# Origins: Timomatic’s Autograph

An episode of [Hamish & Andy Plus +](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1616749262), 4 Jul 2021, 17 min.

Audio: https://enrichment.soundstack.com/4vjqq8/episode.flightcast.com/odfqnxh0h20d3inb5ogl3zdh.mp3

Hamish & Andy fondly remember the waitress at the Penis-eating restaurant in Beijing, and how ripped off they felt about the Phelps vs a shark race. The boys listen back to when they called actor Brett Tucker to see if he was hitting on their friend Tanya, and to the original prank call that Hamish made which spiraled into a yearlong side-hustle selling Timomatic's forged autographs! Hamish & Andy's Remembering Project. Season 2, Episode 13.

## Transcript

[0:02] A listener production.
[0:06] Wilhelm, this is our remembering project.
[0:08] Yep, where a random day of the year is selected and we look up the run sheets from all our shows from across the years to find any we did on that day.
[0:17] Over 20 years, that's about 2,500 shows and roughly 26,000 talk breaks.
[0:22] Today, we pick one.
[0:24] One talk break only and try to remember what happened based on what was written down on the run sheet from that day.
[0:29] As always, we've got podcast Mike with us here for any technical stuff.
[0:32] Hello.
[0:32] Mike, what date was randomly chosen today?
[0:35] It's the 15th of August.
[0:37] Okay, then.
[0:38] It's Hamish's go.
[0:39] Let's kick this off and find out what years Hamish will take us back to and see if we remember anything from those years.
[0:47] This is Hamish and Andy's Remembering Project.
[0:54] And a couple of shows across the years on the 15th of August.
[0:58] A couple of quick highlights before we get to the...
[1:01] I want to bring up two things today.
[1:03] First of all, in 2008, we were at the Olympics.
[1:07] Great.
[1:07] And we'd just been to the penis-eating restaurant.
[1:10] We'd eaten different animals' penises.
[1:12] And it was a competition.
[1:13] The game was if you could guess what.
[1:15] It was a restaurant that prepared different cow...
[1:19] Snake.
[1:20] Yeah.
[1:20] Sheep.
[1:21] Sheep.
[1:21] Yep.
[1:22] Yak.
[1:22] Yak, penis.
[1:23] Yep.
[1:24] If you could guess the animal the penis came from, you didn't have to eat it.
[1:28] The other guy had to eat it.
[1:29] Yes.
[1:29] But if you got it wrong, you… This is a delicacy restaurant over there.
[1:32] Delicacy.
[1:33] It essentially just served different penises.
[1:36] Yeah.
[1:36] Yeah.
[1:37] And so we'd woofed down a few penises.
[1:40] I remember that being a big old highlight from the trip to Beijing.
[1:42] Won't replay it.
[1:43] I mean, we've done it.
[1:44] We've visited it many times over the years, I think.
[1:47] Oh, so that was the audio from that?
[1:48] That was the audio.
[1:49] That was the day after we'd been to the Penis restaurant.
[1:51] Wow.
[1:51] I mean, the reason why I love that bit so much was the… Which bit?
[1:57] Oh, the audio.
[1:58] The audio is because that lady was such a great character.
[2:01] Yeah.
[2:02] Hilarious.
[2:02] She was so, and that was just one of the gifts of all our traveling we did.
[2:06] She just loved us getting it wrong.
[2:08] When you found someone that bought into the games and so on and she was just hilarious.
[2:14] Awesome.
[2:16] Yeah.
[2:17] 2017 on the 15th of August, we were critiquing the much-hyped podcast
[2:22] Michael Phelps versus a shark race that had been on TV.
[2:25] Remember that?
[2:25] It was on National Geographic.
[2:27] Yes.
[2:27] As part of Shark Week and we were furious and I think the world was and we all still remember it.
[2:32] It wasn't that long ago.
[2:32] Yeah.
[2:33] Furious that he wasn't in the water with a shark.
[2:35] Yeah.
[2:35] Just seeing if he could swim as fast as a shark, which he could have done in a pool.
[2:38] They cut the whole promo.
[2:40] Like it was a shark chasing.
[2:42] Like it was going to be a shark and not necessarily have to chase him but be alongside him.
[2:46] And we were thinking, what have they done?
[2:47] Have they got the cages alongside?
[2:49] This is going to be incredible.
[2:50] Turns out it was just Phelps swimming and then a 3D animated shark alongside him going at what the pace a shark would and it turns out a shark would easily beat.
[3:03] Michael Phelps.
[3:05] It's a huge like that.
[3:06] Because it's a sea creature.
[3:08] Yes, because it's adapted perfectly.
[3:11] It's a fish.
[3:12] Yeah, evolution has really got it.
[3:14] The biggest fish in the ocean and it's adapted perfectly to its environment as the apex predator.
[3:18] So no...
[3:20] No weirdness there that it couldn't beat a land mammal.
[3:25] So that was, I mean, just nice to remember how let down we were.
[3:28] We talked about that quite a lot on that show.
[3:31] Still furious.
[3:31] Still furious.
[3:32] We got a lot of calls.
[3:32] There's a lot of venting about it.
[3:34] Here's something I found from the run sheet in 2007.
[3:37] Okay.
[3:37] Okay.
[3:40] And this is a bit of a – this is the whole point of this podcast because you see stuff from back in the day and we don't remember – the whole point of this show is to try and remember these things because you just generally don't remember them.
[3:51] Yeah.
[3:52] In 2007, it says here, the boys call Brett Tucker from McLeod's Daughters to see if he was cracking onto Tanya last night.
[4:00] Tanya who?
[4:01] No idea.
[4:02] Zayetta?
[4:03] I have no idea.
[4:04] So –
[4:05] What was on the night before?
[4:07] So what if it was on the 14th of August at night?
[4:09] I don't know if it was a TV show or if we'd been at a function or something.
[4:14] But we were obviously curious to see if Brett Tucker from McLeod's Daughter was cracking onto someone called Tanya.
[4:21] The night before.
[4:22] I mean, we thought this was great.
[4:24] I mean, this could be very boring.
[4:25] Yeah, but also… But I want to… I don't think it would be, but we thought it was so fine back in the day just to air these things and put people on the spot.
[4:34] Huge accusation.
[4:35] Yeah, it could be terrible for Brett Tucker here, but let's remember it.
[4:40] The 15th of August, 2007.
[4:44] This is an interesting one.
[4:45] You and I went along to one of the David Jones fashion launches last night for summer.
[4:50] Yes.
[4:50] Snazzy.
[4:51] It was a bit snazzy.
[4:52] Again, we felt a little bit out of our league.
[4:54] Didn't have borrowed shoes on this time, though, so I felt a bit more comfortable.
[4:58] The interesting thing was something that occurred after the show.
[5:02] A friend of ours went along with us called Tanya.
[5:04] Yeah.
[5:04] Right?
[5:06] And across from her hand, there's a fellow that was looking at her a bit peculiarly.
[5:10] Now, you were convinced that he was making eyes with her.
[5:13] Well, we should point out how this fellow was.
[5:16] Brett Tucker, the actor, of course, McLeod's daughters.
[5:19] He played Dave Brewer.
[5:21] 49 episodes, I believe.
[5:22] For McLeod's fans.
[5:23] He's about to start appearing in Neighbours, too.
[5:26] So he's giving her a little bit of high eyebrows and a bit of smouldering.
[5:29] A couple of smouldering looks.
[5:30] See, that's what you saw it as.
[5:32] I thought it was a bit of a...
[5:33] I think I know you from somewhere, look.
[5:35] Well, that's what it turned out to be, maybe, because he walked, after the whole thing's done, he walks across and said to our friend, don't I know you from somewhere, which is the world's oldest pick-up line.
[5:47] No!
[5:48] And this is where you and I have an issue, Andy, because I say you cannot utter that phrase without it being a pick-up line.
[5:54] No.
[5:55] Don't I know you from somewhere?
[5:56] How many people, Ham, when you think you know someone, you have to get it out of your head?
[6:01] Otherwise it'll bug you all day.
[6:02] So you go up to them and you try and get to the bottom of it.
[6:04] That's all he was doing.
[6:05] He wasn't saying, have we met before?
[6:07] I'm a little confused.
[6:08] If you say, don't I know you from somewhere, the next step is, can I buy you a martini?
[6:12] Three steps down the line is, ooh, does that feel nice?
[6:14] Does that feel nice?
[6:17] Look, okay, this is where we disagree, and I thought today, Ham, we've managed to track down Brett Tucker's number.
[6:24] Yep, we've got his mobile number.
[6:26] Let's call him now.
[6:27] Call him.
[6:27] We've thought about this for way too long.
[6:29] If he said, he said, Don't I know from somewhere, was he trying to pick her up?
[6:33] Absolutely.
[6:34] Now, hopefully he's honest with us.
[6:35] Let's have a chat to him.
[6:39] Hello.
[6:40] Is that Brett?
[6:41] Yes, it is.
[6:41] G'day, Brett.
[6:42] It's Hamish and Andy here, mate.
[6:43] How are you going?
[6:44] G'day, fellas.
[6:45] Look, sorry to buzz you out of the blue on a Wednesday afternoon.
[6:49] Oh, that's all right.
[6:51] No worries at all.
[6:51] But we've been having a bit of an argument this afternoon, Hamish and I, and you're pretty much the crux of it after something that happened last night at the David Jones fashion launch.
[7:01] I done?
[7:01] Brett, first of all, you looked great, mate.
[7:04] You look very snazzy.
[7:05] You're very handsome.
[7:06] Well, I was watching you guys, sort of from across the way, just pulling those faces like you've got to pretend you actually know what fashion is.
[7:13] All I know is you meant to nod when you see underpants because if you woohoo, it gives away that you're enjoying it too much.
[7:20] Exactly.
[7:20] Look, Brett, after the show, do you remember meeting a young lady called Tanya?
[7:28] Let me jog your memory, mate.
[7:29] She's the girl with the short brown hair, like a bit sort of black hair, bit of a bob, yellow dress.
[7:35] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[7:37] And you went up to her and you said, don't I know you from somewhere?
[7:40] Oh, gosh.
[7:41] Now, Brett.
[7:42] That old chestnut.
[7:45] I'm convinced you just actually thought that you knew her from somewhere and you're going to get to the bottom of it.
[7:50] Hamish thinks it's pick-up lines 101.
[7:52] Brent, just be honest.
[7:54] We're having an argument.
[7:55] Can you say that phrase innocently or was it actually a pick-up line?
[8:00] And don't be nervous.
[8:01] She's a lovely girl.
[8:01] No, no.
[8:02] Absolutely, absolutely.
[8:04] It's very much a cliche.
[8:05] Look, that actually was genuinely, because I've sort of seen her across the room and she is very pretty, but I genuinely thought I knew her as well and she was kind of smiling.
[8:17] Oh, Brent, come on.
[8:18] So you promised it wasn't a pick-up line?
[8:20] I promise.
[8:21] I don't know.
[8:21] Absolutely.
[8:23] On my mother's grave.
[8:24] Brett, you're a gentleman and a scholar.
[8:26] I knew you weren't going in for the kill.
[8:28] I knew that it was simply a...
[8:29] I do recognise her, and it bugs you.
[8:31] When you think you recognise someone and you can't work out where from, it does bug you.
[8:35] In the same boat, I would have done the approach.
[8:37] Hey, Brett, do you want her phone number?
[8:40] Yeah, she was quite hot, though.
[8:41] I haven't said all that.
[8:43] Oh, it was a pick-up.
[8:46] Got you, Brett.
[8:50] Tanya is the part of that story where I can't remember.
[8:53] Who's this friend of ours called Tanya?
[8:56] That's the big mystery.
[8:57] The big mystery.
[8:57] I assume we're going to be talking about another celebrity, but...
[9:00] Sorry, Tanya, I don't have any recollection of... Well, she was obviously sitting next to us.
[9:04] Now, if we were at the David Jones Fashion Launch, is that... What year?
[9:07] 2007.
[9:08] Yeah.
[9:08] So we would have had to go for Megan.
[9:11] That was because your girlfriend was the face of David Jones at the time.
[9:13] And you were such a good person because I had... What a champion.
[9:17] No, I loved going to those.
[9:18] Well, no, I didn't.
[9:19] I didn't really feel at home on fashion parades.
[9:22] But you would come with me so at least I had someone to talk to.
[9:26] Oh, I mean, it was free drinks.
[9:27] For all those shows.
[9:27] Yes.
[9:27] So I would assume, Tanya, maybe Tanya is someone from David Jones.
[9:30] And, you know, she's there, she's the representative and we are bored.
[9:36] So we were just looking at ways to see if she was getting hit on by anyone from McLeod's daughter.
[9:41] Brett Tucker then.
[9:43] Family has gone on to marry Tanya.
[9:46] I was going to say, Mike, you are pretty fast on the old net.
[9:49] Brett Tucker, spouse?
[9:50] Yes.
[9:51] Huge if it's Tanya.
[9:54] I'm just loading up the Wikipedia.
[9:56] Oh, no, he's not.
[9:59] He's not.
[10:01] What would you be about to say?
[10:03] Is he married?
[10:04] No, it was actually just the name of his parents, which is Ken and Janice.
[10:10] I don't know why I went off.
[10:13] Sorry, everyone.
[10:15] There is a low hit.
[10:17] There's a low correlation there.
[10:19] I can't believe that his dad's called Ken after he maybe hit on a girl called Tanya 14 years ago.
[10:23] What are the chances of that?
[10:25] You never think he's going to have a dad called Ken.
[10:28] Okay, here's the actual real thing I wanted to get to.
[10:31] As much as that was an interesting detour, that was to scratch my itch of what was that day about.
[10:36] I would have done the same thing.
[10:38] Before you jump into it though, Ham, let's hear from the sponsor.
[10:43] Ham, where are we landing?
[10:44] Okay.
[10:45] Okay.
[10:45] Okay.
[10:46] We all remember, I remember very, very fondly eight years ago in 2013, most of the year for me was taken up by one pastime and one pastime only.
[10:55] What's that?
[10:56] Doing Tim O'Maddox autograph and selling it.
[10:59] Yes.
[11:00] Running a side hustle selling Tim O'Maddox autograph through the show, on the podcast, selling it for at times as much as $10 an autograph and depending on the fluctuations of the market, sometimes as low as $4 an autograph.
[11:12] We hit this in season one of the Remembering Project.
[11:14] We did.
[11:15] A good, if you want to go back and check out the links we went to for Tim and Maddox's autograph and how it came about.
[11:20] Well, we played.
[11:21] Check out that.
[11:22] If I remember the day that he came on.
[11:26] Did we play that bit of audio where I handed it back to him?
[11:29] Handed it back to him, yes.
[11:30] I found the 15th of August.
[11:33] I think in 2013 is the actual day that this all began because it was never my plan.
[11:40] I didn't know I was good at doing Tim and Maddox autographs.
[11:42] It was a prank.
[11:43] It was a prank.
[11:43] It started with a prank.
[11:44] It's the idea to call him and I think that's what this call is where we called him to see if you could get someone to describe their autograph over the phone to you because I was – For the celebrity wall.
[11:53] I was pretending that he'd been on the show and he forgot to put his autograph on the celebrity wall.
[11:59] I can't remember exactly how it started, but I'd love to hear.
[12:01] Yeah.
[12:01] I'd love to hear the day it all began.
[12:03] The 15th of August, 2013.
[12:09] Amy Snaddy, the happy hour, and one topic per day on this show.
[12:12] Today the topic is autographs, and we're wondering, could we convince a celebrity to describe their autograph over the phone, which actually would have to be used and useful in the moment?
[12:25] We've picked him a matic as a celebrity just because he happened to have been, we noticed, we jumped online.
[12:30] He was on the Kyle and Jackie O show not long ago.
[12:32] I'm going to call up pretending to be a producer.
[12:35] from the Kyle and Jackie O Show, say that he didn't sign their celebrity wall, which is a made-up thing.
[12:40] I don't think there is a celebrity wall, but it sounds like the kind of thing that the Kyle and Jackie O Show would have.
[12:45] See if we can get him to describe to me on the phone what his autograph looks like so I can just forge it onto the celeb wall.
[12:52] Will he go for that?
[12:53] Hello?
[12:58] Hello?
[12:59] Oh, is that Tim and Maddox?
[13:00] Yes.
[13:00] Hey, it's Nathaniel here from the Kyle and Jackie O Show.
[13:02] I met you a few weeks ago.
[13:03] Hey.
[13:04] What's going on?
[13:05] Yeah, how are you doing?
[13:06] Good, good, good.
[13:07] Yeah, great.
[13:08] Hey, listen, sorry to bother you, but when you came in, we had photos of you and stuff, and we didn't get you to sign them for our celeb wall.
[13:16] Right.
[13:16] Yeah, we always have the guests sign their photo or at least sign their name on our celeb wall.
[13:20] You probably saw it when you were in there.
[13:22] Yeah, okay, okay.
[13:23] So here's the thing.
[13:24] We're actually just about to, we laminate over the celeb wall every time it sort of a bit fills up so we can protect the signatures.
[13:30] We're just about to laminate over the part.
[13:32] I'm standing right in front of it.
[13:34] I've got the Sharpie.
[13:36] I just need you to describe over the phone how you do signature just so I can sign it.
[13:39] So no one will know it's not you.
[13:41] Is it a big T?
[13:43] Yes, VT.
[13:44] I'd probably rather sign up myself, man.
[13:46] That's so fine.
[13:47] I'm right here.
[13:48] Just T-I.
[13:52] Is it a squiggle or can you read it?
[13:54] How would you say the T is?
[13:57] No, no, no.
[13:58] I do it myself.
[13:59] I can't.
[13:59] I can never.
[14:00] You can't do.
[14:01] I can't sign by proxy, man.
[14:03] I've got to do it myself.
[14:05] Just describe it.
[14:07] Nah, I can't describe my signature.
[14:09] Oh, it's easy.
[14:10] Does the horizontal bit of the T go the whole way along?
[14:14] No, it's not easy.
[14:15] It's not as much my signature.
[14:17] Russell Crowe described his over the phone.
[14:19] Oh, did he?
[14:20] It's not a big deal.
[14:21] There's hundreds up there.
[14:23] It's a very big deal.
[14:24] I'll just make one up then.
[14:25] Yeah, make one up and send me a photo and see how it goes.
[14:29] It'll probably be better than yours.
[14:30] Yeah, maybe.
[14:32] I'm sorry, maybe.
[14:34] It's Hamish and Andy here, Tim and Adam.
[14:37] Well done.
[14:37] Well done.
[14:38] I knew it was you boys.
[14:41] I knew it.
[14:42] I really thought we were close to getting you.
[14:44] How would you describe your signature?
[14:46] Actually, Tim, let's do it now.
[14:48] Describe it to me and see if I get close, okay?
[14:51] We're doing a little test to see, and you stayed very honourable there.
[14:54] Well, look at that.
[14:55] So everyone knows now, if you ever come across an autograph from Tim and Mavic, it's the real deal.
[15:01] Oh, it's the real deal.
[15:03] This guy, Russell Crose.
[15:04] Did he actually describe his?
[15:06] No, but you can probably figure out Russell's.
[15:09] But, Tim, could you actually describe it now?
[15:12] And I'll have a crack at it.
[15:13] We'll put it at our website, and then we'll put it next to your real one.
[15:16] Right, right.
[15:17] See if I can do another thing.
[15:18] Describe it to me.
[15:18] Okay, so, yeah, so it's T with the top kind of stroke is...
[15:23] slams it up.
[15:24] Yep.
[15:24] And at what angle?
[15:26] 45 degrees?
[15:27] Yeah, about 45.
[15:28] Okay.
[15:29] And how long does the top stroke go on for it?
[15:31] Is it going for the length of O-Matic?
[15:33] Oh, no.
[15:35] No, that would be cool.
[15:36] But no, it's just a normal T. Just a normal T. It's pretty big.
[15:39] Yep.
[15:39] And then a small A.
[15:41] And what percentage of the vertical part of the T is the I?
[15:44] Like 10%?
[15:44] Probably 30%.
[15:47] We've got to go to a song.
[15:48] We'll let you guys continue to do this.
[15:49] Yeah.
[15:50] And then we'll set it up.
[15:52] And then what's the happy hour?
[15:55] Great to hear.
[15:57] I forgot that we didn't get him.
[15:59] Yeah, I assumed we got him.
[16:01] I assumed we got him because I remember him describing it to me and I guess I've just conflagrated that memory to remember that being as part of...
[16:09] the call where I was pretending to be from Kyle and Jackie O.
[16:10] But yeah, so we didn't get him.
[16:12] That's really interesting.
[16:12] We never got him, but he then did go on.
[16:14] It took ages to describe it too, and he described it so well that that's the day it began because I was like, I've nailed it.
[16:20] Then we got him to text through his actual one, and we went, oh, my gosh, they're really close.
[16:24] They're really similar.
[16:24] Hence the adventure starts.
[16:25] My favorite part, though, of that whole thing was him going, you saying, anytime anyone sees a Tim-O-Matic autograph, they know it's the real deal.
[16:33] And he goes, yeah, the real deal.
[16:34] The real deal.
[16:35] He goes, they'll be found.
[16:36] Cut to six months later and you've got the most forged autograph of any human being in Australia.
[16:42] And we're making absolute fortune of it.
[16:44] Yeah, nice.
[16:46] Good remembering.

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