# stop trying to optimize your life, instead regulate your nervous system || for the perfectionists

An episode of [Skinny Dipping](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1550086447), 28 Apr 2026, 20 min.

Audio: https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/anchor.fm/s/feb3cd0c/podcast/play/119154601/https%3A%2F%2Fd3ctxlq1ktw2nl.cloudfront.net%2Fstaging%2F2026-3-28%2F423016368-44100-2-4d0b56fe56927.mp3

welcome to my garden xx this episode is proudly sponsored by Four Visions.Click the link below to explore their full collection of ancestral botanicals and use my code "sundazedkk" at checkout for 15% off your order! https://rstr.co/fourvisions/skinnydipping

## Transcript

[0:00] I'm going to tell you a little secret, OK?
[0:03] Stop trying to optimize your life to perfection, OK?
[0:08] Instead, focus on regulating your body, creating space for
[0:13] energy and abundance to naturally come through.
[0:17] That is the secret. What is up guys?
[0:24] And welcome back to my garden. I'm so excited to talk about
[0:27] this today because my best friend from college and I were
[0:30] talking about the concept of holding on to things a little
[0:32] too tightly to the point where you're actually creating your
[0:38] own repellent. Maybe you're repelling the
[0:40] things that your desire because you are holding so tightly and
[0:45] trying to optimize your life, right?
[0:48] Optimize your life, optimize your health, optimize yours,
[0:52] even your spirituality, your Wellness, your coal plunges,
[0:55] your meditation, optimize your art, right?
[0:58] More have an art practice that you commit to every single day
[1:04] to prove that you're an artist, right?
[1:06] Optimize your work so that you are productive and productive
[1:10] and productive. And it just kind of makes me
[1:12] giggle, right? The fact that we're constantly
[1:15] trying to optimize our life in this way and how that's actually
[1:20] creating a lot of dysregulation within our bodies.
[1:22] And actually when we take the time to TuneIn create a
[1:26] relationship with our body and not be so up here, but instead
[1:29] be in here in our body, in the physical, we drop in.
[1:33] You actually begin to notice like, wow, I have abundance that
[1:38] comes through effortlessly. I have manifestations that just
[1:43] click and pop in and then you realize instead of being so
[1:46] burnt out from forcing, you actually have this natural
[1:50] energy beginning to emerge. And that's what we want from
[1:53] you. The chickens are in the
[1:54] background. If you guys know, you know my
[1:56] solo episodes, I fell here in the garden.
[2:00] I'm Kayla Rose. This is skinny dipping the
[2:02] podcast and I'm just so incredibly grateful for you
[2:05] guys. I will be responding to every
[2:06] single comment, so comment below just where you're listening
[2:10] from. If you're a new listener, if
[2:11] you're a returning listener, what's coming up for you?
[2:14] If you also struggle with feeling this need to optimize
[2:17] your life to perfection. And maybe you've healed these
[2:20] parts of yourself, right? Maybe you've healed these parts
[2:22] when you were younger. I know I have.
[2:25] But still, every day I encounter my productivity guilt, even 7
[2:31] years into letting go of wholesale culture and learning
[2:35] to truly just be and learning how to create with efficiency
[2:41] and flow instead of force. I still have days where I'm just
[2:45] like, wow, I I feel really guilty right now for not being
[2:49] productive, for not optimizing, for not just following this plan
[2:53] that my mind was set on. And it's just an illusion of
[2:56] control. And if you are facing this, just
[2:59] know this episode is for you. This is for the girlies who, you
[3:03] know, maybe we pushed ourselves a little too hard when we were
[3:05] younger and we created these patterns from society, from our
[3:09] parents, from our upbringing, from the school system.
[3:11] We've created these patterns within ourselves in response to
[3:15] those people, those relationships, those systems
[3:18] that really do want us to optimize and be the best and
[3:23] just do a really great job. As if we're being graded on our
[3:26] life and even comes down to the simplest things like Wellness
[3:29] and meditation and art, these things that should be expressive
[3:33] and free. We still find ourselves being in
[3:35] a state of control and wanting to hyper control at all to
[3:39] perfection. And then, you know, we end up
[3:42] either mentally anxious or physically experiencing ailments
[3:48] and pressure and contraction and stress in the body.
[3:51] So today what I really want to talk about is this concept of
[3:55] how do we create natural emerging energy within us,
[3:59] abundance and manifestation, just that come just right
[4:03] through, right? How do we actually create that?
[4:06] And it's not by forcing. You may have heard it a million
[4:09] times, but hopefully today you hear it differently.
[4:11] Make sure to hit subscribe, hit follow, follow us at Skin
[4:14] dipping, follow us at Sunday's KK.
[4:17] All the things. Yeah, I love you guys.
[4:18] Let's strip down and dive in. You're trying to say it.
[4:20] Let's strip down and dive in. Yes, my beautiful Batty Divas.
[4:24] I love you all so much. Also, look at this cute notebook
[4:28] in Luma Collective sent me. The spiral healing is not
[4:32] linear. It is a spiral.
[4:34] Beautiful. I'm obsessed.
[4:35] It's such a cute little pocket notebook.
[4:36] I also have my flower here that I'm literally in love with.
[4:40] And it's actually Earth Day today when I'm creating this
[4:44] current episode. So just taking a moment of
[4:47] gratitude for the sun, Earth, and knowing that when you drop
[4:51] into your current body, let's do it all together.
[4:55] If you're driving, don't close your eyes, but just take a
[4:57] moment to be fully present with yourself.
[4:59] Now listen to the birds, chickens, taking a deep
[5:08] elongated breath in through your nose, holding at the top, taking
[5:14] one more inhale, expanding to your greatest capacity and
[5:18] slowly exhaling through a straw. And then just going silent and
[5:23] listening and bringing your attention to your heart center.
[5:33] Taking the energy that was just existing up here in the air
[5:37] element of the mind and the chaos of the mind.
[5:43] Even though we love the mind because it does so much for us,
[5:45] it protects us in so many ways. But how does it feel when you
[5:47] drop into the body when you have true contact with your being?
[5:54] See how immediately your mind feels a little bit more empty?
[6:00] Maybe it's not completely empty, but it's just a little bit
[6:02] slower. And it really does come down to
[6:07] those small moments of, are you listening to the birds?
[6:11] Listening to the birds literally shows our nervous system from an
[6:14] evolutionary point of view that we are safe because when the
[6:18] birds are here and they feel free to sing, you know that
[6:23] there are no predators. And our evolutionary brain still
[6:27] remembers that even though we are in this modern day.
[6:29] And it's really in those small moments of coming back to your
[6:32] body at a really busy day today, full meaning.
[6:35] So many work things, so many computer things.
[6:38] I call myself a literal Cyborg when I am in this moment that a
[6:42] friend told me, like, Oh my gosh, when I'm on my phone all
[6:45] the time, I call myself a Cyborg.
[6:47] And I'm like, yeah, sometimes with my work, I'm on my computer
[6:50] a lot, on my phone a lot. I do marketing for this brand
[6:54] and then I do my own social media and and that I can feel
[6:57] really fucking draining. So getting up and moving, my
[7:01] body swaying, bouncing on my little rebounder trampoline,
[7:04] coming outside and going on a walk with my dog, sitting
[7:07] outside in the yard and just listening to the birds, taking a
[7:10] deep breath, slowing down. These are all just such little
[7:14] things, right? They seem so small, but they
[7:17] make the biggest impact. But you need to show up for
[7:21] these small things in devotion, in the teeny ways every single
[7:26] day. It's not about making your life
[7:27] optimized, even with your mental health, even with your spiritual
[7:31] experience, right? Because we still exist in the 3D
[7:34] World. A lot of us still have, you
[7:35] know, jobs that we have to like, go to, and we need to like exist
[7:38] and make money and all these things.
[7:40] And that is also real life. And we want to integrate these
[7:43] practices into real life. So it's about the small moments.
[7:47] How do you show up? How do you show up in those in
[7:50] between moments, Those in between moments and how you
[7:54] choose to show up? Just a moment of presence, just
[7:57] 5 minutes in the sun, just a little 10 minute stretch and
[8:02] spinal movement in the morning. It's not about always optimizing
[8:05] everything to perfection to the point where you are perfect for
[8:09] 10 days and you're on your challenge and you're doing it
[8:11] and then you fall off and then you feel bad about yourself and
[8:14] then you complete this cycle and cycle of shame and burnout and
[8:17] falling out. It's like, no, how do we
[8:19] integrate this practice into our life?
[8:21] How do you meet yourself where you are at, right?
[8:25] Because sometimes we have circumstances going on in life
[8:28] that are out of our control and we will have to meet ourselves
[8:30] where we are AT. And we can't just optimize our
[8:33] health, optimize our Wellness, optimize our spirituality,
[8:36] optimize our somatic connection, our connection to God, the
[8:39] universe. We have to find it in the small
[8:41] moments in the in between because sometimes life fucking
[8:43] happens. How do we create this natural
[8:45] energy that emerges within us? Because sometimes it can feel
[8:49] like I'm just forcing myself to push and override and keep going
[8:56] and keep moving. And that's when I end up not
[8:58] feeling connected to myself. That's when I end up here in the
[9:02] anxiety, in the stress. So that's kind of what it looks
[9:05] like to step one, regulate your body, right?
[9:10] So that you can actually createspace for energy, so that
[9:13] you can create space for abundance.
[9:15] Today's episode is brought to you by 4 Visions, which is a
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[9:21] What is genuinely so cool is that 4 Visions works with
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[10:16] these beautiful plant allies for yourself, you can learn more at
[10:20] 4visions.com. Use my code Sundays KK for 15%
[10:23] off your first order or I'll link it in the description
[10:26] below. And this is a little story that
[10:28] I would love to share. And I was talking to my best
[10:30] friend from college like 2 weeks ago and we hadn't talked in a
[10:35] while. But our lives like always
[10:37] parallel. Like it is actually crazy.
[10:39] Like our lives are consistently paralleling.
[10:42] And we're having similar experiences even if we don't
[10:45] talk for a couple weeks and even if we're in literal different
[10:48] countries. She's in Canada, I'm in Hawaii,
[10:52] in the US obviously, but I'm on the islands and she's all the
[10:55] way in Canada. But we always seem to be, you
[10:58] know, really connected in that way.
[11:01] And we're talking about our bank account and feeling this feeling
[11:06] of I was hyper focusing on how much money I was bringing in and
[11:11] not feeling like I had enough. And she said she was feeling the
[11:14] same. And we both noticed that when we
[11:15] were in that scarcity, when we were in that lack, we weren't
[11:18] attracting any opportunities that were creating financial
[11:21] relief for us. All it was creating was more
[11:23] problems, more stress, maybe getting a ticket you didn't
[11:26] expect, maybe getting a bill you didn't expect because the energy
[11:30] that I was in was constrictive. It was in, it was in where there
[11:34] was constrictive. We realized that when we stopped
[11:37] hyper focusing on, oh, I need to make money, I need to do this.
[11:40] Oh my God, what? Like actually when I let go, all
[11:43] the opportunities came in within literally 24 hours when I was
[11:46] like, I actually, I'm going to be OK.
[11:47] And I need to actually focus on my life and what brings me joy,
[11:50] not just my bank account because this is stressing me out.
[11:53] Like, of course you need to pay attention to your bank account.
[11:55] You can't avoid it because like that energy is also in scarcity,
[11:59] but you need to look at it and then you need to have systems
[12:03] and then you need to let it go. And it's the same with all the
[12:05] other things in your life. So I would notice that in my
[12:08] relationship when I was hyper centering him and thinking he
[12:10] wasn't doing enough, that is the reality that I was seeing.
[12:13] And that's what I was experiencing in the moment that
[12:15] I let it go. And I center myself, center my
[12:16] hobbies, center what I love. Then all of a sudden it's like
[12:20] that anxiety or intensity within the relationship clears and you
[12:24] know, he's showing up in all the ways that I wanted him to.
[12:27] So I think in life, and it's the same with the finances and being
[12:29] like hyper controlling, hyper fixating.
[12:32] Nothing's coming in in the moment that I accepted and trust
[12:34] and let go and bring my attention and focus to the
[12:37] things that I love, to my hobbies, to what lights me up,
[12:39] to my journaling practice, to pouring into myself, to seeing
[12:42] the friends that light me up them.
[12:44] All of a sudden financial opportunities are coming in and
[12:47] I was talking to my college bestie about it and she saw the
[12:49] exact same thing. So it's like collect the data
[12:51] from the girlies, see it in your own life and really see the ways
[12:55] that when you stop constricting, your life opens up for you.
[12:58] You create natural opportunities.
[13:00] And same thing with your energy levels for burnout.
[13:02] Stop pushing and forcing in the natural energy and creative
[13:05] surges and inspired action will emerge.
[13:08] Let's think about it. This is my example, OK?
[13:10] Think about it like breathing, right?
[13:12] If you want to take a true deep breath, it comes from
[13:16] relaxation, OK, But when you're forcing, when you're stressing
[13:21] your body, your breath, your lungs constricts, it tightens,
[13:25] it goes inward. And when something tightens and
[13:27] constricts, think about it. You don't have any space.
[13:30] You don't have any space to create.
[13:32] You don't have any space to be. You don't have any space to
[13:34] expand because you are contracted, because you are
[13:36] controlling, because you are ruling yourself with fear and
[13:41] making decisions based on who you don't want to be versus who
[13:43] you do want to be. OK, so forcing constricts.
[13:47] But breathing? Notice how when you relax, your
[13:52] lungs open up, your body opens up, you expand, you createspace
[13:57] and you take a deep breath and your head feels a little bit
[13:59] clearer, right? That is the energy we are going
[14:03] for in our entire life. But in that little moment, just
[14:05] practice with breathing. Practice the energy of expanding
[14:10] and contracting and what feels good within your body, literally
[14:12] by breathing. We all can do it.
[14:14] It's not, it's not rocket science.
[14:16] Like you have the full ability to be the creator of your own
[14:20] life, be the regulator of your own body and create the space
[14:24] that you need to expand into this next chapter of your life.
[14:27] OK, So what is the actionable tips?
[14:29] What are the tangible tips? You guys know I love this.
[14:31] And we talked about just like practicing that energy of, you
[14:34] know, feeling into what it feels like to relax and let go and
[14:37] expand just through breathing like that is amazing.
[14:40] And I love breath work for that because it completely takes you
[14:43] on a journey. But I think the number one
[14:45] tangible tip that came to mind when I was thinking about this
[14:48] energy of like, how do I stop trying to optimize everything
[14:53] and just actually let things be? And I think the number one thing
[14:57] we need to think of is stop judging where you're at, where
[15:00] you're at in life, your current progress.
[15:02] Stop judging it because that creates so much constriction,
[15:05] that creates so much stress and forcing because you are coming
[15:08] from this place of feeling like you are not good enough and you
[15:10] are already good enough. You don't need to do, be or
[15:12] achieve anything. And in fact, when you already
[15:14] believe that you are good enough, that creates the space
[15:17] for you to attract the things that you want.
[15:18] OK? So stop tying yourself in a knot
[15:21] by going against the laws of the universe.
[15:23] Like go with the flow of the river.
[15:24] Go with the laws of the universe and be fucking nicer to
[15:27] yourself. Actually want you to write a
[15:29] list of everything you're proud of, all the things that you are
[15:32] so proud of yourself in the last couple years, or maybe you're in
[15:35] your entire life. The more that you focus on how
[15:38] proud of yourself you are and the things that you have done
[15:41] and created and what you're capable of, you create proof in
[15:44] your brain. From a neuroscience point of
[15:46] view, a part of you says, OK, I know, I know now like I've done
[15:50] it in the past, I can do it again and I'm creating the proof
[15:53] in my brain and believing in myself.
[15:56] You know, because you have to stop judging your progress and
[15:58] instead start noticing just all the places in your life where
[16:02] you actually are fucking killing it, where you are holding maybe
[16:05] more than you feel like you can. Maybe you're holding a lot.
[16:10] Maybe you have a lot on your plate.
[16:11] Like give yourself some fucking credit.
[16:12] By giving yourself fucking credit, it drops that feeling of
[16:17] I am my own enemy in my brain, right?
[16:19] And the only way to allow our body and to relax is to release
[16:24] that amygdala signal that says I am a danger to myself.
[16:28] No, it's, it's we're not judging ourselves.
[16:30] We're not attacking ourselves mentally.
[16:32] It's about I actually love myself, OK?
[16:34] I actually love myself. And I'm doing all these things
[16:36] because I love myself and I am creating space so that I can
[16:40] show up to the best of my ability.
[16:42] And that comes from nervous system regulation, right?
[16:45] Slowing down, being more gentle with yourself.
[16:47] And then it also comes from the mental aspect of stop judging
[16:50] yourself and start being on your own team.
[16:52] Because when you're on your own team, that's why people that
[16:55] like honestly kind of are obsessed with themselves.
[16:57] Like they actually go really far in life, even when they're not
[17:00] the best person. I'm not saying do that, but
[17:02] notice like confidence gets people into a lot of rooms.
[17:06] It gets people very far. And imagine you are taking, you
[17:11] know, that confidence, that audacity, but with your own soul
[17:14] integrity because you can do both.
[17:16] And that's something we also need to unlearn that success has
[17:18] to be like evil, like no, like we want good people like you to
[17:22] be successful and have money so we can actually impact the world
[17:25] in the best way. And that is our goal.
[17:26] And that is the mental reframe. And if you are judging yourself,
[17:29] I heard this amazing analogy from the 20 Detox podcast that I
[17:33] was listening to the other day. I was listening to her episode
[17:36] on spring. I'll try to attach her podcast
[17:39] right here. But she was talking about
[17:41] looking at the stock market and seeing that even over time, like
[17:45] day by day, it drops up and down and up and down, but over time
[17:48] it is a consistent climb. And that is you with your
[17:51] progress. Okay, I thought that was such a
[17:53] great visual of realizing like, stop judging your day-to-day and
[17:57] instead look at how far you fucking come.
[18:00] And that confidence that is going to let down the walls that
[18:03] you need to let down so that you can actually stop trying to
[18:06] optimize and be perfect and control everything.
[18:10] And instead you can just because you realize that like you're
[18:13] actually already doing good. You're already doing your best.
[18:16] You actually like, maybe you're not exactly where you want to be
[18:18] like me neither girl, but it's like you have to understand that
[18:22] you're doing a lot. You're doing a lot and you
[18:23] should be so proud of yourself. And as you're more proud of
[18:25] yourself and that confidence and capability sets in.
[18:28] You write yourself your list, you look and create that proof
[18:30] in your brain. It's going to let down those
[18:32] walls and it's going to open up space for you to fucking breathe
[18:36] finally. And when you can breathe again,
[18:38] then you have energy that just comes through inspired action,
[18:41] ideas, creativity that just you just come through, right?
[18:45] I love that this is the last thing I wrote in my notes for
[18:48] this episode and I'll share it. But it basically says like, only
[18:52] you can talk yourself off the ledge.
[18:54] So remind yourself that you are doing enough and you are good
[18:56] enough to free yourself from this productivity monster.
[18:59] OK, that's what I wrote. Because I think we are always
[19:03] looking for somebody else to save us, somebody else to tell
[19:05] us the thing that is going to make us realize who we truly
[19:08] are. And it's like, no babe, you are
[19:10] going to be the one to talk yourself into loving yourself.
[19:13] You can go to therapy, you can go to somatic therapy, you can
[19:15] do all the things, but you are going to be the one to talk
[19:18] yourself into loving yourself. And it's not easy because of the
[19:21] systems that we've been raised with.
[19:23] Or maybe like the self talk you had as a child with whoever was
[19:27] around you, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility.
[19:31] And nobody is coming to save you in that way.
[19:32] And that is beautiful because it's actually like, oh, I'm
[19:35] coming to save me. And the moment that I do and I
[19:37] learn how to love myself, that actually also builds my
[19:40] confidence and lets down my walls and opens up space for me
[19:43] to expand and allow that natural energy and that natural
[19:46] abundance to come through. I'm so happy with how this
[19:48] episode turned out. I feel like I didn't know what
[19:50] was going to come, but I'm just so grateful for you guys for
[19:53] letting me come on this mic and talk and share.
[19:55] And I hope, you know, something came up for you today that
[19:57] really impacted your life in a certain way.
[20:00] That's all I could ever ask for. I love you, you're beautiful.
[20:03] You are inherently fucking worthy.
[20:04] I will see you guys next week. Okay?
[20:06] Make sure to subscribe, share this with somebody that you
[20:08] love. Share a video of you like on
[20:10] Instagram and tag us if you want where you're listening to the
[20:13] episode. That always like makes my
[20:14] literal day. And yeah, okay, bye.

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