# Así salí del infierno de las DR0GAS - Episodio 70

An episode of [CARAS VEMOS SUFRIMIENTOS](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1614156002), 7 Mar 2024, 55 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/58399744/48_asi_sali.mp3

Montse podrías ser tú o un amigo. Ella es una muestra de que si quieres, puedes... pero de que también necesitas un grupo de apoyo como el que ella tuvo: sus padres y su hermana. Su testimonio va dedicado a ellos. Este programa no es terapia si piensas que la puedes necesitar acude a un psicólogo/a clínico o psiquiatra. Si necesitas terapia, evita aquellas personas sean youtubers o psicóolog@s de la TV. Conviértete en un supporter de este podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/caras-vemos-sufrimientos--6047464/support.

## Transcript

[0:05] Canas we see sufferings. We don' t know I' m Silvia Olmedo.
[0:15] Psychologist from the Autonomous University of Madrid, Collegiate by the Psychologists College of
[0:21] Madrid, master' s degree in sexology, diploma in criminology. That was
[0:28] in Holland, which then also in Mexico, I did Forensic psychology look at
[0:33] both because I was fascinated. But this program doesn' t talk about me.
[0:39] The protagonists of this program are the people who come to tell their story
[0:46] of overcoming. That is why this program is aimed at education and documentary.
[0:54] We' re not trying to do therapy. We' re not trying to
[0:58] do therapy. This is very important. Dating therapies you should go to a
[1:02] clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist or what. And those best ones aren' t
[1:08] on the Internet. I' m dedicated to outreach. That' s my
[1:14] job and my walk and I' m tremendously grateful because I saw you and
[1:23] said I know, I want you to come. Thank you, Silvia,
[1:26] I want you to come and thank you very much for your testimony, because
[1:34] I was impressed as soon as you started clear with additions truth at twelve,
[1:45] at twelve it all started. The truth is that I come from a normal,
[1:49] ordinary family, that I mention this, because I feel that many times
[1:53] there is the taboo of addictions where you have to come from a problematic family,
[1:59] where it was used. And the truth is that in my family there
[2:01] was never abuse, there was never shouting, there was never beating. On
[2:05] the contrary, love, respect, attention, travel, school, education.
[2:12] I mean, the truth is, I had everything so to call it,
[2:17] and yet I fell, so that' s amazing when I was twelve.
[2:23] How' d it go. It started when my parents got divorced. The
[2:28] truth is that it was a pretty hard hit and that' s where a
[2:31] lot of things came from. I got kicked out of school for having divorced
[2:36] parents. Yes, but I don' t know what school was like.
[2:39] It was a school of nuns, of pure women and very Catholic. I
[2:45] went all my life there and then nothing, my parents divorced and decided that,
[2:50] because they didn' t accept separate families, it didn' t go
[2:54] with their ideology. According to this. So they decided to expel me and
[2:59] either I was twelve years old and the truth is that I didn' t
[3:01] understand why they were taking me out of a safe place, because my school
[3:06] was a safe place. At that time, your home as such disappears and
[3:14] you another home that was at school too and the most important thing is that
[3:19] I believed in God a lot at that time and unfortunately, I was touched
[3:24] by a priest who told me that I was in sin for having divorced parents.
[3:28] Then I was twelve years old and said my family is being destroyed.
[3:32] I' ve just been expelled and, above all, God loves me.
[3:37] I mean, God, I' m in sin for something that' s
[3:39] not even my fault. So the truth is that assimilated at the age of
[3:46] twelve was quite complicated. Then that' s where my addiction begins. Start
[3:51] with alcohol and tobacco. Remember his first day that you decided to try it
[3:57] completely. I remember perfect that it was on a ranch. There was my
[4:01] dad, there was his girlfriend. At that point, we hid from the
[4:09] parents so they wouldn' t see us drinking and I remember that I wasn
[4:12] ' t afraid, that I wasn' t afraid to try it. On
[4:15] the contrary, I was very curious to see what it felt like to be
[4:19] drunk. And I remember I tasted it. And what I liked the most
[4:23] was the silvia effect, was to get on a table and dance me.
[4:28] I agree perfectly that I danced myself. I agree I gave myself my first
[4:32] kiss. I remember men getting closer to me. So I said ok,
[4:38] if I drink, I have more attention, if I drink I' m
[4:43] seen, if I drink I' m heard, if I drink I'
[4:53] m popular, then, like that attention I needed at the time, I
[4:58] realized that alcohol could give it to me. I realized that alcohol could give
[5:00] it to me. That first glass was a glass, it was a bottle,
[5:06] it was not half of a bottle, about half of the boot.
[5:11] Yes, that happened once that happened once and that took you to the next,
[5:16] because at the parties I thought that Drinking was going to be more social,
[5:24] that Drinking was going to be more acceptable to me, that Drinking was
[5:28] going to deal with the pain I had at that time because I forgot for
[5:33] a while what was going on in my house. So, that at every
[5:39] party started, for example, first a shot and then already. The following
[5:43] weekend I started, well, two shots and then I didn' t,
[5:47] because already a cuba and shot And then I was increasing my alcohol consumption and
[5:53] my tobacco consumption pretty little by little. But it was very progressive. It
[5:59] wasn' t that the first time I got drunk and everything went down.
[6:05] On the contrary, it was all very slow that my parents didn' t
[6:11] realize my problem and I thought it was normal that I was taking and that
[6:17] I was smoking. Then it was all very quiet. And that' s
[6:21] the worrying thing, I think, about addictions that are sometimes quite quiet,
[6:27] unlike people imagine, that maybe people ask me, but they didn' t
[6:31] realize your dads and I didn' t come up throwing up, lying down,
[6:34] not taking too much, but I already had a problem and smoking didn
[6:42] ' t read it. Yeah, and they scolded me, but up to
[6:49] there, you got to try another substance. Yeah, when I was 15,
[6:56] I tried marijuana for the first time, and anyway, I loved it.
[7:01] I loved the effect. I loved it because it was stronger than alcohol.
[7:06] It was ok If alcohol numbs me, if alcohol makes me forget,
[7:11] if alcohol makes me amuse myself, because marijuana feels even more according to me
[7:15] at that time. So I think I approved her out of social pressure and
[7:23] out of curiosity to see that she felt like she was high. I,
[7:27] at the time, watched a lot of silvian drug trafficking series and that influenced
[7:34] quite a lot in wanting to try that world, in wanting to get into
[7:41] that world by referring to their music, to their dress, to the way
[7:45] they speak, to the way they consume, I mean, I started to
[7:49] completely change my way of being the way I used to be. I mean,
[7:49] how, for what music you listened to, how you dressed, tell
[7:56] me nothing to do with cos right now. I was dressed up with very
[8:00] loose pants on my hip. I was getting dressed in a lot more like
[8:05] old clothes. He combed me differently, spoke with many curses, but in
[8:11] a vulgar way? I mean I' m pretty damn, but in a
[8:16] pretty vulgar way. He listened to a lot of Mexican rap, a lot
[8:22] of band music, a lot of drug trafficking. I saw and like my
[8:26] idols were this kind of drug- trafficking series. First time tests, marijuana
[8:33] and you were younger, you were younger. I mean, who got you
[8:39] marijuana and alcohol? I got it at school. At school it' s
[8:46] quite accessible, even if you didn' t get drugs. And it was
[8:50] a private school, it wasn' t a public school. It was a
[8:54] private school. And there my friends, because they weren' t my real
[8:58] friends. But the people I used to hang out with, they took out
[9:03] a cigarette one day that wasn' t a cigar, it was a pot
[9:07] joint. And from there I started with them at first they gave it to
[9:11] me. Then I started building and drinking, because we stole them from the
[9:16] parents of the houses or in the houses, in the dads' bar,
[9:20] because we grabbed a small bottle and took it without them noticing. In the
[9:28] ox they sometimes sold us being minors without presenting identification. Yes, in the
[9:35] case, for example, of marijuana, we' re talking about getting the
[9:43] drug, getting it, that is, marijuana was getting in high school or
[9:48] high school, as it did in the United States, and smoking it there.
[9:54] Yeah, there, in the school parking lot, we used to smoke
[10:00] you went to class like that, and they didn' t realize and how
[10:05] he' d go to teach. So, the truth is, I was
[10:07] never connected. I was never present. I was always disconnected, I was
[10:13] always lost, not thrown away, but in my world, in my thoughts,
[10:20] I was very distracted. I didn' t pay attention, I had
[10:24] bad grades, bad behavior, He skipped classes, insulted teachers, made me
[10:31] very challenging, very aggressive verbally. And this was fifteen at the age of
[10:37] fifteen. You had a partner. Yeah, he had a boyfriend and he
[10:43] didn' t do drugs or consume anything. And he was the one who
[10:48] told my parents that I was consuming. And that' s when I was
[10:52] first admitted to my first rehab facility when I was 15. How you rationed
[11:05] when your boyfriend told him. I got very angry, I got very angry
[11:09] and I didn' t understand it. I didn' t understand why I
[11:13] was doing it. On the contrary, I got very upset and insulted him
[11:16] and my parents too and told them that they didn' t know what I
[11:22] was living, that they didn' t understand what I was feeling, that
[11:26] nobody knew what I was going through at the time. I was already diagnosed
[11:30] with anxiety, depression, personality- limit disorder, and I was cut off,
[11:37] had anorexia, or had other disorders behind drug use. What was in
[11:41] your head and heart. I felt very lonely, I felt unloved, I
[11:48] felt that my dad I didn' t know at the time because they had
[11:52] divorced and I felt that they had taken my dad away from me. I
[11:56] ' ve always been very close to my dad and he was my son'
[12:00] s example to follow and when my dad left the house it was pretty hard.
[12:03] I felt abandoned, I felt betrayed, I felt very ashamed because in
[12:11] the social circle in which I was in, because not many people had divorced
[12:16] parents and it was like a taboo in St Louis to talk about this,
[12:24] and I was a girl they talked about a lot because I drank, because
[12:28] I kissed boys, because I did things that 15- year- old girls
[12:31] didn' t do. Then I felt quite judged, I felt that no
[12:39] one could understand the sad. Silvia was also very insecure. When your parents
[12:46] decided to divorce, they sat with you and said we' re gonna split
[12:52] up or your dad left the house. No, they didn' t tell
[12:54] us what they were going to do There was my dad missing. If I
[12:58] don' t explain it, yes, and he left it to us.
[13:00] You explained yes? Yeah? Yes, and to you that hurt the separation,
[13:03] besides that they have separated, because it hurt me that my family,
[13:09] according to me, was getting rid, according to my thoughts, I thought
[13:13] that I would no longer have family, that already this idea of a family
[13:20] on Sundays together with dad, mom or a trip together would no longer exist.
[13:26] It hurt me to see my dad so sad, because my dad'
[13:31] s always been a person. He is a doctor, very serious, strong,
[13:37] imposing and like seeing it so broken, I didn' t understand why
[13:43] it was happening. Seeing my mom smashed, but at the same time trying
[13:46] to be strong for us. My sister was very young, she was nine
[13:52] years old and she didn' t understand anything in our nanny Sussy that looked
[13:58] after us was like our mom at the time, because my mom wasn'
[14:03] t strong enough. Then, or it did contain us. So they were
[14:07] like a lot of emotions that I didn' t know how to approach at
[14:15] the time that it hurt you that your family idea had broken or deep down,
[14:22] you felt like they wouldn' t love you the same way anymore.
[14:24] Yeah, I think that feeling of being abandoned, of saying no more,
[14:28] I don' t have the attention anymore, I won' t be seen
[14:33] anymore, I won' t be heard anymore, I won' t be
[14:37] that daughter anymore. I disappeared, I no longer exist that was my thought.
[14:46] I no longer exist that thought. Okay, so your parents kept paying
[14:54] attention to you separately. Yeah, yeah, they both had a date very
[15:00] soon and I feel like they became a little teenagers, in love again as
[15:05] in their new couples. But yes, did we have attention? Yes,
[15:09] we had attention, but you sensed that there was abandonment. I sensed.
[15:13] I felt very abandoned. I sensed myself as strange as no longer in family,
[15:22] as if I were a separate entity from them. I didn' t
[15:30] identify myself, I didn' t feel the confidence to talk to my parents
[15:33] anymore, I didn' t feel that safe place when I ever got there
[15:39] if I came through your head with this if they really wanted me, they
[15:41] wouldn' t have separated. Yeah, yeah, totally. And so is
[15:45] he. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I did something because I didn
[15:50] ' t understand what was going on. I mean, they told us,
[15:54] but they didn' t tell us why. My mom at the time remembers
[15:58] telling us that because my dad wasn' t very tidy and didn' t
[16:02] pick up his clothes and I said,' cause I picked up his clothes,
[16:06] but don' t let him go? I mean, I' ll
[16:08] iron if you want, I' ll pick up their panties, but don
[16:12] ' t let him go? My dad from the house why I ended relationships
[16:15] that we' re just a civilized couple and we don' t love each
[16:21] other anymore. And no, no, no, it wasn' t because
[16:23] of infidelities, okay, that is, deep down, because the relationship had
[16:30] already ended exactly before and they continued to prolong it for us. That you
[16:36] ' re in a rehab center the first time, right at fifteen, and
[16:41] you want to go into a rehab center. How it was, because it
[16:44] was. My parents tricked me a little so I could go more than anything
[16:49] to my mom They said monss wants to stay, that' s me.
[16:53] They put me in a room in the center and told me your mom'
[16:57] s gonna leave you here and my mom was told monces, she wants to
[17:00] stay, so there was a bad communication there and I stayed in the center.
[17:07] It was hard. It was interesting because I knew it was marijuana,
[17:14] but I didn' t know about other drugs and I didn' t know
[17:17] about it. I thought an alcoholic was a person who was lying on the
[17:22] ground, without family, without home, without anything. And that was my
[17:27] idea of an alcoholic and an idea of a drug addict. It was someone
[17:32] I don' t know who injected heroin and cut off his arm. And
[17:34] as a very dramatic thing, everything and when a psychologist tells me you have
[17:41] a disease, I kind of have a disease and he tells me you do
[17:47] have alcoholism and drug addiction. And for me, when I was fifteen,
[17:52] to hear that I was diagnosed as an alcoholic and a drug addict, because
[17:57] it was very strong. You accepted it, not even my parents didn'
[18:03] t accept it either. And I think there was a mistake because I was
[18:07] already having problems with substance use. Pretty strong and we didn' t want
[18:15] to see it, neither me nor my parents. It' s been a
[18:18] long time. I spent two months, I was short, really, and
[18:22] that' s where whoever decides you' re going downtown. The center was
[18:26] the one who decided to get me out. How it was extra. There
[18:30] he went to see it' s a nice center. I was in eight
[18:33] Silvia rehabilitation centers. That was the first one. He was one of the
[18:38] prettiest I' ve ever been around. The truth is, he ate very
[18:44] well. They treated you very well, but yes, it was hard.
[18:48] It was very hard to sleep with a person you don' t know having
[18:53] to be in constant therapy all the time, because it was every day,
[18:57] every hour. Pia, Therapy, Therapy, Therapy, Talk, talk,
[19:03] talk about what hurts you, what bothers you, what embarrass you, what
[19:06] scares you. Then I was pretty tired and I was starting to get medicated
[19:15] at the time. Then she' s also a little medicated. Then it
[19:18] was complicated. You get out of that fifteen- year- old and what
[19:22] ' s going on. It lasted over for a while. My boyfriend at
[19:26] the time helped me the one who told my parents, helped me to be
[19:32] quite stable and at sixteen I try cocaine and I like it very, very,
[19:40] very much, and because again they put me back in a second rehabilitation
[19:45] center alcohol, marijuana and coca. What did the coke give you, that
[19:53] didn' t give you the marijuana, a feeling of power, a feeling
[19:59] of how. Like a lot of adrenaline, marijuana calmed me down, relaxed
[20:04] me, it was depressant and cocaine raised me up a lot. And then,
[20:11] how do you get a nearly sixteen- year- old girl the coke,
[20:18] because notice that again, even if you don' t believe it,
[20:19] it' s very easy. It' s pretty easy. I started getting
[20:23] together with people who were in that middle of selling drugs, of using drugs.
[20:30] So, in that middle and much more, I think from my perspective,
[20:34] that as a woman, it was much easier to get it, they
[20:38] saw you small, they saw you pretty. Then it was like a powerful
[20:45] gift and in return you give me a kiss. You know this kind of
[20:48] sex swap, which was also pretty complicated and embarrassing for me, you just
[20:57] changed a kiss, no. No. I also had sex in exchange for
[21:00] drugs many times, that is, you were combining alcohol, marijuana and coke.
[21:07] Not how long I was, for from sixteen to nineteen, more or
[21:15] less, and the time you leave the alcohol and marijuana rehabilitation center. You
[21:21] get hooked on coke when you get re- institutionalized. In April of the
[21:26] two thousand sixteen, when I was sixteen years old, I tried cocaine more
[21:30] or less in February and in April they intern me and from that center I
[21:34] escape, they find me again and they put me back in a third rehabilitation
[21:41] center. After this third center, it doesn' t work. It doesn
[21:45] ' t work because I didn' t want to. I don' t
[21:48] like to talk bad. It' s not that a place is bad,
[21:52] it' s me at the time, because I didn' t want and
[21:57] I wasn' t ready and I wasn' t playing. I think I
[21:59] recovered and the fourth rehabilitation center was in India. They sent me to live
[22:06] in India and there I lived a year from my sixteen to my seventeen years.
[22:11] How it was. He was a father. He was very father,
[22:17] but also very hard. My parents sent me to get me to stop using
[22:22] alcohol drugs. That year I was there, I was sober, I was
[22:29] out of consumption. I didn' t deal with my problem. I mean,
[22:30] I didn' t talk, I didn' t express, I didn
[22:34] ' t heal, I didn' t go to therapy. I was talking
[22:36] about other issues, like divorce, sexual abuse that I had when I was
[22:41] fourteen, my cuts, my eating disorder, but I never wanted to talk
[22:48] about having a drug and alcohol problem, because, according to me, I
[22:52] didn' t have it then there was no need to talk about it because
[22:57] I didn' t have any problem, according to me, in s s
[22:59] s S. Tonches then came from India and returned to drugs again on stronger
[23:03] drugs like LSD MDMA amphetamines. The derivative of amphetamines and the strongest thing I
[23:15] ' ve ever consumed is Crystal, which is a methamphetamine and it' s
[23:19] pretty addictive. You start with SD. Explain to me what it is,
[23:26] especially because there are many young people who are for the first time going to
[23:29] be very young clear program. What is it and what fecto you wanted to
[23:34] look for and what damage UFFF did to you. What' s a hallucinogen.
[23:38] It' s a type of hallucinogenic drug that alters your visual, auditory
[23:47] senses, your mouth, your physical taste, it quite alters your senses,
[23:53] your five senses sharpens them. So I don' t know if you'
[23:59] re looking at the black ne camera, the bright one, and you say
[24:03] wow which parent the camera looks like. I mean, it makes your senses
[24:07] a lot more acute, but it can also give you paranoia. He can
[24:10] give you what' s called a bad trip. He can hit you.
[24:14] I began to have many physical health issues, by using drugs, especially by
[24:19] consuming glass. My teeth were loosened with calcium, my teeth began to decalcify,
[24:26] my hair turned like this, and they fell like glass. Those people
[24:34] we see without teeth are usually crystal, crystal or cocaine or stone. And
[24:38] how the glass is consumed. The glass can be taken, inhaled, smoked
[24:44] or injected and you how you take it I inject, sorry, I smoked
[24:48] and inhaled. How can we know if someone, if a teenager, is,
[25:00] is drugging himself with crystal. There' s some evidence we could do.
[25:03] Yes, the glass is good, from my perspective, quite obvious.
[25:10] Many parents don' t notice, but the glass drops very fast in weight,
[25:15] very fast. I dropped 15 kilos in two months fifteen and from what
[25:18] I' m right now, I mean, it was a little stick.
[25:22] You get a lot of shiners. Or he sees you here as black,
[25:26] like you' re too tired. You sucked yourself, your face looks really
[25:30] sucked, your jaw can twist me a lot, it went away the way
[25:37] it was spoken and I was going to chueca. My jaw sometimes trembles not
[25:45] to be hungry the glass. It takes your sleep completely away from you.
[25:49] There are people I never do, but there are people who don' t
[25:53] sleep for three days because they consume glass, and the effect is very long.
[26:00] The effect of cocaine lasts for about two hours, if two hours and
[26:03] the crystal can last up to eight hours. And it' s cheaper and
[26:10] it' s the same amount of cocaine as glass and it lasts eight hours.
[26:14] So, that' s why it' s like a lot more accessible
[26:19] that gave you the crystal notice, which is one of the drugs that I
[26:26] felt stronger in my body. And I didn' t want to feel blue
[26:30] anymore. I was very sad, I was very tired, I was very
[26:36] desperate. And all I wanted was to get up and not think, get
[26:44] up and forget, get up and really disconnect that I felt at that moment
[26:52] that I was suffering a lot and I knew that I was making my family
[26:56] suffer. I knew my family was very worried about me, that it was
[27:00] affecting my sister. Then it was like a vicious circle of how I feel
[27:07] so guilty about how bad I am. So I consume to not feel and
[27:11] then I pass the effect and again I feel like shit and then I consume
[27:18] again and I pass the effect and it gets off and again I consume.
[27:23] Then it was a vicious circle of not being able to stop how long you
[27:33] are in Cristal from seventeen to eighteen, about a year and your Father imagined
[27:40] it. Yeah, yeah, they realized it was very easy, I mean,
[27:44] it was a very obvious drug in my body. Physically, I also
[27:48] became very aggressive. I don' t know. They were asking me how
[27:52] you' re montse and I' m what you care about and I'
[27:56] m not like that, I don' t answer that way. Then I
[27:57] started to become very aggressive and I was starting to get a lot of paranoia,
[28:03] a lot of paranoia. For example, someone here could be smiling and
[28:10] I felt like they were laughing at me or someone could not keep walking down
[28:15] the street and I don' t know how to tell someone something and I
[28:19] was saying they' re talking about me I mean, it gave me a
[28:26] lot of paranoia, a lot of selfishness, a lot of being just focused
[28:29] on you the boyfriend you had before. What happened? We cut, we
[28:33] cut because I went to live in India and the relationship from distance did not
[28:37] work and I was already very bad and because he decided his mental health that
[28:45] I how good that did. Of course, control is usually that many young
[28:49] people start with drugs because the couple takes that exactly. You came to tell
[28:56] them, try it never, but I can confess that I was a very
[29:03] bad friend. I was a very bad friend because not to him, especially
[29:06] to my ex- boyfriend, I never offered. But yes, friends,
[29:11] good healthy people were told to try it and I was telling them that it
[29:15] feels good. Father, try it and thank God they touched me many times
[29:21] that they told me I don' t want and they walked away from me
[29:26] and stopped being my friends for me offering them drugs that I recognize today and
[29:30] that I understand today. But at that point, because I felt like I
[29:33] was left alone when you' re addicted, you want to include more exact
[29:40] people, that is, what it is. And that' s the dangerous
[29:41] thing, because that' s how it happened to me. They came with
[29:45] me, they offered me marijuana, they wanted me to include Yokai, and
[29:49] that' s the dangerous thing about addiction that maybe, the one who offered
[29:52] me marijuana. Today you may be calm with your normal life, but I
[29:57] didn' t know that I could do it to dictate the best. He
[30:00] didn' t fall into an addiction and smoked for a while and that'
[30:03] s it. But I' m not. I did fall into crystal cocaine
[30:07] lcd MDM marijuana, that is, I did leave in my MDMA, which
[30:15] is an amphetamine, it is a pill the SMDMA ecstasy to the cross,
[30:22] the cross or in the east mill. There' s a lot of names
[30:27] for the shots at night. You feel divine. That' s right,
[30:33] and the next day I gave him the feeling of when you missed the drug
[30:40] effect. It' s one of the worst feelings I' ve ever had
[30:41] in my life. It' s a silvian fault, horrible. First,
[30:48] because what I did last night, what I said last night, who I
[30:55] saw last night, who I slept with last night, where I was last
[30:57] night. There were times when I got up and my mom told me what
[31:02] you were doing in that house and I was in which house. I just
[31:06] picked you up in a house with some kids. I don' t remember
[31:11] how I got there, Mom, literally. And there were many times or
[31:17] that my mom would pick me up on the street and I would walk and
[31:21] I would talk to her and say it happens to me and I don'
[31:23] t remember those things. Then it was a feeling of great guilt, of
[31:29] great fear, of returning to reality and not wanting to accept it, not
[31:37] wanting to face it. I think many times that' s why we'
[31:41] re addicted for not wanting to face reality. The glass makes you aggressive.
[31:48] Also yes, yes, physically and verbally, emotionally. It' s true.
[31:56] I am aware that many of the violations that are being done now are
[31:59] being done by people under the effects of Cristal. Yes, the glass I
[32:05] ' m not scientifically informed. Then I' m going to say something that
[32:10] I' m not completely informed about. But it gives you an effect of
[32:14] being horny, an active effect on your sexual libido. I don' t
[32:17] know why. I don' t know what the brain does exactly or what
[32:24] neurotransmitters are active in the brain, the crystal, but it makes you enjoy
[32:29] sex a lot. Then there are many men and women too who are,
[32:35] as they are sexually activated enough. When they consume glass, you' re
[32:39] almost toothless, because the teeth rather than forward the teeth, that is,
[32:44] these are still yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is because they
[32:47] have this photograph. You' ve seen Camilo' s son. It'
[32:51] s this, yeah, that' s crystal. I think so. I
[32:54] don' t know. We' re watching, no, we' re
[32:55] not. I don' t have my teeth either. It' s the
[32:59] teeth that are from Cristal. I think so. Okay. A lot of
[33:04] people say that Camilo' s son is not going out, because I hope
[33:07] so. It' s very difficult. Uh, so now let' s
[33:10] go for the good,' cause you' re here. I say good.
[33:13] There' s the woman. How did your mother, who realizes you
[33:16] ' re consuming glass and my mom, my mom, what do you see?
[33:22] I think I' ve always said that moms are pretty intuitive and they
[33:28] know their kids completely, their daughters. And I think he saw that it
[33:32] was no longer Montse, that is, what I can describe to you is
[33:36] that it was no longer Montse, it was someone else and you leave some
[33:40] kind of paper, some kind of sign in your room that we super mommys
[33:46] can see if our son is getting high, well, to see there can
[33:52] be many lighters, small bags of ziploc powder, sometimes there is white powder
[34:00] and syringe injections. I say in case they have been injected, but mostly
[34:06] in attitude, latitude, in weight loss, not sleeping, not eating,
[34:09] aggressiveness, real face that when I say later I can show you a picture
[34:15] of me, but it' s another look. It' s a full
[34:23] face, the look off, sad the shiners, you see, you see
[34:30] what you' re doing in the glass. Your mom realizes what' s
[34:32] going on, because they put me back in, they put me back in.
[34:37] And that' s how it was. You know, I was on
[34:40] drugs. I was interned, I was drugged, I was interned, I
[34:45] was drugged, I was interned until eight times the internments I had in the
[34:52] seventh, which happens in the seventh was in India. Again I was sent
[34:55] back to India for the second time and there I was already very bad because
[35:01] of the crystal theme and I was not allowed to meditate or do yoga,
[35:07] because I was still very intoxicated in my body. Then she had a hard
[35:10] time with withdrawal syndrome. And back in India, they don' t give
[35:15] you any medication. I don' t know a pepto, abyssal, aspirin,
[35:20] they don' t believe in any of that. Then I hate onion
[35:22] silvia because they gave me onion to lower my anxiety. They gave me curcuma,
[35:30] gengibre, like many herbs, and the truth is that I had quite
[35:35] a bad time, quite complicated. You come back, I come back and
[35:38] the eighth beat. Before, what happened to her is that something happened before
[35:43] that. Two pretty complicated events happened. I had my diller, my trusted
[35:52] person I always bought from. And then I come in one day and I
[35:57] say," Hey, I' m coming for my crystal and he told
[36:00] me I' m not selling you anymore, because you look so bad"
[36:04] And I, as he told me, yes, because I don' t
[36:07] want to have any legal problems or problems with your parents. Then I'
[36:12] m asking you to leave my house and I' m not selling you anymore.
[36:16] So I' m in despair, because I talk to a person and
[36:20] tell him who else sells Cristal. It happens to me on the phone of
[36:24] a person from a man I didn' t know and I mark him and
[36:29] he says yes, come to my house and here I give it to you.
[36:30] I' m going home and this man sexually abuses me. So that
[36:39] ' s a second time, a second time, and a fourteen. At
[36:42] fourteen I had my first rape. So, it was pretty complicated, because
[36:49] I wanted drugs, but it happened and I left his house. I didn
[36:53] ' t tell my parents. At the time I spoke to a friend to
[36:58] tell him and in that week he tried to kill me because I was already
[37:04] there. I think shutting up all that was happening was what was killing me.
[37:12] Not being able to talk about what was going on. You have a
[37:17] suicide attempt. Yes, I took pills and cut myself and with alcohol and
[37:25] I went and told my mom I mean, I started to feel really bad
[37:29] and I got scared and I told my mom that I had taken pills,
[37:32] that I was feeling really bad, that I passed out and already they took
[37:37] me to the hospital to get a lashed this and heal and heal you like
[37:53] it happened, well, in my eighth rehabilitation center, that it was here
[37:59] in Mexico City, I was interned for a year and that' s where
[38:04] the magic happened it' s called then, you can say yes cure Kuruk
[38:13] and there is a therapeutic community that, in fact, comes from a model
[38:17] of Spain, that there are very few here in Mexico, country with this
[38:22] model therapeutic community and I was interned for a year and what happened was many
[38:30] things. The first thing is that my parents started going to therapy, something
[38:34] they had never done. The one who went to Therapy was me, but
[38:38] we never realized that it was a system that needed to be healed, the
[38:44] one that needed to be spoken, fixed, embraced. So we got my
[38:51] parents to go to therapy separately and together. So that helped me a lot.
[38:58] Another thing is that I once again believed in God, something I had
[39:01] a long time without believing in anything, and faith helped me enough to renew
[39:08] myself, to feel that if I could feel that honesty was not alone.
[39:15] Silvia, I was a very lying person, very manipulative, who stole,
[39:22] who assaulted, that the truth is that it was, as I tell you
[39:28] another person, then being able to be honest with myself and accept my mistakes
[39:37] and ask forgiveness and stop blaming my parents because a long time I blamed them
[39:46] was because I drugged myself because they divorced. And it' s not like
[39:51] that. It wasn' t like that. The truth is that they did
[39:53] everything they could with what they had, from love, from their teaching,
[40:00] from theirs, from theirs, my parents, they suffered a lot, a
[40:07] lot And to understand that for me it was quite complicated, because I said
[40:12] it was their fault and I want to hurt them. And since you hurt
[40:15] me, I' m gonna hurt you the same way you hurt me.
[40:19] And that was my thought. And when in the therapeutic community I realize that
[40:24] it was not so, that I could forgive them and that they also asked
[40:30] me for forgiveness and that everyone has a responsibility and not blame. It was
[40:35] beautiful to realize that. The other day he' s talking to a friend
[40:43] and told me UFFF is already in fifth rehab, better than the impossible these
[40:50] parents. Eight times there is no love more unconditional than that. My parents
[40:58] really thank them very much that they have not given up, because many times
[41:05] Silvia told her already leave her, that is, let her touch bottom,
[41:08] let her end up in the street, let her end up whoring, let
[41:14] her, let her see that and already she will understand and ask them for
[41:19] help. And my parents never, never gave up. My mom did what
[41:24] she could. My mom listened to me, hugged me, looked after me,
[41:30] apologized, cried, begged me to leave him. He told me he
[41:37] needed and my dad was the fort that said, the one that made the
[41:43] decision to intern and said good once again. In fact, I was taken
[41:46] to intern the last time and it was very painful for my parents and remembering
[41:52] it hurts me a lot too. They took me handcuffed to the rehab center
[42:00] because I was already very aggressive. So imagine my dad' s chauffeur,
[42:05] my dad, and I was behind handcuffed in the car on the way to
[42:09] a rehab center, and my dad says it' s one of the most
[42:14] painful things he' s ever had in his life to take me away like
[42:19] this and you' re aware at the time I wasn' t very angry,
[42:24] very angry. What would you tell those parents that they have a child
[42:32] now in a situation smoking crystal marijuana. What would you tell them? I
[42:44] would tell you not to give up, that this is a very painful thing,
[42:51] that I understand that you are having a very bad time, but that
[42:55] also your child or your relative is having a very bad time, because many
[43:01] times you think that what is on purpose or what is hidden or what is
[43:06] to harm. And I think when you' re getting high, it'
[43:09] s a big cry for help. When you' re begging, it'
[43:14] s a very big cry for help, it' s a cry for help
[43:19] that we can' t, that we can' t ask otherwise. I,
[43:22] at the time, didn' t know how I really didn' t
[43:27] know what to say. I didn' t know how to tell my mom,
[43:30] Mom, I just need a hug, Dad I just need you to
[43:36] listen to me, Dad I just need you to tell me that I'
[43:43] m important to you that I don' t want to disappoint you, but
[43:44] I know I' ve let you down. And in the end, being
[43:46] able to say all these words didn' t know how. So my way
[43:51] of saying ey see me I need help was through the drug. And besides,
[43:59] the only thing that makes the drug worse is the situation. It is
[44:04] always a Band- Aid to distract you with pleasure or disinhibit you or make
[44:12] you feel nothing. But in the end, any drug leads you to a
[44:17] worse path with whomever you are. And then we talked about your family.
[44:23] I think they never stopped being family. This is the proof. Never.
[44:31] If they hadn' t been a united family, you wouldn' t have
[44:35] made it through. That' s right, and I think this brought us
[44:40] together much more really than my addiction has brought us together, changed us,
[44:46] taught us, taught us, taught us. And today I' m proud
[44:51] today, I' m talking about my story. With all pride, I
[44:54] can say that I am addicted in recovery, because I think it changed our
[45:00] lives forever. It' s been a long time. Yeah, five years,
[45:04] five years. You' ve been beaten once. Yes, many times,
[45:08] many times, fifteen times, twenty times. Which one calls you the
[45:13] most, the crystal, the crystal always. That was my impact drug and
[45:22] what do you think not to fall. I think of my parents, I
[45:29] think of someone who hasn' t talked about, who' s my sister,
[45:32] my sister hurts a lot. It' s a subject I' ve
[45:37] done her a lot, a lot of damage, and I haven' t
[45:43] been able to be right with her to date. I mean, to this
[45:44] day. We' re not okay, we' re not talking yet.
[45:47] We did talk, but very little. And she' s very angry or
[45:52] very sad. Or I don' t know what' s wrong with him,
[45:55] because he won' t talk to me. Then I don' t
[45:58] know how you feel about me. All I know is that I hurt her
[46:01] a lot with your sister' s twenty satie. You don' t think
[46:06] she can feel that he took you out of attention and affection in any way.
[46:10] Yes, because I did take her because it was Montse It' s
[46:17] wrong Mons Help is needed. Montse is getting high and, as ana,
[46:21] Sophia is fine, because you don' t have to pay attention because she
[46:25] ' s so normal. So, yeah, I think she' s really
[46:30] tired of me. Yeah, it' s gonna take time, I know.
[46:37] It will take time and in this situation not only forgiveness, not because
[46:44] you already know that I ask forgiveness, yes, but I do feel that
[46:46] he is in a lot of pain. Me too, and you have to
[46:50] talk about that pain. That' s right, and there' s an
[46:53] extraordinary teacher who' s you. Thank you, we dedicated this program to
[46:59] your mom, what' s your mom' s name, my mom,
[47:00] Diana, Diana, your dad was, you werest and your sister Ana Sophia
[47:09] you' re a very strong woman, thank you that the vast majority of
[47:15] people would have thrown in the towel and it was your dads. It was
[47:20] you and it was your sister. That' s because your sister, in
[47:25] part, gave her attention and affection to you. Yes, Ana, Sofia,
[47:34] she' s an extraordinary woman. Yeah, yeah, that' s
[47:39] her. He always tells me the word, I don' t know.
[47:43] He always asked her how you are and they tell me I don' t
[47:46] know you want this. I don' t know you want to be,
[47:50] you want to go out with me. I don' t know and I
[47:52] feel like I want to be with you, but I' m angry.
[47:57] Then I tattooed the word. I don' t know in his honor,
[48:01] because he always tells me he doesn' t know, and I feel he
[48:05] ' s at a stage of not knowing, you say, I felt like
[48:15] you said, but I don' t know what emotions and feelings he has
[48:20] exactly and what happens when you don' t talk about it, when I
[48:24] what when you don' t talk about your emotions or your feelings, because
[48:30] you can fall into an addiction or something or some mental disorder, some depression,
[48:34] anxiety, a lot of things. I really love the word addiction,
[48:37] which means no word. So the word addiction means without a word without speaking
[48:47] and being able to speak. I' ve always been healed I' ve
[48:52] been told and taught in the center that everything you can talk about, you
[48:57] can just heal it and find a word, there will be exact. There
[49:00] is a word that I love, which reflects a very painful state, which
[49:07] is called alexitimia. I say so. I' m talking about him so
[49:12] much that it' s the inability to say what you' re feeling.
[49:20] You have the inability to say it, but you' re feeling it,
[49:25] you' re having those very hard emotions and you need to work. That
[49:30] ' s because look at lexithynia and addition. Those two paraminite words go together.
[49:37] Sure, your sister needs you. I know, your sister needs you,
[49:45] and I think she needs you. Many young people who are watching this
[49:50] program and I would like you to fire him thanks to all those young people,
[49:58] especially young people, because we have, we have young people. You
[50:04] didn' t love that. We have the young people who are walking down
[50:08] the road. I think I' m young. I' m very excited,
[50:13] very young. Of course, adolescence is a very painful process. It
[50:16] ' s kind of painful because all your ideals are broken at once. You
[50:22] ' re more sensitive, you' re going at different speeds, your bana
[50:30] physicist, your hormones, your emotions at the same time break all the ideals
[50:36] you had of your childhood. You find yourself with a tremendously unfair world and
[50:40] it' s hard. Adolescence is suffering, it' s difficult, and
[50:46] you forget it. But what would you say, especially to all those people
[50:52] and they' re thinking of flirting with a substance. I' d tell
[50:58] you to listen to me, I heard what happened to me and it can
[51:01] happen to you. I think just because we' re teenagers, we think
[51:07] nothing' s gonna happen to us, that we' re invincible, that
[51:13] we can do whatever we want, fun, life, breaking rules, and
[51:17] he' s a father. Obviously, have fun, but be very careful
[51:22] and ask yourself for what, for what. Remember that the pursuit of pleasure
[51:28] is a way to anesthetize emotionally what you don' t want to deal with
[51:32] exactly. Then why do you want to fall asleep or why do you want
[51:39] to be distracted, why do you want to be distracted, why do you
[51:45] what I' d ask you, it' s not don' t get
[51:45] want to forget, so you want to not feel exact. That' s
[51:50] high. We already know that as young people, we already know that it
[51:54] is bad drug more, the effect, yes, you say, an effect,
[51:57] yes, yes, yes, you do, but the price, the
[52:00] price you are paying for that effect is very high. That' s right,
[52:07] and he' s also asking for help. Call for help. I
[52:10] think asking for help can save your life in anything, not just talking about
[52:16] drugs or alcohol. If you feel sad, ask for help. If you
[52:22] ' re lonely, ask for help. If you feel like you' re
[52:25] being bullied or something' s going on in your school, talk and ask
[52:29] for help. That I can handle everything. It' s very dangerous.
[52:32] It' s easier to apologize than to ask for help to complement I'
[52:37] m self- sufficient. It' s just that I can handle everything,
[52:39] it' s just that I can do it alone, well, if you
[52:40] can do it alone. But there is a very fatherly phrase that I was
[52:45] taught in the center that says only I can do it, but I can
[52:51] ' t do it alone. So that' s like another message for us
[52:55] young people, to say, the only one who' s going to be
[53:00] able to change is you and you. To do it for you I understood
[53:04] that to stop consuming was out of love for myself. It was because I
[53:08] wanted to be alive and not be dead. It was to renew me,
[53:14] to revive me, to be reborn because only I can do it, but
[53:20] I can' t do it alone. And there' s something very important.
[53:22] I always skip it, which is the spiritual part. Having a purpose
[53:28] of life is so important and your purpose of life now, Monse, is
[53:34] extraordinary. Thank you. Thanks for doing it, thanks for getting it.
[53:40] Thank you because every day is a challenge to you. Yeah, and this
[53:45] is never gonna end until your life is over. So, then, every
[53:51] day is a new challenge and you' re an Amazon just for today,
[53:55] just for today. Thank you very much. Thank you. You like this
[54:10] testimony. You think I can help someone share it with you. Don'
[54:16] t forget to click on my social networks, which are Silvia Olmedo for YouTube,
[54:22] Silvia Olmedo for Instagram and Silvia Olmedo official for Facebook, and remember that,
[54:28] before judging to tag a person, try to understand why faces we see
[54:34] suffering. We don' t know.

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