# Mi madre destrozó mi infancia - Episodio 86

An episode of [CARAS VEMOS SUFRIMIENTOS](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1614156002), 27 Jun 2024, 1 h 19 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/60108411/65_mi_madre_destrozo.mp3

Majo es una mujer extraordinaria que le tocó vivir un infancia infernal y ahora dedica parte de su vida a ayudar a otras mujeres. Muchas gracias por tu testimonio que estoy segura que que ayudará a mucha gente. Este programa no es terapia si piensas que la puedes necesitar acude a un psicólogo/a clínico o psiquiatra. Si necesitas terapia, evita aquellas personas sean youtubers, psicóologo/a de la TV y que quieran lucrar contigo. Conviértete en un supporter de este podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/caras-vemos-sufrimientos--6047464/support.

## Transcript

[0:05] Canas, we see suffering. We don' t know Hi I' m
[0:18] Silvio Olmedo Collegiate Psychologist and this is a documentary and educational program and it'
[0:26] s focused mainly on you learning strategies or seeing something in this program. What
[0:33] happens to you the program that we have now tried to visualize traumatic difficult situations,
[0:43] but that the guests managed to overcome. This isn' t a clinical
[0:49] interview. The program is edited. This is very important and if you need
[0:55] help, go to a psychologist or clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. My recommendation is
[1:02] that those of us who are dedicated to television or YouTube channel are not the
[1:07] most appropriate ones to go through a clinical consultation. Why, because we'
[1:11] ve already earned your trust what' s called the rapper. Today we have
[1:19] a great guest, because all the women and men who come to this program
[1:23] are great guests. If you want to come to the program, write me
[1:30] men, I also want you to come to the program not only women,
[1:37] and anyone who comes here is extremely generous, not only for giving us their
[1:44] time, but for giving us their vulgability. Welcome. You had a terribly
[1:51] hard childhood. But it doesn' t end there. It' s not
[1:57] over there. But I want you to tell it. Thank you very much.
[2:01] Thank you for allowing me to be here. It' s true what
[2:07] you just said. In fact, I kept quiet for a long time.
[2:12] There are a lot of things I didn' t say until a while ago,
[2:16] and I' m fifty- one years old and I' m clear
[2:22] of resentment. There was the anger, there was the pain. But I
[2:29] didn' t say it like that because we' re summoned. Well,
[2:34] first because I was afraid of him. I' ll tell you about it,
[2:38] but first I was really scared of my mom until I was thirty-
[2:43] two. I was terrified of him, I mean, I heard a scream
[2:46] and I was very afraid, already married, and with children. Then daring
[2:53] to say it openly was very good. It was impossible what your mom was
[2:59] like. She was a tough woman, nurse, right nurse. She was
[3:04] a nurse by profession, very hard, of character, face you saw her
[3:07] and her management was scary. People were afraid of him. He spoke very
[3:13] loudly, he always spoke rudely. It was cold, it was mai,
[3:21] it was brusque, without offensive filters, why offensive, because my mother treated
[3:30] us like stupid fools don' t know how to do anything and that part
[3:40] of children implies that this is how you behave, how you are. I
[3:44] felt clumsy throwing things away constantly, I always lived on the alert to listen
[3:51] to her voice, because besides she screamed a lot and as we were children,
[3:59] beaten strongly, because I had a constant alert in my body Silvia,
[4:06] I felt that my body trembled literally, that is, my body trembled what
[4:12] your first sad memory is with your mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
[4:19] look. I remember that there was an event where the children dress us culturally,
[4:31] I don' t know if it' s the right word for inditos,
[4:36] where one goes to the basilica and it' s a special day that
[4:45] I don' t remember celebrating and I' d be five years old and
[4:49] my grandfather was bobbling. Then they put our backs on us and we went
[4:54] with the sandals behind us. My dad and mom always got off. I
[4:58] remember him very well and living together, and my mom asked us what we
[5:05] had done with my dad, because he took us, but my mom didn
[5:09] ' t go. My brother and I were the greatest, for the truth
[5:14] is that I didn' t even remember, for I went to feast Harrow.
[5:18] God knows what I did. The only thing I remember is when she
[5:21] arrived and we did this interrogation, which they did where they went as we
[5:28] didn' t know how to answer and besides, we were toasting because we
[5:30] were restless. My mom hit us in such a silvia way that I remember
[5:40] that in the back we had a laundry room there and my mom bathed us
[5:46] in cold water, with all my clothes and hit us when to the re
[5:56] - interrogation what I asked you, what they did, what your dad did,
[6:00] where they went and what your dad talked about and what he was doing.
[6:01] The truth is that I didn' t even remember then how all that
[6:06] anger that I had or how bad he liked it at that time or because
[6:12] I didn' t take it, I had no idea and it unloaded on
[6:15] us. And so it always was. That was an episode. You were
[6:24] five years old, yes, I was five years old and because she literally
[6:31] grabbed the cold water from the pond that was there and emptied it for us,
[6:41] grabbed, I remember, a wooden spoon and started giving us in the
[6:46] valances, just as she grabbed us from the hair as if we were going
[6:57] there she wouldn' t shake us and slap us. We didn' t
[7:00] understand what was happening. And then, in addition, the cold water,
[7:03] which falls to you as a child, scares you, you feel you drown
[7:10] well, it' s a moment of torture. It' s a time
[7:12] of torture, i e cold water, it' s a matter of torture,
[7:15] it is. And then, as he beat us, because we were
[7:18] if we were five years old, he would hit us in the face and
[7:23] she was a little bit, because she was a little bit thicker, more
[7:29] robust, because her hands were too heavy for our face. I remember whistling
[7:30] that my face was burning, that is, I felt my lips being thrown
[7:34] away. His face felt like he had another one on him and he was
[7:40] fifty. That was the first time I had a memory of my mother hitting
[7:45] me and your dad told me he wasn' t there. He wasn'
[7:48] t there. I don' t know where he went. I don'
[7:53] t know, but my dad wasn' t there. She didn' t
[7:55] hit us when my dad was around, I mean, your dad never found
[7:59] out. That' s what I think he found out. I don'
[8:03] t know if I said anything. I never heard of it. I'
[8:05] m not sure about that, but most of our existence at the time,
[8:13] as it was alone with her already when my dad arrived, who actually left
[8:18] very soon. I don' t remember anymore, I don' t know
[8:24] how old your dad was. I think I' d be six years old,
[8:31] no more six years old, when my dad left home and we didn
[8:35] ' t hear from him anymore because he divorced the whole family how that was,
[8:39] I mean, put on you were a kid and at what point you
[8:43] found out your dad didn' t come back look. We were in the
[8:48] kitchen having perfect breakfast. I remember Silvia they were making us some eggs there
[8:56] to the Mexican one. I don' t know if that' s why
[9:00] I love Mexican eggs now and then we were. I' ll tell you
[9:05] five and a half or so. I had and my parents started screaming and
[9:09] my mom made a sauce in the molcajete, which here, in Mexico is
[9:11] a stone that makes the salsa and my mom throws it to my dad i
[9:16] mean it flew out and I don' t remember if where it fell.
[9:24] But my dad grabs her by the neck and whips her on the wall and
[9:31] grabs a knife and starts running her and we' re behind her, obviously
[9:39] defending my mom, because she screams, because we were very young screams,
[9:50] we seek help and my dad didn' t come back anymore. After that,
[9:52] then we stayed for a while living there where you saw. We lived
[10:00] at Grandpa Paterno' s house and then Grandpa Paterno ran us and we had
[10:05] to leave. And after that it was an ordeal for us. I mean,
[10:11] your mom told them dad' s not coming back. It doesn'
[10:16] t tell us anything. My mom didn' t talk to us, Silvia
[10:18] didn' t talk to us, she didn' t tell us this is
[10:24] make it. Those things weren' t told to us by us. Everything
[10:24] happening we' re going to leave her father. He' s not gonna
[10:28] was alert mode. What' s going to happen now is with the fear
[10:33] that we don' t know what' s going to happen We watched my
[10:39] mom cry constantly. The blows to us were constant in the way that if
[10:45] we asked for something, we were stupid. Shut up, get out of
[10:50] here, or we' ll get slapped. You know, we' d
[10:54] better keep quiet. Notice that my grandfather, who was also well in a
[11:01] sick situation because he didn' t get on the roof that I remember very
[11:07] well from our house and with a beak he would hit the beak and yell
[11:11] at us that we had to get out of there. Then, at some
[11:16] point, because my mom said so let' s go and remember that we
[11:24] started to grab our things and we ran off to the house in front,
[11:31] because I lived in the house opposite, lived my mom' s dads and
[11:37] Mira. Mom' s family was very subversive, very aggressive, and they
[11:46] were a family of twelve brothers. They lived in a two- room room,
[11:54] a bathroom and a kitchen, and there were many women, or most
[12:00] of Mom' s sisters single with children, living there because in my mom
[12:05] ' s house there was a matriarchy misunderstanding in your mom' s house or
[12:11] in well, in your grandmother' s house and my grandmother did live there
[12:18] many women already left with children. And I remember Grandma telling Mom I can
[12:24] ' t have you here, I can' t have you, because there
[12:28] were already so many of us there. Then we lasted a couple of nights
[12:33] there and then my mom took us to a small apartment where we lived with
[12:39] our brothers and I were at that time my older brother, your servant and
[12:45] a one- year- old little sister. And then, because I became
[12:52] a little mom, because I had to take care of my brothers, take
[12:58] care of my younger sister, feed my other brother, as we could what
[13:03] we had at hand and my mom had to go to work because, because
[13:07] my dad had disappeared and it was chaos because they left us in the care
[13:18] of this family maternal you. There was no longer cohabitation with the paternal family,
[13:24] because it has already been really breaking contact with your grandfather and your maternal
[13:30] family, with the maternal family. That' s not when I get closer
[13:33] to the maternal family. But I lose contact with the father' s family,
[13:37] that grandfather who took you to the exact right basilica. You wanted it
[13:41] that grandpa, yeah, yeah, yeah, he wanted it. And I
[13:43] think that and you, as a child, how you could understand that your
[13:50] grandfather was hitting the roof. I didn' t understand. I didn'
[13:52] t understand, I didn' t know what was going on. Besides,
[13:56] at the time there wasn' t a lot of analysis in my head.
[14:01] There were a lot of things going on that went on too much of the
[14:07] beatings my mom hitting us, slapping us, insulting us, so there was
[14:13] no analysis of what' s going to happen tomorrow. We lived at the
[14:15] time in alert mode. Me taking care of my brothers and your grandmother moon
[14:20] once you remember her hitting your mom, no, no, no, no,
[14:26] screaming at your mom, no. Grandma was already sick. When I
[14:30] know her when I first have contact with her, or the first time I
[14:35] remember having contact still living in front of the houses. Grandma Paterna gestured at
[14:43] me, so she made my face, as well as gestures, and I
[14:46] was afraid. Then I was afraid of all Silvia at the time I was
[14:56] afraid of all these changes we had. I didn' t understand anything.
[15:01] And my mom' s going to work. He leaves us with the maternal
[15:05] family. And in the maternal family I lived together, because before we lived
[15:11] nothing more, the three of us. Now I had to live together,
[15:15] because with ten more children than me and many aunts that all of them had
[15:22] their story and they mistreated and beat in the same way that my mother beat
[15:28] me a cousin I saw when her mother hit her with the slipper on her
[15:37] head and the girl had blood coming out of her. That scared me more,
[15:41] terrified me, cried, I became very lonely. My escape was school.
[15:52] My other family was going to school, even if I didn' t
[15:56] learn anything, because in my head I wasn' t there to learn.
[15:58] Then they would get us up very early, get us up at five or
[16:03] six in the morning, dress us in the uniform and take us to an
[16:10] aunt and wait there until school time. They rushed us to run to school
[16:18] and that was like my freedom, just as I am. I' m
[16:25] fine here. We were going back to the mother' s grandmother' s
[16:30] house. We ate something they served us and listened to all day. I
[16:36] heard mother- speaked screams, scrubbing kids, stupid, dumb, hurry up,
[16:45] get out, we don' t want them here All the kids were
[16:49] the same. You don' t think it was anything in particular. Get
[16:52] out of the street, we don' t want you here. And because
[16:55] we lived in the street so literally, that is, they lived in a
[16:59] small room and then you lived with your big family during the day, No
[17:04] Yes, during it there is a situation in which it gets to burn you,
[17:12] or it gets to burn your brother true, with a spoon. We
[17:17] were very naughty, regardless of this part of the alert, because we were
[17:22] children, we wanted to run, go out and on one occasion, being
[17:27] my brother and I in our place where Mom had rented us to be alone,
[17:34] we had a wardrobe and my brother with a toy with a car broke
[17:41] a part of the wardrobe because, as a child, who it was.
[17:44] And then you remain silent, not and who it was. And I didn
[17:47] ' t even know it was him or the same. I don' t
[17:52] know. Then he said ah they won' t tell me the truth.
[17:55] Okay, so Silvia went to heat up a spoonful of these pewter and put
[18:02] it in my brother' s mouth by my dad They, if we'
[18:07] re a Spanish girl, they' re very good. And my brother was
[18:12] blond White, White White, I' m brunette, but he was rubo.
[18:17] Look Silvia, my brother was a milestone mate and his mouth bled him,
[18:23] burned him and burned his mouth with the spoon, with the spoon,
[18:27] that is, the cradle, with a spoon of hot peltra. He planted
[18:30] it in his mouth and my brother confessed that it had been silly. They
[18:38] put the part about burning his mouth, grabbed the wire from the iron and
[18:48] hit us until he got tired, because that had a silky sequel because we
[18:56] used a white uniform to go to school and the sores stayed in our skin,
[19:04] in the back of the skin, and that made my brother' s
[19:08] skirt and pants, which were white, because the blood was pierced and a
[19:14] teacher realized and asked me what had happened and I told my mom she hit
[19:21] me. They called my brother and they saw us and what we had and
[19:30] they called DIFF which is an institution that helps the children. Here, in
[19:33] Mexico, we no longer knew what happened there were many. My mom went
[19:40] to school several times. We saw, we didn' t listen, but
[19:48] we did see something happening between the teacher and my mom and the people of
[19:56] the diff and there in areas of fate, because it approaches an aunt who
[20:00] later became very allied with us by my dad, like she talked to my
[20:06] mom and told her something. And finally, because we' re still with
[20:12] my mom, surely not, surely after we' re already focused that they
[20:19] loved us as if you hit her again, we' re going to take
[20:21] them off. No, that happened to us. And it didn' t
[20:25] happen that he wouldn' t hit us again after my mom repented. You
[20:29] know silvia, because then at night she would come and caress us and tell
[20:34] us how much she loved us and how much she loved us. And today
[20:40] I' m remembering certain things that I had as hidden and I didn'
[20:42] t remember. But my mom sat on a very sad couch and told us
[20:48] how she wanted us all to go to heaven and be calm. I,
[20:56] at the time, didn' t understand. Today I understand that situation,
[21:02] how I would like us to no longer exist in this world because she,
[21:12] on many occasions, wept alone, that hardness, that bad character, that
[21:22] hard gesticulation. I also had those corners where we realized that I was crying
[21:27] and my dads had a game that hurt us so much because my dads kept
[21:38] watching, they kept having sex sometimes we were asleep and my dad showed up
[21:47] inside our bed and we what happened here. And then we were all happy
[21:53] to eat or eat there and you were leaving then you didn' t say
[22:00] anything your dad or someone else was not Carlos, he hugged us this,
[22:06] because there wasn' t like that affection, but yes, but he was
[22:11] there, as well as splashed moments not, and we didn' t say
[22:18] anything. We didn' t think of anything like this. We didn'
[22:23] t judge anything like this, because if it was right or wrong, we
[22:32] didn' t know. But neither did he get involved in our education and
[22:34] what was happening to us looks silvia. I remember one time my dad would
[22:38] show up. I remember us living on the first floor and I watched my
[22:45] dad walk away I said don' t go. I needed it, I
[22:56] wanted to see it, I wanted it to stay at my house. And
[23:00] so he was leaving, but neither did Silvia. I didn' t tell
[23:04] Dad don' t go, Dad I love you I didn' t tell
[23:11] him why you think to see. It' s just speculation, uh,
[23:14] I didn' t have a conscience, I didn' t have the strength
[23:21] to talk, because I was quiet all the time. I no longer knew
[23:22] if talking was good, not bad, because besides, I did talk a
[23:25] lot at school, but they were also complaints with teachers because I spoke a
[23:30] lot. So, madame your daughter, talk a lot then, because I
[23:36] was coming to my mom and I became very withdrawn. I became a pretty
[23:44] silly girl. Here they told us so you know where they put you in
[23:52] the ranks of smart, half smart and donkeys. Now they did yes and
[23:56] if you misbehaved, they put you on and they put them to me several
[24:00] times ass ears. But I didn' t have the ability to study.
[24:07] I was a child who needed me to come from school and had a list
[24:11] of about thirty things I had to do. Wash dishes, change the brothers,
[24:19] bathe them, brush the teeth, wash the sheets, clean the house,
[24:23] mop, sweep, cook. I didn' t know how to cook.
[24:27] It was a girl. All that I had to do after school.
[24:33] I live in the morning. Evidently, what I could do about the school
[24:38] did. I didn' t learn anything. I was always in the alert
[24:45] mode, in the scary way, and she went away sometimes for days because
[24:56] she worked day and night on the part as a nurse and I missed Silvia,
[25:06] I missed my mom, even when she beat me, I missed her
[25:11] because in those seasons she left at night, left us with the aunts and
[25:17] we slept on the floor with five children inside the same bed, where there
[25:23] were sexual abuse inside that family that no one ever said anything. I was
[25:36] witnessing. I was just witnessing. They never touched me, but I realized
[25:41] they played my cousins bigger than me, the same cousins, the uncles,
[25:45] there were abortions within the family that we witnessed. Silvia, a boy,
[25:59] a nine- ten- year- old girl who listens loudly in the bathroom
[26:08] that for many years, Silvia and I said nothing. This is the first
[26:11] time I' ve said it that way in an open voice, we'
[26:18] d listen loudly and stand up, scream, stand up, stand up and
[26:25] we' ll stand outside the bathroom and the kitchen, stand up and what
[26:26] happens. And he screamed and nothing. And what I' m going to
[26:33] tell you is very strong. And we, kids there watching this whole stage
[26:42] and you killed him, you killed her, what' s wrong with you
[26:48] and us what' s going on. And then we feel silvia. I
[26:55] felt a warm bag. I' m never gonna forget a warm blue suitcase.
[27:03] I still didn' t know what was going on and they told us.
[27:08] If you say anything, you' re going to do very badly.
[27:11] Take care of yourself and talk about this. And we, because while we
[27:17] knew something was going on, we didn' t know exactly what was going
[27:22] on. Then in the night whispering he said that he said the person'
[27:32] s name killed his baby in the Silvia bathroom. I grabbed that bag in
[27:38] that suitcase when I went to the whole night. We couldn' t sleep.
[27:45] Everyone we were there, the kids, we couldn' t sleep.
[27:48] We were afraid what was going on in that look like a horror movie,
[27:55] but that' s real and we couldn' t talk to anyone ever.
[27:59] I mentioned it to him. My mom knows, I never said anything.
[28:03] I kept it for years of my life, and this is the first time
[28:10] I' ve talked about it. So, what a pain we went to
[28:17] myself. I went to school and that person, I mean, was the
[28:21] baby of a girl, of an aunt, of an aunt who was younger
[28:26] or not. Wasn' t she already older? Was he old enough?
[28:30] If you don' t ask me who it was, where it came from,
[28:34] who it was that I don' t know, I don' t
[28:36] know. I went to school and near our house there was a sewage channel
[28:41] and I heard someone say they found a baby in a suitcase. I wanted
[28:56] to die because I didn' t know what was going on or how to
[29:00] say that, but I knew where that came from and I couldn' t
[29:07] tell anyone anything. Those were already the things that I lived inside the mother
[29:11] ' s house and your cousins and cousins as they were at the time.
[29:18] Everyone knew, we all knew. I had told you all night, there
[29:22] was a cousin who cried all night. She cried because she saw live and
[29:29] in full color what was going on. We were out, but she was
[29:32] inside. She was the one who yelled at her for you stand up and
[29:37] she cried all night and we had nightmares, I for year silvia, for
[29:45] year dreamt touching that warm suitcase. And because we couldn' t say,
[29:59] we couldn' t even talk among the cousins we could tell us anything.
[30:02] You know, we didn' t say anything to each other, nothing,
[30:07] because we' re all being mistreated. We were all beaten the same way
[30:08] with belts, cables, shoes, fists and there' s your mom,
[30:17] there never was, never knew even big that I' ve told her what
[30:21] I' m talking about here ever. I had a dread for my mom.
[30:26] Even being an adult, still being married, having children. My mom
[30:33] worked in a clinic like some, now that I see it, because it
[30:40] was not so far away and we were walking and we were about an hour
[30:45] and a half, because you are a boy and the feet are shorter.
[30:49] It didn' t make you an eternity now that I' m older and
[30:52] I just got back a little while ago after nine ten years where I lived
[30:59] when I was a kid, because now it' s getting very close to
[31:00] me. I went because my mom had to give us enough for our expenses,
[31:10] food and stuff and she couldn' t get out of her job to
[31:15] guards. So I went with a cousin to give us my mom money and
[31:22] my mom started asking me the vaste of the curtains and I didn' t,
[31:29] why and I why I did something else, no, but I told
[31:34] you that the curtains and I didn' t, because I didn' t
[31:40] know them and she started telling me as well as the list of things,
[31:42] and some I had done and some I hadn' t done. I think
[31:45] I was about eleven at the time. Silvia, my mom, like her,
[31:52] got grabbed by my dad like that by the neck and put it up.
[31:56] My mom grabbed me like this and as if I were a dad'
[32:00] s sack with a fist, she would hit me. She didn' t
[32:05] slap Silvia in the face the more than slapped, but when she was with
[32:09] a stick, with the wire, that was in the body. I remember
[32:15] my cousin calling her Auntie. Please, I didn' t say no already,
[32:21] because you have to learn that when I order something, you have to.
[32:30] I walked away and got very long, because besides, my body hurt.
[32:39] My cousin would tell me if you wanted to, sit down. She
[32:44] was shocked at how she had hit me. When we arrived with the aunts
[32:47] at the aunts' house, my cousin said mom, it' s just
[32:52] that my aunt doesn' t know how she beat him. I said,
[32:57] but you see why you don' t do it. What your mother tells
[32:59] you is that you don' t obey. I was guilty and for many
[33:07] years I lived being guilty. You already felt really guilty. I fart,
[33:12] yeah. I felt worthy of my mom because I didn' t always do
[33:15] it. She always told me you don' t do things. That'
[33:21] s why I hit you. Then I' m bad because I don'
[33:27] t do things. Yeah. Besides, I took care of my brothers for
[33:30] a long time, I took care of the other boys until I was 15.
[33:37] And then, in these comings and goings that I was telling you about
[33:43] my dad, another sister was born and you ask once you hit your brother
[33:50] Not my brothers, no, because I was protecting them, but my first
[33:53] two children, yes, and now, I' m going to tell you
[34:00] that. I wanted the good ones. At some point I disliked her or
[34:05] I at least one of my sisters said that I liked you very badly because
[34:09] I fastened Peina the hill the feel her. My brother was, because I
[34:16] cough her like any child. Not then, too, sometimes I liked him
[34:22] very badly. My brother did hit us, he treated us very badly,
[34:27] he threw things at us, he was naughty, he glued our feet in
[34:35] the evenings, he hit his dog. He was very restless. I was
[34:43] getting the puddles. My brother was like this, because besides, he was
[34:46] naughty, he was naughty. I' ve always said that my two sisters,
[34:53] because I have others, but those are from other moms and I love
[34:57] them too. But I have always said that my sisters, my blood sisters,
[35:00] are the best in the world. We' re going to give ourselves
[35:06] a situation where you go with some friends to watch a movie. No,
[35:08] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[35:14] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[35:14] No, I wanted to do this one, too. We didn'
[35:22] t have a comfortable situation. My mom barely won to feed us and pay
[35:27] the rent for this two- for- two apartment. And then there were
[35:32] these VHS video cassette recorders that were brought in in the' 80s. Maybe
[35:39] I don' t remember the year well and a neighbor who lived about six
[35:45] seven blocks away, because he had his dad brought him from the United States
[35:50] and we were going to see mat Max, one, well, mad Max,
[35:54] point no, there was no one and there was no one and of
[35:59] course I think that or not, yes, of course not. I was
[36:00] running to see him. And the truth is, this one, because I
[36:02] forgot to tell you, hey, right now, I' m not good.
[36:07] And then I came to my house after going to watch Mad Max'
[36:12] s movie, because happy for having fun the house where I went They were
[36:19] friends of the family, but I find that my mom was looking for me
[36:25] everywhere I think it was six of the afternoon, no more, I mean,
[36:30] it wasn' t so much, it wasn' t so late,
[36:32] because I remember it was just as dark. When I see my mom standing
[36:37] on the street door, I started to feel a lot of fear, you
[36:42] know, and all of a sudden, like the movies, you' re
[36:47] going down the intensity and because besides really that my mom had a rough raw
[36:54] face and so I passed out, bah daughter pulled me by the hair.
[37:02] Silvir dragged me, because we told you to live on the first floor and
[37:10] drag me down all the stairs, but with my hair and I was throwing
[37:19] out my little body all the stairs with no hair or clouds. Where you
[37:25] were, daughter of the ah, for I went to see the movie and
[37:32] explained it and with whom and not you will see yourself gone from and I
[37:40] will not, no, no, no, yes, how my mother does
[37:44] not look. I was a duvet, you know, made out of cleaning.
[37:49] I' d pull over on one side, on the other. We
[37:52] had a very big mirror and I remember my mom throwing me in the mirror
[37:59] and the mirror is starting to slap her hands. I felt my face there
[38:06] in the third dimension, my lips. Everything she saw, she' d
[38:10] throw it at me. I ran what I could get out of his hands.
[38:15] I was running so he wouldn' t hit me and I' d
[38:19] say no, maman es te, I swear. I swear. I didn
[38:21] ' t do anything, nothing else. I went to see the movie You
[38:24] left me Everyone had nine. If I didn' t know I didn'
[38:31] t even know a woman. So when I met her or she grabs my
[38:38] mom, throws me a armchair, takes off my underwear, my panties,
[38:43] lifts my dress, takes off my panties and puts her fingers inside my vagina.
[38:52] To see if I hadn' t had sex at nine years old,
[39:02] long girl in front of me, I climbed up my panties, I took
[39:10] my dress down, because there wasn' t much room to go It hurt
[39:17] so much And besides, I felt guilty because I had gone to have fun
[39:29] to watch a movie I felt really dirty, I wanted to bathe, my
[39:37] body hurt, everything hurt, my intimate parts, my vulvame, I was
[39:46] burning and I couldn' t say anything to anyone. And then, like
[39:49] nothing happened, you know, like he didn' t do anything to me.
[39:55] Besides, my house was lying everywhere. I mean, I also had
[40:00] to get up later because she yelled at me to pick up the glasses and
[40:06] sweep and everything she had done I had to pick up. And the next
[40:12] day, I had to go to school. That part was very painful for
[40:19] me. By year, Silvia per year, I could not say this besides
[40:27] her, of all these abuses that were kept inside me. I remember getting
[40:37] older, I sometimes went away together, we took a bath together and I
[40:51] remember my mom telling me you know what I want you to touch me put
[40:55] your fingers in my vagina because I think I have a tumor and I said
[41:02] to me it doesn' t scare me, I don' t feel anything,
[41:07] because besides I did it and I don' t feel anything. Don
[41:08] ' t mess them up,' cause there it is, there it is,
[41:12] I' m being a ball. I was saying why I have to
[41:15] do this. That' s where I was beginning to question myself I don
[41:20] ' t want to do it. I don' t want this. I
[41:22] didn' t have a name or last name for what was going on.
[41:25] I didn' t understand anything. I just knew he was suffering. When
[41:32] I entered high school, I was carrying a subject called binding and I made
[41:38] a book that was my diary and I started writing there. One day I
[41:45] heard someone and I said I' m going to do a diary and I
[41:49] was listening. I mean, I wrote what lived apart from what I lived.
[41:52] It wasn' t even like a diary. I mean how it is
[41:57] daily, I mean every day to write from time to time I wrote it
[42:00] and I put there, because my sorrows, my sorrows, my longings that
[42:06] I had as a child, and already in high school I started to listen
[42:10] to poems. So I wrote poems, or I did and you supposedly kept
[42:16] it in a secret place so I wouldn' t check it out, because
[42:22] after the event I' m telling you. I was passing by and my
[42:24] mom, two or three days already loved me, loved me and she found
[42:30] him. I was very small and she was big. At that moment,
[42:37] for me, I felt like I was peeing when I saw it with my
[42:43] book in my hand, because I had put certain things, these things within
[42:49] that told me that honest stupidities, that you' re crazy or stupid,
[42:55] don' t write idiots and break it to me so I never wrote again
[43:00] in my life. I didn' t want to say anything, I didn
[43:05] ' t want to write anything. I wanted to disappear from this world.
[43:10] I wanted to vanish, I wanted when I started to know that there was
[43:21] a different world or that there were other countries, I said why I don
[43:23] ' t go to China. Not that I was asking him and where is
[43:25] chen No, it' s too far away. I said I want to
[43:28] go to China, I mean, I wanted to disappear, I wanted to
[43:32] run away. And so all these abuses, all the ones I had with
[43:43] my mother and all the abuses I saw in my mother' s family,
[43:47] because she also had an alcoholic dad. Then Grandma dies and dies and the
[43:52] aunts are still there, all these aunts, with all these children, are
[43:57] still living. That' s where my mom' s dad stays. I
[44:00] ' m telling you, it was a matriarchy misunderstanding, because Dad was an
[44:05] alcoholic. I was arriving at 2: 00 in the afternoon. We all
[44:09] had to make Grandpa this caravan. He was not affectionate to us and we
[44:17] ate beans or bean cake, and Grandpa ate a stew with his sweet bread,
[44:24] we tasseled, with beans and Grandpa this sweet bread and a stew,
[44:29] and all the aunts attended him. And we, then, also had to
[44:38] take care of Grandpa. And Grandpa spent the whole afternoon drinking or listening to
[44:44] bohemian music, singing, and we, then, listening to all that not,
[44:49] because there we were and there we lived in the day. Then we
[44:52] had to listen. You had a boyfriend, yes, when you were little,
[45:00] you were fourteen years old, fifteen years old that lasted until excited.
[45:07] And besides, I had ah good let it be said that in that course
[45:12] my fourth sister is born, well, my third sister, And then they
[45:16] also give it to me, because moms, was a third sister of your
[45:20] father, my sisters. My sister is born to him, my sister is
[45:29] the youngest and you have to take care of him. I would go to
[45:32] high school and come back, go through my sister, take care of her,
[45:37] change her. There were people who said hey you and your daughter and
[45:39] I said no, she' s not my daughter. I said,"
[45:44] Oh, don' t deny it" No, but it' s just
[45:46] that he' s not my son anymore, because they' ve seen me
[45:47] since I was a girl with him. Then I was going out with my
[45:52] boyfriend and my little sister, and I was carrying her to me. I
[45:57] liked his family, him, that young man, because he was a mom
[46:01] dad. And so what your show says, we see faces and I saw
[46:07] this part as nothing more. And because I liked it, I liked it
[46:12] because I didn' t have that family. And one day they invite us
[46:15] to a wedding of one of their sisters. I ask permission and this young
[46:22] man gets drunk, gets drunk and sexually abuses me and because I felt guilty
[46:37] because I was wearing a short skirt with a blouse at the time he breaks
[46:50] it. He' s cheating on me and he' s telling me,
[46:54] hey, come on, I' m gonna show you a little room there
[47:00] that the dad had made out of wood and I don' t know what
[47:07] and I' m going and he' s coming on and he' s
[47:19] breaking my clothes, he' s blowing me up, he' s oppressing
[47:31] my neck things that I' ve already gone through and literal, he'
[47:38] s abusing me sensually and because I don' t say anything, but there
[47:43] was a time when I had to say it and my mom blamed me because
[47:50] I was a prostitute who offered herself to men and I had to blame that
[47:59] I had abused him in me and I was probably to blame because I was
[48:00] wearing a short skirt and I had to shut it up and I had to
[48:00] see myself getting married. You have to marry him, with the person who
[48:07] pissed you off and then Silvia, I didn' t know if it was
[48:17] a tragedy or the best thing that ever happened to me. You know,
[48:22] imagine how my head was because my rapist, my assailant, had rescued me
[48:31] because he had gone back to your husband. Yeah, but he knew certain
[48:40] things about my mom' s aggression, not all these things I' m
[48:44] telling you about, but he did know Mom was aggressive. Then he had
[48:46] rescued me. So he was my rescuer and he wasn' t that big
[48:52] It was two years older than me. And then, when I lived inside
[48:58] his house and his houses, you' re going with him. With him
[49:01] what it' s like to live with someone, that is, to be
[49:07] the wife of someone who once saw you barralo I hated Silvia already then I
[49:15] started to feel what it was like to hate people. I was constantly abused
[49:21] by him. And not because if your husband means he can have sex with
[49:27] you, because you wanted him, I didn' t want to. I
[49:30] didn' t want to. He was hitting me. Silvia would hit me,
[49:32] leave my face marked, this one would grab my belts. It was
[49:39] a heel. I never talked about it either, you know, I never
[49:44] told anyone. And besides, another thing, people get involved and don'
[49:47] t say anything, because their parents listened to each other, their brothers listened,
[49:52] their sisters listened to each other and nobody said anything and there was no
[49:57] one to defend you. Nor are the participants involved. Of all that,
[50:01] I don' t know if out of ignorance, because they really don'
[50:04] t care. Besides, I couldn' t go outside his house without his
[50:09] permission. I couldn' t take a bath. If he didn' t
[50:14] bathe with me, he couldn' t even go to the market. If
[50:20] I didn' t go with him, I couldn' t go see my
[50:22] sisters, not my mom. I missed my sisters as a stranger to my
[50:25] younger sister, I cried to her aha, because to me she was like
[50:30] my little girl. I was crying to my sisters. Then I couldn'
[50:36] t let her know. I suffered a lot. I felt very lonely and
[50:42] felt this part where I wanted to disappear, where I wanted to go to
[50:47] China. I never thought I' d take my life, I never did
[50:55] any of that, but I did want to disappear from this planet. You
[51:01] ' re pregnant, I' m pregnant. I have two children with him
[51:09] and the second daughter, I was forty days old since I was born and
[51:16] beat my son because he had piped in the bed and hit him and I
[51:22] go on him, as well as to protect my son and he ends up
[51:24] hitting me li I had forty days of having given birth to my second one
[51:30] hits me in such a way that he leaves me all face, mark,
[51:35] back, legs and because I covered my face so that people, when they
[51:43] went to see me, did not know that I was copied. He didn
[51:46] ' t say anything either. But my brother realizes it. My brother is
[51:52] going to see me and he says he realizes and tells me I come for
[51:58] you such a day at two o' clock in the afternoon, the brother
[52:01] who was always with you, the little one, the one who did fight
[52:04] and all that. Well, what a good brother, he told me you
[52:07] know I' m coming for you at 2: 00 p m and grab
[52:10] what you can. Then I knew they had a business back then. At
[52:16] the end of us we lived back and forth, they had their business,
[52:21] their workshop of what they were doing and I knew that hour could come out.
[52:25] I grabbed my kids a suitcase of what I could of what I could,
[52:31] and I left and I never came back, never looked for it.
[52:44] Yes, he sought, He then sought out the boys to You did not
[52:50] seek you, Yes, He sought me, but I, I went with
[52:53] my brother. So he didn' t know where he lived back then,
[52:58] he didn' t go to the police, he didn' t do anything,
[53:06] he didn' t do anything, and I passed on the divorce and
[53:14] I didn' t see him again until about five years ago because of a
[53:19] circumstance I had there with the boys. However, I never crossed or called
[53:22] again. I never heard from him again. I never wanted to know anything
[53:29] about him, and he didn' t want to know about his yes either.
[53:31] You don' t get there either and what you do when you'
[53:36] re with your brother, how you get along. I mean, you'
[53:37] ve suffered so much and I' m so sorry, but you didn'
[53:43] t see yourself able, that is, what you do, that is,
[53:46] you take that step, that is, your brother motivates you to do it,
[53:51] my brother, he motivates me hides me, because I knew that somehow
[53:57] or other way I had to work or do something not my life, because
[54:00] I had just finished high school and I go and stay there with him and
[54:07] then see that after my mom comes. Then my mom comes to my brother
[54:14] ' s house and then she tells me, so let' s go and
[54:21] I didn' t want to. But I couldn' t stay either because
[54:22] my brother lived in a very small place, but I went back to your
[54:25] mom' s house. Yeah, well, fear. Yeah, yeah,
[54:29] I was really scared. You' re not afraid that they might mistreat your
[54:31] children. I was scared of everything. However, I served my mother because
[54:36] when I went home, I could take care of my other sisters, continue
[54:39] to take care of my others, and sometimes I was without contact with them.
[54:44] I mean, you also had that affective bond with your brothers Yes,
[54:47] yes, you did And yes, I wanted to see them and I missed
[54:54] them so much, and as I was always like I was created to serve,
[55:01] always to help. I needed to get there, be with them and
[55:07] take care of her. And there was an opportunity where I found myself able
[55:20] to study on a scholarship and my mom paid me the first school. I
[55:27] went to see I visited the school and I grabbed there the scholarship didn'
[55:35] t connect anything to me. I don' t know if the obligation or
[55:37] wanting to get through all this your intelligence or your ability to work or your
[55:43] surrender. I couldn' t work at the same school and study you studied.
[55:50] There I studied high school with a secretary, because, as Mom said,
[55:57] I studied secretary so that I already she wanted pure secretary. But I
[56:00] saw as if this high school, because once not then they would tell me
[56:06] if you have good grades, because you will be able to stay here.
[56:10] Look Silvia, I was emotionally affected by my body head. I continued to
[56:27] make mistakes because this pattern of abuse continued in my life. Then I found
[56:37] another person who was the one who adopted my other children and I there.
[56:45] He' s a much bigger man than me, sixteen years old, bigger
[56:49] than me. He never hit me, of course, but he was always
[56:52] a top- notch womanizer. But when I did, of course, not
[56:57] because this kind of profile that you have of having suffered a constant and terrible
[57:05] abuse during your childhood. Somehow it has a repercussion that you' re more
[57:12] likely to end up with a batterer and you didn' t get maltreated or
[57:17] it' s one thing is that I' m a womanizer and another thing
[57:22] is that I' m a batterer. Yeah, and it wasn' t
[57:23] there. No, it wasn' t, it wasn' t me there.
[57:28] I didn' t know what love was. I didn' t know
[57:34] what sex was. As a woman, I didn' t learn things that
[57:39] I never knew existed, which are also taboos that don' t say,
[57:44] don' t say, don' t talk, what an orgasm is.
[57:47] I had no idea what that was. I didn' t know anything about
[57:53] life. You learned it with him, I learned it, you enjoyed it,
[57:57] I enjoyed it with him. Yes and he bathed me, took care
[58:06] of me, fed me, took care of my children and I lived a
[58:19] stage of my life after very satisfying. Of course, many years were ten
[58:23] years, ten years and your children. What stage did you live in?
[58:28] That stage is beautiful, because they lived it with all my emotions as well.
[58:32] The first two are the most affected, or they were the most affected
[58:37] because I did some things to them, which gave them their spankings, gave
[58:44] them their blows, not in the way he did to me or of course,
[58:47] but if he gave them his good belting and until at some point I
[58:52] reacted to what I was doing. And they, the first two, were
[59:00] the most affected because they lived all my bad emotions that I had in that
[59:05] one and saw him with his grandmother. We don' t live there for
[59:08] a while. Then I left, but they were also chihuela testifier. See
[59:13] that you don' t watch my mom with them? It was totally different.
[59:19] My mom loved her grandchildren, she was spoiler, she was bringing things
[59:30] closer to us, a lot of things. I gave my children clothes.
[59:37] I mean, my mom was totally different with them. Why do you think
[59:40] it was like that? By remarriage, yes, by remorse, of course,
[59:44] yes, yes, yes, yes. There were things that my mom
[59:46] came to my Silvia house and still with this force washed the dishes. The
[59:58] clothes wanted to accommodate everything. He was wearing clothes without asking for permission.
[1:00:02] When I was looking for, listen to the kids' chambras, this was
[1:00:07] all given to them, and I wouldn' t let you out of the
[1:00:10] family equation. Totally. Why did you end your relationship with your ten-
[1:00:15] year- old mare, because he cheated on me. He was unfaithful to
[1:00:21] me. I realized it and because it broke my heart there, for the
[1:00:25] first time my life. Someone broke my heart talking about a couple. Yes,
[1:00:32] I' m very painful for me, very much wanted to leave the
[1:00:37] relationship. No, he didn' t want to leave the relationship. What
[1:00:39] happens is that when he was unfaithful to the person who was unfaithful, he
[1:00:45] became pregnant and no longer married her. So he left you, he left
[1:00:53] me. He told you. Okay, if you' ll allow me to
[1:01:01] make a comment to see, one thing is that a person sounds ill-
[1:01:05] treated and another thing is that he stops loving you. No, but I
[1:01:07] feel that that man, from what you say, I mean, took care
[1:01:12] of you what no one had ever cared for you, served you like no
[1:01:19] one has served you, treated your children like a father. Then that part
[1:01:24] of your life. Although I know it hurts everyone, it hurts us that
[1:01:28] they leave us, but well, that leaves us because they no longer love
[1:01:32] us as they loved us before, but he loved you and gave himself to
[1:01:37] you for ten years. Yeah, look, I, after my second daughter,
[1:01:44] operated so I wouldn' t have any more kids, because I didn
[1:01:50] ' t want to have any situation anymore. However, when I arrived with
[1:01:53] him, he did everything to have surgery and I could have a child.
[1:01:59] And we had a son and we always say it without harming my other children,
[1:02:07] because I also love all my children and besides, how they will not
[1:02:14] love their children. I, however, my daughter, because I already have
[1:02:20] a different consciousness, already at a different age, with a different relationship,
[1:02:23] because my daughter was very much desired because they operated on me. She was
[1:02:31] wanted, she was wanted exactly. It was all just as dear, but
[1:02:35] she was sought out with a man you loved right sometimes life. Yeah,
[1:02:44] you' re done with that relationship, but I' d like that quick
[1:02:49] episode you said isn' t that he cheated on me and it' s
[1:02:51] over. That is, a ten- year relationship in which there was love,
[1:02:55] in which there was surrender, in which he never mistreated you. It
[1:03:04] was ten years, king, yes or no. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
[1:03:07] the bad news is it' s over, but the good thing is
[1:03:12] you had it, too, you felt loved. Yes, and well,
[1:03:15] the ties between him and me are very strong, because there are many things
[1:03:21] that we do, that unite us. We don' t get along,
[1:03:24] we don' t talk today, but we have three grandchildren. We have
[1:03:32] three grandchildren in common. See you at the parties. We were dangerous to
[1:03:40] see each other. You know because he always declared that I had been the
[1:03:47] love of his life and he always declared that at that moment, at that
[1:03:52] time, he had been the love of my life, where I first knew
[1:03:55] what partner love was. So that hurt other people, their partner, and
[1:04:05] I decided to be smart. And so, anyway, all my life I
[1:04:13] ' m going to see him, or I' m going to know about
[1:04:16] him because of the question of my grandchildren and my children. So, I
[1:04:23] know about him and he knows about me for sure and you respected that I
[1:04:26] had another partner and when I did I was smart. It' s kind
[1:04:31] of like a couple that' s not interfering and I talk better to his
[1:04:40] wife than I really talk better to him when I see him, and that
[1:04:45] ' s like him, but to see the emotional bill is very positive with
[1:04:50] him, because sometimes we just remember the last one that makes us, beyond
[1:04:54] what hurts us, beyond the end of the relationship. But what a person
[1:04:59] takes was a being so broken, so hurt, so unstructured. He supported
[1:05:08] you in your career, he supported you in your work. How did he
[1:05:10] do? Yeah, well, he was coming for me at work, because
[1:05:15] I kept working. Then he took me to work. He told me you
[1:05:20] have to study, you have to study so that you can defend yourself what
[1:05:26] happens to me or that you always have to study. Then, as he
[1:05:30] took me away, he brought me nothing to do with it, for after
[1:05:36] that he never started his head. My head' s already started. You
[1:05:39] were completely traumatized and there are children who when they are hit in the head,
[1:05:45] both the sequels are very serious In the long run. Now you'
[1:05:47] re seeing the impact of hitting the head and more of a child, that
[1:05:54] ' s too well for you not to have been touched for life. Yeah,
[1:05:59] ' cause look at Silvia. I remember when these whippings I used to
[1:06:04] give my mom on the wall or, when I slapped my face and my
[1:06:11] head rumbled because it was a small body. I don' t remember when
[1:06:16] I stuck my head on the wall or, whatever it was, like I
[1:06:20] wasn' t inside you know, like it was like a drum. When
[1:06:24] you hit a drum like that on your head, there was a very strong
[1:06:31] vibration in my head. I remember those moments when I woke up Silvia and
[1:06:42] I was already waking up with a slap in my face. Then I felt
[1:06:45] my head vibrating, as a drum vibrated everything. Then wake up. Yeah,
[1:06:55] yeah, yeah, you do that literal. That is to say,
[1:06:58] as the football players are now being studied the injuries that have occurred in the
[1:07:02] head and that remain for life, because in the children more because they are
[1:07:06] much more vulnerable nice. I could be with you talking hours and hours and
[1:07:15] hours, well, but not literal. This is a forum. It'
[1:07:17] s not like being in your house and time is more restricted. But there
[1:07:24] are three aspects that I would like to touch with you, such as the
[1:07:29] relationship with your children. She' s good now. She' s good.
[1:07:30] She' s good. The first two have had their affects and affected
[1:07:36] them more, as the immatureness I had when I was so small affected him.
[1:07:42] To them therefore my sorrow, yes, my sorrow, To them this
[1:07:50] part affected. They have an ability to depression. The biggest, yes,
[1:07:58] the biggest yet, and the second a little less and is more active,
[1:08:02] the more she has been able to overcome all this. They' re assertive,
[1:08:08] they' re assertive. They won' t leave, they won'
[1:08:10] t leave. It affected them Let' s just say they' ve weighted,
[1:08:14] that is, they' ve gone the other side of what you were,
[1:08:15] that is, I' m not going to let the circumstances take me,
[1:08:19] although then you took over your life. No, I mean, that
[1:08:23] caused in that passivity. He' s got a passivity, he was a
[1:08:30] learned defenselessness, so we call him psychologists where you look helpless and you don
[1:08:32] ' t do anything anymore. No, it' s not like you learned
[1:08:35] that defenselessness you had. Your kids didn' t do that, not them.
[1:08:41] My daughter, she has two beautiful children. He' s already given
[1:08:46] me two wonderful beautiful grandchildren. Professionist notice that she only studied high school with
[1:08:53] the career and is the best mother in the universe, and she decided to
[1:08:58] be a vocation for him is still studying. He stopped studying for a while
[1:09:03] studying college very well and working. There' s something you do suddenly children
[1:09:09] do, because it' s one thing to ask forgiveness and another thing that
[1:09:13] comes out of nowhere a strong pain and have a resentment relationship with you.
[1:09:19] Don' t take it personally. The only thing you can say is at
[1:09:24] the time, because I didn' t have the tools. I' m
[1:09:28] so sorry about master, okay? I don' t explain to you,
[1:09:34] your pain is valid, rather than looking for an excuse. First is how
[1:09:36] sorry I am. I' m sure the woman you are now would never
[1:09:41] have been like that with those kids, and in part you' ve also
[1:09:46] broken that pattern with your other kids. Your relationship with your mom. She
[1:09:49] ' s already dead. She already died Silvia, she died in three days.
[1:09:58] They thought it was the index, but a complication of the third river.
[1:10:02] If I gave him a thing I gave him, he lost his sugar
[1:10:06] very high, a diabetic couple, and then he broke a diabetic coma,
[1:10:13] a diabetic coma, sorry he had a diabetic coma, and then he broke
[1:10:17] a hernia and got all infected inside. When I get to the hospital,
[1:10:20] my sisters, almost like you' re the one I said you know the
[1:10:24] truth. Go ahead, I talked to the doctor and she told me to
[1:10:28] look at your mom about the six percent life these patients have. Your mom
[1:10:30] only has one percent. There' s not much to do. Talk to
[1:10:33] her this one because it' s too bad. I talked to her.
[1:10:38] That was the last time I saw her with my eyes open. I told
[1:10:42] him yolis we' re going partying. So you' re there, you
[1:10:48] stay calm, nothing' s gonna happen. I took her to Christ'
[1:10:54] s feet. I told him. Let' s do a prayer. She
[1:10:56] did it and after three days she died and you forgave her. No,
[1:11:00] and I forgave her yes, yes, nice, because it' s hard.
[1:11:08] Yes, a mom' s very, very hard, very hard,
[1:11:11] very hard. You forgive because in the end, when you forgive you remove
[1:11:15] that poison from resentment. To resent is to feel that pain again and you
[1:11:19] said I won' t feel that anymore and your dad, well no,
[1:11:25] he really disappeared in our lives until Poquito did know of him by one of
[1:11:29] my sisters who, by the youngest she had, had no cohabitation. And
[1:11:32] my sister also did this forgiving exercise. He spoke to her on the phone
[1:11:40] and said you know what dad. I don' t know you, I
[1:11:44] don' t know who you are, but I recognize you as a father,
[1:11:48] like you, I forgave you a long time ago. In fact,
[1:11:51] in some season I took him to live in my house with his other children,
[1:11:58] but he failed me, he stole several things from my house and so,
[1:12:04] I decided, so to get away from him. Because, then,
[1:12:11] because it is not being a wall of emotional and emotional protection very well right.
[1:12:15] I mean, you didn' t let your emotional spaces invade. That
[1:12:18] ' s right again. Yes, and then, because we get away my
[1:12:24] sisters and I from the whole family, that the relationship with people is very
[1:12:28] good, it' s very nice. And with your brother and my brother,
[1:12:30] even though he doesn' t live here in Mexico, he' s
[1:12:34] very good. We love each other very much and he rescued you I mean,
[1:12:40] he' s the one who said you' re not going to be
[1:12:41] here anymore. And even though he too has gone away a long time from
[1:12:45] us and is away from us, but we are always in communication every day
[1:12:53] and we continue to work for us, we see nice sometimes when you have
[1:13:00] experienced such an extremely painful situation from your parents, to see your brothers suffer,
[1:13:09] even if you love those brothers, the act of seeing them again or
[1:13:16] returning is so painful, that it is very difficult to deal with that.
[1:13:20] That is, perhaps your brother comes to see us visits us just because for
[1:13:25] him, as he has not healed the return is to live again all that
[1:13:32] suffering. I mean, don' t take it personally, because sometimes it
[1:13:36] is. Yes, we do. We understand that now my sisters and I
[1:13:41] have talked about it much more. There are many other stories there, but
[1:13:46] they are already theirs. Of them too they also have their history. And
[1:13:51] now we' re talking, we' ve told each other what' s
[1:13:57] happened, we' ve reconciled ourselves to mothers, the people who abused your
[1:14:02] brothers are alive from my cousins, your cousins are no longer dead. Or
[1:14:08] even if I tell you about a child molester or a child molester, granddaddy
[1:14:15] who abuses grandchildren, there is a greater chance. So there' s this
[1:14:20] situation where people keep quiet in the family. So listen to the girl,
[1:14:26] her father abuse her, but let' s shut up well, because the
[1:14:30] likelihood that that person will end up abusing one of the grandchildren or granddaughters is
[1:14:38] much higher. Then silence is the greatest ally of abusers, predators. They
[1:14:47] take advantage of it just for that and those then, if you' re
[1:14:53] seeing me, if there are people who are seeing me and abusing you,
[1:14:57] yes, an adult, probably if that adult is alive he' s still
[1:15:03] abusing another minor. Silence is the ally of these predators. There' s
[1:15:11] not much left to talk about, sweet how sorry I am that you had
[1:15:20] that terrible childhood that left you marked. But in the end you' re
[1:15:26] here. But you' re a full woman. Right now I do,
[1:15:29] a lot, and my question is how we can, that is, if
[1:15:32] there is someone who is seeing us and who is in your situation, in
[1:15:36] that situation of a mother who does not know how to leave that home or
[1:15:42] son who is being or daughter who is being mistreated. What do they have
[1:15:45] to do to seek help from whom, then, you trust most of the
[1:15:48] people you trust, to whom you trust most. Because if I had only
[1:15:53] one person or with whom, whom to entrust, to a friend, an
[1:15:58] aunt, someone where I could express, that person can swear that he would
[1:16:03] have helped me for a while to a child with indications that you are being
[1:16:09] beaten to shit him or her and to speak no yes, no good,
[1:16:16] we denounce what we do look, because those teachers should have denounced it,
[1:16:21] that they should have separated your parents and they should have monitored that happen.
[1:16:31] Children, who realize that they are being mistreated, must be followed up,
[1:16:36] they must be observed, they must be visited at best. One, if
[1:16:44] you don' t want to be, you don' t want to meddle
[1:16:48] in the family, or that' s making a complaint, because anonymous,
[1:16:56] if you keep quiet you' re complex, if streets you' re an
[1:17:01] accomplice so nice leave us your instagram so they can write you what is nice
[1:17:04] script, original bass on Instagram. And because only the people who are on
[1:17:10] the mission of love have to be soldiers who have gone to war to be
[1:17:14] able to enter, understand other people and be empathetic with him. Thank you
[1:17:19] very much, Thank you for your generosity, for your courage and, above
[1:17:27] all, for having re- signified that horrible past that you have had and
[1:17:35] taking what is left of learning to help other people with love. Yes,
[1:17:40] thanks to you for being the light of all the people we' ve been
[1:17:45] through all this and that those people who are suffering what you just told me
[1:17:53] to call you, to look for you, because you' re this bond
[1:17:56] and this light so they can talk and not shut up what we' re
[1:18:00] going through. Thank you very much. I wish that was it. What
[1:18:10] I do is make visible and then great women and big organizations are the ones
[1:18:15] that do what I do is the simplest part, organizations like that of Loreta
[1:18:25] and others. There are many who are dedicated not only to making visible but
[1:18:31] to really helping are the ones who really have. They' ve got the
[1:18:36] whole thing. Thank you so much. José You like this testimony. You
[1:18:49] think it can help someone share it with you. Don' t forget to
[1:18:55] click on my social networks, which are Silvia Olmedo for YouTube, Silvia Olmedo
[1:19:00] for Instagram and Silvia Olmedo official for Facebook, who remembers that, before judging
[1:19:05] to tag a person, try to understand why faces we see suffering. We
[1:19:14] don' t know.

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