# Coping with Long Distance Relationships - Ep. 79

An episode of [Menisms](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1608929536), 11 Jul 2024, 1 h 00 min.

Audio: https://anchor.fm/s/81693d28/podcast/play/89087481/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fproduction%2F2024-6-11%2F382957103-44100-2-95f1bba6112f9.mp3

The guys talk about the complexities of long distance relationships and more in this episode. They share personal experiences and offer very practical tips on how to navigate such relationships. Enjoy Feel free to drop a comment. 👉 https://forms.gle/5WkUNhx1fzPbubpy7 Follow Menisms on social media @menismspod: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/menismspod/?hl=en Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@menismspodcast?lang=en Twitter: https://twitter.com/menismspod Follow the guys: Michael: https://www.tiktok.com/@sonariwoondeck?lang=en Murewa: https://twitter.com/olumurewa

## Transcript

[0:00] What are we going to do with flooding?
[0:01] What are we going to do with the drainage system?
[0:03] And as you can see to today there, to me, there's nothing
[0:08] done. Now it's not to say government
[0:10] has not done things because you have seen some of the progress
[0:14] the government has done, but some of the key major areas that
[0:17] all of us were talking about that we are still going to the
[0:20] same problem. So now has not been addressed.
[0:22] And at this point now is like, what more do you want to happen?
[0:25] Like we should all thank God we're a country that doesn't
[0:27] have hurricane zoo. Clearly, what more do we want is
[0:30] we're we're we're going to start borrowing Kenya's, Kenya's
[0:34] moves. I mean, look at Kenya now going
[0:36] out there and getting results, you know, but I mean, it's, it's
[0:38] discussion will help properly another time.
[0:40] But we definitely need to find a solution to get this country to
[0:43] sit up man. What up, people?
[0:52] It's your favorite man. Back again with another one,
[0:55] Michael Shanaru. And I'm very welcome, Claire.
[0:57] And this is man is ladies and gentlemen, we are back.
[1:00] Welcome back. Welcome back to everybody that's
[1:03] been missing us, everybody that messes with us, folks with us,
[1:07] fans of us, we appreciate you. We took a nice little break
[1:10] because some people are doing our foreigner.
[1:14] Lol I mean I needed it man. Yeah, I was out of the country
[1:18] for sometime for a bit and I was in France, actually, Oshi,
[1:27] European. I was in Paris and I needed it.
[1:31] That's all I can really say. Like.
[1:33] Somebody travels. Yeah.
[1:34] I didn't say Paris. I was in Paris.
[1:37] Yeah, I needed it and it was a good breather from Nigeria's
[1:41] madness and, well, I say I'm happy to be back.
[1:45] Guess we'll see how that goes, you know?
[1:47] But yeah, it's good to be back. All right, welcome back.
[1:50] But again, so you guys too, welcome back.
[1:53] Make sure you subscribe to all our audio channels.
[1:55] Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel, Spotify app
[1:58] Music YouTube and we appreciate you guys that are always rocking
[2:02] with us at least while you were gone.
[2:05] Was anything happening? Raining season.
[2:07] I was seeing the updates from out there.
[2:09] I was just hearing flood here, flood there.
[2:11] I was like, wow, I left out a good time.
[2:13] Annoying because I wasn't here last year for summer and this is
[2:17] so I forgot because I was in America last summer but now that
[2:20] I'm here I'm just like God what? What is this?
[2:23] Like, I don't think we're at the worst yet because we had a rain
[2:26] like this that fell in 2017. And I kid you not when I say
[2:29] every single express, every single part of the Expressway
[2:32] was flooded. If you were trying to navigate
[2:35] from VI to lucky phase or you couldn't like just sit at home
[2:39] everywhere. That was the I'm sure you saw
[2:41] the viral video of some guy using a kennel on the on the
[2:44] road. Like literally just rowing his
[2:47] way across. I'm out of Bellaway.
[2:49] There's been so many raining seasons that we've had floods
[2:52] and still no solutions, which are it's starting to annoy me
[2:55] now, especially as I'm becoming an adult because it's like one
[2:59] thing I was thinking about with the floods recently is when the
[3:03] elections were happening. And this is one of the talking
[3:06] points they talked about during those elections about what are
[3:09] we going to do with flooding? What are we going to do with the
[3:11] drainage system? And as you can see till today
[3:15] there, to me, there's nothing done.
[3:17] Now it's not to say government has not done things because you
[3:21] have seen some of the progress the government has done, but
[3:24] some of the key major areas that all of us were talking about
[3:27] that we are still going to the same problem.
[3:29] So now has not been addressed. And at this point now is like,
[3:32] what more do you want to happen? Like we should all thank God
[3:35] we're a country that doesn't have hurricane zoo.
[3:37] Clearly, what more do we want is we're we're going to start
[3:41] borrowing Kenya's Kenya's moves. I mean, look at Kenya now going
[3:45] out there and get some results, you know, but I mean, it's it's
[3:47] discussion we have properly another time, but we definitely
[3:50] need to find a solution to get this country to sit up, man, you
[3:53] know, and we're way too exposed as a country to be moving this
[3:57] much backward or way like we're way you can be.
[4:00] This can be the same country where people are buying
[4:02] Lamborghinis and Bugattis and we have the same conditions of.
[4:05] That's, that's, I think that's what confuses a lot of people
[4:07] that you see. So you see a lot of success
[4:09] around you, but then at the same time you see so much poverty.
[4:12] But obviously the success and the wealth is going to outshine
[4:15] the wealth and the poverty. But the wealth and the the
[4:17] poverty outnumbers it's it's. Significant, yeah.
[4:22] Significantly, yeah. But yeah, man, but we'll get
[4:24] into that anyways with other topics.
[4:25] We've talked about government a number of times, and we still
[4:28] will. But This is why all of you
[4:30] should go out and vote next time.
[4:32] Yep, and I feel like we're all kind of prepared now.
[4:35] And if you're not, please get your PVC.
[4:36] Happy. So before anything, at least we
[4:39] want to read off some questions, comments from you guys as usual,
[4:43] but I think we need a drink before.
[4:44] You do need a drink. I need a drink.
[4:55] All right. So we have some questions from
[4:57] you guys that we're going to read out and we appreciate you
[5:00] guys that continuously send us questions, send us comments.
[5:03] We will always be reading them. So I'm going to let my partner
[5:08] read the first one. All right so this is from Bruv.
[5:12] OK as a Nigerian currently, will you advise a guy earning 33K to
[5:17] 60K naira monthly to enter a relationship?
[5:21] PS30K is stable from NYC but the rest is from how well your
[5:26] business goes for that month. Like an online cloth vendor,
[5:29] footwear maker, middle man for someone else's business or
[5:33] that's as a Commission ETC. But it's not massive yet.
[5:36] He still lives with parents sadly but like a typical
[5:41] Nigerian graduate after their first year as a graduate.
[5:45] Or will you just say finance shouldn't be a problem if it's a
[5:49] relationship? Secondly, I think on an episode
[5:52] you guys should talk about lucrative businesses in Nigeria
[5:55] and how to accomplish it. Well, it would be discussed when
[5:59] you have a visitor. I think that's actually a great
[6:02] idea. Yeah.
[6:03] So now firstly, to address the earlier parts of the question,
[6:08] in my opinion, 30K to 60K, don't think about relationship, just
[6:14] give you the hard pill. Don't think about it because
[6:17] you're barely surviving. Even if you're living with your
[6:18] parents, you're barely surviving as it is.
[6:21] You know, of course in your means, right?
[6:23] And I don't think there's any stratification now that can say
[6:27] because of how low their standard of living is. 60 K can
[6:31] work for you a month. I'm sorry about the minute
[6:33] you're involving another individual in it, there's going
[6:35] to be both of you trying to go out even when you don't plan to.
[6:38] You know, there's going to be a lot of you have to give somebody
[6:40] on special occasions. I don't think it's something you
[6:43] can afford. What you can do though is you
[6:49] can meet with someone who you believe you can build with.
[6:52] You know they're doing their own thing, you're doing your own
[6:54] thing. So occasionally you both can
[6:56] come and meet in the middle with income and see how that works.
[7:00] If really you know, you find someone that you are really you
[7:02] really want companionship like that.
[7:03] But personally, I would say in Nigeria's, Nigeria's current
[7:07] terrain, just stay single, focus on your money and try and see
[7:11] what you can do to move on to the next level.
[7:12] That's my own personal appeal. Yeah, leave it alone bro.
[7:18] That's a that's a lot man, because 33 K to 60 K is nothing
[7:22] man. You stress, you end up stressing
[7:24] yourself because you end up working backwards because you
[7:28] are already trying to survive off this NYC salary and again,
[7:31] the other salary you say you are.
[7:32] And if that's what those businesses are bringing in, then
[7:35] the focus should be how can I get more out of those businesses
[7:39] that's making more than the amount I'm making?
[7:41] Yeah, because I say you're working backwards because with
[7:44] that money now everything is double because obviously as a
[7:48] guy, you're going to want to pay for everything for her two at
[7:51] times, which means your stuff is double.
[7:53] And to go out in Lagos already on a normal, even if you do a
[7:57] simple date as the cinema exactly, you're already spending
[7:59] 20K or more. And if you're making 60K and
[8:02] that's 20K, that's already how much percentage of your salary
[8:04] gone. Just one outing in a whole
[8:06] month. You have the whole month too, so
[8:09] there's no rush. Don't get me wrong, if the girl
[8:11] likes you, you can continue to show affection and show care for
[8:19] her. And to be honest, if you really
[8:22] see it's that serious, you can be honest with her from the jump
[8:25] because where you are right now is not where you're going to be
[8:28] forever in terms of NYC is one year of your life.
[8:31] And even after one year of NYC, anybody's life can change like
[8:34] that. It's free.
[8:35] It's free for everybody. So as long as you're making the
[8:38] steady strides and moves to position yourself well, if she's
[8:41] somebody that you can see is going to be your life long term,
[8:44] then you know, be upfront with her and start planning well.
[8:48] But if she's somebody that you just like for the time being,
[8:50] man, let her go. There'll be many more bodies,
[8:52] you see. Yeah, I mean, I, I fully agree
[8:55] with that. You know, it's, I feel like at
[8:57] that stage you should just be focused because the thing about
[9:01] relationships also is that as much as you like and want to be
[9:04] with someone, you need to understand that there's a lot of
[9:06] emotional investment in it and financial investments.
[9:10] And you know, very rarely do you find that the first person you
[9:13] date is the only person you end up with.
[9:15] Very rarely. Not that it doesn't happen, but
[9:17] it's not so common. And what then happens is that
[9:20] like you said, he's going to be hustling backwards, working
[9:23] backwards and all that financial investment puts in a
[9:26] relationship just for her to cheat on you or just for her to
[9:28] like not be interested anymore or just say that, you know, she
[9:32] wants more from life than you. You just look back on all the
[9:35] income that you've invested in that relationship and how you
[9:38] could have done more on personal, you know, growth.
[9:41] And I again, I'll still say sit it out, work on yourself, you
[9:46] know, think of how you can flip that money into more income as
[9:49] opposed to focusing our relationships at the moment all.
[9:52] Right. So next one is from Mitrio.
[9:55] Hello, my name is James. I live in the United States and
[9:58] I'm a military officer. Back when I used to reside in
[10:01] the UK in my younger age, I met a girl during COVID while I was
[10:05] bored. She resides in Nigeria, Lucky
[10:07] and we've been together. Sorry, Pause, please.
[10:09] I'm so sorry. Just pause In Nigeria.
[10:11] Lucky. I can't.
[10:15] I can't deal with this. Let the guy be, I will.
[10:18] Yeah we have been together ever since she's been loyal, she's
[10:22] never cheated on me and we FaceTime every time she keep
[10:25] herself for me. After COVID I came to Nigeria
[10:29] and spent time with her for almost a year till my money
[10:32] finished and I had to go back. I believe and trust her and I
[10:35] texted her multiple occasions and everything been green.
[10:39] The only issue is I love this girl but the lifestyle I live
[10:42] and travel and how busy I am I just feel like I'm wasting her
[10:45] time and believe she would move on but she's so madly.
[10:48] She's so madly in love with me I don't even know how to do that
[10:52] or see her in much pain. I am here in the state, I can
[10:55] get deployed any time ETC but I had planned to bring her to the
[10:59] states when she was when she was done with school.
[11:04] With so much with so much amount of reviews online, I am scared.
[11:08] Furthermore, I am the second generation American Nigerian so
[11:12] I am Nigerian as well and I will like your advice as what you
[11:16] think I should do. And I am 22 years old while she
[11:18] is 21 years old. Furthermore, she has in any way
[11:21] she has in he almost typing the. Confusion if she hasn't any.
[11:27] Furthermore, if hash. I think is if she has in any way
[11:30] used me for money for anything or money wise.
[11:33] So she has not I think he must see.
[11:36] Furthermore, she has not used me for anything money wise because
[11:40] she has her own money and she comes from a middle class family
[11:43] who supports her. Sorry, guys, if you're listening
[11:46] to that is what I'm reading that I'm struggling with.
[11:49] But basically I'll summarize it for you guys.
[11:52] There's James, who happens to be a military officer.
[11:57] But then my confusion is, hold on, you say you're a military
[12:00] officer that reside in the UK, but you're a Nigerian American.
[12:03] No, no, no, he said when he used to reside in the UK in his
[12:06] younger days, he met a girl. So he met the girl before he
[12:09] became the. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
[12:11] I apologize him. So basically he's a Nigerian
[12:14] American that used to reside in the UK.
[12:16] He's met a girl and it's been an A long distance relationship,
[12:21] I'm assuming because he has to travel in to see her, then he
[12:25] has to travel out and based on the lifestyle he lives, he feels
[12:28] like he can't maintain the relationship because obviously
[12:31] there's going to be trust issues with with that.
[12:34] The girl's going to ask if he's serious enough for for her and
[12:38] he himself is not ready to give up that life yet.
[12:41] I guess because he has a, he has, I guess, a goal he's trying
[12:44] to achieve with what he's doing and he's forget to be a military
[12:47] officer. You have to commit a lot of
[12:49] hours into that kind of thing. So he's the advice he wants one.
[12:54] He's 22. So bro, you're young.
[12:58] If you're 22 years old, you're young.
[12:59] You have your whole life ahead of you in terms of there's so
[13:03] many experiences you've still not experienced.
[13:05] There's so many people you're going to meet still.
[13:08] And again, if you can't maintain the relationship in terms of 1
[13:11] financially, 2 emotionally, then it might be time to just close
[13:16] that chapter. Because sometimes when God has a
[13:18] bigger plan for you, then it's like, hey, I might need to let
[13:22] go of something to open another door.
[13:24] You get what I'm saying, but I think it's a case whereby.
[13:29] If what about if she's ready to Are you ready to bring her to
[13:32] America? There's also that.
[13:35] Well, so you see, The thing is, it's very.
[13:40] You bring that to America with you now.
[13:43] So it's difficult for us to, you know how they say, you know how
[13:48] they say you can't invite somebody that's in love.
[13:50] That's, that's giving. That's what this is all this is
[13:52] giving, because he really knows what he wants to do, right?
[13:58] He's just on the fence on if it's a good decision or not.
[14:01] But on in all of this, he knows what direction he actually wants
[14:05] to go into. He's just not sure if it's
[14:07] direction he should go into, right?
[14:09] And in in everything he's said, he sounds like it's a good
[14:14] decision to bring her to the US. That's from everything he said.
[14:17] He sounds like it's a good decision.
[14:19] But he's also said that seeing reviews of recent, he's worried,
[14:22] I'm guessing maybe worried that he'll bring out to the US now to
[14:24] abandon him, start our own life. You know the whole thing, right?
[14:27] It happens. Exactly.
[14:29] It does. It does, you know, so it's hard
[14:32] for us to give you advice on whether or not to do that
[14:34] because again, those. Consequences.
[14:37] He shouldn't unless he knows that's the woman he's going to
[14:39] marry and she's ready to marry him.
[14:40] Because you're 22 pro, you've not seen anything yet.
[14:43] And that's, and that's why I was getting out with this now.
[14:44] So I'll say we can't advise you yet because you, I don't, I
[14:47] don't think you're ready for marriage.
[14:48] You haven't said or indicated that you're ready to marry this
[14:50] person. If you don't see it being long
[14:54] term. And by long term, we mean
[14:55] marriage. To be honest, that's a very
[14:58] heavy decision to make for someone you don't plan to marry.
[15:01] But then again, The thing is that when you are that age and
[15:03] you lost something like that, to be honest, you already thinking
[15:05] marriage. So again, if he's thinking
[15:07] marriage, because I've been there to thinking marriage, I
[15:10] will confess, yes. So if he's thinking marriage,
[15:13] make the decision. If it doesn't work out, then I
[15:14] guess it's just something that love teaches you as a lesson
[15:17] because you can't, no matter how careful you want to be, you
[15:20] definitely feel like you're losing something.
[15:22] You, you feel like because you're being too careful, you're
[15:24] losing this person you're in love with, so you're losing the
[15:26] emotional companionship. It's all sentimental bullshit.
[15:28] But that's the thing. He's at the stage.
[15:30] He's at the stage. You know, I told you kind of
[15:32] have somebody in love even if we tell.
[15:34] You can like I get what you're saying.
[15:36] You're not wrong. Like, but if you are really
[15:39] going to, I think The thing is like a lot of people don't have
[15:43] real conversations with younger people in terms of when you're
[15:46] 2122, like do you have those honest conversations?
[15:49] You always have those liberal conversations with 2121, like,
[15:52] oh, maybe think about it. Be liberal bad.
[15:54] Just live your lifetime if. You want to make the same
[15:56] mistake as some people, then continue now.
[15:58] But if you actually want to hear from people that have been
[16:01] through those child, those situations, like it's like
[16:03] there's some situations. I know they used to tell me when
[16:05] I was 2122. I'm like, no, don't worry, I can
[16:08] handle it. I feel because you know, 2122,
[16:10] you feel invincible. You feel like that's your
[16:12] primary. Technically it is.
[16:14] It's not your primary, yeah, but like youth wise is your prime.
[16:17] Yeah, yeah. Because you're finishing uni,
[16:20] your adult life is really about to start, you know, you're
[16:22] really getting into being an adult adult.
[16:25] So you feel like you can do anything.
[16:26] Don't let reality slap you in the worst way.
[16:28] You take the advice early and look at your options and you
[16:31] seem like a smart young guy that already these are the kind of
[16:34] things you're asking yourself at that age because I know you
[16:36] didn't know. I wasn't thinking of marriage at
[16:38] 2010. Marriage Ki.
[16:40] Was man, but just based on love, not based on my life.
[16:43] To say you weren't thinking of marriage.
[16:45] Bye bye. You are just.
[16:46] I was thinking I could marry her, is what I was thinking.
[16:49] I was thinking of marriage, exactly.
[16:51] I wasn't thinking of marriage. I'm just thinking yeah, at.
[16:53] This age now when I realized what marriage is, marriage is
[16:56] not I love you, I love you it's. It's definitely not.
[17:00] I used to. I used to think marriage was I
[17:03] love you, I love you until I got to this age.
[17:04] You better have somebody that can sit in the same room with
[17:07] some days and just look at each other.
[17:08] Exactly. Exactly.
[17:10] Too. All right, cool.
[17:11] But you know, The thing is, this is interesting because actually
[17:15] leads into what we're planning to talk about today.
[17:18] But before that, you know, we, someone also asked me a random
[17:22] question that struck me and I thought, wait, why don't I
[17:26] actually think about what you think about the question?
[17:28] And this was kind of circling around.
[17:31] So have you ever had incidents where you, you have a friend who
[17:35] has a business, right? And that friend wants to support
[17:38] your No, you want to support the person's business.
[17:41] So say for example, you have a friend who does food and you
[17:45] want to support the person's business as per OK, I can maybe
[17:50] shout you out or tell my people about you.
[17:52] I mean, they're a friend. You want to do that.
[17:54] But at the same time you're careful because you don't even
[17:58] know if that person does their business rights.
[18:01] And so you know if you come in between that, the person you are
[18:04] referring them to will come to you and be like your friend that
[18:07] makes food just how the person just did.
[18:09] This. OK, so, so now, so which which
[18:12] do you think is better? Would you just would you rather
[18:14] just keep that respectable distance of OK, you're my
[18:17] friend, I can support you maybe in the background a little bit
[18:21] in a little way I can, but I'm not going to like go a lot in a
[18:23] way that I'm putting myself out there as well.
[18:25] Or would you like with them? Even if the person comes like,
[18:28] you know what, still use the person.
[18:30] Maybe it was the one day of. No, me, I'll be honest.
[18:32] I'll tell you because the same way I expect my friends to be
[18:35] honest with me about my business, because obviously I'm
[18:37] in the business where people refer me a lot with my different
[18:41] businesses that I do, people refer me.
[18:43] So if I'm actually not doing a good job, my friends will tell
[18:47] me like this person, yeah, of course, and it helps me for the
[18:50] future. But then again, so vice versa,
[18:54] if I have a friend that does the business, yeah, I can always
[18:56] support post, hit you up if you need a referral, like if you
[19:00] need me to post about it because I have a platform, then yes, no
[19:03] issue. Now, if your business is doing
[19:06] well, like you are pretty well, I always come to you.
[19:08] But if it's that people are always having bad experiences,
[19:11] I'm gonna have to talk with you first as your friend, just like
[19:14] yours, everything good. Like what's up?
[19:15] Because these people keep saying this thing first time.
[19:18] If it happens a second time, then it's like, I don't know if
[19:21] I can go again after the second time because I've already come.
[19:24] I've already done the thing as a friend, but I've come to you
[19:26] twice. I've had the talk with you
[19:28] already, but third time now same thing is happening.
[19:32] It's like I've done all I can. It's like I had it happen to me
[19:35] before where when I was doing Sunday at election now, for
[19:39] example now and some people obviously refer friends to come.
[19:43] Maybe something happens the first time they come.
[19:45] Like a lot of people, their first time is always the best
[19:47] time. But then you still have some of
[19:48] those people now they have like an experience.
[19:51] I go, I didn't like this, I didn't like this.
[19:52] Now I might not be there to see it, but it's still under my
[19:55] name. So it's up to me from that point
[19:57] to fix that problem in case that person comes, but at least.
[20:01] A friend that has referred them now they've done their part as a
[20:04] friend to bring the friends to the event.
[20:06] They don't have to a second time if the person says I experienced
[20:09] this, but if I at least fix it then they at least have Peace of
[20:13] Mind saying OK I can go see him again.
[20:14] But if I don't fix it now, I don't expect that friend to be
[20:16] referring for me. OK, So you see that experience
[20:18] you've had now, so the question I'm even asking is so because
[20:21] I've also experienced stuff like that, right?
[20:23] So you know, when you make not necessarily when you make a new
[20:26] friend, but when you still have a friend that maybe starts a
[20:28] business, the person wasn't they have a business or but they
[20:30] start, they start a business and they're like, oh, OK, I'm I'm
[20:33] starting this or shout me. But you know that from your
[20:36] experience with shouting friends, it can't get ugly right
[20:40] now, Of course, you shout them the best way you can that you
[20:43] can just so say, for example, if I put somebody's business on my
[20:45] story, right? I don't think that's me like
[20:48] really being involved. Nobody can come to me and say
[20:51] exactly right. So but someone who's your
[20:53] friend, friend, you won't just post it.
[20:54] So you kind of go the extra mile and be like you meet your
[20:57] personal people like or more you're looking for this, use
[20:59] this person. Now with your experience you've
[21:01] had, do you think you would? Because for me, with my
[21:04] experience, I think if I have a friend that starts a business, I
[21:08] will be careful not to. And it's just because of my
[21:10] experiences. I'll just not put my leg out
[21:13] there for the person as much because I find that with the
[21:15] whole business thing, people get weird.
[21:18] And even when you want to talk to the person and say, oh, this
[21:21] person saying your stuff is not nice, maybe you should change
[21:23] this. Sometimes I get to the
[21:25] defensive. I'll be like, I beg, it's not
[21:26] Nigerians leave them. And at that point, it starts to
[21:29] affect the kind of friendship dynamic you guys have because
[21:32] you're kind of coming to in between the business even though
[21:34] the person is a friend, friend. So what I will do is I'll just
[21:37] shout to you. I'll post on my story if I can,
[21:39] maybe post on whatever platform I can post on, but that's it.
[21:42] No, but I try not to get you involved anymore.
[21:44] Too much than me. I don't involve like if I tell
[21:47] you like yo, these people are saying this so you get and you
[21:51] stop being defensive. There's no before, but I've
[21:55] washed my hands now because I don't want to have wala.
[21:58] My job as a friend is to refer you exactly anything with your
[22:03] business is just for me to tell you or more.
[22:05] They said this, so they said this.
[22:06] Outside of that, I can't stress myself too much now.
[22:09] See, and The thing is that like, if you and a lot of friends
[22:13] can't seem to 'cause I understand it, if somebody
[22:15] doesn't want to like put their leg out for me, I understand.
[22:17] And I, I get that, you know, you don't want to just be in that.
[22:19] You don't want to have to be in between me and whatever possible
[22:22] clients I may have. Because again, it's business.
[22:24] Some people will be satisfied, some people will not right and
[22:28] shout me the best you can. I never, I never cause a lot of
[22:32] Nigerians expect more. And when I, when I say expect
[22:35] more, what I mean is you're shouting in their business.
[22:37] But like now, Wow. And you knew you knew that I'd
[22:40] do this thing, but you called somebody else.
[22:42] It's not about that too. I can shout you this person.
[22:45] Has the best candidate. See, this person knows you do
[22:48] this already. I mentioned I know somebody, but
[22:51] you know most Nigerians will prove and see I know somebody.
[22:53] How can you using somebody else? When I know somebody, I'll just
[22:55] say I know somebody. You look at his stuff.
[22:58] If you think he works for you, you can go ahead that way.
[23:01] I'm still on the fence. So the person is not thinking
[23:03] that I'm vouching so hard because what happens if so hard
[23:06] is again, if the person messes up and you outside, explain to
[23:08] the person you, you know, brought in for the business.
[23:11] You also have to explain to the person who owns the business.
[23:13] You know, it's a lot of mess exactly.
[23:15] So I would just. Don't expect you that, I say.
[23:17] I get, you know, there are people like that.
[23:19] But I said, Oh yeah, I see here, I know it, guy, one second.
[23:22] I'm not involved. My Commission is involved
[23:27] because you know you're making money, but I know there's no
[23:29] money touching me. I'm not stressing myself with
[23:32] your stress. Yeah, so but yeah, anyway, so as
[23:35] usual, we still have to this still kind of, you know, links
[23:38] back to the I rise, we rise Shiva's thing.
[23:41] And so, you know, still, it still all connects to how we
[23:45] support our friends and the dynamic between, you know,
[23:48] supporting your friend and still being a friend while you support
[23:51] them, you know, because you can support your friend now and then
[23:54] that supports ends your friendship, you know, because
[23:56] I've had a lot of those here. So but yeah, that that really
[23:59] brings us. But now we can get into the crux
[24:00] of today's conversation, which is well, we'll get back to it in
[24:04] a bit all. Right, so our topic of the day.
[24:11] Yeah, so luckily the James guy who asked the question just kind
[24:14] of give us a through passing to today's topic, which is how do
[24:19] you manage long distance? You know, what's what's the ups
[24:22] and downs? Not even sure why we're talking
[24:24] about this, You know, how do you manage the ups and downs?
[24:27] What are your experiences with previous long distances?
[24:30] Actually, we've both had, you know, long term relationships
[24:33] that we can touch on and talk about and how that went.
[24:36] And you know, is this something you will still do today if it if
[24:40] the situation presented itself or would you say never ever?
[24:44] I mean, what's what's, what's the whole thing about long
[24:47] distance? I mean, I wouldn't do long
[24:49] distance now in terms of that's my first choice.
[24:52] But if I've been with somebody for a certain amount of period
[24:55] and there has to be a period in our relationship that we have to
[24:58] do long distance, that's a different.
[25:00] But I will not do long distance in terms of that's the
[25:03] foundation of my relationship, but that's the primary like so
[25:10] that I'm looking for like that's basically the theme of our
[25:13] relationship. Long distance in terms of
[25:14] majority of the relationship was long distance, then we were
[25:17] together. No, if it's the case that we
[25:20] were dating, we're dating for a bit now and there's a period,
[25:23] maybe one of us has to go away for some time or something and
[25:26] there's a plan. OK, that's different.
[25:28] I can do that one maybe, but. Maybe.
[25:32] No, I'm saying again, if there's a plan and the plan makes sense
[25:34] now. OK, so if the plan doesn't make
[25:36] sense then. Exactly.
[25:38] If it doesn't make sense, what? Fair enough, fair enough.
[25:41] I. Mean if it doesn't like, let's
[25:42] say you now say you want to go away for four years.
[25:46] I mean, that's crazy. That's obviously crazy.
[25:48] But it doesn't make sense. But if you're OK.
[25:50] Fair enough. Yeah, fair enough.
[25:51] What are you doing in this year that you're going not like, I
[25:54] think, you know, I just want to go away for a year.
[25:56] But what do you mean just? OK, fair.
[25:58] Enough. That's what I see.
[25:59] That's what I mean. That's what I mean.
[26:00] That's what I mean, yeah. Wait, so I have a few questions
[26:04] for you. Hold on before you continue,
[26:07] you've been in a long term edition before, right?
[26:09] Yes, I think you've everybody on the board knows you've been on
[26:11] one right. So you've.
[26:12] Been in one too so I don't. Know we will get to it.
[26:14] We will get to. You have been in.
[26:16] One too, we will get to it. So in the time that you guys are
[26:21] did you know that it was going to be long distance before you
[26:24] guys started dating or was this something like you said happened
[26:27] in between the relationship but you like plans changed and it
[26:30] became long distance, you know, without the control of anyone
[26:32] else. Plans changed, right?
[26:34] And when you guys started the long distance, was it like a,
[26:39] I'm not sure where things are going to go from this point?
[26:41] I was like, oh, this is a definitive I'm only going to be
[26:43] away for one year and I'm back. It was just a lot of plans
[26:46] changed. I'm being very direct because
[26:48] the relationship doesn't matter to me anymore.
[26:50] No fair. So I think.
[26:51] So like I, I guess if you're saying, oh, go into detail, it's
[26:54] just like, yeah, plans changed, I was in long distance, plans
[26:56] changed and then. So was it because of the
[26:59] distance that the relationship ended?
[27:00] Yeah, no. I mean, there's other factors,
[27:02] but obviously with any relationship if you're not with
[27:04] somebody then you grew apart so. So the long I've been a long
[27:09] star relationship before even about to recently.
[27:11] We know. The long distance relationship I
[27:14] had been in that let me know I'm never there long distance again
[27:18] was a very it wasn't even the dynamic of long distance that
[27:21] you would expect because again, it was because you know, a lot
[27:24] long distance has its different categories, I would say.
[27:27] And one of them is you meet the person in your actual city of
[27:31] living like you live in this city, but you're away from that
[27:33] city for work or school or any kind of business.
[27:37] But you know, that is the city you live in.
[27:39] So you're definitely coming back there, right?
[27:41] There's that dynamic of you meet that person.
[27:43] You guys live in the same city, but you have to be out of the
[27:45] city for a bit and then you'll be back.
[27:47] There's a long distance of you live in your city.
[27:50] Then where you've gone for business or school or work, you
[27:55] meet someone there. They don't live in your city,
[27:58] right? So you know you're going back to
[28:00] your city at some point, which means that's what it is.
[28:02] So see what I mean? They're different kinds of long
[28:05] distances. Right.
[28:05] I mean, I've been in a number of those exactly.
[28:08] And then there's the now we're talking.
[28:13] And then there's the long distance of you meet the person
[28:17] in your city, but they are leaving.
[28:22] Many of those. Exactly so I've.
[28:24] Had I've had the ones you've come to my city, but I know
[28:28] you're leaving. That's mainly December.
[28:30] OK, fair enough love. December loves.
[28:32] Fair enough. Shout out to you a lot of I'm in
[28:36] your city for some time, or should I say country for some
[28:40] time. And it's like, Oh my God, I
[28:41] don't want. You to go back to because if you
[28:44] stay longer than a month now they think you're there forever.
[28:46] But there you go. So yeah, I've had those and then
[28:49] but long distance as far we are both together, then we leave and
[28:54] then we see we're still doing this, it's just obviously
[28:56] girlfriend. But so let's say, let's not say
[28:59] long. I think that's probably why I'm
[29:00] like man, long distance, let's say long distance situation
[29:04] ships. I think that's more of a thing
[29:07] because relationship means there must be a committed agreement.
[29:12] Fair. But there are more
[29:13] situationships that are long distance in terms of there's no
[29:16] commitment. But we like each other.
[29:18] But we Yan, you may have a Boo in your city while I'm not
[29:21] there. I have a Boo in my city while
[29:23] I'm not there. But when we are in the same
[29:25] city, fuck them. Fuck them.
[29:27] What together? So let's say long distance
[29:30] situations ships normal. We're going to talk about both.
[29:32] We'll talk about longest relationship.
[29:34] I can't really tell that's one. Right.
[29:35] I can't really tell. OK.
[29:36] So yes. So I think in the era of social
[29:40] media, we're in long distance situationships happen a lot more
[29:43] because you get to meet the person in the other city before
[29:46] you get to meet them. So I could already be here now.
[29:49] That's not a situation. No, it is.
[29:51] Let me explain. No, no, no.
[29:52] So I'm chatting with someone now and the person is in Houston and
[29:55] you know, we're chatting, but then there's plans for me to be
[29:57] in Houston in two months. We start to make plans, we're
[30:02] going to make plans and when those plans are done, I touched
[30:06] down. I mean, I could have used
[30:08] Atlanta, but let's just. Why'd you see Houston?
[30:11] The first thing I get to mind, no strings attached, nothing in,
[30:15] nothing in between. So now I touched down Houston
[30:18] two months later. We've been planning and then I'm
[30:21] in your city now. This is the first time I'm
[30:24] meeting physically, but we've been having chats back-to-back.
[30:26] We're already cool energy. There's a lot going on.
[30:29] And then we meet. And it's even better when we
[30:31] meet. And so now I'm only there for
[30:33] three weeks. We vie for three weeks.
[30:35] Everything is solid. Now she's telling me, OK, so
[30:39] you're just going to leave. Are we going to, like, stop
[30:40] talking? Like, no, no, no, no, stop
[30:42] talking. Never.
[30:43] No, no, no, no, no. It's that you know you're going
[30:44] to be frequently using every now and then.
[30:46] See. No, you, you, I see, I you see.
[30:48] You are part of the problem. Hey I'm only giving instant.
[30:51] No, because see how there you had a, you had a chance to just
[30:56] close everything. So there's no drama in terms of
[30:59] oh, you're just going to leave me?
[31:01] Yes, yes, I'm leaving, OK, because why should I lie to you
[31:07] and say don't worry, you know when I go away, I know that see,
[31:10] let's hope I lie to ourselves. If we're doing that rubbish,
[31:12] we're doing it from Nigeria. Are you trying to use in every
[31:16] let's look at the economic side of things too.
[31:19] America's AI don't want let me see for myself shot right If I
[31:23] was in that kind of situation. America's a once a year trip,
[31:27] but in that once a year is a long duration.
[31:30] So you can like a month, two months, maybe three.
[31:33] But then if it's once a year, I can't lie to you, sweethearts.
[31:36] I'm not doing Houston, Houston, Houston, Houston.
[31:38] Oh yeah, as I'm. There, now you better enjoy me
[31:42] for the time being. If you happen to come to my city
[31:45] at any point in the year, I'm here for you until I'm in a
[31:48] relationship. OK, so now that's good, right?
[31:52] But if I actually wanted to date the person, let's see.
[31:54] OK, let's say that I actually. Want to date the person?
[31:56] That's fair. At that point, that would then
[31:59] become a long distance, but long distance of I've come to meet
[32:01] her and her city, I'm going back to my city.
[32:03] I feel like that one is harder than the person who lives in
[32:06] your city, but you have to leave for a bit, but you're coming
[32:08] back. Wait, hold on.
[32:09] So you know, I told you there were two kinds.
[32:11] So what you're saying if I went to Texas and things were hot and
[32:15] I live harder, yes, Nah. Let me tell you why.
[32:18] Let me tell you why. I'll tell you why.
[32:19] Because now I've already established that I only do
[32:22] Houston once a year. I'm a Niger boy.
[32:25] Let me be realistic. I can't fly to America 3 * a
[32:28] year. It's tough.
[32:30] So now the only way is either she comes to my city or I come
[32:35] to hers, right? Or I go to hers.
[32:38] Now, going to hers is definitely more difficult just by virtue of
[32:41] being Nigerian. It's just more difficult, right,
[32:43] Applying for the visa, you know, it's just more difficult
[32:46] generally. Now, if I'm willing to go ahead
[32:50] with the process and say, OK, you know, let's see how things
[32:52] go, there are higher chances that we're going to see less
[32:57] when, you know, it's not dynamic than if I'm stepping away.
[33:02] We both live in the same city, but I'm stepping away for work,
[33:05] for business. But then I'll be back.
[33:06] Why is it? But then that's what I'm saying,
[33:08] if you're honest, because I get what you're saying and I used to
[33:11] do that shit. That's why I don't do it
[33:12] anymore. Well, I stopped a while ago, but
[33:14] I'll see before I used to get was like no, because it's like
[33:17] again, I'm not stupid. There are definitely in your
[33:21] city. OK.
[33:23] Because see how you just said, oh, compared to the situation in
[33:26] the Sin City, Yeah, yes, I just came.
[33:28] Of course you're going to like me more.
[33:30] And it's not in a bad way. I say this.
[33:32] I mean that we connecting online most a lot of us in this
[33:36] generation, you connect with people easily online.
[33:38] Yeah. And if the person happens to
[33:39] match that vibe or better in person, you think, ah, shit,
[33:43] everything is good. But then you had a life before I
[33:47] came to that city. You probably had you were
[33:49] talking to before I came to that city.
[33:50] Now, it's not to say you are because some girls actually
[33:52] don't talk to some guys in their city.
[33:54] They're probably like, you're probably the one guy that could
[33:56] beat all of them. You understand?
[33:57] So there's also those cases. I won't ignore that.
[33:59] But let's just say the likelihood of other guys in your
[34:02] city, I'm not going to hold you or grand lights you as he waits
[34:05] for me. Oh, I'm the only one.
[34:07] No, I'm going to let you live your life.
[34:09] This is why we've talked about it before.
[34:10] We were like, look, when we're single, women can do what they
[34:13] like, whatever. Men can do what they like.
[34:15] The problem is men most times because it's both genders, but
[34:19] men most Times Now try and hold on to the girl while they go and
[34:22] live their life and tell the girl not to live her life, be
[34:25] waiting for him. Meanwhile he's living his life.
[34:28] I can't do that to you because that's when the girls now start
[34:31] acting the way they do and they're entitled to.
[34:34] So for me that's why I say it's easier whereby if I know I'm
[34:37] just coming to your city for a bit, it's going to be hard.
[34:40] Don't get me wrong, because I'm going to enjoy if I'm with you
[34:43] and things are going well, obviously it's going to be like,
[34:46] damn, this is I don't want to go back to my city.
[34:49] I wish I could take you with me, but I'm not there yet.
[34:52] I'm working on it right now, Madam.
[34:53] I'm working on it. But the question is, are you
[34:55] going to be here when I now make the money enough to be able to
[34:59] do back and forth regularly. That is where it gets It's a
[35:02] mind fog that's. Why it's hard, that's exactly.
[35:04] That's why it's hard. That's why I'm saying.
[35:05] It's hard because you have to ask yourself.
[35:08] It's right now, it's a loss. You're going to be.
[35:11] You have to think about it. Just think about it for a
[35:13] second. Now, one of the advantages, one
[35:19] of the reasons why people date within their city, is that
[35:23] proximity holds a heavy advantage.
[35:25] Let's be very honest, it does. Sorry, it does.
[35:32] And let me tell you how life is going to work.
[35:34] The minute you say you want to start that long distance, the
[35:38] minute, the minute you say you want to start, that's the deal.
[35:41] All the baddest girls that have been covering you will now
[35:44] suddenly start giving you attention in your city.
[35:47] But that is nothing about, let me be honest, because I was in
[35:50] that situation before my relationship where what I see.
[35:58] OK. So you know that first tour, The
[36:00] first tour, Yeah. So I had a girl there that I
[36:06] ain't allowed ready to risk it all.
[36:07] Fair enough. I ain't allowed to you the shot.
[36:10] It was bad. We got along very, very well.
[36:13] And she stayed with me for some time, right.
[36:15] So I was like, OK, when she comes to Nigeria, he done sets
[36:18] and everything. Now don't get me wrong, when I
[36:20] came back to Nigeria, obviously you know, pussy Radar was a bit
[36:23] more up because obviously. Oh yeah, I've seen you've
[36:26] travelled. Yeah, it's like, you know, the
[36:31] most fucked up part, you don't realize it then because see how
[36:34] I'm seeing it now in terms of in a reflective mode, in that
[36:37] moment, I'm just like, hi. Yeah.
[36:39] Hi, guys. Hey, baby.
[36:42] How are you? You saw my trip and all that so
[36:44] you get you let's it get to your head and lose focus.
[36:48] Which is a natural thing now. Now, now, that's why I said
[36:51] luckily I had an experience. Now, what's funny is when I was
[36:54] in that situation, when I came back here, I had the attention
[36:56] on me. I was feeling it until like a
[36:58] month or two later, I had a realization like luckily one
[37:01] girl did something that made me wake up, that made me say,
[37:03] Bubba, you are back in Lagos. So don't forget, this is all of
[37:07] Facade. There's a reason why they're all
[37:09] new or like this. Look at the timing, I said.
[37:12] Where was this? That's why I said that first
[37:14] tour. Now I'm saying, right, The
[37:15] timing was I went to America. OK.
[37:18] Met the girl that was there go along with everything was fine
[37:21] but because I've been posting. There you go.
[37:24] I did Yankee lifestyle. Love this shit.
[37:26] Fair enough. By the time I come back to
[37:28] Lagos, your cloud isn't you're, you're a bit of a hockey because
[37:31] now you know what I say too is. Now you know what you can post.
[37:34] Sorry, I know what they post. Go on.
[37:38] I'm listening to you. I'm listening to.
[37:41] You go, but I'm saying like it's part of the game, whether you
[37:46] women want to admit it or not when you some girls, that's why
[37:50] I said always like say not all some girls you don't see boy,
[37:52] they travel. See this.
[37:54] Boy, they really enjoy. Life and then you get those
[37:57] things. Hey you, so you just forgot
[37:58] about me, You just travelled and forgot about me and then you 2
[38:03] Stupidly as a guy, no, now it's not like that.
[38:05] You know how to go away for some time.
[38:08] You know the worst part about things like this?
[38:10] When you're not sure if you want to be fully committed with this
[38:13] person on the other side, you can't start telling them that I
[38:17] know you know I'm already something serious.
[38:18] You can't. I had to.
[38:19] That's why I said, see. I learned from that experience.
[38:21] I had to tell every girl during those trips.
[38:24] I said, see, yeah, Madam, I don't live here.
[38:27] I don't know when I'm coming. No, because look.
[38:31] See Why? Why?
[38:32] Because they will just start building.
[38:34] Somewhere I'm trying to hold it, Bro.
[38:36] There was one girl from London. I swear to you I thought this
[38:39] was a girl. I was going to wipe Brad.
[38:42] I never go London since COVID. I they try hold down for a year,
[38:45] two years. They we did talk every time this
[38:47] girl was so she's good people, she's still good people, has her
[38:50] own job, everything. Thought she'll come to Lagos
[38:53] things and work out. Thought I'll go to London years.
[38:56] We are waiting for each other. What?
[38:59] What do you want me? You get what I'm saying?
[39:01] And that's why I was saying that that one is harder.
[39:03] That's what I say. See if it's the one where I'm in
[39:07] my city, I meet you in my city, but then I have to leave for a
[39:09] little bit, but I know I'm coming back.
[39:12] No, I'm coming back. Not their chances.
[39:14] I'm coming back. I know I'm coming back.
[39:16] Then it's still a little bit more reassuring, a little bit a
[39:21] little bit more reassuring, a little bit more reassuring.
[39:24] I I. Do know why I say, OK, let me
[39:26] give you an example. Like my girl now, right before I
[39:28] left for a tour. I know that's when she was like
[39:32] saying, OK, we're going to be serious and all that.
[39:34] I'm like serious way timing. You get, you get what?
[39:39] I'll say like timing. But there's a girl like so are
[39:42] we, I'm going to say, OK, you know, this is a girl you know I
[39:44] won't be with. So obviously as I go on tour
[39:47] now, like you're missing her and all that, but then you start
[39:50] working and then you're occupying life.
[39:53] I know. But then after like the first
[39:57] month, because the first month will be exciting now because
[40:00] you're like, wow, this is really, really happening here.
[40:02] First month I started to miss this girl.
[40:06] I really miss this girl, wish this girl was here with me.
[40:09] And then they go where it's like, what the fuck?
[40:11] Like you're going back to Nigeria, chill now.
[40:13] Like you're in America. But it's like you start thinking
[40:15] of that person back home because at home you guys will spend more
[40:19] time together compared to the person you're visiting.
[40:21] Fair. So it's like you're not trying
[40:23] to. And if it's a serious thing, you
[40:25] start to think of all the good memories with that person.
[40:27] Like it's the memories here with memories.
[40:29] Yeah. Yeah, they were like.
[40:30] You guys have the same in? Nigeria.
[40:32] If you are able to do things in Nigeria, imagine in a place like
[40:34] America where there's so many options.
[40:37] I guess this. Girl was here with me.
[40:39] Ah, that's been pain that I said that won't pin me more because
[40:42] it's like I now wouldn't like motivate like there won't be
[40:45] that level that fly you out with me compared to the one that
[40:48] lives there. Just like it's not that I'm
[40:52] saying, but I had bar to visit you more, not be with you.
[40:54] You see the difference? The one back home is if I had
[40:57] bar to make you part of my life compared to if I had bar to
[41:01] visit you don't visit you. You are not still part of my
[41:02] life. You're just there.
[41:04] Yeah, that's why I said it was harder.
[41:06] That's why I said I'd rather pick the one where we're in the
[41:07] same city. But wait, do you not get what
[41:10] I'm saying? One is part of your life that.
[41:13] One is a little more. Pain.
[41:14] You want to see one more. You want to see one in terms of
[41:16] the one I brought. You want to see more because
[41:18] it's exciting, it's new as all but if you are serious with the
[41:20] one back home and you don't need travel, but you don't have the
[41:23] right setup to be taken out with you that deep in you.
[41:26] Yeah, and I agree. But there's the seal.
[41:28] I'm sorry, but I will take that pain with the assurance that
[41:33] okay should be just one month. Abby.
[41:35] I'm going to see her one month. No Hala bro, do you know?
[41:37] That one that you don't know. What?
[41:43] Let's not. Let's not even.
[41:46] Hey, there's one girl from. This was a long time ago.
[41:51] Yeah. You know that time, that first
[41:53] time when I went to LA? Yes, OK.
[41:55] Yes, yes. I never see even when I live in
[41:57] America, all those I never been to the West Coast went to LA,
[42:00] but it's one beautiful God that we've been yawning since we
[42:03] finally met all more every check mark.
[42:07] Noted. But I'm only in LA for a week.
[42:11] When most people. When next time I go to LA, I
[42:14] said is my first time in 30 years.
[42:16] I'm now here. Meet you but her.
[42:19] I've never been to Nigeria, but I want to come.
[42:24] At least you wish you were there.
[42:26] Oh, I come to Lagos. Not one that you say I don't
[42:28] come. I've never been to Nigeria.
[42:29] Which means that after that one time, even my just beyond
[42:33] Nigeria was good. That was just a visit.
[42:35] And the worst part is that's why I said it pained you.
[42:38] That's why I said it doesn't pain me as much because once I
[42:40] heard that I have to. And do you know why?
[42:42] Because you don't want to sell that dream of oh, eventually you
[42:45] come because guess what? When she now comes, your
[42:47] situation will change. Like for example now I can't
[42:50] have any of you old girls message me now I'm.
[42:52] Coming to Nigeria for the 1st. Time too late, sweetie.
[42:56] Exactly. And that's why I'm like, it's,
[43:01] but you know, The funny thing is as much as we're seeing all
[43:04] this, this is what I was experiencing.
[43:07] Like this is, let me tell you the worst part about this
[43:10] dynamic, this one where the person lives in the other city
[43:13] is the worst part. They can't.
[43:16] They will try, but they cannot relate to what you call that
[43:20] hardship of I can't come to your city just yet.
[43:23] They cannot you know, you know what's funny you know, let's
[43:26] come now we let's because to them they can just oh, what is
[43:29] it Visa money, passports, tickets, we can get a big brew.
[43:32] I've been doing too big this how fuck the economy is right now.
[43:36] Even though Abuja pies used to have that year long distance
[43:40] before with Abuja and Lagos was very easy or used to be very
[43:43] easy. Now every week, no, that is
[43:46] actually a real long flight is 400K or above you have.
[43:49] To think. As easy as before.
[43:51] Think about the economy. They come for just the weekend.
[43:52] They're gonna be every whole week.
[43:53] Because yeah, even if she comes to the weekend flights already
[43:56] boom, OK, you need a hotel or somewhere to stay for the
[43:59] weekend, bam, OK car and all that.
[44:02] Unless I. Are you guys, are you guys going
[44:03] to go out and still do things that same?
[44:05] She'll need to go out. At least she wants to go out.
[44:06] She's here for the week or weekend.
[44:07] So I just got. A Oh no, this is the worst part.
[44:09] They should not be like, OK, so maybe I miss you already.
[44:12] It's already, I know it's just one week, but I miss you.
[44:14] I want to see you again. And you were thinking maybe the
[44:17] next she will be in three weeks, next one next trip back to Lagos
[44:21] will be in three weeks or the next trip you going to Abuja and
[44:24] Navi in three weeks. And she's saying really three
[44:27] weeks is too far, Come again next week, come again next week.
[44:31] Anyways. So yeah, it's it's difficult for
[44:34] someone who lives in the other city to relate, especially when
[44:36] it's abroad. Because, yeah, foreign things
[44:38] that foreign this long distance is always harder.
[44:41] Oh, yes, the economic situation always plays a big factor.
[44:47] That is why YY girls, when you come in December, you wonder why
[44:51] some of us don't text you after. We're not calling after.
[44:53] It's because we don't want to break our hearts, because we
[44:57] know what comes when you quite. Telling ourselves, oh, we're
[45:00] going to come in summertime, summertime.
[45:01] Because I've been there. What you, bro?
[45:03] I remember one girl in one December bro I I swear I thought
[45:08] it was the greatest love story of my life.
[45:10] Bro there was no deal. Was it CI?
[45:12] Saw you counted like four I almost this was the person so
[45:15] that's. How I used to be.
[45:18] Oh damn, I think you know, but this, it was so bad, bro.
[45:23] I did go to our family functions.
[45:24] She did. She didn't go to any of my
[45:26] family functions, but I went to her family functions.
[45:28] Oh yeah, you want to. Creep at all?
[45:29] My cousin. At least she met my boy cousins.
[45:32] Although I was thinking this is the one, but when that girl went
[45:34] back to John. Don't kill me, please.
[45:40] Like and you know, The thing is when while this happening, the
[45:44] heat of the moment, you're actually not thinking too much
[45:47] of it is now when you've experienced that you can't think
[45:48] and say I'm only your city for all of you ever back then, if
[45:52] you meet somebody in another city, you're like, Oh no, that's
[45:55] the person I met her. She's the best girl in this.
[45:57] And because you're well travelled, right?
[45:59] And so you think that, oh, the economy?
[46:01] I'll travel every time. It shouldn't be an issue.
[46:03] I mean me, I have a passport so it shouldn't be an issue.
[46:07] The ticket that was 800K last year is 1.81.
[46:11] American girl, one time he's like, well, why can't you come?
[46:14] You know, like, let me break it. I broke it down.
[46:16] I said, oh, the flight in my, in my country, the flight is over a
[46:19] million naira. And all that said, Oh my God,
[46:21] he's like, Oh my God. Then she now wants to go and do
[46:23] conversion. Is this $1000?
[46:28] The worst part is if you have the rights, one girl, they'll
[46:30] offer. Oh, yeah, you have the right.
[46:33] You got the right, the offer. Because if I accept that money,
[46:37] that's me committing to a higher level than I want to be.
[46:40] And. How you sustain that?
[46:42] How? How?
[46:42] Because once you take that flight, you know they're
[46:44] foreigners, so they're already in their mind.
[46:46] You got my man. Yes, of course, of course.
[46:49] So how do you sustain that Say again.
[46:53] So I'll say this because I did experience this dynamic recently
[46:58] and it's funny. I've always been an advocate of
[47:02] longest dance. Forget it, do ever try and never
[47:04] do. But also very ironic coming from
[47:08] me because I mean, that ended up being the person, right?
[47:13] The one long distance I was avoiding because I mean, of
[47:16] course you talk to people, you try to find and you know, as
[47:19] much as you are talking to people, you would know when you
[47:22] meet the person and when it's not the person, you just can't
[47:25] move forward from that point. And so I kept pushing away
[47:29] because long distance, literally a whole other country continent,
[47:33] I'm just like, I cannot, sorry, don't let's not bother with
[47:36] this, right? But to be honest, like that was
[47:39] the only thing that I could hold onto.
[47:42] Everything else, she ticked every single box and I have to
[47:45] sit back and think, wait, would it be that the reason I've not
[47:50] just moved forward with this aspect of my life is that this
[47:53] particular state, this particular decision that I keep
[47:56] making, I'm not trying to have any wiggle room.
[47:58] I'm not even giving any options for it.
[48:00] I'm just saying, is he no, is he no, forget about it because.
[48:05] Now you just made me think of a random question to ask you.
[48:07] Yeah, because now after making one compromise and say, OK, you
[48:11] know what, Maybe it's not that bad.
[48:13] To be honest. The times where we were away
[48:16] from each other, we created a system around it and I didn't
[48:21] even get I really. Of course you still have the I
[48:22] wish you were here, I wish you were here situation, but I
[48:26] really it was it was very shocking.
[48:27] But you know, up until now, I never once actually felt that we
[48:31] were that far apart, like and obviously, obviously thanks to
[48:35] technology. Social media, of course.
[48:37] Yeah. You will never think I feel it,
[48:39] though, just because of that time difference.
[48:40] Like when you try a FaceTime, a Yankee baby.
[48:42] Oh. No, this one I had same, I had
[48:44] same, same, same time. Yeah, same time zone.
[48:48] So it was good. Yeah, that was, I guess maybe
[48:50] that was the the part that gave it a bit of encouragement for
[48:52] me. So yeah, but we just, we we
[48:54] found a system and the system worked ridiculously well that
[48:56] even I was shocked like when it was time for us to not finally
[49:00] see. I didn't oh, I'm like, oh, it's
[49:01] already here. And even that time already came
[49:02] and went, you know, stuff like that.
[49:03] So it's it's something that I used to say I would never ever
[49:07] do, but now that I've experienced it in a different
[49:09] light, I'm like, to be honest, if you can't find a way around
[49:13] it and some will grow, of course, it also requires that
[49:15] your partner gets to understand that that's the dynamic you're
[49:18] going to live. You guys are going to be a
[49:19] powerful if you and they are also ready to commit to that.
[49:22] Because I think what really pushed me was the fact that I
[49:24] could see the full commitment from the other person, right?
[49:27] And I was like, OK, you know what?
[49:28] This is really, I need that seriousness.
[49:30] I need that you're not taking this as a joke.
[49:32] You're not taking it, you know, and I guess that's what made me
[49:34] give this a shot. And bro, it's honestly been.
[49:37] I'll say, I'll say what would you let me ask you a question.
[49:41] Has it been hard for you to cut off the abroad girls when it's
[49:45] time, when you, when you find somebody else in your home
[49:49] country, when you find somebody that you know, OK, I want to
[49:55] build this girl, but I have to cut off the other foreign ones,
[49:57] even the ones that you may not see.
[49:59] Well, I'll say actually the foreign ones are the easiest to
[50:03] cut off because all it kind of takes is a bit of distancing.
[50:06] And I mean, it should still be hard, especially if you thought
[50:10] that there was more that could happen with that person.
[50:12] Damn right. Interesting.
[50:13] Sometimes, sometimes it could be hard, but for me it's always the
[50:16] easy. Like to me, those are even the
[50:17] IT was just, it was. Distancing, so the foreign ones
[50:19] and it was really. But I think I think.
[50:22] The more I hung up. What?
[50:23] Hey, sweetie. Locals.
[50:25] Locals to me are the more difficult.
[50:26] But like what? No, because as much as you.
[50:29] So it depends. If you have the ones who are
[50:31] really stubborn and I want to go through lengths to really show
[50:35] that they are that familiar with you, they would.
[50:37] I mean, these are people who in most cases already know where
[50:40] you live. They want to just show up
[50:41] randomly. Hey, you ain't doing that shit,
[50:43] that one I said. See you.
[50:45] Maybe you better tell me. No, I've not experienced that,
[50:48] but obviously no. Because for me, I told like
[50:50] before I would tell like at least those are the local.
[50:53] You tell them straight up what it is from the start in terms of
[50:56] I'm not doing relation, Even if you don't listen, that is for
[50:59] you. I can't.
[50:59] I'm not do relationship. Yes, I'm not serious.
[51:02] If you like insults me, I'm not serious.
[51:04] But the ones are abroad now, you know, you don't tell them I'm
[51:07] not ready for relationship because never you're not with
[51:10] them. It's only when you're with them
[51:11] you feel like, damn, maybe I could be in a relationship.
[51:14] Maybe I could because. Because it's a new environment,
[51:17] it's a new mindset. Because again, when you're
[51:21] dealing with girls from 1 area, you're used to that mindset.
[51:25] Yeah, of course. But then when you're in a new
[51:26] area, everything is Oh my God, maybe.
[51:28] I can't this roses in your eyes. Yeah, mind you don't.
[51:31] The funny thing is what we don't talk about is we don't talk
[51:33] about the bad because why were with them for the short period?
[51:36] Obviously we're only going to notice the good.
[51:37] But if you're with them, well then of course their bad can
[51:40] even be more bad than your home. Everybody tell you right what
[51:42] my, what my rule of thumb used to be then was if I meet someone
[51:46] either in her city or she's from her city coming to my city, but
[51:49] she's only there for a short time.
[51:50] Regardless if I meet somebody for a short period, if we've, if
[51:54] we can't get to see again for a few more short periods, maybe I
[51:58] come to your city or you come to mine again.
[52:00] Otherwise, if we can't get to do at least two or three more,
[52:03] there's no I can't. I can't go off the first one.
[52:06] First of all, I can't go. 1st, if we have the best, that's what
[52:10] I had to start. Even if we have the best time, I
[52:12] rather cherish it as we had a great memory.
[52:15] We had a great memory together, yeah, but it didn't.
[52:18] I'm not thinking of progressing it because like you said, there
[52:20] needs to be a continued. Continuity.
[52:23] Hey, Father. Not your day-to-day.
[52:25] Continuity, continuity, yeah, of that relationship to say hey,
[52:31] OK, maybe this is who you are. This is you know compared to
[52:34] just in December. I had the best time with her.
[52:37] How did you have this? How did you have the best time
[52:38] with her? You went out with her 2-3 times.
[52:41] Of course you had the best time with her.
[52:43] You chilled with her when you're with all your guys and you're
[52:45] drinking had fun together, make you just chill on a regular day,
[52:49] no rocks day, nothing day you can find something to do let's.
[52:53] See how that pans out. And to be honest, that's that's
[52:56] also what I needed to do. I needed that 3-4 experience to
[53:00] not be like, bro, who am I kidding?
[53:02] I've actually seen everything I need to see.
[53:04] What else is my reason? Because again, like I said, it
[53:06] was still the long distance. And you know, after seeing
[53:08] everything, I was still like, what is distance?
[53:10] Can I chest this? Can I hold?
[53:11] But there was a plan, like you said, there always has to be
[53:13] like a plan. So that way it doesn't mean the
[53:16] plan always has to work in the way that you plan it to, but
[53:19] that plan encourages you to see that, OK, you know, this might
[53:21] be worth it. This might not be worth it.
[53:22] And I'm it was the best ever. I would say the best decision
[53:27] ever. What?
[53:28] So I actually decided to go with the person that was long
[53:30] distance for me as opposed to saying, OK, you know what, no, I
[53:33] can only date somebody that's within my reach.
[53:35] OK. Yeah, I I just want to, you know
[53:37] what? Let me just actually give this.
[53:38] A I can't do long distance again personally, I rather have like I
[53:43] said to be be with me that we're building a foundation together
[53:46] then if we want to do long distance foundation.
[53:50] D Not that we're trying to build a foundation during the long
[53:53] distance. I, I, I tried to do that and you
[53:56] will grow apart. Now if you guys have a
[53:59] foundation, then even if you are growing, you are updating each
[54:03] other in that growth or there's an understanding of the
[54:06] mentality in that growth. Yeah.
[54:08] But if you don't understand each other and one person is growing
[54:11] and the other person is not growing perhaps or growing in a
[54:13] in a different trajectory, then it's going to be very hard to
[54:17] find out common neutral ground each time now.
[54:20] You know, I fully agree with you because the lungs, as I had
[54:23] experienced before now, which is also what made me say never
[54:25] again, is that growth in opposite directions.
[54:30] It hits you. It's a very scary.
[54:33] Feeling. Oh, it is.
[54:34] Because when you're adults, you start to realize it's like,
[54:36] whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, yeah.
[54:37] And you actually see it coming Like you actually, it's always
[54:40] from the littlest things. It could be that you guys have a
[54:42] routine where you call at a certain time and then for two
[54:46] days straight she's missed that call time and then the excuses
[54:49] always or work has been busy. Now you've got your
[54:52] understanding, right? You're an understanding person.
[54:55] You know you're an understanding person.
[54:56] So you're lucky. Of course, you know, work is
[54:58] really draining her, but it's not becoming a bit of a trend
[55:01] where she's now not calling as much.
[55:03] You guys don't talk of it anymore.
[55:04] You don't even really know what's going on in her life with
[55:06] work anymore. You see it coming.
[55:08] At that point is where you actually start seeing it coming.
[55:10] That shit, we're going apart like shit, this is, I feel like
[55:14] this is things are no more the same anymore.
[55:16] When you start feeling that things are no more the same
[55:18] anymore. But it's such a scary feeling.
[55:20] We're not ready to admit it that which is a conversation for
[55:22] another day. But honestly, it's like, again,
[55:25] there's other factors too. Once the sex starts happening
[55:27] and all that, a lot of butterflies and all that shit
[55:30] start going out the window. Oh yeah.
[55:31] Oh yeah, And the minute you guys can't.
[55:33] Be honest with each other. Yeah.
[55:35] And if you can't get it frequently, that's another
[55:37] thing. And as I said, like it's a lot
[55:39] of times, like I say, a real relationship, but you know, the
[55:41] way you like a baby is if it's a babe, you can literally chill in
[55:45] the same room. You are doing your thing.
[55:47] I am doing my thing. You guys are, we are probably.
[55:49] Check on each other, you OK? Yeah.
[55:51] All right. You guys are good.
[55:52] That is when you know you like a babe because Oh yeah, you get
[55:55] what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get you.
[55:56] I mean, I fully agree on that, you know, and I mean in summary
[56:00] of this, because we can't keep going, not talking about this,
[56:02] but, but in summary of this like long distances, don't say no to
[56:05] it. I used to say no to it, but I've
[56:07] obviously had a change of. Heart say no to it, but no the
[56:09] person. But what I will say again, like
[56:12] I mentioned earlier, I had my rules of thumb.
[56:14] I didn't just jump right into one.
[56:17] Whoa. But I should also mention that I
[56:19] was kind of probed into it. And I see this because, to be
[56:22] honest, I had gone to a point where I couldn't see myself
[56:26] dating a Nigerian woman anymore. We talked about that.
[56:29] Yeah, we talked about that. But we got.
[56:31] Somebody more can understand. It yeah, but just based off the
[56:33] fact that I just didn't recognise I mean, people would
[56:36] always say I wasn't meeting right people.
[56:38] Fair. And I don't think I was not
[56:40] meeting people generally. So where are these right people
[56:43] you keep talking about? Maybe if I was meeting wrong
[56:44] people then I guess that's on me or on my, you know, social
[56:48] circle, which again, I don't think is so, you know, porous
[56:51] that anybody was just going into it.
[56:52] But I had just gone to the point where I couldn't quite recognise
[56:55] what exactly was going on with the dating scene and I'm just
[56:58] like, if I wasn't, if it wasn't somebody I knew before this
[57:01] whole mess. I think they didn't sing in
[57:03] Nigel just is just like I say, which is something we would talk
[57:07] about sooner. Just it's become too
[57:08] transactional for a lot of people.
[57:12] And even if you want to admit to or not, some people adapt that
[57:16] they all of a sudden change because there's some people I
[57:18] know, for example, there's. Some, but it's usually really
[57:20] rare too. Yeah, I mean, there's some
[57:22] girls. No, there are a lot of girls I
[57:23] met here. That well, I say, I mean in
[57:25] comparison. Fair, because a lot of girls I
[57:27] know that aren't on that transaction.
[57:29] No shit. Yeah, But then there are some
[57:31] girls I know that weren't on it, but they've been here for so
[57:34] long now that they adapted to it.
[57:37] And I don't blame them. But again, it's all what's for
[57:39] you. For me, I can't date a girl that
[57:42] is just transactional because I know how I lived my life and in
[57:45] the back of my head I'm thinking if it's based off transaction it
[57:49] just takes the next person to come.
[57:51] I. Need somebody with a standard
[57:53] and moral that is like we care for each other as people and if
[57:56] anything we're trying to uplift each other and make each other
[57:59] better financially, mentally. Oh my, they sound like 30 plus.
[58:03] Anyways, guys, you know we're going to stop being here.
[58:05] But thank you guys for tuning in.
[58:07] Send your comments in comment on it, please.
[58:10] We want to hear more comments. Please stop commenting that I
[58:13] don't let this talk. Please.
[58:14] I beg of you all you Nigerians. I keep tech.
[58:16] It's it's starting to annoy me, but I don't even watch.
[58:19] I watch some of the episodes and I just say, you know, this guy
[58:23] talks more than me off camera. Let me just let you know right
[58:25] now. He forms like I'm just you know,
[58:28] I'm just here to say my comments.
[58:29] He talks more than me. That's the annoying part, but it
[58:32] is Well, anyways, subscribe to our audio channel, Spotify,
[58:39] Apple Music, YouTube catches there and yeah.
[58:42] Do you have any shoutouts you want to give I.
[58:45] Mean none for now but I will say again thank you guys again for
[58:49] always subscribing always watching our stuff we can't
[58:52] really again express how much we appreciate that you guys
[58:55] actually listen to us talk we. Appreciate you.
[58:58] But always, and we really love the comments, the questions you
[59:01] guys send. So keep sending them in
[59:03] literally anything. Ask us what you think you want
[59:05] to ask us. We'll do our best.
[59:06] We're not doctors. We're not psychologists.
[59:07] We're not. Therapists, I just.
[59:10] We're just two guys. I just been, as you know, I've
[59:12] lived my life, thank God. I've had stories to tell.
[59:14] That's all I can say. So we just have our own pieces
[59:17] to whatever. What's up people questions you
[59:19] guys have. So keep asking them, keep
[59:20] throwing them in. And again, thank you all.
[59:23] Right. So until next time guys, I'm
[59:25] Michael Shonario. And I'm very welcome.
[59:27] And we'll see you next time on many zooms.

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