# the art of flexibility || how to let go of your all or nothing mindset

An episode of [Skinny Dipping](https://invisiblenetwork.ai/podcast/1550086447), 26 Jan 2026, 13 min.

Audio: https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/traffic.megaphone.fm/APO4531240563.mp3

444 https://bringsoul.life/portal/sundazedkk

## Transcript

[0:00] When I realized this, it literally changed my entire
[0:04] life. I feel like I had a very all or
[0:06] nothing mindset and when I fell off my habits or I didn't follow
[0:10] through on something I would start to spiral and then I
[0:13] realized I needed to practice this.
[0:21] Hey guys, I'm Kayla Rose, the host of Skinny Dipping and
[0:24] welcome to my garden today. Today we are going to be talking
[0:27] about the art of flexibility because girl, I needed this
[0:30] concept so badly. I needed this mindset shift.
[0:32] And it honestly has taken me years to truly allow this to set
[0:35] into my body and set into my nervous system because I tend to
[0:39] be a very all or nothing person in my life, even with
[0:44] friendships or relationships. It's like, OK, I'm all in or I'm
[0:48] not in at all. And this also relates to like
[0:51] how I am with myself. Like if I fall off my habits and
[0:55] I haven't been doing the things that make me feel good, like
[0:58] breath work and meditation and going to the gym and going to
[1:03] the ocean, like I get so hard on myself and I begin to spiral and
[1:07] I'm like, oh, what's the point? I'm just going to like lay in
[1:09] bed and rot. And the truth is that that all
[1:13] or nothing mindset really does keep us from fully doing what
[1:18] we're supposed to do in the world because humans aren't
[1:19] meant to be perfect and we're not meant to hold ourselves to
[1:23] such rigid standards. I literally wrote make
[1:25] flexibility your fucking religion because if you were the
[1:30] type of person to spiral, like if things don't go as planned,
[1:33] you don't make it to the gym, you don't get your journaling
[1:35] done, you don't do the thing that you said you were going to
[1:38] do. If you begin to spiral and you
[1:40] relate to this at all, I encourage you to listen to this
[1:43] episode all the way to the end because something may click for
[1:46] you. Also, make sure to comment below
[1:48] if you're a new listener or a returning listener where you're
[1:51] listening from. I'm so grateful that you're here
[1:53] and yeah, let's strip down and dive in.
[1:57] Hit the little follow subscribe button and let's get into it.
[2:00] When I look at this pattern that we're discussing, I had to ask
[2:03] myself, are my quote UN quote good habits, my healthy habits?
[2:08] Are they a pathway or are they a prison?
[2:11] Because if every time I fall off of them, and honestly, I'm
[2:15] somebody who I travel a lot, my life is not really in routine
[2:20] and I often fall off my habits if I spiral.
[2:23] And I feel so shameful every time I fall off, like, are they
[2:26] really supporting me or are they a prison?
[2:29] And are they an excuse to really show up from a place of self
[2:33] judgment? And I realized in some ways that
[2:34] they were somewhat of a prison. And I almost see myself as the
[2:40] warden. And I was reading about the mind
[2:43] and the amygdala, and they were saying that sometimes your brain
[2:46] can see yourself as a threat. Because if you are literally
[2:50] like being so mean to yourself, like you are going to see
[2:54] yourself as a threat, your amygdala is going to be like
[3:00] mayday, mayday, like fire in the house because you're literally
[3:04] being so unkind to yourself. When in fact, I feel like it
[3:07] would be so much more helpful to be like, oh, I didn't make it to
[3:10] the gym. Like, oh, I'm going to go on a
[3:11] walk. Oh, I didn't get to journal
[3:13] yesterday. Like, oh, I'll do it tomorrow.
[3:15] Like and just being more flexible and allowing yourself
[3:21] to show up in the capacity that you have for that day.
[3:24] And knowing that every day, the way that you show up in
[3:27] self-care and self love is going to look differently depending on
[3:31] your schedule and your routine and your energy levels and where
[3:34] you're at even in your cycle. Are you late ludial?
[3:36] Are you ovulation like you are an ever shifting, ever changing
[3:41] being? So why should the things that
[3:43] make you feel good and aligned always be the same as well?
[3:46] And I feel like the answer for this is really developing a
[3:49] relationship with self. And I really feel like
[3:51] spirituality for me has been getting to know myself on a
[3:55] deeper level and developing a relationship with myself so I
[3:58] can actually listen and I can actually hear myself.
[4:01] And in turn, developing a relationship with the divine
[4:04] because of that. I really believe that having a
[4:07] relationship with yourself where you're like, OK, I can check in.
[4:10] What do I need today? Oh, I didn't, you know, I didn't
[4:12] make it to that thing. I didn't do that thing.
[4:14] Oh, how can I show up in a way that still is supported,
[4:17] supportive for myself in this moment now, because that's all I
[4:20] really have is this current moment.
[4:22] I can't go back and I can't change what happened.
[4:23] But what I can do is think about how do I want to move forward.
[4:27] So let's talk about some different examples so that you
[4:30] can like really see the painted picture.
[4:32] OK, You could be like, I didn't make it to class today.
[4:37] I suck. They suck.
[4:40] I needed that so badly. And you can be in that mindset
[4:44] or you can be in the art of flexibility and you can be like,
[4:49] I didn't make the workout class Dang lol.
[4:52] But my body did need rest. So I should have probably done
[4:56] that. But I can still go for a little
[4:59] 10 to 15 minute walk. Or maybe I can go for a dip in
[5:03] the ocean or in a lake. Maybe I can call a friend.
[5:05] I can do something else that supports me in this moment.
[5:08] Boom. See flexibility.
[5:10] Like it's OK. It's really not that serious.
[5:13] Like of course you don't want to be like never showing up for
[5:16] yourself and never keeping your word to yourself.
[5:18] But you need to learn how to be more flexible in keeping your
[5:22] word to yourself and realizing that they aren't mutually
[5:24] exclusive. Another example, you could be
[5:26] like, I scrolled. I feel like I'm really exposing
[5:30] myself. OK, I scrolled all morning.
[5:32] Oh no, my dopamine is fucked up today.
[5:36] I'm going to have a bad day today.
[5:38] I know what's good for me. So I get into this vibe where
[5:40] I'm like using science to like belittle myself.
[5:44] But instead, we can be like, how about I put my phone in the
[5:47] drawer for an hour or two and just stay off of it for a bit
[5:50] and see what happens. And then you'll put your phone
[5:53] away. You'll realize like, oh, I
[5:55] should play music, I should journal, I should do this thing.
[5:58] And you feel so much better afterwards.
[6:00] And it doesn't have to be in the exact time frame that you
[6:03] planned. OK, let's find another one.
[6:08] I've fallen off my spiritual path.
[6:10] I haven't been doing my meditation.
[6:12] I haven't been doing my Oracle or connecting to the divine.
[6:16] Like I feel so lost. Fuck, you could be like that and
[6:20] you could just be like, what's the point?
[6:22] Like I'm just gonna do nothing now.
[6:26] Or you could be like every time I fall off the path, it's
[6:31] actually an opportunity to re evaluate my relationship with
[6:36] the divine re allow my relationship with all the things
[6:39] I I enjoy. Do I still like doing this?
[6:42] Is this still serving me? I get to re evaluate my
[6:44] relationship and I get to come back in a way that feels more
[6:47] aligned to this version of me in this moment because I'm an ever
[6:51] changing being. Therefore, the way that I
[6:54] interact with the world is always going to need re
[6:57] evaluation, right? See, it's an opportunity to come
[7:01] back to yourself, back home to yourself.
[7:04] And when you reframe and you continue to reframe and teach
[7:07] your brain to be more flexible, you will see that you are less
[7:11] hard on yourself and you actually get more done and you
[7:15] actually show up for yourself more because you're not creating
[7:17] this resistance through this fear from this self judgement.
[7:21] This wind is really blowing my bangs left and right.
[7:24] So if you're watching the video, sorry that I'm like touching my
[7:26] hair so much, but I just don't even I what to do with them
[7:30] right now. But the wind is really lovely.
[7:33] So these are the examples, but these are the questions to ask
[7:36] yourself. OK, number one, what does this
[7:40] all or nothing mindset give me? For me, when I reflected on
[7:44] this, I realized that sometimes this victim mode creates this
[7:48] kind of feeling like, oh, I get to make an excuse now, Like I
[7:52] get to not do the thing. I'm not feeling good like, and
[7:55] this victim mode really either allows me to stay comfortable
[8:01] and stay stuck or sometimes it's an illusion of control.
[8:05] I, I think if I am judging myself, then I give some sort of
[8:10] control over the situation. But I don't know, it's going to
[8:13] be different for you. So I really encourage you to
[8:14] journal about this and ask yourself like, what does this
[8:17] all or nothing prison mindset give me?
[8:20] Like if it was benefiting me in any sort of type of way, like
[8:24] what would it be giving me? What would it be giving my ego?
[8:27] And when you ask yourself those questions, you really begin to
[8:30] see the unconscious part of you unfold and show you kind of what
[8:36] is creating the blockage. OK.
[8:38] And the second question to ask yourself is, what do I need to
[8:41] give myself so that I can shift this thought pattern when it
[8:45] arises? Because of course, like this
[8:47] thought pattern is going to continue to come up.
[8:49] But you know that you're healing when you can shift the pattern
[8:53] faster than before. You're able to shift back into
[8:56] your power, into your place of empowerment with more ease.
[9:00] That muscle is stronger. That's how you know that you
[9:03] know your work and your practice is working.
[9:05] So when I look at this for myself and I'm like, OK, what do
[9:09] I personally need? Because it's going to be
[9:10] different for you. So I encourage you to reflect,
[9:12] but I'll share what came up for me.
[9:15] I feel like I realized that I need to know that I have choice,
[9:18] that I have options. Like even today, I felt so much
[9:21] resistance to coming to record because I'm, I'm in between
[9:24] travels. I'm feel so grateful and so
[9:26] lucky to be saying that. But I'm going skiing with my
[9:28] family, which I'm so grateful for tomorrow.
[9:31] And then, you know, I was just in Japan with my boyfriend, my
[9:34] significant other, my partner. And yeah, that was amazing, too.
[9:38] And, you know, so much to be grateful for.
[9:40] But my body is definitely like, whoa.
[9:42] And I definitely had a lot of resistance coming to record
[9:44] today, but I had to remind myself that I have choice.
[9:48] I have options. I had, like, plans with friends.
[9:50] And I was like, Oh my God, like, this is too much.
[9:52] I realized I could slow down. I could take my time.
[9:56] I could do it later in the day if it wasn't, you know, the
[10:00] right time. And I felt really frustrated
[10:02] because sometimes like tech things, like I just feel like I
[10:05] was having like camera tech things, but that's just like
[10:09] literally content creation and like doing videography and like
[10:11] editing and everything. Like it is just a part of it.
[10:14] I had to remind myself that I had option and choice.
[10:17] And that kind of removed the blockage and allowed me to like
[10:20] sit down to be able to have this conversation, which is really
[10:22] awesome to see that first hand. And sometimes I just need to
[10:25] remind myself that I do have choice and I do have options.
[10:29] Because then you don't feel so entrapped by your own warden
[10:32] mind. And then also I realized what I
[10:35] need is deeper self trust. Because when you practice having
[10:39] deep self trust in yourself, like whatever doesn't happen,
[10:45] like you still know that you got yourself.
[10:47] Like you know that you're going to get something done or you
[10:51] know, you know what your body needs in that moment.
[10:54] If that's rest, you have to develop a deep sense of self
[10:59] trust because when you do this, yeah, it just teaches your brain
[11:03] that you are safe no matter what because you are safe within your
[11:06] own body and your own mind. And you got yourself above all.
[11:10] You know, I feel like I already hear people being, like, in the
[11:13] Commons, like, how do you, you know, create self trust?
[11:16] And I really think it comes from confronting the fear that arises
[11:23] and just having almost nourishing, positive,
[11:27] compassionate self talk with yourself and just talking you
[11:31] yourself through things. And the more that you build that
[11:34] relationship with yourself, you're like the bamboo stick,
[11:37] right? You're literally like the
[11:39] bamboo. You can sway in the wind, but
[11:41] you are rooted in the earth. And no matter what kind of
[11:45] happens around you, if you can find your center within self,
[11:48] trust within yourself, the way that you think about yourself
[11:50] and the way that you speak to yourself.
[11:52] Like if you allow that to be the positive pillar of who you are
[11:56] and you know who the fuck you are, then anything else can sway
[12:00] you. But it will never, it will never
[12:02] make you fall, if that makes sense.
[12:05] I wasn't planning on using a bamboo analogy, but we do love
[12:08] the bamboo analogy. I love practicing Qigong and
[12:11] they have a practice where you put your feet together and you
[12:14] sway like bamboo and allow yourself to kind of keep coming
[12:16] back to equilibrium. And you should do that as a
[12:20] little practice this week to practice having that inner self
[12:24] grounding that says I got myself, I trust myself and we
[12:29] got this go team. Like if I'm ever feeling
[12:31] doubtful, sometimes I'll literally talk out loud to
[12:33] myself and be like, we got this go team.
[12:35] Like you have to give yourself some encouragement and be like,
[12:37] you got this and make it silly, make it goofy, make it fun, make
[12:41] it flexible. It doesn't have to be so serious
[12:43] all the time. OK, healing can be fun.
[12:45] Healing can be silly and allow yourself to make flexibility
[12:49] your fucking religion. Like allow yourself to practice
[12:52] this art of flexibility and just being able to shift and change
[12:57] and reframe and allow yourself to be a new person everyday and
[13:01] check in with yourself and your new needs at different points of
[13:05] your evolution. Like you got this, OK?
[13:10] Make sure to like, just comment and follow and send this to
[13:13] somebody that you love. I think that's all I have to say
[13:15] today. I love you guys.
[13:16] You are inherently fucking worthy.
[13:18] And remember that you don't have to do, be or achieve anything.
[13:21] You are inherently fucking worthy.
[13:23] Bye.

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