# the art of shadow work || the bravest ones are refusing to go numb

An episode of [Skinny Dipping](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1550086447), 14 Apr 2026, 21 min.

Audio: https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/anchor.fm/s/feb3cd0c/podcast/play/118467278/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2026-3-14%2F422084853-44100-2-a432684b1b92e.mp3

welcome to my garden xx this episode is proudly sponsored by Four Visions.Click the link below to explore their full collection of ancestral botanicals and use my code "sundazedkk" at checkout for 15% off your order!https://rstr.co/fourvisions/skinnydipping

## Transcript

[0:00] I truly believe the bravest people in the world are the ones
[0:03] that are truly refusing to go numb, even when the overwhelm of
[0:07] the world seems to demand it seems to push us into a corner
[0:11] where we don't want to feel and we want to scroll and numb and
[0:15] avoid. But the bravest ones, including
[0:17] you, are the ones that are refusing to go numb to the
[0:25] least. It's crazy right now, like in
[0:27] the state of the world as well as in my personal life.
[0:30] I wanted to do an episode today specifically on shadow work,
[0:34] integration, and what we need in order to feel deeper and not
[0:39] feel scared of the depths that the universe is demanding of us.
[0:44] Because at certain times in our life, I really do believe that
[0:47] we are asked to step up. We are asked to emotionally
[0:51] mature, and in that we are asked to be able to hold the capacity
[0:55] for more than we are fully ready for.
[0:57] It takes bravery, truly, it takes true bravery to trust and
[1:01] believe in yourself enough that you refuse to go numb and you
[1:05] continue to be a deep feeler and stay true to who you are.
[1:08] And today we're going to be talking about shadow work
[1:11] integration because I believe it is one of the many missing
[1:16] pieces within our society because we want to push away
[1:19] what we deem in the binary as bad.
[1:23] We see something as good and we see something as bad.
[1:25] We say I feel good or I feel bad.
[1:27] And that is this very 3D binary. And the truth is we're fucking
[1:31] evolving beyond that. We're being asked to mature and
[1:34] hold more and have a greater window of tolerance.
[1:37] Like maybe in your personal life, but also when we look at
[1:40] the state of the world and what is happening, we just need to
[1:44] have more capacity to handle. And if you found this episode, I
[1:47] feel like you're one of the brave ones.
[1:49] Hi, I'm Kayla Rose, if you've never seen me before, welcome to
[1:52] my garden. It is a cloudy day.
[1:53] The birds are going, the Roosters are crowing, and my dog
[1:57] sitting behind me. And yeah, like I said, she's
[2:01] been crazy. I don't have to get into my
[2:02] personal life, but like shadow work has saved my life in so
[2:06] many ways because I don't know, I feel like if I didn't have
[2:09] shadow work, I would be avoiding so much of my depths or I would
[2:13] just feel really shitty all the time because I wasn't actually
[2:16] integrating the difficult experiences and the challenging
[2:20] experiences that were being presented upon me.
[2:23] But when I actually integrate them, I actually begin to
[2:27] receive. And I want to teach you guys
[2:30] about shadow work. Today we're going to talk about
[2:31] shadow work 101. OK, because you might not have
[2:35] heard of shadow work before, but trust me, if you have this
[2:37] little part that comes up and says well I already know so much
[2:40] and blah blah blah. Is that a shadow part speaking
[2:43] up that says I need to prove that I know it all?
[2:46] I get that way where I'm like, oh, I already know that.
[2:49] Allow yourself to be curious and open in any moment to receiving
[2:52] something new #2 we're going to get into the spiral, the
[2:56] annoyance of learning it all again.
[2:59] And then finally, we're going to get into stories of integration,
[3:02] tangible stories, so you can really see what it looks like in
[3:07] action, not just in rhetoric, not just in theory, but in
[3:10] action. What does it look like to
[3:12] integrate our shadow parts? If you're new here, comment
[3:15] where you're listening from, or comment.
[3:17] If you're a new listener or returning listener or anything
[3:20] that's coming up for you or if you just need to like vent in
[3:22] the comments, I'm going to be responding to everybody.
[3:24] I am here for you. And I think, you know, a lot of
[3:26] my episodes recently have been about me trying to focus my
[3:29] attention on something that lights me up like whimsy or
[3:32] audacity or being a bad hot bitch.
[3:35] Like literally, I love talking about those things.
[3:37] I love doing research on the neuroscience and the
[3:39] spirituality of all these things.
[3:41] But I had to be honest with you guys.
[3:42] Like this is where I'm at right now.
[3:44] I'm in the shadows. I'm in the shadow part.
[3:46] And I don't always share that online because I am Scorpio
[3:49] rising. I am a private person in certain
[3:52] ways and I do like to protect my process as I process things
[3:57] before I share. But I just had to be honest with
[3:59] you guys. Like I'm in my shadows and I've
[4:01] been integrating a lot of shadows and I'm not fucking
[4:04] perfect. Like I never, I feel like people
[4:07] sometimes will see my videos and they'll see the certain version
[4:09] of me and I just want to like tear that fucking down for you
[4:12] today because literally none of us are perfect.
[4:14] It's true. And we all have shadows.
[4:17] Some of us are just more willing to show them to others.
[4:21] And some of us are more willing to process them and face them
[4:26] and get curious with them. And some of us push them away
[4:29] and act like they don't exist. And the bravest ones are the
[4:32] ones that are not numbing and they're feeling it all and
[4:35] they're integrating the shadows. And that's what I wanted to talk
[4:37] about today. So let's strip down and dive in.
[4:39] Give this a like, give this a comment.
[4:41] Share with us where you're listening on Instagram at
[4:43] Sunday's KK Skinny Dipping Diaries.
[4:46] Let's get into the first part Shadow work.
[4:49] OK, What is shadow work? For me, I look at shadow work as
[4:52] data. It's our past reactions, our
[4:54] past experiences. It's also noticing, like what
[4:58] experiences in the past have I been attracting?
[5:01] What pattern do I attract over and over again?
[5:04] What reaction within me or externally do I keep having over
[5:08] and over again? These are the clues.
[5:10] This is the data. And I believe that shadow work
[5:14] could be seen as clues and data because you're not like, getting
[5:19] in there and like tearing apart yourself as if you're a minor
[5:22] looking for crystals. You know, you don't need to get
[5:25] in there and RIP everything apart and have it be crazy.
[5:27] I feel like when I first started my spiritual journey, I thought
[5:29] like, in order for me to evolve, it had to be crazy.
[5:33] It had to be a crash out and a burnout into a breakthrough.
[5:37] That's what I thought. But no, I do believe change can
[5:40] happen in conscious momentary awareness.
[5:43] It happens every single day. And maybe that's just a part of
[5:47] getting older. My early 20s self was like
[5:50] that's crashed out and burned to learn our lessons.
[5:52] And now I'm like OK, I don't go that far anymore but I'm still
[5:55] experiencing them. Like I still experience patterns
[5:58] that I've been working through. And I do believe that our souls
[6:00] come to learn certain lessons and in that we repeat certain
[6:04] patterns or we meet the same person in different fonts over
[6:08] and over again. Or we experience the same
[6:10] relationship or Co worker or work dynamic or relationship to
[6:14] money dynamic in our lives over and over again.
[6:16] And I do believe that those are clues not only to our shadows,
[6:21] but to our greatest purpose and our greatest healing, because
[6:24] what we experience is the foundation of what we can also
[6:28] help the world with. So that is what I think shadow
[6:31] work is. It's looking at the data,
[6:33] looking at the passing, what is repeating itself.
[6:36] Is this the same relationship, but it's a different person?
[6:39] Like, ask yourself these questions.
[6:41] Get curious with yourself. This is shadow work.
[6:45] You can do it in your journal, you can do it when you're
[6:47] driving on a walk. Like sometimes I just talk out
[6:49] loud to myself and like work through things and like hold
[6:52] myself accountable for my fucking actions and the ways
[6:54] that, you know, maybe in the ways that I'm selfish or maybe
[6:58] in the ways that I just fully want my way and want control.
[7:01] Like I sit with those feelings that feel icky, that don't make
[7:04] me feel like the best version of myself, that don't make me feel
[7:07] like the best person. And I journal about it or I go
[7:10] to therapy or I literally talk to myself out loud in the car or
[7:14] on a walk. Like my neighbors probably think
[7:16] I'm fucking crazy. I'm also always out here
[7:18] yapping, but that's how we do it.
[7:21] It's really just conscious connection and having a
[7:23] relationship to yourself that is curious that you are able to
[7:26] call yourself out and hold yourself accountable.
[7:28] That is fucking shadow work and you can move through it in so
[7:32] many different ways. Like I said, whether that's
[7:33] writing, whether that's like poetry or whether that's like
[7:37] writing music, or whether that's creating art, or whether that's
[7:39] dancing and moving through your body and feeling what's coming
[7:42] up and exploring the emotion. Or whether that is talking out
[7:45] loud to yourself on a walk and just walking yourself through
[7:48] all the parts that are coming up for you.
[7:49] Honestly, I genuinely think that shadow work is so incredibly
[7:53] important. And that is just the one-on-one
[7:55] of it. OK, but then we get into the
[7:57] spiral. OK #2 the spiral.
[8:00] I called this in my in my notes, the annoyance of learning it
[8:05] over and over again. Let's talk about the spiral.
[8:07] OK, let's talk about the spiral. And in my notes, I wrote the
[8:10] annoyance of learning it all over again.
[8:14] Because as I'm 27, sometimes I encounter similar experiences
[8:19] that I thought that I've worked through before.
[8:22] Silly, silly me. I thought that I worked through
[8:24] them. I forgot that healing is not a
[8:27] linear line. It is a fucking spiral.
[8:30] OK, that means in the spiral, OK, you return to something over
[8:35] and over and over again, and you experience it in a different
[8:38] way, maybe in a different nuance, but in that you grow
[8:41] more. And we are meant to return back
[8:44] to things of our past because it's a part of our curriculum
[8:47] here on Earth. It's part of our human
[8:48] experience. It's part of what our souls
[8:51] signed up for. And honestly, I do want to honor
[8:54] the frustration, honor the annoyance.
[8:56] I don't want you to push it away.
[8:57] I don't want you to be like, Oh my gosh, like, why am I getting
[9:01] annoyed? Like I should know this by now.
[9:03] I should know that I'm going to return back to things again.
[9:05] It's just like, it's so incredibly human and it's so
[9:10] incredibly human to get annoyed with yourself.
[9:12] And it's so incredibly human to be like, goddamn, I don't like
[9:15] this plot line right now. And in that, I just think it's
[9:20] so important to be like, it's so cliche that this too shall pass.
[9:24] But low key, I remind myself, like, I won't feel this way
[9:27] forever. And maybe that's just like my
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[10:41] I just know that because it's a spiral and even though I'm going
[10:45] through a sticky period, it's a part of my evolution.
[10:48] And I know because it's a spiral, because it's circular,
[10:50] because it's in motion and a movement, I also won't feel this
[10:53] way forever. And actually, where I'm going
[10:54] after this is actually somewhere I really want to be.
[10:57] And maybe I needed this experience right now to teach me
[11:00] the things that I needed to teach.
[11:01] And that can be a really hard fucking pill to swallow on so
[11:03] many levels. So I'm never going to force that
[11:06] down somebody's throat. But I think that you can
[11:09] recognize for yourself and where in your life, you can just trust
[11:12] a little bit deeper that the spiral is going to continue to
[11:15] spiral upwards and you're going to continue to evolve.
[11:17] And in that, what you're experiencing won't last forever.
[11:20] It'll teach you something along the way, even if it's fucking
[11:23] shitty as fuck. Or maybe it's you that's being
[11:26] shitty as fuck. Maybe you're not being the best
[11:27] version of yourself. And that's also shadow work.
[11:30] It's the accountability. And I actually don't think I
[11:33] have had a lot of faith in my past.
[11:35] And right now I feel like I have more faith than ever in the
[11:38] past. Like even if it's not fully
[11:40] clear right now, I know that it will be illuminated with every
[11:43] single step that I take. And that that is literally faith
[11:45] in action. And I, and I haven't practiced
[11:47] that. And I do feel like it's
[11:48] something that's new to me. So we know what shadow work is,
[11:50] right? It's the data.
[11:52] It's going back to the past, saying the patterns, saying
[11:54] what's up, getting curious with yourself, and then moving
[11:57] through it through expression. And then #2 we have the spiral,
[12:01] the annoyance of learning it over again, but knowing that
[12:04] it's part of the path. And #3 I wanted to share the
[12:07] stories of integration. This one's a personal one, but
[12:11] Oh my goodness, I feel like this past weekend was the first time
[12:16] I went out in a while. And like I said, I've been going
[12:18] through it. I wasn't really trying to go out
[12:20] like me and my friends. We went out for dinner and we
[12:23] had some drinks that turned into Let's Go Dance and I just took
[12:28] it a little too far. And I think that when I cross a
[12:31] certain line, when I mixed alcohols, when I drink too much,
[12:34] like I turn into a version myself I don't really love.
[12:36] I get really fiery. Like all my airy Scorpio come
[12:40] out and I'm like just really like not myself and very
[12:45] intense. And it does not feel good just
[12:48] turning 27 and being like, I thought I learned this at 21.
[12:52] I thought I learned this at 17. I thought I learned this at 25.
[12:58] And it doesn't happen often. Like it happens like once in a
[13:01] blue moon, but in that it still does happen.
[13:04] And I share this story with you because I share a lot of
[13:07] spiritual things and I love to share advice and I love to teach
[13:10] things. But I am definitely not perfect
[13:12] and I'm not somebody who wants anybody to see me on any type of
[13:18] pedestal. I want to be like, this is this
[13:22] is real. This is real life.
[13:23] Like I sometimes drink too much, sometimes I fight with my
[13:27] partner. Sometimes me and my mom get into
[13:30] an argument. Sometimes I, you know, you know,
[13:34] sometimes I make the wrong decisions.
[13:36] I make choices that aren't the best for me, like that's really
[13:40] human. And I really just wanted to
[13:42] share that, not to normalize it because it's like I don't want
[13:47] us. I want us to evolve.
[13:48] I don't want us to be those versions of ourselves.
[13:50] But it is just inevitable that sometimes we have to learn a
[13:52] lesson again. And sometimes it it comes back
[13:55] around for a reason and feel like I had to learn that lesson
[13:57] again. Like I feel like I've had
[13:58] periods where I have been sober for a couple months and see it
[14:03] affect my life. And then there's times where I
[14:05] have like a glass of wine once a week and I barely drink.
[14:07] And there's times that I want to go out and dance.
[14:09] And, you know, life is so cyclical and we're always going
[14:12] through different phases in our life.
[14:14] But I had to be reminded, like how I feel about alcohol.
[14:19] I had to be reminded how I feel about alcohol.
[14:20] And honestly, it makes me feel embarrassed.
[14:23] It doesn't make me feel good about myself.
[14:25] It makes me regret decisions. It makes me regret the version
[14:28] of myself that I was. And that's the shadow work is
[14:31] literally, instead of pushing it away and being like whatever,
[14:34] like, yeah, I'm going to laugh about it.
[14:36] Like I'm going to laugh at any clown behavior I do.
[14:39] Like sometimes you have to laugh about it and lighten it up.
[14:41] And then other times you have to look at it and be like, I have
[14:44] to hold myself accountable and I have to hold myself in this
[14:46] embarrassment. I have to hold myself in this
[14:48] regret. I have to hold myself in the
[14:50] choices of my actions. And that is the shadow work.
[14:54] And that's just one example for real.
[14:56] Like, for example, I have another one of the fear of
[14:59] letting people down or people seeing me in the certain way.
[15:03] And then just being like, it's, it's not good enough.
[15:07] I think anybody that presents themselves online kind of can
[15:09] face that. And, you know, the other day I
[15:12] got this e-mail and this person was sharing with me that they
[15:16] didn't appreciate me saying that I was undiagnosed with ADHD
[15:21] because it doesn't. My episode was about like the
[15:24] benefits and the superpowers and how to work with your brain and
[15:26] not about the hard things. And I was so incredibly
[15:29] defensive because I was like, I experienced so much executive
[15:32] dysfunction. I experienced so much struggle
[15:35] through my neurodivergency in my ADHD brain.
[15:38] And I have been given the chance, like with a therapist to
[15:42] be like, you probably could go get diagnosed, but I've chosen
[15:45] to not. And you know, that's also a very
[15:47] personal thing to share. And I shared that a couple weeks
[15:50] ago and I think fear of letting people down or them seeing me in
[15:54] this way, like she thought I was like mishandling the situation.
[15:57] I had to like integrate that and be like, actually, what is my
[16:00] fucking truth? And like, am I in integrity with
[16:02] my word? And in that moment, you know,
[16:04] maybe the first story I wasn't in integrity, but the second one
[16:07] I felt like I was. And that's also the shadow work
[16:09] is being like, I'm working through these hard emotions.
[16:11] Do I need to hold myself accountable or do I need to give
[16:13] myself grace in that? I genuinely believe like every
[16:16] situation is so different but shadow work in the stories and
[16:19] integration for me was sitting with the fact that why am I so
[16:23] the shadow work there was? I feel like the shadow work
[16:25] there later on was be sitting with like, why do I feel the
[16:29] need to defend myself if I know my truth?
[16:31] Why do I feel the need to over explain myself?
[16:34] Why do I fear being misunderstood and sitting with
[16:36] that? That was the shadow work there
[16:38] and I did sit with it and I was like, Oh my gosh, like I have
[16:41] this part of myself ifs language.
[16:43] If anybody knows, I have this part of myself that's speaking
[16:45] up that needs the mic. And it's like we are so scared
[16:48] of being misunderstood. But I think we have to be OK
[16:51] with being misunderstood because we are putting ourselves in the
[16:54] public eye and on social media and on online.
[16:57] And I know I've learned this lesson in 2023.
[17:00] I learned this lesson in 2020 where I had people misunderstand
[17:03] me on the Internet. And sometimes we have the
[17:05] spiral. We have to return back to it
[17:07] again to realize that the shadows don't control us.
[17:10] They're actually stepping stones on our path to actually our
[17:14] greatest evolution. And finally, another story of
[17:17] integration I wanted to share is not really about my story, but
[17:22] it's something that I feel like a lot of people experience and
[17:24] that is jealousy and comparison. And I don't experience this as
[17:30] much because I have seen that when I clap for others, when I'm
[17:34] genuinely so happy for somebody else, like, and the universe
[17:38] feels that vibration like I receive immediately almost
[17:42] because like I am OK with their like their success.
[17:45] And it's saying I have permission to shine mine as
[17:47] well. So that's more my experience.
[17:49] But I do feel like jealousy and comparison is a big shadow that
[17:53] so many of us need to integrate. I'm not saying I never
[17:56] experience it, it's just not one of my main shadows.
[17:58] I feel like my shadows are more around anger and anxiety and
[18:05] what else kind of that, yeah. Wanting to be liked or control
[18:10] or fear of being misunderstood. Like those are more my shadows.
[18:13] But I do want to acknowledge, like it's always the most
[18:16] beautiful people too that are comparing themselves.
[18:17] I'm like, only if you could see. Like only if you could fucking
[18:20] see the light that you shine. Like only if you could see.
[18:24] But I wanted to bring this up. It just came through and I was
[18:26] writing in my notes. I was like, honestly, yeah, I
[18:29] did want to bring it up because it might make people
[18:31] uncomfortable. Me even saying, hey, you may
[18:34] have this shadow. Me even talking about it may
[18:36] trigger you and I don't want you to shy away from it.
[18:38] I want you to feel that right now and think about the ways
[18:40] that you compare, the ways that you have envy or jealousy or a
[18:44] moment that you maybe belittle somebody because you know you
[18:48] aren't feeling good about yourself.
[18:49] Or maybe it doesn't go that far, but you are constantly
[18:52] comparing. Like you are happy for them and
[18:54] you want the best for them, but you're still comparing and
[18:58] you're still seeing your experience as a race with
[19:01] somebody. I just want to offer you a
[19:04] moment to say, hey, what? What is going on on here within
[19:07] me? Like what is going on here
[19:09] within me? Why is this arising within me?
[19:12] What is triggering it? Can I get curious with this part
[19:16] of myself? Can I listen to it?
[19:18] Can I let it speak up? Can I give it the mic?
[19:20] That's all you can really do is sit with your shadows, get
[19:23] curious with them, hang out with them, talk to them and you know,
[19:28] have all your parts talk to each other, right?
[19:31] Like what is the opposite of that comparison, right?
[19:34] Maybe it's that self belief, that self worth, that true trust
[19:38] and faith that your time is coming.
[19:39] Like focus on the shadows, but then also like bring in all your
[19:44] other parts because they all do work together.
[19:47] That's why a lot of times we can be like, I'm happy for this
[19:49] person, but I also feel sad. And in comparison, like that is
[19:53] so human. The shadows are so fucking
[19:56] human. And I want you to know that more
[19:57] than anything before leaving this episode.
[19:59] Like, it's not good or bad. You're not a bad fucking person,
[20:02] OK? We're people experiencing
[20:03] shadows and you are the brave one feeling it.
[20:05] You are the brave one not turning away.
[20:07] You are not numbing. You're feeling, you're
[20:08] realizing, you're calling yourself out, you're holding
[20:10] yourself accountable and you are changing and evolving in the
[20:13] process, even if you have to return back in the process
[20:15] through the spiral, OK? I love you guys, OK?
[20:19] I love you guys so much. I will see you guys next week
[20:22] and yeah, share this with somebody that you love.
[20:25] Shadow work is crazy. I hope you guys do some good
[20:27] journaling or some good talking to yourself this week In the
[20:30] shadow, in the shadow work life. That's what I that's what I pray
[20:33] for. You spend time with yourself and
[20:37] sometimes you have to set aside intentional time and you're
[20:39] going to want to avoid it. OK?
[20:41] You're going to want to avoid it and notice that's also a shadow
[20:44] coming up. Bye, guys.

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