# Fui cómplice del maltrato a mi madre - Episodio 88

An episode of [CARAS VEMOS SUFRIMIENTOS](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1614156002), 11 Jul 2024, 1 h 10 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/60124736/66_me_senti_complice.mp3

¿Verderamente se puede ser cómplice del maltrato a tu mamá por parte de tu papa si solo eres una niña? Gracias Lulú por tu generosidad. Este programa no es terapia; si piensas que la puedes necesitar acude a un psicólogo/a clínico o psiquiatra. Si necesitas terapia, evita aquellas personas sean youtubers, psicóologo/a de la TV y que quieran lucrar contigo. Conviértete en un supporter de este podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/caras-vemos-sufrimientos--6047464/support.

## Transcript

[0:05] Faces, we see sufferings, don' t we know? Welcome to faces,
[0:15] we see suffering, don' t we know? This programme is aimed
[0:20] at education and documentary purposes. Today we' re going to talk about a
[0:28] situation because it' s hard. It' s very hard to live with
[0:33] a guilt and live with guilt to what extent it was your fault and lulu
[0:40] welcome. Thank you very much, thank you very much to you Silvia.
[0:44] I proposed to you a headline and you said yes, although then I'
[0:48] ll challenge you. What do you think, okay perfect, the show'
[0:53] s gonna start. I was an accomplice to my mom' s abuse,
[0:59] ok Your mom teacher your dad, a very educated man with a management position
[1:07] and at what point you start to realize there' s something weird, ok
[1:12] I remember my seven years. I' m walking from my bedroom to the
[1:18] bathroom, a hallway that I remember the steps I was taking and I hear
[1:23] my dad say really bad things to my mom and I hear blows that I
[1:29] didn' t know exactly what it was. If they were blows to a
[1:30] person, if they had fallen to someone, if they had fallen objects,
[1:34] that is, they were blows to the wall blows to the door, like
[1:40] from a closet. I identified him at the time as the closet of my
[1:44] parents, the closet of wood, the sound of wood. I have it
[1:49] in mind. I was going to the bathroom and my parents' bedroom was
[1:53] on the left side where I was going to the bathroom. This was the
[1:56] night. That' s what I remember. I could say the story for
[2:00] me started there. You started to notice strange noises. You associated it with
[2:10] something negative. At that moment I associated him with something negative because of the
[2:15] words I heard, I' m bears of my mom and dad, I
[2:20] heard threat, threatening words like shut up they' re going to listen to
[2:27] you and rudeness, let' s say rudeness. So yes, for me
[2:29] it was negative for rudeness. And as quietly as it was, it wasn
[2:34] ' t anything pretty and I wasn' t screaming. It was quiet,
[2:37] it wasn' t soft. But I heard the beatings. I basically heard
[2:40] the dry knocks doing what at the time I thought were the doors of my
[2:46] parents' closet and you had brothers. Yeah, I' m the oldest
[2:51] and at the time I had only one brother. I took him a year,
[2:54] eight months, I was seven years old and he' d be five
[2:58] and he' d be about five and you know if your brother has memories
[3:01] of these episodes. No, my brother doesn' t remember anything. I
[3:04] ' m forty- nine years old. My brother is forty- seven and
[3:07] he says he doesn' t remember anything at all. After that day.
[3:14] You remember what happened after that day the next day, the morning was routines
[3:19] of what I called normal. In time. I realize they weren' t
[3:23] normal either My mom was always in charge You know, going to school for
[3:30] breakfast and getting ready if any of us, my brother or I, didn
[3:35] ' t get up early, because it was my mom' s responsibility.
[3:37] It wasn' t my mom' s fault because she hadn' t picked
[3:38] us up, that is, everything that we, apparently my dad, didn
[3:43] ' t do. Good. It was her responsibility. That' s what
[3:46] I remember and how it was with your mom and your dad. Well,
[3:54] with my mom, she was very loving. My mom was a super loving
[3:58] mom, very, very, very, very affectionate. He was trying so
[4:02] hard for me at the level of my food, always my favorite food.
[4:06] He was worried he' d eat well. She was a teacher at the
[4:12] same school where I went to school. That' s really nice. Well,
[4:16] in my case, yes, it was very nice, because my mom
[4:18] was like a lot with my finger then she was really cute. Then my
[4:24] relationship with her was very loving. And the relationship with my dad was,
[4:27] at the time for me, fantastic, fantastic. I admired him so much
[4:32] and my dad since very little. He approached me to read in English and
[4:36] Spanish and to analyze the reading and it was very much to reflect on programs
[4:44] that at that time were very little. We watched Channel Two, the five
[4:48] and the thirteen here in Mexico and I remember some political programs that there were
[4:56] if I remember correctly, I think it was I don' t remember if
[4:58] it was good, I don' t remember the channel, but it was
[5:02] a super adult political annals and my dad taught me how to analyze and discern
[5:06] those issues. So for me it was like Wow, I mean, at
[5:09] what age that was seven or eight years, I mean, I was teaching
[5:12] you to have critical thinking. Yeah, yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
[5:15] Yeah? Cultus books, books you read. I think that, per
[5:19] week with my dad, we would read three or four because it was a
[5:24] competition. As I say, these books are different political ideologies and then we
[5:30] talk about what you think of each one of the ideologies. No. Then
[5:34] the house was full of books. I remember coming out the dining room was
[5:40] totally books. So, for me it was taught me to read very quickly.
[5:46] It was as a contest with him, to read quickly and to understand
[5:48] what he was reading. So, to me that was exciting. He taught
[5:54] me to do, for example, the lyrics of different sizes and imitate letters
[5:59] to distinguish your sizes from the greatest we could do to the smallest. After
[6:04] that it became for me a self would say that a tok though to imitate
[6:10] the lyrics of my teachers for example, to imitate them behind my companies,
[6:13] that is to say a bessive compulsive restauration, that is to say you saw
[6:17] a letter. I wanted to say I already had to imitate, so I
[6:19] had to pretend that everything I did with my dad at home moved him to
[6:23] school, for example, what I remember was my dad' s, that
[6:26] is, for me to have the best grade was to go back to him
[6:31] and tell him what he was. This was as I see it now,
[6:33] like a kitten taking a little bird to someone who owns it, something like
[6:38] that. It was like telling him, because I have another day. What
[6:43] your brother was like, my brother with me took us a year, eight
[6:46] months. We fought all the time. All the time we fought because there
[6:51] was a very subtle comparison of me. My brother was very agile, very
[6:58] strong, very small, just like me, small in stature, very strong,
[7:01] physically with many abilities, but subtly at home. He always got off
[7:06] on my dad' s side It was always like putting mine up and getting
[7:12] it off him. Then. That' s a feature I did realize,
[7:17] but it was kind of good. So it' s like that' s
[7:24] the dynamic. Many times my mom made me, notice, notice, notice,
[7:28] say, start arguments, but it was like power not to compare the
[7:31] exact, exact, exact children, but he does this, that is she
[7:36] comes this, but it makes her magnificently good, this, etcetera. My
[7:40] mom always tried to make up for it, but somehow they ended up in
[7:46] an argument. It wasn' t always what caught my attention now. It
[7:51] was always like my dad, putting me the woman, the older one,
[7:56] like the super wow, and the others were like good, the extras that
[8:01] were there. That' s what really catches my attention. And that'
[8:03] s what one of the things I started telling my story about. Like I
[8:09] said uy, I' m seeing what it' s doing to you,
[8:11] what my dad was doing to me, I' m seeing it with x
[8:16] girl, not little more, and then that' s like that I started
[8:20] to detect, like wow, I mean, there' s a parameter here,
[8:26] there' s a pattern here that I' m seeing and that I
[8:26] lived. That' s how I started to realize it and how it progresses
[8:33] let' s say that abuse and that ally towards you my dad gives me
[8:43] a diary. I was very young, too. I relate all this Between
[8:45] seven and nine years old he gave me a diary of his written by him
[8:48] in fist and letter and he began to tell me about his childhood. His
[8:52] dad, my paternal grandfather, didn' t have a normal relationship with his
[8:56] mom. He was a judicial cop, my grandmother was a nurse. My
[9:03] grandmother returns to her village in Hidalgo, and my grandfather goes for the baby,
[9:07] that is, my dad, and steals it from my grandmother when he
[9:09] was two months old and burns her house. To my grandmother they return to
[9:18] the State of Mexico and in the State of Mexico it is where my grandfather
[9:22] has many couples, all at the same time women and with all had children
[9:28] more than one son at the same time and my dad lived with all those
[9:35] couples, that is to say, he was your grandfather, with many couples
[9:39] and with many children, and he and your dad is raised there yes,
[9:46] and why your dad shows you a diary of an adult, when you have
[9:52] the understanding and development and maturity of a person, of a boy, of
[9:56] a seven- year- old girl. I don' t understand. No,
[9:56] I don' t understand. I myself might now think that but that
[10:01] ' s something of mine to victimize, but at that moment I don'
[10:05] t understand. I was very small. I can describe you even the paper
[10:07] money, the lyrics my dad. I remember sometimes I said, but these
[10:13] leaves are like this and I said yes, but they were my tears.
[10:15] For example, then it was for me I was about seven years old and
[10:20] for me, my dad from that moment, in my brain, I was
[10:24] already poor everything I lived, poor boy all childhood, everything they did to
[10:28] him, everything, but anyway we were going to eat and anyway it was
[10:33] the funny, the nice, my grandfather, the respect to your grandfather.
[10:39] Then it was very compressed vision yes, yes, yes, exactly, very
[10:41] strange. That' s because, on the other hand, on the side
[10:46] of my mom, with my maternal grandparents as far as I lived, it
[10:54] was all harmony, cute, the same marriage, the only direct guys she
[10:58] had. Then it was very strange, but I was between seven and nine
[11:03] years old. That' s a feature that I' m really skipping.
[11:07] He gave me too much information too soon and gave me information about his life
[11:13] to place himself in a position with me as the poorest, poorest of my
[11:18] dad. The first time you remember your dad mistreats your mom, they'
[11:22] re seven Follow that abuse. I don' t relate it, so close
[11:30] right now, but the next thing I can tell you is an episode.
[11:31] On Christmas, on December 24th, we were going to have dinner with my
[11:37] dad' s friends, my dad' s friends and I remember they were
[11:43] all singing, because that' s amazing in front of people was everybody'
[11:48] s wau singing, playing guitar, all together and all of a sudden,
[11:54] my dads aren' t in my scene. It' s not me.
[11:54] I' m going to the bathroom, I' m also going out from
[11:58] the scene where we' re in the dining room. I' m going
[12:00] to the bathroom and in an adjoining room, I see my dad having my
[12:05] mom sticking her to the wall telling her all rudeness. It was the first
[12:11] time I stepped in and said what' s going on, what' s
[12:13] going on. No, no, no, it' s okay, et
[12:13] cetera. It' s okay, no, it' s okay. Or
[12:16] that I' m going to the bathroom. I was very small. I
[12:20] ' m also going back to the bathroom. We went back to where the
[12:24] dining room is and my dad was singing again. My mom was already looking
[12:28] sad but hiding and again she was still like the Christmas painting. That'
[12:35] s the second episode I remember, but from there I can tell you infinity,
[12:41] that is, my memories of violence. It' s out of my
[12:43] bedroom. I' m on my way to the left side. I'
[12:45] m going to the bathroom hallway and on the left side, you' re
[12:48] going to fill my parents' room. Then I start going the same blows.
[12:52] Those sounds I told you it was like that. Then I open my
[12:56] parents' door. It was open and it' s the first time I
[12:58] ' ve seen my dad banging on the shoulders with his fists closed, my
[13:05] mom with her two fists closed turns her back on me. He can'
[13:09] t see I' m carrying the door. He takes a gun and puts
[13:11] it in his temples and says rude things again. Then I close the door.
[13:16] I play like I play I say I can pass, and my mom
[13:22] looks what you want, what you need. Not that I can' t
[13:24] sleep. I can pass, please, okay, yeah, then they open
[13:26] me up and it was a total sneaking scene like nothing happened. I don
[13:33] ' t see the gun or anything. So I said well, this is
[13:35] it. It' s already happening there to you this story. I said
[13:39] this is as usual. I mean, for me, in my word,
[13:43] it was always. Anyway, she was very young. I didn' t
[13:48] ask, they didn' t tell me, they didn' t even talk
[13:52] about what made me get more alert. My dad started drinking a lot,
[13:58] to my mind, I think he' s been drinking since before, but
[14:01] at least since I saw him Monday through Friday. He was an exemplary executive.
[14:07] I' m saying this because a lot of people from your company were
[14:11] going to eat and they had it as the engineer' s wow or super
[14:13] plus. Not this way. Then, starting on Fridays, my dad started
[14:18] drinking a lot, a lot of beer or bacardí the most traditional thing in
[14:28] Mexico. No more x from Mexico. He started drinking a lot and he
[14:33] got lost and the first few times he was kind of hiding. My mom
[14:35] took him to the room. Nothing happened, but then, already in front
[14:39] of me, I started treating her very badly with rudeness or pulling her or
[14:46] throwing a glass at her or hitting the table. Or I remember a lot
[14:52] of episodes of driving, driving, and he, all of a sudden,
[14:56] turning around and pulling her in the hair and telling her why you didn'
[15:00] t warn me, that she was high, why you didn' t warn
[15:01] me. Quel knows. So we were, like my brother and I,
[15:03] like, okay what' s going on. When he drank, he didn
[15:09] ' t hide in front of us. Then I started buying books about alcoholism
[15:18] that they sold at the school where I was two blocks away, there was
[15:22] a newsstand. Then I bought a lot. Everything. My dad used to
[15:26] tell me to read everything. Then I bought from the Cowboy Book to the
[15:30] Bolillo magazine, to me min Pingüin, that' s all. I remember
[15:35] there was a magazine also called I don' t think I remember Alarma.
[15:43] It was called Alarm and it was all horrible and fuzzy there was. Then
[15:48] I remember I told the magazine standlord that if I could, please, get
[15:54] some magazine articles where they would talk about people drinking alcoholism, here I am
[15:58] already talking about the age of ten. So this gentleman from the newspaper station
[16:04] got me articles on alcoholism and I started there because it' s not like
[16:10] now. There were no cell phones, no Internet, nothing. Then he
[16:14] gave me articles about alcoholism and I started to see everything, and then I
[16:18] sat down with my mom, that is, I at eleven I sat down
[16:22] with my mom and I said, Look, my dad what he has is
[16:26] called alcoholism and these are the parameters. So what did he say? Yes,
[16:32] yes, if your dad has a drinking problem, that is, he
[16:37] didn' t deny it, no, no, no, yes, yes,
[16:40] he does, then I tell him and we' re the ones who
[16:44] have to help him. No, I mean, we, as a family,
[16:47] are the ones who have to help him, because here the situation is
[16:49] that if we, as a family, go with him some clinic or something,
[16:56] then he can heal this situation. And my mom said yes to me,
[16:59] but the problem is that my dad has to want to. He has
[17:02] to want it first, we talk about it like two days. I hear
[17:06] a beating at the door and I go out quickly and I see my mom
[17:11] lying down, lying down, super banging, and my dad tells him it
[17:15] ' s the last time you mention that I' m an alcoholic and that
[17:19] I have to go to therapy. That' s the last time you mention
[17:22] it. Yeah, from there, my decision was to victimize him more.
[17:30] I mean, I told my mom, poor thing, look, I gave
[17:33] my mom the diary, my dad' s diary, I said look,
[17:36] poor thing. He lived all this, please forgive him. I' m
[17:41] sure you don' t. I' m sure he didn' t do
[17:44] it to you on purpose. So that' s what he said. He
[17:47] told me it' s not right what he' s doing and I said
[17:51] please forgive him. That' s where I can talk to you about a
[17:56] long time to see you hit her and I' m telling you please forgive
[18:00] me. My mom said I want you to know that I' m doing
[18:07] things to get us out of this environment. I think that saves me now
[18:11] as an adult. My mom used to tell me I want you to know
[18:14] that I' m doing things to get us away from this environment, because
[18:18] this isn' t right, and deep down I wasn' t listening to
[18:21] you so much, I mean, that' s great. Yeah, he
[18:22] was telling me this isn' t right. But every time my mom said
[18:23] that to me I remember once perfect that I told Mom, you tear my
[18:27] guts, you tear my guts apart. I couldn' t be away from
[18:33] my dad. Please forgive me. Is it that you make an effort?
[18:38] He' s a victim, you' re a victim of his dad You
[18:41] ' re a victim of childhood. I' m asking you, please,
[18:44] to make an effort. I remember my mom crying a lot and hugging me
[18:48] a lot. That' s your brother who said my brother was no,
[18:52] no. I don' t remember exactly what it was. It' s
[18:56] as if I' ve erased my brother, too. But my brother doesn
[18:57] ' t show up at the scenes. The scenes appear to me when I
[19:03] mistreated him, that I mistreated him without my mother also realizing then, for
[19:10] example, I remember also handling him. He was a very angry person to
[19:15] drive if someone came across him, if someone got in front of him before.
[19:18] It was a typical feature, it was to tell him some rudeness always
[19:25] being fighting when it came to driving and once he got a tire. We
[19:27] got a tire. He was drunk too and my brother was five years old
[19:32] and told him to come down and change the tire. I was saying,
[19:34] Dad' s five. We' ve never changed a tire. No,
[19:37] I' m not telling you. I' m telling him to come down
[19:40] rudely and change the tire. Then my brother got off. My dad got
[19:45] off, opened his trunk and gave him the cat to change it. The
[19:48] tool and my brother said I didn' t know what to do and he,
[19:53] rudely humiliating him, didn' t hit him, but rudely humiliating.
[19:56] Then I hugged my dad, not my brother. I hugged my dad and
[20:02] said, please, please, let' s go, let' s go
[20:03] up and now I ask someone else to help us, that is, YOU
[20:07] your dad would listen to everything I said. My dad ended up doing everything
[20:12] I said. I mean, it was awesome already when when I was more
[20:17] conscious, I remember that once I even said hey, Dad you can we
[20:22] were also in the car. He had him taken away. Another one took
[20:26] one of his children from him that he had with another woman, Baby Chiquito.
[20:30] He was on the wheel of the car, also drunk with my baby
[20:36] brother. I was there twelve years old and then he was already leaving with
[20:42] the Baby started a few blocks and I reached him running because he was going
[20:48] super bad. I came running and said please, Dame, I' m
[20:51] not giving the name. I' d rather not give the name, but
[20:52] if I do not ever, please give it to me. So my mom
[20:56] on the other side, too, I' ve been telling her about the
[21:00] baby, Dame, the baby, you can' t drive like that.
[21:00] Don' t be rude, I won' t give it to you,
[21:03] etcetera. My mom was taking pictures and I was saying she' s taking
[21:10] pictures. It' s crazy he' s taking pictures. Okay. So
[21:15] I said give me the baby, Dad and I gave it to him.
[21:19] He gave it to me. Then I said, please, park there on
[21:22] the right. I was already aware to see if he was really listening to
[21:26] me, please park, right there? It was parked on the right,
[21:30] it was like I touched it, if I hugged it, if I made
[21:34] contact and my dad did everything I told him. He gave me the baby.
[21:38] I gave the baby to my mom and my mom called her to be
[21:41] a boy who had been laid by the mother. Of course, he repeated,
[21:45] but that was many times repeated what his father did He took away a
[21:51] woman from his son. Yeah, it lasted hours because my mom gave it
[21:53] back, of course. But I remember one of the things that I was
[21:56] really mad at my mom was when we had, when certain things happened,
[22:02] because taking the child away from another of her partners became a regular thing.
[22:07] One day he came with three brothers from another family and I said who he
[22:11] is on and my mom tells me if I know the existence of these children
[22:15] and I know he' s here? And I remember my mom calling these
[22:18] kids' mom. He told him your kids are here. Please come get
[22:22] them or you want me to take them, but he brought them here.
[22:25] They' re fine, et cetera. And I remember my mom taking pictures
[22:27] and I was saying why she' s taking pictures. Your mom knew your
[22:33] dad had lovers with whom he had children, but she didn' t know,
[22:38] she didn' t argue with your dad at first. Not after,
[22:42] yeah, after, yeah. My mom used to tell me we' re
[22:47] living things that no one should live. We' re in an environment that
[22:48] ' s not right. And I remember you telling me I' m doing
[22:52] things to get us out of here. Every time she told me I'
[22:53] m doing something to get us out of here. I hated her. I
[22:57] said no in my mind was. You can' t tear me out of
[23:02] my dad. We can' t leave this poor man alone, that is,
[23:07] my brain was totally there. This poor man can' t be left
[23:08] alone. If we are the mother and daughter, we must help this person.
[23:14] We' re not the right ones. I didn' t know at
[23:21] the time what it meant to take pictures, but well it did. My
[23:25] mom' s environment with her parents was very nice to me. The place
[23:29] in my safe place was the home of my maternal grandparents, on Sundays.
[23:34] We were always on Sundays. It was eating at my grandparents' house with
[23:40] uncles and cousins and always my dad, early on Sundays was telling my mom
[23:44] I don' t feel like going. And I don' t think we
[23:47] ' re going. No, we' re not gonna go that longing to
[23:51] be bothering. Not then I heard it and what I was doing was letting
[23:56] it go for a few minutes. I didn' t see myself talking bubbles
[24:00] or what was there on TV. I as a mind did and I would
[24:03] come back and say hey dad if we' re going home to my grandparents,
[24:07] no, because I want to go eat there. Yeah, yeah,
[24:08] yeah, of course what you tell me and got used to it, or
[24:12] your mom got used to you telling her things to convince your dad or not.
[24:17] For example, don' t get used to her telling me later is
[24:21] not correct. He said it' s not right, because I' m
[24:25] his wife and you' re the daughter. It' s not right.
[24:26] He told me the lurus is not right. I think my mom wanted me
[24:29] to reason. My mom was trying to be right, but at the same
[24:33] time, my mom was really scared. I saw my mom getting older and
[24:36] older. She was very young, getting older and older. His gaze was
[24:41] always sad. And I saw that when my dad did things because he was
[24:45] very nice on the side of when everything was fine, he was very nice,
[24:52] dancing, super funny to get there with any little detail my mom liked
[25:00] not even expensive economic things. I' m not talking about whether my mom
[25:03] liked a pinocho to give her a pinechito. I brought you the pinocho or
[25:08] I' ll make you the cake the way you loved it and it'
[25:11] ll go then. I saw my dad, according to me, trying hard
[25:15] to make things right. And I saw that my mom couldn' t do
[25:19] it anymore, that my mom was hiding, and that too I was asking
[25:23] her in private. I was telling him why if my dad' s trying
[25:26] to do things, well, because you don' t accept what he'
[25:30] s already trying to do, he' s trying to compose everything. And
[25:33] she told me private there are things that are no longer composed. I wish,
[25:37] I wish. I think she told me a lot. I wish I
[25:41] had the right words to make you see that it' s not right,
[25:47] that it' s not right, that there are things that fix us.
[25:49] And I was terrified that I' d split up, terrified that I'
[25:53] d split up. And your dad was telling you about that, that your
[25:56] mom' s good, that she said about your mom, no, my
[25:59] dad didn' t, he didn' t tell me much about my mom.
[26:00] In fact, I think our talks were pretty gulatras. Well, now
[26:04] I' m sure our talks revolved around the two of us, that is,
[26:08] our talks were still with books. I started with a book a fourth
[26:14] year of elementary school, with a book of science in English and mathematics that
[26:18] cost me work and my dad did everything to me, for example, what
[26:22] I didn' t understand at best. A week in math. I would
[26:26] come to my dad on a Thursday and he would tell me, okay,
[26:29] what you didn' t understand this and I remember that it was a way
[26:33] to explain the maths that were coming right in. There was no room for
[26:36] my mom or my sister in ours and you realized it in our time.
[26:40] I didn' t realize or realize that I was telling her to forgive the
[26:45] guy who was assaulting her. Not every day then for me. On the
[26:51] contrary, for me it was, as I say, clear to me the
[26:56] readings of his diary. I believe that to me at that time, if
[27:02] I had to tell you which was the predator of your brain, to me
[27:07] it would be that diary you gave me. Things were coming to me through
[27:10] reading. My photographic memory and my brain were very much handled by reading.
[27:15] I don' t know if he did it on purpose or if it was
[27:18] something that happened. Physical abuse escalated. Yeah, the physical mapping went up.
[27:26] My dad had a collection of weapons and began to threaten her more regularly
[27:36] more often with a gun and came and fired shots into the air. I
[27:41] didn' t know until then what his threats were. My mom was so
[27:44] open I didn' t know. For me the only thing was that there
[27:48] were blows Monday through Friday. It was all my dad, it was all
[27:52] love and on Friday he started a super- problem of mood change or situations
[27:56] that made him. He was looking for any preteno to get angry, because
[28:00] then on Friday he was already leaving with any of the other families. Then
[28:03] we knew, not that it was as usual. In fact, for example,
[28:08] we went to Disney and my mom gave my dad a Mickin sweatshirt,
[28:12] a gray Micki sweatshirt, and my dad never liked to abuse her. Then
[28:19] my dad started doing very methodical things. When I was dating other women,
[28:23] very methodical. He was angry about something that never got angry and said I
[28:29] need Air, for example, and he took Miki' s sweatshirt, for
[28:32] saying something to you no and then he went away as a distraction. I
[28:36] once started seeing a picture of anyone with the marriage that followed my mom.
[28:41] Well, he didn' t marry the other person, but let' s
[28:45] say the most serious relationship. At the same time as my mom pictures of
[28:49] them in Acapulco, with Disney' s suudara, and then it was going
[28:55] somewhere else, going on vacation, to Irapuato with the other couple and it
[28:57] was Disney' s city. He was very ill and he kept the rest
[29:03] of the children too. Or no, no, he didn' t even
[29:07] keep us. Not even. No, no, my dad, look,
[29:11] my dad was a gentleman who had product sales strategies, which made him excellent.
[29:17] He held managerial positions in the companies. I remember. At that time
[29:22] there were three very strong companies in Toluca and I really remember the requests.
[29:26] I remember some people from the companies coming in from senior positions, getting to
[29:32] talk to him like to see which of the three he was leaving with and
[29:36] that for me was and is, and I just as well as behind the
[29:37] door saying but they wanted my dad so it was amazing for sales. He
[29:45] didn' t make any money, because they used alcohol first. Then,
[29:48] for example, he bought a fleet of taxis. He came to have my
[29:52] dad fifteen taxis at the same time saying or buying them but all the people
[29:56] who work, who contacted him to leave me to the taxis. They were
[30:02] all from a group where he drank. Then the taxis ended up colliding.
[30:07] The other one who had taken him. Everything was always a problem, all
[30:11] because he, in addition to the heretical posts, generated income in another way
[30:15] and always everything was a problem. He traveled a lot with the different women
[30:22] and bought a lot of alcohol and also lost money. I mean, I
[30:25] saw him sometimes that he had money and he' d throw it in the
[30:30] air and blow it into the air. I can' t tell you this
[30:30] was usual, but we didn' t have any economic improvement. Then how
[30:36] many means, brethren, have You that I know that I know eighteen,
[30:41] eighteen, eighteen between my age and the least that I knew twenty and twenty
[30:48] - one, And you knew at that time that you had more brothers out
[30:55] of wedlock than you did, yes, I came to see it. Yes,
[30:56] you did. It made me very sad. That one I remember going
[31:02] with my mom in the car once we were out of school. I remember
[31:06] this song that this Spanish boy later sang. Little by little there is only
[31:14] the desire to cry when you see that they were not far away. For
[31:18] example. That' s my soundtrack from a terrible drama. We didn'
[31:21] t go around and my mom said look there I was going to avoid the
[31:26] name that was the person my dad had with, the first children that we
[31:30] met and he was carrying the two brothers and they were my age. Then
[31:33] my mom told me she' s such a stalt. They were going across
[31:37] the street and we were in the car and when this person sees my mom
[31:42] getting in the coffer of the car, she suffers the coffer of the car
[31:48] and starts hitting my mom' s car because you have my partner or my
[31:53] husband a roll like that and I remember my mom coming down. He punched
[32:00] her so much that my mom opened up to him, opened her hand and
[32:05] started crying so much in my mind it' s like if my mom had
[32:09] cried for days because she told me you shouldn' t have seen that ever
[32:15] and I shouldn' t have seen this. I' m going crazy.
[32:20] I' m going crazy. Then, when I saw my mom' s
[32:24] suffering, I saw how she defended me, because the videos were already there.
[32:29] How he defended me there clicked There are situations where your father compares you
[32:35] to your mom or asks your mom for her opinion and then tells you not
[32:39] to think about it or this kind of situation. I didn' t do
[32:43] it that way straight, but it was like my mom said no, we
[32:45] ' re not going. And if I said, please, let' s
[32:46] go and if we go, that' s that kind of thing. Or,
[32:50] for example, once there was an application for a spelling contest, my
[32:55] mom loved spelling and my mom was going to run and my dad said no,
[32:59] Mom, you better run the lulue You' re already as old as
[33:00] you are. And so at the curricular level, I' d rather lulu
[33:06] and say, for example, that you' ve just managed to be a
[33:08] teacher, that is. And what' s any diploma or extra for?
[33:13] What' s it gonna be for? I kind of didn' t and
[33:16] I stopped doing it. Then Mom. My mom used to say that,
[33:19] yeah, I' m gonna do it, but at night there was already
[33:22] a beating because I was gonna do it. Then I didn' t do
[33:25] it because there were physical blows, because I wanted to do that then and
[33:31] already the physical blows became something very usual, super usual, super usual,
[33:37] that when I started to become aware of violence, I always thought about physical
[33:42] blows, without realizing what had happened. Ok with my mom one thing happened,
[33:46] but with me something else happened, which was that it' s the
[33:52] blows to your soul, the blows to your mind, the blows to your
[33:57] emotional stability, the ones you don' t see. Not what makes your
[33:59] mom leave your dad good what she does when she hits him because it was
[34:05] so fast. That' s when this episode happens that she hits her and
[34:10] then held my mom' s hand. Then there I say forgive me,
[34:16] forgive me. Yeah, you' re right. This isn' t right.
[34:19] We got home at night. My dad came in furious because that had
[34:24] happened and he left with everything my mom to hit my mom. Then he
[34:31] didn' t give me there that I was there. Then I took a
[34:34] baiseball bat that my dad had, had my mom up there against the bed
[34:38] hitting her. I grabbed a baseball back and I saw my dad in the
[34:44] head and I saw how my dad was lying on the floor with blood and
[34:49] at that moment I said if I killed him, I killed him, if
[34:54] I killed him, the bad thing, but it was like that it'
[34:59] s not just that day and or that night it was like everything I justified
[35:05] at one point it was ready I understood you. We leave when you tell
[35:08] me, you go with a word of yours so we can leave. So
[35:14] that was about three o' clock in the morning the next day, because
[35:17] we dressed normally, bathed, dressed, went to school. I was in
[35:22] sixth grade. So it' s ten, eleven years, eleven years,
[35:29] eleven years and my mom said ok we' re leaving now. We'
[35:32] re not going back to the house. We' re leaving, but I
[35:36] want you to know that this whole leaving thing starts another new problem, because
[35:38] your dad won' t want us to leave, but we' re leaving.
[35:42] So I said yes, yes, yes. From that moment on I
[35:45] ' m with you then a little girl or eleven years old that everyone was
[35:52] talking to her like she was twenty- five. Yeah, okay, from
[35:53] that moment on, okay, his I' m with you and aside it
[35:59] was like why from this moment on I' m with you? I know
[36:00] who I was to say I' m with you, I' m not
[36:01] with you. It was an impressive pride. I was a lot of pride,
[36:07] a lot of ego, a lot to say, okay, I already
[36:10] decided that I do believe you almost was like that, that is to say,
[36:15] you go from being your father' s wife, to your mother'
[36:19] s wife, almost you' re, or more faith behaving like a son,
[36:20] I explain Yes. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
[36:21] Yeah? Yeah, they get out of the house and what' s wrong
[36:24] with her. He told my paternal grandfather what was already in record with my
[36:29] grandfather that he was telling him, but that my mom didn' t encourage
[36:31] herself to go and say this and I knew it. Then I told my
[36:35] grandfather, Paterno, I believe, Paterno, the son, but the doors
[36:37] of the house are super open for you, for you with your children and
[36:43] he goes and another of my uncles helps him start a divorce process, which
[36:46] is very complicated, because usually when woman leaves now we know it, usually
[36:51] comes back out of fear, threats or so on. We get out and
[36:57] we come back. We came back, we were at my grandparents' house.
[37:01] I don' t remember how long when I was eleven and we'
[37:07] re still back at my dad' s house, that is, we'
[37:09] re back there. I kind of missed out on my mom' s argument.
[37:13] I know now, but at that time it was like a thing of
[37:16] ah ok then maybe, they did talk about it And then maybe, they
[37:21] did fix it and yes, my grandfather said a thousand times to mom and
[37:22] my grandmother is sure, are you sure, are you sure? Yeah,
[37:27] yeah, I' m sure and we' re back. It could have
[37:30] been a period that was fine and then it was all for the worse.
[37:32] It was all for the worse, the end, because he first was not
[37:39] that it' s the typical thing he promised to change. Everything was fine,
[37:42] but the beatings got worse and then before he took care to hit her
[37:45] ahead of me except for that time and then she was already ahead of me
[37:50] And how was your relationship with him, knowing that you and you had already
[37:54] given him a no. I told him dad, you, dad, we
[37:57] need head, therapy. What I was saying, I need to find a
[38:01] way to convince you what therapy was worth and go there at the time.
[38:05] There was an alcohol clinic I had been informed about. I said that I
[38:09] remember doing certain things, I mean, I said I' m not gonna
[38:13] ask my mom for money to take him to alcohol therapy. Then I remember
[38:17] I was doing her homework. Some colleagues were charged and made certain translations,
[38:22] etcetera. I was charging them. I was saving up to take him,
[38:28] to tell him dad it' s not even about the money, i e
[38:30] I already gave it to you, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,
[38:34] to take him to therapy. But not him, no, no,
[38:36] no, no, and he never told you why you hit me. It
[38:40] was never like if it didn' t happen they were like episodes that weren
[38:44] ' t spoken. Never again, never again. He was aware that he
[38:49] beat your mom or that he had so much alcohol he forgot. No.
[38:52] No, no, I first thought it was a lot of alcohol and he
[38:57] forgot, but then he did very conscious things, very conscious and in fact,
[39:00] having two or three couples and taking the children away from their partners and
[39:04] leading to pretend that my mom took care of them. That made him completely
[39:06] conscious, not leaving us some weekends and going with other families cheating on them
[39:12] too, because that also made him conscious without drinking then there was a part
[39:19] of the alcohol, yes, but there was already a part that he had
[39:22] a problem. No, so they come back the second time and when they
[39:25] come out of that second time, we go back to the second time and
[39:30] we were two years, two years, when I' m 13 or so.
[39:34] My mom tells me I' m in a position to leave, but
[39:36] forever. But you know it' s going to be even worse. So
[39:40] I told her my mom, well, I said I' ll tell you
[39:44] one thing. Mom, I' m gonna go, but I' m
[39:45] not coming back. If you come back, you' ll be back.
[39:50] You and I don' t come back anymore, so he said no.
[39:52] We don' t come back anymore. We went to my grandparents' house
[39:57] and that' s where my mom started divorce proceedings. My grandfather gave us
[40:00] a house. Yeah, we lived with them for a few months, but
[40:04] my grandfather gave us a house. But in that house we practically hid.
[40:09] We stopped doing our sports activities in the afternoon. My brother and I because
[40:15] we hid so he wouldn' t find us. I' m letting go
[40:21] of something basic. When we get back, my mom gets pregnant and when
[40:27] we leave again, let' s say the trigger. Or I think my
[40:30] mom needed some evidence or something at the time, but my mom was pregnant.
[40:36] My dad kicked her so much that my brother started dating my mom in
[40:40] the house. Then he took her quickly to the doctor and my brother was
[40:45] born five months of gestation, which is my brother the third, and he
[40:52] was born not, no, not born, well five years of gestation.
[40:54] He was, like, two months in the incubator. And well, it
[40:58] has a thousand physical consequences. It' s a leisure for you. It
[41:01] ' s functional, yes, it' s functional, but it has many
[41:06] physical consequences. So this well, we were now. Now I know how
[41:12] my mom was doing this time so we could go well not and at that
[41:15] point not good. My mom dies on two thousand fourteen. I' m
[41:19] just going is your anniversary, it' s your tenth anniversary. Death today
[41:22] is strong. True Yes, my mom dies of a stroke and left me
[41:27] some little jewels of and leaves me a little note telling me the most important
[41:34] thing for your life, for you to continue, the most important thing for
[41:37] your life and for you to remain free. I' ll leave it here
[41:40] and leave me a little box. It was filled with scrolls of Kodak'
[41:45] s ancients to reveal, full of scrolls I said well, I led them
[41:52] to reveal that how difficult. I did take them to reveal and they were
[41:55] all rolls, with all the photographs he took in our pess moments. When
[42:00] I said because he' s taking pictures, then he left me a pile
[42:07] of evidence in images of what we live in and it wasn' t even
[42:12] necessary to tell me and you do what you can with this. When he
[42:14] died, that is, when I saw him then it served me to say
[42:20] that I was aware of what I had done. But at the same time
[42:22] he killed me too because I said I didn' t realize, I mean,
[42:28] I didn' t realize, I realized until I was a mom,
[42:30] not what she was doing. So, my mom, what she did that
[42:34] time was something that without anyone telling her, she knew she was needing,
[42:37] even if she had her parents and brothers alive. My mom was needing to
[42:42] gather evidence, because, that I' m talking about the' 80s.
[42:46] When she said friends or told you some older guy who wanted to divorce,
[42:52] they said no, no, no, no, and she was going to
[42:54] be the first such of the family, or she was going to lose her
[42:58] job because she was going to be the first divorced woman in the family,
[43:01] etcetera. I don' t tell you my maternal grandparents or direct uncles God
[43:07] farther away, but everywhere they bombarded her that it was impossible for her to
[43:10] divorce. Impossible. So, my mom believed me because of what she left
[43:15] me. What he was doing was collecting evidence and saving, saving his emergency
[43:22] fund. What I now tell other women is your emergency fund. When you
[43:27] leave a man, a man so violent, so violent, so violent that
[43:30] he' s violent in private, no matter how much you have a support
[43:35] network, fear is with you, it' s up to you. Fear
[43:36] is intrinsic or adheres, adheres to your skin. Not then. I remember
[43:40] when we got divorced, when they got divorced, well, I say we
[43:45] got divorced, considered out the other wife, but you saw how I stayed.
[43:46] I got good at it when they divorced and we lived in the new
[43:51] house my grandfather gave us, my mom was afraid to do certain things that
[43:55] she knew how to fully do vian. He was afraid to leave us five
[44:00] minutes to get his clothes out of the washing machine. Or he was afraid
[44:04] to leave us five minutes on the side. Ah don' t threaten them,
[44:08] yes, what left me also written when he died was and tells me
[44:14] I never wanted to say this to you so I wouldn' t beget you
[44:16] I hate your dad. I never wanted to tell you this so I wouldn
[44:19] ' t beget you with him. But the threats were that if I left
[44:22] it, I would never see you again and once my dad invited me to
[44:30] if you remember a michoacán that we were going to see in theory was one
[44:37] of the visits that Fidel Castro was going to be and I don' t
[44:40] know what, and I was totally good. I' m not gonna talk
[44:45] politics, let' s say, but he wanted me to kind of live
[44:47] and take half. Then he told me we' re gonna go like this.
[44:49] I remember my chocan because it comes in one on a visit I don
[44:52] ' t know who and then we' re going to let you see this.
[44:57] Then I took it as if they were in the magazine stand, in
[45:00] the newspaper where they told me news that this politician was coming. If you
[45:06] remember my chocán and there was no news anywhere that the politician was going to
[45:08] go, so he remembers you a lot and took me that way I remember
[45:12] my chocán, he told me a whole story of why the politician had not
[45:15] arrived, because it was not. We spent four amazing days, reading too
[45:20] and looking at the geography there from the places where we had seen and started
[45:24] preaching with a lot of people and started cooking with another lady Well, Mr
[45:29] Wonder, four days perfect when we came back my mom was a ghost.
[45:35] It was a ghost I knew I told her I wasn' t going to
[45:40] see me again that time and it took me four days when she said that
[45:45] when she assured him and promised her that she wouldn' t leave him,
[45:50] we went back, that is, she used you yes to blackmail him.
[45:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah, we' re back then. Well, I
[45:54] didn' t know that until later, long after, then to me,
[46:00] that' s why it makes me so much noise now, about the vicarious
[46:02] violence, about the child abduction your father had, stop looking for you.
[46:07] No, my dad never stopped looking for me, good to everyone when already,
[46:10] for example, I was in the national team since when, for example,
[46:15] and since my dad came to look for me there with a face I
[46:19] ' m dying. I' m, I' m not eating. I
[46:23] ' m bearded that it would put me there where I was training and I
[46:27] said no. No, no, no, I can' t I mean,
[46:29] I can' t stop going, I lost my scholarship when, for
[46:34] example, stop if I don' t see it. I did the whole
[46:37] process of separation and I go back to reading about alcoholism the sequels and I
[46:45] look for it again. I accept when he does not seek, I accept
[46:47] again to see him. But it was always my purpose that it was therapy
[46:52] and that it was some alcohol clinic and it once did. No. No.
[47:00] I had my first child when I was 27. I took him to
[47:05] meet him and my dad had another new partner. He had another new couple.
[47:12] She was pregnant. I had told this woman what my dad was and
[47:15] what he was doing and I told her I' m warning you, I
[47:20] ' m warning you what my dad does and my dad said you' re
[47:22] not lying. That' s not like that. So I said look,
[47:24] Dad, I already have, I' m already a mom and I don
[47:28] ' t want my son to live this anymore. At that time I didn
[47:30] ' t know what it was like to do, zero contact, or know
[47:34] about that term or anything, but I said I don' t want to
[47:36] anymore. I' m leaving is more, I' m going to leave
[47:38] Toluca, basically not to see that that' s basically what you have to
[47:44] do with a person who is an integrated psychopath or a narcissistic personality, with
[47:52] narcissistic personality disorder or with someone who does you so much harm. Although you
[47:54] love it is zero contact, it' s zero and unfortunately I understood it
[48:00] until I was a mom. Not when I said I want my son to
[48:02] see my dad drunk, I want my son to see my dad' s
[48:07] other pregnant woman come crying because my dad did something to him. I mean,
[48:09] I want you to see my son. I don' t have to
[48:13] go And well that joined with my husband also going to go somewhere else Luca
[48:16] and I said it goes more, ever, ever more, never more from
[48:21] my dad on Facebook I had friendship requests and he hasn' t let go
[48:25] to talk to your dad. No. My dad died. I return in
[48:29] the eighteen thousand to Toluca and I am contacted by some brothers, not my
[48:34] brothers, direct brothers of another mother and you tell me is that my father
[48:37] you do not. First I got contacted by a beautiful high school friend who
[48:43] her dad and dad were friends. My dad always with this problem that had
[48:47] the alcohol and everything ended up losing jobs, he ended up losing his house
[48:52] because he also did not allow us to live in what was in the place
[48:55] conyuga. No. Then this one lost everything. And this friend' s
[49:00] dad always helped him with work, had money, I don' t know,
[49:05] but he helped him. And this friend sends me pictures of him and
[49:07] tells me friend, your dad wants to see you your dad is very lonely.
[49:12] He' s super alone and he' s sick. He' s
[49:15] very sick. You don' t have anything to help him at the time.
[49:16] I told him well, my dad has about eighty women not and he
[49:21] has like I don' t know a hundred children. There must be someone
[49:22] who wants to help him. Not me. Then my husband listened to me
[49:28] and my husband said," I mean, you just said I don'
[49:31] t want to help my dad, I mean, I just said it and
[49:36] I said no more, I mean, I can' t anymore, I
[49:37] can' t. We were in the pandemic. That wasn' t forgiveness
[49:42] before. Then I told my friend. You know I' m going through
[49:45] a very complicated process with my dad. I haven' t seen him in
[49:49] so many years and I don' t want to see him. And she
[49:51] used to call me a friend, your dad' s on his own,
[49:53] he doesn' t have any health insurance. And then I, when they
[49:58] told me he doesn' t have medical insurance, he' s not alone,
[50:04] I remembered the diary, I remembered that and I said good. Tell
[50:06] my dad, please, that there is Adolfo López Mateo Santo Luca hospital,
[50:09] that he can go. And this one' s free. And then no,
[50:16] I can' t, I can' t, I' m not
[50:20] good, my daughter told me she' s safe. If I' m
[50:22] not going to see him. Then in the photos I saw my dad'
[50:25] s face, so I' d eat it kisses not in the photos he
[50:28] sent me from my agreed dad, but I said no. What made me
[50:31] say more not honestly, was that I already have another daughter. I had
[50:36] another daughter in the 18th century. Or I have it and I said to
[50:40] see I never understood for a long time that my dad was my mom'
[50:45] s aggressor, but that he was my mental and psychological aggressor and that he
[50:50] was my brothers' aggressor. I didn' t understand for a while.
[50:51] But I' m going to sit this assailant with my daughter. Or I
[50:54] ' m going to tell my daughter that I' m going to go take
[50:58] care of this assailant, I mean, what message I' m going to
[51:00] give my daughter of what I' m going to have this assailant, not
[51:04] even for me anymore. I think if it had been for me, I
[51:07] would have run out again to help him, so I said for my daughter,
[51:13] not my husband would still say lull him for you because of your conscience,
[51:16] because you' re calm and I told him to look. I think
[51:17] I' ve already worked a lot on forgiveness, but for my daughter I
[51:21] can' t go tending to the aggressor. I can' t believe that
[51:25] and how you related to your brothers, because I see your point of view,
[51:30] but you had extraordinary power within the family, that is, typical,
[51:37] unfortunately, because you were a child your brothers, how was your relationship with
[51:40] them. Well, my brothers with the eldest. All the time, we
[51:44] were fighting. All the time, did we fight? All the time,
[51:46] we fought. I wouldn' t like to walk in his life, because
[51:51] even he doesn' t know and I don' t have permission to speak
[51:54] in my brothers' lives. But we always fought when my mom died in
[51:58] the 14th, realize that her death brought us all together like a crazy tail
[52:02] and I think that everyone as far as the three of us, as we
[52:07] could, we started to improve our lives, to change our course, especially
[52:10] my brother, the one who followed me, changed his life in an impressive
[52:14] way, impressive for the better. For good, then we have our differences,
[52:20] like all brothers, but the nicest thing is that they are unconditionally for
[52:25] me and my children. And besides, because almost the will had your mother
[52:30] ' s bulkiness it was fulfilled that you were, we are yes together,
[52:35] yes, to see it from the point of view of your brothers are also
[52:40] and not like your brothers, but this situation. Many are very touched about
[52:45] their self- esteem, because what I thought your father was doing was first
[52:50] to You. I used you for triangular, yeah with your mom, that
[52:55] ' s what I was doing. What happens is that your mom didn'
[52:59] t mean she didn' t take it from staff with you, that'
[53:01] s very nice that some women do. She never took it personally with you.
[53:06] She understood that it was her husband' s strategy to emotionally override using
[53:13] you and you weren' t aware that it was being used. But of
[53:16] course also in comparison with your brothers, you were the brilliant one who read
[53:22] with him, especially the older one, because the little one lived very little
[53:24] with him, who then remained poor to live in that situation. I don
[53:31] ' t mean, I' m zero left on my dad' s side.
[53:35] Then, obviously he also realizes that that person, because he did it
[53:40] very badly and had nothing to do with his abilities, but did not give
[53:44] him the place to grow up as a son. I, my brother,
[53:49] treated him very badly many times, that is, in fact, the one
[53:51] my brother wants to talk to me is like, thank you both, both
[53:57] of you, because then, when you get off with many sequels. I
[54:01] ' m finally a woman who has to keep working on me because I have
[54:06] fits of anger. Obviously, I think, I think, I feel that
[54:12] I myself never had a diagnosis disorder from my dad. I never had a
[54:16] diagnosis in Dad, but I do know the traits and, for example,
[54:22] I don' t have a diagnosis of myself, but I do have a
[54:25] lot of traits that my dad had that tell me I have a portionality disorder.
[54:29] Severo then for me what kind of disorder you jes have that you have
[54:35] good, because it' s a woman that he is a lot. Then
[54:37] I' m sure you' ve got a good one. I think I
[54:38] have the narcissistic disorder on a basic level of consciousness to treat me, but
[54:45] if I don' t treat it, or if I don' t work
[54:52] hard on me, I can destroy my family, I can destroy my friends,
[54:58] I can destroy who I love the most. If I don' t,
[55:00] if I don' t treat myself, you know how many people that
[55:06] are within the spectrum of disorder exist to personality. He says that. I
[55:08] know it is, yes, it is very little. That' s what
[55:15] I' ve said a lot about you. Yeah, yeah. Another thing
[55:16] that says a lot about you is the guilt you feel. You can'
[55:22] t accept that guilt because you were a child. Yeah. I' m
[55:25] aware of it. When they say many times they say or read how good
[55:31] it is that one suddenly chose your souls or that it was what you deserved
[55:37] or it was the couple you were looking for. I said good. Maybe
[55:38] I can buy it for you as a couple, not a couple, love,
[55:45] carnal, etcetera. But I was a daughter, I mean, I
[55:47] didn' t choose that dad I don' t know if I chose him
[55:52] in another universe, etcetera, etcetera. And those theories I' m going
[55:53] to be a little more earthly. Well, if a person puts a sign
[55:57] in Chinese s n s and keeps walking and falls. You can say that
[56:05] person is stupid, not because he doesn' t speak Chinese. Yeah,
[56:07] okay, you were a kid. Yeah. Your ability to understand the environment
[56:14] was very limited, because for a child its referents are his father and his
[56:20] mother. Yes, his mother so that you wouldn' t suffer covered up
[56:25] a lot, yes, and his father put you in a place that you
[56:30] accepted, because, like if an entire son told him, you' re
[56:31] useless. You' re useless to be his helpful. He' s not
[56:35] going to try to do things in the end, because he thinks he'
[56:38] s useless when a father puts you here and here because you believed that mistake,
[56:45] but you were a child. Yeah. For me it is very important
[56:50] to point out about my mom that while my mom covered things, she took
[56:54] care of it, took care of it and looked for the solution. A
[56:57] woman, the truth is very cerebral. I think he' s still loved
[57:00] him. Yes, on the one hand, I loved you who, I
[57:06] mean, had a lot of her. The first thing was you and so
[57:09] he thought yes. But what you have to take off completely is the guilt
[57:16] and the thought that you were complicit in something at all when you beat your
[57:22] father. That' s clear. That' s where you see it and
[57:28] it' s more like it or sooner. But the point is that you
[57:30] ' re a person, you were a child with such a high degree of
[57:36] logic and intelligence that if something for you was logical, because you didn'
[57:42] t go on and if your mom had a non- pain façade initially because
[57:49] there was no way, I mean, you have to understand that you were
[57:52] a child. Yeah, in fact, when they were already separated from my
[57:55] dad they put him in jail, for example, for assaulting a cop and
[58:00] calling me and I go back to my mom again and my mom told me
[58:04] I wouldn' t move a finger, but I move it for you and
[58:09] we go to get it out. And that' s what hurts you sometimes.
[58:12] No, well, what hurts me is that I didn' t have
[58:16] like this clarity before, because when the pandemic starts that I' m already
[58:24] called to tell myself that I was about to die and that I wanted to
[58:28] see what it was all I wanted was to see me, I told this
[58:34] person that I didn' t. I didn' t say no. I
[58:36] ' m not going to see my husband. I think she even said to
[58:38] me, please, my husband cried and told me to see him, because
[58:42] my husband is divine. I was saying lue please go see him for you,
[58:45] for a future, for your conscience, because maybe right now. You
[58:49] ' re like this, but why? When it was said I told you
[58:50] no? No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
[58:51] no, no, no, no, no. No, no,
[58:52] I' m not going? And so far, a few years later,
[58:54] I' m calm with that decision. Yeah, I told him no,
[58:57] no, no, I' m not going? I was for him incondition
[59:00] to you. Unconditionally, I lived years for therapy. This is already a
[59:07] consequence of that. But I started as it lasted a few days like this
[59:10] in a pandemic. I started with a lot of curcitis problems, and I
[59:15] ' m decaponti nitus. Impressive. I mean, I started with tinnitus.
[59:17] If I have my dad here, he' s about to die. He
[59:20] wants to see you, that' s my tinnitus. It' s very
[59:22] clear to me. I' m starting the sound, and it' s
[59:25] your dad Tes died I want to see you? Te, he wants to
[59:28] see you, I mean, imagine still the two thousand teas. I'
[59:30] m talking about two thousand and twenty. Then I didn' t go to
[59:34] see him. When I start with the tinnitus, a therapist told me that
[59:39] I had to take responsibility for myself having provoked setinus because I didn' t
[59:45] want to forgive my dad. When he said that to me and I said,
[59:49] you know that I have forgiven my dad I have forgiven him It is
[59:52] more, I have forgiven him many times because I have analyzed many times and
[59:57] analyzed what forgiveness is and then I have forgiven him already. I' ve
[59:59] really forgiven him. But I' ve also come back and studied other things.
[1:00:01] For example, I didn' t know about him, I didn'
[1:00:05] t even know about the narcissistic tarturn or psychopathic abuse. That I start studying
[1:00:08] in the two thousand and twenty that he dies and I start to read as
[1:00:12] crazy what was happening to me clearly and besides, the fact of having children
[1:00:16] and saying is to put what I love most this guy not and that besides,
[1:00:22] I in my family have had attacks of anger to very ugly. And
[1:00:24] when I' m having the fits of anger, I feel like even physiologically
[1:00:30] my times are getting like his. I mean, I feel like I make
[1:00:36] some gestures that made it and I don' t know it' s awesome.
[1:00:37] Hey, lue, and when you feel that, you stop it in
[1:00:43] time, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I' m on time.
[1:00:45] But anyway, the damage is done. The damage to my children is
[1:00:50] done. I have a son of twenty- one and one of seventeen,
[1:00:53] and I' m talking about it being a life process. I don'
[1:00:57] t finish my processes. I no longer set up in my life because fortunately,
[1:01:02] I found the way to do something with what happened to me and what
[1:01:07] it was when I was full of guilt and my mom was gone, it
[1:01:13] was like an absolute depression to say how I didn' t give myself time,
[1:01:19] how I didn' t tell her, how I didn' t hug
[1:01:22] her more than I didn' t understand what I was doing, that lack
[1:01:25] of understanding of my part. And then I started, well, to report
[1:01:30] I told myself what I would do with this, what I could have done
[1:01:35] for my mom and I started to make the list of fears that I assumed
[1:01:39] my mom had and my fears already as mom, then I made my lists
[1:01:44] of terror, of these that teach you to do for narcissistic abuse, well,
[1:01:46] but I made my lists of fear that what I think she had that
[1:01:50] I got to perceive and which or that I had, for example, the
[1:01:52] fear when you' re walking away. First it' s fear, it
[1:01:58] ' s shame, shame even with your nearest environment, because right away it
[1:02:02] ' s why you didn' t leave it before or why you didn'
[1:02:06] t scream or uefa to ex why you left why the shame. The other
[1:02:10] is the fear of economic violence. Violence is not because you can' t
[1:02:14] generate more income, but because everything that comes to you to leave a violent
[1:02:17] man, which is from counseling with lawyers, psychological counseling, the whole emergency
[1:02:24] fund you can have, because you don' t know what they can do
[1:02:29] to you. You leave him and you' re shaking, that is,
[1:02:31] you' re in a state that you can' t even manage your emotions,
[1:02:37] because everything scares you to go out on the street, you' re
[1:02:39] afraid to get out of bed, you' re afraid that he' s
[1:02:43] going to see you or that if any friend tells you ay, I saw
[1:02:45] him walking, or I saw him going through such a thing, it scares
[1:02:47] you, it scares you. Then you can' t even work the same
[1:02:50] way. When you' re leaving a violent man, you can' t
[1:02:52] do anything like that. So what other list is that better, more points
[1:02:58] the or fear that you' re going to be left alone and no one
[1:03:01] will believe you. That' s something that superimplants you. Nobody' s
[1:03:07] gonna believe you, nobody' s gonna believe you. You' re gonna
[1:03:09] stop your job, because people don' t like people like that, separated,
[1:03:15] separable, separated, you' re hurting our kids because you had to
[1:03:17] be in the family, that' s when you divorced them. You'
[1:03:22] re hurting us by leaving me. You' re hurting our kids, you
[1:03:25] ' re depriving a dad something that, well, they don' t deprive
[1:03:29] you of a dad the dad if I don' t want you to see
[1:03:31] this thing about him again. But it' s not a couple thing.
[1:03:32] But, well, this list starts to do the problem, especially what I
[1:03:37] ' m going to do alone with my kids if I can' t even
[1:03:38] do it with me. I mean, I can' t even do it
[1:03:42] with me, what am I gonna do with my kids? I' m
[1:03:44] afraid of everything. I' m afraid to practice my profession, I'
[1:03:46] m afraid to start something new, I' m afraid I won' t
[1:03:50] get to pay for the light, or I' m afraid I' ll
[1:03:52] pay for the light. But then I' m afraid my investments aren'
[1:03:54] t the right ones. Or I never have a bank account of my own,
[1:03:59] for example, I mean, all those lists of things and I said,
[1:04:03] well, I don' t help my mom. I had a really
[1:04:05] bad time in a pandemic, although I have a good husband, but we
[1:04:09] had a bad time in a pandemic. Then I said I' m gonna
[1:04:12] put all these fears together and I' m gonna do something. And then
[1:04:13] I started doing with the closest friends who knew me and who knew perfectly well
[1:04:17] that they were investing with me. Nothing negative was going to happen. Then
[1:04:24] I told him I have this plan. I want to form a support network
[1:04:27] among women, but financial, but totally financial. I want to do that
[1:04:31] and I was believed by some friends. We did it, we started it,
[1:04:36] and then my support network is based on the fact that you don'
[1:04:42] t lack the essentials, that you and your children are not lacking in order
[1:04:45] for your brain to continue to function, to generate extra income. So,
[1:04:48] every time we always tell you here, we' re not victims, we
[1:04:56] ' re strong women who come forward, but with the full conviction that we
[1:05:00] all need other people. Look what you said about financial independence. Men have
[1:05:04] never been as good parents or as good couples as they are now. What
[1:05:10] happens is that that minority as it can and can get away with, because
[1:05:14] now it has greater visibility because we are, we are making them visible.
[1:05:19] But one thing that I think is very important is financial independence. You have
[1:05:25] a broken heart, even if you love your aggressor, even if you know
[1:05:30] you have an economic independence. That' s the key, yes for many
[1:05:36] women who right now want to escape and can' t and you can'
[1:05:42] t exactly tell me what' s the first thing they, for example,
[1:05:44] tell me what' s the first thing I have to do to leave a
[1:05:45] violent man. I told them point number one. Don' t seek advice
[1:05:49] on who can' t give it to you. I' m not a
[1:05:51] professional. So if I' m nothing else, I' ll share my
[1:05:56] experience and I' ll share it as a living person. But then financial
[1:05:58] independence I tell you. I' m gonna talk to you like I'
[1:06:01] m gonna talk to you like common sense. Just pretend there weren' t
[1:06:03] any psychologists. First thing is you need money if you' re going to
[1:06:08] leave your partner violent, you need money with the money you' re going
[1:06:12] to make with your emergency fund you' re going to make. First,
[1:06:15] you could rent something, because I probably won' t let you live in
[1:06:17] the couple' s home. You probably have to go, then you have
[1:06:20] to rent something, but you have to eat well, you have to pay
[1:06:24] the fixed expenses and then you go a lawyer, you make visits legal advice
[1:06:30] in a lawyer, law or family, because if it' s not going
[1:06:32] to go very bad, very bad. So, if you don' t
[1:06:35] have an emergency money fund, because people don' t like a lot of
[1:06:40] people, a lot of people, they don' t like to talk about
[1:06:42] money. If you don' t have a money fund, you can'
[1:06:45] t leave a violent name or you' re still going to have three times
[1:06:46] as bad. I' d always have a saved account of mine. Yeah,
[1:06:50] well, actually, no one knows. And in case the flies don
[1:06:55] ' t, in fact, the auras have to put money down. It
[1:06:58] ' s made not an account of yours that does anything as well as living
[1:07:03] with your partner. Yeah, yeah. We, in my circle, when
[1:07:08] we deposited some microcredit or some support, used to tell me in common because
[1:07:13] they said I have it with a partner. I' m telling you,
[1:07:15] you don' t know what the requirement is for us. It' s
[1:07:17] for us that you have a bank account, your own, your own,
[1:07:21] your own. Or they called me Mira, yes, I have my account,
[1:07:24] but this is why we need my husband' s credit card deposit.
[1:07:27] I don' t fall for your phenomenal husband, but no, but you
[1:07:30] never know yes the purpose of this circle is another lulu. What' s
[1:07:34] your mother' s name, Maria, the Carmen. They called him Camelis,
[1:07:39] who calls Amelis. Well, I think this program goes for Cameles.
[1:07:43] Thank you, because thanks to her you have started such a wonderful dynamic,
[1:07:50] so wonderful for so many women. Thank you very much and I thanked Camillis
[1:07:55] and I give it to you. Thank you very much, Silvia. On
[1:07:58] the contrary. On the contrary, these spaces are necessary for us to find
[1:08:01] ourselves, so that we can speak and see and our pain will be directed
[1:08:09] towards something positive and towards moving forward, not staying small, going forward and
[1:08:15] knowing that we always need other people. We can' t do things alone.
[1:08:18] We need people to help us, to believe us and to be willing
[1:08:25] to make reciprocals. I really appreciate it, especially that you mention my mom.
[1:08:29] It' s a tenth anniversary today of death. I think my best
[1:08:33] offering for her is to tell her that I' m being happy, that
[1:08:39] I' m understanding what she lived through, that I' m dealing with.
[1:08:42] I still die my nails if you' re not seeing it, but
[1:08:45] I' m taking care of it. I' m busy fixing my teeth
[1:08:50] one by one, which is also a consequence of something I lived with them.
[1:08:56] I' m taking care of it and every time we make another woman
[1:09:00] a deposit, I think it' s for her. It' s her.
[1:09:03] Yeah, I think it' s for her. Thank you so much.
[1:09:05] Thank you, Camelis. There, thank you. Thank you so much
[1:09:11] for mentioning it. A lot weird because it' s space. You like
[1:09:21] this testimony. You think I can help someone share it with you. Don
[1:09:28] ' t forget to click on my social networks, which are Silvia Olmedo for
[1:09:31] YouTube, Silvia Olmedo for Instagram and Silvia Olmedo official for Facebook, who remembers
[1:09:39] that, before judging to tag a person, try to understand why faces we
[1:09:44] see suffering. We don' t know.

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