# The Shoe Horn Blitz Apology

An episode of [Hamish & Andy Plus +](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1616749262), 1 Jun 2022, 17 min.

Audio: https://enrichment.soundstack.com/4vjqq8/episode.flightcast.com/txiahg3wrzhe6g3b97m4ujbq.mp3

The guys give an insight to the perils of putting live callers to air on the radio without much time for the producers to prep them. They revisit one of their early terrible pun-based ideas for a celebrity guest. Plus, Hamish recalls his infamous ‘Shoehorn Blitz’ phase, in which he would give out shoehorns to listeners who wanted them. But on this particular date, Hamish was apologising about the shoehorns, as he over-promised and under-delivered… Hamish & Andy's Remembering Project. Season 3, Episode 11.

## Transcript

[0:02] A listener production.
[0:06] Wilhelm, this is our remembering project.
[0:08] Yep, where a random day of the year is selected and we look up the run sheets from all our shows from across the years to find any we did on that day.
[0:17] Over 20 years, that's about 2,500 shows and roughly 26,000 talk breaks.
[0:22] Today, we pick one.
[0:24] One talk break only and try to remember what happened based on what was written down on the run sheet from that day.
[0:29] As always, we've got podcast Mike with us here for any technical stuff.
[0:32] Hello.
[0:32] Mike, what date was randomly chosen today?
[0:35] It's the 11th of November.
[0:37] OK, then, it's Hamish go.
[0:39] Let's kick this off and find out what years Ham will take us back to and see if we remember anything from those years.
[0:47] This is Hamish and Andy's Remembering Project.
[0:54] And I...
[0:56] Coming up in a moment, there'll be a chance for you to win five Hamish Blake points.
[1:00] Wow.
[1:00] And I don't give them out very often, so I look forward to you doing that.
[1:03] As we look through the different shows we've done the 11th of November over the years, rolling through the run sheets, I had one of those moments in 2008 where you're like, you see the headline, you're like, that's pretty funny.
[1:14] You're like, oh, I wonder how that went.
[1:16] And then you read a bit more about it and you're like, oh, no, that's right.
[1:19] That wasn't that funny.
[1:19] Yeah.
[1:21] Because we did a show and we must have been talking about school excursions or school holidays.
[1:26] And we had a girl on the show that was like, oh, I was on a school trip to China and I got bitten on the hand by a panda.
[1:34] Oh, wow.
[1:34] And we were like, oh, my God.
[1:35] And I got sent home from the trip.
[1:37] Like, oh, crazy.
[1:38] Then for some reason there was quite a lot of detail on the run sheet.
[1:42] I remember this too as I was reading it.
[1:44] It was like, no, then they like sued the school and… Oh, so they scored the zoo.
[1:48] Sorry, sued the zoo.
[1:50] No, sorry.
[1:51] Oh, the parents?
[1:51] The parents sued the school that sent her on the school trip because it was like… Because remember on the show, I remember it being… I was like having a giggle being like, you know.
[1:59] Yeah.
[1:59] That sounds like a hilarious…
[2:01] hijink story.
[2:02] Yeah.
[2:03] It's like, no, I had to have several operations and they should never have had me, you know, they should never have let me there.
[2:08] Which is the beauty of radio because you and I was very… I just remember it being a big gear change and I was being like, ah, that's crazy.
[2:15] And then like, well, no, no.
[2:17] Yeah, no, no, of course, it's very serious.
[2:19] You might remember this phase as well, but like often the… We had three people operating the phones outside, lots of calls coming in.
[2:27] They're trying to get someone's story, just the headline, quickly to work out who put to it.
[2:32] And often there'd be someone that's going, great, Gums.
[2:36] And often when there's something going great, you look out and the three phone operators and the producer stuff there are laughing.
[2:42] Yeah, we did it.
[2:42] And they're really pumped.
[2:43] Because you've got one minute to get someone's story, screen them, explain what's going to happen, put them in the queue, and yeah, write down one sentence so he can be like, oh, hi, Kelly, you…
[2:52] You had a funny thing happen with a panda on your school trip.
[2:56] And ever so, really, but it would happen where someone's been telling this great story and then just drops something that completely is a gear change that is maybe offensive or maybe a swear word.
[3:10] And to see the producers outside celebrating in the lead-up with this great story and see suddenly the look of, oh, my God, I put that person to air on their face.
[3:20] Heads in hands.
[3:21] I mean, we had another one where the guy, we thought he was being hilarious and then it turned out he was on LSD.
[3:28] Yes, absolutely.
[3:30] He was telling us a funny story.
[3:31] He was like, I was on the fly.
[3:34] Yeah, yeah.
[3:35] He thought he could control where the fly was going.
[3:37] He was telling us a story.
[3:37] We were like, this is so funny.
[3:38] He's like, yeah, mate, everywhere I thought the fly should go, it was going.
[3:42] I was controlling my mind.
[3:43] We're like, so, mate, this is what a funny thing to say.
[3:45] He's like, yes, I had taken a lot of acid.
[3:48] Okay.
[3:49] Kids in cars, kids in cars, kids in cars.
[3:51] And our producer, Sam, when something was going really well, he'd stand up.
[3:54] He'd love it so much.
[3:55] It was like the TAB.
[3:57] to start whacking the form.
[3:58] Yes, yes.
[3:59] He thinks, like, his horse is going to win.
[4:01] And when that guy dropped the acid, he just slumped straight back into his chair.
[4:07] The horse halfway down the home strays turned around and started running the other way.
[4:10] Yeah.
[4:12] Yeah, tough one.
[4:14] So in 2009, I think that on November 11, this is the episode where we sort of showed that we were not scared to have big names on the show.
[4:22] Oh, yeah, wow.
[4:23] You know, maybe in our early years, we were probably a bit nervous to go head-to-head.
[4:27] But when you do a show where you've got Taylor Lautner from the Twilight franchise and Pete Wentz in the same show, you're running with the big dogs and you're showing the world that you can hack it.
[4:40] Pete Wentz.
[4:41] Who's he?
[4:42] We all, of course, know him from Fallout Boy, don't we?
[4:48] I think you got the alley-oop there.
[4:49] No, we, of course, do know him from that.
[4:52] Right.
[4:52] Yeah, but they're big.
[4:53] They were big at the time.
[4:54] Taylor Lloyd, no?
[4:54] Taylor Lloyd.
[4:55] And Pete Wentz.
[4:55] Mate, that's what I'm saying.
[4:56] We're running with the big dogs.
[4:57] Yeah, yeah.
[4:59] Here's where you can win your Hamish Blake points.
[5:02] In 2010, again, I guess just continuing to show that we weren't scared to have the big names on the show, we had Ryan Quanten on.
[5:09] Oh.
[5:10] Who, of course, is from True Blood.
[5:11] True Blood.
[5:12] Yeah.
[5:14] Not the alley-oop.
[5:15] Yeah, but what was interesting?
[5:18] To win the points.
[5:19] To win the points.
[5:19] We did like to play a game with our guests, and… All right.
[5:22] But can I ask quickly, Ryan Quanton won.
[5:25] Everyone thought… You loved True Blood, though.
[5:26] True Blood was great.
[5:27] I loved it.
[5:27] Although it just, like a lot of series, just fell off a cliff.
[5:32] Like, ran out of ideas and decided to… It was in Vampire World, which was great.
[5:36] And then… Never watched it, but you were a big fan, and there was quite a lot of boobs you were saying.
[5:39] Yeah.
[5:40] Yeah, true.
[5:41] It's very true.
[5:43] And then… Try and limit your excitement, Mike.
[5:46] But it was like the Game of Thrones at this time.
[5:49] And then it decided to… Mike queuing it up.
[5:53] It decided to… Can I watch True Blood on binge?
[5:57] Because the thing about these type of shows similar to Game of Thrones is it has to be somewhat believable, I reckon.
[6:03] Yep.
[6:03] Yeah.
[6:04] For my head to really enjoy it.
[6:07] And they'd done it well with the vampires.
[6:09] Like it was believable.
[6:11] It was like the vampires existed in the real world and it was like a disease.
[6:14] Yeah.
[6:14] But you could control it.
[6:15] You could control it and all that kind of stuff.
[6:16] So you kind of, I could make that leap.
[6:18] But then they decided to bring in pixies.
[6:20] And like they brought in all these fanciful things, fairies, pixies, everything like in season three or something.
[6:25] Shrek 2, Shrek 3.
[6:27] And you're like… They bring in more fairy tales.
[6:29] Yeah, and you're like, oh, right.
[6:31] I don't know why I was so convinced there could be vampires, but I'm not buying the rest of this stuff.
[6:36] Yeah.
[6:36] So we had Brian Quentin on and we would often go to like, oh, can we play a game?
[6:40] Did we have him jumping off a couch or something?
[6:45] Was it a quantum leap?
[6:45] Quantum leap.
[6:46] Quantum leap.
[6:48] Terrible.
[6:49] Five home-spake points.
[6:51] But that is the level we would go to.
[6:53] That, to me, stinks of haven't thought of anything.
[6:56] Yeah, no.
[6:57] Midweek, big night.
[6:58] Uh-oh, we've got Ryan Quantas, who must have been in the studio.
[7:02] He was in the studio, yeah.
[7:03] He's a big actor.
[7:04] He's in live.
[7:07] And we made a game up referencing – I mean, Quantum Leap is a term that people use in science, but it was more like it was an early 90s sci-fi show.
[7:17] So –
[7:19] Ticking no boxes, really.
[7:20] Like hitting no favourite things for anyone.
[7:23] I think we, from memory, we put a beanbag over one side and he was on a couch and he had to jump and see if he could get there.
[7:28] And he did.
[7:30] And we thanked Boost Juice or something and we went to the break and we went, that's enough.
[7:35] That's enough.
[7:36] That's enough.
[7:36] Definitely one of those ones where we went, well…
[7:39] It's done now.
[7:40] Yeah.
[7:41] And what else is coming up?
[7:42] I think he's a lovely guy.
[7:43] Yeah, it's fun.
[7:43] Great guy.
[7:44] Yeah.
[7:44] Great sport.
[7:46] I couldn't remember what the game was, but when I saw the headline, I was like, gee, that's indicative of some of the ones like Scare the Michelle Gellar.
[7:53] Yeah.
[7:54] Yeah.
[7:54] When we had Sarah Michelle Gellar on.
[7:57] That was early days, though, wasn't it, where we were describing scary things to her?
[8:00] Hmm.
[8:01] Hmm.
[8:02] So that's not what we've got.
[8:03] 2011, I don't have the order for me either, but I do want to quickly touch on it because we dedicated an entire show
[8:10] to what we termed the greatest story ever told.
[8:13] Oh, The Remarkables.
[8:14] The Remarkables, which is when you, me, our friend Haydo and Dunk went to Queenstown in New Zealand on a holiday.
[8:21] I got my camera stolen by a young lady that you had met.
[8:27] You kissed a thief.
[8:28] I kissed a thief.
[8:28] You brought her back to where we were staying.
[8:29] And I didn't like it.
[8:31] And she stole my camera.
[8:32] So that gives you an idea.
[8:33] I don't think your heart counts.
[8:34] No.
[8:38] No, the other things were missing in the house.
[8:40] Did they?
[8:40] Yeah.
[8:41] Like, didn't you realise this?
[8:43] Like, Haydo realised after the fact that his rings got stolen, his jewellery got stolen.
[8:49] Man rings.
[8:50] Man rings.
[8:51] And I went, got home and my jacket was not in my bag either.
[8:56] And hilariously… She's like a reverse Santa.
[8:59] She just walked out there with a sack.
[9:00] It's a cold day and she's going, I'll take the camera, I'll take this jacket and I'll take Haydo's jewellery and I'm out of here.
[9:05] I'm going to start my new life as a band photographer in the outdoors.
[9:10] Yeah.
[9:10] Anyway, so we can't get into it here because it was the longest story I've ever told.
[9:14] It was a whole episode.
[9:15] Yeah.
[9:15] The H&A app, you could go and you can download that and subscribe if you want and you can track down.
[9:21] That story is a crack up.
[9:22] November 11, 2011, that's where you want to head.
[9:25] Hashtag greatest story I've ever told.
[9:27] Yeah.
[9:27] The Remarkables.
[9:28] That's what I love about New Zealand too is it's such – as a country, New Zealand feels like a small town.
[9:33] But I remember like Queensland especially –
[9:35] It is a popular place for people to go but then because we were looking for this girl and I think her name was Kate.
[9:40] Yep.
[9:41] On the way back out because we encountered many, many people in this day we were tracking.
[9:46] It was like a true crime podcast.
[9:47] It was a true crime podcast.
[9:49] We managed to track.
[9:50] We tracked her.
[9:50] We were trying to track her down.
[9:52] Through many different avenues.
[9:53] As we were leaving Queenstown a few days later at the airport security, I scanned my bags and the guy goes, hey, mate, do you ever find Kate?
[10:00] I was like, sorry?
[10:01] He goes, yeah, I ran into you guys.
[10:03] Like he'd run into us at the pub or like in an apartment building.
[10:07] But now he was the security guy at the airport.
[10:08] Yeah.
[10:09] But like everybody knows each other because I just walked out.
[10:13] And I want to go back to 2010.
[10:16] Mm-hmm.
[10:18] This appeared in a 2010 show.
[10:21] It's going to be a spin-off of something we did regularly.
[10:25] I had a fascination and a love affair with shoehorns for a while, which I still do.
[10:30] I just think in terms of a tool that can solve frustration, the shoehorn is a wonderful invention because I always have a problem putting on my shoes.
[10:39] You can, I mean, who's, I'm not, I'm very fast on this.
[10:41] I never have time to have a shoe horn prepared.
[10:43] Sometimes I use a butter knife.
[10:45] But it rips the back of my thumb.
[10:47] Yep.
[10:47] You know, it can be, it's very annoying putting on a shoe, especially a formal shoe, which I maybe only do two or three times a year.
[10:53] And so I had a period where I loved...
[10:56] People would send in shoehorns of various sizes.
[10:59] Sometimes they're promotional.
[11:00] Sometimes they're like hand-carved.
[11:02] Yeah.
[11:02] I was sort of like that weather presenter that got pointers sent in.
[11:05] Like you had a collection of shoehorns.
[11:07] Then I would do a blitz.
[11:09] A shoehorn blitz.
[11:10] A shoehorn blitzes were so much fun.
[11:11] A lot of radio shows give away cash, give away holidays.
[11:15] Yep.
[11:15] Our show would give away shoehorns.
[11:17] And do we need to give a nod to the sponsors yet?
[11:20] Give a nod to the sponsors because what's coming up next isn't quite a shoehorn blitz.
[11:23] Okay.
[11:23] Okay.
[11:25] There must have been a situation, I'm guessing, where I gave away too many because this is the shoehorn apology.
[11:36] I think.
[11:37] So you gave away.
[11:38] I might have overblitzed.
[11:40] You said to someone that they're getting a shoehorn, but we didn't have the inventory to service the order.
[11:45] I guess so.
[11:46] Because why else would I be doing an apology?
[11:49] The 11th of November, 2010.
[11:51] The 11th of November, 2010.
[11:55] Hi, Hamish Blake, shoehorn enthusiast here.
[11:58] Yesterday was a pretty crazy day as I engaged in my very first ever shoehorn blitz.
[12:03] Uh-oh, shoehorn blitz.
[12:05] Oh, come on.
[12:06] Shoehorn blitz!
[12:07] Shoehorn blitz!
[12:10] At first, what seemed like an act of generosity with excess shoehorns quickly spiralled into madness.
[12:16] Sean, you got that horn!
[12:18] Shoehorn in the shoe essay!
[12:23] I was giving away those shoe horns like candy.
[12:25] You got that horn.
[12:26] Shoe horn blitz, you've got one.
[12:28] They weren't candy.
[12:29] They're much bigger than candy, and they're actually a really useful plastic tool.
[12:33] Franks.
[12:33] Make me horny.
[12:34] Oh, come on, Franks.
[12:34] Say you don't want one.
[12:35] You got that horn.
[12:37] With the excitement that came from giving away these shoe horns, pretty soon I was giving away shoe horns I did not possess.
[12:44] You got that shoe horn.
[12:45] Shoe horn blitz, don't you?
[12:47] Before I knew it, I was actually out of horns, but my madness knew no bounds.
[12:52] I continued to give away shoehorn.
[12:54] You just called to say you love shoehorns.
[13:02] Listening back to the shoehorn blitz, it doesn't even seem like it's the real me.
[13:06] I was a man that did not observe proper shoehorn accounting procedures.
[13:10] All right, Turbo Blitz.
[13:11] Rob, horn?
[13:12] Shoehorn, woo!
[13:13] Damn, back, shoehorn.
[13:14] I'm out of songs.
[13:15] Innocent people were affected by the lack of shoehorns behind my shoehorn blitz.
[13:19] Good Australians whose only crime was yearning for a simpler way to put on their shoes.
[13:24] Justin, you want that horn?
[13:25] Yes.
[13:26] You got that horn.
[13:27] Penny?
[13:27] I love it.
[13:28] Well, you got it.
[13:28] Shoehorn blitz.
[13:29] Shoehorn blitz.
[13:30] I gave away two more shoe horns than I actually possessed, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
[13:36] I'm trying to make amends by setting up charities like CountYourHorns.org in case anyone else is going to do a shoe horn blitz and they haven't properly counted how many shoe horns they have.
[13:45] But that's not enough for the victims.
[13:47] Don't slip your foot into a shoe without a shoe horn.
[13:52] Yeah, that's my message.
[13:56] which is why I've decided today to launch a shoehorn-a-thon.
[14:01] 13-10-60, call now.
[14:03] Let's right the wrongs of the shoehorn blitz.
[14:05] If you've got a shoehorn, we need that horn.
[14:08] Our goal is two shoehorns.
[14:10] Let's do it, Ando.
[14:11] Yeah, let's do this thing.
[14:13] Shoehorn-a-thon.
[14:14] Let's cure yesterday's problems.
[14:16] 13-10-60, do you have a shoehorn that you can give us?
[14:19] Oh, my God.
[14:19] Celebrity shoehorn donation.
[14:21] Eamon Sullivan, he's pledged one shoehorn.
[14:24] Oh, that's halfway to our target.
[14:25] We're halfway there.
[14:26] We're halfway there, everybody.
[14:27] Justin and Penny, those are the two people from yesterday's show that I over-promised horns to during the shoehorn blitz.
[14:33] Justin, you've been taken care of by Eamon Sullivan.
[14:36] We're looking for those phones.
[14:37] Keep donating.
[14:38] Dig deep.
[14:39] Sean joins us on 381060.
[14:40] Do you have a shoehorn to donate?
[14:42] Sure do, mate.
[14:43] Sean, with the horn, you've done it.
[14:45] I think we've done it.
[14:46] I think we've hit our target of two shoehorns.
[14:49] Thank you very much, Sean.
[14:51] We can close the lines.
[14:53] Sean, thank you for saving me.
[14:56] Okay, just get...
[14:57] Hang on.
[14:58] I don't want to dampen this hand because it went really well.
[15:01] We've righted the wrongs.
[15:03] A lot of people pledge your horn and then... Take it back up?
[15:07] Well, when it comes around to actually donating them, they don't have one.
[15:10] Don't trust Sean?
[15:10] You know, it's like when you get all excited, you know, the red... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[15:14] We've got James.
[15:14] Okay, James, just one back up.
[15:16] James, do you have a shoehorn you can donate?
[15:19] I've got one or two for you guys.
[15:20] Two or two.
[15:21] Would you mind sending both just in case?
[15:23] I can send multiple colours if you want to, if there's some picky people.
[15:27] How do you have so many shoe horns, James?
[15:29] I work in a shoe store.
[15:31] I'm going to need you for my next shoehorn blitz, James.
[15:37] Thank you very much, James.
[15:39] James, you've just become my best friend.
[15:41] Stay on the line.
[15:42] We're going to get the shoehorns that I owe off you and maybe just a few sweeteners.
[15:48] Who knows when the next shoehorn blitz might be?
[15:50] James, just send two.
[15:51] Just send two if you could.
[15:53] Because Eamon Sullivan...
[15:54] I feel the blitz coming.
[15:56] I feel another blitz.
[15:57] I can't trust him.
[16:00] Magic times.
[16:00] Yeah.
[16:01] Did we ever bring out Hamish and Andy shoehorns?
[16:04] No.
[16:05] It was – It was – I bought all the merch.
[16:08] I bought all that – remember I bought all the Hamish and Andy merch from that Chinese mega store?
[16:11] Yes.
[16:13] That was much later on.
[16:14] I think it was 2016, I reckon.
[16:16] 2016 when we came back, had the rulers and stuff like that.
[16:20] Slight beveled edge, six-inch ruler.
[16:21] Slight beveled edge, six-inch ruler.
[16:23] The ties.
[16:24] Napkins, obviously, it started with.
[16:25] 50,000 napkins.
[16:26] That was a lot.
[16:28] It was a lot of them.
[16:30] But it was probably, now listening back, I'm like, probably James.
[16:32] I remember then we just got tons of shoehorns.
[16:34] It would have been from that that all the subsequent shoehorn blitzes were born.
[16:40] So, you know, can we redistribute all the wealth in society?
[16:45] Maybe not.
[16:45] There's obviously hurdles there.
[16:46] We don't need musks.
[16:47] We don't need Zuckerbergs.
[16:49] And that's a problem for another person.
[16:51] Yep.
[16:52] But could we redistribute shoehorns?
[16:54] Yes.
[16:54] Yes.
[16:55] And we tried.
[16:55] Yes.

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