# The Tax Office... Please Don't Listen!

An episode of [Hamish & Andy Plus +](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1616749262), 21 Sep 2022, 14 min.

Audio: https://enrichment.soundstack.com/4vjqq8/episode.flightcast.com/l3oh77gqpmu7e8ifeh5wjhcx.mp3

Hamish remembers Andy’s huge crush on DJ Havana Brown (that Andy disputes), and the date with her that Andy was supposedly too nervous to go on. Then's there's a little joking around that the Tax Office definitely shouldn't take too seriously and the guys recall ringing a Car Wash to find out if they did kids parties. Hamish & Andy's Remembering Project. Season 4, Episode 6.

## Transcript

[0:02] A listener production.
[0:06] Wilhelm, this is our remembering project.
[0:08] Yep, where a random day of the year is selected and we look up the run sheets from all our shows from across the years to find any we did on that day.
[0:17] Over 20 years, that's about 2,500 shows and roughly 26,000 talk breaks.
[0:22] Today, we pick one.
[0:24] One talk break only and try to remember what happened based on what was written down on the run sheet from that day.
[0:29] As always, we've got podcast Mike with us here for any technical stuff.
[0:32] Hello.
[0:32] Mike, what date was randomly chosen today?
[0:35] It's the 10th of September.
[0:36] Okay, then.
[0:38] It's Hamish go.
[0:39] Let's kick this off and find out what years Hamish will take us back to and see if we remember anything from those years.
[0:47] This is Hamish and Andy's Remembering Project.
[0:54] And 10th of September saw some big, big names hit the show in varying years.
[1:00] Why do you reckon?
[1:01] I don't know.
[1:02] I mean, I guess it was just big name season heading into the second half of the year.
[1:07] 2004, which was early days for us.
[1:10] Saturday morning.
[1:10] Saturday morning.
[1:11] So, rare to get a big name on Saturday morning.
[1:14] We got Philip Block on.
[1:15] Right.
[1:18] Who's Philip Block?
[1:19] Philip Block?
[1:20] Yes.
[1:21] Perhaps you'll remember when I spell his name out for you, B-L-O-C-H. Philip Block.
[1:28] No, I won't.
[1:31] Phil Block.
[1:32] Full name Philip Block.
[1:33] Yeah, sure.
[1:35] I've registered the name.
[1:36] Who is he?
[1:38] I didn't remember either.
[1:39] Did you Google it?
[1:40] No.
[1:41] Luckily next to it it had a description of his name because even the person who'd filled out the run sheet wouldn't know future generations wouldn't know who it was.
[1:50] But he was built as a big guest.
[1:51] We talked about him like he's coming up.
[1:53] There's a lot of he's coming up.
[1:54] Bit of teasing, yeah.
[1:55] Bit of teasing and then there were two breaks in the second hour.
[1:58] He was a celeb stylist.
[2:01] Oh, I do actually kind of recall this.
[2:05] We had a stylist on and we had a celeb makeup artist on.
[2:08] There was a period where that was fine.
[2:10] Remember early days and we were on an FM radio station.
[2:13] They were like, this is the stuff people like.
[2:14] And you'd go, who've you styled?
[2:15] And they'll say, oh, I put gel in Tom Cruise's hair.
[2:18] And you're like, oh, you've been Tom Cruise's hair.
[2:21] You've got to remember, these are the days before.
[2:23] Before, like obviously the internet existed but still pretty young.
[2:26] Yeah.
[2:27] But well before social media.
[2:29] So access to celebrities, you were just someone saying a celebrity name counted as entertainment.
[2:34] Yep.
[2:35] And so it was like.
[2:35] And intrigue.
[2:36] Yes.
[2:37] And value.
[2:39] Yeah.
[2:39] Value for your time.
[2:40] Yeah.
[2:40] Having listened to someone to go, you know, whose dress have you hemmed?
[2:43] Yeah.
[2:44] And they'd tell you.
[2:45] Yeah, they'd tell you.
[2:45] Julia Roberts.
[2:46] You'd go, ooh, we know her.
[2:48] Know that name?
[2:48] Yeah, she's a pretty woman.
[2:49] Ooh, two degrees of separation now, listen up, from Julia Roberts.
[2:53] So, Philip Block.
[2:55] Yeah, I haven't chosen that to play back.
[2:57] No.
[2:57] Maybe we just heard it basically through Ando.
[3:00] Yeah.
[3:01] In 2013, fast forward, big name then.
[3:04] I think that was Business Brunch Days 2013.
[3:09] I was lucky enough.
[3:10] You couldn't come on this particular outing, but I was one-on-one with this celeb.
[3:17] Joan Hill?
[3:17] DJ Havana Brown.
[3:20] It was during your infatuation period with her.
[3:25] Your deep infatuation.
[3:27] Hamish started a rumour that I was into DJ Havana Brown, which I absolutely… There's always a bit of fact in a rumour.
[3:33] No, there isn't.
[3:35] That's what they say.
[3:36] Yeah, there isn't.
[3:38] And, well, it was funny.
[3:39] There's smoke, there's fire.
[3:40] There's a ton of smoke on this one.
[3:43] And so we enjoyed, I loved it until I was on a plane with DJ Abada Brown and she's giving me the old.
[3:51] No fires on planes, Ando.
[3:53] She's giving me the old, like, I know.
[3:56] Keep chasing.
[3:57] And I'm going, no.
[3:59] And it's very hard to explain to someone.
[4:02] Politely.
[4:02] Politely.
[4:03] You're like, hey, just, you know, it's a massive joke because essentially as if I'd be interviewed, what would you be saying?
[4:10] But you can't say that.
[4:11] So you're like, oh, it's just a bit of fun.
[4:14] Well, I must have got the idea from somewhere, mate.
[4:19] I wouldn't have just made it up out of thin air.
[4:20] Because I can just say, Hamish, you obviously do a lot of tax fraud.
[4:24] Well, you would have got that idea from somewhere.
[4:26] I'd believe that.
[4:26] I might have done a small amount.
[4:28] I'd actually believe that.
[4:29] A lot is a big call.
[4:30] A lot is a big call.
[4:32] Just enough is probably the more appropriate amount.
[4:36] Cheeky amount.
[4:38] The expected amount.
[4:39] The expected amount, yeah.
[4:39] And then on the rest of the forms, hand on heart, filling it out as best I can remember.
[4:44] Yes.
[4:49] And are you?
[4:50] Real bummer if I do get done somehow for tax fraud.
[4:53] We go back and listen to this.
[4:55] He said.
[4:55] All we know is if you ever do get done for tax fraud, it's not because you did it deliberately because I know you've got zero interest and you'd hate the admin that required the tax fraud.
[5:04] No, the accountant does it.
[5:05] So I hope the accountant's doing it right.
[5:06] In fact, my guess... All I'll say is this.
[5:07] If the government's listening and you're looking for tax fraud, I'll say honestly, I'd give you firm instructions, please, you know, do everything properly.
[5:16] But if you are sniffing around, sniff Andy because you'll find a much bigger fish over there.
[5:22] If you're up for a big fish.
[5:25] No.
[5:26] No.
[5:26] You will.
[5:27] My point is I reckon plenty of – think about the structures that he would have going.
[5:31] Would you say that?
[5:32] Where is it buried?
[5:34] I think if Andy was doing tux for it, it would be like,
[5:37] above-board tux?
[5:38] Like it would be research that you could get away with it.
[5:40] No, it would be like Bahamas shit.
[5:41] Yeah, well, that's what I mean.
[5:42] No, that's – He was about to say that's legal.
[5:46] He's got something in the Bahamas.
[5:47] No, it's not legal.
[5:48] It's not legal.
[5:50] But I know what you're saying, Mike.
[5:54] I'll take every available angle, legal angle, but the –
[6:02] I just want to bring up with you, Ham.
[6:03] I was just thinking of a Senate inquiry.
[6:06] I think both of us, if we were audited, would end up getting more money back from the government.
[6:12] I think we would too.
[6:13] Because we can't be bothered putting in receipts.
[6:15] No.
[6:16] And if they actually… Yeah, I miss a ton of stuff.
[6:18] I would love someone to audit us and then go, you know what, you could have done this.
[6:22] And you're like, oh, great.
[6:22] And I'd like to go to the auditor.
[6:23] How would you like to come work for me?
[6:25] Every year, you be my... Yeah.
[6:27] You keep track of this.
[6:29] Because there's the amount of times I've gone, hey, you can keep that for a receipt for your tax, and you're like, eh, seems like an admin.
[6:36] Take it home.
[6:36] Put it in a shoebox.
[6:38] Find the shoebox.
[6:39] Put it in an envelope.
[6:40] Give it to someone else.
[6:41] Yeah.
[6:42] Anyway.
[6:43] Nah.
[6:43] Okay.
[6:43] So anyway, DJ Havana Brown was on the show.
[6:47] DJ Havana Brown was on the show, and because you're a bit nervous...
[6:53] I went on a surrogate date for her.
[6:56] Pretending to be me.
[6:57] No, yeah.
[6:58] So I went along and I acted it out for the kind of things that you would say to her to see.
[7:06] That's from memory to see if she would agree to a second date where you could go along.
[7:11] And I said, I'm just so sorry, like Andy.
[7:13] It was a hot chocolate at Max Brenner's underneath the studio.
[7:17] Yep.
[7:18] I do like hot chocolate.
[7:19] Don't actually like Max Brenner's though.
[7:21] I mean, that's not why you didn't go.
[7:22] You were just nervous.
[7:23] And she understood that.
[7:24] I think from memory it was like, hey, Havana.
[7:27] Moving on.
[7:28] Hey, DJ HP, Andy's going to be there.
[7:31] He's like, okay, cool.
[7:32] You know, this will be nice.
[7:33] And then I turned up and was like, he's too nervous.
[7:34] So I'll do it.
[7:36] I'll do the dates.
[7:37] It's so weird for these people.
[7:39] I'll do the dates.
[7:40] She was pretty good about it.
[7:42] Tim-o-matic.
[7:42] Those people when you're just, you're part of something that you don't follow it, nor should you because you don't listen to the podcast, but you would be shocked with how many mentions that you get.
[7:52] I'm hoping we come across some solid Tim-o-matic stuff too, again, in this remembering project.
[7:56] Anyway.
[7:57] I can't quite remember what happened there, but luckily for you we won't revisit that because I know there's probably still some sadness in your heart.
[8:04] Things didn't quite work out.
[8:06] No, fine.
[8:10] In 2014.
[8:11] I wanted to play this because I don't quite remember this.
[8:13] I remember a little bit.
[8:15] This was a thing we were doing for a while.
[8:18] And look, I don't know if this one worked or not or if it was funny or not, but I'm just curious to hear it, where we would call places and see if they did kids' parties, places that don't do kids' parties.
[8:28] Exactly.
[8:29] Like a carpet store or something.
[8:31] Yeah, it's a good way.
[8:31] Do you do kids' parties?
[8:34] So I can't remember exactly how this one went.
[8:36] I'm not even sure which one we called, but it was like, you know, the guys have another go at do you do kids' parties.
[8:41] Great.
[8:42] Let's do the sponsor, then we'll listen to that.
[8:45] Okay, here we go.
[8:45] Mark, you got it?
[8:46] Yep.
[8:46] Let's see.
[8:47] Let's do it.
[8:47] Who does kids parties?
[8:50] The 10th of September, 2014.
[8:54] Happy hour.
[8:54] Hamish Sandy with you.
[8:56] And the new game ham.
[8:57] We thought this would be a bit of fun, Ando.
[8:59] We are talking about kids parties today.
[9:00] Now, a lot of places do do kids parties.
[9:03] You know, they'll send someone out.
[9:04] They'll send a clown out.
[9:05] Send a fairy.
[9:06] Face painting.
[9:07] Mini tramp.
[9:08] Petting zoo.
[9:09] Yeah.
[9:09] These are all...
[9:10] If you rang these places and said, hey, could you come out and do my seven-year-old's party, that would not be a weird call.
[9:14] But there's a lot of other businesses where it would be an odd call to receive.
[9:17] That's how this game's going to work, Cam.
[9:19] You're going today.
[9:20] Yeah.
[9:20] We're pretty much in a situation where you're in a random business.
[9:25] Yeah, Jack's got a list of businesses.
[9:27] Yeah.
[9:27] Now, my only instructions are I've got to get some people from that business to come and do my kids' party.
[9:32] Could be a butcher.
[9:33] Could be a baker.
[9:34] Yeah.
[9:34] Could be tire makers.
[9:36] We don't know.
[9:37] It could be a church.
[9:38] Who knows?
[9:38] Could be anything.
[9:39] Jack's got the list.
[9:40] The way this is going to work is as soon as it starts ringing, Jack yells at me what kind of a business we're calling.
[9:45] And then my mission is to secure some staff for my seven-year-old's birthday party.
[9:49] That would be the victory.
[9:50] It's a new game called.
[9:51] Knock, knock.
[9:52] Who's there?
[9:52] Don't know.
[9:53] But do you do kids' parties?
[9:56] Hamish, you're going to be up first.
[9:58] Jacko is going to put the number in.
[10:00] And then during the rings, Jack yells at you, the company you're calling.
[10:06] And then you've got to think at your feet and see if you can't get... See if we can get someone to come out and do the kids' party.
[10:12] All right, I'm just pulling one out of the hat now.
[10:13] Good man.
[10:15] And chucking the number in.
[10:20] Hamish, this is a car wash.
[10:23] Car wash.
[10:28] Grandma Shorto.
[10:29] G'day, mate.
[10:29] How are you going?
[10:30] Really good, thanks.
[10:31] How are you?
[10:32] Yeah, good.
[10:32] My name's John.
[10:33] What's your name?
[10:34] Ali.
[10:34] Ali.
[10:35] Ali, just wondering if you guys do anything to facilitate kids' parties.
[10:44] You've called a car wash?
[10:45] Yes.
[10:46] Yeah.
[10:46] Now, I know it's probably not a normal request, but how many guys do you have working there?
[10:54] We have...
[10:58] Up to about eight boys.
[10:59] Yeah, right.
[10:59] Well, my little bloke Warren is nuts for cars, and so are all his mates.
[11:04] I mean, he's seven.
[11:06] So it's his eighth birthday party coming up, and they're all coming as a different car.
[11:11] And how much would it cost to hire a few of you guys to come out in the uniform and just wash them, wash the kids?
[11:20] Um, we're an express, have you been through our wash?
[11:23] No, sorry, I just got you out of the phone book.
[11:24] Okay, we're an express exterior car wash, fully automated, so it's a machine wash. Yeah, okay.
[11:30] Um, so we're not hand wash.
[11:32] No?
[11:32] Is it possible to get... Do you guys have uniforms?
[11:36] Yeah, we do.
[11:37] I mean, they'd just love to see a few of the car wash guys in their uniform and I could cut up some sheets or some chamois and get the streamers going, get the kids to walk through it and we'd just squirt them with hoses and chuck suds at them and all the kids could walk through and you guys could, you know, give them the ticket and make them pay and we'd get little fake money and they can go through the car wash.
[12:02] Look, I'd have to take your details down and get Karen to give you a call.
[12:05] She does all our business development stuff.
[12:08] So it's an in-principle maybe?
[12:11] I'd only need, say, two or three of the guys.
[12:13] I can hear the vacuum cleaner in the background.
[12:14] If you could bring one of them, that'd be terrific too.
[12:16] And we could vacuum the kids' hair and stuff after they come out the other end.
[12:20] Yeah, no, we can't do that.
[12:21] We can't do that because all our vacuums are fixed.
[12:23] They're all through a ducted system.
[12:25] Yeah, right.
[12:26] Your best bet is if you can get a seven-seater or some sort of car that can drive through our system.
[12:33] I'll bring all the kids.
[12:34] Bring all the kids through.
[12:36] And experience our 140-foot tunnel.
[12:41] We give lollipops to all kids that come through.
[12:43] Oh, jeez.
[12:44] So that might be an experience enough that you could just take them through and then you can get them all vacuuming your car.
[12:50] At the exit.
[12:51] Yeah, not a bad idea.
[12:52] I mean, we've got a few other things planned around the house.
[12:56] It's going to be a house-based party.
[12:58] Yeah.
[12:59] Because he loves the car wash so much.
[13:01] And what we could do is we want to...
[13:03] I mean, we can get a conveyor belt set up where we lock the right foot of each kid in and we just drag them through like the... You know, do you have the one where the car, the tyre locks in and it drags it through on the rail?
[13:13] Yes, we do.
[13:14] Yeah, so we lock their right foot in, drag them through and screw them with hoses and stuff.
[13:17] We just need your guys there for theatre.
[13:21] Yeah, look, it's one of those requests that we've never had before.
[13:24] Get all the time.
[13:25] I'd have to run it past Karen to find out if it's something that we can do.
[13:30] All right.
[13:31] Well, I'm at the office at the moment.
[13:32] Don't know the number here, but why don't I give you back tomorrow and we'll see how we go.
[13:36] No problems.
[13:37] But in principle, just pinch for you guys, could be good.
[13:43] Could be.
[13:44] Okay.
[13:44] I'll take it.
[13:45] I'll take it, maybe.
[13:46] All right.
[13:47] All right.
[13:47] Thanks, mate.
[13:48] No worries.
[13:51] Good old Karen.
[13:52] So accommodating.
[13:53] It was, wasn't it?
[13:53] But I love Karen in business development sitting there going, now is this a new stream for our business?
[14:00] Wouldn't this be good if we developed business this way?
[14:02] I love some of the stuff that you pull out on those calls too because of course you're coming from the studio.
[14:08] I'm at the office.
[14:09] Don't know my number.
[14:11] Yeah.
[14:12] That's normal.
[14:13] I'll talk to you back.
[14:16] Good remembering.

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