# 400. 15 things everyone should do in their 20s

An episode of [The Psychology of your 20s](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1573710078), 26 Mar 2026, 48 min.

Audio: https://pdrl.fm/f842d9/podtrac.com/pts/redirect.mp3/traffic.omny.fm/d/clips/e73c998e-6e60-432f-8610-ae210140c5b1/bc44988a-a82a-4291-ab8b-afdd01187fa8/53eb1ef6-d9dc-4080-a5c8-b41500be1cf5/audio.mp3?utm_source=Podcast&in_playlist=39e2f432-53df-43b8-a7b9-afdd01187fc4

It's our 400th episode! Today is a special episode. Feeling stuck, behind, or like you’re wasting your 20s is not a rare experience. But you might just be focusing on the wrong milestones... In this episode, we break down 15 unconventional things I think everyone should do in their 20s and the psychology behind why. Some of the bucket list items we discuss: • The best money lessons you learn through experience • The importance of yearly challenges and quitting the things you depend on • The plan you can make for your life, today • Why we all need to do a social audit • Solitude, relationships and the love you should find in your 20s Happy listening! Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

## Transcript

[0:04] Speaker 1: Hello everybody. I'm Jemma Spake and welcome back to the
[0:08] Speaker 1: Psychology of Your Twenties, the podcast where we talk through
[0:11] Speaker 1: the biggest changes, moments, and transitions of our twenties and
[0:16] Speaker 1: what they mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back
[0:27] Speaker 1: to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is
[0:30] Speaker 1: so great to have you here, back for another episode
[0:35] Speaker 1: as we break down the Psychology of your twenties. Today,
[0:38] Speaker 1: we have a very special episode. It is our four
[0:41] Speaker 1: hundredth episode of the Psychology of Your Twenties for zero zero.
[0:48] Speaker 1: That is honestly kind of difficult to fathom at this stage.
[0:54] Speaker 1: I don't know. Every year when we hit the next
[0:57] Speaker 1: one hundredth mark of episodes the next month, I always
[1:01] Speaker 1: get so emotional and like sappy about I don't know
[1:04] Speaker 1: just how far we've come, how amazing the community is.
[1:08] Speaker 1: I just feel like this podcast has such an amazing,
[1:12] Speaker 1: an amazing like origin story in that I started really
[1:15] Speaker 1: not thinking it was going to be anything. It was
[1:17] Speaker 1: just a personal project for me to document my twenties,
[1:21] Speaker 1: and it's just turned into such it's just turned into
[1:24] Speaker 1: the coolest community. And now having all of these opportunities
[1:28] Speaker 1: to obviously be on Netflix, like to go and tour
[1:31] Speaker 1: and meet so many of you guys, and like the
[1:34] Speaker 1: book that came out last year, Like it really is
[1:37] Speaker 1: the coolest freakin job ever, thanks to you guys. And
[1:41] Speaker 1: so when this comes around every year, when the birthday
[1:44] Speaker 1: rolls around, I always try and do Yeah, I guess
[1:48] Speaker 1: a special a special episode. And this is what we're
[1:51] Speaker 1: going to talk about today today. I want to talk
[1:54] Speaker 1: about this list I've been working on for I think,
[1:58] Speaker 1: like over the past month or so, the list of
[2:00] Speaker 1: fifteen things I think everybody should do in their twenties,
[2:04] Speaker 1: The fifteen things that may not be the most widely
[2:07] Speaker 1: applauded achievements or milestones that society wants you to celebrate,
[2:11] Speaker 1: but which I think will help us make the most
[2:14] Speaker 1: of this decade and enter our thirties and enter the
[2:17] Speaker 1: rest of our lives feeling like we really did and
[2:21] Speaker 1: saw and directed our lives in like the best possible way.
[2:26] Speaker 1: I obviously think about my twenties our twenties a lot
[2:30] Speaker 1: as a concept and as like an important life chapter,
[2:34] Speaker 1: but I especially think about how to make the most
[2:38] Speaker 1: of them. This decade feels kind of like the last
[2:41] Speaker 1: time when we're truly able to experiment, take risks, make mistakes,
[2:45] Speaker 1: get away with things. Obviously, like life continues after our
[2:49] Speaker 1: twenties and we are able to reinvent ourselves until the
[2:51] Speaker 1: day we die, and able to take risks until the
[2:54] Speaker 1: day we die. But I do think there are some
[2:56] Speaker 1: experiences that are really crucial just to have during this decade,
[3:00] Speaker 1: if not for the first time, the only time, and
[3:03] Speaker 1: they leave a very, very sizable impact on us. I
[3:06] Speaker 1: also think again, like that list or milestone checklist that
[3:09] Speaker 1: society tends to feed us where we have to graduate,
[3:12] Speaker 1: find our dream job, find our life partner, get married,
[3:16] Speaker 1: buy a house, maybe have a baby, live happily ever after,
[3:20] Speaker 1: is also very outdated, and despite its best intentions, I
[3:24] Speaker 1: think those milestones miss the mark, and they actually miss
[3:29] Speaker 1: a lot of experiences that are just as important. So today,
[3:32] Speaker 1: for our four hundredth episode, I have rounded up the experiences, lessons,
[3:37] Speaker 1: bucket list items that I think are most essential to
[3:42] Speaker 1: do in our twenties or to have some kind of
[3:44] Speaker 1: contact with in our twenties. It's not going to be
[3:48] Speaker 1: the traditional checklist that you think of. It's definitely going
[3:51] Speaker 1: to be a bit more unconventional. So if you are
[3:55] Speaker 1: finding that you know your twenties aren't going according to plan.
[3:59] Speaker 1: If you're able to check some of these things off
[4:02] Speaker 1: this list, you're doing an incredible job and I think
[4:05] Speaker 1: it will help us and it has helped me. Making
[4:07] Speaker 1: this list no where to direct my attention to outside
[4:12] Speaker 1: of love, outside of my career, outside of financial goals,
[4:16] Speaker 1: which is very, very important for our development in this decade.
[4:20] Speaker 1: So without further ado, let's get into the fifteen best
[4:23] Speaker 1: things you need to do in your twenties. Okay, so
[4:31] Speaker 1: let's start with some of my more basic, run of
[4:35] Speaker 1: the mill items that I put on this list before
[4:38] Speaker 1: we get into some of the more controversial ones. The
[4:41] Speaker 1: first big one is just to live away from home.
[4:46] Speaker 1: And I don't mean home in terms of like your
[4:49] Speaker 1: childhood home or move out of your parents' house. That's
[4:53] Speaker 1: obviously an amazing start, and this will require you to
[4:56] Speaker 1: do that. I do mean more like live away from
[4:59] Speaker 1: the city, the region, the town that feels like your place.
[5:03] Speaker 1: Even if that place is New York City or Beijing
[5:07] Speaker 1: or London, or like one of the biggest cities in
[5:09] Speaker 1: the world, there are still opportunities a place like that
[5:12] Speaker 1: or any other place cannot offer you. If it is
[5:16] Speaker 1: the only place you remain, and not just career opportunities,
[5:20] Speaker 1: but development opportunities, cultural opportunities, friendship opportunities. I think this
[5:27] Speaker 1: will be one of the more privileged items on this list,
[5:31] Speaker 1: and some people, as we know, you know, don't have
[5:33] Speaker 1: the means, don't have the desire to do this. But
[5:38] Speaker 1: if there is even a sliver of you that is
[5:42] Speaker 1: unhappy where you are, and if there is even a
[5:45] Speaker 1: small part of you that is thinking about whether there
[5:48] Speaker 1: is more and whether you should do this, you absolutely should.
[5:52] Speaker 1: There is totally more out there for you, and the
[5:55] Speaker 1: fact that you are thinking about it shows that a
[5:57] Speaker 1: part of you is obviously calling that and is obviously
[6:01] Speaker 1: slightly dissatisfied. The reason this is my number one on
[6:04] Speaker 1: the list is because it is probably also one of
[6:07] Speaker 1: the biggest patent disruptors we can have in our twenties
[6:11] Speaker 1: that we get to opt into voluntarily. All the other
[6:14] Speaker 1: patent disruptors or big life changes are sometimes not as
[6:18] Speaker 1: kind to us. Sometimes there are things we don't choose
[6:21] Speaker 1: a patent disruptor like this, like moving out of your hometown,
[6:24] Speaker 1: moving overseas. It's something that just automatically is able to
[6:28] Speaker 1: pull us away from our habits, pull us away from
[6:30] Speaker 1: our regular way of being, our routine, pull us out
[6:34] Speaker 1: of our boredom. And it's like this instant shift onto
[6:38] Speaker 1: a new timeline. It's this instant shift into a new life.
[6:42] Speaker 1: It breaks the habit of being yourself, the habit of
[6:45] Speaker 1: being your old self, and it's truly incredible because of
[6:49] Speaker 1: how much it is going to ask from you, and
[6:52] Speaker 1: how much it is going to stretch you, and how
[6:54] Speaker 1: much the world opens up. That is the beauty of leaving,
[6:58] Speaker 1: of saying goodbye. I just think you owe it to
[7:00] Speaker 1: yourself if you're thinking about moving overseas, thinking about living
[7:03] Speaker 1: by yourself, thinking about moving out of your hometown, like
[7:06] Speaker 1: you truly do owe it to yourself to see what's
[7:10] Speaker 1: out there. You truly do owe it to yourself to
[7:14] Speaker 1: realize that. Like I don't know, it's just you've been
[7:17] Speaker 1: gifted this huge, wonderful world, and hopefully you do get
[7:21] Speaker 1: to see more of it than just the corner you
[7:23] Speaker 1: were born into, even if it's not permanent, even if
[7:26] Speaker 1: you just have like a decade defining adventure of traveling
[7:30] Speaker 1: for three months, of working in a foreign country, of
[7:34] Speaker 1: just like volunteering in the middle of nowhere. It will
[7:38] Speaker 1: just transform you as a person. And I do just
[7:40] Speaker 1: think it is essential to your development to put yourself
[7:45] Speaker 1: in the hot water of having to adjust to a
[7:49] Speaker 1: whole new way of being and a whole new life
[7:51] Speaker 1: and just of like kind of being on your own. Okay,
[7:55] Speaker 1: the second thing on the list understand how money works
[8:00] Speaker 1: and how it actually works like below the surface of
[8:03] Speaker 1: basic concepts. One of my biggest regrets of my early
[8:06] Speaker 1: twenties was that I just kind of assumed that the
[8:11] Speaker 1: basics I'd been taught about money were correct and were
[8:15] Speaker 1: all there was to know. And I think a lot
[8:17] Speaker 1: of us probably had a similar education where you were
[8:20] Speaker 1: taught about the importance of a savings account, a budget,
[8:23] Speaker 1: an emergency fund, and that was probably like where the
[8:26] Speaker 1: ball stopped, if it even got there. Basically, like I
[8:29] Speaker 1: remember being taught, your money is either spent or saved.
[8:33] Speaker 1: When you start to realize the possibility that money actually
[8:37] Speaker 1: holds and how so many financial concepts and systems are
[8:41] Speaker 1: being gate kept from you and keeping you dependent on
[8:44] Speaker 1: a fixed income and the nine to five like you
[8:47] Speaker 1: will be totally honestly shocked and just like yeah, gobsmacked.
[8:53] Speaker 1: I remember having this realization, especially in university, because that
[8:59] Speaker 1: was like the first time that I'd I met really
[9:01] Speaker 1: rich people, like really rich people for the first time
[9:04] Speaker 1: who talked about assets and investment properties and stocks, bonds, ETFs,
[9:09] Speaker 1: high yield savings account like all this linger that it
[9:12] Speaker 1: kind of like swelled around me, but I never really
[9:15] Speaker 1: thought to learn about. And now having really like made
[9:20] Speaker 1: sure I know and made sure I educated myself. That
[9:22] Speaker 1: is why this tip always makes any list I make
[9:25] Speaker 1: about things to do in your twenties or regrets about
[9:27] Speaker 1: my twenties. The best thing you can do for your
[9:30] Speaker 1: future self right now is just spend eight hours over
[9:34] Speaker 1: the next week, over the next month, learning how money
[9:37] Speaker 1: actually works, learning how investing works, learning how low the
[9:42] Speaker 1: barrier for entry really is when it comes to like
[9:45] Speaker 1: the stock market, or when it comes to bonds, or
[9:47] Speaker 1: when it comes to investing. Even just like open up
[9:51] Speaker 1: a trading account. You don't have to put any money
[9:53] Speaker 1: in it, open up like a high yield savings account.
[9:57] Speaker 1: Just take the first step to being a out of
[10:00] Speaker 1: the ecosystem, of being a part of the population who
[10:02] Speaker 1: understands money beyond just the buy and save kind of mindset.
[10:08] Speaker 1: And there's just so many amazing resources. Friends that invest
[10:12] Speaker 1: is one of my favorite online resources to learn. Even
[10:15] Speaker 1: just like going to your bank's web page and looking
[10:18] Speaker 1: up like how to invest, you'll know more than so
[10:21] Speaker 1: many people and it will definitely show okay. Next on
[10:24] Speaker 1: the list, learn how to send things back? More generally,
[10:31] Speaker 1: I really mean, like, learn how to stick up for yourself. Now,
[10:33] Speaker 1: when I say learn how to send things back, obviously,
[10:37] Speaker 1: I mean like, learn how to send things back at
[10:39] Speaker 1: the restaurant, like if they get your order wrong. Learn
[10:41] Speaker 1: how to be like that's not what I wanted in
[10:43] Speaker 1: a kind way. Learn how to be like that's not
[10:46] Speaker 1: what I ask for. Learn how to be like that's
[10:48] Speaker 1: not the behavior or you know, the thing that I deserve,
[10:53] Speaker 1: the attitude that I deserve. More generally, I really mean,
[10:56] Speaker 1: at some stage in your twenties, you need to learn
[11:00] Speaker 1: that being nice, being kind, being polite, and being respectful
[11:05] Speaker 1: are not all the same thing. There is a lot
[11:08] Speaker 1: of nuance to our good behavior, and there's a lot
[11:11] Speaker 1: of people who benefit from us believing that being a
[11:15] Speaker 1: kind person means we have to be passive, overly nice,
[11:19] Speaker 1: overly self effacing. It is really critical that during this
[11:25] Speaker 1: decade you start to unloaran that for the first half
[11:28] Speaker 1: of my twenties, I I think I just kind of
[11:31] Speaker 1: let people walk all over me. I would never send
[11:34] Speaker 1: anything back at a restaurant, I would never complain about anything,
[11:37] Speaker 1: I would never stand up for myself and I just
[11:41] Speaker 1: lost out on so much and I just wasted so
[11:46] Speaker 1: much money and time. And it only changed very recently. Actually,
[11:52] Speaker 1: when I was in Australia and I was living at
[11:53] Speaker 1: this house in Newtown, and it's kind of a funny story,
[11:57] Speaker 1: but there was just this one day where I had
[11:59] Speaker 1: this neighbor who didn't like me very much and who
[12:04] Speaker 1: I didn't get along with very well, who was kind
[12:06] Speaker 1: of this older woman. And one day it was like
[12:09] Speaker 1: three pm and we were like playing I don't know
[12:12] Speaker 1: Charlie XCX. It was a beautiful sunny day, and she
[12:15] Speaker 1: like came out and she she's like, let loose at
[12:19] Speaker 1: me and she was yelling at me. She was like
[12:21] Speaker 1: obviously had been very frustrated by me, and she was like,
[12:25] Speaker 1: why are you playing music? We were like, wells three pm. Anyways,
[12:27] Speaker 1: long story short, it was just this moment where I
[12:30] Speaker 1: was like being really really nice, being very apologetic, and
[12:33] Speaker 1: then I kind of just was like, I don't really
[12:35] Speaker 1: have to take this anymore. Like I'm not a little kid,
[12:39] Speaker 1: like I can't get in trouble, I'm not a child,
[12:41] Speaker 1: like I can just stick up for myself. And it
[12:44] Speaker 1: was so interesting, like seeing how her approach to me
[12:47] Speaker 1: just like shifted in that moment and seeing how she
[12:50] Speaker 1: I genuinely, this is gonna sound so weird, but I
[12:53] Speaker 1: felt like I became like an adult in that moment,
[12:56] Speaker 1: and I could see her in her eyes, how she
[13:00] Speaker 1: was viewing me as a child in the beginning, and
[13:02] Speaker 1: then the moment that I like switched and stop for myself,
[13:05] Speaker 1: she started treating me as an adult. And I just
[13:07] Speaker 1: think it's such an essential skill to just be like,
[13:10] Speaker 1: actually I don't deserve this, Actually I don't want this.
[13:12] Speaker 1: Actually I didn't order this. And I'm going to say
[13:14] Speaker 1: something because my time and my money and my wants
[13:18] Speaker 1: and my needs and desires are just as important as
[13:21] Speaker 1: anybody else. The fourth thing you should absolutely do in
[13:25] Speaker 1: your twenties quit something you really depended on, whether that
[13:31] Speaker 1: is nicotine, whether that is alcohol, whether that is a person,
[13:35] Speaker 1: a bad habit, whatever it is. This will be one
[13:39] Speaker 1: of the hardest things I think you do It will
[13:41] Speaker 1: also probably save your life in a very obvious way
[13:45] Speaker 1: for some things, in a very physical way, like with alcohol,
[13:49] Speaker 1: like with tobacco, but also in a mental and emotional
[13:52] Speaker 1: and psychological way as well. Quitting something you're dependent on
[13:57] Speaker 1: will prove to you that you are capable of being
[14:02] Speaker 1: in control of your own behavior. Otherwise you will always
[14:07] Speaker 1: be limited by the thing that controls you. When you decide.
[14:10] Speaker 1: When you make a conscious decision of like, actually I
[14:13] Speaker 1: don't have any control over this, and I want to
[14:14] Speaker 1: take back my control, you rebuild your ability to internally
[14:18] Speaker 1: regulate without being externally reliant on something. You rebuild your
[14:22] Speaker 1: sense of agency, You rebuild your ability to be in control. Essentially,
[14:28] Speaker 1: in psychology we call it like self efficacy, the ability
[14:32] Speaker 1: to master your reality and master your experiences and to
[14:37] Speaker 1: essentially say, I'm going to put my mind to something
[14:39] Speaker 1: and I'm going to do it, and I can trust
[14:41] Speaker 1: myself to do it. You really kind of realize that
[14:44] Speaker 1: when you quit something, whatever it is, this bad, addictive thing,
[14:47] Speaker 1: you are all you need, Like you are truly all
[14:50] Speaker 1: you need. You actually don't need this thing to survive.
[14:52] Speaker 1: And from that and having done that and conquered that,
[14:56] Speaker 1: the confidence and self assurance that you have in yourself,
[15:00] Speaker 1: that you are mentally strong, that you are resilient, that
[15:04] Speaker 1: you are capable of doing hard things. Is, and this
[15:10] Speaker 1: is going to sound so cliche, like more powerful than
[15:14] Speaker 1: any drug, more powerful than any substance. That self trust
[15:19] Speaker 1: that you gain from being like, I am actually in
[15:23] Speaker 1: control of my relationship with this thing, and if it
[15:27] Speaker 1: is not making me happy, we don't have to have
[15:29] Speaker 1: a relationship anymore. Is supremely powerful and like such a
[15:34] Speaker 1: big sign that you are maturing and you are growing
[15:37] Speaker 1: up and you are taking yourself and your life seriously.
[15:40] Speaker 1: Number five another cliche one. I'm sorry, but in your
[15:44] Speaker 1: twenties you need to fall in love with a hobby
[15:46] Speaker 1: or a practice that you do just for yourself. I'm
[15:49] Speaker 1: gonna hold your hand and ask you this very seriously,
[15:52] Speaker 1: right now. Do you have a hobby. Do you have
[15:56] Speaker 1: a hobby that you regularly practice that you genuinely find
[16:03] Speaker 1: is a core part of who you are. Do you
[16:06] Speaker 1: have a hobby that has nothing to do with making money,
[16:10] Speaker 1: nothing to do with how other people see you, nothing
[16:14] Speaker 1: to do with being online, scrolling or consuming. Do you
[16:19] Speaker 1: have a purely self centered outlet? It's so easy in
[16:24] Speaker 1: our twentiesn't at any age in this current media landscape
[16:27] Speaker 1: to just be somebody who consumes and consumes and consumes.
[16:31] Speaker 1: And the thing I always say is like you are
[16:34] Speaker 1: what you eat. You are also the digital and external
[16:37] Speaker 1: environment that you create for yourself. And so if you
[16:40] Speaker 1: don't have anything beyond you that feels like a garden
[16:45] Speaker 1: that you can water, and if you don't have anything
[16:47] Speaker 1: beyond you that feels like something that you can pour
[16:50] Speaker 1: life and love into, and if it goes bad or
[16:54] Speaker 1: if it is bad, it really doesn't matter. It's just
[16:57] Speaker 1: for you. I do think that you will enter your
[17:00] Speaker 1: thirties and enter the rest of your life at a
[17:02] Speaker 1: bit of a crisis point because this big hallmark and
[17:05] Speaker 1: important part of your identity remains deeply unstable. The part
[17:08] Speaker 1: of your identity that is separate from anything external will
[17:13] Speaker 1: remain quite shaky. So this is the wake up call,
[17:16] Speaker 1: and it's a wake up call for me as well.
[17:20] Speaker 1: Really find something that you like doing and get good
[17:23] Speaker 1: at it or get good at enjoying it, independently whether
[17:28] Speaker 1: other people see worth in it or not. Get a hobby. Basically, Okay,
[17:32] Speaker 1: we're going to take a short break but then we
[17:33] Speaker 1: will be right back with more of our list items.
[17:43] Speaker 1: I think we're up to number six. This is one
[17:45] Speaker 1: of the most important ones and practical ones that I
[17:48] Speaker 1: think I have on this list, which is find a
[17:51] Speaker 1: way to document your life that resonates with you. Whether
[17:55] Speaker 1: that is a podcast like this one, a private instagram,
[18:00] Speaker 1: a yearly scrap book, journaling, junk journaling, photo albums. This
[18:06] Speaker 1: is so deeply important. When I was in my early twenties,
[18:10] Speaker 1: I used to do this thing called One Second every Day.
[18:12] Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have heard about this.
[18:14] Speaker 1: It's this app that had this major, huge moment maybe
[18:18] Speaker 1: in like twenty seventeen twenty eighteen, where you would record
[18:21] Speaker 1: one second every day and then at the end of
[18:22] Speaker 1: the year, like all of you and your friends would
[18:24] Speaker 1: like upload them to YouTube. Maybe this is just a
[18:26] Speaker 1: unique experience. And the reason why and the reason why
[18:29] Speaker 1: documenting life is so essential for our psychology and for
[18:32] Speaker 1: our mental health is because of the role it plays
[18:35] Speaker 1: in narrative psychology. I narrative psychology is such a buzzword
[18:39] Speaker 1: on this podcast. I think it's one of our most
[18:41] Speaker 1: used phrases and most related to concepts. But essentially, what
[18:45] Speaker 1: narrative psychology says, is that if you don't have a
[18:48] Speaker 1: story that is running through the center of your life,
[18:52] Speaker 1: if you don't have a story that you are telling
[18:53] Speaker 1: yourself about your life, if your experiences are not connected,
[18:58] Speaker 1: if you cannot remember them, you will really struggle to
[19:02] Speaker 1: know who you are, and you will really struggle to
[19:06] Speaker 1: get the lessons you need out of life, get the
[19:09] Speaker 1: joy you need out of life, because part of the
[19:11] Speaker 1: joy of life is really being appreciative of the journey,
[19:14] Speaker 1: and part of the joy of life is hindsight, is
[19:17] Speaker 1: the hindst of getting to look back at who you
[19:19] Speaker 1: were at twenty one and twenty three and twenty four,
[19:22] Speaker 1: see images, see like remnants of that life through scrap
[19:27] Speaker 1: books or through like junk journaling, and just kind of
[19:31] Speaker 1: see how far you've come. And especially in our twenties,
[19:34] Speaker 1: like this decade is like this rich oil field of
[19:37] Speaker 1: experiences and it's just like such fertile soil for learning
[19:42] Speaker 1: and discovering and for identity. And I think that if
[19:45] Speaker 1: you want to continue to learn from those experiences or
[19:48] Speaker 1: continue to have the lessons that you are learning, one
[19:51] Speaker 1: of the easiest ways to do that is to have
[19:52] Speaker 1: some kind of physical reminder of who you are during
[19:56] Speaker 1: this time for you to kind of like bring forward
[19:58] Speaker 1: with you into the next chapters of your life. So,
[20:01] Speaker 1: if you haven't started yet, start documenting your twenties now.
[20:05] Speaker 1: Number seven. Throw yourself deeply into love, even if the
[20:12] Speaker 1: possibility of heartbreak is absolutely terrifying. There's all these dating
[20:17] Speaker 1: narratives online that I think can honestly make love very
[20:20] Speaker 1: very confusing. You know, articles that go viral about like
[20:24] Speaker 1: it's having a boyfriend embarrassing? Why should you be dating
[20:27] Speaker 1: three people at once? Who pays the bill? What does
[20:29] Speaker 1: double texting say about me? How many months before I
[20:32] Speaker 1: soft launch? How many months before I hard launch? Like
[20:36] Speaker 1: all these attempts to create rules around love to make
[20:39] Speaker 1: it safer, and it just means that I think we
[20:42] Speaker 1: overthink it too much. Sometimes you just got to do
[20:45] Speaker 1: it the old fashioned way. Sometimes the best thing you
[20:48] Speaker 1: can do for your personal development and for your self
[20:50] Speaker 1: improvement is to just be like stupidly in love with
[20:55] Speaker 1: somebody and just to fall ridiculously hard even if you
[20:59] Speaker 1: get hurt. And you know what, I can already hear
[21:02] Speaker 1: a lot of naysayers on the other end of this,
[21:04] Speaker 1: being like that is terrible advice. That's how people get hurt.
[21:08] Speaker 1: I don't know what's wrong if this person isn't like
[21:11] Speaker 1: an abusive arsehole, Like, what's wrong with getting a little
[21:14] Speaker 1: bit hurt? What's wrong with getting your heart a little
[21:16] Speaker 1: bit broken and just really feeling like the profound lessons
[21:22] Speaker 1: and shocks of love? Genuinely, I would not be I
[21:26] Speaker 1: would have nothing without heartbreak. I look around at like
[21:31] Speaker 1: my life and my apartment in London, and my job,
[21:36] Speaker 1: and my dog and my friends and I don't know,
[21:39] Speaker 1: my book, like just all these things, and I'm like,
[21:42] Speaker 1: I would have none of this if those like and
[21:46] Speaker 1: I'm thinking of like a couple specific relationships, but like, yeah,
[21:49] Speaker 1: if a couple specific relationships hadn't worked out, and if
[21:52] Speaker 1: I'm being completely honest, one of those relationships, for sure,
[21:56] Speaker 1: I entered knowing I was going to get hurt. And
[22:00] Speaker 1: I think a part of me made peace with that
[22:01] Speaker 1: because I was like, but what comes after is going
[22:04] Speaker 1: to be freaking amazing. Like talk about fertile soil in
[22:08] Speaker 1: our twenties, like, breakups are the most fertile emotional soil
[22:11] Speaker 1: that you will come across. They will transform your life.
[22:15] Speaker 1: They are genuinely like steroids. For self development. So even
[22:21] Speaker 1: if the relationship doesn't work out, if you have the
[22:23] Speaker 1: opportunity to just like bet it all on love and
[22:26] Speaker 1: to just be like, I'm so down to just get
[22:29] Speaker 1: obliterated here, I think you should absolutely do it. And
[22:32] Speaker 1: if you don't agree with me, that's also okay. Feel
[22:35] Speaker 1: free to send me some feedback on that one. Number eight,
[22:39] Speaker 1: Quit the first job you have, even if it is
[22:43] Speaker 1: your dream job. Another controversial one, I quit my dream job.
[22:47] Speaker 1: I quit my dream job because a major part of
[22:51] Speaker 1: me and you that like being too comfortable gets me
[22:56] Speaker 1: pretty close to being stagnant. I just think again, you
[23:01] Speaker 1: have to let yourself see what else is out there
[23:05] Speaker 1: and see what else could come at you. You have
[23:08] Speaker 1: to increase like your target space for luck to hit you.
[23:12] Speaker 1: And if you just stay in the same space, if
[23:15] Speaker 1: you just stay in the same job, even if it
[23:17] Speaker 1: is really an amazing job and it is paying you
[23:19] Speaker 1: really well and you worked really hard for it, I
[23:23] Speaker 1: think you get left with a lot of what ifs.
[23:26] Speaker 1: And the thing is is that this is the time
[23:28] Speaker 1: in your life when you are and can be the
[23:30] Speaker 1: most resilient. So exiting or leaving the dream job means
[23:35] Speaker 1: that like during this time means that you're going to
[23:38] Speaker 1: have as many and the most years you'll probably ever
[23:40] Speaker 1: have to come back to it if it does end
[23:42] Speaker 1: up being the thing that you love. But it's also
[23:44] Speaker 1: the time that you're going to have the most years
[23:46] Speaker 1: to just explore and to figure things out. This is
[23:50] Speaker 1: deeply anecdotal, right. I don't know if people who do
[23:53] Speaker 1: this are happier. I can't give you the promise, But anecdotally,
[23:57] Speaker 1: the people I hear from the well I see who
[24:01] Speaker 1: are kind of at like the precipice of turning forty
[24:04] Speaker 1: or turning thirty, who feel the most unsure about their
[24:08] Speaker 1: careers are actually those who stayed or who seemingly have
[24:12] Speaker 1: the most stable careers because they've been in the same
[24:15] Speaker 1: job for a very long time, and it's very hard
[24:18] Speaker 1: to leave those environments. But I think you again just
[24:20] Speaker 1: owe it to yourself to just be like, what else
[24:22] Speaker 1: could hit me? What other things could happen to me
[24:26] Speaker 1: if I just like let my life in my weeks
[24:29] Speaker 1: and my months be open to them. Okay, number nine,
[24:34] Speaker 1: I need you to make a loose and aspirational plan
[24:37] Speaker 1: for your life. This is what I call the great
[24:39] Speaker 1: life plan. Very easily marketable name. This is not a
[24:42] Speaker 1: five year plan. I kind of hate those. It is
[24:45] Speaker 1: not a step by step master plan for your entire life.
[24:48] Speaker 1: It is just a delusionally optimistic vision for what you
[24:51] Speaker 1: want your life to be in twenty years, fifty years,
[24:55] Speaker 1: fifteen years would if everything went a according to plan.
[25:01] Speaker 1: The goal of this is not for it to go
[25:04] Speaker 1: according to plan. The goal of it is actually for
[25:06] Speaker 1: it not to all come true. Most of the time
[25:08] Speaker 1: it won't. A lot of luck and fate and context
[25:11] Speaker 1: comes into play. The goal of this great life plan
[25:15] Speaker 1: is just to provide an aspirational structure, or like a
[25:19] Speaker 1: vision that you can work towards that inspires you. There
[25:21] Speaker 1: are a few reasons why I think we all need to, like,
[25:23] Speaker 1: at some stage, sit down and articulate this and why
[25:26] Speaker 1: I think it's important. I think it's important because it
[25:29] Speaker 1: keeps you focused on what is meaningful to you and
[25:33] Speaker 1: what is not meaningful and therefore unnecessary. So much of
[25:36] Speaker 1: our twenties is sometimes focused on what seems outwardly impressive,
[25:41] Speaker 1: what others are doing that we feel like we have to,
[25:45] Speaker 1: the detours, the milestones we feel like we need to
[25:48] Speaker 1: check off. But if that doesn't actually align with your plan,
[25:52] Speaker 1: don't do it. And if you don't know what your
[25:54] Speaker 1: plan is, you will end up doing a lot of
[25:55] Speaker 1: things you actually never wanted to do in the first place.
[25:58] Speaker 1: If your long term vision have happeniness isn't to live overseas,
[26:02] Speaker 1: don't go and live overseas if you know that's not
[26:05] Speaker 1: what you need to be happy. If your long term
[26:07] Speaker 1: vision is to have your own business, don't feel so
[26:10] Speaker 1: pressured by everyone's promotions on LinkedIn and believe that's what
[26:14] Speaker 1: you need to be doing. It's not your dream, it's
[26:16] Speaker 1: not your plan. You have to be able to articulate
[26:19] Speaker 1: what your vision is as long as that is what
[26:22] Speaker 1: you are working towards. It really helps you keep your
[26:26] Speaker 1: blinders up to everybody else and everything else that's going
[26:29] Speaker 1: on around you. It stops us from being as well
[26:33] Speaker 1: I think, passive by only thinking a few feet ahead
[26:37] Speaker 1: of ourselves as well, like it stops us from being
[26:40] Speaker 1: stuck in the moment of needing everything to be perfect
[26:42] Speaker 1: right now. Having a great life plan I think helps
[26:46] Speaker 1: us realize that, you know, we're not working for life
[26:50] Speaker 1: to be great in five years right You're working for
[26:53] Speaker 1: life to be great all up. So this aspiration actually
[26:56] Speaker 1: makes decision making. I know it sounds kind of controversial
[26:59] Speaker 1: or not virtual book contradictory. It does make decision making
[27:02] Speaker 1: easier because it takes away a lot of the urgency
[27:05] Speaker 1: and the short term anxiety of the perfect choice right now,
[27:09] Speaker 1: and it just lets you see the long term perspective
[27:11] Speaker 1: for what you're working towards and the details that the
[27:14] Speaker 1: great life plan allows for. I think, without a vision, right,
[27:17] Speaker 1: all good options look equally good and look equally promising,
[27:21] Speaker 1: and therefore the choice becomes equally stressful. When you have vision,
[27:27] Speaker 1: the options become clearer because you can really identify what
[27:32] Speaker 1: matches my vision, what doesn't, what energizes me, what doesn't.
[27:35] Speaker 1: You're no longer just choosing randomly. You're no longer obsessing
[27:39] Speaker 1: over the perfect choice because the vision stands regardless of
[27:42] Speaker 1: the individual choices. You know, instead of asking like is
[27:46] Speaker 1: this the perfect job, you're able to ask does this
[27:50] Speaker 1: move me further towards the life I want? Instead of
[27:54] Speaker 1: like what if I choose wrong? It's like, does this
[27:58] Speaker 1: choice allow me to build skills or knowledge that are
[28:01] Speaker 1: going to bring me value even if this doesn't work out?
[28:04] Speaker 1: There is all this research and psychology on goal setting
[28:07] Speaker 1: that shows having a meaningfully clear enough long term goal
[28:13] Speaker 1: having some kind of aspiration will help you filter short
[28:16] Speaker 1: term options even if that long term aspiration changes. You
[28:20] Speaker 1: stop asking you know what is perfect? You start asking
[28:23] Speaker 1: what thing is going to bring me closer? Which choice
[28:27] Speaker 1: is more aligned with what I want to do versus
[28:29] Speaker 1: the appearance or the expectations that others have from me.
[28:34] Speaker 1: I also think the final importance of this is that
[28:37] Speaker 1: it expands your possibility, like this is not the decade
[28:40] Speaker 1: to think small. If this episode has taught you anything
[28:44] Speaker 1: in your twenties, it is very easy to unconsciously shrink
[28:47] Speaker 1: your dreams to what feels realistic, and it's very easy
[28:51] Speaker 1: to whittle everything down, and it becomes harder to re
[28:54] Speaker 1: expand that later on because your brain feels even more
[28:58] Speaker 1: foolish for doing so, because it's all already closed off
[29:00] Speaker 1: those possibilities. Having this deliberately yeah delusional vision pushes back
[29:07] Speaker 1: against that natural cognitive narrowing that a lot of people
[29:10] Speaker 1: experience the order they get, and instead it says, I'm
[29:13] Speaker 1: gonna choose to be optimistic, I'm gonna choose to think big,
[29:16] Speaker 1: I'm going to choose not to be realistic and see
[29:21] Speaker 1: what happens, and that is strongly linked to long term success. Genuinely,
[29:25] Speaker 1: look at half the people that you admire. They would
[29:28] Speaker 1: not They are probably not the most talented. They are
[29:30] Speaker 1: probably not the most hard working. They probably are, but
[29:33] Speaker 1: they're definitely not always the most talented. A great deal
[29:36] Speaker 1: of their success comes down to delusion and the fact
[29:39] Speaker 1: that they had the guts and the courage and the
[29:41] Speaker 1: belief to put themselves in luck's kind of range, if
[29:45] Speaker 1: that makes sense, Like they allowed them to be a
[29:47] Speaker 1: target for opportunities by increasing their presence and by increasing
[29:52] Speaker 1: their commitment to what they wanted to do and just
[29:54] Speaker 1: being like, I'm going to be in those spaces. This
[29:57] Speaker 1: is not my time to think small. I'm gonna risk everything.
[30:01] Speaker 1: That is our next thing, the next thing on this
[30:03] Speaker 1: list of like the things you should do in your twenties,
[30:06] Speaker 1: bet everything on a risk, because why not? Why not? Like, genuinely,
[30:13] Speaker 1: can you give me a reason why not that you
[30:18] Speaker 1: wouldn't eventually realize there's an excuse? Or can you give
[30:21] Speaker 1: me a reason why not that wouldn't eventually be an
[30:25] Speaker 1: amazing part of your origin story, wouldn't eventually be the
[30:29] Speaker 1: barrier that you overcome. Your twenties are we say this
[30:32] Speaker 1: all the time, uniquely designed for risk for a lot
[30:36] Speaker 1: of reasons, the first one being that the cost of
[30:38] Speaker 1: failure is just naturally lower. You usually have fewer dependents,
[30:43] Speaker 1: fewer financial obligations, fewer people relying on you. The margin
[30:50] Speaker 1: for error may be wider, but if something collapses you
[30:55] Speaker 1: can rebuild. At twenty five, a failed business is just
[30:59] Speaker 1: a story, and forty five it might involve savings, a mortgage,
[31:04] Speaker 1: school fees. You have more flexibility around risk. You have
[31:09] Speaker 1: more opportunities as well to just seem gutsy and for
[31:14] Speaker 1: people to celebrate that and think that that is amazing,
[31:16] Speaker 1: think that you're really cool for doing that. The second
[31:20] Speaker 1: reason I really think that you need to bet it
[31:22] Speaker 1: all on risk is that we know regret will hit
[31:25] Speaker 1: you harder than failure. Right. Studies on long term regrets
[31:28] Speaker 1: show that people regret in action more than action over time.
[31:33] Speaker 1: They are more likely to regret those moments of like
[31:36] Speaker 1: what if I tried over why didn't that work out?
[31:41] Speaker 1: Your twenties are the time when you have more waifs
[31:44] Speaker 1: available to test and more regret to avoid by just trying. Third,
[31:49] Speaker 1: I don't think you feel locked into one identity yet,
[31:52] Speaker 1: like you don't have the weight of a legacy weighing
[31:54] Speaker 1: you down. If you're start in your thirties, your forties,
[31:57] Speaker 1: your fifties, which of course you can seventies, eighties, nineties,
[32:00] Speaker 1: it's going to be a little bit harder because your
[32:02] Speaker 1: identity is already solidified around probably one thing. There's reputation,
[32:07] Speaker 1: there's history, like you are the lawyer, you are the accountant,
[32:10] Speaker 1: you are the mother, like you have found your role,
[32:14] Speaker 1: and so changing direction. The older you get and the
[32:17] Speaker 1: longer you wait, can feel like you are dismantling more.
[32:20] Speaker 1: But in your twenties, like that structure just isn't there.
[32:23] Speaker 1: The structure is a lot looser. You're allowed to contradict yourself,
[32:26] Speaker 1: like people almost expect it that you can be like
[32:30] Speaker 1: pre law one day a photographer the next. You can
[32:32] Speaker 1: move cities without it being called like a midlife crisis.
[32:35] Speaker 1: You can reinvent your style, your politics, your ambitions, like
[32:39] Speaker 1: your goals, and it's normalized. It's seen as exploration, not instability.
[32:45] Speaker 1: And it's not that you can't continue to do that
[32:47] Speaker 1: later in life. I know so many people who are
[32:50] Speaker 1: like I have somebody I know who's like in their fifties,
[32:52] Speaker 1: who is going back to like med school. You have
[32:55] Speaker 1: so many opportunities to be able to do that. It's
[32:58] Speaker 1: just that now your emotion tolerance and the flexibility of
[33:03] Speaker 1: your life to handle this and to handle things going
[33:07] Speaker 1: wrong is just more adaptable. And it's just yeah, more flexible.
[33:13] Speaker 1: There's just a little bit more give and take, I
[33:17] Speaker 1: guess to the risks you're taking into the fact that
[33:21] Speaker 1: they might not work out. So if you have a
[33:23] Speaker 1: risk in mind that you're like, ah, I don't know
[33:25] Speaker 1: if I can go that big. I don't know if
[33:28] Speaker 1: like that's really for me. I'm too scared that it
[33:31] Speaker 1: might not work out. Like, you have very little to
[33:34] Speaker 1: lose that is tangible, maybe some maybe money, maybe what reputation.
[33:39] Speaker 1: Maybe you do fail. I just think the story of
[33:43] Speaker 1: failure is just a much more enjoyable and entertaining one
[33:47] Speaker 1: than the story of not trying, because at least in
[33:50] Speaker 1: the story of failure, somebody did something. At least you
[33:52] Speaker 1: did something, at least you tried, So I think you
[33:55] Speaker 1: owe it to yourself. Okay, we're going to take one
[33:58] Speaker 1: more short break before we get into our final five.
[34:02] Speaker 1: Stay with us okay, number eleven, Do a social audit.
[34:15] Speaker 1: What I mean by this is look around at your
[34:17] Speaker 1: close friends, look around at your relationships, and really analyze.
[34:21] Speaker 1: Is this person a reflection of who I want to be?
[34:24] Speaker 1: Is this person good for me? And am I good
[34:28] Speaker 1: for them? Do I like being around these kinds of people?
[34:31] Speaker 1: Do I like who I am with these kinds of people?
[34:34] Speaker 1: You've probably heard of the rule of five, which is
[34:36] Speaker 1: that we are the five people we are closest to,
[34:39] Speaker 1: and so you have to choose carefully, like that's something
[34:42] Speaker 1: that was very drilled into me when I was younger.
[34:45] Speaker 1: Psychology says that's not entirely accurate. It's more like fifteen
[34:49] Speaker 1: with a few core relationships like impacting us the most,
[34:53] Speaker 1: like a partner or a best friend. But it does.
[34:56] Speaker 1: This rule of five does strike it a core human fact,
[34:58] Speaker 1: like you become who you surround yourself with. So if
[35:01] Speaker 1: your friends, I know what's going to sound harsh, But
[35:04] Speaker 1: if your friends do not inspire you, if your friends
[35:07] Speaker 1: do not make you want to be better, if your
[35:09] Speaker 1: friends do not make a big deal about you, do
[35:11] Speaker 1: not make you feel great about yourself, do not push
[35:14] Speaker 1: you to be better? Like you are missing out on
[35:18] Speaker 1: one of the easiest ways to make your life better,
[35:20] Speaker 1: which is to have great friends. And maybe that hesitation
[35:26] Speaker 1: and that doubt around your friendships is pushing you to
[35:29] Speaker 1: find some better people. There was this amazing study that
[35:33] Speaker 1: was published in twenty twenty four titled I Think Emotion
[35:36] Speaker 1: contagion and like Psychological synchrony or something. And in the study,
[35:41] Speaker 1: it looked at a number of friendship diads, so pairs
[35:43] Speaker 1: of friends, and what it found was that their emotional
[35:46] Speaker 1: states were literally contagious to their other friend compared to strangers.
[35:50] Speaker 1: So like in this room, they would have one of
[35:54] Speaker 1: the friends, one member of the friendship like watching a movie,
[35:58] Speaker 1: a very sad movie, a very happy movie, very scary movie,
[36:01] Speaker 1: and they would have the other friend like watching them,
[36:04] Speaker 1: and they had them tied up to all this like
[36:06] Speaker 1: cool fancy equipment. And what they would find was that
[36:10] Speaker 1: even though there were no words being spoken, even though
[36:12] Speaker 1: the friend was not watching the movie, just watching their
[36:15] Speaker 1: own friends, reaction impacted their emotional state, impacted how they
[36:20] Speaker 1: were responding in a completely separate environment. The emotions, the mood,
[36:26] Speaker 1: the personalities, the attitude, the mindset of your friends is contagious.
[36:31] Speaker 1: It's called social osmosis. Well, that's kind of what I
[36:34] Speaker 1: like to call it social osmosis, which is that like
[36:37] Speaker 1: being around somebody will imbue parts of you with parts
[36:42] Speaker 1: of their character. That is like a deep responsibility of
[36:45] Speaker 1: our friends, a deep responsibility of our friends and in us.
[36:48] Speaker 1: Choosing our friends is to choose people whose influence on
[36:51] Speaker 1: us is going to be for good and whose character
[36:56] Speaker 1: life we can look at and say, I genuinely admire you,
[36:59] Speaker 1: and I admire what you're doing so much so that
[37:01] Speaker 1: like I want a piece of that, Like I want
[37:04] Speaker 1: that to influence me. You know, do a friendship order
[37:08] Speaker 1: at some point in your twenties, look around at your
[37:10] Speaker 1: friends and just not in a callous way, not in
[37:12] Speaker 1: a cruel way, but just really ask yourself, like are
[37:15] Speaker 1: we what's best for each other? And people have bad weeks,
[37:18] Speaker 1: people have bad months, people have bad years, Like I've
[37:22] Speaker 1: definitely had a few bad years. So I'm not saying
[37:26] Speaker 1: cut out all your friends who are like downers, but
[37:30] Speaker 1: to really consider whether either of you, both of you,
[37:32] Speaker 1: are getting what you deserve out of friendship. And don't
[37:35] Speaker 1: be afraid at some stage to be like, hey, you
[37:37] Speaker 1: like I want more for myself and I want more
[37:40] Speaker 1: out of the people who I choose to spend my
[37:42] Speaker 1: time around, like I want. I want to prioritize people
[37:45] Speaker 1: who prioritize me. Number twelve. Do something physically and mentally
[37:51] Speaker 1: challenging in your twenties, just to prove you can. I
[37:54] Speaker 1: know we talked about like the quitting something you're dependent on.
[37:57] Speaker 1: This is like a physical challenge, whether it is a
[38:01] Speaker 1: like multi day hike, whether it is a marathon, whatever
[38:06] Speaker 1: it is, whether it is a pilgrimage, A lot of
[38:10] Speaker 1: these are really like hiking related. At some stage in
[38:15] Speaker 1: your twenties, choose like a physical thing and you know
[38:18] Speaker 1: you're going to have to push yourself hard to complete
[38:22] Speaker 1: and like really say to yourself, I'm going to do that.
[38:25] Speaker 1: I'm going to complete this. This is going to be
[38:27] Speaker 1: my mission for the next however many months, however many years.
[38:32] Speaker 1: I know, I made this video the other day that
[38:34] Speaker 1: was like I know I can do hard things. Now
[38:37] Speaker 1: I need to learn easy things. So this might sound
[38:39] Speaker 1: like kind of hypocritical, but I do think that you
[38:43] Speaker 1: can only grow as far as you can see yourself suffering,
[38:48] Speaker 1: which sounds really awful. But what I mean by that is,
[38:51] Speaker 1: like's if you really believe like I can't do that
[38:55] Speaker 1: and it's all in your head, or if there are
[38:57] Speaker 1: things that you genuinely are like I don't have what
[38:59] Speaker 1: it takes to try this thing, I don't have what
[39:02] Speaker 1: it takes to do this risk, I don't have what
[39:04] Speaker 1: it takes to like put myself out there doing a task,
[39:07] Speaker 1: doing a challenge like this that puts you in probably
[39:10] Speaker 1: a very similar mental state of suffering, of pain, of
[39:15] Speaker 1: just like frustration, and then showing yourself, step by step,
[39:19] Speaker 1: moment by moment, that you are capable of taking that
[39:22] Speaker 1: bad day, taking that bad mood, taking that leg cramp,
[39:24] Speaker 1: whatever it is, and moving through it is so psychologically
[39:27] Speaker 1: powerful for anything else you want to do in life,
[39:31] Speaker 1: is so psychologically powerful because it much like the quitting
[39:34] Speaker 1: the thing you're dependent on, much like I guess the
[39:37] Speaker 1: addiction part of this conversation, it just rewires your brain,
[39:43] Speaker 1: and it rewires yourself for self belief and for self trust,
[39:47] Speaker 1: and for knowing that you are capable of so much more.
[39:51] Speaker 1: So add that to your bucket list, a physically challenging
[39:54] Speaker 1: adventure that you're going to tick off by the time
[39:58] Speaker 1: you turn thirty. This one is also I think extra
[40:03] Speaker 1: special and extra important and also quite intangible. So I'm sorry,
[40:09] Speaker 1: but learn how to stop hating yourself. At some stage
[40:15] Speaker 1: you got to learn like hating yourself doesn't help with anything.
[40:20] Speaker 1: You might think that it helps with discipline. You might
[40:22] Speaker 1: think that it helps you, I don't know, work harder,
[40:27] Speaker 1: do whatever. Like I remember thinking that, like, if I
[40:30] Speaker 1: hated myself enough, like I would finally have like the
[40:33] Speaker 1: motivation to do things, and I'd finally like be able
[40:36] Speaker 1: to beat myself into submission when it came to my dreams.
[40:40] Speaker 1: It never worked, like self hatred is, yeah, an incredibly
[40:47] Speaker 1: powerful motivator, but it also is terrible for performance. So
[40:52] Speaker 1: if you do one thing in your twenties, if you've
[40:55] Speaker 1: finished your twenties and you have done you've never gotten
[40:58] Speaker 1: a job, you've been in a relationship, you've never moved
[41:02] Speaker 1: out of home, whatever, you have not a dime to
[41:04] Speaker 1: your name. But you can genuinely say, like, but I
[41:07] Speaker 1: really love myself and I learned how to stop painting myself.
[41:11] Speaker 1: I still think that's a win. If you've done like
[41:14] Speaker 1: nothing else on this list, like you are further ahead
[41:17] Speaker 1: in life than ninety nine percent of people. What are
[41:20] Speaker 1: we up to? I think number fourteen. Spend a week alone,
[41:24] Speaker 1: whether that is like in the neighboring town solo, traveling
[41:28] Speaker 1: in your own city, not seeing your friends, walking around
[41:31] Speaker 1: doing your own thing. Spend a week alone by yourself.
[41:35] Speaker 1: You have no idea how much of our lives are
[41:38] Speaker 1: wired around others, for good and for bad. Right, we're
[41:41] Speaker 1: social animals, but their needs, their preferences, their opinions, their direction,
[41:45] Speaker 1: whether it's your boss, your partner, your friends, strangers, like
[41:48] Speaker 1: people that you know. Most of us structure our nervous
[41:51] Speaker 1: systems around other people. We regulate through venting and conversation,
[41:57] Speaker 1: or through distraction or validation. We get our sense of
[42:02] Speaker 1: identity from what other people think of us. We let
[42:04] Speaker 1: our lives be directed by their desires. When you leave that,
[42:08] Speaker 1: even temporarily, your brain is going to recalibrate to a
[42:13] Speaker 1: crazy extent, and it's painful at first. There was a
[42:15] Speaker 1: twenty fourteen study very famous that found that like amongst
[42:19] Speaker 1: these participants, the majority of people would rather mildly electrocute
[42:24] Speaker 1: themselves with an electric shock than spend fifteen minutes with
[42:27] Speaker 1: their thoughts. That is how uncomfortable solitude is for us.
[42:31] Speaker 1: But choosing to voluntarily step into solitude will literally change
[42:36] Speaker 1: your internal wiring so fast if you choose to do so,
[42:41] Speaker 1: it will give you such a power search, such an
[42:43] Speaker 1: identity boost on such a sped up timeline. In the
[42:47] Speaker 1: first like twenty four to forty eight hours, you're going
[42:49] Speaker 1: to feel really uncomfortable. There's going to be this deep
[42:52] Speaker 1: urge to reach out to somebody, to go get dinner,
[42:55] Speaker 1: to go on social media, to fill the silence. Then
[43:00] Speaker 1: your brain starts to like starts to basically realize that
[43:05] Speaker 1: that's not an option, and something starts to change. Something
[43:09] Speaker 1: interesting happens. Research by neuroscientists essentially show that your brain
[43:14] Speaker 1: starts to be like, oh, I'm actually very very interesting.
[43:19] Speaker 1: It starts to really like uncover new facets of what
[43:22] Speaker 1: you're doing. It's called constructive internal reflection. Essentially, like your
[43:27] Speaker 1: brain's default like mode network is activated. This is like
[43:31] Speaker 1: responsible for self referential thinking, for autobiographical memory. Suddenly these
[43:38] Speaker 1: different new but old parts of you, like you become
[43:42] Speaker 1: really awakened to it. People report leaving periods of solitude
[43:46] Speaker 1: or leaving voluntary time like spent by themselves with a
[43:50] Speaker 1: whole new sense of themselves that feels almost like ancient
[43:55] Speaker 1: and authentic to them, like in such an emotionally socially
[43:59] Speaker 1: like stimulated world and environment where your phone can like
[44:03] Speaker 1: essentially give you any emotion that you want to feel.
[44:06] Speaker 1: When it's so much easier to like talk to people
[44:10] Speaker 1: or let other people regulate our emotions. For us, stepping
[44:14] Speaker 1: away from that and just allowing ourselves to just be
[44:18] Speaker 1: incredibly flexible and in our own world and on our
[44:23] Speaker 1: own timeline, even just for a week, is such a
[44:26] Speaker 1: spiritual experience, to be honest, especially if you like combine
[44:30] Speaker 1: it with travel. We've got a whole episode on like
[44:31] Speaker 1: the psychology of solo travel with all of the statistics
[44:35] Speaker 1: and the findings and the studies on the power of this.
[44:38] Speaker 1: But I think it's one of the best things that
[44:41] Speaker 1: you can do. My final thing on this list, the
[44:44] Speaker 1: final thing I think you need to do in your twenties.
[44:47] Speaker 1: Change your mind about something, change your mind about a belief,
[44:50] Speaker 1: about a person, about an opinion. This is something that
[44:56] Speaker 1: I've done in the past year that humbled me deeply
[45:02] Speaker 1: and then genuinely changed my life because a lot of
[45:08] Speaker 1: our I think our youth, I don't know our youth,
[45:11] Speaker 1: our younger years is like a whole part of growing
[45:15] Speaker 1: up is that you is putting yourself at the center.
[45:18] Speaker 1: Right when you're a kid, you're at the center of
[45:20] Speaker 1: all your own stories, You're at the center of all
[45:22] Speaker 1: your own experiences, same as when you're a teenager. When
[45:25] Speaker 1: you're in your twenties as well, Like, there is a real,
[45:28] Speaker 1: i don't know, like developmentalized incentive to be quite selfish
[45:32] Speaker 1: and self centered and to really think that you know
[45:34] Speaker 1: everything and to be right, because it's protecting your ego, right,
[45:37] Speaker 1: and it's protecting your identity, and it's trying to make
[45:40] Speaker 1: you feel good about yourself. I think one of the
[45:42] Speaker 1: biggest signs of maturity, and one of the biggest signs
[45:45] Speaker 1: that like you have really learned some solid lessons from
[45:48] Speaker 1: your twenties is when you are able to say this
[45:51] Speaker 1: is something I once believed, and I do not believe
[45:54] Speaker 1: it anymore, and I'm okay with the friction that causes
[45:58] Speaker 1: within myself. I'm requay with acknowledging that I was wrong
[46:02] Speaker 1: and that I am not a perfect person, and that
[46:04] Speaker 1: somebody else might know more than me, and that somebody
[46:07] Speaker 1: else's opinion might be more correct than mine. I just
[46:10] Speaker 1: think that that is so great for cognitive flexibility so
[46:14] Speaker 1: great for our relationships. The people who grow up to
[46:19] Speaker 1: find love very hard, friendship very hard, marriage, very hard, work,
[46:24] Speaker 1: very hard. I think what I've often heard and seen
[46:27] Speaker 1: is it's the people who are never able to have
[46:30] Speaker 1: any empathy for how others operate because they are never
[46:33] Speaker 1: able to see themselves as being wrong. Their ego remains
[46:38] Speaker 1: so rigid. So I think that's something that all of
[46:40] Speaker 1: us could really benefit from working on. That is all
[46:44] Speaker 1: for our four hundredth episode. Thank you so much if
[46:47] Speaker 1: you have listened this far. I think if you've done
[46:50] Speaker 1: even half of these things on this list, maybe you
[46:52] Speaker 1: are like sitting there being like, I've done them all.
[46:55] Speaker 1: I have done these all, I'm good to go. Well,
[46:57] Speaker 1: then congratulations. Send it to a friend who you think
[47:01] Speaker 1: maybe struggling with some milestone anxiety. If you think this
[47:05] Speaker 1: less traditional list might be helpful for them, might be
[47:08] Speaker 1: helpful for like the comparison trap might be helpful for
[47:11] Speaker 1: a bit of anxiety they're having about their twenties and
[47:15] Speaker 1: have they done enough? And will they do enough? I
[47:18] Speaker 1: hope it helps them as well. Remember that if you
[47:21] Speaker 1: are in Australia, the UK and New Zealand, or the US, Canada.
[47:26] Speaker 1: I can't even say all the places. Just if you think,
[47:30] Speaker 1: if you want to watch it, go see if it's
[47:31] Speaker 1: on Netflix. It just might be there in your country. Again,
[47:35] Speaker 1: I want to thank you if you have been here
[47:37] Speaker 1: since yesterday, I for you have been here since twenty
[47:40] Speaker 1: twenty one, five years ago. Now, thank you for listening
[47:44] Speaker 1: to the podcast, Thank you for supporting it. Every single
[47:47] Speaker 1: thing is because of you, guys, and because of the
[47:51] Speaker 1: support that you have shown just by listening. So I'm
[47:56] Speaker 1: very deeply grateful on this day and all of the others.
[48:00] Speaker 1: But as we wrap up this episode, remember be safe,
[48:04] Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle with yourself, and thank you as
[48:07] Speaker 1: always for tuning in.

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