# She Friend-zoned You, What Next? - Ep. 80

An episode of [Menisms](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1608929536), 18 Jul 2024, 1 h 02 min.

Audio: https://anchor.fm/s/81693d28/podcast/play/89371157/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2024-6-18%2F5d9b6de8-a158-529c-2062-8b91065fd866.mp3

Your favourite podcast men are back and on today's episode, they talk about experiences with the opposite gender and dealing with instances where they were friend-zoned. Enjoy! Feel free to drop a comment. 👉 https://forms.gle/5WkUNhx1fzPbubpy7 Follow Menisms on social media @menismspod: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/menismspod/?hl=en Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@menismspodcast?lang=en Twitter: https://twitter.com/menismspod Follow the guys: Michael: https://www.tiktok.com/@sonariwoondeck?lang=en Murewa: https://twitter.com/olumurewa

## Transcript

[0:00] If life wants us to meet again, we'll meet again.
[0:01] That's me. I'm just like, you know what?
[0:04] I don't really want rejection from this person because one,
[0:06] she's she's she looks good, but she doesn't look good enough for
[0:09] me to want her rejection. So I'm like, you know what, it's
[0:12] fine. I'm just not going to go for go
[0:14] for this, right? And I don't think I've ever made
[0:17] any. Words Wait, wait, we're not as
[0:20] good to What did you just say? What a world is your favorite
[0:32] podcast, man? Back again with another one.
[0:34] My name is Michael Shonari Wu and.
[0:36] I'm very welcome. Are you back on Menisms?
[0:38] Ladies and gentlemen, we back again.
[0:40] We see you guys subscribing, we see you guys supporting us and
[0:43] we appreciate you guys. So make sure you subscribe to
[0:46] all our audio channels on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube so
[0:50] you can continuously hear us and you can see us too.
[0:53] So we appreciate y'all. How you doing, Maggie?
[0:55] Not bad. Moving on to the week, focusing
[0:59] on how the week is going, see what it takes me, seeing where
[1:02] it takes me. But yeah, I'm so 30 plus now.
[1:05] God, I hate it. Like, why?
[1:07] Because everything I say just revolves around the OK.
[1:09] So we're just focusing on work, focusing on life.
[1:12] One day at a time, we thank God for today and this.
[1:14] Is what I'm saying. But Nah, man, yeah, obviously.
[1:18] I mean, thank God for life. Still no complaints.
[1:20] It's funny, you said something a while ago that I now understand.
[1:23] Yeah, I mean, I understood it then, but it's like as you live
[1:26] it and you get older, you start to understand it.
[1:28] But it's like in Lagos, I feel like once you get to 30 plus, it
[1:31] becomes like this routine because they're not as many
[1:35] experiences or things to do here as much as other countries in
[1:40] terms of in Lagos. Now, let's be honest, most of
[1:43] the things to do are entertainment based activities.
[1:46] There's still other activities to do which I still do on time
[1:49] to time. But for your majority of things
[1:51] is nightlife entertainment. It's not like, and even now that
[1:55] they've removed the beach from us because I can't lie to you.
[1:58] Definitely. Every day there's some days like
[2:01] there was one day I drove to Landmark and literally as soon
[2:03] as I got to Landmark I was like this fuck because I saw the
[2:06] construction outside that it reminded me like wait there's no
[2:09] beach here or I had to turn back home.
[2:10] It's like where am I going from my casual chill or something?
[2:14] Like there's no park. Yeah.
[2:16] But it's as well. But it's as well.
[2:18] As usual, as Nigerians now would adapt Avi somehow because we're
[2:22] always adapting somehow, but. It's as well.
[2:24] But yeah, but of course we're going to get things started off
[2:28] in the show real quick, though. I had a question, though, to ask
[2:31] you. So some people were asking us
[2:35] about like the celeb drama that was going on.
[2:40] Which one? There's a few, I don't know.
[2:43] But the reason it came here because somebody asked based off
[2:45] manisms, they were asking me like, oh, what do you think?
[2:47] As a guy, I'm like, it's none of my business.
[2:49] But the whole baby Mama drama between David David Doe and his
[2:53] and they were just talking about in general, like men with the
[2:56] whole baby daddy thing, like it's not a common thing in a
[2:59] place like Nigeria. So we think because you know how
[3:03] in America is exactly in America is like there's even a badge of
[3:08] honor. That's one from.
[3:09] Bro I can't understand it. With mothers in America, like I
[3:13] am a single mother and I'm proud.
[3:15] Yeah, he's my baby daddy. Yeah.
[3:17] That's my baby daddy. You see the baby daddy.
[3:19] So yeah, that's my baby Mama over there.
[3:20] It's like, ah, yeah, do you know that?
[3:23] Like, can you hear yourself? I Can't Sing it with confidence.
[3:26] That's my baby Mama. That's my baby that like I don't
[3:29] want. I can understand it when they
[3:32] still live, they're still committed to each other, but
[3:34] they just choose not to marry. That's dude, I understand that
[3:37] one. That's my baby Mama in terms of
[3:39] that's my woman, but my mother, my children, but we are together
[3:43] exactly. Not that we had a child four
[3:45] years ago. We have nothing to do with each
[3:47] other apart from that child. I don't mean to argue, but yet
[3:49] I'm still claiming that my baby Mama, God forbid.
[3:52] No, I don't understand it. Well, I mean.
[3:54] Ex-wife even sounds better than baby Mama.
[3:56] Oh yeah for sure. That's my ex-wife ahead.
[3:59] Well, so you see, The thing is, again, people ask me as well,
[4:03] it's hard to have any kind of take on their situation, you
[4:06] know, because again, you don't even know who's telling the
[4:08] truth, who's giving the details. So I have no opinion or even any
[4:12] business with the whole David illustration.
[4:13] But the concept of the baby Mama thing in a place like Nigeria,
[4:18] honestly, I see it as us just taking another thing again from
[4:21] the West. Just just taking the same way we
[4:24] will take their music, take their fashion.
[4:25] I mean, of course, thank God Afrobeat is kind of coming back
[4:27] and getting his recognition again.
[4:29] But you know that for the longest time there was there was
[4:31] a age where you didn't want to associate with Nigerian music
[4:34] because American Music was just cooler. 1:00 So we just keep
[4:38] taking things from that side of the world.
[4:40] And this is just one thing we're taking in again, right?
[4:43] And now the the whole baby Mama Mama thing has been happening.
[4:47] I mean, because you have a lot of people who or that's my dad,
[4:51] but I've never seen him or we don't or we don't live together.
[4:53] We've done this. But the difference is that, like
[4:55] you said, it's not as celebrated, right?
[4:57] And so not everybody's just coming and saying, oh, I'm a
[4:59] single man. I mean, well, there's a lot more
[5:00] single mothers now that have come out to see their single
[5:02] mothers, but it's still something that the Nigerian
[5:05] society is getting used to, right?
[5:08] And so naturally at the first point of the conversation, they
[5:12] would want to see the father as a deadbeat father because he's
[5:15] not being present for the children, all that stuff.
[5:17] But you don't even really know the of the of the relationship
[5:19] and what's really going on inside.
[5:21] So it's hard to just really give your take on really what is
[5:24] going on, right? But I'll still always just say
[5:26] that it's a very my own personal, my own personal
[5:31] opinion on this is that it's just it's a very messy thing to
[5:34] have to do to a child that is not even asking for it, right?
[5:37] Don't don't have to bring him in.
[5:39] Not that it doesn't work out when it's just a single mother
[5:41] and she raises a child. But no matter what, somebody
[5:44] that's exposed to seeing that family is in father mother
[5:46] situation, you definitely want more.
[5:48] You're going to be more curious, you want to get more answers,
[5:50] You want to know what's going on.
[5:52] And more often than not, you feel like you're only getting
[5:56] love from one side if you don't actually get to meet your dad at
[5:58] any point, right? If it's a situation where you
[6:01] just hear about the father but never get to see him, it gets
[6:03] messy. And so for me, it's just not an
[6:06] ideal situation that you want to encourage.
[6:08] But again, it's not from a judgmental thing.
[6:09] People are single mothers for whatever reasons they are.
[6:12] And you know, it's just but people who I didn't.
[6:14] Like I didn't like was and I again, situation on my business
[6:18] and I'd have nothing to say, 'cause it's again, one of those
[6:21] situations if you're not in it, you understand the stress.
[6:23] Yeah. But just bringing it to social
[6:25] media, I understand why because sometimes when you're going
[6:28] through that court process, sometimes quote a public opinion
[6:31] may help some situations. But like you say, just bringing
[6:35] it out there, it's easier said than done because we've, I don't
[6:39] know about you, but you know you when you're in a relationship,
[6:41] but you've been with somebody, it can easily get messy.
[6:44] So that's why I say I can't blame them, but it's just in
[6:47] that case. But then one thing I did find
[6:49] out though, I found out that the lady is older than him though by
[6:51] some years in terms of apparently he was 19 when she
[6:55] got pregnant. She was 2627.
[6:57] And even if somebody like, no, he was 20, OK, even if 20 to 26,
[7:02] I'm like, yo, that's a bit of an age gap 27 because I'm like
[7:06] putting himself in my shoes because we're the same age.
[7:09] I'm like, that's like me rolling with my older brothers and
[7:11] cousins. And that's like seeing one of
[7:13] the girls I used to roll with back then with them got pregnant
[7:17] from me. And as I that wouldn't like I'm
[7:20] not, I mean, again, I made a decision, but I'm still
[7:23] technically a young and like at that point I'm not even 212627.
[7:27] Like again, nobody. I'm not saying because you're
[7:31] that age, you should know I can't get pregnant this time.
[7:33] But you understand, there's a bit of, you know, certain things
[7:36] more than a 20 year old, of course.
[7:38] So you understand, you know, the risk involved.
[7:40] You know what you're doing, you know, the timing of your body
[7:42] control you. That's what I said.
[7:44] So those are the questions I asked.
[7:45] Like what about all these factors then even now, again,
[7:48] fast forwarding the year, the age gap, you know, that kind of
[7:52] thing is like you, you would hopefully understand like
[7:55] there's certain things we shouldn't be bringing to public
[7:57] life. Yeah.
[7:57] Because. In the end, it's about our kid.
[8:00] You get what I'm saying, But I understand the situation they're
[8:03] in right now because you too, you're going to have to defend
[8:05] yourself too. If somebody says something about
[8:07] you in public, especially if you're at that level that they
[8:11] are, you have to defend yourself, you understand.
[8:14] So it's a tricky thing. Hopefully it gets better,
[8:16] obviously, for their daughter, at the end of the day, that's
[8:18] what it's all about at the end of the day.
[8:20] So hopefully it's a situation they can resolve.
[8:22] But it's something somebody has asked me and I was saying like,
[8:24] again, it's very easy to comment on the situation you're not in.
[8:27] But when you're in that fire, like think about the fire you've
[8:30] been in with some exes that if it went public.
[8:33] Yeah, exactly. That sounds like, yeah, there's
[8:35] just, there's no way to give a take on what's what's really
[8:38] going on in this situation, right?
[8:39] You know, so. Yeah, but we got some questions
[8:42] and comments from y'all as usual.
[8:44] Thank you. But I think we need to drink
[8:46] beforehand. Yes, we do.
[8:57] All right, so again, we got some questions and comments from
[8:59] y'all that we're going to read through.
[9:00] So I'm a limb where I read the first one while I pour us to
[9:03] drink. Okay all right so this is from
[9:06] Don Illuminati. It says hey medicines part.
[9:08] Been listening to you guys for some time now and caught up with
[9:11] all your episodes. Really love the work you guys do
[9:13] and have done and me and my Bros have contemplated doing pods
[9:17] ourselves. Go for it.
[9:19] Now the main reason I'm here. This might be extremely long but
[9:22] just so you guys get the whole story.
[9:24] In my first year in uni I met this girl who's my coursemates
[9:28] we started as. We started off as friends and
[9:31] all but we became close, talking about her real issues and all
[9:35] family and apparently relationships.
[9:38] No, the relationship part I feel I didn't really care at first
[9:41] because I just saw her as my guy.
[9:44] But then I actually realized that I was having feelings for
[9:46] her. I didn't get angry when she came
[9:49] to me when she had issues with her man because the fuck can't
[9:52] you notice I'm in love with you. Fair enough.
[9:57] I mean fair. So at a point I tried to keep
[10:00] arm's length and not be too friendly so as not to break my
[10:02] heart too fast. Too fast.
[10:05] So at a point I tried to keep arm's length and not to be too
[10:08] friendly so as not to break my heart too fast.
[10:10] And Fast forward. All the arm's length didn't
[10:14] work. Not because of me, she just
[10:16] didn't notice. Or she just noticed I was off
[10:19] and she just wanted us to be close and even after I tried
[10:22] entering a relationship I just couldn't make it work 'cause
[10:25] deep down I knew I just wanted it to be her right now.
[10:28] Right now she's single and she obviously knows I have feelings
[10:31] 'cause I dropped hints in the past but she keeps being adamant
[10:35] with we're friends even when we're not having that kind of
[10:39] conversation, just basic combos. Right now I'm lost and I don't
[10:43] know what to do. OK.
[10:44] So what about to say? Because there was a lot.
[10:48] Yeah, so from what I understand, he met this girl, their course
[10:51] mates, they obviously have classes together and they
[10:55] started to talk about everything, family,
[10:56] relationship, all that stuff. And then he started getting
[10:58] close and in the in the beginning stages, he didn't care
[11:01] much about our relationship discussions.
[11:04] But then he got to find out that at some point he started caring
[11:06] for them because he started liking her or having feelings
[11:08] for her. So whenever she's so she was
[11:10] seeing someone at the time, whenever she's complaining about
[11:13] her man to him, he's like, the fuck, like, why are you telling
[11:15] me all this? How do you say I like you?
[11:17] And so, you know, he tried as much as possible to distance
[11:20] himself, himself because again, they go to the same class, so
[11:23] distance himself so they're not talking as much and blah, blah,
[11:25] blah, just so that he doesn't break his heart.
[11:28] And she started to notice he was distancing and he's like, oh,
[11:30] he's acting weird. No, they shouldn't keep their
[11:32] distance. Let's keep talking.
[11:34] I don't know if a girl does that and you like her, you will
[11:36] succumb, right? And so he succumbed, he's
[11:41] succumbed and he started talking to her again and now she's
[11:44] single, according to what he says.
[11:46] And he he was at a chance to be in a relationship with somebody
[11:49] else. And that didn't work because he
[11:51] knew he wanted her. And so now she's single and you
[11:56] know, they're talking, but she's being adamant on them being
[12:00] friends. So basically she's friend zoning
[12:01] him. And he's now saying, even though
[12:04] the conversations aren't that way, conversations are maybe
[12:07] leaning into the relationship direction.
[12:09] What does he do? His what does he do?
[12:12] He's confused, all right? My better run, run, move.
[12:17] That's what I'll say. I said friends, when you stress
[12:20] your I have been there. I have been there.
[12:24] The worst part is she's going to come back to you in a certain
[12:27] point and realize maybe I should have given this guy a chance.
[12:31] But it's already late because now she's settling.
[12:33] Yeah, for you. And may they never settle for
[12:37] you in Jesus name, Amen. So leave her alone.
[12:39] She had her chance. If you want to be friends with
[12:42] her that you know it can be friendship, fine, fine.
[12:44] But I know for me, once I've had strong feelings on you and your
[12:47] friends with me, I have love for you.
[12:50] But it can never be the same because you don't want me to be
[12:53] that guy. Now that you thought, oh we were
[12:55] friends and all of a sudden I moved to you.
[12:56] Like or I come much later and then it's like a I've always
[13:00] liked to. Think I've always like there's
[13:02] only one. Anyways, she's my baby now, but.
[13:06] Fair enough. That's why I said fair.
[13:08] I like the one like as I liked you from then and I kept the
[13:11] same energy till now. Right.
[13:14] Well, yeah, so I mean, I'm of the same opinion.
[13:16] If she's friend zoning, you cut it off, particularly because
[13:21] friend zone means that she can't even see the possibility of a
[13:24] relationship. You guys, God forbid.
[13:26] So what that means is she's seen nothing more.
[13:29] Now the worst thing you can do for yourself is they try to.
[13:31] Adjust there, they say you're just there the.
[13:33] Worst thing you can do is try to convince her as to why you guys
[13:37] should be together now bro. Wait, wait, before you even say
[13:39] anything guy, when a lot of men don't realize that statement you
[13:42] just said, well, you have to convince her.
[13:45] And The thing is, as a man, you don't know when you are doing
[13:48] your life, you will say, look, I'm the one for you.
[13:51] Look, I'm actually this to say, I'm actually this kind of guy.
[13:54] You don't realize the. Shame.
[13:56] Thing is, you actually convincing.
[13:57] You're actually telling her. Please don't.
[13:59] Friends brother, it's shameful and I'm not saying it as in part
[14:01] I'm shaming guys. I have been there that you have
[14:04] convinced you are trying to tell the girl and because The thing
[14:07] is men will never admit what they say to women behind closed.
[14:09] Doors, yeah. Oh yeah.
[14:10] Because nobody's there. So me, I know the kind of
[14:12] begging I've done in my past that I'm trying to convince babe
[14:16] that I know of my brother. So it's hard.
[14:18] Like really bro? Bro you don't realize how much
[14:20] shame it is that you have to beg a girl.
[14:22] Oh yeah, no, no, it's a shame. And if you have to, you are the
[14:25] stage that where you're convincing her, which is already
[14:27] 0 / 10 right now. It could go two ways.
[14:31] She could either remind you that you're being weird and you're
[14:34] being creepy, she's already told you you guys are just friends,
[14:37] in which case that friendship is already sitting on the edge.
[14:40] Best to respect yourself and walk out of it before you see
[14:43] any other more, any other mostly finishing sorts.
[14:45] Or she would say actually she never saw you in that light,
[14:49] maybe we should give it a shot. Let me tell you rather you
[14:52] forever continue to be convincing her why you can be a
[14:54] good boyfriend, why she should not leave you, why she should
[14:56] not break up with you, why you're.
[14:58] You're definitely going to be on the other end of the stick
[15:00] convincing her constantly why she's the you're the boyfriend
[15:05] she should stay with. I've never been so like I know
[15:08] for me, if the if we don't, if if it wasn't there initially,
[15:12] like for example, I'll say like time choose my words carefully.
[15:16] OK, so I'll give you the my girl now like we are friends in first
[15:19] year. OK, so we met through my
[15:22] housemate, funny enough, OK, but the way he portrayed like this
[15:26] is my sister and this way I said, nice guy, this is my
[15:28] brother. But you know, I gotta say, this
[15:29] is my sister. You're like, ah, I left it
[15:31] alone. Then I'm like, yo, this girl
[15:33] fine, like I like her and but I never pursued her in that way.
[15:37] But to always keep in touch. I know.
[15:39] So I do this thing where unless I see that sign from you that
[15:44] you like me, I swear I don't mind being in the friend zone
[15:47] for so long because even if I like you, even if I like you,
[15:51] because I can't handle rejection in that way because I've been
[15:54] to, I've been to it. So it's not like I'm not a risk
[15:58] taker. I'd be risk taker, but I'm a
[16:00] calculated risk taker because. You're not with your affairs
[16:04] that have to do with your heart. No, because I've been there.
[16:06] I've just got where I've done. Yankee.
[16:08] Don't forget me. I'll be Yankee boy now.
[16:09] So there's times I've just gone raw, emotional.
[16:11] Your girl. I like you.
[16:14] Do you know what it feels like to pour your heart out to
[16:16] somebody and you just hear, oh damn, and then you're not here,
[16:20] sorry after. Hey, gotta beg.
[16:24] See, if I tell you something, women can be bastards.
[16:26] The way they reject because men don't hesitate also shows how
[16:29] cheap men are. I don't know.
[16:30] Well, men reject. Let me not say that man, I
[16:32] don't. I'm sure you reject.
[16:35] We reject because it's not everybody that you see.
[16:38] Anyways, I digress, but I'm just saying like women don't realize
[16:42] sometimes how hard it is to admit our feelings to you,
[16:45] especially when we like you. Like the physical one.
[16:47] Yeah, that's easy and you can tell too when that's just
[16:49] physical. But for us to say we'd like you.
[16:52] Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not just that, especially if
[16:55] you're an intentional person, because a lot of guys do say
[16:57] they like just tell you, I like just trying to have more with
[17:01] you, right? But but for those who are
[17:04] intentional, it's very difficult because you know the
[17:06] consequences of the yes or impossible no.
[17:08] And you know how that may take a toll on you, especially when you
[17:11] know that with this person, you even have some sort of friendly
[17:15] relationship with that person up until you confess that feeling,
[17:18] right? And you just know that that
[17:20] would definitely change the dynamic of things.
[17:22] And you've taken your time to think so hard whether you should
[17:25] or not. And so if it's a no, you already
[17:27] know you've lost both things because.
[17:29] It can never be the same because from one side the girl's going
[17:32] to say with this guy going to move to me one time we're alone
[17:34] or something from you. Your male ego and pride is hurt
[17:37] that it's like. You know for sure you're staying
[17:40] as a friend. She's going to come to you with
[17:41] that. This guy's bugging me.
[17:42] What do you think I should? I like to.
[17:43] See, I hate to see I hated that bullshit.
[17:46] I think you should piss me the fuck off because why are you
[17:50] coming to tell me about another man when I'm not going to tell
[17:53] you? Are you rude?
[17:54] Oh, and let me tell you also, this is also just outside of
[17:57] this, but women cannot take that thing to dish.
[17:59] If I'm your friend and you didn't tell me anything, No, I
[18:02] don't know you'd like me. And you know, I'm telling you
[18:06] about this other girl I'm talking to.
[18:08] You did not you even you even friends with me.
[18:10] You told me. Oh, no, I can't be anything with
[18:12] you. No Walhalla is ego.
[18:14] No Walhalla. But I'm telling you now about
[18:16] this kind of like a vaccine is ego.
[18:18] What do you mean you have vaccine is ego anyways.
[18:20] But yeah, so I get our advice is walk away from it.
[18:23] There's no coming out of a friend zone situation, right?
[18:27] Because again, like I said, no, I say this.
[18:30] No, let me let me tell you why I say this.
[18:31] This dynamic, this dynamic where she's adamant on you being
[18:35] friends, adamant on you being friends means that she can't
[18:38] actually see more. If she tells you she's figuring
[18:40] things out. Let's not move too quickly.
[18:42] Let's stay friends for now. That's difference other month
[18:45] that we are being friends even though you are letting her know
[18:48] I like you. I like you are strange size
[18:49] everything is her letting you know bro don't cross that line.
[18:52] Yeah, your brother to me and in which case I'm sorry, but if she
[18:56] ever switches that I make, it's because you have something of
[18:58] value that she needs at that. Time.
[18:59] I had a friend like that. Yeah, it's weird.
[19:03] We kept friend zoning each other because we knew we'd liked each
[19:07] other. Well, let me not speak for her,
[19:09] but I'm sure I feel like both of us liked each other and we were
[19:14] close already, right? But I think we both knew that if
[19:18] you one of us crosses that boundary can be.
[19:20] Yes, OK. You get what I'm saying?
[19:22] Because it's like we generally liked each other in that way as
[19:26] friends, as people. But you know how relationships
[19:29] are with men and women, once you cross out certain boundary, it
[19:31] can always go. It's never going to be the same.
[19:34] So there was always that tension of that.
[19:36] And The funny thing is like when both of us go into relationships
[19:39] now, it's like we had to this. We've we've had to do.
[19:42] And it's not like we had to have a conversation like, Hey, I got
[19:44] it. This is it's not sure now that
[19:47] it has happened. And it's fair like, oh, love is
[19:49] still always going to be there if I see them.
[19:51] It's all love and all, but you have to put that boundary with
[19:54] somebody you are so close with that there was that kind of
[19:58] tension maybe quote on quotes because you have to respect your
[20:01] other partner now in that, you know, and it's one thing I've
[20:04] had to learn as you grow because when you are younger and the
[20:07] girls will complain about setting girlfriends or like what
[20:09] the fuck you complaining about? But you're older now.
[20:11] You're like. You know what?
[20:13] I understand perspective now. That's what I started in
[20:16] persuade like because you had a male now that was just coming
[20:19] anyhow now or something. Or every time he's involved,
[20:21] he's like, hey, hold on now. Yeah, to be honest.
[20:23] And I think I don't see a way that that would even pan out,
[20:27] especially if you know that, of course, knowing the person you
[20:31] date, you just, you know how women will always convince you
[20:35] that he's just a friend. But you as the guy, you can't
[20:37] recognize those moves. And you're like, he said he did
[20:40] what to you today? He said he asked for what?
[20:42] Yeah. Sorry, baby girl, that guy's not
[20:44] just a friend. He likes you more than a friend.
[20:46] And you keeping him around as a friend, I'm sorry, but I'm not
[20:49] just OK with it. So especially when you
[20:51] understand that dynamic, it's easy to also understand when a
[20:54] girl is complaining about another girl that you're talking
[20:56] to. And so you're like, you know
[20:57] what? Out of respect, let me just this
[21:00] closeness can't work now that's. There's only, and that's why I
[21:03] said, see, there's only one girl that can literally talk about my
[21:06] female problems too. And that's like I say my best
[21:09] friend, that same thing. She talks to me about how that
[21:12] because she's literally my blood sister, you understand.
[21:16] So it's like there's A and that's why I said, I feel like
[21:18] you have to, well, not that you have to establish because for us
[21:21] now, it's not like we established it or anything.
[21:24] It's like we've been together since we were kids literally
[21:26] since birth. So that the foundation of
[21:29] friendship has already been said that we've always come to each
[21:32] other by each other's problems, but there's never been that line
[21:34] crossed that kind of peace so I could talk to some girl and that
[21:38] it's not just her there's some girls too that our relationship
[21:41] is said that it's always going to be that friendship because
[21:43] you know how some people always say like men, are they really
[21:46] friends with girls? You know the girl give the
[21:48] opportunity. I know me, I was telling, I
[21:50] literally was just telling my girl this other day.
[21:52] Like that's why I used to friend zone girls, if I knew I liked
[21:55] you as a friend, that I'm not even crossing this boundary.
[21:58] Our friends are you, no matter how much you try, because I
[22:01] respect the relationship because really it's up to sometimes it's
[22:04] up to the guy because some here's what I mean.
[22:08] Sometimes some girls, right, Like for example, if they have a
[22:11] friend that they're very attracted to, but they're not
[22:14] seeing them in that way, if that guy should flip the script, that
[22:17] girl can say yes. Oh, no, yeah, no, I agree.
[22:19] You get what I'm saying? So it's like you now and
[22:22] sometimes when you so, so, so, so you go.
[22:25] So what I mean is when you're a guy that you realize you're the
[22:28] one in the driver's seat because most times it's the girls in the
[22:30] driver's seat. But when you're a guy that's not
[22:32] in the driver's seat, when you realize that that you have that
[22:34] power, bro, it's a feeling that it makes sure it empowers you,
[22:38] obviously, but then it comes with a lot of maturity whereby
[22:41] are you not going to you abuse that part that you're not going
[22:43] to be hooking up with every girl?
[22:44] Are you going to actually have boundaries that some girls can
[22:47] chill? Guys do take advantage of the
[22:49] opportunity by then taking advantage of the girls because
[22:52] they know I want to keep this one as a friend but she likes
[22:54] me. Let me let me give her one
[22:56] legging 1 legging, but to keep her as a friend, even though
[22:59] yeah, because it's. True.
[23:00] What's 1? Legging.
[23:01] So 1 legging is I'm giving her hope that there could be more,
[23:05] even though I'm still telling her that her friends don't have
[23:08] because, you know, like I said, was the driver seat and they're
[23:11] calling the shots. And I mean, women do that as
[23:13] well, but they'll never admit it.
[23:16] Yeah, they'll never they want. But yeah, thank you.
[23:18] This is a run, yeah. But again, thank you guys for.
[23:20] Saying This is why I said we like you guys send.
[23:23] Me, thanks a lot. All right.
[23:25] There was a conversation I was having with somebody earlier
[23:27] last week and it was very, I never actually thought that this
[23:32] is something I'd never really sat down with any of my friends
[23:35] to speak about, you know, and I also just realized that it's not
[23:39] even like I have, I've never been taught how to navigate this
[23:42] aspect of life. But how do you, how do you
[23:44] handle someone who is your friend and is running a
[23:48] business, but is running a similar business to what you're
[23:50] doing or what you maybe, maybe, OK, maybe you're doing something
[23:54] Now, let's say you're how you're hiding something as you're
[23:56] running parties, right? And you have a friend who wants
[24:00] to start a business, and the business is beach parties.
[24:02] How do? You feel that?
[24:04] How do you how do you navigate that?
[24:05] How do you How do you run your own business?
[24:08] Can I be honest? Fluidly without actually.
[24:10] I'm not worried anymore at this point in life, I'm not worried
[24:13] anymore. I used I've had those phases.
[24:16] I'm not I'm human. I've had those phases, yes or
[24:18] no. But if you believe in your
[24:20] craft, in. Those phases because I want to
[24:21] hear more about the phase but finish.
[24:23] So would you say, OK, let me let me talk about the phases then
[24:25] where I am now the phases. It was more because I have a
[24:30] Yankee mentality whereby like the first thing is like, oh, can
[24:33] we collaborate? What's up?
[24:34] Let me help you. I know that's 1/2 of my mind.
[24:38] Then the other half is the Niger.
[24:40] That is I, I beat you like this guy.
[24:42] They tried to take by default. So I had that clash a lot of
[24:45] times that my mind is in and out, in and out.
[24:48] And obviously there are times I did give my advice, help people.
[24:51] It worked out, gave advice, help people and they try and abuse
[24:54] it. But when you have when you
[24:57] believe in your craft and believe in your vision now, like
[24:59] you can't worry about anybody elses thing because if your
[25:02] thing, if you put all your energy in your thing, everybody
[25:05] else is on now, if they're doing it, if they're meant, how do I
[25:08] explain it? There's some businesses people
[25:11] do because they want to follow a trend, if that makes sense as.
[25:15] Opposed to a. Passion behind it, so it starts
[25:17] to reveal itself because for example, the beach business,
[25:21] like you said, trust me, I had a lot of that tried to copy the
[25:24] beach business, right. But you don't realize how much
[25:27] stress is involved, how much finance is involved, how much
[25:31] commitment is involved, things like that.
[25:33] So you have to have a passion for it that's going to make you
[25:36] stand out and last. So that's what helped me to the
[25:39] grace of God that I had a passion for these things.
[25:41] While some people they saw a business opportunity.
[25:44] So it doesn't mean I still can't give my expertise and I even at
[25:48] this stage, I still will. But then it's really going to be
[25:51] up to you to show if you're about it because again, is it a
[25:54] trend for you is a passion? If it's a passion that you end
[25:57] up being successful in it. If I'm worried about my own
[25:59] stuff and it's striving, then I'm not worried about you.
[26:02] If you happen to come and you happen to be as big as me.
[26:05] How can we collab? That's how I think.
[26:07] How can we collab Because I've seen you've grown but I also
[26:10] have a platform. I won't start to say, oh, look
[26:12] at this person's come to fuck up my shit.
[26:14] No, no, no, no, no, what's the point?
[26:16] But again, Lagos makes you sometimes fall into that selfish
[26:20] mindset of it has to be me and me only when that's not the way
[26:24] forward. And I've fallen for that trap
[26:26] before, I'll be honest. Yeah, to be honest, I, because I
[26:30] think the dicier ones, even when you know, like you can see that
[26:34] the person is a little more skilled at that thing you do
[26:36] than you. So I'll give an example.
[26:39] Let's say I'm, let's say I'm an artist, right?
[26:42] And my art is maybe it's even abstract stuff or it's just, you
[26:46] know, I have, you know, art is very diverse, right?
[26:48] And then this person's art is sculpting, but you see that
[26:52] their sculpting is insane. Like you're an artist, so you
[26:55] know when somebody's skill set is a little above yours, right?
[26:58] And so I'm looking at it and I'm like, OK, that person is very
[27:02] better than I am. And this is your friend as well,
[27:03] right? You guys are friends.
[27:04] You guys are guys. So before, and this is something
[27:07] I've had to unlearn, It took me so long to unlearn it because
[27:10] before, like you said, I'm already having my guard up.
[27:12] I'm already jealous. I'm already like, OK, so we get
[27:15] it, you have some skills, but why are you not coming through
[27:17] me? Since you're so good at it, you
[27:19] don't even need me like that. Like and then you find these
[27:21] people still saying or big, how are you to see clients?
[27:24] And I'm like, are you trying to take the piss?
[27:26] Like, but I got to find out that these people to also don't hold
[27:29] any animosity to the trade. Like in most cases, they even
[27:33] see them as better than me. I'm the one that is projecting
[27:35] that on myself. And I'm the one that is just,
[27:37] you know, living in this bubble of that person's better than me.
[27:40] And so, you know, they're acting like they don't know.
[27:42] Sometimes you literally don't. See, I feel like it's all in
[27:45] your mind, like they see. And that's why I said, I've
[27:48] realized business, see, there's no emotion and that's why it
[27:50] comes. I'm having to relearn again
[27:54] every year. I feel like you have to be
[27:55] learning, learning, but there's no emotion in business.
[27:58] So like you said, even that question, you just said that
[28:01] should not even be your worry if you're a businessman because
[28:04] there's no emotion. They wanna do the same thing as
[28:06] me. No problem.
[28:07] You better make sure your shit is on job to the point that
[28:11] they're either having to catch up to you or they're having to
[28:14] come to you for the advice. That's all you can do if they
[28:17] end up being even better than you.
[28:19] As long as you are making money still in your regard, maybe at
[28:22] least. You never know that person.
[28:23] They go farther than you now for example, because you help them.
[28:27] Exactly. You know, The thing is, now that
[28:29] I think about it, of course I don't want to talk about it for
[28:31] too long. I'm trying to actually just now
[28:34] think about why Nigerians are like that.
[28:36] And you know, it actually goes all the way back to primary
[28:38] school where your parents are going to beat you if you don't
[28:41] come first position, second position in your in your class.
[28:45] You know, what that actually ends up doing in the long run
[28:48] ends up making you feel like being the being the top at
[28:54] anything is the only way to do anything.
[28:57] Because think about it now. The reason why you're worried
[29:00] that somebody is better than you at something is because you've
[29:03] now seen that you can't be the top at it anymore.
[29:06] Somebody else evidently better than you are.
[29:07] So they're going to be the top at it.
[29:09] And so now it's affecting your performance at your own thing.
[29:12] Whereas I don't have to be the top, I have to just be the best
[29:15] at the thing I'm doing with my own, with what my capacity can
[29:19] handle. So I, I, so I get, I'm not
[29:21] disagreeing, I'm saying perspective.
[29:23] So I see it as again, like an athlete, I just want to be the
[29:26] best at what I do from my own ego and self in terms of
[29:30] perform, that I'm the best. Yes.
[29:32] With the Niger way, I feel it's a bit more toxic.
[29:36] It is not if you don't. Feel OK it is because not with
[29:39] an athlete there's still a bit of talk toxic in it because it's
[29:42] self but itself in terms of I want to make myself better.
[29:46] With Nigeria, it's projected and it's visual to show everybody
[29:50] else you're doing it for everybody else instead of
[29:52] yourself. Exactly, And that's why I'm like
[29:55] it grows and that's why it also grows the other it grows the
[29:58] animosity that's I'm talking about.
[29:59] So see, if you were doing no you being competitive now when you
[30:02] get on the pitch right and you see someone who's taller,
[30:05] bigger, who by virtue already has advantages by advantages it
[30:09] means that he has longer legs, so he probably has more speed.
[30:12] I. Used to love.
[30:13] So when you meet those people, it's a.
[30:15] Child. I used to love it though.
[30:16] But that's a good challenge though.
[30:17] But you see, for Nigerians, they look at you, they start hating.
[30:20] I love it. That's the difference.
[30:21] The difference is that they start hating because they can
[30:23] now see that their capacities now but.
[30:26] Then you know what so fuck is like for me now I'm a I'm a
[30:29] normal sized guy as in physically I'm, you know, 5-9
[30:32] athletic or not. But when I used to see 6 foot
[30:34] some dudes in basketball and American football, I used to
[30:37] ginger me because it's like when I bust your ass, I'm gonna shine
[30:41] even more because physically it looks like I'm not supposed to
[30:45] even match to you yet. Now I'm better than you.
[30:48] I'm jumping high on you. Everybody's like, who is this
[30:50] guy? So that's why I said that's an
[30:52] advanced. So you see what I said, the
[30:53] mindset. There's a competitive advantage
[30:55] now that's going to make me shine more.
[30:57] And that's why I said in Nigeria, people don't see things
[31:00] like that compared to the way they see it is like you see from
[31:03] the parental aspect that is conscious, like don't let them
[31:06] get better than you. You're nobody, Nobody can pass
[31:08] you. You can't work with anybody
[31:09] else. It's like, oh, it's you, you,
[31:11] you, you, when it's like, it should not be like that.
[31:14] And The thing is that ends up actually because that person who
[31:17] is your friend, who should be your friend regardless of the
[31:19] business they are getting into, it could be you should even be
[31:21] happier if their inspiration to get into that business was you.
[31:24] Do you understand like you're the reason they saw that and
[31:26] like, you know what I really want those guys doing?
[31:28] I feel like I'm good at it as well.
[31:30] And they'll be like, you know what?
[31:31] Oh, I'm trying to branch into this.
[31:33] Can you give me some tips? I'm usually always.
[31:35] Happy to again Niger and and that's why I say nice guys
[31:38] won't. It's annoying because I follow
[31:39] again. I I go to I used to go to
[31:41] people. You're can you how do you do
[31:43] this? How do you do this and vice
[31:45] versa? They always gate keeping a lot
[31:46] of. Kids, no.
[31:47] Some guys, I'll be honest, no. A lot of guys give me a lot of
[31:50] great advice. I'm not going to do that.
[31:52] A lot of guys give me a lot of great advice, but there were
[31:54] some guys like get kept and even those ones that get kept, the
[31:57] ones that give me the advice, I'm using that to get to my
[32:00] position. And like I said, in my position
[32:02] I don't mind talking, but you also have to be careful not to
[32:05] give out too many things, especially to the you have to to
[32:07] the wrong to the wrong person. To the opposite, because that's
[32:12] what they are technically. People are trying to just get
[32:15] the. Inside how the opposite The
[32:16] devil please. I'm with Jesus, but I get what
[32:19] you mean. Like.
[32:20] Yeah, well, I mean, and that makes sense.
[32:22] So again, I think my take from all of this is if I have someone
[32:27] who is handing or trying to start a business, I'm already
[32:29] doing, you know, the best. I mean, it's always just best in
[32:32] good spirits to just encourage the person.
[32:34] You never know where you guys will collapse together.
[32:37] Nigerians actually don't see that thing a lot.
[32:39] So they don't see that collapse thing as a thing or they see
[32:41] that I mean that the one doing it while the silence.
[32:44] Collapses egos, gets in the way with some Nigerians where it's
[32:47] like I want to be the main orgar.
[32:49] I want to be. I see.
[32:51] It's me. It's not us, it's me.
[32:52] But it's like, do you realize you are still going to get the
[32:55] same attention as your collab partner even if the other person
[32:59] has the bigger platform? Think about it this way, if they
[33:01] have the bigger platform and you're associating with them,
[33:04] that means all their followers are going to want to know who
[33:07] you are and vice versa. But again, we don't.
[33:10] Think of it, yeah, Something we really need to work on.
[33:12] And it's something that I think as a whole will help because I
[33:15] think it's even, it trickles down to the country as a whole
[33:17] and even how people navigate what we deserve.
[33:20] But again, it holds its question for another time.
[33:23] But we will say again, our own personal advice and stuff like
[33:26] this is you have a friend who's trying to do a business you're
[33:28] already doing, give them tips. Think not about whether they're
[33:32] going to be better than you or be bigger or they have more
[33:34] backing than you are. You're doing your own thing
[33:36] already. As long as they're not doing
[33:38] anything to tarnish your business currently, give them
[33:41] the tips they need. Give them the leverage they need
[33:44] because they have a friend who already knows the stuff.
[33:46] So be that friend so that in the future you actually feel good
[33:48] that yeah, I was able to get this person to where they are
[33:51] now. I feel good about that.
[33:52] I feel good that my advice to this person, he's meant to be my
[33:55] friend, so I should feel good about it, right?
[33:57] So, yeah. So again, my advice is just
[34:00] always be open and ready to, you know, share whatever people need
[34:02] for help and so you guys can grow together as a whole.
[34:05] I believe that's what fresh it should be.
[34:07] And that's what Chivas is all about, with collaboration and
[34:11] community. And I rise, we rise.
[34:14] Exactly. So I mean, again, if you people
[34:16] don't understand that saying I rise, we rise, then there's a
[34:20] lot of inner working you need to do because you cannot rise alone
[34:24] in this world. You either need God or you need
[34:26] the people that he puts around you.
[34:32] All right, so we're going to go into our topic for the day.
[34:34] Yeah. And one thing we've been
[34:36] noticing is that we're in a technological age where a lot of
[34:40] relationships or a lot of connections are done online via
[34:44] social media. So it really has been from what
[34:48] I've noticed or we were talking about off air, is that real
[34:52] interactions are not as unique or as fluent as they used to be
[34:58] because you feel like you know somebody online by monitoring
[35:02] everything they do or maybe having those conversations that
[35:05] most people don't link up as much in person anymore.
[35:07] Or the interaction online is, sorry, the interaction in person
[35:11] is a bit awkward compared to it is online because online you get
[35:15] to hide behind your phone, but then in person you got to show
[35:18] your real personality. And some people can't do that.
[35:20] So I was just talking about like, how do you feel about
[35:23] organic relationships being formed now or even dating to say
[35:26] because a lot of guys ain't moving to girls in person
[35:29] anymore because they feel if you send DM now, like I can't just
[35:32] message up compared to when you see that girl in person, that
[35:35] same girl you've probably been DM ING.
[35:37] You can see her in person and not even go and approach her.
[35:39] You're not going to message her later.
[35:40] I saw you out earlier like the fact.
[35:42] To be honest, I'll be, I'll be honest, I've been there.
[35:44] I have been there. No, no, no, no, I don't do that.
[35:46] If I see if I see you, I'm pulling up.
[35:49] So let. Me tell you how you get to a
[35:50] place like that after they've developed a character.
[35:53] Half the Nigerian girls have developed a character.
[35:56] That's how you get there. I've had instances where so I'm
[35:59] not someone who I've always been a how do I put this?
[36:03] I'm not using my I have nothing to impress you with on my
[36:06] physical right? I'm not doing anything to
[36:08] impress. I just believe if I have a good
[36:10] conversation, I mean, of course I know I look good.
[36:12] I would make sure I look good. I know I look good.
[36:14] I know, I know, I look good. I know, I know, I look good.
[36:19] She's focused, right? So now it's different if my
[36:22] looks don't appease you. And that's fair.
[36:24] I'm not everybody's cup of tea, right?
[36:25] And that makes sense, right? But I don't, I don't walk up to
[36:28] someone assuming that I'm their cup of tea.
[36:30] I just woke up knowing that, OK, I don't, I'm not a bad looking
[36:32] person. I smell nice, I speak well, you
[36:36] know, I would have a sensible conversation.
[36:38] But the problem with at least one of the two times I've met
[36:40] Nigerian girls is that if you're not already coming, maybe
[36:43] holding a set of Mercedes-Benz keys or you know, they will size
[36:46] you up before you get to the person.
[36:47] And even when you talk, they already have a defensive, which
[36:50] is fair. And I understand because they're
[36:52] probably approached a lot by guys who just have next to
[36:55] nothing to say, right? And so if I have something, I
[36:58] say, oh, hi. So I've been looking at you for
[37:00] a while. I wasn't going to say hi at
[37:02] first, but you know what I'm like.
[37:03] I don't know where else where else I'm going to meet you.
[37:05] I was just wondering if we could grab a coffee or lunch sometime
[37:10] in some cases before you even say anything.
[37:13] Damn, it's already sorry. Sorry, the bastard in me.
[37:16] Just like I was like, damn, that's a line.
[37:18] It's like, I don't know when I'll see you again, but you
[37:20] know. Like please don't hold my word
[37:26] for it if it doesn't. Work for me, Murray.
[37:28] Please can we focus Murray? So anyways, I so I would say
[37:33] that, but most times before you even get the chance to, as soon
[37:37] as you say hi, it's only like, please, I'm not interested.
[37:41] OK, Don't be. Angry, but I love.
[37:42] I don't like that though. No, I don't because I don't like
[37:44] rejection, right? And it takes a lot for me to
[37:46] actually walk up to someone because in my mind I'm like, if
[37:49] I, if I don't get talk to you from somebody else, some other
[37:52] circumstance, then whatever, if life wants us to meet again,
[37:55] we'll meet again. That's me.
[37:57] I'm just like, you know what? I don't really want rejection
[37:59] from this person because one, she's, she's, she looks good,
[38:02] but she doesn't look good enough for me to want her rejection.
[38:05] So I'm like, you know what, it's fine.
[38:07] I'm just not going to go for go for this, right.
[38:10] And I don't think I've ever made any.
[38:11] Words. Wait, wait, we're not as good to
[38:15] brush. But that's the What did you just
[38:18] say? What did you just say?
[38:20] Repeat it. Repeat it.
[38:21] She doesn't what? She doesn't look good enough for
[38:23] me to say I want her rejection. And that's just me, right?
[38:26] So why did you approach her please?
[38:28] No, no again. Not that she doesn't.
[38:29] Look, wait, no, stop. Don't do that.
[38:31] Don't do that. Don't do that, I'm doing it.
[38:33] She was good enough for you to approach her.
[38:36] What makes her not good enough for the rejection?
[38:39] No. No, no.
[38:41] So again, so. She's a six, but not so.
[38:43] She's a six that I can approach, but not a eight that I can say.
[38:46] No. So here's the thing, right?
[38:47] What I mean by that is I already know there's an attitude.
[38:50] Now the attitude might not be because of me as a person, It
[38:53] might be because of the other people.
[38:54] They by the way, I'm being a hypocrite.
[38:55] I know, I know exactly what you know, there's some girls that
[38:59] you're like. How can you abut if you try to
[39:01] reject you? That's that's this is exactly
[39:10] see that that's you is. Exactly what happened to you
[39:15] that you. Oh girl, just send me back.
[39:17] Is it you? Because I just came to say hi.
[39:19] It has and it's also because again, there's no intention, is
[39:23] it? I understand where they're
[39:25] coming from and why they have the attitude, which is why I
[39:27] just generally don't approach anymore, right?
[39:30] Social media helps because now it's a two way thing, right?
[39:35] It has its pros and cons. On the good side, if somebody is
[39:39] approaching you as a woman right, you have the opportunity
[39:41] then to see if you like the person physically before you
[39:44] take the next step before you then proceed.
[39:46] Now when the person approaches you.
[39:47] Sometimes guys can be very adamant, can be very, you
[39:50] already don't like the person physically, then they maybe want
[39:53] to gaslight into like in them and say oh, so busy because I'm
[39:56] not fine. But don't do that because I can
[39:58] tell you straight up, yes, it's because you're not fine.
[40:00] And if I do that, then you take offense.
[40:01] See what I'm saying? So I do get it.
[40:03] I do get where they're coming from.
[40:04] And I do understand that Nigerian guys can be very
[40:06] stubborn with that. I get it, right.
[40:08] But at the same time, should I also be subject to that bad
[40:12] attitude because of what other people have said and done to
[40:15] you? Most times I don't think.
[40:16] So, you know, it's like for me again, that's what the Yankee
[40:19] held by. If we like that shit like so
[40:23] what's funny is shout out to my victim, my cousin victim.
[40:25] And like when we when I first moved to Nigeria, that was my
[40:28] cousin. He's from he's from a quiet
[40:30] bomb, but he now moved to Lagos because he was in Caleb
[40:33] University when I was in secondary school.
[40:35] So he was my we used to go out with everywhere.
[40:37] He taught me a lot of like the Niger game and all that.
[40:40] I was teaching me a kid game. But when we used to go out
[40:42] right, it was my tag team partner.
[40:44] And it's so funny because he will see how we'll go and meet
[40:48] basically like my wife. You don't want to approach that
[40:50] be that big will reject your Niger people.
[40:52] He look at how she's born. I see what I'm saying, but I'll
[40:54] come with Yankee like, don't worry.
[40:55] And again, what I noticed, we talked about like Yankee babes,
[41:00] Niger babies, they always put this face in front, wall in
[41:03] front. But if you're able to crack it,
[41:05] you start seeing her smile anyhow, right?
[41:07] So it's like what you said with those girls that reject you now
[41:11] that you're like, I've had those happen before where there's some
[41:13] girls you grab me at the public event and you say, yo see me,
[41:16] Hey, what's up with that? Excuse me?
[41:19] And the fucked up is, you know what's funny?
[41:21] Have you ever had that, had that, had that happen to you,
[41:23] where those same girls either come back and meet you that same
[41:26] day or they will find your social media and realize, oh,
[41:29] this boy is actually not bad looking or he's actually not bad
[41:31] at the guy that they'll come back.
[41:33] They have friends come and say my friend likes.
[41:35] You are very stupid. See, I'm telling you, and I need
[41:38] girl that does that thing are very stupid that that thing is
[41:41] stupid. You know, there was one time
[41:42] when I was much younger, I think I was 2020 or 21 at the time,
[41:47] and there was this girl in church.
[41:48] But I kid you not, every Sunday I usually had like my own seats.
[41:53] She had her own seats every Sunday.
[41:55] We would lock eyes every and she used to sit in front of me.
[41:59] So and it was, it was tear sitting.
[42:00] So it was a step sitting. I could see, so basically you
[42:04] can see the people in, you know, the furthest rows and I could
[42:07] see. So every time she would turn
[42:08] back to look at me. So it wasn't coincidence.
[42:10] It wasn't maybe, maybe I'm not sure.
[42:12] She would always turn back to look at me.
[42:14] Then, you know, maybe like talk to her sister, talk to her about
[42:16] her, then turn back and look at me again.
[42:17] Now most times our eyes would look, this would happen like 3-4
[42:20] Sundays in a row. And then there was this one
[42:22] Sunday. I can never forget.
[42:23] It was even my birthday. I was like, hey, I'll use this
[42:26] birthday to talk to this girl. But she was a fine girl.
[42:28] You know, if it was a fine girl, I was like, OK, I'll talk to
[42:31] her. Just say hi.
[42:32] And that's how churches over. I had, you know, put all my all
[42:36] my courage together, like I'm going to talk to this girl
[42:39] today. Now remember that I'm not really
[42:41] someone who likes rejection, so I don't want I'd rather just not
[42:43] even talk to you. Like, OK, we see each other, but
[42:45] there's no other circumstance. I brought together.
[42:48] I'll leave it. But these girls like, you know
[42:50] what I'll talk to after church, church is done Walking out to
[42:54] this girl again. Wore my fanciest jacket that
[42:56] Sunday, joking with me, birthday jacket.
[42:59] I walked up to her. I'm like, hi, So I know you
[43:01] don't know, we don't know each other, but I would really,
[43:02] really like if maybe we could hang out sometime.
[43:04] You know, you could be the one to decide what we do.
[43:06] She's like, no Sir, I'm not interested.
[43:08] Which is fair. Women are allowed to reject
[43:11] before you make it sound like you're allowed to reject if
[43:13] you're not interested. When I tell you at that point I
[43:15] didn't, I could. That was where I was drawn back
[43:17] and you're like, what do women want?
[43:20] I obviously only approached it because we've been looking at
[43:22] each other for like four or five Sundays now.
[43:25] So clearly you know me and I knew we're not strangers like
[43:28] that, right? But of course you don't know who
[43:29] I am. I don't know who you are.
[43:30] You've been looking at me because there's something,
[43:33] right? So I'm like, you know, maybe I
[43:34] should be the one to make that step forward.
[43:36] It could even be that, you know, you just have that one meeting
[43:39] date or whatever it is. And then you see, oh, I just
[43:41] want to be friends, but at least there's clearly something else
[43:44] to be looking at me every Sunday.
[43:45] And then also she says no, then she continues to be by the next
[43:48] one, the next one. Should I give her one dirty eye
[43:51] like this? I like if you there she starts
[43:54] they better. Yeah, petty because he made no
[43:58] fucking petty to me. That's A to me, that's a lead on
[44:01] right, and of course, when I say lead on, I mean not in a way
[44:04] that you are supposed to say or say you are interested in me
[44:07] back, but it could even be Oh no, I don't like, but we can
[44:10] talk in church. Like let it even be that we're
[44:12] just church friends. Let it even be that there's
[44:14] something right. Why are you looking at me every
[44:16] Sunday? You come back to look at me
[44:18] specifically. Why?
[44:20] And I was at this point that I said me and Lagos girls woke up
[44:24] to who? No, because I don't mind.
[44:26] Because. If the one I was looking at me
[44:27] can't be uninterested so So what about the one of me?
[44:30] I don't mind it any just because like again, if you reject me, I
[44:33] know who I am at the end of the day.
[44:35] Like again, this is Yankee helping.
[44:36] Of course, yeah, I won't like because I only have developed a
[44:39] bit of Lagos. Now that is like it's not me
[44:40] you're going to reject. But they say unfortunately
[44:43] Yankee was longer. So I can still do it.
[44:46] Whereby it's like I'm coming with that pros that I always
[44:49] come with a friendly pros that even if you come that I'm
[44:51] already expecting that attitude, you understand.
[44:53] So I never go in with like, oh, because I'm this, I'm ready for
[44:57] the rejection. Now if you don't reject me the
[44:59] first time, thank God, maybe you're nice if you reject me is
[45:02] to break that wall that we said. Now, if you continue after that
[45:05] war, you have some inner demons that you need to handle that.
[45:08] Maybe I don't need to be involved with you understand,
[45:11] but I don't know, like I said, because also I especially in my
[45:16] industry because of events, entertainment, I understand why
[45:19] some girls are the way they are because there are creepy ass
[45:22] dudes of course. So that's why I said sometimes I
[45:25] have a bit of compassion for women because I understand that.
[45:29] And again, we can't vouch for every guy.
[45:30] You can only vouch for yourself. So the rejection stuff here in
[45:33] Lagos, I give them that Peace of Mind because I know they were
[45:36] dudes like anywhere in the world.
[45:38] But the only difference is obviously like we've said
[45:40] before, in foreign countries, you are more likely to approach
[45:43] a girl that is not that apprehensive.
[45:46] Fight is hello hey like the girl say hey in Lagos hey.
[45:51] See, that's so again, right? So now let me also give some
[45:54] more context. At the time I said I met this
[45:56] girl I was I had just come out of my long term relationship so
[46:00] I had not even done any kind of bad boy phase not this.
[46:03] So I was still very. But it's not for you to is.
[46:05] But you see again, you're saying that from your she's not going
[46:08] to know that. No, no, no, I'm saying this up
[46:09] spa like the emotions that I felt is this not even about like
[46:13] expecting anything from her. I'm saying the emotions I felt
[46:15] were like I was coming from a genuine place.
[46:17] It's not like I even wanted more from her than maybe just hang
[46:20] out be friends. You get what I'm saying.
[46:22] I wasn't trying to most guys they're approaching now, but I
[46:24] won't sleep with you right, that's what I mean.
[46:26] So I'm I was coming from the place of I hadn't even started
[46:29] any bad boy phase or anything. I just wanted to be friends.
[46:31] Just wanted to again, you'd be looking at me.
[46:34] OK, so maybe you want to be friends with me.
[46:36] You want to be church first, whatever it is.
[46:38] But clearly this looking at each other every Sunday is getting
[46:41] too obvious. That was what it was.
[46:43] No. So OK, now let me let me not
[46:45] sound like I've never I've met someone also of meeting them
[46:49] walking up and saying hi, that it actually worked out till now,
[46:52] we still kind of, you know, remain friends.
[46:54] So there's nothing but that was the second ever time.
[46:57] And even they worked out. I was like, yeah, never again.
[47:00] I beg because I he only worked out because one of this person
[47:03] was, you know, didn't think like a Nigerian and I I'm not going
[47:08] to say where I met her. This is where you meet him.
[47:10] Where'd you meet her? I'm not going to say so.
[47:13] So I met her. It was a no.
[47:15] I'm not going to say that either.
[47:17] Talk now why they do no no no no no no no no no no we don't do
[47:20] that on this podcast no we. Do this type we?
[47:22] Don't do that. You have to give 1G.
[47:25] OK, you know, fair enough. Fair enough.
[47:27] So I met at Abano. Yeah.
[47:30] That is soaking. That is soaking.
[47:31] Yeah, that's right. That is OK.
[47:35] This was years ago. This was no for real.
[47:38] Oh, my God. I hate the guys on this team.
[47:42] Go ahead. I think this was in 2017, No,
[47:48] 20/18/2018 yeah. Let's let it out.
[47:52] Let's let it out. Let's set it up.
[47:55] So just as a disclaimer, so everyone that's watching here.
[47:58] Guys, said the story. I don't always meets women.
[48:01] I'm not one of those guys who meets the women.
[48:05] Just a disclaimer. This was a one off.
[48:08] OK, just for clarity. OK, so anyways, I've met this
[48:12] very good looking. Well, I mean, she's, I think
[48:15] she's even a quarter Italian or something.
[48:17] Like that, she Yeah. She was, she was very good
[48:20] looking. She I just, I found her very
[48:23] attractive and it was night time.
[48:25] I was just coming back from work.
[48:26] I was still working 9:00 to 5:00.
[48:27] Then oh shit, it was 2017 actually.
[48:28] So yes, it was 2017. I was still working 9:00 to
[48:30] 5:00. Then I just got back from work
[48:32] and it was end of 2017, maybe like November, December.
[48:35] And I I went shopping, just regular shopping and I admit
[48:41] this. So we were shopping together,
[48:43] but she was she was on a different queue.
[48:45] I was in a different queue, but we kind of finished around the
[48:47] same time, but she left ahead of me.
[48:50] So when she was, I was just like, you know, it was also I
[48:51] was going to do the same thing. I was going to do the oh, I've
[48:53] seen her, but well, circumstances didn't allows me
[48:56] to let her go her way. I go mine again.
[48:59] She had finished shopping before me.
[49:00] So I'm like, she's gone already. So when I was done shopping, I
[49:03] was walking back to my car and then I happened to pass by her
[49:06] car. She was still sitting in the car
[49:08] chilling. So I'm like, this can only be
[49:10] aside from God, that's Brody is the time to shoot your shots.
[49:15] I said, God, thank you for the three pass.
[49:17] And then I dropped my stuff in the car.
[49:21] I waited a little bit to see she was leaving anytime soon.
[49:23] And it seemed like she was sitting in the car for a little
[49:25] bit. So I'm like, you know what?
[49:26] I took my towel. I was like, OK, bro, just just
[49:28] do this. What's the worst?
[49:29] You say no, What's worst you say no.
[49:32] OK, So I built up a bit of courage, got down from my car,
[49:34] and then I walked again. Still creepy sort of.
[49:37] I had to knock at her door to be like, oh, hi.
[49:39] I hated it. But I had to do it because I
[49:42] found out that attractive. And so I got down, walked up to
[49:45] her car, not gently at her window.
[49:48] And then I was like, oh, hi, good evening.
[49:50] Sorry to bother you and if you want to call or anything.
[49:53] So I've been trying to say hi to you since the supermarket, but I
[49:55] just thought it was a bit awkward.
[49:56] You seemed like you were reading your space.
[49:58] But is it OK if we talk for a little bit and then she's like,
[50:02] I'm like, I promise I'm not a creep.
[50:04] I'm just a girl. And obviously she laughed at
[50:05] that. And then we kind of got in the
[50:06] whole thing. And yeah, like till now, like I
[50:09] will still pick up my phone and text her if and you'll just say
[50:11] hi. But we didn't work out because
[50:14] she just had circumstances around her that just didn't kind
[50:16] of work for me relationship wise.
[50:17] And so I was like, OK, this is now, but we can still remain
[50:20] friends, which we still did. And, you know, we still remain
[50:22] friends. And yeah, that was one good
[50:24] experience. No that I.
[50:25] Had buddy most girls I met in Lagos, I mean I saw that
[50:28] obviously started from Insta, but I had a lot of girls I met
[50:31] outside like an event something like I used to be like I said,
[50:34] I'll be carefree, especially when I was on street streets,
[50:37] but I see a girl I really like I'll walk across the whole club
[50:40] or something I don't care if you're in somebody's section,
[50:42] but yo, what's up you here with somebody now you see that
[50:45] question I've you might be here with somebody, but if you tell
[50:48] me no, that's. Already.
[50:51] That's not for you because I know there are some situations.
[50:53] I met some girls in some sections.
[50:54] I know you didn't come here alone.
[50:56] I know what. Question.
[50:57] Whatever you tell me is what I'm going with.
[50:59] Of course, So I I don't I don't mind.
[51:01] I I used to love it. It was a fun game.
[51:04] But I won't lie to you after a while like I won't lie to you.
[51:07] I preferred talking on Insta than us meeting privately
[51:12] because Insta. Let's have some conversation at
[51:14] least that from Insta. OK, let me get your phone
[51:16] number. OK, let's have a phone call in
[51:18] the same week. All right, If we getting along,
[51:21] let's meet in person. That is just us.
[51:22] Forget your friends to get my friends.
[51:24] Let's see how we act with each other.
[51:25] OK, From there, let's see how we act among people.
[51:29] Once you've crossed those checkmarks, and then I know how
[51:33] we going to move and navigate because even yourself, by the
[51:35] time you've met up those two times and talked those previous
[51:38] times, you'll know where the relationship is going.
[51:40] Is it something that I want to pursue a serious relationship or
[51:43] something that you I want to meet this girl and hang with
[51:46] this girl because I think she's attractive and I like her
[51:48] because I I won't lie to you. It wasn't like a lot of the
[51:51] phases, a lot of the girls I was meeting then obviously I already
[51:55] told them from the jump, I'm not looking for a relationship
[51:58] because you know, some girls who actually that question like, OK,
[52:00] so what's your intention? All that you're big, I'm single,
[52:03] I'm chilling. At least I'm not lying to you.
[52:04] At least I'm not. I don't have girl.
[52:06] And when I say that, like a lot of girls sometimes think like
[52:09] when a guy says I'm chilling or I'm not looking for something
[52:11] you think or he's just trying to be a player.
[52:14] No, at least I'm being honest as a person saying, look, I'm not
[52:18] going to lead you on. I do find you attractive.
[52:21] I do like how you are as a person.
[52:23] I would like to get to know more of you.
[52:26] And if we get to hang out and during this period, I will do
[52:29] what I need to do to make sure you're comfortable, you're happy
[52:31] and all. But at the end of the day, no,
[52:35] I'm not. I am not rushing to it.
[52:37] Not that I'm not open to it, but I'm not rushing to it if that
[52:40] makes sense. My own, my own reservation with
[52:43] meeting people on social media is that it has it has this
[52:48] different again, categories, right?
[52:51] The one you just mentioned now is if things move quickly,
[52:54] you're able to meet the person same week, talk same week, do
[52:57] everything that that actually is the best scenario because at
[52:59] that point, you both haven't had the time to create an impression
[53:03] on social media. You've just gone with the first
[53:05] impression, which is appearances and maybe the first few words,
[53:07] right? Which is the best part because
[53:10] that way you're still open to meeting the real person in
[53:12] person. Now, the second category is you
[53:15] guys have to talk for a long time.
[53:16] Maybe the time you guys met the person is out of the country or
[53:19] out of the States, but they're coming back next week, coming
[53:22] back the week after, coming back in three weeks.
[53:24] What that does is that you guys will still keep talking onto the
[53:26] three weeks in that time, especially with social media,
[53:30] you're going to grow close in three weeks.
[53:33] Now you think you've known the person, then you now meet in
[53:36] person, and now they are so. Because you've had some intimate
[53:39] conversations that you've not even had with some girls.
[53:41] You know in person bro, that when you see now is like you can
[53:45] draw that emotion from the vulnerability you've had of
[53:48] talking. That is like it speeds up shit.
[53:51] But then when you meet them and then they have a different
[53:55] energy than what they had over the phone or over text I've had
[53:58] it starts getting awkward. I've had that.
[54:00] And that's why it's always. Bad that shit so.
[54:04] To me, that's that's. To me, that's a downer.
[54:06] Like that's a it's so it's like this is like tough.
[54:09] So you start to ask yourself as a guy especially like, what the
[54:12] fuck? What was I was wasting all my
[54:14] time for a moment, That's it. And you start cursing yourself
[54:17] like motherfucker. Like and then and then now you
[54:19] have to be careful how you let her go because it's a turn to
[54:21] oh, so now you've met me. I knew, I knew men were all the
[54:24] same. No, but then we have to take
[54:26] accountability also because what did you do or what did you say?
[54:30] Like because for me, because there's some situation.
[54:34] That's why I come back to the sexy a lot of times because
[54:37] again, there's some girls you link when you are talking on
[54:40] instant lovely. If you meet up and then meet up
[54:42] again, maybe you hook up. Maybe, maybe or maybe not.
[54:48] No, you see, wait, wait first. The thing is that sometimes,
[54:53] yeah, I feel like when I say The thing is that I sound like I'm
[54:54] about to explain myself regardless.
[54:58] When you meet someone, but nothing's happened, right?
[55:03] Wait. Now when you meet someone but
[55:04] nothing's happened, it gets bad for you.
[55:06] If the person likes you. Think about it.
[55:13] Think about it for a second. Take a second to let it sizzle
[55:17] in. Let it sizzle in.
[55:24] Explain. Explain.
[55:26] Nobody. Should I just allow you.
[55:27] So The thing is no. So wait first.
[55:29] Wait first. Wait first.
[55:32] Wait first. If I meet you off social media,
[55:36] nothing happens. But you start to like me because
[55:39] you like my physical energy. But I don't like you.
[55:45] We've not done anything. No, but I don't like you.
[55:47] I mean, why do you hate me for cutting you off?
[55:49] I'm sorry, so this is just, this is what I face on and off
[55:54] camera. Fuck you making jest on me.
[55:58] This is what I face. This is the austerosess I deal
[56:02] with. I want you guys to do what he
[56:04] just said, He said. You like me?
[56:13] What is the truth? What is that?
[56:14] When women say men are bastards, this guy said.
[56:17] You may like me, but I don't like you.
[56:21] But yeah, you're still linking up and interacting with that.
[56:25] Girl, wait. No, no, no.
[56:27] There's no explanation for what I promise you.
[56:30] You don't like somebody, but you're still entertaining and
[56:33] seeing them. Who's really the bastard?
[56:35] No, no, so let's let's understand it.
[56:37] See they not like a person is because I'm also giving benefits
[56:40] of doubts. You know, people say you've not
[56:42] really met me yet. OK, maybe the first meeting was
[56:46] a one off. It was a bad day.
[56:48] No problem, let's try that again.
[56:50] And then we're missing these different circumstances.
[56:52] And I'm sure, but I still don't like it.
[56:53] But the person is even liking me more in the second meets.
[56:57] And then I'm like, yeah, you know what?
[56:59] This person doesn't take rejection well.
[57:00] I'm just going to ghost. You see you.
[57:02] You is your. You.
[57:04] Open that. I'll take that.
[57:05] I'll take. It's me.
[57:06] I'll take that. But that first one, I'm not
[57:08] giving you a second chance. I'm sorry.
[57:10] Unless we meet in a public area. You know those ones that happen.
[57:13] Oh, my God, you're here. Hey, hey.
[57:15] Oh my God, fair enough. And we happen to chew.
[57:18] Fair enough. I agree with that.
[57:19] I'll take that, which is why I said yeah, in the beginning.
[57:22] You know, of course, when you're navigating the whole social
[57:25] media meeting someone, you would think that it's, you know,
[57:27] similar to meeting somebody in person.
[57:29] But you've made me laugh today, man, so that was fun.
[57:32] Yeah, but it's the truth. You know, you meet someone on
[57:33] social media, you get a different person.
[57:35] And that was why I said this. There's some girls, I'll be
[57:38] honest, there's some girls you young on social media that you
[57:40] don't even want to meet. Those are the best ones for me
[57:43] because I'm if I. Meet you now is like depending
[57:48] on my situation I might want to be with you but I can't right
[57:51] now baby girl. Once I'm even.
[57:52] And I don't want to question anything is once we meet, you
[57:55] are going to probably like me to the point that you're going to
[57:57] make me want to make a decision. And if I have to make a decision
[58:00] that's not favorable to you, well, you have to cut this shit
[58:04] off. See.
[58:06] A lot of people are not ready to have that conversation.
[58:09] And that's well, saying that this is how they like you more
[58:12] than you like them will become a problem.
[58:14] Because if you think about this deeply, when they get to the
[58:19] point where you have to cut things off, you now become the
[58:22] bastard. Because it now turns to you
[58:24] can't tell me you didn't know I was liking you.
[58:25] What? Huh.
[58:29] Second meter? We've only met the 2nd.
[58:34] Oh my God. And this, unfortunately, this
[58:42] is, this is, this is the reality.
[58:44] Because they can't tell. They can't tell you.
[58:47] You can't tell them. You know.
[58:51] And now you're in a place. So you are.
[58:52] You are. You are now the bastard.
[58:55] And then when they're talking to their friends.
[58:56] Yeah, this bus that I made that time.
[58:58] Meanwhile, they won't say what they were doing.
[59:00] They were pushing all the eggs. You're pushing all the eggs in
[59:02] this basket thing. This one has to work by force.
[59:05] Meanwhile, it's like, sweetheart, I don't know you
[59:07] like that, don't like you like that like.
[59:09] Oh, and actually, I mean, not to even make it sound like it's a
[59:12] bad thing, but in most cases she probably initiated the date
[59:15] initiated. Let's see, let's not that it's a
[59:17] bad thing. She will never say that part.
[59:19] That's the worst part, not. That it's a bad thing.
[59:21] You still have to pay for it even though you didn't initiate,
[59:23] which I'm also still. But I'm not like weights.
[59:26] I actually really don't like you.
[59:28] So if I'm not going to see you again and that's.
[59:30] The thing I've got, I've got to a point that even if I don't
[59:32] like you, even if you want to hook up, I won't I won't because
[59:35] one, I don't want that stress in my life too.
[59:37] I'm not going to enjoy it. Three, I don't want you to have
[59:39] that that edge over me to see am I hooked up with?
[59:42] You know the problem, the. Problem I used to have was that
[59:45] I was trying to be too nice and say, OK, you know, I don't want
[59:47] to hurt their feelings. Let's try and see again.
[59:50] So it's not like, oh, I just saw them and the, you know how they
[59:53] say, oh, now you see me in person, I look different from my
[59:55] pictures. Now you don't like me.
[59:56] I was trying to be nice. I was trying to be like, OK, you
[59:58] know what? I don't want to see me.
[59:59] Like, I think you're uglier and personal.
[1:00:01] You don't look as nice or your body's not the same.
[1:00:03] Let's see again. But deep inside me, I'm like,
[1:00:06] yeah, she don't look like her pictures, man.
[1:00:07] She don't look like her pictures.
[1:00:08] You know what ladies, I want you guys to understand we're not
[1:00:11] being mean. We're being so guys will never
[1:00:13] tell you this. Women as well like don't mind
[1:00:16] them if. They see you.
[1:00:17] They're like. Why are you explaining?
[1:00:19] There's podcasts and content all over that women are confessing.
[1:00:22] It's US men that don't do this thing that were confessing but.
[1:00:25] I thought you were bigger in person.
[1:00:26] Oh, I thought you. And that's OK.
[1:00:27] It's OK that you're not. I'm not what you like when you
[1:00:30] finally met me physically and that's.
[1:00:31] Fine, and This is why I said I started being honest with women,
[1:00:33] because I don't need you. I don't want to hear all that.
[1:00:35] What do you do? This is what I do.
[1:00:37] How tall are you? This is how tall I am.
[1:00:38] And what do you look like? This is what I look like.
[1:00:40] Do you like this? No.
[1:00:41] Are you a who I used to be? I will tell you.
[1:00:43] I will tell you straight up. But that's, that's how it's
[1:00:47] supposed to be, to be honest. But, you know, but yeah, I mean,
[1:00:49] it's it definitely has shown its differences meeting people in
[1:00:53] person over meeting people on social media.
[1:00:55] And yeah, thanks to social media, people don't meet a
[1:00:56] person that much anymore. In fact, if I'm meeting people
[1:00:59] in person, it's because maybe it's a party.
[1:01:01] You have to kind of socialize. Like, because of because like me
[1:01:04] now I do parties and events. It was very easy for me to meet
[1:01:07] people because even if I'm talking to you for a while, at
[1:01:10] one point I'm like, you know what, come to my party.
[1:01:12] I'll take care of you, you know, and let me actually see you in
[1:01:14] person because there's only so much like I do online.
[1:01:16] Yeah, unless you live in another country or state, you know, but
[1:01:19] what do you guys think about this?
[1:01:21] We want to hear your comments. We want to hear your opinions.
[1:01:24] So make sure you comment on the YouTube page, make sure you send
[1:01:26] us responses on our page, Menisms pod.
[1:01:31] We appreciate you guys And ladies.
[1:01:33] Again, I want you guys to listen to these episodes with open
[1:01:36] minds because we're speaking from the perspective of men.
[1:01:39] Men will never tell you this in public and that's why you tune
[1:01:41] into Menisms. So until next time, ladies and
[1:01:44] gentlemen, we'll be back again very soon and we're going to be
[1:01:47] back with some guests. So be expected from us.
[1:01:50] I'm Michael Scenario. And I'm more welcome.
[1:01:52] I will see you next time on Menisms.

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