# Lo duro empieza cuando te dan de alta del psiquiátrico - Episodio 76

An episode of [CARAS VEMOS SUFRIMIENTOS](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1614156002), 18 Apr 2024, 55 min.

Audio: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/api.spreaker.com/download/episode/58759747/53_lo_duro_empieza.mp3

Él es Ángel Martin. Es cómico, guionista, actor, músico, presentador y escritor. Hace siete años vivió un brote psicótico, de esta experiencia hablan sus dos libros. Gracias, Ángel, con tu testimonio y tus libros has ayudado a mucha gente. Este programa no es terapia; si piensas que la puedes necesitar, acude a un psicólogo/a clínico o psiquiatra. Si necesitas terapia, evita aquellas personas sean youtubers, psicóologo/a de la TV y que quieran lucrar contigo. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/caras-vemos-sufrimientos--6047464/support.

## Transcript

[0:05] Faces we see sufferings. We don' t know. When I was writing
[0:16] my fifth book, there are some lines I' m talking about saying that
[0:24] people who have some genius have a greater vulnerability to emotional disorder, a mental
[0:32] disorder. I do, I think people who are either more sensitive or touch
[0:38] that area of genius because their head thinks differently, are more vulnerable. Angel
[0:46] Martin, speaker writer. Besides, it' s if I have a lot
[0:53] of TV shows and suddenly I find a book. Yours the first, which
[0:57] is in case the voices return and I want you to count in the first
[1:03] person, what you saw good the simple and very broad way to not steal
[1:08] too much time from anyone. It' s June two thousand seventeen. Directly
[1:12] I stopped living in what is considered the real world. Let' s just
[1:19] say that my reality was different, that is, I suffered from psychotic outbreak
[1:23] and had the feeling of deciphering the truth behind the universe. So, absolutely
[1:26] everything that was crossed with my eyes, with my emotions, any word,
[1:30] any sound, everything had a different meaning. Then no one knew, because
[1:34] I couldn' t talk openly about it. There was a voice in my
[1:38] head that prevented me from giving that information to others. And then, following
[1:42] a post on social media, congratulating my partner at the time on the success
[1:47] of a film she had absolutely nothing to do with that was Wonder Woman,
[1:49] because I thought she was the creator of Wonder Woman, but from a different
[1:53] dimension, well some moves that happen to you in the head that publication and
[1:57] I alarmed her. She made a couple of calls to find out what was
[2:04] going on and they got me into a psych ward. It' s good,
[2:09] because it' s still on your facebook and the book shows that post
[2:14] not that it says I don' t know. Besides, you put super
[2:15] woman, you put caste, yeah, yeah, I put the hashtags,
[2:17] I don' t know why I, but suddenly I put the hashtags.
[2:20] Super woman. I don' t know. You get a lot of hashtag
[2:23] and congratulate you don' t see her movie The Wonder Woman. No,
[2:30] and of course that' s already triggered, let' s say the suspicion
[2:35] of the people around you that you might be wrong or something had happened before.
[2:39] No, nothing flashy had happened, because one of the things that happened
[2:45] during the shoots that you are functional. I mean, if you don'
[2:47] t verbalize things, you' re functional in your life and you' re
[2:52] normal. No one can realize anything at all. You have to do something
[2:57] very striking for someone to suspect something. Then I had not heard her anything
[3:00] and, in fact, that publication was not eye- catching for absolutely anyone,
[3:05] more than for my partner, because but the rest of what they thought
[3:07] was me devoted to comedy. Then the rest of what they thought is,
[3:09] because it was an angel joke you' re joking in a way we don
[3:13] ' t understand. Then it was she who gave the alarm voice, but
[3:15] previously there had been nothing that was striking. Maybe I' ll just start
[3:21] thinking a little deep Maybe it was a little more iasible than normal or some
[3:25] discussion maybe more absurd than it should have been. But there was nothing striking.
[3:31] You slept well, you don' t sleep, you sleep extremely little,
[3:38] but because sleeping means missing something. So you don' t want to
[3:40] sleep, that is, sleep is a waste of time, because you think
[3:45] one of the things I thought was that the earth, it was actually a
[3:49] spaceship that was going to another planet. Then you don' t want to
[3:51] sleep. If you' re on a spaceship, it' s being described
[3:53] all night, because you' re getting closer and closer to the stars and
[3:57] the moon. Then you get very little sleep. I think you sleep when
[3:59] the brain is gone, as you relate in your book, it is extraordinary
[4:02] and I also recommend that you listen to the audiobook, because also the mental
[4:11] images that you recreate with the tone and with the intention and attention that you
[4:15] give them. It gives you a very wide view, gives you a spectacular
[4:19] global image. How do you go from talking to someone about that idea to
[4:25] being locked up, because you don' t talk to anyone about that idea.
[4:29] I mean, the thing is, for trying to get it understood,
[4:32] I walk people to the hospital when they ask me what they' re doing.
[4:36] I mean, there' s a moment I' m in my bedroom,
[4:39] so a friend comes in and asks me if he' s coming to
[4:42] the hospital like me. I don' t think it' s for me,
[4:44] but what I' m interpreting is that I' m going to go
[4:47] with him for one of his things and he, when he asks me,
[4:50] smells like coffee during the outbreak. One of the things that happened was that
[4:51] it was the smell of coffee was a clue to me I can trust.
[4:56] It was a positive thing. Then I' ll walk him to the hospital
[4:59] thinking I' m going for something of yours. So, when we go
[5:01] into a room where there are nurses, the nurses ask me what' s
[5:05] wrong with me. I don' t quite understand what that question is about,
[5:11] but it turns out in the room where I' m being asked how
[5:14] nurses are going in white and that was a positive thing. In the world
[5:15] I lived in, the windows had metal frames and that was a positive thing.
[5:19] I' m on the channel, too. Then I tell the nurses
[5:23] that nothing happens, just decipher the universe and I know what happens. So
[5:27] on the loose a huge verbrhoea about what I am, what' s going
[5:30] on, what reality is to me in the head. They immediately enter me,
[5:39] but there' s no previous conversation with me about you being admitted.
[5:42] They don' t just ask me to come with us. I walk them
[5:45] down a corridor and I really see the doors of the psych ward are closed
[5:47] and I' m staying in. Then my head doesn' t interpret that
[5:51] as an income. My head, what it does is reconfigure that income and
[5:56] convert it. We' re in a skippon and then I start playing inside
[6:00] the entrance. Then I am not aware of what is happening at any time.
[6:03] I begin to understand what has happened days later when they have already started
[6:06] to do some medication effect, but there is no process and then I want
[6:14] you to understand a little how a person who has lived it sees it.
[6:17] The deal, I mean, when you look tied up, is that you
[6:20] ' ve been treated from the inside of the psychotic outbreak. It' s
[6:25] just that it' s very important to understand some things. It' s
[6:28] me doing the analysis of everything that happened to me at the time. There
[6:31] are two ways to understand things. You can analyze them from the moment it
[6:35] ' s happening to you or time after in a cooler way, while it
[6:40] ' s happening to you. It' s hell, because you don'
[6:43] t know what' s going on there. And to me when they tied
[6:45] me up it was because I found a screw in the room and then,
[6:48] as I thought it was a writing room, I thought that that screw was
[6:51] a clue and then the phrase that came to me so that they wouldn'
[6:56] t take it away was to say let me keep it. I swear I
[6:58] won' t cut my veins. It' s probably the most striking sentence
[7:01] you can make in a hospital where you' ve just been admitted. Since
[7:04] they couldn' t open my hand to let go of the screw. They
[7:09] had to fuck me among many, tie me to bed and inject me into
[7:13] the medication so that I would stay completely sharp. Then, at the time,
[7:21] it was very wild, very disproportionate. I didn' t understand what
[7:26] was going on because I' m in a game. It' s different
[7:29] for me and, besides, all the people who are tying you up and
[7:32] holding you are not nurses, but represent figures from another place in your life.
[7:38] I mean, for me one of the doctors. She wasn' t
[7:41] a doctor, she was a television producer I had worked with. The nurses
[7:45] were each with a different personality from where I am now. If I analyze
[7:48] that moment of binding, they had no choice. OK. I mean,
[7:53] you see it as saying how well they did it, well, I see
[7:56] it as I understand it was done. Okay, I don' t know
[8:00] if it' s right or wrong, but I understand it was done at
[8:03] the time, because what you have is a person with a screw that you
[8:07] don' t know if he' s going to cut his veins, that
[8:09] he' s not letting go of the screw, and that every time you
[8:13] ' re going to inject something, he breaks the syringe because he' s
[8:15] strong enough to break the syringe and close his arm. Then you have no
[8:16] choice at that time but to tie him to bed. Right or wrong,
[8:20] I don' t know. I understand it was the only way, the
[8:22] only way. Okay, you' re in the hospital, two weeks out
[8:26] and a comment you make in your book. It' s I mean,
[8:30] people think you' re okay, but that' s when you' re
[8:31] wrong. Yeah, it' s normal. I believe that people interpret it
[8:35] when someone gives him discharge from the hospital, interpret that it' s okay
[8:37] now, that everything has already happened. It hasn' t really happened,
[8:41] that' s when you leave hospitals when you' re worse off, because
[8:43] that' s when you start the process of what' s happened. I
[8:46] mean, for the others it' s good, you go home and then
[8:50] everything' s gonna be back to normal. But all of a sudden,
[8:52] you come out without understanding anything at all. I think people don' t
[8:54] understand that you, when you enter, then you have a state in which
[8:58] the world is sick, that is, you live in oz, everything is
[9:03] magical. You' re entering a place where everything is magical, where people
[9:05] around you are probably children of gods, they have magical powers, you can
[9:09] talk with telepathy through them, and when you go out there, then suddenly
[9:16] it' s devastating. The shock, because you don' t understand what
[9:18] happened, your brain is broken, well, the medication eliminates everything. He
[9:24] doesn' t make a selection. Medication is not a surgeon who comes in
[9:26] to say I' m going to lower negative emotions, but I' m
[9:31] not going to touch the positive ones. The application is a nuclear bomb that
[9:33] destroys the head without leaving any emotion. You leave at the worst moment of
[9:39] your life and then the others try to act as if everything had already happened,
[9:45] without understanding that that' s where the adventure really begins. And then
[9:48] you find yourself facing a reality that you don' t like. I find
[9:50] myself in a reality that is boring dull. I don' t understand and
[9:54] of course, I don' t like it. I mean, not that
[9:56] I don' t like it. In contrast to the reality that I was
[9:58] living up to two weeks ago, which is much more dull, boring and
[10:01] pointless. I mean, it' s much better to believe that everything in
[10:07] the universe has meaning, meaning, and value than to believe that things don
[10:09] ' t matter. I mean, it' s a lot better to think
[10:13] that books are put on like this because of something that we have water and
[10:18] the glasses have this drawing because of something to think that they' re just
[10:20] there because I don' t know what they' re put on like that
[10:20] and that' s it. That' s worse I diagnosed you with a
[10:26] psychotic disorder or bipolar disorder. Never, I' ve never looked into detail
[10:31] or afraid to talk to doctors to tell me exactly what the answer is.
[10:33] It was a psychotic outbreak. I' ve never bothered to go back to
[10:39] being a doctor to tell me what happened to me. But because I'
[10:41] m honest, I don' t care, I don' t care.
[10:45] My priority was to be fine, not to understand what had happened, was
[10:48] to go back. And for me people are not a label, it'
[10:50] s a color and every person is a picture. No and it doesn'
[10:54] t have yellows that are sometimes too loud, but they give it light and
[11:00] blues and reds. For me, every person has a brushstroke, so bipolar
[11:03] disorder or not bipola. I don' t think so. But of course,
[11:09] if you couldn' t sleep, you had episodes of mania. What
[11:13] I' d be afraid of is that if they leave you like this,
[11:16] when you go out, it can give you a horse depression. You'
[11:20] re not going as deep as you can imagine. But because it' s
[11:26] all broken, I mean, it' s all broken. You don'
[11:28] t understand anything. I mean, they don' t exist. Emotions disappear
[11:31] completely, that is, not even emotional connections are there. I mean if
[11:37] I come in, if you and I are a couple and I get in,
[11:43] I' m told that all that' s happened to me is that
[11:46] I was living in an unreal world where I believed things that didn' t
[11:50] really exist, that I felt things that don' t really exist. When
[11:52] you leave the hospital, the first thing you think about, first of all
[11:56] that I don' t feel any emotion towards you, I don' t
[11:58] feel it, I mean, all the love I could have isn' t
[12:01] gone away, it' s reset by medication. It doesn' t exist.
[12:05] And the next question you ask yourself is when I started living out of
[12:09] reality and that, maybe I met you while I was in an outbreak of
[12:13] maybe, I don' t love you as much as I thought I loved
[12:16] you, because something was already sowing. So there' s no no,
[12:20] there' s a day when you suddenly lose touch with reality. So you
[12:24] the question what you' re doing is I' ve been told that I
[12:28] lived in a real world. Well, since when am I living in that
[12:31] real world, for a month sixteen, for fifteen years, for twenty or
[12:35] thirty, when it started, who knows it and what is real. Then
[12:43] I get like I' m your partner It' s cool how hard you
[12:46] tell me that girl that maybe I' m thinking that you never loved me.
[12:52] That happened clearly, so you can clearly think about it, because you
[12:56] ' re entitled to say it clearly has all the meaning of the world.
[13:00] But that' s what there is, I mean, that' s the
[13:03] difficulty that this has that people are dealing with me. I don' t
[13:07] think I think that many times when people have the urge to come get well,
[13:15] get well, I don' t know if it' s okay,
[13:18] or what I need is for our relationship to be what it was again.
[13:20] That' s what I need. I don' t care if in everything
[13:22] else you' re still not able to go back. What I need is
[13:24] that this relationship here would already be family friendship, whatever kind of relationship it
[13:30] is. I need it back to the way it was. But you'
[13:33] re not feeling the same then, but it' s not personal, I
[13:39] mean, it' s just that the emotion isn' t there. Okay.
[13:41] We' re a couple, well, we' re seeing each other.
[13:45] We' re a couple, we love each other, yes, but
[13:48] I don' t know if I love you the way you think I have
[13:54] to love you, but you believe her, yes, I know I love
[13:56] her now, that is, at that moment. You have no idea why
[14:00] it' s people. They are figures of your life, because your partner
[14:03] is your partner and my mother tells me that my mother, because my father
[14:07] is my father. But how much love there is for none I know,
[14:09] there is no bond, that is, it is not, it is all
[14:13] reset, everything disappears, because I, like your mother, will love you.
[14:16] Unconditionally he explained to me, but I, as your partner, the
[14:20] first thing that and I don' t want to be selfish, but I
[14:24] want to put myself on the other side is that I do, I want
[14:28] it, but I have to fall in love with him again. I mean,
[14:30] I wasn' t the escort. I' ve been the guy who
[14:33] ' s lived it, I don' t know what the management is how
[14:35] emotional the escort has to do. I know the things that worked for me
[14:39] for Eva to do, and that' s all I know and what she
[14:46] did right, what she would have to do, I mean, if I
[14:48] ' m already in the rush, it' s probably all going to be
[14:50] quick. I think that' s the smartest thing he' s ever done.
[14:54] Remove the urgency. Eliminate urgency, eliminate victimism from the situation. He
[15:01] handled the times very well, removed the pressure. He didn' t allow
[15:07] the poor thing. I poor thing, I allowed it to the right extent
[15:11] so it wasn' t terrible and didn' t turn the event into the
[15:18] core of our relationship. It was something that had happened and now it was
[15:22] time to get out of there anyway, and didn' t let me have
[15:28] if she was wrong or not allowed it? I know it was wrong,
[15:33] of course, it was wrong, but I know you didn' t let
[15:35] me see it. That also helped you, of course, because if you
[15:37] don' t have to shit with the guilt, that is, if you
[15:41] ' re already on top of your shit, trying to manage what happened and
[15:45] you see on top that you' re hurting others. All that guilt,
[15:48] that shame, that concerts multiply by infinity. Sure, then, at least
[15:52] since I' m blaming myself, because I' m not an idiot,
[15:56] I sense that I' m hurting you with this if, at least you
[16:00] don' t show me, it' s not like having a mirror in
[16:06] front of you reminding you all the time how terrible it is you have someone
[16:10] who, when something in thanks laughs, regardless of whether or not you want
[16:15] to laugh independently about anything, not clear, of course it helps. Of
[16:17] course, deep down, what has to be is an unconditional love in which
[16:18] at this moment of relationship or of any kind relationship with a person who is
[16:26] living what you are living is the important thing. It' s you.
[16:33] The important thing is love, not you is love. It is the situation,
[16:42] that pain does not become the main point of our life, that is,
[16:48] our spine. It is love, not pain, not tragedy, not
[16:52] events that may be about to leave us, but turning that love into something
[16:56] and learning to Manage it is over. And I don' t mean the
[17:02] love of giving you a hug every two minutes, I give you kisses.
[17:03] I don' t mean anything very different. I mean to know who'
[17:07] s broken in a moment, who needs help, who when you have to
[17:11] swallow a thing, when you don' t, or know that the important
[17:18] thing isn' t if I' m getting love. In my case,
[17:19] it' s how I love this person right now, in his clear times
[17:26] and I think it' s understanding that he' s not getting love at
[17:33] that moment. It' s not because they don' t want to give
[17:37] you love, but because they can' t give you love, because love
[17:41] doesn' t exist in the person who has broken up doesn' t know
[17:45] what that emotion is, doesn' t know it, or they' ve
[17:47] sucked it completely. Then it' s not personal. Not showing you love
[17:49] is that I just don' t know what it is anymore. I have
[17:52] to know again that it' s love so I can give it to you.
[17:56] Then it is very important to understand that nothing is personal. So the
[18:00] other person does know what love is? Then he can give it, he
[18:03] can teach it, he can give you again clues related to what love is.
[18:07] I think that was very key. One message that always comes to me
[18:11] is that they' re the selfish ones. They' re not broken.
[18:14] It' s just that they' re broken. It' s not that
[18:17] they' re selfish, they' re, it' s that you'
[18:18] re broken. And beyond that, I think there is something in the selfish
[18:22] term that seems to always relate it to something negative, and there is a
[18:26] moment where it is imperative that it be selfish. It' s essential,
[18:33] it' s essential, that' s until you don' t. The
[18:36] only thing I' ve gotten, more or less, to intuit from the
[18:41] people I' ve been talking to who have gone through similar things, gone
[18:45] back, okay, etcetera, etcetera? The only thing I' ve been
[18:48] able to intuit that they have in common is that there was a moment when
[18:52] they all took the life- and- death thing and put themselves ahead.
[18:55] I have to be fine. So there' s no other choice just for
[19:00] a season. It' s okay, and it' s the support group
[19:03] that has to understand that I think so, of course, I think it
[19:07] ' s super important to understand. I mean, I' m not saying
[19:08] that the support group doesn' t suffer the situation. I' m not
[19:11] saying they don' t have a hard time, I' m not saying
[19:15] it' s simple at all. It' s terrible, it' s
[19:18] devastating and it' s very painful, but it' s not as terrible
[19:22] as the one who lived it. So I think that many times the support
[19:26] group inadvertently, without realizing it, inadvertently tries to take on all the prominence
[19:32] of the event. And that' s a problem, because what you'
[19:37] re doing trying to fuck. The protagonism of the event is that the cause
[19:41] of the event is getting smaller, more and more guilty, every time and
[19:44] then the feeling that I have that all I have is guilt, shame,
[19:48] pain, fear, bewilderment. The only thing I' m doing when I
[19:52] see you guys is that this is terrible, that look what' s happened
[19:56] to us, look how we have to be now is multiplying by a thousand
[20:00] all my feelings of guilt, shame, bewilderment. Then it doesn' t
[20:03] help at all. From my point of view, not from the point of
[20:06] view of you and especially one of the things when the couple gave you,
[20:11] we have that focus, we have it until we understand that the focus has
[20:15] to be on the other person at the time of the person with the light
[20:18] it requires, without victimizing him and people either victimize him or become victims.
[20:26] And that' s a danger, a danger that the person won' t
[20:33] go through with the paranoias. In the end, a hallucination you see something
[20:37] can be a visual hallucination you see something that' s not there or you
[20:44] hear something that' s not ringing. But the beauty of paranoia is the
[20:48] re- signification that you give to something real, of course, of course,
[20:53] that I think is one of the most complicated things to understand for those
[20:59] who have not suffered something like this, but understand it quickly. Everything is
[21:02] real, I mean it' s not not it' s, it'
[21:07] s not that you' re seeing things that don' t exist, it
[21:12] ' s not that you' re hearing things that aren' t ringing.
[21:14] Everything is real, that is, everything that is happening is happening only that
[21:18] the interpretation you give it has a very different meaning, so what happens?
[21:25] Wonderful things happen inside the brain, which is that it' s very good
[21:30] arguing everything is impeccable, eye and that' s what I say the brain,
[21:34] especially when it' s a brain that is creative and thinks more because
[21:38] you have more choices yet I don' t intuit that if you' re
[21:45] creative, you might be able to happen certain things, but that' s
[21:49] a reflection that I don' t end up sharing 100% when I hear
[21:53] it for a very simple reason, and that' s that if this only
[21:57] happens to creative people, I would say I agree. But it also happens
[22:00] to those people who dedicate themselves to things at all creative and happen to them
[22:04] the same things, travel to the same places, make the same interpretations.
[22:08] So it' s not exclusive to being creative. If you' re creative,
[22:11] maybe. You can play more, probably brains. If you are creative,
[22:15] as it has some tool, more so put a little bit of salt
[22:18] a little bit of pepper. It adorns you, but I' ve met
[22:22] people with creative zero jobs with all the affection of the world, people alike
[22:26] carry the accounting of a company and level. The same crazy things, they
[22:30] make the same trips in time, the same stories maybe. What it can
[22:34] be is that if you dedicate yourself to something creative, more related to the
[22:41] best, you tune more to the best in someone not creative simply stays in
[22:45] the reinterpretation of the glass with water. And someone creative goes to the drawing
[22:48] of the glass as well as how the light affects the glass and what'
[22:52] s behind the glass and everything, maybe it affects more things, but of
[22:56] course, the important thing is to understand that it' s real. You
[23:02] say the brain does not believe what it has not seen from what it has
[23:06] not heard, so how much more has a person been exposed to different stimuli,
[23:15] that is, almost paranoia is an almost unique scenario of human beings.
[23:22] Not sure. When we have a reality in which we are exposed to so
[23:29] many stupidities that are already real to that person, the complexity of paranoia is
[23:34] going to be greater. It' s not that she' s blown up
[23:41] with that one. The magnitude of a paranoia is inexplicable. I don'
[23:48] t think you' re gonna understand quickly. You can reinterpret even the silences,
[23:56] that is, the spaces in which there is nothing. You' re
[23:59] gonna reinterpret them, too. It' s also going to mean something,
[24:02] that is, nothingness is going to be something and it has a value and
[24:04] it' s going to influence absolutely everything else. So, the moment that
[24:07] nothingness is something that influences the whole dimension of that is that no, it
[24:11] ' s just crazy, it' s that we' re talking about you
[24:15] and me there' s a cable falling out of a light. It is
[24:18] that the cable is falling that way has a meaning, but that it is
[24:22] on a background of a color also gives it a new meaning. So you
[24:25] ' re reinterpreting absolutely everything in every blink. Really, every blinker has the
[24:30] feeling of being in a new world, and in your case, it was
[24:34] never a world that stalked you. Right. Yes, there were times when
[24:41] you had beings or energies from other places trying to take over you and generate
[24:48] dangerous things. Sure, if that happened too then and now I' m
[24:56] going to that paranoia. A dinner thing happened to me in L A The
[25:02] doggy comes in and there' s a gentleman in L A You know that
[25:07] there' s an epidemic of mental disorders because of different things, not and
[25:11] he went straight for my bitch, to kill her, to take her out,
[25:18] so he saw it and of course I understood that that person who was
[25:25] seeing, was having a paranoia and even a hallucination and was acting in self
[25:26] - defense. He wasn' t acting good, he could be in self
[25:33] - defense, or he was acting, I mean, he was doing what
[25:38] he had to do according to the rules that had been mounted on his head.
[25:40] Maybe it wasn' t self- defense, but maybe ripping that dog
[25:41] ' s head off is what he was going to do, let the sun
[25:45] stop approaching the earth and kill us all. It' s just, maybe
[25:51] I was saving humanity. I mean, it' s not always self-
[25:53] defense, I mean, as you have it, you' re following the
[25:59] rules of the Universe, so it already helps the university understand it, it
[26:00] ' s just that maybe it was you who asked her to rip your dog
[26:03] ' s head off because you weren' t able to rip it off,
[26:08] because I was having a telepathic conversation with you. It' s just not
[26:11] clear, it' s just that it' s not very hard to know
[26:12] why he did it. That was people. I think that' s what
[26:15] we were talking about at first. A while ago when you left the hospital.
[26:18] Everybody thinks you' re okay now. You interpret the actions of others
[26:22] based on your coherence, but they are not here you are not here,
[26:26] then you, someone approaches you. You tell that story, someone' s
[26:32] come by a guy and he almost wanted to kill my dog. And what
[26:33] they' ll tell you is the typical idiot who hates dogs. It'
[26:37] s not like he might love dogs. And I was trying to save your
[26:41] dog from being possessed by him, and I don' t know what,
[26:45] and then the only option was to rip his head off and hook it up
[26:45] again. It' s okay, then, or what when you rip his
[26:48] head off, the spirit would come out and then he' d put it
[26:52] on him. That' s how it takes 15 seconds and the head gets
[26:53] hooked. Then the actions are neither good nor bad. They are what you
[27:00] have to do at that time based on the history you are living, the
[27:03] interpretation you are using is associated with an object to an interpretation. Every object
[27:11] has a value, although it has a meaning within that world and has to
[27:18] interact with it, as it will imply changes and coffee has a positive value
[27:25] for You. In my case, yes, I don' t want to
[27:27] break the book, because the books are extraordinary and I don' t want
[27:30] to tell. That' s why I want to invite people who, if
[27:33] they don' t like to read that they hear that they' re fascinating.
[27:36] So many people are suffering right now, suffering paranoias, how you get
[27:44] out of it. You know the most complicated part you have. I think
[27:49] you' re in paranoia once. If they don' t get you out,
[27:55] you won' t be able to get out, but for a very
[27:56] simple reason. It' s not a paranoids for you, it' s
[28:02] real for you. So why are you going to come out of something that
[28:06] ' s real is that you don' t even think about it, I
[28:08] mean, you don' t think about getting out of your life, because
[28:11] it' s real. So for the people who would be in a real
[28:14] paranoia, then they won' t think about it. You can imagine that
[28:18] something is happening if you realize, if you suddenly start to realize that there
[28:22] are times when your head goes away and you have the feeling that you follow
[28:26] the example of dogs, that dogs are animals, that they are possessed by
[28:30] an entity or, perhaps, repentence, because I have been thinking about this
[28:33] idiotec for a week and, perhaps, that is an alarm signal. But
[28:38] if paranoia comes and gets you hooked, I think you can' t get
[28:44] out, at least from the experience that I lived because at no time had
[28:48] I thought that what was happening was not real and you don' t think
[28:52] that now with social networks people who have paranoia, you reinforce the paranoia within
[28:57] that group that they find good is that one of the things that have paranoia
[29:06] is that all this, maybe we haven' t commented or didn' t
[29:11] know how to explain everything interacts with you directly. So social media is talking
[29:15] to you, that is. Anything that comes across your eyes is talking to
[29:21] you, that is, I, for example, have ever crossed my nets.
[29:26] I had a moment where that is not on Twitter, because I Twitter
[29:30] until very recently deleted everything and started again not for anything, but for a
[29:33] research of me on how it works or digital. And that' s it.
[29:36] But one of the things that happened during the Twitter outbreak was that I
[29:41] had one night that I thought the spaceship commanders were there? So Twitter was
[29:45] like the control command of the spaceship? Then I started retweeting things that were
[29:51] going on and on my timeline, as if they were indications of things I
[29:56] wanted them to be on the planet we were going to. They could be
[29:59] things like us. Like a cake someone would have shared a recipe for a
[30:03] cake and I would retweet the cake because that was how I want these kinds
[30:06] of cards to be. Or maybe see a landscape and repeat it. Perhaps
[30:08] justing leader had posted a video and I repeated it because it seemed to me
[30:12] to be a message that I was giving to people on the other planet.
[30:15] So social media reinforces anything, because of course it' s direct communication with
[30:18] you. You think they' re talking to you and it' s filter
[30:22] filters through what you want to see. I didn' t spend the other
[30:26] day just talking about dogs and all of a sudden, my whole fit talks
[30:29] about dogs. And how much love there towards the dogs. Don' t
[30:33] mean in the end what you see in your google is what you' ve
[30:36] been looking for before and remind you only that here everything you see reinforces it
[30:41] with what you' re thinking, that is, if you' re thinking
[30:45] you' re piloting the spaceship, that if you' re thinking you have
[30:49] to build the planet you' re going to. Everything you see on social
[30:52] media are ingredients that can be part of that planet you go to if you
[30:56] share or don' t share. But if you were thinking maybe I should
[31:02] go to the beach right now and take a bath. Everything that happens to
[31:07] you will be related to that thought and it will be a clue as to
[31:11] whether you should go to the beach or not. That is, everything you
[31:12] see relates to the thought you are having at that moment, to a thought,
[31:15] and also to a positive or negative or negative assessment. Of course,
[31:18] in my case I could screen there were times that there were no times that
[31:22] the signals have a meaning and point there is no choice of IB That is,
[31:27] there is no, there is no, that is, you have to
[31:30] act on the signal, because the colors have a meaning, the sounds have
[31:33] a meaning. The sharps were positive things and the serious things were negative things.
[31:41] There' s a moment you' ve got almost a real duel.
[31:44] Well, a real duel, a deep sadness of letting go of all those
[31:49] ideas. It hurts so much to leave this world. It' s so
[31:53] pretty. Of course I mean, I think there' s something that'
[32:00] s hard for him to understand people who haven' t lived it here sometimes,
[32:04] often when you mention certain things, they tell you that you' re
[32:07] romanticizing madness is usually said and it' s not romanticizing, I mean,
[32:13] it' s understanding when they tell me, but how can you say you
[32:14] miss things. And it' s to see that I' ve been in
[32:16] the same room as Mozart listening to him play the piano for me as I
[32:21] ' m not going to miss that I think I' ve done less.
[32:23] I' ve been able to talk to dogs. How can I not see
[32:25] that? I' ve been two days away from touching the moon with my
[32:30] hand, I mean, I' m not gonna miss that. I went
[32:37] to talk telepathically to people. I felt he was the son of some gods.
[32:42] I was able to interact with movie stars because the films were not films
[32:46] but documentaries. Talking to me at that time, of course you miss all
[32:51] those emotions, because all those emotions that during an outbreak are positive. You
[32:55] feel them positive. I mean, when you fall in love with someone during
[33:00] an outbreak, you' ll probably never love that level again, because the
[33:05] level of love you' re going to feel is very wild. Then it
[33:08] ' s if someone told you but you miss loving that way. Of course
[33:13] I missed it because I don' t know what it' s like to
[33:15] love that way. I' m not gonna make it. Then, of
[33:17] course, there are things you miss. The advantage is that scary things are
[33:21] less frightening. You can look in the mirror without feeling like they' re
[33:23] gonna take over you. That' s quieter. Sure, I think in
[33:27] your case, more beautiful things happened than ugly? Didn' t they have
[33:30] more memories than the ugly ones? The ugly ones? You know what happened
[33:34] to the ugly ones that ugly ones? You have to act immediately on things.
[33:39] Then all the ugly madness has one thing and is that it does not
[33:44] allow you to leave for later absolutely nothing. You have to act on what
[33:47] ' s happening right now. Then anything negative or ugly becomes an adventure to
[33:53] solve it and avoid it. So that they' re about to possess you,
[34:00] it becomes an adventure so they don' t own you. Then,
[34:02] of course you don' t end up, possessed the memory you have is
[34:07] I beat the demons. At least in my case I remember things with some
[34:10] more affection, because it was a constant adventure during the time it is terrifying,
[34:15] that is, when you feel that you have already been possessed, that
[34:17] you have possessed yours or something like that is terrifying. But as you immediately
[34:22] put yourself into that exorcism, so to speak, everything becomes an adventure.
[34:28] When you leave the hospital, you' re under three drugs, you'
[34:32] re now with no, years ago nothing else, years ago nothing. You
[34:36] ' re afraid to come back, you' re afraid it' ll happen
[34:38] again. No, but I have common sense, I mean, it doesn
[34:42] ' t have any more, I mean, after the outbreak. One of
[34:45] the things I realized, I mean, I think we all have a lot
[34:50] of fears, we have a list of fears, things that can happen to
[34:52] us, etcetera, etcetera. I realized that on my list of fears there
[34:57] were a lot of things, but that having an outbreak wasn' t there,
[35:00] I mean, she had a psychotic outbreak wasn' t on that list
[35:02] of fears and that' s what happened. Then there I realized that being
[35:05] afraid of something is absurd, because maybe you never get over it. You
[35:09] ' re wasting an absurd energy on things that may never happen. And above
[35:14] all, when something happens to you, you' ll have no choice but
[35:15] to put all the energy into solving it. So, energy spending on fear
[35:19] is absurd. And then, because my common sense leads me to think that
[35:27] my life was just like my way of thinking and it will make me face
[35:30] things no matter. And then I was psychotic messy. Okay if I kept
[35:35] doing the same thing, if I were exactly the same as the guy I
[35:38] went before the outbreak to, I' d best be afraid to have an
[35:43] outbreak again, because I' m the same person behaving exactly the same,
[35:46] acting the same. If you do the opposite, in theory, you don
[35:52] ' t have to repeat an outbreak because you' re somewhere else. Maybe
[35:54] something else happened to you, but the outbreak didn' t, because you
[35:59] ' re not on that line of work. You' re in another line
[36:01] of work. Then the fear disappears and above all, you' ve lived
[36:06] it once. Then also your head stays in a way if we see something
[36:09] weird, then I' ll tell you what' s going on here and
[36:13] that' s it. Then no, no, no, no, I
[36:15] turned the fears off. I stopped the fears of then with a person who
[36:19] ' s with you. Imagine you' re starting with a couple. I
[36:22] ' d tell you I' m if you start ration me like that,
[36:27] take me to the hospital or you won' t look for me with depression.
[36:29] Yeah, for example, there' s not one thing I don'
[36:32] t know. Recently someone gave me a consultation that caught my attention and it
[36:37] ' s delicate about him. If he starts doing things, I don'
[36:40] t know what, because there are a lot of people who confuse him.
[36:45] I think my partner or someone close to me is having an outbreak with different
[36:49] things. I remember a person who came up on a firm and said hey
[36:51] look I want to do a consultation because I think my partner is giving a
[36:54] psychotic outbreak because he has started to do very weird things, etcetera. And
[36:59] then, when I ask him about those things, his answer I assure you
[37:04] was not that of someone who is about to have an outbreak, but that
[37:06] of someone who wants to experience new things. Suddenly. It is, then,
[37:09] good he has given him for the diving given by the diving. That
[37:12] ' s not on the proto. That' s just he wants to prove
[37:14] something he had a long time ago. So it' s not likely to
[37:17] prove the best, the only warning that might be smart to give and this
[37:24] I talked to a partner once with satus, a musician that we always thought
[37:30] sometimes we talked about how you can tell if someone is about to blow his
[37:34] head off or not. And we came to a place that doesn' t
[37:37] seem to me, I don' t think it' s bad, hygiene
[37:44] and self- sufficiency, that is, if you suddenly abandon yourself a lot,
[37:46] and I don' t mean that you stay at home for a weekend
[37:51] without fighting, you sit on the couch, but suddenly you don' t
[37:53] care about your appearance or your hygiene. I think it' s a big
[37:54] alarm signal. But no, no, no, no, I think they
[38:00] made a hearing warning. If you see what I do, I don'
[38:01] t know what. No. No, because no, no, no,
[38:04] I would find it unnecessary. Well, I, for example, in my
[38:07] case, am a person who costs me a lot to ask for help.
[38:10] I always tell my people look. If I lock myself up and I don
[38:14] ' t want to know anything about you for two weeks, I' m
[38:15] wrong. Don' t listen to me that I' m writing, I
[38:20] know myself. But in my case, for example, that I recognize that
[38:23] I have a vulnerability, vulnerability that you just have. One is as strong
[38:29] as one is weaker link. Well, the weak one of mine is how
[38:32] I' ve already learned what to ask for help if I lock myself up
[38:40] so help me clearly has, makes sense to me in my case, for
[38:43] example, one thing happens. I' ve never said anything, but those
[38:45] who lived it were close to me and are still at my side, your
[38:50] friends, etcetera, etcetera. I have a very close friend who always tells
[38:53] me to know that I will always be alert. I already say as soon
[38:58] as I' m going to do something weird to you, I' m
[39:00] going to lift you up against the phone, I' m going to ask
[39:04] you or I' m going to ask you then I do not need to
[39:05] say anything, because two have been found on alert. The marijuana that existed
[39:07] a hundred years ago, although unnecessary, was a very different marijuana from the
[39:12] one that existed before. The I always say that th THC hallucinates and the
[39:17] CBD relaxes you, so you can have this wonderful experience of flying and it
[39:22] is relaxed. No. The problem is that now the component of THC and
[39:30] CBD, that is, is so high that really the marijuana that we are
[39:37] testing now is, well, hardcore, especially not here, but not in
[39:42] the United States. So, if we have a ten, a ten to
[39:45] a six percent of the population, that a specific substance can detonate a paranoia,
[39:54] you think it wasn' t your cause, because there might be if
[40:00] one of the detonating man is one more bullet in the charger, I mean,
[40:04] there' s a number of things that it' s you going to
[40:06] put pellets in a charger. So, using drugs is one more bullet,
[40:09] as the lingo doesn' t have a ticket. He' s playing.
[40:13] Is it the drugs because you can not? It has been that you will
[40:16] be silent, I do not know what at sixteen, for ox that may
[40:19] not, that is, that it has been. Obviously, it' s
[40:21] one more bullet. And me when I mentioned that I used to, there
[40:24] were people who said it wasn' t like that guy had you on drugs.
[40:27] And so and I think it' s important, this is a detail
[40:30] that I don' t say to get off me brown, or off me,
[40:32] or anything. But after mentioning my story, et cetera, et cetera.
[40:36] Yeah, I got a lot of messages from a lot of people telling
[40:39] me, hear you know that I' ve never been consumed and I'
[40:42] ve had the same thing happen to me. Something exactly the same happened to
[40:45] me. So I insist drugs are one more bullet in the loader of chances
[40:49] of happening to you, but they' re not the hundred percent cent.
[40:53] We all have friends who do drugs. It' s never happened to them,
[40:57] not anything. Drugs and anxiety, that is an oversaturation, a state
[41:01] of chronic anxiety, for example, in the case of schizophrenia, is often
[41:06] a greater trigger than another, that is, each is different from bingo tickets,
[41:12] not from different ones. Having them you write this and then you go
[41:22] behind the noise. Yes, for answering a question they asked me after if
[41:28] the voices came back that I had never asked it, i e I wrote
[41:30] in case the voices, in case someone had gone through a psychotic outbreak and
[41:35] didn' t know how to go back, to explain how I had done
[41:37] it to go back, because if something served him I used it and as
[41:42] a result of that book in the firms many people asked me, but how
[41:45] do you do it so that he hasn' t touched face again, that
[41:49] is, how do you mean you' re not medicating, no, but
[41:52] and then you haven' t had, you haven' t been English again
[41:52] or not. But me then how you' re doing it. And then
[41:53] I thought because I' m gonna do the same thing. I' m
[41:55] going to take a guided tour of the inside of my head so you can
[42:00] see how it works since all this happened. In case something serves you,
[42:02] there, you have it and use it there you have the instruction manual is
[42:07] mine, if it serves you phenomenal, then it is born. That'
[42:08] s why I' m trying to answer that question. And what is one
[42:12] of the most important elements, the most important, I think it is to
[42:19] be honest and coherent with yourself. It' s probably one of the most
[42:24] important, that is, the moment you eliminate honesty with yourself and coherence with
[42:29] yourself. I think that' s when there starts to be a big friction
[42:36] in the head between what you feel you should do, between what you feel
[42:40] like building, between what you feel what and what you do. For whatever
[42:45] reason, then I think there' s a friction in the brain that'
[42:49] s like, but if we know what we' d have to do is
[42:52] this, because we' re doing this and then that' s where the
[42:58] friction starts, then eliminate that friction. For me it is a key element
[43:02] to know why I make the decisions I make, to know how to be
[43:08] very consistent with things, to think very well what I say, that is,
[43:13] to be very honest and very consistent with me does not mean that I
[43:16] am not wrong many times and I screw up. Obviously or regret some decision,
[43:20] etcetera, etcetera, but at least I know why I did it.
[43:23] And then I can take note of saying okay. But I was honest with
[43:27] myself and it' s already gone wrong. But it didn' t go
[43:29] wrong because we didn' t get it right, we didn' t take
[43:30] this, this and this, and then the next time I come in,
[43:34] you go to the library and act differently. It' s okay. But
[43:35] that coherence with yourself I think we don' t usually have it. And
[43:39] I think that' s a serious problem. That friction, I think,
[43:43] is a serious problem. There' s an angel before the psychotic episode and
[43:52] there' s an angel now that' s completely different. How are you
[43:55] now angel very well? I mean very very well? I mean, I
[44:05] just don' t want it to seem like sometimes talking or saying things that
[44:09] sound abstract, or it looks like you' re doing it to give like
[44:15] a happy happy speech or not. I don' t mean, I think
[44:17] I' m fine and I think it has to do with what I was
[44:21] saying to you a moment ago. Really, I mean, I would encourage
[44:22] anyone to try it the moment you do things consciously and consistently and being consistent
[44:27] with what you want to do. Even if it doesn' t go as
[44:34] you expect. The pain is not the same nor the confusion is so great.
[44:39] So you' re building a life in a very conscious way. Then
[44:44] of course you' re better, it' s inevitable you' re better,
[44:47] you can' t stop you' re better. So I' m
[44:52] very well, of course, very well, I mean, I' m
[44:54] still unique as a psychologist, that you didn' t need drugs. Then
[45:02] I took them for a while. If I took the three pills this one
[45:07] and took them from you later and the psychiatrist and I didn' t quote
[45:08] them, but the guitar. But if the first season, yeah, yeah,
[45:12] so let' s say you haven' t followed the orthodox path.
[45:17] Let' s put it this way. And yet. There' s something
[45:21] you' re doing, you' re doing great. And you' ve
[45:24] been here for how many years. This was the 17th. I' m
[45:28] gonna miss it against not using my fingers. Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
[45:30] twenty- one, twenty- two to seventeen years, seven years. It
[45:32] ' s been seven years. And then, of course I was watching you
[45:37] and I' m saying, it' s going to affect you again because
[45:39] it' s working, so if you' re going to the people who
[45:44] do the music tours, because they have a lot of plays and all this
[45:49] and it ends badly this man every day, every day, every day,
[45:52] every day, on a date, every day, a date, every day,
[45:52] a date. Yeah, but you build it from somewhere else, I
[46:00] mean, you build it from somewhere else, I mean, you build it
[46:02] from a place where you know you want to do that and you cancel it
[46:07] when you know you can' t do it anymore until you just never do
[46:07] it. I mean, I' m passionate about my job, which means
[46:09] there' s nothing I' m passionate about more than my job. I
[46:13] mean, if I cancel a performance, I assure you, it' s
[46:17] because the world has fallen. I mean, no, no, he didn
[46:21] ' t cancel, not a joke. I mean, I think, in
[46:23] fact, if my job was taken away from me, but not because it
[46:27] ' s an obstacle to work. I don' t encourage anyone to be
[46:29] an observant of work. The thing is, I' m passionate about the
[46:31] comedy of words. Then I do this. Then I could be acting for
[46:36] hours. No. No, no, no, he canceled. It'
[46:38] s hard one On the one hand, it' s always advice you go
[46:45] to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist and if he gives you that medication, don
[46:51] ' t think about taking it off. No. We are not saying that
[46:54] is but there is also something we need to do more, which is to
[47:00] connect with ourselves coherence. And there' s something you do that I think
[47:06] is very important, which is writing. That' s the older therapist,
[47:09] yes, the narrative writing, the facing of a blank aja, yourself,
[47:15] through words, the narrowing down of a concept or a color of your painting.
[47:21] I think that' s helped you a lot to write is I think
[47:27] very few people are aware of the power that words have. I mean,
[47:30] I think they teach us, they teach us to let go of words,
[47:36] but they teach us what words are for. So I think it' s
[47:38] the most powerful building tool there is. So, the moment you write,
[47:43] you' re putting all your thoughts on a paper. Then writing allows you
[47:47] to be honest with you and, above all, allows you to detect whether
[47:52] you are lying or not. I mean, I understand that someone has a
[47:52] hard time saying I' m going to set a very wild example, but
[47:55] it' s going to help you understand me. I think it might be
[47:57] hard for someone to say I don' t want my peers, but maybe
[48:00] you don' t love your parents. I understand that ballisticizing them very complicated,
[48:05] but the simple fact of writing I don' t want my parents and
[48:08] that you can actually see that written thought does something in your head. Then
[48:15] I think writing is a mirror of what you have inside your head and it
[48:17] allows you to see You honestly, and it allows you to work because you
[48:22] find things and suddenly you say, but wait I don' t want them.
[48:23] I' m angry today. Oh no, I' m not mad
[48:27] at my parents, sorry I don' t want them. That' s
[48:29] where I' m mad because I' m mad about this, ah because
[48:30] I don' t like it. Then you can work on You. Then
[48:32] it' s a very powerful tool. Writing, much more than it seems.
[48:37] First I hate it, eh leave it or I did it to my
[48:42] parents like that, yeah, that' s it. Then I went on
[48:44] to not love them, then I can' t stand them and then I
[48:50] said I don' t understand why it doesn' t affect me. Sure,
[48:50] that' s it, that' s it, but probably not when
[48:54] I was young, now already, but probably to that conclusion, or you
[49:00] would have come much later, or you would never have come. But the
[49:01] simple fact of being able to see it allows you to adjust your thinking.
[49:07] And when you adjust the thought, you can work on the thought. And
[49:08] when you can work on it, you can correct it. Then it'
[49:13] s very interesting and also, alone. Yeah, it' s narrative therapy.
[49:15] Yeah, yeah, you' re having a hard time here comes a
[49:20] time when you start saying good. Maybe I wasn' t good. Sure,
[49:22] maybe I wasn' t good without a little run, and I was
[49:27] not good at taking on that person again. But besides, you' re
[49:29] a guy with a lot of common sense. You said this well. I
[49:30] wrote it without smoking clear and if I wrote it before I mean, the
[49:38] problem is that you mention it in the book is that I think we tend
[49:43] to confuse a stage of our life with our life. So, all of
[49:47] a sudden we think I was relating to writing that I, if I don
[49:52] ' t know what. And all of a sudden I realized that I'
[49:52] ' t smoke, I don' t know how to write, I don
[49:57] ve been writing 26 years, doing comedy and I started consuming. It'
[50:00] s been a long time and I started to see when I was very old,
[50:04] after I was thirty. So, when you realize what things you did
[50:07] long before that, what you think the brain can' t beat you anymore.
[50:13] It' s like ah it' s okay to write in ok because
[50:19] then we have a lot, we tend to forget our entire past. Then
[50:22] we stay at the point that works for us and we don' t throw
[50:25] a little more back. But if you pull back any more, you realize
[50:28] that there were a lot of things you knew how to do without certain things
[50:31] or making decisions, how you don' t think you' d be able
[50:35] to make. Or then, every once in a while it' s okay
[50:37] to stop and take a look here at who you were, every once in
[50:42] a while it helps you ever had a musical paranoia, then inside a song.
[50:45] I didn' t enter a song inside, but many musicians played for
[50:51] me live. I mean, I' m someone who' s been in
[50:59] rehearsals with the Beatles while they were finding themes, I mean, I was
[51:01] in the rehearsal room with the Beatles. They were rehearsing songs for me and
[51:05] then with dire strage, I was also in a room and with Mozart and
[51:14] the music you live it in a way that is inexplicable. There is a
[51:16] way to feel something similar and without the need to consume substances or anything unusual,
[51:22] and I encourage anyone to decipher it, because it is very simple and
[51:27] it has to do with something that we have stopped doing. I felt like
[51:30] I was with them for a very simple reason, and it' s just
[51:34] that madness makes you super focused on what' s happening. Then the only
[51:37] thing that happened was that I listened to music with an unusual intensity. So
[51:43] you' re so into the subject that it seemed real to you and at
[51:46] that time it was real I think that for years anyone who' s owed
[51:52] you right now isn' t, but most of them haven' t sat
[51:59] down to listen to a song without doing anything but listening to the song in
[52:00] the headphones. I believe they put on headphones and listen to the song while
[52:04] they watch mobile, while they open a book, while they walk, while
[52:08] they make dionymous cooking for anyone to sit on headphones, play a song and
[52:14] pay attention to the nuances, instruments, sounds and whatever. It' s
[52:21] another world to listen to music and it' s similar to what you live
[52:25] in while you' re in an outbreak. But yes, yes, I
[52:27] was inside, not songs, but I was with them in the rehearsal room.
[52:30] It was spectacular. I had a conversation with an extraordinary friend. He
[52:37] entered the quanto and the tactals. What he spoke to me made a lot
[52:42] of sense. It was this simple creative one. Well, he went out.
[52:46] All right, and I said how nice you are. That you'
[52:52] re so good and he tells me you know one thing. If I have
[52:58] ten, ten days to live, I' d like to ball with him,
[53:02] with him death. I mean, it' s good. We'
[53:06] re totally in agreement with your friend, you mean totally in agreement with him?
[53:08] I mean, I totally agree. I had never thought, but totally
[53:13] according to him. Totally. And this will sound crazy to a lot of
[53:16] people and there' s probably psychologists taking their hands to their heads. But
[53:21] 100% with your friend, 100%. I told him to take me
[53:24] with you Yeah, that would be nice to be able to take the people
[53:27] I want is to spend those ten days with you. It would be beautiful
[53:29] You' ve lived it. That' s very difficult. I totally agree.
[53:31] It' s hard, but well, here the day, the world
[53:36] of the quille the now also tastes very rich. It has very intense flavors
[53:39] and, in addition, the owner you are also clear your thoughts, your
[53:44] emotions, your feelings. Angel Martin. You' re one of the great
[53:51] discoveries to me. My dreamy situation, especially at the same time because I
[53:54] feel that all people who especially have a loved one, someone they know is
[54:02] close if they are in this book, will understand it so well and will
[54:07] not be fooled. I wish, or sometimes it helps us. We talk
[54:15] too much. We judge too much and all I can say is I'
[54:20] m glad you' re here with me. Yeah, me too, uh.
[54:22] Thank you so much for the invitation. Lujazo. Thank you very much.
[54:35] You like this testimony. You think it can help someone share it with
[54:38] you. Don' t forget to click on my social networks, which are
[54:44] Silvia Olmedo for YouTube, Silvia Olmedo for Instagram and Silvia Olmedo official for Facebook,
[54:51] who remembers that, before judging to tag a person, try to understand
[54:55] why we see their faces. We know.

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