like separate myself
[37:28] Speaker 1: and understand like who I'm actually dealing with because we
[37:31] Speaker 1: are living in life. This is some kind of reality,
[37:36] Speaker 1: So what is this reality? And that for me that
[37:38] Speaker 1: was like I need to know what's going on. And
[37:41] Speaker 1: I think, yeah, if if this was then it would
[37:46] Speaker 1: be it would have been hard.
[37:48] Speaker 2: Yeah, I wondered, because then I wonder, like when you
[37:50] Speaker 2: used now you become famous?
[37:52] Speaker 1: Yes, that I had to navigate. I was going to say,
[37:55] Speaker 1: but somebody.
[37:56] Speaker 2: Who likes Who's quiet in tunes to this voice and
[38:00] Speaker 2: tries to black out all other voices you put you
[38:03] Speaker 2: jump in the pool? Who does the How do you
[38:08] Speaker 2: navigate through that? Oh?
[38:11] Speaker 1: It was tough. It was so tough, even me having
[38:15] Speaker 1: a conversation like this. No, it's not tough anymore. I've
[38:20] Speaker 1: shed a lot of skin, you know, coming getting to
[38:24] Speaker 1: this point. At the time, I was very hostile because
[38:28] Speaker 1: I thought, why is everybody that suddenly like liking me?
[38:32] Speaker 1: And why people wanting to talk to me? You didn't
[38:34] Speaker 1: want to talk to me before. Why do you want
[38:37] Speaker 1: to talk to me now?
[38:38] Speaker 2: You know?
[38:38] Speaker 1: And at some point I thought, at some point in
[38:41] Speaker 1: the world to just move on. So I was kind
[38:43] Speaker 1: of waiting for that to happen. I was like, Okay,
[38:47] Speaker 1: this is how it usually goes. They first like you,
[38:49] Speaker 1: then they ah, so let me wait till they h
[38:51] Speaker 1: hate me so I can continue my secret life. I
[38:57] Speaker 1: was like, let me wait for this to pass. And
[38:59] Speaker 1: then months went by and he just kept on getting worse.
[39:02] Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, what's going on? You know? God, I
[39:06] Speaker 1: don't want to be in this one life. And I'll
[39:09] Speaker 1: go to the airport and people like recognize me and
[39:12] Speaker 1: they'll be like your terms. I'll be like no, I'm
[39:15] Speaker 1: not like, or are you terms? You look like her?
[39:18] Speaker 1: I'll be like no, Like people say that, I don't
[39:21] Speaker 1: see somebody.
[39:22] Speaker 2: Could misinterpret it, interpret to interpret that. I think you're
[39:25] Speaker 2: not grateful for it, but I understand you're afraid of it.
[39:29] Speaker 1: I'm so I was so afraid. Yeah, I was just
[39:31] Speaker 1: like why everybody? You know, someone will meet me and
[39:33] Speaker 1: they'll be like, they'll be like shaking, and I'm like,
[39:37] Speaker 1: it's just me, though, why are you shake? Like it's
[39:39] Speaker 1: just me? I'm just I'm just tell me I'm just
[39:42] Speaker 1: the normal person. Hey, stop that. You know weird. You
[39:49] Speaker 1: know people on my team knew people that would come
[39:51] Speaker 1: on my team, you know, They'll they'll be asking me questions,
[39:55] Speaker 1: so are you excited? Do you want to are you
[39:58] Speaker 1: happy to be here? And be like why are you
[40:00] Speaker 1: asking me that? Like I would come off very like
[40:05] Speaker 1: stand office because I'm like, why are you here? Though?
[40:08] Speaker 1: Like everybody suddenly here? I just want to be alone.
[40:13] Speaker 2: I just want to make music and saying to be.
[40:15] Speaker 1: Make music, and I just I didn't handle it well.
[40:20] Speaker 2: Do you have any regrets about that?
[40:24] Speaker 1: You know what it is. I feel like I had
[40:26] Speaker 1: been in my mind rejected so much that when I
[40:34] Speaker 1: found people that finally accepted me, because I'm used, I
[40:37] Speaker 1: was so used to rejecting myself. I couldn't accept their love.
[40:42] Speaker 1: I couldn't accept that their acceptance. I rejected myself before
[40:47] Speaker 1: anybody even so I was waiting for the rejection. I
[40:51] Speaker 1: was expecting it. That was my normal daily life, like
[40:54] Speaker 1: that was my programming, you know, and I had to
[40:58] Speaker 1: unlearn that. Or actually, I've never been rejected. I've always
[41:03] Speaker 1: been accepted. Where did this come from? Or because of
[41:06] Speaker 1: one person or a few people said something when you
[41:09] Speaker 1: were a child or I don't know, you know, fear, fear,
[41:13] Speaker 1: but it's from that, it's when you experience something that
[41:18] Speaker 1: feels like rejection in like your young days. That's where
[41:23] Speaker 1: you get this conclusion that you are not.
[41:30] Speaker 2: Worthy or you know, but say that fear stops a
[41:33] Speaker 2: lot of people from living their full you know, potential
[41:36] Speaker 2: in life. That alone.
[41:37] Speaker 1: But that's why I always encourage people to become aware,
[41:42] Speaker 1: get curious about this fear that you have, Like, go
[41:45] Speaker 1: deep it.
[41:46] Speaker 2: How have you How have you learned so much? Have
[41:48] Speaker 2: you done like therapy? Have you done? Like is it
[41:51] Speaker 2: just prayer? Is it? How have you learned so much
[41:55] Speaker 2: about understanding how you work?
[42:00] Speaker 1: It's a combination of things. I think. Honestly, a lot
[42:03] Speaker 1: of the things I've learned have been revealed to me
[42:06] Speaker 1: by God. I'm going to first say that. Secondly, I
[42:12] Speaker 1: didn't like the way I was like, you know, I
[42:16] Speaker 1: just felt like something was always off. I was always
[42:19] Speaker 1: making people angry, you know, And I didn't understand why
[42:25] Speaker 1: I was the way I was. Sometimes I want to
[42:27] Speaker 1: talk to someone and nothing comes out of my mouth.
[42:31] Speaker 1: You know, I'll just be in the corner. You know.
[42:34] Speaker 1: When I was in school, I would like cover my
[42:36] Speaker 1: head and eat with you know, I would just be
[42:39] Speaker 1: and I'm you're probably misunderstood, you know, And I was
[42:43] Speaker 1: just like, I want to I don't want to be
[42:45] Speaker 1: this way. So why am I this way? Why can't say?
[42:48] Speaker 1: In my mind, I'm like, te me move and I
[42:50] Speaker 1: won't move, you know, or team me do something and
[42:53] Speaker 1: I won't say something, say something nothing, you know. And
[42:58] Speaker 1: that's when I realized that, Okay, I'm actually so flawed
[43:02] Speaker 1: and I need help and I can't help myself. Clearly
[43:06] Speaker 1: because I read all the books. I'll say, okay, they
[43:08] Speaker 1: will do They'll say, oh, write this to yourself ten
[43:12] Speaker 1: times in the morning, you know. And I would, and
[43:16] Speaker 1: it would work for like the first two days. But
[43:19] Speaker 1: then your natural programming, your human programming, kicks in. So
[43:23] Speaker 1: how can you How can I be changed? That was
[43:28] Speaker 1: my goal, and I think that's what actually led me
[43:31] Speaker 1: to God because I realized, like I can't do it myself.
[43:35] Speaker 1: I need some I need someone greater than me. And
[43:38] Speaker 1: that was like my only solution, like help me, help me,
[43:45] Speaker 1: help me, because I don't know what's happening.
[43:48] Speaker 2: So what have you learned about yourself? Because you see him,
[43:53] Speaker 2: I don't know. You still are like reserved and careful,
[43:57] Speaker 2: but you see seem more like confident in your skin
[44:01] Speaker 2: and where you are, and like, what have you learned
[44:03] Speaker 2: about yourself that has shifted that.
[44:09] Speaker 1: I think what's happening now is like I'm walking more
[44:13] Speaker 1: in my identity. Like I think what has changed is
[44:18] Speaker 1: what I believed, who I believed I was. You know,
[44:22] Speaker 1: before I just believed I was in nobody. You know,
[44:26] Speaker 1: so even when I became someone, in my mind, I
[44:30] Speaker 1: was in nobody. So I shouldn't be somebody, right.
[44:34] Speaker 2: You didn't deserve this.
[44:35] Speaker 1: I didn't deserve anything. But now it's not even about
[44:39] Speaker 1: whether I deserve it or not. It's what has been
[44:42] Speaker 1: allocated to me. Oh you know it is. It is
[44:47] Speaker 1: what has been given to me, whether I like it
[44:50] Speaker 1: or not. And what I'm learning is that I'm here
[44:56] Speaker 1: for not myself, but to be a light, to be
[45:01] Speaker 1: an example, to be someone that people can say, well,
[45:04] Speaker 1: if she did it, I can too. You know, there's
[45:07] Speaker 1: so many labels I can say that I had. You know,
[45:10] Speaker 1: I wasn't. I wasn't. You know. Autism is going around
[45:17] Speaker 1: these days and everybody is saying they're autistic. But I've
[45:20] Speaker 1: decided actually not to say that and just be timmy, like,
[45:26] Speaker 1: just be a child of God that is deciding to
[45:30] Speaker 1: be a light in the world. You know, no matter
[45:34] Speaker 1: how much people throw at me I have, I'm not
[45:37] Speaker 1: going off my own strength. I think that's why it is.
[45:40] Speaker 1: So I don't feel like I can be taking down
[45:43] Speaker 1: not because of my strength, but because of the strength
[45:47] Speaker 1: I know that I have behind me. You know, I
[45:50] Speaker 1: have Like it's not me that will fight for myself.
[45:54] Speaker 1: It's I don't need to fight. Actually, you know, I
[45:58] Speaker 1: can just be. I can just and that's what you're
[46:00] Speaker 1: supposed to be. You know, everything in the world works
[46:04] Speaker 1: that way. It's you know, it's only human beings that
[46:09] Speaker 1: like we're not being you're.
[46:11] Speaker 2: Trying to control everything.
[46:14] Speaker 1: It's so hurt, Like the world is so hurt. And
[46:18] Speaker 1: that's why it's like, you know, like when you come out,
[46:22] Speaker 1: you're like, let go. When you have it your face
[46:25] Speaker 1: like this your whole life. It's like, what's the concept
[46:29] Speaker 1: of actually releasing your fist. You can't think of it.
[46:33] Speaker 1: It's like a foreign concept. So letting go is very hard, right,
[46:38] Speaker 1: So I understand because that was really hard for me.
[46:42] Speaker 2: So you just let go.
[46:44] Speaker 1: I just let go. I'm still letting go. It's like
[46:47] Speaker 1: it's step by step process. I'm I'm not all the
[46:51] Speaker 1: way there. I'm not. This is not my finale form
[46:53] Speaker 1: at all.
[46:54] Speaker 2: Really, can you imagine your final form?
[46:57] Speaker 1: I can't. I can't. I can't even imagine why you
[47:01] Speaker 1: have to just be in it and wait right, Yeah,
[47:03] Speaker 1: I'm still being worked on. I'm definitely not perfect.
[47:07] Speaker 2: But you have had of course, the evolution continues, right,
[47:11] Speaker 2: but like you have had big victory moments, even in
[47:15] Speaker 2: the intro some of the accolades. I mean, even just
[47:18] Speaker 2: this grammy, right when you're up there, you're accepting a grammy.
[47:26] Speaker 2: What does that feel like to you? Can you even
[47:28] Speaker 2: imagine that moment? How much up to that point does
[47:34] Speaker 2: it feel you know what I mean? How much does
[47:36] Speaker 2: that those type of moments mean to you?
[47:39] Speaker 1: It just I think for me, it solid defies like
[47:41] Speaker 1: it just further confirms everything that I've been experiencing. It's
[47:47] Speaker 1: like I'm on some great, big adventure. And especially in
[47:53] Speaker 1: those moments, I really feel like, yeah, I couldn't have
[47:56] Speaker 1: thought about this even if I tried. Was not me.
[48:00] Speaker 1: This was not my vision me that I wanted to
[48:04] Speaker 1: sing at the bar. If somebody told me I'm going
[48:09] Speaker 1: to give you anything you want right now, I would
[48:11] Speaker 1: have told you, Yeah, I want to do the Friday
[48:13] Speaker 1: Night Live that was that was going to be my
[48:17] Speaker 1: vision for yourself.
[48:18] Speaker 2: Yes.
[48:19] Speaker 1: So even when I was on that stage, I'm like,
[48:22] Speaker 1: this was not I know that that was not me
[48:26] Speaker 1: because I wrote what my dreams were and it was
[48:29] Speaker 1: nothing like.
[48:30] Speaker 2: This at all. They say that, man.
[48:36] Speaker 1: So I think that's that's what comes to me, Like,
[48:39] Speaker 1: I know that this is definitely good. Like I couldn't
[48:42] Speaker 1: have thoughts of this if I tried.
[48:44] Speaker 2: Yeah, does it make you happier that you're in this
[48:46] Speaker 2: space and feel disconnected?
[48:49] Speaker 1: It does? It does make me. It gives me hope.
[48:53] Speaker 1: I think that's the difference between me now and me
[48:56] Speaker 1: ten years ago. There was no hope in my mind.
[49:02] Speaker 1: I didn't have hope. Really I didn't. I didn't. I
[49:05] Speaker 1: thought like I wasn't. I wasn't expecting much from life.
[49:10] Speaker 1: I was not. I wasn't someone that people like cared
[49:15] Speaker 1: that much about. You know. I was used to people
[49:19] Speaker 1: not caring. I was okay with it though. I wasn't
[49:21] Speaker 1: feeling like sad or anything. I was just like, oh,
[49:24] Speaker 1: nobody cares. Cool, that's great. I could do whatever I
[49:27] Speaker 1: want in my in my little corner, you know. But
[49:32] Speaker 1: I think now I have so much hope, not for me,
[49:39] Speaker 1: but for the world, for people, for life. There's so
[49:44] Speaker 1: much to look forward to, even in the chaos, even
[49:48] Speaker 1: in the in the craziness that's going on, there's still hope.
[49:54] Speaker 1: You know.
[49:54] Speaker 2: That's good to hear because it is dark out here,
[49:58] Speaker 2: It's very dark. Yeah. Sometimes I try to put myself
[50:02] Speaker 2: on a limit of how much news, Like I watch
[50:04] Speaker 2: only this amount of news, and then I had to
[50:06] Speaker 2: start and you have to because I will be in
[50:09] Speaker 2: just a dark place every day. That doesn't serve me,
[50:11] Speaker 2: that doesn't serve anybody in my life, or doesn't help
[50:14] Speaker 2: me move around the world. I like to be informed, Yeah,
[50:17] Speaker 2: but I have to be like almost on a diet
[50:19] Speaker 2: because there's so much darkness in the world. Yeah, how
[50:21] Speaker 2: do you navigate through that? How do you? I guess prayer?
[50:24] Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, no, I do the same thing and hope.
[50:26] Speaker 1: I guess no. Like for me as well. I actually
[50:31] Speaker 1: don't watch too much news either. I'm not in news
[50:34] Speaker 1: person because news is meant to be negative, like hardly
[50:38] Speaker 1: do they report on anything positive, like and today the
[50:41] Speaker 1: positive news, the good news, the good news is that
[50:47] Speaker 1: this little boy was saved. You know, there's nothing like that.
[50:51] Speaker 2: So somebody should really do it.
[50:54] Speaker 1: They really need to have a positive news channel.
[50:57] Speaker 2: Yeah I would watch that.
[50:58] Speaker 1: I would watch that too, that would be great. But yeah,
[51:02] Speaker 1: I think I thought. I don't. After I use my phone,
[51:07] Speaker 1: I keep it. I though it in many different places.
[51:10] Speaker 1: I try and live life in reality, So I try
[51:14] Speaker 1: not to be online too much, especially if I'm not
[51:17] Speaker 1: actively doing anything, like I'm not posting anything, I'm not like,
[51:22] Speaker 1: there's no reason I'm really online. After a few scrolls,
[51:26] Speaker 1: I become so aware of myself, like what are you doing?
[51:28] Speaker 1: You scrolling? Why?
[51:31] Speaker 2: So easy?
[51:32] Speaker 1: Though it's so easy, you get it's like it's like, literally, no,
[51:37] Speaker 1: it's meant to do that. Yes, it's this, and that's
[51:40] Speaker 1: why it's scary. Yeah, that's why it's so scary. And
[51:44] Speaker 1: that's why you can't let them get you. Like for
[51:46] Speaker 1: me sometimes like it's like because it's the damage of
[51:51] Speaker 1: what it does to you is so ingrained in me.
[51:54] Speaker 1: When I find myself scrolling, I'm like, yeah, they're getting
[51:57] Speaker 1: to you, they're getting to you. I switch off my
[52:01] Speaker 1: I don't even go out of the app. I switch
[52:04] Speaker 1: off my phone and I throw it across. I make
[52:07] Speaker 1: sure I throw it behind a couch I thaw it.
[52:10] Speaker 1: I just look for the furthest place and I thaw it.
[52:13] Speaker 1: My phone is all cracked up because I keep throwing it.
[52:16] Speaker 2: It's a real thing, so it's real.
[52:18] Speaker 1: I really thought it. I'm like, I believe it once
[52:20] Speaker 1: I went. If I'm scrolling and I catch myself doing that,
[52:24] Speaker 1: I switch it off and I throw it away.
[52:27] Speaker 2: Because you feel it controlling you, right.
[52:28] Speaker 1: Yeah, I can feel it the things. And I have
[52:32] Speaker 1: a phone that has no social media. It's just for
[52:34] Speaker 1: communication that's smart. So even if I've thrown that phone away,
[52:40] Speaker 1: people can still reach me on the non social media phone. Yeah.
[52:45] Speaker 2: Hey guys. You ever sign up for a phone plan
[52:47] Speaker 2: thinking Wow, what a great price, and then a few
[52:49] Speaker 2: months later it's like, surprise.
[52:50] Speaker 1: Your bill is higher. We hate that.
[52:53] Speaker 2: With booth Mobile, you pay twenty five dollars a month forever,
[52:56] Speaker 2: that's unlimited talk, text, and data is starting at just
[52:59] Speaker 2: twenty five dollar month. There's no price hikes, there's no contract,
[53:02] Speaker 2: and this is forever.
[53:03] Speaker 1: Plus.
[53:04] Speaker 2: Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide five G network.
[53:08] Speaker 2: They invested billions building five G towers across the country.
[53:12] Speaker 2: So what you need to do is visit boostmobile dot
[53:15] Speaker 2: com or head to your local Boots store today and
[53:17] Speaker 2: get unlimited talk, text and data for twenty five dollars
[53:20] Speaker 2: a month forever. Five g speed is not available in
[53:23] Speaker 2: all areas. After thirty gigabytes, customers may experience lower speeds.
[53:26] Speaker 2: Customers will pay twenty five dollars a month as long
[53:29] Speaker 2: as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. All right,
[53:32] Speaker 2: so we have a segment. It's an IRL Voice Notes. Okay.
[53:36] Speaker 2: If somebody leaves a note, usually it's a fan or
[53:38] Speaker 2: somebody who listens to the pod. Or Okay, how's you're
[53:41] Speaker 2: going to be here? So this is from Cynthia, Cynthia
[53:46] Speaker 2: High Tims.
[53:48] Speaker 3: What's going on, my Nigerian Queen. My name is Cynthia Okak.
[53:51] Speaker 3: I'm a journalist with Amplify Africa and I want to
[53:54] Speaker 3: speak to you about your heart. I'll watched an interview
[53:58] Speaker 3: with Donawan where he talked about a younger you. He
[54:02] Speaker 3: talked about a younger Tims that will come to the
[54:04] Speaker 3: studio and even at the time when you didn't really
[54:07] Speaker 3: have much, you still chose to buy little things for
[54:11] Speaker 3: the people in the studio and you still chose to give,
[54:15] Speaker 3: So you have a giver's heart. I want to talk
[54:17] Speaker 3: to you about that.
[54:18] Speaker 1: What where did those characteristics come from? Is it a
[54:21] Speaker 1: faith based thing?
[54:22] Speaker 3: Is it your love language? Please share?
[54:26] Speaker 2: Well a sweet question, Oh, a sweet question.
[54:29] Speaker 1: That is really sweet. I've never thought about that before.
[54:33] Speaker 2: You're mad you don't remember that.
[54:35] Speaker 1: I mean I remember now. It's not something that I
[54:38] Speaker 1: would have thought of at all.
[54:40] Speaker 2: Well, are you a giver?
[54:43] Speaker 1: By j I'm a giver? I'm I'm actually a chronic giver.
[54:47] Speaker 1: I actually have to stop myself. I'm the kind of
[54:52] Speaker 1: person that.
[54:53] Speaker 2: Like, you'll give it all away, give it all away.
[54:56] Speaker 1: I would, you know, when I'm out with my friends,
[55:00] Speaker 1: I would literally be fighting with them to pay, you know,
[55:03] Speaker 1: and I shouldn't be doing that because they are their
[55:06] Speaker 1: own people. And I had to think, you know, this
[55:09] Speaker 1: is not helping anyone. Stop stop trying to be the
[55:12] Speaker 1: one to give to pay and no, so.
[55:18] Speaker 2: I was like, going for you.
[55:20] Speaker 1: It's actually, you know what, It's making my relationships a
[55:24] Speaker 1: little bit better. Really it is, because you know what
[55:28] Speaker 1: happens when you are too much of a giver. It
[55:30] Speaker 1: becomes like your identity subconsciously, so when you don't give,
[55:36] Speaker 1: you feel weird. You know, you don't know how to
[55:39] Speaker 1: receive anymore when you give too much, and it makes
[55:43] Speaker 1: you a bit self centered, or it makes me a
[55:45] Speaker 1: bit self centered, because when I don't give and I
[55:50] Speaker 1: feel weird, then I feel like whatever happens in the
[55:54] Speaker 1: room was because of me, or you know, because I
[55:57] Speaker 1: didn't do something. You know. And sometimes and I overgive,
[56:01] Speaker 1: then the other person feels weird because they want to give,
[56:06] Speaker 1: you know, And imagine you wanting to give someone that
[56:09] Speaker 1: is never accepting what you want to give. It puts
[56:13] Speaker 1: a strange it makes it puts a stance between you
[56:16] Speaker 1: and that person because you're saying, I want to give you,
[56:19] Speaker 1: but don't give me, Like this is not an exchange,
[56:22] Speaker 1: this is I'm imposing my own gifts on you. Just take.
[56:28] Speaker 1: I don't want, you know, if it's like it needs
[56:30] Speaker 1: to love is love is a mutual thing. It's like
[56:35] Speaker 1: we ad one, you know, we can't be one if
[56:38] Speaker 1: it's just coming from one side.
[56:40] Speaker 2: So that's so interesting. I've never heard it that way,
[56:43] Speaker 2: but that does make sense. And also if you're the
[56:45] Speaker 2: only giver, then how can you find real genuine relationships
[56:51] Speaker 2: because that attracts people who take, who are takers. Yeah,
[56:56] Speaker 2: and you don't want to be surrounded by a bunch
[56:58] Speaker 2: of takers your whole life.
[57:00] Speaker 1: That's ennightment. Actually, that's draining, exhausting, you know. And I
[57:06] Speaker 1: think I've learned the hard way because I definitely had
[57:10] Speaker 1: a lot of takers in my life. But you just
[57:18] Speaker 1: went somewhere. But yeah, I think so, I've learned to
[57:27] Speaker 1: be a scheerful giver, but also know when to step back,
[57:31] Speaker 1: Like I don't need to be the one that people
[57:33] Speaker 1: say thank you to. I can't be the one saying
[57:36] Speaker 1: thank you.
[57:37] Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because you know, sometimes people don't realize it's
[57:40] Speaker 2: a whole selfish like you said, because you want to. Yeah,
[57:43] Speaker 2: I took care.
[57:44] Speaker 1: Of everybody I took you know, I did that. Well,
[57:46] Speaker 1: we didn't ask you to exactly.
[57:50] Speaker 2: We just want to bend to say. That's funny because
[57:52] Speaker 2: I have that. I have friends that are that do
[57:55] Speaker 2: better than me in life and friends who I always
[57:58] Speaker 2: like to pay and sometimes that I can see that
[58:01] Speaker 2: becoming a thing when you're all out and you're all
[58:04] Speaker 2: equal and you're all friends, but then the one person
[58:06] Speaker 2: wants to.
[58:06] Speaker 1: Always be the show out.
[58:08] Speaker 2: You know, you're like, it does put a separation, Yeah,
[58:12] Speaker 2: that's interesting, it does.
[58:13] Speaker 1: It's very subtle, but it's so that's a hard thing,
[58:17] Speaker 1: you know, and that's you have to allow your heart
[58:19] Speaker 1: to be molded. And the giving is one of those
[58:22] Speaker 1: things that you have to like have some discipline in
[58:26] Speaker 1: as a giver.
[58:27] Speaker 2: That's a giver.
[58:30] Speaker 1: Because you'll give it all the way I would. I
[58:33] Speaker 1: would like when anybody around me is distressed, I'm like, Okay,
[58:36] Speaker 1: what are we doing? What do we need to do?
[58:38] Speaker 1: Cancel everything right now? I'm not going anywhere. We're going
[58:42] Speaker 1: to stay here, We're gonna well one million, let's guess it.
[58:45] Speaker 2: Let's get who stops you? Do you have somebody in
[58:48] Speaker 2: your team or your family?
[58:49] Speaker 1: Yes, I need to stop you. My managers my team,
[58:52] Speaker 1: they're like, nope, we're not doing it. And I'm like, no,
[58:55] Speaker 1: we are. They're like, nope, get in the car. I'm
[58:58] Speaker 1: not doing giving the car. And I'm like okay, and
[59:03] Speaker 1: then I'm like, fain, no, it would have been nice
[59:06] Speaker 1: to give that. But you know, especially my one of
[59:11] Speaker 1: both my managers, they're very like strong headed. I'm strong headed,
[59:15] Speaker 1: but they're like they can be also strong headed. So
[59:18] Speaker 1: we will all do who is who is gonna who's
[59:21] Speaker 1: gonna back down? And it's usually mean because I'm the
[59:26] Speaker 1: one spending all the money.
[59:30] Speaker 2: I don't know if we answer her question, there were,
[59:32] Speaker 2: but the answer is so much better. We kind of
[59:36] Speaker 2: answered it kind of because it comes from that was
[59:39] Speaker 2: her question. Where does that giving spirit come from? What
[59:42] Speaker 2: is that rooted in people pleasing self worth? Because it
[59:48] Speaker 2: doesn't sound like that's a godly thing.
[59:51] Speaker 1: No, I think, I mean, I think who I am
[59:55] Speaker 1: is you know, definitely God, who actually am a God?
[59:59] Speaker 1: But I think think, I think it's I think it's
[1:00:04] Speaker 1: something that is ingrained in me. I just know that.
[1:00:06] Speaker 1: When I was younger, I used to see, like in Nigeria,
[1:00:10] Speaker 1: there's just a lot of suffering, and I used to
[1:00:14] Speaker 1: be really pained that I couldn't do anything. And I
[1:00:20] Speaker 1: didn't like people crying around me. I didn't like people
[1:00:24] Speaker 1: being hurt. I didn't like people like looking sad, you know.
[1:00:30] Speaker 1: So I would just be sad just because someone else
[1:00:33] Speaker 1: is sady and I don't even know them. They don't
[1:00:35] Speaker 1: even know me, they don't even know that I'm sad.
[1:00:38] Speaker 2: Oh you're an empire.
[1:00:39] Speaker 1: I'm just I'm crying. They don't even know.
[1:00:43] Speaker 2: And I, yeah, did you see that a lot of
[1:00:45] Speaker 2: that as a kid.
[1:00:46] Speaker 1: Yeah, I did. I did. You know? My mom is
[1:00:50] Speaker 1: very much she's very humanitarian, Like she used to adopt
[1:00:55] Speaker 1: like children for like some months, for some weeks. She
[1:00:59] Speaker 1: just bring like a kid home and will take care
[1:01:03] Speaker 1: of the kid. Some of them have, like my mom's
[1:01:06] Speaker 1: a doctor, so some of them had like medical conditions
[1:01:09] Speaker 1: they're trying to heal from, you know, and just seeing
[1:01:15] Speaker 1: things like that, and on the road people that don't
[1:01:19] Speaker 1: have just it's just like why is this happening? So
[1:01:23] Speaker 1: I think for me, I just always wanted to ease
[1:01:25] Speaker 1: everybody's pain, like why are you crying? Don't cry anymore? Look,
[1:01:30] Speaker 1: everything is still great. Look I don't have much, but
[1:01:33] Speaker 1: here this should make you just come, you know, Okay,
[1:01:38] Speaker 1: please don't be sad anymore. Please, I don't want to cry.
[1:01:42] Speaker 2: You can't take it. Take it. That's very sweet. So
[1:01:47] Speaker 2: maybe you are going to heal the world. That's probably
[1:01:49] Speaker 2: why you pray, pray to make sure you're doing it.
[1:01:53] Speaker 2: You're always asking yourself, what are you're doing enough enough?
[1:01:56] Speaker 1: Yeah? I always feel like I can't do more, but
[1:01:59] Speaker 1: maybe it is that I'm not ready, Like like who
[1:02:04] Speaker 1: I am right now is still being worked on to
[1:02:07] Speaker 1: get to that level because you have to be able
[1:02:09] Speaker 1: to handle whatever it is.
[1:02:12] Speaker 2: And you also may be doing things that you're not
[1:02:13] Speaker 2: even aware of what you're doing. Yeah, because even today's conversation,
[1:02:17] Speaker 2: I need my ball, even today's conversation, the way that
[1:02:20] Speaker 2: affects someone else, you don't even know how helpful that
[1:02:25] Speaker 2: could be in somebody's life, You know what I mean?
[1:02:27] Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so true.
[1:02:28] Speaker 2: Hey, guys. Support for this podcast is brought to you
[1:02:30] Speaker 2: by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what
[1:02:33] Speaker 2: if I could go after what I actually want and
[1:02:36] Speaker 2: I could really make a difference. Well, you are not alone,
[1:02:39] Speaker 2: and this is exactly why I want to tell you
[1:02:41] Speaker 2: about Walden University. For over fifty years, Walden has helped
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[1:03:00] Speaker 2: that first step. Walden University set a course for Change,
[1:03:04] Speaker 2: certified to operate by SHIV. This is our iral bowl
[1:03:07] Speaker 2: in real life. Take out a couple of questions. Let's
[1:03:10] Speaker 2: see what's going on in Thams is real life?
[1:03:13] Speaker 1: Okay? Oh, if you had to describe yourself in three words,
[1:03:19] Speaker 1: what would they be? M that is so deep?
[1:03:22] Speaker 2: So too.
[1:03:24] Speaker 1: I can tell you what I think Your three are?
[1:03:26] Speaker 2: Yes, please, godly, Yes, something to do with your relationship
[1:03:33] Speaker 2: with God? Uh? Empathetic, right and.
[1:03:40] Speaker 1: Hopeful mm hm hm hm yes.
[1:03:44] Speaker 2: Oh do you feel seen?
[1:03:46] Speaker 1: I feel seen? I don't know if I don't want
[1:03:50] Speaker 1: to answer your question for you.
[1:03:52] Speaker 2: If you have other three words, you could do it,
[1:03:54] Speaker 2: or you could pick another ball. A question from the ball.
[1:03:56] Speaker 1: Said it ohn, get another one, and then I have
[1:04:02] Speaker 1: some I r ls here too. Yeah, you know writer,
[1:04:10] Speaker 1: but you know that one. That one is a whole.
[1:04:14] Speaker 1: Three words is a quite small.
[1:04:16] Speaker 2: You need a few.
[1:04:20] Speaker 1: This one says I'm at my best when I'm at
[1:04:26] Speaker 1: my best when I let go, let go?
[1:04:41] Speaker 2: You dike good? Okay? If you could master a skill instantly,
[1:04:49] Speaker 2: what would it be?
[1:04:51] Speaker 1: Who the gift of master skill?
[1:04:57] Speaker 2: Could it?
[1:04:58] Speaker 1: Is it like a.
[1:05:00] Speaker 2: Whatever? You could want to ride a motorcycle?
[1:05:03] Speaker 1: I don't know, or that would be so cool really well,
[1:05:07] Speaker 1: to be like a master. I've always wanted to be
[1:05:10] Speaker 1: one of those bike riders. You see what I mean?
[1:05:14] Speaker 1: My dreams were creating my dreams were.
[1:05:18] Speaker 2: Makes better dreams for you.
[1:05:21] Speaker 1: He don't.
[1:05:22] Speaker 2: You would have been performing on.
[1:05:23] Speaker 1: Friday on your motorcycles. Literally, I actually would. I always
[1:05:30] Speaker 1: want it. I used to admire like bike bike riders.
[1:05:34] Speaker 2: Like what like really like like what like.
[1:05:36] Speaker 1: Just the really cool bikes that like just in movies,
[1:05:42] Speaker 1: you know, take the helmets off and always the girl
[1:05:45] Speaker 1: yeah you know, and I'm yeah, I'm tough, badass on
[1:05:50] Speaker 1: the bike. I think the skill, the ability probably to
[1:06:01] Speaker 1: two persuade. Mm, you want to rule the world. I
[1:06:12] Speaker 1: think that would be the best gift, because you could
[1:06:14] Speaker 1: persuade any want to do anything. But I wouldn't I
[1:06:17] Speaker 1: want to rule the world.
[1:06:18] Speaker 2: Obviously, what would be the first matter of business as
[1:06:22] Speaker 2: a professional persuader.
[1:06:24] Speaker 1: I'll call a meeting of all the world leaders. We're
[1:06:29] Speaker 1: gonna sit in the room, and by the time we
[1:06:32] Speaker 1: come out of the room, yeah, peace, peace, Yeah, well
[1:06:38] Speaker 1: yeah what love? Peace and love?
[1:06:41] Speaker 2: You put them all in check?
[1:06:43] Speaker 1: Well, the thing is, I'll be I would have the
[1:06:45] Speaker 1: gift of persuasion, so they will all be persuaded. I
[1:06:48] Speaker 1: wouldn't even need to put them in check. They would
[1:06:51] Speaker 1: just be so convinced that they didn't know what they
[1:06:54] Speaker 1: were doing before. They just walk out of the room
[1:06:58] Speaker 1: like wow, everything she said it sense? What have we
[1:07:00] Speaker 1: been doing? Guys?
[1:07:01] Speaker 2: You really do want to heal the world. It is
[1:07:04] Speaker 2: your nature to really want to heal the world.
[1:07:06] Speaker 1: I mean, like that's the first thing that is like
[1:07:09] Speaker 1: the most important, Like how can you have I can't,
[1:07:12] Speaker 1: we can't. We don't know what's going to happen. So
[1:07:14] Speaker 1: how can we truly have peace when the whole world
[1:07:16] Speaker 1: is at war? You know? So I think that's the
[1:07:20] Speaker 1: first solution. Let's address this first. Then I can enjoy
[1:07:24] Speaker 1: my life on a yacht somewhere as you should. As
[1:07:30] Speaker 1: you should know.
[1:07:32] Speaker 2: What is your guilty pleasure in real life?
[1:07:35] Speaker 1: Guilty pleasure? Oh yeah, I am a shopperholic. I think, well,
[1:07:42] Speaker 1: I'm not a schopper halic. I experienced symptoms of being
[1:07:48] Speaker 1: in shopper holly. Okay, I am going to get it,
[1:07:53] Speaker 1: get it, okay. I go into a store. They could
[1:07:55] Speaker 1: be selling I don't know, rap, poison, and I would
[1:07:58] Speaker 1: buy at least different types of what I even when
[1:08:02] Speaker 1: I don't have rats. You want to buy it, I'm buying.
[1:08:05] Speaker 1: I go into a store and I'm doing something in
[1:08:07] Speaker 1: that store, you show serious signs in I do. I
[1:08:12] Speaker 1: don't know why I do such things. I really don't.
[1:08:15] Speaker 1: That's so now that I'm away, before I go anywhere,
[1:08:19] Speaker 1: I'm like, once I step in here, I know I'm
[1:08:21] Speaker 1: buying something. So do I really want to step in here?
[1:08:24] Speaker 2: Oh my god? I like this question for you terms
[1:08:28] Speaker 2: in real life? What are you most proud of about yourself? Hmm?
[1:08:38] Speaker 1: In real life, I am really proud that.
[1:08:47] Speaker 2: I think about it.
[1:08:48] Speaker 1: I've stood on business in certain aspects of my life.
[1:08:54] Speaker 1: Like I said no and I never went back to
[1:08:58] Speaker 1: certain things, vices people. I just said no and I
[1:09:02] Speaker 1: stood on that. I'm not a record. I'm not. I'm
[1:09:06] Speaker 1: not an addict to anything. I'm not you know I do.
[1:09:09] Speaker 1: I'm not in any toxic, toxic situations. I just I
[1:09:14] Speaker 1: know when something isn't for me and I say no,
[1:09:18] Speaker 1: and that's it.
[1:09:19] Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, that is to be proud of.
[1:09:24] Speaker 1: Like that.
[1:09:25] Speaker 2: I was gonna say, even in love, are you that? Well?
[1:09:31] Speaker 1: To be fair, I am like that, but in a
[1:09:34] Speaker 1: forgiving way. So I don't cut off out of anger
[1:09:37] Speaker 1: or out of hurt or anything. It's just out of
[1:09:42] Speaker 1: understanding that the best thing for you right now is
[1:09:45] Speaker 1: to not have me in your life. Actually you don't
[1:09:48] Speaker 1: need it. I'm not all you need. You know.
[1:09:52] Speaker 2: That's pretty good.
[1:09:53] Speaker 1: Like I see what you did there, no, you know,
[1:09:58] Speaker 1: no put intended.
[1:09:59] Speaker 2: But I I love that in that song that you
[1:10:01] Speaker 2: say that though, because it's not you know, people break
[1:10:04] Speaker 2: up relationships and then usually a lot of the songs
[1:10:07] Speaker 2: is somebody left me or yeah, or you did something
[1:10:10] Speaker 2: so bad to me.
[1:10:11] Speaker 1: You're like you. I'm like you, what you need is
[1:10:15] Speaker 1: something different. You're not here yet. You know you're not
[1:10:20] Speaker 1: here yet, and that's okay. I'm actually not like you're
[1:10:24] Speaker 1: not We're not you know. So for me when I
[1:10:28] Speaker 1: when I do cut people off, it's not like without
[1:10:33] Speaker 1: explanation as well, it's like it's like I don't I
[1:10:37] Speaker 1: don't talk too much, but I just like, so, this
[1:10:40] Speaker 1: is what's going to happen now, okay, And I want
[1:10:45] Speaker 1: you to know that you are you can do so
[1:10:48] Speaker 1: much better, and I believe in you and I have
[1:10:51] Speaker 1: faith in you.
[1:10:52] Speaker 2: Oh this is killing them, Okay, Yes.
[1:10:55] Speaker 1: I have faith and I know that I'm going to
[1:10:57] Speaker 1: see you successful in the future. And I am really
[1:11:00] Speaker 1: happy when they're successful when I don't.
[1:11:03] Speaker 2: Really, this is how you break up with people.
[1:11:06] Speaker 1: Yeah, well, well the thing is by then it's not
[1:11:12] Speaker 1: it's not an emotional thing. I'm not emotional. I don't
[1:11:15] Speaker 1: feel hurt. I've already like cried. Yeah, well I've already
[1:11:20] Speaker 1: done everything I need to do because for me, once
[1:11:23] Speaker 1: someone is presenting symptoms, right, I have to diagnose it.
[1:11:29] Speaker 1: You know what I'm shying. I have to give you
[1:11:31] Speaker 1: a diagnosis, like, Okay, this is what this person is
[1:11:35] Speaker 1: experiencing out of love? What does this person need right now?
[1:11:40] Speaker 1: What does this person have to work with? And what
[1:11:44] Speaker 1: what can I do to help this person? And sometimes
[1:11:48] Speaker 1: that means I'm not in your life because I also
[1:11:51] Speaker 1: have to think about myself and if I'm not good,
[1:11:54] Speaker 1: how can I How can I help you? If you're
[1:11:57] Speaker 1: making if you're triggering me, or if we're not meeting
[1:12:01] Speaker 1: eye to eye, then what could I possibly do for you? Like,
[1:12:06] Speaker 1: even if I wanted to help you, I really can't actually,
[1:12:10] Speaker 1: because you are not in the states where you can
[1:12:13] Speaker 1: even let me help you.
[1:12:15] Speaker 2: This is the most grown up way to break up
[1:12:20] Speaker 2: with somebody I've ever heard of, or to cut somebody off.
[1:12:23] Speaker 2: It is the most mature adult way that I've ever heard.
[1:12:27] Speaker 2: Are you really like this in every like, are you
[1:12:30] Speaker 2: that non emotional about it?
[1:12:33] Speaker 1: I mean, the thing is yes, I am. I am
[1:12:37] Speaker 1: non emotional about it. I think obviously I do have emotions,
[1:12:43] Speaker 1: and I sought. What I do is I saw through
[1:12:46] Speaker 1: my emotions, I get all the information I need, Like
[1:12:49] Speaker 1: this is how I feel. This is the reality separate
[1:12:53] Speaker 1: from how I feel. This is the fruits that this
[1:12:58] Speaker 1: person is producing. This is everything this person touches looks
[1:13:02] Speaker 1: like this, and everything that I touch looks like this.
[1:13:07] Speaker 1: This is what this person has to offer realistically, this
[1:13:10] Speaker 1: is what I have to offer. Clearly we are not compatible.
[1:13:14] Speaker 1: So now emotion is gone because it's not even about
[1:13:18] Speaker 1: whether I want you or it's not about wanting. You
[1:13:22] Speaker 1: are not for me, like it's all an illusion, the
[1:13:27] Speaker 1: feeling of wanting illusion because you can wake up tomorrow
[1:13:31] Speaker 1: and you don't want that person anymore. That's not love.
[1:13:34] Speaker 1: So love is actually seen beyond your wants and thinking
[1:13:40] Speaker 1: about what does this person need right now as a
[1:13:43] Speaker 1: human being, like to be better as a human What
[1:13:49] Speaker 1: does this person actually need and whatever that thing is.
[1:13:52] Speaker 1: I don't have the answers, but I know that I
[1:13:54] Speaker 1: need to get away from you, as Sue that's possible.
[1:14:01] Speaker 1: So I'm going to do this nicely. Because you're human.
[1:14:04] Speaker 1: I guess that you're working through some things. I don't
[1:14:07] Speaker 1: judge you, I don't blame you, but goodbye. Wow.
[1:14:14] Speaker 2: Women struggle with that, you know, separating emotion and practicality
[1:14:22] Speaker 2: and just truth, you know what I mean. They struggle
[1:14:26] Speaker 2: with that. Have you always been as like a gift?
[1:14:29] Speaker 1: I guess no, no, I've not. I also struggle with that.
[1:14:33] Speaker 1: I'm very I used to be so emotional, like incredibly,
[1:14:37] Speaker 1: But it's the awareness thing. I think from me wanting
[1:14:41] Speaker 1: to be so aware of myself, like I want to know,
[1:14:43] Speaker 1: like I've been researching and researching, like what why do
[1:14:47] Speaker 1: we feel this way? Why do we do that? I'm
[1:14:49] Speaker 1: asked so many all the questions you can think of.
[1:14:52] Speaker 1: I've gone to find the answers. So I think in
[1:14:55] Speaker 1: that journey is when I realize, oh, this thing I
[1:14:59] Speaker 1: feel if felt like the end of the world, but
[1:15:01] Speaker 1: it really wasn't the end of the world. So that
[1:15:05] Speaker 1: means that this thing is an illusion, you know, and you.
[1:15:08] Speaker 2: Figure it out and you trust the answer.
[1:15:10] Speaker 1: You know. So I'm like, Okay, so how do I
[1:15:12] Speaker 1: come out of this when I feel it let's start researching,
[1:15:16] Speaker 1: you know, and that's how I worked my way up.
[1:15:19] Speaker 2: You know, what's so exciting about you is that because
[1:15:21] Speaker 2: you're in such a state of learning all the time,
[1:15:24] Speaker 2: like to watch your progression, Like I can't wait to
[1:15:28] Speaker 2: sit with you. You know, God, will it whatever in
[1:15:32] Speaker 2: two years or three years, to see what life has
[1:15:36] Speaker 2: taught you and brought you along by that point.
[1:15:39] Speaker 1: I don't even know what. That's good.
[1:15:42] Speaker 2: It'll be fun.
[1:15:44] Speaker 1: Like that.
[1:15:45] Speaker 2: It would be fun to see. Yeah, in the meantime,
[1:15:48] Speaker 2: what do people need to know? Now?
[1:15:49] Speaker 1: As we wrap up?
[1:15:50] Speaker 2: What does this next chapter for you look like? I mean,
[1:15:54] Speaker 2: you're still kind of in it, right, I would imagine
[1:15:56] Speaker 2: because you're still in this, you just drop this music,
[1:16:00] Speaker 2: You're still on the road. But I don't know, what
[1:16:04] Speaker 2: do you envision for yourself? This next times chapter looks
[1:16:07] Speaker 2: like hmm, personally, and I guess your career personally.
[1:16:12] Speaker 1: I think I'm more grounded now. So what I'm trying
[1:16:15] Speaker 1: to do is sew my seeds. I think now is
[1:16:21] Speaker 1: the times of sow seeds and plant trees and meet people.
[1:16:28] Speaker 1: I'm ready to get out there and talk to people.
[1:16:32] Speaker 1: I'm ready to get that out there and make more music.
[1:16:35] Speaker 1: Music is always going to be part of my life.
[1:16:38] Speaker 1: And also I'm moving away from seeing myself as one
[1:16:42] Speaker 1: thing like, oh, yes, I am a musician. But now
[1:16:45] Speaker 1: I'm realizing that I have gifts in many other things,
[1:16:49] Speaker 1: like pattern recognition and applying that in like business and
[1:16:54] Speaker 1: learning about business, learning about the world, learning about politics.
[1:16:58] Speaker 1: I think because I'm really trying to learn a lot.
[1:17:02] Speaker 1: I think this next chapter is diversification. You know of investments.
[1:17:09] Speaker 2: Wow, well, I really can't wait for it. Next me
[1:17:13] Speaker 2: to wait. One last question that's in the boat.
[1:17:15] Speaker 1: All right.
[1:17:16] Speaker 2: I love this question. I wish you would have got it,
[1:17:18] Speaker 2: but I'm gonna pull it for you. Okay. If God
[1:17:20] Speaker 2: were to text you right now, what would it say? Wow? Deep?
[1:17:27] Speaker 1: If God were to text.
[1:17:28] Speaker 2: You, like on that phone that you don't have the
[1:17:31] Speaker 2: social media, honest, just would you get a text and
[1:17:35] Speaker 2: it's from God? What does this say I.
[1:17:45] Speaker 1: Am with you?
[1:17:49] Speaker 2: Is there an emoji?
[1:17:52] Speaker 1: He would probably be like my daughter, I am with you.
[1:17:56] Speaker 1: I don't He might do any emoji, but I can't.
[1:17:59] Speaker 1: I can't put myself in a place of God that
[1:18:03] Speaker 1: I can't. I can't know what he would actually text
[1:18:06] Speaker 1: me in reality, But I imagine that that's what he might,
[1:18:13] Speaker 1: but I know that what he would really text me
[1:18:15] Speaker 1: if he did, would be so much better than you
[1:18:17] Speaker 1: can from what I just said.
[1:18:21] Speaker 2: That's perfectly aligned with who you are. Yeah, that's terms
[1:18:24] Speaker 2: in real life. That question is so funny because it
[1:18:30] Speaker 2: really always reveals so much about people and the fact
[1:18:33] Speaker 2: that you can't even answer it because you're so much
[1:18:35] Speaker 2: in your faith that you don't even want to pretend
[1:18:39] Speaker 2: that you can answer it better than he would answer it. No,
[1:18:42] Speaker 2: that that that question always is very telling about people.
[1:18:48] Speaker 1: This is Tams in real life.
[1:18:50] Speaker 2: Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like comments,
[1:18:54] Speaker 2: and check out all of the other episodes we have
[1:18:56] Speaker 2: on Edge. Martinez I Ral Podcast

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